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#like there's so much i want to get done but i have no motivation and that's so bueno
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I’m thinking about perfectionism again, specifically with respect to how it can skew your opinion of success and failure.
There’s this concept that comes up a lot when you read about issues like perfectionism: all-or-nothing thinking. It’s a trap that’s easy to fall into.
If you’re a fic writer falling into this trap, you might feel like you’re an absolute failure if your fic isn’t a 100% accurate depiction of the scene you see in your head with flawless grammar and zero typos. That is a, quite literally, impossible standard to meet and as a result of never meeting it, you probably feel one or more of the following:
lack of motivation
certainty that there’s no point in even trying
self-hatred or some other form of intense dissatisfaction with yourself and/or your skills
This is a completely logical way to feel in that mindset, by the way. Your standard for success is so high that you’re constantly a failure. If your standard for success is impossible to meet, then there is no point in trying. If there’s no point in trying, how could you possibly feel motivated?
In order to move away from those feelings, you need to move away from that all-or-nothing, black & white mindset.
One way to do this is by figuring out a new standard for success that actually can be achieved. For example, give yourself permission to have occasional typos in your stories. Gaiman’s Law states that an author will always find a typo the first time they open their published book. If even Neil himself has resigned himself to this fate, then hopefully you can too. If you managed to write your story then that’s a success and finding a typo after you’re done doesn’t turn that success into a failure.
Another thing that’s helped me is to think of every failure or mistake or dissatisfying result as a learning opportunity. If I’m not able to do something now, that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to do it at some point in the future. I just need to keep trying. Practice makes better. Practice also helps you figure out the things that are easy for you and the bits that are hard and where you might need some help - either from a fellow fan or from another kind of resource.
I think part of the reason why people can get so anxious about their fanworks is because we care so much about them. We love the characters. We love the world. We want to do them justice in our writing, and we want other fans to love our creations too.
It’s important to remember that all of us love imperfect things all the time. It’s not perfection that makes a thing lovable. It’s the heart that’s put into it.
There’s a lot of fear behind perfectionism. Fear of being caught doing something wrong. Fear of being shamed for a mistake. Fear that imperfection makes us unworthy or unlovable. Fear that a single flaw will ruin an entire work. Fear of failure.
If you want to be able to move through that fear, you need to be able to reduce it somehow. The most effective way that I’ve found is to stop writing with the goal of posting something online. Write for the sake of writing, without the pressure of showing it to someone else. That might help you to get out a first draft (or second or third) without that worry about being judged and found wanting.
If you’re not ready for positive self-talk or reframing the internal narrative (I get it. Been there.) then allowing yourself to be less than perfect in a place where no one else can see you might be a good first step.
And just because I think it’s important that you hear it from time to time: you are a wonderful, creative, amazing human being - mistakes included.
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byoldervine · 1 day
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How To (Realistically) Make A Habit Of Writing
To clarify: Works with my autism. WORKS WITH MY AUTISM!!! I’ve been meeting my goals since I made them my New Year’s resolution! Anyway I’m so sick of all those ‘how to’ guides that don’t actually tell you what the process is they’re just like ‘just do it, but don’t burn yourself out, do what’s best for you!’ because you’re not telling me what I’m not supposed to be burning myself out over but okay, so I made my own. Hope this helps
1. Choose your fighter metric. What works better for you as a measurement of your progress; time spent writing or your word count? Personally I get very motivated and encouraged by seeing my word count go up and making a note of where it should be when I’m done, so I measure by that. At the same time, a lot of people are also very discouraged by their word count and it can negatively impact their motivation to write, and in that case you may be better off working from how much time you spend writing rather than where the word count is
2. Choose your starter Pokémon time frame. How often can you write before it starts to feel like a chore or a burden rather than something fun you look forward to? Many people believe that they have to write daily, but for some people this can do more harm than good. Maybe every two or three days? Weekly? Figure out what fits your schedule and go with it
3. Choose your funny third joke goal. Now that you’ve got your chosen time frame to complete your goal in, what’s a reasonable goal to aim to complete within that time frame based on the metric you chose? If your metric is your word count, how much can you reasonably and consistently write within your chosen time frame? If your metric is time spent writing, how much time can you reasonably and consistently spend writing within that time? Maybe 1000 words per week works, or maybe 10 minutes per day? The goal here is to find something that works for you and your own schedule without burning you out
4. Trial and error. Experiment with your new target and adapt it accordingly. Most people can’t consistently write 1667 words per day like you do in NaNoWriMo, so we want to avoid that and aim somewhere more reasonable. If you feel like it’s too much to do in such a short time frame, either give yourself less to do or more time to do it in. If you find yourself begrudgingly writing so often that it constantly feels more like a chore than something fun, maybe consider adapting things. And if you think that you gave yourself too much wiggle room and you could do more than this consistently, give yourself more of a challenge. Everything needs to suit you and your pace and needs
5. Run your own race. Don’t feel like you’re not accomplishing enough in comparison to others or not working fast enough to satisfy some arbitrary feeling of doubt. Everybody works at their own pace and slower work doesn’t mean worse work. You could be on one word per day and you’ll still see consistent results, which is still one word per day more than you could originally count on. All progress is progress, regardless of its speed
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cillmequick · 2 days
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Contrary to what the rest of my blog might seem, this is still a Cillian Murphy blog and not a Slow Horses one 😂 But if you’re interested I’m having a tiny Slow Horses/Jack Lowden hyperfixate and you can read some smutty fun with him HERE 😉 Anyway, here’s what most of you came here for - enjoy! 🤭 Remember, comments are love 🤍
Summary: With Cillian back in America again, Mrs M is back home in Dublin dealing with Eoin’s move alone and the various emotional challenges this presents.
Warnings: None really except the difficulties of shared parental arrangements and dealing with the ex when your husband is away.
Word count: 2742 PART 8 | SERIES
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ix. Tuesday 20 February
In her little attic office, Y/N was doing her best to focus on the plans for one of her author’s upcoming book tours. Yawning widely for the third time in as many minutes, she sighed, pushing her chair back and gathering her coffee cup. Shoving her phone in her pocket she trudged down to the kitchen in search of more caffeinated motivation.
Hangovers over the age of forty really were no joke. They had both felt like shit the day before - the high of his win giving way to regret over forgetting that they weren’t young enough to party and then stay up fucking until nearly 2am. It had been all she could do to get herself on her short Ryanair flight back to Dublin whilst he went to sleep it off on his first class flatbed trip to New York.
Closing her eyes, she leaned heavily against the kitchen counter as she waited for it to brew. Her phone vibrated against her bum and she groaned, only opening her eyes when she had fished it from her pocket.
Aoife’s name leapt off the screen, jolting her back to wakefulness.
Eoin says he’s spoken to you about moving in today. Can you come and pick up his stuff later on? Or do you need me to bring it round?
Hello to you too, Y/N snarked in her head and then immediately kicked herself for being tired and grumpy and unkind.
Hi - yes he has. No problem, I can come and get it. What time suits best?
The ticks turned blue but nothing happened. She sighed, stirring a sugar into her drink, wincing against the heat as she took a sip.
Whenever works for you.
She winced again, this time at the forced civility between them.
*****
At the usual time that afternoon, Eoin came clattering in through the front door, sending the dog into a pitter patter of excited barking.
“Hello?” he called, wandering through towards the kitchen, Scout bouncing along next to him.
“M’in here,” she mumbled back, pouring milk into his drink.
He stopped fussing Scout to look at her, chuckling.
“Late night was it on Sunday?”
She threw him a look and he grinned.
“A little tired and emotional are we, step-mother?”
She gave him the finger as she passed him his mug, settling on one of the stools by the island.
“One day you’ll be as decrepit as me and you’ll understand.”
“Still can’t believe you cried on national telly.”
She rolled her eyes, reaching down to pet the dog who had come to hover by her knees, heavy tail thumping against the cupboards. In solidarity she might hope, but it probably had more to do with the fact that she was the one with the biscuits. Breaking off a corner of one without chocolate, she slipped it to him, much to his delight.
“Well that’s your father, isn’t it? Always driving me to tears.”
He nodded sagely in sympathy before they both cracked into smiles.
“Your mum texted - she wants to know when I’m coming to get your stuff. What do you want to do?”
He shrugged in the manner of all teenage boys everywhere.
“We can go now, or wait til later?”
“Might as well get it done.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll tell her now.”
“Alright, well get that down you and we’ll go. I just need to check some emails quickly first.”
*****
Being in Aoife’s house was always a strange and slightly awkward experience for Y/N. Mercifully, Aoife was still at work, so she had managed to avoid any immediate weirdness and having to behave like a grown up in her exhausted state. But being in this place that used to belong to her husband was always a little surreal. She found it hard to picture him in these surroundings - everything so neat and orderly. So pale and pastel.
Their own house was awash with colour and light and chaos. Dog toys, and manuscripts in haphazard piles, books that refused to be contained by their shelves, fighting for space against his uncontrollable music collections. Cheerful bunches of bright, fresh flowers and always music filtering from some part of the building.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry anything down?” she called up from the hallway, fidgeting with her wedding rings.
He appeared at the top of the stairs, dark head barely visible above a pile of belongings in his arms.
“Nah, only one more bag after this lot,” he replied, voice muffled as he used his chin to stop a book from sliding away.
She sent him back in for the last of it as she tried packing the latest pile into the boot, grateful she’d been clever enough to bring the bigger of their cars - it would have been a mission with the Mini. Apparently, although the kids kept a lot of stuff at their house, there was a real difference between the place they stayed for weekends and the home they lived in most of the time. Bags of clothes, books, games and whatever else teenage boys require (something she didn’t want to delve into too deeply) were crammed into the boot.
“That’s it,” he announced with a slightly breathless huff, a last holdall thudding to the ground.
“It’ll have to go in the back - I think this is full.”
He was just shoving it into the back seat when Aoife’s car pulled in.
Fuck… cursed Y/N in her head, pasting on a neutral smile. She was too tired for a fight.
“Hiya,” she called as the slight woman got out of her car, running her fingers through her straight blonde hair.
“Hi.” She smiled tightly, turning her attention to her son. “Have you got everything?”
He shrugged, hands shoved deep in his pockets in a manner uncannily like his father. “Think so.”
“It’s not like you won’t be back very soon,” smiled Y/N and Aoife glanced at her, nodding a little uncertainly.
“Cillian says you’re going to LA at the weekend?”
Oh had he? How kind of him… she made a mental note to kick him for dropping her in it.
“It’s the SAG awards - I wasn’t going to but..” She waved her hand, not really wanting to explain their recent difficulties to his ex. “He wanted someone there.” She tried to laugh it off. “You know, the delicate egos of actors, they need the reassurance.”
Aoife frowned and she babbled to recover the situation. “I mean, I want to be there of course - it’s so lovely and exciting that he’s getting the recognition he deserves.”
Eoin shot her a look and she stuttered to a stop, warmth flooding to her cheeks.
“Yes. It is,” said Aoife quietly, expression unreadable, eyes distant. “He should be very proud - he’s earned it.”
Slightly taken aback by her softness, Y/N was lost for words and Eoin cleared his throat.
“We should get going - I need to go and meet Finn soon.”
Aoife nodded, blinking back into the present. “See you next weekend then.”
Y/N could see a brightness in her lashline as she moved to try and give him a hug, and quietly got into the car, giving mother and son a moment of privacy.
*****
She’d brought her laptop downstairs, trying to work whilst also making a start on dinner - something that meant she did neither particularly effectively - when the door opened again.
How strange to have people in the house and not just herself in the evening. It had been weeks since Cillian had been properly home during the week, and not just crashing in London.
“Hiya,” she called distractedly, hissing as she almost chopped her finger instead of an onion because she was reading an email.
“Hiya.”
She whirled around sucking her finger, surprised to find her youngest step-son in her kitchen.
“What are you doing here??”
“Well that’s nice. I can go if you want?” he grinned, coming to give her a hug. “Can I stay for tea?” His older brother appeared behind him, catching her look of concern over Finn’s shoulder.
“I asked mum and she said if it was ok with you then it’s fine.”
“Of course it’s ok with me, it’s lovely to see you.”
“Do you want me to take the dog for a walk?” asked Eoin, Scout immediately perking up at the W-A-L-K word.
“I think we agreed that was your job til Dad gets back, yes,” she grinned. “Are you going with him?” she asked Finn who was fidgeting slightly beside her.
“I think I’ll stay here - it’s raining.”
Eoin rolled his eyes and disappeared off to gather Scout’s lead.
“Put the coat on him - I don’t have the energy to bath him tonight!” Y/N called after him.
“You alright, love?” she asked more quietly as the front door banged shut, pushing her laptop closed and returning to chopping veg, with slightly more care for her appendages. Finn shrugged and shuffled over to get himself a glass of water. She didn’t fill the silence, she just kept quietly chopping, letting him come to her, if he wanted to.
“How come Eoin gets to come and live here but I don’t..?”
Ah, there it was. She’d wondered if this might be coming.
“Do you like… want him here more than me or something..?” His voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper. A quiet fragment of his younger self.
She stopped abruptly, the knife dropping to the chopping board.
“Of course not - not in a million years.” She pulled him into a hug, having to make do with him resting his chin on her head because even at fourteen (almost fifteen) he was already much taller than her.
“Dad and I love you - both of you - so, so much.”
“So why does he get to live here and I don’t?”
She drew back so she could look at him, running a hand over his light brown hair, pushing it out of his eyes.
“Because what Eoin needs right now is a change so he can focus on his exams.”
Finn nodded slightly. “He and mum fight a lot.”
Y/N smoothed her hand over his shoulder. “That’s what happens sometimes - you should have seen me and my mum when I was your age. But it didn’t mean I didn’t love her. And so for right now, since he has the choice to have a slightly different living arrangement, this makes sense. But just because it makes sense for him, doesn’t mean it would be right for you too.”
“But if I wanted to, I could..?”
She eyed him seriously. “Do you want to live here..?”
He shrugged slightly but his eyes slipped away.
“Sweetheart, if you really wanted to, then Dad would need to have a chat with your mum. But this is your home, just as much as Mum’s house, ok? Always will be. It just might be a bit more complicated…”
“‘Cause of the legal stuff?”
She nodded, leaning back against the counter. “Doesn’t mean it couldn’t be done, it’s just not really a thing we had to look into because Eoin’s older. So the truth is that I don’t really know what would have to be done, if anything.” She shrugged. “It’s all unchartered territory for us.”
“And if I want to stay with mum that’s ok though?”
“Of course it is. It’s not like it’s a competition where whoever you live with you love more. Love doesn’t work like that - there’s enough to go round. All we care about is that both of you are happy.”
He nodded, absorbing this thoughtfully, contemplating his socks for a moment. Eventually he looked up and she braced herself for more.
“Can I play Xbox til dinner?”
She rolled her eyes and went back to the chopping board.
“Not if you haven’t done your homework yet.”
He huffed loudly and she turned. “Oi, if you were at Mum’s you’d be doing your homework and not playing games. Same rules apply here mister.”
“Fine,” he sighed, managing to put several more syllables into the four letter word than usually existed.
“You can do it down here and I’ll help if you like.”
He disappeared to the hallway, returning with his school bag and slumped down at the kitchen table.
“What’ve you got?”
“Maths,” he intoned dully, thumping books onto the table as though they had personally offended him.
Shit, Y/N thought, maths being her definite weak spot. Where the fuck was Cillian when she needed him?
*****
Leaving Eoin unpacking his stuff, she drove Finn back round to Aoife’s later that evening. As she parked up and he wrestled with his many bags from the boot, the front door opened, light and warmth spilling out into the chilly evening.
Seeing Aoife at the door, Y/N got out - not wanting to be considered rude - pulling her hood up against the light drizzle that had begun again. She followed Finn as he clattered towards the house, fixing a smile on her face.
“Hi mum, night Y/N,” he grinned, waving awkwardly under his belongings.
“Night kiddo,” she replied as Aoife shifted aside to let him in and he disappeared into the house without a further backwards glance.
“Sorry it’s probably a bit later than expected - maths homework took longer than anticipated,” she apologised hurriedly. “Anyway, it’s freezing so I’ll let you get in.”
She turned to go but Aoife’s quiet voice stopped her.
“Y/N..?” She waited, seeing the other woman’s hands twisting awkwardly in front of her. Finally she looked up properly and met Y/N’s eye. “Is he..?”
“He’s fine,” she smiled. “Unpacking as we speak.”
Aoife nodded, a sad smile just twitching her lips.
“Look, Aoife, I’m sorry. I know how hard this must be and I’m so sorry it happened like it did. He came to me and I didn’t know what else to say except that we’d discuss it. And for what it’s worth, Cill didn’t want to ask you about it over the phone. But he’s not here again for another week at least and it didn’t seem fair to leave Eoin hanging like that.. but I’m sorry… And I promise we’ll make sure he focuses and works hard…”
She petered out, fearing she may have overstepped.
“I know,” replied Aoife softly, arms folding around her middle. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”
Y/N frowned, hugging herself too, more for warmth than comfort, wishing she’d brought her gloves.
“It really isn’t.”
“No it is. I know what I’m like sometimes.”
Y/N stepped a little closer and shook her head. “He’s a teenager, Eef. It’s just hormones and teenage angst. He loves the bones of you, I promise. This is just..” she cast her hand through the air, “something he thinks he needs right now. It’s not anyone’s fault.”
Aoife eyed her carefully and again, Y/N quailed slightly under her pale blue stare.
“You’re doing a lot of this on your own at the moment, aren’t you?”
Whatever she’d expected Aoife to say, that certainly wasn’t it but she nodded.
“It just is what it is right now,” she shrugged. “We just have to get to the far side of Oscars weekend and it’ll go back to normal.”
“I thought that too, or at least a version of it without the Oscars,” replied Aoife quietly. “Be careful.”
Y/N compressed her lips and bit back the irritation that threatened to unleash itself from her tongue. She knew she probably meant well.
Didn’t she?
“Nothing to worry about,” she forced a smile. “Just one of those things.” Aoife studied her and she blew out a breath, clouding the air in front of her. “Anyway, I better run before we both freeze to death out here.”
The other woman seemed to rouse herself, shaking her head slightly. “Yes, of course. Sorry. Thanks for feeding them and dropping him back. Night.”
Y/N waved a quick goodbye and hurried back to the car, wasting no time in getting the heaters running and pulling away from Aoife’s gate.
As the dark streets slipped by she gripped the steering wheel and fumed quietly. She would not let Aoife Carmichael get in her head. Hadn’t Cillian himself said he could see the signs and taken steps to make it up to her? Their marriage was nothing like his previous one.
Was it?
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Ooooh…. not sure she’s entirely succeeding in not letting Aoife get to her, is she? 🙈 I live for your feedback so please do come at me in all the usual ways my loves 🤍 xxx
Masterlists: CILLIAN | LOCKDOWN | MAIN
There’s oodles more content for this family in the Lockdown list above - enjoy!
Tag list: @runnning-outof-time , @zablife , @garrison-girl-08 , @look-at-the-soul , @buttercupsandboys , @notyour-valentine , @elliotshelbyjones , @theshelbyclan , @theshelbyslimited , @pintofsweets , @flyingjosephine-blog , @christinasyellowflowers , @midnightmagpiemama , @l1-l4-deactivated20231226 , @allie131313 , @star017 , @lespendy , @blondie-22 , @dragons-are-my-favorite , @emotionalcadaver , @brummiereader , @alessioayla , @lyarr24 , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @forgottenpeakywriter , @kittycatcait219 , @cybernuttragedy456 , @babaohhhriley , @watersquirtpewpewboomm , @stevie75 , @padfootdaredmetoo , @moral-terpitude , @shaddixlife , @peakyscillian , @majesticcmey (unable to tag) , @rangerelik , @guenievresworld , @margew76 , @camilleholland89 , @woofgocows , @cilliansangel (unable to tag) , @ayomurphys , @elenavampire21 , @elk96 , @scorpiussage , @cillixn , @esposadomd , @grapejuiceblues , @throughgoeshamilton , @polishcrazyone , @shjjpm , @duckybird101 , @maeleeme , @cillmeslowly , @kmc1989 , @nela-cutie , @magicalmushroom0 (unable to tag) , @86luvrs (unable to tag) , @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky (unable to tag) , @lunarubra
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hrhmimieucliffe · 1 day
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NSFW Alphabet with Doctor Zayne - ❄️
Minors DNI (Obviously)
Wanted to do this because I've never done an NSFW Alphabet before. Hope my fellow Zayne stans see my vision and agree with me though.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after the act) - Very affectionate and attentive. He would clean you up, help you relax, maybe even give you a massage if he went too hard. 🤫
B = Body part (favourite body part their own or their lovers) - He couldn't just choose one spot. He loves to kiss the palms of your hands when you touch and grab at his face whilst he's thrusting into you slowly and deeply. He loves to place gentle and loving kisses on your neck. He loves to run his hands all over your body, specifically your torso, grabbing fistfuls of your breast gently.
C = Cum (anything that has to do with it) - He doesn't really like the mess, so he'll be sure to clean it up as soon as possible. He'll also advise you to use the toilet, as that's what you're supposed to do after sex, then maybe you can have a shower... maybe he'd join you.
D = Dirty secret (Pretty self-explanatory) - He may act indifferent, but he secretly loves watching you walk and strut around in lingerie when you're in the bedroom. He slowly strips it off you with care, as he doesn't want to ruin it of course. He loves to see you in it, and treats it with care. His favourite part is definitely slowly taking it off you and revealing every inch of your perfect body. He definitely also loves it when you tease him in different ways.
E = Experience (do they know what they’re doing) - Come on now...🧍🏾‍♀️Though it isn't his area of expertise, I'd say as a Doctor in general, he might know a thing or two about stimulation. Even if he isn't experienced. 🤫
F = Favorite position - (Idk many positions so I'll just go by something I do know though I don't know the name of it 😭) I think Zayne would like an intimate position, such as a spooning position. I think him having you safe and secure in his arms, in a position where he can watch your facial expressions change, as seeing your different pleasured expressions gets him off. He likes to be close to you.
G = Getting Off (What gets them off?) - I think Zayne is the kind of man that could sit down and watch you intently as you give him a little show. A lapdance, a strip tease, anything like that. But even moreso, I think he would love it when you possibly take charge every once in a while. He secretly likes it when you make him ask nicely for you to let him finish🤫
H = Hair (grooming habits) - He is definitely well-groomed, no doubt about it.
I = Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty) - Definitely romantic. He likes to make love. Slow, sensual, passionate, intimate, and gentle. He is a gentle dom in my opinion, but he doesn't mind you being on top every once in a while. He could indulge in something rougher if you ask, but I don't really think he'd put his all into it - afraid of hurting you of course.
J = Jack off (do they masturbate and how often) - I think he wouldn't do it often, as he's way too busy with work. But perhaps on a day off he'll get pent up and decide to rub one out. I'm sure he'd be thinking of you when he does 🤫
K = Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual) - I don't think he has many kinks to be honest. Perhaps brat tamer, or primal (hunter). No daddy or master kink over here 🤫 Maybe he secretly likes to see you all tied up for him, though as long as its not hurting too much. I think perhaps he could have a size difference kink. After all, he'd love watching and witnessing how well you take him every time. Definitely a gentle dom.
L = Location (where they like to get it on) - He definitely would prefer if its not in public. He likes to be somewhere private where its just the two of you. Where no one can disturb you. Your body is his temple and he wants to be the only one to see it. It goes both ways, though.
M = Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons) - When you push him onto the bed and straddle him, 100%. When you visit him whilst he's working just to tease him and he has to resist the urge to give in. When you "accidentally" drop something and bend over. When you grind into him as you sit on top of him. When you slowly slide and drag your hands under his clothes, caressing that sculpted body of his, circling his nipple with your finger. It drives him insane. When you wear his favourite outfit just to rile him up.
N = No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do) - Hair pulling (at least too hard), Spanking (Again, not too hard if he DOES do it), anything too kinky in general or like proper BDSM.
O = Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are) - He definitely loves to receive. He loves to sit back and watch you as you take him into your throat. He'll let out small soft grunts and groans every now and then, but he'd obviously be holding back. Maybe he'll whisper a few praises and stroke your hair. But, he also thinks it's better to give than recieve. Watching your face contort in pleasure, gripping at the sheets, arching your back, your body trembling, those adorable moans, the way you whisper his name. He'd be making sure your needs come before his. You're his favourite patient, and a good Doctor takes GOOD care of his patients needs before his own. 🤫
P = Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed) - Definitely nice and slow, but he'd pick up the pace the faster he gets to bursting and maybe be a little rough if you asked him to be.
Q = Quickie - I think quickies would be beneficial depending on when. Like you could tease him in the morning before he has to go work and he'd have no choice but to give in and take care of you when you beg him to and give him those big doe eyes. Maybe if it's late and you're in the office, he'd relieve some quick stress with you. Maybe he'd even let you suck him off under his desk whilst he's working (after you got him riled up on purpose, of course)
R = Risk (do they like to try new things) - I think he'd be open to new things, but mostly depending on how you feel about them.
S = Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts) - Maximum 3 rounds, just because he's a workaholic, and so he couldn't go for too long as he'd need to get his rest in for work the next day. But he always makes it up to you. When he has a day off, he'd go as much as you want him to.
T = Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers) - I think he wouldn't mind using one on you. His favourite would definitely be a remote controlled vibrator that he can activate at any time. You'd better hope you're not out hunting wanderers or with another person when he gets bored in his office and decides to activate it for fun.
U = Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves) - Oh, I think he wouldn't definitely be the type to make you whine and beg, edging you and watching you come apart as you plead for him to let you cum when he's two or three fingers deep inside you. Maybe he won't give in and you'll have to keep begging. Maybe he'll hold you still so that you don't seek any other stimulation to finish yourself off.
V = Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk) - Always low. Quiet. Hushed. Whispered. He won't moan too loudly, he'd probably hold it back or release it in an almost agonised growl and grunt. He likes to praise you, whether you're receiving or giving the pleasure. He would probably check on you whilst he was doing it to you to make sure he's not too rough or anything.
W = Wild card (random sincannon of any sort) - I think he'd definitely use his evol during sex at least one time 🤫 When it gets too hot, I'm sure a little ice would definitely help👩🏾‍🦯
X = X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants) - Girl...😏😩 he is packing of course. A good 5-6 inches.
Y = Yearning (sexdrive level) - It's not always high, but it certainly is when you tease him. Sometimes it'll go up just looking at you, or thinking about you.
Z = Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after) - He'll only sleep once he knows you're okay and all your needs have been taken care of. He'll watch you fall asleep in his arms.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
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Am I right or no, girlies?
(If you saw any spelling mistakes, no you didn't)
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waynes-multiverse · 3 days
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hello ! hope your having a great day, wanted to ask your thoughts (maybe a dirty drabble??) on Soldier Boy or Beau having an s/o that is artistic or draws/paints a lot? 👀 Currently working on pieces for my uni and in dire need of motivation to get it done😭 anyways i love all your work !!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤
A/N: What a fun idea! Couldn't resist to write both of 'em, so I hope those two idiots bring you enough motivation 🎨💪😂
Pairing: Beau Arlen x Artist!Reader // Soldier Boy x Artist!Reader
Warnings: +18/NSFW, super light smut, tons of fluff, SB typical behavior, crack
Word Count: 1.1k
Main Masterlist || Dirty Drabbles Masterlist
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French Boys
Beau Arlen:
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As his car stopped in front of your house, Beau could see the lights still burning brightly in the garage, knowing you were still hard at work.
“Hey,” he greeted you as he stood by the door, watching you with a warm smile.
Your gaze drifted from your canvas to him with a smile before spying the brown paper bag in his hand.
“Brought you something. Figured you were gonna burn the midnight oil and needed some fuel,” he said with a knowing smile.
“You’re a godsend,” you said with a happy sigh and took the bag from him, inhaling the smell of its delicious contents. “I’m sorry I’ve been locked up here so much. It’s just… I’m really nervous about the gallery opening this weekend, and it’s stressing me the fuck out and–,” you rambled before you were stopped by his large palms on your cheeks.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed you, chuckling, and pecked your hairline sweetly. “I get it. You’re gonna do great, alright? Amazing, in fact.”
You let out a deep, calming breath and smiled up at him. How did you deserve such a good man? And where the hell have you found him?
“I love you,” you said and draped your arms around him, crashing your lips against his and entangling him in a searing kiss that showed your gratitude. But as you pulled back, your eyes widened in shock. You clasped your mouth.
“What?” Beau looked at you confused before he caught your gaze locked on his shoulders and saw the red-painted handprints on his jeans jacket.
“I’m so sorry,” you gasped, embarrassed. You’d been working with paint everywhere all day. Of course it was all over you at this point.
To your surprise, though, Beau broke into loud laughter and shook his head at you. “Honey, it’s okay,” he told you before his freckled face was overtaken by a mischievous look. “In fact…”
He leaned over to one of your paint cans and dipped his finger inside a white one before booping your nose. You could feel a wet, cold blob on your tip as you gaped at him.
“You did not just do that.” You were speechless, but his playful laugh was contagious and intoxicating.
“Oh, it’s so on,” you announced and dunked your hand in a shade of blue, splattering it graciously on him.
“Oh yeah? Hope you’re ready ‘cause this means war, darlin’,” he countered with a wide grin, his hands finding green and yellow.
He chased you through the garage until he caged you in his arms, your mouth erupting with giggles until he filled it with kisses. Paint was everywhere, your clothes soaked and his beard and hair sprinkled like a cupcake.
“We’re never gonna get clean again,” you noted through giggles, looking at the beautiful mess in front of you as you brushed your fingers through his locks.
Beau lifted you up on your workbench, your legs locking around his waist. He kissed you deeply, feeling his excitement growing between your thighs.
“Guess we’ll just have to stay dirty then,” he said with a smirk and claimed your lips.
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Soldier Boy:
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You were curled up on the couch in your apartment, your eyes flickering between the bowl of fruit on the coffee table and your sketch pad in your hands.
Your concentration, however, was broken when a loud thud echoed off the walls and almost shattered the coffee table in a thousand pieces, sending the bowl of fruit flying across the room.
Your eyes lifted from your sketch pad and to your boyfriend in front of you, propped up with one muscular leg on the small table, elbow resting on his thigh with a bulging biceps and a painfully hard cock.
Annoyed, you huffed a sigh but weren’t surprised. You had been working on your assignment all day and wondered when your needy-ass, attention-seeking supe boyfriend would get bored with watching TV and smoking weed in your room.
“Ben, what the hell are you doing?” You looked up at him and saw the broad and proud smirk on his freckled face.
Cocksure didn’t even do him justice.
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Figured I’d give you something better to draw than a fucking boring-ass banana.”
“Uhm… that is so sweet and considerate of you. But I really need to draw fruit this week. That’s the assignment,” you said wryly before pushing him out of the way.
Well, as best as you could. He was a supe after all, but he budged and bent to your movement.
Pursing his lips, he threw his arms up in upset. “Oh, really? And what the fuck is all this shit, huh?”
Dramatically, he tossed one of your art maps on the table and crossed his arms over his broad chest, waiting for an explanation. As you peeked at the scattered sketches of naked men (and women), you knew what this was about.
You rolled your eyes back with a deep sigh. Of course he snooped through your stuff when you left him unsupervised in your room. “Ben, I told you already. We were drawing human models last month.”
“You never fucking said they were naked!” he argued, his deep voice trembling with jealousy and fury. “So, what? You’re just off, drawing cocks all day at that art school of yours?! I won’t fucking allow it, Y/N!”
You stifled a snort and tried to remain calm. He was honestly cute when he was greener than his suit. “Honey, you don’t have to be jealous. You know I love you... and your giant-ass dick.”
Biting the insides of his cheeks, he blushed slightly as he calmed down. “Yeah, well, you fucking better. ‘Sides, I’m not jealous. My cock’s way better than whatever those crooked-ass dicks are. Can’t even see them without a fucking magnifying glass…”
“Oh, yeah, for sure,” you feigned your agreement and hid your amused smile, nodding heavily. You stood up from the couch and locked your arms around his broad shoulders. You pulled his lips to yours, kissing him passionately until all his worries faded. His dick twitched between your legs. “You know, sometimes I’m surprised how you don’t explode with that giant ego of yours, welling from every pore.”
“Oh, you want me to explode?” Ben looked challengingly at you, smirking. “I can arrange that. In fact, how about I make you my fucking canvas and splatter my paint all over you, huh?”
“Ben, what–…” You burst into laughter, which was swiftly turned into a giggling shriek of protest as he grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, carrying you to the bedroom.
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What do you guys think? Which mess was harder to clean in the aftermath? 😂💚
TAGS:
Everything Jensen:
@alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey @deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies @agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @imsapphine @globetrotter28
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madzandmore · 2 days
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hii bbys,
First I just want to say thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me and thank you for supporting me through these last few months. Thank you getting me to 350 followers, I appreciate you guys so much words can’t explain it.
My time on tumblr has been amazing and I loved every second of it. I’ve made so many friends over the months including my number one bb @itsmealaiah
I’ve made so much content over these months on Wattpad and Tumblr and I think my time has come.
To be honest I never expected this to blow up and for me to get popular but I guess it did. I just started this for fun and because I was bored and had nothing to do.
I was really free over school holidays but now that school is almost ending and I have a ton of assignments and work, I can’t keep up.
Tumblr has also changed a little for me. Not many people are posting and even the same for Wattpad. Ever since my book on Wattpad got taken down I lost motivation.
Tumblr is not the same as it was a couple months ago. My likes have been down and I just don’t have time anymore. I’m worn out and I need a big break from writing.
I am debating whether or not to delete all my posts but I will still be active, just not posting.
Again, I love, appreciate, and thank all my fans for this wonderful period of my life. But I think for now I’m done. Who knows, maybe I might come back…
So, for the last time…
BYE BBYS<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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ok new prayer request: i really don't like my job. it's basically three jobs run out of the same shop, and I am only barely making miminum wage. it's frustrating and stresses me out so bad that I keep getting headaches, which NEVER happened this much before. the reason I'm here is because it is literally the ONLY place I applied that gave me the time of day, and because my boss and manager and coworkers are super nice.
I want a different job. something that maybe I'm not doing three(3) different jobs and only barely getting paid for one(1). maybe something that's just ONE SINGULAR JOB that I can be confident in instead of feeling like I'm constantly juggling things running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I also want to move. I want to get out of my parents' house and out of this tiny little two-horse town. I'd like to try and chip away at my ambitions and I just can't do that here, no matter how much my parents try to convince me I could have a small career here and stay in this town. I don't want to. I want to move.
the camp that my church has done retreats at is hiring for this summer. I'd make just about the same or possibly a little more working there than I do at my job currently for the same amount of time. and it's something I would LIKE to do. it's something that wouldn't make me so frustrated or anxious I believe and it also includes the opportunity to learn some higher-level production technology and possibly a connection to a major regional production company, which is the industry I want to work in.
I have two main hangups right now:
number one, the big one, is that for the last several months, for a while honestly, I've been struggling with some thought patterns and temptations that are sinful and wrong which I keep slipping back into those thoughts, letting my mind and imagination have the reins, and the habits that fuel this sin. I won't go into a ton of detail but some of my mutuals know a little. I'm working on it, but I have repeatedly messed up and turned back to these habits and that makes me feel like I shouldn't work at a Christian camp, since I'm struggling with (in my mind) a fairly major sin issue. however the camp's belief statement does mention the importance and value of repentance and growth, so there is that
the second issue is that I would feel SO bad for leaving my current job. I've only been here 6 months and everyone has been so kind to me and my manager is having a lot of family and personal issues and I would feel guilty for leaving so soon.
but I have this opportunity, which could be a REALLY good opportunity in many ways and would be something that I find PURPOSE in instead of just getting through the day. I'm praying on it, and I'm praying on my sin issues of the last half-year, but I would like to ask for additional prayer here on all these counts, too. I have confessed (mainly to people I trust here, since it's stuff I don't want to discuss with my mom lol) and repented but I have slipped and backsliding repeatedly, literally up until this week. I do think that wanting this camp job is a good motivator for growth in this, though. i could just use wisdom and prayer and peace about all this as I try to figure out what to do. thanks 😅💖
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starfxkr · 16 hours
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I am thinking. SO fucking hard on some galaxy brain type shit abt college! Reader and trap! JJ when r is on her millionth breakdown abt wanting to quit school n be his ✨pretty baby mama✨ but JJ manages to motivate her saying that once she gets her degree they can have all the babies in the world (and he fucking WOULD and I stand by that). I’m js I’d have my degree in record time.
imagine hitting your senior slump when you just wanna be fuckin done and everything is so close yet so far away and you just wanna fucking drop out so you're begging him like, "please I'm just so tired and everything is too much I can just stay with you and take care of you and be your baby mama and-"
and jj has to cut you off and he's holding your face like this when you cry
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saying, "look I know it's hard but I gotta make sure you can take care of yourself hm? once you're done I'll give you allll the babies you want." while kissing your tear stained cheeks until you calm down so he can give you some good mind numbing dick.
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bethanydelleman · 2 days
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Hello!
I liked your post about Anne de Bourgh probably just being sick, and another question came to my mind with regard to her.
I am quite astonished to see, that in a lot of JAFF, when he can't get Elizabeth, Darcy marries Anne de Bourgh. Usually there is some hidden motivation behind that: for example she is pregnant and he wants to save her reputation, or he wants to give her an opportunity to escape from Lady Catherine (relying on the non-canon assumption, that Anne is suffering under her mother's care) etc. For me it is a big question whether Darcy would marry her under any circumstances, and I am curious to hear your opinion about that. I always love your thoughtful answers!
Thanks
This question is in reference to this post.
As a general rule, I think that if Darcy meant to marry Anne de Bourgh, he would have already done it. So no, I don't think he'd marry her.
Anne's age is unclear, but the cradles line implies that she and Darcy are close in age, which is around twenty-eight. That isn't terribly old for Darcy, but it is for Anne if she's expecting to produce some children. I do think Anne being around Darcy's age makes sense, because it makes Lady Catherine more desperate. She's probably been previously thinking to herself, "Darcy is enjoying his youth, lots of time to marry" but now the deadline is feeling near and she's starting to wonder when Darcy will do his duty... (because obviously he's not going to squelch on her, right? RIGHT?)
Often I'll see in JAFF Darcy giving up on love after Elizabeth and marrying Anne out of duty, but that seems out of character to me. There are lots of women out there, I feel like Darcy would just try again. He's only twenty-eight, he can find someone else he loves! I really think that before he met Elizabeth at Pemberley, he was planning on doing just that. He thought it was over.
As for saving Anne from her mother, which I don't think is a real concern, there are other ways to do that if Darcy really thought it was a problem. He could invite Anne for a visit to Pemberley or his house in London. He could talk to his uncle, who would have more standing to talk to his sister about it. But it's unlikely he would see this as his duty or even as something he interfere with. Lady Catherine is Anne's mother, he is the nephew, it's not his place. Those hierarchies were very important in that era.
If Anne were pregnant or something... this one bothers me so much! It's SO OUT OF CHARACTER! Darcy cares about Pemberley, he would not want some random kid as his possible heir! If he has already rejected Anne as a suitable wife, why would he accept her now that she is "ruined"? If he really cares about Anne, he could find her a suitable husband with his money, power, and connections, he doesn't have to marry her himself. And again, this isn't his problem. This is Lady Catherine's responsibility.
(Not to mention how freaking misogynistic it is for JAFF to imply that Lady Catherine is so incompetent that Darcy has to help her run her estate. Women can run their own freaking estates!!!)
So to sum up: No, Darcy would not marry Anne, under any circumstances. Maybe if Lady Catherine kidnapped Georgiana and held her for ransom. (Don't write that, I beg of you)
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wachtelspinat · 2 days
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Hi, I saw your background with studying medicine and being an artist and I wanted to ask something!! hope it isn't uncomfy. so the school system by itself is killing my creativity and Im afraid I'll completely lose myself if I get into college... Even if I choose to study something art related. College is really absorbing and I don't want to graduate and have killed the only talent I have, thats scary!!! So, how did you "go" back? did drawing help with the stress of college or make it worse? Sometimes my studies define me so so much I cant do anything else, its so frustrating :(
hey there ! i really don't know if i can bring sth to the plate that's positive or uplifting in the matter because i've been in a struggle with art myself for almost 2 years now. i'm really trying to come back but the pace has changed drastically. it's still a constant mood crusher everytime i look back and see how my output has declined. nevertheless i'm drawing again in the smallest babysteps so hopefully i'm gonna pick up the pace again at some point.
as for school and art. yeah. i kind of opened with my current situation because altho (med) school was A Meatgrinder technically speaking i still found time to draw here and there. which was mostly thanks to my higher energy lvl back then and my BIG motivation to draw and to share. so i'd say drawing absolutely helped with the stresses of studying and med school. it was my happy place and escapism. and because of that there was hardly any doubt in my head that i'll ever lose that. so i think it is safe to say that as long as you want to draw you will always be drawing.
second thought here which is also important is that you won't be stuck in an eternal grind, even if it feels like it sometimes. there will be times in which everything sucks. and there will be times in which everything could be worse. and if you wanna draw then, you're going to draw. that's at least how i experienced it. even the longer periods of not drawing because of exhaustion/loss of motivation/exam periods etc eventually pass. and sometimes it's ok to remind yourself that drawing is not everything, altho we like to think that way sometimes. it's absolutely ok not to draw for a while.
another breaking point for me was when i actually started to study for art (anatomy as in for drawing etc) because it helped me at a point at which i felt stuck and it made me understand that i will never be done learning in regards of drawing. which is a good reminder whenever you feel like you are losing your "talent", which is not a talent but a work in progess for years and years to come. so in the end, even if you have to step back from drawing for the time being, you have the ability to always come back to it and get better again. like we have to treat making art like learning a language, there is never an end to it and we have to practice to be back in shape. i know this sounds like work but idk for me it made sth click in my head that i'm not losing sth here. i just have to warm up and get back on the track again.
i hope this helped in some way, i'm really sorry that you feel like you are about to experience a great loss (i absolutely get you, it sucks to deal with this, esp. when outer circumstances force you to push your hobbies in the background) but i think that if you really want to engage with drawing again, you won't lose this. you may have to put work into it, and it may not be today or tomorrow, but if you really want to do it, you keep at it.
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kinglets · 2 days
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my art then vs now
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I can't believe it's already 10 years since I started learning art because I was motivated by soriku. The left picture is from June 2014, and the one on the right I scribbled just last night. Seeing the difference is pretty wild because when I first started I never thought it could change so much.
I can't forget how hard it was at first, because nothing turned out the way I wanted it to and I gave my files some incredibly deprecating names. I was really kind of flying blind without any technique because I never had formal lessons lmao. I'm incredibly thankful to my friend Kett, who encouraged me a lot in my early years, otherwise I don't know if I could have stuck with it.
It's interesting to look through my art tag and see it stretch so far back. It took about 2 years of practice before I started to see noticeable improvement, and another year before it looked good enough that people wanted to reblog it. Whenever I got into new fandoms from time to time-- getting to see new styles and paying attention to what I liked about each-- also helped me improve some too. That being said, I think I could also have done more to study from real life or guides properly. Setting time aside to draw is tough because I was usually a full-time student or working a full-time job. When my time is limited, I just want to skip to drawing the things that give me serotonin, y'know?
This art journey changed my life for the better because it gave me the ability to contribute to what I love. I went from being a lurker to a participant and got to bond with other soriku fans, some of which who became very dear friends to me.
If you ever want to draw for your OTP but don't know how to, or feel embarrassed to, I wanna say just try it! It's a bit of a long term investment because the payoff might not come for years, but it's been rewarding for me and I only wish I started sooner.
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petite-gloom-mail · 3 days
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Hi Megan! I hope you're having a good day! I have been journaling since 6 months or so and I don't like any of the pages I've done. Does that ever happen or has happened to you, that no matter what you create, you don't like it? How do you deal with that?
i think i struggled with it more when i was in bound books, but not so much these days. ive been keeping notebooks for a long time, so have developed a very specific way of working and laying things out which results in everything looking very consistent, and i like it a lot.
mostly i do this by giving structure to my pages (the header and margin space) and by always printing photos at the same size (i use two size options), that sort of thing. i think the way im working atm fits me really well because i have the perfect amount of room for everything- not too much or too little space to fill. its been a lot of trial and error but i have something that works for me and looks very consistent visually.
i think it’s normal for things to take time before they work out. journalling is like any hobby- it takes time and practice and a little dedication. no one is perfect from day one. you have to be willing to experiment and deal with the initial trial and error so you can get there.
it can help to analyse your motivations- why do you want to journal? what kind of visuals do you like? do you want the focus to be on the information or the decoration? why? etc
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k4thl18n · 20 hours
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First Kiss (Race 3)
A strollonso AU where 18 year old rookie Lance Stroll falls helplessly in love with the notoriously mean world champion. (1.5k words, angst, hurt/comfort) [@v3lnys @biancathecool] {I was worried I wouldn't have motivation to write this but i got it done in one sitting LMAO}
last part - masterlist - next part (coming soon)
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Thankfully Mark listened and stayed far away from him while the drivers were getting interviewed, leaving the rookie to just have to answer a few questions from smaller journalists.
It was nice to not be swarmed and just asked questions about his dad but he did wish he could've spoken to Fernando again before quali, seeing how much fun he seemed to be having with Mark.
Quali was decent, he got 7th so it wasn't anything spectacular but it was in the points. All he had to do was keep his spot or better and he'd count it as a good race
Before he could even reach Nico's side of the garage he heard a voice call him, though it wasn't the one he expected
"Alright, Stroll, you're the only one left" Mark announced, earning a groan fron the younger
"Mark please" He begged, not entirely serious but also not wanting to get interviewed anymore
"Fernando will but you dinner if you let me interview you" Lance wasn't one to turn down free dinner.
"What am I doing?" Fernando asked, finally reaching the garage
"Sure" Lance laughed, neither him nor Mark answering Fernandos question as the three of them left the paddock
By the time they reached a restaraunt Fernando had pieced together what exactly he was doing but he didn't really mind, the three of them had paid about the same amount while going around Australia together so it wouldn't kill him to treat the two to a little dinner.
They got seated not long after entering, Fernando and Mark in chairs while Lance sat across from them in the booth
"So, Lance. You ready for your interview?" Mark asked, having no plans on really interviewing him
"Shh," He said, bringing his finger to his lips "After Nando pays" Lance laughed, hoping Mark wasn't serious because the last thing he wanted to do after his second favourite part of the day, eating dinner (talking to Nando is first), is be interviewed.
Last nights dinner went well, Lance liked having friends, Karting had kept him from having too many growing up so having friends in F1 was a nice feeling, it gave him something to look forward to outside of the car.
Today was race day and all Lance wanted was to keep himself in the points.
He walked out of his drivers room, race suit tied around his waist (he couldn't be bothered to keep pulling it up), as usual Fernando somehow managed to completely ditch his garage and get away with it just to wish him good luck.
"Lancito, good luck today, let's see if we can get you on that podium, eh?" He smiled at him, elbowing him slightly
Lance loved seeing Fernando away from Media, he was completely different when the cameras were off, by this time in the season Lance had read the articles, seen the blogs, watched the interviews, people were convinced Fernando was some mean winning machine, he was a winning machine, yes, but the last thing he was was mean (at least to Lance.)
"Thank you, Nando, but don't be too hurt when I beat you" He flashed Fernando a cheeky grin, he wanted to beat him of course, all racers want to win, but a part of him knew that wouldn't happen
The cars all lined up and then started the formation lap, as it ended someone had already spun. Lance knew this was gonna be a hectic Grand Prix and it hadn't even started yet.
Lance stared anxiously at the lights ahead of him then everyone took off, the Australian Grand Prix had begun.
Nico was involved in a minor collision on the first lap with two other drivers, causing him to lose his rear wing, Lance was told over the radio that he was fine so he wasn't too worried, the two had gotten used to not finishing by now.
The safety car was deployed then recalled in two laps but then a driver crashed and it was deployed again. Lance was annoyed, why even bother to take it out if it was just gonna be out not even ten laps later.
They got about 20 laps in when cars started to pit and to Lance's surprise he took the lead, he was leading a Grand Prix, he heard instructions over his radio to take care of his tyres, with better cars coming back out with fresh ones he had to defend like his life depended on it.
He wasn't surprised when Fernando took back the lead, he wasnt sure why but he wasn't exactly mad about it either. He managed to build up a decent gap ahead of the driver behind him and asked if he should pit, he was advised not to so he stayed out.
On lap 32 there was another safety car, he took the chance to finally pit, getting into the pit lane first, the race starting behind the safety car again with him just behind Fernando, for the first time he had a chance to be on the podium with him, he was overjoyed at the idea, if his first podium was with Fernando he was sure it would he a memorable one.
On lap 35 the safety car was recalled but literally one lap later it was out again, they might as well have a safety car out all race at this point.
Two more cars retired after the last safety car was recalled and Lance made it to the final lap, he had managed to stay in 2nd for the past 34 laps, it was insane to him, his engineer tried not to say too much but it was obvious how excited he was for him, and now all he had to do was finish.
He had four corners left, then three, then two... then his engine blew. The car right behind him had been covered in oil and the safest thing to do was pull off the track, ten meters away from his first podium.
"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, I was almost there, I'm so sorry, I'll try harder in San Marino-" He kept apologizing, wondering if he had made the right choice, wondering if the team would be mad at him
"Lance, It's okay, you're the driver, right? Do what you feel is best, if this is what's best then it's fine." His engineer consoled him, the canadian having a hard time not crying
He finally reached the garage, taking off his helment and his balaclava, his eyes red as he talked to his engineer at the back of his side of the garage, not noticing as the tears began to fall
"Fuck, Brad- I'm so sorry, I feel like i fucked up. I could've kept going, I should've, I almost got us a podium, I was so close." He gasped as he spoke, the Canadian distraught as he thought about his team being mad at him, what if he lost his seat because of this? The media already doesnt like him what would they say now? Was Brad lying about not caring?
"Lance, Lance it's okay, no one is mad at you for keeping yourself safe" He promised, speaking to the boy as if he was a child, which wasn't too far off
Lance couldn't respond, all he could do was cover his face, embarrassed at the reality of him sobbing after a DNF, he didn't care the other times.
Lance got himself together before Fernando came looking for him, not saying a word before dragging the rookie out of his garage
"Nando-" He started, Fernando moving them behind the Racing Point garage "Fernando what-"
Then he hugged him, without saying a word he just hugged him, arms tightly wrapped around the rookie as he sunk into his arms, unable to stop himself from crying again
"Fuck, Nando" He choked out "I feel so stupid"
"Shh, is okay, Lancito" He spoke softly, hand stroking the taller mans hair but at that moment the thing he felt was big. He was embarrassed, trying not to cringe at the reality of him crying in another mans arms but all that mattered was he felt safe in his arms "You did well, am so proud"
Lance hummed, sniffling as he kept his head in the crook of Fernandos neck "I'm sorry, Nando," He practically whispered "I wanted to be up there with you"
Fernando knew that, he was upset to hear Lance was no longer behind him, all he wanted was to celebrate with him, he was looking forward to it for the whole race and now he's stood there with the younger man a complete mess in his arms, he hoped San Marino would treat him better.
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anulithots · 6 hours
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I got to chapter 236.
And maybe I'm finally getting closer to fully analyzing Gojo. Because.. this made a lot of sense of his character actually, and to me it does not seem out of character for him to seem 'less caring for his students' compared to empathizing with the king of curses himself.
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I think that Gojo drew the line after Riko's death, because meeting Geto was the first time he allowed himself to be anyone but just 'the strongest'. He had fun and joked around and enjoyed himself.
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But... the confidence given to him as 'the strongest' was taken from him. He wasn't strong enough to defeat Toji. So he doubled down on making himself stronger, and fought with a crazy streak.
From here on out, he was simply 'a living creature'. I'd even go as far as to say that he never let himself get as close to anyone as he did with Geto and Riko. He would love them, he does love them, but he had to 'draw his line', lest the same thing happen again. If he isn't the strongest for one moment, people he cares about die.
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He couldn't allow himself to be around Geto as much. He needed to be stronger.
After Geto left, Gojo says he can only save those who want to be saved.... and I think that was Gojo's motive from then on out. (Like when he talks to Megumi about being selfish, he doesn't say anything until Megumi asks to be trained.) Because he couldn't save his best friend. He couldn't save anyone that mattered. Not even as the strongest, not even after he isolated himself to be the strongest.
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Gojo portrayed himself as the strongest, the one who would handle everything and no one would see him as human. He wasn't human. He loved them, but he kept his distance. He'd protect them. But he'd keep his distance.
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He'd make sure that everyone else could be strong enough to protect themselves without experiencing his loneliness.
Because the corrupt system makes it so. If you're strong, then you are lonely. If you aren't strong, then you'll still die alone.
Gojo's going to do everything he can to give them companionship and happiness... and the strength to protect themselves from the system.
Because he could only have one or the other. And he chose strength because... he was the strongest after all.
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Gojo himself doesn't see himself as anyone but the strongest. The moment he allowed himself to have friends, they were taken from him, so he went back to being the lonely sorcerer he once was, regretting everything that happened.
In this way, he mirrors Itadori:
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Gojo does regret the way he's lived.
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I don't think Nanami would honestly say this. He may say something along these lines, but he wouldn't say it like this.
This, I think, is Gojo's perception of what others think of him. Because he doesn't do it just to satisfy himself, if that were the case, then he wouldn't have been a teacher or done all he did to protect his students (to the point where the moment he was sealed a lot of people got screwed over)
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The only one who understood Gojo was Geto, but as @ellionwrites pointed out in this post, Geto left with the words of 'are you just 'the strongest'?
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And to Gojo, it's almost like there's no hope for him now. He's the strongest, but what power does that give him really? In this society? He 'gave it his all' and in return he only got solitude from everyone else, who thought of Gojo as above them.
The only solution he can think of is:
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Fix society so that way no one is alone anymore.
(not that Gojo himself would be alleviated from his loneliness...
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One last thing:
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Gojo might've lived with regrets, but he didn't die with them.
... sorry for rambling! Really tired right now. I'll try to make a condensed version of Gojo's character like I did for pre-shibuya Itadori soon.
@justrustandstardust @lmskitty @bygeto
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shellxrls · 3 days
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okay someone asked but I can’t find the post, here’s my tips on shifting.
first of all, it’s all about belief, as long as you fully believe that you can do it then you can (this gets much easier when you’ve done it for the first time cause well, you know you can do it)
you don’t need a script or anything like that!! some people prefer it but it’s not a necessary thing! though for beginners I would recommend it because it just helps get ur thoughts in place!
always be safe when shifting!! make sure to have safe words in place!! but also know that it is not possible to get stuck in ur dr! safe words just make it easier.
use subliminals! but be careful with these, make sure to use ones you trust. some of them can have horrible messages or manifestations in them.
okay so I tend to use a method, you totally don’t have to tho. I just find it makes it easier for me.
I’ll share the method that I use because I’m not sure if I invented it or if it’s just uncommon. I thought of it anyway.
the tv show method
- get comfortable and calm. I recommend guided meditation to ground yourself!!
- put on your favourite tv show, and really concentrate on it for a while, make sure you’re fully invested in the plot and that it’s what’s taking up most of your mind.
if any other thoughts go through your head that’s fine!! just let them pass.
- when you feel ready, imagine that you’re watching the show in your dr
- visualise your dr, the things around you, the sounds. try to feel the feelings that you might be feeling. notice things.
- say affirmations if you would like to. or count to one hundred. Or just keep visualising.
- when you feel ready to shift, close your eyes
- concentrate on the sound of the tv show and say affirmations
- visualise and affirm until you feel that you’ve shifted
- open your eyes when you are certain you’re in your dr!!
good luck <3
- rafe shifter
ANON BABE THANK YOU SO MUCH. if i’m gonna be honest, all this talk of shifting is making me want to try again sooo badly. i’m so grateful that you guys are giving advice and stories as well bcuz it truly motivates me sm !! i might start creating a visual diary/moodboard for now and then when i get back from my spring break trip rlly try with the intent to shift. the tv method also sounds great so i might try that when i do intend to shift.
although i haven’t shifted yet, i’d love to give my take as well bcuz quite a few ppl have asked for advice, and i think it wld be nice just to have the perspective of someone who has been rlly into shifting, but hasn’t quite yet achieved it !!
try to do basic research initially just to get a proper framework of shifting and have enough knowledge to keep up with the main linguistic terms (e.g script, cr, dr, etc). i’m not sure what the best current resources available for that is, but i know amino used to be great for finding shifting communities, and i bet tumblr also has good resources. although don’t overload yourself, it’s good to get diff perspectives but remember shifting is largely a personal experience and so ultimately whatever you choose to do has to feel write for you. for example, as rafe shifter said not everyone has to have a script, although some do find it rlly helpful as a resource.
for new shifters, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. i know a lot of ppl shift to get out of a bad situation/mental state, but i personally think a large part of the energy it takes to shift is mental, and so to achieve that you should try to take care of yourself and nurture your mental health as much as possible— the more you focus on caring for yourself and your mind, the stronger it’ll get and the easier it’ll be for you to shift <3.
now for my own experience, i personally used to use the pillow method and the raven method the most, although looking back i feel like they were limiting bcuz due to the sleepy sort of state i used to be in it wld make it difficult for me to truly visualise my dr. however, one method i’d highly recommend is the estelle method (i’ll explain it in a sec), it sounds kind of strange but honestly it was the closest i’d ever been to shifting and i truly never recovered r from that fraction of a second where i literally felt myself in my dr. i can still picture it to this day and its own of my biggest shifting motivators <3.
ok anyways, here is the estelle method explained:
Step 1: Get in position. You can lay stand/sit/lay you want as long as you're comfortable.
Step 2: Play a song. Preferably something you associate with your dr or something that lets you feel connected to it. While this song is playing you’re going to imagine slow dancing with someone from your desired reality. It can be anyone: your s/o (i recommend this one lol) best friend, enemy— anyone.
Step 3: Imagine. I recommend closing your eyes for this to truly be immersed. You don’t have to actually dance, but play out the whole scenario in your mind and rlly let your imagination loose, try to imagine the landscape and the scents, anything you can. When the song ends, imagine the person from your desired reality letting go of you and saying "Y/N, it's time to go home." After they say that, they should lead you through a ‘door’.
Step 4: Affirm. Once you are inside the door, you are going to do "I am" affirmations (I am shifting to my desk reality, I am in my desired reality, etc.) anything that’ll help cement your belief really.
Step 5: Finished. When your vision goes black, you can open your eyes. You should be in your desired reality.
i think it’s a very beginner friendly method, it’s great for visualising esp if you have a song that you strongly associate with your dr and you can even have fun with it bcuz i find it’s not as exhaustive as other methods !!
remember to be safe and take care of yourself darlings !! feel free to pop into my inbox with questions for me (or rafe shifter anon if she doesn’t mind) about shifting as well, i’d love if we could have a whole shellxrls shifting community lol.
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cenviswasteland · 2 days
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Do you guys ever think about how much Klavier Gavin loses over the course of AA4?
-- Hella spoilers for Apollo Justice (AA4). Go play it, it's a masterpiece. --
Where is Klavier during 4-1? Probably preparing for a show, knowing him. How does he learn about what happens to his brother? Who tells him? Not Kristoph, he's already been taken away. Is it his family? Is it Daryan? Or does he find out from the paparazzi after his set is done, all shouting at him "Klavier! Klavier, do you have a statement on your brother's arrest?"
I wonder what happens in the in-between. Does he go to Kristoph, demanding the "what happened" and the "why did you do it"? Does he get anything? Or does Kristoph just stare back and give him vague explanations that mean nothing in the grand scheme of it all? Does Klavier beg for the answers he doesn't get? Does he cry? Does Kristoph just stare back, knowing that eventually Klavier will give up like he always does?
Klavier is so flashy in 4-2. I wonder if it's a front. I wonder if it's the hasty bandage wrapped over the aching, still-bleeding wound. After all, he's up against the same defense attorney that got Kristoph arrested. And that attorney is good at what he does. In a way, that's its own loss. It means that Kristoph's arrest wasn't a mistake. There's no way that Justice screwed up. Kristoph killed a man in cold blood, with almost no motive. And Klavier is just expected to move on. His brother is a monster. Move on.
I'm almost certain he starts confiding in Daryan in the in-between. "I dont know what to do." "He wouldn't talk to me." "I need to cut my hair now." "I can't look at myself." "He was arrested, Daryan. He killed someone, Daryan." "I look like him!" "I don't know him at all anymore!" "What do I do? What do I do?!" "I hate seeing him when I look at myself." "I miss him." "I look just like him!!" over and over and over. It's him putting his head in his hands, desperate to block out the vision. It's the "C'mon, Klav, we've got a show soon," as Daryan carefully turns him away from the dressing room mirror.
So what happens in 4-3, when Klavier starts to piece together the case? What happens to Klavier when he realizes, in time with Justice, that the shoulder he'd replaced his brother with did the same thing? What happens as Klavier watches Daryan break down on the witness stand? What happens as Klavier watches him get led away in handcuffs? What happens now that Klavier is completely, utterly alone? He can't confide in his murderer brother. He can't confide in his murderer bandmate. Who else does he even have?
…Justice? Apollo Justice, the man who got them both arrested? The man who pulled every little secret from the cases, who pointed the blame to them? Apollo Justice, the one that remains at the end of the trial, when the dust settles? The one who looks so proud of himself as he tears apart every person Klavier loves?
He can't take it. He can't take any of it. He hates the way he looks at himself in the mirror every morning, shaking off the sudden twinge of fear that he looks too much like his brother. He takes up smoking again, something he hadn't touched since turning the Gavineers into a serious endeavor. But the Gavineers don't matter much now, do they? He stops trying to get answers out of Kristoph. He does his best to not think about Daryan. He just wants to be left alone. He just wants to put his pieces back together. He can't get himself to pick up his guitars-- he nearly considers getting the ones in his office shipped off to a storage facility. Instead, he covers the case with bedsheets like he's a child again, and he starts safety-pinning newspaper clippings and red string to it. Maybe if he does enough digging, he'll be able to find out why Kristoph did what he did. Maybe, if he tries hard enough, he can shove the right evidence in Kristoph's face. Maybe, if he just does more, he'll be able to talk to his brother again.
It consumes him. He talks to no one. He barely goes home-- instead, he stays up for days at a time and collapses in his chair when his body succumbs to the exhaustion. He lives almost entirely off of coffee and cigarettes and whatever snacks are in the prosecutors' office break room. He looks awful. He feels awful. He stops making progress after a certain point, just falling into this awful, awful spiral of hatred and guilt and shame.
And it's nearly a miracle when Phoenix Wright comes to his office, asking him to help test a new trial system. He accepts without a second thought, not even bothering to check what case it was.
Oh, 4-4. Oh, when Klavier realizes with mounting horror what he's gotten himself into. When Klavier figures out that not only is his brother a murderer, he's a serial murderer. Kristoph has a seemingly never-ending web of lies, plots, schemes, and the like. And there's Apollo Justice, and himself, working in awful tandem to tear it all apart. Justice doesn't even realize that he's pulling Klavier apart at the same time, does he?
Klavier keeps looking at Kristoph, begging for any kind of retort. Any truth that can cut down Justice's line of logic. That retort doesn't come. The family closet's been full and shut for a long time, and now suddenly it's all being pulled out to the tune of "Objection!"
It's sick. It's an awful nightmare. He's not waking up from it.
Klavier is stronger than a lot of people give him credit for. But he's not strong enough for all this.
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