#like idk it reminds me of the stupid fucking poetry i used to write

[baby-prophet]

I always forget how insane and hair triggered I become when I get little to no sleep

#like i got maybe an hour last night #and my day has been a fucking rollercoaster #and im having a real hard time brain wise #like im a zomvie but also im get so mad #and then i get stuck and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat words and phrases #and that in itself is maddening #like idk it reminds me of the stupid fucking poetry i used to write #in my most depressed teenage years LOL #LOL kinda like tramacore 🙄😑 #is that what the kids are calling it these days #norm.allie

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

#long post #star trek #what it's all about #james kirk #jim kirk #captain kirk #spock #SPACE HUSBANDS #love #beauty #jim kirk is beautiful #k/s #spirk #kirk/spock #star trek the original series #star trek the motion picture #tmp #kolinahr #don't do kolinahr spock #gol #the enemy within #t'hy'la #bonded #in love #kirk bod appreciation #protect jim kirk

[revol-lover]

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok. 

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though. 

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend. 

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020  but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i  have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic. 

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is 

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me  in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

[ideclaremarvel]

Open Mic

Steve Harrington x Reader

Introduction: Hello!!!! Is ya girl i haven't made a story in so long and i am just in love with Steve and billy from stranger things because who wouldn't ? and just everyone so i might make new stories of those characters. Olala but i'm not taking in any request! ): im sorry just have a busy life and I want to focus on one character at a time. Bare with me i'm rough it's been so long!!

Not sure how long the series will be put i want it to be long and cool haha. Everyone is alive bc i cant wait til season 4 !!! idk how i feel about it but here ya go this probably sucks sorry

warnings: drinking and drugs nothing too bad 

Chapter 1: 

Summary:  After the events at Starcourt Mall, destroying the flayer monster and everyone still managed to come out alive, everyone who was everyone decided to go their own ways. The Byers family moved away along with El & Hopper. As a gift Hop fixed up his cabin for you to stay since it was somewhat destroyed by the Flyer monster. You work at a small bookstore in Starcourt Mall along with Nancy. town there's a small bar that you occasionally read your poetry to the drunken people, it was only for the weekend random people from the bar or around the neighborhood would read their poetry/stories, no one you knew went here. 

“Hey Nac, is it alright with you if I head out now?” 

looking down your watch it read 7:30 it was Friday and the mall closed at 9, you just want to get home have a shower possibly change clothes before heading down to Dragons Corner Bar. you found this bar when you were tripping on shrooms walking through some woods, thought you were walking in wonderland in the middle of October here a Hawkins. What's odd about the bar was it was hidden, the driveway is long and the parking was big enough to fit probably 100 cars but there's always people walking here. People who are not from your town. Every time you went you felt like you've entered dark ages of dragons, princesses, kings and queens, the entire bar was shaped as a castle. 

“Yeah that's fine Y/N, go enjoy your night!” she said with a smile, she usually takes closing on Fridays and you'd take Saturday, as a win win, both satisfied.

As you were leaving the store looking around starcourt so many families laughing, kids running around at their playstation, mothers sitting all together chatting who knows what. A Lot of people from Hawkins high are always here but luckily for you, an exit next to your store. It was a blessing. Avoiding big crowds and possible interactions with people from school isn't what you want. You hated it. Weirdly enough your friends with Nancy who used to be popular, both of you guys are opposite personalities, you will like the odd one out considering you love rock/punk bands and wearing dark clothes, but you always made it look cute making some popular girls angry. You found it amusing. 

Walking to your car wasn't much of a walk since they have a section for employees to park, another blessing this Mall has to offer. As you were unlocking your car, you heard the door the mall opened. You wiped  your head around, only to find your favorite crush wearing his cute sailor uniform, ‘thank god i don't have a dress code’ you thought.

 “Steve! Ahoy mate!!” 

giving your best pirate voice and mimicking dancing around in excitement to seeing him, Steve on the other hand that it was bad and laughed. 

You loved the way he laughed it was gentle and soft, not enough to roll your eyes but enough to keep making him laugh forever  “Y/N enjoyed the attempt but that was bad!” Steve laughed clutching his stomach like he couldn't breathe

He was wiping away tears that went down from all the laughter” i must say cute little dance you did, ya missed me that much?” Steve said sending you a wink.  

“are you done now? I tried okay don't give me your bs” you rolled your eyes trying to be sassy.

 “Hey now i said it was cute” Steve said while taking off his shirt in front of you, not caring if anyone saw. You couldn't help but stare a little bit, he was fit, nice arms, toned, abs looked so nice you'd want to lick them. Snapping out of your trance of the boy, you went into your car, open the glove compartment to get a small bag containing rolled joints. picked one out throwing the bag onto your passenger seat, fumbling in your purse for a lighter. Groaning not having one on you. 

“Need a light?” Steve said holding out his lighter already having the flame dancing for you

Leaning over to light the joint perfectly placed between your lips, inhaling and exhaling before handed it off to Steve, you always loved smoking with him. hell, he's the one that got you into it in the first place. 

“Did you roll this?” Steve asked admiring the perfectly rolled joint like he's never seen one nicely rolled, twirling it around if with his fingers. 

“Yeah, I usually like to roll a couple at a time and light one whenever” taking the joint from Steve, you briefly touch his hand, that alone gave you small butterflies, sending you shivers all throughout your body.

“How was work? It was pretty busy up at Scoops, god little kids are a bit annoying not knowing what flavor they want” 

Steve said frustrated touching the back of his head “robin took care of most of them trying to get them to leave already” he said taking the joint from you inhaling, exhaling the smoke trying to make a ring. Failed but he tried. 

“Work was okay, had a few customers come in to buy books, rearrange a small area in the back with Nancy. Were thinking about getting a rescue dog or cat to keep around the bookstore, so were making a little hang out area for people to read their books and have a nice time with animal” 

you smiled at the thought of it coming together, you were more excited to adopting a kitty. Steve was looking at you smiling, admiring just how beautiful you are and sometimes he wonders if he should ask you out, he always had this crush on you but from all the rejections he's gotten asking you made him nervous.

 He found it sexy just watching you hitting the joint, sometimes he wants to take your face in his hands and kiss you till your lips fall off but he couldn't he was too scared. He really wants to.

“Should get both? Don't you live at the cabin all alone? Get a cat for the bookstore since they are low maintenance and they can take care of themselves”  

“I actually haven't thought of that, being alone in the cabin doesn't get lonely, im used to it, peaceful. Besides i asked Nancy to move in since she wants to be away from her house” you took a couple more hits off of the joint before burning it out. Looking towards the sky above trying to look at the stars but it was cloudy so nothing was out. 

“I can take you to a shelter and help you pick a cat or dog, whichever you'd want” Steve said giving you a small grin like a little small boy, ugh you thought to yourself, sometimes you think he likes you but you're sure he flirts with every girl. 

“Yes i would love that, maybe get food after? My treat” you said singly leaning over to him giving him the biggest smile ever

“Yeah we can eat burgers and milkshakes, how does that sound? I know a place we can go” Steve said while getting down off of your car hood, stretching showing a little of his abs. ‘Fuck’ you thought to yourself. ‘Why am I like this’ thinking this made you groan in annoyance hat Steve picked up

“ whats up Y/N ? watcha got going on tonight? Steve asking while fixing and trying to style his fluffy hair that you oh so loved.

“Gonna go home, refresh myself and then read a book, easy night for a long day” you lied to him, you didn't want no one knowing where your little secret bar was, you didn't want anyone to hear about your poetry. 

Especially Steve, sometimes you write about your feelings about him but still you'd rather hide it and not have anyone know about it except well for Nancy she’d know about the crush you have for Steve for awhile now, she says it shows all over my face whenever he's around. Never got what she meant but never cared.

“Sounds relaxing to me, i'm going to meet Dustin and everyone for a drive a Quarry, ill see you around princess” Steve said while getting into his car, rolling down his window flashing you the prettiest smile “i hope you enjoy your night Y/N” waving to you while driving off. 

“I wish you'd kiss me” you said out loud but no one but you heard that. Getting into your car you drove off.

Entering dragons corner everyone knew you, pretty much you will come here to escape being alone at home and nights when your thoughts got too much and a drink is what you need. 

“Hey Y/N welcome back!” 

Tom yelled from behind the corner waving at you. 

“Hey Tom! Hows Betta?”

 you smiled and waved taking a seat next to Lewis the other bar owner. Betta is tom's wife for over 40 years! You wish you find your soulmate and be together long, sounded cheesy but it's something you've always wanted. “Whats up girl” Lewis said going in for a fist bump. 

“Betta doing good, she's been out of town visiting her mother and sisters” he said while mixing up your usual drink, dirty pina colada. not one for beer because of the taste and itll reminded you too much of your stupid father. “You miss her? Whens shes coming back?” you asked wondering when she’ll be back, she treated you like her own daughter after some poetry sessions you'd cry so badly in the bathroom, since you became a regular and pretty cool, they gave you a key for the back office that's so quiet and away from all the noise.

 “She should be coming tomorrow, she's been gone for 3 weeks! Not having her around the bar have been so quiet” he said coming around the bar, taking a seat next to you. 

“Here made your favorite, added a lil too much of alcohol but it should be okay” tom said giving you the drink with 3 cherries on top because he knows how much cherries are your favorite.

Taking a gulp from the drink you can slightly tell the more alcohol in this, burned your throat a bit but the chillness of the drink helped.

“The drink is wonderful and much needed” enjoying the drink while looking around its a full house, lots of people. Just thinking about being on the stage made you sick but thats why having one dirty pina colada was enough

 “Open mic is gonna be starting soon, i think Lewis is getting the mic set up” he said standing up from his chair stretching and sighing 

“It's been awhile since we got this much people, betta would be happy” 

You had your journal with you with all of your notes of places, people you meet, drugs you've tried, and all the poetry you wrote. It's something you don't want to ever lose. 

“Can I go first this time?” I asked nicely, giving him my biggest pout.

“Yeah i gotchu, want another drink? Virgin?” asked before wanting to add anything, he knew you drove here, doesn't want you to be impaired while driving, he cares about you too. 

“Yeah, thanks I appreciate it” accepting the drink while Lewis stands on stage getting everyone's attention.

“Welcome welcome our insomniac and alcoholics…..

Earning a chuckled from the crowd. 

Welcome to Dragons Corner, tonight we are hoisting our open mic and everyone who is everyone is able to come up here, thank you all for coming and enjoy your evening!!!’’ earning a loud cheer from everyone and having the small fainted of jazz music played, they like to keep it quiet when people are talking but not having any dead silence could get boring and make the readers nervous too. 

“We'd like to start off with our favorite writers Y/N!!” Lewis said clapping towards my direction to motion me on the stage having everyone cheering for me made all my jumping nervous calm again.

“Hello everyone, im Y/N and i will be reading some sort of love poem for someone that i wish would notice me, alright here we go…

When i think of you i think of all the good things life has to offer

like coffee on an early morning 

the first sight of the sunset or sunrise

Or when someone falls in love for the first time

The way you smile 

The way you laugh

The way your hair is poofy and curly

Sharing smokes, secrets, food, love

I wonder what's it like to kiss you

To touch you

To feel you touch my skin

I wonder what's it like making love to you 

My lips ache for yours 

Please notice me

Notice me how birds notice a worm on the pavement 

Notice me

I want to give you the world in this cold lonely world

Notice me………”

You finished and stepped off the staged, everyone snapping their fingers no one clapped during open mic it was just more quieter and better. “Who is this lover boy?hmmm” Lewis said walking down the bar and meeting your gaze

“This kid named Steve, i went to school with him. He was this big king of Hawkins high before Billy came into town and took that title. Steves sweet and nice. He's always looking out for me” 

you said smiling just thinking of him made your stomach want to do flips, just something about im made you feel so alive, he’d always make sure you were okay. 

“Does he feel the same?” asked while cleaning around being busy but still talking to you 

“I'm not sure, well i don't know, i wish i knew..” just the thought of him liking someone else made you sick and sad. You just wanted to be his.

“You're too wonderful Y/N, i bet he does feel the same” giving you a pat on the shoulder and giving you a warm smile the one that says ‘you got this’ 

You let out the biggest sigh and decided to head out. “Alright Lewis, Tom i'll see you guys tomorrow night!” waving at both of them as you were leaving the magical castle. Stepping outside was a little more chiller than before but luckily you dressed warm. Turning on your car playing fleetwood mac.

Returning to your cabin, you've decorated it with tiny lights so when you've come home in the middle of the night you can see where you're going and not fall and hit yourself like last time before buying the lights, recalling the memory and the pain you just glad it wasn't anything major. Although the figure waiting on your porch was something you didn't expect. 

“Steve?” you questioned the figure it was dark you couldn't tell who it was

“Hey Y/N..” he replied with a little sadness in his voice something you notice right away 

“Lets go inside, got something on your mind?” asked curiosity hoping it wasn't anything but bad but just wanted a friend

“I thought you were here like you said earlier but no one answered so I waited, it was only an hour, i dropped Dustin off and i wanted to see you again..” he smiled towards your direction while being distracted with your living room and how nice it looks.

“It's so cozy here” he said eyes wandering around can't seem to be fixed on something

“I try to make it as cozy as possible since it's just me, i need my home relaxing environment. It helps alot” you said while disappearing into your room to change into pjs, you hadn't realized you forgot to put on pants because your tipsy mind forgot about Steve

“Cute butt” Steve said while checking out your ass, couldn't help himself but also want to embarrass you. Realizing this you ran to your room to grab a pair of shorts 

“My bad, had small drink” your face redder than a tomato at this point. Steve on the other hand found it adorable you blushed really dark red 

“Soo steve why are you here and no home?” completely forgot about why he was waiting for you

“Well i wanted to see a movie but not alone and so i thought of you, i have movies we could watch” steve taking out 2 movies from his jacket and handing it to you 

“Halloween 2 and Alien, hmmm horror type? Lets watch alien i love Ripley” popped the movie in and went over to the couch where Steve started to get comfy

“Would you want to stay? It's late and I wouldn't want you to drive” you asked hopefully it'll be a yes since you could possibly ask to cuddle later on. You looked over to Steve lost in thought but snapped back to reality quickly when you asked him to stay  

“If you don't mind, we can make pancakes tomorrow” he said with a soft smile 

“Yeah i'd love that” 

#steve harrington #stranger things #imagines steve harrington #reader x steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 3 #stranger things au #steve #stranger things headcanon #steve harrington headcanon #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfiction #joe keery

[livingthroughchoices-blog]

The Marshmallow Chronicles (Ch. 14: Fair Game)

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Author’s notes: SURPRISE! I couldn’t resist writing this chapter! DRAKE SEMI CONFESSES HIS SEMI LOVE!! Idk why I’m screaming, we all know that but what can I say? I’m excited. I reaaally, really hope I did that particular scene justice!

Thanks to everyone who likes, reblogs and/or comments. It honestly means SO much to me! And even bigger thanks to @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @notoriouscs, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @asprankle, @speedyoperarascalparty, @mirivalencia, @mymandrake and @asobigokoro2018 for asking me to tag them!

Love youuu <3

Rating: T

Pairing: Drake x MC

Words: 5,276

The country jamboree. Drake’s least favorite event in the social season – not including anything involving Olivia Nevrakis, of course. Still, Drake walked out of his room that day feeling cheerful; yesterday had been a success in terms of being friends with Riley.

You did have to hold yourself back from kissing her a couple times.

But did I? Nope! And that is success in my book. I’m gonna do it; I’m gonna beat this crush.

He whistled an improvised tune as he strode out after brunch to find a beautiful sunny day. Remembering their last interaction, he magnanimously decided to go talk to Bastien, who was standing at the gates.

“Bastien.” Okay, so he wasn’t completely ready to forgive him.

“Drake! It’s good to see you.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes. I’m sorry I was short with you the other day.”

“See, that’s how Liam put it too, but I think I’d use a different word.”

Bastien frowned. “... A dick?”

“Ding ding ding!”

“I suppose that’s not far from the truth,” said Bastien ruefully. “Well, as I said, I’m very sorry. I just hope you can understand that...”

Bastien seemed to be having difficulty speaking; if Drake didn’t know any better he’d think there was a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard.

“I hope you understand that duty will always come first.”

Drake clapped his back. “Hey, you know I totally get that! I understand you can’t always talk! Only next time, maybe instead of being a dick you could just say that, okay?”

Bastien sighed. “Yes. I will.”

Drake smiled at him and turned to leave.

“Drake,” he heard behind him. He turned to look at Bastien squinting from the sun. “I really am sorry.”

Drake nodded, still smiling in hopes of reassuring Bastien, who was taking this way too seriously, in his opinion.

He ambled back towards the manor, not ready to face the jamboree with its variety of stupid games. 

That I suck at. 

Once he got closer to the enormous wooden doors, he could hear someone coming down the stairs. He stopped and waited; he wouldn’t say no to company either way. He realized with a stab of annoyance that he was hoping it was Riley.

Okay, stop. Whoever that is, I’m gonna keep rocking this friendship thing.

It was maybe because he mentally prepared himself this way that he only felt a small hint of dismay when Hana emerged from the threshold. He quickly covered it up with an easy smile.

“Hey, Hana!”

“Hi!”

If he’d been smiling it was nothing to the way Hana was grinning from ear to ear.

“Uh, why are you smiling like that?”

“Like what? Oh!” Hana’s hands flew to her cheeks as if she hadn’t realized what she’d been doing.

For a brief, awful moment Drake thought something might have happened with Riley. He pushed the image aside, chastising himself both for his selfishness – friends want their friends to be happy! – and for indulging his crush – friends don’t care who their friends kiss!

I’ve definitely been quiet for too long.

“So are you gonna tell me or what?” It came out harsher than he’d intended in his haste to say something.

Hana’s smile faltered a bit, “Oh. Yes, sorry. My Mom called and she-she was making me feel dreadful; she said I was being a disappointment and that I shouldn’t be making friends at court..."

Drake grimaced sympathetically.

“Yes, it was very distressing. Until Riley,” at this point her smile came back in full force, “intervened. She reminded me that this is my life and my choices and... well, she essentially gave me the courage to stand up to her for the first time in my life!”

Hana looked so utterly happy that it was contagious. Drake found himself grinning along with her and feeling an unfamiliar warmth in his chest.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Despite the pain.”

Drake tilted his head, completely nonplussed, “Huh?”

“Liking someone so deserving of it.”

That’s exactly what it was. Every time he heard of Riley doing something kind or intelligent – which is all the time, dammit – he couldn’t help but feel... joy. It was like an extreme form of pride, in a way. Proud of himself for having a crush on such an amazing person; proud of her for being that amazing person.

He just sighed and nodded. 

It’s not looking good for our friendship. Pretty sure I’m gonna start writing poetry or some shit.

“Well, thanks for checking in on me, Drake, but I should go. I only went into the manor to get bandaids.”

For the first time, he noticed Hana was holding a small box of bandaids.

“Maxwell,” he said without any doubt.

“At the archery station. What I don’t understand is how he managed to hurt himself with a bow...” Hana shook her head, mystified.

Drake shrugged. “This is Maxwell we’re talking about. We should feel lucky we only need bandaids and not paramedics!”

Hana giggled, “That’s what Riley said!”

Drake chuckled. “Great minds and whatever. But anyway, I shouldn’t keep you, go save that kid’s life.”

Hana hurried off toward the games. Drake stood there for a moment, trying to get back to the calm, certain headspace he’d been in until a few minutes ago. 

Maybe if I just spend some time with her as friends, I can remind myself what it’s supposed to be like.

With that goal in mind, he directed his steps to where Hana had gone, positive that Riley would be playing something; in the thick of the action, as usual.

He was right, and he immediately wished he hadn’t been, for Riley and Liam were playing a very flirty game of ring toss. He stopped abruptly when he spotted them, then moved to the side so he could watch them from a less conspicuous place. 

Like a masochist stalker.

In fact, the game was just ending and it seemed Riley had lost. 

Finally, something we both suck at! 

He smiled at that, but it was fleeting, as he saw Riley and Liam make their way, smiling and talking, to the hedge maze. He felt the by-now familiar gut punch he always experienced when he saw them together. This time, however, it seemed to spread from his stomach all the way up to his chest like some kind of poison, eating him alive from the inside.

Goddammit. Who the fuck am I kidding?! I can’t be friends. I can’t. At least, not now.

He stomped back to the manor, wanting nothing more than solitude. And maybe some whiskey and dramatic music to go along with it. He must have been making a racket because he heard a voice call from the sitting room.

“Who’s there?”

He poked his head in and found Lady Kiara sitting in the same armchair she’d been using two days ago.

“Drake! What a pleasant surprise! I thought you’d be out there enjoying the games.”

“Nah, not a big fan. What about you? Shouldn’t you be mingling or something?”

“Bah, and what for? Prince Liam has disappeared again, with Lady Riley I’m sure, and I don’t like those games either.”

“Good point.”

She gestured for him to join her and with halting steps he went to her, sitting uncomfortably on the armrest.

“So... what are you reading this time? More sexy French books?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “No, I have been skimming this landscape photography book.”

“Oh, cool! I love nature.” Drake had to restrain himself from leaving the manor or possibly the country after that. 

Really? I love nature? How fucking interesting, idiot.

Lady Kiara was gracious enough to disguise a derisive laugh as a cough.

“So what kind of landscapes?” he asked in desperation.

“Oh, there’s all sorts! But I am particularly partial to the photographs of the vineyards in California and France. They remind me of my home,” she sounded far away when she said that.

“You have vineyards there?”

She snapped back to reality and turned to look at Drake eagerly. “Oh, yes. We make some of the finest wines in all of Cordonia,” she puffed up with pride. “We might even go toe to toe with the French, en fait.”

“And everybody knows the French make the best wine, right? The more unpronounceable the names the better?” Drake chuckled. 

Kiara, on the other hand, did not look amused. “I would hardly say something like Bordeaux is unpronounceable, would you?”

Drake felt his neck grow hot. “I was kidding,” he muttered.

Kiara seemed not to have heard him, still engrossed by the photos. She flipped the page to yet another picturesque vineyard and suddenly her hand was on Drake’s knee. He glanced down at it automatically.

“I wish you could see it! The hot summer days, picking grapes and then crushing them with your feet...” she trailed off, looking up at Drake, whose mouth was inexplicably watering. 

“Sounds,” he cleared his throat, “sounds nice.”

“It’s better than nice, c’est magnifique!”

“I-I’m sure.” He peeked down at his phone. “Oh, look, it’s time for dinner!”

“Right.” Kiara’s hand fell from his knee. “Well, let’s go, then.”

Kiara waited for Drake to get up and help her off the armchair. Once she was standing, she cleared her throat, looking pointedly at her arm.

“Oh, uh, yeah!” Drake offered her his arm and they walked out together in what, at least to him, felt like an awkward silence. He had the chance to feel relieved for a few seconds, before he realized they would probably sit together as well. 

He was right. He sat down next to her and involuntarily scanned the crowd. It took him longer than usual to find Riley, which he was cautiously pleased about until he came to the conclusion that it was only because of her company. 

What the hell is she doing with Tariq?

The fashionable noble appeared to be flirting and Riley looked hilariously bewildered. He almost snorted. Riley managed to extract herself from Tariq and took her seat at another table nearby, next to Maxwell and Bertrand.

He was wracking his brains, trying to come up with something to talk about with Lady Kiara, when he heard the blessed sound of a clinking glass.

“If I may have everyone’s attention, please,” came Liam’s voice. “I’d like to say a few words before we close this evening. First, I’d like to thank all of you for joining us out here at the country estate. I’ve had the honor and privilege to have you in my court, and I couldn’t have asked for better company.” 

He smiled out at the crowd as he said this. It may have been Drake’s bitterness, but he thought he saw Liam’s gaze linger on Riley.

He continued, “As I step into my father’s place in a few days, I can only hope that I’m half the man he’s been for Cordonia.”

“Long live Prince Liam!” Maxwell yelled from his table with cupped hands over his mouth. 

Cheers and claps erupted from all around. 

Yeah, yeah, Liam’s great. 

Drake couldn’t bring himself to clap.

Liam gestured for everyone to quiet down. “Thank you all. When next we meet like this, it’ll be the last event of the social season. As per tradition, this event will be hosted at the illustrious Beaumont House.”

“Yeeaaahhhhhh!” Maxwell exclaimed with both arms up.

Bertrand, ever the solemn one, agreed, “An honor, to be sure.”

He noticed Riley sharing surprised words with the brothers. 

Huh. How are they gonna host that? Aren’t they broke?

“The Beaumonts will surely give us another legendary night to remember.” 

When Liam said that, Drake felt Kiara’s hand squeeze his leg and nearly jumped out his seat. Looking mildly amused, she whispered, “It could certainly be a night to remember.”

Drake swallowed, although at the same time his mouth felt impossibly dry.

He barely heard Liam finish his toast with, “Until then, I thank you again, and wish you a good night.” He raised his glass and most people followed suit. Feeling guilty for his lack of applause earlier, Drake raised his own.

“Cheers!” Liam said, and the crowd echoed him.

Drake turned to Lady Kiara and as they clinked their glasses together, he murmured, “To legendary nights.”

For a split second, Kiara’s face was delightedly surprised. An instant later, she had regained her composure and was smirking at him.

Fuck, she might really like you. You’re an asshole.

Oh, come on! We’re both consenting adults and clearly there’s nothing I can do about... the other thing, so why shouldn’t I have some fun?!

Whatever, dude, you know what you are.

He drained his champagne in one gulp.

Dinner went by in a blur of delicious food and flirty conversation. Of course, they couldn’t make it too obvious – Kiara had a reputation to maintain, after all – so once in a while she’d turn to her other side to talk to Penelope.

By the time they’d all finished eating, he felt drained. It had been such a long day, and it had taken his emotions for a ride. For someone who for years had felt either bitterness or a lukewarm contentedness, it was a lot.

As soon as it was barely polite to leave, therefore, he scurried away to his room. He lied down on his bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

“Eeeeeeek!”

Something shook him out of his deep sleep. 

Did someone scream? Or was I dreaming?

He could’ve sworn he heard it come from the room next to his. 

Addams’ room. But what if I dreamed it and I barge in there and wake her up? Or even worse, what it she’s awake... with somebody. 

He weighed his options and concluded that he could not stay in his room while she might be in danger. And if he embarrassed himself, he embarrassed himself. He got dressed as quickly as he could, which was not very; flustered as he was, he put his pants on back to front and furiously corrected his mistake. Finally decent, he flew out of his room and threw Riley’s door open, caution be damned.

He found Tariq and Riley kissing. Or, should he say, Tariq kissing a very clearly unwilling Riley, who pushed him away as soon as she recovered from the shock.

Anger like he couldn’t remember feeling flooded Drake. Without thinking, he was by Tariq’s side in a second. “Get away from her,” he growled.

He seized Tariq by the shoulder roughly and dragged him away from Riley.

“Unhand me!” wailed the noble. ”How dare you enter my room without my permission!”

Tariq pulled the arm that wasn’t in Drake’s grip back and punched him square in the face. He reeled backwards in shock, his hand going to his jaw right away. He took a moment to get his bearings, then tackled Tariq with all his might. On the floor, he put up more a fight than Drake expected, rolling around and trying to pin him down. Drake struggled against Tariq’s hands and managed to flip him around once more and pin his arms.

Tariq tried to fight back a few more times. He must have known it would be useless though, because he went slack, conceding defeat. Breathing hard, Drake stood up and waited for Tariq to follow, glaring at him, daring him to attack again.

Tariq limited himself to yelling, “Who the hell do you think you are, bursting into my room?”

“This is Riley’s room. And I heard a scream.” For the first time, Drake allowed himself to doubt the conclusion he’d jumped to. “I think she wanted interrupting.”

He turned his head sharply to Riley, dreading she might contradict him.

With fire in her eyes, she replied, “Drake, Tariq deserves to have his ass kicked.”

He sighed in relief.

Tariq seemed to have shrunk. “So this isn’t to be the bold, romantic beginning to our love story?”

Riley crossed her arms and gave him a firm, “No.”

“But... I’d heard...” Tariq was looking at the floor, ashamed and confused. 

You almost feel for the guy.

“You heard wrong. And for the record, before you try to kiss someone, ask first!” Riley said, her nostrils flaring.

Yeah, never mind, he’s a piece of shit.

Tariq flushed. “Let me deeply apologize here. I’m so sorry for this transgression. I was incredibly wrong.” He started heading to the door. “Now, before I can humiliate myself any further... let me take my leave.”

He left, slamming the door after him.

Riley rounded on him. “Drake, what took you so long?”

Not wanting to go into the details of his clothing mishaps, he answered, “I know I’m in the room next to yours, but it still took me a minute to make it over here.”

“Why are you in the room next to mine, by the way?”

“Liam made sure of that. Since he couldn’t be here himself, I mean.” 

And instead of looking out for Addams, you crush on her and fall asleep when she’s in trouble. Nice going. 

“Liam would never forgive me if something... bad... happened to you.” 

There was a small silence and on impulse, he added, “And you know what? I’d never forgive myself, either.”

Having entered the room worried out of his mind and in a rush, he hadn’t had the presence of mind to register that Riley was not wearing a shirt. Until now.

Oh, shit. Ohshitoshitohshitoshit. Don’t be a creep. Don’t look at her. Oh my God, I looked. Holy shit.

She was wearing a lacy pink bra, which contrasted against her pale skin, which was luminous in the moonlit room, and her breasts – fuck me, her boobs are RIGHT. THERE – looked incredible. Drake had seen his fair share before, both in real life and in videos, but damn if there weren’t his favorite pair ever. It’s not like he hadn’t checked her out since he’d known her, but this was different. This brought him mental images he didn’t – couldn’t – want. 

He licked his lips unconsciously, noticing a beauty mark right at the upper edge of the bra. 

Okay, that’s enough or she’ll kick you out, too, you perv. Goddamn, this is gonna haunt my dreams.

He cleared his throat, “Er, Addams...”

“What?”

He glanced down again, forcing himself to make it a very quick, significant look.

“OH!” She blushed a deep red and reached to the chair where she’d carelessly thrown her top. She put it on hurriedly, and Drake was satisfied to see he was not the only one who had problems with hastily thrown-on clothes; she’d put her shirt on inside out.

Drake tried to pull his mind away from images of Riley and her bra and focus on the conversation. “Anyway, you can see why it looked bad. I heard a scream, saw you half naked with Tariq all over you...”

“Yeah, I get it.” Riley sank onto her bed.

Drake’s eyebrows furrowed with concern, “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” She sounded shaken. He couldn’t blame her. 

I wish I could stay and comfort you. I wish I could put my arms around you, but that would be... dangerous.

Instead, he said, “Well, I should get out of here before we really cause a scandal.”

He headed to the door and as he leaned in to grab the handle, he winced. He might have hurt himself tackling Tariq. 

Man, fuck nobles. Seriously. 

He tried to play it off as nothing, grabbing the doorhandle, but of course she’d seen.

“You’re hurt.” He knew he shouldn’t be enjoying her worrying about him as much as he was.

He dropped the handle and turned to her, shrugging, “Nothing a few shots of whiskey won’t fix.”

She stood up and took a couple of steps toward him. “Let me take a look. It’s the least I can do.”

“You trying to get me to take my shirt off, Addams?” he smirked, hoping she’d let it go. 

I need to get out of here.

She said, “I just want to help,” but blushed again, which made his collar grow warm.

I need to leave NOW. 

“I’m fine. Save your fussing for someone else.” He turned to the door once more, ready to escape Riley with her eyes full of concern for him, and her lips saying kind words, and her pink fucking bra.

He should’ve known, but he still didn’t expect it when she stepped in front of the door, blocking his way. The look in her eyes let him know he was definitely not going anywhere.

“Drake, you got hurt for me. I’m not letting you leave this room until you let me take a look at you!” She crossed her arms. “You can start by taking off your shirt. I think he hit your ribs pretty hard. They could be broken!”

Drake scoffed. “Wow, you’ve got a real bossy side to you, you know that?”

She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m being bossy? Drake, I’m taking that shirt off you myself.”

Before he could utter anything other than a startled, “Hey...” he felt small, warm hands grab the hem of his shirt and lift it. He cooperated and took it off, trying his best not to think about how much he’d like her to say that in a different context.

“So, doctor, do you see anything alarming?”

Her hands ghosted over his ribs and then his back. He suppressed a shudder.

“You’re going to have a few spectacular bruises...” she grimaced.

“Yeah, Tariq hits harder than you’d think. He almost impressed me.”

She didn’t say anything back but he thought he saw the corners of her lips twitch.

He narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

Riley snorted. “I can’t believe you lost a fight to Tariq!”

It took Drake’s wounded pride a moment to recover from that. “I didn’t say I lost! I never said that. I definitely won. I’m just saying he got in some good hits. And I didn’t expect that from a palace brat.”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, biting her lip to keep from laughing.

He shook his head at her and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You can be so...” 

Irritating? Funny? Smart? Fucking incredible? ... Yeah, I’d better shut up. “Never mind.” 

He cast about for a distraction. “Hey, weren’t you supposed to be tending to my wounds?”

Riley smacked a hand to her forehead. “Oh! Right. I think one of the servants fills this bucket with ice every night. You know, in case I need to chill some champagne...” She said the last part in a mockingly snobby voice.

“Or ice down a friend’s bruises.” He knew at this point that friendship was all but futile, but he was going down fighting.

“Exactly.”

Drake noticed a small cabinet on the opposite end of the room. “And it looks like someone’s left a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the corner here, so...”

He went to it and poured himself a glass of whiskey – one the finest, obviously – and looked over at Riley, who was putting ice in a cloth.

She nodded, “I’ll have whiskey. I wouldn’t make you drink alone.”

He smiled. “Heh. Thanks.”

He poured another one and handed it to her. She put it on the bedside table so she could more easily handle the improvised ice pack. She pressed it on his ribs and he hissed in pain.

“Hey! That hurts.”

He regretted the words as soon as he said it. 

Knowing Addams, she’s gonna crush the ice against my body now. 

Yet, to his surprise, she touched it to his wound much more gently. It still stung, but not nearly as much. 

Will she ever stop amazing me?

“Is that better?” she asked tenderly.

“... Actually, yeah. Didn’t realize you could be so gentle, Addams.”

“I’ve got a gentle side... you just don’t see it very often.” She continued patting him softly with the ice pack. Occasionally, she would rub her thumb soothingly over the areas she’d gone over. He knew he had the dumbest smile on his face.

“I could stand to see more of it.” It was meant as a jab at first, then he realized he would actually love to see that side of her more. Just him. He looked in her eyes and, for the umpteenth time, felt he might ruin everything if he held her gaze for too long. 

He looked down at his glass and muttered, “Thank you.” 

He drained it and went to pour himself more. 

Bad idea.

“I know I don’t act very grateful for anything most of the time, but I do... care about you.” He’d said it before, only this time it felt more high stakes. They were alone and unlikely to be interrupted. He was shirtless. He shouldn’t be saying anything at all.

She moved a step closer and murmured, “Drake, I care about you too.”

She had also said this before, but this felt... different. There was an ache in her voice he hadn’t noticed before. 

You’re imagining things. How can she even care about you? 

“You... you do?”

Her answer came without hesitation and full of conviction. “Yes.”

He rubbed his face and clenched his jaw. “You shouldn’t say things like that, Addams.”

“Why not?” He knew her more than well enough by now to see that she was honestly puzzled. That’s how he knew she cared about him only as a friend. 

Hell, I’ll explain it anyway. 

He was in too deep and the whiskey, though not enough to get him drunk, had certainly encouraged him.

“You’re here for Prince Liam. All of the suitors are. And, well, so is the entire court. All of the nobles, all of the royals, all of the servants, even. Everything and everyone in this place exists to orbit around Liam. You could almost hate him for it, if he weren’t so damned likeable.” He shook his head. “It’s dangerous for people like you and me to forget that.” 

Mostly me, really.

Riley still looked confused, but there was something else in her expression. Drake wouldn’t have believed it, except he’d become so closely acquainted with that emotion lately that there was no mistaking it: hope. 

“What are you getting at, Drake?”

He sighed. 

Are you happy in this hole you dug for yourself? 

“Hell, Addams. Don’t make me say it.”

He looked down at his glass again. 

Here goes nothing. 

He finished his drink again and set his empty glass down next to her full one. His hand was trembling.

“If we’d met somewhere else... anywhere else. At a club in New York, or in an airport, or at a party... If you hadn’t been our waitress that night, and I hadn’t been sitting next to Liam...” He mustered all of his courage, balling up his fists. 

“Do you think all of this... do you think it could’ve been different...” he swallowed, “between us?”

Say no. Just say no and kick me out. Do it.

“Drake...” she said slowly. “It would’ve been different.”

Drake inhaled sharply, wanting desperately to believe what she had just said.

“Sure, you would’ve still been gruff and I wouldn’t have let you get away with anything... But all the rest? Yeah, it would’ve been different.” They were standing so close. “Maybe everything would’ve been different.” 

She emphasized the word “everything” in a way that made his stomach flip. 

Everything. That’s what we could be.

She said yes! 

He could not wrap his head around the fact that she might return his feelings, even in a hypothetical scenario. Right now it didn’t even seem that hypothetical; her eyes were an invitation and it had never been harder to resist kissing her.

“Riley...”

He reached out, brushing his fingers on the back of her hand. He’d always thought that saying you could feel electricity when you were really attracted to someone was a cliché. 

Well, maybe it is, but it is also true. 

He felt the hairs on his hand stand on end. 

This is no shitty electric current either, it’s goddamn lightning.

Riley looked down at their hands and her fingers twitched, itching to intertwine with his. 

He panicked and dropped his hand. “What am I doing? I need to go.”

He made as if to sprint out the door, when he felt to soft arms wrap around his waist. It was not the first time he’d had the wind knocked out of him that day, but definitely the first time that made him so happy.

Fighting against everything he wanted, he forced out, “Addams... You shouldn’t.” 

Or I’ll stay. I’ll go too far. This is impossible. What if anybody sees us? What if... Liam.

“Don’t you get tired of being so careful all the time?”

He closed his eyes and bit his lip. She’d hit the nail on the head, as she always did. He was sick of this. Sick of every second he couldn’t kiss her or even hold her hand.

“Constantly,” he said in a strangled voice.

Before he had time to think it, he turned around and pulled her close, her head resting perfectly on his chest. He tangled his fingers in her hair and breathed in, knowing he would never get this chance again, marveling at how soft it felt, how amazing it smelled. 

This is... this is just... unbelievable. I get to hold her like this.

If it had been hard not to kiss her before, Drake’s effort now was nothing short of superhuman. Her smell and touch were invading all his senses and he knew he was close to losing control. 

I have to leave while I still have brain cells and before I fuck up even worse.

He pushed her away gently but firmly and tried to ignore the hurt in her eyes.

“I’ve got to get out of here. Now. Before I do something we might both regret.” He looked down at her lips.

Riley was resigned. “Okay.”

She handed him his shirt and he put it on correctly, thankfully.

He got to the door, looking at her as little as possible. “And for all our sakes,” but mostly mine, “lock your door this time...”

He looked down at the handle and noticed something odd, “Huh.”

“What is it?”

He examined it more carefully, though it was hardly necessary; the handle was completely smooth. 

“Addams... there’s no lock on your door handle.”

Riley knitted her eyebrows, “I thought they were all like that?”

He shook his head. “No. All of the other rooms on this floor lock.” Seeing her face all scrunched up with worry – she’s so damn cute – he backtracked, “It’s probably nothing.”

Her face relaxed a bit, but there was still a hint of anxiety between her eyebrows. “Probably?”

Drake had already resolved to tell Bastien about this tomorrow and investigate, but right now her rest was more important, though she should still be on guard.

“Just... be careful, okay?” He gave her a look which he hoped conveyed everything: how much she meant to him, how much he worried, that he would protect her...

He left her looking calm enough and slumped on his bed, determined to stay awake in case of anything. He didn’t think he could sleep anyway, his thoughts were bouncing uncontrollably from pure joy to heavy guilt. And hiding among them, waiting to pounce on him if he dared dream, was the image of Riley in her pink bra. 

Nope, we’re not crossing that line. 

He settled in for his sleepless night.

#trr #the royal romance #drake walker #drake x mc #prince liam #maxwell beaumont #hana lee #playchoices #choices #pixelberry #pb #fanfic #ch 14 #the marshmallow chronicles #long post

[courferrevevo-blog]

l’amis headcanons

these are just my personal opinions but i do get most of my info from the Brick + basic history, message me if u have questions or a different opinion tho! Enjolras -v v gay -for Grantaire specifically -french native (via the Brick; his family were likely French aristocrats) -studying law when he’s not arguing with a teacher -literally incapable of writing an essay within the given parameters it's always at least a page too long enj tag

Grantaire -bi as fuk -loves enj with every fiber in his being -moroccan on his father’s side and romani on his mother’s, hopped on a boat to france one day bc he heard the wine was good -actually is a genius, studying art but he took one Popperian philosophy class and hasn’t stopped trying to falsify enj since. -reads too many Greek mythology books he Needs to Stop -he has severe depression and is an alcoholic (this is straight from the brick!! however, this is not ///cute/// in any way; i don’t romanticize it at all but it’s important to acknowledge that he has mental health issues) taire tag enjoltaire tag

Combeferre -hes jus doin his queer lil thing being bi -literally!!! cannot!!! express!!! his love!!! for!!! Courfeyrac!!! -his family are Cargèse la Grecque (Corsican Greeks) -double majoring in philosophy and physics as an undergraduate degree before med school -his blood is probably 95% coffee ferre tag

Courfeyrac -very pansexual and somehow?? everyone he flirts with is attracted to him -he mainly flirts with ferre tho because ferre is the Love of his Life -spanish, moved to France from Spain to study law -“study” law lmaO he has a fuckin bookshelf full of trashy romance novels that he calls his “legal library” jhsdbfjkhsdg -he brings his mother’s sangria recipe to every meeting and nobody drinks it but him and ferre because it’s  ridiculously sweet but ferre is a good supportive boyfriend and dutifully has one glass every time courf tag courferre tag

Feuilly -he makes fans thats…. rly gay -i guess u could say he’s BahoreL’S BIGGEST FAN LMAO -lil redheaded nerd from Poland (according to the Brick, “He had for his specialty Greece, Poland, Hungary, Roumania, Italy. He uttered these names incessantly, appropriately and inappropriately, with the tenacity of right. The violations of Turkey on Greece and Thessaly, of Russia on Warsaw, of Austria on Venice, enraged him.”) -English major with a minor in Eastern European history -he really went to the fuckin barricade with a sword :’) a fucking sword :’))) dramatic impractical femme ass bitch :’)) feu tag

Bahorel -gay are u kidding…. -forever trying to get Feu to arm wrestle just so he has an excuse to hold his hand :)) -his family probably originated from Port-au-Prince in Haiti before being trafficked into France via the slave trade– he reminds me a lot of General Thomas-Alexandre Dumas, who really was a general in the French Revolution -very lazy law student who is only in school to spite the system lmao -sdgfhjkdgh he literally has a ritual of cursing and flipping off the law school every time he passes by (“Every time that he passed the law-school, which rarely happened… he took hygienic precautions… He wasted a tolerably large allowance, something like three thousand francs a year, in doing nothing.”) -tends to get into fights easily especially when drunk… he needs 2 chill…. bahorel tag feuhorel tag

Joly -poly + bi -constantly trying to get musichetta and bossuet into medical cots if u catch my drift :)))))))) -i headcanon joly as chinese-french, since that’s currently one of the largest immigrant groups in Paris. however, this characterization would be difficult for canon-era since Chinese immigration began in early to mid 1900s. however, once the Chinese immigration wave did begin, it resulted in the popularization of Eastern medicinal practices in Europe, which goes along w the brick’s characterization of joly as a med student -majoring in biology for his pre med and when he had to dissect a cow brain he almost puked on it -canonically, has some kind of anxiety disorder, most likely OCD and/or severe germaphobia (again, not to be romanticized!!! it would be a legitimate issue that would realistically affect his life in some negative ways) -always trying weird teas and herbal medicines -he thought that grantaire’s crush on enjolras was symptomatic of a brain tumor for the longest time joly tag

Bossuet Laigle (Lesgle) -who the fuck knows lmao he’s poly and ????? pan?? all he does is make gay jokes -chetta and joly know :^) -his mother was probably one of the 50k+ free black people that migrated to Paris after Napoleon sold the Louisiana territory to the United States and most likely met Bossuet’s father after he was given the posting office in Meaux, Paris by the king (the Meaux part is canonical and results in one of the best puns in the brick) -he’s a year behind Bahorel in law school and honestly……… his grades are abysmal help him -its not even because he’s stupid he’s literally just lazy and his professors always???change due dates without him knowing lmao -let! bossuet! be! bald! bossuet tag

Musichetta -bi + poly -started dating joly and bossuet after L'Amis began using the Musain as a meeting place, maybe she hooks up with Éponine too??????????? idk -french native, light skin, dark hair and brown eyes (in canon, she is “…white and dimpled, with the eyes of a fortune teller,“ this may indicate Romani origin) -works as a bartender in the Musain (for modern headcanons I think she studies English on the side, since Joly describes her as “very literary”) chetta tag jolsuchetta tag

Marius Pontmercy -he’s literally the only str8 here lmfaO -i mean maybe one time courfeyrac convinced him to dabble but it didn’t work which is fine bc he is devoted to Cosette -french native; like enj, his family were rich and closely affiliated with the monarchy -he’s an English major working towards becoming a lawyer and is the epitome of the Poor College Student -!!! freckly and shy and full of LOVE (it’s canon that his Bonapartist views conflicted with the more extreme politics of the rest of L'Amis. he’s not a doormat in any sense, but he is a quieter character since he’s learning the way of the revolution from the rest of L'Amis) -he’s so fuckign dramatic jshdbfhjdsb once he stood with his head against a tree in angst while cosette cried in the background like thats in the text actually marius tag

Cosette Fauchelevent -bi and proud!! -Marius is her angel -french native, “chestnut” hair, blue eyes, v innocent look about her -majoring in political science and interning as a journalist (obviously i’m ignoring the sexism of canon-era, but this career choice fits her canon personality: “Cosette was not very timid by nature. There flowed in her veins some of the blood of the bohemian and the adventuress who runs barefoot. It will be remembered that she was more of a lark than a dove. There was a foundation of wildness and bravery in her”) cosette tag marisette tag

Jehan  (Jean Prouvaire) -nonbinary af, pan -they’re “married to Romanticism” jhsbjkfhe they’re like the Queen Elizabeth of L'Amis -french native, according to canon, he too came from an extremely wealthy family -poetry major who is never matching ever at all -,sjbkjhdhj they literally learned four fucking languages just to read their four favorite poets and their past times include “saunter[ing] through fields of wild oats and corn-flowers” they’re Extrá jdhvfjhds jehan tag

Éponine Thénardier -shez-a-lesbian and the mess w marius is compulsive heterosexuality, genderfluid imo -she’s totally over marius but cosette…. come 2 think of it cosette is kinda cute… -her grandparents were likely immigrants from the french territory of guadeloupe (this is possible in canon, give or take a decade, because France received an influx of black immigrants in the late 19th century. also, guadeloupe’s enormous amount of internal conflict would account for the Thenardiers’ crooked ways and affiliation with crime gangs) -she’s gotta be an english major bc her entire adult introduction in the brick is a scene where she shows marius how well she can read and write despite being a plebeian -KBFKJHB SHE HAS SUCH A DEEP VOICE (“It was a dull, broken, hoarse, strangled voice, the voice of an old man, roughened with brandy and liquor”) ponine tag

#les mis #l'amis #character study #victor hugo #les miserlables #enj #enjolras #taire #grantaire #enjoltaire #ferre #combeferre #courf #courfeyrac #courferre #feu #feuilly #bahorel #feuhorel #boss #bossuet #chetta #musichetta #jolsuchetta #jolssuet #marius #joly #marius pontmercy #mar #cos

[walksinlatewithcoffee]

“I was traumatized by a so-called friend who used my interests against me so I can’t let anyone know I have Interests check!”

Anyway funny story my lock screen is this like old school tumblr text and image collage that I found on google and I chose it cause it reminds me of Tubbo. It’s got all sorts of corny inspirational messages and little drawings of bees and the whole thing is yellow.

Like that’s my idea of having a mcyt wallpaper on my phone. A random result from googling “tumblr phone wallpaper” that just so happened to be bee themed. And even then I’m terrified of someone noticing that it’s bee themed and noticing that my home screen wallpaper is Pokémon themed (I’m was supposed to be a placeholder but I’m kinda vibing with it, it’s the gen 3 intro screen with the bikes but turned into a full rectangle and it’s actually cool I might keep it for a while) and connect the dots that they’re probably both fandom related and hhhhhh

So yeah just a tiny vent about the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and my trauma from ninth grade when my so called best friend found my ffnet account and cyber bullied me off the website then blamed it on my other best friend. I never told either of them my account name or what the story was about, just that I was writing something. I still to this day don’t know how she knew it was me cause I used a fake name n everything.

I stopped writing completely for like a whole year. Not fanfiction, not original fiction, not poetry, nothing.

Dear lord the thought of someone finding out I watch Minecraft streamers I think I’d die. Even though I know for a fact none of my current friends would even care much less try to pull shit but... idk fandom stuff just Hits Deep. It’s the adhd man.

In high school found a DS Zelda game in a parking lot and threw it away cause I associated the franchise so strongly with someone I was friends with in middle school who also kinda fucked my whole life up to the point where none of that friend group can remember anything from middle school. It’s just a repressed blur. I thought I’d be cursed if I kept anything that reminded me of her.

I couldn’t think about two of my favorite anime for like a year cause the girl that got blamed for the cyber bullying made me move in with her for college, got me to share my favorite shows with her cause she was my only friend for a long while, then destroyed our friendship over stupid shit! Then she made all our mutual friends stop talking to me, then went so far as to track down my younger friends in our hometown and try to make them drop me too.

Luckily they didn’t cause they’re not stupid and they know damn well all the nerdy/geeky/etc. girls in my graduating class were manipulative assholes who preyed on my people-pleasing nature and that none of them could be trusted.

But still. I genuinely hate sharing my interests with people. I hate talking about fandom stuff with people.

But I love talking about fandom stuff with people. I miss getting to talk about fire emblem with some of my community college friends who got me into it in the first place (transferred to the school in my hometown, things were better there) and DnD is always fun with my group.

I even found someone who likes the same cringe anime I do, the sort you don’t tell ANYBODY about in 2020.

And now all I wanna do is tell everyone I know about mcyt. But I can’t. All the joy of telling people about it would be immediately crushed by fear and regret.

#vent

[fingersinhisass]

bc carly @aldmerii humored me and answered all 60 questions of the oc question thing for shaelle, i’m gonna do it for al as well even tho literally no one asked so. here goes!

1. WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S BIGGEST FEAR?

having his friends, people he’s grown to trust and care for, discover all the bad shit he did in the past and basically breaking all ties with him. he’s terrified they’ll think he’s a monster bc well. he thinks he’s a monster sometimes too

2. WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVORITE MEMORY?

it’s not one specific memory exactly, more like. a mix of lots of memories. in the summer he used to play outside all day with the other kids who lived in his neighborhood (very poor, pretty decrepit houses, mostly dust and dying grass) and like. those were some of the best times for him? because he was still too young to care that their family didn’t have enough money to send him to school, or that all of his clothes were hand-me-downs with at least one tear that had been fixed, or that his mother’s face was worn with wrinkles that would better suit someone much older than she was. so he’d play pretend with these kids in his neighborhood, and go on “adventures” and kick around pebbles and wrestle in the dirt, and then he’d come back home to his mother calling him, and she’d wash his face and feet and hands gently and tuck him into bed and he’d fall asleep under the heat to the sound of her soft voice and the insects buzzing in the grass.

3. WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S LEAST FAVORITE MEMORY?

he’s got plenty to pick from, so i don’t think there’s one specific worst. but the gazes of people he willfully hurt, potentially even killed, really haunt him. he tries not to think about the stuff he did when he was younger.

4. DOES ANYONE HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR CHARACTER? IS YOUR CHARACTER AWARE OF THIS?

my beautiful girl shaelle do,,,, and also this one demon dude they helped once. can’t remember his name bc he’s a pretty irrelevant npc. he was aware of that crush, but he has no fucking clue shaelle likes him

5: DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTER’S DREAM DATE.

oh man. anything romantic that would make his date happy. it’s cliche, but he’s fond of long walks and candlelit dinners. he’s an exceptionally hopeless romantic.

6: WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

lol what’s that????? al likes a lot of people he’s not picky. he’s actually kinda lowkey a ho. 

7: HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT THEIR NAME?

my boi gots lotsa names. his birth name makes him nostalgic, but he doesn’t really attach it to himself anymore -- the only person who can call him that is his mother. the name he used when he was a thief he absolutely despises. he still twitches if he hears it spoken, regardless of if it’s pointed towards him or not. he picked the name he has now himself, so he likes it quite a bit thank you very much. it makes him feel like a distinguished human gentleman. he’s a fucking doof.

8: DOES YOUR CHARACTER HATE ANYONE? WHY?

al is not someone who hates easily. he trusts easily (too stupid to learn from his past mistakes, he’d remark bitterly, but really it’s because he’s an idealist by nature and wants to believe people are inherently good). he doesn’t respond well to betrayal. at all. he accidentally punched a dude to death once for betraying the group. to be fair, the dude was really fucking old, and he only had one hit point left and failed all his death saves so like. not really al’s fault. you woulda done it too if you were in the same situation

9: HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT RELIGION?

neither of his parents are very religious, and he wasn’t raised religious either, so it doesn’t really matter to him all that much

10. WOULD YOUR CHARACTER EVER KILL SOMEONE?

yes, but only if he felt it was justified and there were no better options. he is strongly against killing people who he feels don’t deserve it, but there are some people he would kill without hesitation solely because he believes their death will benefit many others. he’s got. complicated morals.

11: HOW DID YOUR CHARACTER MEET THEIR BEST FRIEND?

he met borem when they were assigned to be partners. they’re both detectives. although not sure how long that friendship is gonna last now...............

12: HOW WOULD/DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT ROLLER COASTERS?

terrified. hates heights. don’t make him do this.

13: WHAT WOULD YOUR CHARACTER DIE FOR?

people he loves. easy.

14: WHAT IS THE CUTEST THING YOUR CHARACTER HAS EVER DONE?

when is my boy not cute, honestly???? idk, i can’t pin down a specific instance. but he’s like. super blushy and awkward around people he’s romantically attracted to, and that’s incredibly adorable. he took shaelle to the prison where her brother was being held so they could see each other again after ten years, and that was also very sweet

15: WHAT MUSIC GENRE WOULD YOUR CHARACTER LISTEN TO?

fuck, idk. he strikes me as the kind of person to just listen to whatever’s on. he doesn’t have a very developed taste in music

16: WHAT OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS REMIND YOU OF YOUR CHARACTER?

jeez. probably gumshoe from ace attorney? mostly because they’re both good good detective boys just trying to do their best and i love both of them desperately.

17: DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE ANY IRRATIONAL FEARS?

heights!!! he hates heights!!!!! which is funny bc his acrobatics score is insane.

18: HOW WOULD YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT HAVING THEIR LIFE RECORDED?

it would make him supremely uncomfortable. he may be very social, but when it comes to his home life he’s intensely private.

19: WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET?

he gots lotsa those. he’s stolen very important things that resulted in the detriment of others, he’s tortured and killed people, he’s aided in drug trafficking and human trafficking -- with children. which is when he quit, because he couldn’t stand that. he hates watching children suffer.

20: WHAT IS THE MOST SURPRISING THING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?

he’s actually a really good detective. not because he’s smart, though -- he’s desperately determined to better society, and he’s also just very, very lucky.

21: IS YOUR CHARACTER FLEXIBLE?

oh my god, yeah. listen, my baby got 18 dex, +7 to acrobatics. he is EXTREMELY flexible. wink wink

22: WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOUR CHARACTER HAS EVER DONE?

oops i kinda answered this one already. i’m not gonna go into detail bc i kinda just don’t want to?? listen he’s done bad things he regrets

23: IS YOUR CHARACTER MORALLY GRAY OR BLACK OR WHITE?

hmm. he generally does things with good in mind, and usually he does it in a way that’s not so bad. but sometimes he twists the rules a little bit in a way that’s. ehh?? he’s not entirely against using violence to better things.

24: WHAT PREJUDICES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

he’s generally not a fan of rich people or the ruling class. ofc he’s got a huge crush on shaelle, but like. she’s the exception

25: WOULD YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR CHARACTER?

no bc he’s devastatingly handsome and i’d be terrified.

26: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HEADCANON FOR YOUR CHARACTER?

him whistle real good. he likes to whistle and sing like. all the time. when he’s just idly doing things at home he does it without even realizing it and he’s a little off-key sometimes but he can carry a tune

27: WHAT WOULD BE THE WORST WAY FOR YOUR CHARACTER TO DIE?

at the hands of a friend, probably

28: WHAT PET WOULD YOUR CHARACTER LIKE TO HAVE?

for a while he had some sort of ferret weasel thing? idk if nj is gonna let me say he’s still got it tho lmao

29: WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVORITE FOOD?

his mom’s recipe for fresh-baked bread. real white bread was a fucking luxurious treat when he was growing up and so whenever his mom would make a small loaf of it, maybe like once or twice a year, it was always so special to him

30: WOULD YOUR CHARACTER HAVE ANY HOBBIES?

he likes to read, especially adventure or romance novels lmao

31: WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE?

i can see him on twitter??? he’d have no idea how to use it though

32: WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER LOOK LIKE?

him real hansom. angular features, high cheekbones, tan skin, very fair hair and silver eyes bc he’s a sun elf. long, long eyelashes that are darker than his hair, thick eyebrows. thin build, 5′10, long nose. i’m lov my boy.

33: IN WHAT WAYS IS YOUR CHARACTER LIKE YOU?

he’s loud, goofy, occasionally pretty snarky, expresses emotions like happiness, excitement, and anger very easily, but feels weak showing sadness and tries to suppress it. fails. head over heels for shaelle.

34: WHAT IS CLICHE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?

so many of my characters are pretty boys. so many. also he’s a lovable idiot

35: WHAT IS UNIQUE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?

i made him myself n he’s got a big ol’ heart.

36: DOES ANYONE WANT TO HARM YOUR CHARACTER?

there are a lot of people who would kill him immediately if they knew where he was and that he wasn’t dead. he has a lot of enemies.

37: DO PEOPLE HAVE JUSTIFIED GRUDGES AGAINST YOUR CHARACTER?

probably. he speaks his mind a lot and can kind of be an asshole sometimes 

38: WHAT ROLE DOES YOUR CHARACTER PLAY IN THEIR STORY?

he’s there to take everyone to fantasy jcpenny

39: WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHARACTER’S NICHE ON TUMBLR?

historical fashion blogs and poetry all the way

40: WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT?

creative writing or some sort of music class. he like both.

41: WOULD YOUR CHARACTER WANT TO HAVE ANY CHILDREN?

YES!!!!! he loves kids. LOVES them. his entire life he’s wanted to be a dad. eventually he’s gonna get married to shaelle and they’re gonna have lotsa babies, but currently he hasn’t had the time to meet anyone or settle down and he’s worried he never will.

42: WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHARACTER’S DREAM CAREER?

he’s doin’ it. basically he just wants to help people however he can and make up for all the bad things he did for so long

43: WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER INSECURE ABOUT?

his social class. especially around shaelle. he definitely thinks he is absolutely not worth her time, and the subject of poverty or the social hierarchy in serin ilyan really touches a nerve for him. he also just really, really wants people to like him. 

44: WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER PROUD OF?

all the good work he’s done as a detective. he’s (surprisingly) solved a lot of cases, and he feels a sense of accomplishment and justice for doing it. like maybe he can start to sleep a little easier knowing he hasn’t just hurt people all his life.

45: WHAT WOULD YOUR CHARACTER CHANGE ABOUT THEMSELVES?

his past. he’d go back and do something different, try to actually work hard and make honest money instead of getting involved in what he did

46: WOULD YOU WANT TO TRADE PLACES WITH YOUR CHARACTER?

hell no. i love him to bits and i’d love to be a really handsome elf man, but like. my boy has way too much guilt that i wouldn’t want to live with.

47: WHAT FANDOMS WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE IN?

al isn’t cool enough to like things like that. plus he’d be very confused by fandom culture i think

48: HOW WOULD YOUR CHARACTER TYPE?

hunt and peck, capitalized first letter but nothing else, punctuation when he sees fit

49: HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER STAND POLITICALLY?

he doesn’t know what, but he knows SOMETHING needs to be done about the poverty in his city. other than that he tends to look at the smaller scale of helping people

50: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?

he messes up a lot but he never stops trying?? he has a lot of determination and things he believes in and i love him for that. i love him for trying so hard to be good.

51: WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER’S FAVORITE ANIMAL?

he likes mice, mostly because they were easy to find when he was a kid and he always caught them and tried to train them, but then felt bad and let them go like an hour later

52: HOW WOULD YOUR CHARACTER ACT IN GYM CLASS?

he’s not super strong but he is crazy flexible. probably not a ton of stamina and although he looks like he’s got the body for it he’s not that great at running. he’s just really fucking good at climbing and doing flips and shit. he’s always one of the last people out during dodgeball just bc he’s so good at dodging. he can move FAST.

53: WHAT CLUBS WOULD YOUR CHARACTER JOIN?

he probably wouldn’t join any clubs bc high school is around the time he started down the path of Bad Shit so he definitely wasn’t spending any time hanging around the school if he didn’t have to

54: WHAT IS THE SADDEST THING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER’S LIFE?

he doesn’t realize that people are complicated and that good people are capable of and do bad things sometimes. he’s not a monster for the mistakes he made in the past. he’s genuinely good, he’s doing his best, and people love him and care about him and he needs to know that.

55: WOULD YOUR CHARACTER DO THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE?

hm, this question sure dates the original post... yeah he absolutely would. he likes doing dumb things like that, especially if they’re for a good cause. he’s a goof.

56: WHAT’S ONE OF YOUR CHARACTER’S QUIRKS?

he’s very fidgety. he doesn’t even notice it but he’s really not good at staying still

57: HOW WOULD YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT FEMINISM?

i think he wouldn’t understand the complexities of it, but in general he would absolutely be for it. inequality pisses him off.

58: IS YOUR CHARACTER DORKY OR MORE ATHLETIC?

he’s an absolute dork. 100%.

59: WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER?

a lot of the time i worry he’s too contrived and tragic or that i play him out of character or that he’s just like. way too dramatic in general.

60: IF YOU COULD TITLE YOUR CHARACTER’S LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU TITLE IT?

The Good Boy: Please, Folks, He’s Doing His Best

#it speaks #alphonse #aldmerii #friend tag

[reynabiddy]

today i was reflecting in the shower.. where i normally do all of my deeper thinking.. and i couldn’t stop thinking about 2016. i know.. we’re in a new year.. time to let it go.. but i don’t think i properly cleansed myself or made peace with how my year went. and because a lot of what happened to me throughout the year continuously comes to mind.. i knew it was time to sit down and write out my feelings. what has made me the writer or “poet” that i am today.. is i’ve spilled my heart out on paper, time and time again, but lately i've been extremely distant. i’m not sure whether it’s because i feel a burden to always be positive and uplifting or because i find myself more afraid than ever. last year i cried. and cried. and cried. more than i’ve ever cried in my 22 years of life. i even made a habit out of watching really sad and emotional movies just so i could find an excuse to. also.. i’ve smoked more than ever before. longing to both - feel.. and be numb. i’d smoke before writing so i could pull certain stories out of me. then i’d smoke after, to forget them. often times.. i just got high enough to make myself fall asleep so i wouldn’t have to deal with anything. in the midst of one of my episodes.. i realized i suffer, and have always suffered, from feeling like nobody really understands me. i’ve always felt like i was someone who was constantly mistaken for an entirely different person. i always feel like i don’t “fit”. i don’t fit around friends.. i don’t fit around family.. i don’t make sense at social gatherings.. i don’t feel at home in my own home. i think a lot of these feelings have come up, from time to time, because i’ve never really known my true identity. all i've ever known myself to be is someone that everyone clings to. and not in a “she’s the life of the party” kind of way, but more so, “she’s the person to get advice from” way. and although.. this may sound selfish, sometimes i wish i had someone like me. i wish i had someone who was willing to help solve my problems before solving their own. as i’m typing, i’m starting to cry again. and i’m crying because i don’t know when exactly this will end. or if this discomfort is how i’m meant to live life. maybe this is just the life of an empathic. maybe when i started asking god to “use” me, i signed up for this. the truth is, 2016 should have been the best year of my life. i released a book that hit the best sellers list, i bought my dog that brings an unlimited source of awe to my life, i signed a major publishing deal, i moved out of my parents house and into a new home, i lost friends that never clapped for me, and gained friends who’ve been there for me in every way since, i built this whole “brand” into something much bigger than i ever expected myself to, i found out i was cancer free, i promise the list could continue on. but depression got in the way. of everything. i never once celebrated myself. i never once intervened, and took control. i never even thought to. i felt like whatever i was going through.. i was supposed to. and still.. i’m not sure the reasoning.. i just kept living with a kind of sadness i have yet to find a name for. instead of focusing on all of the goodness that god was placing in my life, i had tunnel vision on everything that i felt was going wrong. i couldn’t see life in a positive light no matter how good things may have got. my parents split up. i was forced to move out. i lost my home base. i went, and still go, months without speaking to either one. my boyfriend was dealing with an ex who continuously threatened to take her life at the account of us being together. all i wanted to do was help her. but couldn’t. i had a new life to take care of, when i could barely take care of my own self. i lost all my friends. literally, every single one. i never ever could leave the house because of how bad my social anxiety was getting. i found out i had a fractured jaw because of the size of a tumor that was holding it in place. i found out i had a fucking tumor that could have been cancerous. i had reconstructive jaw surgery that ruined the nerve and feeling in my mouth. i could not eat or sleep or talk straight for months. i’m still dealing with the pain. i was consistently working and doing interviews right after my surgery. i was and am still extremely exhausted from this. i never properly allowed myself to rest or heal. i started working with a team that could not fully ever understand me which only added to my frustration, loneliness, and sadness. and again, THIS LIST could go on. but more than anything. i was bullied. as my brand kept getting bigger, i was bullied more. and more. and i couldn’t understand how my work, trying to help and heal people, could bring in such negative responses. i couldn’t understand why there were people who were so eager to tear me apart, they would start to attack my image. everyday people attack the way i look and sound. and this kind of bullying brought back a lot of old feelings that i never dealt with as a kid. growing up i was constantly brought down and picked on because of the way i look. i was never skinny enough. or pretty enough. or i was too hairy. or my teeth were too crooked. or my hair was too nappy. or i was too dark. or i was too “black”. or i wasn't “black enough”. now, i’m receiving - i’m too stupid or i’m too fake. my writing isn't good enough. my writing is cliche. i look like a monkey. and so on. and so forth. and as i’m typing these things.. i find myself giggling a bit, wondering why i even allow these things to bother me. but truthfully, all negativity from outside sources bothers me. no matter what form it comes in. i always question, “what have i done to deserve this?” and although i often ignore these nasty comments, i’ve realized i harbor the feelings i receive when i see these comments. embarrassment. frustration. confusion. hurt. disappointment. betrayal. i let these statements affect me to the point where i’m starting to silence my voice. i’m starting to be more afraid to speak up for myself. the thought of confrontation makes me nervous. the thought of even receiving any awful comments makes my stomach flip. so i won’t say anything at all. i’ll keep everything to myself if it'll keep the mean people and their nasty opinions away. but i’m trying to break out of this. i really am. i’m trying to be more understanding of the way people work. i know.. that the way we treat people is a reflection of the way we treat or view ourselves. meaning.. those who are willing to go out of their way to attack a person for absolutely no reason, ultimately feel that they need to. either because, they don’t have enough love for themselves, to be consumed within themselves and their own positivity, or, simply, they hate themselves just as much as they hate me. and not personally, but mainly, their views of life are formed in a negative and hateful way.. more often than not. idk.. maybe i’m getting too ahead of myself. or maybe i make sense and i’m afraid no one will understand it. lol. but anyway. idk. i’m just glad i got to get these things off my chest because i feel like my readers.. and supporters.. or those who just fuck with me, for whichever reason.. are always looking forward to hearing from me. and i’m trying to, again, be more accepting of the fact that not everyone is going to always like my shit. my writing. my poetry. my points of view. my ideas. and that’s okay. that doesn’t make me any less of an artist or woman or idealist.. and that doesn't make whomever else any less than either. i’m thankful. for these moments of clarity because they really ground me and put me back in my place. i get to reflect on how i’ve sabotaged my own life.. and i pray that god help me heal from it. the reality of this all is.. i’m my own worse enemy. and i have been.. for most of my life. and i know this because i would have never ever allowed myself to go through all the hardships that i did. i would have never allowed myself to not only deal with half the people i’ve dealt with - but also.. i wouldn’t have allowed myself to be as affected by negativity as i was. all i was doing, and all i’ve been doing, is place energy in places and spaces that my energy was never meant to be. 2016 was the ending. i firmly believe this because there is always a storm before a sunny day. there were times last year when i thought i was out of touch with myself and i couldn't hear god as clearly as i’m used to.. but really.. s/he was with me all along. guiding me to this place i’m in now. this place of - understanding, acceptance, and gratitude. i’m finally understanding that sometimes we go through shit. sometimes a lot of shit. but what we go through doesn’t define us. it shapes us into the people that we’re ultimately meant to be. stronger. wiser. and happier.. if anything. i'm finally accepting that some things, many things, are out of our control. but we have much more control than we think. the way we react to life will result in our karma. we can choose how to react and ultimately this will help affect all of our situations moving forward. i’m also learning to accept people as they are. everyone will do as they please. and not everyone will be considerate of mine, or anyone else’s, feelings. in knowing this, i have to constantly remind myself to not take anything personal. the longer i feed into other peoples negativity, the longer i’ll be miserable. misery is the result of not fully understanding or not fully having control over certain situations. but the more intuitive we are.. the easier it will be to keep away from misery. and finally.. i'm grateful for the one friend i had all along.. whom i never give enough credit to. my best friend and boyfriend. every single tear that came strolling down my cheek.. he was always here to help wipe and then uplift me. the more silence i become the more he encourages me to speak. even if he, himself, doesn't fully understand. i'm grateful to god for showing up in all forms. people. places. numbers. symbols. etc. i cannot be anymore thankful for my relationship with god. for not only helping me get through one of the best/worst years of my life.. but also.. for giving me the strength to open up about it. knowing.. that everyone’s perception of me is that i’ve “got it all together.”

Reyna Biddy

#reyna biddy #dear diary #spoken word poetry #truth

[ssugawarakoshii]

Random stuff no one cares about (fuck u jo)

@mysmoldarkfictionalsons told me to do this so it here it is 1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? Milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Yes

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Pages of homework, pens, tickets, earphones

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Alone or with really little milk

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yup

6: do you keep plants? Two cactus

7: do you name your plants? Nope

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Does editing count?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? All three? But I’ll say side?

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? “Stitch”

12: what’s your favorite planet? Uranus

13: what’s something that made you smile today? Talking about 80s voltron with Ce

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? It’d be small, full of our stuff and a comfy sofa for us to cuddle

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! There is a planet that may be made entirely out of diamonds

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Spaghetti carbonara

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Rose gold/purple/blue

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. When they got drunk in the village party and they tried jumping to the river from the bridge and I had to take care of them all (I am the one to bring this up btw)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Kind of? And just random ideas and stuff (ok and also dates and shit)

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Green

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. It’s blue with starts on it and it’s completely destroyed by now, the zip doesn’t even work anymore and it’s all full of scratches rip

22: are you a morning person? Depends tbh

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Watch a movie/show/anime, read or edit

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? I think yes?

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? An old house… I don’t usually break into places

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My Panama jack shoes rip

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Berries

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? When she’s nervous, Eva is always trying to grab someone’s hand without realising AND IT’S SO CUTE

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yup

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like socks, but not that much? In winter and all they’re great but in summer I prefer my feet to be free

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. A guy in the village party (again) kept following us around, so Angel went and asked him what happened. The guy then just turned around like half pouting and handed us his empty hand and was like “I wanted to give you cookies”. And we ran. The lesson is, kids, never drink or do drugs if you don’t want to end up like that man

33: what’s your fave pastry? Orejas de carnaval con chocolate

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? It was called Eric and it was a white dog with brown spots and it’s somewhere in my room, im pretty sure

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yeah but in the end I always end up using the most normal stuff

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? Oh wonder

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate it when people like crack their knuckles? Nope don’t do that in front of me I beg you. Also people that walk slow… move dammit

39: what color do you wear the most? Black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? The chain my grandmother gave me for my communion. It has an image of virgin Maria as a child and my name engraved and she told me my grandfather had always wanted to give me a chain like that one

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? El laberinto de los espíritus

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Silvia…

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Like a week ago? Lmao it didn’t last long

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yup.. doesn’t mean they work

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Are you a son of Poseidon? Cause you got me all wet (I’m gonna go bury myself now)

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Cauliflower. Take it away

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? My biggest fear was the world suddenly ending… yep…. I was weird. Maybe it isn’t the same but yoU CAN’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T SCARY

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Yes but I usually cant buy them which leads to the part where I can’t remember which one was the last I bought

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Do snow globes count? I have some of them and I love them

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I’m not mentioning the person but photograph

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? The glasses one? Is that from this year or last? Ah fuck it

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? No, yes, no, yes Weird af but strangely great

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? Grandma

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Breaking a pencil (the thing we were discussing was that I didn’t have enough strength to break it okay so I got all hulk mode and broke it)

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? people that do a lot of hand gestures (they remind me of myself tho)

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It makes me feel like a psycho murdered :’) nah kidding it makes me feel nostalgic AND WHO DOESN’T RE-ENACT THE LYRICS SMH

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? Jandro is the Vodka aunt and Jo is the wine mom (although she is Vodka but she is way more mom so fuck it)

59: what’s your favorite myth? Persephone’s myth or Icarus one

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I love it and my fave authors (cause I can’t choose poems) are Bécquer, Góngora, Rubén Darío and Pablo Neruda

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I’ve never given really stupid gifts? My gifts are good *gasps* and my cousin gave me a clown nose once

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Sometimes I drink orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I am very fussy and it’s the one thing I’ll always have tidy af

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Ugly grey ugh

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Do my online friends count? Maybe?

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? It’d have blue and white that’s all I know

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Sleepy. That’s it.

68: what’s winter like where you live? Cold and grey but with snow tho

69: what are your favorite board games? To be honest I don’t know?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nah (I was going to, then backed down you see)

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I don’t know, I’m more of a coffee girl

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Yep

73: what are some of your worst habits? Biting my cheeks/lip until it bleeds and scratching my scalp and ears until it bleeds too (que sanguinolenta por favor)

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Love

75: tell us about your pets! A bird, his name is Winnie and he’s a little shit but I love him

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Studying history

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Yellow (I’ve never had pink lol)

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I’m neutral ground

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Joana’s video for my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Violet and white and yes I chose it because they’re two of my faves colours there’s nothing feel about it

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Beer bottle

82: are/were you good in school? I am good thanks very much

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Idk

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Idk

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? Yes and here’s a thing about me I cannot by the sake of my life choose favorites in anything don’t make me do it

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Depends?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Tbh I’d say the Godfather (can’t really think of any other rn rip why do you put me in such compromises?)

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? No??

89: are you close to your parents? Meh

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. All I have to say is it has history, culture and it’s beautiful sorry I don’t want to make this long

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Dublin lololol

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Drown it in cheese bitch give me all of it

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Ponytail/bun

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? A classmate on the 28th

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Doing my Spanish project and editing

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Procrastination my dear

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, cancer, Ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? I’m not sure? Sometime in December with my father and yes

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Light by sleeping at last100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future, I don’t want to relive my past thanks

I don’t have anyone to tag (my only friends are the tagger (fuck you) and the other person she tagged ( @nekolance why) So bye bye do it if you want to

#non fandom #damn jo this was so fucking long #the song question... i bet my ass no one knows who i was thinking of #nah ofc not #random

[phantomjai]

all the questions on the ask meme have fun my dude

THANKS SO MUCH, I honestly love doing thesethese are actually hella fucking cute y'all

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

- I usually have more cereal than milk, I don’t like cereal when it is mushy

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

- YES, living in Florida anything thats cold is so welcomed

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

- I usually use receipts and sometimes index cards

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

- My tea with some sugar and honey and my coffee with half in half and some sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

- I use to be because my bottom teeth are fucking crooked

6: do you keep plants?

- I would love to but I currently only have a single cactus and her name is Pepper

7: what clothing size are you?

- Um I think for my pants a 9? and my shirts are medium/large and my shoes are 9 ½

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

- Um writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

- Yes, It helps me focus and get in a better mood

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

- all 3 it just depends on my mood

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

- “the soap is dangerous, holder” “run my love run asshole”

12: what’s your favorite planet?

- Saturn!!

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

- I was with my sister and we laughed at something stupid.. and someone thought she was my mom also so that was funny

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

- Disorganized but stylish? we would probably have some succulents and just a mix of our interest.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

-The Apollo crews did not have any life insurance.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

- Cajun Shrimp Alfredo or anything with ravioli 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

- A light blue or light purple

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

- Fuck I dont know

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

- i have one but I dont write in it currently but it is usually just my feelings or something that is currently going on

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

- Brown or green honestly any of them are pretty 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

- Just my book bag I love it and use it all them time (I ALSO HAVE ON THAT HAS NICO ON IT AND I LOVE IT)

22: are you a morning person?

- I want to believe that I am but I really hate getting up in the morning

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

- Playing video games or just watching youtube

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

- Yes 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

- I have never broken into anything because I am lame

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

- My converse 

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

- Spearmint 

28: sunrise or sunset?

- Both

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

- The way Jamie laughs and how she shows that she is surprised

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

- Yeah

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

- I love wearing weird socks, sometimes I fall asleep with them, I just fucking love crazy socks I go and buy them from Target all the time

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

- We watched Joseph King of Dreams and laughed and made really bad jokes

33: what’s your fave pastry?

- croissants

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

- I have a bear named Fifi(?) that I had to make twice because my dog ate the first one. and I still have her but now I have sea-monkey who is a red panda

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

- YES and Yes

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

- P!ATD

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

- I try to keep it clean but it is usually messy 

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

- I don’t like rude people, or people who try to make it seem like something bad that is happening to you their life is 100 times worse, 

39: what color do you wear the most?

- Black and grey

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

- I have my class ring from high school and it just reminds me of the fun I had in high school

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

- PERCY JACKSON (any and all of them) and also Harry Potter

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

- Yes it is called Krazy Kup and it just feels so calming and nice and it is so cute in my old ass city

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

- I dont remember but I do it all the time

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

- Not in a long time my dude

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

- Yes it usually works out 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

- ( I googled this because I couldn’t think of any) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

- Mustard (is that a food?/)

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

- Clowns and yes

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

- Yes but I bought a really funny CD as a joke and I can’t remember the name 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

- Um I don’t collect anything odd but movie tickets and concert tickets

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

- For Morgan anytime any Vocaloid song comes on I think of them 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

- History of the world I guess (yes its new I dont care)

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

- Yes for Heathers and rocky horror and I loved them

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

- Ummm IDk

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

- I think I have jumped across a bed probably

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

- Smiles, laughs, humor, and their eyes

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

- It makes me feel energetic and yes I did

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

- I’m the wine mom and Jamie is the vodka aunt 

59: what’s your favorite myth?

- The story of arachne 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

- Yes and IDK

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

- Jamie once gave me a giant goofy (I still loved him) and I gave someone candy because I did not know what to get them

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

- Sometimes and Apple

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

- Yes yes yes both

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

- Blue 

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

- people from elementary school probably

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

- umm I made it once and it is all roses

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

- Peaceful

68: what’s winter like where you live?

- Sad, I live in Florida so it is cold about 3 days of the year

69: what are your favorite board games?

- Monopoly

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

- Yes

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

- Earl Grey and peppermint 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

-YES   

73: what are some of your worst habits?

- I bite my nails 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

- Long hair, green eyes, tall

75: tell us about your pets!

- I have Joker who is a pointer mix and he is black and white and large. Blaze who is a mini Australian shepherd who is tri colored and so happy. Zion is a big giant shepherd and friendly. And Jasper who is a normal sized Australian shepherd and he is red and so nice

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

- Cleaning my dishes I am about to go bowling

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

- Pink all the way

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

- hate all the way

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

- my friends surprised me for my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

- two different types of purple and I was in the 6th grade so it was my favorite color

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

- ( im not really good at this) but they are bright like the sun and they laugh so loudly it brightens any mood

82: are/were you good in school?

- i am okay 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

- The cover for death of a bachelor 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

- I already have one for HP but I want another one and also one for star wars and star trek

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

- I just read one for the first time in like 80 years and I like most of marvels 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

- Umm… American Idiot?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

- Rugrats in Paris and The Chorus

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

- ej

89: are you close to your parents?

- Not really

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

- I loved Sacramento and DC

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

- Puerto Rico

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

- Some cheese I hate cheese actually

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

- My hair short and just how it falls

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

- My friend Alicia and her cousin

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

- Hanging with some friends

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

- I fucking procrastinate on them

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

- INFP, Aquarius, and Hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

- Like 2 years ago and nope

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

- For good (wicked), moments, midnight memories, the sea is a good place to think of the future, 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

- In the future to make see how everything is loking

#thanks #jai answers shit #i love answering all of these #i havent done one of these in a long time #galacticdiddles

[intoxicatingswift]

the 1:

God the line if my wishes came true it would've been you OK THAT HIT

this feels like a iftye but like folklore version

UGH THE BRIDGE ACTUALLY HIT why was this my exact mood yesterday I already called it I knew I needed this album

cardigan:

can i just say im here for taylors lower tone

A FRIEND TO ALL IS A FRIEND TO NONE ok facts

the Peter losing Wendy line really got me cuz that used to be a thing w me n some1 *cries*

chasing shadows in the grocery line nooo

this is like an other side of the door but folkmore IDK IT JUST REMINDS ME OF IT

the last great american dynasty:

god i had to restart it 3 times my fam r so noisy pls.

i really feel like the stripped back style of production really allows taylors lyrics and storytelling within songs to shine. like ive got the maddest mental images of screaming matches between Rebecca and bills family and small town style rumours passing from someone to another

mental music video basically and also u can see the strength of rebecca which is only paralleled by smth ive experienced from books/TV? imagine the skill it takes to tell such a story in a few minutes that people see in 358 pages or 12 1hr installations

EXILE YES BON IVER:

can u tell im excited for this one

ughhh his harmonies are always *chef's kiss*

side note this rly is pushing me and giving me a better sense of identity for the sort of music I want to make thank u Taylor 🥺

god taylor urs and bon ivers voices go together so beautifully u both know how to make a harmony so good

the metaphors are so.... UGH I LOVE

my tears ricochet:

im in love with the vocalising in the intro omg

if I'm on fire you'll be made of ashes too yes hunger games let's go (no for real I just re read it and loved it again so)

ok no the lyrics on this one just HIT me particularly even tho I'm gonna say that on every song OK

I feel like theres a lwymmd ref in here 😶

the line I didn't have it in myself to go with grace spoke to me like i feel like that was extracted directly from my brain

still can't believe we actually got a whole album wth

mirrorball:

MIRRORBALL U COUNTRY BEAUTY

this song just feels like calm vibes as a blanket, stolen kisses

bro.... i literally wrote half a song with the lyrics that have the same gist of the bridge the whole idea of the circus no longer existing and yet u still feel like u have to perform for that one person cause u need to prove that they made the wrong choice leaving i

seven:

God her voice is hauntingly beautiful here

and though I can't recall your face I still got love for you what a beautiful way to express that you're always loved by someone even if you're no longer close, you live in memories and that's 100% enough and you're enough

THE ENTIRE SECOND VERSE IS ME AND MY FRIENDS AS TEENAGERS? God that hurt especially bc the sentiment of my prev things applies to those same people

SHOUT OUT TO INDIA TAYLOR I FEEL SO SEEN RN LMAO

august:

ahhhhh we had cruel summer and now we have august

"lost in the memory" is one of my favourite lyrics anyway and now taylors used it i

did taylor find out like the story of my life 2016- present bc like this seriously hits the "you were never mine" and the emphasis on August i

OK THE BRIDGE WAS MEEEEEE OH MY GOD how do i write my shitty album when this *gestures to entire folklore aggressively* exists.

oh the outro :( whoever said this is taylors melodrama was onto smth fr

this is me trying:

just looking at the lyrics is this ootw; the next chapter 👁️👄👁️

this is so beautifully sad

you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town okkkkkkkkkkk wow 🥺

illicit affairs:

why do i feel like this is joe and tays story post met gala👁️

YOU SHOWED ME COLOURS IS SUCH A METAPHORICALLY DEEP AND BEAUTIFUL LINE HI OOTW REFERENCE

invisible string omg OK I claimed this one pre listen:

oh crap the colour references already spoke to me bc long ago I had a concept to link songs to colours

also the idea of storybook romance as well with the "used to think I'd meet somebody there"

i love the invisible string theory also oh my god

BAD BLOOD OMG this is such a random detail abt how Joe heard bad blood the first time he was in LA and I love it

LMAO not taylor getting recognised on their anniversary trip 😭

also can i just say the plucking strings keeping the same rhythm/volume the way through somehow contributes to the invisible string theory i loooooveeeeee the lyric/music matching here (did i just somehow compare this to vq matching? think so ok maybe there's hope for me as a medic yet 💀)

taylor rly said fuck adam tom and whoever else Joe is it

OK THE REFERENCES TO GOLD HI DWOHT

ALSO PURPLE PINK SKIES HELLO INTHAF AKA MY STAN SONG WHICH EVERYONE SLEEPS ON

safe to say i made a correct choice stanning this song pre listen ahahaah

mad woman:

the chords on this i am in love, the chaos of the string instruments yessss

here for the strength lol

this is i did something bad but quiet scary angry version

CALLED IT HELLO IDSB REFERENCE

ugh the delicacy in how the words are pronounced in the second chorus shows how hurt and strong u can be simultaneously

mirrored ofc by the soft piano and percussion of hand claps ugh taylor im so happy u made this album

epiphany:

im getting let it all go vibes from this also bon iver

oh it's coronavirus :( yeah

side note wear a mask this seriously was unprecedented and ik at my work (icu) while I was FT we had a couple boxes of antiviral ppe and I did a shift just as things got bad here and it was all completely gone. at the time we'd only had a couple query covid cases so pls. WEAR A MASK ESP U LOT ON THE TUBE/TFL RAIL

i feel like this song reflects how slow the pain can be when ur losing someone like literally watching their breaths slow and also the emotional pain.

betty:

omg this is one of the teenager love story three aaahhhhh it's so cute BUT I SERIOUSLY REMEMBER THE TEENAGE ANGST oh man i Really do

also hello country tay

ugh all ur stupid friends it seriously sounds like 17 year old boy 😭

peace:

LOVE THAT GUITAR RIFF YES AM SO HERE FOR THAT

I made good choices in the songs I chose pre listen all of this is literal poetry and I'm so glad I can focus on the lyrics more because of the production yes i know I already said that

DREAMSCAPES I LOVE THAT WORD I WAS JUST THINKING I NEED TO INCORPORATE IT INTO A SONG

the i-i-id in I'd swing with you for the fences, the delicacy in "give you a child"

now I see your brother as my brother hello paper rings reference (it's not even but yall know)

the rain (paps/media) can well and truly fuck off

"would it be enough if I could never give you peace" actual poetry.

hoax:

i love the dainty piano ugh that HIGH night

the octave differences on the chorus

don't want no other shade of blue hello paper rings

OK this one has a lot to unpack tbh i probably will pore over this like the English poetry i missed out on by choosing stem

also fuck kimberly lmao