#like im Here to stay

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[cometrose]

zhongli is so fucking funny when hes avoiding people like venti last year and neuvillette this year he can’t catch a break he moves like they’re his ex husbands 😭

#zhongli #venti #neuvillette #genshin impact #locking people out of a restaurant or discreetly getting some tea #HE WORKS HARD TO KEEP HIS PEACE #zhongli in a bucket of tea leaves: quickly traveler are they gone #venti and neuvi zhongli’s ex husband and zhongli the man who can’t stay married to save his life is on the run #but has reconciled his differences with venti i believe! they are friends don’t get it twisted zhongli is just a shit #zhongli in the back of restaurant: traveler PLEASE do not tell my ex husbands i’m here or im finished #he moves like a 5 time divorcee #zhongli next year: oh no my 4th ex husband is here during my annual nye party i have to hide!

[norrizzandpia]

WHO DECIDED TO FUCKING WAKE UP THIS MORNING AND DROP THE HOTTEST PICTURES OF LANDO AND ISCAR IM FIGHTING TO BREATHE OUT HERE YOU GUYS SEND HELP PLZ IM NOT OKAY IM SHORT CIRCUITING

#LIKE??? #I NEED IT IN INCRIMENTS TO STAY ALIVE #still blessed tho #i dont want anyone but these men right here #the absolute banger of fics im about to go start writing bc im no longer stressed with school bc its the weekend and these pics j dropped #mclaren #mclaren formula 1 #lando norris edit #lando norris #ln4 #oscar piastri #oscar pastry #oscar piasstri #op81

[ruporas]

kiss the pain away

#vashwood #trigun #trigun stampe #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #ep 10 was crazy bc vashwood was literally the plot goodbye #i like how the most intimate moment between these two was in the goddamn sewers #i feel like that alone symbolizes so much in their relationship. im half joking BUT ITS JUST LIKE #the SPONTANEITY the PRIVACY they get in such an open Space while being literally chased / hunted after.... #and vash is out here showing his scars.............. and ill always lose my mind that they gave this spotlight to wolfwood instead of #meryl and milly like in the previous versions. i dont know how else to read this other than that wolfwood is the romantic interest of stamp #it makes sense even aside from this scene. u know. wolfwood was technically the damsel in distress in ep 5-6 and vash saved/helped him. #and who stayed in the bedroom with vash................. #who rushed to his side when he got shot...... with that worried ass expression.... #i dont have anything smart to say at all im just gushing over vashwood thru stampede bc its just so blatant. and its great that its blatant #bc it was blatant in trimax too. like so blatant. the romance was written in every chapter they showed up together #god #ive never witnessed a pairing more canon without being spoken as such its soooooo much theyre so much #ruporas art

[maxpadelchampion]

max really goes about his days threatening retirement to whoever will listen and praises charles to people who ask him stupid questions

#king behavior #he really said I feel a disturbance in the lecfosi force and CLEARED everyone #he said im the true leader yall are just here for a short stay #also acting like he didn’t say he was gonna race charles for the next 15-20 years #shut up boy with your relegated football team player haircut #lestappen #they said max only rates charles and no one else

[just-null-cult]

im so mad at u omg

how dare u make my noritoshi obsession 10 times worse

Noritoshi spews his true feelings when you're upset with him. Similar to a very eager puppy trying to regain your favor by any means...... but realizes what he says and blames you for turning him into a fool. Another downside for him is that he won't take his words back in fear of you getting the wrong idea.

you're just a bully that he hopes will forget about the embarrassing words he blurted out.

hes simultaneously reeling and embarrassed. is this what happens when you make your love upset? does that imply he's your love?!

#noritoshi #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #heh #coughs out blood #FAM THIS ALL INDOCTRINATION SUCCESS #NORITOSHI OBSESSIONS ARE SO FUCKING FR HERE #IM JUST PUTTING WTV WAS IN MY MIND ONTO PAPER RIGHT HERE.. #i imagine he likes the thought of you being obsessed with him bc that implies your attention is always on him #Meaning that you wont leave him. that youll stay at his side just like he'll stay by yours. #if you're more obsessive over him. he'll slowly worsen to be just as if not more into you.. #like to the point of feeling his own stomach tying itself in knots when youre not in the same room as him #ohh.. and the feeling is horrendous if youre ever upset with him.. even the slightest bit upset. #he just wants be loved by someone who he can call his own and hes willing to go through great lengths for that. #<- pushing puppy boy noritoshi agenda #but thats enough of me talking of yan noritoshi. tysm I'll be here for the rest of the month #AND NOTICE HOW HE LOVES COFFEE BUT DITCHED IT THE SECOND IT TURNED TO YOU BC YOURE MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN SOME FUCKING DRINKGNFNKFKVKV #suiana

[macksartblock]

i won't lie i liked when they were a problem

#this is older like explicitly before the 'i like you too' moment but im slowly chipping away at something else #so heres a sketch bc i'm too drained to stay focused on line art lol #oakworthy #normal oak swallows garcia #hermie the unworthy #dndads #dungeons and daddies #to me peak oakwarthy was when they suited clem turners cover of washing machine heart like cmon #my artwork

[tech-obssessed-shark]

Idk if there is anyone out there who needs to hear this but:

If you’re having issues with your gender, sexuality, or just identity in general… it’s ok. It’s okay to discover yourself, it’s okay to change, and it’s ok to be comfortable with who you are now. Everyone goes on their own journey at some point, you should embrace yours. If you ever worry it’s “just a phase”, that is okay. You are allowed to try new things and experiment, you are allowed to realize if what you thought about yourself wasn’t true. You are allowed to grow and you’re allowed to change.

From, An AroAce Agender person who thought they were a Straight Girl, A Gay Transmasc, A Bisexual Genderfaun, An Asexual Biromantic Demiboy, and many more.

#I just felt like writing this #Idk #im here #for the queers #Im tired of people not letting others find out who they are as a person #Its okay to change #Its okay to grow #Life is all about changing #lgbtq #specifically #gender identity #sexuality #transgender #genderqueer #BE YOURSELF #YOU SHOULD BE WHO YOU ARE #(If you are safe and are able to) #(Stay safe my fellow Alphabet Mafia Members) #(Life is tough but so are you)

[ch1zzie]

The original in the bottom

Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny

#thats not my neighbor #milk man #just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates #monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school #(online school) #my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT #also little welcome home update #im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me #also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭) #the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit #only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭 #also! im making easter art #yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!! #why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing #it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful! #im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to #high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not) #maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me... #also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh #ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me #imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope) #even if its little dumb posts #by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES” #just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded #hehe didded

[datcravat]

another quick melinoe

#melinoe #hades 2 #Hades #YEAH THE SICKLE LOOKS LIKE A DICK #SO WHAT #the one that got posted on twitter had a much worse case of accidental dick it was horrible #i feel like a moron but the dickle is here to stay bc im done with this one #i want to try and get hades characters totally right in my style but it aint easy #props to those who have managed it already #my art

[pbnmj]

i deserve a spider-woman nepal..... miles doesn't have to be the only teen spider with a terrible bisexual mentor (enter my own sketches of the world's most annoying spiderperson, who i fling towards pavitr, complete with a design that's subject to change)

#geeta methodically puts on all her jewelery before going out as spiderwoman <3 u cant fight crime if u are not cute #spidersona #of sorts? i think but everyone should have expected this from me. there was no way sony was going to give me spiderman india #and not receive spiderwoman nepal (THE KATHMANHATTAN JOKE IS TOO EASY) in response #im tackling south asian unity one spidersona at a time! #pavitr prabhakar #spiderman #my art #also ofc one specific mention to demigod-of-the-agni who inadvertently triggered my actual posting of geeta #who was just supposed to stay in my psd files forever..... #mythic mumbattan au my beloved. hindu mythology my beloved. genuinely so so cool to see and it enabled me being self indulgent on this blog #for some extra context: im very much still workshopping her and me and my nepali friend were drawing her tgt #as in she would say something and i would hurriedly scribble/sketch it down #and then i kept kinda building on it. ofc i could not resist being inspired by the comics noirverse #so here she's also gifted her powers by a goddess (durga!!!!!) and almost works w her like a much less deranged moon knight. yeah... #don't look too closely at these pls . the design/sketching/etc is kind of everywhere #edit: forgot to adjust colors so theyre up again and a little more vibrant nyeow....

[arcanegifs]

"I spent so many nights in that shitty prison. On the freezing floor, hungry, bloody, counting the hours. The only thing... The only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you."

#arcane #arcaneedit #vi #vi arcane #arcane vi #arcane league of legends #league of legends #netflixedit #showedit #media: arcane #type: gif #s1 ep8 #well this was an ASS to color #it ended up looking fine i guess lol #can we look at this scene bc god the composition is beautiful like #vi STILL cant decide whether shes still going to join powder or stay with cait here #THE LAST PART SHE LOOKS SO FRUSTRATED BC SILCO JUST TOOK JINX AND LEFT WITH HER EVEN THO SHE REALLY WANTED TO FIND JINX UGH #but ultimately she chooses to stay with cait in s1 i guess #well to be fair she didnt have a choice skdfjsfsfsf #im so curious on how shes gonna be a cop bc the show did say this will be how she becomes into an enforcer #ANYWAYS LOOK AT HER MY TINY SKRUNKLY MY BLORBO ILY #VI U DONT DESERVE ANY OF THIS

[psykoe100]

Congrats on the loss boys. Love Wins <3

#worst ship poll 2023 #they lost IMMEDATELY #the fact they were pit against one of the biggest ships is so funny #im still surprised they made it in #just bc i didn't think they were that notable #i cracked up seeing my ships but seeing ekurei made it personal LOL #like the hell are y'all doing here #i get that they're a lil ugly but #it felt like seeing a grocery store cupcake at a cake competition #where everyone is hitting the cakes with a bat #i wanted to add seri and teru but it would've added 2 more hrs #mp100 #reigen arataka #dimple #ekubo #ekurei #my art #gonna take a short break from the challenge to make other mp100 fanart #also i rly love how this turned out!!! it was supposed to stay a sketch #but here we are

[canonkiller]

do you consider your self made?

#my art #self portrait of sorts #been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things #for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer #(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good) #and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like #I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them #are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize #to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough. #things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either #im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now #just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later #anyways. love you #cw: #top nudity #artistic nudity #the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple #if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw #my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way #lindwormposting

[fallenclan]

Who's caught the biggest prey in the clan and who *thinks* they could but couldn't catch a cold?

#fallenasks #fallenanswers #ashpaw #boulderstep #i dont usually like to redesign characters after theyve been around for a while but i drew this boulderstep and im Obsessed #so i think hes here to stay. <3

[soullessjack]

yea miraculous sucks but honestly they kinda popped off with a magical cat boy whose special magical weapon against evil is a lead pipe and the special magical power of stage 4 necrosis

#and he just smells like cheese 24/7 #poor guy #I’m sorry this show is overtaking me. STAY IN THE BOX NOOOOOO STAY IN THE BOX NOOOOOO GET OUT OF MY SKIIIINNNN #deciding that he’s just my character now sorry #i could fix him narratively #cal.txt #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #I’m just very very autistic about the fact that his power is literally just. Destroy Shit #im telling y’all he and jack kline my disintegrating buddy over here they are Pals okay #mutuals you aren’t seeing this i. promise my only bad media is supernatural still #i am a very silly individual