#like i stress myself out for no reason

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

#ruby rose #rwby #obligatory tiny distressed ruby #my art #HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS #and holy shit it was the most awful by far #i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes #it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before. #i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad #also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners #which was very noticeable lol #im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore #BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES #IM DONE!!! #also my eyes are really red now for some reason #probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk #probably both #yeah i should go sleep now lol bye #ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao #sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd #but i should be more active around here again!

[spookberry]

HI THERE!! I know you said chubby draculara only, but... could we possibly also see chubby Abbey Bominable? She's my favorite!!

Okay but when i said "chubby drac only" i meant its the only type of Draculaura ill draw. Fat Abbey just Makes Sense

#monster high #my art #fanart #ive always like abbey but her design for whatever reasons always intimidated me?? like i stress myself out when i think of drawing her #but this was fun i enjoyed it #idk what was wrong with past me lol #i think it was the pattern of her jacket/dress

[yardsards]

living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more

#eliot posts #i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry #just experiencing some Ideations #but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry #ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt'' #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide #american healthcare my beloathed #dogshit private insurance my beloathed #also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday #it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level #my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them) #and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it #with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually'' #and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program #(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent) #so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down #it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday #and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''

[northern-passage]

You don't have to respond to this if you don't want to, I know it will start unneeded drama but I just found it soooo interesting that, since the transphobic blog lets you see their likes, most of their likes are TWC related. And it's not like that fandom is notorious for being a toxic hellspace, no sir.

to be frank it's not just twc, the IF space as a whole is pretty notorious for being toxic at this point. whether you're on tumblr or reddit or the forums, you're going to find these kinds of people lurking around.

that was why i did post that person's username because i could see them interacting with various other authors, and it's best to just block them before they send you something stupid, too.

just like any large online community there are going to be a lot of trolls trying to get attention by sending inflammatory messages or leaving cruel comments wherever they can; i've been getting that kind of stuff sent to me or left in reviews or comments for years now. and currently losers online are having a fucking field day with everything that's going on right now - racism, islamophobia, antisemitism, transphobia, even gore, i've gotten it all in my inbox over the last few months and i've seen others get even worse. these people are pathetic and not worth your time. i've gotten better at not responding to stuff like that, but it is hard to resist that instinctive anger, and that's exactly why they do it & exactly why you see it in every single fandom/online space.

all of that to say, just ignore and block them and you'll have a far better time online than if you constantly try to argue or reason with them because they don't care, their only goal is to make you miserable. even if you think you have some epic clapback, it's not worth it, you're still giving them the attention they clearly desperately want and potentially exposing others to harmful rhetoric. just block 'em, babey!

#it's also why i didn't bother actually responding to that person's message cus there was no reason to share it #just for them to get some weirdo satisfaction from it #i really try to only respond if i feel like it's something i can properly address in a meaningful way #but you can tell when asks are just meant to upset you and you should just block and delete those #and i dont care about twc but i dont think its helpful to blame one single group here #when overall the fandom space within IF and elsewhere is always kinda rancid #i cannot stress enough to just block people. i've gotten way more liberal about it over the years #there's no reason for you to have to interact with every single person just cus you're in the same space #even as an author #extracting myself from certain circles has helped me way more than trying to appease an audience that hates me #anyways it's been upsetting this past few months to see the depravity of some people that are just reveling in all of this #that's why i kinda wanted to respond to this. it's bleak out here but you'll always have the block button and the knowledge #that despite it all you aren't someone who wasted their time harassing random strangers on the internet! #ask #anonymous

[ljussangen]

I have decided that I am just going to be positive and strong. Sure, there are always obstacles and negativity in life, but there are also many, many blessings. The trees, the plants, animals, nature, waterfalls, lakes, the sky, the sun, my man and our son, love, smiles, friendly encounters, tasty food to cook and eat, beautiful things to see and touch and smell and hold.

Despite my traumatic past and long history of depression, I am making this choice. I will make it every day as long as I live, even if it is difficult to do so, for letting heartache and trauma and pain and sadness decide for me is not how I want to live. There are so, so many blessings and beautiful things in life. You just have to look for them, and stop letting other things make the choice for you.

#every time i post stuff like this I get a bunch of angry negative people saying stuff like "you never struggled with depression if you can #believe shit like this“ or ”toxic positivity blah blah blah“ or some other kind of self-defeating thing #you CAN change your mindset if you really want to. #YES I still struggle with feelings of worthlessness and sadness and stress #I still struggle sometimes with my trauma and negativity #but that is something you have to choose to do #day in and day out - you have to decide that you want to get better #and you CAN #you don't know me or the things I have gone through - the hellish years of having to force myself to find reasons to live every day #the things i did to cope and live because as much as I wished to die I didn't want to - the amounts of strength I had to muster to keep goi

[hunsa-jars]

Howdy peepers, I've been feeling pretty down lately but I think I'm on the right path to snap out of it!

See yall on monday hopefully

#to be honest recent political news got me anxious and just.. disheartened #not gonna lie rather depressed #but i guess that's a normal reaction #god it's just so awful #change of subject- i might be a bit burned out too because of all the stressing i subjected myself to this month #but worries be damned my grades ain't overall half bad #THO you just can't catch a break when it comes to college it seems #like we have to sign up for our classes on this website #based on your major obviously #and some people just don't pick the right classes hhhhh #and you see the waiting list for the class you need to sign up to is full because the goofs don't know what their course code is #which is weird like 😭 maybe there's a GOOD reason why your group mates' names aren't on the class list #because you didn't pick the right one aaaaaa #get outta here fella pleaaase #also on an unrelated note: it turns out i have a mild case of rosacea #it's not that suprising skin conditions run in the family #my mom's side of family at least #like my grandpa had rosacea. my mom has it too. my sister had acne (not anymore tho). my older brother too has something going on #i just thought i got lucky and inherited my dad's skin but guess not 💀 #funniest thing is that almost everything makes rosacea act up #heat? cold? spicy food? stress? exercise? stress? alcohol? GODDAMN SUNLIGHT??? #you name it #so yeahh not pleasant #if it won't get better mom will make an appointment with a dermatologist #uhh.. i guess that's all i wanted to say #for now at least #miss you guys hope all of you have been doing well :'> #random squeak

[halogalopaghost]

#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀 #how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia? #and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet). #I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!! #I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!

[coolnonsenseworld]

Sketch Commission for @CastingEsuna on Twitter. Thank you so much! 💖🥰🥰

Instagram - instagram.com/coolnonsenseworld/

Shop - mmezzy.bigcartel.com

Ko-fi - ko-fi.com/coolnonsenseworld

Patreon - patreon.com/lmezzy

#lance mcclain #voltron lance #commission work #voltron legendary defender #woke up 5:37 to rain #so im here making a post now #right after asking if my sister is alive bc she wasnt home when i went to sleep like sure she is an adult #but adults get abducted too #those past two days ive been just making groceries and crying at the inflation #i also hot glue gunned a box for my drawer to keep the charms in and reorganized things ! #first b3cause packing preorders will be much nicer now and second of all #im avoiding putting myself in a position where my brain can speak out loud when im under stress like shut the fuck up collect things into #boxes okay #oh have i told you i made list of reasons my mom called me lately? #accordingly it was because: someone died #then because she had a panic attack (she still doesn't call them that) #and then because my sister wasn't picking up #we ended up talking about taxes and an ongoing trial which was postponed from last year when my mom and grandmother didn't get there bc #they had a car accident #if this doesn't make you go 'lol' about life #i dont know what will #you just can't start thinking about it and have to draw beautiful Lance's that people commission from you look at him #and those shoulders trying to compensate that flat ass #i hope yall like him #😆 #everyone is totally cool so far btw i hope it doesn't distress anyone HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND

[coquelicoq]

after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA #i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol #but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be #and sent him this text #and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason #i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process #but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol) #and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it #which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this #but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me #sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time! #and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends #it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay #baby steps! working on it! #i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know #so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things #but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this

[djsangos]

swore i didnt have any pics of me as a kid but somehow found this hiding in an old jacket that doesnt even fit anymore and thought id show tideblr

look its me age like 9 with the family shrimp chowder and my ass is NOT holding him very securely

#ic img #ic text #mun art #muse selfie #this is probably the closest im ever gonna get to talking about my childhood on here lbr but i do sometimes miss chowder so thought id shar #//look i know this rips ABSOLUTE ass but i just felt like doing a quick little doodle of a baby squid with their dog okay #//there are a million ways in which i could have improved on this but the urge to draw doesn't come very often so i try to just vibe with i #//and not stress myself out about the details to the point it makes me give up #//and for SOME reason every time i DO want to draw it's always this fucking squid. i guess bc they're easier to draw than like a human #viewable ic #rebloggable ic #except for non rp blogs non rp blogs please do NOT rb

[fearandhatred]

i always have to have something wrong with me at all times and there are always about fifteen different factors that could have caused that Something Wrong With Me so i can never fix it

#fearandhatred #for a long while i got sick really easily and i would wake up with colds that would last the whole day (and only a day) #and i could not figure out why #like did i not drink enough water? exercise? did i sleep late? period? etc. #and for the longest time i didn't know what it was until i discovered MOLD IN MY ROOM #and even then my dad kept guilt tripping me saying it was because i never drink enough water #even though i do. and even though my symptoms became itchy throat and ears on top of my colds #and then my mom made me move to my brother's room and all my problems cleared immediately lol. after months or maybe years #see what happens when you listen to your child #wait i went on a tangent but basically now my jaw hurts. like one side is tight #and idk if it's because i'm stressed or i grind my teeth in my sleep or i have a tooth decay or because i keep not wearing my retainers #anyway i always have to have something wrong with me which is funny because if i'm not sick then some part of my mouth hurts #or i accidentally injure myself #or one part of my body aches for no reason #or i'm on my period #genuinely cannot catch a break from this SHIT like bro i'm too young for this #anyway. peace and love

[janiedean]

i would beg my brain chemistry to magically realign itself on a sensed wavelength before I end up begging for meds i don’t think it’s too much to ask is it /s

#personal for ts #ngl i get why therapist would rather not but god i just cried for twenty minutes #because i couldn’t find the thing you use to put water in the iron #and i looked at the living room desk which is a complete mess and burst out in tears #i’m late answering EVERYTHING I can’t bring myself to get out of bed at the right time in the morning #I need to finish commissions and I can’t do three sentences #and ofc 90% of the relatives think that i either need to calm down and NO NEED TO STRESS or think i have no reason to be stressed anyway #i’m so fucking tired #and like i know that i’m shit at getting over things quick and i just got worse with age #idek what i’m getting at #and i feel ridiculous bc ik what kicked me into the spiral #and i need to get the fuck over it because there is no way i’m getting any closure on that front #i KNOW that #but my brain doesn’t i guess #we’re back at i am this picture and i don’t like ir while staring at stannis baratheon aren’t we #sigh #anyway sorry for the debbiedownering s2g im answering everyone soon

[sapphicsnzs]

im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out

#self obs #i will delete this later but i just need to get it out #i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol #like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it #i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem #my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason #well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at #for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month #but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job #so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my #fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do #and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it #because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything #i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope #anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset #whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room

[storm-of-feathers]

:')

#not to be a substance abuser on main but fuckign. oops. #the stress of the season got to me and guess who is out of ambien until THE TWENTYGODDAMNSIXTH #mmmmaybe earlier if i get lucky?? argh #i used a lockbox previously to help prevent me from doing this exact thing but i figured out the uh #damnit whats it called. the failsafe ig that shuts the timer off #im so annoyed w myself bc once ive had one for some reason ambien brain is like oh boy lets have more. #and ambien alex is an incredibly shitty combination of dumbass while having all the smartness of normal alex #so its not like i can hide them from myself or put them in puzzles or something #im so so annoyed w myself but i think like. not having it is the punishment i deserve #ive really tried to switch off ambien but its the only thing that works bc it slows my brain down for two seconds #which has the effect of Me Being An Idiot #vent #gooood i hate talking ab this bc ik ppl will always be like ''just do not be prescribed ambien/do not abuse it'' BRO I AM TRYING #ya boy used to be on hard drugs im doing my best here

[skillzissuez]

Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed

#god I hate it here #not to mention you mother and father #SEEING this #simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead #like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀 #I don’t know how to fix this #I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days #but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive #Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭 #it’s so bad though #I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress #and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc. #it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me #sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong. #Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong #but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me #My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents #but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department #I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really #I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪 #As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️ #I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you. #seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind #if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps #but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now. #anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize #it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys #I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno #tw vent #tw mention of abuse

[crimeronan]

now that the elation of being on-paper sick has worn off i'm back to getting my feelings hurt by innocent posts. anyway someday within the next few months i'm gonna be on a bunch of prednisone or other steroids and then i'm gonna do all my dishes and clean my whole house and go swimming and do my job and fix my life and it's okay that i fucking suck at doing any of those things now because i have a debilitating physical disability.

snide posts about how depressed people need to put on their big-boy pants and take care of themselves are not actually about me because what i am contending with is not depression. what i am contending with is a progressive disease that destroys my muscles, skin, joints, and potentially lungs kidneys and brain. that is not the same as being too sad to get up and wash a dish.

generalized spoonie advice and outlooks feel too optimistic or out-of-touch or non-applicable to me because they aren't applicable to me because what i am contending with is not an average spoonie experience. it is a specific progressive disease that destroys my muscles, skin, joints, and potentially lungs kidneys and brain.

if i feel bad and need to rest and don't pull my weight in my relationships it's because i need to wait to be treated with steroids and in the meantime i just need to hold on. i am not required to do anything else to take care of myself. my body is eating itself with a condition that has a high rate of fatal complications and literally my only job is not to die.

my only job is not to die. that is the only thing i need to do right now. any posts saying that people need to do anything else for self-care or for being a good person or for having healthy relationships are not applicable to me, because my circumstances are highly specific. healthy people need to take steps to better their lives. people like me need to rest until our doctors can help us because overtaxing ourselves might kill us.

a depressed person being too sad and hopeless and miserable to get up is being lied to by their brain. my brain is not lying to me when it tells me that i need to rest because my body is on fire.

my only job right now is not to die.

#i know none of YOU need to hear this. reasoning it out for myself. #all of this remains true whether my final diagnosis is lupus or MCTD or both. #i'm very unlikely to die unless my pulmonary function tests indicate i have the fatal kind of MCTD #which would suck. but is unlikely. #the 10-year survival rates for MCTD and lupus are both good barring complications. my job is not to let those complications happen. #that means sleeping when i need to for however long i need to. eating thoughtfully. keeping a positive outlook. doing things i like. #reducing overall stress. not engaging with things that upset me. forgiving myself for being useless. being incredibly zen and chill. #taking steroids and seeing a neurologist and doing chemo if they need me to (unlikely). being patient. #it's okay for me to be in limbo right now. it's okay for me to sleep 18 hours a day. #i'm not depressed. i am very sick. #autoimmune tag #on this note i'm gonna figure out something nice to do with my day and see if i can get a few dishes done.