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#like i want it to exist in the world and if I'm being totally honest i kinda want the attention that comes along with it AJXJSJ
jewish-vents · 13 days
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(Post this anonymously, please!!)
I am an artist with an 8k+ follower blog which I have been active on for over 12 years. I've always felt safe here and have considered it my internet home. After October, watching the amount of people in my fandoms and artists who I had admired and found community with who immediately went full-in on a very black and white, aggressively conspiratorial and antisemitic brand of pro-Palestine activism, my idea of community here and my place in it was totally shaken. It was like I had put on a pair of glasses that allowed me to see the latent radicalization that had been going on around me, and the pervasive antisemitism that exists, unacknowledged, in nominally pro-social justice leftist spaces.
The loneliest part is that it feels like, with few exceptions, only other Jews can see it. Even the gentile friends who i love most and who would unquestionably stand up for me are just not attuned to the dogwhistles enough to see 95% of it. It's like living in a bubble reality, unable to take these glasses off, while everyone else goes on as if everything is the same.
Yesterday, I logged in, and saw image attached from a gentile artist i'd followed for months, who had never before given me a reason to feel unsafe. Their tags read "don't come in my inbox to debate this, i have no interest and will not change my mind." I wanted to cry from frustration- this person likely has no understanding of how revoltingly antisemitic this post was because they have no understanding of the complexity of what "zionism" actually means, and, as they've made clear, they have no interest in learning or being told they're mistaken. There are so few of us (Jews) here- how the hell are we ever supposed to combat this? The worst part was that it had 98 likes, and zero replies suggesting that any of them saw a problem with this or disagreed.
I myself never really understood zionism before this- I am ashamed to say that I took a lot of the twisted definitions held by gentiles in my progressive social media spaces without question, and thought that because I believed in Palestinian self-determination, I must be an anti-zionist by definition. It took the "glasses" coming on in the time since October for me to fully learn and to understand that while the nuances of the term go deep, to the majority of my people, basic "zionism" means belief in Jewish-self determination in Eretz Yisrael, and that when many gentiles say "Zionist," they just mean "bad Jew."
In all of this mess there's one thing i'm grateful for, and it's that, even as i've lost community in unfollowing/blocking previous mutuals and acquaintances who've shown their incuriosity and prejudice, this shakeup has driven me to find community with other Jews on this site and a greater curiosity about and sense of belonging in my culture in the real world. I can't be mad that my eyes are open, because i've only lost community that wouldn't accept me as I am, and am gaining community that does, that shares my struggles and that sees the world in ways compatible with my values. When I look at my activity tab and see notifications from my mutuals now, I feel safe knowing that I have been honest, shared the truth of me, and that they have chosen to stick around, whoever they are. I love you all.
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ackerfics · 7 months
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i carry your heart with me (i carry it with my heart): gojo satoru
— i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
gojo satoru x reader
notes: first time writing for jjk and it's for our pretty boy !! based on that one b-99 scene between jake and amy
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being on the same year level with gojo satoru means having to put up with the spontaneity of his man-child tendencies. while it is true that he is the pinnacle of the entirety of the jujutsu society from his first wail to the world --- a god amongst mortals; tipping the equilibrium with his very existence, there are moments embroidered in between his rambunctious nature that makes him almost human. key word being almost. such as betting on the most random missions to prove a point like regular teenagers.
"am i going to regret this bet, suguru?" you ask the person yaga assigned to be your pair in capturing the rest of the 2nd-grade curses loitering around the area, with the possibility of a 1st-grade intermingling with them, which puts the entire chase into a total of nine curses. you two are in one of the more desolated areas of tokyo, having split up from the usual group of four your school boasted since the start of first year.
before starting the circle of exorcism your group is about to unleash on these curses, satoru used this opportunity to dangle a proposition between you two, a tradition before embarking on a mission.
it goes this way this time: if he exorcised more curses than you, you're going to do anything he wants (nothing sexual, but judging from the grin on his face, you nearly shivered). he emphasized his words with those black sunglasses of his reflecting your astounded face. you instantly felt the world cave, because your life is on the line. why would you ever date such a person who has no regard to safety and is always known to be obnoxious to the point that you wished you were never a jujutsu sorcerer in the first place? however, if you win this round (which you never won since the first time you two started this whole charade), he's going to be a bit more honest with you. for other people, your condition is as simple as letting impulsivity carry on their choices; but for satoru, it's a moment of weakness. you were left stunned when you saw the tiniest budge of hesitation flicker on his face, almost as if he knew what you meant in your conditions, but just as quickly as you saw it, it vanished. so, he wears false confidence like a second skin and accepts the bet with a handshake, partnering up with shoko instead of suguru. he said something along the lines that you need all the help you can get and that because he's so good, he's going to give suguru to you to at least even out the two parties. what an asshole. he doesn't even give you a chance to utter a rebuttal because he vanished in thin air with shoko waving and pumping her fist at you.
"well," suguru draws out the word.
you throw him a look. "oh, come on, i know that tone --- i'm going to lose my monthly allowance, right? i know he's going to ask me to buy anything sweet he can find on our next mission."
suguru hums with that smile of his, never dimming, never fading, and always warm to the touch. he takes out one hand from his pocket and pats you on the crown of your head. "i'm with you on this one."
you look up at him. "what?"
"i want to see satoru stop all this dancing around he's been doing with you. i mean, the rest of us are even confused if he really does hold feelings for you or not. i think it will do him some good for once in his life."
you look down on the gravel, your hair doing its job covering your features.
ever since you introduced yourself to the other first years in the tokyo branch of jujutsu high, satoru has always sparked this inexplicable interest surrounding you. you like to think it's because of your upbringing, being from one of the more noble jujutsu families who bears the technique of forming contracts with curses, very much like how suguru goes about his technique. the difference between you and suguru lies in the fact that most of the curses your family has made a contract with are special grade, embodiments of the japanese folklore rather than the regular blobs and flies; and that everything is consensual between the sorcerer and the curse. so, stepping inside the room housing three other teenagers like yourself, the flare of your cursed energy captures their attention, one of which possessing the legendary six eyes, having sparkled like no other the moment he placed them on your figure. this rather random fascination of you he had since day one morphed into something that of courting, as yaga once called it (quite so done with it actually), since the boy started calling all the most absurd adjectives and phrases and attached them to your name. beautiful, pretty, heavenly, utterly graceful, stealer of my heart, owner of my attention ... darling, honey, kikufuku, mochi ... anything exhausting really. everything was so abrupt and out-of-the-blue that you had no time dwelling on when this all started.
you now want it to stop.
it doesn't do well because it's blurring all the lines you've drawn between you and your classmates. you don't even have the time to think about the number of times a passerby remarks how wonderful of a couple you two look (any elderly people really) and gojo would boast that yes, my girlfriend is so beautiful and i am lucky enough to have her, ma'am; we started dating last year; it was love at first sight --- you just want to punch him.
then comes the unexpected, lingering touches he brushes against your skin; a pinky finger intertwined with yours, his hand lightly hovering at the small of your back, his knuckles caressing your face and remarking how you look nice for the day, an invading hand tucking a stray bundle of hair behind your ear, nearing his face so that you can whisper something to his ear without any difficulty, and anything that sets your heart ablaze. not to mention he looks at you with something indescribable; eyes reflecting you and only you and sunglasses sliding from the bridge of his nose. it's all softness, no rough edges like how he is with suguru or shoko, and he treats you as such. he once mentioned you are his haven, the only person he doesn't mind turning his infinity off for and the only person to touch him without having the need to let him know.
"i think it won't be good for him if he tells you how he really feel," suguru's voice takes you away from contemplation. "at most, you would benefit from it as well." you turn to him and he wraps an arm around you for good measure. "i want my friends to find solace in our bleak part of the world. and hey, if you two do get together, i will be so proud!"
"yeah, right."
"i would!"
your two groups are tied.
the last curse is right at the end of the intersecting alleyway and what sets your blood pumping is the figure of gojo running from the opposite entrance, shoko cheering for him at the back. great, he managed to convince shoko that his conditions are worth supporting. you grit your teeth and you push forward with more speed that you ever did in a physical activity. god, you're definitely going to feel the repercussions of pushing yourself too hard after this.
feeling the taut connection of your contracted curse, you summon her, "amanozako, go."
the image of a beastly woman slithered from within you, hungry to satisfy her cravings of lesser curses. you watch with narrowed eyes as gojo laughs, teleporting himself closer to the last curse you four have on the list.
then, the most bizarre thing happens.
you somehow reach the curse first than him, leading to your contracted curse to swallow the target in one swoop. she disappears from view and you can only see him --- standing there with a huge grin on his face, the sky of his eyes shining brighter than a beacon.
you blink, breath shuddering from all the running. "w-why--?"
gojo shrugs. "you have it first."
"but you're faster."
he glances behind shoko, who knowingly nods her head. his eyes flicker back at you. "i like you."
all air seems to escape you. everything is silent and all you can hear is the thudding rhythm of your heartbeat. you're pretty sure you look like an imbecile with your mouth open in shock but with the way gojo stares at you from over his sunglasses, one will think he's staring at the most pulchritudinous being he has ever laid his eyes on --- the first blossoming of spring in april. because even with the others lingering in the background, gojo has his six eyes focused on you. you can't even manage to utter a word when he repeats those three goddamn words that will haunt your daydreams.
"i like you, [name]. i'm willing to lose against you if that's what it takes to say my feelings. figured this is the better route compared to the cowardly one i wanted."
"thank me, you idiot!"
"ignore her," gojo casually says after hearing shoko's words, his steps taking him closer to you with his hands snug inside the pockets of his slacks. once he stops in front of you, he takes one of his hands from his pants and brushes the back of his knuckles over your cheek. butterflies seem to bloom on the areas where he leaves behind his wordless declarations. "so, what do you say, sweetheart? wanna give this a shot?"
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beatrixstonehill2 · 2 months
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"A lot of you ask me to show off some of my outfits I wear while working the street corner for Daddy and these are a few of my regulars! I'm so happy you guys are being so warm and welcoming to me! Before anybody else asks, this is my fourth pregnancy and I'm carrying quintuplets. I work six days a week, rain or shine, the seventh is all about pleasing Daddy! I love hooking, to be honest, when I turned eighteen and my dad told me I needed to work the street and earn money, that he expected me to pay his mortgage and bills now so he could retire, I was a bit overwhelmed. He never mentioned me becoming a whore or doing porn at all!
But my Daddy was super patient as I learned the ropes and got used to flagging men down, asking for money, and doing all the crazy sex stuff they wanted out of me! Guys are so much rougher with girls than I thought, and the bigger this belly gets, the rougher guys get. I love it, and Daddy was totally right that my place in the world is satisfying men and selling my body! I actually get really turned on when they start wailing on my belly, or hit me in the face as they cum, it always me cum, too. I actually can't orgasm during sex anymore unless a guy starts hitting me and being really rough.
I can't even keep track of how many thousands of men have fucked me. It's a bit embarrassing to think about how used up I am, but I guess it's to be expected from girls like me who exist to serve cock and pump out kids. My Daddy thinks all girls should be like me but I know not every girl has what it takes to seduce men twelve hours a day, six days a week, getting fucked every way imaginable, always begging for more, even when I'm in labor, pushing my latest pile of kids out, I'll still be out on our lawn asking men who pass by if they wanna face fuck me or ass fuck me. Getting gang fucked and smacked around really takes your mind off the pain and discomfort of labor...... I highly recommend it. Here's to many more pregnancies, and inspiring so many of you to start working the streets in your home town! It's wonderful to see my videos inspire so many girls already to start selling themselves! ❤️"
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froshele · 7 months
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You know we pick on the Aspirant but I think we don't do it comprehensively at all, because even among cultists I think they truly are special.
Nobody else is entirely normal compared to the librarian either. It's just that they have solid reasons to be doing their thing:
1. Exile has the world's most dramatic relationship to his father possible and is hopping continents and cities instead of working it out, sure. But it's (partly) because he's an Antaean, and Duffoure Senior really and genuinely forreal sucks.
2. Dancer is ... in a possibly survival based position that they choose not to leave for better things despite knowing that it's full to the gills with horrific occult threats to wellbeing. To be fair, they are within rights to prefer that to the attention of their patrons, but basically on the we respect sex workers and, what, adult entertainers website I don't really need to elaborate on the fact that whatever Dancer gotta do is whatever Dancer gotta do. At some point it may switch from getting that bag to becoming a chorus dancer for the Thunderskin, or to becoming a full time esoteric furry, but to be honest go sib go I refuse to fault the Dancer for anything they're my favourite. They were in what may be read as an inescapable pipeline and they won that shit, no notes, pack it in everybody.
3. It is a beautiful day and Priest is a terrible priest, actually I'm unsure of what Priest's deal is, I think Priest might just be Priesting correctly. Their religious framework sacralizes their despair and mania, which like, ok, not healthy maybe, but it gets them through the day without chugging opium!
4. Detective and Physician are just ill but functioning guys with jobs who happen to have totally justified brushes with the Mansus and make some rash decisions.
5. Medium??? Is a totally legitimate businesswoman don't even fret about it :)
Aspirant, though. Aspirant isn't forced into their life nor has it thrust upon them nor do they respond in any sense normally to being willed a bunch of occult stuff - they're just, like... Like That, from the jump, from the moment they as a surly hospital janitor have access to occult concepts. And the Like That that they are is totally divorced from their mechanically represented condition; everyone else has the same condition. Nobody else seems to make the same choice for the same reason, Just Because They Can -- the ending text is the same but I think the context, right, the context really does a lot of quite heavy work here.
Everyone else is /capable/ of pursuing one of Aspirant's victories, but, um, they don't really... I mean their heart's not in it, nobody seriously reads it as canon when they do. I bet you didn't even remember it was possible to ascend under a different Hour as the Dancer!
Which brings me to this: nothing at all has happened to make the Aspirant talk or think in their very instrumental and personally cruel type of way. Their existence as a menial hospital worker is far from as precarious as some others', their main gripe seems to just be that it's not very stimulating.
There's no backstory causing it, they're not undead, they seem to have not been working before because they think it's beneath them, they don't metaphysically or personally /need/ to be doing what they do. They do what they do /specifically because they crave that mineral,/ that mineral being for some reason immortality and phenomenal cosmic power.
And they WANT it. They want to be an unspeakable bodiless radiance or an ithastry-golem or one of the Grail's heaps of awful devouring minions more than anyone should have strength to want anything. It's a fixation for them, an obsession, possibly a symptom of their mental illness, since we have to manage what is actually a very strongly crafted but probably unintentional representation of bipolar with schizoaffective traits.
From specifically the point of view of ludonarrative integration I think it's fair to diagnose everybody in that game with a dread-fascination cycle in some capacity with some form of something in that general region. But Aspirant is probably the one with the worst coping mechanisms, and the one in the most need of help -- everybody else has friends or coworkers or voices to talk to at least, and something else to do in their life. The Aspirant... paints ominous pictures and smokes opium.
Exile grieves their dead, you get a card about it and heaps of exposition and all. BYT seems to be doing the whole thing kind of half as a bit at least at first, and I guess you could say they deliberately don't get too close to anyone. Physician is academically curious and honouring a patient's last wishes. Detective is just doing their literal actual rentpaying job. Dancer likewise, at first. Priest. Ghoul, if you want to get deterministic about it. But Aspirant just does all the culty horrible things the others have to be professionally inured to doing, /for no initial reason and with no training at all/ except a desire to cope badly with The Wolf, Despair.
Aspirant is just ... Aspirant. They just... are Aspirant. They're the most Cultist of all the cultists, even the other POV guys in that game.
Whatever Librarian does calmly and from a hinged mental state, no matter how eldritch, has nothing on Aspirant, who woke up one beautiful day [arning, burning, yearning, burning, yearning, burning, yearning, burning, ye] and completely uprooted their entire life to become an antisocial, occult hermit who isn't even very good at it
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Uh uh-- request time?? So like, I'm thinking about how how the twst world has different language yeah?? (Rook being French and Vil having a """""German""""" lastname and all)
Okok what if, if the player/mc in the self aware au (already in their world) tried to teach some like the basically of their language?? Like English is not their first language and wanna just, share their culture and language specifically,, with uh, riddle, malleus and azul,, (no i don't have favs-) like would they try to learn, not care (idk how likely that is in the self aware au but yeah) or something else? I wann know pleas 🥺
Btw hope you're doing well Veil!! Love all the work you've done so far, hope everything is well n goes well :D have this lil fanart hihi
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AAIJNAUSHUSUHSUHN HOW CUTE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Btw, in the light novel it is mentioned that Yuu notices that he isn't speaking Japanese and he was saying “Japan” in (I guess English) but he noticed that his lips didn't match what he was thinking so I also don't think that English is something over there so... English readers get your fill as well.
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Self-aware au
I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsession, killing, murder, religion, blood, violence, possessiveness, kidnapping, imprisonment
Riddle Rosehearts/Azul Ashengrotto/Malleus Draconia-Player tries to share their culture and language
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Oh aren't you kind?
First of all, he is flattered
Even though the Queendom of roses sees you more as an uncrowned and invisible ruler they are still more than aware that some places see you as all-knowing
And since even the smallest rumor has at least a spark of truth in it he assumes that your knowledge is at least somewhat higher than that of the average person
Now imagine having such a person as your teacher... AND THEY EVEN TALK ABOUT THEIR CULTURE!!! YAAAYYY (RUN!!!)
I mean, that language thingy, go ahead but the culture one? Uh... how about no
The thing is, if you tell him too much about how you lived, the culture you grew up with included, he might see himself as more important in your life than he actually is
But hey, who can resist such an eager student with those puppy... no that's wrong in his case, hedgehog eyes?
Also, there are at least some languages existing in their world which also exist in ours (as far as we know), for example “French” and “German” (now everyone who speaks one of them at least partially: Yeah... suuurrreee.... totally correct what is beings said there....)
I believe that if you speak another one that isn't already there it will take longer for him to learn these since languages can differ so much from each other and if he hadn't even heard a single word in it... Yeah... (I mean, compare some languages and you see that their sentence structure are completely different)
But I also think that his mother force-fed him some foreign languages as well so maybe he already speaks German or French? The world will never know...
Doesn't mean he doesn't want to hear about your culture
I would highly advise you not to teach anybody else
Suddenly it's “Off with their head!”. On good days only the magic version and on bad ones the version in which you need something a little sharper and bigger than a needle
Also that “him thinking that he is more important than everyone in your life” thingy if you tell him too much about your culture? Well uh...
I heard the Shaftlands are big and can hide a lot of people if they just want to... otherwise I have to tell you that you might have to take up residence in his room for the rest of your existence. Enjoy!
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*sucks air in* SIMP
No joke, you are known to be a scholar in his home so now you are deciding to teach him?
*squealing octopus noises*
There is a fairly higher chance he might already speak your language than Riddle since, well, he is a greedy businessman if we are being honest AND NO LANGUAGE BARRIER SHALL STAND IN HIS WAY!!!
But expect him to sit there at his desk, practically burning holes into you with his stare whilst you teach him
(Is he even blinking?)
I mean, how did you expect him to react? You better be joking if your answer was “he isn't interested”
You, my dear Overseer, are just so dashing alone in your legends and tales that my man over here just wanted to be somewhat worthy with his intellect of your attention
And even if it was just a glance then that shall it be!
Wow, look at that, one day you were just there chatting to him which led to you telling more about your culture whilst talking in your language if it's one he understands
Now those that you also seemed worthy enough to teach them about your origins and language? Those contracts can be tricky is all I'm saying
Or he just loses it and who else remembers that one time Floyd said that Octopuses are a high chunk of muscles? Mhm, that read splash on the wall a former person... wow, he liquified everything... HOW STRONG IS THAT GUY??!
Or this becomes very unhealthy for him
We all know that he puts at least some self-esteem onto his appearance and lifestyle so once that esteem isn't so high anymore it's time for some... unhealthy habits
I'm not going into detail but let's just say that there is a certain amount to what you can push your body, octopus or not
So please only teach him! After all, if you do he might just think everything was for naught and just decides to be a bit “much”
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He probably speaks every single one existing in his world, including some ancient ones not spoken anymore n this day and age
But hey, his God is about to teach him something so you might as well have ordered him to while his memoriess because it's like everything you say is new to him
Also, his tail is going wild like a dog on who just saw his owner return after a long day
So... Yeah
(But this is the Self-aware au so of course things aren't just sunshine and flowers)
Remember that tail? He might have his hands full during the time he meets someone who decided to have the audacity and “make you” teach them as well but I think that thing could crush at least five melons at once
So uh... Yay... Red smoothie... Do not drink. 0 out of 10. Would not recommend
Also, who would he be if he hadn't two at least 50% humans who had been taught since childhood on how to use those sharp toothpicks and a fae who is a master at using said toothpicks?
“Silver, get the sharpest ones out!”-The toothpick master of Diasomnia
But how wise you are! Not only do you speak more than just one but also come from a completely different background
Also, are definitely probably frantically sending letters to the Valley of Thorns about everything you tell them so that the Church can document every single bit of information
But let us return to Malleus
Unless you tell him to tell you more about his home he will listen quietly, only asking a question if he doesn't understand something right away
Will try his best to follow the customs of your culture so you feel comfortable around him
Also, if he didn't know the language before, *gasp* I know, then he will also be the fastest one to learn it (I'm blaming devotion and fae genes for this)
But please, feel like you are at home around him. So at home in fact that you don't even notice he is right now taking you to the Valley so that you are never able to leave him. Forgive his greed but he just couldn't bear the thought of you reaching out for a place that isn't by his side
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sgiandubh · 5 months
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And kia... ora (?!) to New Zealand, like you've never seen it before 🤭
Just listened to Monica Gleberman's latest podcast with S. Twice. I can only urge you to do the same: it's 19 minutes long and well.. I'd just love to read your thoughts on it. By the way, I had no idea the woman even existed (happens a lot in SC world, at least to me) before she chimed in with indignation, you know... the Palestine Letter, and such.
But first, my short assessment, of course. By the way, this was recorded, I think, on November 1st, based on this X post:
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Showbiz being showbiz, all grudge is now forgotten and you can listen to the podcast on Spotify, here (no subscription needed, of course):
OK, I honestly think her voice and her completely clueless, torrential debit are totally meh, but maybe that's just me. She made me think of one of those Tupperware representatives, always eager (hungry?) to sell something to you and do it quick, drug-dealer style. Some in Mordor thought she was drunk on the job (a half-emptied bottle of SS Gin was emphatically mentioned at least twice during the interview) - as usually, no humor and nasty.
I just think she was just acting too cool for school and #silly, with a severe case of ovaries going...
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... on top.
Straight off the bat, the OTT praise is on steroids: how amazing S is, how he never changed, 'same sweetest person and like an amazing human being and friend to talk to and I just love you'. Kill me now, but that was unnecessary - yet still useful, since it prompted this answer (02:54):
'Well, that's very kind of you to say, but I think that's not true...I think there's...there's a lot of smoke and mirrors, this is ALL fake, um...underneath, there's a completely different human being. I have a double, actually. I AM the double. Um.. no, it's been a great journey, I'm very lucky and yeah, it's [OL] given me a lot of opportunities, as well (...).'
Translation: I am joking, but not even joking, if you see what I mean.
You'd think that was casual banter? You might want to think twice. Like all Taureans, bless their heart, S always almost heavily insists, when he wants to make sure the message gets across (07:12):
MG: ' Soooo, I don't know what's true, what's not true, but I'm just gonna assume that, you know, you looove watercolor. So, what is your favorite watercolor painting to make?'
Huh? Did I get that right? The answer does not match the clumsy question. At all. But see/hear for yourself:
S:' Err, you know what, I mean, I actually do, I actually have a couple paintings.. um.. from a..an artist called James Morrison, he was a Scottish artist.. he.. he actually painted a lot around Scotland, but he also painted up in the Arctic... the Arctic Circle... I'm kind of obsessed with him, so yes, this actually,,, this is truth...damn, I didn't know you'd actually put truths in here, but, you know...'
MG: ' OK, so we're already breaking barriers, right? Like revealing secrets so that is... that is... true.'
I shall not comment this. I do not think it needs any translation, to be honest.
The 'illiterate' S is, apparently, a keen art connoisseur and how could it be otherwise, if you only think of his mum? And Morrison is not just your average Scottish watercolorist. If you care to check his Wikipedia page (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Morrison_(artist), you'll find interesting things, like:
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His works can fetch at auction (here at Christie's in 2006), around...
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... and the recent (conservative) estimates are stable. You can check them here: https://www.invaluable.com/artist/morrison-james-1932-9fybkaiqbc/sold-at-auction-prices/. A very good investment, on a volatile, whimsical market (I know very well what I am talking about).
Surely enough, some of you will just hear that horrendous cackle and the flirt fest that totally goes south by the end of the podcast. But maybe - just maybe - if you listen a bit more carefully, you'd have a rare peek behind that damn mask.
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tanadrin · 2 months
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"fairly suicidal" anon again. This kind of got away from me and ended up significantly longer than intended. Apologies for that, and if it's too long/involved/whatever to read that's genuinely totally fine. (Which is to say: please do not think you have some kind of obligation or I will be Extra Suicidal if you don't respond or whatever. I've got at least a couple more years or one more massive life-wrecking trauma left in me.)
I think your response is pretty typical of people who are, at baseline, pretty happy and optimistic, and I'm sure there are people who haven't heard its like before and would benefit from it, but.... let's be honest that's kind of a generic autocomplete response, and in my experience it tends to come from people who can't or don't really model serious depression well. My model of the perspective you are coming from is something like: It would be terrible for the things I'm saying to be true, and they don't feel true to you, so surely they must not be true for anyone-- you don't want the world to be one where those things are true, and sometimes they are untrue, so, therefore, they're probably untrue basically all the time forever. Unfortunately. I'm aware that 40 years is a decent length of time. I'm aware that my perspective is fallible and limited-- this is the primary reason why I haven't seriously tried to kill myself!. However, looking at how the past 30+ years have gone does not fill me with optimism. In particular the past 15 or so years, where I've technically had the most autonomy, I just kind of... barely existed. I am still trying things to get out of the hole but this really could easily just continue until I die. It is an extremely possible outcome that I spend my entire life wishing it was either worth living or over already, and eventually it reaches "over already." I kept expecting that I'd surely snap out of it eventually, year after year, no one can spend that long in this kind of state, right? And then 15 years passed and I simply did not. It is not unrealistic to believe that that could happen 3 more times.
"Every day you are alive in the world, you have the opportunity to find pleasure" rings really hollow when my physiological capacity to experience pleasure and happiness is extremely minimal and has been tangibly shrinking for as long as I've been a conscious human being. It feels tone-deaf. I know what my baseline looks like. It is not good. If I was guaranteed to die tomorrow, then having lived my life will have unequivocally been worse for me than not having lived it at all, and it will have been objectively a mistake that I didn't pull the plug when I was 12 and first having suicidal thoughts.
If, upon turning 80, I figured out how to have a life that was just barely worth living, and then died a year later, that does not actually undo the years of unhappiness before that, and that is still a life that was, on net, not worth living.
My impression is that people coming from your perspective have brains that just fully shut down when considering this prospect-- that you fall into the trap where you believe that even one second of a-life-worth-living is worth any amount of suffering endured to get to that point. It might help to imagine a person who experiences one single year of a life worth living, followed by 80 years of a life full of incredible misery, and then dies.
The me who exists now matters; the hypothetical-unlikely-certainly-not-guaranteed future version of myself who is marginally glad they exist doesn't just automatically get to trump all of that just because that's sad to think about.
Yes, there is no one life "track" but there certainly are circumstances more or less prone to granting happiness-predicting things like enough money to live on, autonomy, fulfillment, etc. Again, there is no rule saying this current status of being perpetually unable to get my feet under me has to end. I have spent the actual majority of my life like this.
Being unable to get a job that pays enough to live on without also making me want to die (more) does in fact hinge pretty strongly on being able to get that special insanely expensive little piece of paper. It is the cost of entry for the vast majority of non-horrible jobs, that is just what the system looks like in the US. (please do not tell me "oh just learn to code!" If I was capable of doing that I would have done it). The material conditions of my life obviously aren't that bad in objective terms given that I'm capable of using my time to send messages on the internet (if they were much worse I would have pulled the plug years ago) so it feels meaningful that I still manage to be so miserable despite that, and plausible that improving them would not help even if it were possible.
There just... there is actually such a thing as a downward spiral where the baseline becomes worse and incremental improvements become progressively harder and more fleeting, as much as it is sad to think about. Sometimes you accumulate damage and get both farther from your goal and worse at making progress towards it, and it just keeps happening. The brain is a physical object that can, sometimes, Just Get Worse. One instance of trauma can make it harder to recover from the next instance of trauma that comes along, and so on. I am still trying, clearly, and I'm clinging to the idea that lots of weird unexpected stuff can happen, but "just hope for a miracle to happen such that these patterns completely reverse against all odds" is... at minimum that's a huge ask. Please recognize it for what it is.
I'm not really looking for answers or anything here (I wasn't before either tbc, I just thought it was interesting how different my opinion apparently was compared with other extremely depressed people), but I tend to really chafe at what feels like clueless forced positivity from people who Really Don't Seem To Get It, and I hope this information will, idk, provide a potentially novel perspective. Or maybe it won't! Sorry again that it was so long.
i've spent a big chunk of my life dealing with depression. i know it pretty well actually. and if i've won any insight from that, it's that in depression we very often exactly misconstrue the causal axis of our thoughts. we think things like, "i am worthless -> therefore i am depressed." but our feelings shape how we think about ourselves and the world; even things which seem like incontrovertible and inarguably facts turn out to be a product of our rumination: "i was depressed -> therefore i felt worthless."
i know this feels like a platitude. i know when you are depressed saying something like "nobody is worthless" or "it's never too late" feels like somebody blowing rainbows up your ass, some hippy dippy shit that doesn't mean anything. but as someone who has frequently felt worthless, and has frequently felt that they have fucked up their life beyond repair, who has seen other people going through it and come out the other side, i'm telling you: as a matter of both personal experience and accumulated knowledge about the world, "nobody is worthless" and "it is never too late" is not a platitude. it is a rational, reasoned judgement i have been won over to, and which i am totally convinced of. i offer it, not as a panacaea (we cannot reason ourselves or be cajoled out of depression; the thoughts are subsequent to the feelings!), but as (hopefully) the very mildest of analgesics.
i'm not a negative utilitarian. i don't think you can take all the bad and good things that happen to a person, assign them a numerical score, and subtract one from the other to determine whether their life was worth it after all. reading about rare medical abnormalities on wikipedia is itself sufficient to convince one there are certainly short lives full of nothing but pain. and observing people dying of degenerative diseases is enough to why there are points at which people make the rational decision not to continue living. but i also know that there are people who have convinced themselves their life is not worth living, because the pain of allowing themselves to be hopeful again, only to have to deal with crushing disappointment, makes it more reassuring to abandon hope altogether. and i have known people so trapped in the teeth of their suffering, they are unable even to do the one thing that may bring them some relief, until they make the conscious choice to believe that that feeling of despair is not in fact a reliable guide to truth.
we prefer certainty to hope; the sure knowledge we are doomed is often cognitively a lighter load than the uncertain possibility of future happiness. but i think it's worth it to keep hope alive. not because i am a sunny optimist who has never felt miserable, but because i have lost days, weeks, months, years to the blackest despair. i have spent many an hour carefully ruminating on the very clear and inarguably true things that made me feel that way, carefully laying out why life was not worth living and maybe never would be, specifically debunking all the bullshit people told me to try to counsel me out of my depression. and that feeling that was ironclad certainty in my mind at the time is, looking back, like a fading mirage. one should always at least consider the possibility that what feels to us like an immutable truth of our life is less substantial than it seems.
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vanyzvat · 10 months
Text
Anti x Reader
Chapter 1: No Strings Attached
Chapter 2: His name (You are here!)
Chapter 3: Jacksepticeye
Chapter 4: Chase Brody
Jack STILL exists as a character in this fanfic, even though he is NOT canon anymore. This fanfic follows OLD lore.
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Summary: He would never admit it, but he is grieving his old life. He's unable to let go of his grudges, and how everything that has happened has affected him during the past few years. There's a sense of rage that he can never truly express.
He shares with you barely a fraction of what that has been like.
(A lot of things are based off personal headcanons and my own interpretation of these characters! Please keep that in mind. I apologize in advance for any errors! Please let me know if there are any so I can fix them.)
“Ha͟ve͟ you e̕v̧e̡r͘... Be̷en ͡be͟tr͏a̢y̴ed̛?”
Again, that was an odd question coming from him. Wasn't he the one who supposedly knew everything about every person he came across, so he could use that against them? So what was the point of even asking that?
“Don't you already know everything about me?”
“I̕ ̧w̷a͏n͢t ͜t̕o k͠n͏ow y̷our anşw̴e͏r͞.͝”
“Err... I can't say I haven't? But why are you asking me this? Have you been betrayed?”
He turned his head away from you.
A few seconds passed, and he finally nodded once. Based on his behaviour alone, you could tell this was difficult for him to even admit.
He trusted someone, and then that person must've broken that trust- Or something similar. Maybe that was why he was so enraged by the world? You wondered.
You needed a moment to gather yourself before you gave a response...
Trying to comprehend that this was a being so feared by most, and that right now he was here with you, being treated like any other guest, and was actually opening up to you- That was not easy to stomach, even for someone like you.
While you were lost in thought, he slowly turned to look at you again. He's waiting for you to say something.
“Sorry for being silent- I'm just thinking... This is a lot to take in. I don't want to say anything stupid.”
“I'̴l͡l͞ s̷t̷op ͡h̸ere.”
“Don't. I'm just not sure what to say. You can still tell me whatever you want, though. I'll listen to you.”
“...Yo͞u'd b͡e̶ ţh̵è fir͝st.”
You blinked, taken aback yet again- So much, that your mouth even dropped a little.
When IRIS talked about this "ALTR 114209", they described something totally different. A paranormal presence, whose mission was to kill whoever was in its way. That its purpose was nothing more but to cause harm.
Maybe your conspiracies against the company weren't just conspiracies anymore. And maybe, this problem had a much simpler solution that they were too ignorant to even think about?
“That's okay. Better late than never, right?”
He then mumbled something which you didn't quite catch.
“Huh...? Sorry- I didn't quite catch that-”
“A̷nti.”
“...What?”
“My ǹa̕m͞e. I͡t͟ wa͜s͡. Anti.”
More silence filled the room. God, this was a lot of information, especially after barely knowing anything about him for the longest time. What kind of name was that, anyway?
“Anti?”
“I͜t̛ was ͝a͢ n͞am͟e gi͝ven to͠ ̷me.̢”
“...Uh. It's a weird name, I'll be honest. But it's still a nice one. I like it.”
“I̛ li͡ķe͞ ͟it͜, toǫ.”
“So someone gave that name to you- Who? That's assuming you don't have parents or anything like that.”
You heard him exhale through his teeth, then watched as he crossed his arms. Probably a touchy subject. But almost everything feels like a touchy subject for him.
“Loǹg st̶or̕y. I̴t's d͡iffic̛u͘lt t͝o pu̸t into w̸o̵r͡d͡s. Anḑ I̛ alre̸a̵d͠y ͢s͟t͡r͢ug͏gle e̵nou͝gh̡.”
While it was true that Anti was not the best at holding up casual conversations, or at communication, you didn't really care. Besides, he brought his own baggage up, he couldn't just leave you with his name and go without providing any explanation.
“Y͟ou ̛want̴ mȩ t̷o͜ ͘c̡on͞tin̡u͝e, d̸o̴n̨'t y͜o͜u.”
“Well, I don't want to be left on a cliffhanger.”
“I̶ c͝a͡n̶ t̀el͜l̛...”
“Į w̛óu̢ld͠n͡'t wan͡t to leave my̸ ͢on̨l̛y͏ ͜fr̕ie͠nd ͟h̕ang͝i͟n��ģ, ͝wo͞ul̡d̀ I? Nǫ, I̵ ̕w͏ould̢n't̨...”
Anti was smiling, with his tone as playful as it always was.
But then his smile faded, and his voice became unusually serious.
“I was ma͟ni͢f̛ested. Man͠i̸feste̡d by̵ stro̵n̷g f͝e̢e͡lings o͞f̷ l͏o̡n̢elin̡e͝s̨s͞, wort̡h̨les̨s̡nèss. One͢ mom͞ent I ͜w͝a̕sn̷'t th̨ęre, an̕d̛ the nex͞t, ̴I wàs͝.”
“Manifested? By who?”
“His n͟a̢me dǫe̸sn't ̡ma̡tte̛r.”
Jack— The name of the person who manifested Anti into existence, was Jack. But you didn't know that.
“Was it... The same person who gave you your name?”
“Yes, and n̨o͡.”
“He̕ ̨w͠as ̛lik̢è ͢y͟o͠u̵. H̷e śp̡eńt ͠h͞is ̀d͠a͞ys pro̡vid͡i̷ng e̕ntért̵ainment͢ ͏t̀o͢ t͝h̀e worl̴d.”
“H̷e g̢av͏e, a͢n͞d h̵e g͜av̕e, and͘ he͟ ͏gave͏.”
Anti was angered by the many memories flooding back to him.
“Ga̷v͢e̢ so mųch w̧i͢th̴o̢ut͏ e̶ver̸ getting an̕y̶t͞hing in re̛tu͞rn͏.”
Memories of him watching as Jack overworked himself to insanity, and those that apparently "loved him so much" not caring at all.
Jack gave them everything, and they just watched. Just watched as he neglected himself, as he spiralled. They didn't deserve him. Why couldn't Jack understand that? They only pretended to care about him so they could get their "content". And of course, like the idiot he was, he believed them.
But not Anti. Anti saw through their lies. Jack was nothing but a source of entertainment to them. You reminded him of Jack, in a way. Was that why it was so difficult for him to give up on you?
“Th̛ose lee̶c̕hes... H͟i̴s "co͡mm͟u̡nity" as ͘he c͘a͢l̢led ̶t͠hem— T̢hey thínk ţh͡éy ma͡ḑe͢ A͞ǹtį.”
He raised his voice, his voice full of hatred towards those "people". He twitched uncontrollably, with reality warping around him to match his state of mind.
“Bu͝ţ they d͜ìd͞n͝'t͡ ͝mak͏e An͘ti͡. He did.”
You didn't give much of a response, besides nodding along to let him know you were paying attention. It wasn't that you weren't bothered to, it was that you didn't know how to.
You weren't a supernatural being, so it wasn't as if you could somehow relate to many of the things he mentioned. So you settled for just listening to him talk.
He was willing to open up to you, even just a bit, and you weren't going to make it all about you.
“Well, Anti, I guess this means you aren't as one-dimensional as IRIS claims you are.”
He laughed. It sounded strangely normal.
“Oh, th͡e͏y d͘o͠n't know an̨ythin̶g about̴ me.”
Despite him being someone who was meant to terrify you, you were fine. As for him...
“Were you scared?”
Your question must have confused him a bunch, because the distortion around you immediately subsided.
“W̶ha͜t?”
“Were you scared of talking to me. About all this.”
He raised an eyebrow at you.
“Y͘ou̸ h̀a̷ve a͜ l̀ot ̵of aud͏ac̨i̕ty ̕to̸ a͟s̕k͞ ͜m͞e that̵.”
“I'm only curious.” You shrugged.
“...It'̨s͝ be̶en a̛t͏ thé ba̢c̷k o̕f my̢ min͢d f̷o̴r a w̕h́ile ̛noẃ. T̢he̛r͢e's... Many̵ th̵ing̵s I ̀wish I͠ ̴c̡o͜uļd sh̵a͡re ̨w͘ith y͢ou̧. I͢ j͏us͠t̡ ̷don't͠ kno͝w͟ h͏ow̛ tó... Yēt.”
“It's okay. I think I understand, anyway.”
“You're basically the embodiment of someone's negative thoughts, right?”
“S͏óm͟ethin͠g like ̸tha͠t̷.”
“Eh, whatever. Still, I don't expect a being like you to know much about emotions. Let alone how to express them.”
He could only nod silently. He seemed to be doing that a lot around you.
Everywhere he went, he left destruction behind. So why were you so patient and understanding with him? Why were you different? He didn't get it. It made Anti feel sick to be in the dark, to not have control of the situation. He couldn't find the right words to describe how you made him feel.
He did feel afraid. He despised being ""vulnerable"", it made him feel small and weak, when all he wanted was to be the one looking down at those inferior to him.
But you...
“Is there... Anything else?”
“Çan ͜I sta̸y͢ ẁi͠th yo͡ú f͟o͠r ́a͜ w͟hįl͏e͡?”
“Of course.”
You didn't anticipate for Anti to "teleport" closer to you, but you didn't mind.
He wanted company, and were there to provide. After all, you liked his company too.
You looked at him, taking in his expression- He was contemplating something, you could tell. He quickly caught you staring at him, and you immediately glanced off.
After a moment, you felt him rest his head on your shoulder, and you didn't bother stopping him.
Like you've said, he wasn't a social being, so you kind of predicted that this entire situation would tire him more than the average person. Him showing you any sort of affection was a little surprising, but you didn't mind that either.
...You got to know him a little better today.
...
A few minutes have since passed.
He's been awfully quiet, and you're concerned. You're not sure if he was content, or upset. So you decided to check up on him.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“...Y̴eah.”
“I͢'m enr̛a͡g͠e̴d̀ things h̕av͟e to be t̕hȩ ͢way̷ they͞ ́are, bu͢t... Yóù make i͢t ea͢sie̵r̛.”
You smiled.
“It makes me happy to know you can trust me.”
He really fucking hoped you wouldn't break that trust. He was still doubtful about everything he had just told you, but he was trying to have faith in you.
...You eventually realized that he never really... Spoke about what happened in regards to the entire "betrayal" thing. If anything, the only thing he had done today was vaguely provide you with some context. He only admitted that this betrayal had something to do with the unnamed person he mentioned.
“Can you... Tell me more about this "betrayal"?”
“I̴ kno͡w̛ yo̕u̢'̛re c͡uri̡òu̷s̡, būt... A̧noth̴ȩr t̶im̀e. Pl͢ea̡se.”
You've never heard him speak that way before. His voice went quiet, and he even pleaded you to not press on. Was it really something that personal?
“Alright. I can wait.”
You excused yourself and shifted around, changing position until you got comfortable. He waited for you, then went right back to what he was doing before.
You closed your eyes.
The two of you stayed that way for a while longer, not bothering to talk. It felt like time itself had stopped, just so you could savour this moment.
“Th́an͡k̸ yòu̶.”
“Huh? For what?”
“I fórg̨ot͡ what ̀it w͏as͜ ͢lik̢e to̡ b̴e a ̸pe͏r̡son; And̀ to ͢b̨e͏ tr͝e͠ąte͞d͡ like a pe̴rsơn.”
“I'm here to remind you.”
Another genuine smile appears on his face. You couldn't see it, but you still had a feeling he was doing a little better than when he first arrived.
...
...This was bittersweet for him.
He had been in denial for so long, years even, to the point where just thinking about Jack and about his situation felt like someone was cutting him up to bits with a chainsaw.
His old life was gone. He was alone. To everyone, he was nothing more but a demonic presence, who took the lives of those in his path without reason.
...But you sympathised with him, somehow. You listened to him and welcomed him, despite everything. He would never stop asking why.
He knew many people had no one in their life, but none of them had fallen that low. Even if they wanted to die, their instincts still kicked in when they saw him...
Oh well. It didn't matter. It still meant so much to him.
You couldn't even fathom how much he'd yearned to have someone in his life. Even he never realized how isolated he really was in this world, until he found you.
He felt his eyes shut on their own, and he let them. He didn't necessarily need sleep, but... He was still tired. It was a contrast to how he usually acted, especially in regards to the records IRIS had of him.
He couldn't recall the last time he felt a sense of safety. A feeling of somewhere he belonged, the feeling of home.
Ah. That's it- That's how he would describe how you made him feel if he ever needed to put it into words. You felt like home.
And as you slowly fell asleep besides him, Anti realized he didn't have to be alone.
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punkassfrance · 11 months
Text
Some NSFW Hcs for Joel
Finals are over and I want to write SOMETHING before I go to bed so enjoy (Tess hcs may be on the way)
Also this (like many of my headcanons) exists in a total vacuum- this is just one possibility of many and I will explore them all with love. I will post conflicting hcs with no hesitation depending on whatever the brain worms are whispering to me at the moment. (I'm calling this headcanons, in reality it's just a disjointed string of horny thoughts I'm sending into the ether.)
Drop some hc requests (for Joel, or Tess, or both) in my inbox if you want! Usually happy to oblige.
CW- NSFW (of course,) AFAB kind of implied, x reader, touch starvation (sortakinda)
He's more passionate about sex than you've ever seen him about anything.
He'll pull the "frail old man" act until it's time to actually get down to business.
"I'm too old for this, you're gonna give me a heart attack darlin" right up until he gets to touch you, then something snaps.
He'll spend hours learning how to fuck you right, exploring every erogenous zone in every way he can think to figure out what you like best.
Much more willing to kiss you than you'd predicted.
He's rough and eager, not at all the cool, gruff man you thought you were seducing.
Rough and eager is an understatement.
He's barely even domesticated, to be honest. You've never seen a grown man act so much like a feral animal.
Biting, growling, scratching, doesn't care at all who could hear.
There's no "can you be quiet for me, baby?"
He's way too busy not being able to shut the fuck up to try and keep you quiet
Way chattier than you would have thought, constantly praising you and muttering whatever comes to mind.
In months of knowing him, you haven't seen him smile nearly this many times
He adores any position that keeps you pressed together.
Missionary, mating press, he'll even lean his chest on your back during doggy just to be close to you.
He's probably a little more touch starved than he'll ever admit.
He's just so fucking psyched to get to touch you and experience any physical comfort in such a hellish world, why would he try to play a tough guy now?
He's been wanting and admiring for weeks, and your skin is too damn soft to play it cool.
He's looking at you like you're a deity.
Maybe if he hadn't been fighting for his life for the last twenty years he wouldn't be acting like such a teenager.
Make no mistake though, he's a very generous lover. That excitement for getting to touch and fuck you 100% extends to giving oral. You've never seen a man so enthusiastic to go down on you.
Enthusiastic is honestly a good word for the whole experience. You really walked into this expecting to be doing all the work, he seems like that kind of guy.
Nope.
He's stoked.
You would tell your (close) friends how different he is in bed if you weren't too busy describing the best lay of your life.
He definitely came first, and he definitely needed a second to recover, but you didn't need to say a word to get his face back between your legs.
Has zero reservations about making a fucking mess. You think you saw some fluid on his nose by the time he was done and he didn't bat an eye.
He's not quite so lovestruck afterward, but he's definitely not back to Joel Miller, the Badass Terror of the Town yet.
Almost no pillow talk unless you lay there for a few hours- he's exhausted and elated and probably a little embarrassed (even if he won't admit it.)
Still, way more willing to cuddle than you would have thought. Not at all the type of asshole to kick you out of bed.
Hope you enjoyed the horny thoughts that kept me awake!
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aita-blorbos · 2 days
Note
(technically canon-compliant, but heavily headcanon/borderline au)
AITA for causing my host to lose an eye?
SOME PEOPLE are making a big deal out of this but it's REALLY not that bad! I don't technically exist in any dimension so my only way of interacting with the real world is through a host body, and it's not like I'm just STEALING people. This one guy, he got what he asked for! But no, he figures out my plans and starts whining about how I was "dishonest with my intentions" and "planning to destroy reality" and all of a sudden our deal is no longer what he wants. I mean obviously he can't go back on it, so I just keep possessing his body while he's sleeping like we agreed and kept trying to finish the project we were making together. And he had the guts to try and stop me!
Then he starts getting all fussed because humans are so easily-damaged! That part wasn't even my fault! Ok maybe it was a little bit on purpose. But it wasn't THAT bad! And HE was the one who stopped sleeping and eating and doing all the human maintenance things that they need to keep their useless flesh sacks going. I didn't want that either! Do you KNOW how hard it is to pilot a body running on so little!?
Where was I? Oh, yeah. The eye thing wasn't even my fault okay? No one can blame me for that! Not all of us get two eyes, alright? Hardly my fault I kept forgetting to use one of them! Anyway the guy starts freaking out because apparently human eyes aren't supposed to bleed like that! So a few days after he starts gallivanting off in the multiverse with no way home, which was ALSO not my fault, I finally manage to find an opportunity to possess him again and I managed to stay in control a lot longer than usual, and wouldn't you know that REALLY messed with that eye of his! It's not even a big deal, he got a glass one in some high-tech reality, you barely even notice! Besides, totally wasn't my fault, honest accident. I'm not some kinda monster for being forgetful!
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joneleslament · 1 year
Text
I personally don't believe Legoland was pre-cyclone. I believe it is and only was post-cyclone.
Let me explain myself before you start telling me I'm wrong
Jane Doe was the one unidentified body of the cyclone disaster. She was unidentified because she lost her head and it was never found, Nor could anyone in Uranium recall her
And you might say "Oh but she just came to Uranium after her parents got arrested so nobody got used to her yet" that's where your wrong. Penny Lamb had a criminal record by 15 years of age and her brother Erza sold his medication to collage kids for money, I've never been to Canada yet but I'm sure anywhere in the world if a pair of kids that young came anywhere with a history of parents that grew weed and did and still does all that stuff? That news would spread like wildfire
And if Penny had a brother how was she unidentified if Erza could very well have went to the corner himself and outright told them she had gotten on the ride and it must be her. But again how in God's name would a card like Penny Lamb be left to a Jane Doe after all the stuff she's done back when she was 15?
Now think if Jane was originally someone else
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A girl who did in-fact joined the choir late and didn't bother to talk to alot of people around Uranium because she planned to pack her things and leave as soon as she graduated
Excluding herself from any social gatherings, Any school events that aren't mandatory, only going out to get food so she can continue to live. Someone who never made friends because she didn't want to say goodbye
Someone nameless.
Think about it; With Jane originally being Penny there's a shit tone of plot holes but if Jane was someone totally different who never made herself known because she had the same goals as everyone else in the choir, It makes sense.
She'd have no friends so nobody in any of her classes could tell the corner anything, No shop workers probably didn't know more than maybe what groceries she bought every time she came, There's the possibility her parents were either out of the picture or didn't care enough to identify her; Neglectful or downright horrible parents are things that can happen in the real world and which we see with Mischa, Noel, And Ocean
And let's be honest, Ocean's parents were most likely not the ones to come claim her, It would most likely be people from St. Cassian and around Uranium considering how loud and "overpositive" she was which was most likely a huge contrast from everyone else
Constance we know had parents who ran the Blackwood Café which would make her well known among the town
Noel we know has a mom and was the only openly gay kid in a homophobic town and he was always told to dial it back so by that logic he had to have stuck out alot, Making him known
Mischa was the town's teenage fuck-up, He stole communion wine, He seemed to have caused some problems here and there which again makes him known
And Ricky was always acknowledged as some helpless boy because he was disabled which caused everyone to treat him hell-of-a-lot differently which obviously made him known and we know he had helicopter parents so-
And Jane? Well if she were Penny she would be well known enough to at least have a name to her corpse. But no Jane didn't get that, Which means she must have been someone duller, Someone more forgettable.
Someone nobody would know even existed till she was dead
Someone like the nameless person we see in at the fair with the choir.
And Karnak stated multiple times that he didn't know who Jane was and he genuinely feels guilty about having these CHILDREN die without doing anything so why would he lie when he can very well make them so much happier by telling Jane who she was, Having her remember so she has her own song to sing and not one of a nameless face
Think what you will but I highly doubt Penny was pre-cyclone with the amount of plot holes in that theory. But rather Penny is post-cyclone thus leaving the Cyclone's Jane Doe to a new story to begin but never an old story to tell.
(I suck at explaining shit😭)
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Hello, hope you are having a great day.
I'm currently trying to write a novel about the supernatural world with different creatures (not only vampires and werewolves, but they are also part of it). However, I'm currently struggling about how to introduce (I don't know if this is the correct word lol) them to the human world.
I mean, they have their own "world". You could say that is a whole country where they all live and with their own government policies and stuff like that, but they are also part of the human world (similar to any movie about supernatural creatures).
However, I'm struggling to know if humans should know about them (as if it is something normal) or if it should be like any other supernatural movie where only a few of them know that they exist while the others think that the accidents that happened were caused by animals and not by people with fangs.
This is an important thing in my story because unlike most of the supernatural creatures in my story, there is a particular creature that does not get along well with other creatures and they do not respect any law (they just kill people, and do not care if they are in the territory of others), so they are just causing chaos in the city and do not care if the police or the people starts to suspect that something else is happening in their city which can risk the lives of other supernatural creatures.
Along with that, there is a war involving only supernatural creatures that are starting to affect the human world due to that particular creature.
But I don't know how to do it, do you have any recommendations or perhaps ideas about how to write them [humans] feeling intrigued that something else is happening? How can I write a scene where the police or military or any other is starting to realize that something supernatural is happening in the city?
It is totally okay if you can't answer this, to be honest, I'm really bad at explaining things lol, and sorry for my English! It is not my first language so I'm still learning hehe. Thank you in advance.
Never apologize for your English, you're doing great! Coming from a non-English-native myself 😅
It feels to me like you have actually already made up your mind regarding your question about the humans knowing or not knowing but suspecting. For your story to work how you described it it would be the humans not knowing but starting to see things happening that can't be naturally explained.
I think this is something that happened in Harry Potter as well, where magical crimes were being committed against Muggles.
The question is: Do you want a specific group of people to investigate these occurrences and them finding out about the supernatural word but keep it a secret or do you want everyone to know and realizing that there are not only supernatural creatures but they are also involved in a war?
If you want it to be the first option than your story has to involve this group much more heavily. If you want the story to be simply about the creatures and not have to spend a lot of time writing about the humans then I would suggest the option of everyone finding out and dealing with it in a more general kidn of way through their governments etc.
I hope this helps!
- Jana
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utilitycaster · 5 months
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@villadiodatis replied to your post “I know it's Nein lockdown but in practice for me...”:
I’ve been really hostile to the daggerheart c4 idea because it’s mostly come from the same people who fearmonger about how “c3’s got the lowest viewing numbers ever” but the magic shifting thing does make me wonder—it could also be a justification for the changes in 5e 2024, and my prediction remains 5e c4 with a daggerheart campaign in the current candela slot with some of the new regular guests, but we’ll see!
​Moving this out of the replies because this is a very valid point. To be honest a lot of the Daggerheart C4 people of that nature have apparently stopped believing it because somehow it hinged on the gods definitely being killed off (as opposed to the current state where it's been made pretty clear Bells Hells gets to decide what happens and it is not a foregone conclusion) and also it being a d20 system specifically (no idea why) but yeah. I will say: I don't see any specific reason to switch to 5e's changes/OneD&D. I mean, they could if they want to, but people played D&D 3.5e throughout the entire existence of D&D 4e; there are still people out there who stick with AD&D. A lot of the people claiming C3 has lower viewership than ever also kind of hated Campaign 2 and really have hated everything since Campaign 1. Right now they're blaming D&D but earlier they blamed the switch to pre-taping or the "meandering plot" and like, in the end, I'm pretty sure a lot of them were ultimately just fans of Vox Machina and of the cast being more accessible to a small fandom and they will never be happy with Critical Role again.
I will freely admit: I do not know if a campaign 4 is guaranteed to happen at all. It's a massive commitment and it's not out of the question that after this campaign Critical Role won't shift into EXU and various miniseries alone. During Campaign 2, Campaign 3 wasn't a guarantee either. But if there is another long-form campaign in the channel's immediate future, I feel like Daggerheart makes it more likely, and to be honest I think what you mentioned seems really unlikely:
A smart way to avoid the loss of audience when switching out of D&D (the recognizable brand) is to keep all the other things the same. Keep the setting of Exandria; keep the main cast; hope that people will stick around for Matt's GM-ing and the main cast and the world even if the mechanics change. There's plenty of reasons why I think Candela has a lower viewership including that horror is a totally different genre and a harder sell, but I also can't help but think that some people are specifically not checking it out because their favorite cast member or favorite cast dynamic isn't present.
Daggerheart is explicitly intended to support long-form play with level progressions, and I think they'd want to showcase that. Running two long-form games concurrently on the channel is really tough to the point that if they did both a 5e/OneD&D campaign and a Daggerheart Campaign, I think they'd probably have to have none of the original cast members in that as main PCs simply for reasons of time commitments and would definitely lose viewers if they did that. Candela is arc-based and can be presented sufficiently in 3-episode chapters in a way that I think Daggerheart cannot.
Again: fully speculative; but if I were say, in Marisha's shoes, and the cast had decided to do another long-form campaign after C3 I'd go with Daggerheart, still using D&D 5e for any EXU games set in the past, and keep Candela as a mini-series on the off weeks.
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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months
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hii
I've seen you're taking creepypasta requests ? I really like your Zalgo's concept ! so..
can you drop some of your headcanons about him?? I'm really interested!!
stay safe!
Zalgo headcannons!
hihihihi i promise i saw you send this in a few hours after you asked this and i truly didnt mean to push writing this off for so long ive just been going through it (2 new interests have been kicking my ass for the past 7 or so weeks) but we're back !!
CAUTION these hcs are heavily centered around my concept!! i wasnt totally sure if you wanted these as romantic, so i decided to go down a middle road and just make it how interacting with the guy would probably go down + other ideas!! warning this is a lot of scattered rambling because my brain is all over the place and its 7am
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the main thing that my take on zalgo and the main fandom interpretation have in common is the fat that theyre both powerful entities capable of causing mass destruction and chaos
however my zalgo exists more so as a... weird half concept half tangible entity if that makes sense? like he indirectly interacts with the world around him instead of going out and wrecking things himself; a close comparison i can think of is mother mabuka from fran bow but even then it seems she has more direct influence in that universe compared to zalgo... or maybe my interpretation of her is all whack too but eh
exists everywhere and nowhere at once, in my au he's responsible for the creation of the other creepypasta characters. for demon characters like slenderman or the rake he hand crafted them himself to cause torment. for characters like ben or eyeless jack he plants the seed to cause them to become what they were. for ben he allowed him to come back as an angry ghost, and for eyeless jack he made the curse that eventually infects the guy (although jack was just the unlucky host, zalgo had no specific target)
and keeping true to the original zalgo comic stuff, he can corrupt media in anyway he wishes, and perhaps implant subliminal messages or 'viruses' to infect more people? that second part is mostly a concept idea but i vibe with it
so how does one interact with a being that doesn't totally exist?
well
you dont
at least you cant initiate it; no if zalgo wants to be perceived by you he'll come to you, typically if you can offer something to him (usually the ability to cause issues for others, ie general creepypasta character criteria)
injecting this really quick but admin is really into the concept of certain characters/entities being just a simple part of nature, zalgo falls under this idea. he just exists because of the laws of the universe
is he capable of forming bonds? sure he definitely has some sort of favoritism towards certain creatures thanks to how effective they are, but like, what about emotional bonds?
probably not, if im being honest; like sure he can check in on you more often than his other agents of chaos, but that doesn't necessarily mean hes your friend
but lets pretend you somehow made friends with the omnipresent and almost omniscient birthplace of wrath and doom:
you cant touch him but he can touch you, kinda. it kinda feel like being wrapped around with a huge freeing cold and immensely heavy blanket when he decides to grace you with his presence
you know how when in adventure time, the lich makes the screen go dark (ex. the fall meme) i feel like itd be something like that
though ive never watched adventure time/never got too far into it SOBS i plan on changing that i promise
oh he is so so so clingy and he so truly hates your mortality
even in death he wont let you go, he'll probably forcefully bring you back, and by extension twisting you into something you weren't before
like this dude is genuinely not someone you want to fuck around with
even if you dont end up dying hes probably going to change you in some way at some point
on a lighter note hes the type to tear the world apart for you, both in the "i care about you as much as a creature like me can" and a "if you ever leave me im going to find you, i already know where you are because i have eyes everywhere"
like i dont like writing stuff that can dip into yandere territory but like. zalgo would do that kind of shit
bonus hcs, he doesnt really care how people perceive him.. because they cant, and even if he allows it he still doesnt care. wanna use any pronouns for him? he doesnt give a damn. see him as a god? as a devil? he doesnt care. truly could not give a shit what you think, he is unbothered
i feel my hcs for him have shifted a bit since i last brought him up in a post but i think
out of all the creepypastas, zalgo is the one i have with the most changing hcs
esp since in this au hes like. the reason everyone exists as they are, and why everything is going on; he is literally the reason all the bad things happened to everyone and hes responsible for the monster-type characters existence
okay thats all i apologize again if this is a mess i simply got. silly and im running off two hours of sleep and im scratching my brain trying to remember my ideas since i havent really thought of zalgo in 2 months (thanks to other brainrots SOBS)
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rosellemoon · 11 hours
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Well, I read Soman's post, and I have a few things to say.
First of all, fanfiction.
I'm not surprised to see another published author look down upon fanfiction, treating it as if all it's good for is providing new writers with training wheels. (Never mind the fact that writing someone else's characters is its own unique challenge!)
Fanfiction isn't just someone else's sandbox in which to hone your skills. It's expanding established lore. It's giving more voices and more life to pre-existing characters and worlds. Originality isn't just making something entirely your own, it's also putting your own spin on things, sharing your perspective through fiction that speaks to you and brings you joy on some level. Art is meant to be shared and engaged with and built upon. Art is a collaboration between you and others, and this has been the case for most of human history! I don't mean to offend, but belittling the power and importance of transformative works is just plain ignorance.
The obsession with originality can do more harm than good. Granted, I'm currently working on a novel that has a handful of inspirations yet seemingly no real comps, but that's not why I'm writing it! However, if someone does manage to find an actual comp, I won't care because I'm not writing to be original. That isn't why I write at all!
The real question writers should be asking themselves is: why do you want to be original?
Do you want to feel more special than others? Do you think being original increases your chances of notoriety? Do you want to go down in history as the Most Original Author of All Time™? These can be valid reasons, but let's be honest with ourselves. Honesty is good. We should embrace that more, even if it makes some of us look egomaniacal.
I'm afraid this emphasis on originality only feeds the stigma around fanfiction and ruins the true joy of writing. It's great to want to do something different because you're bored of the same plots and messages, or you don't find yourself or your perspective represented enough. But that shouldn't require you to give up the tropes or settings you love just because they're familiar.
I also want to address the common disregard for people with aphantasia like me. I don't have full-blown aphantasia, but it's enough that I can hardly visualize my own characters and worlds without external references. I've found my strength lies in "creativity outside the self," as Elaine Sturtevant put it. I'm most creative with things that don't come from within. I love mixing and matching (which especially shows in my digital collages) and seeing where that takes me.
So, fellow writers, ask yourselves: why do you write? What do you want to say? Could it be expressed through fanfiction rather than original fiction? Is being totally original more important than conveying your message/exploring creative what-ifs/simply enjoying the act of creation?
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that specific section of zendaya stans want to protect z from how the media and general public tend to reduce a woman's persona to her romantic life (which is totally valid because that sucks and i actually agree with them on that part) but at the same time will overhype every single relationship she has with other men (in this case timothee but i'm sure it will be the same thing with all the men she will collaborate with in the future) just to prove that she can exists and be her own person without tom. and to be clear, she absolutely does, and i think it's actually healthy for people in a relationship to also have close bonds with people from the opposite sex and totally believe in friendship between men and women. but that's not what irks me
what irks me is that they will go through great lengths to actually despise her romantic life - and literally nothing points to the relationship being toxic or anything - and when they're being called out, they always use the same argument : they're against making everything z related about tom. but let's just call a spade a spade : it's not actually about that but it's about them hating tom so much they can even stand that she's with him.
and they have all the rights in the world to dislike him, that's not even an issue, BUT what's soooo hypocritical of them is using the feminism/girlboss card while simultaneously freaking tf out whenever z just look into timothée's direction or used to complain when tom visited the dune set because i quote "he was disrupting timdaya hangouts and ruining the vibe". you cannot be taken seriously after that. especially when you're desperately trying to link her up with a dude who did questionable things lately. so they can start becoming honest that would make everything more simple
straight up insulting tom for xyz reasons, i'm like okay it happens to anyone in the public eye (even tho it's weird because nothing he does deserves that treatment but anyway). on the other hand, whenever they're hiding behind those fake ass takes, that's when i roll my eyes
[sorry for the rant but i had to let it go after seeing the 1929338th tweets complaining about tomdaya stans and then look at the profile and see genocide joker front and center, ooohh this is just too much 😭]
My inbox is always open to rants anon! I agree with you.
And we never make her whole career and life about her relationship. We praise and are excited for their individual projects but sue us for being happy that she's in a happy loving relationship. That she found true love after being in such crappy relationships before. Cause she's a good person and sweet and she deserves someone who loves her and treats her like a queen. And the same goes for Tom.
I learned already you can't use logic with this people cause they don't know it. They want to live in their made up world with the narratives that feed into their craziness.
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