#like i dont know: she has her own life and even if we just werent friends any more then that stuff happens

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

the woobification of the lords is something ill never be able to wrap my head around 😭 its insane to me how people can have such a horrible interpretation of events and characters based off of what we have in the actual game

let me start off by saying that ALL FOUR LORDS DID HORRIBLE THINGS (INCLUDING THE DIMITRESCU DAUGHTERS) !

lady dimitrescu isnt some gentle giant who only hates men and loves women and treats them like queens and she just loves living a quiet life with her daughters, she kills and tortures people 😭😭 she like actively killed her maids and drank their blood 😭 they have a basement that has so much blood in it that it goes up to ethans THIGHS

they are muderous and SADISTIC, including the daughters

the woobfication of the dimitrescu daughters is always the most confusing to me. their faces are literally covered in BLOOD 😭😭 they chase ethan around and stab him will laughing and giggling, cassandra literally calls it a HUNT, it is fun to them and they enjoy it

people always try to frame it as ethan breaking into their homes while they are scared and afraid 😭 i can assure you that nobody is afraid of him at first 😭 they dont think hes an actual threat, thats why they toy with him. and dont act like they were unaware of what he wanted. they were all present at the family meeting with miranda, they were all present when they JARRED rosemary 😭 they know what ethan wants, they know who ethan is, to frame them as "minding their own business" is the most absurd interpreation you could make of them

they were all involved, they all knew what he wanted, and they all HAD what he wanted

you can feel sympathy for lady D, when she cries for her daughters with tears in her eyes, she loved them, they were her family, but you cannot deny the hypocrisy. "how can you kill my daughters for your own!" you have his daughters head in a pickle jar! her daughters werent innocent defenless babies who were scared of big ol ethan stomping around in their house, they have weapons! they wanted to hurt him, and they did, and when he fought back he won

i cannot stress enough that in every single fight, ethan is not the first to strike. he is either backed into a corner where its either his life or theirs, or he is literally being tortured/ chased around, what do you want him to do? these people have pieces of his baby, should he have lied down and died?? 😭

whenever ethan is in a situation where the other person isnt stabbing him in the abdomen 100 times he tries to HELP them 😭 he tries to help absoulute strangers of a village he doesnt even know while he knows his own daughter is missing, even when the stranger is also a jerk to him 😭 he wants allies, he isnt actively trying to make enemys, and before you cry "karl heisenberg!" im getting there...

the thing that bothers me with how people treat donna is that although she isnt the WORST she gets woobfied the MOST imo, like she is the ONLY lord (other than karl but hes a outlier because he wanted ethan to come over so they could make out on his bed) who actively lures ethan in, miss dimitrescus, yeah sure u could say that he trespassed, same with moreau, but donna literally LURES HIM IN with hallucinations of his DEAD WIFE, then OPENS THE DOOR for him and TAKES HIM DOWN THE ELEVATOR

she is literally one of the people who ACTIVELY leads him to where she is

she also uses psychological puzzles , like making ethan perform surgery on a wooden doll of his wife and making him run away from a monster that cries like a baby and calls him "dada" 😭 she did not need to do any of that... like at all 😭 she did it because she wanted to 😭 she is by no means innocent at all

she toyed with him for literally no reason other than her own desire and then ethan doesnt even intentionally kill her. he is in a situation where is his trapped in the house and has to find angie, the doll, to avoid being attacked by dolls with like 100 knives stapled onto them

its only when he defeats angie its revealed that he had actually stabbed DONNA. he didnt even intentionally kill her 😭

then moreau... poor moreau... 😭

moreau in my opinion is one of the more sympathetic lords. whoever he was in his life pre cadou has no influence or impact on his life post cadou, the cadou just wrecked his brain functions

all he is is just mirandas minion at this point, he only wants to please her and doesnt really think about anything else for himself 😭

i dont have much to say about moreau because theres not really many people who woobfiy him or pay him any attention really 😭 though i will say he was very unabashedly evil 😭 he did horrible things, such as eating the fishermen and his experiments with the cadou on the villagers, he did it for mirandas approval but its not a excuse for it, hes still a villian 😭 now we are onto karl.... this guy... the woobification of him is insane 😭 first of all, something i dont see people acknowledge is that he actually HAS killed villagers! no he doesnt just use dead bodies (which btw isnt really a step up 😭 some of u set the bar too low man) the lycan gauntlet that he made ethan run through? yeah, he used that before! he has an entire PA system set up in it! he has lights and huge spikey metal death traps! he did not make all of that just for ethan just to "play appearances" for miranda. there were other people who went through that. and they DIED!

their deceased bodies are still in there! karl is messed up and eccentric 😭 it makes him fun, let him be messed up and evil 😭 and yes, karl used DEAD bodies instead of killing people who were alive, so surely that makes him far less evil right?

WRONG! 😭

HE CONSIDERED USING LIVE BODIES FOR THE SOLDATS 😭

karl really isnt a good person, he has reasons for the things he does, he wants to take down miranda and i dont think hed be creating undead zombies in the first place if it werent for her ruining his life but that isnt justification, its just an explanation for why he does what he does. he has a sympathetic back story and motives but you cant erase what he did, hes a villain! he tries to use a baby as a weapon!!! all 4 of the lords are villains, and instead of making other characters worse to uplift your favorite character that did something bad, you can just accept that the character you like did bad things 😭 they are all fictional, if i like moreau it does not mean i endorse eating fishermen 😭 you can like a character that is flawed, or evil, or did insanely messed up things because its RESIDENT EVIL. they are EVIL! they do bad things! like im sorry! but if your fave has a villains wiki it probably means they did some bad things! 😭

i wish people would be able to enjoy a character without entirely dismissing the bad things they did. its okay to like a character that does bad things, its ok to find them interesting and fun! but you cant deny what actually happens in games to try and make them appear as innocent. you dont have to justify every little thing that they do, just accept them as a whole!

of course this doesnt apply to AUs or just posting for fun. you can change media to be what you want to make it more fun. im going to draw lady dimitrescu treating ethan like a unwanted family pet. does that mean that i think she would really do that in canon? no! she would bite him and then tie him up like a pinata and give her daughters blindfolds and bats!

but people need to be able to recognize that fanon is NOT canon.

this post is about canon interpretations,

this is just addressing people who genuinely believe that those kinds of portrayals of the character is an ACCURATE portrayal, because its not.

#ethan winters #donna beneviento #alcina dimitrescu #dimitrescu daughters #karl heisenberg #salvatore moreau #resident evil #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8

[robotnuts]

i dont know much and i havent really Read a lot of theory so id probably be laughed out of the room by anyone that has but even as someone who knows nothing i do think its clear that like. even if the broader political implications werent fully intended by burnie (which, considering the problems with disability rep in rvb, i sure Hope they weren’t), there’s still meat to sink your teeth into there. 

reading the AI as assistive tech in the story creates some really interesting thoughts about biopolitics and the military. there’s interesting stuff about how maine’s disability is treated and how care is forced on him that he doesn’t ask for and how york is treated of course, i just reblogged a post on it, but i think pushing the framework further to extrapolate what it means for characters who Aren't understood as disabled being provided assistive tech highlights some interesting points about disability politics. what does it mean if you consider even the able bodied freelancers being (classified as) ‘disabled’ by not living up to a superhuman standard that no one can access without modifications. 

having an ‘abled’ or ‘disabled’ body isn’t a natural inherent objective state of being but a classification produced by and given to you by sociopolitical circumstances, what is considered 'disability’ is subject to change with shifting cultural norms, etc. so in an incredibly high-control hierarchical environment like the military, with absolute control over your environment and body and goals, the standard of behavior you need to achieve to be considered 'abled’ can be pushed so far to the extreme that it falls out of the range of behaviors that can even exist without assistive tech so fantastical that can't exist in the real world. this view challenges the 'common sense' conceptualization that being abled is just the ‘natural, healthy’ condition of one’s body as an inherent physical state with no societal influences or contexts. instead, disability and ability is produced by the interaction between one's physical body and those contexts, and in extreme contexts, we get extreme conclusions. no one at club errera would consider agent carolina disabled, but under project freelancer, in order to further the aims of the people she works for, her not being able to run 50mph is a ‘disability’ that needs assistive tech in order to fix. 

and also under the control of the military, the abilities of agent carolina’s body are owned by her superiors. her assistive tech isn’t given to her in order to allow her to run fast because she wants to and thinks it would enrich her life, and being granted More Ability is not an unquestioned net good with no drawbacks**, but a material tradeoff that comes with different advantages and disadvantages for one's dayt o day life. it's not for her, it's solely because it would allow her employers to continue exerting power and maneuvering towards their political aims. in short, her own well being is completely disregarded, because, well. duh. it’s the military.

assistive tech’s designs and aims are also not apolitical and always a positive thing. using the AI has extreme physical and mental risks and harms for all the freelancers, as well as just being a MASSIVE interpersonal burden/change in how they’re expected to interact with the world on a fundamental level, which makes sense as a trade-off! in order to be able to perform the superhuman feats required by PFL the tech is fundamentally invasive on the deepest possible level. but it helps PFL look better and satisfies the director’s enigmatic whims,* so get on the operating table. 

this point reminds me of posts i’ve read about prosthetic arms and how they’re extremely difficult to learn to use and how most people give up on them because they aren’t comfortable and aren’t helpful in the long run, but people are still encouraged to be fitted with prosthetic arms, because thats the Natural state of an Abled body and wouldnt it be best if everyone could Return to that, instead of considering assistive tech that might actually treat the needs of an amputee, such as tools modified to be able to be used with only one hand (also, militaries even use soldiers who are given these devices after losing their arms as promotional fluff pieces, calling them bionic arms and showing off how high tech and cool they are, even though from what i understand, they suck! fuck the military!!!)

*(and i don’t think the director’s enigmatic whims are necessarily me being snarky about weird character writing and don’t reflect any real life phenomena either- this being the director’s Pet project and theory and people with power being able to use that power to extreme ends to get incredibly stupid ideas manifested in reality reminds me of the elizabeth holmes, the silicon valley blood girl, and how she got investors excited because they were sold on the story of the idea and not because of any real merits it had. NFTs work as another example. the director decided he’s going to do this dumb fucking AI dissociative identity disorder scheme because it seemed so clever, and there’s no checks on his power as the nepo baby in charge of the big shiny war machine, so he can totally just fucking implode his entire organization and ruin countless lives on this pipe dream fueled by his fucking dead wife angst 

**this is why this essentially just being the case and all we're given wrt wash's disability in zero drives me so crazy lol. i mean most of the stuff i find interesting here is in 6-10, its not really doing the same kind of interesting stuff in 17 either, but i do think a story about a disabled character coming to terms with what his and future will look like is an important story to tell, even if i don't have as many interesting thoughts how the plot intersects with the explicitly political environment of the military in the same way i do with 9/10

#rvb #sorry all the easy jokes and posts have been taken already ive been here too long now all my posts are fucking Weird

[seal-berry]

sooo

-jay and little destiny left behind bonnie and jays siblings right after their father possibly died

-golbetty couldve eaten simon and he wouldve thanked her and had his wish to be with her forever granted but nope he gets to be PATHOLOGIZED! dont worry simon, your problem has a NAME and its CODEPENDENCY. phew, sure am glad that thorny, complicated topic gets wrapped up nice and neat! be sure to pick up a copy of "the body keeps the score" on the way out, simon. (no shame against that book but the things people assume after reading it are wild and labelling a relationship that has some small flaws as toxically codependent to the point of breakup is one of them)

-fionna gets to get told WHATS WHAT about how STUPID she is for wishing magic was real. just picket and play roller derby like a normal girl, its not like the world needs to REALLY change... changing it might risk what you have! and you APPRECIATE what you have, right fionna? need to watch your friends die some more so that you accept wage slavery america as the pinnacle of existence? you should be sorry for thinking it was so boring, thats not very self care of you fionna

-oh but cake gets to stay. because uhhh. idk. it would be fucked up to have a detransition narrative, i guess? and shes not a 20-something who needs to grow up. i guess we cant accidentally teach our audience to become stretchy cats, so its fine, its not teaching them anything bad! but fionna being magical, now THAT would send the wrong message

- every other couple gets to have romantic/imperfect/codependent moments-- gary sacrifices his WHOLE DREAM for marshall. but the writers know its not very 2023 of them to make the gays more problematic than just. having some psychosexual violence thrown in there for spice. but simon and betty? sorry you werent perfect and she dont want you no more

-any romance that ends with "i am willingly breaking it off with you even though we could be together" needs to work HARD for that to satisfy. golbetty couldve eaten simon and he wouldve thanked her. blowing him off into the world IS DISREGARDING HIS WISHES! it just feels like they imposed Recovery Aesthetic onto simon and fionna and were like see :) Happee Ending! dont look at all the loose threads, simon went to THERAPY! zoomers love when old men go to therapy, right?? simon and betty's issues werent wrestled hard, long, and to the ground enough on-screen to sell that she doesnt want him anymore and that that truly is the best ending she can bring with her ultimate power, it reads that golbetty truly did override betty's self and changed her into an unrecognizeable figure. its so stupid that adding a little bit of pathologizing therapy talk can make people say this was good.

and codependency IS pathologizing. how much dependency is healthy, at what point does it tip into being too toxic to save? that depends on which therapist youre talking to. humans are wired for connection, no amount of CBT and DBT will make you not mourn losing a connection, and the pain of that loss shouldnt be used as evidence that you should just be less attached. simon isnt a mind reader, and betty made her choices. you can call it a "fawn response" but that still implies that you think she was unfit for autonomy. if she really doesnt regret those choices, why doesnt she want to be with simon? that question is not answered well enough to leave it not feeling like a swerve for audience members who arent projecting their own codependent experiences onto betty. the text alone doesnt support it enough for that to ring true, not when they only actually delved into the topic for about 5-10 onscreen minutes. Not to mention the fact that the ending ends with a fucking montage where it looks like simon just turned happy and is living his dream of cheers sitcom life. is that really better than becoming one with your beloved crazy wife forever? is that actually more realistic, in the visceral emotional language that stories speak? is it a more satisfying ending, getting 80% there and then saying "actually this dramatic cool story has some Problematic Elements, I'm going home"?

i wish they gave her more lines. they couldve given her more lines, made simon talking at the audience into a real conversation, and they didnt. there were so many things they couldve done and it ended up at something just as toxic as whatever codependency they were railing against, the idea that the relationship we were shown was too toxic and flawed and that betty was clearly fawning for simon and not capable of making her own decisions while simon shouldve stepped up and fixed that for her. they want to play it like "we must go our separate ways" but there's no must. this is still a choice betty is making, to break up with simon for good, and that choice was always gonna be a hard sell but not even letting betty have more than a few lines about it? how do you expect to sell such a big emotional shift? therapy speak, apparently.

and they seriously played the "simon goes back to his life" card WITHOUT a marcy scene??? lazy heroes journey shit.

#fionna and cake

[mothofmany]

TW RAMCOA /vent

Becoming painfully aware that my family was a familial cult and their church of choice was their safe place because many other familial cults hid in plain site there.

It just makes everything in my life make so much sense and i feel like i may have had this realization before and just shoved it back deep down?

Idk basically my birth mother “married” (in the eyes of god my grandparents say) my birth father when she was 13 and he was 18. My mother gave birth to 3 kids before the age of 21- which she often wouldnt consent and my father would say “well youre my wife” and she would just allow it. and eventually my birth father started using heroin and meth and my mother attempted to leave him but he wouldnt let her and attempted to kill all the kids and himself so she split us up. My mom sent me to live with my grandparents, who then sent me to my bio fathers sister- and my brothers went elsewhere to prevent my father from finding us and my mom.

My mom was supposed to come back, but my grandparents and my adoptive parents took legal custody by moving to a different state and my mother couldnt get to the court date in person, so the custody went to my adoptive parents who kept me in contact with my bio father, who i knew as my uncle until i was 7, and my grandparents.

My grandparents would have get togethers every year and we would all go to mass and hang out with the very large family including my bio father every year. And every year i was terrified of these events and would try to hide the whole time.

My adoptive parents used TBMC on me and from what i know their parents used it on them. My grandparents loved using different forms of physical discipline on children and so did everyone at the church. They all recommended a parenting book called “to train up a child.” I specifically remember my parents at a parenting session with the pastor after sermon asking “my child isnt reacting to spanking as a punishment, what should i do?” And the pastor said “spank her more and harder until she gets the point.”

My grandparents would talk about beating my parents with belts and suggest to use belts instead of the wooden spoon and sticks my parents used on us.

I would be spanked 50 times; sometimes more, sometimes less; until i “stopped crying and accepted my punishment” which was really just me dissociating.

In my family this was normal. My cousins went through similar things. So i just thought EVERY family grew up being beaten into submission. I thought time out included being locked in room in the dark indefinitely for hours. Because it happened to my siblings. It happened to me. It happened to the kids i went to church with. I even had one of my friends parents spank me for laughing at my friend cussing. Her mom over heard and spanked us both.

I was only allowed friends that went to church and has parents that were friends with my parents. If they werent approved by my parents i couldnt talk to them, even if i was at school.

I wasnt allowed to wear what i wanted or read what i wanted. They had to “approve” everything that i did. I could never make my own decisions and if i did they would make fun of me, make me feel horrible about my choices, or just hurt me for “making the wrong choice.”

Plus theres the weird sexual stuff that happened and i dont even know how to get into that because it doesnt feel real but it does at the same time and everytime i try to talk about it i shut down

#personal #ramcoa #traumagenic system #did osdd #endos dni #system things #dissociative identity disorder #did #actually did #did system

[ikayblythe]

sigh.

This track makes me feel things. A hopeful hopelessness. The imagery of the broken iterator cans in the background. The knowledge that all things come to an End as the planet returns to its original glacial state.

I dont know, but I feel like Rain World's philosophy is...flawed. The undergrowth echo is the only one to ever reject Ascension outright, yet Saint goes and ascends everyone anyway. The tenth karma is the last, symbolizing the removal of the will to survive. Crossing yourself out. Death. It's a death cult. One that the Ancients imposed on the world because they weren't satisfied with existence.

Hell, Im not sure if the global Ascension occurred peacefully either. Rhinestones says they never wanted to go...but here they are, an Echo. They were forced to leave, and Im certain they werent the only one. Imagine, a massive religious movement that brings you down to the center of the earth to kill you.

The Cycle is a fact of life, and not one that can be escaped. Who's to say that Ascension truly is the final death? No one. It's a leap of blind faith.

Iterators were built with the self-destruction taboo...but that's just a basic will to survive, on account of being a conscious being. Did Sliver of Straw truly want to die?

Or was SOS...a victim?

The act of suicide is not easy. It is to overcome your own biological hard-wiring, as your body fights against your mind's will to destroy it.

No wonder iterator philosophy is so divided over SOS—she killed herself. It's the same as how people feel about real-world suicide. A mess of emotions because of that conflict between an innate will to live and the act of ending it. No wonder why the local group became concerned over Pebbles crossing himself out. Life is suffering, and yet suicide is a most grave act, even if, by logic, it would "end" suffering. And that's where the iterators fail.

They were doomed by an ancient death cult to solve a problem that doesnt exist, to live a paradox. Even by Buddhist philosophy, which Rain World hints at, suicide is not encouraged. Why? Because it sends you back through the loop again. This time, you gamble at your chance of seeking enlightenment, because you may not come back as a human for many lifetimes. Suicide is condemned because it's cheating the cycle.

The Ancients doomed their children to this purgatory because they themselves couldnt come to terms with the fact that suffering is a necessity. How would you know happiness otherwise?

In some ways, I find the Saint evil. Depending on the interpretation of their campaign, Saint appears to be a tool to deprive the planet of life itself, doomed to repeat it over and over until they finish. Deliberately ignoring Rhinestones and their will to live.

One interpretation even suggests that Saint attacks the void worms out of defiance against these 'gods'—they're frustrated, they're angry that the cycle exists. If we go with the interpretation that SOS made Saint, then Saint is a tool of her frustrations. Life is inherently flawed, and therefore life must not exist.

Ascension is just death, and "Saint" is a killer. And a victim.

Sorry for the rambling. Ever since I played Rain World it's made me go into a philosophical spiral. I disagree with it. It's a beautiful game but the thought it preaches promises something not there, and the one time we see it call this philosophy out, it's ignored. Everyone in this game is a victim. Theme V isnt just hopeful hopelessness...it's mournful. It's pitying those who succumbed to Ascension philosophy. It mourns what could have been.

Cycles have no End, and that's okay.

There is no "Beginning" or "End" point.

Life is pointless.

But that's okay.

It's because a circle has no point, that it is able to move forward.

#rain world #rainworld #blythe's rambles #tw self destruction #tw su1c1d3 #sorry yall i just had to let it out #the iterators are my babies they deserved better.. #Spotify

[yellowbluemoonshine]

really love the post u made on toga's quirk! personally i think how it works could also be alike to toya's quirk, ie being fuelled by extreme emotions. his firepower grew significantly when he was upset and changed the colour from red to blue. and similarly i think it's fair to say that rn toga feels way stronger towards ochako and jin, someone she has a crush on and currently has to fight, and someone who was recently murdered and whom she's still mourning, than she does towards tomura and toya. of course she loves them too, but those emotions just aren't as big in comparison

Thanks, anon but i disagree which is what i explained in my post.

I dont think Toga's love is bigger for Ochaco or Jin than her love for Tomura and Dabi. I mean, Toga doesnt even see Ochaco as person, she doesnt value her as human being, she is just a crush for her, compared to her usual crushes, Toga value well being of league of members. She always wondered how Shigaraki felt, she was worried about Dabi's wounds, she even trusted Iguichi enough to risk her own life in battle and Twice and Mr Compress were like caretaker for her. She value their well being and trust them so much. How can this kind of love be inferior to her love for Ochaco and Izuku? I dont think it can.

And i dont think Jin was Toga's favorite in league. I personally think Shigaraki was/is her favorite person. No doubt that Jin was her bestfriend, her big brother and they connected but i always read her feelings for Tomura was a lot more than that, despite the fact that she didnt really connect with him, he was always in her mind. Toga's crushes wouldnt matter as people so it doesnt makes sense Izuku and Ochaco to be matter for her than her usual crushes. And despite the fact that she had Twice as friend, she still felt like she wasnt trusted and wasnt close enough to someone uncertain. We know thats not Twice because she already knows that Twice cared her more than anything.

And honestly, i dont really want to compare different types of love. There is family love, friendship love and romantical love. All of those are important. Maybe in Dabi's case, we could say she loved Jin more than him since Dabi and Toga werent really close that much, they recently connected but i dont think that was the case in Shigaraki's case.

She was one of the first league members he gets along with. Especially before Twice died, in several arcs and official arts that Toga was shown as thinking about Shigaraki's feelings, always trying to make him happy, listening his orders, imitating his behavours and more. More details in here. It condracts with what was/is shown to us. She clearly loves him so much too. So i dont think its because 'she love Ochaco and Jin more' or 'she didnt love Tomura and Dabi enough'.

I think its simply because Toga loves Tomura and Dabi but she feels disconnected from them, she is unable to reach out to them and i hope, they can eventually connect. Because this disconnection is always one of the center themes of Toga, Shigaraki and Dabi's arc. They feel disconnected from their loved ones, their identity and rest of the world. And they need help because of it. This is why they are so broken. They need someone to reach out to them and break this disconnection and let them be finally free. I hope Uraraka and Izuku and Shouto can help them.

#bnha 382 #mha 382 #toga himiko #shigaraki tomura #dabi #todoroki touya #uraraka ochaco #bnha analysis #mha meta #mha theory #anon ask #shimura tenko

[gutsfics]

1, 3, 9, 22, and 24 from the OC Interview Questions for Devi please!!!

yaaay thank you!!!! :3 ok im going Devi Mode now >:3

1. Who makes up your family?  How close are you to them?

well there's my mom and dad, and i have an older sibling, Avery, and two older sisters, Kennie and Satomi. im pretty close with all of them, especially my parents! tbh though it kinda feels like the five years i was dead made me miss a lot of my siblings' lives so theres like a sort of.... glass wall? i think? thats five years i cant get back, and they're all enough older than me that i wasnt really raised "with" them so much as i was raised after them, you know?

also Noah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noah's been such a big part of my (un)life that it would be wrong not to call him family <3 plus also hes my boyfriend :3

3. What is your favorite childhood memory?

so Jane's favorite fruit is-- um... was [he looks kinda sad for a moment, but shakes it off] blackberries, but she was allergic to the brambles so when it was blackberry season, i'd crawl into bushes to get the juciest berries for her

anyway the september before, um.... she got a bit sick in september and i wanted to cheer her up so Noah and i went to the biggest blackberry bush we'd found in the forest and i picked as many blackberries as i could for her while Noah kept me company (cuz he's also allergic so he couldnt join me in the bush). we werent as close back then as we are now, and i dont remember really what we talked about, but i remember that it was one of the last warm days of the year as the season changed, and the forest was so pretty and i felt like nothing could ever go wrong

its, um, kind of a sad memory. bittersweet, i mean. but its important to me

9. Are you a spiritual person? If yes, what do you practice?

now that's a really interesting question. i know that there is a sort of "higher power" that exists in the world, but it's not really God, or A God or anything consious really. its more like.... a membrane woven into the world that makes it what it is. like a membrane holding back some kind of juice? God Juice. and there's that spot in the mountains where the membrane has been punctured so more of God Juice is flooding out of that hole than there should be in the world, and i was part of that god juice, and i think that god juice is now a part of me? or it made me or something? and if i focus, really focus hard, i can kinda hear the way the universe sings? not always though

but um. i dont really know if that counts as spirituality. and i dont "practice" anything it just... kinda is? i try to be nice to people and the world but that doesnt feel like "practicing spirituality"

22. What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?

ummm haha ohh..... i dont really know how to answer that..... growing up i was usually either ignored or bullied so its always so weird whenever someone flirts with me. its always like, are you talking to me?? oh, no thanks. i already got a guy for that

and Noah's not really a flirty guy. he'll walk into the underworld to carry me back home, for sure, but he doesnt really do flirting. unless you count just open and honest statments about how you feel about someone as flirting? i'll flirt with him absolutely, but usually gets too flustered to flirt back. its really cute

24. What would you consider your main love language?

spending years of your life devoted to taking care of someone who's lost everything, through thick and thin, even when things get hard, on days when they dont seem particularly... connected to their humanity. just being a constant in their life, a lighthouse in the middle of a typhoon, grounding them when theyre too lost to find solid ground on their own. walking into the unknown to grasp their soul and bring them back from the brink, even if that means everything changes, even if it means you yourself could get stuck yourself. would you still love me if i was a worm. would you still care for me i had nothing to give you but my company and my love, even if my company doesnt mean my touch or my conversation. would you still love me if i couldn't remember who you were.

um.

sorry. what was the question?

oh right! i think my love language is physical touch and acts of service and quality time. both giving and receiving them.

#it lives in the woods #ilitw mc #<- yeah i really like some of these answers too much not to post em in a main tag #oc: devfield

[bridgyrose]

Recently divorced Ruby Rose (former Ruby Schnee) is trying out dating again. She meets a special someone who reignites the fire in her life, even though Weiss is clawing to get back with her.

Ruby sighed as she started to flip through a few dating applications on her scroll, swiping through a few pictures as they were recommended. After a few moments, she dropped her scroll down onto the table and leaned back with a groan. “Why does this have to be so hard?” 

“Because its only been a month since your divorce with Weiss,” Blake answered back. “Shouldnt you give yourself a bit more time before rushing back into a relationship?” 

“Probably. But… I dont know, maybe the divorce didnt hit me as hard as I thought it would. I love Weiss, but we lost the passion we had and it felt like a relief for us to finally end it. I… I think I’ve been ready to date again for a lot longer.” 

“Then maybe I can set you up with someone.” 

“I’m not going on a blind date.” 

Blake grinned a bit and pulled out her scroll. “It wouldnt exactly be blind. You remember Ilia, right?” 

Ruby slowly took Blake’s scroll and looked over the picture of Ilia, pausing for a moment. It had been a few years since she last talked to her, only briefly as an acquaintance when Blake brought her around to help with a few changes in Vale. “She’s still single?” 

“She’s a bit picky with who she dates. But I’m sure she’ll like you.” 

“So you dont know.” 

“Its hard to get a read on who she likes or what she likes in a person.” Blake sighed and took her scroll back from Ruby. “I’ll talk to her and see if she’ll agree to go on a date with you. Worst case, she says no and there’s no time wasted.” 

Ruby nodded and smiled a bit. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot. But if she says no, then you have to agree to no more set ups.” 

“Just as long as you quit complaining about your dating luck.” 

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weiss paced around with her scroll in hand, flipping through flower shops. “She’ll take me back, I just need to make sure I have the right things.” 

Yang rolled her eyes. “Werent you the one who wanted the divorce in the first place?” 

“It was mutual at the time,” Weiss said as she stopped in her tracks. “But I need her back in my life. I… I didnt realize what I was messing up at first.” 

“Then you’ll have to talk to her.” 

“I cant just talk to her about it! I… I have to set things right and make sure everything is perfect when I talk to her again! Which is why I came to you for help.” 

“And why would I help you?” Yang asked as she folded her arms with a scowl. “You’re the one who started talking about a divorce a year ago! You’re lucky I’m not trying to hurt you for putting Ruby through all of that!” 

Weiss sighed and sat down. “Because you know that if I was trying to hurt Ruby, you wouldnt have even bothered to let me talk to you in the first place. I… I know I messed up. I threw myself into my work and I know she wasnt happy with our marriage. I thought I was doing the right thing with the divorce, but now… now I realize where my mistake was. And I want to make it right with her and start over.” 

Yang pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to stop you from trying to get Ruby back, but I’m not going to help you. As far as I care, that ship has sailed and sunk. But I swear to the gods, if you hurt her-” 

“I wont hurt her.” Weiss gave a small smile. “I promise, I wont hurt Ruby again.” 

“Fine.” Yang stood up and started to walk out. “But you’re on your own.” 

“Can you at least tell me the name of the bakery she likes-” 

“No.” 

Weiss winced as she heard the door slam, nearly dropping her scroll. She crossed Yang’s name off her list and stared at the ever shrinking list of names that she thought she could go to for help. Jaune, Yang, Nora, and Pyrrha refused to help, more than justified in being upset at her, Blake never got back to her, which left Ren, Neon, Flynt, and Penny as her only options to help win Ruby’s heart. She sunk back into her chair and started to run through the bakeries in Vale as she tried to figure out how to ask Penny for help. “I’ll get this right and I’ll get her back. No matter what it takes.”

#ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #drabbles #rwby #divorce au

[crunchchute]

another day, another round of me wracking my brain trying to come up with a good fnaf timeline. this time i came to the conclusion that i should just make an au where i leave out a bunch of stuff at this point if i want to work with my own story 😭

ok this turned into a LONG rant id normally just put on my other blog but as i started here, im just gonna post it here. i also keep forgetting stuff and sometimes i come across a theory/fact that makes me go OOHH im so dumb i forgot. and it changes everything again and its probably happening again here

first, fnaf 2 is where i get stuck every single time. id love to just leave at least the toys out, sorry mangle. second, i just cant wrap my head around the whole "charlie was the first victim" idea because we get introduced to all this where we see the puppet in the toys location and the withereds.. it becomes too confusing for me. is it at the same location? was the puppet with the ogs and the toys were added later? i would say the toys are irrelevant and havent been added until the ogs were withered. anyway, i believe will could have stuffed the kids into the ogs prior to killing charlie, which would make more sense if the puppet was possessed later and then gave them life? whether the toys are or arent posessed is not important to me as much (just confuses me. like if they werent there would it change the story??), or rather it lacks some closure, like the ogs have eventually been destroyed and the spirits let free, but for the other kids (that people say are possessing the toys), we dont even know their names! or how they ended. i always think of the theories how will destroyed the ogs to take remnant from them to use in the funtimes, but nobody ever thinks of the fact that he just gets springlocked right after which would make No sense. the funtimes are an odd thing, i guess you could apply he actually took it from the toys, but why would he? is there proof? if theyre programmed to snatch kids directly, hed have enough remnant and not have to get it from previous animatronics. that said, i believe the SL location and funtimes were made early on, but had to have this kidnap/kill function only after charlies murder because if she was the first and the point of her being the first was that will found out about remnant and possession, he would want to start experimenting with it then. however, i do prefer charlies murder to be out of jealousy towards henry after losing elizabeth, which would mean the funtimes would be existing at this point (because of eliz death). or perhaps the funtimes have been a project of his (i have this little coffin theory. probably dumb, basically just each character is there to hold the body/spirit of each afton family member, baby and ballora are obvs, funfred would be cc with bonbon in the place of the walkie talkie plush to control him.. and foxy for mike, but this doesnt work unless william knows about the posession...) but baby killed elizabeth and he wanted to get her back... wouldnt then finding out about charlie and the puppet be like way too convenient? like hey, this is exactly what you need. ...and how long can a spirit persist within an object until possession using remnant? or this kind of "activation" like in give life.

now this brought me to thinking about springtrap and when exactly was he "revived". as well as other time things.. such as, i thought the spirit "degrades" over time, loses sense of self - but i guess that would apply more after the possession starts. hinted at with scrap baby, she has been baby for so long its no longer elizabeth. but springtrap, and then scraptrap, is william seemingly after decades unless his spirit possessed spring bonnie only around the time they found him? big think

and then back to the general timeline. i cant even pinpoint the very start which bugs me, so it always all starts in '83, (after fredbears existing for a bit) when i assume the bite triggered the nightmare experiments, also closing of fredbears. i think there was a freddys at that time already where the first mci would happen but as i said i like the idea of will stuffing the kids into the withereds. maybe not, maybe i gotta let that go but its just such a nice idea. theyre just there in the back, nobody cares about them, the perfect place. then he can be the one to fix them up into their fnaf 1 glory, but this applies to it even if they were stuffed there much earlier and the withering happened Because Of the decay (probably makes more sense too! so i will try to work with that instead) and you see! no puppet yet. but also no possession. hed fix them up after, put them in their own new location and go ham. as in, he also has the saferoom there with the spring bonnie suit to use. nobody suspects a thing. (i also think the golden freddy/fredbear suit could be there and thats how we got golden freddy) but you see, with this we could just throw fnaf 2 out entirely.. whether we had the withereds or not, it doesnt matter, toys dont bring much to the table other than the bite of 87, no? the puppet could work perfectly in fredbears or freddys, just waiting her turn

see what i have to live with. i already helped myself a ton by accepting that henry is just in jail after the first mci/post fredbears so i dont have to work with him too. he wasnt framed, only in charge as the owner.. and we got fazbear entertainment taking while william has afton robotics. as in, they split at some point (after the bite?) and then he works under fazent in various locations, many times under aliases. Oh which brings me to.

in this year of 2023, they finally made me care about fritz! only because its william. to me. i have no proof! other than the clickteam teaser saying "fritz", but showing dave. (if its not him im fucked.) plus, isnt all we know about him literally just an employee kicked out on the first day for tampering with the animatronics (and smelling bad)? wouldnt william do something like this? get inside, if he cant he will take another identity (a name of one of his victims even) to get in to fuck around with the animatronics. why not just go there as william?? he once owned this place..? WELL now comes another juicy part (oh god crunch is going insane) he got kicked out! he cannot be in the location. why do i think that? midnight motorist. yeah.. okay i now love the idea that rye put out there, in the house its mike and a babysitter or aunt (movie helping with the lore!!!) and the footsteps are golden freddy luring him out (movie again!! its only 2 footsteps because GF doesnt walk!! he floats!!) but that aside, im thinking of the JRs part. this doesnt matter other than a hint at other stuff, metaphors and parallels and such. JR could be fredbears previously, yeah i dont argue with any of that, but it also makes me think of it as a paralell to the toy location. a place he got kicked out of, maybe not just once, perhaps the night he killed charlie he had just been kicked out (for various reasons) which amplified his anger as we see in MM after being kicked out of JRs, ending with him killing charlie (which i think was a tiny tiny bit premeditated in the way he was jealous of henry and his happy little family, now getting this chance) much to think about

note: i dont take anything here too seriously. theorizing is always just fun so if the one person decides to read this and react in a highly negative way, just keep it to yourself. if you have strong arguments against something with proof, do bring them in, i genuinely forget about shit i read like, yesterday. i also cannot "factcheck" everything when after googling i get shit like people on quora telling me that... quote.. william was under the control of the glitchtrap virus since he was 8 years old... umm wrong!! he was forced to eat cement when he was 6!!

okay that was meant to be a closing sentence but i also thought of one more thing. and one more thing!! i was a firm and calm and collected believer of fnaf 1 taking place in '93. then came the movie, making it in the 2000s. and it changed me to the worse! i started reading up on it and found out that its all just a theory that majority latched onto and decided to take as fact. as well as the idea that springtrap was locked in for 30 years. wont factcheck rn but it was apparently 30 years from the first location being closed, not since the springlocking. which means theres no set time between that and fnaf 3. on top of that someone was saying it made more sense for fnaf 1 to take place 10 years after that, so around 2003 instead, and it made sense to me then, so yeahh...

it also ties better to help wanted onward (though fnaf3 happening later would make the previous events more mysterious, why wouldnt they look into the location sooner?) and SB not taking place in like 2050s but 2030s or so (if its true that SB is happening 10 years after the pizzaplex opening). holding onto the game!vanessa is an afton theory even stronger after the movie! i talked about it b4 but had no proof. and so we dont have any literal grandpas making babies, the sooner it goes on the better. if vanessa is ~23 during help wanted, this way shed be born sometime in the 90s or early 2000s (this kinda applies even if HW took place in 2023 right after fnaf3 but since i think it happened sooner then i would prefer to go with the 90s) and. and will could have gotten laid one last time :] and have vanessa. think about it. (yeah how old is he again... it works right? also having to put him into a straight relationship after all of this is criminal, i know. im sorry, i will do better. (lie))

in the next episode, i will go over why the mxes entity is william. good night

p.s if you read through all of this, write me an ask about whos your favorite animatronic

#please help #this became way too long #dont read. dont bother #crunching #fnaf lore drives a man insane. more at 8 #i just reread my own writing and came across something that made me go wait a minute... #i hate it here. im gonna rewrite that and pretend it didnt happen #long post #move aside bass. im now the true william waffler #waffling about william 2

[cherrytea556]

How she ra couldve developed its characters: Mermista

When we first met mermista, she was sarcastic, blunt and carefree/laidback and ended the show the exact same but is dating seahawk now and has a mention of being a leader which never gets brought up again. But with the leader thing, that couldve been the idea for her character arc: Her learning to become a leader. In her first episode, we see her kingdom already struggling:

Given how we dont see her with any parents/parent figure, she may either have to lead later down in her life for reasons like parental death or earlier with help like the staff she use to have but now, she doesnt have any left. It escalated further when salineas was invaded in s4:

This couldve been why she was determined to being a leader in launch and how she felt when she almost failed as she wasnt able to save salineas, her home and kingdom. However, I do wish her impact of the invasion was explored more such as in boys night out where given how shes reacting, it seems like she just went through a bad day or breakup than experiencing her home kingdom being invaded through her own eyes

Maybe if we see her hiding under hot tub refusing to leave because she couldnt face salineas invasion and is guilty for what happened until she hears the seagull of seahawk and bow getting caughted by the pirates (For my rewrite, the pirates werent part of the plan, rather would be the boys would try to help salineas while building back respect for mermista as many people in salineas relationship with mermista would defintely shatter after the invasion) Getting her motivated to go out and fix what happened, it wouldve been much better and fit more with what happened with mer mysteries. We couldve also see her be more of a leader such as in perls of peekablue:

I couldve had her find out peekablue was dt but I think seeing her be more of a leader like maybe giving scorpia some advice to find out about double trouble or make the guys that her an seahawk captured of when they could talk to peekablue or if they know peekablues new conspiracies (since in this rewrite, I would take mjtanners idea of peekablue being a conspiracist that turned out right in the end, hence this party celebrating their brilliance and the alliance here plan to have peekablue either join them or give them more info on horde primes plan to stop him) would work as well. I also would not have her be chipped along with scorpia (seahawk and perfuma would be replaced instead. Mermistas confession to seahawk in the finale wouldve worked better for their romance imo which I'll go in more depth in another post) Mermista and catra being on the same team wouldve been good for both characters, specifically mermista for closure, obviously being angry and distrustful of catra as she was with entrapta but both in the end may be in mutually distant terms with each other even when catra would have to recieve consequences for the salineas invasion such as maybe being banned from the kingdom, to contribute to fixing salineas with guards for the people in the kingdom to feel more safer.

Also we were seriously robbed of a sisterly mermista and frosta relationship. Think of it, mermista would help frosta embrace more of her kid self while frosta would help mermista lead her kingdom, we would also see more of mermistas and frostas character, it wouldve made so much sense.

And thats how she ra couldve develop mermista. Any other ideas for mermistas character would be greatly appreciated

#spop critical #spop salt #mermista #seamista #frostaandmermista #she ra rewrite

[eternityservedcold]

thouts on blue beby

aaaeaeaeeae so many. one time i used this to describe him

so thats basically him

her character concept to me is literally "what if isaac just gave up". the "answer" to that "question", of course, being "well it would continue to be isaac but express the traits of isaac in a different way". heres how i explained that a year ago:

even from this short, informal description i wrote in dms you can see some of isaacs traits (persecution(?) complex, self-sacrifice, self hatred) being sort of zig-zagged for blue. where as isaac walks into danger, blue asks for danger. where isaac does things for his loved ones, blue allows its loved ones to do things to it. and so on!

blue also has some traits that are wholly new to himself. being dead, as we know, changes you. for example, blue has a good sense of humor, which is something that isaac lacks. blue also has the ability to calm down and recognize his own emotions somewhat. in a stressful situation, he may lash out in anger.... and so on

ive classpected blue as the thief of doom, which really encapsulates what i see her personality as. to steal others doom and inflict it upon yourself... that is blue baby, to me. even in her first appearance, the cutscene where she is seen and understood for the first time, that is what shes doing. she is serving as a warning, a portent of fate. "do not become like me," she says, "i died. you dont have to. just listen to me, ill save you."

of course, we know that it doesnt work, but thats what i think is happening there. in my mind palace version of tboi. yes i know that is an insane thing to extrapolate from a 16 second mostly-comedic cutscene. what of it?

ive also associated blue with the hierophant tarot card, which (when upright) represents religion, conformity, tradition, and other such things. i chose this for it because these are all things that affect it greatly, despite it having no memory of its home life. when reversed, however, it represents personal belief, freedom, non-conformity, and so on. these are things that blue attempts to embody, but will need guidance to truly attain

here is a short list ive compiled (like. just now. so im probably missing some) of songs that i associate with blue:

my mind is a box by pretty balanced [this is... THE blue baby song to me. like, this is it.]

dead flowers by demon hunter [this song is about losing a loved one, according to the person that wrote it. i think a loved one can also be "yourself." mourning for the life you werent allowed to have]

i know by girls rituals

just like my heart by fault lines ["i used to feel so much. now i cant feel anything. whats wrong with me? is it this heart of mine? will i ever get to feel again?" <-- blue baby inner monologue/thesis of this song]

SING ALONG by pengosolvent

bullet with butterfly wings by smashing pumpkins [wheres your rage? wheres your fucking anger? RISE! RISE!!!! aka the blue baby inner monologue when its not the other thing]

congratulations, you survived your suicide by sycamore smith [fucking duh]

mr capgras [...] by will wood

heard somebody cry by oingo boingo ["i thought i heard somebody cry... somebody might be me" <-- you can take this as just blue OR blue and isaac and it works both ways]

#tboi #mourneruntosheol #id in alt text #for all the pictures #''sorry'' (not actually sorry) for the long rant. i think about this freak every day #ask #anon

[dballzposting]

Can u plz enlighten us with some of ur gohan and videl Truths they are my#favorite

O.M.G. BUT I HAVE NOTHING NEW THO.... I LOVE THEM AS WELL but I havent thought about them in a while ...!

Well I think that they are awesome. And I've already posted about how they're both fucked up and they can smell the blood on each other and they are the only ones for each other and so like I dont need to say all that again...

They agree on many things and they also have many many polite disagreements. For example they will read books and take totally different things from it ... and then they'll have polite discussions about it becasue they really value differing viewpoints.

What's more they really believe that a marriage is a partnership of equals, and maybe it's easy to think that it's the classic Wifey-Owns-Him thing, but Videl really believes that they should be equal so she makes a point OFTEN to get him to voice some goddamn opinion. Becasue Gohan is pretty passive and hes honestly comfortable taking the backseat often (depending on context) becasue it takes the stress of making decisions off of him. And so she makes him opine becasue she doesnt want to walk all over people.

She likes to sharply voice her set-in-stone opinions BUT they're not really set-in-stone becasue she loves to have discussions with you, and (depending on context) she doesnt want people to just buckle. She wants to express her strength of character without having to hold back and she wants people to meet her strength with enough of their own to not only handle it, but to generate some new energy and life from the exchange.

Pan was 100% an accident btw. We know this by the way that when Videl got pregnant she didnt want to tell Gohan straight away and she hid it for a while. If they were trying for a kid then she would have been like OH MEIN GOTT GOHAN well no she wouldnt say it like that shed be like GOHAN-KUN (she still calls him -kun even after theyre married) ("babygirl" is an easy and acceptable substitute) IT WORKED.

But she didnt say that so ........... They werent planning on having kids but they seemed pretty happy about it so it worked out. But they also didnt have any more. Becasue again they were not planning on it. And Pan was an accident.

BTW Gohan had a homoerotic moment with Shrapner in the locker room of high school once and he never says anything about it ever until one night he and Videl are watching a movie together and the movie ends and the credits are rolling and the room is completely dark save for the TV screen and they're both too comfy to get off of the couch and Gohan opens his mouth and begins rambling about that moment he had with Shrapner in the locker room.

And Videl is really into the fact that theyve known each other for like 5 years and they can still completely surprise each other. Videl has a bit of an interest in homoerotic moments btw. She doesnt know much about "gay theory" (as she calls it) (respectfully) (she learns more later it think... Like she starts reading books) (she already knows more than she thinks she knows though) (she assumes she doesnt know bc she assumes that she couldmt know so shes very dutifully keeping an open mind about her ignorance) (she knows some terms and labels tho) (that's going to come up later in this sentence get ready) but shes into homoerotic moments and the nature of it and shes had some attractive, fleeting moments with some women before and when pressed she'd consider herself "heteroflexible" and she'd offer her opinion on how bisexuality is a viable natural state for a human to be in.

Gohan doesnt know much abt all of that and even after years of he and his wife keeping each other's minds open and reading books and stuff, Gohan would still default to his mother's values when conversing with others becasue it's tried and true and easier. Whereas Videl develops sex-positive politics, with her own caps and strictness roping it into something unique to her. She believes in the individual's right to not only do what they want but to express it, make art of it, sing it to the world; but also she's with Gohan in that The Act Should Be Kept Behind Closed Doors and probably shouod not be discussed openly. But also she wants to introduce a woman into her and Gohan's marriage but that's probably never gonna happen...... MAYBE MY SAIYAN OC BULRUSH COULD GIVE THEM A HAND..? No... she is so not either of their types .. Plus that is just not the relationship I want them to have. I want Gohan and Videl to view her as barely-relevent family who lives within distance so that's why they know of each other but they're not close .. bulrush is an easy talker so the one time in 9 years that she visited she had lots to say .. But it was all sort of draining.

Oh and of course Gohan is okay with her cigar smoking becasue that's not going away. Hes not a fan of the scent but he manages to remain rigidly neutral about it for the rest of his life. One time she got into fun flavored cigars and he much preferred that. But it didnt last long.

And shes mostly OK with his Chuzzles addiction becasue it's not really an addition hes just really into spending hours every single day playing Chuzzles. They're in the car coming back from some place and Gohan does a goofy shudder and goes "Ooh! I gotta go home and get on the Chuzzles!" (How to refers to playing chuzzles) and then they drive home so that he can do that ...

Oh my GOD he LOVES Chuzzles SO MUCH UGHHHH. She wont touch the stuff because the few times he got her to play it felt like it might be a comeback of her old PacMan addiction and SHE'S TRYING TO MOVE ON FROM THAT ......

Thanks for asking. Anytime man

#dballz posting #dballz asks #long post

[v-r-i-s-vris-v-r-i-s]

I LOVE BAD ART

hiii im thyme (ze/zir/they/them), one of the 4 ppl w accces to this acct, and sry for spelling, im dysgraphic + actualy typing and not using speach-to-text like normal

ANYWAYS

i LOVE bad art, and i HATE when ppl get upset i say that!

i grew up w a lot of pressuer on me to be good, definetly in general, but also absolutly w art!! my mom was an artist, and i grew up VERY christian. everything i did reflected on god, and more importantly to my mom, on her.

she was so exited to have a kid who LOVED art and stuff like her, but i was never good enough. she would always tell everyone how good i was, how i was gifted by god, and how much i took after her. (she was v self centered and would majorly talk up anything that made her look good, yikes i know)

so ppl would be naturaly interested and exited to see! and then i would be forced to show them some art, which, keep in mind, was verry age appropriate and full of the generally goofy stuff i loved, and 9/10 they would be dissapointed. even if they werent my mom decided to constantly pressure me to do better.

this was really stressful obv, and i stopped drawing for the first time. when i got into middle school, i started again, this time not really ttelling my mom. i was happier, but had already had it impressed down onto me that my art had to be good to warrant existing or taking my time. i was v stressed by it, and as i slowly started to get more comfortable i was imedietly bombarded with competition.

i struggled to get better in the ways that seemed easy for anyone else, PDA kicked in as soon as i felt something NEEDED to be done, and i was compaird to everyone my age and younger and told how much better theye were.

i never wanted to make it a competition, i just wanted to have fun. i wanted to do something hands on that could express me better than my words ever could (undiagnosed autism at the time made me feel verry weird and thuroughly broken, and explaining that wo imedietly getting invalidating and patronizing answers simply did not happen)

i stoped drawing again. i changed schools and had a better art teacher. she wasnt a dick bout my art, but definetly acted overly suportev(possibly im anxiose and projecting past art trauma onto her lmao and she was just being normal, she was cool af tho). i starded drawing more, on and offf, and got REALLY depressed and burnt out. one of the ways it manifested was being unable to be creative.

but things did get better!!! got an autism diagnosis and educated myself more on my dysgraphia diagnosis(got in elementry school), came out, made freinds who brought me to queer music and caberet shows(tysm phoenix), and was able to move out!

as im now on my own, my art drive has rissen signifigantly, especily as im surounded by other art enjoying weirdos(complementary). but i still hate when someone says that my art is good or bad. constructive advice and support is always valued, but there are so many mediums and people and styles, how on earth do we judge that?? having to be good enough for everyone to warent my own existance and hobbies almost killed me, and sucked all of the joy out of my life.

ive seen people who got so happy to doodle, only to stop forever when someone makes a remark on skill with their age. ive seen family stop bc someone joked abt their stick figures or car drawings, because even if the joker didnt mean it outside of a goofy remark, the joke was meanspirited and ment to put the artist down. I HATE THIS??!?!

WHO DECIDES WHATS GOOD ENOUGH TO EXIST??? capitilism? christianity? the example of two dead ppl from history???

obviosly i dont fuck w that.

art is something made to express something, how are you going to take such a broad catagory and shove it into your biased and sad binary?

so i proudly call my art bad. as an ongoing rebelion against everyone who thought and thinks that something has to fit their binary of goodto exist. i say bd to help myself unlearn the shitty things that were pushed onto me, and as a way of saying i dont have to be anyone's good to warent my own joy.

some ppl will cut in here, theyll tell me not to talk badly about myself (im not). theyl say even if i dont mean it bad, my brain will internalize it as a negative(i dont think that applies here?) or theyll spew some capitlistic bs (HUH, GUESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.)

no hate to others reclaiming their art and love for it in different ways,this is just how it works for me. in in my art vocabulary, bad means not locking itself into the harsh expectations of good, and i find that incredibly freeing :)

#art #actually autistic #actually dysgraphic #I LOVE BAD ART #bad art #art rant #fuck capitalism

[loveinglymii2]

a ramble about queen of tears

if you come across this there is no proper grammar or punctuation. sorry about that, not really though.

I just genuinely dont understand why haein is so upset that hyunwoo would want a divorce like the way that they were barely even communicating, they werent happy, and her family treated him terribly and speaking of her family they wouldnt have lost their fortune if they had actually valued hyunwoo like if they had treated him like a family member and not some random man that haein married they wouldve been at least a little more cautious of eunseong bc hyunwoo had been warning them and telling them to make sure they do things correctly and they just keep ignoring him and being suspicious of the wrong person hyunwoo has been apart of that family for three years and at the first sign of something wrong they immediately turn their backs on him without even a second thought hes been working so hard at that company and they still didnt take him seriously and the grandpa pisses me off even more bc you believed some two bit bitty over your daughter AND son-in-law and she's been telling you something isnt right with that woman like he lowkey deserved to be scammed like this hell all of them with the exception of beomja deserved to be scammed like this the way they treated him was terrible especially that icky ass mother-in-law she definitely getting what she deserves bc not only is she terrible to hyunwoo shes also terrible to her own daughter like to blame your child for the death of your other child is down right diabolical shes a nasty woman she deserves this downfall and i dont even feel bad for soocheol losing his family hes an idiot that lacks critical thinking and he shouldve stopped his mom from treating his sister badly like he saw the way that woman was treating his sister and he was like at least its not me hello that is your sister and she didnt do anything but survive she cant take back what happened to their older brother and she wasnt in control of that situation either like she was just as likely to drown as her brother was only he managed to save her and die in her place

and going back to haein being upset with hyunwoo wanting to divorce her i just think it's also interesting bc while yes she loved him she did things behind his back so while we the audience knows that she broke down crying after the miscarriage of the baby and we know that she defended him when her family treated him bad (its been three years so we dont know if she was doing that the whole time or just recently started doing that) hyunwoo didnt know that so hyunwoo thought he was all alone to fend for himself to heal himself from the lost of their child and thats what gets me like yea you can say well he shouldve comforted her but how was he supposed to know she was breaking down crying when all hes seeing is her on a business phone call acting like she didnt just go through something traumatizing and how was he supposed to know that she was defending him when she'd let her family talk to him that way to his face and she would just stare ahead like they werent berating him he isnt a mind reader he cant and wont know her intentions if she doesnt display what shes intending to do and no im not blaming haein i get it people shut down and hyunwoo shouldve been more effective in communicating his feelings to her he shouldve sat her down and told her how certain things were making him feel but how can he do that if she also yells at him he was stepping on eggshells to not only appease her but also to appease his family-in-law idk it makes perfect sense to me why he'd want to divorce her

but with that said ik they love each other and honestly if by the end of this series and haein is still alive i really do hope that the two go into marriage counseling bc they cant communicate to save a life their whole marriage wouldve been fine if they had just sat down and talked to each other heck they mightve even been parents already if they had did that but instead they let it build between them and fester until resentment came and it's just crazy to me and again im not blaming haein im just looking at this from hyunwoo's perspective bc if it were me i'd feel the exact way nobody is a mind reader dont expect people to just know how you feel about them or a situation yes people have their different ways of showing love and affection and what not but every once in a while you have to show them how you feel and how certain things are affecting you and yea this goes for hyunwoo (even though again i think he was scared of her reaction to him telling her how he felt about things so..idk) but anyways so excited for this weeks episodes and im so happy that they both still want to be together so once they start actually communicating with each other (hopefully sometime soon) they'll think about getting back together they may even have a baby and i think that haeins family are going to start appreciating everything hyunwoo does for the family after this and actually treats him like a family member and not treat him like a random man off the streets of seoul lol and theyll care about the hyunwoo's family as well

[solardick]

Happy BS day. Its valentines. I’m not allowed knowing love. Because god’s an asshole. And enjoys fucken with me. And it’s always ever going to be just me. And know that in dying. I dont care anymore. That stupid girl they always talking about is going to be there. Today, yay! My lung hurts. Smoke another ciggarette.

Wonder whys the dovstor arw going to say when i ask to be euthanized. Just send me a guy already so i can spend the rest of my short life being fucked. Like i have been since my first memory. And Since im never going to add anything to life. And for the first tome this year theres the semblance of winter. Its only ten degrees warmer than it should be today and not 20.

Oh and the girl is gone. Wonder who’s gonna replace her.

Yay for being punished all fucken day. Get the fuck out of my way.

And fuck tarot im done. All y’all fo id give me the oppositre of what i create and my intent. Fuck this rapist culture. Soend tbe rest of my short life gaming and hetting drunk. An dmy dragon image in now trash.

Not allowed being healthy others control my life. Wonder what having independance from malicious influences. Something id like to experiemce before i die. Ive never been. Maybe one day. Ill go. Lol.

I nailed it in that dragon image though. My perfect reflection. And the tower crumbles. Everytime.

Mmmnn i can feel it. Serpent. Its stirring. And after fetting hit in the face with a box. Fuck this. Im done. Fuck all of you. Go sit in the corner and wait.

Souffy, fuck off pls.

And… uh, maybe she realized she was in love with me. And could no longer stay. It was a nice two step dance we did though. Was fun. Bye luv. Maybe one day.

It’s always sexual. I have a very lovable image. I just be me. I always get fucked over. But circumstances won’t allow. Im locked down. Man. And they won’t leave me be. I left my family what eight years ago now. Haven’t had any peace pressence has always been there. … born in hell. I dint know what else to say.

Well you know what they say. Gotta poor your sexuality into something else. Like making love to god. Or jesus. Or blogging indiscriminately, unfiltered. It has to be raw. Or. Not at all. When uou have nothign good to say you sys nothing at all. Maybe in. Fairy tail ‘bout being saved by thee glorious father.

Maybe her boifriend, will show up and beat me up. Because she flirted to spite. Spite. Yeah, yeah. That word, works well. Think im being framed up again? Probably.

Hahah. Ugh. I mean. Im pretty celibate. So its usually from the opposing parties. Thats how it started. Even down near 6-8 yr’old. If its coming from women, its either a good desire that would play out right if present corcumstnaves werent treating me lije a marionnette or there wasn’t amole amounts of violent carnage preventing any act forward. Or its a dirty desire. And im turned off. And do the morally good thing. Ethically may be skitchy. The couple times it did. Treatment and marionnette and all that. Not in a healthy state of being. And thats beside the while line up of scripted ones. There to be serpents. Other people serpents. The white ones with the crow.

Where do you want me to step? Here?

Uh, ok. The added script. Strength from mother to the “king” the child as self. Mother to child. Leo. And death. A parental bond with mother. One showing trust and support. Missing piece to the script. My own, fuck her. Man. I cant do it. There’s nothing there. And for as long as im nothing but tred, i couldn’t afford to care even if i wanted to.

Now to see of i camt find something to watch that isnt predomiantly gay, or gradually drawn into being. Risky stuff. I live dangerously.

Like tomorrow war, where the threat is actually the russians. With there symbolic connection to man and the machine vs. Women and temptation. Gotta fight the good fight. It had monsters and russians in it. I should have known better. In godzilla it was what the Chinese? God sake. Gotta keep my uranus in sag occupied. Uh?

I soent what 20 years in a hole. Not being a part of the system. And then as soon as i do. “Covid”happens. Yeah, ok? Where the real world? I dont think ive met it yet.

Anyway. Crazy bs aside. Im grateful she left. Better pay, closer to home. Can’t go wrong. Even though she hurt me in two ways. Knowing that she wasn’t there to get in my way today. Was awesome. And the good feeling remains. The Dove and the Dragon. The dove, a portent to positive experience. This land is populates by too many crows though. The most dominate species here. Only in the spring and summer are they mostly chased away. Creating a loop of conditional experience. That of using the the functioning increases of solar energy to overcoming the negative association to growth. Its not at all different that the tv. Of fighting monsters and such. Except that there’s not an overlaying fabricated script over nature. And this function is towards the means of reproduction and establishing a suitable nesting home.

In high populated city zones, the natural is all but lacking. Amd the mass lives within a bubble of conditioning. Which cost millions of lives to make possible. While claiming peace on earth. Though millions of lives doesn’t seem so consequential considering the what now, eight billion?

Twisted metal does seem promising. Thanks justin.

No, it’s just sneaky. It hook punches you.

Well guess im goving up media. And going back to the wind.

Well y’all could give some hearts if your going to stock me anonymously. But no. Only the bad stuff.

[pesterloglog]

Kanaya Maryam, John Egbert

Act 5, page 2705

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ghostyTrickster [GT]

GA: Hello

GT: hi...?

GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple

GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction

GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species

GA: A Reason

GA: Any Reason At All Really

GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You

GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human

GA: Go

GT: ha ha, what?

GA: What Indeed

GA: I Was Just Leaving

GT: so you're a time traveler?

GA: No

GA: We Dont Actually Travel Through

GA: Uh

GA: Well

GA: Not All Of Us Do

GA: One Of Us Does Though

GA: Thats Not What We Are Talking About Here And Is Aside From The Point

GT: so let me see if i have this straight...

GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans?

GA: No

GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace?

GA: No John You Werent Listening

GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason.

GA: Damn It

GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess...

GA: What The Hell

GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe?

GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome.

GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.

GT: and then she went home and nobody believed her, but you just KNOW mcconaughey believed her.

GT: because he had all the faith. and i mean ALL OF IT.

GT: anyway, does that have any applicability to your cosmic interstellar astrojourney?

GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really

GT: pff, i know i'm dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude!

GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy

GT: oh, sorry.

GT: i don't know why i thought you were.

GA: It Happens

GT: were you trolling rose too?

GT: TIME TRAVEL TROLLING???

GA: Yes As A Matter Of Fact

GT: oh boy, let me go put on my quantum space hat, and extra terrestrial adventure boots, and you can tell me all about it.

GA: If You Werent So Stupid Id Suspect You Were Being Insincere For The Benefit Of Your Amusement

GT: ha ha ha. i don't follow!

GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future

GA: Shes An Imbecile And Conveying How Much I Dislike Her At This Point Presents An Overwhelming Gauntlet Of Personal Expression

GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation

GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On

GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes

GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works

GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like

GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.

GA: TT: you look kind of like...

GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.

GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult.

GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.

GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest

GA: TT: no, it's a movie.

GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.

GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it!

GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie.

GA: Are You Suggesting

GA: I Was Being Trolled

GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish

GT: possibly! i know that sure didn't sound like her.

GT: but i think it's more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie.

GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll!

GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well

GT: ok well, just between you and me...

GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled.

GT: and it just might be all three of us.

GA: Okay

GT: but you shoulda told me you liked little monsters!

GT: we could jam about that. what was your favorite part?

GA: Suspicions Pitching Once Again Toward The Conclusion That You Are Just Very Stupid

GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they're hard to find!

GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed!

GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve

GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do

GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you.

GT: keep up the good work!

GT: listen, i'm kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry.

GT: so i'm going to block you!

GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you're kinda cool.

GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again

GT: yeah well...

GT: you might just hear from me!

GT: also, you should give rose another chance.

GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it's all in fun.

GT: there is more to her than that, you'll see.

GT: bye!

ghostyTrickster [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

#homestuck #kanaya maryam #john egbert #homestuck act 1 #page 2705 #homestuck act 5 act 2