#like people are busy or like doing things and obviously cant just be available all the time

[narwhalandchill]

ok misc stream thoughts!!!

ANYWAY livestream over nice 30 pulls of aventurine funds for anni!!!! they didnt do anything insane but honestly it was kinda cope to expect them to, ratio for free was clearly a more of a spontaneous move and hes available throughout anniversary anyway so the "another 5*" were.... a little over the top im sorry wjkjwdjkwdjk altho i wouldnt have complained obviously. a free himeko or sth couldve been on theme for the cosmodussy event but eh cant be helped

im actually glad for the skippability of the reruns 😭😭 like i have luocha n jingliu (+ LC for latter) so by skipping acheron for now im gonna have a nice time getting aventurine and most likely his LC (2/3 of his 4* LC selection is so sad tho), love that fucker hope he gets to do proper mayhem in story too. cool death talk please dont actually die yourself for real for real tho i will be sad. like i do think its based of aventurine to pull off a stunt that appears to be what we in the business might call a certified chapter 5 komaeda moment but. ahahaha nooo dont actually die youre such a funny hat man .

(also sick boss form is sick but . bootleg FL im sorry aventurine. they hit perfection already and theyre never fucking topping the galaxy cape cyclops eye beak mask drip i swear JSWJWJDKWJKDWJK but also yes me biased? in favor of that ginger? i could never)

but it seems ill have a solid time getting aventurine and saving up for now??? since i dont think im too interested in robin or boothill either. i was kinda worried topaz' rerun would be in 2.1 for IPC antics with aventurine bc i am kinda curious abt pulling for her but now its gonna be 2.2 at the earliest so. Phew

the stream ran a bit too long lmao but like overall i tend to like the dev discussions so most of it was still neat, altho downside of dev streams is that not knowing chinese i cant just like. afk and listen on headphones and go get water or something 💀💀 and they were definitely dragging stuff out on purpose no way they werent but eh. people will live its just bideo game livestream. and like these folks do hard work on the game they can yap about what they do sometimes its only right lmao

leakers public shaming session was definitely a jumpscare but i do genuinely empathize w shaoji on that one. like. ive always been one for kit + banner leaks first and foremost and story leaks just. i dont care for them much. ive had my share of looking at them occasionally but i definitely agree with the way story leaks either by themselves or when misconstrued and misinterpreted really fucking mess with the intended experience for any given story and how that must feel like shit for the writers. like if story leaks stopped happening altogether id be perfectly content. and thats just ppl who look at story leaks on purpose cuz. im not going to even begin w how like. yes the leaks subreddits and most big leakers do spoiler warnings and keep the story stuff spoilered. but then theres literally the entire rest of the internet where shit gets spread untagged and without warnings the second they are posted anywhere at all and how that fucking ruins peoples experiences. like its 1 thing to click at a spoiler tagged post knowingly and get ur experience messed up with. but when u dont even want to see it its rly fucking bad and i v well understand condemning all story leaks (even those properly flagged) just on that basis alone. but yeah actually felt bad for him there and see where he was coming from for sure, even as a consumer of leaks

ok well that sure was a wall of text. didnt expect to write that much JWJKWJKDDWJK but ya

Anyway. biggest priority is holding strong w skipping acheron as sick as her animations are but def looking forward to her teaser and the animated short. like . even with the black swan dykery. (that was a fucking jumpscare too). i dont need her rn. despite how cool she is 😭😭

& also have to say im v happy they clarified their stance on hi3rd references like. the way theyre going abt it is absolutely how it should be going. hsr by nature is more directly linked to hi3rd like honkai is in the name but its such a dumbass idea (like some fan takes out there....) to want the stories of hsr depend on another games lore. rewarding old fans with easter eggs and tidbits is perfectly fine and im even interested in seeing where they go with acherons obvious raiden situation - especially knowing theyre not about to ruin their own story with "it was hi3rd all along!" (not that i ever rly thought theyd seriously blunder that bad lmao 💀) . so yea thats neat

i think story wise im not gonna say much of my thoughts bc unfortunately i have clicked on like. a leak or four. not the major stuff i dont think but enough that commenting on stuff w some of the things im aware of in the periphery is going to tint stuff . but im still excited to see where things go!!!

AAND OH. ACTUALLY i do have one more thing . so the multiple POV thing being actually implemented is SOOOO good im so fucking happy theyre committing to it being a thing 😭😭😭 like SO many story pitfalls can be avoided by just letting it be that TB doesnt need to be fucking everywhere a major thing happens as the centerpiece of events so we as players can see it. like it gives a way of showing different events and sides of characters in a much more natural manner its sooo good that theyre implementing it already. like this alone has me in such high hopes for the story going forward. like yea theyve branched from our POV before already and in penacony as well but expanding on it even more is 100% the correct way forward

last thing: god they did jingliu so dirty in her concert illustration. WHAT is she wearing 💀💀💀anyway yeah lesgo 2.1 its cool

i lied real last thing: siobhan . siobhan i would do anything---

#i have no clue who to get from the 4* selector also. my hanya is e4 now so no need to get that. yukong e6? but i havent rly built her at all #ig i could still get her but w the way i have sparkle and ruan mei and bronya and the 4* harmonies built already its. ehh #gallagher is the new unit so i might just get him for collection purposes but i dont think ill rly have much use for him #guinaifen eidolons??? shes e2 now and e4 is the good one for energy so it could be a step on the way #ill need to build her for burn dmg for kafka against fire + lightning weak eventually anyway. now shes just debuffer ult spam build #anyway. neat stream now i need to eat the stream was long and then i wrote this djjkdjkwdjkdjkdwkj #rambles #hsr #long post

[bunnygirlaltar]

aphrodite worshipper confession/vent post: sometimes i feel guilty to her because im not very beautiful, havent really dated anyone, ive been so fearful and uncomfortable with romance for a lot of my life because i just was not at all emotionally available growing up, and im still struggling to try to be.

ive never really been called pretty. other than the women in my family complimenting me when i dress up for some formal event and i look uncharacteristically feminine, saying i look nice. or my friends have complimented specifically my eyeliner skills and my hair before since i always dyed it, but i genuinely cant remember anyone telling me just truthfully and unprompted that im pretty, that they find me pretty. if anything i hear that little things about me are cool, as if my appearance is interesting or something, but not attractive.

sometimes that really hurts, but then i feel guilty about it hurting my feelings, especially trying to worship aphrodite, i feel like i should know better than to care about external validation like that and i generally dont care about things like that but, am i so evil for wanting to be called pretty? i feel like everyone deserves that..

the only exceptions are two moments that always stick out to me. one time was an all-nighter playing truth-or-dare-esque games during a sleepover, and at one point we had to exchange compliments. and one of my friends in sleep-deprived delirium told me i had a nice face and i was so taken off guard because.. i just had never really heard that before. the other time is something i actually associate with aphrodite, i was in a really bad place mentally but i tried to force myself to at least wear something other than pajamas in public and one time i bumped into a stranger which happens a million times in my busy school campus but they said a quick 'you are so pretty' before we were past each other. i know random compliments to strangers like that arent that uncommon, especially college-aged queer people like us but it was genuinely something i had never experienced before and especially that day my brain was so foggy and i felt so gross and i just felt so taken off guard. i see my friends get random compliments like that all the time, but never me. that was also a time where i wasnt fully paying attention to aphrodite yet but considering her, and i feel like that moment was a little bit of her influence somehow and im so grateful for her and that stranger when i look back.

even then, i remember i told my best friends about it cuz it made me that happy. they said something like 'you are pretty! people should say it more!' trying to validate me but.. idk they say that but its not like they actually do it. if anything they make little jokes comparing me to people who like, they obviously think are ugly, becuase we share some traits like have the same hair or wear the same glasses or something trivial like that but the difference is they clearly, clearly find the other person weird-looking.. and i guess thats the joke? that i look like someone they think looks weird? and i dont understand why they feel comfortable jokingly implying that i look weird when they are also aware that they dont compliment me a lot.. i try to give them the benefit of the doubt that of course my friends dont think im ugly, but my god sometimes it really does feel like they think that. its not even like our friend group shys away from compliments like that, we love hyping each other up like that. people just dont really do it to me. or theyll comment on the parts of me that are more unconventional as if theyre trying to validate it for me but it just makes me feel weirder, especially if i wasnt even self-conscious of the thing before they tried to 'compliment' it.

is this whiny? am i vain? it feels vain to care so much but it also feels like the opposite of vain, i dont know. sometimes it really really eats away at me, and i feel like its deeper than just vanity. im not sure vanity is even all that much of a crime anyway.

sometimes now when i look decent or when i say some off-handed vaguely self-deprecating thing about myself one of my friends might be like 'omg stop youre fine trust me' as if like, i was fishing for compliments, or like i already knew i was pretty and was trying to be humble, except like, thats not at all what im doing. and it bugs me that they can both admit that i dont get called pretty enough and then dismiss me in moments like that.

i also think.. as queer as my friend group is i think femininity is equated with beauty to them, well to the world to be fair but still. and ive always been a bit genderless in my self-expression. and i feel like they find me ugly, like they see it as a shame that i dont present myself right or put in 'effort'. sometimes theyve had the chance to help me dress up or find clothes and theres this tone of trying to get me toward feminine clothes and being playfully upset with me for not picking them as if im being stubbornly choosing to be ugly.. but i find the things i choose pretty. they just dont. because they dont understand how non-feminine things can be pretty. maybe im being unfair in accusing them of that but thats just how it feels to me sometimes.

i know theres people who have the same concept of beauty as me out there but im realizing that i dont really know any of them myself. i dont even disagree with what my friends find pretty, i find everything beautiful tbh. im just sick of.. i feel like they assume i dont have beauty in my life, that i dont see beauty, or dont care about it, or dont want to have it in myself, but thats the opposite of the truth. i just wish people would find the beauty in me the way i find the beauty in everything but instead i feel like they see me and see no beauty and then write me off entirely.

in high school senior year i shaved my head. i was already used to not being pursued by people at that point, to not being someone people perceived as romantic or pretty. but i didnt expect how much more it hurt after that, i thought id be used to the feeling but i genuinely felt absolutely invisible to every single man more than i already did, as if the moment i dont seem like a potential lover i am useless, not deserving even basic acknowledgement or respect. and even with girls i felt like i was being excluded or assumed to not be interested in the things they did, as if they thought i was denouncing the gender or something.

i know they were all just humans and kids too and they couldnt have known how i was feeling if i wasnt saying it but i cant help but be a little bit bitter and resentful, as much as i hate feeling it. but how could you just leave someone out, how could you assume a young girl didnt care about being complimented, how could you assume there was nothing more to me just because you didnt find me attractive.

if i had to find a silver lining though, im glad i at least didnt attract the people that have those fucked up prejudices or views on beauty so i guess i saved myself, im glad it was sort of self-respecting of me. but i was also just a kid, and i needed to be loved, and sometimes i wonder if it would have been better if i traded the self-respect just for a little love or attention. i know its so fucked up, i have so many friends that say now that they wish they were a bit more like me growing up so they couldve avoided really shitty exes and i believe them, i kinda wish they did too. but i dont have the heart to tell them that im jealous of them actually. that even if their hearts got broken they at least got to love. even if it was fake or short-lived or painful. at least they got it. they got to emerge from it and learn things about themselves. and this is so fucked up but when i see them finally healing from toxic loves and ideas of love, im so happy for them but a little part of me is devastated and says look, they also learned the lessons you did, they also developed the self-respect you did, but they also got to live and love. while you were a coward. while you were ugly.

i always worry that this level of honesty will disappoint aphrodite, that shell be upset to hear me talk so bad about myself or talk so desperately about love. but i hope that the honesty is at least appreciated. i know so much of it is wrong, but i admit it, and i want to feel better and think better, im open to changing. im really trying. i hope that effort is worth something at least.

[misadventuresofthatoregongirl]

Getting a job in Oregon

Getting a job here is a giant groveling fest its more like ok who do I have to know, or fuck, to get this job. Everyone says they're hiring but they want 100% open availability, take it or leave it do you want to hire me then fire me in a week when you schedule me when I don't have a babysitter? If the job is above minimum wage (which I could afford a house when minimum wage was $8 an hour 10 years ago now that they have raised it to $13 I cant afford anything no one can, the state just takes more taxes out of everyone's paycheck too, win win for them they look good for “raising the minimum wage” along with prices on everything and pocket more money) be prepared to beg and beg and beg and answer some of the most ridiculous questions. “What do your old coworkers think of you?” I don’t fucking know I don’t go to work worrying about what others thing call them and ask I go to do my job, I assure you this has nothing with my ability to stack boxes, do taxes, fill out forms or count money. “Well with that attitude its no wonder” friends and family will say, yeah I just walk into every job interview like that (sarcasm). I walk in smiling phony and fake and they ask me the same question reworded differently 5 fucking times. I also have a mill, for a receptionist position, hand me a misfeed count paper and ask me “What would you do if the misfeed count is off?” Now these sheets, I have seen many of my relatives fill out. There is literally nothing anyone can do it has to do with how many pieces of wood goes through the machine and how many are doubled up or miscounted etc. The receptionist has NOTHING to do with it. I said turn it into the supervisor “give me a different answer” what do you want from me lady? The job is processing payroll, not bitching at field employees about their feed count. The people I know who worked at that same mill, when I told them they said why are they even asking you that we turn that into the supervisor at the end of our shift if the count is off we cant change it. Yeah, duh. Why should I have to constantly beg so much when they are the ones needing people and I will see the same places post the same job over and over so obviously whoever they're hiring is not working out. I can’t get a bank teller job, I can’t get a receptionist job, even with 8 years of accounting, customer service, cash handling and a year of business and law classes I still can not get a job here. Half of these companies too have recruiters from out of state call you ask redundant questions already on your resume, and then say “Ok I will forward this to the local office” can’t the local office look at resumes anyways? Why do we live in such a stupid fucking society? All jobs should have WORKING INTERVIEWS like let me work a day for free, then I will show you I can do the job. I am not trying to be a speaker of the house ok. Oh, and as soon as I get a job I lose health coverage for my child so first ER trip, fucked. I will get into healthcare in another post. Another reason, they are still gung ho on the masks and vaccine mandates in this state. Every single healthcare worker even pharmacy workers are required to wear a mask. To be a receptionist at the VA you have to agree to get covid boosters every 6 months and flu shots once a year. A, fucking, receptionist. I don’t know a single person, who gets all these shots that is healthier than me. Those shots are not even proven to prevent it “may lessen symptoms” is not “immunity”. Natural immunity is completely disregarded. As a result everywhere is short staffed like pharmacies I know I'm not the only one sick of this shit. They’re moving to other states, wit better pay because despite the high minimum wage here everything barely pays minimum wage, that don’t force tyrannical mandates on them. I am still waiting for an explanation as to why all the states who had no mandates the entire time, have no higher fatality rates the way these people act, you’d think every person who didn't wear a mask and get 5 shots was dead. Lol. I am just so incredibly over this shithole I have watched this state be ran into the ground I cant even take my kid to the park because there are massive homeless camps everywhere and I don't even live in a big city! I live in rural southern Oregon! The entire I5 corridor, besides the places that are not near a city for example the area between Grants Pass and Roseburg, then again from Roseburg to Eugene, looks like a giant homeless camp. Be careful in the bushes and public bathrooms might find a used needle (not joking I don’t use public restrooms ever here anymore). People really do not realize what a nightmare the entire west coast has become. 

#oregonsucks

[icewindandboringhorror]

94% of the time I’m absolutely fine with the fact that I usually haven’t talked to anyone in 3+ months, I really don’t even think about it since there’s kind of just not incentive to?? Like if people mostly have friendships either 1. to avoid negative feelings from lack of contact or 2. to receive the positive feelings they get from contact, and I don’t really experience either (I don’t think I’ve ever felt boredom or loneliness?? or at least I can not think of even one point in history that I truly felt upset by being alone or felt like i was desperate for entertainment. And it usually doesn’t bring me any real positive emotions to talk to others (or if anything it’s negative due to how stressful it can be to keep up with social things lol))..  so idk it’s like... ?? if I lack both positive and negative reinforcement to do so,, then I just hardly think about seeking out others or etc? and I usually can’t think of many other worthwhile reasons to have friends (other than survival stuff but that’s weird to be like ��hey can we be friends just because it’s practical  and mutually beneficial to have an external support system to share resources if needed?’ bhbbggb) 

.. however... sometimes I witness friend groups doing interesting creative things together and i remember like... oHGGG yea... i could get a tiny group to dress up in fancy ears and cloaks and play scrabble acting out uppity elven council members trying to stay composed whilst having complete internal meltdowns over who can outdo each other for the Best Word .. or like.. work on music as a group.. or cooperate on creating species.. etc. Like there are ways to work my “i prefer to be invested in my own internal world/hobbies 80% of every waking moment of my life” into friendships.. it doesn’t have to be Deep or based on the typical positive/negative reasoning of others.. it can be as simple as like.... for skill sharing purposes and stuff..  or finding activities actually relevant to me enough to be the pro in a sea of cons that is  actually worth the incredibly high energy + stress it takes to initiate and maintain friendships...  friends don’t have to be inaccessible, it’s more just about finding compatible friend styles ..  mye fëllowe emotionally barren hermit fools who are fine meeting up once or twice a month to enthusiastically talk for 20 hours straight about fake groups of fantasy people and then not speaking again for 15 days so we can recharge.. ohbgg

#I guess it;s like I always froget that there are ways to incorporate the few activities that I enjoy doing INTO doing them with friends #but most representations of friendships I see don't involve that and it's just like poeple who text each other all the time or go eat #together or go to the movies or go to concerts and etc. which is all like terrifying... maybe going to eat at a small not busy place is okay #but you know like idk I'm just not interested in that stuff and since I dont listen to much mosuc or really concume much media #its hard for me to have common ground to discuss anyway and etc. since most of my interests are self contained like.. being interested in my #own species and etc. which obviously nobody else would know about so i cant just talk about it. and since I already never experience lonel #iness and have never felt negative emotional effects from NOT having friends.. then if there's not a positive effect either then it's like i #don't care either way?? sit alone VS. hang out at a cafe? idk??? if anything social option is actually WORSE bc mental illness symptoms lol #but then I remember like.. oh yeah like.. some people create languages with their friends and like... make films and write music together #and etc. like it can actually be actively involving the stuff I like.. I could make worlds with people and share species ideas and etc. etc. #then that kind of adds positive motivation to the neutral/slightly negative concept so i actually feel there's SOMETHING that could be #positive about interacting with people for once that wouldn't just be neutral take it or leave it type feelings. like.. an actual reason I #could find to be passionate talking to other people. and then my brain is like.. Hmm.. Mayhap Friendship Is..Good Thing?? lol #though it's still weird since it's like i still largely lack the internal drive to speak to others but I CAN at least be externally motivate #d in ways like that.. like maybe inherently I'm 98% neutral to the idea of having friends but.. that number can be reduced with realizing #that there are some good benefiets and things that can actually be cool about it in the right scenarios.. if not out of a deep emotional #need i could at least seek friends out of a more external intellectual desire to like.. wolrdbuild with people and do costumes and stuff #but then that's complicated by like.. my communication and functioning issues needing me to exclusively have in person friends #which sounds not hard but so far like... finding anyone who is legitimately interested in the same stuff as me.. is available to hang out #like once a month.. and also has a similar enough personality that we don't clash (i am kind of a hard person to get a long with in the #sense that i do a lot of things differently from other people and etc. like.. there are just a lot of ways that i communicate differently #and other mental illness quirks to get used to (i don't mean this in an I'm An Abusive Asshole And PEople Should Put Up With It way i mean #it in a like.. I need to know a full day ahead of time if we have plans and I may have to cry and hide in a grocery store bathroom if you #leave the house with me and i can't be in loud environments and cant touch certain textures and i need you to show me #that you don't have weapons when you walk into my house and etc. etc. lmao.. like just.. harmless but odd quirks that can annoy people if #they're not The Right Type Of Person and etc. also just my personality type in general like again.. not in an abusive or harmful way but it #'s just like... seemingly quite different like i think about things differently than a majority of people I've spoken to so idk like in my #experience there's just a lot to allot for when finding somene u really click with. I don't mean im Jost Unique im sure there are thousands #of people just like me it would be statistically disingenuous to claim otherwise lmao but in terms of finding someone like me who ALSO lives #near me..has similar interests..compatible schedules..AND just so happens to come across me in the first place is a little.. Hmm'st lmao

[inagetawaycarxo]

Mind Games | Spencer Reid

❛❛ Omg Spencer and hot custome reader basically they are at halloween party and the lights go out and there is a usub is trying to play mind game with the guess and the team. Like exposing people such as the tragedies that has happened in their life ( can I request a really bad tragedy for the reader) also for people to confess their feelings .In this, spencer and the reader are married, so someone else confess their feelings for either spencer or the reader (doesn’t have to be someone on the team) Anyways, The team has to figure out who it is by the end of the night so before the unsub killed them, (you know how those scary movies are that the usub plays mind games that torture them?) Lol idk what I just said but is basically that, if you can and want. Thank you❜❜- LalyMendoza9 + ❛❛ Confessing things that the team doesn’t know, like lies, betrays, making the reader, spencer and people jealous. The confessions doesn’t even need to be true because is mind games manipulation❜❜- LalyMendoza9

 Pairings: Spencer Reid x Wife!Reader

Featuring: Spencer Reid, Y/n (Reader), JJ, Emily, Tara, Garcia, David Rossi, Luke Alvez, other agents, f/n (friends name)

Summary: A Halloween party turns into a nightmare. Can the bau find out who the unsub is?

WARNINGS: violence, fluff, angst, mind games, suppose betrayal, hurt!reader, injured!reader, idk.

Word Count: 1967

A/N: I haven’t watched cm for a long time. I decided to make the unsub y/n’s friend.

Spencer clutched your hand tightly as soon as the power shut off. leaving the bau office in complete darkness.

Spencer pulled you closer to him. As some agents and their significant others panicked. Some screaming, others having panic attacks.

“It’s going to be okay.” Spencer reassured you. as you nodded your head. Taking out your phone and turning your torch on.

Looking for your friend. Everyone else in the room either took out their phones, turning them on or the torch app, or took out lighters.

“I’m glad I’ve got all of your attention. It’s time for a little game. Time to expose all of you for the corrupt agents you are.” A distorted voice spoke, through a speaker. Everyone let out a panicked gasp or scream. While you clung onto Spencer's arm. Getting worried about your friend.

The distorted voice spoke again. This time exposing some agents past. You didn’t listen to it. To busy focusing on finding your friend.

“I can’t see f/n anywhere.” You spoke. Looking at Spencer with a concerned expression.

“Maybe, he is in the bathroom.” Spencer responded. Giving you a reassuring smile. You smiled back at him. But your mind still wasn’t at ease.

“I think, I should go look for him. Make sure he is okay.” You spoke. Letting go of Spencer. Spencer panicked. Grabbing a hold of your wrist. Giving you a pleading look. Furrowing his eyebrows.

“Don’t go, it’s dangerous.” Spencer pleaded.

Just as you were about to respond. The distorted voice said your name. making the hairs on your body stand up. Your skin crawling. Your spin tingling.

“Y/n Reid, have you told your husband what happened to you in your past? Or have you pretended like it never happened, bottle it up. It’s not healthy you know. Or do you feel like you are being a burden if you do tell him? So, you sweep it under the rug, as JJ does with her feelings for Spencer. Don’t you JJ.” The distorted voice spoke. JJ looked shocked. Shuttering on her words. While you felt like a weight was pressing against you. shallowing rapidly, as your throat felt like it was closing in. tears pricking your eyes. JJ looked away from you. Avoiding your gaze. A feeling of jealousy sparking up inside of you.

Spencer cupped the side of your face. Giving you a pleading look.

“He is just trying to get inside your head. Don’t listen to him.” Spencer reassured you. But you looked away. What they said got to you. she didn’t even deny it either.

“I have to go find, f/n. You should figure out who the unsub is before he gets bored with minds games and manipulation and starts killing people.” You spoke. Avoiding his gaze and shaking him off of you.

You quickly walked away from him and out of the room. Searching for your friend.

“F/n.” You called out. But got no response.

You were about to call out for him again but stopped yourself when you heard the distorted voice coming from a room near you. you quickly went over it peeping inside to see your friend talking into a com. You let out a loud gasp. Eyes widening fear, as he raised his head. Cupping your hands over your mouth and ducking behind the door. Your back pressed against the wall. As he turned around. Walking to the door. You slowly slid away from the door.

The door opened. Making you suck in a breath.

“Y/n.” f/n spoke. Giving you a fake smile.

“Hey, f/n, there you are.” You greeted him mustering up a smile. F/n’s fake smile dropped into a snarl. You gulped as he stalked towards you. While you backed away. But it was no use he pinned you against the wall.

“You saw me, didn’t you?” He asked.

“Saw what?” You gulped out. Playing it cool. You sneakily reached your hand into your back pocket. But f/n saw this and grabbed your wrist roughly pulling it away.

“Don’t lie, y/n, it’s unattractive.” He hissed out.

“F/n, please.” You begged him. Looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Sh, soon you will understand.” He cooed. You felt something prick your side. Making you look down to your side. Letting out a panicked gasp, as you saw a needle in you. F/n pushed the plunger into the barrel. The liquid in the barrel going to you.

“No, please.” You gasped out. Trying to push him off of you but to no avail.

“Sh...” He cooed. As the drugs took effect on you. you slumped in his grasp.

F/n smiled. Discarding the needle. Then looking around to see if the coast is clear. He picked you up. Taking you into the bathroom he was in. gently laying you on the floor. He quickly put zip ties on your hands and ankles. Binding them together.

“You’ll see, y/n. they aren’t worth your time.” F/n hummed. Stroking your hair. Taking your phone off of you and breaking it….

The team stood around the table. Garcia sitting down on the chair, her laptop on the table. While Rossi was looking out at the window. Eyes narrowed.

Spencer tried to call you again, but it went straight to voicemail.

“She’s still not picking up?” JJ asked.

“No.” Spencer mumbled. A sinking feeling forming in the pit of his stomach.

“Focus, Spencer, I’m sure she is okay.” Emily spoke.

“He obviously gets his kicks off of playing mind games and manipulating people.” Rossi spoke. Still not looking away from the window.

Emily opened her mouth to say something, but the distorted voice spoke again.

“Times running up. I’m going to start killing you one by one.” The distorted voice spoke. He was about to say more when a gasp stopped him. Gaining everyone’s attention in the room.

“He has someone already.” Emily spoke. Eyes widening.

F/n turned off the com. Well, he thought he did, but he really didn’t. Putting it down on the vanity. Turning around and walking over to you.

 “Why are you doing this?” You asked him. Giving him a sad look. The team looked at each other in panic. While Spencer felt like the walls were caving in on him.

“Don’t you get it, y/n?” He snapped. Looking at you with fury in his eyes.

“No, I don’t.” You gasped out.

“I love you, and you still choose him. I was there for you when you had that incident, he wasn’t, you haven’t even told him, and yet you still married him. He has you blinded. He and his whole team are corrupt.” He yelled.

“Please, just stop this.” You begged. Tears finning up your eyes. Your eyes suddenly wandered to a blinking red light.

“Oh, no, these people need to learn… What are you looking at?” He spoke. Eyes wandering over to what you were looking at.

“Just your confession to go to jail.”  You spoke. F/n saw a red-light blinking. Making him let out a growl.

He quickly grabbed a fistful of your hair. Yanking it up. Making you let out a whimper.

”I’m not going to jail, just so he can have you, if I can't have you then he cant.” He snarled out. Pulling out a gun and pressing the muzzle of the gun into your stomach.

“No.” You pleaded. But f/n didn’t listen to you, he pulled the trigger. You let out a blood-curdling scream. Feeling an intense amount of pain in your stomach. Spencer felt like he was going to collapse. He had to go save you.

JJ tried to comfort him, but he shook her off. Without a second thought, he rushed out of the room. Searching for you, pushing other agents aside. it wasn’t hard to find you, he could hear you crying out in pain. It broke his heart even more. F/n kept telling you to shut up.

Spencer rushed into the room making f/n lookup.

“Put the gun down.” Spencer commanded. But f/n glared at him. Shaking his head no. Pointing his gun at Spencer.

Spencer's eyes glanced towards you. His heartbreaking some more.

“Put down the gun, f/n I won't ask you again.” Spencer demanded.

“No.” F/n growled. Shaking his head from side to side. Spencer quickly tackled f/n to the ground. Both of them struggling for dominance.

Yanking the gun out of his hands and pointing it at his shoulder. Spencer pulled the trigger. Shooting f/n’s shoulder.

Spencer went over to you. picking you up bridal style and walking out of the door. Bumping into Emily, Tara, JJ, Luke and Rossi.

“He is in there. I am going to take y/n to the hospital.” Spencer spoke. Walking out of the building as best as he could.

Spencer gently put you in the passenger seat. Shutting the door. Then rushing over the driver's side. Hopping in. Putting the keys into the ignition and turning the car on. Putting the car into gear then pressing his foot on the accelerator, speeding off.

“It’s going to be okay.” He reassured you.

“I…I…Should…have…told…you. I’m sorry.” You gasped out. Eyes closing. Breathing getting swallower.

Spencer panicked. Stepping on the gas even harder.

“Stay with me. It is going to be okay.” He panicked.

“I love you.” You gasped out. Making Spencer feel like his throat was closing in on him.

Spencer felt relief as the hospital came into view. Driving into the entrance, parking in the entrance. Opening the door and rushing over to the passenger door. Opening it and taking you out. Rushing into the hospital. Leaving the car running.

“HELP! Someone, help me, my wife needs help. She’s been shot int the stomach.” Spencer pleaded.

A few nurses came over to him with a gurney. Taking you off of him and putting you on the gurney, then wheeling you off. Leaving Spencer standing there in shock. Hoping you wouldn’t die…

Spencer waited in the waiting room, for over eight hours. The rest of the team waiting with him. Trying to comfort him. Reassuring him that you are strong. That f/n is under arrest. His eyes were red and dry from crying.

“Family of Reid, Y/n Reid?” The doctor asked. Bringing Spencer out of his daydream. He stood up rushing over to the doctor.

“I’m her husband.” He spoke. The team standing up. The doctor smiled at him.

“She is stable, had a blood transfusion. You can go see her, just one at a time.” The doctor spoke. Making Spencer nod, as well as the team.

The doctor told Spencer your room number and the floor you were on. Spencer bolted off towards your room.

Breathing in deeply then out before going into the room. His hands shaking.

He opened the door. Walking in. seeing you laying there on the bed, with wires on you broke him. Spencer closed the door behind him softly. Then walked over to you. grabbing a chair and sitting down beside you. grabbing a hold of your hand. Which made your eyes flutter open.

“Hey.” Spencer cooed. Kissing your hand feverishly.

“Hi.” You whispered hoarsely.

“I am so glad you’re alive, I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you so much, and only you.” He softly spoke.

“I love you too.” You replied. Smiling at him.

“I’m sorry about f/n, I…” You apologized.

“It’s not your fault.” Spencer spoke. Giving you a reassuring smile. While you gave him a pained smile.

“I want to tell you about what happened in my past.” You spoke. Making Spencer smile.

He kissed your hand softly. Nodding his head.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He spoke softly.

“I need to.” You spoke. Spencer nodded his head.

Spencer listened intensely to what you were saying. Thumb caressing the back of your hand, as you talked…

#spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds

[strangesigils]

Lmao "no receipts" people cant send links in asks!!! Learn to google things and get your head out of semples ass to actually get some perspective on the situation. Vantablack was military bullshit, kapoor gets rights for himself to use it for art, then semple attacks him for internet points. kapoor being a jerk doesn't preclude semple from also being a jerk? Hes not your friend, or acting in good faith. Hes trying to make money just like kapoor. Theyre the same dude!! The fight benefits both!

My personal messages are open to everybody, always have been, and nobodys sending me any proof of anything, so yeah my no receipts point stands. Every point I’m being sent by anonymous cowards are some of the farthest reaches I’ve seen in a long ass time. 

I have no respect for people that slander peoples names on anonymous with no proof to provide, copy and paste for links exists, and google isn’t coming up with any of the crap yall are talking about. Making shit up about somebody being an antisemite over a huge reach of speculation is a vile thing to do to an activist in a time were we have more than enough antisemites to deal with as it is without making shit up and witchhunting proven equality allies.

Yeah I’m aware vantablack is being used by the military, but it can obviously also be used for art, because it is. It’d be an insanely expensive process at this point in time sure, but what Anish did was not only put money towards being able to use it in art himself, he put money towards being the only artist allowed to use it for those purposes. If he hadn’t done that it couldve been used by other artists that could currently afford it, or more artists in the future if it ever got synthesized into a safer medium. Like you said google exists, and that fact is freely available.

Kapoor deserved to be attacked and called out for that, and thanks to Semple calling him out and being motivated by the discourse he created some really fucking awesome alternatives to vantablack, and he only charges what it costs to make and distribute it so artists that aren’t well off might still afford it. He even went homeless for a while in the process of this because he was LOSING money on this venture, so tell me again how disgustingly wealthy he apparently is. Which is info that’s also freely available to you but you want so bad to be on a bandwagon you’re not going to look for info that discredits shit you read in a random tumblr post that had nice looking and easy to understand bullet points.

I don’t think it makes somebody an asshole to ‘attack’ a greedy self centered man who did something that rocked the artist community to its core, I don’t think it makes him an asshole to use it to boost his self made alternatives. Tasteless? Possibly But he makes up for that with his constant activist work for LGBTQ+ rights, his commitment to the removal of anti-homeless structures in the UK, his commitment to empowering poorer artists, and so on. Things you seem so sure he’s got no good faith in when he does them.

Cancel Culture has it’s purpose: to get rid of actually horrible people like rapists, nazis/white supremacists, people that support homophobic or racist organizations, evil people, people that cause real harm. All yall got is distaste for his advertising strategies  Get off your high horse on this one folks because this is pathetic, just admit your bored and looking for something new to be mad about during quarantine and leave the dude alone 

I don’t give a fuck if I don’t know him personally, neither do you! Yet your ready to tear him down off some random internet persons speculation about him. I’m defending him off of facts that I know and can support because I believe it’s the right thing to do.

I’m turning anonymous asking off from now on. If yall are so confident in the reaches youre making and bandwagoning on you should have the guts to say it with your online identity. You’re comfortable sending mobs of hate over to a person based off vague speculations to the point where they close down their business you should feel solid enough in your stance to be able to defend yourself on your blog from angry online randoms in the exact same way Semple is right now.

#anonymous #discourse #semple discourse #long post #anish kapoor

[searchingforbucky]

FIC RECS (Part 16) :)

Hey guys, so here it finally is. The CEO!Bucky Rec List. Sorry its taken so long for me to get this out, I really have just been feeling not so hot. So it took me a while to get it done. BUT its longer than usual to make up for they delay. Reading these made me feel a lot better, so I hope you guys like it! :)

(smuts are denoted with a ***, theres a lot of them haha)

Siren song by @jaamesbbarnes

OKAY LETS START THIS OFF WITH A BANG! This is the first Bucky CEO story I’ve ever read, and it was like an amazing Segway into this AU. So reader has a crush on her boss, he supposedly doesn’t like her back, so she joins a dating website where she meets this mysterious guy and falls in love. Crazy right? Even more so that it’s actually her boss?? This was a fantastic story filled with mutual pining, fluff, some perfectly timed angst, but most of all, some of the softest Bucky towards the end that I have ever been blessed to read. I want him to talk to me like that :( really loved this one!

All My Stars by @moonstruckbucky

Let’s go right into another amazing story. So this one is about Bucky boring FCC a new assistant, one who he basically falls in love with, and oh holy hell shes engaged. Let’s see how this turns out. So I will say it’s not finished yet, but I think what’s there is amazing enough to warrant a place on this list! Meg is a genius in how she writes the dynamic between characters. You feel for all of them no matter what, Bucky is detached and the reader is oblivious and you just want to shove them together like dolls and make them fall in love! It��s definitely a rollercoaster ride, and I’m excited to possibly see where it ends up :) 

Chocolate Truffles by @soldatjbb

OH THIS ONE IS SO SWEET! Okay so this one is about the reader wanting to give her boss Bucky Barnes chocolate on Valentine’s Day, when she sees she got some flowers. So when I say sweet I mean tooth rotting fluff holy hell I loved it. They’re both the biggest shy dorks who obviously have feeling for them and it really made my heart swell to ungodly proportions it was not okay. Bucky is the sweetest most nervous boy, and the reader isn’t much better. In a matter of like 1k words I was already immersed and invested in this possible relationship it was crazy! Amazing 

Pleasure and Business by @notimetoblog

OK wow, this one is just fantastic. So James and the reader are set to make a deal. So there’s something about this one that’s just really mysterious, like throughout the whole story you kind a know what’s going on but also you don’t, it’s a really good story and really unique when it comes to CEOs stories because the reader seems to hold the place of power as well, I also really really love the dynamic between the two characters because it’s really playful and loving and lighthearted even in this business setting, and I never really completely got what The business deal they were making was, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because the story was so good.

A very important phone call by @suz-123 ***

LOL, OK so this one. All I’ll say, is that the reader is Buckys good luck charm, and he needed it for a specific business call. This one was a trip. it was filthy, but written so well. And just the general storyline, while he’s on the phone made it exciting like not just because it was sexy but because it was just really like oh my God what’s going to happen is he going to get caught?! And man Bucky has a mouth on him, but I’m not gonna spoil it but let me just tell you, Suz has a way with endings. I genuinely didn’t expect it and That made it that much more awesome

The Man by @interestedbystanderwrites ***

Oof! This one! Now this one was amazing. So this one was about the raider going to her exes wedding, when she meets Bucky Barnes, who just so happens to own the hotel the wedding is held that. there are night leads to some down and dirty times, which is how all times like these should. This one was just really fun to read, because not only was it smut but it was also interwoven into a storyline, and at the end you’re really left wanting more. There’s a little hint of sugar daddy in there at the end, which makes it like even more interesting. Super good.

Late nights at the office by @after-avenging-hours ***

Oh I love this one! And I think I love it because it’s a really amazing mix of the storyline, and really well written smut. So this one is about Bucky being the readers boss, and there’s a deal coming up so he sends her a request to get something done by a day that causes miscommunication between them. So I really like this one because Bucky isn’t portrayed as like a jerk boss as he is and some other stories which is really refreshing, like he was genuinely sad that there was that miscommunication and she stayed after, and I think that made it all the more rewarding when they didn’t have sexy times because you actually really liked both characters. And it was well written, and you were left wanting to know what goes on with them in the future. Lovely.

Surprise visit by @imaginingbucky

okay so I really love this one. It’s super sweet, Bucky is a very busy CEO, and the reader is an extremely patient and understanding girlfriend. It was really cute, especially the end. I love stories like this where Bucky is genuinely a good guy who loves his girlfriend and understands that he’s not being the most available to her. I love seeing the moment he realized he needed to do something, and honestly just seeing healthy relationships in fics is so refreshing, and it was really well written.

Not interested by @promarvelfangirl

Ohhhhh this one is like an OG favorite of mine. So this one is about suave cocky Bucky Barnes getting everything he wants in life, until you. The reader comes in and shakes his whole world and it’s the cutest. Seeing the tension they have throughout the story is exciting, but my absolute favorite part was the fact that throughout the story you can see his love her her change from lust to love, or at least that’s how I saw it. And like you also got to know him and understand him over time. It was a great read, unique story line, loved it!

Sweet Life by @jalepenobarnes

Okay! So now we have a man awesome POC!reader story!! I love this one, I don’t know if I would qualify it as a series of oneshots but maybe that’s what it is, either way it’s great. So it’s a series of moments that showcase certain parts of the readers life and her relationship with Bucky. This is just a really sweet story, it really showcases the life of a POC In the discriminating world, especially when it comes to business, and it really opened my eyes to how I read these stories. Bucky is also super sweet, When he loves, he loves hard and with his whole self and you can really see it in this story. It’s beautiful. 

Right person wrong number by @propertyofpoeandbucky

Okay! So this one I loved. It’s about the reader moving to New York to start a new life after a breakup. She wants to be a photographer, and in that time, she received a text from a wrong number. Let the whirlwind romance begin! It’s cute, it’s funny, it’s SOFT BUCKY! It’s really just a whole package haha. Also check out her other fics: White Lace, Let the Games Begin, My Best Friends Dad, and Ringing

Tongue Tied by @soldatbarnes ***

Oh this one was spicy. So it’s about Bucky being really stressed and busy at work, and his wife coming up with a plan to help him relax. That plan is very sexual, and provides a wonderful story to read lol. But I also like the tender aspect of their relationship that you see in little snippets, you can tell they really care about each other over everything else. And I think that’s really important to see in these CEO stories because usually he’s a jerk.

Let Me Help by @asirenscalling **

So this is a story about Bucky being stressed at work, and you deciding to help him relax. Obviously that answer is sexual lol, the best way don’t we all know. This was very smutty, not much to it other than smut, but it was really well written and very entertaining haha. Also, loved the little snarky back and forth at the end, it was cute!

An Unfortunate Convenience by @bucky-smiles

Ohhhhhhh buddy, now this is a killer one. So this one is about the reader goes out to celebrate a promotion, had a wonderful one night stand, and surprise? That guy was her boss. What could go wrong? This one was so awesome. Daisy is such a great writer, and this is a prime example. There were so many twists and turns and it was actually realistic you know? Like there wasn’t a perfect story, they messed up, he messed up, and it wasn’t all sunshine’s and rainbows. The reader stood up for herself and I really admire that! 

I’m so in love with you by @supersoldierslover

The description is right! This is so damn fluffy I cant handle it! So it’s about the reader and Bucky spending quality time together after he’s been super busy at work. It’s so freaking cute, all of the flashbacks, the way you can see that they truly genuinely care about eachother. Like, it’s one of my favorite things to see a relationship consisting of two people who love eachother. Nothin Better than reading about love. And Bucky, god Bucky is the sweetest in this! And let me say, I will also love Bucky Barnes forever. 

***Added later to the rec list

Home for the Holidays by @buckybarnesbeans

Stereotypical by @avasparks

Dangerous Dalliance by @justreadingfics

Business and pleasure by @snowyseba

City love by @chrevastan

A meeting in buckys office by @tetralea

Jr Executive by @buckybarnesappreciationsociety

Let Me Love You by @thewritersoldier

The arrangement by @buckbarnesjames

Executive Floor by @ackeviddlestan

Weekend at Buckys @marvel-media

Okay! Thank you guys soooo much for reading this. i’m sorry its late, but I had fun doing it :) I hope you guys like it! I have a couple more to read so check back for those being added 💖

#ceo!bucky #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky #fic rec #ficrecs #bucky fanfic #winter solider fanfiction #bucky barns imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #searchingforbucky

[comradelionheart]

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

#doodlin every lad's face at one rly be like 'welcome to the cheekbone festival' #they got antti AND said at once like the cheekbonage is out of this world! #that's musta n gang btw #also every single time i draw cream (blue lad) im like 'i havent drawn u in ages' n it isnt #that i dont draw him much anymore #but that ive drawn only this bitch for months back in the days #him bein in this without his lover....criminal #cuz his boo wouldnt fit a murder mystery au like #hoes would find the corpse he'd just be like 'welp on that imma go to bed aight bye' #anyway u can tell which of my ocs i simp for v easely #like fr #they the ones i spend the longest drawfigfdj cuz i draw em n then go 'not hot enough do it again' #a struggle! #anyway the secret is that i prepares a motive AND an alibi for all of em #so that i can pick who murdered belyy at the last moment <3 #its all abt the contextual clues on the scene of crime <3 #none of the drama tells u anything its all for the treat of gossip <3 #sad part of this project is how much ive planned n written yet i can barely tell anythin if i want to make it #n ive drawn nothingbhd #i hav a dari n a weiwei in their coloured clothes lookin handsome cuz ofc i do #im predictable i have faves #ask if they're in love in this one too take a fuckin guess #u rly think hoe going to his boss's house so much to see the ceo ???? HAH #the real question isnt if theyre smooshin we all kno that answer the question is if dad white suit knows thATs whats important #are yall secret lovers or is green boy climbing the ladder of the company cuz he's smashing the boss's son #who knows #i do i aint telling pay me

[thenighttrain]

@ that anon...I understand ur frustation as an international fan but man do y’all realize the shit y’all say sometimes? Taylor cares about charts more than international fans how? Like pls explain the connection...if anything she would benefit from making all these things available to international fans as well, she got nothing to lose. Idk why she and her team arent making it available internationally but throwing around words about how she doesnt care about her fans and other dumb shit is 1/3

2/3 And obviously she cares about charts, literally every artist does. I’m sorry but as an international fan myself, y’all sound horrible by legit insulting Taylor just because of some fucking signed cd’s or guitars. Like there is a way to respectfully express ur opinion and let Taylor and her team know and dragging some random person who runs TN twitter and def is not calling the shots bts is not it. International swifties def deserve all the opportunities US swifties are getting but y’all are

Swifties bitched about a person being chosen more than once for m&g an then bitched about the rule of if you meet Taylor you cant meet her again. Like fucking hell wtf do y’all want? If y’all(@ that anon) think that she doesnt care about your ass then unstan. I cannot imagine legit stanning Taylor and knowing all the things this girl has done for her fans and then sayin dumb shit like that. Man just honestly unstan and leave her tf alone. Like omg she is so awful cause we dont get some cds. Pls

yeah i agree, i think that anon was harsh. i do think that they should make more things available for international fans - i know it’s not personal, but i understand why some people feel excluded. but 100% people are too quick to go to the extreme and say taylor doesn’t care about her fans, like idk how anyone can look at her and say that she doesn’t. i’m the furthest thing from a cupcake fan and i criticise taylor when i disagree with her decisions, but like you said, people need to be respectful - like yes, taylor is a businesswoman who makes business decisions. but she also cares about her fans - they don’t cancel each other out. i am the biggest advocate for critical thinking but i also think that tumblr is sooo quick to criticise taylor so harshly for a lot of things. tbh in a way, i don’t blame her for leaving tumblr bc it’s so negative and toxic 

#Anonymous #ask

[crippleprophet]

Hey so im the anon from spacemancharisma whose boss said I cant use my cane without a doctors note. Tbh my doctor never suggested I use one I got it for myself cus it made it easier to move with my fibro. Idek if my doctor would even give me a doctor's note

hey, thank you for reaching out! first of all i’m incredibly sorry that happened to you, that’s really rude and ableist and you shouldn’t have to deal with it.

i’m basing this info on the assumption that you’re in the US, so if that’s not the case, let me know and i’ll try to connect you to some resources with better info for your area. basically, under the ADA, an employer does have the right to request documentation from an “appropriate medical professional” (this could be a physical therapist, for example, not necessarily an MD) if you are requesting an accommodation in the workplace. if you aren’t requesting an accommodation, i can’t find anything that indicates that there’s any legal precedent whatsoever for requiring documentation for you to use a mobility aid.

if you are not requesting accommodations, then based on the source that jack linked (here), “Once you have been hired and started work, your employer cannot require that you take a medical examination or ask questions about your disability unless they are related to your job and necessary for the conduct of your employer's business.” well okay, but necessary is kind of vague, so the clarifying literature is that “a disability-related inquiry or medical examination of an employee may be ‘job-related and consistent with business necessity’ when an employer ‘has a reasonable belief, based on objective evidence, that: (1) an employee's ability to perform essential job functions will be impaired by a medical condition; or (2) an employee will pose a direct threat due to a medical condition.’” (source)

this means that your employer is not even allowed to ask a question about your cane (why you need it, how often you used it, etc) unless they believe that needing a mobility aid will impair your ability to do your job. that being said, i don’t know what your job is, and obviously your employer is the one in a position of power here, so you’ll need to take some time to think about how this could play out—is there a reason your employer could question your ability to perform your job due to your disability? if so, how will you respond to those questions? would you rather, as jack mentioned, just go with it and try to get a doctor’s note now, or potentially have to get one later if they try to argue that something such as taking more time in tasks that require standing is an accommodation and demand documentation? there’s no right or wrong answer, but it is important to know how you want to continue. i recommend reading the source on the previous paragraph because it has good examples about what does or does not qualify as a reason to require documentation. there’s also some helpful info here.

that being said, if there’s no safety risk or decreased performance due to your disability, if you are requesting an accommodation that abled employees already receive, or if your employer tries to claim that something you’re doing that abled employees are also allowed to do is an accommodation for your disability, you still don’t have to provide documentation. from the job accommodation network: “If an employer makes adjustments for employees without disabilities, like flexible scheduling or telework, [...] available to all employees as a matter of policy or practice, employees with disabilities should not have to jump through unnecessary hoops by providing medical documentation to receive the same benefit, even if needed because of a disability.” (it gets into really complicated territory if there’s something that some employees are allowed but not all, such as managers but not general employees, and in that case it tends to be a “the house always wins” scenario where disabled people have to provide documentation or in some cases are denied the accommodation altogether depending on the circumstances.)

so, if you aren’t requesting an accommodation abled employees in your position don’t already receive, and there’s no safety risk or impaired ability to do your job, then your employer cannot require documentation. keep in mind, though, that reasonable accommodations are legally a very broad category—which is great in some ways, because it means these things are required to be provided to folks with proper documentation, but it can be really hard for people like us who have a difficult time obtaining that documentation. legally, accommodations include: “providing or modifying equipment or devices, job restructuring, part-time or modified work schedules, reassignment to a vacant position, adjusting or modifying examinations, training materials, or policies, providing readers and interpreters, and making the workplace readily accessible to and usable by people with disabilities.” (source) so it depends on your specific circumstances whether your employer could argue that, for example, your job was restructured or your schedule was modified to accommodate your use of a cane. again, the issue here is not that they can require permission for you to use the cane itself—that’s your body and your business—but rather that they can argue that you using a cane implies an impaired ability to do your job or a need for an accommodation, both of which they can require medical documentation for.

lastly, as someone who uses several mobility aids, none of which were prescribed to me, and has struggled a lot to obtain documentation of my disability that i’ve never successfully received, i want to add that you know your body best and if your cane helps you, then it’s a good thing and you shouldn’t need anyone’s permission to use it. i’m really sorry that there are circumstances in which outside permission could be required of you, but i hope that your doctor, if not your employer, is understanding if it comes to that. (there’s also a strong possibility that even if you needed documentation of having fibro, you could obtain this without your doctor needing to know about or mention your cane but instead focus on the reasons you need your cane—pain, fatigue, etc—and how that affects your job and accommodations you may need.) like i mentioned earlier, this documentation doesn’t necessarily have to come from an MD, so if you know of a physical therapist or something who might be more affirming, that could be an option, too.

i wish you all the best and again i’m so sorry! i know this was incredibly long but i hope it helps. keep in mind that i’m not a lawyer although i do have some experience with disability advocacy around ADA violations, but please feel free to let me know if you have any other questions 💙♿️💙

#ableism #ada #americans with disabilities act #disability #actuallydisabled #chronic pain #mobility aids #ok to reblog #mac.txt #long post #asks

[riotatthemovies]

Riot talks with Chris LaMartina

Chris LaMartina is most known for the Vhs freak and Halloween geeks dream flick WNUF Halloween Special.  He is truly a super fan of low budget American backyard horror movies as can easily be seen in all his projects via style and humor. Such films as Call Girl of Cthulhu and his imdb unlisted shot on video slasher he mad as a kid Amerikill. Chris took some time out of editing and crafting new projects and answering questions on the now online conventions to talk to us.

1. Sov horror is REreleasing some of your older works. Amerikill and Dead Teenagers. Now I have seen and own Amerikill and the slasher of that movie is basically killing kids many of which are less than teenagers. So tell me what Dead Taanagers is about, more than just the same thing but killing older kids?

Chris:  "Dead Teenagers" was first, VERY DIY, attempt at making a feature. At 18, I knew I didn't have the attention span or stamina to make a full fledged feature so I tried my hand at an anthology. "Dead Teenagers" is basically a micro-budget ($300 actually) version of "Creepshow"... so goofy little cheap segments about vampires, werewolves, and things that go bump in the night with bare bones resources that would make the Pope weep. 

Riot: 2. What's your all time favorite no budget possibly Shot on video horror movie and what makes it stand out to you?

Chris: I love the JR Bookwalter stuff and I kinda adore "Polymorph" the most. Outside of that, I really think "Redneck Zombies" is fun start-to-finish plus Perciles Lewnes is the NICEST dude. Eric Stanze's "Savage Harvest" was probably one of the ones that inspired me most to start getting serious about making stuff on my own.

RIOT:3. You are arguably most noted for the WNUF Halloween special. Obviously a love note to 70s and 80s American local television from the drugstore era of halloween as I like to call it, (The time when all your Halloween supplies could be bought just from your local drugstore, taffy candy and Ben cooper costumes) but I've always been curious how much the British tv special GhostWatch inspired you if at all? I love double billing both movies back to back before Halloween. 

Chris: . Dude. I get this a BUNCH and I didn't see Ghostwatch til years after WNUF was released and people KEPT comparing us to it. But... to be honest, I watched about 20 minutes before I got bored. It's not a bad movie, it's just not what I was expecting. Very serious, and as you can tell by WNUF, that's not really my bag. I can see why people compare us, though... but to be honest, there's a LOT of horror movies/novels/comics about a reporter doing a report from inside a haunted house. One of the genius stories for WNUF was hearing an old Baltimore story about how an oldies station did a live radio show/seance from the Edgar Allen Poe house and picked up some strange recordings. 

Riot: I totally get it , I just grew up in England when GhostWatch aired first unknowing of the gimmick, so imagining that experience though. Also once the gimmick is done yeah it is kinda dry so I agree, if you cant scare em completely, make em smile 4. Before the world went all topsy turvy this year you were crowdfunding for a sequel. How did that go and where does the project stand? Sov Horror is promoting a project where they are asking filmmakers to send in fake commercials for their film, I smell a mini cross over connection that is begging to happen there.

Chris: So, because of Covid, we lost about 15 days at the most CRUCIAL time of production... all the days with extras and big set-pieces were basically thrown out the window. We've still been doing a bunch of post on footage we have shot and are managing to do some "social distancing" shoots where I set-up lights, mic, and actors arrive in costume, hit their marks, and say their dialogue. It's weird, man... but it's how we have to do it. It's definitely not how imagined making this movie, but such is life. As for SOV Horror connection, nah. I love Tony and what he's doing is really cool... but I'm way too busy with WNUF, work, and other creative projects to toss anything their way right now. Riot :5. Keeping busy is key right now. How's the pandemic world treating you in general, if it caused you to stall on projects and life in general slow down. Luckily I find for no budget backyard film makers it's been seeing some real inspiration and online sales lately so I hope something good is coming for you. Anything to report on "What Happens Next will Scare you?"

Chris: The best part of the pandemic for me is finishing "What Happens Next Will Scare You" which will be totally COMPLETE by end of August (literally just doing the title sequence now). It took forever, but finally the guy who was doing all our screen composites had no excuse not to finish when he was trapped inside his house for months. ;p So yeah... that'll be available somehow in the next few months.

Riot: Thats great news

6.Whats your favorite things about low budget filmmaking and what are the things that get under your skin so much that makes you doubt yourself sometimes? I'm sure any of the self produced folks can relate.

Chris:  I love how accessible it is (cameras and software are CHEAP now). I also love how much imagination you can inject into a project with the right levels of ambition and enthusiasm. When you're too afraid to fail, that's the best. As I got older and made more movies, you have the pressure of expectations... which actually ruins a lot of the fun, but I'm still trying to best to make cool, weird shit that *I* would love and hope there's legions of creeps like me that will welcome these bizarre pieces of storytelling into their homes. As for what gets under my skin... hmmm... I've always distrusted folks who care more about gear and budgets than story. That's way bogus. Furthermore, I think fan culture has gotten a little toxic over the best decade and tape trading has gotten stupid expensive / unfunny. But fuck those dudes. They won't stop me from having a good time and making weird shit. ;p Riot: I love my cheesy vhs tapes but you are so right the tape trader community takes things way too seriously , I just cant anymore myself. 

Thanks for joining us for 6 silly questions with Riot (that's me) and may this Halloween be epic and future projects be awesome.

Chris:  Thank YOU, dude! It was great talking with ya and hit me up anytime. xoxo

Behind the Scenes of Call Girl of Cthulhu

#chris lamartina #bmovies #wnuf #wnufhalloweenspecial #dead teenagers #call girl of cthulhu

[kneelbeforeclefairy]

Me vs my father in the enjolras is javert's son Les Mis AU that is my life

So. Me. 28. THIS close to her master's degree. Liberal. Socialist. Mixed kid. New Yorker. Just got home from living on her own in Greece. Been living away from parents for seven years. Queer. ADHD . Rsd. Imposter syndrome. Bad at rejection. Torn between two parents who are STILL fighting for me.

Living with Father because who picked the year of the coronavirus to give up her life .62. Barely completed high school. Said Regan was the best president he lived through. Trump voter. New Yorican who doesn't understand the world doesn't see him as white. Conservative who moved south and got worse. Blue lives matter dude. Not Batman.

Will not STOP. Provoking me.

It started with him mentioning you can't get aunt Jemima syrup any more because....you know . Me saying yes you can. The brand firs of all hasn't rebranded itself yet. It currently is still aunt Jemima and the packaging hasn't changed, still widely available. It's just going to rename itself. Get told no it's not "you can't do that any more." interrupted. Get to squeak out the bit about its gonna be the same recipe just called something else. Auntie J maybe. I think that's a good syrup name. He laughs and says it's gonna be BLM syrup.

(and you know what I find that trivializing but if that's what they wanted to name it who cares.)

(more context. His grandfather was black. He told me about being told as a kid by his father that little brown boys just say yes sir to the police. He got The Talk)

And then it goes to Porgy and Bess. Porgy and Bess is on so we watch it. All of us enjoy it thoroughly. He says "isn't this racist? What's the difference between this and aunt Jemima?"

Me.....

I have to get this information put as fast as possible . He's not really listening. He doesn't care. He's not asking . He doesn't find them both genuinely racist. He just....seems to want to catch me out. I try to explain. Porgy and Bess DOES Have some problems. But it was written in 1935 and was one of those Fair For It's Day things. Launched the careers of a lot of black classical singers. Still does. Some charecters might be a little sterotypical (Sportin Life did not age well) but in the hands of a good production and a good actor depth can be found. Rewrites have been made.

But I don't get to SAY any of these things. I try. I, well spoken, bordering on eloquent, stumble through a few poorly thought out points about interpretation and employment and he didn't see the difference between a classical singers playing Bess at the met and being well payed singing beautiful music and even if the roll is somewhat sterotypical and a product of it's times, through a good actress can become a wonderful three dimensional role, or at least no less than any other opera heroine and a poor black woman playing a completely one dimensional mammy sterotypes to sell syrup to enrich white people while playing off their own created nostalgia for oppression of the black race cause I WASNT PREPARED FOR FUCKING WAR OVER PORGY AND BESS. He just asked the questions. I'm on the defense. I've never even SEEN it before. I'm not ready to defend it. I didn't know I was going to have to. Hell, I'm not sure if it IS racist or problematic yet, we're 15 minutes it. He seems to know why I'm watching it at all if I'm so sensitive that a syrup name must trigger me.

He's not concerned it IS racist. Just seems to want to catch me in inconsistancies. Why do you watch this but you want the syrup renamed

(I didn't bring up the syrup. We were talking about the difference between brands in the north and south. He just brought up the fucking syrup and said it wasn't there any more. By the way. It is. I saw it in the fucking Kroger. And I literally do not care about the name of syrup. it's largely symbolic sure but if they want to rename themselves because yeah totally cringe history that's their business. Fine. It literally does not affect me. The recipe is there I'm just gonna call it aunt j or whatever)

And then this morning when I showed him a picture of the Alexander the Great statue o took on Thessaloniki

(masters degree in macedonian history/archeology, me)

He says

He SAYS

"I'm surprised they haven't taken that down."

In this stupid sing song way.

(like obviously this statue thing is an American thing with some England thrown in. I don't know much about Greek politics but I'm PRETTY FUCKING SURE they weren't invovled in the American transatlantic slave trade or the age of exploration my dude)

But he says "it's imperialism isn't it?'

Me "well yes but..."

"he conquered the world didn't he? Did he or did he not conquer the world. You think he did that by being nice to people?"

"well you'd be surprised how much alliance building and diplomacy was used but yes but--"

"so how's it different? Did he conquer the world? Did he own slaves?"

"actually probably not as macedonia wasn't really a slave society and the Persians DEFINITELY didn't have slaves"

"well I just think it's the same"

(frustrated. Can't show emotion or he wins. Already cracked a few days ago when he was talking about a cop iniured by "the mob" and COULDN'T because how many of my people were injured by them? And had to tell him to stop. Told he wouldn't talk politics. Does the above count)

Me. Lightly. "You're unable to grasp nuance. And you're just trying to provoke me"

Something happens. Subject changed. Did I win? Did I lose? We're always battling.

Thing is.

Yes.

There is an INCREDIBLY subtle and nuanced discussion to be had about imperialism in general and its effects and how even ancient imperialism effects us to this day. And how we view warfare and conquest in general and the stories we tell. I would argue Alexander was great because of his kindness, the cultural exchange he sparked, his clever tactics , his mastery of grand strategy, his diplomacy, his ability to use image, and only last his undefeatedness in battle. But I wasnt the one who called him Great, to whoever that was it was about the war. There is A LOT about Alexander and his affect on Persia,which, while we shouldn't layer modern politics over it (especially race based one. Yes Alexander was Caucasian but WHITENESS didn't exist then and Persia was the sophisticated empire , Greece was tiny and insignificant. It's just that Greece wrote the story and got to paint them as barbaians but it has nothing to do with race and they REALLY REALLY WEREN'T and even the Greeks knew that) did destroy an empire and affects the region to this day. Persian perceptions of Alexander are obviously not as kind, and equally important.

So yes there is a discussion to be had about that. And why we venerate a man who did kill thousands and why, I would argue, he still is a very good person who, despite his faults, does deserve that statue.

But we weren't having that

We were playing gotcha.

Cause even if he Couldn't grasp the difference between Alexander the Great, who yeah, totally did sell thebans into slavery in a system that attributed slavery to bad luck and if he had lost would have expected the same treatment to anyone who was not killed,and Confederate generals who thought and entire race was inferior due to their birth, fought for their continued enslavement, committed treason to the country he loves SO much, and LOST, and were memorialized in stupid statues by a bunch of sore loser white supremacists in an attempt to rewrite history to turn what could have been and should have been an Embarrassing chapter in a regions history that should have been healed from into the DEFINING THING about that area despite lasting onl five years and still the symbol of pain and murder to a large percentage of our population within VERY CLOSE TO LIVING MEMORY that has affects that are still here in a very real way because *gestures vaguely at everything* and have caused riots TWICE in your lifetime because it hasn't changed has it and also YOU'RE NOT SOUTHERN and why do you care?

Then I'm not sure what to say.

I don't know what he wants. He wants me catch me out? Debate the liberal cause they're so stupid ? Vent frustration at the liberal because fox news tells you to hate them? His way of processing Something he doesn't understand? Men can't ask for directions? He wants me to argue him, some nerd version of beating the old man at basketball? He feels inferior to his kid so he's gotta put me in my place? A nerd version of not letting the kid beat you at basketball? Test me? Make me prove myself? Make me represent all liberals so he can win?

I don't know what he wants. But I'm SICK OF IT.

And I'm sick of being torn between the mother who is frightened and overbearing and the father who seems to want to always make me keep up.

And I cant

Deal

With

Conservatives

Any more!

#personal #it is polite to tag the crazy as personal #long post #fathers

[iiasha-archived]

tagged by the @haoranghae <333333

20 questions!!

1. what do you prefer to be called name wise?

most people just call me emily but i honestly don’t have a preference!! nicknames are cute hehehe

2. when is your birthday?

june 9th aka today aka right now

3. where do you live

west coast of america

4. three things u are doing right now?

drinking, watching ohshc, answering this

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

mmmmm other than the ones i’m already in? honestly none that i can think of jkdfasljdf i have my hands full with my current interests

6. how’s this pandemic been treating you?

its been fine my work is pretty doable from home. i’ve definitely gotten lazier though... as i’ve probably said multiple times i used to do a lot of outdoorsy stuff but i’ve become a true couch potato with quarantine

7. a song u cant stop listening to right now?

kick-ass by n.flying!! they’re literally so underrated omg

8. recommend a movie

mmmmmm honestly any ghibli movie?? lmao my favorite is princess mononoke. i’m not really a movie watcher though

9. how old are u?

turned 23 today :>

10. school, university, occupation, other?

working full-time and suffering for it

11. do u prefer heat or cold?

COLD god i can barely stand anything above 75 degrees

12. name one fact others may not know about u

i think people actually do know this but i get an obscene amount of nosebleeds.... like daily for periods of time. it’s bad jalfkdjafd 

13. are u shy?

honestly it depends on the situation.... social events where i don’t know a lot of people yeah they make me kind of uncomfortable. but more business/serious events i can take charge if i have to??? especially if it’s a topic i’m knowledgeable about jdfakljfs and then i’m not that shy online ig

14. do u have preferred pronouns?

she/her

15. biggest pet peeve?

uhhhhhhhh i definitely have one but i’m blanking right now. i guess one thing, and this is kind of broad, but when people promise that they’re going to do something and end up not doing it? like being late i can tolerate i mean straight up just not doing it. and also i don’t mean little stuff and self-promises like “i’m gonna draw today” and then you don’t but like cases where you are explicitly promising someone and they are relying on you to finish that task; basically when there’s another party involved lmao. i guess i’ve been burned by group projects too much jkadflsjfds

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

idk tsundere??? definitely not yandere, i don’t remember what the other types are

17. rate your life 1-10, 1 being rlly crappy and 10 being the best it could ever be

hmmmm i guess a solid 7? obviously have some regrets and things i wish i had/could do but overall my life has been pretty satisfactory.

18. what’s your main blog?

this one! <3

19. list your side blogs and wha they’re used for?

@000e0f is my old fic writing blog which i don’t use anymore but keep around as an archive and then @thecaratgallery is my seventeen fanart apprecation blog

20. is there anything u think people need to know about u before becoming friends with u?

ummmmm i actually... don’t know? i guess don’t expect me to be emotionally available all the time/i need a lot of alone time jfdlkasfjkla this is actually something i should ask my friends i need to know what their experience of their friendship with me is LMAO

kinda too lazy to tag so tagging whoever wants to do it!!!

#about me #tag games

[artigas]

(1) Hi! Its the anon that asked about lizzie and tatiana, I’m currently halfway through s5 and i really like jessie! I thought she was gonna be the one to finally resist tommys advances. I liked the scene where he goes to her apartment and they have a good back and forth. But alas she cant resist and sleeps w him, and he’s essentially just using her. I love her as a character and how she manifests her ideals into actions but, so far i thought she’d call out tommys shit by now!

And specially i cant help but resent how they set up the women to compete against one another, i rolled my eyes at the scene where they are exiting the polls and jesse and lizzie size each other up. Girls, please move on. I did like in season 5 where tommy is drunk meeting w jessie and she just gets up and leaves. I think the show has good female characters it just that they prioritize the male ones more. Unlike the women, the male characters dont revolve around a relationship. and finally, And idk if im just overthinking things but i think the show has upped its sexist comments? specially w tommy and arthur. W tommy telling lizzie shes his property and arthur telling linda to just be a good wife. Meanwhile polly and ada are really well written characters for the most part! Sorry this is so long i just have a lot of thoughts regarding the women of this show. And i love your analisis!

Nope! Don’t apologize, friend, I’ve absolutely adored reading all your feedback and your experience watching the show! I think Peaky Blinders, for all its good, has a lot of space to grow when it comes to women characters who are potentially romantically/sexually available to the protagonists- it does sometimes feel like the quality of writing and the depth of character for women characters waxes and wanes, but I also think that a lot of these characters- Lizzie, Grace, Polly, Esme, etc- have these great foundations, these building blocks of characterization that make them really compelling and really promising so long as they have free reign to be written as complexly and as thoughtfully as their male counterparts. I think Grace is a really stellar example, you know? Love her or hate her, she has a history, a back-story, individual motivations, and a social/political ideology that can actually really be broken down in some pretty interesting ways! Polly, too, is another character who is probably most obviously allowed to be pointedly ambitious, sexual, manipulative and outright cruel and still someone the show clearly roots for and sides with. I love what we get with Polly, especially considering how most shows would probably limit her to being maternal, chaste, and uninvolved in the family business (likely because of her age, too). Overall, I think the show does a good job of giving women characters flaws- none of them are meant to be perfect. But I really do think Peaky Blinders could benefit from occasionally resisting the urge to have all its women have romantic subplots, primarily with Tommy almost unexceptionally. 

As far as Jessie goes, I really do love that she’s someone who has this strong ethical and political foundation. I mean, Jessie and Freddie in a room together would’ve been a sight, right? I especially adored her scenes with Ada. I think they had such interesting chemistry and so much could’ve been done if the show had the real estate to really contrast Jessie’s idealism and dedication to the communist cause and Ada’s disenchanted relationship with that same movement she once honestly dedicated herself to. The fact that Jessie and Tommy both draw together because they represent to one (or, at least, invoke the memory of) their respective lost loves was also a refreshing change in terms of the sort of “romantic” relationships Tommy has had thus far. (How authentic we want to think that ‘relationship’ was from either Jessie or Tommy’s end is a different story and definitely worthy of suspect and investigation in the funnest possible way, I think, but I don’t wanna rant).

As far as season five goes, I think the hike in misogynist language and ideology wasn’t coincidental or without thought. I think Arthur and Tommy both are progressively getting worse as the show goes on and went through separate, but equally erosive psychological processes that took out a really ugly side to them both, especially in their relationship with the women in their lives. It felt to me like both characters were scrambling for control and finding a way to express authority over women who depend on them became one of the ways that need made itself manifest. I think it’s no coincidence that Lizzie and Linda look for solidarity in each other. I think their joint decision to write those letters, advocate their needs, and then respectively find some sort of approach to the state of their lives so that they could carry on with some semblance of safety, security, or (dare I say it!) happiness was interesting and heartbreaking- Linda tried to find it by leaving the family, finding another person to speak to and find solace with, and then eventually breaking down to the decision to attack Arthur and it hurt to see it! Lizzie’s own process was so complex, I think. I could go on and on about her belief that life wasn’t about what one deserves, but what one agrees to, settles for, etc. Her sex scene with Tommy, too, really just invites so much analysis and criticism, right? Which makes it, I think, a very effective sex scene as far as writing goes, because it isn’t a pause from characterization or plot, but rather a moment of intimacy between Lizzie and Tommy that reveals a different facet of their respective character developments. Was it kinda messy for Tommy to call her his property? Absolutely! But I also don’t want to dismiss how much I liked hearing Lizzie advocate some boundaries in that sex scene, too. It’s complicated, man! It’s a scene a lot of people have interpreted different and I’ve loved hearing all the different takes, there’s so much validity to be found in the different readings I’ve already seen out there. 

I think the show made no excuses for how awful Tommy and Arthur were being through season five. I think we as the audience are meant to recognize that their conduct and their comments weren’t something to emulate or exonerate, but instead symptomatic of their downwards progression throughout the season. It’s just a shame that these condemnations probably aren’t overt enough for the real Meat-Head faction of the fandom to catch onto- reddit is a nasty place to venture off into if you’re invested in any of Peaky’s female characters, that’s for sure. But man, if you’re here on tumblr, boy does this fandom have a lot of people churning out meta worth reading! If you want some blog recommendations, let me know!!! Thank you for keeping my in the loop with your watching journey ♡

#peaky blinders #Anonymous #here's the mail it never fails

[spidxysense]

Back to You | 1

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: I told you guys I'd update to the best of my abilities!!! Hope you guys enjoy, just a bit of a filler, next chapter will be pretty intense so watch out for that. As always I hope you enjoy. I'll clean up the whole post tomorrow if there's a laptop or computer nearby since I'm just updating via cellphone.

Word count: not quite sure.

Prologue | 1 | 2

3 months later

“I’m home!” You hear the door slam from inside of what’s become your room and you het up from your seat, hoodie and sweatpants still on.

“I see you still look the same as when I left you this morning.” Troye gives you a pointed look that has you staring at him with an unamuzed face as you slumped your shoulders, “And not in a mood to joke around, I see.” He pulls out a bottle of wine that clinks with the other bottes in the paper bag and hands it over to you, “That’s for you, my little alcoholic.” He pats your head.

You sit down at the table, your right knee brought close to your chest and your left leg up on the chair as well, “How is the outside world?” You place the bottle on the table, “Is loaf bread still a thing?”

Troye snorts in laughter, “She finally speaks! And bonus, actually made a witty quip.” He ducks down to place the detergents under the sink, “I don’t think I’ve seen you sober without a hangover in two months.” He sits down on the chair in front of you and smiles sadly at you, he reaches across the table, squeezing your hand, “How are you today, love?”

You sigh, pulling your hood off, and taking out the bun in your hair before redoing it, “I don’t know, I still feel like shit.”

“Obviously.” He mutters under his breath, “You two were together for 3 years, you can’t just fucking break that up and not feel like shit for a long time.” He scoffs, “You can do sooo much better, Y/N.” His eyes soften up, “You know, he called me again today. I bullshitted him, obviously, he also asked about why my landline wasn’t in service.”

You eye the wire from the phone that you cut when you’d heard his voice from the answering machine, and you give him an apologetic look.

“And your sister called again too. She was worried.”

You sigh, rubbing your face in frustration, “I just cant talk to them right now. I don’t want to have to talk about him when I’m this out of it. They loved him so much.”

Troye sighs and stands up, walking behind your chair and undoes your bun, brushing his fingers through your hair, getting the tangles out, “Look Y/N. When you showed up on my doorstep three months ago soaking wet with blisters on your feet, I told you to do what you need for as long as you need to. I told you to stay for as long as you needed to. But for the past three months, you’ve been getting drunk and crying over him, this isn’t getting over it anymore, it’s just regression.” He grabs you by the shoulders and turns you to face him, “You are a strong independent woman, and I absolutely love having you here with me, but some things need to change.” He pulls you up and over to your room, “You room is a literal pig-sty.”

He runs over to your laptop, “And you can’t keep getting updates on him.” He shows you the articles opened up on your browser from months ago as he closes them one by one.

“Tom Holland steps out looking fresh from a cry with red puffy eyes and disheveled hair.” Closed.

“Tom Holland eats alone at restaurant, phone glued to his ear as he tries to contact Y/N?” Closed.

“Tom Holland takes dog Tessa out for a walk lookng tired and depressed.” Closed.

“Spider-man actor quitting franchise over relationship problems?” I point an accusing finger towards the article, “In my defense, I got a lot of shit for that, and I didn’t defend myself even if it was just clickbait because I promised myself that I wouldn’t go on social media!” Closed.

“Oh I’ll get to that.” He nudged your shoulder pushing you to sit on the bed.

“Tom Holland caught getting emotional on the phone.” Closed.

“Trouble in paradise? Tom spotted out once again, without Y/N in sight.” Closed.

“Tom Holland, spotted out and about, Y/N still as phone background, have the two worked out their problems?”

“Y/N spotted for the first time in months looking haggard as she grabs a bite to eat at local London Bakery.” He gives you a deadpanned look, “Seriously?”

You shrug, “That’s on you. You were gone for the whole day and I had nothing to eat.”

He sighs, closing the browser window with multiple tabs about Tom still opened, “Sweetie, you have got to stop caring so much. I understand that you love him and you two were in love.” He makes a stupid mushy face, “But he hurt you! Live your life, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”  He opens the next browser window still opened on Tom’s instagram and twitter, “Exhibit B.” He gives you a look before closing the browser.

“You’ve written so many good songs too! But you won’t even share them with the world.” He sat down next to you, clicking around on your laptop before the room is filled with your voice, singing.

You look over at him, “You really think they’re good?”

“I have literally cried with you at night while you would sing.”

You sigh, “I can’t sing right now. I just don’t feel like I can release at album where I’m at emotionally.”

“Then sell some of these to musicians who will, your songs deserve to be heard around the world. And for goodness’ sake, Y/N. Read this will you? It’s been in the mail bin for a month now, they’ve wanted to meet with you for a while now.” He throws a script on your bed

“You aren’t this stupid crying child, Y/N. You are fabulous and you didn’t need a man before Tom, why the hell would need one now?” He has his hands on his hips, “The Y/N I know is better than this. So unless you plan on being her again, then I’m gonna have to cut you off.” He grabs the half finished wine bottle on your dresser before slamming the door shut behind him, “Clean up your room and I’ll call uou when we need to leave to have lunch outside for once.”

You look over at the script on the bed, “The Greatest Showman”, and turn to the first page.

----------------------------------

“Yeah, I just finished reading the script.” You speak into the phone you kept for business, “I love it.”

“Wait-” Your manager’s voice sounds excited on the other end, “Does this mean you’re going to do it?”

You bite your lip, “Yeah. I think I am, I’m done with this. I don’t want to sit around getting drunk and cry all the time. I’ll send you some compositions I’ve been making these past few months, maybe find some artists who could use the sound on their albums.”

“Th-this is great news, Y/N!” She practically shouts into the phone, “Alright, this is perfect. We’ll fly you out the LA in a few days and you can meet with the directors, meet with the rest of the cast. They’ll be so happy to hear this, I mean, you were their first choice.” she sighs happily, “Alright, well I’ll go ahead and email you the details. I’ll get on the phone with them asap so we can arrange this whole thing!” She pasues, “I’m really proud of you, Y/N.”

“Does this mean you don’t want to be my roommate anymore?” You turn to see Troye pouting with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You roll your eyes, holding out your arms for a hug, “No way. You’re my bitch forever now.” You laugh, “Thanks for the tough love.” He rubs your back while hugging you, “I really needed it.”

“Ugh, I know you did. It sucked having to be so mean to you.” He pulls away from you, “But please don’t ever ever wear anything like what you were wearing in that article, you looked like garbage.” He scoffs at you, “Now go get dressed and we can talk all about your new movie over lunch!" He squeals.

_________________________

"So glad you could make it, Y/N." Michael leans over to give you a handshake which you take gratefilly, "Hopefully the flight wasn't too tough on you. You've been in London so long, I'm sure you'd have jetlag coming back here."

"It was great! I'm so sorry about not getting back to you sooner, I was gling through some stuf-"

He holds his open palm, "Oh, say no more. I understand, you've been very strong amidst your relationship problems and have stayed above it." He compliments you, taking a bite out of his grilled chicken.

Ylu paste on a tense smile, "We all deal with it in our own ways." You sigh, remembering the days you'd spend drinking glass after glass of wine or whatever liquor was available.

"Anyway, so we wanted you for the role of Anne Wheeler, a pink haired trapeze artist and acrobat who falls in love with Hugh Jackman's business partner and protege, Philippe Carlyle." He ponders for a while, "Obviously we had you in mind for Anne, and we also had Ben Hardy in mind for Philippe, but since you were taking a while to give your answer, we honestly did start approaching other people for the roles and since Ben wasn't too keen on the role after finding out we might be going for Zendaya, it was just more work to get done before the production even started, but now that we have you aboard, everything's going according to plan!"

You clench your glass of water at the mention of Zendaya, you were definitely not feeling well enough to be around too many people, "So…" you play with the table napkin, tearing it to smaller bits and pieces starting at the corner, "When does filming start?"

He munches on some mashed potatoes, "We were hoping to start next month so it would probably.take a good 3 to 5 months to shoot, but your filming would probably be shorter since this is focused more in Hugh's character."

You clasp your hands together, "Perfect, I love it!"

"So, we'll send over the contract within a day or two to your manager, and we'll just pick up from there." He stands up to give you a quick hug.

__________________________________

You hop out the car, walking straight to the elevator in your hotel, your manager following closely behind, "He's your phone. Troye told me you broke it after throwing it against the wall." She looks over at me nervously, "I thought it'd be good for you to listen to his voice every now and then."

You take it without saying a word and stuf fit in your pocket, ignoring the constant dings and alerts coming from it as your manager gets off at the 12 floor. You grip the phone tight in your hand. You knew you didn't hate Tom, you walk out the elevator and towards your room, kicking off your shoes and finding more comfortable clothes to wear.

You could never hate him. But a part of you was afraid of all the messages he'd left you you were scared that if you opened them, you'd come crawling back to him, or if you heard him pleading for you to come back, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

You lie in bed, pondering over the phone, technically, you didn't need to open the messages.

0601 you hear a 'click' before a picture of your scrunched up face as Tom kisses your cheek greets you and you feel your heart ache. You open the photo gallery, and while your scrolling through all the pictures and videos, you accidentally press kn a video.

"I am with a child." You laugh as you watch him,it was raining in London, but you two were out and about, "Babe, let's get back to the car. We can just drive there."

You point the camera towards him as he jumps in a puddle, laughing loudly, pulling you along, "What are you doing with that umbrella? Get over here!" He pulls the umbrella away, "I love you." He mumbles before embracing you and giving you a kiss.

You pull away, giving him a look, "We're gonna be late to the movies, you know."

He shrugs, grinning at you and looking you like a lovesick puppy, he pulls you in again, "It's just the movies." He grins against your lips.

And then suddenly the video cuts and you're left there missing him and missing who the two of you used to be.

You smile sadly at the black screen, clutching it closer to your chest as you hug your phone, the closest thing you had to Tom, as you drift off to sleep.

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