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#like it’s free labor from people who are genuinely kind and want nothing more than to help you survive on your own
olderthannetfic · 2 years
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i saw a thread on twitter saying that otw elections being only for $10+ donators is intentionally leaving out people from the global south and other financially challenged people. i know that it's kind of BS but i cant exactly put my finger on why
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It's not entirely BS.
Literally any price point has this issue. $10 is quite a chunk of change for some countries and is less than 2 fancy coffees for others.
We discussed this when we were setting up OTW. We opted not to have a labor-instead-of-money thing because it would involve keeping "Fannish name X is wallet name Y" records. I think we can all see that this practice would lead nowhere good.
(In nonprofits that are some uncontested "save the children" stuff, I think it would make sense to allow people to donate services instead of $10. People serve in those under their wallet names anyway.)
We also opted not to make it $1 because if you put it very, very low, it's not an effective deterrent to people from rich countries who would misuse it.
People do try to game the Hugos, which is expensive, but it's people who might well already have attended those cons or bought the supporting memberships. For a lot of things, once you get above a couple of dollars, the temptation to buy 5 in your friends' names goes away.
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Moreover, this is not the only way that money shit is unfair internationally.
In the early days, we couldn't accept donations from a lot of places. I'm sure there are still some where it's an issue. There are tons of fans who could save up the equivalent of $10, but they can't get a credit card or access to Paypal or any of the easy ways to send money to the US.
Being an international organization of this type means providing services to a wide array of people who simply can't participate financially.
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Building something like AO3 is inherently the work of people with more resources for the purpose of benefiting a larger community with fewer.
It sucks that some passionate people simply cannot participate in voting. But that's the reality of organizations: sometimes, practicality has to trump being scrupulously "fair" about giving absolutely everyone a turn.
Making a system where the barriers to entry were so low that douchebags in the US could flood in with spurious voting accounts would also not be fair to people from the global south who just want an uncensored archive that stays up.
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I think it's less that the OTW rule itself is unfair and more that it highlights inequality that already exists and is a fact of life.
In an ideal world, sure, OTW would find a way to charge different prices depending on local cost of living. Maybe they will one day. But doing that requires time and resources. There is no magic "Be fair and nice to everyone! It costs nothing!" answer here.
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So basically, I think that observation is true as a literal fact.
The reason it smells fishy is that you can tell the people saying it have ulterior motives.
They want to pretend that the ~noble oppressed people~ of the world would side with their pro-censorship message. Or they want other whiny people from rich countries to agree that OTW is Big Unfair Meanies. It's not actually about figuring out how to get the ability to vote to specific fans who genuinely want it.
I'll also note that you don't have to be a voting member to be a volunteer or a staff member or to run for the Board. Someone with few financial resources but with time and skills could still have a fair amount of power in OTW.
There are other practical realities aside from money that are also not fair, like many volunteers being in one time zone and not another, so realtime meetings will suck for the outlier. OTW operates in English and has a strong American contingent; culturally and linguistically, that excludes people who are nonetheless welcome to post works on AO3. Working for OTW requires a lot of free time and specific skills. Not everyone has those.
Life ain't fair.
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palms-upturned · 3 months
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what’s the point of going ANY direction re: voting vs. not voting when every option seems like it’s bad and will cause you to do harm on the world? I’m so fucking scared and sick of everything. Unironically, I DO want some kind of revolution. I wish I could give myself over to some kind of underground resistance army who’s left society behind and committed themselves to eradicating genocide and capitalism and everything bad. Nothing else feels like enough. It feels like existence itself is a moral failing. There HAS to be more. I wish everyone could just be happy all the time forever. (Also, I was considering voting for/writing in the socialist candidate Claudia at the very minimum. Is this a moral failing or a good thing to do? I want to make sure…)
I think the first thing that you can do for yourself is let go of the need to be “morally” right. Everything will truly feel hopeless if you frame your politics that way. If you assign moral value to things that are outside of your control, that’s how you end up feeling that your own existence is immoral. And I know that’s easier said than done. I really do. But if you can do it, everything will become so much clearer.
It is not immoral to exist. It’s the most basic right that every other human right is based on. The right to live is the very thing that we’re fighting for. That right extends to you, too. And from a strategic standpoint, you can’t fight if you’re not here, right? So you learn to recognize the ways in which your life depends on the lives of others, you sit with that realization and how it makes you feel, and then you let it inform how you act. But the action is what’s important because the action is what brings change.
The way that you’re feeling right now, that fear and anger and grief, that wish for all of us to live happily in safety and dignity, that certainty that there has to be more than this, those are all things that are spurring you and others to act. But we have to be acting in service of the people who are suffering right now, rather than acting in service of our own feelings. Not because that’s what’s morally right, but because that’s the only way to change anything. The people of Palestine have been doing the work for over a century. They know best what needs to be done to achieve their own liberation. So what we have to do is listen and answer their calls to action. Otherwise, anything we do will be myopic and self-serving. The same goes for every liberation movement.
While I can’t exactly point you in the direction of an underground freedom fighter movement, I can tell you that there are already so many support networks around you. There are so many people who feel the way you do and who are not only willing to act, but have been doing so longer than you’ve been alive. Revolutions don’t just happen overnight, they’re the result of lifetimes worth of work. Get involved in local mutual aid networks, with labor organizing, with efforts to archive and share Palestinian culture and history. It will probably never feel like enough, because nothing will ever feel like enough until we’re all free. But if you’re doing everything that is within your power to do, then what more can be asked of you? And the more people you organize with, the more becomes within your power to do.
If you feel that there is a genuine strategic value in joining a write-in campaign for a socialist candidate in the election, then do it! If you get too tied up in whether or not it’s the most “moral” choice, you’re going to run yourself ragged in mental circles. Focus on the material reasons for your choices. It will make it easier to act.
Don’t lose hope. Even if liberation comes after we’re gone, it won’t happen without us. And I do believe that it will happen.
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miss-nadias · 2 years
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Hey! Is there any way I could contact you? If you wish to!
I wanna learn more and I can see now that my post was in fact offensive, I want to delete it but I'm afraid I'll lose the chance to hear you out!
I had the best intentions but I see now that the action itself was messed up, (aka making light of the serious matter that is disabilities) I hope I didn't affect you too much, I apologize
I wanna learn more and I'll take your comments to heart and do better and not be so ignorant
Feel free to ignore this completely, it is not your responsibility to teach some kid online about serious matters
Again I apologize to you and others that I may have affected and I rlly hope you have a nice day!
/gen
okay wow I wasn't actually expecting a response. Truth be told I was in a shitty mood and I was a bit harsh.
I'm hardly the right person to talk about this but I need you to know for a lot of people our disabilities are just that, disabling. They are hinderances that prevent us from living fully.
Now some people manage to be functional and happy adults despite their disability, it's certainly not all gloom and despair. But for a lot of us, especially those without support systems financially or emotionally life can be very hard.
Especially in today's day and age where oppression has become a quirky trend. A costume to put on and take off as desired. Whether it's the racial/cultural appropriation of celebrities or abled TikTokers insisting they have mental illness because of xyz stereotype or vauge 'symptoms'.
This certainly includes the physically disabled too, but it's interesting to note there's much less people pretending to be wheelchair-bound or suffering from chronic pain than there are people pretending to have ADHD or DID/OSDD.
Probably a combination of physical disability being harder to pull off and the fact that nobody wants to be really disabled, especially physically. They just want to co-opt our experiences in a fun, safe, and consumable way. There's nothing fun or consumable about being a paraplegic with no mobility in your legs, about being in so much pain some days you are genuinely bedridden.
There's nothing fun about relying on others for basic needs. There's nothing fun about dying in the streets, about being homeless, about getting by on scraps as you struggle to make the rent of your tiny, dilapidated one room apartment because the government, megacorporations, and the various other institutions that make up this country are completely apathetic to your struggles at best, and fucking hate you for existing at worst.
I only have autism and mental illness. (autism is not an illness of any kind, it cannot and should not be 'cured', and organizations that spout this rhetoric have roots in eugenics ideology. Autism Speaks is an excellent example.)
as well as ADHD, anxiety, and possibly depression. I'm one of the 'lucky' ones (hard sarcasm there) who gets to see (usually white) neurotypicals joke about how 'depressed' they are that their favorite band stopped touring, or how 'adhd' and quirky they are for acting like overgrown children. (ADHD has been a particular favorite of these shitheads lately).
And when these chucklefucks online get bored of pretending to have our struggles they start making up fake disabilities entirely, discourse about them, making up fake terminology or co-opting real terms to mean something entirely different. 'emotional labor' 'toxic' 'gaslighting', 'abusive'.
Yet if they had to deal with what we go through in a single day they would be begging to go back. Actually disabled people are still shunned and ostracized for being disabled, for not behaving in the stereotypical way neurotypicals have made up for them, or worse, seen as 'toxic' and 'rude' for displaying symptoms that aren't the fake friendliness neurotypicals are so fond of.
"why don't you smile? it's so creepy."
"how come you nodded at me instead of saying hi? can't you talk?"
That's not even acknowledging people with traumagenic and/or emotional disorders. The "scary" ones. The ones that have the audacity to express negative emotions or feelings that make neurotypicals uncomfortable. Anyone with Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. These people who get angry, who hurt themselves (almost never other people, and it's usually self defense), who are 'anti-social', who lash out at people.
Nobody wants to hear voices in their head who tell them to k*ll themselves, nobody wants to be triggered by something and lose all sense of reality and be forced back into a memory of serious trauma. Nobody wants to have nightmares so bad they refuse to sleep. Nobody wants to suffer severe trauma so bad as a small child their consciousness literally fragments into pieces before they can develop a distinct identity for themselves.
Disability is not a joke. It is not cute, it is not quirky. It is not something you can co-opt the 'good', sanitized parts of, ignoring the overwhelming bad.
Disability fucking sucks.
I'm sorry for the extensive length of this, and for the agressive tone thorought most of this. I got riled up again, but I also needed to make sure I hammered my points in.
To anyone disabled reading this, I am so sorry for the suffering you have to go through in life just for existing, I'm sorry the world treats you like garbage while making light of everything you have to deal with. You deserve so much better than what you are given. 💖
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hopeididntscareyou · 2 years
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topic 1: food
i dont care if its breakfast, lunch, dinner or midnight snack. the only food that will satisfy my hunger is a caesar salad. and if your dressing isn't wishbone then i dont want it (mainly because new wishbone tastes like italian vinaigrette which used to be my fav). i dont know, i just really love lettuce like a pregnant woman. not that i'm pregnant. unless im the next virgin mary then that would be hilarious lmao. i think it comes down to me being used to be a lettuce and cabbage farmer. they were my favorite to grow and i'm always going to love them.
However, you couldn't PAY ME to eat a horrific holocaust of oceans of grease, mountains of salt, and disgusting amounts of cheap nasty carbs - all of these abomination in the form of pizza. I just don't get people's obsession about greasy burgers and pizza. When my coworkers would order pizza/burger i just lose my appetite instantly. I don't know, after just one bite i easily get tired of its taste. If you really want to get fat that much then theres a lot of food out there that are actually tasty. Pizza has lost its appeal to me once I've seen 'my 600 lbs life'. For me its nothing but just a disgusting food for people with unhealthy diet, no matter how fancy you make it to be. Even my italian love for jojo's bizarre adventure part 5 can't even convince me.
topic 2: frens
I really appreciate that my best friends like me for who i am and just see my sassy attitude as something quirky and funny to them. However, i am really not the same person i was in 2020 and i dont really feel insecure/bitter anymore about anything. I aint got no time for that. I just simply dont concern myself about others lives to even react or care about them. I dont want to and honestly, I'm too busy too care. Even theyre talking about gossips about someone i know i just become quiet and get genuinely bored because i dont really give a fuck. And were talking about gossiping by introverts, which is different from gossiping with just anyone. I'm still not that interested. Like i said i have more shit i'm too preoccupied about. I'm sorry I dont spend my day thinking about people and their lives. 😒🤷🏻‍♀️ I dont even have time to feel bad that im not updated about the latest gossips/current events, honestly its less burden to me that i dont get to do any kind of emotional labor because really i would rather find answers to questions about physics and and artificial intelligence rather than hearing about someone's upcoming wedding and relationship problems. Its not that i dont care about my friends but come on, i don't really need to know someone's every fucking activities. i dont need to hear every breathe you take or every move you make. sorry, but i don't spend my life being an orbiter
I also feel like kind of disconnected to a few of my friends, mainly because i'm annoyed that they're very reliant on me. I hate when people rely on me because im a very independent person. Like i dont expect from you so dont expect anything from me either. Were all on our own. If were supposed to make each others lives easier then it should be a fair trade. I dont have resources to give anything to anyone for nothing. Low effort and thoughtlessness really turns me off. If you cant even do the bare minimum then i dont have time for you either. I am too jaded and busy to give free service. I don't have time to waste, and if you do, good for you but don't drag me down with you
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sternbagel · 4 years
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God bless the Rainey’s cause their patience with these young homeowners who keep saying no to the Rainey’s suggestions and arguing with them and yelling at them for like nothing???? I would have walked off the project multiple times already. But they’re still there, being kind and begging the homeowners to trust them
#like it’s free labor from people who are genuinely kind and want nothing more than to help you survive on your own#and you’re gonna yell at them and say ‘no i won’t do this’ and get mad about it?????#‘we don’t trust anyone’ yeah that’s why y’all on the verge of dying#even by the end of this episode the way they#are acting leaves a sour taste in my mouth. they’re also fucking stupid. i gotta say#when you wanna go off grid. y’all. please fucking read shit and talk to people who live like that#maybe watch shows like this? idk just. don’t go into the alaskan wilderness blind#and i feel their pain about the husband’s dad passing away years ago and not being there to help#but you cannot treat people like the rainey’s like that when they have experience and just want to HELP you you dolts#this is homestead rescue on discovery channel if anyone’s interested#anyway the homeowners at the end have opened up a little and that’s#real good! but like i said. i got a sour taste in my mouth from the way they acted throughout the show#ANYWAY#my posts#WAIT ALSO I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!!!#THEY CHAIN THEIR SLED DOGS UP TO LITTLE DOG HOUSES IN THEIR FRONT YARD#idk if the doghouses have heating facilities in them but doubtful cause they’re SMALL#like there’s fucking kennels you can build that are much bigger and will provide more heat and a good SPACE for your dog to move around?????#the rainey’s only have like 7 days to fix problems#cause lol shows need stupid drama!!!#THEY REALLY DON’T but whatever ugh#they don’t have time to fix every problem this couple is having#so the dogs are still chained up outside. which is a pet peeve of mine
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Just read your paranoid Bella post (it was awesome) and what stood out to me is that in these kinds of AUs the Quiletes seem to be kinda left out. If I recall, Billie actively tried to warn Bella that Cullens are bad news and even argued w Charlie about that. How do you think a scenario with Bella who’s not interested in Edward and instead rekindles her childhood friendship w Jacob from the get go (mb befriends Leah too? and is known as ‘the kid w her own company outside of school’) could go?
The post anon is referencing.
I guess I can answer this earlier than I would normally. Sometimes it's good to shuffle the posts around!
Why No Quileute?
Many of the AUs people ask about center around either the Twilight period (something about Bella is significantly different before Twilight begins), the New Moon period (New Moon changes in such a significant manner that Eclipse never happens), or very rarely the post Breaking Dawn period (Bella's off prancing in the woods and Jake is just kind of there).
With the first two especially the circumstances make it unlikely Bella will significantly cross paths with Jake let alone discover the secret of the wolves and meet the rest of the Tribe.
What Do You Mean Bella Might Not Find Out?!
Remember, Jake was not Bella's childhood friend, that was his older sisters. When Bella stops visiting Forks Jake, only a few years younger, seemed like light years younger than Bella Swan. He was not on her radar at all and was that annoying kid brother.
Even as a teenager, Bella's clearly bothered by the age gap between them, seeing it as much larger than it really is.
In the beginning of Twilight she's pleased to see Jake, is willing to flirt with him for information, but she's not at all interested. She only seeks him out in New Moon to work on the motorcycles with him as free labor. From that, the friendship we see through the rest of the series grows.
Before that, though, Billy was more on Bella's radar than Jake ever was. And Billy in canon is Bella's slight enemy as he tries to warn her away from Edward the vampire. Well, Bella certainly knows more than him! So, there, Billy!
As for the wolves themselves, they didn't want to tell Bella, Sam had Jake cut all ties. By happenstance Jake had happened to tell Bella this story and he happens to be able to jog her memory. Had that not happened, she would have assumed he left her just as Edward did and sunk even deeper into depression.
Likely, Charlie would have sent her to live with her mother.
She would never find out the mysteries of the "bears" in the woods, would never meet all the members of the tribe, would never truly develop her deep friendship with Jacob, and she and the Quileute would simply not cross paths.
Bella and the tribe very easily could have been ships passing in the night.
Why No Quileute in Paranoid Bella AU?
Now, this is a Bella who does not want to be with Edward but she's also a paranoid, terrified, wreck. Edward is sneaking into her room every night before Bella gets to First Beach
I imagine she likely does not go to the beach, or if she does, pointedly does not ask anyone about Edward. NOPE, SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Because for all she knows, Edward is hiding somewhere in the bushes watching her.
He, after all, has dropped hints that he knows everything that happens to her.
Bella doesn't know about the treaty at this point and that Edward cannot physically go to La Push.
When Billy gives her cryptic hints, she probably gives him deer in the headlights looks and debates scribbling "SAVE ME" on a sheet of paper, but for all she knows Billy is a human and stands no chance against Edward. In that moment, Edward is right outside her house, in his car, listening to every word.
If Bella tells Billy to get her the fuck out, she might very well be condemning him to be eaten.
"AHAHAHAHAHA BILLY, I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. SO MUCH."
When Billy sends Jake to Prom, Bella is in Edward's arms, right at that moment. Worse, unlike Billy, Jake does think this is ridiculous and is utterly mortified at interrupting her date like this.
Bella wants to cry.
"AHAHAHAHA, JAKE, I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. SO MUCH."
Point being though, Edward doesn't tell Bella about the wolves, and she likely doesn't know about them from the beach. So to her, the Quileutes are just humans who seem to know what she knows. Edward likely never expands on this as he never has to in this universe. So he also never explains things like the treaty. This means they are just normal people who stand no better chance against Edward than she does. She can't go running to them for sanctuary, screaming, and potentially have Edward eat the entire tribe as he would have Biology class.
Just as she wouldn't put her mother or Charlie in danger, Paranoid Bella will not knowingly endanger the tribe.
Paranoid Bella Rekindles Her Friendship with Jake (and Leah Comes Along for the Ride)
Let's say Bella does go to First Beach and notes that Edward says he can't make it for whatever reason. Bella's not sure she believes this but he does seem unnaturally disappointed.
Sam drops his "The Cullens aren't welcome here" ominous line and Bella stares at him long and hard. He seems to know something, might even know the same something she knows, in the first timeline she likely decides it's not worth the risk of Edward overhearing them.
In this one though... this may be her only chance to gather information.
Sam is intimidating and scary looking (which is too bad as he's the one who could actually do something in this situation). So she resorts to her "bad flirting with Jake" plan.
Once again, it works, but this time Bella's soul dies inside.
Oh yeah, the Cullens are vampires and eat people (Bella knew it, SHE KNEW IT) but Jake thinks it's all superstitious nonsense. The only way he has heard of to kill them are noble werewolf spirit warriors from the tribe. But they have the treaty with the Cullens because they don't eat people on purpose (Bella cries inside).
No, Jake's never heard of anyone being an actual spirit warrior, don't be stupid, Bella. It's just an old legend.
Bella leaves the beach miserable.
The Quileute Tribe clearly knows but it seems like there's nothing they can do about it either.
BuT EdWArD's StIll In HeR RoOm aT NiGHt!
Bella decides it's worth the risk.
She drives to Billy's, watching for Edward tailgating her at every moment, but sees no sign of him (thank god). Luckily for her, in this early Twilight period, Edward was trying to pretend not to be a lunatic. So he wasn't running down her car yet like he was in Eclipse.
He's very unhappy she's visiting land he cannot go on but will pretend everything's fine. THIS IS FINE. SHE COULD BE EATEN BY BEARS BUT THIS IS FINE.
Bella confesses to Billy that Edward Cullen, the vampire, is sneaking into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep and she is certain he will try to eat her.
This was not what Billy had hoped or expected to hear from Bella Swan.
Those demonic motherfuckers.
Billy likely debates calling Carlisle, the head of the coven (who genuinely would be appalled by all of this), but he doesn't trust any of these people. He assumes Edward is grooming Bella to be Dracula's Bride (he is) and that this is just a thing vampires do (it's not).
But the Tribe cannot go to war with the Cullens.
They have only one wolf at this point, Sam, who is at this point still a teenager and untried in combat. He would be fighting seven vampires alone, they would be condemning him, and the tribe itself to a massacre.
However, that they haven't come after Bella yet is perhaps a good sign. The Cullens may not want to break the treaty either (Billy doesn't realize it's just Edward out there who wants to break it).
So here's what they'll do, Bella will "rekindle" her friendship with Jacob. She'll come over every single day, immediately after school with no exceptions, and will live at their house every weekend.
No exceptions.
The Cullens cannot enter Quileute land and, if they do... Well then, I guess they prepare for war.
Jake is ecstatic, though weirded out, as Bella suddenly practically lives at his house. They get along very well and soon their friendship is formed. Jake keeps trying to date her though and Bella's not very interested.
As for Leah... Sorry anon, but Leah is at the most miserable point in her miserable life. She's been dumped by Sam for her cousin and she has no idea why this has happened and Sam offers no explanations. She's a ball of rage and misery and has no time for Jacob Black's jittery girlfriend from Forks.
Meanwhile Edward is becoming annoyed.
He accepts the explanation that Bella and Jake are childhood friends, that she knew his sisters growing up, and that they've struck up their friendship again but... He doesn't like it.
He goes from imagining Mike Newton's head exploding to Jacob Black's head exploding.
Every day he curses that treaty and thinks it's so damn convenient that Bella keeps running off to the one place he can't follow.
He sits and he seethes.
...
And I stop here.
Wherever this path leads, anon, it is not one we should follow.
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thesaltminesrph · 3 years
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PSA: Be Upfront
Communication is important in RP.
Now, to preface, I am not going to use the really awful phrase "it's a hobby not a jobby" because this is a really sketch take on what is important to people. You can have a hobby mean a lot to you, be you a collector, a gardener, someone that builds model airplanes, a writer, an artist, etc. Those are all hobbies, and the fruits of your labor are NOT only valuable to you and others if you are paid for them. This saying implies that should you never be a published author, never have a painting sell, never do something that can be sold or have a time clock punched, it doesn’t at all matter. It’s a really discouraging thing to be telling people, quite honestly. I have multiple hobbies outside of RP. Kind of really sucks to see constantly they don’t matter because nobody pays me for what I do. I know I’m not the only one who has said this, but the majority aren’t willing to say it amongst the clamoring of ‘rp isn’t a job’ because then you get people jumping down your throat. Hear me out though! I’m not done.
“BUT I HAVE REAL LIFE!”
Yes! So do we all! We all have problems, and things to take care of. The RPC is littered with people with mental illness, neurodivergence, chronic physical illness (I hit all three categories multiple times, LUCKY ME!). Do not, I repeat, do not ever feel like you need to put RP before: bills, marriage/children/other relationships, your health. Literally, do not have your takeaway from this post be these are secondary to your hobby. They are not. Do not get evicted because you were too busy doing RP at your desk at work, that’s just plain dumb af.
You owe people decency means:
-if you can only do aesthetic posts this week because you are low on writing spoons, that’s fine
-if you had work/health/mother-in-law take over you life this week and you literally didn’t have time to log-in even though you wanted to, that’s fine
-if you are sick in bed and can’t bother to write, that’s fine
What it also means:
-dropping what was supposedly a years long ooc friendship because the other mun isn’t dropping their current muse for you and following you into a different fandom ‘because they’re now boring’ and telling them as much in a message...is shitty behavior.
-daily reblogging multiple memes that people are sending in to you, your wire, your discord, ignoring both those and messages to plot, then whining on the dash that no one wants to write with you (also known as trying to guilt trip interaction, obviously you only wanted it from one specific person not the people actively engaging you)...is shitty behavior.
-claiming you’re open for plots and memes, then only replying to the one or two people consistently for 6 months...is shitty behavior.
Again, in case it wasn’t clear- it’s your blog, it’s your life, it’s your health. That’s not in question.
HOWEVER- be upfront and give people some honesty! What do I mean by that?
If it’s feasible, post that you need a writing break, even if it’s going to be indefinite. Take as many fucking breaks as you need to for your physical and mental health to be the best they can be (I’m not going to say great, as I know what it’s like to just have a ‘good’ health day mean ‘it’s less shit than it could be’).
But if the situation is really you only want to write with these one or two people, just say so! It’s your blog, you’re allowed to decide you’re closed for plots, asks, etc. Just don’t lead people on. Don’t say something and mean something else. Don’t keep reblogging your promo and really you don’t want to write,  and you don’t plan on taking on new mutuals, and don’t plan on replying to dms or threads from anyone else.
I’ll repeat it a little differently to be sure it’s clear- you dictate your activity level and number of mutuals, when you answer asks, threads, etc. This should be at a level that is suited for you and your life, health, etc.
BUT when you engage in RP you are involving someone else’s free time with yours, and it is not fair to them to act like they do not matter. You have involved someone else. Until you disengage from them, be courteous.
I’ll give you an example. When you ask for that starter on both your dash, then DMs, and act super hyped, getting the other mun excited for it, and then they put the time and effort into writing it up and posting it for you, expecting a reply? Only for you to go and make new blogs and immediately ditch that muse without a heads-up? That’s not really fair to the other mun. You communicated you wanted to write this, you hyped them up, they spent their time and writing spoons on your starter...and then you told them other people were more exciting and a better use of your time.
“BUT I DIDN’T TELL THEM THAT!”
Okay, so you didn’t message them ‘Hey loser, your starter sucked, your muse is boring, and honestly, a different fandom is better! Bye!’ But your actions sure give that impression, and unless you communicate otherwise, it’s a shitty move.
Now yes, sometimes you genuinely forget a starter was written because you thought it was drafted and it wasn’t, dumblr is an ass and loses your draft and then you forgot it, something came up that day and bumped it from your mind, etc. NONE OF THESE ARE WHAT I AM REFERRING TO. I have ADHD, object permanence is the thing my brain does where often unless it’s directly in front of my face, it doesn’t exist, until I find it again. I’m aware these things happen, as are most muns, and we don’t mind! Hell, we usually have in our rules “hey if it’s been a hot minute and we haven’t replied to this, feel free to give us a little nudge to see if it’s been lost” because we all know between brains and dumblr’s everlasting fuckery...shit gets lost.
I’m talking about those times where you just up and leave someone hanging without communication. I’m also not saying it might even be on purpose. What I’m saying is you should consider how other muns feel when you do this, and if you cannot avoid it, at least communicate with them.
“Hey, I’m just no longer going to be writing this muse. Sorry I had you write that starter. Do you want to try something with this new one? This is where my brain is at right now.” “Hey I really can’t be online this month thanks to fill-in-the-blank but I do still want to write when I am able.” “Hey, I see you sent in that ask. I’m only interested in this one ship, and I won’t be taking on new threads, but you’re welcome to follow and maybe I’ll take on new threads later. I’m just writing with these two people right now.”
Communication is something that is a requirement in a collaborative hobby.
I know it can be scary. I know the mentality ‘well they reblogged that meme but it’s not for me, I know they said they want to plot but they don’t mean me’, but you really have to get past that when you roleplay to be fair to other people.
Spoiler alert: the examples of shitty behavior further above are what help feed this ‘that post/meme isn’t for me’ mentality, when you do those things you’re fostering people’s anxiety and rejection sensitivity...just saying.
If someone gets mad at you for communicating with them, they’re a shitty person and block them. Literally if someone has a problem with you for trying to start something, especially as mutuals, you’re losing nothing by not writing with them. Find nicer people. So don’t  be afraid to communicate you can’t write currently, you need a break, you’re only writing with these certain people. And don’t be afraid to send in the meme. I promise you, the right people appreciate courteous communication. The ones that don’t...
Again, no one is saying put your life on hold for RP, you’re never allowed to narrow your scope, you’re supposed to always have writing spoons, you need to produce five replies a day or you’re wrong, you always need to log-in to communicate you had a family emergency/depressive episode/etc.
What I am saying, is if you are capable of communicating, respect the time and energy of your fellow muns who may also be very low on spoons and free time themselves, and be honest about where you are at when it comes to taking on new threads, new asks, new partners, etc. Treat others how you want to be treated, and consider you probably wouldn’t like being on the receiving end of the behaviors I’ve described. If you need to be on the clock being paid to be a nice person...please re-evaluate.
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from-seas-to-skies · 3 years
Text
Farm Grown / Hawks x Reader ♕︎
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uwu, I had the lovely @weirddpand4 draw this picture of cowboy Hawks for this work!!!
warnings: NSFW, spanking, cream pie
words: 4,802
-
“Oh, wow! Look at that! I’ve never seen grass so green before!” your friend, Urakaka Ochaco, exclaims.
Glancing up from your phone, you follow her line of vision; gracious hills of rich green grass stretch out far into the horizon, meeting with the brilliant shade of blue. It’s so unlike the skyscrapers and closely-knit houses you’re used to seeing. No, this is what pure beauty looks like, Mother Nature in one of her most wonderful forms. Although the fields are dotted with wildflowers and corn fields, you don’t miss the dirt road further up ahead, a large wooden sign planted next to it.
When Ochaco originally came to you with the idea of being a farmhand, you thought she was crazy. You’ve finally graduated from high school, got the title of professional hero, and this is the first thing she wanted to do? However, as she further explained, it was a family friend who needed help during the summer months, and what were heroes for? Granted, you wanted to run around the cement jungle and provide help that way, but this “almost vacation” didn’t sound too bad – plus, with the puppy eyes Ochaco flashed at you, it was impossible to say no.
And so, here you are, sitting in the passenger side of a coupe with Ochaco behind the wheel. You have to admit; the surrounding atmosphere is beautiful, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to run barefoot through the grass. Clouds of dust rise as the car eventually comes to a stop outside of a weathered farmhouse. Ochako flashes you a smile, her large eyes twinkling.
“Look at how huge this place is! I know Uncle Iroh said he had a couple people helping out, but this is incredible! We’ll each have our own room!”
You can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. Ochaco’s always been easy to rile up, and the fact that she’s genuinely excited to spend quality “bonding time” with you is heartwarming. As the two of you step out of the car, the front door to the farmhouse opens, revealing an elderly man with a long beard and a kind expression. His face cracks into a smile when he and Ochaco make eye contact; the two hurry towards each other, warm greetings and bone-crushing hugs being shared between the two. It’s no wonder Ochaco was so excited to spend the summer here; with a relationship like that, you’d be happy to see the man too.
“Oh, come, come!” Iroh says, hurrying around the car and popping the trunk open. “You must be Ochaco’s friend, yes?” he asks, looking towards you. A wave of pleasant warmth washes over your being as he sends you that charming smile. “I appreciate the help! I only have my nephew and another man working here already, but the extra hands will come in handy.” He pauses then to chuckle at his own joke. “But I think it’s about you two get settled, yeah?”
“Right!” you respond, pulling out your own suitcase.
As you walk up towards the wraparound porch, you glance to the other trucks sitting out in front of the farmhouse. Iroh said two others were already here, so you figured the trucks must be theirs…
“Zuko!” Iroh booms. “Our guests are here!”
After a moment or so, a boy around your age staggers from the kitchen, a tray in his hands. From the looks of it, a teapot and some cups line its surface.
“Tea is our specialty, here,” Iroh says, nudging you with your shoulder. “Get something to drink and then we’ll show you your rooms.”
-
Later on that evening, you’re gazing out your window, watching the sun fall. Hues of orange, peach, and lilac paint the sky, bidding the world goodbye for the night. It’s definitely different to experience it here than back home, back where silhouettes were outlined by the golden glow. A steady breeze carries on, carrying the scent of wildflowers and musk; your curtains flap from the sheer force of it, but you pay it no mind. It’s like Ochaco brought you to a slice of paradise, even if it’s with the intention of putting in labor.
In the distance, you hear calls and the distinguished moos of cows. Shifting your gaze, you catch a herd of cows being moved towards a barn; a man riding a brown horse wrangles them in, a border collie by his side. The way he pulls it off is smooth, and it’s clear that he’s used to pulling such a feat. However, what really catches your attention is the pair of magnificent scarlet wings protruding from his back. Now, you’re used to seeing some rather flashy quirks, but this guy’s is just… Wow.
“Hey, Uncle Iroh wanted me to come get you,” Ochaco’s voice says suddenly. Turning around, you see her standing in the doorway, a pleasant expression playing on her face. “We’re having oyakodon for dinner! Doesn’t a hot meal sound delicious?” And, as if to amp up your spirits, Ochaco licks her lips and pats her tummy. “I’m so hungry from a long drive!”
You huff in amusement. “Yeah, I am too.” Turning around, you catch a glimpse of the cows disappearing into the barn, that mysterious cowboy stationed by the doors. “Hey, Ochaco,” you start before realizing it, “but who’s that other guy that lives here? The one with the wings?”
Walking over to where you stand, Ochaco peers out the window, following your line of sight. “Oh, him? That’s Keigo. Uncle Iroh says he’s only been here for the past year or so, but he’s really good at what he does! I heard all the animals like him a lot – maybe it’s because of the wings?”
“Don’t you think it’s… odd that’s only a farmhand? With a quirk like that, you’d think he’d be doing something else.”
Ochaco shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe you should ask him sometime? Oh, but I’m really hungry! Can we go eat, now?”
“Yeah, sorry, I just got distracted…”
And so, you soon find yourself sitting at a sturdy wooden table, a bowl of oyakodon sitting before you. It smells utterly delicious - and paired with the tea Iroh brewed, you know you’re in for a treat. Just then, you hear a door opening and closing; there’s a chatter of some sorts, but then there he is, right there in the flesh.
Strong build, wide shoulders, blond hair that looks permanently tousled, and oh yes, those magnificent wings. Perhaps you shouldn’t be staring so much, but the sharp line of his jaw and intense eyes make it nearly impossible to look away. You’ve heard of such things, read about them in stories, but maybe, just maybe, you might’ve fallen for the guy at first sight. That, or he’s just too damn attractive for his own good.
“Howdy! Oh, shit, who are these two cuties?”
Or maybe not.
“Oi! Keigo! Can’t you be respectful for once in your life?” Iroh barks, popping around the other. He scowls as he slaps a wing out of his way. “Make a good impression for yourself. These two are going to be here for the rest of the summer, so don’t be an ass.”
“C’mon, gramps,” Keigo drawls, “you know I’m better than that. Plus, if they don’t like my attitude, then it’s not really my fault, huh?”
“Nothing ever changes,” Zuko says lowly, his words followed by a deep sigh.
You and Ochaco share a look. It seems like your Prince Charming is nothing more than a sarcastic asshat. How befitting.
“Liven up, birdies,” Keigo says, sliding into the chair directly across from you. “I don’t bite.” He winks at you. “Yet.”
Your entire body jolts at his proclamation. This guy really is shameless, isn’t he? Still, you can’t help but feel undeniably attracted to him. Curse his charisma, dammit.
“Aw, sweet! Is this oyakodon? Hell yeah.”
To the side, Zuko facepalms. Iroh merely chuckles and shakes his head, much like he’s way too used to this kind of behavior and has accepted it as it is. Hell, even Ochako cracks a smile. You, on the other hand, stare at Keigo in confusion. He has a bird-based quirk, doesn’t he? Does it not bother him to not eat chicken…?
Keigo puts up a hand, an amused glint in his eyes. “Look, I already know what you’re gonna ask, kid. I can practically see the gears spinning in that pretty head of yours. I fucking love chicken.”
Oh… Well, that takes care of that, doesn’t it…
-
After that first fateful encounter, you’ve grown used to Keigo’s ways. It’s funny, though, how he and Zuko’s personalities basically sit on either end of the spectrum, yet Iroh treats the both of them like they’re his children. While Zuko is serious and straight-laced, Keigo is more of a chatty free spirit. That said, you’ve also gotten used to Keigo’s flirty side. You suspect it’s because he likes to get a rise out of everyone. Whether that’s the case or not, your eyes often wander after him, stare down the hard lines of his back. Even better, you itch to trail your lips over the scruff lining his jaw. The guy’s too damn hot and he knows it.
Over the past month, a game of cat and mouse has started between the two of you. Him, trying to act all chummy and overstepping numerous boundaries. You, trying not to give into the weird relationship that’s bloomed between you and him. Sure, you might have flirted back, but what were you supposed to do? After all, Keigo’s proved himself to be a rather cool guy.
“You can’t keep spacing out like that, kid,” Keigo says, snapping you from your thoughts. Glancing down at him, you attempt to suppress your embarrassment, but Keigo’s too smart for that. Despite his relaxed attitude, he’s surprisingly intelligent and quite observant.
Hands tightening around the saddle, you scoff. “I wasn’t spacing out…”
Keigo cocks an eyebrow. “You know, if I wasn’t holding onto the reins, Nugget would’ve bucked you off a long time ago.”
This time, you snicker. You know that he has an undying love for chicken, but every time he refers to his horse as Nugget, you can’t help but laugh. This guy really is like a child.
“Pffft. Laugh all you want, birdie. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s how to ride.” Narrowing his eyes, he flashes you a sultry look. “If you want, I can show you.”
All laughter dies on your tongue. A spark of heat erupts in your stomach, makes your heart thump against your ribcage. He always manages to fluster you, to plant naughty little thoughts into your head. You swallow thickly. “I think… I think I’ll stick with Nugget for now.”
At that, Keigo shrugs, his expression turning into something more nonchalant. “Suit yourself. Seriously, though; you should always keep your focus while riding a horse. Anything can happen, and you’ll only know you’re fucked until you’re being crushed. Better yet, you’re flying overhead and end up snapping your neck. Hate to break it to you, but you don’t have wings to break your fall.”
“Keigo.”
He looks back up at you. “What?”
“Your wings. It’s just that… Well… Why help out on farm?”
Keigo blinks at you, no words slipping out. “Hah? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Shit,” you say quickly, mentally cursing yourself out, “that’s not what I meant. You can fly, can’t you? It just seems like you could’ve made a name for yourself…”
“And become a hero, right?” You wince at his words. He hit the nail right on the head. “Heh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. I could spew a whole bunch of shit from my mouth and call it a day, but that’s not my style. I’m a hero in my own right.”
You furrow your brows. Remaining silent, you wait for him to carry on.
Keigo sighs at your implication. “Not all heroes wear capes or whatever. What about cops? Firefighters? Nurses? People who help put food on your table and help that old man out? Just because I’m not stopping some robbery doesn’t mean I’m not important.”
His words come as a slap to the face. He has a good point; actually, scratch that. He has a fantastic fucking point.
“I’m sorry,” you say after a moment’s silence. “That was selfish of me.”
Keigo waves a dismissive hand. “Don’t beat yourself up, kid. Nugget gets nervous if you get into a bad mood.”
Absentmindedly, your hand drops onto the horse’s neck, giving it a couple of reassuring strokes. “He’s a beautiful horse.”
“Yeah – well, until I bathe him. Getting up close and personal to horse cock isn’t fun. A bit degrading, actually.”
Slapping a hand over your mouth, you try to muffle your sudden laughter. Air streams through the cracks of your fingers.
Instead of his usual smirk, Keigo flashes you a genuine smile. You’ve only seen it once or twice before, but it never fails to make your heart stop. His whole face scrunches, his pearly teeth a startling white compared to his sun-kissed skin. Okay, so maybe you’ve fallen in love with this guy. It’s no big deal; you’re only here for the summer, so there’s no point in chasing after something you can’t have.
“What, did ya find that funny? I’m here all week, folks.”
“You saying you’re a standup comedian now?” you shoot back. “I didn’t know they accepted clowns on farms.”
“Ohoho, so you do got a mouth. Where’s that been all this time, huh? Would’ve made things a lot more fun.” Reaching up, he knocks his cowboy hat further back, revealing more strands of sandy hair and bronzed skin. “Listen here, partner. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.”
“Oh my god,” you say with a snort. “You’re such a dork.”
Keigo snickers. “You know you love me.”
Heh. Yeah…
If only he knew.
-
Maybe you should’ve taken his words more into consideration.
Your instincts are more attuned to what could happen in battle, not for words. Besides, Keigo is a sneaky bastard. Most of the things that spew from his mouth are innuendos and pure sarcasm. He doesn’t really come off as a genuine type of person.
It’s whatever. You don’t like to read into things too much, and maybe that’s your fault, maybe it’s not. Who knows?
Even so, your eyes continuously drift over to where he stands. He busies himself with hanging Nugget’s saddle and harness away, his body lax. If one’s thing for sure, he definitely seems a lot more comfortable around animals rather than actual human beings. You can’t blame him, but what about you? Is he comfortable around you?
Clearing your throat, you turn back to the task at hand. Brushing Nugget down, you trail your hand over the coarse hair, the hard muscle. You meant it when you said he’s beautiful. Shiny brown coat, straw colored hair – he seems like the perfect match for Keigo.
“Cowboy Keigo,” you mutter. “Tell me, Nugget,” you begin, “does Keigo treat you right? Feeds you apples and lumps of sugar? A pretty horse like you deserves to be spoiled.” At the mention of his master’s name, Nugget whinnies. “Is that a yes? You’re avoiding the question, man.”
“Are you seriously trying to sweettalk my horse?” Keigo pipes up. Stepping over the stall, he hoists himself up onto the gate and straddles the wood. Wings sweeping behind him, he flashes you a peculiar look. “Didn’t they teach you in school that you shouldn’t seduce a horse? I don’t know about you, kid, but bestiality isn’t smiled upon around here.”
“Then what does that say about you, bird boy?” you quip. “Surely you don’t put yourself in that category?”
“Ooo, degradation. How did you know that was one of my kinks? Were you looking through my search history?”
Rolling your eyes, you set the brush to the side and join him at the gate. Climbing up, you mimic his movements and straddle the wooden beam. “Kinky cowboy, huh? Kind of has a nice ring to it.”
“Oh yeah. I’ve got the bedazzled white boots and everything. I mean, I’m already wearing the assless chaps and everything.”
“You sound more like a stripper rather than a farmhand. What do you think, Nugget?” you ask, turning towards the horse. Nugget merely snorts and shakes his head.
“Hey, hey, don’t agree,” Keigo tells him. “I’ve got to keep my secret life a secret, you damned horse. Help a guy out.”
“I guess your partner would rather throw you under the bus,” you say with a chuckle. “Good horse.”
“Now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.”
“Cry me a river, bird boy. Or do I have to kiss your booboos?”
At that, Keigo falls quiet. The look in his eyes is unreadable, but the way his body tensed tells you something else entirely. Abruptly, he swings his leg over the gate and hops back down onto the ground. Aw, shit. Did you take it too far? It was only lighthearted flirting and yanking on his leg-
“C’mere,” Keigo says, offering you his hand. His voice is a lot more… soft.
With little to no hesitation, you take hold of his hand and get off the gate. You’re about to ask him what he wants, but then he’s abruptly pulling you to the side, further away from the stable’s open doors. Birds are singing outside, their sweet melody carrying along with the sweet summer breeze. It almost seems like an entire world away. A grunt escapes your lips as you’re shoved against the wall, the smell of straw and musk filling your senses. Keigo steps in close, the heat radiating off his body sending shivers down your spine.
“Listen here, pretty little birdie,” he drawls, his lips pulling back in a smirk, “but I may just have to take you up on that offer.”
Wait, what?
“What the hell, Keigo? Where is this coming from?” you question. It’s not like you’re against him being so damn close, it’s just… unexpected.
“Oh, right, like I’m supposed to pretend that you don’t gawk at me at any chance you get. You’re not very subtle, you know.”
Embarrassment heats up your insides, crawls up your neck. So this bastard is really going to rub it in your face, huh? Seems just like him.
“Then why didn’t you say anything about it before?” you hiss. “If it’s such a problem, don’t stay silent. You’re not the type to let things like that slide.”
“Who said it was problem?”
Keigo: 1 / you: 0
Spluttering, you try to gain control of your whirling emotions. This is not how you were expecting this conversation to go. Actually, you weren’t expecting this conversation at all!
“I know for a fact that you can’t get enough of me,” Keigo continues. “And if I’m being completely honest, I like it. You look so cute when you stare after me, birdie. Then you have the audacity to pretend like nothing happened whenever I catch you.”
“Is that what this is all about?” you huff. “Okay, fine. I admit it. Maybe I watch what you’re doing more than what’s necessary. It’s not my fault you walk around all the time without a shirt on or anything…”
“Normally, I’d say because it’s because I get hot when I’m working, but knowing that you were watching made it all the better.” He winks at you. “Gotta hand out a treat here and there, you know?”
“You really are a clown!” you squeak. Keigo laughs as you weakly shove at his chest. “You’ve been leading me on this entire time? What am I, a joke?”
“Hey now, don’t get ahead of yourself, kid. It’s not my fault you couldn’t come up to me like a civilized adult.”
Okay, now you’re fuming. “Keigo, you fucking idiot-“
Swooping in, Keigo cuts you off with a kiss. Unsurprisingly, his lips are soft; he tastes like citrus and salt, and before you know it, you’re looping your arms around his neck, knocking his hat off in the process. A huff of laughter fans across your lips as Keigo pulls back, his mouth hovering over yours. “Shit, I’ve been wanting to do that ever since your pretty ass sat at the kitchen table for the first time.”
You sigh. “You really do have a bird brain…”
You kiss him, again and again. Perhaps you should be ashamed that you have your tongue shoved down somebody’s throat rather than working, but there’s no way you’re stopping now. Like him, you’ve been waiting for this moment. The two of you have been tiptoeing around each other, rolling the tension back and forth like a goddamn snowball.
But fuck if it doesn’t feel good.
His hands aren’t shy, not in the slightest. Fingertips map out the ridges and dips of your body, seek out the spots that really make you tick. You bite back a giggle as he drops his mouth down your neck, the scruff covering his jawline tickling your skin. Your own hands trail over his body, tracing over the hard lines of muscle that hide beneath his clothes. Time and time again, whenever you’d see him without a shirt, you wanted nothing more than to run your hands all over him. This is your chance, now, and you’d be damned if you didn’t take it.
“Shit, shit, shit, not the wings,” Keigo pants into your neck. The scarlet feathers feel like silk beneath your fingertips; skimming over them, you follow their shape, feel how they get fluffier the closer they are to his shoulders. “Oh, fuck. You know just what you’re doing, huh, birdie? Playing around with me like that. Two can play at that game.”
Another grunt slips from your lips as he pushes you against the wall, harder this time. His hands shamelessly drift underneath your shirt, warm palms sliding over your skin. Your shirt comes off before you know it, being unceremoniously thrown to the ground.
“Fuck, birdie, aren’t a pretty one,” Keigo purrs, his nose bumping against your throat as he sucks another mark into your flesh. “I bet you’re real pretty down here, too…” Making quick work of your jeans, he easily slips them down your legs and you eagerly step out of them. “Don’t mind if I do, kid,” he murmurs into your ear before nipping at the lobe.
A weak moan breaks from your throat as a hand slips into your underwear and cups your sex. His hand is just so warm, and the roughness of his callouses causes your head to spin. Within no time, wet, sinful noises sound from between your legs, mixing with your heavy breaths and Keigo’s encouraging words.
“Yeah, you like that, birdie? My fingers feel good, huh? Wait until you get a feel of my cock.”
Spurred on by his words, you hastily unbutton his shirt, pushing the fabric to the side and running your hands over the swell of his pectorals, the ridges of his abdomen. A faint dusting of blond hairs covers his chest and arms; and, if you look close enough, more sticks out from the waistband of his jeans. Keigo hums as you continue to feel him up, his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek.
“Like what you see? I bet you’ve been wanting to do this for a long time… Fuck! Not going to go easy on me, huh? I like someone who can bite back.”
“Has anybody ever told you that you talk too much?” you breathe. Fingers wrapped around his cock, your movements catch up to his in speed. “You should consider yourself lucky that I like your voice.”
“Oohoohoo, feisty. That mouth of yours is saying a lot of mean things today, isn’t it? Guess I’ll have to put you in your place.” He pauses, swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. “But, if I’m being entirely too honest, I don’t think I have the patience for that.”
“Keigo,” you pant, “I swear to Christ if you don’t fuck me right now-“
“On it, on it. Don’t get your panties in a twist, your majesty.” In hurried movements, he strips you of your underwear and shucks his chaps and jeans down. Large hands grip onto your thighs and then you’re being hoisted up, sandwiched between his rigid body and the wall. “Why, won’t you feel that,” he purrs, “I’d say it’s high noon.”
“Don’t talk about your dick like that, you dork,” you scoff. “Oh, fuck.” Another pleasured noise slips through your lips as you grind down against him, his cock just barely teasing your hole.
“What was that, birdie? You know what they say – sweetie on the farm, a freak in the barn.”
“You’re anything but sweet. Just – Keigo, please?”
“Alright, I get it, enough teasing.” Adjusting his hold on you, he flashes you a tiny smile. “Hold on, partner.”
A choked groan breaks free from your throat as his cock slides in, your velvety walls sucking him in greedily. That damned smirk of his stays on his face the entire time he fucks you, along with that devious glint in his eyes. His façade only cracks after you start stroking his wings and squeeze around his cock; if he wants to act like a cocky son of a bitch, then so can you.
“Shit, you’re fucking tight,” he pants. The smack of skin against skin fills your ears, right alongside Keigo’s breathy moans and muttered words. “Keep squeezing like that, birdie, and you’re gonna make me cum quicker than I want to.”
“You almost sound like that’s exactly what you want me to do,” you breathe. “A cowboy like you has got to have some stamina, right? Don’t tell me all of that work goes to nothing.”
“Jesus, and you called me talkative. Fuck, I can’t wait to shove my cock down your throat and shut you the hell up – I said don’t squeeze like that, holy hell. Dirty little head you got there, huh?”
“Shut the fuck up,” you mumble, yanking him back into a kiss. Keigo only moans loudly as you continue to play with his wings, quickly finding out that the spot where they protrude from his flesh is the most sensitive.
“Milk my cock, birdie,” he mutters between broken kisses. “You’re so fucking good to me, oh yeah. I should’ve done this weeks ago.” A startled squeak bursts from your throat as he abruptly strikes your ass. Sucking air through his teeth, he does it again, relishing in the desperate noises spilling from your mouth. “That’s right, birdie. Come on, make me cum. I’m gonna cum so fucking hard for you, fill you up until your belly’s bloated.”
“Keigo-“  You moan as his hand drops down, fingers furiously rubbing at your sex.
“That’s right, say my name. Let the whole fucking world know who’s fucking you this good.”
“Keigo-“
Smack.
“KEIGO!”
The knot building up inside you snaps; with a cry, you cling even closer to him, your velvety walls spasming around his thick cock as you cum.
Slamming a hand against the wall, Keigo fucks into you harder, faster, the wet noises sounding from between your legs almost deafening. “Oh fuck yeah, oh fuck yeah, oh fuck, fuck, fuck – ah- ah- ugghnn…” Burying his face in your neck, his hips erratically jerk as warmth fills your insides. “Still… cumming… fuccckkk…”
Your eyes flutter as he shallowly thrusts into you, the sinful squelch of his cum leaking out around his cock filling your ears. Slowly, he comes to a stop, his hot breath fanning over your neck and the side of your face. Gingerly, you let him go, completely unaware that your fingernails had dug into him in the first place.
“Well,” he starts, lifting his head and flicking away sweaty strands of hair, “that was eventful, wasn’t it?”
You scoff. “Tell me why I like you again…?”
“Oh, darling,” he drawls, leaning in and pecking the corner of your mouth. “I don’t think you like me. I think you love me. You aren’t very subtle.” He laughs as you smack him on the chest.
“Okay, fine. You’re lucky I love you, bird brain. Don’t go rubbing it in.”
“Silly birdie,” Keigo hums, his face scrunching into that wonderful smile of his. “I may just love you too.”
Wait, seriously?
“And no, I’m not joking or being an ass,” he continues, as if reading your mind. “What’s it called? Love at first sight? I dunno, seems like cheesy bullshit to me, but I… I like the appeal of it. It sounds nice when you’re involved.”
Your heart thumps against your chest.
Oh, fuck.
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novoaa1writes · 3 years
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honest
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pairing(s): daisy johnson x nb!reader, melinda may & nb!reader (familial)
summary:
coming out is never easy—even when you’ve got reliable people in corner.
contains: angst & fluff with happy ending
(also available on ao3.)
word count: ~2,000
rating: teen
warnings: sparring, self-doubt; anxiety (not chronic); muscle pains, bruises, and aches (from exertion); mild language; coming out; discussions of gender and sexuality
notes: 
in my head, this is staged at the playground somewhere in season 2-3ish of marvel’s agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
— —
disclaimer: this is in no way reflective of the experiences of all non-binary individuals everywhere. as someone who’s recently had the realization that i am Not Woman and Not Man and has been subsequently made to have some rather difficult conversations with those closest to me about changing up pronouns, this is simply based off of my own experience and struggles with my gender / sexuality. it’s a uniquely personal thing to come to terms with, and it’s different for everyone.
feel free to message me if you’d like to talk about it!
— —
You let out a long, slow breath, eyeing yourself critically in the bathroom mirror. 
Nervous eyes, shower-damp skin, lower lip swollen and puffy from biting it relentlessly—an obtrusive testament to the overwhelming abundance of unease ballooning in your chest.
Yeah. Seems about right. 
“C’mon, Y/N,” you grumble, taking great care to pitch your voice well below the hum of the fan overhead. “It’s fine. You’re fine.”
The more insistent you become, the less you believe it. 
“It’s just Daisy,” you continue, silently willing yourself to remain undeterred by the crushing doubt that gnaws away at your insides. “She’ll understand.” 
... But will she?
You frown at your reflection, skin prickling with frustration. “And if she doesn’t…” you trail off, hating the quiver in your voice for betraying your weakness. “If she doesn’t, then you shouldn’t be with her anyways.” Your voice comes out stronger this time, even if the words themselves are enough to scare you shitless. 
You like Daisy. Could grow to love her, even. 
Being with her… it’s made you the happiest you’ve ever been in your entire life, and damn it all, but you mean that. 
“She’s going to understand,” you say aloud. “She will.”
God, you pray that that’s true. 
— —
7:00am sees you getting your ass thrown violently all across the mats by an ever-indomitable Melinda May, racking up bruises and scratches and aches like no one’s business. 
By the time 9:00am hits, you’re a wheezing mess, sprawled spread-eagled atop the sparring mats—lungs on fire, chest heaving for breath; sweat-drenched skin littered with technicolored bruising.
In short, it’s hellish. 
“C’mon,” May urges, tone curt and even. She looms imposingly down upon you from above, a decidedly unamused expression gracing her elegant features—and, get this: not a single hair out of place, nor a hint of labored breathing. 
You groan and squint up at her, searching for—
A-ha!
There, just above one immaculately-manicured brow and, like, two millimeters beneath her hairline—a tiny little droplet of perspiration. As you watch, it seems to absorb itself into her flawless skin—disappearing before your eyes like it was never even there. 
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” you grumble. 
May just raises a single brow, offering you a hand up. “Up.”
You frown at her but don’t push your luck; rather, you accept the proffered hand and allow her to pull you to your feet. Your arms and legs and abdominal muscles all scream in protest as you lurch upright into a flat-footed stance, but you grit your teeth and bear it. 
Training with May—torturous (and often humiliating) as it may be—is voluntary. Something you chose, and continue to choose even despite the unadulterated hell it puts your body through with every swift kick and bone-jarring punch.
Not only that, you’re lucky to study opposite someone as fearless, skilled, and fucking terrifying as Melinda May. 
Even when your limbs are all ache-y and sore and burning with a pain beyond your years, you know that. 
Still… 
You probably could’ve done without this today. After all, getting your ass kicked for a solid two hours all across the mats doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. And, considering the conversation you plan to have with Daisy this afternoon, you’re gonna need to muster up all the confidence you can get. 
— —
“Spit it out,” May prompts, sidling up to match you stride for stride as you take a couple cool-down laps around the miniature track (¼ the size of a regulation model)... walking, that is. Not jogging. 
Honestly, you think that if you even tried jogging right now, you’d pass out. 
You spare her a sidelong glance as the two of you round the bend, perfectly in sync. “What?” 
May purses her lips, giving you a look. “You were sloppy today,” she remarks pointedly. “Distracted.” 
Her stare seems to burn holes through the side of your head. 
“Wow, thanks,” you mumble. The sardonic quip tastes funny coming off your tongue.
“You were off today,” May reiterates, sidestepping your wisecrack entirely. Her footsteps are soundless even as the soles of your beat-up Air Force Ones slap the tread audibly with every stride. “That doesn’t happen often.”
“Sure it does.” You shrug. “You kicked my ass today, same as always. If you ask me—” You hesitate briefly at the look on May’s face, which is plainly screaming ‘I didn’t’ “—today’s been anything but out of the ordinary.” 
“You’re a terrible liar,” May remarks without missing a beat. It’s like she didn’t even hear you (which you damn well know that she did). 
Still, you don’t do her the disservice of arguing the point any further. 
You walk another ten paces in perfect silence—no, twelve. You know because you count each one. 
Unsurprisingly, you’re first to break the immersive quiet. “I think I want to tell Daisy.”
May’s impartial expression doesn’t change. “About?”
You almost roll your eyes, but manage to curb the impulse at the very last second. “You know what about.”
Hell, May was the first person you told. You came to her quarters hyperventilating in the dead of night, tears streaming down both cheeks and a sense of such deep-seated discomfort swelling in your chest, your ribs positively ached with the force of it.
“I want to hear you say it.”
You bite your lower lip, apprehension gnawing at your insides. “About…” You trail off, internally scolding yourself. This shouldn’t be so fucking hard. “About me being… non-binary.” 
Non-binary. 
What a flimsy little term. So matter-of-fact… almost scientific in nature. And yet, the way it affects you is nothing short of visceral—all-encompassing and monstrous, compressing your very lungs in an iron-clad vice until it’s agony to draw breath. 
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts ; voicing this simple reality that’s plagued you since you were very small, looming malignantly in the margins of everything you do… and yet, the truth of it rings keen and strong in your ears—clear as a bell.  
It’s liberating and frightful all in one; a grating juxtaposition, to be clear.
“Yes.” The sound of May’s uncharacteristically gentle intonation cuts clean through the blaring noise in your head, yanking you out from a sea of inner turmoil with startling decision. “I’m proud of you.”
Her words—gently-spoken as they may be—hit you like consecutive sucker punches to the gut. “What?” you choke, forcing out a breathless chuckle. 
May—predictably—is staunch, unyielding… wholly undeterred. “You’re being true to yourself,” she insists, matching you step for step as you start in on lap two. Your chest burns something awful and your legs aren’t much better, but you pay it little mind. “That’s no small thing.”
“It’s terrifying,” you tell her. As far as you’re concerned, that’s something of an understatement.
She nods. “It often is.”
“What if… What if I tell her and she doesn’t like me anymore?”
May raises a single brow. “Daisy, a known bisexual who has stated on more than one occasion that the gender binary is ‘stupid’ and ‘exclusionary’? Daisy, who’s been on dates with more than one openly non-binary person in the past?”
“Well, when you put it like that…” 
May—bless her heart—doesn’t snort or sigh or roll her eyes, but you can tell it’s not for lack of wanting. Instead, she merely slants you a pointed look that says, ‘Exactly.’
You walk the next six strides in silence, your feet aching in your shoes.  
“I’m going to tell her,” you say eventually, a tinge of cautious certainty creeping into your tone. You don’t know who you’re trying to convince—yourself, or May. 
All the same, May is nothing if not steady and dependable amidst stormy seas; she always knows just what to say. (Or, what not to say, as it were.) 
There are no tears, no hugs, no flowery platitudes… nothing but a sharp nod of approval and the barest hint of a grin curving her lips, like she sees you for who you are and she approves—like she’s proud, even. You don’t know how else to translate the tender mercy in her eyes, the way it seems to warm you from the inside out. 
Yeah, you can tell Daisy. 
You’re going to tell Daisy. 
And May’s gonna be right there beside you the whole time.
— —
In retrospect, you definitely could’ve gone about this better. 
Like, you weren’t exactly going for the kind of heartfelt reconciliation you’d see in some coming-of-age sap-fest movie on the big screen; and it’s not as though there’s an exact script to follow for all this, but… 
Pulling away from a decidedly heated kiss to blurt out, “I’m not a woman”—and doing so while you’re half-naked and straddling the lap of a similarly scantily-clad Daisy in bed, no less—definitely hadn’t been your first choice. 
Judging by the expression on Daisy’s pretty features—which is caught somewhere between taken aback and genuinely concerned—she’s coming to the same conclusion.  
To her credit, though, she recovers quickly—though the crease between her brows (a testament to her lingering bewilderment) remains. “What?”
You swallow thickly, carding your fingers through her tousled hair—a nervous habit of yours you’d developed as of late. “I’m…” You sigh, apprehension building in your chest. “I’m not a woman.”
Daisy’s brows raise marginally even as she offers a shallow nod, wide attentive eyes steadfastly holding yours. “Okay…” she begins gently, rubbing circles into the bare skin above your left hipbone with a callused thumb—a subtle nudge for you to continue. 
“I just—I don’t feel like a woman,” you say, and this time it’s easier, even if the sheer measure of honesty in that statement is enough to make your stomach turn. “And I don’t feel like a man, either.”
Understanding flares in Daisy’s pretty brown eyes. “Okay,” she says again. “So, you’re not a woman…” She pauses, dipping her head to place a feather-light kiss upon your shoulder. “And you’re not a man,” she continues, lifting her jaw to study you face-to-face, the tip of her pert nose brushing up against your own. “Which means… ?”
“I’m, um,” you squirm a bit, shifting atop her bare thighs, “... non-binary.” Your cheeks are hot, burning with shame, and you have never been so grateful that your skin is tawny enough to conceal it. 
Daisy doesn’t blink. “Okay,” she replies, then leans forth to place a barely-there peck atop your lips. 
You frown down at her, lips tingling. “‘Okay’?” you repeat.  
Daisy grins, leaning in for another kiss—and you’re all too quick to indulge her even as your thoughts spin and disbelief wars violently with consternation within your chest. 
Her lips are soft and warm against your own; when her tongue flits out to trace your lips, you’re parting them in an instant to meet her halfway; the sensation of kissing her is nothing short of euphoric, and you surrender willfully unto it like leaves in the brisk autumn wind. 
Seconds pass, or maybe it’s minutes, but she’s catching your lower lip between her teeth and you’re sucking on the tip of her tongue and— 
Quite suddenly, the kiss has become nothing short of filthy—all open-mouthed and desperate and bruising just how you like, and damn it all, but you can finish the rest of the conversation another time.
For now… well. You’re preoccupied with other things.  
— — 
(Later that night, when you’re both laid up in bed and drifting off to sleep, Daisy asks if you’d like her to start referring to you as ‘they’ and ‘them’ rather than ‘she’ and ‘her.’
When you answer in the affirmative, telling her that nothing would make you happier, the sheer measure of honesty in your words doesn’t feel nearly as nauseating as it did before. 
In fact, it’s rather the opposite.
The way Daisy reacts—a murmured, “Okay”; a feather-light kiss upon your forehead; two strong arms pulling you closer in the dark… well. That’s just icing on the cake. 
Despite everything—the self-doubt, the second guessing, the aching soreness settling into the very marrow of your bones—you feel yourself break out into a broad grin beneath the pitch-dark cover of night.
You feel good; comfortable in your own skin. You feel… happy.)
— —
end notes: i want melinda may to be my friend.
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seeuonadarknite · 4 years
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cat and mouse — yandere tsukishima kei x f. reader
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warnings: noncon, fingering, exhibitionism, degradation, rumors
All throughout high school you would tell yourself that college would be a breeze if you made it out alive. Sure, the difficulty in studies would increase tenfold, and turning in work would be a lot more crucial towards your final grade, but it would all be worth it in the end. You were working towards a goal, towards a purpose. Once you received your diploma, you'd be capable of getting a real, well-paying job that would financially take care everything you'd ever need.
And the best part about the college you were attending was that, for the most part, the people were all good-natured and grounded. You didn't have to deal with juvenile brats that projected their insecurities by picking on smaller people.
For the most part, that was.
Whilst the campus wasn't necessarily riddled with hellions, it still had its flaws. There was one person who you could definitely live without; Tsukishima Kei. He was an admirable student who was enrolled for free with the help of his scholarship. Nobody would ever suspect a guy like him to do something as dastardly as using his power to tarnish a fellow classmate's reputation in order to isolate them from the school's population.
But that was exactly what he had done to you.
None of it made sense to you. Why would a guy you have nothing to do with take time out of his day to make your life a living hell? At the start of the semester, you had multiple friends and your studies were going perfectly. But the four eyed monster had to barge his way into your life and sabotage all of your relationships by spreading a stupid rumor that all of his minions believed because it came from a reputable guy like him. Why would Tsukishima lie about something like that? He just wanted the world to know the truth, right?
You were sick and tired of the entirety of the campus keeping a distance from you as if you had some sort of plague. If people actually looked into both sides of the story, they would understand that everything coming from Tsukishima's mouth was utter horse shit. This immature behavior of his was absolutely unacceptable and you were determined to get to the bottom of it.
So you took it upon yourself to approach him after bumping into him on one of your off days. Sure, it was risky confronting him head on, but you were literally in frozen back aisle of a grocery store. If he tried anything funny with you, he'd be immediately stopped with the scream of your mouth.
Inhaling a deep breath, you flickered your eyes towards the lanky blonde who seemed to be torn between picking out ice cream flavors. If you calmly approached, he might be willing to reason with you. All you needed to do was figure out the perfect time to attack—
"Oh? So you're some sort of stalker, too?"
Shit. He turned around to face you whilst you were busy getting caught within your internal battles. Great, you no longer had the upper hand here. So much for the element of surprise.
In an instant, he was on the move, looming over you and making small steps towards your cowering figure until your back hit the door to the icy freezer. Goosebumps began to stain your skin as the condensation of the chilly glass soaked through your flimsy tank top.
His palm greeted the glass as he placed it right above your head, successfully blocking your desired escape route. This is okay. You were one scream away from safety—
"Mmf!" His rough, calloused hand clasped over your mouth before you could even think about mustering up a measly response.
You felt small under his scrutinizing glare as his eyes narrowed dangerously at your cowering form. "Nobody can see us back here. However, if you don't shut the fuck up, they'll hear us. And everyone will know just how much of a slut you really are." It was obvious in the way that he spoke that malice was dripping from his tone as he tantalizingly carried his penurious words.
You didn't understand; had you done something to hurt him? Why was he so keen on preaching to the world that you were just some brainless slut that didn't deserve her privileges? And it wasn't as if what he was saying made any sense whatsoever. If you screamed, all fingers would automatically be pointed towards the guy cornering his frightened victim. That was kind of the nature of calling for help.
Flickering your unsteady gaze up towards Tsukishima's, you felt your stomach drop. The way his enigmatic golden-brown eyes burned holes into your form through his fogged glasses sent chills running up your spine. It was a complete mystery how he managed to look so uninterested, yet with such hawk-like intensity at the same time.
The way he stripped you down with his menacing gaze left you regretting not equipping yourself with pepper spray beforehand. Any form of self defense would've been completely conductive towards your case. But alas, you let your guard down and made the fatal mistake of showing up at the grocery store unarmed. You'll have to dually note not to be vulnerable in any public space for the next time.
It didn't help that the voice in the back of your mind was screeching at you to do something, pleading with you to make a move, nonetheless your body failing to pick up on any internal signals. Not only was your inability to move on your own making matters difficult, but Tsukishima's knee propping itself up in between your legs rendered your legs useless, terminating your biggest line of defense. The way he predicted your every move like it was as easy as drinking water was unnerving; he definitely knew what he was doing.
It was hard to decipher what rang louder in your ears; your heart pounding through your chest at rapid speeds, or your labored breath. Perhaps it was just your nerves hitting you like a runway truck, but it genuinely felt as if every one of your organs had clambered up into your throat. It couldn't get much scarier than this. If you stuck around here for much longer, he'd have his way with you in no time and you'd be left with nothing but a guilty conscious.
The fact that he was actively defiling you was humiliating enough in itself, doing it in the back of a sparsely populated grocery store only added insult to injury. If you allowed yourself to get violated by your college bully, much less inside of a public space, it'd eat at you for who knows how long. You couldn't just let him get by with such a vile act.
However, he didn't give you much time to sulk on it, as he interrupted your train of thought with his free hand traveling down south towards the hem of your shorts. Once his hand reached your navel, you began violently thrashing in his vice-like grip like a wild animal. Going down without a fight wasn't on your agenda.
You half expected him to scowl at you and maybe cuss you out, but his facial expression remained as vacant as ever. Having said that, although he seemed unbothered by your gesture, it still wouldn't do in his book. He had to stop you from making a scene somehow, so he swiftly removed his hand from your face, only to shove his fingers into the wet caverns of your mouth. The way your tongue desperately pushed at his digits only caused the tent in his trousers to grow. You were unintentionally coating his fingers in your warm saliva.
Nonetheless, whilst Tsukishima was having the time of his fucking life, you were feeling your vision begin to impair as tears clouded your eyes, threatening to spill from the brim. This only egged him on as a sinister grin tore across his face. The way your warm, salty tears frantically poured down your face empowered the lanky male. It proved that only he had the power to turn the handles behind the faucet in your eyes with just the touch of his hand; he was the only one capable of making you feel this way.
A pathetic mewl emitted from your throat, unintentionally sending vibrations throughout the fingers that Tsukishima had shoved into your mouth, as he wasted no time in slipping his fingers under the elastic to the flimsy piece of clothing protecting your sensitive parts. The way he dragged his slim fingers across your folds was absolutely agonizing. It stopped you from predicting his next course of action, as he was going so painfully slow.
He eventually guided his index finger towards your slit, prodding the pad of his digit against your weeping hole. He got a kick out of watching your body quiver with anticipation as he dragged out his movements, slowly inserting his lengthy finger into the heat of your cunt, inch by inch.
It felt like you had been waiting for decades before he finally plunged his finger all the way inside of your cunt, basking in the way your walls immediately clamped down on the digit. You immediately began regretting wishing he'd hurry his pace, because he quickly resorted to pummeling your hole with his nimble finger at rapid speeds. At this rate, it felt like your legs were going to give in beneath you.
It didn't take the blonde long before he swiftly inserted another finger, relishing in the way that you practically sucked on his fingers as a form of leverage. The way he scissored and curled his fingers inside of you at unbearable speeds left you a whimpering mess. It remained a complete mystery to you on how the store's patrons didn't seem to notice the gigantic blonde expertly fingering you into the freezer, fucking your hole with his fingers senseless.
And it was unbelievably humiliating how unbothered he was by the lewd, obscene sounds of squelching your cunt produced as he curled both nimble fingers upwards, repeatedly hitting the spongy spot inside of you that you could only assume was your g-spot.
If he continued at this rate, you'd come undone in no time. As much as it embarrassed you to cum all over your bully's fingers in a matter of minutes, you couldn't ignore the tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach. You couldn't ignore the tingly sensation you felt heating up in your core. At this point, it didn't even matter to you if you gave into his childish game of cat and mouse.
"Hey, shortcake, eyes on me." You had managed to successfully distract yourself from the situation at hand by pondering over your own release without even realizing it. It seemed like you were beginning to enjoy yourself as you chased your own release, much to Tsukishima's dismay. That wouldn't do. The purpose of this was to humiliate you and put you right in your place. You weren't supposed to be enjoying this one bit.
Perhaps if you had cried a little bit harder, or even bitten down on his fingers that remained idle in your mouth, maybe he would have been content with just violating your cunt with his fingers. But in his book, you were growing bored. And he was as well.
Perhaps it was time to take it up a notch. It was time for the real deal.
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obeymeluv · 3 years
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Could you do one with an MC who is rich and has two butlers and they happen to arrive out of nowhere, and they start to become clingy, and they call MC ✨Master✨? How would the brothers react? And could you also please do the reaction of the undateables to? Thank you and keep up the great work!❤️❤️
What an interesting concept :0
These will be short-ish since you want to include the Undateables, too. Also, bear with me. First time doing the Undateables. Luke is excluded because he is a baby. 
Lucifer:
He didn’t remember this being in your selection packet. This is unacceptable.
Is very unnerved and aggravated because...why so clingy? Have some dignity!
Literally wrinkles his nose at them and scoffs
When they address you as “Master” in his presence he tries very hard not to throw something at them or make a demon noise.
Something about them addressing you like that seems like a smack in the face, like they’re flaunting their closeness and he’s just not here for it
If they get him the right way on the wrong day, he’s going to pull rank and be like ‘I was here with them BEFORE you got here and you’re in the Devildom. MY HOME. Know your place.’
Will play their game and force them to actually be a butler, dismissing them when he’s with you or requesting things. If they don’t look like they want to do it for them, he’d call them out on whether or not they’re really a butler with that shit-eating smirk on his face.
Mammon:
Is pretty excited. They’re basically his butlers now too, right?! He’s your best man so you share, right?!
If they shut him down, ignore him, or dismiss him, Mammon’s going to be super butthurt about it
Their whole clingy ‘Master’ bit is really not sitting right with him. It’s doing a number on his desire to be greedy and snap up all your time or attention
Is most likely to trick them, like sending an illusion of you down the hall just so they follow you. He’ll make off with the real you! Hey, it’s not his fault you have dumb human butlers, okay?
May just outright lie to them and convince them that they need to work odd jobs in the Devildom to support you (”Uh, yeah, no, they’re broke here. Human money doesn’t transfer, you know?”) because these simps would do it. You get more Grim and he gets you, it’s a win!
Levi
Weirded out but really interested. He’s not super close with Barbatos so this is a chance to find out exactly what being a butler entails. It’s kind of a mystery profession, he thinks
Is also convinced they may not be human butlers because he saw that in an anime once. This sends Levi on a small (constant) spying expedition to see if anything non-human happens
This may be where he realizes he has a sub kink because hearing them call you ‘Master’ makes him blush and feel some kind of way?!
The magic dies a bit when they’re dismissive and kind of protective, seeming to guard you from the bros
Gets jealous because they’re obviously close to you and that’s basically a pet name and why can’t HE have that?
They may or may not be scared by his demon form if/when he sulks around
Might trick them into playing an intense butler/serving VR game and trap them in it for a little bit. He feels like they’ve disturbed the peace of the house.
Satan
He sees their game and he’ll play it. If they’re your butlers--and good ones--they’ll cater to him, who is your company.
Lives for every moment he can catch them on a technicality and they have to include him on anything
Thinks it’s cute they call you master. If they get snippy with him, he’ll be happy to explain how that term originated with demons and it will take nothing short of their master to call him off of them
If he’s bored or just feeling some kind of way, he’ll ask them to help fetch books (at your behest, so they do it) and watch them struggle with ancient tomes that may have been enchanted to weigh a little more than normal. 
Satan lowkey feels on edge because they feel like intruders in their home, in the space they’ve let you share. Does not want them here.
Asmo
Butlers?! How quaint and cute! Seems like a scene from a book! Have you ever had a wild love affair?!
Charms them without using his powers. They somehow accept him. He appears to be tolerated more than the rest of his brothers, though he undoubtedly plays second fiddle to you. He understands.
Thoroughly enjoys pissing off his brothers via the butlers, toasting with little glasses of drink while the two of you have a private party. Oh, it’s so fun!
Will poke fun at how much they use ‘Master’. “Some people really enjoy that, you know? Is it projection or just your thing?” (It gets on his nerves because, yes, it can be overused.)
It’s a nice peek into something he doesn’t have in his life but it does lose its charm eventually. He’d much prefer the House of Lamentation go back to the way it was.
Will probably charm them right back to the human world. No need for butlers here, you have seven demons!
Beel
Almost eats one of them because he thinks random humans just showed up in the house.
He honestly thought it was some reverse summoning gone wrong and they’d be totally free game to eat. They might have bad intentions, you know?
Once he realizes they’re here for you, he apologizes but is wary.
Are they here to take you away? To check in on you? Why would they do that? You signed all kinds of paperwork stating you’d be safe in the Devildom and stuff!
Lucifer gets aggravated with them floating around and attaching to you (and lowkey trying to clean/rearrange the house) so he asks you to put them on cooking duty. You seem to want a break from them so you agree. Beel tries not to abuse this too much, but he’s glad to have extra bodies ready to cook!
Doesn’t really get the ‘Master’ thing but won’t say anything. Will idly go ask Satan if that’s a thing in the human world. He feels like it should’ve gone out of date a couple of centuries ago.
The one to ask, point blank, if you guys decide to date or get married do they then become his butlers?
Will leave alone if he’s left alone, but if they start to get hostile or sabotage his ability to hang out with you, he will think of a very passive/casual way to show his strength and why he shouldn’t be messed with.
Belphie
Almost attacked them too, but for a different reason. He’d been sleeping when they arrived and no one thought to update him. When he saw random people in the house, he thought someone may have broken in.
Cow man will defend his territory
Will definitely make fun of them when they call you ‘master’. (”Seems like something a lesser creature would do.”)
They may be here for you but they’ll learn his rules. Mainly: do not, under any circumstances, touch his cow pillow.
Couldn’t care less but if he thinks his family is being pushed away because of them, he and Satan may form a smaller ‘Butlers suck’ club and test out some new pranks for the ‘Lucifer sucks’ club.
Will doze in your lap just to hear you defend him and shoo them off. May slap one of them with his tail ‘in his sleep’.
Solomon
Butlers, hm? It wasn’t something he expected
Has no outward animosity for them. Lowkey charms them; he wants them to open up and let their guard down because he is extremely interested in body language. What are they really feeling and thinking?
May show them a few spells to break the ice
If he feels they’re stealing up your time and blocking him, he’ll play their cat and mouse game. He and Satan have a lot in common in that respect.
Secretly wonders if you can make them try his cooking. He doesn’t think it’s half bad!
May ask them for tips on cooking
If he’s bored and you both want to have a laugh, he may find a way to spike them both with truth serum and have a fun time
Secretly wants to have a real tea party-type date
Simeon
What an act of labor and love! How adorable!
He considers them to be the human version of guardian angels and he’s just so touched by it. He thinks its very cute
Dotes on them a bit, almost like they’re puppies instead of people
He is polite and literally angelic, but he is not a pushover. Should they deny him your presence out of spite or distrust, he will give them a mini-schooling (scolding) on politeness and how he prays for their heart 
Probably wins them over by being his usual neutral kind of polite self
Doesn’t quite care for them calling you master and warns them of false idols and such
Diavolo
Is very amused. You also have butlers? What a small world!
Do butlers like to hang out with other butlers?
Basically tries to arrange a butler play date
Genuinely laughs when they try to prevent him from being with you in any capacity. (”They may be your master but I am a prince. Soon to be king. Please step aside.”)
He appreciates that they’re protective of you but there IS such a thing as overdoing it and he can excuse them from the Devildom any time he wishes.
Overall takes their presence with grace because you having butlers is like him having Barbatos. They’re just very young and stubborn. He understands. They’ll mellow out soon.
Barbatos
Finds the whole thing laughable, especially when they try to prevent HIM from seeing you
Boy has been a butler for THOUSANDS of years, he knows all the dismissal tricks! 
Barbatos will idly wipe a gloved hand over something they’ve cleaned (comes from being head of cleaning staff for thousands of years) and in butler code that SMACKS of judgement and disrespect
He knows this and sometimes he does it on purpose
Barbatos is the very quiet, sly kind of petty
May send the butlers into a cleaning frenzy just because they THINK he’ll say something or they THINK he gave them the side eye
Those humans may work themselves sore and oh, what’s this? You’re suddenly free and unattended? Well, he can’t have that, can he?
Probably saw this happening in one reality or another, so he takes it like a champ. There’s just that nasty bite of pride that refuses to let him be out-butlered.
Hope you liked it, Nonnie!
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sloppy-butcher · 3 years
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Can I pls get B, E, J, K, L, M, O, W, and Y for Oni?
I thirst and I request a quenching. 😫❤️
hope this quenches your thirst. sorry, it arrived so late boos. hopefully, your dehydration has not ended you yet. thank you for your support <3
unfortunately im going to have to cut a few of the prompts off else i’d write forever and it would never end :)
;;edit, pls no more fluffy alphabet request thank you :)
Fluffy Alphabet for The Oni (Kazan Yamaoka)
Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
Your face and more specifically your eyes. Ordinarily Kazan avoids contact with other peoples eye-line (most probably because he’d have to look down in order to speak directly into their faces) - he finds it demeaning and has the scars of past ridicules to further distrust him from the intimacy of eye contact. The face holds the purest form of human expression, no one can perfectly hide what they are feeling when it is written so clearly on their mouth, eyes and cheeks. He makes it a point to only look people in the eye when he kills them - there is only fear behind their orbs not disgust or contempt (Kazan remembers all the faces of the warriors and priests, and perhaps even his own wife, who called him a monster, their features etched like stone onto his mind that always fills his heart with hate and loathing).
When in a relationship with you, Kazan grows to enjoy looking into your face. It’s soft there, warm and comforting and he sometimes get lost when gazing for too long. You face was absent with the revile his past held, instead yours was understanding and gentle. it made him feel grounded and human. He feels welcomed in your face and watching as your mouth stretches into a light smile whenever he calls your name replaces all the horrible things in his chest if only for a moment.
Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
Oh yeah, he would be the more dominant one. He’s a big guy, he knows what he wants and not matter how to try spin it, he would always end up on top. But he is not overly callous by any means, he rarely commands you to do things and only has one strong rule. You must stay by his side always. And if he is not around, then you stay in the temple. 
He lets you roam around his realm, doing as you wished and allowing you to keep your own free-agency. He even expresses permission for you to shower him in unexpected kisses, never once shying away as you approach him with open arms. 
Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
Originally he would be stiff as a board, ridge like unmastered steel. Kazan has never really indulged in the soft intimacies of lovers so kissing is received and given as more of a business transaction rather than a form of physical affection. You would have to teach him to relax into the embrace and to give over to desires and to kiss you truly. It would sure take awhile, requiring a lot of effort on your part to initiate the kiss. 
However once he learns to trust you and deepen the kiss, Kazan becomes quite the good kisser. His smooches are as large and intense as the rest of him is, he always wants more from  you and often cups the back of your head so as to provide support as he tips you over and worms his tongue into your mouth. You are always left breathless. 
The first kiss would be a small peck, a gesture still wrapped in uncertainty and nervousness. Kazan returned from a rather gruesome trial, the total severity of which caused his shoulders to slightly lean downwards and his gait  to be labored and rough. he was beyond exhausted and you could not bring yourself to verbally ask him what was bothering him so bad. So instead you crept up behind him, announcing your presence with a gentle touch of his burgling forearm, a gesture which he acknowledged with a soft grunt. 
You soothe him with a coo and reach a tentative hand upwards to his mask. He remains still, allowing you to do with him as you pleased. You push back the red demon mask to reveal his scarred skin underneath and standing on tip-toes you place an impossible kiss against his jawline. There was nothing to be said, nothing to be done. You had given him the world in that one, small expression of love.
Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
Oh yes, most definitely. Marriage to Kazan is the be-all-end-all of relationships. He was married once before but it was presumably arranged. Now with you, someone he genuinely likes and wishes to be with, he most certainly wants to marry you.
But that is easier said than done. Being in the Entity’s realm makes it difficult to arrange such traditional ceremonies, often leaving Kazan to ponder as to how he could make your marriage official. He could ask Plague, she looked rightfully prestigious and proper, but she doesn’t speak any language he understands and walks around with her nose stuck high in the air. Kazan spends the next few days considering all other killers and survivors, trying to guess you would make the binding most legitimate. By the end of a grueling month of tedious contemplation and evaluation, Kazan regrettably gives up and asks if you would be alright not being formally married to him. It breaks him damn heart knowing that you would never officially carry his family name. 
You laugh at his ludicrous endeavor and tell him you don’t care what your relationship is called, as long as you are with him you are happy. He smiles. 
On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?
At the best of times, Kazan rarely allows anyone to idly stare at him. He finds it incredibly disrespectful when people watch him as if he some kind of circus performer - staring is for the confused and not an activity one does in his presence. 
Thus it would take an incredibly vigil eye to notice if Kazan is off or not. Rin, obviously, is the first to comment on his sudden mood change. At her query, Kazan suddenly grins, his chest fills with hubris and he crosses his arm proudly in front of his chest. He proclaims that he has taken you as a partner and that your relationship is most favorable and enjoyable. He gloats about you often to anyone with an ear and he spares no expense in making sure that everyone is aware that you are his. 
Other than that, he is very subtle about his feelings - he often keeps to himself and as a result of this imposed isolation, Kazan has an immense build-up of affection to dispense onto you when at last he sees you again.
Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
He’d miss you terribly. You are his partner, his everything, the moonlight that makes the night just that bit more bearable. If you must go somewhere, why could he not go with? If you had something to take care of, he would surely help you through it. You mean the world to him and being without causes him great stress.
He panics when you are not around, an incredibly worry-wart lives underneath his armor and blood-stained mask. He paces the length of his realm, head fuzzy with all the scenarios his cruel imagination could conjure up in which you hurt yourself - or worse, die. He can't think straight, can't concentrate - all his thoughts lie with you and your unknown safety.
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What I would’ve done w/ Lotor’s character
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It’s not exactly a secret to anyone who’s been following me for a while that I’m not the biggest fan of canon Lotor. I had high hopes for the character from his 80s counterpart and intro in season 3 but I was really let down by the direction the writers went with him in canon.
When he was introduced, I was so hoping for him to be this cocky manipulative asshole that’s only out for himself. I love that character archetype so goddamn much.
But in canon he was just kinda boring to me. His personality was bland and his motivations never really made sense. He’s introduced using empty promises of peace and comradery to manipulate people, then its revealed that he actually does want peace and comradery and wants to lead a peaceful empire, then that turns into draining Alteans and wanting to kill all Galra...
I also didn’t like how the writers decide to tack on this whole child abuse plot to explain why he was the way he was. As if that’s the only way to make a villain sympathetic. Yeah other versions of Voltron have touched on Lotor’s childhood before and it was never pleasant, but VLD really leaned into that shit, to the point where it felt like the writers were just shoving angst down our throats thinking that equals good writing.
It takes more than a tragic backstory to make a character compelling. It takes an interesting personally and motivations that make sense. And you can make a character tragic/sympathetic in more subtle ways.
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For me personally, I wanted Lotor to be a sorta fusion of Loki and Littlefinger in space.
Loki is a sly trickster who grew up feeling like an outcast, unaware of his true heritage. He grew up believing he could be king but when his shity father handed it to his perfect brother he felt he had been robbed and decided to take the throne by force.
Littlefinger is a small man from a small house with no power, and after getting the shit beat out of him trying to win the hand of the girl he loved, he decided he would use his intelligence and skills in manipulation to screw over all these noble lords and weasel his way into the throne. And when he did he would finally get vengeance on all those who had looked down on him.
I feel like this fits Lotor well. Lotor is a prince, so he isn’t small in that regard, but he is not respected in the way a prince should be.
He is a lot smaller than the average Galra. And even though Lotor is still quite strong, developing a fighting style that suits his small form and uses his opponents size against them, in a society so heavily based on physical strength that’s still a big blow to your rep.
He employs half breeds, which we know are looked down on in the empire. And there are definitely rumors about Lotor himself being a half breed. I think after 10,000 years Zarkon would’ve done a pretty good job at hiding Lotor’s heritage from the public but just looking at him compared to the average Galra there’s going to be some suspicion there. On that note Lotor is probably considered butt ugly by the Galra.
And Lotor works in the shadows and achieves his goals through lies and trickery, which Lotor himself says are things the empire looks down on.
So yeah, the people in the empire hate Lotor. Even Sendak who’s all ‘Gung ho empire’ has no respect for Lotor. And because of this it would probably be up in the air whether or not Lotor would even be allowed to take the throne if his father were to pass, even though it’s his birthright.
And in the face of all this rampant disrespect, Lotor decides that he is going to overthrow his father and take the throne. And when he does he will take vengeance on everyone who had ever undermined him and expand the empire beyond anything his father could’ve dreamed of.
And don’t try telling me, “oh that’s so out of character! Lotor would never take pleasure in the pain of others!” Because he does.
Remember Throk? Remember how Lotor sent him away to the worst station in the empire and joked about letting him, “rot with the ice worms?” Remember how Lotor later invaded his station then watched with a grin as he was tortured by Haggar?
Lotor 100% takes pleasure in hurting those who would hurt him, because it makes him feel powerful.
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Now let’s talk about Lotor’s planet. The one given to him and destroyed by Zarkon. I always felt weird about this plot. Obviously it’s a very sad thing to have happen, but I always liked the idea of Lotor’s promises of peace to be empty, a means of manipulating people. So this whole situation being genuine feels weird to me.
In my version, Lotor didn’t get banished for being too kind. He got banished because Zarkon caught him in a plot to betray him.
When Lotor was put in charge of the planet, he seduced and married the princess Ventar. He filled her head with promises that her people would be free and they would rule the universe together and convinced her to secretly round up her armies and send word to her ally planets to do the same, so they could start planning a way to overthrow Zarkon.
It’s left ambiguous whether or not he was being genuine and whether he really loved Ventar and intended to keep his promises to her or if she was just a tool to get the throne. But either way, it ends the same. Zarkon finds out, destroys the planet, kills Ventar, and exiles Lotor.
Still sad/humiliating thing for Lotor, and definitely a story that could gain sympathy from Allura.
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Speaking of Allura and Ventar, let’s talk about Lotor’s relationship with the women in his life.
(Trigger Warning: Brief mention of of a rape scene in GoLion)
In the 80s Lotor was incredibly misogynistic. He walked around with a harem of half naked women, tried repeatedly to kidnap and marry Allura against her will, and in GoLion it’s heavily implied that he raped Romelle because she looked like Allura.
It’s a common joke in the fandom that he went from this to drinking respect women juice in VLD but I don’t know if I’d go that far.
He’s definitely better in VLD than he was in the 80s, but even in VLD he manipulates, uses, and hurts most of the women in his life.
Allura is the obvious example, but you also have his generals. Acxa talks to the paladins, Allura in particular, about how persuasive Lotor could be. Implying that she and the other general were manipulated the same way Allura was.
Well not EXACTLY the same way Allura was, romantically I mean. Though there are people who believe that Acxa was also in love with Lotor and he used that to his advantage, which I can see.
But I feel like it was more about giving them a place in an empire that didn’t care about or accept them.
I hate The Last Jedi but I really feel like the line, “you’re nothing, but not to me,” fits really well. They were outsiders with no place to go until Lotor swooped in and gave them a purpose.
Do I think that there was a part of Lotor that genuinely wanted to help them because he saw a kindred spirit in them? Yeah. But I also think that at the end of the day, they were more tools than real friends. And he had no qualms about killing them if they betrayed him.
The situation with Narti proves that. As well as the fact that Ezor and Zethrid seemed very scared of the prospect of Lotor being alive and coming for them.
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And then you have Allura. Lotor’s lust for Allura has always been a very important part of his character. In the 80s the reason behind his obsession with her was that he had a lot of baggage about his mother and had a thing for women that looked like her. Also the fact that he just didn’t like not getting something he wanted.
There was never any love. He didn’t want to be with her, he wanted to own her.
In VLD, his want for Allura seems to stem more from the fact that she’s Altean than an Oedipus complex. As well as the fact that she’s powerful and skilled in Altean alchemy, which makes her rather useful.
I don’t personally believe that Lotor ever really Loved Allura. I think he liked the idea of her and what she could do for him, but the end of the day she was more a means to an end than anything else.
Allura’s been trough a lot. Zarkon betrayed her family and destroyed her entire planet only about a year ago from her point of view, and she appears to have a pretty bad case of survivors guilt and PTSD. And to make matters worse, while Lotor was on the ship she was fighting with Shiro, someone she clearly cared about. The idea of loosing him after already losing so much must’ve been really painful.
She was hurting, conflicted, and lonely. Which made her all the more vulnerable to Lotor’s manipulation.
He took advantage of her loneliness and insecurities, making her believe she had found someone who understood her and could help her avenge her family and planet. She trusted him, let herself be vulnerable around him, which made it hurt even more when it was revealed to all be a ruse.
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And then you have his relationship with his mother Honerva/Haggar.
I talked a lot about this in my whole rewrite/rant about Honerva, but I’m not a fan of how they made their relationship 100% negative. I feel like it robs the show of a lot of interesting character interaction.
It’s sad. The whole relationship is really tragic. Shit like this is literally my worst nightmare. The thought of looking my mom in the face and have her not recognize me as her daughter keeps me up at night.
But the thing is, in canon the relationship kinda falls flat because Lotor and Haggar/Honerva have no connection. Haggar was awful to Lotor and Lotor hates Haggar. What reason do I have to be invested in their relationship?
So If you haven’t read my Honerva rant, here’s how I would’ve done the Honerva Lotor relationship.
10,000 years ago, when Alfor came to Dibazzal to convince Zarkon to close the rift, Honerva went into labor. Alfor and many Galran doctors tried there best to save her and the baby, but the quintessence had damaged her body so much that she couldn’t be saved and died in childbirth.
Zarkon went ballistic and Alfor had the doctors take baby Lotor somewhere safe, fearing Zarkon would take his grief and anger out on the child.
After Honerva was resurrected as Haggar and throughout Lotor’s childhood, they had a strange sort of relationship. Lotor was an inquisitive child and was always curious about Haggar and her work, making a habit of following her around like a little shadow and watching as she worked. And there was also the fact that, while his father was never friendly, he was calmer when she was around.
Haggar had no idea what to make of this weird child following her around all the time. All these big strong Galra were terrified of her but this tiny child showed no fear as he tugged on her robes and excitedly asked questions about her work. And she never minded. She didn’t know why or how to explain it, but she cared for the child. As much as a soulless undead witch could care for something anyway.
But as time went on there relationship became more and more strained. Lotor was a smart kid he was gonna find out about his mother and deduce what happened to her.
He resented Haggar. Resented her for not remembering him. Resented her for the fact that he had to go through life without a mother while she was right there. And he resented her for being loyal to Zarkon, who had been making his life hell for thousands of years.
Every time she showed him something resembling kindness he’s conflicted. He knows he should feel happy that she cares, but at the same time, why does she care? It’s not like she sees him as her son.
He turned to denial, insisting that Haggar couldn’t possibly be his mother, even though he new the truth deep down, and a part of him always secretly longed for her to remember who she was, who he was, and embrace him as her son. He hates that part of himself.
And when he does meet Honerva for the first time, it’s... tense... to say the least. Having his mother reach out to him and acknowledge him as her son is something he thought would bring him joy, but in that moment all the pain he went through rises back to the surface and he lashes out. He draws his sword and is about to cut her down but he hesitates. He’s trembling with tears in his eyes. He can’t forgive her, but he also can’t bring himself to kill her.
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Then you have his relationship with his father.
It’s no secret that Zarkon is an awful man and a shity father, always has been.
The explanation as to why is kinda shaky. All we get is Zarkon saying Lotor is his greatest shame because he’s Altean but I don’t know about that. Zarkon may hate Alteans but he loved Honerva and I don’t think he would be ashamed of his relationship with her.
He definitely did his best Lotor’s heritage from the public. But I don’t think that’s the reason he hates him.
In my version of the story, Zarkon hates Lotor because Honerva died giving birth to him and Zarkon blames him for her death. He lost his beloved wife and was forced to watch the son that killed her waltz around wearing her face.
It didn’t help that Lotor was a snarky rebellious kid that liked to show off. He did things his own way, didn’t care much for rules, and had a real knack for finding loopholes. All things that made his strict father very angry. He was an embarrassment. Small and rebellious. That’s why Zarkon began training Sendak.
I personally believe the reason Zarkon was so trusting of Sendak and had so much faith in him was because Zarkon had been grooming him to be his “true heir.” Sendak is the epitome of what a Galra should be. Strong, loyal, and brave. He would be the son Zarkon wished he had. The favorite child.
Lotor obviously hates Zarkon, and rightfully so. Zarkon hates him for something he had no control over and constantly disrespects him.
Lotor may not follow the rules, but he passes every trial. He excels at everything he does but Zarkon refuses to see that all because he blames him for Honerva’s death.
Lotor sees Zarkon as an old fool. He knows that he could do a far better job at running the empire.
Lotor dedicated thousands of years of his life to overthrowing Zarkon. His hatred for his father was his motivation, what got him out of bed every morning, so when the deed is done and Zarkon was finally defeated, in the moments after he felt empty.
But he didn’t have time to dwell on that feeling for long. He still had to deal with his father’s men and take the throne that was rightfully his.
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Then you have his plan.
Lotor’s plan in VLD is really weird and over complicated. There was no real reason for the whole draining Alteans thing. Just a lazy way of making him 100% evil.
The plot could’ve been a lot simpler. He gains the paladins trust, gets them to help him build his ships and overthrow Zarkon, and then once he has the throne he pulls an Uno reverse card and is like, “yeah, nothing personal but this was all a trick and imma lock you and your lions up now.”
Obviously more complicated than that but that’s the basic idea.
One of my main problems with VLD is that they had a bad habit of over complicating the plot. People don’t care about VLD because of the plot, they care about the characters and their relationships, the actual plot doesn’t have to be anything spectacular.
It’s strange to say but I feel like the writes tried too hard with Lotor. He had the potential to be an amazing villain but the writers were too focused on tricking the audience and making him angsty that they forgot to make him compelling.
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elriell · 3 years
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Thank you very much! I find it hard to cut them back and be less detailed to be honest. So let’s dive in to it, two quick points before we start;
There will be no hate here as every ship is valid, I simply going to explain why I believe Elriel is more likely to happen than Elucien. (IMO)
Secondly, if there’s one thing for certain with SJM it is that nothing is certain with her.
Of course like any reader I am nervous for what might happen but looking at it textually speaking I do not think we have much to worry about... Not to mention that if we look at SJM past behaviour we can extrapolate several things.
When Sarah falls in love with a character she is very willing to shift all plans to accommodate them, we have a good example of this with Rowan, once she began writing him she fell in love with him and Chaol was quickly pushed aside. I am sure she has done plenty of interviews saying as much from memory.
SJM Live
- Azriel has a lot of shit going on that we’re going to be able to see in this book.
- Azriel’s song is Mr. Brightside for the vibes. Not necessarily the lyrics. SJM is kinda obsessed with him and telling his story in the future.
- We’re getting to see more of Azriel’s cheeky humor in this one.
 - SJM can’t wait to see theories after everyone reads Azriel’s pov. There’s a lot of crumbs that have been scattered around for his journey.      [ref]
It is safe to say that in her own words Sarah is obsessed with Azriel, which gives us a good idea about who she wants to write about next. This is the same vibe we got off her when she was introducing Rowan to the TOG universe and I think it is a pretty easy assumption to believe the next book is Elain’s too.
Not to mention SJM is not afraid to shake it up and swap out the LI you think it will be, Chaol/Rowan & Tamlin/Rhysand. It is not far fetched to think she would do the same with Elain and Lucien. Not to mention the idea of such a repetitive story ARC like Mates (after Feysand and Nessian) could easily be avoided by doing something like a rejected-bond or second bond.  
I really could not tell you what I think Azriel’s ARC/what he is dealing with is because we have so little information on him all I know is I cannot wait to read it all. He is easily one of my favourite characters, he is so mysterious to us. 
I think Elain’s ARC is going to be all about choice. And we know from SJM that you can have more than one mate.
Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”“You belong to him.”“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”
“to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”
As far as I am concerned if you look at all SJM couples from all her books there is always that initial Spark™ and I think that impartially if you look at Elain and Lucien they have not had it at all (bar maybe the moment he scents the bond), Elain is completely disinterested in him. In the bond as a whole.
“if it wasn’t for Vassa.” A twitch of the lips, a spark in that russet eye. “She’s doing well enough. Savoring every second of her temporary freedom.”
Azriel mastered himself enough to say, “Thank you.” I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald.
See? SPARK, literally and figuratively.
You could even argue that she was you know, really struggling at the time the bond snapped in to place so it wasn’t the time for them but then we are given Azriel as a mirror to the situation and we see despite her troubles she is capable of interacting with someone without disinterest. Can and has been attracted too, can smile and laugh with someone despite being upset over Graysen.
Examples;
“You’re welcome to stay for the night,” I said, since Elain certainly wasn’t going to. Lucien lowered his hands into his lap and leaned back in the armchair. “Thank you, but I have other plans.” I prayed he didn’t catch the slightly relieved glimmer on Elain’s face.”
“Azriel smiled faintly. “Would you like me to show you the garden?” But Elain did not balk from him, did not shy away as she nodded—just once. Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm.
“And do what?” “Spend time with her.” “I don’t think she’ll tolerate two minutes alone with me, so forget about two weeks.” His jaw worked as he studied the fire.”
Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones, sunning his wings and reading what looked to be a stack of reports—likely information on the Autumn Court that he planned to present to Rhys once he’d sorted through it all. Already dressed for the Hewn City—the brutal, beautiful armor so at odds with the lovely garden. And my sister sitting within it.
“You as well.” A sidelong glance toward Elain, swift and fleeting. “Both of you.” Elain said nothing, but at least she bowed her head in thanks.”
Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea, but I sent him a silent prayer of thanks for his kindness before Rhys and I slipped upstairs.
“There were only a few presents left—Lucien’s. [...] I handed Elain the small box with her name on it. Her smile faded as she opened it. “Enchanted gloves,” she read from the card. “That won’t tear or become too sweaty while gardening.” She set aside the box without looking at it for longer than a moment. And I wondered if she preferred to have torn and sweaty hands, if the dirt and cuts were proof of her labor. Her joy.”
“He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.”
“You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.” 
“You are his mate. Do you even know what that means?” “It means nothing,” Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”“You belong to him.”“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”
Again like I said, textually when we look at it all together Sarah is not exactly planting the seeds for them at all, now of course there is still time for that to change, and of course we only have a limited perspective but as a reader it doesn’t come across positively. Even if you consider Nessian who have been against each other from the start have had the seeds planted, even as they argued they had tension and emotion.
Sarah has given Elucien so little of anything positive or negative comparitively, it is like the are barely registered. 
Not to mention she puts across Azriel as a candidate time and time again, and as a writer you would not do that for nothing.
“She doesn’t need anything,” Azriel answered without so much as looking at Lucien.
“You know them better than I do. But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.” “So is Azriel.”
“Why not make them mates?” I mused. “Why Lucien?” “I’d keep that question from Lucien.” “I’m serious.” I turned toward him and crossed my arms. “What decides it? Who decides it?”
“What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”
SJM is sowing doubt at every turn. Then to top it off we are introduced to Vassa through Lucien, and now we finally see him have a spark, blush, and speak of her with almost worship as Feyre points out.
“I …” Lucien fumbled for the words. Not out of some lie or excuse, I realized a moment later. Realized when he said, “I’ve been at the Spring Court every now and then. But if I’m not here in Velaris, I’ve mostly been staying with Jurian. And Vassa.”
“Not for long—not if Vassa has anything to do with it.” “You sound like an acolyte.”
Lucien blushed, glancing at Elain. “She’s got a foul temper and a fouler mouth.” 
Now, I can understand the belief that Elucien could be endgame but you simply cannot deny that before that Elriel & LucienxVassa is going to have to be explored to a degree. 
“Az ran a hand through his dark hair. “Are we …”Unusual for him to stumble with words. “Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?”
“I …” Lucien fumbled for the words. Not out of some lie or excuse, I realized a moment later. Realized when he said, “I’ve been at the Spring Court every now and then. But if I’m not here in Velaris, I’ve mostly been staying with Jurian. And Vassa.”
We also see both couples paralleled. I mean in all honesty I could go on and on and on, there is so many qoutes that I could add but this will just get longer and longer. I am going to link my full Elriel Analysis, and some other stuff about them and rejecting the bond below.
As for our fox boy Lucien!
I really like him, and I do feel like he has a very interesting journey ahead, between his true paternity, Vassa and the mating bond he has a lot coming up for him. I am excited to see where the band of exhiles might take us, despite Feyre’s mockery I am excited that after so long of not belonging anywhere he may have found people to call his own.
Look if Elucien happens after a genuine build up, I will be happy to read their journey, of course I will be very disappointed for Elriel because I truly believe they are the best fit but I am not against Elucien if anything I think Sarah is, more than anyone else.
Like I said I could go on for years, and honestly in 9 days hopefully we have a better idea of the future to base our opinions on. 
I am tagging this Anti-Elucien, not that I feel it is but I don’t want Elucien shippers to have to see it, so if they blacklist the tag the can avoid the negativity ❤︎
[Elriel Meta] [Elriel Kindred Spirits] [Elriel Choice 1 & 2] [Garden] [Thoughts]
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moonbeam-writing · 3 years
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Request: “sugino's childhood friend is the student council vp + #2 student. they like e/o but have been on bad terms ever since he dropped to 3-e. she didn't have friends besides him + her cousin maehara so she's sad about it but hides it under a new cold personality,, chairman coerces her into being a student-teacher at 3-e to help kill korosensei + her cold attitude causes problems w/ the class. what if she eventually befriends everyone + makes up with maehara but stays hostile towards sugino 🤔 tysm!” + “ah yes it's the sugino requester here! yes i would like it to have a happy ending :)) thanks so much, i'm looking forward to it!” + “oh yeah it's the sugino requester here again! sorry for the third ask but feel free to add any jealousy related elements 👀 i hope you enjoy writing <3”
— Reconnecting
๑ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡
๑ Characters: Tomohito Sugino (Assassination Classroom)
๑ Quick Note: Hello, darling! Thank you so much for requesting this! I had a bunch of fun writing this, sorry if it’s a bit long or not 100% like the request, but I feel like I got the major stuff. I really hope you like it!
๑ Warnings: None, really. Just fairly angsty, though, as always, there’s hurt/comfort vibes and a happy ending. :)
๑ Word Count: 3,562
(Y/N) (L/N) considered herself to be at the top of the world.
They were exactly where they were supposed to be so far in her life, getting exactly what they wanted and what they aimed for from how much work they put in. (Y/N) may have been one step down from the very top, but they were more than willing to take the place they earned. They were the top girl in the entirety of Kunugigaoka Junior High and there was nothing more satisfying than knowing that, aside from her place on the student council, but even that wasn’t quite the same. High grades came with high status, and in a school as ruthless as this one, she loved nothing more than knowing that the fruits of her own labor were what were keeping her safe.
Granted, it was lonely at the top. No one really liked anyone at Kunugigaoka for the most part. Sure, there were friendships, but all of them seemed either fake or hanging on by a thread. The admiration of others like her or the principal’s son wasn’t all that real, either. That admiration became jealousy and envy in seconds. People were willing to do virtually anything and use almost anyone to keep their grades up. Anything to avoid getting transferred to 3-E, that is. You were doomed if you managed to drop down to the “End Class,” no one had ever heard a story of someone being sent there coming back. It was like a story made up to keep everyone in line, only it wasn’t a story. It was very, painfully real and the stories served their purpose.
     (Y/N) had once had friends with her. She still did to an extent, but it wasn’t the same. Or, at least, they didn’t think it was. There was her cousin, Maehara, and Sugino, her best friend. They were thick as thieves, though, E Class brought separation, putting up a barrier between herself and the boys. The barriers were different for each boy, though.
Maehara was family, close family at that. He was (Y/N)’s first and best friend in the universe. The added bonus of sharing blood, however, was what kept them close. The two had to attend family gatherings, meaning that even if their academic endeavors kept them apart, their personal lives weren’t going to get in their way, either.
     Sugino, however, was a friend. A friend without any family ties or any true reason to seek (Y/N) out, or at least, that’s what he had thought. (Y/N) left things fairly open when Sugino had to switch classes, completely putting her reputation on the line for him. They had always sent soft smiles and friendly winks his way when they passed each other on campus, but they never got any sort of response or reaction. It just created shame and embarrassment on both of their ends.
After a month or two, (Y/N) worked to make herself move on. They couldn’t forget him entirely, nor would she let herself, but they also acknowledged all of the variables that came with Sugino’s new situation. His world was essentially being turned upside down. Everything he had and had known before being shipped up the mountain was being taken away from him and changed. (Y/N) couldn’t even begin to understand what he was going through, and honestly, she didn’t want to. At this point, (Y/N) just wished things could go back to how they were. They missed their best friend, and they missed not feeling hurt by him.
It was only a matter of time until the universe pushed the two back together, though.
Despite being one of the best students and having absolutely nothing to worry about, (Y/N)’s stomach and heart dropped, they were called to the principal's office. (Y/N) wasn’t sure if there ever was or would be a point in time where the man didn’t scare her, but that was the least of her concerns at that moment. They could have been asked anything in that office. They could have been told anything in that office. Anything could have happened, and the worst part was that it likely couldn’t have been something she could share. Even if they wanted to, or it  was deemed that it was something they could share in the first place, but wasn’t sure they’d even have it in themself to. Even though Principal Asano paraded himself as some kind of borderline neutral and caring man, everyone knew that he was the exact opposite.
“You wanted to see me, sir?” (Y/N) fought the shake in their voice, but it wasn’t quite enough to get rid of it. She may have closed herself off after Sugino and Maehara left, but the man’s intimidation factor was something that couldn’t be ignored. It was all too intense and the dark appearance and atmosphere of the room did nothing to calm her nerves.
“I did.” His deep voice sounded almost cheerful, more than (Y/N) would have liked to hear. She would have preferred his rumbling monotone over this. “I have been doing some thinking recently and as it turns out, you’re the only one I can think of to handle this job.”
(Y/N) stared at the man in front of them curiously. They weren’t sure what he wanted, and they didn’t like that. The worst part, however, is that (Y/N) knew she wouldn’t have much of a choice. “Oh yeah?”
“Yes. I believe Class 3-E needs a bit of extra help.” (Y/N)’s stomach began to twist. “Unfortunately, I need my son to stay where he is, but you,” he paused, peering up at her from his desk, “you are a bit more flexible in regards to things like this. You help people all the time after all.” 
(Y/N) felt herself swallow heavily. There were so many possibilities of what could happen that they felt like they might not be able to cope. Sure, Maehara was there, but that seemed to be the only bright side. (Y/N) knew going up the mountain would be rough, and she wished she could find even the slightest bit of wiggle room to decline his so-called offer.
Asano, however, did not appreciate (Y/N)’s silence. He hated the obvious hesitance to answer even more. For someone in her position, (Y/N) seemed to have more resolve than he expected; others would have already given in with panicked compliance. He had noticed (Y/N)’s change over time, however, it made her the way she appeared; unmoving and closed off. Then he thought of his best bargaining chips. “You know people there, correct?”
“Almost everyone.” (Y/N) replied, not answering with what he wanted to hear on purpose. “I fear that not everyone would appreciate my presence, no matter how nice I am, though.” It was the truth and (Y/N) felt it needed to be said. It was a genuine concern and (Y/N) didn’t want to overstep; they would have every right to not like her and (Y/N) would never be able to blame them.
“I’m sure that’s not true. You have family in the E class. A cousin, correct?” 
“Yes, sir.” (Y/N) knew at this moment that he had officially backed them into the farthest corner he could.
“I’m sure he’ll love to see you.” His words were final; there was no getting out of this. “Now, there are a few things that will make this arrangement different.”
(Y/N) ignored the memory that wouldn’t leave them alone in the last few days. They hated that they let themself  be cornered that way and hated that they weren't too surprised even more. Kunugigaoka was corrupt and heavily classist, they knew that, but it was still wild to them. That was the environment they were growing up in, and because of the principal, it was arguably getting worse.
There were multiple things that (Y/N) had to face that morning that they weren’t ready for. All issues varied in their severity, but (Y/N) viewed all of them as something to worry about. Once (Y/N) thought of them, however, they noticed that their priorities may have been a bit skewed.
The strangest part that (Y/N) had to worry about was the main teacher of Class 3-E. The teacher, who was named Koro-Sensei by his students, was actually an alien. Not only that, but an alien that destroyed most of the moon and planned on doing the same to Earth. As much as (Y/N) wanted to ignore it, the gun and knife tucked into the waistband of their skirt and meeting a government agent absolutely destroyed that option.
There was also the class itself. (Y/N) once knew all of them and was even on good terms with almost all of them, but things definitely change once you’re booted off the main campus. (Y/N) was sure that no matter how nice she made sure to be to them that they wouldn’t accept any of it. She was considered top tier while they were nothing as soon as they got transferred. (Y/N) knew she couldn’t blame any of them for how they might feel or react to her.
Then, of course, there was Sugino. In (Y/N)’s mind, Sugino was the scariest thing about that day and their foreseeable future. Would he be even a little happy to see them? Would he talk to them at all now that (Y/N) was in his territory? It seemed dumb to (Y/N) that this was what got to them the most, but it was what it was. They had been inseparable, and now things were different, so wildly different. (Y/N) didn’t think she was ready.
(Y/N) let out a breath as they stood in front of the door to 3-E. She wasn’t sure if it was something that had been held in because of nerves or the trek up the mountain, but it helped remind them to breathe. They rolled her shoulders back and took another deep breath. (Y/N) could do this. If they could talk shit to the principal’s son’s face, they could face their old classmates and friends.
They knocked on the door, waiting for the ‘come in’ before moving. Carefully closing the door behind them, they quickly glanced between their peers and the being in front of them. Bewildered by the teacher didn’t even truly begin to describe what (Y/N) thought, but they decided it was a good start as they continued to stand awkwardly by the door, purposefully ignoring all of the eyes on them. There were only two people (Y/N) felt they could look in the eye and they were Maehara and Nagisa Shiota, a boy who they swore didn’t have a mean bone in his body and reciprocated (Y/N)’s kindness. The fact that (Y/N) felt like they couldn’t look at Sugino definitely didn’t get past them, but they were absolutely going to force themself to forget it for the time being.
“Ah! You must be Miss (L/N)! Welcome!” The alien enthusiastically greeted. It was almost overwhelming if (Y/N) was being honest.
“Uh, yes, hello.” (Y/N) felt bad about their feeble response, but that was all they could seem to say. Honestly, (Y/N) knew the experience was going to be something else, especially as time past and (Y/N) closed themself off to the world. Everyone in the building probably saw her as two-faced, they were sure of it. “Truth be told, I’m not sure why I’m here.” At this point, (Y/N) figured being honest was the best and only way to go about things. “I know it had something to do with being a tutor or student teacher or something, but I saw your guy’s test scores, none of you really have anything to worry about.”
“You’re probably here to help off him more than anything, (N/N).” Maehara laughed. “He doubts us so much.” He trailed off sarcastically.
(Y/N) was grateful for it; they felt like it took some of the pressure off of them. “Right. I mean, nothing was said about spy work or whatever, so I guess it could be literally anything else.” (Y/N) tried joking along, though they knew it didn’t land as well as they would have wanted.
“Right, well, it likely was for the assassination, so good luck! I’m Koro-Sensei and I wish you luck in killing me!” Koro-Sensei’s face changed and (Y/N) felt their stomach drop in dread. 
---
A few days had passed and things were going as smoothly as they could in the End Class. (Y/N) was definitely feeling the pressures that came with the new environment and couldn’t help but mentally commend everyone for how well they all seemed to keep up with everything. (Y/N) was admittedly rather shocked, though. Everyone seemed to warm up to her again, despite the clear change in her exterior. No one knew how the change came about, but they didn’t question it much, other than Karma who took a fair amount of joy in poking at (Y/N) every chance he got.
That being said, not everyone really interacted with (Y/N) if they didn’t have to, and she was more than okay with it. It did hurt, however, that Sugino was one of those people. (Y/N) wasn’t sure whether they were shocked or not, but it still left them with a weird sense of being hurt, despite how it was presented as indifference. That was their best friend, someone they considered to be their soulmate, platonic or otherwise, and now he wouldn’t even spare her a glance.
(Y/N) was torn between wanting to move on and wanting to fight. They knew that Sugino was the only one who could truly change his mind, but (Y/N) still held hope that their bond could be repaired. That hope only grew as time went on and (Y/N) spent more time in 3-E with everyone. (Y/N) felt as though they could feel that Sugino still felt something towards her and hoped that it was something positive, or at least neutral enough to talk to her a bit more than when he needed to.
To outsiders, (Y/N) could understand how some of it may have seen it as somewhat ridiculous or weird that she was still holding onto something like this, however, there were things that no one else knew about the situation. Funnily enough, that just so happened to be the majority of the details. The details, truly, were as clear as day if someone were to think about it for a moment, however, (Y/N) supposed it was the fault of anyone who misunderstood, not hers, and definitely not Sugino’s.
Whether anyone thought about it or not, Sugino’s transfer really wasn’t all that long ago. Just long enough for their mutual dread to set in and become part of their routines. It was a shame how quickly everything came about, but there was nothing either of them could have done about it. Neither of them were sure where they stood with the other.
Another seemingly obvious detail is that the two never said anything to the other about the situation. Not obviously, anyways. The news of someone going to the E Class had always been something that spread like a wildfire. Even though Sugino didn’t say it, he didn’t need to and (Y/N) only had words of comfort to offer. Sugino hadn’t wanted to hear it, though. He stormed away and (Y/N) was so shocked they couldn’t calm their mind enough to consider any of the possibly things he must have been feeling.
It was all a fiasco. There were other details, but they were far more miniscule compared to the others. After thinking about it, (Y/N) knew there were things that they were missing, things that they were sure that only Sugino was really aware of. He was the other half of this, after all. Much like how (Y/N) didn’t know what was going on in his mind, Sugino didn’t know what was going on in (Y/N)’s, and they weren’t even sure Sugino would ever want to know.
That Thursday afternoon, however, things were going to change. Much like when (Y/N) was called into Asano’s office, their world was going to shift once again, and drastically.
(Y/N) had assumed that if Tomohito Sugino were ever going to speak to them, it would be because Koro-Sensei needed him to, or because Maehara forced him to. When (Y/N) saw Sugino storming up to them like a man on a mission, they were sure that Maehara was behind whatever was about to come their way. Regardless, they weren’t going to take this opportunity for granted.
“Uh, (Y/N)?” His voice was hesitant, yet strict with nerves. The small, petty part of (Y/N) wanted to ignore him or seem uninterested, but it wasn't as simple as that. Mainly because (Y/N) couldn’t hide their interest, even though they wanted to.
“Hey, Sugino. What’s up?” 
“Not much.” He answered stiffly. “I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?” (Y/N) nodded at the boy and followed him to a quieter place where the two could talk. 
(Y/N) wasn’t sure whether Sugino genuinely wanted to talk or he would have rather been anywhere else. It seemed almost as though Sugino were fighting himself; like he wasn’t fully allowed to embrace the fact that since they had become slightly reacquainted with each other, he had become more comfortable around them. Their situation seemed to get weirder and weirder every time (Y/N) thought about it, making her head spin. 
“So… It’s been a minute since we’ve spoken.” Sugino awkwardly started, trailing off and not daring to look (Y/N) in the eye. 
“Yeah, it has. I mean, you kinda ran off and never even looked at me afterward.” The hurt and slight bit of spite was obvious in their voice. She couldn’t help it; their issues were finally being addressed, and even though (Y/N) was going to be polite enough about her feelings and take any of his into account, she still wanted Sugino to be aware of how badly they were hurt because of his lack of communication. “I’m more than willing to hear you out, but I also hope you know that what you did hurt.”
Sugino nodded his head, finally looking at them. “Of course! And- And I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, really.” There was a brief pause before he continued. “When I got the news and when the word got around and stuff, uh, I was honestly kind of a wreck, but it didn’t really hit until later in the day when I saw you. I know that sounds bad, but like, it wasn’t your fault.”
(Y/N) almost wanted to laugh, to reach a comforting hand out onto his shoulder. Despite their time apart, it almost felt like nothing had changed. (Y/N) still felt the immediate need to show him their support, to make sure that he knew he still had someone unconditionally in his corner. Just sitting there and listening to what he had to say made it feel like any pain that was there didn’t exist, as though it had never been caused in the first place.
“I just- It was dawning on me how my life was ruined, and it bothered me that people spread it around so quickly and so easily. My life was officially over, and all of our classmates and so-called friends were just laughing about it!” He exclaimed. “I was so scared and so ashamed that I felt like I couldn’t face you. I guess, I was just scared that you were going to reject me.” He quieted himself down, letting his fists clench tightly. 
(Y/N) finally broke, resting their hand on top of the closer of his hands. “Sugino, I’m so sorry.”
“I know it’s dumb. You just mean so much to me that I was scared that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I completely messed our relationship up, and I’m sorry. You mean a lot to me, (Y/N); that’s never changed and never will.”
A deep frown settled itself on both of their faces, their fingers now intertwined. The silence was heavy and thoughtful. Neither of them wanted the moment to end, however, they both wished for better circumstances. That being said, they were together and it felt like old times. By that logic, they were on good terms once again, at least to some degree.
“You’re dumb, Sugino.” (Y/N) laughed and gently bumped shoulders with the boy next to them, pulling a laugh from him too.
“So are you, (Y/N).” He answered back, finally letting a small smile rest on his lips. “Wanna go catch up over food?” Sugino sheepishly offered.
(Y/N) laughed, completely unsurprised. “Sure.” She laughed, pushing herself off the ground. They dusted themself off and held out a hand towards Sugino to pull him up, not letting go of his hand. “Let’s go.”
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elitegymnastics · 3 years
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Q: What is this?
A: It’s a flyer for a virtual fundraiser on June 4th that Elite Gymnastics is playing. You can access the show at quietyear.com
Q: Hasn’t Elite Gymnastics been inactive for like, ten years?
A: Yes. This is the first Elite Gymnastics performance of any kind since November 30th 2012, at the Horn Gallery at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio. 
Q: Why did Elite Gymnastics stop playing shows?
A: Elite Gymnastics started out as me (Jaime) and a bunch of my friends agreeing to help me play my songs live back in 2009. I made a lot of weird demos in GarageBand and my friend Dominique Davis from the band Dearling Physique got tired of watching me sit on them. So, he booked me to play at a show he was curating as part of a small local music and arts festival called Clapperclaw. For several months that’s mainly what EG was. At some point the focus shifted to making recordings rather than playing shows, to participate in the emergent culture of new music distributed via MP3 file-sharing. The lineup winnowed to just me and Josh Clancy, who began creating digital EPs that we posted on this Tumblr page as ZIP files full of MP3s accompanied by a PDF of artwork. This is the incarnation of the group that most people are familiar with.
This was before Patreon existed. If Bandcamp was around, we’d never heard of it. Though MP3 file-sharing culture and file transfer sites like MediaFire and MegaUpload allowed anyone to distribute music freely across the world via the internet, it was still pretty difficult to get people to pay you for it. I think it was for this reason that a lot of internet music back then featured a lot of sampling. A lot of artists’ first forays into the world of DAWs and production took the form of mash-ups, bootleg remixes, and DJ mixes. Artists like Animal Collective, MIA, Kanye West, and Daft Punk for whom sampling was a pillar of their creative process were extremely influential. Elite Gymnastics was no exception - the first song of ours to gain traction online was “Is This On Me?” which made no attempt to hide the fact that it heavily sampled Faye Wong’s “Eyes On Me.” The fact that it was so difficult to make money off MP3s pushed people to make different creative decisions than they would have otherwise. It was sort of a free-for-all.
Eventually, all of this started to change. The major labels started getting a lot more aggressive about trying to destroy MP3 file-sharing culture. Platforms like MegaUpload were raided and taken offline. The replacements that sprung up to replace them were increasingly infested with ads and malware. Corporate platforms like YouTube and SoundCloud adopted Content ID filters to prevent the proliferation of copyrighted music there. Blogs and private torrent trackers being taken down meant thousands of hours of labor were wiped out in an instant. Some of the best archives of the history of recorded music ever created were destroyed without hesitation. Even the most devoted participants lost the will to keep repairing and re-making the stuff that cops and record companies kept obliterating.
Josh and I both dreamed of being able to make a living as musicians. We still do. Back then, we were willing to accept a lot of changes in order to make that possible, which seemed necessary. A lot of the stuff that we were great at just didn’t make any money. Once, we were asked to do a remix of a song called “Sa Sa Samoa” by the band Korallreven. I did the remix by myself, which was normal for us, and Josh was so inspired by it that he spent a week working non-stop to create a video for it. People loved it - the day the video dropped, Pitchfork designated the song as a “Best New Track” and New York Magazine wrote about it in their “Approval Matrix.” The video led to a ton of exposure, but from a financial perspective, it just did not make sense to put that much effort into promoting a remix of someone else’s song. The stuff we were personally excited by just seemed to have less and less to do with what actually makes money.
A lot of internet bands during this era began to palpably shapeshift in an effort to succeed in music as a career. Artists who’d first attracted notice for sample-based bangers they made on a laptop started posing with vintage hardware in their press photos and trading in their laptops for live bands and recording studios. It became harder to distribute DJ mixes or mash-ups that contained copyrighted music in them. Influential bloggers either closed up shop or were absorbed into the traditional music industry in some way. Feeds that once touted bizarre songs by laptop-toting weirdos with no industry connections started to become populated mostly by artists with labels and publicists. The bottom rungs of festival lineups started to consist mostly of new major label signings who have lots of money to spend on stage production but not much in the way of grassroots fan enthusiasm or media buzz. 
Internet music and what people tend to refer to as “indie music” split off into two separate streams. Today, there’s a pretty intense firewall between internet culture and whatever you want to call the culture of vinyl records, mid-sized indie labels with publicists, and positive reviews from the few remaining websites that still pay people to write about music. I call it “publicist indie,” “lifestyle techno,” or “prestige electronica” depending on whether or not the music features guitars and/or vocals. The recent online kerfuffle about NFTs really emphasized this split. The worlds of digital illustration and game development campaigned aggressively against mass adoption of cryptocurrency - if you saw any Medium posts explaining crypto’s environmental issues, chances are they were written by someone from those fields. Every new announcement by an artist that they had minted an NFT was met with a swift and vocal backlash from fans. Though I’ve never really been much of an Aphex Twin fan, it was still pretty startling to look at the replies under his NFT announcement tweet and see hundreds of furious people announcing that he was now dead to them. That’s an artist who has seemed more or less unimpeachable for most of my life up until this point! All of that seemed to change in an instant.
There is a massive disconnect between the insular world of the industry establishment and the cutting edge of online counterculture. We saw this again a couple of weeks ago with the online response to the crisis in Gaza. We saw passionate advocacy for Palestinians from games journalists and developers much more often than we saw it from musicians. This is a very serious problem for music! I do not believe it is possible to please both sides - that is to say, I do not believe it is possible to be part of internet counterculture and the industry establishment simultaneously. The music industry is too conservative, too compromised, too corrupt. If it weren’t for the ocean of valuable copyrights that labels are sitting on, most of them would be bankrupt within a year. If the industry was forced to live or die based on how they handle what’s happening right now in the present, it would most assuredly die. The only people who don’t realize this are those who are being paid to stay ignorant. 
Josh and I did not know this back then. From where we were standing, it looked like internet culture and established media industries were on track to converge. A career in the arts seemed genuinely, tantalizingly possible, right up until the moment that it no longer did. 
In my case, I had really been struggling up until that point. My life had been this ongoing sequence of evictions and hospitalizations, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better. I donated plasma twice a week to pay for groceries and while I was sitting there with a giant needle stuck in my left arm for an hour I would see my picture in The Fader or my songs being recommended by one of the Kings of Leon on Twitter or whatever. Music seemed like the only thing the world thought I was any good at. It felt like my only chance at a peaceful, happy life was somewhere out there in a world I could only perceive through a laptop screen. 
Gender, for me, was a big factor in all of this. The more invested in the craft of songwriting I became, the harder it was to repress or ignore my gender stuff. At that time I’m not sure I even knew what the word “transgender” meant - I just knew that when I showed up at a venue wearing a skirt, no one would talk to me or look me in the eye, and that reading about people like Anohni or Terre Thaemlitz or on the internet made me feel like if I could get out of Minneapolis maybe I could find a place where people would accept me. The internet was like, a pretty toxic place for someone in my position. When I tried to find people to talk to about what I was feeling, nobody tried to tell me to read Judith Butler or ask me what pronouns I preferred. The internet was just like, overrun with predators who just wanted to fetishize me and exploit me. Music seemed like the only way I’d ever have an actual life as myself. I was desperate for that. I was well and truly desperate.
Between all the big changes that were happening to us individually and the music industry moving farther and farther away of the anarchic free-for-all of MP3 file-sharing culture, the strain on us just got to be too much. We stopped trusting each other. We became the unstoppable force and the immovable object, crashing haphazardly against one another’s resolve in a dazzling display of youthful futility. Our partnership ended, and after finishing out the remaining live shows on the calendar by myself, I retired the name “Elite Gymnastics” and started making music on my own under other names. That was that.
Q: Why is Elite Gymnastics coming back now, then?
A: Over the years, Josh and I eventually started talking again. Though there was a lot we did agree on, and potential future projects were discussed, nothing truly felt right. We haven’t been in the same room since Summer 2012, and we’ve both changed a lot since then. We both have other projects and we’ve both developed other ways of working since we stopped working together. It’s a pretty big commitment to put all of that aside in order to join your fortunes together with someone you haven’t seen in a decade.
Recently, Josh decided to leave Elite Gymnastics. His reasons are his own, and I was very surprised by his decision, but after having had time to adjust, I’m really grateful to him. I had kept these songs at a distance for many years, because it seemed foolish to allow myself to get too attached to songs I didn’t feel like I was allowed to think of as mine, if that makes any sense. The songs felt like casualties of a conflict that I had to bury in the ground and try to forget about. Being able to embrace them again felt like re-growing a severed limb or having a loved one come back to life, almost. Feeling like it was safe to love these songs again made me feel whole in a way I didn’t expect to. I became really excited by the prospect of revisiting them, so that’s what I decided to do.
Q: Does this mean you’re going to put RUIN back on Spotify?
A: No. Taking the record off Spotify was the right thing to do. That record was only ever intended to exist during the era of MP3 piracy. I never envisioned a world where the music industry would be so aggressive about policing the way that copyrighted music is allowed to exist online. If we hadn’t opted to take the record down when we did, someone would inevitably have forced us to. If you want to hear those specific recordings again, you’re going to have to do it the way we originally intended: by downloading MP3 files from the internet. Try SoulSeek.
Q: What’s next for Elite Gymnastics, then?
A: Here’s the situation currently. There is no Elite Gymnastics music available to stream or purchase in an official capacity anywhere on the internet. It wouldn’t really be possible for me to put the old stuff on Spotify or Bandcamp now because of all the samples. Like I said before, it was a different time. Those records were created to thrive on a past version of the internet that no longer exists. They weren’t designed to be compatible with the 2021 internet.
Technically, Elite Gymnastics didn’t ever release a debut album. We had EPs, a compilation, and a remix collection. We didn’t make an album, a record that existed as the distillation of all that experimentation that contained all of the songs that fans of the EPs would want to hear, all in one place. It’s like we did Good Fridays but stopped before we made My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.
So, I am currently working on the first Elite Gymnastics album. If you were following my stuff as Default Genders, you may have noticed me posting demos on my SoundCloud page from 2015-2018 that were all eventually reworked into the album Main Pop Girl 2019. The album I am making is taking that approach to all the old EG songs, including some unreleased stuff. I’m collaborating with others on some songs and I honestly feel like it has resulted in some of the best and most exciting music I have ever been involved with. It is a drastic reinvention, but iteration and reinvention have always been a big part of what I do. I want to make something that feels like the culmination of everything that came before, and so far, I think I’m succeeding.
Q: When will I be able to hear this new music?
At a virtual fundraiser on June 4th, 2021, where there is a suggested donation of $10. You can access it at quietyear.com
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