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#like lets take ummmm
helicidal · 2 months
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does this phenomenon annoy the everloving fuck out of anyone else, or is it just me
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basementxdweller · 1 month
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oh awesome we are just fully reverting back to "afab people who present femininely arent actually trans theyre just cis girls" okay
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spacespore · 1 month
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I’m so tired of being sick all the time I’m actually going to lose it
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ranvwoop · 2 months
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Thinking abt it i was like have I actually talked a lot and aromanticism I sure THINK about it a lot And then I remembered that I hold strong opinions all of the time and that that would probably be for the best
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southislandwren · 10 months
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ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH the freshman wants to TRADE CARS for the weekend.... how do i politely say i would literally kill myself and everyone in a 10 mile radius if i had to let someone other than my mom, dad, and brother drive my car
#girl you are NOT getting access to my 98k mile 2017 grey subaru outback with smart cruise and lane detection and heated seats#and my stickers on the hatchback and the bluetooth audio and automaticly-changing night mode rearview mirror#and the comfy driver's seat in EXACTLY the position i want it in and the shifter knob that perfectly fits in my hand#like when my aunt drove my car last summer it basically solidified that i will never let anyone touch my car ever again#(she put a fucking TACO on TOP OF THE DASHBOARD and moved my fucking steering wheel!!!!!!!!)#my car was literally the only place i felt safe all of 2021 and 2022 im not letting some random fucking person TAKE her from me#i did not have a PANIC ATTACK leaving her at the mechanic for 2 DAYS for some fucking freshman to USE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like i know i can be territorial but boy my car is all the territory i ever need. i could live out of my car if needed.#what if she fucking crashes it. shes been in soooo many accidents (i have heard all about them.)#dude if this were in person i wouldve fucking hissed and ran away i dont let people touch my fucking car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I drove 4 hours back to school at 11pm so that i wouldnt have to have my friend drive my fucking car!!!!#like genuinely i need to find a way to say no i cannot and will not let you use my car now or ever.#i dont care what her reasons are. her boyfriend could be fucking dying and i still wouldnt.#she wants to take my car to minnesota for a WEEKEND and i would not be there ???? NOOOOOO#sorry oh my god i just have to scream and cry a little so i can try to be normal in my response#gonna ask the parents for help i think bc they know im neurotic about my car#like very genuinely im very upset right now. i reread the text and her car is having issues so she wants to TRADE CARS#without even asking if im doing anything that would need a car this weekend (ummmm i fucking work on saturday and sunday is grocery day)#like sorry thats too big of a favor especially after the fucking snail debacle.... how do i know she wont CRASH MY FUCKING CAR ?#or even just like mess with the settings. like im fucking anxious at the IDEA of her being in MY drivers seat DRIVING MY CAR !!!!!#also it smells like cow shit real bad in there. does she REALLY want to drive to fucking minnesota in a cow shit car?#i need to chill i have work soon but like holy shit this has me acting up#i guess since i dont have any real stressors any more my body is like we need LEVEL 10 EMERGENCY STRESS RIGHT NOW#if this were the school year i'd have 3 benadryl inside me right now#like genuinely if this had been in person i probably wouldve been nasty like that is MY car i did not spend thousands of dollars on her#to let someone NOT on the insurance policy drive her!!!!#god okay back to totk until my parents text me back#diary post
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neverendingford · 1 year
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#hmmmm. the game night was very underwhelming. I committed to playing Catan and then other people showed up and played smash bros#and ngl I kinda wanted to just throw in my cards and play smash bros instead#got called 'he' IMMEDIATELY by some dude so that was hmm and then someone noticed and was like 'let's all say our pronouns#and several dudes were visibly uncomfortable about saying pronouns and made jokes about it and were deliberately obtuse#so honestly pretty meh vibes overall. I really don't want to make a neckbeard gamer bro stereotype but ummmm. sorry those were the vibes#anyway not for me I think#also there was zero chaos energy at all. I need manic energy to feed off of#I did my best to sow a bit of chaotic fun and no one played off it either.#honestly just very boring. I lowkey shoulda stayed home#I learned what app people use to coordinate groups though. so I guess I'll look at that now. maybe find some other groups#the city I live is really is kind of a dead end though. so not a lot of opportunity. I'll keep hunting though#I just want to find wildly adhd people is that too much to ask. I need chaos and jokes and laughter and objects thrown through the air#I cannot take boring small town talk around a small table.#and like. I've met neckbeard gamer bros who I loved and got along with super well. they were mad adhd. but like. ugh. I can't stand boring#I can't stand calm. I need them to be hopped up on neurodivergence#I wish it were socially acceptable to get up and go 'sorry you're all very nice but you're very boring I'm going home now'#like. no offense but I hate it here bye#tag talk
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surely one of you has read nineteen minutes by jodi picoult... as usual I have THOUGHTS
#the lesson of this book has not aged well#now let me break it down quickly#but major tw if you ever consider reading nineteen minutes its a book with two teenage protagonists but it was written for a mature audience#the book deals with bullying gun violence and abuse and it does depict them quite graphically#so yeah I absolutely would not pick up this book if youre sensitive to that#but anyways the story is about a shooting that happens at a high school and then takes you back to the events that led up to it#as well as the aftermath#and I feel like the idea of Peter's has aged quite poorly#like the book was written in 2007 so the narrative that shooters are the bullied lonely kids who are getting revenge#was very popular in our society but in the year 2023 I think we are (very) slowly realizing that these kids weren’t unpopular nerds#majority of them are incels living in a country that makes it very easy for them to kill people with guns#and the book reallyyyyy misses this mark#like they portray Peter as this kid that was bullied for being sensitive and not a masculine tough guy like the rest of the boys#and its true boys who get bullied generally are bullied for not conforming to masculinity#BUTTT these boys aren’t the ones who go and kill people#its the ones who have deeply entrenched hatred for women and minorities and also happen to be able to use weapons#so yeah if the text was just about a kid who was being bullied and how traumatizing that is then yeah I think it would’ve nailed it#butttt when you try to convince us that this is the profile of a shooter you start to lose#also not nearly enough about gun control was discussed#like the book sends the message that if we’re all nice to each other bad things won’t happen ummmm yeah#but also even if we were all mean to each other we could minimize the amount of casualties by have stricter access to guns#like what people in other countries don’t have mean kids this is a uniquely american problem#anyways these are my grievances
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gigapez · 2 years
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literally predicting how anxious i will be at certain times tomorrow leading up to my interview so i can prepare myself. do normal people do this
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soubiapologist · 3 days
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the mimuro tag is very small and also very weird
#multiple incidences of what i think are people just repurposing him into being their oc???????#also someone saying that mimuro and nisei’s breakup was the healthiest thing to happen in loveless which while i don’t think is entirely—#untrue i do think is a really funny way to frame it because it almost seemed like they think it was mimuro’s idea lol#like i do think the fact that it’s nisei leaving him is important because nisei is self isolating but also it shows that he cares—#he DOES care about mimuro and maybe even mei(!!) or at least wants to appear that he does (?) and while nisei is manipulative i don’t think#that this particular incidence is manipulation because like. fearless is basically useless to him at this point since they have faceless#and fearless aren’t great fighters or anything but anyway.#like idk it’s just interesting to me because mimuro could/could’ve been a really positive force in nisei’s life#but he ummmm. wasn’t. because he’s kind of a fuckingn asshole.#like idk i’ve said this before but fearless and mimuro do really come off as just Silly Little Guys#but like there is SOMETHING not right going on with mimuro#i don’t know where it starts or ends but at the very least he’s the type of person who’s willing to let a lot of nisei’s shit slide#we don’t know the degree of what he knows and i don’t think he knows everything i really doubt that but like.#he takes his pet 8 year old out to fight a famously strong adult at night for nisei so like.#not off to a great start!!!!!!!#we literally see him stealing from mei which is FUNNY but also like come on. dick move.
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Why are my announcers saying that the linesman should have raised his flag if it was a foul and bc he didn't it's not a foul
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vmpyria · 2 months
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alastor getting a noticeable hard on while watching you kneeling down doing something. you notice and you ummmm.. ya know.
HIS MOANS AND GRUNTS UGGGHKFNFJF I NEED HIM SO BAD
UGH, YES! IMAGINE THIS WITH ME NONNIE! i was so excited to write this, it’s a bit messy, but i hope it’s still enjoyable! you can always leave more thirsts & scenarios in my inbox! — here are my ACCOUNT RULES !
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“oh, hello alastor!” you said cheerfully, holding a clipboard that had a to-do list, filled with tasks to handle throughout the day.
you were just doing your daily rounds when alastor came along, grinning and wishing you a good afternoon. you liked alastor a lot, what originally was a friendship seemed to be slowly morphing into something more.
but you couldn’t tell, it was hard to so when alastor wasn’t open with his emotions.
“what do you have there, my dear?” he asked, staring at your clipboard.
looking down, you smiled. “oh! just some papers to fill out as well as things to do, you know..just doing my job.” you said sheepishly, moving the board to one hand as you rubbed the back of your neck.
alastor seemed interested, his bright red eyes focused on you entirely.
“i see! i must say, my dear. i like seeing how devoted you are to the hotel, i’m delighted charlie brought you in!” he cheered, holding his cane.
at his praise, you smiled, adverting your gaze. you were a bit embarrassed and flushed, but he was being so nice.
“thank you alasto— oh!” you were just about to thank him for his kind words before your clipboard fell, falling right on the clip that held the papers, making them scatter on the floor.
“damn it,” your muttered before dropping down on all fours to pick up the mess you made.
“darling! would you like some help?” alastor called from above you, you looked over your shoulder and shook your head. “no, no! i’m alright, how was your outing today?” you asked.
alastor’s gaze was on you, your back was facing him and so was your behind.
the pants you wore were outlining your curves and he was getting a front row seat to the view.
heat began to spiral inside his belly, his facing flushing. “it was quite alright, not much to see.” he replied, trailing off at the end as he watched you reach out to grab a paper.
your back was arched and the view he already had got better.
that was, until he felt a strain in his pants.
fuck. he knew exactly what it was, he tried to believe he was much more composed and controlled, but with you? it was hard to stay that calculated.
his cock strained against the dress pants he wore, his grip on his cane got tighter as he cleared his throat.
“that sounds nice, if i have time a stroll would be fun to go on!” you said, putting the papers back and clipping them before turning around on the floor.
you faced alastor and stared at his face, flushed and red! was he okay? could he be sick or something?
“are you..?” you asked, looking back down before looking at the bulge straining his pants. now this your off guard, “alastor?” you asked, staring at him with widened eyes.
he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, paralyzed in embarrassment.
he finally snapped back, “excuse me will you! i have something to take care of, talk again soon, perhaps!” he quickly, said wanting to take care of the warming lust he felt.
quickly you got on your feet and grabbed his hand, “no! come with me. let me help you. ” you said, now grinning at him. your room was just a few doors down.
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moans left your lips as your body was pressed against your warm bed, hands gripping alastor’s shoulders as he rutted himself inside you.
“o-oh, fuck!” you squealed.
you had never expected him to have it in him! to be fucking your smaller body into the mattress, having you cry out desperately.
alastor’s face was nuzzled into your neck, animalistic grunts leaving his lips as your cunt tightened around his cock.
his hands gripped your hips, claws digging into your plush skin.
his hips slapped against yours, leaving you into a babbling mess. yours grip on him was tight, moaning into his ear while your legs were wrapped around his hips, keeping him close to you.
just as he thrusted, you felt the tip of his cock knock against your g-spot, the spongy spot having your cry out loudly.
“alastooor!” you drawled out, a grin coming to your lips, this might’ve been the best fuck you’ve had in all of these years in hell.
alastor muttered, his balls slapping against your skin, his body was hot. as your walls clung tightly around him, alastor was close, really fucking close.
giving you a heads up, alastor didn’t care to pull out.
stuffing you full with his cum, leaving you tired and shaky, smiling weakly as him as your legs were apart, showing off the mess he had left.
alastor grinned, “darling, you were so good to me!” he hummed, his hands slipping from abdomen to your thighs.
you would’ve replied, but truthfully you felt worn.
pushing your thighs apart even further, alastor lowered himself to your glistening stuffed cunt. your gaze was on him, “what are you doing?” you asked, alastor only smiled before pressing his lips against your sensitive clit.
your body jolted in response, a moan slipping past your lips loudly.
“i have to make sure you’re pleased, that wouldn’t be fair other wise. right, my dear?”
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mattodore · 9 months
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new song just dropped for matthias's playlist
#river dipping#playlist#matthias core#a burning house to live in#echthroi#questionnaire lb#😂🔫🔫🔫#listening to my discover weekly while working on matthias's questionnaire and this started playing.... i felt Violent#hello hello hello............ YES i'm still writing in my free time and YES i feel insane over how long this is taking me to get done#but at least it's the weekend now so i have proper free time to just write without having other things get in the way#if i keep writing at the pace i'm currently writing at then i think i'll at least finish matthias's by tomorrow...#well so long as i don't let myself get distracted like i did yesterday when i watched jerma stream for five hours...... jkdfhdnkfnhkj#ummmm but matthias's questionnaire is currently over 3k long (just the answers... the questions themselves are also like 2k lmao)#i feel like i should be further along in these questionnaires but ig having to actually sit there and think out the motives and reasons#behind each answer has taken the most time... like i just have to sit with each question for awhile#and in theo's case there's so much i could extrapolate on but have to stop myself from bc i never want to explicitly go into certain#aspects of his backstory but if you see it and you understand it then..... well then you get it.#so when i'm answering some of his questions i've had to kind of toe this line of saying things without really saying them explicitly#i think i've learned a lot abt storytelling from succession in that regard jkfdkhjnghk YES the succ posting will never stop what can i say#but i've been at this so long now that i'm giving myself a few hours of a break.... meaning it's time to catch up 😌☝️#checking my activity feed first then it's onto legacies i'm attached to then my beloved mutuals#i'm fr setting a timer i'm only giving myself two hours on tumblr that's IT then it's back to google docs!!!
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thepradapariah · 1 month
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Mars ☄️ and Your Sexxx Language 🐱💋✨
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QUICK MESSAGE TO THE BADDIES
HELLO!!!! To all of my sweet, sweet Kosmic Baddies, Oh!! How I’ve missed you!
I cannot believe it’s been over a FRIGGIN year, but GOODNESS….believe me, when I say this past year has been a roller coaster for me, I truly mean it. I can only imagine what’s been going on in your lives as well. Just TOO MUCH!!!1111!!!!!111!!!!!1 But welcome to 2024! A universal 8 year and the year of the Dragon!!! WE IN THIS THANNNNGGG!!!! Hard work, discipline and accountability is the theme, and we can’t lose!!!!!
Believe it or not, I actually STARTED writing this to have to you for Halloween, but ummmm….this is looking like a Valentine’s Day post instead! HA!!!! Blame it on my Saturn in Pisces– my relationship to time is….non existent. But, I think this timing is better anyways. The theme is very fitting so we are going to turn apples into oranges.
***Even funnier update, now it’s past Valentine’s Day….GOODNESS!!! This has been the longest it’s taken me to write anything. Like…INSANE. Almost 6 months I’ve been steadily working on this!
Thank you to those who have continued to support me! Thank you to those who have continued to share and interact with my post through my…let’s say, hiatus! I am planning to put more energy and effort into this blog post. I LOVE writing for y’all, it is really one of my favorite things in the world.
I am going to take a moment to apologize in advance and say, the typos are probably going to be real with this one. Because I’ve been working on it for so long, I’m just ready to get it out, so it won’t be my cleanest work. I will probably be updating and editing, so bare with me!
🕯 INTRODUCTION 🕯
Sooooo….where to start? I wanted to do something fun and interesting this go round because I missed y’all so much, but I also wanted to do something light so I could get back into the rhythm of writing again….aaaaaaaaaand I thought you would enjoy something a little smexiiiii as we move into cuddle buddy season. So, in this post, we are going to talk about Mars and Your Sexxx language.
One day, as I was driving around town, it dawned on me that we always talk about Love Languages (check out my Mercury post if you haven’t already) and we never talk about sex languages. And y’all know me, and if you don’t know, you’ll soon find out, I am a Bharani moon (atmakaraka at that); and the blending between Mars and Venus is my soul’s most valuable asset to share with the world…(Did I mention my moon is the 11th House?) Sex is one of the most taboo topics (in Western puritan culture, at least), yet such a powerful resource in our human tool box and it’s ridiculously important in our relationships. The 7th House is followed by the 8th House for a reason. Intimacy, of course not always sexual, is what leads to self-discovery, the 9th House. So we cannot overlook the important step that is sexual relations. Even the word “orgasm” means “little death” and death baby, is as close as you get to God. (See how those houses flow together so well?) Hence why things such as Tantra are a sexual AND religious experience all in one. Don’t be fooled by western/christian ideals into thinking that sex is unholy or ungodly. If you think Jesus was a virgin, think again. I mean, what’s the point of turning water into wine if you’re just going to roll over and go to sleep? Y’know what I mean?
Don’t worry! If you’re a less experienced reader, and haven’t engaged in aaaaallll thhhaattt… this post is still for you! In fact, this is one of the reasons I love astrology so much, because hopefully this post will give you some context about yourself and what your SOUL craves, not just your body, so when you do start “doing the do” you can be spiritually comfortable with your wants and desires instead of ashamed or even afraid of them.
Not to put all my business on the street…but, hey, I love y’all, so I won’t keep too many secrets from you (mercury in the 8th, HA)…but, I had to do quite a bit of bumping and grinding to discover what my soul needs in an intimate relationship and I wish there was more of “guide” for me on that journey! So HERE…I’m giving it to you!
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WHAT IS A SEX LANGUAGE? 😈
To be completely honest, a “sex language” isn’t something as defined as a love language, so please, bear with me as we discover this together. Please feel free to share any experiences or insight with me. Although I may not always respond, I TRULY appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I try to read everything that I can!
I’m defining sex language as how one creates and shares intimacy in their close relationships. This is particularly expressed through physical interactions and outward expressions. Mars is a planet that governs our passions, drives and desires, meaning our sex language is guided by what we deeply want and crave from our partners on a spiritual level. Venus represents more of the external notions that we have for love and relationships, while Mars represents our internal needs from love and relationships. Mars is inherently a more personal and “self-centered” planet, so interestingly enough, your sex language is all about you! I go as far to say, when you find a partner, don’t forget to check your Mars compatibility as well. If you have extremely incompatible Mars signs, you will have to do a lot more work in the relationship to overcome the constant friction. Moreover, if you have more compatible Mars signs, then WOOOO BABY, the sexual tension could be off the charts!
✨ ABOUT MARS ✨
Mars placements won’t make or break a relationship, per say, but it is a very important layer to help maintain a relationship. How many of you have heard of sexless marriages and people being unsatisfied in their relationships in a sexual way? Does that mean the couples always break-up because of the lack of sex or chemistry? No…..But does it help a HECK OF A LOT when you are wildly attracted to your partner? YES! (Of course this isn’t always a good thing…but for the sake of this post, we are only talking about rainbows and sunshine.) Just keep this in mind as you start to use this knowledge in your journey. Mars is a really important planet that is easy to overlook because it’s not in the Big Three! (Yet, it iiissss the natural ruler of the 1st House).
WHY IT ALL MATTERS 🌚
I truly believe there is a shift in the collective and many couples are going to be coming into union over the course of the next year or so. Why? Because Ketu is FINALLY transitioning out of Libra and entering Virgo. If you’ve noticed, we’ve seen quite a bit of celebrity break-ups and covid relationships coming to a screeching halt. Hence why I say, if you’ve been single, or haven’t been in a serious connection in the last few years or even ever, now is the time that your next partner might be going through some significant ending with an ex. Union is on the horizon for a lot of souls who have been doing theeee spiritual work. That’s why I couldn’t think of a better topic to get started to set the mooooooooood. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty. I’m going to do something different and start with Mars in Pisces/12th House and work backwards to Mars in Aries/1st House! I thought “Hey! Why not switch it up a bit? Pisces shouldn’t be forced to scroll ALL the time!”
***Note: If you’re feeling extra spicy, you can read for whatever sign is in your 1st House and 8th House as well because those are traditionally Mars ruled Houses. And you can read for your 12H, because the 12H is also the house of bedroom pleasures! Always keep in mind that we are complex creatures and astrology is like a puzzle, so it’s okay for some things to resonate and other things to not. Learn as many perspectives as possible so you can define yourself!
With Love & Lust,
Enjoy!
A-D 💋
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Mars in Pisces/Mars in the 12th House
“Cut me like a rose, turn me like a beast” Only- Ry X
If your natal Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you may actually have a hard time knowing what your desires are. Why? Because Mars can feel as if it’s drowning in the deep spiritual waters of Pisces. Your wants can be quite dreamy. You crave a sexual experience that transcends space and time, forcing you to leave your body and touch God himself in ecstasy. (I’m a western Mars in Pisces, so…I get it). When it comes to your sex language, you want your partner to just get “you”. You don’t want to have to explain or talk or direct, you’d rather just receive and give a special type of unconditional love that knows no bounds. Because of this “boundless love”, you may actually, literally, lack boundaries. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, so we are going to focus on the positive. You are truly accepting of those who are accepting of you. Because Pisces is a mutable sign, you are willing to fit into whatever box your partner wants to put you in…and you receive great pleasure from making a deep seeded fantasy of your partner come true. You could be just as playful and imaginative when it comes to role-playing as a Gemini.
Because Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you’ll find that a lot of partners will project their wishes and dreams onto you. Hence why you want a love that is really deep, because people can get washed away in the shallow end of your energy without ever fully realizing how deep your waters flow. This can be frustrating. And because Mars isn’t the most comfortable here, you can have some unhealthy ways of expressing your sexual frustration. Particularly if your Mars is in the 12H, you can be attracted to self-gratification through self-pleasure and also self-harm. You may even conflate the two, harm & pleasure, and have a dark side to your sexual fantasies. Your passions and desires can end up being repressed because people may not understand them, or be able to meet your high expectations. Amd babes, I love you, but just know, your expectations out of partnership are OTHERWORLDLY. But no worries!! You are SUPER DUPER freaky and almost a guaranteed partner that will go down in history books, particularly after you get comfortable in your own sensuality.
One of the things to watch out for with this Mars, is you can be passive-aggressive in the bedroom. You can take a more passive role, expecting and energetically demanding that your partner take the lead. You may not realize you even give off this energy, but the internal need that you have to dissolve into your partner, like sugar into water, can be very intense. And the gag is, sugar doesn’t really fully dissolve, so what you’re seeking can be impossible to satisfy on the earthly plane. Because of this, it is IMPERATIVE for you to have spiritual outlets within your sexual connections. It may be that you and your partner practice Tantra, or you simply pray together. With this Mars, you can absolutely use sex as a tool for manifestation. Watch your thoughts during sex, because you truly can create MAGIK!
Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th House
“I believe in aliens, I don’t believe in love” Familiarity by Teezo Touchdown
If your natal Mars is in Aquarius or the 11th House, you are something special. Why? Because out of all the signs, you are the most unique lover. I KNOW!!! How friggin’ cliche, Aquarius=Unique, blah blah blah…boring. YES! It’s said all the time, but it’s the truth. In Vedic Astrology, it is important to note that Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Rahu. This is hugely impactful as to why you are unlike anyone else. Even as you read this, you won’t be exactly like the next person reading this, because the Saturn Rahu combination can be influenced by so many different factors. Aquarians are the hardest sign to write for in general, simply because you are going to be very individualist when it comes to how you express yourself. Now, all that being said, you still crave, very deeply, a sense of belonging. So please, don’t ever take for granted how special you are. If someone is lucky enough to break through your hard exterior, they really are in for an extraterrestrial experience!
Because Mars is in an air sign here, you may or may not be the most sensual and/or sexual person on the planet. You could be. But you could not be. And that is the gift…or curse…of this Mars placement. I have Mars in Aquarius myself, and I remember reading an article that said “this placement can be infuriating to your partner because you are so nonchalant.” And I can definitely say I’ve lost relationships because the other party assumed I was disinterested because I wasn’t the most expressive when it came to my emotions. It’s important to remember that Mars in Aquarius/11H is actually a neutral placement. It isn’t a death sentence or the worst thing on the planet, but it’s not necessarily the best. So don’t be too hard on yourself if your partners don’t understand you very easily. You will just have to do more work to learn how to communicate and accommodate in your relationships. This may be something that follows you throughout life…and forget your partner….it could be infuriating to you! BUT NO WORRIES! Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th house is usually more concerned with developing and nurturing friendships, which seems to contradict the more lustful side of Mars. Longing for friendship and connection versus longing for sensual pleasure and connection can be seen as two different things.
What Mars in Aquarius/11H wants more than anything is L. O. Y. A. L. T. Y. Because this Mars placement can grant so much freedom, it is imperative for the person with this placement to feel safe and secure in the sexual relationship they are building. This is NOT to be confused with possession. Expecting loyalty from a partner isn’t the same as feeling as if you own your partner. You believe that your partner should have freedom to express and live their life the way they want to, and you expect the same in return. However, you do expect your partner to consider you when they make their decisions in life. It is very much “give a dog a bone, leave a dog alone, let a dog roam and he’ll find his way home” (S/o DMX, may he rest in peace). Meaning, in your sexual language, you want your space and privacy, but you want to feel a belonging no matter how far away you are from your partners.
NOW, for the fun stuff. You are one of the most explorative lovers on the planet. You may have a “the more the merrier” type attitude and be interested in group smexii time or oragies. You may have a dream to experience Amsterdam and the Red Light District. The beauty in having your Mars in an air sign/house is that you can remain detached from the sexual experience and partner– therefore, you may not experience jealousy because you aren’t super possessive. Again, you’re all about freedom baby!!! You may also have some pretty “far-out” kinks. You may be interested in different genders, or same gender, or mix gender or no gender or latex or pantyhoes or dress up or furries or hentai or tentacle porn….and if you’re not into it, chances are you will at least click a questionable link or two. You don’t carry the same shame as others do when it comes to what turns you on sexually. You don’t like anything boring or too routine, so your search history could be a bit…odd….BUT HEY!!! As long as it’s not hurting anyone or anything and pleasure is being derived from all parties involved, then let adults do what adults do is kind of your attitude.
Friendship is the key to your heart…and to your…uh…biological box….lol. When it comes to long-term relationships, I can bet my bottom dollar that you’re far more interested in the friendship aspects than the inherent relationship drama. When your friends ask “why are you still dealing with them”, you will follow up with “well, we are friends before anything else.” And you mean that deeply. The really funny thing is…on the other hand, you are also very likely to get down with complete strangers and never think about it again. You can hook-up and detach with the best of them, or your loyalty to a confidant can keep you in a relationship for a very long time…it. Just. depends.
The one thing that is true about your sex language, is that you speak ALL different kinds. When you look back at your life and your experiences, if you are more of an adventurous Aquarian, lets say you have a lot of air and fire in your chart, you will most likely have all kinds of stories from all different people and places. You will be one of the most interesting partners and friends to talk to about all the mixed bags of experiences that you’ve had..which is awesome. If your Mars in Aquarius/11H is paired with a more “earthy” sign or even water, you will most likely have a rom-com type love thing happening…that tugging “will they/won’t they” energy at the beginning of relationships, only to fall head over heals with the “guy/gal next door”. You may also find your sexual partners online, in a group setting or be hooked up by natural friends. “How’d you meet?” “Oh, I heard from a friend of a friend that that d*ck is a ten out of ten!”
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Mars in Capricorn or Mars in the 10th House
“My vicious love, My lethal heart, I wanna screw you up into me” - Bad Bad Bad by Ramsey
If your natal Mars is in Capricorn or in the 10th House, then your sexual language is money, money…and….uh….more money. I kid, I kid…but not really. It would be easy and predictable for me to say you just lust after money, but it goes much deeper than that. Believe it or not, Mars is actually exalt in Capricorn, so, you couldn’t have a better Mars placement. Your natural ruler Saturn and Mars truly are the best of friends. And if you’re familiar with Tarot, then you know The Devil represents Capricorn energy and The Devil is all about seduction and temptation. Unlike some of the more dreamy Mars placements like Pisces/12H or Cancer 4H that use their sexual language as an escape from reality, or the detached air placements like Gemini/3H or Aquarius/11H, who are too aloof to harness Mars’ energy, YOU my Capricorn/10H individuals are acutely aware of how powerful the nature of sex can be…and most importantly, how it can be used to your advantage.
To the average person on the street, you may not seem like the super sexual type. You prefer a sophisticated lover to a “cute” one, so people can assume that your standards are too high. And perhaps, your standards are high, because you understand the value of your presence and your time. In fact, you HATE wasting time, so why would you waste time on lovers who don’t bring anything to the table? Sadly, for most of the public, they won’t ever have the experience to be with a Capricorn/10H Mars because quite frankly, they can’t afford it.
Funnily enough, I’m sure as you’ve been reading this, you’re like “dang…am I that shallow?” And the answer is yes and no. You’re shallow because we live in a shallow world– and you know in order to survive it, you have to use what you got to get what you want. The other side of this is, you’re not shallow at all because you are willing to work and discipline yourself and sacrifice for those that you truly care about. There is such a depth to you in the long run, that it makes sense that you make it really difficult for people to get to you. Because you know and I know, once you’ve committed to someone, you’ve committed for as long as you possibly can. Your sexual language is all about stamina and endurance. This is true in and and out of the bedroom. As an earth sign/house, you are a sensual being. You enjoy each and every bit of romance that you can get. A nice meal, some good perfume, dressed to the nines is all considered foreplay to you. You entice your partners with a certain dignified class and only the brave will approach. In your younger years, you could find this extremely frustrating at times because men will really have to get their sh*t together before they can even THINK to approach you on that level. But the more that you use your Mars to get you where you want to be in life, partners will follow behind you and constantly buzz around as if you are the Queen Bee and they are mere workers for your attention.
Funnily enough, you are quite the heart-breaker with this Mars placement. Because you are so focused on your goals outside of love, and yet, you can crave sensual pleasures, you will be very direct with a partner, but they may not be aware of how serious you take yourself. How can this manifest? Let’s say you meet a partner and everything is groovy, but you are working on a big project for work, you’re working on a degree of some kind, or you’ve said you won’t rest until you make partner at the big company…unlike other Mars placements, you won’t let romance sway you or take you off track. You are probably the best example of “right person, wrong time”. You don’t have as much of an issue as other signs walking away from a situation that is distracting you from your more worldly desires. This can leave people utterly confused, because you seem like a perfect partner, but honestly, you’re just not focused on aaaalll the drama that can come with fully committed relationships. People may actually take this energy and say that you’re a player…or worse…a floozy (one of my favorite words lol, definitely needs to make a comeback). You actually aren’t. You will be one of the most committed partners they could find, but if it’s not the right time…it just ain’t happening. So your partners will have to maintain some level of patience or they will miss out. On the other hand, because Mars is a planet of extremes, you may go through periods in life where you are celebate. It may take you awhile to stop channeling that Martian ambitious energy into your career and put it towards your sexuality. That being said, you will enjoy the more sensual side of sex. You could have great stamina and endurance. Because sex may not come around as often as you’d like, you will learn to savor every drop of your partners and please them in a calculated, thoughtful and masterful way! How smeeexxxiiiiiii!!!!!
Mars in Sagittarius or Mars in the 9th House
“I’ve been everywhere, man, looking for someone. Someone who can please me, love me all night long” Where Have You Been by Rihanna
If your natal Mars is in Sagittarius or the 9th House, your sexual language is that of many languages. You fall in love with the exotic, unknown and unexplored. You like your partners like James Bond likes his cars– foreign. You appreciate partners who expand your understanding of reality. Your partners have to expand your mind…and body…into positions that you never thought were possible. If you don’t attract partners who are of a different race, culture or class from you, then you will be attracted to partners who are otherworldly and spiritual or are just as serious about their religious beliefs as you are. Like Mars in Pisces/12H, your planet is ruled by the planet Jupiter, aka Guru. You NEED to learn from your partner. You NEED to explore with your partner. And you NEED to be able to teach your partners something as well. “I wanna know…can you show me…I wanna know about the strangers like me”...It’s giving…Tarzan and Jane. I have Mars in the 9th House, and it has manifested in a very fun way! So with my bias, I believe that this can be one of the more fun placements if you just go with the flow. Unlike other Mars placements, you don’t necessarily feel the need to control your partners. You’d much rather experience them, learn the lesson and move on to the next new shiny thing. Much like your brother, Gemini, you are equally as invested in getting the knowledge and seeking more knowledge. You of all signs are unlikely to overstay your welcome in a relationship. You can come off quite restless and unsatisfied…UNLESS you are just fascinated and enamored with an individual.
You can find yourself attracted to people who have accents, or speak a different language than you. But you will be even more turned on by someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you. You may actually be willing to convert religions for your partner OR, and this is more likely, you have a partner who is a different religion than you are, and instead of being ashamed by it, or making it an obstacle, you embrace it– ultimately respecting their religion, while maintaining the traditions of your own.
You will naturally desire to travel with your partner. Making some of your favorite memories in life when you made-love in some far off land. If the sentence, “I made love to a Frenchman I met while eating a baguette at the local cafe under the Eiffel tower and I’ll never see him again, but he’s the love of my life” turns you on…congratulations, you’re in the right spot.
This Mars placement is fueled by your deepest desire to see the world and its deepest truth, and then just imagine how much you can learn about the world through the lens of an intimate partner. Your sexual language, like I said earlier, involves language in and of itself. You want to hear the stories of distants lands, fascinated by the foreign nature of your divine counterpart. You will want to be intimate with partners who can speak for hours and hours about their adventures and endeavors. You need to be intrigued at the very least.
I also find that with this placement, there may be an age difference in your relationships. You either will be attracted to someone who is much older and wiser, OR, interesting enough, you could find yourself with someone younger. Why is this? You will appreciate a person who still has zest for life. You will be equally attracted to partners who are bright eyed and bushy tailed! Plus, I know I’ve talked a lot about your partner entertaining and teaching you, but the truth of the matter is, you will want to be as much of a sage to your partner as well. You will enjoy teaching them the ways of life and the pursuit of happiness. They will look to you with eyes of wonder as you paint beautifully vivid pictures of your life experiences that have shaped your view of the world.
Another element to this Mars placement, is you are one to challenge authority. This may manifest in your sex language by liking to explore BDSM culture in some way. Because this Mars is all about freedom, you may be turned on by the thought of your partner controlling you…just so you can say no. You can come off as a “well, make me”...kind of lover when it comes to foreplay. You love a challenge and you like partners who challenge you in some way when it comes to living out your sexual fantasies. Another way this may come out is you AND your partner may have a knack for getting into trouble or enjoying sex with some kind of risk involved. You get off being able to sneak away for a quickie. You’ll have sex in the backseat of a car. Joining the mile club is definitely on your bucket list…all the things! Because you are such a rebel, you tell stories that have “normies” clutching their pearls and leave their mouths open. You want to have memorable sex that is worth writing a book about!!!
I can not drive home enough how spiritual your sexual relationships have the potential to be. You are not a shallow lover. You are a lover full of wonder and full of lust…wanderlust…if you will. Sagittarius/9H is a very serious zodiac/house. You're destined to seek truth– so your sexual partners HAVE to enlighten you in some way. You don’t want to get stuck in the mundane, boring stuff of a relationship, (and please, don’t get too carried away, because we do live on planet earth!) you want to experience shrooms, talk about God and make love in the forest! Smexxiiii!!!!
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Mars in Scorpio or Mars in the 8th House
“Every breath you take, every move you make, every smile you fake, every single day, I’ll be watching you” Every Breath You Take by Sting
Okay, okay, it would be all too easy to say your love language is stalking, and more stalking and even more stalking, but…that’s only a small fraction of what this Mars placement has to offer. If your natal Mars is placed in Scorpio or in your 8th House, your sexual language is that of raw passion and intensity. That being said, it is also about restraint and self-restriction, and sometimes self destruction. I tend to find Scorpionic energy and 8H energy to be radically internal. You, actually, may not be the most expressive lover. You are more comfortable waiting, studying and planning to pursue a lover, rather than going in full force. Because Mars is your natural ruler, Mars is more than comfortable here, but unlike your brother sign, Aries, you are more of the “planning” part of war, rather than action. This is the strategy of self-defense more than anything. You don’t want to walk into an intimate situation to be intimate yourself, you want to extract vulnerability from your partner like a detective solving a murder crime. Your sex language is more of a riddle than a question. And you would like a partner who intrigues you and leaves a lot of mystery. In my many many years of dating, and many many encounters with Scorpionic energy (I attract them like flies…it’s crazy) I always find that Scorpios are nowhere near as mysterious or hard to figure out as they perceive. Behind all that black and dark stares and gazed is usually a pretty pretty boring, but shy person. There is such a caution with this sign when it comes to acting on those very deep and sometimes all consuming desires, so you are very careful to not put yourself in harm's way. Another hot take that I have on this placement that may seem a bit contradictory to the Scorpionic stereotype is YES YES YES, you are smexxxxiiii and all of the things, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the most sexual person. You take intimacy and sexy very seriously, more seriously than most, because for you intimacy and vulnerability can be used against you and be seen as a weakness, so you are hard pressed to just be going around willy-nilly swinging from partner to partner. You also view sex/intimacy as more of a “power” thing than a “love” thing. And what do I mean by that? You know that deep intimacy and truly being intertwined with another individual gives you an unreal amount of access to that person on a personal and spiritual level. It is always important to remember where Scorpio/8H lines up in the grand scheme of things. It follows the Libra/7H of partnership. The 8H is actually the house that dictates how a relationship will play out. This. Is. Imperative. To understand this placement. You are far more focused on how the partnership plays out, rather than the partnership itself. Again, unlike your predecessor, Libra, who is ruled by Venus and may be more interested in the looks of a relationship and romantic partner. Your sexual language is more interested in the psychology of your partner. You don’t care nearly as much about the outside as you do the inside. What draws you to your partner is a need to access the ultimate truths through your partners. Hence why, you are followed by Sagittarius/9H of Truth and Liberation. Your sex language involves restraint, power and hidden truths.
As I said before, it may be really difficult for you at times to truly connect with your partners because your energy can demand sooooo much from them. You will require partners to go through such depths in their relationship with you, that they may not be able to handle it. And on the other side of that, you may stay away from relationships because you may mistakenly feel like it brings out some of your “worst” qualities. With this Mars, you may go through a very intense relationship when you’re young, one where you give your all, I mean…you would kill or be killed for those you love, and because that relationship fails, you may never want to experience those types of lows again and stay away. You are one of the most loyal of the Mars placements, so you are very careful to study who exactly you are giving your loyalty to. I recommend with this placement, you may find yourself oddly attracted to Aquarian/11H energy. It sounds weird, water and air, but in this case, Aquarian energy is endlessly fascinating because they are so unorthodox, you will never truly figure them out, so you’re constantly intrigued by them. Aquarians also value loyalty the same way you do. They will allow you the freedom that you need to sit in your own emotions, but value the friendship in such a way, you won’t feel abandoned by them. Even if the people you are attracted to don’t have Aquarius in their chart, I think that quality is something you should consider when looking into intimate partners. It is probably the partner who gives you the most space and it is the hardest to figure out, that will give you the most in life. If you have a partner that is easy to conquer, not only will you be bored, but you can easily slip into those darker energies of control and manipulation to get you way…even when it’s unnecessary.
AAALLLL that said, you are still a hell of a lover! I mean…wow. You intricately know how to please and conquer. You use sex as a language itself when you’re ready and willing. And man, do you have a way with words. You can easily hypnotize a lover to fall under your command, so be careful with this gift. You are more than comfortable in this arena once you move past your fears in the subconscious. You can channel this energy, much like the exalt Mars in Capricorn to succeed with some of your greatest ambitions. You will put your sexual energy into your work and projects in a way like no other! Just don’t take everything so seriously! It’s okay to have a good time. Be intimate and open up some! You’ll enjoy getting your head out of the sand!
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Mars in Libra or Mars in the 7th House
“What a rush & what a high, cause when your love don’t fight, smoke gets in your eyes” Smoke In Your Eyes by Skepta, Ossie, Harry Stone
If you came to this section thinking that I was going to talk about how sweet and balanced you are when it comes to your sexual language…THINK. AGAIN. BABE. You are nothing of the sort. Seems contradictory, huh? Because Libra/7H is all about balance, right? Well…not when it comes to this Mars placement.
If you have your natal Mars in Libra or the 7th House, you are quite the spicy lover. To be completely honest, Mars is VERY uncomfortable here. Why? Because Libra is naturally ruled by the planet Venus, which is essentially the opposite frequency of Mars. I like to think of Mars and Venus as the brother and sister planets of the Milky way. Traditionally ruled by Ares and Aphrodite in Greek mythology respectively, they are technically half-siblings. So when you think of this Mars placement, this of how a girlie-girl would feel surrounded by all boys at a football camp. Sure, she may attract a lot of attention and she may have plenty of options…but she will CERTAINLY have to set clear boundaries to command the respect she deserves, as well as deal with the fact that no one around her may have the same interest. See how this can be uncomfortable? It’s not the worst thing to happen, but it can cause you to feel like you have to play the field a little bit differently because of Mars being in the House of Libra.
Okay, so now that we covered why this placement might be different than what you were imagining, let’s get into what this post is actually about!
If you have this natal placement, your sex language is all about breaking up to make-up. Because you’re on this constant quest of seeking balance, YOU will subconsciously or consciously seek chaos in order to regain balance. Your indecisive and somewhat aloof nature in relationships can be a source of frustration when it comes to your sexual expression with your lovers. If you have Mars in your 7H, you genuinely LOVE conflicts and attract conflicts to your relationships. You can be quite passive aggressive, honestly, and stir the pot to get attention. AAALLLL this being said, you still enjoy the finer things and love the idea of love, even though you may not have the most direct way of going about it. Your partners may even find you hard to read, and this can frustrate you, because your wishy-washy-ness is so innate to you, you may have a tendency to think that everyone is as back and forth with decision making as you are.
Ironically, more so than any of the previous placements I have discussed before, I will focus more on what sexual language you like from your partner rather than yourself. Of course, you like good food, good wine, good clothes, good banter, good company…you have Libra, like DUH, but I want to offer a different perspective on this placement.
So when it comes to your partners, you truly like a partner who takes charge, regardless of sex. You crave a level of masculinity and directness in your love language because as I stated earlier, it can be difficult for you to make decisions for yourself. You overemphasize how people will perceive you, and this can cause you to stunt your decision making, so you’ll find yourself craving a partner who can be unabashedly unapologetic in their approach to life. You seek partners who are brave and courageous and you will find yourself testing anyone you fall in love with to see if they have that spark of passion in them. You may find yourself seeking different things from different people, so you may have multiple lovers– and just like how it may take you forever to pick out your outfit in the morning, it may take you forever to figure out what you value in a partner. It is important to note that Libra/7H energy is indeed a masculine energy. I’m sure most would assume it’s feminine because of the “sophisticated” and charismatically social nature usually associated with Libras, but when it comes to sexual relationships, Taurus/2H energy is the feminine side of Venus. Libra energy in this way is more detached than people would think. As stated earlier, because you enjoy dates, chatting, getting to know people, you may be a really good casual dater! This could send mixed messages to potential lovers because you may have never really had any intention of dating them long-term– or, you really just haven’t decided yet. Now are we starting to see how this Mars placement can attract certain conflict? You will desire and crave a partner that can make decisions for you. This may lead to some kinkiness in the bedroom because you’re open to compromise and you can be bossed around in this regard.
Overall your sexual language is complex because of the inherent contradiction of this natal placement. You can make this work in your favor as long as you keep open communication with your partner, even if it’s to tell them that you need some more time before you’re comfortable making any lasting decisions. When you date, you will have to allow your partners to understand your up & down nature. Most people will probably take your pragmatic nature personally, so if you can find a way to channel this into being sexually playful with your lovers, it can be a great way to keep romance fun and interesting. As stated in the beginning, you are most likely to end up in an on-again-off-again kind of relationship because you like for the scales to be tipped, so you can rebalance them. You are far more detached in commitments than most people would assume, so it is essential for you to date like-minded people who understand that your coldness is not a reflection on your feelings. You choose to remain objective in your judgements and seek fairness in your relationships—even if you are the one who was unfair to begin with! Kiss it kiss it better baby!!!!
Mars in Virgo or Mars in the 6th House
“I got commitment issues, but I’m tryna fix that for you…I don’t believe in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take you serious” Commitment Issues by Central Cee
With Mars in Virgo or the 6th House, you may be surprised to find how non-committal you are when it comes to relationships. Why? Because you find relationships to be impractical. So when it comes to your sexual language, you are quite all over the place. Lovers can find you hard to catch, almost like trying to keep a fairy in a jar. You prefer to flutter around and keep things light in the sexual department. To you, sex can scream responsibility. After all, sex can be a pretty risky and dirty affair. All the fluid exchange and, ultimately, the required vulnerability, can make you quite uneasy. With this Mars placement, you can go between the two extremes of putting too much emphasis on sex or not enough emphasis at all. This is due to the natural ruler of Virgo/6H being Mercury, which, I find to be, an asexual planet. You are more interested in the intellectual connection than the physical connection.
BUT PLEASE, don’t get me wrong! You know you’re way around the bedroom. Your sexual language is constantly evolving. You do well with long-term partners that you can trust, study and get to know. You prefer a lover that is loyal, so you don’t have to worry about where they’ve been, or better yet, who they’ve been with. You find joy in repetition with one partner. OR, you are really open to “protected” one-night stands. You are either all in or all out. You don’t like to waste time on sexual relationships that you don’t see a return for a long-term investment. That being said, if you are unable to invest in the long-term, you can find yourself in a position of sexual frustration. You may really desire a person, but because of your deep need for perfection first, you may stall connections & find a lot of pleasure in masturbation for the time being. You, like your opposite sign, Pisces, can really get into your fantasies. You may find that erotica and romance novels can be great resources to pass the time while you likely toil between celibacy and being a whore (this is particularly funny to me because Virgos are known for being the Virgins of the zodiac– hence the contradiction in Mars in Virgo. The planet of sex and desire ruled by a “Virgin” is, uh….a difficult juxtaposition to say the least.) – again, it’s all about mental stimulation with you.
When you do meet a partner that you can FINALLY settle down and feel comfortable with, you will be a very giving lover. Because Virgo energy is usually associated with servitude, you better believe that you will make it your duty to service the object of your affection. You care very deeply about the satisfaction of your partner— far more than you care about your own. As stated earlier, you don’t mind finishing up solo as long as your partner is satisfied. You will find every nook and cranny, every deep desire, every love spot that your partner has, because you will analyze their body with astute detail. You will break your partner’s sexual language down and adapt it to be your own, because after all, you are a mutable sign. As well as being an earth sign, you do have a very deep sensual nature to you. Although you can come across as quite guarded with new partners, once you blossom, you really enjoy heavy petting and physical touch. You can spend so much time in your head and alone with your thoughts in other aspects of your life, you may find it very powerful to have a partner that literally grounds you and brings you back to planet Earth by holding you in their arms. Again, after you’ve bent over backwards (pun intended) to please your partner, you, more than any other sign, except maybe Leo, really needs to be acknowledged and celebrated for your hard work. You don’t take kindly to being undervalued or under appreciated when it comes to your romantic relationships in this context.
Believe it or not, this placement can actually be quite kinky! Why? Because of the influence of Mercury again. As stated before, you want to learn your partner’s as well as you possibly can to make sure you are seen as perfect in their eyes– sooooo, that means you’ll have some exploring to do. Mercury is such a curious planet, that it may not be kinky for the sensual pleasures of it all, but it will be interested in testing out sex & kinks for “research purposes”. This can give you a sort of detached feeling when it comes to sex, which may or may not work in your favor– you’re able to disassociate in a way that makes sex almost an out of body experience…it may take you some time to actually feel pleasure from sex. You are so focused on the other and pleasing your partner, you can forget that sex is supposed to be a two way street! I just want to reiterate, that this placement is so mutable, that you may find yourself pretty ambivalent towards sex at different times in your life. You’re kind of like “eh”. But there is hope, when you find a partner that lights your fire– you will find yourself wanting sex like a child wants candy! There is plenty of potential here for a beautifully active and engaging sex life– it just may take more time to develop than others.
Learn your own kinks! Have fun! Explore the more sensual side of life for yourself!
Anyone who is able to win you over (which is NOT an easy feat by any means) will be able to revel in the fact that you are such a wonderful lover! But don’t forget, sex is not a test that you can get an A + in, it’s supposed to be the culmination and celebration of it all!
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Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House
“She may be the queen of hearts, but I’m the queen of your body parts” - Cockiness, Rihanna
If you have Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House, you are Britney Spears, all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus, bay-bee. You LOVE to put on a show. Your sexual language can make love-making a spectacle! You’re over the top, you’re loud, you roar. You LOVE LOVE LOVE the attention. So much so, you may not even need sex to fulfill that internal desire for you. Huh? What do I mean? I mean, you may be satisfied using your creative gifts for sexual gratification. Chances are with this placement, you are highly creative and charismatic. You find sensual pleasure in being able to share your creative gifts with other people. Haven’t you heard of entertainers saying they had so much fun on stage, it was orgasmic? That’s where you come in.
Ironically, I don’t naturally find this placement to be the most sexual. Don’t get me wrong, you are DOWN DIGGITY for a good time, but you really use sex as an ego booster. You may even be quite lazy in the bedroom. You could easily live by the code “my present is my presence” and be a dazzling pillow princess. This isn’t a bad thing, and it definitely doesn’t have to be the case all the time! When you’re turned on, you’re turned on, but when you’re just casually engaging in sex, or are in a long-term commitment, you may feel like sex is something that is owed to you. Not in a weird entitled way, but more like a Queen sitting on a chaise lounge being fed grapes– like, “duh, you should have sex with me, I’m beautiful”, type energy. This, if you haven’t been able to guess already, can lead to a selfish attitude in the love-making department. You must remember that sometimes, your partner wants to be catered to as well. That being said, you won’t shy away from Valentine’s Day. You are the type to go all out! You’ll put on the lingerie. You’ll lay out the rose petals on the bed. You’ll pay extra for that honeymoon suite. OR, you will expect your partner to do all of this without you asking. You treat holidays and sex as if it’s a royal affair.
Due to your standards being so high, I cannot express to you enough that you may really put all your sexual energy into your creative pursuits until you find a lover of high-value and high sex drive. You love and somewhat need to feel desired in order to break down your walls. You don’t play hard to get– you ARE hard to get, so this may leave you with extended periods of non-sexual activities. You are more than willing to give up sexual pleasure for your own personal pursuits– in fact, you are more likely to do that if you have specific career goals.
You may be a tad bit surprised at my interpretation of Mars in Leo, perhaps you were assuming it would be a bit spicier, but I challenge you to look at your ruler, the Sun (yes, the actual burning ball of fire in the sky) . Not literally…well, you can, but make sure you wear sun-glasses. But in all seriousness, the Sun shines alone. The Sun is too hot to let anything near it, and it carries such a gravitational pull, that things simply orbit around it, but can never get too close. With Mars in Leo/5th House, you may find yourself in this position when it comes to your sexual nature. You attract a lot of people towards you, but they are unable to get too close, for fear they will burn up in your presence. Or, you shine so bright, you are forced to do it alone. Being the Sun and the center of the Universe is a hard job, but ultimately an isolating job. Your being, your creative gifts, your star power and the way you shine can cast such a shadow on those who dare come near you. It really can be one of the most challenging placements because you probably won’t understand why people can’t/don’t come near you. Again, you’re just soooo great, people can have an overwhelming and unrealistic ideal of what it will take to make you happy. It’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s flattering, but on the other hand, you can suffer from being put so high up on a pedal stool that you never asked for!
One tip for you, is to keep your hair beautiful and lushes! People will be attracted to your wild side and want to bring that out of you. You can either really love having your hair pulled or be turned off by it because you spend so much time making it look perfect. Either way, your hair may be an essential part of foreplay for you and something that suitors may find undeniably sexy.
As long as you are mindful to share the spotlight from time to time and not always prioritizing your needs & your desires, you can be a remarkably loyal partner. Fierce is the word that comes to mind and you can be very fierce in the bedroom. (When you want to be.) You can outshine any of the competition. Most people truly can’t hold a candle to you when it comes to how committed you are in an intimate relationship. You are proud and you protect those that are around you and that you deem worthy. You have a royal air that surrounds you and it loudly and proudly screams `bow down bitches' when it's time to get down and dirty!
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Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th House
“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane” Born to Die- Lana Del Rey
If you have Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th house, ironically, your sex language involves a knack of overwhelming emotional destruction. Dramatic, yes, yes, I know, but very true. Mars is VERY uncomfortable in the deep waters of Cancer/4H. Mars in the 4th House, in particular, is a naturally difficult placement because it sits in the House of happiness, as well as aspects the 7th House of partnership and the 11th House of friendship– making that native, uh, a little difficult to deal with. Why? Because your emotions can be so erratic and illogical, it can be difficult for people to understand what you want. Heck, you probably don’t understand what you want most of the time. I promise I’ll get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that this Mars placement is in detriment! (It’s exalted in Capricorn, the opposite sign.) So when it comes to your sexual language, you value such a deeply emotional commitment from your partner, you could constantly try to test them by pushing their emotional boundaries.
There is a mixture of pleasure and pain. You love an emotional outburst– this can be good and sexy, or bad and scary. Emotionally bonding make-up sex, is your cup of tea…ESPECIALLY if you are the one who caused the “break-up” in the first place. You truly enjoy engaging with your partner in a loving way, when you can, but because Mars is so unstable here, it can be hard for you to maintain emotional consistency within long-term relationships. You can find that your passions wax and wane for your partner. Sometimes, you just want to run into their arms and kiss them in the pouring rain, other times, you want them to LEAVE YOU DAFUQ ALONE. This can be quite jarring to your intimate partners, but also to yourself. I recommend embracing this quality and being as honest as possible! Instead of literally creating a sh*t storm in order to be left alone, just communicate to your partner that you need a little space from time to time. But also be willing to give your partner that same courtesy and grace if they ask for the same.
You can feel a need to wrap yourself up in your partner's desires. It may come from a genuine place, but because Mars is an aggressive planet, you may be quite aggressive in how you demonstrate your love to your partner because your deepest desire is to be able to emotionally control them. This can manifest in an extremely emotionally manipulative way through passive aggressiveness and just causing overall uneasiness within your dynamics and partnerships. One of the lovely sides about this particular placement, is when you mature, you can have an extremely high emotional I.Q. Because you are naturally very sensitive to your surroundings, you can literally sense the emotional and physical needs of your partner without them having to say a word. You can be so emotionally intune with your lovers, it can feel like telepathy if they need anything from you. You just know, y’know?
In the bedroom, you can go from one extreme to another. Sometimes you want to be dominant, and sometimes you want to be dominated. It is important for your lovers to be able to ride your waves and learn what is needed from them at any given moment. Again, Mars is all about conquest. So when Mars is in the 4H in particular, you want to be able to be the leader in your home, but you also want someone who can take the reins when necessary. Again, this can be a difficult balance to strike within your sexual relationships because people may not understand the method behind the madness, typically because there really isn’t a method…it’s just kind of madness AND THAT’S OKAY!
Because Mars is so uncomfortable here, it is imperative for you to be able to channel your energy in creative ways or you can fall victim to your own emotional tirades. You want a clear line of communication with anyone you are interested with and they absolutely need to have some emotional intelligence or else they will drown in your water. You don’t want to suffocate your lovers with so much emotional intensity, that you both are unable to remain somewhat grounded in the chaos. You of all people understand just how powerful emotions and sex can be together, so be careful to use it wisely!!! When done right, you can have anyone wrapped around your finger.
Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House
“Talk is cheap my darling, when you’re feeling right at home. I wanna make you move with confidence. I want to be with you alone” Talk is Cheap by Chet Faker
If you have Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House, then you are all about an intellectual connection when it comes to your sexual language. You want to catch viiibbbeezzz. You want to be razzle-dazzled with the lingo. You want someone hip, cool, in the know…because, well, you’re hip, cool & in the know, y’know? It’s only fitting that your partner be the same. You, of all placements, may truly crave “your other half”. And I know, I know, we live in a world now, where people are saying “you are a whole person and you’re looking for another whole person yadayadayada…”, but you’re a TWIN. You want to be able to connect with someone as if you share the same brain, the same thoughts, the same…everything. This isn’t to say that you’re not sexual…you just enjoy mental jousting for foreplay. Think of how beautiful the dance between two evenly matched fencing partners is– the ebb and flow of tension – playing both parts of the aggressor and the defender– gliding almost effortlessly with a weapon in hand. It’s like the tango…but with swords. That’s how you envision your love. Beautiful art, yet dangerous. You may not be the most sensual lover at first, but in time you will certainly warm up. Why? Because at the very least, you are a curious partner! You. Want. To. Explore. You may be the type of lover to want to try almost anything once. You want to be surprised. You don’t want your bedroom to be boring. You resent repetitiveness and you welcome new experiences. You may even fall into the “switch my wig, make ‘em feel like he cheating” category. You like to switch up your look, your style…sexual positions (lol). This can even translate into role play! (Especially teacher/student).
I cannot express to you enough how much learning from your partner turns you on. You love asking questions & consider getting to know someone a conquest. The more difficult the puzzle, the more you yearn to solve it and this type of stimulation oozes over into your sexual pleasure. You’re curious to know what your lover’s love. You can have an objective perception of sex, because you aren’t the most naturally emotional person, so you can look at the love making process as getting to know every nook and cranny of a partner’s body– learning what makes them tick & “ick”. You become more emotionally open with a partner, the more confident that you are that you know them. You like learning, but you don’t like unpleasant surprises. This may be counter intuitive, but I find that after you go through your “lemme try any & everything era”, you will genuinely enjoy one partner. It will make you feel secure and like you have that missing piece in life. You don’t come across as the most committal type, but when you do commit, you commit fr fr, you just need a certain level of freedom in life to continue to expand your horizons far past the mundane in life.
Another element you may add to your sexual reservoir is……drugs. “DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS & STAY IN SCHOOL”...alright, there is my disclaimer. Now back to what I was saying, you may be curious to try mind-expanding drugs & smex. Because you can be so cerebral, drugs like ecstacy can help you actually feel your body. The tingle will start from your subconscious mind, and venture into your conscious body, possibly making love-making a more pleasurable experience. If this doesn’t interest you, don’t worry, no pressure! Just making a note that this placement is more likely to think outside of the box when it comes to making their sex lives thrilling and exciting! Not saying that vanilla sex is boring…just saying in general. You do you!
Overall, this is a curious placement. It’s a fun placement, but it can be an extremely flighty placement in the beginning. Don’t let your fear of getting stuck, stop you from finding a true partner that you can really see the world with. You can find that “other half”, that “twin soul” that really knows how to light a fire in you and warm your cold cold cold gemini heart. In your moments of passion, you will prefer to keep things fun and light. Only when someone truly captures your mind, can they capture your body and soul! SEXYYYYYY!!!!
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Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House
“People stop to ask me, how do you please your man? Take it from the black sheep baby, any way I can. Sometimes it’s with fire and sometimes, with ice…Just don’t get it twisted, his body’s gunna pay the price.”
- Rock My Boy’s Body by Joseph Stephens
If you have Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House your sexual language is about sensuality, sexuality, & seduction. You believe in making love an all encompassing experience and you will stop at nothing to make sure your partners have an all exclusive pass to your BO-DAY. IF it is earned. Because Taurus is naturally slow moving energy, you may be slow to open up. As I’ve studied astrology for years now…I’ve come to realize that Taurus energy is just as private and cautious and it’s opposite sign, Scorpio. If you have this placement, you feel the need to study your lovers and you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait before you make your move. But if you are able to wrap them in your warm embrace…you won’t want to let go and they won’t want you to either.
Like Leo, when it comes to your sexual language, you believe in putting on a show. But your show is subtle, quaint and slow burning. You will have the candles burning, the scented lotion and fresh out the shower smell, you will have the most luxurious sheets on the most comfortable mattress. You don’t believe in cutting corners when it comes to your comfort and whoever is lucky enough to wind up in your bed, simply gets to enjoy how you live your life. I could bet you have an impeccable taste in music and truly know how to set the tone when it comes to seduction. As stated before, you are able to create a world of pure pleasure for those you love and make them spell-bound to you, because chances are, they haven’t been able to match with a sexual partner who cares so much about the details of ALL 6 senses. (I’m including intuition because, y’know, I’m a tarot and an astrology girlie.) For example, I dated this guy with heavy taurus placements a few years ago. I very much remember and very much miss this awesome TV room that he made for himself. Instead of having a regular degular couch, he had a couch that was also a bed. It wasn’t a couch that converted into a bed….it was just a couch that had a bed in it…and massive 70 inch television mounted on the wall. When I TELL you, I wanted to marry that man because….UGH!!! I was so comfortable! I could melt into the floor when I was with him. And I have YET to be with anyone who has a room set up quite like that. The feeling has stayed with me long after we have been together. THAT is what I mean by the power of Mars in Taurus. It lingers when you’re done!
On the other side, you of all signs, can be extremely jealous and possessive over your sexual partners. You DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE. AT. ALL. The 2nd House is all about owning and possessions and you may take this mindset with you into your romantic relationships. To the right person and in a healthy way, this can be enduring and make your partner feel safe and secure in your presence. In turn, you also want to know that your partner is crazy about you and cares deeply about your well-being. Again, in a healthy dynamic, a little jealousy and possessivness isn’t bad. It can show that someone does have an interest in you and takes pride in the fact that they are able to claim you as their own. This is just something to be mindful of in this placement, because if underdeveloped, it can lead to issues of selfishness & strong resistance to allow your partner’s freedom. Of course this can bleed over into the bedroom as well. You don’t want to get so focused on your own comfort that you end up putting your partner into a routine that they no longer enjoy. Your favorite position may not be their favorite positive. It can feel like eating lobster every single day. Like, yeah, Lobster is great day 1, maybe even day 2, but by day 5….yuck. Depending on other placements in your chart, you may attract partners who are very much like you, in the sense they prefer routine, OR you may attract partners who are so wild and out of the box, it forces you out of your comfort zone. All I can do is say embrace whatever floats your boat.
There is no doubt that you are one of the most sexual, sensual and passionate lovers of the zodiac. Your innate knowledge of pleasure makes you an expert in the bedroom and you can be hard to beat. Although it may take you a while to warm up, either physically or emotionally, you eventually show your partners that it is absolutely worth the wait! Because you tend to be safe and secure in yourself (the 2nd house rules self esteem) you share that safety and extend your protection to those you love the most. Your sexual language is unforgettable. You know how to love someone head to toe! WOOOOO!!!
Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House
“Dollhouse, dressed up, perfect messed up, Torture me to sleep, paint the air I breathe. Fishbowl, chokehold, dirty water, I’m cold. Dirty as can be, have your way with me.” Dollhouse (with Lily Rose Depp) by The Weeknd
If you have Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House, your sexual language is intense & powerful. You have a way of pulling people into your orbit just by being your unapologetic self! The force is with you! Best believe! And people feel it. You get what you want and you want what you get and you have a way of luring in your prospective sexual partner by projecting your lust onto them– so much so they feel it when they walk by you. Much like your sister, the Mars ruled Scorpio, there is a carnal desire that surrounds you. It’s magnetic. It’s magnificent. And it’s very fleeting.
When it comes to your bedroom pleasures, you can be a pioneer of the “Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am or…sir” (not as cute of a rhyme) mindset. You may have a habit of treating your lovers like conquest– wanting to overpower them and wrap them up in your passionate fantasies. You deeply enjoy power play in your sex life. Yes, you could easily be the dominant one in your relationships, BUT you could also seek refuge in being submissive to your partner. How? I know it seems contradictory. But chances are, with this placement (unless it’s in a water sign in your first house) you are more than likely the boss and the leader in your everyday life…so when it comes to sex, you may want to just “relax” and let your partner do all the hard work for once. If that’s the case, you may be a bit of a brat in the bedroom because you still like to challenge your partner for shizz & giggles, but you are certainly fun and definitely unforgettable.
Your sex language is raw and real. You don’t like to hold back your passion and you appreciate a partner who can match your enthusiasm in the bedroom. You love the runner chaser dynamic, and again, you can easily play both parts. You are strong and competitive and don’t like to lose the interest of your lovers, even though you can get bored pretty easily. You may prefer quickies over long drawn up love sessions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to indulge your sinuses from time to time– you’re just not one of the most lovey dovey of the zodiac and prefer loud, wild, hot, steamy sex opposed to soft caresses and whispers of sweet nothings. You may also be a person who uses sexy time to advance a certain agenda. You could use sex as a tool of manipulation to get what you want. That may seem extreme, but think about a stripper using her sensuality as a means to make money so she can pay her way through law school. THAT’S what I mean. Because you may not be so shy about your sex appeal, if used correctly, it can be your weapon of choice when it comes to getting what you want from someone.
Passion matters to you more than most. You would prefer a risky lover than a predictable one. You also may be a fan of the ole’ break up to make-up trope. Make-up sex is always better. And you don’t mind starting a fight in the streets, simply to uh…you know…end it….in the sheets…..if you catch my drift. You aren’t one for subtleties. You are probably one of the most straightforward and upfront people in the world and you may play shy, but once you allow a person to get to know you, you don’t hold anything back. Because you are a cardinal energy, you always have a childlike flair to you! You keep things interesting and youthful. You’re not afraid to cross boundaries and push the limits of yourself & your partner in the midst of a sexual act. You really may think that sex is something that can be “won”. You want to be the best. You want to be the one that lovers can’t get enough of. You don’t appreciate being compared to others and honestly hear partners talking about their past as if it was some sort of challenge. You definitely have a jealous and possessive streak, but like I always say, when this is a healed energy it can be enduring to the right partner. As long as it’s not obsessive and unhealthy, you can provide comfort to your lovers that you are there for them and only them. You expect loyalty in return, of course, but you don’t mind protecting and defending what you see as your own. Your love is real. Your love is honest. Your love is young and wild and free!
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bruisedboys · 3 months
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ummmmm so finnick and manhandling 😁😁 especially casual manhandling 😁😁 we have any thoughts abt that orrrr 😁😁😁
ummmm yes!!!!!! I absolutely have so many thoughts ….. (also I’m very sorry this took me the longest time to answer. it was stewing in my brain hehe)
finnick odair x fem!reader
finnick odair is constantly manhandling you. it’s so easy for him, and even if he wasn’t as strong as he is it’d still be anything but a challenge because you’re so compliant and practically putty in his hands, and you’d do anything he wanted, you’ve told him as much — so yeah, it’s a breeze.
you’re brushing your teeth at the sink when finnick comes into the bathroom. he wants his razor, which is in the cabinet in front of your thighs, but rather than asking you to move he just takes you by the hips and moves you to the side easily. it’s so casual, but that’s exactly why it unravels you so much. “sorry, honey,” he’ll murmur, bending at the waist to grab what he needs, a hand on your lower back to keep you in place. he kisses your shoulder as he straightens up and you melt.
or like, he’ll be sitting on the couch, watching you do something, maybe arranging a bunch of flowers in a vase. and you look so so pretty — finnick thinks he could watch you for hours. when you move past him to grab something you need, you don’t make it far because finnick sticks out a hand and pulls you in between his legs with ease. “finn,” you’ll say, all breathless and giggly. “what’re you doing?” finnick shrugs, squeezes your hips and presses his face to your abdomen. “dunno,” he’ll murmur into your top, nosing the space under your breasts. “jus’ wanted a hug.” and then you put your hands in his hair and finnick almost whines out loud. it turns out to be a veerrry long hug.
also let’s talk about how strong he is??? like he can move you around with just one arm if he wants to. if he wants you up on the counter to kiss you he’ll just wrap one arm around your waist and hoist you up in an instant, not even a breath spared for the effort it takes. if he wants you to stay in bed with him, you best believe you are staying put, because as soon as he gets his hands on you it’s over. all he has to do is get his arm around your waist and you’re stuck for as long as he wants. he’s just too strong and too lovesick to let you go!!!!! <3333
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astonmartinii · 6 months
Text
the age of no regret [mamma mia part four] | formula one scoial media au
drivers: sebastian vettel, jenson button & fernando alonso part one | part two | part three masterlist | tips
a due date nears, a god father is revealed and new cravings are discovered
yourusername
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liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,209,851 others
tagged: jensonbutton
yourusername: f1 drivers are too generous, i don't know how we got all of the stuff back from montreal let alone how we're going to store it.
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user1: i'm NOT jealous of an unborn child's helmet collection
user2: this bro got a senna helmet, can i have it until they know who he is?
sebastianvettel: i'm seeing a 'we' in this caption when it was me, myself and i putting together this display case
yourusername: erm i was supervising?
sebastianvettel: that was more aimed at jenson, love. i wouldn't want you anywhere near a glass display case right now
jensonbutton: one day it's "i'm the wood work king, let me do this" and then it's "why did no one help me?" PICK A STRUGGLE SEB
sebastianvettel: well i was waiting for you to take all the credit ... so this is awkward now
jensonbutton: well i'll take the credit for getting most of the helmets
charles_leclerc: ummmm no i gave seb at least two of these
jensonbutton: @sebastianvettel tell your grid kid to back off this is adult conversation
charles_leclerc: i'm 25?
fernandoalo_oficial: beckett better be sleeping in his dog bed because i am not fighting a dog for my space in the bed
jensonbutton: of course he is !!!!!!!!!
yourusername: the exclamation marks are really making you look guilty
jensonbutton: IT'S NOT JUST ME YOU GUYS BRING HIM TO BED AS WELL
yourusername: i have hormones i see one puppy dog look AND I CAN'T LEAVE HIM THERE
fernandoalo_oficial: if i have to fight the dog, you guys have to let me sleep in the middle
yourusername: fine. beckett sleeps at the foot of the bed anyway you just want to be in the middle of the cuddle pile
fernandoalo_oficial: sue me
user3: cuddle pile? i'm so soft
user4: beckett? who named this dog and why was it definitely jenson?
yourusername: it was but i was assured it has nothing to do with f1
user4: babes i hate to tell you but he's defo named after the corner at silverstone
yourusername: how am i so easy to trick ffs
sebastianvettel
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sebastianvettel: crochet club in full swing for zandvoort. good luck nando!!
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user5: they really are old people at heart it's so cute
maxverstappen1: can i get a good luck for my home race?
sebastianvettel: good luck?
yourusername: good luck super max! (not that you need it)
maxverstappen1: thank you y/n i knew there was a reason why you're my favourite :)
charles_leclerc: can i get a good luck too please?
sebastianvettel: you weren't this clingy even when we were teammates
yourusername: seb !! be kind, good luck charlie
landonorris: can i also get a good luck?
yourusername: good luck lando (stop being so hard on yourself)
sebastianvettel: is everyone gonna ask for a good luck?
yourusername: how many more grid kids do you have? i feel like you underestimated the number on your cv
jensonbutton: how is my jumper coming along?
sebastianvettel: we're both working on a sleeve right now!
yourusername: sorry if one is shorter than the other i can't stop going to the bathroom
fernandoalo_oficial: thank you guys, can't wait to see you when i get home x
jensonbutton: looking fast this weekend, podium defo on the cards
yourusername: be fast but be safe x
sebastianvettel: looking forward to a new celebration
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fernandoalo_oficial
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tagged: sebastianvettel, jensonbutton & yourusername
fernandoalo_oficial: getting attachment issues already @f1 can we just race in switzerland from now on?
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user8: they do group facetimes while nando is away?!?!?!?!?! shoot me.
yourusername: i second this @f1
jensonbutton: i third it
sebastianvettel: i fourth it
fernandoalo_oficial: i miss you guys :(
user9: i'm so excited/nervous about the naming situation i know these men will just have stupid suggestions
yourusername: we compromised with a name book i do not trust them after beckett
jensonbutton: beckett is a cute name and you agreed!!!!!
mickschumacher: do you guys need the extra camp beds or not?
sebastianvettel: yes please! could you bring them when you get back?
charles_leclerc: we're sleeping on camp beds? does my back mean nothing to you?
fernandoalo_oficial: do we look like a hotel to you?
yourusername: there are beds but it's first come first served, so don't be late xoxo
user10: are the grid going to stay at seb's?
user11: might be for a baby shower?
user12: HOLY SHIT
maxverstappen1: am i allowed to bring the cats? is beckett trained?
yourusername: omg yes please bring jimmy and sassy
jensonbutton: yes he's trained what do you think i've been doing with my retirement?
maxverstappen1: no comment
sebastianvettel: i guess you can bagsy a room for you and the cats
maxverstappen1: HA thank you seb
fernandoalo_oficial: more and more i realise why people call you my grid kid
yourusername
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yourusername: who knew i'd end up with a family this big? i love you all.
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user13: i am unwell this is so fucking cute
sebastianvettel: i love our weird little family
yourusername: little? we hosted like 25 grown men ...
jensonbutton: and you loved every single second
yourusername: yeah i love you guys and all your little stray cats with attachment issues
fernanodalo_oficial: yeah but that means they also give good gifts
user14: wait? 25? who else do we think went?
user15: so mick was definitely there, i think i saw mark in the back of one pic, kimi was there along with nico rosberg (LOL) and i think rubens barrichello
user16: no way first out of paddock brocedes reunion was at the mamma mia baby shower...
jensonbutton: those people are meant to be athletes how come there were NO CUPCAKES LEFT I KNOW THAT'S NOT IN YOUR DIETS
maxverstappen1: idk i feel like you're projecting
charles_leclerc: yeah you sound mad guilty jenson
yourusername: now i can see the grid kid resemblance
sebastianvettel: i will not take any responsibility for their shenanigans
fernandoalo_oficial: i do
danielricciardo: soz i finally got that brocedes scoop over a late night cupcake
yourusername: i won't be angry if you spill to me
lewishamilton: daniel?
fernandoalo_oficial: this is why you're my favourite daniel
user17: i need them to SPILL NOW
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jensonbutton
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tagged: kimiraikkonen
jensonbutton: it's official!! after careful consideration, we decided that kimi was the best choice for god father, but we still consider you all a weird mix of god uncles and god everything else. y/n is due any day now so we'll see you all some time soon x
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user18: LETS GOOOOOO I WAS ALWAYS TEAM KIMI THAT'S MY GOAT 🐐
maxverstappen1: rigged
yourusername: maxy if it helps seb was seriously stumped after the baby beekeeping suit
maxverstappen1: doesn't help but i guess it's healthy to take a loss every now and again
danielricciardo: i. am. shocked.
sebastianvettel: you insulted all of us in your application
danielricciardo: ummmmm yes to prove to chickie that i'm a fun, goofy guy DUH
jensonbutton: we are NOT boring farts
danielricciardo: depriving your child of a fun god father is a boring fart move
kimiraikkonen: i am fun daniel.
charles_leclerc: i may have lost god father but i won being a bear, you win some you lose some
lewishamilton: you're being much more gracious than expected
charles_leclerc: oh i screamed into my pillow when i got this notification (and max also lost)
fernandoalo_oficial: you're taking it well lewis
lewishamilton: I KNOW YOU VOTED AGAINST ME FERNANDO BUT JOKES ON YOU I SEE THE HAMILTON BEAR YOU FRAUD
yourusername: there were no votes against people... also roscoe is not a reference we can actually verify i don't think dogs can speak english (or german, spanish or italian)
lewishamilton: he can skateboard? how am i not a good dad?
fernandoalo_oficial: see this aggression is why you aren't god father
lewishamilton: i'm letting roscoe at your ankles old man
sebastianvettel: OKAY LETS STOP THERE
markwebber: who got kimi jack daniels? that's a bold (and uniformed)choice
yourusername: it's the aesthetic mark, i don't like your tone
jensonbutton: kimi will drink anything don't worry love
markwebber: all i said was it is an interesting choice
yourusername: this is why you got destroyed by a twink btw
jensonbutton: well this all escalated fast
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astonmartinf1
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liked by lancestroll, estebanocon and 1,094,561 others
astonmartinf1: fernando alonso will not be racing this weekend due to family matters. felipe drugovich will race in the second aston martin seat. we wish y/n, fernando, jenson and seb luck for their new addition.
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user21: EVERYONE STAY FUCKING CALM
user22: i am so so so so so so so so so chill about this
lancestroll: good luck y/n! can't wait to meet the little one
user23: god i miss the squabbles in the comment sections
user24: literally and i can imagine it's going to increase ten fold when they all have an actual kid to fight over
charles_leclerc: why does it have to be a race so far from europe :(((( i wanna meet chickie ASAP
maxverstappen1: don't make me race your ass to the hospital
charles_leclerc: we can use air max this once seb won't know
danielricciardo: 📸 GOT YOUR ASS
charles_leclerc: daniel???
danielricciardo: 'm sorrry i'm stressed
user23: okay that didn't take long
user25: i need a lobotomy asap cause why am i so excited about four complete strangers having a baby
user26: I AM SO NERVOUS ABOUT THE NAME IF THIS CHILD IS NAMED AFTER A RACE, DRIVER OR A CORNER I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE MY MIND
user27: seb will never see the light of day if that child ends up with a bond girl name
lewishamilton: good luck guys !!! can't wait to meet the full family
user28: completely normal that the whole family is not online during potential labour but I NEED UPDATES
user29: okay put your bets on guys - which one of them is passing out
user30: jenson 100%
user31: idk i think seb has been way too chill this entire pregnancy and it's all going to come out during the birth
danielricciardo: yeah seb's ass is grass
maxverstappen1: DANIEL STOP (it's gonna be jenson)
danielricciardo: i'm sorry i'm so stressed i'm literally going to bite off my fingers
f1
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liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,402,455 others
f1: with y/n's due date this week, we send our love and well wishes to the alonso-vettel-button family and can't wait to meet the new addition (and soon to be champion) 🏎️
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user32: it's just dawning on me that this kid might need a jumbo birth certificate with all these last names
user33: is anyone curious if they'll ever do a paternity test to see who the biological dad is
user34: let's not ask horribly personal questions about situations that are nothing to do with us
user35: also the kid is going to have four loving parents and about 25 grown men who will fight for them so i really don't think who the biological father is is really a big deal
estebanocon: gosh i am so excited
user36: as much as i am excited i hope it won't become a whole family influencer type beat
user37: i don't think they will tbf, i think they'll post about chickie but it'll be reserved
georgerussell63: so excited for the guys! they'll all rock as parents and y/n has already put up with them so will be an amazing mother
alexalbon: good luck guys, all of our love x
user38: f1 cruel as hell for putting this race all the way qatar so that there's no way they can go back to europe between races :(
charles_leclerc: real, depriving us from meeting chickie asap
user39: do we think kimi went with them?
user40: and maybe mick? he's not with mercedes this weekend?
mickschumacher: kimi and i are with them! not allowed in the delivery room when chickie comes but we're here for moral support <3
user41: oh i am so soft
lewishamilton: i guess it makes sense kimi is the god father... good luck guys!
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note: OKAY PEOPLE THAT'S PART FOUR HOLY MOLY i am hashtag stumped on a baby name and the sex IDK ANY OF IT but this was FUN! hopefully yall enjoy and hopefully i tagged everyone who asked (blame my phone if not) also thanks to @deviltsunoda for listening to me SCREAM about this the whole time i've been writing it xoxo
taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch@imagandom@mypage-myfandoms@mehrmonga@asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt@multilovebot@lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn@nothingfuninthislife@rileynicol3@kodzuvk@mochimommy2002@fluffyspaceprincess@roseseraj@black-swan-blog27@nyrasslut@justdreamersdream@asfaraslifegets@why4anne@ineffableperson@leilanixx@lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog@rafaaoli@champomiel@sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro @thecubanator2 @nzygftoji @rockyhayzkid @nmw-am @slytherheign @erikasurfer @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @greigreyhiyyih
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jjkeverlast · 6 months
Text
unholy drabble #2 | jjk (m)
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pairing boyfriend!jk x reader
genre/au’s smùt (are we surprised?)
summary your boyfriend has you worked up over his body proportions after the vogue magazine becomes available.
word count 1.3k
warnings fluff!!! | they're very domestic and cute | reader praises jungkook's body, mostly his waist | looots of kisses and compliments handjôb & fïngering | they do it on a chair lmfao | and some crack cause y'all know me.
author’s note this isn't proofread, again some silly stuff cause we got absolutely wrecked with the content today. i hadn't expected to even do a second part to this 'drabble' series ummmm anywho dshjfgdjhfg enjoy this filth. @btscontentenjoyer you're at fault for this.
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you knew that jungkook was the creative direction for the project for vogue. yet he left out a tiny detail. 
he would be wearing a crop top and showcasing that fucking waits of his. 
when you had first received the magazine, you were thrilled to see deeper into the concepts of time that your boyfriend had picked out. you just hasn’t expected to see him so… fuckable, all spread out and screaming the words ‘use me’ in his position. 
raising an eyebrow as you study the picture of him, you look up to see jungkook singing loudly to that that while cooking for the both of you. it still amazes you how he’s able to do both so well. this duality will be the cause of death one day, but for now you’re just extremely affected by your boyfriend. 
therefore, you stand up, closing the magazine and walking towards him. jungkook doesn't react until your arms wrap around his waist, squeezing him tight as he mumbles a sweet; “hi baby.” 
“smells good.” you kiss his neck, inhaling the sent of kimchi fried rice. jungkook giggles, grabbing a spoonful to make you taste. 
“tell me if you like it.” you wrap your lips around the silver spoon, carefully taking a bite to avoid getting burned and after a few seconds, your eyes pop open by the taste. 
“i love it.” you finish chewing, jungkook returning to make sure it doesn’t burn, the scraping of a wooden spoon hitting a pan erupting in your kitchen. 
“you know what else i love…?” 
jungkook raises an eyebrow, “me?” 
you chuckle, pecking his cheek. “of course i love you but… this.” your hands trail underneath his t-shirt, feeling the soft skin on your palm as your squeeze his waist. “i fucking love your waist, you’re so pretty baby.” you nuzzle your nose in his neck, causing a light tickle. 
“fuck.” jungkook breathes out, enjoying the feeling of how your arms so easily wrap around him. he feels small, delicate in your gentle touch and just as he’s about to tell you that food is almost ready, you drop down on your knees and pamper it with kisses.
you love showing admiration to jungkook’s body, it’s something you’ll never grow tired of, because have you seen him?! 
“o-oh—“ jungkook almost loses his grip on the spoon while his shirt is half ridden up, your mouth and tongue kissing him all over where you love holding him. 
“so tiny.” you murmur, “you’re so hot.” 
jungkook grows flustered over the way you so effortlessly compliment him and his appearance. here he has been dating you for almost five years and he still manages to get shy when you say the smallest thing about him. 
“d-dinner’s ready.” 
you remove your lips, too hungry to continue whatever you were starting and get up to set the table. jungkook is in awe over how quickly you act as if you didn’t just let yourself fall to your knees over his waist. 
as you eat the food, jungkook can’t stop thinking about how you held him, how your lips felt on the edges of his skin as you spoke so honestly about him. it starts affecting him and before he knows it, he’s growing hard under the table while you mindlessly swallow what’s in front of you. 
“you’re suddenly quiet, do you not like it?” it’s not hard for you to notice when your boyfriend is quiet and wants to remain silent, and usually it means something is bothering him. you assume it’s the food, because his plate has barely been touched meanwhile yours are left with a few crumbs. 
“no no, it’s just.” jungkook sighs, slumping in his chair. “love when you compliment me.” he mumbles the last part, fiddling with his fingers. 
you don’t hesitate to get up, and sit down on his lap which causes jungkook to gasp. 
“i will never stop showering you with compliments, have you seen yourself?!” you joke around, but internally mean every word and jungkook can defuse the humor and the seriousness in your comment. 
“i love you.” he kisses your lips softly and you melt into his touch. his hands are roaming on your back as you continue kissing, tongues intertwining to meet each other halfway. 
you don’t hesitate to bring your hands down to his waist again, loving how it feels under your palm as jungkook’s mouth moves to kiss you on your neck. 
“you’re so good to me.” he whispers against your skin and your mouth drops, loving the feeling of his mouth on your neck. 
“j-jungkook.” 
it’s a quickie as some would call it, because frankly you just need him this instant. you fiddle with the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers, pulling them in one go as jungkook helps you out by raising himself a little. 
he’s already hard, waiting for you to do anything. you spit directly on it, stroking him as you bring your lips back on his. jungkook has trouble kissing you back, mouth agape and small moans escaping with each breath. 
“f-fuck.” he hisses when your hand moves upwards, thumbs playing with his wet slit and that’s when patience runs thin. with one hand still gripping tightly onto his waist, you use your free hand to free you from the loose fitted sweatpants. they fall in an instant and jungkook being as impatient as you, runs his fingers on your wet core, pulling the fabric aside and letting himself feel just how wet you are. 
“can’t believe i can get you this wet.” he breathes out, continuing to move his fingers as your grip on his cock goes back to a mix of slow and rapid strokes. 
“need you.” you admit when his thumb starts toying with your clit. 
he removes his hand, watching you sink down on him slowly, your heat engulfing him further. a synchronized gasp from each of you slips out when you’re fully settled down. 
you don’t ever drop your hold on jungkook’s waist, even when you start riding him, bouncing up and down as jungkook bites down on your earlobe. 
it’s as if a mutual agreement is made when you don’t ever slow down, wanting to chase that high you’ve yearned for since you saw that picture of him in that magazine and the same counts for jungkook who’s been waiting after your form of teasing in the kitchen. 
you’re surprised the chai doesn’t fall off at any minute, despite the thrusts being firm and hard, skin slapping against skin filling the dining room, mixed with your sweet moans all together. 
your eyes keep slipping downwards, watching how jungkook’s cock disappears inside of you with each bounce. foreheads are leaned on each other, breaths mingled as the orgasm is close to washing over you both. 
“come on baby, wanna see you cum.” jungkook whispers, biting your bottom lip in encouragement, sensing your legs are already about to give out. you hadn’t really expected to be riding him in the middle of you both eating dinner, but then again your relationship with jungkook is full of surprises. 
“you’re so perfect, fuck—“ you moan, gripping his waist harsher as your pace turns more precise. jungkook can feel himself grow close, bringing his thumb on your clit and rubbing it in slow circles. the extra feeling of stimulation has you nearing the orgasm much closer than you expected. 
“i’m about to—“
“me too, baby, come on.” 
it’s all that’s needed for the final band to snap, causing you to tense as you come undone all over jungkook, while his cock twitches inside of you, filling you up. 
as you both come down from your high, you caress his stomach, giving it small rubs and pamper his cheeks with kisses. 
“my perfect boy.” you mutter, jungkook’s heart hammering in his chest over your words. 
he’s so fucking lucky. 
“remind me to thank vogue for putting me in a crop top.” he jokes with you, and you smile against his skin. “shut up and eat your food.” 
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© jjkeverlast 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.]
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