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#like sure there are asshole stans on tumblr too but oh my god twitter is a fucking hellfire
born-to-lose · 3 years
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I'm so glad I don't have Twitter
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angrylizardjacket · 5 years
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Asher Kids Do An Interview
Choose an OC.
Answer them as that OC.
Tag 5 people to do the same.
Tagging @siriuslymooned​ @sam-writes​ @toplesstaylor​ @rogerandhishair​ and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!!
[aydtd]
Note: Astrid is the oldest. Cate is the middlest. Barney is the youngest.
1. What is your name?
Cate: Cate Taylor.
Barney: Barney Clarke- Taylor... Sun. 
Astrid: Astrid Taylor.
2. Do you know why are you named that?
Cate: It’s short for Catherine.
Astrid: Is that what it’s short for?
Cate: Shut up.
Barney: What are you short for?
Astrid: That’s just how I grew.
Barney: You grew?
Astrid: I didn’t come out of ma at five-foot nothin’, yeah I fuckin’ grew, ya turnip.
Cate: Barney’s short for Barnabus.
Astrid: Barney’s short for a giant.
Barney: Taller than both of you.
Astrid: Taller than everyone.
Cate: ’s not difficult to be taller than Trid.
Astrid: Shut it; Barney what’s the deal with your last name?
Barney: Clarke is my professional name, I was born a Taylor, and I married into Sun. So legally I’m Barnabus Sun-Taylor, but I’m usually credited professionally as Barney Clarke.
Astrid: Huh. Nice; I didn’t realise you and Mickey [Barney’s partner] hyphenated. I’m named Astrid ‘cos dad liked how it sounded.
3. Are you single or taken?
Barney: Taken. [Barney wiggles the fingers off his left hand, to show where a wedding ring sits neatly on his ring finger.]
Cate: Taken? Taken. Not married though, almost made that mistake before.
Astrid: Single as.
4. Have any abilities or powers?
[There’s a long silence, the three of them look at one another with confusion.]
Barney: I played a superhero once.
Astrid: Oh yeah, you were good in that, what was it-?
Barney: X-Men.
Cate: Did you really forget X-Men?
Astrid: He’s been in a lot of movies!
5. Stop being a Mary Sue.
Cate: The next time you read an alcoholic, lesbian, disaster Mary Sue, can you please send me a link? 
Astrid: Hey!
Barney: I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Gary Stu’ for me?
Cate: You’re not a Gary Stu... Actually-
Astrid: Maybe a little?
Barney: I’m successful, there’s a difference, I think.
Cate: (amused) Did you put yourself through the litmus test?
Astrid: There’s a litmus test?
6. What’s your eye color?
Astrid: Blue.
Cate: Blue.
Barney: Ma’s eyes all the way; green.
7. How about your hair color?
Barney: Ginger.
Cate: I dunno, I think I’d consider myself a strawberry blonde.
Astrid: We’re a weird sliding scale between mum and dad; I’ve got dad’s blonde hair.
8. Have any family members?
[They look at each other with amusement.]
Astrid: (sarcastically) No, I’ve never seen these people before in my life.
9. Oh? How about pets?
Cate: My daughter’s been asking about getting a dog and I’m pretty sure Joe’s gonna get her one if he gets wind of how much she wants it. 
Astrid: God, imagine her little face if Joe gets her a puppy, oh Christ.
Cate: She’d cry, she’d absolutely cry, like happy tears but... oh, God I’m gonna get a dog aren’t I?
Barney: Pets are great; I love Sir more every day.
Astrid: I hope [Cate’s] dog is nothing like Sir, that cat is an asshole-
Barney: Only to you.
Astrid: Barn, your cat is an asshole.
Barney: You’re an asshole.
10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?
Astrid: Barney’s fucking cat.
Barney: Astrid.
Cate: Calm down you babies. I don’t like wearing high heels.
Astrid: Seconded.
Barney: Thirded.
11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
Barney: I box.
Astrid: That’s your go-to, isn’t it?
Barney: Fine, I also enjoy swimming, spending time with Mickey, and mixing drinks. 
Cate: That’s cute.
Astrid: I enjoy drinking the drinks he mixes.
Cate: That’s less cute.
Barney: Drinking isn’t a hobby.
Astrid: Alright, I enjoy going to pubs to listen to music, driving fast cars, and spending time with pretty people.
Cate: Yeah, that checks out. I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies, though I play music, my bass mostly, and, ah, studying languages I guess. And spending time with Claud [her daughter], obviously.
12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?
Astrid: Bar fights, mostly. Smacked a few assholes who’ve heckled Barn’s movies while I’m trying to watch them.
Barney: That’s actually kind of sweet. I’ve only been in one bar fight, and Trid finished that guy off, but other than that, and a few stunts gone wrong, a few hits in boxing, not really.
Cate: (visibly uncomfortable) Not, uh, not physically.
13. Ever… killed anyone before?
Astrid: What the fuck? No.
14. What kind of animal are you?
Cate: I think I’m a meerkat.
[Astrid immediately raises her hands up to her chest like paws, perking up and looking around, imitating a meerkat. Cate smiles, and imitates the gesture.]
Barney: Yeah, I can see it. Trid’s that terribly taxidermied- ah, [he pulls out his phone, and taps away at the screen for a moment] cheetah! 
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[Astrid shoves him, but both he and Cate are laughing.]
Astrid: You’re your asshole cat.
15. Name your worst habits?
Barney: Oh, Mickey actually hit the nail on the head when we did the Husband Tag on their channel the other day- follow Mickey, they’re sunteamick, all one word, on YouTube.
Cate: What did they say?
Barney: I’m too unperturbed.
Astrid: You’re too chill?
Barney: They said I’m a danger to myself because of it; got hit in the face at boxing a few months ago, broke my nose - not the first time, but still not pleasant - and went home instead of to the hospital because I didn’t think it was that bad. It wasn’t; I still should have gone to hospital but it wasn’t that bad. Much worse things could have happened, it’s just a nose.
Cate: You need to be more perturbed?
Barney: I need to be more perturbed.
Astrid: Being unperturbed isn’t exactly a habit.
Barney: I also leave the cap off the toothpaste after I use it.
Cate: That’s bad and you should feel bad.
Barney: I do, but I’ll never change. It perturbs Mickey.
Astrid: My worst habit is that - I’m a stunt driver sometimes, right, and I do mad dangerous stunts, and every time I get injured or have like, a near death experience, I don’t think like ‘oh maybe I should slow down’, I think ‘how long until I can get this fuckin’ cast off and get back behind the wheel?’.
Cate: You’re an adrenaline junkie.
Astrid: But only with dangerous car stunts.
Barney: You perturb me.
Astrid: Good.
Cate: I bite my nails.
16. Do you look up to anyone at all?
Astrid: Physically or metaphorically?
Barney: You look up to everyone physically. 
[Note; Barney Clarke is 6′4. Astrid Taylor is 5′0.]
Cate: Our parents, obviously. They’re very successful, and have been through a lot. I grew up idolising them because they’re my parents, but as I came to know more about them as people, it was just natural to idolise them as people too.
Barney: Yeah, mum and dad, also Alec Baldwin.
Cate: Alec Baldwin, really? I wouldn’t have picked that.
Barney: Did you see him in Streetcar? [he hums appreciatively] That man’s career, his talent, all the stuff of legend. Meryl Streep, too.
Cate: Yeah no, I get that.
Astrid: Meryl Streep can get it.
17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?
Barney: Uh, I’m pan?
Cate: I’m probably on the asexual spectrum, I haven’t thought about it in a while. Not aromantic though, I guess I’d be bi or pan romantic? Queer. I’m queer.
Astrid: I’m- look at me, I’m a whole damn lesbian.
18. Do you go to school?
Astrid: I take a few classes here and there, but I actually didn’t finish high school, dropped out in Year 10 with my parent’s blessing and started working as a mechanic.
Cate: I haven’t studied in a while but I have a Masters in Public Relations.
Astrid: And she speaks like eight languages.
Cate: Five.
Astrid: Still, you’re a very impressive lady.
Cate: Thanks, Trid. 
Barney: I finished high school, but I’ve been working pretty steadily since then, don’t have a degree or anything.
19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?
Cate: I’ve got Claud, I almost married her dad, but... but that would have been bad for everyone. I’m not in a hurry to get married, let’s say.
Barney: Mickey and I don’t really want to be parents just yet, maybe one day, but we’re happy just spoiling Claud when we can.
Astrid: Oh, absolutely seconded; that kid is terrifyingly sweet for how spoiled she is.
Barney: She’s so great.
Cate: She really is.
20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?
Astrid: I run a Barney stan account on Twitter.
Barney: Really?
Astrid: Fuck no, but he does actually have fans.
Cate: I guess we all have fans in our own way, but a lot of that, like minus Barney, who’s genuinely a star, is more because of mum and dad.
Astrid: Imagine if Claud grows up to be a Queen stan on tumblr.
Cate: That’s horrifying.
21. What are you most afraid of?
Cate: The concept of Claud finding smut about Joe.
Astrid: The concept that Cate’s found and read smut about Joe.
Barney: Why would she need it? Couldn’t she just-
Astrid: Maybe before they were together?
Cate: I hate you both.
Barney: Well, that’s not a ‘no I haven’t read smut about my boyfriend’. Also I’m afraid of submarines.
Astrid: Submarines?
Barney: The big hole in the front of them gives me anxiety.
22. What do you usually wear?
Barney: Astrid doesn’t get to answer this one because she doesn’t know what fashion is, and dresses like a single dad in the middle of his mid-life crisis.
[Astrid shrugs but keeps quiet; her shorts have oil stains on them.]
Barney: Good. I’m a fan of colourful button-downs and slacks.
Astrid: Gucci [pronounced Gucky, like ducky but with a G] button-downs, you mean. 
Barney: (quietly, but with a lot of feeling) I hate you.
[Cate is laughing too hard to answer. She wears a pastel sweater and well fitting jeans.]
23. What’s one food that tempts you?
Astrid: Kracken Rum.
Cate: That doesn’t count as food.
Astrid: I’m not changing my answer.
Cate: Fine. Original Glaze Krispy Cream Donuts.
Barney: Like the ones dad used to buy us when we’d visit him on tour in America?
Cate: Yeah! God they’re good.
Barney: I’m always tempted by whatever Mickey cooks, though they don’t do it a lot. I usually cook. I enjoy it a lot.
24. Am I annoying to you?
Cate: No, you’re fine.
25. Well, it’s still not over!
Astrid: How many questions left?
26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?
[All three of them seem to become uncomfortable with the question.]
Cate: We- we’re comfortable. Our parents are Roger and Ash Taylor, we’ll always be comfortable.
27. How many friends do you have?
Cate: I’d say we’ve all got good circles - very different circles, sure-
Barney: If Astrid could stop collecting my pretty-boy costars that is.
Astrid: (smugly) It’s not my fault I’m good at making friends with your pretty-boy costars.
Barney: I’m glad people don’t realise we’re related, sometimes.
Astrid: Because I embarrass you?
Barney: (grumbling under his breath) Because everyone thinks you’re cooler than me.
Astrid: Men are so easy to get; look good, drive fast, and drink hard. Once they find out I’m gay and I can help wingman them really well, and maybe fix their cars, I’ve got ‘em, hook, line, and sinker.
Barney: That’s a bit of a generalisation, don’t you think?
Astrid: Fine; pretty boys in Hollywood are easy to get. 
Barney: That much I’ll give you.
28. What are your thoughts on pie?
Cate: Actually, Barney, that apple pie you made for Easter was stunning, I was meaning to tell you.
Astrid: Easter was months ago.
Cate: I’ve been busy!
Barney: Thanks, I can send you the recipe if you like.
Cate: I’d never have the time to cook it.
Barney: I’ll make it for you again, then. 
29. Favorite drink?
Astrid: Kracken. Rum.
Barney: Peanut butter and chocolate milkshake.
Cate: (again, uncomfortable) Orange juice, I guess.
30. What’s your favorite place?
Barney: The kitchen of my LA apartment, with a roast dinner in the oven and Mickey sitting at the kitchen island talking to me about their day.
Cate: Awww!
Astrid: That’s really sweet, Barn.
Cate: Well mine’s probably being side of stage at one of dad’s concerts with Claud with me.
Astrid: (quiet) Mine’s gonna sound stupid.
Cate: No, it’s- well, maybe.
Astrid: It’s just- I don’t really have like a favourite favourite place, you know? I have like, moments with people that just stick with me. Like, I shared a cigarette with Ben [Hardy] during one of Cate’s gigs and I just remember talking and laughing and looking up at the stars, and I could hear my talented as all fuck sister playing inside, and I just- it was lovely. 
Cate: Trid...
Astrid: And you know, I do remember X-Men, you know? Because when you flew with that scream-thing you do in the movie? I fucking cried. I was so fucking proud, dude. My favourite place is in a cinema watching my little brother on the big screen, or at a bar watching my sister smash out some of the best rock and roll of our generation, or watching dad play, or seeing mum’s smile when she’s finally happy with an outfit- fuck, sorry I didn’t mean to get all sappy and shit.
Barney: No- Trid, no, don’t apologise.
31. Are you interested in anyone?
Astrid: Not in a long-term sense.
[Cate and Barney share a frown, before turning their identical ‘are you kidding me?’ looks on the interviewer.]
32. That was a stupid question…
Barney: Yeah, I’m married.
33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
Cate: Ocean, always the ocean.
Barney: Yeah, I’m with you on that one.
Astrid: But the ocean has submarines in it.
Barney: Well I can’t see them so it’s fine.
Astrid: Fair cop, I also have to say ocean.
34. What’s your type?
Astrid: (teasingly) Cate likes cute, goofy actors with dumb perms and big grins and-
Cate: Astrid likes all girls ever, especially if they buy her a drink.
Astrid: Guilty as charged.
Barney: Two opposite ends of the spectrum? Every girl ever and Joe Mazzello specifically?
Cate: ... Pretty much.
35. Any fetishes?
[Astrid opens her mouth, but Cate smacks her hand over her mouth.]
Cate: That’s information I don’t need to know about my sister, thanks.
Barney: (grinning) Bondage.
Astrid: (muffled) Nice.
Cate: Christ.
Barney: That’s the tame shit, Catie.
Cate: You are my Baby Brother, shut your mouth. Ow!
[Astrid has bitten Cate’s hand. She removes her hand from Astrid’s mouth.]
Barney: I’m a married man!
Cate: I don’t want to know what you guys are into, and I don’t want you to know what I’m into, okay? We all know too much about our own family, I’d like some modicum of privacy.
Astrid: Yeah, after you see your mum bare it all in a photoshoot from the seventies with Bowie, life does get a little weird.
Barney: Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, moving on.
36. Camping or outdoors?
Astrid: Camper van.
Barney: I like hiking, but not really camping.
Cate: Claud camps in the backyard sometimes, it’s fun to join her, sometimes we stargaze.
Astrid: That’s a grossly cute image to end on.
Barney: Does Joe stargaze with you guys?
Cate: (blushing) Once or twice. Claud fell asleep on him last time. It was pretty cute.
Astrid: Oh that’s actually really cute.
Cate: Yeah, it was.
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