#like im missing smth in my life

[ghostchills]

nostalgia binge

#i was watching pnf and felt the joy that i was missing in my life i forgot how good it is #giggles #fnaf #michael afton #charlotte emily #elizabeth afton #crying child #evan fnaf #i dont think thats his name but it sounds nice so im keeping it!! #also i couldn’t get william to look right so just picture him in the corner going #‘it all began when i got divorced’ or smth like that #im sorry doof for comparing that guy to u but it had to be done for the integrity of it 😭

[solarcas]

Hello everyone <]:) just plopping in one last time to tell you that I'm retiring solarcas for the time being. The spn brainworms left me (they're probably already seeing other ppl smh), and I don't see myself making any new content for it anytime soon and I don't wanna keep a seperate space for it anymore. You can follow my main @masters-calling if you wanna stick around, but no pressure. If you were just here for the desitels I get it <3 I will still rb spn stuff over there occassionally when it crosses my way bc I'm not fully done w it (bc let's be real when is one ever hfkfhfk) and maybe one day I'll revive this blog who knows. If the brainworms ever return. Or if jackles drops the tapes whatever happens first

I'm not deleting this blog now or ever so all my art will stay up here :) thank you for the great time everyone!!! Spnblr, despite its many ups and downs, was a whole lot of fun and allowed me to meet many cool people <33 wishing you all the best!!! 💕👋🏼☀️🫂

#i feel like i need to end this w saying smth grand but. honestly i said everthing there is to say #and who knows maybe i'll just need a break of a month or two and then i'll return. we'll see #i already unfollowed like. 200+ blogs last night to clean my dash from spn fhdkfhfkd i kept the close mutuals tho (i think mist of you #already follow my main anyway xhkffhdk <3) and i already feel much better #i think part of me being so done w this interest is that i focused all my creative energy into it #and while i rly found myself as a fanartist through this it is also an open invite to burnout so. #i feel like i need to find my own artistic voice again. branch out a little and what not #anyway. its been fun!!!! 💕😚 im already missing some of you. esp my blorbos from my notes i had a few under all my art pieces that i had #started to recognise. schnüff #i'll see yall in another life (my main) <333 fhkddh #solar posts #personal

[196794]

thinking..........

#p #not fr #sonic as a franchise is so insane bc ive never played a game in my life (except for tmosth) but i feel like theyve been there for forever #and shadow has always been my favoritest guy since i was like 4 and TO THIS DAY . AT 21 YO. he is still so cool #he is like a brother to me........i miss tht rlly shitty shadow plush i had as a kid tht i called emo sonic bc i didnt know sonic character #my every waking thought is currently occupied with cult of the lamb and shadow. just him not the franchise #also sidenote OMG im 21 i first joined fr tumblr when i was like 15 or smth isnt tht crazy

[aq2003]

the diehard clara hater/lover quiz is fun because some of the lover descriptions feel like they're describing the most toxic evil person on planet earth and it's like guys i think we have all forgotten the fact that canonically she is twelve's one tie to earth and has to remind him of how to care about people. and like she dies in a doctor-esque sacrifice to save someone. she just reflects the worst qualities of the doctor she is not an evil possessive selfish girlboss woman. i do wish she was more awful though i think it would be funny to have a sole companion like that making the doctor worse

#i feel like the writing about her is not 100% solid. if there's this much range in interpretation going on #although it may be fandom reading comprehension or whatever #i wish she was in more episodes of s9 to flesh her out more and develop her relationship w twelve more gradually #i wish we got to see why she is so dissatisfied with just having one life. and stuff exploring her life on earth #before she met the doctor. and why she reflects the doctor's uglier qualities. as opposed to many other companions before her #that instead became the hero of the story in the doctor's place (rose + bad wolf. martha walking the earth. doctordonna) #her relationship w danny feels wrong like she is just going through the motions w him. girl what is it ur drawn to abt him #there is quite obviously something wrong with her. i just feel like we needed to see more of what that something was #and dont say its the impossible girl stuff. thats the worst shit ive seen in my whole fucking life #quite possibly the most heinous arc for a companion of all time and im glad deep breath continues on like its not real #if there are any clara enjoyers out there feel free to monologue in my inbox about her. i think theres smth about her i don't really get. #like im missing a piece of the puzzle or something. #dr who #12 era

[wonder-falcon]

i remember when voltage would go around asking ppl who posted like 5+ screenshots of any lovestruck book to take those posts down 😭😭 look where we are now 😭😭😭😭

#lovestruck #lovestruck voltage #like 😭😭😭 why were they so adamant abt it #up in my dms and all #we have to pump up the popularity yall 💔 what am i supposed to do with 4 screenshots #can you tell i miss vivienne #like i never finished her route 😭😭 #someone tell me what happens in the end like do they run away forever and get married and live a quiet life doing crime but for funsies #or is it a cliffhanger #WHAT HAPPENS #vivienne tang #come back to me 💔💔 #there was no one like queen of thieves fr 💔 #sorry i ever lost interest but im back now so pranks over u can come back too 🥹🥹 #i still have the app like #it doesnt work anymore but well 🥹 #the juliette icon will stay there forever 🥹 #i cant even remember the name of juliettes series anymore this is so serious 😭 #the one where theyre smexy spies and have animal super powers or smth #juliette was a bat #i dont remember anyone elses names 🥹

[pepprs]

hi i haven’t been on here for a bit bc things are crazy but… i got my learners permit today 🤓

#purrs #well yesterday technically bc it’s after midnight now. but i did it!!! i passed and only missed one question. and ive been awake since 5 and #im so tired and i was SO scared studying and taking the test but it was worth it. and now i get to start driving :D #im kinda annoyed bc the question i missed technically had 2 correct answers and it was just like question logic ghat was the reason i got it #wrong not anything abt me not knowing smth… it was like ‘what is an example of something you could do to prevent aggressive driving’ or w/e #and one option was like always intend to use ur turn signals and another one was like don’t compete w other drivers. and i thought well the #turn signal one is a concrete action whereas the competition one is like.. what does that even mean bc it could be a lot of things. so i #picked the turn signal one but i was wrong :( oh well #anyways tomorrow i might get behind da wheel for the first time sooooo 😳 guess i actually can make progress in my life… lole! #also one year ago today (technically yesterday) i graduated….. 😳

[silenthillbunni]

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me. #everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing) #i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/ #ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :(( #i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/ #but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again. #i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

[clarabowmp3]

omg also I have so much tea (?) to spill online cuz I can’t do it irl 😭😭😭

#okay SO #i have this long time friend from sec school #Like we’ve known each other 6+ years now and she’s rlly nice and fun #We were much closer abt 4-5 years back when we were in the same class #But other than that we were still kind of close cuz we stay like a block from each other + we shared a class all 4 years of sec school #So now that we’ve graduated from jc we went out etc and and it’s been so fun BUT #she met this guy on discord thru a server and they had/are still having some weird situationship thing #And at first I didn’t mind her telling me abt it etc but I mighttt be a lil tired of hearing abt it #I FEEL SO BAD she’s literally done nothing wrong but idk how to express how im feeling w/out seeming like im NOT 100% supportive of her yk #Like she also had a pick me phase (we were 14 when ELSE were we going to have that phase) and has always struggled a lil w emptions/affecti #Part of which has to do w her parents so also understandable #But I find myself feeling soooo annoyed now #Like recently she texted me that she texted him that she was taking a sm break which was true but now she misses him #And she was like omg I want to turn off my feelings 😭😭😭 #It makes me feel JSNXKLDLS girllll what r u doing #grow a backbone?? #Maybe it’s also cuz I totally don’t understand what she sees in that guy #Omg I could make a whole other post abt how MEDIOCRE he is jkskdn #but atp im starting to miss her pick me era 😭😭😭 and I feel SO BAD it’s smth I’ve had all my life #I will dislike ppl who I find annoying even when they literally did nothing and are living their best life #KILL ME #it’s okay I’m so normal abt this hehe

[fauslayer]

why is it always the utena themed blogs that clog up the umineko search with the worst possible liveblog posts. like i get it erika furudo you cant read but do you have to make it my problem. i keep having to block them.

#me when im in a media literacy contest against someone that read one massively layered thing at some point in their life #and subsequently decided they were too smart to ever read again #first it was the one that kept loudly accusing rosa of sexually assaulting her daughter every other post #then its the one that kept being incredibly cruel to the servants because they just decided they were guilty immediately #then its the one complaining abt episode 6 after they admitted they forgot about one of the main plot points of episode 5 #as well as the actual setup for almost every important part in episode 6. from somehow missing the detective subplot #to not even understanding how the logic error worked. like are you fucking stupid? how do you AND your dumbass followers BOTH miss that #and why do I HAVE TO SEE IT when im LOOKING FOR FANART AND ACTUAL THOUGHT PROVOKING POSTS!! get out of my face #sorry willard h wright did smth to me and now ppl with poor media literacy being annoying esp during the answer arcs makes me evil.

[orcelito]

I was so very good and finished my taxes and paid some things so I could reassure myself that I can put in my 2 weeks notice even tho I don't have a job lined up yet (I'm Working on it...)

I dont imagine it'll take me long to find Some kind of job, though it likely won't pay as much as I'm used to. But. So long as I have Something, I'll get by.

What matters most right now is getting out of this stupid fucking job bc it has been Killing Me.

#speculation nation #i dont say that lightly btw this job has been. ugh. #ill miss the mundane administrative duties. as strange as that is to say. #i like feeling productive and valued. #but it's been coming at the cost of my health and happiness #the stress would kill me by 30. and thats assuming my goddamned ankles didnt give out first. #continuing my work on the Unfuck My Life resolution. maybe after i get a new job i can try to get on adhd meds #and also Maybe do smth about my probable fibro. i would love to not be so fatigued all the time thank u #and then . going back to school. i logged into my school email for the first time in too long #i need to actually email my advisor soon. tell her whats been up. maybe that can be a goal for next week. #i also wanna get a haircut. short hair. chop it all off. new hair new job new me. #it's. it's a lot. it's really scary actually. but im working on it. im trying to get to a better place. #ive been suffocating for too long. i want so desperately for life to not feel like treading water at the threat of death. #so. we'll see. whatever happens im going to pull through.

[nonbinarynerevar]

i dont miss them but i DO miss their ocs

#worst part abt no longer speaking with someone who you were really close with honestly #like your little guys were entrenched in my life. you told me every new thought you had about them #we shipped our ocs together and i drew you fanart and helped you brainstorm constantly #really weird to think that those ocs likely still exist but i just dont see them anymore. i wonder how much theyve changed #same goes for my ocs honestly. i still see the influences youve left on their personalities #when i check toyhouse i can see your art there still. do you miss them? #its weird isnt it?? i miss their ocs more than i miss them. sometimes i wish we were still friends so that i could draw that character agai #its strange to think about ig. im just musing about it #(and im ok btw! this isnt rlly a vent; just smth im thinking abt) #(and the person in question has been out of my life for a long while now so im not sad abt it anymore!) #adrian talks

[toastsnaffler]

I'm kinda tired and don't rly want to do anything else today.. but it's a few hours too early for me to sleep yet so. hmm

#maybe ill go for a short walk or smth #i dont want to play any more videogames. or watch anything or read or draw. and im pretty much out of chores to do #and my bag is packed for work tomorrow + outfit laid out.. im just killing time #i started watching carol & the end of the world earlier but it made me so sad bc I would probably be the same in that situation idk #i dont have any ambitions or aspirations im just trying to get from day to day. if the world was ending id stay home + watch it alone too #theres no fullest to live my life to ive never been able to believe in any greater meaning or purpose im just Here and someday I Won't Be #and sometimes i see other ppl living their lives and well. its not like im missing smth its more like i just never had it to begin with #this sounds so miserable i dont mean it like that lmaooo more in a neutral way #but seeing that in someone else even a fictional character just struck a chord ough #anyway.. maybe ill just put some music on and zone out #.diaries

[jaeyooniverse]

binniee🥰🥰🥰

#오랜만에 빈어스!!!! #so funny bc i totally messed up the time difference i had an alarm set for 6 instead of 5 💀😭 #and like i woke up in the middle of the night around 4:50 or smth and was like oh i still have an hour before binnie comes on should i sleep #and then a few minutes later my notifs go off abt his live and im like *pikachu_meme.jpeg* #so nice seeing him 🥰🥰 #wish i understood more hahaa #but i caught that he said he has a solo stage 👀 and they'll also be doing stages of releases when binseong were enlisted ? 👀 #he also said he misses jaeyoon...roomies for life 🥺🥲 #obvi he said more; the live was over an hour but i can't remember what else i could make out... #I'm gonna go back to sleep in a bit 😂 #youngbin #caps n stuff

[zzoguri]

sounding like a broken record

#zzoguri thoughts #this is a sad post #i miss reading so bad #i used to be able to finish 30k fics in one sitting but #life keeps getting in the way and i can only read when im exhausted to a point that i fall asleep #:’) i wish i had time where i didn’t feel guilty bc even i think writing fics makes me feel guilty!! #but i know i deserve to rest!! i know i deserve to take it slow!! #but holy shit its so hard when all i think abt is my disability so i need to prove smth!! #more on the sad stuff. usually keep this to myself bc i dont like airing it out but #i thought this should be mentioned to at least explain why ive been unhappy with my writings or if i havent pulled through with reading #fics by u guys or like #getting slower when pumping out work #i apologize really

[toytulini]

.

#toy txt post #i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me #but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going #to feel Like This #at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service #time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job #which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and #have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate #not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was #that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that #but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know #i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me #w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense #and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just #like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing #nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL #im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl #i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning #as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own #not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting #and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just #i dont fucking know #im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl #to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school #im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too #outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk #rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure #been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything #i have too much shit i should rid of #whatever

[eklipxe]

#literallly think my life is going down the fucking hill right now #started crying after therapy because i think im not doing enough #and i been having disagreements with my therapy.. #*therapist #that's why i cry because it always happens to me #that i desagree with therapist and then i cant trust them totally #i just start to get quite and barely say anything #or worst i fucking explode and miss the point completely #it's always me #always #i just loose it completly and end up regretting everything i said #oh there's also the part that my parents look at my relationship as damn joke #and i have a job interview tomorrow for smth that i dont even know where the hell to start #bpd is hitting cause im getting stressed to the point of being agressive and rude #and the only thing that keeps me calm is my gf who i cant see as often as i would like to #oh and also i have to take my driver's licence and study for arts exam ndxt year even tho i dont have a background in arts cause i learnt #on my own #so i dont fucking know where even to start #everything is getting overwhelming.....