#like invite a friend over for the 4th of July when we are the MOST BORING people in existence

[espinosaurusrexex]

The Karens of the World

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader modern au

summary: Aunt Karen is possibly the worst person you know. So when her annual Independence Day party arrives, you try to give her as little reason to pick on you as possible. Not being single for once should cover most of the topics she complains about. So you ask your friend Bucky to play pretend.

a/n: So I tried this website @nana1000night (make sure to check out their own chats) posted about and my ideas just started overflowing. I wrote this so quick, there may be some tenses errors, but the concept was so fun, I hope you like it.

word count: 4.1k

warnings: fake dating trope, grumpy!Bucky AND protective!Bucky, bullying, a Karen (this should say it all, really), self-doubt, body dysmorphia, mentions of violence, and sooooo much fluff!

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ

↑ This movie altered my brain chemistry and also he looks so good OKAY BYE!

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that now, I really need your help,” you plead with a solid stare. But Bucky just broodily stares back at you with an unfazed expression. “Just answer the question, please.”

For a moment it seems as though he‘s squinting his eyes even more at you, trying to assess whether you are kidding or not. But you aren’t. You are in desperate need of help.

“Fine,” he finally breaks.

“Yes!” You exclaim before collecting yourself. “I mean: cool, cool... So, I’ll send you the details later and we can go from there.” You are a little nervous, but that’s what stressful situations do to you. And well, today definitely categorized as one. 

“You’re a great friend, you know that, Buck? The best there is!” A desperate attempt to save the situation, but Bucky isn’t having it.

“Yeah, kid. Text me, do... whatever.” He huffs before he stands up to leave. You just wrinkle your nose at the little nickname he frequently calls you. It is stupid, but you don’t want him to call you ‘kid’. You would prefer it if he called you 'doll' or 'sweetheart' like he does all the other women. Hell, you’d even settle for your actual name, but he never calls you that. 

You watch as he walks towards the door, but before he reaches it, he turns one more time just to send another annoyed look your way. Talk about being childish.

That was a week ago. And Bucky and you did, in fact, not ‘discuss the details later’. Bucky has merely stared at your messages, cursing himself for having agreed to the stupid plan you laid upon him. But he was committed to doing it anyway and the sooner it was over, the better.

You stare at your phone in silence, the simple text from Bucky making your stomach turn over and over. 

I’ll be there.

He has written. And now there is no going back. Which is what you had planned, right? But Somehow, you are still nervous about the whole situation. 

You stand in front of the mirror while tugging on the outfit you picked out for today. It is simple and light - perfect for a summer barbecue party. But you can’t help yourself when you look at your reflection. Your aunt Karen would have something mean to say about it anyway - she always does. And if it isn’t the lack of a partner (which is a problem you have temporarily solved for the day), it will be your body or your hair, or the way you speak, or the things you pursue in life. Karen is a textbook housewife, who has nothing to do all day but organize PTA meetings and condescend to everyone who doesn’t live up to her standards. And she has invited to her annual 4th of July party in her suburban family home in New Jersey. It wouldn’t bother you that much if meeting her wouldn’t always be connected to a huge amount of self-doubt and general mental chaos. It just bothers you that Karen makes you hate the parts about yourself you have never looked at critically before. 

Your phone pings again - Bucky is here. 

He just sits in the parking lot of your apartment building, his hands clenching the steering wheel tightly, and his eyes - as always - broodily staring ahead. He’s never done anything like this - He’s never pretended to be in an actual relationship. What if something goes wrong? What if they all see through this charade? Bucky wants to help you with your little ‘family problem’, as you have called it, but at the same time, he hates the situation he finds himself in because of it.

Bucky sits up straighter when he finally sees you running out of the door and towards his muddy truck. You look pretty, even if your hair is a little tousled from the small run you just did.

“Hey,” you greet with a smile after Bucky stares for a little too long. “Nice shirt.” 

Bucky looks down on himself. He is wearing a striped short sleeve button-up that fits him very well, and you have to admit, that your eyes linger on the strip of skin revealed by the two undone buttons a little too long before they sway back to the window when you get inside his car. You feel your skin go up in flames at the thought of it again. Hopefully, this will all go well. 

He isn't used to compliments, Bucky notes as he starts the car and backs out of the parking lot. This is just a courtesy; an easy greeting from a friend - no, actually his fake girlfriend for today - to loosen up the tension both of them feel. Bucky clears his throat while making a conscious effort to look away from the woman in his car, who makes him feel kind of... nervous all of a sudden.

The car ride is silent: no music, just the humming of the engine roaring in the background as you stare out the window and watch the trees pass by. Though when Bucky finally pulls into your aunt's neighborhood, you tense up and your hands become clammy - this feels like a really stupid idea all of a sudden. 

Bucky parks the car on the street in front of your aunt’s huge house and looks at you. He raises an eyebrow upon noticing how timid you suddenly look.

Crap. Had this been your plan all along? To get him to agree to pose as your fake boyfriend, to have to face your terrible aunt?

Bucky swallows thickly when he takes in your state. “Do we really have to go in?” He asks still hopeful that you would just allow him to turn around again, but that obviously doesn’t happen. 

“Unfortunately, we do.” You sigh after taking a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Just a little white lie to get you through the day. It will be over before you know it. “Thank you again for doing this Bucky, it really means a lot.” You smile one last time and then you get out of the car. 

Bucky just watches as you walk towards the suburban home, impatiently waiting for him on the sidewalk where the driveway begins. He isn’t ready for this, but he had promised you.

❁ ❁ ❁

Your heart begins pumping in your chest when Bucky straightens up and takes your hand in his, the other hiding in his pocket. This is actually kinda nice. A squeeze of a hand then the ring of the doorbell. Two times. 

“Oh, how wonderful you finally made it!” A slender woman with a blonde bob opens the door with a wide smile: Aunt Karen. “More than fashionably late, I see.” And then her eyes wander beside you where Bucky stands tall and steady with his hand still etched in yours. “Oh my, honey, is this the boyfriend you’ve been telling me about?”

Her eyes shine and for a moment it looks as though they were to pop out of her head from the way she’s gawking at Bucky. Okay, you get it, Bucky is good-looking. No need to think about breaking up your own marriage about it. Your roll your eyes before reminding yourself that you should restrain. The day has just started and you are ready to leave again. 

Bucky looks at you uncomfortably, but your hand in his grounds him a little bit. He can’t make you deal with it alone anymore. He agreed to help you and this is - unfortunately - his mess as well now. God, he should remind himself to not be this stupid more often.

“Yes,” he swallows, “we are... uh... seeing each other.” Great job, that definitely didn’t sound forced. Bucky looks between you and your aunt for a moment, trying not to cringe at his own words. 

You just send him an apologetic look before entering the house and let Karen pull you into a tight hug. 

“Well, you have certainly gained little since the last time I saw you, I can barely fit my arms around you, honey,” Karen jokes but it hits deeper than that. “Must be that relationship weight, don’t we know it, huh?” Unbelievable, not even one minute in and she is already going at it. 

You try to ignore the anxiety pooling up in your stomach as you watch Bucky squeeze aunt Karen’s hand a little too tightly. There’s nothing wrong with you, but these comments never cease to make you hate yourself a little bit.

Bucky smiles when he notices the discomfort on Karen's face after the handshake. She silently shakes her hand out and forces a bright smile, but he thinks the message came through. So, he decides against saying something just yet.

“Come on into the yard, the guests are all there!” The blonde woman rushes and leads you through the kitchen and out onto the porch from which you have a nice view of the party. There is a buffet set up, your uncle is at the grill, talking it up with his friends and the rest of the crowd is scattered across the lawn. Some people are playing corn hole and if the hostess weren’t such a pain in the ass, you could probably enjoy this party. 

Luckily, Karen disappeared into the crowd once she greeted you, now there’s only Bucky and you.

“Thank God you’re here! I couldn’t stand talking to Grandpa Stan a minute longer. He’s all about his World War Two stories again.” An annoyed redhead approaches you from the side and your mood instantly lightens. You turn and see Tasha greet you with open arms and a playful smile. “You look nice!” She says upon seeing your expression and her smile quickly falters.

“Oh, no. What did she do this time?” She watches intensely, her hands squeezing your shoulders, but now that your cousin is here, there is no need to dwell in the state of depression Karen has put you in. 

Bucky just stays silent as he watches you interact with the redhead. He’s trying to stay off to the side, as he doesn’t really know anyone very well. He’s not a social person, which was yet another reason why this whole thing had been a bad idea from the start, but now that he has seen why you needed a fake boyfriend, he is determined to honor his role for the day. He’d do anything to make Karen feel defeated and unsupported after what he has just witnessed. Because whether he likes it or not, you are his friend, and nobody messed with his friends like that. 

A sense of protection overtakes him every time he sees Karen pass by close to the both of you, And Bucky has to restrain himself a couple too many times from laying his arm around you. 

He watches people laughing and talking from afar, his face blank from expression, his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to you. 

“Tasha this is Bucky.” You suddenly say and pull him closer, your arm remains around him and he is kind of glad that you officially give him permission to touch in this fake relationship. He blushes a little startled at the gesture anyway. He’s not used to it, but it's kind of nice. 

“Bucky Barnes, right? Yeah, I’ve heard my mother talk about you.” Tasha says and Bucky just rolls his eyes. “And I see you’ve met her, too.” She laughs and Bucky knows she’s an ally. “I wish you good luck for today, our family is a menace.”

“Thanks.” Bucky looks over to Karen who is mingling with her guests and a wave of disgust overcomes him. “Hopefully she won’t ruin this holiday.”

“Oh, she will. You can count on it, actually. But with time you’ll learn to deal with it. We have Karen bingo cards at every event to cross off things she does or says. It’s fun if you make it fun. Don’t let her antics bother you too much. The suburbs are the only place she has something to say and she holds on to it for dear life... I pity her most of the time.” Tasha rambles on and on and Bucky takes a liking to her with every word. He smiles and so do you. 

“Anyway, I gotta get Grandpa a beer but feel free to mingle, and,” Tasha turns to you as she grabs your hand for a brief moment, her eyes staring into yours intently. “Come find me if she gets too much, okay?”

You just nod at your cousin. Tasha is amazing and she always manages to calm you down after yet another unpleasant encounter with your aunt. God knows why she was cursed with such a pain of a mother, but Tasha makes the best out of it. 

Bucky smiles and looks at Tasha walking away. He seems to have already relaxed with her somewhat, so he tries to take her advice and ignore Karen’s antics. Maybe this won’t be so bad. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It's about 30 minutes later when you are off to talk to some other family members who haven’t seen you in a while and Bucky has decided to check out the buffet. He eats in silence, his gaze swaying over the yard - people watching. He finds comfort in it every now and then. But unfortunately, his peace isn’t lasting long. 

“So Bucky, tell me. How did you and my niece meet?” Karen appears next to him and holds out a bottle of beer to him.

Bucky is a little startled but he swallows his hot dog and uses the time to come up with a story. What would you want him to say? Some romantic crap, probably, but Bucky would much rather tell her that you met at a burn-all-Karens petition downtown. Still, he can’t completely ignore his intrusive thoughts, so he simply takes the bottle and answers with a straight face as he watches Karen's expression falter.

“In prison.” Hopefully, this would shut her up.

"Oh? You are a prison guard?” She asks with intrigue, adamant that he is still the glorious man she makes him out to be, and Bucky just sends her a knowing smile. 

“Something like that.”

The blonde bob shakes in his peripheral. “Well, it was only a matter of time until she would end up there.” Karen shrugs but Bucky feels anger bubbling inside him. 

“What do you even mean by that?” It becomes harder to control himself now. 

Your eyes move over to Bucky as you let your relative’s speech about the perfect lawn mower pass by you in a breeze. He looks slightly irritated and uncomfortable, his shoulders are tense but he’s holding up well, and Karen doesn’t seem to suspect anything. Of course she doesn’t, though, she is shallow. 

“I just can't seem to believe that an attractive and interesting man such as yourself would settle for someone so... bland.” And just like that, snobbish middle-aged white women made it to the top of his blacklist. 

Karen sips on her cocktail with a winning smile, she must have known how insecure she could make you with the confidence that radiated off of her right now. 

The paper plate in Bucky’s hand crumbles at her words. His anger is clearly written on his features, turning solid by the second. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

It just bursts out of him, he can’t stop it - it just feels right. How dare this bitch call you boring? You of all people and not him? The anger crawls up his neck with every second he has to spend close to your aunt and at one point he can’t take it anymore.

“Bingo!” Someone yells from the back of the yard, but Bucky just looks at Karen with his death stare.

“Your niece is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. She’s smart and kind and courageous and so unbelievably goodhearted. You don’t know how lucky you are to have her in your life. And yet all you do is patronize her. The fact that you don’t see that is seriously pathetic. You are a grown woman, for god’s sake. I highly recommend that you fix your attitude or I won’t be responsible for what happens next,” he sneers into Karen's flabbergasted face. 

The whole party has gone quiet. People have stopped talking and are all turned to look at the disturbance with the potential to bring far more entertainment than anything else that they’re doing. 

You decide to intervene before something else happens. You rush towards Bucky after excusing yourself and drag him out of the yard with a solid ‘Can I talk to you, babe?’. Bucky just glares at Karen for good measure before he lets himself be led away by you. He’s tense, with his hands clenching in fists, he looks like he’s ready to strangle your aunt - as if there is a lot more at play than your feelings in his response to her. 

“I swear... that woman...” He grumbles with vicious eyes, he grinds his teeth in frustration and the muscles in his jaw pop a little. 

“I know, but... well, that’s just how she is.”

“How have you gone this long without knocking her over with a bat?” You need to refrain from laughing out loud at Bucky’s comment.

“I can’t change it. Punching her won’t help. But, hey,” you push a white paper into his hand and upon short inspection, he realizes it’s a bingo card. “We can make fun of it. New round just started.”

You hug him and push a quick kiss to his cheek before you step back and let him calm down a bit. Bucky has to smile at the card in his hand and he looks down to hide the small blush creeping over the heated spot on his cheek. His hand covers the place you kissed and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. When did he start feeling this way?

“Come on now. I want you to meet my Grandpa. I think you’ll get along well.”

❁ ❁ ❁

“Meet Stan, my grandfather.” You say once you reach the small circle of people that gathered around your grandfather. 

“Pleased to meet you, sir. My name’s Bucky Barnes.” You watch them shake hands and Stan’s eyes brighten at the additional listener.

“Pleasure to meet you, young man. Grab yourself a beer and sit down I was just about to tell the story of how a grenade ended up going off right next to me.” 

You exchange a short look with Tasha who has heard the story about as often as you have before, but when your eyes sway to Bucky, you notice the intrigue in his body language. He scrambles to sit down close to Stan with his hands folded over his knees.

“You’re telling me that you survived a grenade? A literal grenade?” Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up and it's like watching a child on Christmas Day. “You’re either tough as nails or incredibly lucky, sir.”

So, hooking Bucky up with your grandpa was a great success. He seemed to be the first person that was actually interested in Stan’s stories from the war. And while you had to not worry about Karen steering up more arguments with Bucky anymore, you watch him interact with the rest of your family with awe.

The day passes by and Bucky seems to catch a conversation with Stan every now and then. He’s interested in history and your grandfather seems like the perfect source for the answers he’s been seeking. But when the moon rises and the fireworks have died down, you decide it's time to go home. 

Bucky is talking to your grandfather again when you approach him from behind. In a weird shoot of confidence, you wrap your arms around him and place a gentle kiss on his shoulder. 

“Are you ready to go home?” You’re a little nervous but you don’t pull away, and Bucky is strangely content with the amount of physical contact he’s gotten today. Still, he tries to stuff the weird feelings in his chest away when he turns in your arms. 

“Yeah,” he looks at you with soft eyes, “I think I’m ready to go home.” But you can’t help but think that his statement holds a little more than the answer to your question. 

❁ ❁ ❁

You smile when Bucky opens the car door for you. You didn’t expect it, and it almost looks as if Bucky didn’t expect it either, but you’re not complaining. He starts the car in silence but this time, there is faint music coming from the radio. The street lights pass by the window as you look out until your apartment complex comes into view. 

Once the car is parked again, you turn around to Bucky. He makes no effort to move and it doesn’t bother you at all. It’s nice in the car. Cool from the AC and Bucky’s presence is a pleasant addition to the calm the car ride home has brought to you.

“Thank you for coming with me today. I know it wasn’t exactly what you expected and I am so sorry for my family. They are a lot... I just...” You fumble with your fingers before looking back up at him again. “I don’t think I would have survived this party without you. It really means a lot.” You finally finish and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. 

Bucky is quiet for a while, thinking about what you have just said. He feels weird thinking about how many of these family gatherings you had to endure without anyone stepping up for you before, and he has the strong urge to just cradle you in his arms and protect you from all the Karens of the world - let nothing ever touch you like that again. He had seen your heart break a little today and he didn’t like it at all. 

His eyes avert from the windshield when he turns to you and gazes into your eyes intently. There’s a lot going on in them, but it all radiates comfort to you. And then, almost like a button has been pushed, he grabs your chin and pulls you closer, his hand running down your cheek. There’s a moment of complete standstill. Everything is zeroing in on him and then, after a beat or two, he pulls you into him and kisses you. 

It's short and it's sweet but it holds more feelings than you have ever gotten from a kiss. When he pulls back, his eyes just run over your face. He doesn’t know what just happened and neither do you. It’s like a wild dream - a good one.

“What... what was that for?” Your whisper barely reaches his ears and Bucky struggles to construct a proper sentence with the way your eyes lock with his in awe.

“I... It’s... I just... couldn’t help myself,” he confesses while still shaking out of his trance. Uh oh. What if this was a mistake? 

He attempts to pull away reluctantly, but you stop him. “No, no it’s fine,” you grab his hand and place it back on your face, “do it again, please.”

Bucky’s breath staggers when you say that and for a moment, he freezes completely. Is this really happening? And how is he feeling like this when he didn’t even see you this way when this day started? 

The grip on his wrist is gentle, but he’s glued to you. Everything, every sense of his is pulled in your direction until you completely consume him. And he lets it happen. You haul him onto another kiss and this one is even better - more passionate, more... just more. He can’t get enough of you and he wonders how he has gone so long without it - this feeling of flying when you touch him.

Your hand grabs his shoulder and your fingers push into his tender muscles. It feels good, though and Bucky strives to have you even closer. The warmth is all-consuming but he doesn’t mind in the slightest, that the night outside his car is a hundred degrees or that just an hour ago this was all pretend. It certainly isn’t anymore.

“I really like you, Bucky. I hope my family didn’t chase you away. I know that they can be a handful sometimes, but you handled them so well and-“

“Doll,” Bucky stops you and your heart skips at the nickname. His eyes are shining in the dim light falling through the windshield, but you can still see every speck of grey in the deep blue. He’s trying to convey how he feels, but he believes it’s not enough. His nose nudges yours and then he whispers softly: “I really like you, too.”

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[callsign-joyride]

Imagine the dagger squad playing dogfight football at the beach on 4th of July... Rooster takes his shirt off and his girlifriend goes, "Happy 4th of July to me," or something like that. Maybe #8 from SoS?

Just Like Paradise | Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Summary: Bradley can't seem to get enough of you during 4th of July festivities.

Content warnings: Oral (f!receiving), fingering, unprotected p in v

Prompt: "You taste like heaven and I can't get enough."

A/N: This was written to go with my Rooster series Rules & Regulations but it can be read on its own. (And yes, I know that it's after July 4th... I've been busy lol.)

This was written for my Summer of Smut writing event. Feel free to send in requests!

The Dagger Squad wanted to spend Independence Day playing dogfight football at the beach. Being Phoenix’s best friend and Rooster’s girlfriend, you were of course invited. You decided to wear a bikini with the American flag printed on it with one of Bradley’s shirts as a coverup. You parked in the spot next to Bradley’s Bronco and texted him that you had arrived before getting out of the car with your tote bag and water bottle. 

Penny had set out a few lounge chairs where the group was and you could see Mav and Amelia following her out of The Hard Deck with the jumbo umbrellas under their arms. You were able to put your phone in your bag and take your shirt off before Bradley came up behind you and carried you into the water.

“It’s cold!” You yelled as Bradley laughed and leaned down to kiss you.

“You look good,” he said as he put his hands on your hips. His hands were dangerously close to where the ties of your bikini bottoms were.

“Hey, we’re in front of all of our friends and I don’t want to traumatize Amelia.”

“Is this new? I’ve never seen it before.”

“I bought it on sale a few years ago. Now, can we get back to our friends?”

“Yep, after I do this,” Bradley said before he quickly dunked you under the water. You laughed once you came back up and smacked him on the chest before walking back to the shore. The rest of the squad had arrived by then because Fanboy gave you a hug and said that you looked good.

Phoenix tossed you her bottle of sunscreen once you sat down and Rooster watched as you applied it. When you rolled over, he helped you with your back and reached into your bag for the book that he knew you brought.

“Thanks, babe,” you said. He nodded his head and sat next to you before taking his shirt off and tossing it into your bag.

“Oh, happy Fourth of July to me,” you said. Bradley overheard your statement and let out a loud laugh. Amelia sat in the chair next to you and watched everyone play football while you read your book. You were motivated enough to finish the book so you snapped a picture of it before tossing it into your bag and putting the oversized shirt back on. The game had been over and everyone was sitting around and drinking bottles of water while talking.

“How was the book?” Bradley asked.

“It was good. I’m thinking about getting sandwiches and frozen yogurt for everyone.”

Fanboy heard you say that you were thinking about getting frozen yogurt and ran over to you.

“Can I go with you?” He asked.

“Oh my God, Fanboy, you’re not five.”

“But no one else knows Payback’s order.”

“Fine. But you’re holding the sandwiches.”

Bradley handed you his credit card and you left with Fanboy. The trip was a bit chaotic as Fanboy was the adult embodiment of a five-year-old boy but you got everything that you needed and headed back to the beach. All of the chairs were arranged in a circle and you passed the box of sub sandwiches around. 

"Cyclone's having a cookout later. He said that you're all invited," Mav said as he dug into his frozen yogurt. You quickly looked over at Bradley who subtly shook his head no. Most of the group said that they would go so you didn't feel as bad when you said that you and Bradley had other plans. 

Your neighbors were also having a cookout but it was more potluck style so you stopped at the store to get a few things after the beach. Bradley was starting to get handsy as you conversed with your neighbors while eating burgers and hotdogs. Kids were running around with sparklers and bomb pops and Bradley was practically getting swarmed by little girls. 

The two of you finally left during the fireworks show. As soon as you walked through the door, Bradley picked you up and carried you upstairs. You showered together, cleaning yourselves of the sand and sweat that you were surely covered in from the San Diego heat. Bradley wrapped you in a towel and helped you dry your hair before whisking you off to the bedroom and throwing you on the bed. You were giggly but it turned serious when he unwrapped the towel and moved you to the edge of the bed. 

"Bradley!" You squealed.

"You looked so beautiful today. Can't get enough," he said as he kissed you and used his thumb to apply light circles on your clit. You moaned into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck to try and pull him closer. He leaned into the kiss while picking up his pace on your clit.

“Bradley, I-,”

“I know. Want you to cum on my mouth first.”

You leaned on your elbows and watched as Bradley left kisses going down your chest. He nuzzled himself just below your belly button before resting there for a few moments. He took a deep breath before putting your legs on his shoulders and licking slow stripes up and down your pussy. You moaned and pulled his hair as he fingered you while sucking on your clit. Your legs tightened around his head as you came and he started to slow down before coming up to kiss you.

“You taste like heaven and I can’t get enough,” he said. You relaxed into the kiss and wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his length press into your thigh. Bradley groaned as you guided him to your entrance and you watched as he slowly slid himself in. 

Things between the two of you were slow and sensual that night. Bradley came inside of you before resting his head in the crook of your neck while slowly pulling out of you. You were essentially tangled up with each other, and the crackles and booms of the fireworks could still be heard. 

“I love you,” he said.

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[writingcold]

Hello! I'm so glad you decided to return for Chapters 3 and 4 of BLP.

A/N: So, you can see why this is not an easy story to read.  If you continue, please just keep repeating that there is a happy ending.  There is a point to all the angst and tragedy - these characters really do experience glimmers of happiness and good things.  Just not all the time.

This is a complete fiction - totally made up.  I do not, nor will I ever know Jake or any member of GVF.  That said, this story is mine.  Please respect that.

Once again - I’m sending all my heartfelt thanks out to @takenbythemadness for being my reader on this.  I know it was hard.  💚Love you, my friend.

Content warnings: Angst.  Pregnancy.  Loss of Child.  Poor coping skills.  Alcohol.  

Word count: approx. 7100

Chapter 3: July, 1982: Amanda POV

     July found my mopey ass being invited to all sorts of Independence Day parties.  Imagine my surprise to be standing in the park, red cup in between my fingers, with a smile.  The anticipation of fireworks hummed across my skin while old friends caught me up on them.  I found as the evening flowed on, there were absences that were felt but went unmentioned.  None of the Kiszka family were around.  The 4th of July was huge for them and not one of them was in attendance.  I couldn’t shake the odd feeling that creeped into the back of my skull.

      Of course my brain pointed out the time.  Of course my heart knew it was probably because Jake had become a father without me.  The notion dimmed the excited twinkle of the glittery sparklers that were being waved around with wild abandon by those young and old.  Jenni drew me out, refreshing my beer and getting me all tangled up with her friends.

     It was like a collective hangover that was draped across town as I parked the bus in the employee parking spaces at the grocery store.  The day was terribly slow.  Since I had everything cleaned over twice in the kitchen, I set out to wipe down the displays.  Betty and Jan were of like mind as they had racks taken apart to clean next door in the produce department.  I smiled at them before getting to the task at hand.

     I was totally not paying attention to the ladies when I overheard the name Kiszka drift in my direction.  For a moment, I was dazed.  Betty was a busybody, needing to be in everyone else’s business at all times.  She certainly made the rounds of town to gather all her bullshit knowledge.  Most of it was harmless, but when Jake’s name was uttered, every hair on the back of my neck stood up.  I tried to close my ears.  I tried to shut it down but…

     “That’s awful,”  Jan breathed, stopping completely to look at Betty.  “What’s Karen doing about this?  Is there anything we can do to help the family?”

     “Karen’s just beside herself,”  Betty remarked as she wiped her hands across her apron.  “I mean - she was nowhere near being ready for a grandbaby, but this…” 

     My heart froze painfully as the ladies bent over the bins they were cleaning.  Was there something wrong with Jake’s baby?  I did not need to hear but every nerve ending begged for more information.  Was Jake hurt?  Did something happen to them -

     “I thought all the Kiszka kids were in college and doing well,”  Jan prodded.

     The scoff that erupted from Betty made my stomach clench with anger.  “Sure, three of the four are doing just fine.  I guess when I think about it, it would be Jake that would go and knock a girl up and drop out of school.  He was the most trouble out of all of them.  Karen was destroyed when he showed up with that terrible girl.”

     I tripped and fell against the case with a loud crack.  My heart sobbed as I felt my face redden.  The two ladies merely looked up at me, asking if I was okay.  I waved at them before acting like I was fine.

     “How long did the baby live?”  Jan asked, her voice hushed in a manner that sounded like she was conspiring, not consoling.  

     I drew in a ragged breath as the pieces started falling into place.

     “Hours, from what I understand,”  Betty answered plainly.

     I could not keep the sound of heartbreak from leaving my mouth.  I fumbled back into the kitchen area, sure the two ladies found my reaction an interesting thread to weave into the shitty tapestry they were spinning.  I imagined that their vapid tongues were wagging but I didn’t care.  Jake’s baby had not survived.  The pain he must have been in flooded my system.  I wanted to reach for the phone and call.  I wanted to extend some kind of comfort.  My hand came down on the receiver - but stopped.  Jake was not mine.  He was not even a friend.  His family had moved on.  I was a name in the past for all of them.

      The realization hit me like a hammer.  The contents of my stomach sloshed and I bent at the waist to keep from throwing up.  I had no one I could reach out to just to see if Jake was okay.

     Somehow, I finished out the shift.  My heart demanded that I at least call the Kiszka’s house to offer condolences, but with each reach of the phone, I reminded myself that these were not your family - not your people.  I found myself rummaging around the kitchen, yanking out the ingredients for oatmeal butterscotch cookies.  Jenni bumped through the backdoor, her face flushed from working at the pool all day.

     “I see you’ve heard,”  she said quietly.  “You always make those when it’s bad.”

     “No, I only eat all of them when it’s bad,”  I remarked sourly.  “So it’s a double batch.”

     She nodded as she kicked out of her flip flops and waved towards the bathroom.  By the time she was out of the shower and returned to me, I had the dough made and two pans already in the oven, perfuming the air with sweetness.

     “How’d you hear?”  she asked over a glass of iced tea.

     “Stupid Betty Wilmark was all over it,”  I sighed, taking my sister’s glass for a sip.  “How’d you hear?”

      “Ronnie hasn’t been to work for a few days,”  she answered as she took to the cabinets to retrieve another glass with a glare when it was obvious that I was not giving back her tea.  “Julie told me why.  So is that why you’re baking for the sixth army?  Looks like you already whipped through the house, too, with all the stupid clean sparkles on everything.”

      It was true.  Cleaning, cooking and baking were my busy tells when something was wrong.  I flashed a grin as I was reaching for the hot pads.

      “Careful there - I’ve got some nice pork chops resting in the fridge for supper.”

     She pulled up a chair from the kitchen table and parked at the corner of the counter.  “All right, Mands, let me have it.”

     “Have what?”  I asked coyly, pulling hot cookie sheets out to land on the stove.

     She glared at me with a wave of her hands.  It’d look comical if it didn’t feel like my guts were liquifying.

      “I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now.”  I whispered the tender words so that there was a chance no one would really hear them.

     She nodded.  “Yeah….”

     “I want to call the house to see if they need anything, but…”  I paused as a bubble of grief swelled.  “They’re not mine to call are they?”

     My sister shook her head slowly with an empathetic smile.  Thankfully, she stayed with me, quietly reading Firestarter out loud as I shifted gears into cooking a forty course dinner for four people.  Mom had gotten home and just stared at the situation.  

     “It’s all good,”  Jenni assured, knee deep in some vague while not vague description of gore.  

     “Looks like leftovers for the next two weeks,”  she replied before blowing out a long breath.

     Dinner was subdued.  I managed three bites before I had to excuse myself to escape outside for a smoke.  This time, Jenni stayed away, allowing the silence to permeate me.  As I crushed the cigarette, the most selfish thought stabbed at my brain - if there was no baby, would Jake stay married?

      The sting of pain and taste of blood struck my tongue.  Disappointment in myself for even allowing the notion hit me hard.  The self loathing started lapping at my fringes.  I was not that person.  I was not the selfish bitch who could be so small as to wish Jake to leave the woman who just lost their baby could I…?  The deepest recesses of my darkest corners sighed a repugnant ‘goddamn’.

Jake POV

     I honestly do not understand how I had come to find myself piss drunk in the parking lot of the park.  I woke up behind the wheel of Sam’s piece of shit car that I had somehow made off with sometime during the funeral reception.  I couldn’t take it anymore - the crying, the sadness, the fucked up feeling in my body that everyone else seemed to be able to see, but I was completely blind to.  Dad was hovering.  Mom was flying around the house trying to ensure everyone was comfortable.  Georgia just sat on the couch absolutely lambasted over the situation.  Her body was so still at times that I had to reach out to touch her to see if she was still residing in her frame.  She would flinch from the contact and the crying would start all over again.

     I was not handling this as I should.  I knew I was being a coward, sitting in that parking lot, drinking like it would help anything.  I heard the crunch of tires on the asphalt before I could clear my eyes to see my mom’s Suburban parking in the next spot over.  Josh’s hands were gripping my arm, tugging me like a limp rag from behind the wheel.  I could barely stand the grief.  It was so crushing.  I knew I was unconsolable as my father wrapped his arm around my waist to move me.  I caught Josh’s concerned gaze as Dad helped me into the backseat of the car, laying me out like a sick child, even pulling the blanket from the back and tossing it across my shivering legs.

     “Josh, head home,”  he ordered, glancing at me before shutting the door against my feet.  “Tell your mother we’ll be along.”

      In my drunken haze, I knew it was not going to be good.  I closed my eyes and turned my face into the sour smelling upholstery.  I’m unsure how long we drove, or how long I slept, or if we made any stops.  When I woke, we were at the boat landing at Murphy Lake that we used to go fishing from when we were little.  Dad was leaning against the front of the Suburban, his face trained to the lapping waves of the shore.  He glanced back when I started pawing at the door.  In my rush to the grass to piss, I didn’t realize my stomach decided it had had enough of the cheap whiskey as well.

     If I didn’t feel stupid before, I certainly felt it now as I spit the nasty shit taste from my lips.  Partially collected and almost human, I moved to my father’s side.  He handed me a thermos cup and filled it with a blank expression.  Dad was very good at letting his expression convey happiness and anger.  But this void of emotion was new to me.  I could make the man smile over a lick on the strings and infuriate him like nobody’s business with stupid juvenile bullshit.  This stance he held - I simply could not decipher.  I sipped at the coffee, welcoming the warmth to my innards despite the sticky, thick warmth of the outside.

      We stood in silence for nearly thirty minutes, in which I sucked down two cups of coffee.  Dad just stood, eyes on the water, arms crossed against his wide chest.  I know he was processing his words.  I was like that too; not wanting to say something without really thinking it through most times.  The only one I was not like that with was Josh…  But that wasn’t true.  Mandy.  My eyes closed as her face danced through my thoughts.  I could say anything to her and she would be able to understand as if the words were shared by our two minds without actual vocalization.  My heart sank.  Even during the funeral she invaded my thoughts.  She was the one I wanted to turn to for comfort.  She was the one I knew I would be safe with to unload my burden.

       “You cannot do this again, son,”  Dad said, his tone was not of a father pointing out a wrong, though.  His words were not meant to scold.  I looked to him and he just continued to watch the water.  “I know you are hurting.  We all are.  You married that girl to do the right thing.  Turns out the right thing is to hold her through this part.”

      I swallowed as the words filtered through.  

     “This is a pain I don’t know, Jacob,”  he said after another long pause.  “I cannot imagine my life without any of you.  Your little Liam touched my heart and I loved him instantly.  What a beautiful boy.”

      I yanked in a splintered breath that choked my throat and filled my lungs with venom.  As if my heart wasn’t broken enough, the feel of his little feet against my palms, the warmth of his skin flooded my brain with love that I never imagined possible.  And it was fleeting.  It was gone.  I couldn’t stop the absolute fractured sound that erupted from my face, filling the air around me with such damage that I was sure the world would never be the same.  Dad’s hand pressed into my back as I folded forward against the grief that washed out of me.

      “This is not Georgia’s fault,”  he whispered.  “This is not your fault.  You two did nothing wrong and you need to remember that, Jake.  There is no blame to be found here.  You will need to be strong for her.  You will need to hold her up for a while.  I hope I can trust that she will do the same for you, but it’s up to you to ensure that your wife is sheltered through this.  Do you hear me?”

      “She’s so mad, Dad,”  I managed through my sobs.  “She’s so mad that we’re here.  That if we were in Chicago, the care would’ve been different - better.  Better able to care for his heart.  She’s already thinking it’s because I chose to be here…”

      My dad nodded.  “It’s going to have some ugly, son.  That you cannot avoid.  I’m sorry.  But it’s just the moment and it will pass.  Give it time.”

      “I don’t even fucking know her,”  I gasped as I felt like the coffee was going to fly up from my stomach.  “I don’t know her so how the hell am I supposed to -”

      He wrapped his arms around me, holding me up as my arms went limp at my sides.  “Just cry now, Jacob.  Just cry.”

       I felt like when I was ten and had flipped over a bad jump on the water skis and face planted so hard that I thought I had shattered my face.  I was limp in my father’s grip and he wanted me to allow him to shoulder the burden of my pain.  Liam was a beautiful boy.  He was everything in the spaces of those few breaths that he was here.  His dark hair plastered to his perfectly round head.  His little ribbon of a mouth was so red before it wasn’t.  My heart raced like it was going to explode.  Why was it that my heart was strong and his wasn’t?  Why was my heart beating and his wasn’t?  

       It took a while, but I finally got my feet under me.  Dad and I walked towards the water, sitting down on some fallen trees, just watching the breeze play across the surface of the lake.  I found myself settled.  Like the sucker punch to my chest was finally beginning to clear.  Dad just sat with me and let me grieve in the safe little pocket that he provided.  I was going to have to provide this for Georgia.  I had my example of what I needed to do for her.  Being present was that first step.  My axis had shifted.  It was time to grow up and leave things behind that I thought were permanent.  

      “Thanks, Dad,”  I said quietly.  

      His smile was small and tight.  “You’ve gotten yourself into quite the situation with her, haven’t you?”

      I nodded.  “I didn’t really know her before…”

      Dad’s dark blue eyes glinted as he looked at me.  I almost didn’t carry on, but he seemed to calm as he realized I was finally going to be honest about what had happened.

      “I still don’t know her,”  I admitted, struggling over the words.  “I was so focused on doing what was right instead of looking at what I should be doing.  I was more concerned with what that right was.  And now…  I know I don’t have options here-”

      “Bull shit,”  he blurted, his face stoic.  “You’ve married her.  You better damn well do your best to respect that, Jacob.  You try for as long as you can.”

      “She’s going to need a lot,”  I said with a blown out breath.

      “Yup.  Now maybe you can stop killing yourself and ditch the shit job at the mill.  Just concentrate on Martin’s.”

       I licked at my lips and nodded.  “Henry and Ada have been amazing through all this.  I won’t let them down.”

      “I know,”  Dad said, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.  

     “Mom’s gonna kill us, isn’t she?”  

     “Nah.  She’s all bluster.  I’m the heavy.”

     I laughed.  I couldn’t help it.  I laughed like my life depended on it and couldn’t stop.  Dad joined in knowing his words were bull shit.  I watched as he fished the keys from his pocket and reached out for my hand.

     “I love you, Jacob.  I won’t let you down.  When you need this, I will be here,”  he said, cupping my palm into his own.  “You stay strong for Georgia, I’ll be here for you.  Deal?”

     “Deal.”

     I felt lighter as we walked back towards the car.  Sitting at his side, I felt different.  I had been a father - was a father.  I was a father.  I was married.  I had a long way to go, but Dad looked at me like a curtain had been peeled back.  I wasn’t the child.  I wasn’t the student any more.  I was an adult.  I had to wake up and walk forward and support my wife and live my life like a man.  

Chapter 4: July, 1983: Amanda POV

     Sophomore year of college was DONE.  I blew the doors off both terms.  I wanted to stay in Dearborne and cram a few more classes during the summer semester, but after a conversation with Mom, I discovered that my grandma was in poor health.  It was decided that I would stay in her house with her during the summer break to make sure she was not alone at night.  The arrangement would be long enough for the family to decide if she needed to move in with one of the other families, or perhaps a place that had care.  We weren’t allowed to call it what it was.  Those places are awful according to grandma and so we don’t talk about it.

      I was able to procure my job once again in the bakery.  I was able to work five days a week, the morning shift even, so I would be off by two in the afternoon.  I picked up hours at the library, aiding the youth librarian in his summer program with the afternoon offerings four days a week.  I was busy enough to keep money flowing into my bank account for the next year of school - especially since I had plans on sharing an apartment with two other classmates I had met in the dorms.  Mom and Dad’s funds, along with the few little scholarships I had were only taking me so far - so housing off campus was all on me.

      The year found me in tough spirits until after Christmas.  That’s when I fell in with Lizbit.  She was the loudest person I had ever met and I loved her immediately.  We were inseparable.  She introduced me to all sorts of people, sent my ass on a few dates, and always included me in the group outings to bars and clubs.  In other words, she dragged me from the pit of my shell and introduced me to the great, wide world.  

      Summer had been unremarkable, thank goodness.  I worked.  I played cards with grandma every night and listened to her talk about everything.  She would laugh and ask me about boys.  When I said there was no time for that kind of thing, she cackled and said she didn’t believe me.  

     The night of the 4th of July found me once again in the park for the city festivities.  This year, all the Kiszka’s were in attendance, including Jake and his wife.  She sat with Ronnie and Karen.  I had to admit that she appeared to be a nice addition to their family.  Jake looked…  I couldn’t place it, but he had taken more than a few steps away from the boy I had known.  My heart felt cold in my chest as he moved around, his face not quite catching the light as he used to.  He was as handsome as ever, though.  Jenni saved me from my ruminations with a handful of sparklers.

      I ran around with the little cousins all over the place, hamming it up with them and just being free.  Everyone started to congregate back to their respective spots as the first of the fireworks were set off.  I was corralling a few from the far corner and the swings when Jake crossed my path, alone.  He was quick to smile, his head tilted as looked me over.

     “Mandy,”  he said, a faint smile appearing on his mouth.  

     “Jake,”  I managed, as the kids I was just chasing ran around us in a twist.  “Guys, come on - get over to Grandma - the show’s about to start!”

       They laughed and giggled and finally did as I asked when the first bang of the display was launched.  I couldn’t help that my eyes traced to his the moment we were alone.  The punch to my gut was not as strong, but it was there.  I could feel the tendrils of our gravity begin to reach out for each other, longing to once again entwine.  

      “You’re looking good.  How’s school going?”  he asked, raking a hand through his hair.

      “It’s good.  Things are going well.  I hear you’re in partnership with Mr. Henry like you wanted,”  I said with a grin.

      “Yeah, yeah,”  he answered with a nod.  “Our arrangement looks a little different, but things are falling into place.  Yeah.”

      The crackle and bangs of the show began falling into a rhythm that seemed to match my heartbeat as he continued to shuffle his feet and smile before me.  The shimmer in his eyes warmed as he seemed to want to talk more.

      “Jake!”  

      My eyes broke from his spell to find Josh walking down the sidewalk towards us.  My gut sank despite the widening of my grin.

      “Hello there, Josh,”  I called out with a wave of my hand.

      His brows pinched with a look to his twin before turning his million watt smile back on.  “Mandy.  Wow.  You’re looking fantastic.”

      “Thank you,”  I said, giving him a playful little curtsy before waving at his outfit.  “You’re looking mighty dapper yourself tonight.”

      He laughed loudly as he pawed at Jake’s arm.  He was topped with a floppy patriotic hat, with knee high socks that mimicked the flag.  He gave a little pose that made it all the funnier and I couldn’t help but join in his lightness.  Behind him, I could see Jenni waving at me.

      “I better get going,”  I replied, turning my attention back to the pair.  “It was good seeing you, Jake.  Josh.”

      Jake started to reach out, but Josh seemed to shift to block him.  I walked straight to my family’s group and hid myself amongst the kids and aunts and uncles, all laughing and enjoying the show.  I took a moment to realize that I was still breathing.  I was still able to smile.  My heart was still beating just fine.

      I watched as the twins returned to their family.  Jake sat down and Georgia immediately leaned against him, their hands threading together.  Yeah.  It hurt like a missile had just been shot dead in the center of my body, but I continued to breathe.  I continued to be present.  

      The following weeks returned to what had been - work and grandma and hanging out with friends if they were around.  Mid-August arrived and I was getting my things ready to head back to Dearborne and another year of hell schedules that would bring me closer to my ultimate goal.  I had gotten a call from friends to meet them at the bar on Main street.  They wanted to commiserate the start of the fall term and say farewell for now.  I dressed in my best Crissie Hynde outfit, tight jeans and cropped and torn t-shirt.  I wish I had had the guts to chop the hair, but I wore it in a loose braid that fell to the middle of my back.  I even did the heavy eyeliner and looked damn fine that way.  I slid my feet into a pair of boots and kissed my grandma a goodnight.  

      “I hope you are not here in the morning, sweetheart,”  she cackled with a wink.  “Have fun!”

      The Last Miller was smack dab in the middle of the row on Main Street.  I parked and strolled into the bar to the waiting group that was huddled around the pool table.  Marni and Terry were ready with pitchers and cold mugs, while Robbie was already at the jukebox with John Cougar pouring out the speakers.  It was instant comfort as we settled into the groove, playing round after round of pool and just being rowdy. It felt normal.  It felt like the past few years were there but the heartbreak was absent.  I danced with Robbie and Bret when he arrived to ELO’s “Hold On Tight”, laughing when Marni knocked her way through the two boys and latched on to me to finish out the song.  It was just stupid fun.  It was what was needed.

      We were hunched across the high top by the pool table when I watched Jake walk in alone.  He sat at the far end, looking like a man trying to forge his own space in the midst of loud kids.  I watched as the bartender didn’t ask what he wanted and just fixed a glass of whiskey neat and set it before him like it was routine.  They spoke a few words before Jake was left to his privacy.  

       “We should go finish down at the river,”  Terry cooed.  “This place is getting quiet anyway.  Whatcha think, Mandy?”

       I felt my back straighten and my quiet wrap around me.  “Why don’t you guys go.  I better head for home.  Grandma is gonna need me early anyway.”

       The friends stopped to look at me.  It may be rare that I went out, but to cut the night early was also rare.  I said my goodbyes with a stressed ‘please be careful’.  I waited for them to head towards the door before I pointed to the ladies room and waved goodbye.  Jake was completely ignoring the group that just buffaloed out past him.  I knew I shouldn’t, but I knew I could not leave without at least saying hello.  

       “Hi, Jake,”  I said, standing next to the empty stool next to him.

      His eyes rolled up on me, bleary and full of hurt that I was not ready to see.  I swallowed and waited for a response that I was not certain that I would receive.  His face was hard as he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth.

      “You okay?”  I asked, refusing to just walk away.

      “What would you do if I said no, Amanda?”  

      I felt my mouth bunch up and my nose twitch.  Licking at my lip, I shrugged.  “Then I would ask if you would like to come sit with me at that table over there to talk.  Like a friend.” 

     To my surprise, he stood, his body so close to mine that I could feel the unhappiness roiling off his skin.  For a moment he just stood there looking into my face as if he might touch my cheek the way he did at one time.  He nodded back at the bartender and ordered two mugs of beer as he tossed a couple dollars on the bartop.  I swallowed as I realized that he was wanting this - just to sit and talk.  I followed his drifting tread to a booth close to the window.  There was a faint buzz to the light above.  It matched the wound that was oozing in my chest as he waited for me to sit and get situated.  

      I hid for a moment behind a sip of bitter amber.  It cooled my insides as he tapped against the heavy grit on the table between us.  When it became apparent that he was waiting for me to break through the chill, I took another swig of courage.

      “So,”  I started but fell quiet.  His dark eyes moved to mine and stuck like two shattered orbs.  I hated that I decided this was a good idea.  Instead, I went another direction - distraction.  “How is Mr. Henry?”

      His shoulders relaxed visibly as the corners of his mouth pinched together.  “Henry and Ada are good.  Feisty.  But good.  He, uh, is warming up to my ideas of updating the spaces into something more modern.”

      “Modern?”

      “Yeah,”  he leaned forward, his excitement moving to the fore.  “I broached the subject of not just a single learning space, but practice rooms, perhaps a large space with room enough for a band.  I was thinking about a production area in that space upstairs.  Using more of the floor area for selling albums, maybe even an exchange for albums?  Not sure about that.”

      He seemed happy to divert his words into his passion.  He laughed as he talked about how Ada was not just encouraging retirement, but was literally shoving Henry towards the finish line.  

      “I’ve been picking up gig work again in Detroit.  I’ve done a lot of studio work lately, too,”  he continued.  “It’s been…  good to have a few days here and there for distance.”

      My teeth pinched the inside of my lip hard.  That moment had come.  “I’m so sorry, Jake.  I heard about your baby.  It broke my heart to hear about what happened.”

      The corner of his mouth stretched with a nod.  “Liam was beautiful.  I wish he could have stayed.”

      We descended into a silence that was foreign.  Jake’s grief was palpable as he sipped at his beer.  The wound that was oozing within me began to bleed for him.  I fought the urge to reach out and touch him, comfort him.

      He cleared his throat and shifted around suddenly.  “I’ve been remiss.  You must be getting ready to head back to Dearborne?”

      And just like that, the moment was gone.  The door had been closed to his private life that I had no right to be a part of.  And it was okay.  We chatted about classes and friends.  He talked about running into different people from school that we shared as friends.  It was safe talk.  And it meant everything to me just to hear him.  His voice and laugh.  We parted as friends with a smile.  It was enough that I could sit with him and just be a fraction of the people we once had been.

Jake POV 

     It was not uncommon for the ugliness of the moment to chase me from the apartment, and Georgia knew it.  Sometimes, I wondered if she allowed herself to get to that point of absolute madness to drive me away just to see if I would come slithering back.  Of course I always would return.  It was like a never ending cycle of what I knew I needed to do to keep in step with what supposedly was ‘right’.  However, the line of what was right was blurred beyond my recognition at times.

      I had seen Mandy with her friends in Miller’s.  Her presence did not stop me from my ritual.  I needed that burn in my belly to feel like I was real.  I pretended like I was not aware of how her gravity was forcibly yanking my spirit to look at her, to be by her.  After all the life that had passed by, she still commanded my attention like I belonged to her.  So when she appeared before me, her friends out the door, I had to mask my amazement that this creature was once again within my reality.

      My keys hit the dish at the door with an ugly strike and I didn’t care.  Georgia was hunched over on the couch, her frame still with sleep.  I walked through the kitchen to fetch a glass of water before making my way to the bathroom.  I stared at myself for a long while.  I could hardly imagine who this man was before me.  I could feel the layers of anger and anguish crinkle and moan with each breath of my body.  The weight of it hunched me over like an old man.  I couldn’t stand the sight of it.  Through a shower, I didn’t bother looking in on her and managed to get into bed, thankful that I could grab six hours before I had to be up and to the shop once more.

      Routine was my grace.  If I could manage my routine, I could survive.  Georgia and I had fallen into a quiet step of tolerating each other.  I could honestly say that I cared about her.  We were growing together.  It was just… hard.  She had gotten into the local doctor’s office as a receptionist and was finally making some friends of her own.  We were planning on finally moving out of the shitty apartment into a tiny little place a few blocks off Main Street.  It even had a small yard. It could be someplace where my family could come and visit.  Where friends for both of us could come together.  Ronnie had gone out of her way to extend time towards Georgia in an attempt of making her feel a part of the family.  But then the moods started to get harder to bear and my sister found herself at a distance that she needed to keep from being pulled too deeply into my own bull shit.  

      I woke to find her gone.  She left a note on the counter about dinner to talk.  The day was filled with lessons, repairs, sales, and me working in the production space upstairs.  With Henry’s ties to Detroit, he had set up with a few producer friends our plans for the space and already had some interest in having a place away from the city to work.  Late in the afternoon, I had taken a call that I was not expecting.  Henry was proud of the news, but I was unsure of how Georgia was going to handle the situation.  

      By the time I got home, it was closer to seven in the evening.  The apartment smelt like dinner gone awry as I pushed myself inside to find her standing at the kitchen sink, crying.  My heart sank.  I set my keys in the dish quietly and slipped out of my shoes before padding towards her.  The mess on the counter and stove top looked to be a meatloaf dinner gone horribly wrong.  

      “I don’t know how I can burn this and still have it be fucking raw in the middle,”  she sobbed, crashing the pan into the sink.  “Why do I fucking bother?  I know better.”

      She started to leave in a huff, but I stopped her, my eyes on the molten looking concoction before me.  “Thank you,”  I said, pressing my fingers gently into her arm.  

      Georgia stopped and actually looked at me in the face.  Her dark eyes were shiny with her upset.  Before I could think twice, I leaned in and kissed her mouth.  Just a soft peck that lingered for a moment.  It was a start to calm her.

      “I totally wasted it this time, Jake,”  she said, her body collapsing against the edge of the stove.  “I just wanted to try something nice…”

      What looked to be half cooked potatoes stood in a pan, a ton of water swam beneath around the burner. I glanced at her imagining that the pot had boiled over and she panicked and just turned off the element.  There was another pot with over cooked vegetables that didn’t look quite right either.  My brows pinched as I grimaced at her.

      “I just wanted to try, Jake!”  she said defensively, arms instantly moving to their protective place across her chest.  

      I stifled a laugh.  “I so appreciate it, too.  Really, Georgia.”

     “Are you laughing at me?”  she huffed, eyes flaring.

     “Maybe.  But this is really the sweetest thing you’ve done,”  I said softly as another chuckle escaped me before I could stop it.  “Sorry.”

      “You’re not making fun of me?”  

      I smiled as I touched her cheek and shook my head.  I paused as I once again tried to see if there was anything we could salvage, but thought it best to just start from scratch.  I fixed her an ice water and had her sit at the counter while I went to work.  She quietly watched as I cleaned up then grabbed the eggs and settled in to making a scramble for us.  

      “I have some news,”  I said as I diced onions and bell peppers.  

      “Hopefully good,”  she said, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

     I reached for the package of mushrooms and cheese before allowing myself to relax into the moment.  “I got a call from the manager of a band today.  Their rhythm guitarist was in an accident and broke his hand and asked if I could fill in for the last bit of their tour.”

     Her brows pinched as the news soaked in.  “How long?”

     “It sounds way longer than it actually is,”  I say as I start to whip the eggs.  “They have four shows in Chicago and the last two here in Detroit, so I’d only be gone for a little more than a week.  Twelve days, maybe?”

     “Oh,”  she whispered.

     “But that’s not the best part.  I’m getting like twelve hundred bucks to do this,”  I point out with a nod, smiling as the onions begin to sizzle in the pan.  “It’ll be enough for the down payment for the house.”

      Her chin dipped as a real smile tugged at her mouth.  She was pretty in moments like this.  It was easy to forget some of the hurt and a lot of the anger that made up her exterior.  Georgia had a tough start to everything it seemed like.  I had learned after the first few months that ‘fight’ was her go to method of handling everything.  

     “That’s a lot for six shows,”  she remarked before hiding before a sip of her water.

     “Well, it means I have to learn their set list in two days and it’s a lot.  And I’d have to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

     The amount of work that I was going to have to tackle was huge.  Luckily this was a band that I knew that you had played with during my sophomore and junior years.  I had some semblance of their works.  It would be a challenge, but a fun one.  

     “I know that wasn’t what you wanted to talk about tonight,”  I said as I grabbed our two plates from the shelf to dish us up.  “I just knew that a little good news would go a long way.”

      She was quiet, her fingers drifting back and forth across the counter with thought. 

     “So…”

     I stirred around the eggs before turning back to her after my prod and she still didn’t say anything.

     “I know it’s been hard with me, Jake,”  she said quietly.  “Everything just happened so fast and then Liam and I just…”

     My gut twisted at the sound of his name.  “I know.  For me, too.  I get it.”

     “I think it would help if maybe we try to, I don’t know,”  she let out an apprehensive laugh.  “Maybe date?  Shit.  Just.  Everything is so backwards for us and I’m not saying this right.”

      I returned to the stove, not wanting another supper to burn, but also to retreat a bit from the conversation.  She was trying.  Really trying.  I did not let her see how I was chewing my bottom lip in search of an answer that didn’t sound like I was a dick.  She was right - we were backwards in everything.  

      “I’d like that,”  I said.  I could hear her relief.  “How about when I get back from this stint, we go have dinner at Capri?”

      She was nodding as I plated up the eggs.  “It’s not stupid?”

      “No,”  I said as I scooted her plate in front of her.  “I like that you’re thinking of us.”

      If I would have uttered those words months before, they would have been a lie.  I knew it in the deepest recesses of me, that it would have been a lie.  But.  Something had changed.  Perhaps it was shared grief.  Perhaps it was that abbreviated shared love in its purest of forms that made me look to her for what she really was - a woman in need of shelter that I could provide. 

      The blaze of a blush danced across her cheeks that made me smile as I sat down next to her.  She was pretty that night.  She was soft and expressed a laugh that I had not heard since that Thanksgiving night.  It was nice.  I put on a record, one of my favorites, something that I had not done for some time.  She seemed to understand that lapse of sound in our space.  It was something that I could not do when all we did was argue over everything.  She knew what it meant when I was able to put music that highlighted the mood.  My skin reacted to her touch that night and it felt as if maybe, possibly, things were turning a better corner.

I’ll see you next Wednesday.  💚  

I have a tag list if you would like to join, or you can just reply to this or message me.

@lvnterninthenight @doodle417 @luverleaver @jakesgrapejuice @fictional-duchess @milkgemini @positivegvfthings @songbirds-sweet @streamingcolors-gvf @gretavanbitches @gardensgatedaisy @babyhoneygvfarchive @myownparadise96 @josh-iamyour-mama @starcatchercarol @loveisonaroll @jakesstarlight @reesetrippingthelight @builtby-gvf @ignite-my-fire @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf @gold-mines-melting @starsasone @mysticalstarcatcher @montenegroisr @takenbythemadness @way-to-go-lad @cal-a-bungaa @lightmylove-gvf @thewritingbeforesunrise @leftjudgeempathsuitcase @brokenbells11 @imborrowedshesblue @vanfleeter @sammysvanfeet @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @jaketlove @gvfmarge @becinabubblegvf @wildbluesorbit @sinarainbows @livkiszka @thetroublegetssoloud71 @gracev0609 @gretavangroupie

#jake gvf #jake kiszka #greta van fleet #gvf #jake kiszka fan fic #greta van fleet au #gvf au #greta van fleet fan fic #jake kiszka au #best laid plans

[jimblejamblewritings]

romeo and...cullen? | alternative ending.

Summary: Y/N Cullen, youngest in both actual age and last to be turned in the Cullen clan. Her world is turned upside down when Bella Swan enters her family’s life, because Bella doesn’t bring just herself but drags some of her friends into the Cullen’s life as well.

Warnings for the Series: light violence, light angst, light smut

Pairing: Jacob Black x reader

Word Count: 1.0k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

Alice pulled her hand from Aro’s grasp. Whatever he saw, you knew it shook him to his core.

“Now you know, that’s your future. Unless you decide on another course.”

“We cannot alter our course, the child still poses a grave threat,” Caius spoke up.

“But what if you were sure she could remain concealed from the human world? Could we leave in peace?”

“Of course, but that can’t be known.”

“Actually, it can.” Edward smiled, reading Alice’s mind.

You watched as a man and woman stepped towards you all. For the better part of the week, Nahuel and his aunt from the Ticuna tribes of Brazil stayed with you guys while teaching you all about Renesmee. Renesmee would fully mature at seven, never ageing past her teens. The ageing would slow down immensely and allow her to be enrolled in middle and high school normally. But until she looked those ages it was best to homeschool. And like you, she survived on food and blood.

~~

Carlisle checked the ultrasound in his home-office. Your pregnancy started normal, but very quickly after the Volturi left you had become like Bella. The vampire portion kicking in and driving the pregnancy and baby into hyper drive. Your mostly vampire body helped you not get weak while carrying.

You walked into the living room, immediately laying down on the couch. Jacob wrapped his arm around you for warmth. Everyone looked to you to hear what Carlisle said.

“Twins?!” Edward broke the silence. Leave it to your brother to know how to make an announcement.

“Twins?!” Everyone else repeated. Jacob kissed your temple and rubbed your stomach.

“Yep, both boys. Both wearing me the fuck out, I can’t wait for this pregnancy to be done.”

You were grateful to have Carlisle there every step of the way until you gave birth. It was relatively easy and in the end you had two very healthy babies: Edward Jared Black and Lee Ephraim Black. Like Renesmee, EJ and Lee aged slightly faster.

~~

“If you’re moving to Maine, let me go up with Jake and help fix the house so it’s ready in time.”

“It’s fine, Emmett,” you said from the front yard.

Billy had invited everyone over to his house for a 4th of July barbecue. You and Jacob were throwing around a frisbee with your kids, Koda trying to intervene and catch the Frisbee before one you could. EJ and Lee’s quick ageing stopped sooner than Renesmee’s. Carlisle thought you could enroll them in fourth grade now, they seemed to have stabilized.

After that revelation, you and Jacob decided to start seriously working on your family’s future. Everyone was surprised that you two wanted to go but they understood. You and Jacob from the outside had the most normal looking life and wanted to experience a bit of it. Of course, Rosalie was the first to stop complaining about the move when she saw your family’s estate house.

“I’m just saying, the house will be finished in time for the boys to start school.”

“We’re enrolling them for the Spring Semester. Not September, we need to get settled first. Jake has to finish the garage, I need to set up the clothing store.”

“Come on, (Y/N)!”

“Emmett, we’re not moving till after the baby’s born why are you in such a rush to get rid of us.” You hurried the words out not even thinking about what you said.

Everyone stopped eating to look at your family.

“Did you just say baby?” Billy asked.

“Way to ruin the surprise, babe.” Jacob came up next to you. “Yeah, everyone we’re having another kid.”

Esme immediately engulfed you in a hug. Everyone was happy with just Renesmee and the twins, not ever thinking they’d have kids in the family. The announcement of another was overwhelming happiness.

~~

“Mom, I can’t find my sweater vest,” Lee said as he came downstairs.

“You’re gonna wear the sweater vest and the shorts? You’ll look like an idiot.”

“Carli Rosa Black! Don’t be rude and go help your brother look for his vest,” you said as you sat on the couch, braiding EJ’s hair for school.

Carli got up to help Lee. Just like her brothers, Carli, aged fast at first but stopped even earlier. She stabilized enough to be in third grade, only a year behind her brothers. You and Jacob suspected the werewolf gene took over more and more with each kid. If you were to have another they’d probably age like a normal human, like Jacob did before he phased.

Jacob came from the back of the house, in his mechanic uniform, with a basket of laundry.

“Lee! I’ve got your uniform right here.”

Jacob held up the sweater vest. Lee and Carli both came running back down stairs, Lee grabbing his vest from Jake to put on.

“Alright, get your shoes on before the bus gets here.” You finished with EJ’s hair and ushered the kids out the door. “And we’re going to Forks this weekend, don’t forget to pack when you get home!”

“Family house, beautiful children, Maine, our own shops. We really accomplished that dream board.” Jacob came up behind you laughing as you two watched the kids’ bus drive away.

“We really did. Three kids, wow.”

Jacob turned you around to face him.

“You know, I’ve got an hour before I open shop. Wanna go for a fourth?”

“Oh you’re pushing it, Jake.”

“Hmm?” Jacob kissed you.

You both heard the cracks as his hands gripped your waist but it didn’t bother either of you anymore. The kissing became more intense as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You both pulled away slightly breathless.

“I love you.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

Jacob kissed you, smiling as he did.

#jacob black x reader #twilight fic

[celticcrossanon]

Well, all will be quiet now except for the Trooping of the Color. The harkles won’t be here for that, so that will end most of the BRF on the balcony for a while. Points to KC for sticking to his guns by not weakening to Haitch’s demands. The wife no longer counts in any equations as they clearly do not even address her as a living relative. She no longer counts in any arrangements that they make or do. I thought they might be invited to family things, but I guess they all really hate them and would not have them on their property. Eug and her husband live in Portugal and that is not exactly royal and they were the only ones that might invite them. What a boring life, the Harkles really never do anything do they? Rarely go to dinner, no friends, no parties, no invites to events, no galas, no trips to the islands, no more “Clooney invites” and even the former rich friends, i.e., Misha Noono, Serena invites, or any friends for that matter..do not seem to be there. Oh, she might go to the 4th of July parade again in Montana… I think they thought that was a big thing. So nothing really. Boring couple… the dull life of two dull people. Think of all the sports Catherine and William and their family do together, all the friends they have, all the parties and gatherings they are invited to, and of course ,they have a great extended family of brothers and sisters, cousins and married ins,  and in laws with who they gather regularly. What a difference.

*

May 12 Ask

Hi Nonny,

The Harkles have the private life that they claim they wanted when they left the BRF (except for when they call the paps, of course). Whether they like living in obscurity is another question entirely (I would say No from all the PR they put out). Apart from their PR, we don’t know what they do because people are just not interested in them, so no social media sightings etc.

You were right, they did go to a 4th of July Parade, although there was some debate over where it was and I can’t remember the final conclusion (Montecito or San Ysidro).

#submission

[thebreakfastgenie]

📓📓

For you, Ally, one TWW fic and one MASH fic!

The Josh Dies AU is vast, so I've started daydreaming about it in installments. The first installment is called Pro Patria Mori and covers the night of the shooting.

For MASH you get THE daydream fic: Sixties Verse! I honestly left out a lot of Annie stuff but I gave you all my favorite plot points.

They both got really long so under a cut they go!

Pro Patria Mori

It begins with the president giving a statement to the press from the hospital. They've only allowed in one camera, he's being shot from the waist up in bed, and he's been made up as much as possible. As he begins, we jump back in time a few hours.

The surgeon who was working on Josh comes to Jed's hospital room to inform him that Josh didn't make it. Abbey, being an experienced doctor, knows what he's going to say before he says it. She holds Jed's hand. Shortly afterward, the hospital administrator escorts Leo into the room. Leo squeezes Jed's other hand, shaking, when they tell him. The administrator confirms the rest of the staff is in the waiting room.

Abbey accompanies the surgeon to tell them. She wants to break the news herself, but freezes, and the surgeon tells them. CJ freezes. Sam goes into the hallway to throw up. Toby calmly asks about the body. He explains that it's Jewish custom not to leave the body alone. The hospital prepares a room and Toby goes to stay with Josh until his mother can get there.

CJ has to run back to the White House. Danny catches her alone and presses her about the "who was in charge question." CJ, exhausted, frustrated, grieving, and still in shock, blurts out that Josh died. Horrified, she starts back-pedaling, explaining that no one is supposed to know yet. Danny gently tells her everything she says tonight is off the record. They hug.

Sam is struggling to write the statement they're going to put out and calls Toby. Toby is praying over Josh's body, but answers the call on his cellphone and works on the statement with Sam. Sam quote Wilfred Owen and Toby agrees the situation they're in feels like a war.

Jed insists he wants to deliver the statement himself and convinces the staff. As they're preparing, Leo references the same Wilfred Owen poem Sam quoted earlier. Abbey squeezes Jed's arm, and he makes his statement.

Also as a little bonus for you, in one of the later installments, CJ finds out Simon shot one of the Rosslyn shooters. She says "good" in a voice even Simon finds chilling.

Sixties Verse

This concept started before I even finished the show. In 1962, Hawkeye Pierce is working as a thoracic surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital. He's been there for several years, but hasn't gotten to know anyone. Everyone calls him Dr. Pierce. The only person at work who knows anything about him is the chief of surgery, who learned some of his history when he hired him. He tries to be friends, having occasional lunches, but Hawkeye doesn't open up much. He's still in touch with everyone from the 4077th, but he doesn't talk to any of them often, even Charles who lives in the same city. (I have not figured out Trapper yet.) This is because everyone is busy with their lives, but Hawkeye has also distanced himself a bit without realizing it.

Annie Wainwright is the only woman currently in the surgical residency at MGH and faces a lot of disrespect, frequently being asked to run errands. On July 4th, 1962, she's sent to find Dr. Pierce, who handles most of the trauma cases.

After an argument with the arrogant chief resident, Hawkeye asks Annie to assist instead. He's impressed with her skills and compliments her. Annie invites him to the roof to watch the fireworks with some other doctors. He brusquely declines, which confuses her. The next day, he asks the chief to put Annie on his service and let him take over her training. Once Annie agrees, he quickly becomes her mentor. They also become friends, because neither of them has any other friends. He insists he has friends, they just mostly aren't local, and at first she doesn't believe him. He introduces himself as Hawkeye, but she insists on calling him Dr. Pierce because he's an attending, though he calls her Annie. She calls him sir a few times early on and he says "don't call me sir, it makes me feel like I'm in the army." He finds out one of the other attendings encourages it and loudly confronts him in the hospital. She asks where he learned a creative technique and he tells her "Korea." He starts telling 4077th stories. At some point as they get closer he tells her he left some of his marbles rolling around Korea.

Hawkeye and Annie are on call during the last night of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Annie and the other residents on call are scared, but Hawkeye is calm and tells them they have work to do. Once it's over he looks dazed and says he forgot what it feels like to be sure you're going to die. They all go out for drinks, which leads to Annie opening up more to Hawkeye, and also to her getting together with her crush, fellow resident Lucas Winters.

At some point, Margaret visits, and Hawkeye is excited for Annie to meet her. With Margaret, he acts like the Hawkeye we know, and Annie is amazed. Before she leaves, Margaret tells Annie privately "look after Hawkeye for me, okay?" Annie visits Hawkeye's apartment and makes fun of how he lives (he insists it's a bachelor pad but she shakes her head). She's shocked by the number of Christmas cards he receives and that most of them are from former patients. He explains that some of them keep in touch, because sometimes when people go through something they like to stay close to the people who got them through it, but sometimes they just want to move on. Annie doesn't realize it, but he's not just talking about his patients.

A young veteran who attempted suicide by jumping off a bridge is considered a hopeless case, but Hawkeye insists on trying to save him anyway. Annie is the only one willing to assist. The patient survives. Later, while doing rounds (Hawkeye always does his own rounds and spends more time with patients than any other attending) the patient tells Hawkeye he overheard the other doctors discussing him, saying Hawkeye was the only one who wanted to save him. Hawkeye tells the patient he wasn't supposed to hear that. Later he nearly comes to blows with the doctor who was gossiping, leading to his boss gently chastising him and revealing what Charles said in the glowing recommendation he gave before Hawkeye was hired. Hawkeye, who put Charles as a reference without telling him, is surprised and touched.

Annie and Lucas have a messy breakup and in order to take her mind off of it, Hawkeye brings her along to Maine for the weekend to learn "the fundamentals" from Daniel while he does a consult. Daniel asks Hawkeye how he would feel about him hiring Vernon Parsons to help with the workload. Hawkeye says it's absurd to think that would bother him, but spends the entire drive back to Boston complaining about Vernon to a confused Annie. There is a flashback explaining why Hawkeye decided to go to Boston. There are several flashbacks interspersed about what Hawkeye was up to between 1953 and 1962, including his job interview.

One night during a bad storm, a family that was in a car accident is brought in. The father is dead on arrival, but the mother and baby are in critical condition. A pediatric surgeon is called in to work on the baby while Hawkeye works on the mother. Despite his best efforts, she dies, and he tells Annie to inform the other surgeon that his patient is an orphan. At that moment, a resident from the other surgery arrives to tell them the baby didn't make it.

Annie finds Hawkeye on the floor in his office. He says he's out of gin and, confused, she says he doesn't keep alcohol in his office. He says the baby was perfectly healthy when it got on the bus. She tells him it was a car and he doesn't respond. She discretely takes him home and stays to keep an eye on him. She asks her ex, Lucas, to cover her shift the next day and he does. The next morning, Charles, who heard about what happened through the surgeon grapevine, shows up to check on Hawkeye. Annie doesn't recognize him (despite being a fan of Dr. Winchester's work; she's embarrassed when she figures it out) and refuses to let him in until he says he served with Hawkeye in Korea. When BJ shows up a little while later, Annie is expecting him, and lets him in right away, causing Charles to grumble. Hawkeye recovers in a couple of days and asks Annie how she knew what to do. She reminds him he told he he left some of his marbles in Korea. He says "I thought you thought I was kidding" and she replies "so did I."

In July 1963, Annie starts her third year, and Hawkeye goes to New York for a 4077th reunion for the tenth anniversary of the ceasefire. Between this and the previous visit, he's started making more of an effort to be in touch with his friends. He's spending time with Charles, who he eventually finds out is married to Donna. He's hurt that he wasn't invited, but Charles says they eloped.

The rest is much less clear, but includes Lucas being drafted for Vietnam, Margaret finally retiring from the army and moving to Boston where she frequently spends time with Hawkeye and Charles, and Hawkeye getting in touch with Sidney. The fic ends when Annie completes her residency and takes a job in another city. Hawkeye decides to spend less time doing trauma surgery and more time teaching it to younger doctors and med students. When Annie completes her residency, Hawkeye shakes her hand and says "Congratulations, Dr. Wainwright." She replies "Thank you, Hawkeye."

#mashposting #daydream fics

[bu1410]

Good afternoon TUMBLR - April 4th - 2024

''Mr. Plant has owed me a shoe since July 5, 1971."

Aksai, Kazakhstan - July 2000 - December 2001.

Part 2.

Mr. ZINNO HAIR CUT There was a nice atmosphere between us – we spent a lot of free time together, even doing the most banal things. One Sunday morning we accompanied mR. Zinno to the hairdresser. Calogero, despite being in his sixties, was proud of his still flowing 70s-style hair (like Bobby, JR's brother from the TV series Dallas, whose hair covered even his ears) and took care of it with frequent dyes, such to look like a sort of black crow. Pennacchia and I sat in the rickety chairs, while the hairdresser took care of our friend's hair. Sitting in the swivel chair, a blue apron and cotton was placed around Calogero's neck. Then the girl approached the sink tap, drank a glass of water and suddenly, from above Zinno's head, sprayed all the swallowed water with a ''spray effect''!!! Calogero jumped up, more surprised than scared, shouting an understandable ''MACHEMINCHIAFAIIIIIII''!!! (What a f**** you doing!)

The hairdresser: Sooryyyy Mr. Zinno………spray bottle kaputt……….!

Zinno: what the fuck caputt spray bottle…at least you could tell me before spraying water over my head, no??

PENNACCHIA AND COPS It was Saturday evening, and we were going to have a dinner at the RENCO restaurant (Our Company had signed an agreement, whereby we employees only paid for extras such as wine, etc.). We were late, so Pennacchia was driving a little faster inside the city. During the weekend, as we had long since learned, several Uralsk policemen were moving to Aksai, counting on the presence of foreigners to ensure an extra supplement to their meager salaries. At an intersection there was cop with a manual radar! He stopped us, and complaint about speeding, and the usual rant:

''So you need to go to the hospital to check if you are not intoxicated…'' Zinno Calogero, who had a great antipathy towards policemen, urged Pennacchia to ''settle'' the fine immediately.

Come on Franco, come on… we're already late… give him something and let's finish it there…… Whereupon Franco put his hand in his jacket pocket and gave a handful of banknotes into the hands of the agent - who, after pocketing the ''swag'', jumped to attention and gave us a salute that to define as suspicious is an understatement. Later at RENCO restaurant, when it was time to pay for the extras, Pennacchia put his hand in his pocket and to his surprise found nothing. He put his hand in his other pocket and found a handful of Tenge (Kazakh currency). We saw Franco first turn white and then red with anger:

He had given the policeman the wrong handful of banknotes, namely American dollars!! It It was then we understood the cop's greeting and exaggerated smile!!! We went out from the restaurant, and Pennacchia still didn't calm down: he had given almost 200 dollars to the policeman, and he couldn't rest! He kicked everything that came his way, and he blame 'Zinno for rushing him!!

M10 We used to spent Saturday evenings at M10 disco club (basically the acronym for Microrayon 10, the neighborhood where the nightclub was located). There were various art shows, dancers, magicians, and competitions such as Games Without Borders. The place was not far from Czech Camp, divided only by a vast wheat field - but to return to our compound we were forced to pass through a large roundabout. And it was there that the ''trap'' was sprung. The police had equipped the nightclub bouncers with their own walkie talkie, and when a foreigner left the club and drove a car, the bouncer informed the patrol that a ''customer'' was arriving. One night was my turn too, of course. Inside the nightclub I only drank soft drinks, and that evening was no exception. I was stopped by the cops patrol and invited to sit in the back seat of the two-door NIVA. Next to me was a ''presumed Doctor'' who repeated in his very approximate English: ''You drink??? And then ''you drink!!!! And then again ''you drink????'' And then the policeman started the same old story:

You drunk, need to go to police station, today Saturday, Court only Monday……you want this’’??

Me: I drink only Cola……. And then we moved on to the second part of the ''show'' : the ''Doctor'' wrapped an A4 sheet of paper like a chestnuts conteiner and ordered:

Blow in! Then he took the cone back, smelled it and then nodded towards the policeman saying:

Daaa……(Yes.....)

The policeman then started the Court thing again on Monday………

But I didn't give up and repeated ''I drink only Cola…pajalusta.'' Then the '' Doctor '' sighed and got ready for the third Magician wonder: he took a glass vial out of his pocket and explained that I had to blow hard into the vial. It should be taken into account that all this took place inside NIVA car in the dark. After having blown into the vial, the ''Doctor'' with a move worthy of the best magician replaced the vial into which I had blown, with one that he kept ready in his jacket pocket. Of course a blue one (to demonstrate that I had been drinking)

Beaming, the policeman shouted: you see…piva piva……viski…cagnac….(beer......whiskey.....cognac)

Me: nieeet……you replace the probe…….

Doctor: nooo……ya chestnyy!! (honest) In short, after another 15 or 20 minutes of fooling around, a compromise was reached: they would get out of the car to smoke, and 5,000 Tenge (10 euros) would ''fall'' out of my pocket, which they would then accidentally find later on the floor of the their car. And so I was finally free to return to Czech Camp.

WINTER Winter had arrived (it was October 6th) and I had been sitting on a Tupolev airplane at Almaty airport for about 40 minutes, looking out the window at a team of people trying in vain to shovel snow from the plane's wings to be able to take off. It was snowing like I had never seen in my life!!! – Than after few minutes the Caètain announced:

''Everyone on the ground, we're not flying today''!

During the winter of 1999-2000, following exceptional snowfalls, a group of people remained stranded at rafinery for a week and then they were recovered with military tracked vehicles. Therefore a strict rules were established in case of snowfall:

White flag at compound exit gate: we could leave whenever we wanted, even with just one vehicle.

Yellow flag: departures allowed only in convoy of at least 3 vehicles

Red Flag: no one could leave the camp, except for emergencies.

Inside the camp, after a series of car accidents, a speed limit of 10 km (ten…) per hour was implemented!! The vigilantes were stationed at every corner with radar to catch anyone who exceeded the ''limit''!! And the sanctions were pouring in.

SATURDAY EVENING A day traditionally dedicated by the locals to ''epic hangovers'' (it's not that they didn't drink on the other days of the week) but on Saturdays they put particular effort into it, since they could then count on Sunday to recover. It was 8.00 in the evening, and we were leaving by car to go to dinner at RENCO. In Kazakhstan, given the abundance of snow, the roads have deep channels on both sides. As soon as we left the field, the lights of our Toyota illuminated a man walking with a very unstable balance. He gets dangerously close to the drain channel and then falls in!! We stopped immediately the car, and when we retrieve him was already asleep! After loading him into the car, we took him to the camp infirmary, where the Czechoslovakian Doctor took care of the poor guy: this time it went well for him, but many other times these people are found the next morning, dead from cold exposure.

RICHARD BARNES He was an British guy from Sunderland, and the Site Manager of Electro-instrumental company working the field. A fan of his hometown team, he taught me the famous rhyme with which Sunderland supporters welcomed the football player Alan Sheerer, when Newcastle was playing at Sunderland stadium: ''Alan Sheerer is illegitimate, he got no birth certificate''

It was one of those Saturday evening of 2000-2001 winter. Richard was walking back from the camp pub, towards VACTA building where we lived, he was drunk. Once he arrived in front of the building door, Richard started to search for keys from his jacket but because he was wearing gloves, the keys fell into the snow. At this point Richard made his first serious mistake: took off his gloves to look for the keys in the snow. It was dark, and he kneels down, rummages in the snow, puts his head close to the ground to try to see better - and then he makes his second mistake: he falls backwards into the snow and falls asleep! It was around 2.00 am, there' was no one around, no one saw Richard's fall. At 4.00 am Bulat, one of our drivers in charge of turning on the cars in the middle of the night (without this operation the vehicles would not start in the morning) arrives punctually at VACTA car park. Bulat saw Richard lying in the snow so he immediately calls the camp's emergency room - the nurses arrived within 5 minutes, and took Richard to the medical center. Richard eventually survived, but will undergo numbers of surgeries. In order to stop the gangrene, part of his right hand will be amputated, the one with which he had searched for the keys in the snow.

CHRISTMAS 2000 I spent Xmas in Aksai, like many other colleagues. Mr. Secchi, our beloved Vice-President, had also returned to Italy for Xmas & New Year holidays, leaving to Mr. Cavicchi the keys to the chalet where Mr. Secchi lived with his wife. Mr. Secchi was a real gourmand and recommend to Cavicchi - above all - to keep the well-stocked cellar under lock and key - inside there all the good and fine items were kept: Parma hams, culatello di Zibello, 36-months old Parmesan, fine wines and precious liqueurs.

''Don't worry Mr Secchi anyone who wants to enter that cellar will have to pass over my body first! Said the unwary Cavicchi. He had not taken into account the diabolical Pennacchia - who, taking advantage of a distraction by Cavicchi, took possession of the precious keys and made a copy of them. Well you can imagine what happened: practically every day, as evening fell, Franco took a tour of the cellar of the aforementioned chalet, a sort of ''daily shopping'', but without ever exaggerating! Upon his return, Mr. Secchi naturally noticed the shortages, and did not fail to give a public 'smooth and knock' to poor Cavicchi, who swore that he had not touched anything. The gruff Secchi naturally knew who could have been taking the food and drinks, but he was careful not to make any accusation (even if sometimes, at the evening meeting, when we were all present, he addressed Pennacchia with a

''But ..............are you sure you don't know anything about the missing goods from my cellar???''

MARIO CAVICCHI Mr. Secchi, since the presence of his wife Mrs. Venera, could not act freely - and therefore was much more nervous and irascible than usual. He therefore wanted to put an end to what he considered ''a scandal''! ''The coming and going of local women in VACTA buiding must stop!!'' he said one evening during the daily meeting.

You Mario - Secchi said - from now on you will be responsible for the VACTA security service - you'll employ 2 guards on 12+12 hours shift, there will be a register where entry and exit of staff and any ''guests'' must be noted with signature and times !! And every day you will bring me the register because I want to check personally what's going on there!! So it was that from that day on we saw a guard appear at the entrance to VACTA building, equipped with a table, chair, register and pen. And every time we entered or exited the building, as instructed by Mr. Secchi, we had to write our name, surname, time, signature (and possibly who we were accompanied by). But as they generally say ''the law is made, the deception is found'' - after a few days someone (perhaps Pennacchia?) came up with the idea: let's always write and sign ''Mario Cavicchi'' in the register! (and every time the guard nodded and said ''daaa…daa…'') And so we did, but when the register arrived in the hands of the Mr. Secchi an uproar happened. He called Cavicchi, shouting at him:

''How is it possible that you enter and exit the building at any hours??!! Don't you have anything else to do during the day!!?? The attempt to bring order to the VACTA visitors had failed miserably, and the coup de grace was delivered by Mrs. Venera during the usual Sunday lunch, which was held in Secchi's chalet:

But what is this ridiculous idea of controlling employees' lives after working hours? Secchi (she always called him by his surname in public). You must give orders to stop this ridicolous practice immediately! We are in an ex-Soviet country, but we are Italian!! Thus the controls were eliminated, and we returned to the usual messy life.

Mr. VABRINI Vabrini was a fairly calm guy: head of the purchasing office at SAIPEM, obviously he had his own ''inconveniences'' (like all those who do that type of work). But always with discretion and without ever exaggerating. However, something must have gone wrong recently, perhaps Vabrini had ''stepped'' someone's toes - or perhaps he simply hadn't considered that the Kazakhs were not as ''peaceful'' as they seemed at first glance. The fact is that on that July Saturday evening at the M10 club Vabrini was not sensitive enough to grasp the danger signs that should have warned him. The local girl with whom he spent the evening, incredibly, with an excuse left him early, before midnight. Left alone, Vabrini drank a couple more glasses and then, to avoid the usual police blows, he set off for Czech Camp on foot. And to make it quicker, he cut into the wheat field, now almost ripe and therefore very tall. Arrived a few meters from camp main gate, the ambush: perhaps 3 or 4 individuals, armed with sticks, attacked him - and started to beat him up!! Lucky for him, that we - and when I say we I mean Zinno, Pennacchia and myself, were returning just at that time to the camp. The NIVA headlights, at the ''S'' before entering the camp, illuminated that atrocious scene. Zinno honked furiously and we got out of the car, while the shady characters ran away, leaving the unfortunate Vabrini on the ground, bleeding and lifeless. He was in very bad shape, but he was conscious: we loaded him into the car, and having traveled the few meters that separated us from the Czech Camp Medical Center we entrusted him to the care of the Czechoslovakian doctors. It took a few weeks, but Vabrini fully recovered from the beating. The police dismissed the attack as a simple robbery attempt against a careless expatriate walking down a dark path on a Saturday night.

TRAIN TO AKTOBE In Kazakhstan the railway network have been built by Russians to serve Russia's interests. It therefore happens that to go from Uralsk to Aktobe (two Kazakh cities) the train enters and exits Russia 2 times - a sort of sinusoidal progression, instead of a more or less straight line. (And all this without there being any natural obstacles , like mountains, lakes etc, but a flat and boring steppe). At the time, to be able to travel by train in Kazakhstan one had to buy a ticket in advance – all passengers had to be seated, and long-distance passengers (almost all) had sleeper compartments which were called ''coupe' ''. A student who had spent the summer for an internship with us had to return to Aktobe, and after having purchased the ticket the day before, we took her to the railway station. Estimated time for the train to arrive: 5.30pm – we therefore arrived at the station about 20 minutes early. Strangely enough, there were no other passengers on the scheduled platform. After waiting for over half an hour we went to ask for information to the counter. As usual, to make citizens' lives as difficult as possible, the hole to the information office was blocked by a piece of plywood. I say ''hole'' because it was a semicircular opening of approximately 25x15 cm, located approximately 1.20 meters above the ground. The unfortunate person who needs information, was forced to bend in to speak through the opening, generally to a person that only a belly can be seen. After a series of contortionist maneuvers, the girl got up from the uncomfortable position and looked at us with a disconsolate look:

The train passed almost 1 hour ahead of schedule!!

So?

So I'm not travelling today, I'll have to come back tomorrow…. The next day we returned 2 hours before the scheduled train arrival which arrived as scheduled at 5.30pm. The girl found the booked carriage and got in. We noticed that, apart from the normal passengers who got on and off the train, there were shady individuals who, taking advantage of the stop, got off the train and met on the platform, exchanging quick signs of understanding and short words, and then getting back on the train, all on different carriages from which they had alighted. We were then explained that those guys were members of real gangs that operated on trains, robbing passengers during journeys.

MAZZOCCHI ORESTE This gentleman from Piacenza had joined our project during early November - a person over 65 years old, with a robust build, rosy complexion, thick glasses, hair combed back with abundant use of brilliantine (we suspected that he was one of the last three people in Italy to use Linetti brilliantine ). He seems to have been sent personally by Mr. Riccardi (known as ''the Accountant'', he was one of the Company founder and still its largest shareholder) to control and report on the accounts of our JV. Another gossip we learned from the zealous Cavicchi Mario was that Mazzocchi had arrived from Italy with about 70 kg. of extra baggage, consisting of salamis, coppa, hams, cheeses and other delicacies: he didn't let us taste even one! December was approaching, and the personnel office requested the list of employees who would return to Italy for the end-of-year holidays, in order to book flights tickets. Mr. Oreste, which arrived just over a month earlier, in theory would not have had the right to return to Italy for Christmas. But he put himself on the list anyway, and when the HR secretary asked him about it, he replied with an enigmatic smile and said:

Ehhh…I have to go to America…… (without adding anything else).

Whereupon we all put forward the strangest hypotheses about Oreste's journey to America. Who said he had relatives in New York; others that he had made a commitment before they sent him to Kazakhstan; still others hypothesized that he had to accompany his wife to a medical specialist in Houston, Texas. Christmas 2001 arrived, and then the end of the year and then after the Epiphany the lucky ones who had spent the holidays in Italy returned to Aksai. Mazzocchi Oreste also returned. Now you should know that indoors in Kazakhstan, during winter, it is incredibly hot. Most of the time I used to sleep with the window little bit open, in order to avoid sweating at night. The Company's offices were no exception to this, so one evening, during dinner at canteen, we saw Oreste with a white T shirt bearing the logo of ''COSTA CROCIERE - MIAMI''. Intrigued we asked:

Nice T-shirt Oreste, is it new? Where did you get it?

Well… - Oreste replied with that mocking smile that never failed on his ruddy face - it was a gift from my wife, when we were on a cruise in the Caribbean, during the holidays. We all remained with open mouth!! He had passed off his return to Italy - which was not due - as an ''unpostponable'' need and then, he candidly admitted that he had been on a Caribbean cruise!!!

Ahh… I said, and this explains the reason for that even reddish face than usual: El Caribe en todo Sol! – I said.

Well - Oreste replied - I don't know why, in fact I go on a cruise because my wife loves it, but myslef I go because there are slot machines on the ships and I won't leave them 24/7….

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #130

Is there a person you talk to everyday? Mom and Girt without fail. I'd say most days some messages go between me, Mazzy, and Tez.

Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? My mother will take any opportunity to talk shit about my dad, yes, meanwhile Dad NEVER has while I've been with him. As a matter of fact, all my dad ever has to say about her around us kids is that she did a damn good job raising us/is a wonderful mother. I honestly would not be surprised if Mom, meanwhile, would prefer him dead with how she handles the topic of him. I know I don't know everything about why they split, but how she is about Dad nearly a whole decade after they split is kinda ridiculous. It's uncomfortable showing in any way that we care about him in her presence because she VERY obviously hates it.

If you have a webcam, do you take more pictures or make more videos with it? I've never used this webcam and historically have also avoided using them at all costs. I only ever really have for virtual appointments.

Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? Actually Kelsee today; she's the daughter of my favorite teacher. Basically an impossibly sweet human being.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? Yeah, he's worked at the same place for very nearly a decade.

Do you ever visit people at work? Thus far I've brought lunch to Girt at work once, and I plan to keep doing that occasionally forever. I just don't do it a lot now because his work is rather far and Mom has a super shitty car that doesn't need to drive that far, but also I don't have my own income and am not having Mom pay for it. The one time I did do it was with gifted money.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? I fully intend to invite Mom over for dinner like once a week, and I'd absolutely come back here if she wanted me to for something. It breaks my mom's fucking heart how Ashley and Nicole are, generally acting like she's no longer important, and I'll fucking die before I let her feel like I've left her behind, too. I'd still visit Dad too, probably occasionally invite him over. It's a hard situation to imagine just because I already very rarely see him.

What is one thing you hope never changes about you? How much I care about people.

Who was the last person you were mad at? Me.

Why did you break your last promise? Honestly, I feel like the only real promise I HAVE broken (that I remember, I'm sure it's happened more than just once, realistically) is the one I made with Sara, to keep her straight-up diabolical political stance a secret. I broke it because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis/very literal Hitler fangirls. I never should have kept it secret in the first place.

Has anyone ever told you that you were really pretty? Yeah, somehow.

Do you listen to a wide variety of music? Not really, but I've been more open to pop music in recent times... granted, they're primarily songs I grew up with lmao, but still.

What holiday are you looking forward to next? So I'm not very big on the 4th of July just because I'm not this country's biggest fan, but it's more appealing knowing I'll probably spend it with Girt's family, like last year.

Did you ever go through a phase when you didn’t want to take medicine? My problems have always been just being upset over how many medications I've been prescribed during certain periods. There have been many occasions in the past where I've gotten verbally pissed off and even cried over just how many medications I was waking up to and having to take before bed. 100% convinced my memory and focus problems hold DEEP roots in just being so grossly overmedicated by the time I was just a young teenager, and it remained that way for a very, very long time. Thankfully, I'm more at peace with the number I take now; I'm not happy about it, but it's absolutely nothing like it used to be.

Do you love popsicles? They're fine.

Do you like your smile? No, entirely convinced I look high as shit and I know I have a lazy eye when I do smile.

Was the last book you read good? Yup, it was. Jesus, I need to start reading more again... I've been on the same book for SO fucking long.

Does sunlight make you feel happier? Yes, it absolutely does. This was something I learned around the time I started recovering from the breakup and my worst level of depression: I used to be the person who kept the shades closed, lights off always, and just live in the dark. Then I started keeping my shades open and just in general stay in decently-lit rooms, and it made a pretty profound impact on my happiness, eventually. It's why I'm not even big on rainy days anymore; they used to be my favorite, but nowadays I will absolutely feel a difference if it's gloomy outside.

What helps you fall asleep? Fucking nothing. I finally almost cried last night over just how atrocious my ability to fall asleep has been lately; I'm regularly not falling asleep until early morning hours. I just lay in bed for hours on end tossing and turning and being completely fucking miserable. Thankfully I'm starting a new medication tonight that is meant to help me fall asleep... I just hope it works, because historically, meds meant to assist in good sleep have had zero effect on me. I'm one of those people that isn't even knocked out by Benadryl, and you always hear about how that'll knock you flat on your ass.

Do you have stomach problems? Yes.

Do you enjoy editing photos? Yeah, that's basically mandatory to be a notably successful photographer lol, as much as many people don't like to admit.

What was the last photo filter you used? I think it was this one called "Honey" that's on my phone for a picture I took of Girt's sister's dog Onyx.

Do you live a simple life? I'm sure it looks like it on the very surface to people who don't know me well whatsoever, but you realize pretty fucking quickly it's astronomically far from "simple."

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Rein raus" by Rammstein.

What are three of your favorite toppings for a pizza? Pepperoni, sausage, and jalapeno are all good.

What are three of your favorite ingredients for a salad? Besides the lettuce, I'm assuming? Cucumbers, bacon bits, and uh... that's it lmao I am MEGA basic with salad. WELL I will say I do absolutely love the jalapenos that are in Olive Garden's salads, like that's my favorite part of the whole thing haha, but idk if I'd enjoy them in every salad.

Do you express yourself better out loud or in writing? Oh there is ZERO competition here, my ability to express myself in writing is indisputably WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than my capability to do so verbally. I can barely make a normal sentence when speaking.

Do you sing in the shower? No.

What are three random things you are good at? Writing, taking pictures I'd hope, and understanding animal body language, generally.

What is one thing you’ve been waiting patiently for for quite some time? Finding a job, I guess. Though I've been less patient about it lately. I've been doing daily (and I do mean daily) checks online for around three months now for various job titles I feel I could realistically do, and I'm just not getting lucky at all.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? Uh idk, honestly.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and one of the states Yellowstone is part of; I'd have to research more about each state.

What color is your camera case (if you have one)? It's black.

What are three things you like that start with the same letter as your middle name? MEERKATS (are you even remotely surprised), music, and mountains.

Which do you use more: Facebook or Instagram? Facebook.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Today actually; I did hydrotherapy today at PT because there were no land slots for this week when we were scheduling. Well, I guess I didn't really swim because I couldn't get my tattoo wet (it's a saltwater pool), like both my feet never completely left the bottom, but still.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing; I'm not even really a "hail thyself" person just because I think it puts too much divine worth on just us insignificant humans. We're nothing special in the grand scheme of the universe and I think that mentality feeds the ego too much.

Do you know a Ted? Yeah, that's the name of one of my childhood friend's dad.

Have you ever swam in one of the Great Lakes? No.

What is one thing you wish were more easily accessible? ADEQUATE FUCKING HEALTHCARE.

Have you ever chopped something with an axe? No.

What is one mistake you’ve made that you hope to never repeat? Hand my entire identity and worth over to another person.

What was the last thing that kept you awake? My brain doesn't know how to shut the fuck up whenever I try to sleep; that's the primary problem, and it's been that way since I was a literal child. My brain is just always, ALWAYS going, even when I try to tell myself to just concentrate on sleeping. Then there's also the fact my tattoo is starting to scab, and just because of the location, I can really feel the scabbing pull when I roll around in bed, and that obviously hurts.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night? Roman generally does, and sometimes Cookie decides to sleep in my bed instead of Mom's. Venus' terrarium is also in my bedroom.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up? Only if it's something on the quieter side and monotonous, like a fan. I definitely struggle with like, a TV being on.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make? Mom made popcorn shrimp and white rice tonight.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make? I made eggs once when Sara was here.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) Y'ALL I fucking hate wrestling and find the acting cringy as shit, including whom's I'm about to mention (I know because my niece and nephew like watching????), but Rhea Ripley could RUIN ME and I would thank her

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) I don't think I'll ever be able to explain my level of attraction towards Richard Kruspe even though he could literally be my dad h e l p

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Probably Deadpool.

Favorite DC character? Harley Quinn.

Who has been your favorite actor to play Batman (live-action)? No opinion, I haven't even seen them all.

Who has been your favorite live-action Joker? Heath Ledger was MADE for the role imo, even if it did cause him a lot of harm. I probably also just have a bias because Heath Ledger's Joker was Jason's favorite thing on the face of the planet.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)? [TW: RAPE MENTION] There's only been one that has, and that's only because it fed off my pregnancy phobia: The Rite. Doubt it's spoiler material with just being a big part of the plot and it's an old movie now, but a woman is raped by either a demon or just straight-up the devil and it's EXTREMELY fucking gross, like I could not handle it. I still wouldn't watch it to this day, I'm pretty sure I didn't even finish watching it when Nicole had it on. Like obviously I don't believe in supernatural impregnation but I still couldn't handle it.

What was the last horror movie you saw? Well Girt and I startedThe Black Phone but didn't finish it, I've told this story enough.

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it? Hmmmm... it might have been the OG Paranormal Activity movie. At least, that's the first I remember. I liked it; I tend to like "paranormal evidence" horror films, the ones that seem like they actually happened and can't be explained. I find those much easier to put yourself into/imagine them happening to you.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? I don't care enough about history for this lmao.

What is your favorite historical film and why? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas because it tears my fucking heart ENTIRELY open every time I see it. I'm crying without fail.

Do you usually enjoy historical films? Not usually, or at least they're not the sort of movies that I seek out.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that? Shrek 2 lmao, the first movie is absolutely legendary and I love it but the second is just more fun to me.

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why? Greek. I think it's just because that's what I know most about, though. I will say what I know of Norse is awesome too; it has total potential to be my favorite if I actually knew more about it. All I do know comes from the two most recent God of War games, and while I'm quite sure it is a rather accurate representation of key roles and events, I'm definitely not sure.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting? ... You're making me realize I actually don't remember a lot of Greek mythos lmao, it's been too long since I was in mythology class. With Norse though, I think Jörmungandr as well as Sköll and Hati's lore are very cool.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection? Meerkat stuff is my primary collection; I think the last thing I got relating to meerkats was a shirt. I also collect Silent Hill merch, but I can't recall what the last thing I added on was.

What is your favorite vampire movie? I don't really have one.

Your favorite fictional couple? This is BASICALLY impossible, but I thiiiink I can pick one: Woo Young-Woo and Lee Jung-Ho from Extraordinary Attorney Woo, like that is just a STRAIGHT-UP wholesome, genuine relationship that warms my fucking heart to mush.

Do you have a favorite historical couple? Nope. Again, just don't know enough about history or care enough to dig into their personal lives, especially.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

[nighwing77]

10-13-2022-Happy Trails

Here I am on my last to last working in RSVP and the Prison. Sitting here is Littleton and Bowman. What I tried to avoid-lol, but not too bad. Sooo back in March I got on Match.com due to Mr. Kough, the therapist from Birchtree. To pay for it that is. Was on it for a while but a non-paying member. But in March paid for it. Met a woman from Texas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, all over Arkansas. But all misses. Then I met Sloene from Sherwood. A 49 year old and it moved fast. Met on July 13. Then she got a job offer to Forrest City for 97K and I told her to go but she got upset that I didn’t fight with her to stay(sooo crazy).  Saw Landrum for the first time in 10 years. Saw his wife and kids for the first time ever! That was cool. Then I met Jordan. Wow! She was a character. Oh well Sloene accused me of cheating, I wasn’t, and that fell apart, after about a month. Then started talking to Jordan. Took her to lunch at Cheddars and that didn’t go good. Then fell apart after that and the fact she didn’t like me joking about me being a mandatory reporter. Then Stephanie hit me up about did I wanna join her juvenile acting group. It’s like for ugly/fat people who just found out about sex. So took here out in September. WE went to Olive Garden and saw the invitation movie. $110 it cost me for both movie and dinner. Took my mom earlier to Olive Garden when I went to church.  Got stung by a wasp in July on the lip bringing in books from library. Didn’t hurt too bad, but not the most pleasant thing.  And tore up some of the books. That and killing roaches. Had a car accident 1st of August. Rear ended by an old woman in a silver Chrysler 300. Got hit after getting KFC after getting clothes dropped off for pressing. Cute white Italiain cop. Cute mixed bank teller that cashed my check and her white friend. I got HIRED at Benton!! God is good. Found out I got hired while I was getting my brakes checked out since they have been acting funny. That’s been a process. I got offered the job Sept 4th. After having to get all my paper work (Med Express doesn’t do physicals), I start on the 17th of October. Got a nice check from Accident-Dairyland. And a bonus from Birch. And getting another one. Music: Drake and 21 savage, Drake and Dj Khaled, Babyface and Ella mai-and those just in the last 2 weeks. Pharrell and 21 Savage and Tyler the Creator from over the summer. Shows: Sci-fi cartoon on Netflix, Rings of Power, She-Hulk, Stargirl, Star Trek: Lower Decks. Finished Atlanta over summer. And now Atlanta is back out. But my guilty pleasure starting with a episode I saw over Sloene’s house-MIKE AND MOLLY! That is my jam.

Mom is doing good, still trying to sell that land. Slowing down but still as bright as ever. Lost her car window 2 weeks ago. Getting it fixed soon.

Been trying to get in Philander school. Did pretty much all September. Looks like will have to wait to next semester.

Haven’t talked to son as much. He hasn’t really talked to be since I bought some metal dice. I pray he is okay.

Finishing this up from home after doing top and last two lines at work and emailing it to me.

Also started talking to Jennifer Ph from Pof. Went good for 2-3 weeks now fizzled out. She loves some jail dude. But she is a Laotian! Started doing 40 days as daily inspirational 1st of October. 

Started Gratitude Journal.  Been having bumps on my back of head got some shampoo and been using alcohol and neosporin. Was Cancer free when I got checked out on my nuts in June! Pooped in sheet and sent sample for colon cancer Wednesday sent it Thursday at lunch. Got flu shot at last doctor visit when I got poop screening last week. 

Got free groceries July 26th. Guess it was a mistake. still using Tide. Girl I follow on instagram-found her on match-is pregnant. Hope baby is healthy. I think she got arificially inseminated-lol! 

People been hitting me up out the blue the last 2 weeks: TK today talking about warcraft. Sonya yesterday. K. Sisco. 

Thank you GOD for bringing me this far!!

I really hope the LORD directs my steps!!!

God if P/P is YOUR will let it me done and watch over me, thank you for the opportunity!!!!!!

[jwhpage]

I went to Parliament today. And it was the 4th of July. I was there representing the Migration Museum with my colleague and friend Mona to help launch planning for the 75th Anniversary of Windrush, which will be next year. 

Windrush is a word that references a generation, a movement, a culture, a part of history, a disgusting and proven #HostileEnvironment and a ship. Specifically, it was a ship that brought 800 people from the Caribbean to Britain in 1948. But it is a term that represents over 500,000 people that arrived in Britain at that time to, basically, prop up this country at a time when we needed help. As with most periods of modern history, when White people get in trouble, it is Black and Brown people that bail them out. Windrush is the personification of that, unless you count the whole of Slavery, which made America and Britain seem Great for a while. Oh, I recently learned that the Windrush was originally a Nazi ship. It Whites itself. But, I digress. 

So, I went to Parliament. Ain’t no thing. I know loads of people who have been. It’s like saying you’ve been to the capital in DC, or The UN in New York. Or Bushwick. There are ante rooms and chambers that are no where near where the action happens - you know, the bars or the backrooms. . .  or the bigger, more well known rooms. And it’s where one is invited when there is something that needs recognising or signifying or celebrating or apologising for. The closest I got before this was across the street at Pourtcoulis House where all the civil servants work, when we celebrated the early work of Jendella Benson and her portraits of young single mothers. This was a kick off to what will be a year of planning, convening dozens of organisations such as the Migration Museum in the effort to network and get to know one another and make connections. We at the Migration Museum see this as an opportunity to add value, be of service, make some space and offer a perspective to the mix. While we do not focus solely on the Windrush Generation, much to the dismay of many people who walk through our doors in the Lewisham Shopping Centre, we do focus on stories from around the world of people who come in and out of Britain, and ultimately make this country what it is today - a mix of people, all of whom have a migration story, whether they want to believe it or not. 

So, here we were, Mona and I, in Parliament. After being ushered through security, we joined about a hundred people in a room that fit 75 and heard from MP Dawn Butler, who hosted and the wonderful Patrick Vernon, who had successfully convinced the UK government to establish Windrush Day, just a few years prior. Patrick Vernon seemed to know everyone in the room, except Mona and I. I made sure to say hello and make a lasting impression. He is a Distinguished Friend of the Museum and an inspiration. I met the two men who intend to raise the Windrush from the depths of the ocean and preserve the anchor in the next year. I met the Lionness that is MP Diane Abbott. And I met countless leaders and people from Britain who are close to this fight to bring justice, reparations and support to the generation that arrived in the late 40s and their descendants. 

It was truly an honour. And what struck little old me, a funny looking kid from the hills of SeattleDCChattanoogaDenverBrooklynAndLewisham, was that we were here, in the strongest and boldest seat of power in the world, a house that once boosted proudly and unapologetically that the sun never sets on it’s empire, in the midst of the wails of the dying beast that is white male hetero supremacy… We were here on the Fourth of July. Enjoy your BBQ and #DontGetCaptured

[storytimeafterdark]

July 4th. Crowded parking lot in town for the annual fireworks. I go get a drink and some popcorn and when I come back to my car, I lock eyes with you. Right away I notice your smile with the most beautiful straight white teeth I’ve ever seen…your convertible was parked next to my ride…you ask if I mind you being there and I tell you you’re welcome to join me…we watch the fireworks and I notice you looking at me. I look back at you…then I feel you take my hand in yours…I then feel our lips meet in the sweetest, most sensual kiss I have ever had…When the fireworks are over, you and I are kissing even more passionate and I hear you tell me you want me…

I follow you to your house, where we proceed to make out on your couch…you take my top off, happy that I chose no bra for that night since the top I wore had a built-in bra. You felt my breasts and told me mine were very sexy and you began to pleasure them with your lips…my hands were working to undo your shorts and as I got them undone, you purred like a cat…you took your shirt off…your chest chiseled from many hours of gym time and workouts…you kissed my lips and held my bare chest against yours…

Soon, we were naked and lying together in your bed, holding each other as we became one…your cock entering my pussy, our tongues intertwined in passionate kisses…my back arching to meet you as your cock went even deeper inside me…our lovemaking hot and sexy…

The room was filled with the heat, sweat, and scents of our sexually charged bodies as we thrust repeatedly while fucking…our moans of pleasure escaping our lips like obscenities as we built up our orgasm…my pussy very wet, your cock so hard and full of cum, ready to join forces with my pussy in an explosive climax…

One last thrust and we felt the flood gates of your cock open and meet my pussy…my pussy soaking your cock with my orgasmic fluid…

Lying postcoital, you invited me to stay and I accepted…we held each other and talked, both confessing that this was a first for us in being spontaneous sexually…you confessed to seeing me in the grocery store and also a restaurant once when I was with a group of friends for a dinner outing…I confessed that when you smiled at me that night that you made my panties damp…you confessed that the smile I gave you in return made your cock hard and you had never gotten an erection from any other woman’s smile…

We were inseparable after that night…

[courtforshort15]

Alright....

Introducing: Foggy Nelson

One of my favorite parts of Season 3 are the glimpses of Foggy's family. Much of Foggy's history in the show revolves around his relationship with Matt, but here, we get to see the people who have raised and loved Foggy his whole life. We get to see how this has impacted the kind of person and friend he is.

Foggy's family is loud.

They are welcoming. They are tight-knit. They are kind. They are normal.

They are the type of people that welcomes anyone with open arms. Matt included.

Christmases. Thanksgivings. Easters. 4th of July parties.

Matt knows them. He calls him Uncle Timmy, as opposed to just Timmy. He has inside jokes with them. He knows them, is close to them, has a history with him, has a relationship with them.

Foggy's family mourned him when he was gone.

There is absolutely no way in hell that Foggy saw a man, his best friend, with no family of his own, and didn't invite him to family functions.

That means that for the first time in years, Matt had a place to go for holidays. For the first time since his father died, he had a home, had a family, to go to that would welcome him in with genuine affection and love.

He didn't spend them alone.

And since that's true for Matt, I believe that it would be the same for Karen. She walks into Nelson's Meats like she's been there several times, because she probably has. Waves at Foggy's brother. Has no qualms about interrupting their conversation. When she falls apart and tells Foggy about Wesley, it's at his family's business, in a place they use for large family gatherings.

I'm convinced that when Matt panics over Foggy leaving him in Season 2, he's not just thinking about his friendship with him, but also about potentially losing one of the most normal things he has: a group of people he might call family, too. It doesn't matter that it's Foggy's family: they've been the closest thing Matt's had to one since his dad died.

Matt's circle grew, the number of people in his corner grew, the number of people who wanted to see him succeed and be happy grew, the second he met Foggy in undergrad.

Matt knows this, and was probably equally terrified of losing that when Foggy walked out that door.

Foggy, at his core, is a family man, and to him, it means more than just DNA. Matt and Karen are still his.

Foggy sees these two beautifully broken people, and thinks to himself, maybe I don't have much to offer, but I can offer friendship and a place to come home to. He shares his kindness, his love, and his family.

He shares these even Matt has his head up his ass, and even when Karen is causing him heart failure by chasing down leads that could get her killed.

And really, that's all he needs to offer. Foggy is the absolute glue that holds them all together, and both Karen and Matt know it. And I don't just mean the glue that holds them together as a group of friends; he is the glue that holds Matt together when he feels like he's going to break, no matter how much Matt pushes him away. He is the glue that keeps Karen from shattering when she's missing a home she can't go back to.

Foggy may not be the title character, but he's sure as shit the one who helps carry things from start to finish. He is the one who calls them on their shit, the one who demands they do and be better, and is the first one to congratulate or console.

Where the hell would Matt and Karen be without Foggy Nelson?

Now that I've written this, Imma go sob in the corner.

Thank you for coming to my second Ted Talk.

#daredevil #matt murdock #foggy nelson #karen page #Nelson's Meats #netflix #character study #family #im crying #why did i do this #ted talks #human disaster matt murdock

[kateis-cakeis]

Alivebur Has A Crush Analysis

Alivebur is a character who has been through the highs and lows of life. We have seen him lead, we have seen him fall, and we have seen him come back and try his best. What we have not previously seen, however, is Alivebur in love. In the last few streams from his POV, his interactions with Quackity have stepped into the realm of possibility that to Alivebur, this is more than a simple rivalry. Therefore, this analysis will explore Alivebur's possible crush on Quackity by going through the streams to show development, and looking in depth at expressions.

The Book

When Alivebur takes the Project Nevadas book from the chest, he regards it and Quackity's name softly, sounding emotional, almost like he's on the verge of tears - especially as he says 'my kinsman':

“Quackity… My, my old rival! My… my kinsman. We’ve been through a lot, we went through a lot together. And I- And I-” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 1:02:11, 5th May)

It's a very emotional line, and truly the first time during the 5th May stream that Alivebur seems genuinely comfortable, suggesting that this is the first time he realises that Quackity is the only one (from his perspective) who isn't afraid of who he was before he died.

Furthermore, it suggests this is where he first gets the hope that Quackity sees him as human.

He even reads the book with a gentle tone, suggesting that he thinks Quackity wrote it with a softness.

In the 31st May stream, Alivebur still has the book on him, and keeps the contents to himself, at first, stopping midsentence as he begins to read it to Tommy.

“Let me read you the book, let me read you the book. ‘My dearest friend, Wilbur’. Uh. And then there’s just some other stuff.” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 14:53, 31st May)

Due to him having no idea he was going to be up against Quackity yet, it is likely he kept it to himself because it was too personal to share - only later showing it to Tommy as a plea to why he shouldn't join Quackity.

In between reading the first part and uttering 'uh', Alivebur opens his mouth to say more, but no words come out. As if he couldn't physically read it.

Then he goes on to 'read' Tommy the book, except he makes up the contents. What is interesting here, is how he seems to slip:

“It says: ‘My dearest friend, Wilbur. I’ve really missed seeing you. Come to Project Nevadas. Your best friend, Quackity.’ He’s not my best friend, Tommy, don’t worry, that would be you.” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 16:28, 31st May)

Tommy has pushed him for what's inside the book, so Alivebur 'gives in' and starts to read it, coming up with what he's saying on the fly. The slip? 'Your best friend', we know in the 25th July stream that one of Alivebur's goals seems to be Quackity being his friend, making this line all the more obvious that this is something Alivebur wants, to be Quackity's friend, and to be on his side.

When he gets rejected from Las Nevadas, he opens up the book like he's trying to make sense of it:

Because Alivebur took it as a call, took it as an invitation to join Quackity and be on his side - something that Alivebur seems to want. Perhaps because it would be a place to belong, a side to stand with, someone to stand alongside who isn't afraid of him.

Hence why he was petty and challenged Quackity, because he was rejected by the only person who Alivebur thinks regards him as a human.

Alivebur keeps the book on him in the following stream, Healthy Competition. Where, in the middle of talking to Phil, while looking in his inventory, he gets distracted by the book, losing track of what he was saying as he looks at it:

This suggests that Alivebur is keeping the book on him because it's precious, and because he's yearning. It isn't something he's keeping safe in an Ender chest like he used to do with history books, but rather something he's keeping on him, almost like he's keeping it close to his heart.

It's personal, enough to distract him in the middle of a conversation in a way we haven't seen from Alivebur before.

When he's making plans, he doesn't get distracted easily, usually sticking to the point, but here, he trails off in the middle of a sentence, pulls the book into his hand, struggles to open it, and looks for just a second before putting it away.

It's definitely not something that Alivebur would do at all, and is certainly new. Which, in turn, heavily suggests a crush because it is something we've never seen before.

Later in the stream, as Alivebur tosses the named steaks over to Ranboo, Alivebur pulls the book into his hand again. His expression drops almost, he stops in a sense, eyes dipping down. There's a sadness this time:

Like a sad longing. Perhaps the book is a reminder too, of what he truly wants, to be alongside Quackity, to be his dearest friend like it says.

While Alivebur doesn't look at the book in the 3rd and 4th Aug streams, he does still have it on him, showing that he does indeed keep it on him at all times. Evidently, the book is very important to him.

Therefore, due to all this, it can be heavily suggested from the book alone that Alivebur has a crush. Keeping it on him at all times, regarding it softly, being unable to share the contents at first, looking at it with a longing or a sad yeaning, all show that the book is precious to him in a way that proves feelings.

The Crush Question

More under the cut

When Alivebur talks about how Quackity challenged him, calling the look in his eyes cool - before then admitting that he almost called it hot, Tommy proceeds to ask if Alivebur has a crush, to which Alivebur says:

“I have a complicated relationship with Big Q, but I don’t think it’s at that level yet.” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 44:55, 31st May)

There is a lot to this line, for example, 'complicated relationship' suggests, within this context, that he's referring to their very colourful past, where they were political rivals, allies, perhaps friends, and also almost lovers.

Considering that Alivebur says he doesn't think it's at the level of a crush yet does indeed suggest that he is aware of his attraction and/or feelings for Quackity.

We know from Niki's birthday party that Alivebur had feelings for Quackity then:

“Sometimes, uh, you know, my, my, my feelings towards some people... in this room get the better of me.” - (Karl's Dream SMP with Niki: 1:46:37, 2nd Nov)

During that pause, that ellipsis, Alivebur looks straight at Quackity before continuing. It is clear that at this point he did have feelings, hence why he kissed Quackity, and why later in that stream he sang songs of love and hate to him. Complicated relationship indeed.

So, 'complicated relationship' possibly does refer to all their past, to everything they've been, or almost been. That paired with him thinking his feelings aren't at the level of a crush yet - at this point - does heavily suggest that this is something that is progressing.

Either he will later realise his feelings have gotten to the level of a crush, or that it's been a crush for a while, but the important part here, is the use of 'yet', he's expecting it.

In turn, Alivebur's answer to Tommy's question does suggest the existence of feelings already, as well as Alivebur acknowledging it can become a crush.

Crush Behaviour

In recent streams it has become increasingly evident that Alivebur is behaving like he has a crush already. Even in the first stream where this becomes evident - the 31st May one - he displays signs of a crush.

To begin, one of the most evident signs of a crush from the 31st May stream are the longing sighs:

It's the way he sighs with his whole chest. The way he's trying to speak but sighs instead, as if that's all he can say, as if it conveys everything he feels.

The lines the sighs coincide with are interesting to note too:

“He’s, he’s um, he’s, I guess my, my yang. He’s the yang.” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 47:56, 31st May)

The first sigh takes place between 'he's um' and 'he's', and only then gets out what he wants to say, that Quackity's his yang. Which, from that, it can be suggested that the sigh comes from thinking about Quackity as his light, his other half, as something he can't exist without, something like a soulmate. Because that's what 'his yang' suggests on its own, but paired with the sigh, it shows how he's thinking about it, and from the tone, he's also longing for it.

And then there's the line for the second sigh:

“Because when you’ve got people like Quackity over there, who are just- You know, he said it best, I’m not gonna talk shit about him behind his back.” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:10:00, 31st May)

Here the sigh takes place when Alivebur cuts himself off after the 'just'. It's more of a breathed sigh, and it has a 'aw' sound to it. There is a feeling of more attraction here than longing. He's thinking about Quackity again and then sighs like this, almost in a happy way. It's almost got an amazed feel to it, as if that's how he feels when thinking of Quackity here.

Then he goes on to say he's not gonna talk shit about him behind his back, which also indicates a crush type behaviour, because while he's setting himself up to be Quackity's rival, he stops himself from doing what most would when they're against someone.

The sighs aren't the only part of the 31st May stream that have a crush behaviour feeling to them. This is also clear when Tommy asks if Alivebur and Quackity were kissing.

He nervously laughs after Tommy asks, and stares at Quackity, with his hand over his mouth. The nervous laugh suggests that Alivebur does feel something towards this question, something positive but guarded, hence his hand over his mouth, and why he stares at Quackity.

And then he deflects. He doesn't answer Tommy's question, he just changes the subject. It's clear from this that he's hiding his true feelings here.

“No, I don’t think I wanna kiss him. It’s um…” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 50:29, 31st May)

This is backed up by him saying he doesn't think he wants to kiss Quackity. He clearly has some complicated feelings about it, hence the use of 'think' instead of just leaving it as no.

Evidentially, there is some guarded part of Alivebur that isn't sure what to feel about kissing Quackity, but judging by the use of 'think', and nervously laughing while staring at Quackity after being asked if they were kissing, it seems like he's thought about it.

The next blatant crush behaviour happens in the 25th July stream as Alivebur is talking about how he met up with Quackity:

The body language here, the way he seems to fiddle with his arms, it's a very nervous thing to do, and since he's talking to Phil here, it suggests he's nervously talking about his crush to his dad.

The full line shows this even more:

“Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

He begins with that he hadn't seen him in ages, which is especially interesting because this is true of everyone, it's been 13 years for Alivebur, but the way he says it here makes it sound so casual, like it had just been a little while. Perhaps it suggests how human and alive he feels around Quackity.

He goes on to say it was nice, that it felt good, and how it's cool Quackity didn't seem afraid of him. Which suggests even more so of just how human and alive Quackity makes him feel, that he simply had a nice time. Especially with him saying it felt good, which shows how this isn't just an intense rivalry for Alivebur, it's something that makes him feel more positive emotions.

The most damning evidence for Alivebur's crush behaviour, however, comes from when he's waiting for Quackity on the 4th Aug stream.

“Wait here, look, I promise you, just you wait. Just you wait. Ready? Ready? Are you ready? Are- Are you- Are you ready? Um… Uh…” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 11:06, 4th Aug)

He expects Quackity to be there as soon as he is, but when he's not there, Alivebur begins to get nervous, um-ing and uh-ing. After two minutes of waiting around, Alivebur then proceeds to proclaim that he thinks he understands Quackity, and how his brain works, only for him to prove he doesn't give a shit:

“This guy. Ranboo, I swear to god, like I, I feel like I understand him, I feel like I know how his brain works, you know, how his- how the- how the cogs in his mind go. And then he just, and then he just goes and proves that he doesn’t give a shit.” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 12:56, 4th Aug)

The reason this is evident crush behaviour is because Alivebur starts getting self-conscious about how Quackity feels about him after waiting two minutes. He assumes that as soon as he arrives on the border, Quackity will be there instantly.

It's very reminiscent of real life, where some people may get self-conscious if their crush doesn't text them back immediately. Except with Alivebur, instead of a text, he turns up on Las Nevadas's doorstep and expects Quackity to drop anything he's doing to tell him to fuck off.

However, the most blatant part of this piece of evidence is when Quackity asks if they've been waiting long, to which Alivebur replies with:

“Uh, I’ve just arrived, you know, I just arri- I, I haven’t been long for you. I, I wouldn’t- Quackity, you think, you think I’d wait for you?” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 14:35, 4th Aug)

He pretends he's just arrived, trying to act suave, that he wouldn't wait for Quackity, just like how Quackity didn't instantly greet him the minute he turned up. He's brushing it off here, but even he himself knows that he isn't acting as smooth as he would like:

He glances away as he drinks from the bottle, then closes his eyes, scrunching up his face. It's an embarrassed 'oh god did I really just say that?' type expression. It's the type of expression you would expect to see from someone who feels like they've just embarrassed themself in front of their crush.

That's what is evident here when everything from this scene is put together, that Alivebur is acting like he has a crush.

Finally, the last bit of evidence we have right now that indicates Alivebur is expressing crush behaviour is when he says he feels alive after interacting with Quackity:

“I feel alive, Ranboo, I feel alive. Someone’s looking at me and talking to me! I’m alive, I’m alive! This is great.” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 27:22, 4th Aug)

You may notice here that the 'someone's looking at me' is similar to what cc!Wilbur said from Alivebur's perspective in the recent reddit comment about him (here), that 'no-one even looked at him' before he died. Alivebur is excited, even seeming to be happy, that someone is actually paying attention to him, looking at him, even if it's in a rivalry sense.

And it's only Quackity that makes him feel this way, despite Ranboo being there, talking to him. It suggests that what Alivebur is feeling with Quackity is unique, and makes him feel more than the friendship he has with Ranboo.

Most of all, the excited and stressed 'I feel alive' and 'I'm alive!' not only suggests that just talking to Quackity makes him feel alive, but that it could be making his heart beat faster every time he sees him and interacts with him.

This is implied through the line because to feel alive in this excited sense induces a reaction, and that probable reaction of feeling alive - being excited, suggests his heart is beating faster. This links back to Alivebur having a crush because when a person is around someone they have feelings for, their heart beats faster.

Lastly, in the latter half of the quote, when he says 'I'm alive!', he looks towards Las Nevadas, and sighs in what sounds like a happy tone. This shows that it is indeed Quackity that is making him feel this way.

All in all, everything from the sighs to the way Quackity makes him feel alive, does indeed suggest that Alivebur is displaying crush behaviour towards Quackity, and therefore, indicates that he has a crush.

Homoerotic Tension

Another factor that ties into the evidence that Alivebur has a crush, is the homoerotic tension he has towards and with Quackity.

The most obvious occurrence of this is when Alivebur bites his lip at the idea that Quackity won't like the burger van:

“So he didn’t like it? He didn’t like you setting up the cookie stand? … Okay. Okay. No, no, no, that’s good.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 21:33, 25th July)

As soon as Ranboo says Quackity didn't like it, Alivebur smiles, licks his lips, and then bites his lip.

In this context, there's no anxiousness here, so the only reason he could be biting his lip is because of his attraction to Quackity. A lip bite in this sense means that Alivebur is restraining himself, as well as experiencing desire.

It's a very clear attraction to Quackity, which further shows that he is attracted to him in all senses. This is also a foundation for where his feelings are coming from, and because we know Alivebur's type (he likes a challenge and thought the look in Quackity's eyes was hot when he challenged him), it becomes evident that the lip bite is a reaction to the idea of Quackity being angry at him.

And in the 4th Aug stream, this is explicitly said:

“When you smashed the window and blew up the wall? I’d be pissed, and I bet he is, dude.” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 7:20, 4th Aug)

--

“Ohh boy! Ha ha ha ha, ha! Oh, this is good, this is- this is exactly what I want. Did you see how- Dude, dude, Ranboo, he was trying act like I didn’t get to him.” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 26:47, 4th Aug)

Therefore, due to Alivebur expecting Quackity to be pissed, and him saying it's exactly what he wants after interacting with him, it's clear that him smiling and biting his lip after hearing that Quackity didn't like the cookie stand, comes from wanting Quackity to be angry with him, and so, links into his type, proving his attraction to him.

This links back to his possible crush because a lip bite like this definitely isn't an expression someone would make about a friend or just a rival. Which means it's explicitly attraction to Quackity, and further suggests that him having a crush on him is very possible.

Another notable moment that shows tension in this sense is when Alivebur says Quackity is a hard man to refuse.

“But I get it, I get it, you know, Quackity… He’s a, he’s a hard man to refuse.” - (Wilbur’s Unhealthy Competition: 24:09, 4th Aug)

The reason this suggests homoerotic tension and attraction is because of what 'he's a hard man to refuse' suggests. It's as if Alivebur is saying to Quackity that he can't say no to him, which shows how he is drawn to him. It also suggests that if Quackity were to ask something of Alivebur, he would do it, as he can't refuse him easily/can't say no.

The most interesting part about this is how Alivebur has never been manipulated or persuaded by Quackity, and therefore, in Alivebur's case, this sentiment is coming from their history, and possibly refers to the rivalry they have always had. Alivebur didn't refuse Quackity from running against him during the election era, and he eagerly gunned for a rivalry once he was rejected from Las Nevadas.

All of this indicates that Alivebur saying Quackity is a hard man to refuse has romantic connotations to it and suggests attraction to him.

Overall, the homoerotic tension, and Alivebur's attraction shows how it's very likely a crush has built off this foundation, and suggests why Alivebur is so drawn to Quackity.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Alivebur has a crush due to the way he talks about and interacts with Quackity. It is clear in the way he holds the book close and regards it softly and with a longing, and how he doesn't think his feelings are at the level of a crush yet, as if he fully expects it to happen. Additionally, his yearning sighs, the way he nervously laughs as Tommy asks if they kissed, his body language when he talks to Phil about him, and how he attempts to act smooth in front of Quackity only to be embarrassed by what he said, all suggest he's behaving like he has a crush. Furthermore, biting his lip when thinking of Quackity and saying he's a hard man to refuse show his attraction, and therefore, his likely crush. Overall, Alivebur has a crush due to all these factors.

#dream smp #alivebur #wilbur soot #quackbur #tntduo #dream smp analysis #i could have added more evidence but that would have easily made this over 4000 words #it's 3700 words but still #it's definitely long enough to show enough proof i think

[uglypastels]

Also, since I can ask for more than one -- a smutty Love Shack with Harrison

OK yes this! this is so fun. i hope you enjoy

> Song: #78 Love Shack by the B-52's

> Spotify Wrapped Blurbs!

Smut below! minors DMI _____________________

Working on a movie was always hectic, especially such a production like a big-budget Marvel blockbuster. But sometimes, an opportunity would hold itself up and that kind of opportunity could not be left untaken. So, when Tom had seen his schedule and saw that he had the weekend of 4th of July off- he knew exactly what to do.

It didn't matter that neither he, his family, or his closest friends weren't American, it was a great chance to invite everyone out to Georgia and party.

That's how you found yourself driving down the Atlanta highway in a car with Harrison. the air blowing in your face to try and get away from the smouldering heat of the Peach State.

You were both tired, so didn't talk much, letting the GPS do most of the talking.

"Where is this house anyway," Haz mumbled as he took an exit down to a smaller road. All you could do was shrug. Tom had sent you a time and a place, and to bring the party spirit, so there was very little to go on. But you didn't have to wait in suspicion for long because the narrow road broadened, revealing a large fancy estate.

"Hadn't he said something about a 'funky little old shack'?" You asked as you stepped out of the car, putting on your sunglasses as the sun shined brightly.

The house was neither old nor little. It was a large, modern-looking, estate. Big windows surrounded most of the perimeter, making it very easy for you to look inside. There was already a lineup of cars parked next to yours and, indeed, when you stepped inside, you could hear a chorus of people talking. And these were just the people that were invited to stay over for the whole weekend. More people would be arriving for the Saturday Night party.

"Haz! y/n! you made it!" Tom jumped up from his seat on the couch on jogged over to you. He was clearly enjoying his Party-Host role. "Here, come on, let's get you guys something to drink. Beer?"

"We just got here, can we at least see our room first?" You said, tired after a whole day of travel.

"Right, right, right, sure." Tom being his frazzled self looked around, pointing his way through the house until he found the stairs. "I haven't been here long myself so it's a bit confusing, but we'll figure it out. Ok, so up we go." Up the stairs, you had to take one more turn down the corridor until a room opened up for you. It was pretty minimal, perfect for a weekend getaway.

After you got in, Tom left you and your boyfriend to unpack. The first thing you did after Haz closed the door was jump onto the bed. The sheets were light, soft, and fresh.

"Woah, there, sleeping beauty, what do you think you're doing?" Harrison laughed as you closed your eyes. You could feel the weight of the mattress shift as he made himself comfortable next to you.

"Just resting." You mumble, automatically wrapping your arms around him. You could probably stay in bed forever with him like this, and it’s exactly what you told him.

“I doubt there will be much resting when the party started,” Haz chuckled and kissed your cheek. He kept kissing your face softly- with quick pecks. He let his arm wrap around your middle, pulling you in closer, as his lips met your neck, leaving lazy and kisses on your skin.

“Mm, no Haz, not now.” you said and he stopped with one final kiss onto your shoulder.

The rest of the day went by quicker than you wanted to, and so did the morning of Saturday. It was hectic as people walked in and out of the house, preparing it for the party. Things were being delivered constantly, and the music started to play from early in the morning to get everyone in the mood, slowly building up in volume until it was on full blast by the time the sun was going down.

“I look like an unicorn threw up on me,” you said, standing in front of the large mirror in your room. Harrison was on the other side, sitting on the bed, buttoning up his shirt. He too, in theme, was covered in glitter. What seemed like a fun idea first, turned out to still be fun- but in a slightly masochistic way. The glitter was everywhere! You wouldn’t be surprised if next Monday the glitter would follow you like a snail trail down the highway as you made your way back home.

“Well, I think you look great,” Harrison said when he walked over to you. His smile was captivating, and he leaned in to kiss you. What started as a soft kiss went on and you could feel his hand move up your leg, pulling up the fabric of your skirt. You’d have told him to stop it, that you needed to get downstairs, but it felt too nice. Maybe you could stay up here for the rest of the night-

Bang bang. Two hard knocks boomed onto your door, making you jump. It was followed by Tom’s voice shouting: “Get downstairs, you losers!”

“I suppose that’s our cue.” Harrison grabbed your hand and led your out of the room.

The party started out slow, but the more people came the wilder it got. Tom had really gone out with the party planning for everything felt great.

The hours went by and you didn’t even know what time it really was when you decided to step out onto a balcony. The warm summer air felt relaxing to your overheated body. You hadn’t even realised how hot it was inside.

“There you are,” Harrison said as he grabbed you in an embrace. His chin on your shoulder. He swayed you both from side to side to the ghost of the music you could hear from inside. “Having fun?” you had separated for a little bit to enjoy the other people’s company. As much as you loved the guy, you couldn’t spend each hour of the day with him- and it made these little moments so much better.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “What about you?”

“Yeah, it’s fun. Missed you, though.”

“Well, I’m here now.” You spun around to face him and a second later you were wrapped up in a kiss.

“Fuck, really missed this.” He mumbled through breaths and kisses. You couldn’t help but smile at his affection. You had spent most of the day together, but been so busy that you had no time to actually spend together. Well, now you certainly had it. His hand was back on your thigh, riling up your skirt.

“Babe,” you moan, in a bit of a warning. As he had the view of the gorgeous landscape that embodied the building, you were looking through the window, back at the buddy party.

“If anyone sees, they’ll just think we’re making out, c’mon baby, wanna make you feel good.” His fingers had just reached your panties and his grin widened, “and something tells me that you do too.”

“Shut up,” you retorted. Of course, he had gotten you turned on. It was almost cruel how easily he could play you like that. You were going to say something about it, but Harrison quickly kissed you. Instead, the sound that came out of your mouth was a closed moan, as you felt him brush his fingers over your slit.

“So wet for me.” He kept moving at a steady pace, riling you up. You pushed your back against the railing of the balcony, letting the cold metal cool you down a bit, but it didn’t last very long.

“Haz- please-”

“What is it?” he kissed your cheek.

“I-”

“A bit louder, sugar.”

“I need more, please.” Whatever he did felt amazing, but you couldn’t help feel empty. Harrison nodded and complied by slowly thrusting his fingers into you. It was unlikely that anyone inside would hear you, but you didn’t want to risk it and kissed Harrison passionately to nuzzle your moans.

What you were doing was absolutely filthy in every possible way, but it was exciting, and maybe because of it, you started to feel that familiar knot in your stomach. Harrison must have gotten a hint of that through your hitched breathing, or your short little whimpers of his name, as he sped up his movements.

“Oh my god, Haz- fuck.”

“C’mon baby, come for me.” The kissing was a mess as you reached for his arm to hold on to as you felt everything-

BANG

“What the fuck!” you screamed. Harrison flinched as the sky lit up in pink. Another bang and the pink turned into green. Fireworks coloured the entire sky like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Your heart was racing a million miles an hour, deflated of your climax and recovering from a scare that easily could have caused some serious cardiac damage.

Harrison pulled you into a hug again, and once you had finally calmed down a bit, you watched the rest of the sparkle show. As it seemed to slow down, Harrison said:

“How about we go finish what we started?”

“Lead the way.”

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield fluff #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield blurb #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield fic #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #fluff #fic #imagine #blurb #spotify wrapped 2021 #request

[mendesblurb]

Fallin' All In You

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Warning: fluff, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors.

Summary: Shawn and Y/N who is also a singer. They are doing a couples Quiz at GQ.

GIF credits to @allexisbledel

——————————————————————————

Hey guys, I’m Y/N L/N and I’m here with Shawn Mendes, my favourite human and today we are here at GQ to play the...”

“Couples quiz!” Shawn finishes your sentence while dragging your chair a little closer to his direction.

“Baby you can’t just drag my chair, are you trying to cheat?” You asked while giggling

“Of course not baby, I just want to be closer to you.” Shawn replied while pouting

Sitting five feet apart were considered as huge distance for Shawn

You continue, “are you ready?” you ask, smirking at him.

“Yes baby, I’m ready to win! I am going to get every question right.” Shawn said while giving you a wink.

“Yeah, let’s not get too cocky...” you say getting ready to ask your first question from the stack of cards

“Okay so as you obviously already know I’m also a singer and ,I love all your songs but which one is my all time favourite?”

Shawn immediately says , “Nervous duhh.”

I mean it was your second favourite song because it was about how he felt when he first met you. So basically, 3 years ago when your best friend and Brian started dating they felt bad that their best friends were still single so they arranged a blind date for the two of you.

Laughing you correct him, “No baby, it’s Fallin’ All In You.”

It was your favourite song because it was the song he wrote because he was too nervous to say I love you. Don’t worry though the guy finally got his confidence and now you guys are married.

“Still my song.” He says, that cocky grin growing bigger.

“What is my favourite colour?” hopefully he knows this, because this is seriously a piece of cake.

“It really depends baby.” Shawn sighed

“Okay, a colour I like because it’s appealing and a colour I like to wear?” You give him a hint.

The gears in his head began to turn and he immediately replied,”Black!”

Laughing you reach out his hand and ask the next question, hoping to get a funny reaction from your husband, “Who’s my celebrity crush that is from Canada?” Giving him a wink. Shawn just rolls his eyes in annoyance a and he finally answers, “gotta go with Ryan Gosling.”

“No, it’s you.” You say, and then you look at the camera and say, “You’re the one and only Canadian in my heart.” You said and Shawn grabbed your hand and began kissing your knuckles.

“Next question, baby”

“Where was our first kiss?”

“It was at Brian’s balcony during the 4th of July party, this is so easy.” Shawn replied

“If I’m making a sandwich, what is in it?”

“Baby that’s a trick question, you don’t like sandwiches.” He rolled his eyes

“Okay, what was your first impression of me?”

“You were and still is the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met, I actually remember the night after our first date.. I was laying in bed and I just wonder what’s it like to be loved by you... and now you’re my wife so what more can a guy asked for.”

That statement was a surprised for you too because Shawn never said that.. I mean he said I love you countless times but he never said what else he felt after your first date. In that moment you want nothing more than thanking God for allowing him to be your husband.

After hearing that, you got up and from your chair and kiss his cheek.

After setting back in your chair, you said,“ okay moving on from the sentimental thing... how would you describe my ideal weekend.”

“Getting Chinese takeout, cuddling and watching Netflix.”

He wasn’t wrong at all, your ideal weekend would be you and Shawn cuddling in bed while watching a random Netflix show and both of you will be too lazy to cook so you will end up ordering orange chicken with a side of sauté vegetables.

“What’s your favourite event that that I was invited to perform ?”You ask

“Definitely without a doubt that one in Victoria secret fashion show because we did a duet, “looking forward to sing more duets with you by my side baby.” He replied

You blushed and said, “I love you Shawn.”

“ I love you more Y/N, bring on the next question!”

“ooh you’re gonna crush this, when’s my birthday?”

“Hmm” Shawn pretends to think hard and then he continued on by saying,”I’m kidding baby, obviously it’s on ....( Insert your birthday here.)... how can I forget the day a real life angel was born.” He said cheekily.

“Who’s better at cooking?” You asked even though you already know the answer.

“Obviously you, I mean if I cook we will end up ordering pizza instead.” He said covering his face feeling embarrassed

The first time Shawn attempt Cooking for you was when you decided to work a little bit late at the studio and him knowing you’ll be tried so he did a kind gesture by trying to make pasta which end up being undercooked and sauces was seen all over his kitchen.

But for you the taste didn’t matter, because in that moment you knew you were falling for him and he knew he was falling for you too.

“If you could change anything about me, what would it be?”

“Hmm, probably I want you to not be so hard on yourself because Y/N what you do is amazing and you need to realise that it’s okay to take a break.” He said

“Stop making me blush.”

“But you look so cute when you blush.”

“Last question, how much do you love me?”

“To infinity and beyond, Y/N.”

“I am truly in love with you Shawnie” you said getting up from your chair again and sit on his lap.

“I love my my wife.” He said while wrapping his arm on your waist.

“That brings us to the end of the game, you did so well baby.”

“I mean I am your husband.” He said with a smirk

“Anyway, thanks for watching and don’t forget to subscribe to GQ and also don’t forget to get a copy of the June issue which feature your favourite Canadian—“ your ending statement was interrupt by Shawn

“Guys seriously get a copy of it because Y/N looks so sexy in the cover and trust me I’m trying to be generous by not buying all the copies.”

“Shawnie be generous please.”

“I’ll do it because you’re the one who’s asking.”

@itsalwaysbeen305

#Shawn #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes story #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes blurb #Shawn mendes GQ #mendes #fic #Shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fandom #Shawn mendes #Mendes #Shawn mendes story #Shawn mendes blurb #Spotify #shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x reader

[buckleyblueyes]

For buddie: 23 & 56

Performer AU + Awful First Meeting. Yes, I did stretch the definition of "performer" and what about it?

Eddie "Diablo" Diaz is Major League Baseball's most infamous hothead. He's arrogant, he's obnoxious, and worst of all, after making baseball history by pitching three no hitters in a row, and leading the Texas Rangers to two consecutive world series titles, he might just be justified in thinking so highly of himself.

Of course, the people who know Eddie best, his family and his teammates, know better. The Eddie they know is a loving single father who is so insistent on not leaving his son alone that he hired a private tutor, Carla, to homeschool him, just so he can take Christopher with him when he has to travel for work without disrupting his education. The Eddie they know is funny and kind and would do anything to keep playing baseball.

Including pretending to be an asshole on national TV so the franchise can sell merchandise with "Diablo Diaz" and little devil horns on it--all the big players have personas, Eddie. If the Giants can sell stuffed pandas in little jerseys, we can sell the devil--and who is Eddie to say no when his contract is on the line? So, when the fans and camera are watching, Eddie becomes an entirely different person.

He'd hoped that getting traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers would be a fresh start for his public image, but unfortunately the team manager Athena has other ideas. She sought him out to intentionally stir up controversy (well, and because he's a great pitcher), and she's not about to pass up the opportunity to make money off the Diablo Diaz persona.

Luckily, his teammates all seem to understand that "Diablo" isn't really him. He makes fast friends with the Han brothers, Chimney and Albert (catcher and shortstop, respectively), and the team doctor Hen Wilson (if Eddie hadn't been drafted to the major league, sports medicine had been his backup), during Spring Training, and he feels more supported by Bobby Nash than he ever has by any of his previous coaches.

Opening Day at Dodger Stadium comes on a crisp April afternoon, and while Eddie is nervous to throw the first pitch, by the second inning he’s feeling a lot better. By the time Bobby pulls him out and puts in the relief pitcher, Ravi, he’s feeling pretty good. As he’s walking off the field between innings, though, his attention is caught by the mascot, a brown dog in a blue Dodgers uniform, who is waving him over. Eddie scoffs and shakes his head in an exaggerated fashion: Diablo Diaz doesn’t play with mascots. The mascot keeps trying, though, and so Eddie does something a little stupid and puts one leg out to purposefully trip the mascot. It’s a tried and true older brother move, one that Adrianna and Sophia hate. 

And it works. The mascot topples over into the dirt, and Eddie heads to the dugout. Chimney gives him an incredulous look and he just shrugs. He knows it was a little extreme, but he has a role to play here. 

A few weeks later, Chimney invites him out for drinks with Albert, Hen, Hen’s wife Karen, Chimney’s girlfriend, Maddie, and Maddie’s brother, Buck. Eddie accepts easily. Eddie has a great time. Well, almost. See, Karen and Maddie are great, but Buck? Buck won’t give Eddie the time of day. According to everyone else, he’s a human golden retriever, sunshine personified. But for some reason he just hates Eddie’s guts. 

It’s a damn shame, since the man is drop dead gorgeous.  

After a few similar outings and gatherings, Eddie finally snaps. “What’s your problem, man?” “Okay, you. You’re my problem.” “Why?! What did I ever do to you?” “Seriously? Maybe if I lie down face first on the clay, you’ll recognize me then!” Buck stalks off, and oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. 

Buck’s the mascot. Eddie flashes back to the look Chimney had given him on Opening Day and suddenly it all falls into place. Immediately he goes to find Chimney. “Why didn’t you tell me Buck was the mascot?!” “I thought you knew...” “No! You said he was an actor!” “Well, he is.” 

So, now Eddie knows why Buck hates him, but he’s not really sure what he can do about it besides try to show Buck that he’s not actually an asshole. But it’s hard to do that when so many of their interactions involve Buck in a ridiculous mascot costume and Eddie contractually obligated to be a dick. Eventually it comes to a head on the 4th of July. 

Eddie is ducking out of the team party early, and Buck just can’t help but make a snide remark. “Too good to hang out with the rest of us?” he sneers. Eddie grits his teeth. “Actually, I have to go home to my son.” Buck looks shocked. “You’ve got a kid?” 

“Christopher, he’s my world.” He shows Buck a picture on his phone. 

“He’s super adorable, I love kids.” Buck’s entire demeanor has softened now, to the point where Eddie thinks he might be receptive to an apology, so he sighs and puts his phone away.. 

“Look, I’m sorry about how I act during games, and about tripping you. But you have to know that it’s all a performance. A marketing scheme. It’s not really who I am.” 

“Oh.” Buck shakes his head. “I feel really dumb now.” 

“Don’t worry about,” Eddie smiles. “Let’s just start over. Friends?” 

Buck shakes his hand and returns his smile. “Friends.” 

Of course, the “friends” thing can only last so long because Buck is, as previously mentioned, gorgeous. But he’s also thoughtful and sweet and endearingly dorky now that he doesn’t think Eddie is a total dickhead, not to mention Christopher adores him. So, yeah, Eddie’s a goner. Lucky for him, it kinda seems like Buck might be just as gone. 

They’re together by post-season. Somehow, Albert won the bet. 

#buddie #can you tell I like baseball #the dodgers don't have a mascot in real life #anyways baseball player!eddie is a god tier concept imo