#like i think i'm attracted to men

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[andy-clutterbuck]

Apocalypse Dad Uniform™ Rick Grimes - The Walking Dead | Joel Miller - The Last of Us

#Rick Grimes #Joel Miller #* #rg #The Last Of Us #i couldn't not think this? #i'm sorry? #Im sorry #im not sorry #maybe it was the margaritas? idk #im not here to like MAKE COMPARISONS™ #this is just a laugh #i love rick I love joel #i really don't think they're alike at all unless you're looking very shallow #the game is very dear to me and im so happy that so far things are good #i like attractive men in attractive shirts ok

[radsplain]

people hate lesbians. PEOPLE HATE LESBIANS!!!

#i hate hate hate hate HATE #and i don't buy that all of these ppl are only upset bc goldstar lesbians 'brag' about never having slept with a man #(they're probably not even 'bragging' and are just being projected onto) #but i genuinely think ppl are uncomfortable at the prospect of a lesbian knowing she's a lesbian from a young age #and choosing to never sleep with a man #this is obviously not to say 'late bloomer lesbians' aren't 'valid' or whatever #but the reality is most of these girlies calling themselves lesbians... are not #ESPECIALLY when i see shit going around like #'well the lesbian masterdoc said that if i'm only attracted to male CELEBRITIES it doesn't count because they're unattainable 😌' #like bestie if anything doesn't that mean you AREN'T a lesbian? #it's common for OSA women to 'let' themselves be more openly attracted to men they'll never meet irl #not being instantly attracted to men you see walking around irl is very common for OSA ppl because most know what men are like lmao #anyways tangent but goldstar lesbians get behind me #lesbian #lesbophobia #radsplain.txt

[carlyraejepsans]

I didn’t know Papyrus was canonically gay! I’m glad I know that now.

When was it said or confirmed?

yeah crushing on a man does that to you. sometimes. might require further research

#gay is a shorthand i just meant attracted to men I'm not saying he can't be like. bi or whatever #thinking about the responses i got to that post. and i think the date segment centering on him feeling pressured into romance #as an obligation to another party rather than something he wishes lends itself really well to an aro reading of his character #which is what i also go with personally #answered asks #undertale #papyrus #but i meant gay as in he thinks that robot is hot as hell. which is straight up text yk

[bottombaron]

there really does need to be a queer person in the writers' room on every show with queer characters, if only to explain how to better describe 'profound' relationships.

bc this happens all the time with showrunners fumbling for ways to describe a not-necessarily-sexually-prioritized relationship between same-sex characters

it's like somewhere in our evolution 'straight' men forgot that you can express your Profound Emotions with sex or other physical ways just to experience closeness and love.

like sexual attraction can evolve from profound emotions. they aren't inherently mutually exclusive. you can have two people who aren't initially attracted to each other and then over the course of knowing each other attraction blooms from simply caring for that person.

it's wild that ppl don't get that. is it a straight person thing? Do you have to be horny for a person from the go or it doesn't count?

like i'm absolutely serious, there needs to be studies on this phenomenon. there's something here in the miscommunication of what love can look like that is fucking fascinating.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #lgbt #shipping #and like you can have sexwithout there being sexualattraction too just talk to any ace person #actually the queer prsn in the writer's room should be ace or demi - just to explain basic attraction vs love #anyway i woke up with some Thoughts #i'm in the pensive thoughtful phase of my frustration #like why does this keep happening and where is the problem actually #because i think its Deeper and More Profound than simple phobia at this point #i think that when men never had to seriously examine and struggle to understand their own sexuality #they loose out on fundamentals of what sexuality actually is #and all the ways love and attraction and sexcan be expressed - with each other or without #(because maybe *cough cough* being straight is an illusion *cough cough*) #(but thats a lesson for another day)

[911onabc]

can i be honest you guys i have never wanted to jump buck's bones more than i have this season he looks so fucking good

#he looks like a MAN #also i think i have a hard time finding men under 30 that attractive now #which is stupid because i'm 24 #oh well #ramblings

[snezario]

i experience so much cognitive dissonance of like being super sapphic/non-men attracted in real life but like completely and utterly obsessed with fictional men or celebrities

#fiendthoughts #like yes i'm bi but like only attracted to men in theory LOL #i already thought i was a lesbian once... as i've explored over the last few years... that is not entirely the case #yes i know abt the lesbian masterpost - that's what made me think i was a lesbian for a couple yrs

[hajihiko]

god i feel you so much on fuyuhiko's sexuality. something abt a man with so much internalized toxic masculinity being gay, its such an intriguing narrative. but him with kickass women... ended up choosing a bisexual w a male preference with my own interp AHA

Yeah it's really like. He's set up to fail in so many ways but he just relentlessly holds on to his Destiny with claws and teeth nonetheless

#I think I'm somewhere in like .... He can crush on women but he's not sexually attracted to them like he is with men #Fuyuhiko's family: idealizes masculinity #Fuyuhiko: sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me #Not an art

[nyx-lyris]

i know john is supposed to be the heart throb but i swear to God every poi fan on this site has a crush on finch and no one can convince me otherwise. 

#i mean seriously the ungodly amount of times i've seen people call him cute/pretty/etc. #hrrrrhrghghrh #he's a lil bird nerd suit man with a villain streak #what's not to love #person of interest #john reese #harold finch #rinch #and just the fact that we all agree that he's the one with all the power in rinch #also just the idea of someone like him coming undone #i just have a lot of feelings guys #and i don't think i'm alone #*deep agitated sigh* #my attraction to older highly intelligent potentially dangerous men is becoming a problem #anyway lol

[commsroom]

Do you enjoy t4t eiffera headcanons because I just think they have t4t vibes

oh, i feel SO guilty for this one... i've actually been trying to write a post about why eiffel/hera as a cis guy/trans woman relationship resonates with me... like, the things that make hera read as trans to me are canonically things eiffel does not experience and is often kinda ignorant about. a big part of their relationship development relies on eiffel learning to decenter his own perspective and recognize that certain things will impact hera more profoundly because of who she is. eiffel reads as especially cis to me in a way that not many characters do, and part of it is... it's not that his backstory, lack of self-awareness, or various other faults could only belong to a cis guy, but those things would read very differently if they were written with any other intent. in eiffel's pop culture worldview, he conceptualizes himself as the everyman, the 'default' person, and i think there's something very intentional that's being deconstructed, with that context.

that said, though: i know how personal trans headcanons can be, and if you resonate with eiffel in that way, i think that's wonderful.

#i'm sorry!! thank you for asking. i'm just not the right person for this one unfortunately #like part of what makes hera read as trans to me is that she has to constantly be aware of all these things #re: presentation and physicality and safety and identity and navigating relationships etc. #that eiffel kinda gets to take for granted. #the lack of understanding people have for hera's circumstances that is so often. not at all malicious. but just ignorant oversight #because they don't share her experiences and never thought to consider what certain things might be like for her. #like i think. canonically a lot of the work that has to be done in their relationship. is the kind of stuff #that people are hoping to /avoid/ by being t4t #and i don't say that as a slight against eiffel or anything because obviously i love him. and in a way it's kind of an outlet for me #because i am attracted to cis men but i won't pretend there aren't like. anxieties i have about that. anyway #i will elaborate if i ever actually get around to writing that post #asks

[flutterbyfairy]

btw sexuality labels do not have to be super specific with strict boundaries of what "qualifies" as being that sexuality. you do not have to base how you define your sexuality on the first description that comes up on google; history, culture, the nuances of personal experience, and what you feel connected to are just as important a part of how you choose to identify!

#brought to you by a lesbian continously annoyed at the 'non man loving non men' description of lesbianism #i used to think i had to wall myself off from being attracted to certain genders in order to continue identifying as a lesbian #but like. gender is weird and silly and so is sexuality!! #this isn't something i'm the most knowledgeable on but to my understanding before lesbian separatism the term lesbian was used a bit #differently than it is today - being attracted to men didn't make someone not a lesbian #which i like! cus i identify a lot with (especially femme) lesbian history #i like queer masculinity! in the particular way that is common for femme lesbians #to me being a femme lesbian describes my experience with the way i feel within myself and the way i love queer masculinity. it doesn't feel #contradictory to me to be in relationships with men. i luuuuv my boyfriends and #me being a lesbian doesn't mean i don't or that i don't see them as men or anything #i am not particularly good at the whole Social Constructs thing due to autism so that probly plays into it #it is all confusing and i don't necessarily understand some of it (even my own identities) but i go with what makes me feel like me #^-^ #meg (boyfriend) saw this post and said ''i used to think i wasn't attracted to men. i was just looking at the wrong men'' #which is sooo true

[aweirdbugcreature]

Dude who saw the fight club seeing a wet sad patethic man with an office job: Getting lot of Fight Club vibes in here

#my post #i'm roasting myself btw #i'm just like those edgy students films who can't shut up about fight club #except they do it in an alpha edgy sort of way i obsess in a repressed gay homoerotic love-hate sort of way #they wish they were me #gonna make another meme about that me thinks #creator of fight club is like “i'm gonna make a movie so manly that the men there aren't even attracted to woman” and proceeded to make gex #tumblr memes #fight club #the narrator fight club #tyler fight club #the fight club #idk #what else do i tag #uhhhhh #gay #gay? #gex

[jesuiscenseedormir]

What happens when Recently realized I also like men Buck meets Always known I just like people Eddie ? What then? Because this feels like a Unstoppable force meets Immovable object type thing, and I want that very much.

Edit: I might have wrote a little something 👀

#I'm a demi!Eddie truther and I really like the idea that he just knows he can be attracted to men but think it's irrelevant because #because he chooses his partners based on what he's suppose to want #and he's not suppose to want men. so that's irrelevant #he's just starting to make romantic choices for himself. but there's still performance #queer eddie #bi buck #buddie #911 #🌻 #// #911 fic #buddie fic

[gabiioartist]

mermay day 11 I just wanted to draw a pretty boy merman, and I think it's important to draw fat men because they are pretty! I've drawn a bunch of fat mermaid, but not merman yet lol so here it is. Also in this new rendering style because it's really fun! I'm still playing with it but I like it so far

#gabiio'smermay #mermay #mermay 2023 #mermay2023 #merman #merfolk #pretty merman #pretty boy #feminine boy #feminine man #art #procreate #painting #like I don't want to go tooo too far into this but I think it's a bummer that most feminine men representation are thin conventionnally att #attractive men #don't get me wrong I've fallen into that trap before but it's sad that fat feminine men are almost always played as a joke #and as a feminine man/ish that happens to be fat #idk I'm creating my own rep #whatever lol sorry for the rant #gabiio

[dichromaticdyke]

idk what woman or similarly gendered nonbinary person needs to hear this, but if you feel actual distress, frustration, discomfort, etc. at the thought of being attracted to men, or being with men in a sexual or romantic context--if you genuinely feel this way and you hide it behind "haha sucks that i like men lol" jokes--you honestly should consider lesbianism.

#dichromaticdyke.exe #because i've seen some posts going around about how people shouldn't feel ashamed to like men or anything and i agree #especially wrt men or similarly gendered nonbinary people--mlm or nblm attraction is good and should be celebrated #but like. if you make those kinds of “gross i like men haha” jokes a LOT as a woman or similarly gendered nonbinary person #you should investigate why #because you might be a lesbian #and if you're not! that's totally fine. but you as a woman or similarly gendered nonbinary person should not feel ashamed to like men #that's like the status quo lol so if there's genuine negative feelings there then there might be a reason #and i've seen a lot of posts lately talking about how having shame towards like men is radfem thinking and i disagree #i think that could be a reason why people feel that way but it could also be (pause for dramatic effect) #compulsory heterosexuality and internalized lesbophobia #some people genuinely don't like men please remember that #anyway reblogs are available on this post. for now. but the second i get bad faith actors in the notes i'm turning them off. #be normal please

[shouchiku]

why is it so hard for fandom people to care about female characters. like why do they have to actively try. what is wrong with you that it doesn't come naturally the way it does with male characters. i know the answer is misogyny but plenty of the people who do this wouldn't self identify as misogynists because it feels harsh but that doesn't mean it can't be something you've internalized so deeply that you think it's just natural. misogyny also isn't just about being outwardly malicious towards female characters but also about... not paying them much mind in the first place. "idk they're just not as interesting" you people like clay terran. you people like matt engarde where you would have to be PAID to think about dee vasquez or alita tiala

#ace attorney #attraction isn't an excuse btw. i'm only into men and it's not a problem for me #also if you like clay i don't actually care live your life i'm just sayinggg #i always think about jjba part 5 when it comes to shit like this #how no one gives a fuuuck about trish when she's just as if not more interesting than her male counterparts #sweewie girl. #fugo was there for like five seconds total but because he was a man he's always depicted as Part of the team! #whereas trish has to fight for her life to get anyyyythiiiing