#like friends the same ethnicity as me or from communities of the same race know exactly where im from cuz they're like 'o u say that'

[genericpuff]

Hope you don't mind my asking but do you mind elaborating on why you don't like Mongie too much? I know all about why everyone dislikes Let's Play itself. There are various videos and post upon post online tearing it to shreds with criticism but I've not heard much about the creator herself like I do Rachel Smythe. Does she also run into the same issues that Rachel does or is her behavior different but equally questionable/annoying?

It's kinda equally questionable, kinda different. They both have the same issues of like, fetishizing youthfulness and creating unhealthy power dynamics. They also haven't done a great job at depicting POC in their comics, you can tell they're written by white women who don't understand other cultures but are trying to make their series more "progressive" by including stand-ins for representation.

That said, considering Let's Play is set in a real world setting, the POC characters (and the casually racist issues in their writing) are a lot more obvious than in LO (where you have to know the context that the neon-colored nymphs are based on POC to really realize that they're lower class POC people who are getting the shit end of the stick from the rich upper class main protagonists).

And I don't even mean in the usual "there aren't any POC in this comic" or "the POC in this comic are stereotypical/poorly written", I mean in the sort of white-victim-complex "I added in other ethnicities and people got mad at me anyways so what more do you want!" kind of way (paired with the "they're poorly written and stereotypical" aspect).

Dean is a good example of the stereotypical designing and writing, IIRC he's a Hispanic man but he's written like some Spanish soap opera character who flirts with every woman he sees and always has rose petals falling around him.

Even in that sentence he says "part Asian" which is weird because he's looking for Marshall who's supposed to be his best friend and it's been established in the comic that Marshall is half-Japanese, but that brings us to the other instance of mongie being casually (if not directly) racist and even more so than with Dean...

Apparently mongie thought it was a good move to say that it was "more inclusive" to make Vikki only vaguely Asian. Which is just... so not true LOL Asia is an entire continent made up of MANY different cultures and ethnicities and so generalizing all of them to just "Asian" is not a great take from someone who's trying to seem "more inclusive".

But of course, when her community called her out on this and asked her to elaborate, she and her mod team basically dug their heels in and made up excuses that made mongie out to be a victim instead of just acknowledging she made an error that didn't connect well with members of her audience.

And theeen in comes mongie ready to torch the place. Note that up until this point, it's basically been her mod team speaking up on her behalf and giving her benefit of the doubt, so when mongie DID get her chance to speak, she jumped right to:

"FINE, SHE'S HALF CHINESE HALF KOREAN THEN, STFU AND STOP ANALYZING ME WHEN I INCLUDE CHARACTERS FROM RACES THAT DON'T ALIGN WITH MY OWN !!!" (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻ is very much the vibe people got from this, understandably so. It's also odd (and extremely privileged) for her to say that she'd "rather focus on a character's personality and not their race" because it's very "I don't see color" which has been proven to be counterintuitive to understanding and celebrating different races.

And then we get a lot of self-victimizing "well I can't win no matter what so you people are ungrateful and actually it's MY feelings that are hurt" excuses:

Again it's weird because she had NO problem specifying that Marshall was half-Japanese and she didn't make him into any sort of weird stereotype like she did with Vikki. So I don't know why she's having such a hard time grasping that being vaguely Asian for Vikki isn't inclusive.

Although, let's be real here, the only reason Marshall is half-Japanese at all is because he's a self-insert of Markiplier, a half-Korean Youtuber who mongie apparently worked for on payroll as a graphic designer prior to Let's Play. Which is just a whole layer of ick that I think surpasses even Rachel Smythe and Mads Mikkelson. Like the Rachel and Mads thing is definitely creepy and weird because she's literally drawn herself - an adult woman nearing her 40's - being swept off her feet by a smoochy-faced Mads. But at least she didn't work for the guy or ever interact with him directly like mongie did with Markiplier. That's a whole separate level of "ew".

That said, mongie continues:

Which is just such a half-assed non-apology. Not "I'm sorry for misrepresenting a culture" or "I'm sorry I didn't do proper research", but "I'm sorry people think I'm being insensitive or that they need specific representation in my work that I'm claiming to be representation to be good". Completely shifting the blame from herself onto her audience for not being happy with the bare minimum that she gave them.

There's more though. Probably one of the worst parts and it's not even her, but one of her mods:

The fact that this is one of mongie's mods telling mongie's audience that her feelings - as a white woman who's just legitimately patronized her audience - are more valid than the people whose feelings were hurt by mongie being so insensitive... it's a real gross move and I can't believe they even pulled that.

Oh, and of course, as people like this tend to do, she goes on about "cancel culture" and how "terrifying" it is to her and then comes up with some imaginary scenario where a kid pays a hitman to kill her ?? as a defense for herself that really just further victimizes herself over her own misled actions ??

And this is something mongie does a lot, at least in this instance - she comes up with justifications for her decisions based on completely imaginary scenarios that she came up with and assumed, rather than just, idk, doing her research and being open to learning new things about cultures she's clearly not educated on. Shit like "well if I do xyz you'll be mad at me anyways so fuck you!"

When in reality? No one would have been mad at her if she didn't have any non-white characters in her comic. Would readers be disappointed? Probably. But - and I can't speak for everybody out there obviously so this is just my opinion - I know I'd much rather representation from someone who wanted to represent my respective groups and identities and put love and effort into it, than get it from someone who was just doing it because they made up a scenario in their head that they would be cancelled for not doing it. No one really has any tangible ground to stand on if they get mad at you for writing a cast of all-white characters you wanted to write, there are plenty of webtoons like that on the platform. We do need more stories that uplift and represent POC voices, but it shouldn't be from white victim complex people who only do it to virtue signal and ensure they don't get "cancelled". You know what WILL get you cancelled? Attempting to write other ethnicities and racial groups purely based on stereotypes for the sake of "representation" and then getting mad when people ask you to be a little more specific than "Asian".

Oh yeah, and then have your mods censor/delete any mentioning of educational resources regarding Asian cultures, and then essentially dox one of your community members by revealing their Twitter to the entire Discord group to boot!

oh boy mongie, if you think THAT'S drama, wait until you see the shit I do here LMAO

#so yeah that's the tea on mongie #don't write characters outside of your own worldview if you aren't prepared to do the research #it's OKAY if you're white and only familiar with writing white characters #just don't go writing POC or other ethnicities and then acting like a martyr over it when people call you out for it being badly done #bare minimum stereotypical vague representation is just as harmful as no representation #webtoon critical #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

#call of duty #cod:mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mactavish #captain john price #simon ghost riley #alex keller #farah karim #cod #alejandro vargas #valeria garza #rudolfo parra #fandom #tw vent #celena.rambles

[pinkyjulien]

Just a heads up: you, a white creator, putting Native American/First Nations/indigenous inspired clothing on your white OC, and then calling it the "wilding" appearance, could be considered cultural appropriation and could also be considered offensive to people from those cultures.

And yeah, I am doing this from a throwaway account to protect myself because I know how Tumblr and the cyberpunk 2077 fandom works. Even if I do have a valid point or critique, I could still be attacked by "fans" on my main who refuse to use any critical thinking for themselves.

Safe travels 👋 I hold no animosity towards you personally.

(From a "cowardly" anon in an extremely hostile fandom which likely will pretend that this outfit and the name for it isn't tinged with implicit and internalized racism.)

(And, no, I'm not one of the so-called "housewives")

Hey Anon,

Not sure what to say, you claim to not hold any animosity towards me, yet this could've easily been a DM. I'm only assuming you're blocked and had to create a side blog to by-pass the said block.

If this was truly a well-spirited heads up, it would've been a DM.

But anyway, if you're here to accuse me in a sugarcoated way, I already know you're having the time of your life about it in some obscure discord server, so might as well.

The Aldecaldos (and Nomads in general of every clan and family) are multi cultured, there's people of every races, every ethnicities- we see it in game and it's mentioned time and time in the sourcebooks. They're communities, formed of many minorities; queers and pocs alike.

Valentin joins the Aldecaldos during the Star ending, just like the canon game event; he makes friends left and right, and friends makes gifts to one another. We also know that resources, clothes, cars, guns, are shared in nomad communities.

The name "wilding" is a direct reference to the Neo Tribe sourcebook, page 21. I used that same name for Mitch's appearance. They use those outfits to ride off near cities, just like the definition on the page below. They're both proudly showcasing their Aldecaldos colors in whichever place / cities they're visiting.

In my own canon, Dakota is kind of a mother figure for Valentin; she helped him after fleeing the Wraiths, she gave him his first gig with Jackie, she made sure the 'caldos ripper kept the bullet he revoved from Valentin's skull, etc etc

That Jacket could've well been a gift from her before leaving to Arizona, but I haven't decided yet. I was just happy to share my modding project of those past two days.

I've always liked Nomads and what they stand for, their diversity, their lives, their outfits and aesthetics too.

None of the above information is presented as an excuse, they shouldn't be seen as excuses either; I'm simply sharing what inspired me (actively or subconsciously) for this outfit.

If Valentin's appearance, both models and name, did actual upset anyone, I apologize, as this obviously WASN'T the intention. If it does bother you, I invite you to block me.

With all of the "explaination" out of the way; why are you really here?

Because we both know you already knew that about the Aldecaldos. You played the game, you know Panam is half native, you know there's a bunch of native characters in the Aldecaldos and in the game in general.

This ask isn't fueled by kindness or by an attempt at educating someone who could've made a simple mistake.

Nope, you're simply part of this "hostile fandom" problem. Everything you said in brackets reeks of past drama.

Again, you claim to not hold any animosity, but I believe otherwise; that's totally fine, but refrain from contacting me with this fake benevolence, everyone can see it's bullshit.

Repeating myself, this could've been a DM, yet you choose to assume I have some "internalized racism" that You Need to point out, doing so via a side-blog supposedly out of fear (since I don't know who you are, I'll choose to believe you simply by-passed a block) while also dragging in the "Housewives" for no reasons.

You're part of this fandom problem. You're part of the reason why nobody feels safe about sharing anything; you and your friends are out there spying, monitoring what everyone does, assuming the worst at any given occasions and ready to write callouts, to throw witch hunts.

Please, do some critical thinking yourself, remove all the bias and all the "Pinky Bad so this is obviously Racist" bullshit fogging your brain, and ask yourself why you really sent that ask.

#ask #anon #cyberpunk 2077 #long post

[magicxc]

Hills and Valleys

Synopsis: Legend has it that Halloween is strictly for the scares. With ghouls and goblins, vampires and werewolves, witches and broomsticks, who could disagree?

However, all this friend group wanted was a little trick or treat. Sprinkle in a few party favors, loud music, and a cabin in the woods, the myth was bound to come true. 

Lurking around the corner is danger like never before, eager to bring this night to a bloody finish. 

So join these friends as they fight to make it through a Halloween they’ll never forget, proving that "the scare" is more than just a fantasy.

Word Count: 3845

Warnings: Talks of Killings, Implied Murder, Nothing Too Graphic for This Chapter

Chapter 1 - Emery's POV

Series Masterlist

10 years later

Good morning Santa Monica, this is Sienna Ramirez coming to you live from Brentwood. It’s Friday October 31st as the time reads 8:32 a.m. and behind me here, is believed to be the most recent murder scene of The Resident Reaper; named after their ability to seamlessly integrate into communities, where heinous crimes are sure to follow. 

Fingernails clamped between chattering teeth is the latest bad habit I’ve picked up. It isn’t until my teeth chew through the nail that I manage to force my hand away from my mouth and atop my bouncing knee, while the other reaches for the remote; fingers tracing over the buttons until the volume increases. 

Authorities are unsure of whether today's latest casualty is that of The Resident Reaper but can confirm that it matches their murder method of death by strangulation. Just a few months ago, The Reaper’s seventh victim was found at a rest stop near the border of Arizona where the body was discovered some hours later. For the past 4 years, homicide cases have popped up in states lining the historical route 66 where authorities believe California may just be their last stop. Given that the prior victims didn’t fit a particular profile, ranging from men and women of all ages and ethnicities, law officials state that it’s difficult to tell who’s most at risk, but better yet the gender of the person behind these strings of monstrosities. 

The remote being snatched out of my hand scares me shitless and a shriek bursts into the quiet air, hands clutching my chest until I slowly remembered that Lynn slept over the night before. 

“Enough of this Em,” she pleaded, muting the tv. “You’ll send yourself crazy watching this shit.”

“It’s the news.”

“Oh you know what I mean,” she huffed.

“Lynn,” I croaked. “Every time I close my eyes, my mind races with a thousand thoughts of how it could’ve been ME at that fucking rest stop.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“I can barely sleep most nights and the thought of being alone in this house makes my chest tight,” I sobbed. “Gum isn’t the same for me anymore and the once peaceful patter of raindrops fills me with dread.”

Eyes crinkled in confusion, Lynn carefully sits next to me on the bed, a protective arm cradled around my shoulder as she rubs it soothingly asking, “what's wrong with chewing gum?”

“I had just wrapped up my trip to New Mexico, opting to drive back home for a more scenic view to clear my head.”

“You don’t have to,” Lynn mumbled. 

“I need to,” I insisted, shoulders slouched as I stared at nothing in particular. 

“I was four hours into my drive with enough pent up energy to push through the last three. It was nightfall and pouring rain, which was rather soothing, but I was on the verge of pissing myself.”

Silent tears streaming down my cheeks has me furiously wiping at them, inhaling deep breaths before continuing my story. 

“Just when I thought I couldn’t hold it any longer, I passed a rest stop sign letting me know it’d be a quarter of a mile out. So I finally get there and there’s two other cars parked outside, which was a little too empty for my liking.”

Tilting my head toward her, I blurted “do you ever get the gut feeling that something is off? Lynn I swear the rain hammered down even harder as I sat there, with lightning spooking me silly. It was almost as if it were a warning.”

Fiddling with her fingers, Lynn proposes that sometimes our bodies know when something is wrong before our mind has the time to catch up. 

Nodding in agreement, I go on to get this shit off my chest once and for all. 

“Before I have time to decide anything, my legs are hurling toward the entrance and into the stall. The bathroom is surprisingly clean and puts me to a slight ease as I'm finally able to relieve myself. I wash up and use my hands as a makeshift umbrella while I sprint back to the car. As I’m running, I see this hooded figure strolling toward the bathroom. That's weird right? It's raining cats and dogs and they’re just taking their sweet ole time getting to shelter?”

“Maybe getting wet isn’t a problem for some people,” she suggests. 

“Ehh”

“Still a little off putting tho,” she voiced carefully. 

Clicking my tongue, I continued “the whole thing was odd, and to top it all off, I saw a brown bubble and heard the unmistakable sound of gum popping just as I ran past them.

“Finally making it to my car, I cranked the engine and peeled the fuck out of there, my nerves settling the further away I got; but to be honest with you, I just chucked it up to late night jitters. It wasn’t until I heard the news the next day that I felt sick to my stomach,” I whimpered. “I looked death in the eye that night and walked away unscathed, but for how long until it finally catches up to me huh? I feel so paranoid somedays, I wish it would’ve been me.”

“HEY, NO,” Lynn shouts. “Don’t you ever, Em don’t you ever dream of saying some shit like that again.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean it,” I broke. “But who knows if that deranged motherfucker thinks I can identify them? I swear it feels like I'm just counting down the days til the inevitable.”

Embracing me she chided, “I swear on my life I’ll never let that happen. We’ll hire every sketch artist in town if it means plastering that bitches face on every tv network available.” Pulling away, Lynn continued, “I know in the moment there’s so much going on that it’s easy to confuse the details. But usually once enough time has passed after a traumatic event, we can begin to piece everything together. So, after all this time, do you think you could make them out?”

“No,” I sighed. “It was dark, rainy, and I sprinted right past them, just barely glimpsing their face.”

“Could you at least tell if it were a man or woman?”

“No Lynn, my story hasn’t changed and neither has my memory. They were wearing a hoodie, were tall, slender, and of fair skin. That’s all I got.”

“Hmm, so that narrows it down to about 60% of Cali.”

“Pftt, who you telling?”

“Listen, I’m down for you healing in whichever way you feel necessary, shit I’m practically moved in, but I cannot watch you self-destruct like this,” she says waving the remote in the air. “Unless they’re telling us exactly who to look for, no more binge watching this assholes' increasing kill streak, ok?”

“Ok, but can I at least finish the rest of the news?”

“Emmmm,” she groans.

Snatching the remote from her hand, I press the button to unmute the tv, quickly grabbing the batteries from the back and tossing them in different corners of the room to buy me more time. 

Her annoyed screech has me fighting back laughter as she climbs off the bed in search of the batteries. I know she means well, but being that close to the Resident Reaper has had me on edge for months. And who knows, somehow by me watching the news, I feel like something might come to me. Maybe they’ll get sloppy enough to leave a clue behind and it’ll be something that I overlooked that night. Just anything to put me at ease and that peasant behind bars. 

Police Captain Van Gogh and her troops are working tirelessly to bring this homicidal maniac to justice, however as we roll into the late hours of the holiday night, authorities are urging everyone to stay vigilant, drink responsibly, and party earlier. My name is Sienna Ramirez, signing off for the night and until next time, Happy Halloween. 

“I missed it.”

“Good,” Lynn screams from under the bed.

In a huff of frustration, she gets up and unplugs the tv from the wall; as I plop onto the sheets, eyes glued to the ceiling. 

“What’s so odd about brown gum?” she inquires. “There’s tons of flavors out there, why did the brown one throw you off?”

Leaning up on my elbows, I ask “when have you seen a brown gum ever? Is that really the first pack you’re reaching for? A shit flavored chewing gum?”

“Points were made,” she conceded. “But hey, enough of this boogey bitch. Lorenzo’s hosting tonight’s Halloween party up at his parents lake house and I think it’ll serve as a great distraction for the next few hours.”

“Didn’t you hear Sienna,” I retorted, “she said to party earlier and it’s already noon.”

“Emery, this party is gonna be chocked full of people we know,” she deadpans. “And besides, the Resident Reaper can’t catch us all, can they?”

“Points were made.”

“Exactly,” she chuckles. “And if it’ll make you feel any better, we can triple up on the buddy system, so rather than two people, we can do groups of three and make it a real challenge for that motherfucker.”

“God, I love you,” I breathe out. 

“I love you too. Now get up and get dressed because I have a few last minute things I need to get for my costume.”

“You’re going as Daphne, what else could you possibly need other than a purple dress and scarf.”

“I’m going to accessorize,” she sighed. “God, sometimes it’s tough being the only fashion forward one. And plus I need to pick up a few things for Jason, he’s going as Fred. 

Rolling my eyes, “ahh so we’re finally worthy enough to meet your boy toy huh?”

“Em he’s not like the rest, I really like this one,” she gushed. “Now, get your ass in the shower.”

“Aye aye captain,” I said dryly, giving a salute. 

|~~

I’m who every nigga wife fear, thick-thighed nightmare, I’m the boogie bitch ho I’m every nigga type yeah. 

Unbuckling my seatbelt, it’s clear that Lorenzo’s party is in full effect and as I glance down at my costume, groaning in annoyance that I’ve let them talk me into this. 

“Don't even think about it,” Lynn protested. “Besides, it’s too late to change.”

“Girl, whose dumbass idea was this anyway?”

“C’mon now, I thought it was cute and everyone else agreed.”

“I mean we could’ve chosen literally anyone else,” I insisted. “The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was right there. You know green is my color.”

“Turn this on,” she hissed, pointing to her head. “There’s five of us in total.”

“Rude.”

“Slow! Besides, a turtle? Girl be for fucking real and glad as hell that you didn’t have to be Scooby.”

“Be gLaD yOu DiDn’T hAvE tO bE sCoObY,” I mimicked. “Bitch where the fuck ya nigga at?”

As if on cue a hand slams against the window of the car, startling us and giving me a mini freaking heart attack. 

Breath fogging against the windows, the only thing I can make out is an upturned smile on the other side as my hand quickly pushes on the lock button. A light chuckle from beside me has my head twisting until I finally put two and two together, wet palms rubbing down my skirt to alleviate some of the sweat. 

“Ahh, so this must be Jason,” I asked, thumb pointing in the direction of the glass. 

A giddied yelp as she exits the car and jumps into his arms is all the answer I need, eyes rolling as I watch them swap dna. Stepping out of the car, I cleared my throat eager to meet the man whose had my friend dickmatized for the past couple of weeks. 

“Ohh sorry Em,” Lynn giggles, swiping at his mouth to remove any lingering lipstick. “This is Jason, Jason Emery,” she gestures toward the both of us. 

“Nice to meet you, sugars told me a lot about you Emery.”

“Sugar?”

“Yes, sugar,” he repeats. “I like to call her that cause she’s so sweet.”

The sound that slips from Lynns lips has me holding back my own laughter, shocked that such a noise could come from her. And it’s then that I realised that my girl is whipped. But they must still be in the honeymoon phase cause just like that I don’t exist anymore and they’re back to sucking each other's face off. 

Another clearing of the throat seems to bring them back and we all finally agree to head inside. 

Stepping through the threshold, I see bodies everywhere and I must give credit to some of these amazing costumes. The bass from the music has my heart thumping and for the first time in a long time I feel the shackles of fear loosen up, my body at ease as I eye all the familiar faces. Making my way over to Shaggy, I scream the lyrics to the rest of the song, feeling every bit of turnt in this atmosphere. 

Say my name like candyman and bitch you know I'm there, these hoes wished they saw me when they looking in the mirror. 

Red bottoms on my feet, bloody mary on my toes, every time I pop out it get scary for you hoes. 

At some point throughout, I found myself throwing ass to the green goblin and as the song wraps up, it seems the mystery gang's all here. 

“Ayeee, and to think you didn’t even wanna be Velma,” Steph screams in my ear.  “Meanwhile you wear her so well. Of course I would've done it better.”

“Well woof woof bitch, I see you rock Scooby just as good,” I countered. “Pick a longer straw next time and you wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

“Hey, hey, hey, all my bitches bad,” Lorenzo yelled. “No need to get spicy.”

“I must say, your pick was spot on Lenny,” Steph hooted. “Cause much like Shaggy, your ass stays high.”

“Well life often imitates art.”

“I don't think that’s how it goes.” 

“Everyone shut the fuck up and meet my heart in human form,” Lynn screams over our conversation, wrapped in Jasons arms, his face buried between her neck. 

“Ahh so this is the infamous Jason, run while you still can,” Lorenzo jokes, dapping him up. 

Staring daggers through him, Lynn goes through introductions, handshakes get thrown in the mix, and Julez interrupts our greetings, oddly enough dressed as Scrappy Doo. She goes on to call us shit friends for leaving her out of the equation, but adds how she “managed to find something last minute anyway.”

Julez is what I’d call a floater. She drifts from friend group to friend group and while we’ve always been cool, she’s never really been as close with us as we are with each other. She’s always had her own thing going on and I can respect that. Come to think of it, she wasn’t invited because she was supposedly in Atlanta on a business trip. Whatever! Apologies get thrown around and we focus back on the conversation at hand. 

“So where did y’all meet?” Lorenzo asks. 

“In the coffee shop,” Lynn gushed. 

“Go on,” Julez urged. 

“I ordered my usual as I do everyday, and like most days I was running a little late for work except I had a presentation that morning so I couldn’t just stroll in at my usual time” she continued. “So I’m hightailing it out of there and I bump into this brick wall smelling fresh out of heaven.” 

“Ohh what cologne were you wearing?” Steph interrupts. “I don't think my brother will appreciate another tie set this Christmas.”

“Well it became coffee scented real quick,” Jason chuckled. 

A sea of groans sounded with everyone wincing at the idea, while Lynn nodded in faux concern. 

“So lemme get this straight,” I blurted out. “Lynn spills coffee all over you at like 9 in the morning and the first thing you think to do is exchange numbers?”

“No no no Em, so get this,” Lynn explains. “I ran to get some napkins and started apologizing profusely until he grabbed both my hands, pleaded for me to relax, and suggested that I make it up to him with a lunch date.”

“Her treat of course, I mean it was only right” he jokes.

“Ahh boy, you’ve got a funny one.”

“No need for sarcasm Julez, that was actually cute,” Steph pointed out. 

“Well gang, it was nice to meet you all,” Jason waved to us. “But I think it's about time we split up.”

And with that they left, hand in hand. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t a little jealous. I think it’s always bittersweet when one of your close friends gets into a relationship and you no longer have the same access to them as you once did. But green-eyed monster aside there’s something about him that seems a little off, though I can’t quite put my finger on it just yet. 

“What’s going on up there?” Julez questioned, tapping my temple. 

“Nothing really, I’m just meeting him the same as you are.”

“Well he seems pretty cool, though only time will tell huh?”

“That right there Lenny, and he’s fine, I’ll give her that,” Steph adds. 

“Can we also add sweet talking to that list,” I butt in. “So get this, ole lover boy calls her ‘sugar’.” 

A round of laughter cuts through the music, each of us dying at the thought but even I can admit that shits kinda cute. 

“That’s military men for you, mark my words they’ll be married by Christmas,” Julez assured us. 

“Military? How the hell did you find that out?”

“I googled his ass Lorenzo, how else?!”

“We just met the motherfucker, what do you mean?”

“Lenny, we’ve been knowing his name though,” Julez retorts. “You’d be amazed what you can find out with the google search engine, like the fact that he’s served two tours in Iran.”

“Jinkies, what are you, the FBI?” I asked, fully intrigued. “But what else did you find out?”

“Yeah, and why didn’t you tell us?”

“Oh Steph, not you too?” Lenny cried. “You know what I don’t even wanna know. I’m off to find that sexy ass bunny I saw earlier.”

“Aye ladies, let's do this later yeah? I came here for a good time not a long time,” Julez raved. 

“Alright fine, but tomorrow I want full deets bitch,” Steph warned. 

“I got you, but as of now I need another drink like four drinks ago. And speaking of, y’all should try the Jekyll and Gin next to the punch bowl; shit they need to call it puppy power cause my ass hasn’t stopped moving yet.” 

“Yeah or talking,” Steph muttered. 

“And then there were two,” I noted. 

“Uhh more like one, I have to flag down that fine ass Captain America I saw earlier.”

These bitches really left me, and to think I - ohhh, damn even in real life Spiderman can’t commit to shielding his identity. Not that Im complaining cause that boy is fine as fuck. Shit maybe tonight instead of shooting webs, he can shoot his cum down my throat. 

“Ayo Miles Morales, come here boy.”

|~~

“Oh my gosh, how the hell did we manage to get roped into helping you cleannnnnn,” Lynn complained. 

“Guys we’ve been doing this since highschool, why are y’all acting brand new?” 

“Dammit Lenny, I should’ve left while I had the chance.”

“Steph you’ve been drinking all night, how the hell were you planning on getting home without driving?” Lorenzo countered. 

“And as ritual would have it, I assume we’re all sleeping here then?” I asked. 

“See, Em gets it and I got the guest room all set up for you guys.”

“Two rooms, five people. That gives us about 2-3 persons to each room,” Jason proposed. “Sugar and I are more than willing to squeeze one more in.”

“No, the hell we’re not,” she whispered.

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean five people? Where the fuck is Julez?” Steph barked. 

“That sneaky bitch, she’s probably halfway back to the A right now,” Lynn suggests. 

“I mean the guest room is big enough right Steph, why don’t we let those three have it while you and I catch up for old times sake?” Lorenzo recalled. 

“NIGGA THAT WAS ONE TIME.” 

“Well I, for one, am not sleeping on the couch again so Lenny and Steph, no funny business please,” I stressed. 

For a while I really thought Steph and Lenny would be endgame; that the constant flirting and bickering was just their way of expressing feelings. But in a weird way, I'm glad that it didn’t work out, shit the group is at peace because of it really; well as peaceful as peaceful can get. Those stubborn sons of bitches would surely find a way to make things awkward with us if things ever went sour between them. 

Dragging the trash bag across the floor, I chuck it in the corner and take a seat on the window sill; retiring from my duty as trash collector for the night. 

“Lenny, you know I'm down to help clean, but I'm pretty sure we can do this tomorrow,” I yawned. 

“Yeah man, I’m no lightweight but even I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“J’s right Lenny, we can finish this off tomorrow.”

“No we can’t Lynn, my parents are gonna be back here first thing in the morning and I need this place in pristine fucking condition,” Lorenzo snarled. 

“Well why would your dumbass host it here at the lake house then,” Steph screeched. 

Leaning my head against the window pane, their bickering becomes a distant noise that fades into the background, eye lashes steadily fluttering against my face; sleep begging me to surrender. 

The waves in the lake bring such serenity, the way they gently crash against one another, gracefully creating ripple after ripple. My eyes drift across the water that’s become my own personal lullaby, but it’s interrupted by floating debris. Frustration rears its ugly head at the disturbance, eyes squinting in confusion at the silhouette I see. 

Sitting up further, my hands hastily reach for the glass, firmly pressed against it; brows snapped together in confusion as realisation flashes across my face. Denial grasps me in its clutches, fingernails painfully scratching against the window until the debris floats closer, revealing a face that brings my worst fear to life. 

Hands balled into fists, they beat against the window. Angry, hot tears cloud my vision as they stream down my cheeks all the while strong arms grab at my fists to stop their assault. It isn’t until I hear the choir of concerned gasps and shhh’s that it dawns on me that the piercing scream is indeed coming from me. I fight against their clutches, arms swinging at whoever is in sight until I find myself pinned to the ground, my friends begging me to tell them what’s wrong. 

“Julez,” I hiccup as I point to the window.  “It’s fucking Julez. They’ve found me.”

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #SpookySzn #Halloween Kills #Halloween Series #Halloween #Shit Just Got Real #Walk With Me #Hills and Valleys #Horror

[sillyfriendssharingablog]

the iconic trio but if they were normal kids with normal lives, normal parents and in a normal town

this is a little peak of my modern/slice of life au that I love, it's literally one of the first things me and my bestie did when getting into mgs. it's very wholesome and cutesy, the exact opposite of its source material. I will talk about it fully later though, as I have other things planned for this month. This au is completely safe for other people to insert their OCs in. It is also set in Alaska, and most birthdates remain unchanged. But I'll give you some fun facts about this three little fucks and their normal lives as kids in my au.

Eli Sears (12 y/o)

Son of John and Eva Sears

half white American half Italian (in my head Eva is Italian stfu)

is the middle child (for a few seconds) and gets treated like it

lives in a very fucked up family (fucked up in the Family guy way)

vapes (thinking it's cool)

the vapes are stolen from uncle Venom

he despised his brother since the day they came out of their mother

acts all mean and angsty but still cries to his mama when he can't do his math homework

thinks he is the leader of the trio

cant tie his shoes

has braces

is a bit of a bully, or at least tries

is in their chuch's choir (in this AU the Sears are Catholics)

has a skateboard

Azedi Miller (14 y/o)

Adoptive daughter of Kaz Miller, that single-fathered her for most of her life

has a very deep and healthy bond with her dad, even if he is very overprotective

her race and ethnicity are the same, and she is still in touch of her culture even if she has been raised by an American man. But now she has a more southern accent, coping her dad.

at 14 she became a loving older sister of Catherine Miller was born

tomboy, and is a soccer champion

is the bodyguard of the trio (the one who protects and takes all the countabilty of their actions because she is the oldest)

tries to hold Eli from doing dumbshit most of the time, but at the end joins him

is a scout girl

has lived in the countryside in her first years.

gets herself into dangerous shit because her little ADHD brain tells her to do them

Azedi is neighboors with Quiet, that is Eli's cousin bcs in this AU she was adopted by Venom (don't ask why), and they are besties even if Az is 14 years younger than Quiet.

Tretij Rebenok (12 y/o)

lives in a foster-care home

autistic and has been nonverbal since 7th grade

knows that he is slavic, doesn't know much else of his past

trans boy, but only his friends know about it (even though, since he didn't talk, they only ever adressed him with "It")

he is the racoon of the trio (lives in a trash can and bites)

scares a lot of people just by the way he looks and is banned from most public spaces

instigates Eli into doing dumb shit

deadname is unknown. Before he asked them to call him Tretij they just called him "the other one" or "third friend"

literally eats bugs

in his foster home he is a neglected a bit, so he may often look messy and he may stink

he has a burnt scar on half of his face (I had to make up for the canon scars)

evilest fucking kid ever

just hangs in the background most of the time thankfully though

Some other fun facts about the trio in the au

Azedi and Eli have known each other since they were born, since their dads are buddies. they met Tretij when they entered primary school and became the neighborhood's terrors ever since

they raid Ocelot's house every once in a while

Eli and Azedi used to communicate with Tretij with mostly sign leanguege, that they learned with Quiet (since she is also autistic and nonverbal in this AU), when he was nonverbal, even though they also didn't really need to sign anything with Tretij bcs he understood them even without gestures (since they are that close with each other :3)

Eli and Azedi had started dating at the end of Eli's 7th grade, but the only thing that they do different from what they do with Tretij is giving each other little kisses and calling each other petnames

also Miller despises Eli, but this is in all universes

they all have matching bracelets made by Az

#I also have designs for them as late teens (17/19) but those will come for later now feast on these #I spent all my morning drawing these #soon I'll post some sketches abt them but not now I'm tired #mgs #metal gear #metal gear solid #metal gear series #mgsV #phantom pain #AU #mgs au #slice of life au #liquid snake #eli mgsv #psycho mantis #tretij rebenok #mgs oc #metal gear oc #mgs oc [bloody tiger] #oc x canon #kazuhira miller #master miller #big boss #revolver ocelot #mgs eva #venom snake #mgsv quiet #mgs quiet #solid snake #snavid

[dreamystella]

How to be like: Zendaya!

Zendaya Coleman is a literal queen, everything about her is amazing, she not only looks gorgeous but her personality and confidence makes her even more inspiring. Here are some tips to be like her:

𝚉𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚊'𝚜 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢:

Zendaya is an incredibly hardworking and dedicated person, so try to be as diligent as she is. The results of your hard work will pay off greatly in your school/work life.

She is confident and proud of her body and herself, something we could all learn from her. If you struggle with body issues or just don't feel confidence, try standing in front of the mirror, looking directly at yourself and say "i'm beautiful, im hot and im a boss." I know you might not believe the words the first (twenty) times you say it, but trust me it works so much.

Zendaya is proud of her heritage and takes it upon herself to be culturally aware. Be proud of your ethnicity and race, whether you are white, black, biracial, brown, latinx, and from the asian community. No need of feeling down on yourself.

Try be more determined and competitive- but do it in a healthy manner. Zendaya as seen in interviews is a supportive friend and very humble, but she has an end goal and she does not stray from it.

𝚉𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚊'𝚜 𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎:

Zendaya has flawless glowing skin and she uses products which are suitable to her skin type.

She basically has clear skin which is mostly acne free.

Zendaya supposedly uses: Truly’s 24K Gold Black Soap Impurity Cleanser, which is an acne fighter and prevents and cleans clogged pores. It is $36 dollars, which compared to most skin care is pretty cheap. She usually uses this as a face wash when she is getting rid of makeup as she doesn't like to keep it on her face longer than necessary.

The next step in her skin care routine is using toner which removes any other dirt, bacteria and makeup however also provides deep hydration for soft skin. She uses a toner from rose water and witch hazel, and applies it on a cotton pad before using it on her skin. I would recommend Truly's Jelly Booster Pigment Body Potion and yes, it is good to put it on the face.

Zendaya then uses Vitamin E oil to make her skin look soft and glowing. Vitamin E oil can be used to remove acne scars and pigmentation as well. The Truly’s Glazed Donut Facial Serum, is the Vitamin E oil I would recommend.

She also uses an oil free moisturiser with green tree extract and aloe vera after she applies the Vitamin E serum on her face- which I totally agree, moisturiser is something everybody needs for their skin. I would recommend Paula's Choice CLEAR Oil-Free Night Cream moisturiser with Vitamin B3 and blueberry. Many users also use this during the day.

SPF is negotiable as we all need to protect ourselves from UV rays. I, with the same skin colour as Zendaya, uses tinted sunscreen because otherwise I look like Edward Cullen.

𝚉𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚊'𝚜 𝙼𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚄𝚙:

Zendaya usually wear warm and neutral shades for her day to day life.

She sticks with Lancôme products the most and uses a day to night eyeshadow palette.

Her lipstick shade is a gorgeous nude like colour which is a combo of Lancôme Le Lip Liner and the Lancôme L'Absolu Rouge Creme Lipstick. Using lipliner makes a big difference

She uses mascara whenever she goes out so if you want to, apply some mascara. Zendaya uses mascaras from Lancôme however they are slightly pricey, up to $25, but any volumising and curling mascara will do.

Overall, she keeps it more natural now, when she was younger she used more makeup, but now, she relies more on a good skincare routine- and so should you!

𝚉𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚊'𝚜 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚎𝚝:

She receives unnecessary hate but she still continues on with a happy attitude because she knows that not everybody will like you and that's okay because you are not meant for other people, you are meant for yourself.

Be strong in your beliefs! Despite Zendaya always being happy, she does not allow nonsense to happen. For example, when she was body shamed for 'encouraging eating disorders due to her skinniness' she sent one tweet back encouraging all women to be proud of their bodies. When people say rude stuff, ignore them, but don't let them always get away with it. You have a voice that you should use.

Be true to yourself and your heart.

“I don’t mind if people look at me like I’m crazy. I’m just being me.” – Zendaya

Always keeps your standards high, because as Zendaya said: “I have standards I don’t plan on lowering for anybody… including myself.” – Zendaya

Try to be nice to everyone, because Zendaya once said, you have no idea what's going on in someone else's life.

Increase your confidence in life by not only telling it, but by dressing the part

“You can’t grow and gain confidence from wearing the same thing every day.”- Zendaya

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝙻𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚢𝚕𝚎:

A healthy diet is something Zendaya has in her life. She has been on a plant-based diet since the age of eleven and tries to consume low fat foods and focus more on healthy proteins. Despite being a vegetarian she hates vegetables, so she tries to find other foods like rice salads or satéés her veggies to make them more tasty and beneficial to eat. She however DOES NOT underreat and neither should you!

A good workout routine is something Zendaya does, less for the end results, but more as a stress relieve and as a hobby. Her workout routines is a combination of hiking, yoga and boxing. If you have/want muscle, I'd suggest boxing and if you are a beginner to working out and would like something which is still challenging but less scary looking, try yoga. Hiking is a more high tolerance workout but very enjoyable.

Display all of your height as Zendaya is a tall person, standing at 5"10 (178 cm.). She has been shamed before for her height, but honestly, she looks freaking gorgeous and flexes all her inches by wearing heels and jeans which show off her legs. As a short person, I can't relate much, however do try exercises to get a better posture, but mainly be comfortable with your body. If you are short, don't be scared if heels dont create a significant difference- remember it doesn't matter, you are the boss and you are gorgeous.

Moral of the story: Be confident, Be kind, You are Pretty, You are a Boss

#zendaya #zenday coleman #it girl #dream girl #how to be like

[menalez]

I'm from Asia, and the overwhelming majority of us would straight-up not date white people. Some ethnicities are more likely to date out than others, but overall we're good, no thanks. Women who do date white foreigners tend to be levelling up economically (no judgement there from me) which is a well-known fact. While there is definitely white colonialist beauty standards at play in the majority of places, I have lots of experience with the corners that bs hasn't reached (Nepal, for a generally big example, where they love dark skin and certain features) - and even within the spaces where European-centric standards do apply, the majority of non-white people aren't interested in dating actual white people as a first choice. It has nothing to do with white people's racism or disinterest in non-white people lol. I don't know about the Middle East of course, but I think your experiences of Asia seem limited to the more English-speaking, cosmopolitan areas perhaps - or maybe you are talking about Japan, which I am not familiar with personally. However even in Korea I have a white friend (born there) who can't get a boyfriend because- in her words- men there sort foreigners as "fun times only" and local women as "marriage material". It's a bit ridiculous to think that billions of non-white people are genuinely thirsting over white people, it's simple not true - most people prefer to date within their race. Lots of people do feel attraction to white people, for the reasons you outlined or naturally as well, but your experience does not seem univeral (outside the Western sphere). It was kind of bizarre at first to come across this thinking in Western spaces but now it's just deeply agitating, because I notice non-white people in Western countries really do act like they're less attractive and it's insane to me. Like sorry, but here in my part of the world, certain Asian features on women are considered the height of beauty among these communities (to the point where that's problematic in and of itself). Definitely white beauty standards have wormed their way here too, but again, it didn't change most Asians' sexual preferences - it just made them look for those features in their own (not everyone, but most - yes some people would date white).

interesting… my experience has been the exact opposite. while i know some people would not marry a white person, they’re still the standard of beauty and marrying a white person can be almost a status symbol & people do act like dating them means you’ve won somehow. this applies for the middle east and i know similar standards exist in south & east & southeast asia. my gf explained the same type of phenomena exists in taiwan and neighbouring east asian countries & ive observed similar mindsets around white ppl being considered the most beautiful among south asians and west asians overall.

i’m not referring to english-speaking cosmopolitan areas either, i’m thinking of countries like the philippines and india and pakistan and basically the entirety of the middle east. admittedly i’m not familiar with nepal tho— it’s interesting to hear they prefer dark skin there, which is in contrast to the rest of asia in which colourism is very prominent.

i did notice white people are generalised as more of a “fun time” thing in many cases but people will still not look down on you for marrying a white person & shun you for it the way they would for marrying a black person, for example. the people generally think white people are the most appealing but often prioritise marrying people of similar backgrounds for the sake of cultural and familial standards.. not bc white people are deemed unattractive in asia. in fact, the whiter you are, the more beautiful you are deemed.

#felt like parts of what u wrote seemed quite dismissive of my experience #and made it seem like bahrain is an english cosmopolitan place #anyways it seems like ur using marriage as the standard when i’m talking about beauty standards #features like pale skin larger eyes double eyelids long noses long faces light/coloured eyes and blonde hair etc are deemed more beautiful #ie features associated with europeans. this is the case for asia in general #people will prefer more white-passing ppl within our countries bc it’s the closest u can get to white ppl without upsetting ur family #a lot of the time at least. but what do i know 😭 i only grew up being berated by people from different parts of asia for being visibly brown

[j7pht]

hi. this is my little update because i really wanted to talk about things, but i no longer feel safe doing so currently, i may in the future, or i might look at stuff and comment on them individually. i will explain why. i will not accept being silenced or shut down. i feel i was in a very scary situation and i was threatened when statements around things surrounding my identity were being talked about flippantly and i was speaking to someone i believed was unsafe and capable of lying to me or otherwise harming me, ladder of which they did

when i was speaking to the user edqey, we got along okay, they seemed to tell me information about their experience in the servers (for example stated that someone by the name of vera scened with them, and that they were specifically told a lot that they werent a good friend). i was interested in this because i dont know vera well and if it was a scene without consent i wanted to know about it, same for if it was a scene that caused dissociation. i LITERALLY cannot recall much of what was said because the group dm i was in with edqey and their partner was either deleted or i was removed from it, so i will skip the meat of what all else we spoke about, but while screenshotting things edqey said to forward to pengo and glip, as i said i was having a difficult time speaking for them and would much rather prefer to be in a dm with those two as well (so i wouldnt be brushed off as doing things like fucking "mindlessly defending glip" when talking about glip's art that they drew with their hands, hopefully) and edqey was stating stipulations. glip did not like the stipulation of "you must get therapy" because it was coming from someone who was willing to tell them to kill themself, firstly, and secondly glip didnt see a need for therapy as their last experience(?) with a therapist involved the therapist siding with marl and glip doesnt see a need for it at the moment. they did however say that if edqey's partner wanted to talk without edqey theyd be willing, pengo was still willing to talk to both.

vera showed up in the conversation and noted that edqey was similar to someone they confronted, starting from the homestuck icon and the fact vera remembers everyone who liked homestuck in the servers, and when vera pulled this person AND the conversation that was likely being recalled as a "scene" AND the dissociation comment AND an entire google drive folder of talking to this person COMPLETE with the main topic of discussion being that the person was being a bad friend everything lined up to everything edqey told me, so i asked edqey if they were this person.

the reason i asked this is because knowing this would change how i interacted from then on. i was deeply uncomfortable with what i saw spurring on the discussion and one of the people their behavior affected is still in the community. this, and what they were calling a scene wasnt a scene. scenes are indicated by planning in advance and a /jointest beforehand. these werent present. it was a talk in disassembly. i wanted to ask why they were calling this a scene, genuinely, because i was confused.

i admit i communicated poorly from here, we used tumblr dms from then on, my tumblr dms dont update in real time at all. i need to manually refresh to see what someone sends to me and i tend to type for a long time. it troubles me to go back through our logs, so im going to really quickly state that A. yes it does bother me when someone keeps pushing a racism issue that isnt present. i spoke to insom, actually, directly, he is not black. glip likening ideas around rape to a black man is not racism, 1 because black men can rape people 2 insom isnt black 3 source is that i am black hispanic and everything rina and edqey pushed in this regard made me deeply angry and offended, this and i have been abused by people who shared the same race and ethnicity as me, and the exact issue of "um you cant say a black person did rape" is why i never spoke about things that occurred to me, and is an issue that plagues black communities CONSTANTLY. and B. yes it does bother me when i bring up my experience and how it relates to my feelings and someone makes fun of me for it. especially someone presumably ~10 years older than me who ive been trying to engage sincerely despite literally fucking everything and theyre expressing violent ideation towards me and a lack of empathy. and C. i think it is strange to be defensive over what a minor sees or talks about but then openly claim to not have empathy for said minor and then threaten them

yeah so thats actually why i feel unsafe at the moment. i tried going around talking to others about thus but i cannot shake the feeling that it isnt enough. i dissociated while speaking to edqey in tumblr dms, and this progressed to be bad enough that i literally needed to ask people if i was actually threatened or if i was overreacting. luckily due to the fact i needed to ask this i have the screenshot of the threat and why i havent stated who edqey was or why they made me uncomfortable/concerned/why i wanted to be sure who they were

i may state this information later anyway. i feel it is unfair not to. it is unfair to me that i have to feel quiet because someone doesnt want their 4 year old dirty laundry looked at even though they keep saying "they changed :(" even in the same breath as saying shit like "my girlfriend might turn against me but luckily has a history of not being easily swayed" or whatever the fuck. it is unfair to me that i went through all the shit i went through for a document explaining how the servers fit into the cult label that is based in assumptions not only about the servers but also ME that i cannot work with because a lot of it is not currently applicable due to the fact that scenes are massively rare occurrences and the servers each have a focus on roleplay and collaborative storytelling, and not whatever it was focused on before, which i dont have experience with because i wasnt there, or is about rina, whom i am uncomfortable talking about for personal reasons (i have never spoken to rina, its just that a lot of things around rina make me uncomfortable, and her actions do too)

and i cant even talk about why i cant address any of these things

and this makes me feel like shit because i showed up to address things sincerely and earnestly, as someone who has been accused of being in a cult due to my upbringing around haitian voodoo in the past

i feel like my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which are normal for anyone else to do, such as get frustrated when a conversation becomes personal or tedious, or dissociate or otherwise act strangely, are scrutinized as if im not worth the same compassion or consideration because im suspected to be in a fucking cult.

this is a long disorganized, 3 am tangent, but i encourage it to be read. and also acknowledged as a 3 am tangent

i am currently considering doing a public deconstruction of the document i received and why i felt the ways i did about it

#floraverse

[brianwashere]

I posted 1,313 times in 2022

That's 1,313 more posts than 2021!

125 posts created (10%)

1,188 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sunsyfish

@auntvamp

@meantforinfinitesadness

@pukicho

@melonsharks

I tagged 129 of my posts in 2022

#brian’s untagged thoughts - 31 posts

#fanfic - 31 posts

#fanfic writing - 28 posts

#marvel - 26 posts

#matt murdock - 18 posts

#daredevil - 17 posts

#matt murdock x reader - 14 posts

#marvel x male reader - 14 posts

#male reader - 13 posts

#daredevil x reader - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 72 characters

#you may call me crazy now but when it comes true you’ll call me a profit

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Dawg Istg this took so long like—agh. But it’s done and the idea is out of my head now.

I’m actually really proud of it please like it

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from DC or Batman**

Pairing: batfam x poc!son!reader

Genre: found family and a lil sprinkle of angst but it ends up alright

Summary: Alrighty what do people thing about a one shot with a teen poc male reader ( older than Damian but younger than Tim ) and the Batfam. It’s the reader’s first time it this large fancy private school and they keep getting bullied for their ethnicity. By the end of the day a group of bullies writes in sharpie “go back to where you came from” and the reader doesn’t do anything for a few weeks but then on of the batbros finds out and they get super mad. Confrontation then it’s got a happy ending and stuff.

Tw: racism, no slur use but degrading comments about race, bullying

Maybe I’ll stick around

You didn’t know what to expect when Bruce Wayne, the prince of Gotham, adopted you. You’d lived years on the street and ran away from all of your foster homes at least once.

You definitely weren’t expecting him to put you in the same high class snobby rich kid school as his two youngest sons. When you asked why you were going to a “rich bitch school” he told you that you were his son now and that meant you didn’t get any different treatment than his own kids.

What a bunch of bullshit. You’re obviously just a charity case. You saw the article in the paper the day after you were officially adopted.

“Bruce Wayne adopts immigrant teenage boy”

You weren’t an immigrant.

You hated the media. Whatever. Soon he’s gunna realize how “troubled” you are and send you back to another home. You’ll run away from there too. You’ll run until they catch and deport you because, apparently, you’re an immigrant.

Your first day of school started out relatively normal. You tried to sleep in but Dick was still staying over and dragged you out of bed. That left you no choice but to get dressed into your uniform. Alfred had cooked you breakfast but you didn’t want any then he drove you, Damian, and Tim to school.

Tim looked like hell. Literal hell. His hair looked like it had never seen a hairbrush and the bags under his eyes could make Louis Vuitton jealous.

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380 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

#4

Dad!Matt struggling to communicate with his nonverbal autistic son while he is overestimated

Hello hello hello. Back again with another fic! Btw my friend with autism proof read this to make sure it was accurate and not offensive so yaaaaaayyyyyy.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil**

Pairing: father!Matt Murdock x autistic!son!reader!

Genre: slight angst but ends with comfort

Summary: go to req

Tw: cussing, overstimulation, Matt sorta snaps at his son :(

All Too Much

It was a humid day. Too humid. Gross. Muggy. It made your clothes stick to your skin and made your hair damp. It made you want to gag.

Matt had to take you to work this Saturday. You didn’t really mind because you liked Foggy and Karen but the office smelled horrible and the color hurt your eyes. You sighed and flapped the hand that wasn’t being held by your dad.

“Almost there, Jr, c’mon.” Your dad seemed distracted, which means he couldn’t pay attention to what you were signing in his hand.

Not that you really could anyway; one of your hands was holding his. His phone was in his pocket which meant you couldn’t use the text to speech app he downloaded for you.

You two stopped in front of his law firm. He buzzed in opened the door, gesturing for you to go in. As soon as you walked in the smell of the neighboring offices hit you. The scent of smoke and mold and the feel of the dust brushing your face made you gag. You looked at your father. You wanted to tell him you didn’t wanna be in here.

“Alright Jr, up we go. I’m running late.” He picked up his walking stick and began jogging up the stairs.

You watched him and took a deep breath before following him up the stairs. You bit your bottom lip hard.

Every possible sense was immediately flooded with too much information.

The phone ringing. People talking. Papers flicking. All the different smells of individual people. Cigarette smoke coming in through the window from a neighboring office. The underlying stench of mold. The sun was too bright. The paint on the walls reflected a horrible color due to the light. Suddenly your once soft shirt’s collar gripped your neck too tight. It felt like every fibre of the shirt was rubbing just the wrong way on your arm hairs, your skin. There was a gross taste of sweat mixed with the copper taste from your now bleeding lip.

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381 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#3

Hello there, simps. I am here to give you ✨smut✨. I actually wasn’t really planning on posting this but then my lovely friend encouraged me to…so here we are—

**i do not own any franchise or characters from Daredevil**

Shameless teasing

Pairing: Bottom!Matt Murdock x top!m!reader

Warnings: smut, top reader, m!reader

Smut under the cut!!!

◈𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 ◈

You. You. You. That’s the only thing Matt can think of. You stretching him out with two fingers as he clenches. He’s already rock hard just from some foreplay.

He whimpers as you barely brush his prostate. God, he wanted to scream. He wanted to make the most sinful noises in hopes of pleasing you.

“God, please—I just—“ Matt was interrupted by a moan when you hit his prostate again, that drove him over the edge “PLEASE JUST FUCK ME ALREADY—please please please please please.”

“Aw baby, who am I to deny such a humble request?” You replied cooly.

You pulled your fingers out of him slowly, deliberately. He let out another small whimper; it was pathetic and high pitched. You’re heart curled with something—arousal. You rested your tip on his rim.

“Ready, baby cakes?”

“Yes, daddy.” He breathed out.

You pushed into him gently until you bottomed out.

“Tell me when.” You said as you massaged his thighs tenderly.

“Now. Please—God, now…” he was so desperate.

You pulled out and slammed into him with so much force he was knocked from his elbows to flat on his face. He didn’t have the energy to get up.

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427 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#2

Okie dokie here I am again. Another batbro reader insert lol. I wrote this cause I wanted to write and also cause I looked at how MASSIVE the Wayne manor is.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from DC or Batman**

Pairing: Damian Wayne x older!brother!reader

Genre: found family fluff stuff

Summary: Damian noticed his older brother gets anxious around people so he decided to show him a secret

Trigger warnings: mentions of social anxiety and being overwhelmed

A Small Secret

Damian sighed with feigned annoyance as he dragged you by the hand through the halls of Wayne Manor.

“You really are just as stupid as I thought you were.” He lied.

“Yeah yeah talk it up Mr. ‘I don’t know how to work Snapchat.’” You mocked.

Damian scoffed but remained quiet.

Victory.

“You said you get anxious and overwhelmed when a lot of people come over, even if you know them.” Damian stated.

“Yes I…did.” You were confused how that played into him dragging you to a far wing of the manor.

When you got to a bookshelf he stopped.

“Wow. A bookshelf. Congratulations Damian, I think you found the cure to my social anxiety.” Sarcasm dripped from your words.

“It’s not just a bookshelf.” He said as he pulled a book from the shelf.

The book shelf opened on its hinges and revealed a small cozy library.

“What? This is…” You trailed off.

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512 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Imagine

Puppy eyes

Ok so I was watching Daredevil and realized how frikin different Matt looked with and without his glasses. With glasses he’s a super cool handsome bastard and without them he’s just this puppy lookin dude.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil**

Pairing: Matt Murdock x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, pure light hearted stuff

Tw: none really, beginning of a make out session but not too much detail about it. Sorta implied sexual content(???)

Imagine you and Matt just starting out in a relationship and your having your first make out session at his place. You take his glasses off and you realize it’s the first time you’ve seen him with no glasses. You just sort of stare at his puppy face for a second. He gets really confused ( and worried ) though because he can hear your heartbeat increase. When he asks you what’s wrong you just sort of giggle and cup his face in your hands and whisper “you look like a puppy” to which he blushes and laughs the purest laugh you’ve ever heard

It was dark outside. You were sitting on Matt’s lap, gently kissing him. You shifted and he groaned slightly. You pulled away, gasping for breath.

“You might wanna take these off.” You chuckled and reached for his red lenses.

He closed his eyes when you pulled them off. You folded them and reached to set them on the small table beside the couch. You returned and cupped his face before realizing something and stopping.

You stared at him with wide eyes. Gently tracing his jaw absentmindedly. His eyes were looking off to the side and his face knit together into a look of worry.

“Is…everything ok?” He asked quietly. The concern was evident in his tone.

“Yeah, yeah…everything is fantastic it’s just—I’ve never seen your eyes before…” You continue to look at the beautiful color of them.

“You look like a puppy” You whispered in a giggle.

His face recoils a bit and his eyes widen before it relaxes and he laughs. Such a sweet and beautiful laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind whenever I need to beg for something from you.” He chuckles. “Ok ok, let’s get back to it.”

“Whatever you want, Puppy.”

903 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[starrynight0612]

Well just found out through social media that one of my friends is transphobic (she shared a clip from a Dr. Phil episode where a man argues against the statement trans women are women and said the man had good points). This really sucks cause me and her have the best discussions about diversity, inclusion, and race. And all of last year we hung out and I always got the impression she was very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Hell when our very overtly transphobic teammate told us he didn't buy into it she immediately said we should respect people's identity. And we had great discussions where I brought up how transphobia and homophobia is a huge issue in Mexican communities (my ethnicity). She said it was the same for African-Americans (hers) and we both sighed in disappointment.

I am 99% positive she agreed with the man because he said mtf individuals are appropriating womanhood. I know as a Black woman she's very critical of cultural appropriation and very protective of womanhood and critical of the patriarchy. And I just want to scream because I know that's likely the part she's clinging too and it's not the same thing. Idk if I should just cut her off or actually engage in a conversation with her about this. But I just feel lied to. Why not ask me questions? She saw me deal with our overtly transphobic teammate. I never screamed or belittled him. We conversed and by the end I got him to realize he should use people's correct pronouns and not use dead names. Better to ask me and talk about it then lie because you want to stay in my good graces.

(Also I encourage anyone who is transgender to please avoid Dr. Phil. I've seen 2 episodes addressing this and it's usually super transphobic and traumatic. I dropped him pretty quick).

#transphobia tw #tw transphobia #tw terfs #lgbtq plus #transgender #dr phil #im not transgender btw just a fierce ally #fucking hell i need new friends #can my found family happen please

[96percentdone]

sometimes. i wonder about. "this apology isn't yours to accept/forgive." It's a sentiment I both understand intuitively and simultaneously find an unreasonable ask. Like. For example.

Let's say someone is called out for transphobia (and let's assume the callout is 1) not bullshit, and 2) significant/relevant), and the person who is called out apologizes. I'm trans, so I know exactly how it feels when a bunch of cis people show up and are like "we forgive you everyone makes mistakes." Even when I also forgave them and agree with the sentiment, it's still deeply aggravating for a bunch of people who are in no way affected other than feeling cringe by association to speak about whether this harm is worth forgiving. It doesn't affect you. I get exactly why people say this.

Now, let's say the same scenario occurs, but the subject at hand is racism. Now, I'm very white, so it isn't my business to speak about whether this person should be forgiven or not, or the severity of their actions, and so I don't. Because I know from like the first scenario it's really frustrating when people who have fuck all to do with it keep chiming in like their opinion matters. But at the same time....I'm a little unsure what I'm supposed to do after that.

Like. The apology is public, but not directed at me. I don't have to read it, or reply to it, and that's fine. For me the issue comes...after that. Like any minority, PoC are not a monolith even among the same race or ethnicity, so some members might accept and forgive, and some might not. I should naturally listen to the people affected, so do I take the majority opinion on how we're meant to engage with this person here on out? Do I stop engaging with this person who was rightfully called out, regardless of what the discussion looks like among the affected group, because it doesn't affect me?

The aftermath of public scale accountability is not the same as one that is interpersonal. If your friend says or does something shitty towards you, and you take them to account, whether you forgive them or not is entirely up to you. More importantly, so is how you proceed from there when it comes to interacting with this person from now on. You can forgive them, you can be as close as your were before, you can forgive but put some distance between you both, you can not forgive and do that with the understanding you might forgive one day, etc etc. If you don't forgive them, and can't bear to be around them anymore, then you just don't have to, and that's the end of it.

But maybe you tell your shared friends and other loved ones who know about the situation, and ask them to do the same. That's probably still easy, although you run the risk of someone else not agreeing with your approach and wanting to do something else, and then you have to evaluate how you approach that person too. But even all that is way less to navigate than large scale public internet accountability.

I don't know what is supposed to happen in the aftermath of public call outs. I think about the cis people who see the trans community argue about whether whoever it is deserves forgiveness or the space to still exist on their platform, and how far we should go in taking them to account, and don't know what they're supposed to do to support 'the trans community', which isn't in agreement, and i almost understand why they speak despite not being asked. And honestly this is true for every single oppression axis, not just these two in specific.

Because the affected community can't communicate exactly what the unaffected should do in response. Those affected aren't in agreement. Even when they share the same stance, they might not agree about the measures. So maybe the unaffected goes off what the people they trust in the community have to say. It's probably their best option, at least until someone decides to call them out for it (because so many call-outs are just completely made up and not significant at all), or interacts at all with someone who holds a different stance.

Hundreds if not thousands if not millions of people are exposed to a horrible situation, and they're all arguing about how we handle it, trying to have an interpersonal level consensus on a scale that is far beyond interpersonal. It's easy to know how to answer when the discussion directly affects you. Even if others disagree with you, that's their own prerogative, and you're the one who gets to decide how to respond to something that hurts you.

But people who aren't affected are still expected to respond in some way, even if they're not allowed to decide what that response is. They still have to do something after learning about what happened, take some kind of action that acknowledges the harm and that they care about the issue without continuing to perpetuate it in some manner. They can't just completely ignore it. What does that accomplish? That's just encouraging their ignorance or apathy.

And I think if we encourage people to just completely stop engaging with anyone who did something problematic (on any scale) that didn't affect them, that's just an entirely new can of worms. There's no point arguing about how an audience is supposed to respond to someone's harmful actions if the majority of people in that audience made aware of the issue are not even affected, but are mandated into disengaging with the accused preemptively. You might as well say the answer is disengage and de-platform every single time, because those will be your results, and I'm unconvinced that's the solution to every single problem ever brought to the table.

If they care at all about the issue, they have to act, but not speak. We can tell them that the apology isn't theirs to accept or forgive, and so they really shouldn't be having the discussion, a sentiment I completely agree with. But after that....we have nothing else to say. We just hope that they'll know the correct response in the aftermath and do it, without ever saying a word.

#hope.txt #i don't really know what the answer is here honestly #i look at stuff like this and can only question if we should be having these discussions on such a massive scale #even when we're talking about public figures #i don't know if Public Response is the solution #but i don't know what the solution is supposed to be either

[writersmeadow]

Do not write about social issues you don't understand

A root of so many problems. Just as I believe that utter confidence in topic may create a counter-productive effect (J Maas really fucked up with "feminism" in her series), I believe that it can be wrong to force inclusion (even feed your writing for marketing purposes) of a social problem, when you clearly have no idea how. Let me explain by showing you how I dealt with ethnicity and race in my WIP.

As a white Slavic female, I understand the issues of ethnicity or misogyny, but not racial discrimination issues. This does not give me a right to disregard issues of people of colour - but because Slovakia is quite a monoracial country, it would be a very complicated topic to deal with in my writing. I have never had friends of different races and ethnicities until I moved to the Netherlands, and even there, I did not have a chance to deeply connect with e.x. African Americans. I may understand this issue from an outsider point, but unless I will have a community of people who suffer because of racism, I cannot understand it fully.

I have dealt with ethnic discrimination and stereotypes throughout different media and life experiences. I know what it is like to be portrayed as an evil mafia “rashan gopnik” Jurij the assassin, as well as plastic gold digger Anastasia, to feel like I have no right to be in an independent nation (Slovakia-Hungary, Russian Occupation), or that "I only know how to drink vodka" and be a "poor brainwashed pretty Slavic girl" etc. Thanks to my Indian friends in Europe e.x., I know how common it is to be labelled as “the cheap migrant” who should “return to their country”. Same does not go for social issues of solely racial discrimination in the country with history of racial injustice.

I would not recommend authors to write about problems they cannot understand deeply.

You can, however, gain a deep understanding and do your research before addressing these issues in your writing.

Example: As a university Japanese minor, I dig deeply into this country, study language and history and directly communicate with members of the country. Do not make a large inclusion of Japanese culture unless you are exposed and educated about the history and social issues, know Japanese people and respect their opinions on the topic. It will, more often, end up in J.K. Rowling ethnicity disaster (Viktor Krum and Cho Chang????). Mind that with more inclusion, your responsibility to do more research comes.

Ways to solve this

To deal with a complication like this in my socially-motivated writing, I decided to build the world on made-up ethnicities, where discrimination is represented by portraying it in different sources of magic. Some users of one source believe that their magic is better, even to the point of colonising and enslaving the others. This is an important aspect in my book. I believe that by making sure I will be able to portray discrimination issues whilst making sure (!)I am not stealing ethnical and racial history and culture(!) will be the best solution for someone who was not exposed to certain aspects of it.

(!) It also does not mean my book will be full of white people. I include various races in my book, this is out of question (you should also mind the stereotypes and remain respectful in your writing - not using terms "sexy chocolate skin", "smart almond eyes" etc, lack of exposure does not excuse ignorance - it is also highly uncreative). But races do not play the same role as on Earth, you ethnical identity is linked to imaginary sources.

I definitely plan to include topics of human race (and ethnicity) as an important social aspect in my next works, when I will be able to communicate with those to who it concerns - digging into other cultures, whether that will be Indian, Ethiopian or Latvian one, or racial issues of African Americans, Asians or Latinos,... For now, I do not feel brave enough to portray those topics correctly and mindfully. Therefore, I will not feed my novel off those issues - out of respect for the culture I have not been exposed to and cannot fact-check properly with.

To close this miserably long essay with, if you want to address a social issue in your WIP, dig deep, make sure to be exposed, connected and educated, beware of stereotypes and don't be J. K. Rowling and Sarah J. Maas. Na zdravie!

#female writers #social justice #book #authors #wip #writing in progress #author ramblings #social problems #inclusion #reformation of writing #writegram #book author #fantasy #writing tips #writing

[hans-tby]

Blog #3: Taking A Stand Through The Arts

The conflict between Palestine and Iran is known throughout the globe. However, I had minimal knowledge or background of what is truly going on between the two countries. Watching the movie “Slingshot Hip Hop” opened my eyes to the state of Palestine and it led to me yearning to learn more about the current condition of Palestine.

The documentary film I viewed gave me a new perspective on the pressing issue. The people of Palestine are restricted from movement, education, and freedom. They’re even being discriminated against by calling them terrorists or suicide bombers due to their looks and the Language that they speak. The basic rights we have in our normal everyday lives are being taken away from the Palestinians as if they aren’t human beings just like ourselves. I find this very discouraging as people are discriminating against each other and stereotyping certain races and ethnicities. 

Despite the saddening and disheartening truths I realized in the film, I saw how the Palestinian people continued to fight back against their oppressors for their freedom. I admire the bravery of the people to go against armed trained soldiers with only stones and rocks which shows that they’re ready to risk their lives just to keep fighting for their freedom and the freedom of their country. I also express admiration for the Palestinians who thought of a different way to fight for their freedom, education through hip hop. They took something they enjoyed and they made it more meaningful not only to themselves but to their fellow Palestinians. They made songs and raps not only for leisure, but to inspire and educate their people.  Watching the film was really enlightening as I learned more about the situations in Palestine and how much it differs from the life a human being deserves. 

In making the zine, I had zero ideas on what to do. I’m not that much of a creative person, but some certain scenes in the film really stuck onto me so I decided to put them in my zine by drawing the scenes that piqued my interest and attention. There were three main scenes that until now I remember: the reason why they made the group DAM, the walls being built around Palestine, and the state of the school library. After finishing the zine, I showed it to my friend from NU Nazareth that I’ll call Franz. At first he didn’t understand so I explained each page of it. 

First is the ‘parts’ of DAM which is 30% hip hop, 30% literature, and 40% Palestine. I loved this short breakdown of their group because of their patriotism. Like I mentioned before, they turned a hobby of theirs that they enjoyed and turned it into something more. A medium of inspiration to their fellow Palistinians who are also going through the same scenario as them. The next part that really stuck with me were the walls of Palestine. Unlike America who planned to build a wall to keep out mexicans. The Israeli soldiers built walls to keep the Palestinians inside trapped, effectively trying to imprison a country. A line from that scene that I can still remember was “I feel small next to these walls, not because of its size but because of the power that made the walls.” Even if they manage to break down the walls, they can always be rebuilt as long as they are still being oppressed by the Iranians. They know that in order to regain freedom they have to solve the source of the problem first. Lastly was how the military used the library of a school claiming that there was “no space” in other areas. Which really shows that they try to keep Palestine from its rightful freedom by sabotaging their future which is education. Education is the weapon each individual has the right to own. It is the way for an individual, community, and a country to develop into something greater. 

As a student who is given the opportunity to forge my weapon, I’ll need to sharpen and strengthen all areas of my blade so it will not crack or break under pressure. Knowing my strengths which are mathematics and weaknesses in English and literature. I will maintain the sharpness of one side and continue to work on sharpening the other. It is one thing to be creative or critical while it is something else to be creative while still delivering critical details especially in response to social issues. Creating a zine helped me think of ways in being creative, while still delivering my main critical point. Overall, I gained more information and realized the importance of knowing issues not only in the country but other countries as well. 

[rileys-archive]

diaspora is survival : let the dystopian morning light pour in

this is an edited version of an autobiographical essay i submitted for my pan-african geography class where the prompt was

"Using the excerpt from Stokely Carmichael’s Ready for the Revolution as a model, write a short autobiographical essay describing your own experience of “diaspora as survival.” How, in other words, did you end up here in Vancouver and at UBC? While you should describe as much as possible the migrations of your own family, you should also try to include references to those important historical markers of labor, history, race, colonialism, migration, and gender that are referenced by Carmichael." the purpose of me publishing this essay on tumblr is so i can cite it for another class, michael if ur reading this i hope u enjoy it !! i omitted some details i wasn't comfortable posting on the internet (aka not doxxing myself). also if the capitalization seems funky, it's intentional !!

I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am, also, much more than that. So are we all.

[Notes of a Native Son – James Baldwin]

I’ve always been a bit of historian, how could I not when my own history, my own stories, have been hidden from me. To be Indigenous in a country that treats my people as a history, as no longer present, means being a historian of my own culture is a form of resistance. It doesn’t fit with the settler colonial canadian logic for my people to have a history or culture. Everyday I resist this occupation by remembering, by recreating, and continuing anishinaabek ways of living. And if Audre Lorde says, “the personal is political”, then much of what I write (both for academic purposes but also creative projects) will involve the politics of being a disabled Afro-Indigenous queer/two-spirit person living in an occupied state. Simply put, I write as a Nakawe, a citizen of Tootinaowaziibeeng, in Musqueam territory. I write from the belly of the beast and it can hard to avoid the drops of acid on these pages. 

How do you know your history? I’m not saying “ask your mom to cite her sources” but how do you know if what you’ve been told about yourself, your family, community, etc is true? I don’t believe one’s truth and what is fact are the same, at least I haven’t lived a life like that. Thus I’ll start where life starts, with the one who brought me into this world. I was born in oskana kâ-asastêki to my two adoptive parents and my biological mother tracy-lynn. I was adopted at birth, many who aren't familiar with the foster care system (the modern way canada monitors Indigenous children’s whereabouts, since the final residential school closed in 1996) would think that being adopted at birth was a good thing, I don't know if it was. You're likely wondering where my biological dad is… well that makes two of us. During conversations with her social worker she admitted to not knowing the father and regularly having casual sex with men of different ethnic origins, naming white, Indigenous, Black, and Filipino. Thus my adoptive parents (Tracey and Arlon), assumed I was Filipino based on my looks. Although strangers did occasionally throw Black microaggressions towards me, older white women wanted to touch my black curls and I was a girl who wanted to be ‘polite’. 

For the first 18 years of my life, it was my truth that I was Filipino. The guilt of my lack of connection from my Filipino friends eventually brought me to study the language as a teenager. Wanting to know what region of the Philippines my father was from lead me to doing a DNA test around age 18. Discovering the truth, for a short period of time, resulted in a what felt like a cultural crisis. I finally felt comfortable in one of my ethnic backgrounds (comfortable enough to get a tattoo of the Philippines flag within a knife, image above) so realizing the rarity of situations like this and not being able to find help online terrified me. After learning basic Tagalog, growing up with Filipino friends, and even embarking on a double major of History and Asian Studies, I had found myself in a very strange circumstance. You can find thousands of articles giving advice on how to come out as gay or transgender (as I had done so at 11 and 12 myself), but nobody really comes out as African. Honestly, I was scared that people would think of me as a liar or fraud. Like the pretendian equivalent of being Black. If the truth came to light, people would think I was intentionally lying about my race. At the same time, I was scared that if I said I was Black, but provided no proof, I was just some annoying leftist trying to claim a marginalized identity. It felt like being called to fight in a war where I'd lose on either front. 

As strange as it sounds, I can’t imagine my life without my queerness. Growing up with two older siblings that came out as queer before me allowed 11 year old me to develop language to understand myself and others. If I weren’t queer, I don’t know if I would’ve been introduced to philosophies of identity and history. Gaining a sense of self, a sense of pride in who I am and the communities I’m a part of, was integral to me discovering feminism at a young age (roughly age 13), leading me to learn from Black and Indigenous feminists/communists, many of whom I cite today in teacher education. The most important life lesson being queer has given me is that I don’t need to “know” myself, know what exact labels and identities suit me at any given moment, I just need to live. For example, I don’t inject testosterone because I feel at my core I’m a man (I don’t) or because I feel a need to prove my masculinity in a biological way (I don’t), I do it because I like the way it makes my body look. In a very Gen Z way, I decided to fuck around and find out. Thus when I had my cultural identity crisis, I realized I could just identify as mixed Black/Ethiopian/African. In the same way there’s no “true trans” person, there’s was no way for me to “truly” be African. I just am. 

As mentioned, I learnt about social justice issues and movements relatively early which was integral to my own identity development. Through learning from revolutionaries like Kwame Ture who stated “​​We're Africans in America, struggling against American capitalism. We're not Americans” and “a fight for power is a fight for land. [...] Our land is Africa. America's not our land, it belongs to the American Indians and we have a right to stand and take a moral struggle with them.” I felt empowered to describe myself as Afro-Indigenous, to bring my two sides together as one whole. Diaspora is survival can mean a lot of things at different times & places but here, it meant a member of the diaspora empowered another diaspora to take up the family name of African, within my mixed background. The name survived its travels. This is my favourite term for a few important reasons. Firstly, I’m acknowledging the lands I’m from. Both the ties I have to Africa as a diaspora and Indigenous reflecting my Turtle Island upbringing. Secondly, I’m not identifying with a colonial state as terms like Indigenous Canadian or Black Canadian would suggest. Lastly, I’m not playing into the settler idea of blood quantum. A soul cannot be divided into percentages.

It feels wrong, embarrassing even, to say I envy the classmates of mine who have the privilege of being one call or text away from a family member that can answer simple questions. I only know what someone, I assume a social worker, felt was worthy of documenting. I didn’t learn that my maternal grandmother’s brother roger was forced into multiple residential schools from tracy-lynn or her mother rita, I learnt from a fucking hydro company. How colonial dystopian is that? Hydro Manitoba did a study of the land they intended to put pipelines through, consulting the nation which neighbours my own. My nation is Tootinaowaziibeeng First Nation, physically within Treaty 2 territory but a signatory of Treaty 4. I’ve lived most of my life on Treaty 4 land, i.e. the land stolen from the Métis (michif), Cree (néhiyaw), and Ojibway (anishinaabe). My adoptive dad Arlon is a descendant of the first British & French settlers in the region and he didn’t know which Indigenous peoples lived on the land that makes up our family farm-turned-acreage until I told him. To him, the land was always in the family and was empty before, owned by the canadian government that gave it to his family. As a socially anxious young adult he was set up on a dinner date with my adoptive mom, Tracey. She was also from a white farming family, her childhood home being just 2 km down the road from where mine still sits today. Growing up she embraced the cuisine of her German ancestry, that was all her mother taught her. If I remember correctly, she’s mostly German, but had Jewish family survive the Holocaust, becoming refugees to Canada after leaving the Netherlands. I’m unsure if they were Dutch Jewish, I never asked. Despite having 3 known sides of family, I’ve always been distanced from them in some way. When I was young my mom told me the reason we didn’t spend time with distant family was because they were “mean” to her. As a teenager I learnt “mean” actually meant racist, they were upset with her for adopting an “Indian” baby.

Like Toni Morrison, much of my own literary (and musical) background comes from autobiographies. Now that I think about it, I’m surrounded by autobiographical creations. I can prove this on the spot by looking down at my phone next to me, Spotify open, playing Boujee Natives by Snotty Nose Rez Kids, a hiphop duo from Haisla First Nation. That song is on my ndn rap playlist, below it is my hiphop for sexy ppl only playlist which contains only Black/African rappers. I hit shuffle on the playlist and Malcolm Garvey Huey by Dead Prez comes on, ironic as I get to read works by/about these exact historical figures for this geography class. If I look into my backpack next to me I’ll find Dancing On Our Turtle’s Back by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson (Michi Saagiig Nishnaabeg) and Creeland by Dallas Hunt (Swan River First Nation), both autobiographical works to an extent. That’s just my immediate surroundings here at a cafe near my house, I typically exist near a shelf of autobiographies at my two library jobs, as well as at home in East Van.

Where would I go? If I wrote an autobiography what section would they put me in? Would it still be autobiography if so much of my family knowledge comes from government documents like an adoption act or residential school records? Would my Indigeneity render it a historical work? If I have to rely on historical evidence to make a guess, does that make my life a fiction? Assuming an Indigenous category exists, who makes the decision on whether I’m too Black to belong? Perhaps I’ll write a biomythography like Audre Lorde. The sisters have it figured out this time, I know where’d I go. 

If past you were to meet future me, Would you be holding me here and now?

[Historians – Lucy Dacus]

References :

Afromarxist, “What's in a Name? ft. Kwame Ture (1989)” YouTube, video publication date 27 October 2019, https://youtu.be/OGcl359SMxE?si=T_bs5PKLBZuUYwZ0

Baldwin, James. Notes of a Native Son. Boston: Beacon Press, 1955. 

Chakasim, Neegahnii Madeline. “Pretendians and their Impacts on Indigenous Communities.” The Indigenous Foundation, May 10 2022. https://www.theindigenousfoundation.org/articles/pretendians-and-their-impacts-on-indigenous-communities 

HTFC Planning & Design & Manitoba Hydro. “See what the land gave us” Waywayseecappo First Nation Traditional Knowledge Study For the Birtle Transmission Line. December 2017. https://www.hydro.mb.ca/docs/projects/birtle/appendix_c_waywayseecappo_tk_study_final_report.pdf 

Lucy Dacus. Historians. Jacob Blizard and Collin Pastore. March 2, 2018. Matador Records, digital streaming.

Books / music mentioned

dead prez. Malcolm Garvey Huey. June 22 2010. Boss Up Inc., digital streaming. 

Hunt, Dallas. Creeland. Gibsons: Nightwood Editions, 2021.

*Maynard, Robyn. Policing Black Lives: State Violence in Canada from Slavery to the Present. Winnipeg: Fernwood Publishing, 2017. 

Lorde, Audre. Zami: A New Spelling of My Name. New York: Crossing Press, 1982.

Phoebe Bridgers. ICU. Phoebe Bridgers, Marshall Vore, & Nicholas White. June 18, 2020. Dead Oceans, digital streaming.

Snotty Nose Rez Kids. Boujee Natives. May 10 2019. Independent, digital streaming. 

Simpson, Leanne Betasamosake. Dancing on Our Turtle’s Back: Stories of Nishnaabeg Re-Creation, Resurgence, and a New Emergence. Winnipeg: Arbeiter Ring Publishing, 2011. 

*Simpson, Leanne Betasamosake. As We Have Always Done. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2017. 

sources with * were in the original essay but omitted from this version

#original writing #academic essay #uhh #personal essay #autobiography #history #pan africanism #indigenous #indigenous writer #black academia #first nations #native american #creative writing #actuallyindigenous #ojibwe #ojibway #ojibwa #i love how many spellings exist lmao it's hell #saulteaux #nakawe #anishinaabe #treaty 4 #prose #indigiqueer #queer #queer writers #uhhh #im running out of ideas #trans writers #riley writes

[cisner33]

Multimedia Journal Entry 2: Social media

This journal entry on social media, Subreddit r/mixedrace, discusses the prejudice people of a mixed race can experience with either culture. r/mixedrace is a forum for mixed-race people and friends to discuss mixed-race news, issues, and experiences. Their mission is to provide a space where people of all ethnic backgrounds can civilly and candidly share their viewpoints. A common issue raised in this community is of multiracial individuals feel no sense of belonging in either community causing further isolation. Most people of mixed-race experience racism or ostracization at one point or another. Sometimes simply not speaking the language of your culture causes problems. One user attempts to explain interracial prejudice by saying what ties people together is not race (the color of your skin) but by culture; the shared values, norms, and symbols (language) within a given society or particular group.

To reiterate, Hispanic or Latino is a broad term commonly misrepresented as a race. Rather, it is a shared culture, strongly bound by language.  Being of a certain race or mixed race doesn't ethnically and culturally represent you. As suggested in our class's first discussion, race is merely a social construct and incorrectly justifies the differential treatment of others on the basest of phenotypes. Society tells me I am mixed ‘race’ (white and Mexican), but ethnically I am primarily white, but still practice some Mexican traditions, such as foods, family style, and events. Under the false pretenses of race, I, like many others of the mixed race community, have faced ostracization by our own ‘race’.

For example, I don't know how to speak Spanish nor does my dad or his brother because my great grandma and grandma foreboded her sons from learning Spanish. She wanted her sons to assimilate into American culture without having issues causing them to feel segregated. She didn't want them to face the same prejudice and racism she faced after coming to America by train. My grandma would tell me stories of a time when she was ruler-slapped and called a “beaner” by her teachers for speaking Spanish in school. While my inability to speak Spanish may have made me socially acceptable to whites, it had the opposite effect on Hispanics. Being mixed race has led to prejudice amongst Hispanic populations. What I’ve experienced is often times I'll get rude looks or comments from Spanish-speaking people when they try to start a conversation in Spanish, and I don't know how to respond. The most recent example was this summer when I went to Key West, FL and two Cuban men drove up to my father and me and spoke in Spanish. After saying “no hablo español”, they flipped us the bird and drove off. Even within the Hispanic culture, there can be racism, or the assumption that if you are (or look) Hispanic, you should know the language. Asian, Latino, African, and Native Americans can be racist. Being an ethnic or racial minority does not exempt you from such a fact. Racism and prejudice are never ok.

[blissfulthoughtss]

Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter

I can remember marching in a protest for Black Lives Matter, following the death of George Floyd. Many of us were outraged at the video that had circulated around the world. While I watched the video, as a mother of a black son, I saw my own son being murdered in broad daylight. I saw the indifference in the face of the murderer and my heart broke into pieces. Although I had heard of other black men being murdered by police officers, this incident really made an impact on me.

I can remember holding a sign that said that I wanted my son to grow up without a target on his back. I was angry and I was hurt. I asked myself how anyone, no matter what color would just kill someone like that, with indifference and what seemed like entitlement. My friends were next to me as we shouted, “no justice no peace” and “black lives matter”. I saw many people of different ages and races. I saw signs with slavery references such as the song “strange fruit” by Billie Holiday. At that moment it seemed that police brutality was out of control and racism never truly went away but just shifted forms.

Shortly after the march, there was something posted on social media that continued to break my heart. An athlete called Desean Jackson posted an anti-Semitic post quoting Hitler. I saw how many black individuals supported him and his anti-Semitic post. Just a few weeks prior I was marching for black lives, and my friends, who are also Jewish, walked along with me shouting  Black lives mattered. Then the same people we were advocating for and supporting were the same people disrespecting our culture, our religion, and our existence. We stood in solidarity with the black community against racism and police brutality, and at that moment I felt like the black community was anti-Semitic as a response. Although I do understand he is not an advocate for the entire black community, his support from another members of the black community spoke volumes.

After the post, every time I heard All Lives Matter, I agreed. I agreed that black lives matter but also that Jewish lives matter, that Muslim lives matter, that Asian lives matter, that Christian lives matter, that every single life matters no matter the religion, race, gender etc. We are all human beings, and every single one of us goes through adversity, sexism, racism, etc.  I agreed that All Lives Matter because the black community is not the only one that has endured oppression and adversity or even slavery. There is no need to compare the duration or intensity of tragedies such as slavery in America and the Holocaust. They were both horrific events that shouldn’t have happened and that continue to impact lives. However, one would assume that these events would bring us closer together instead of further apart. Even Martin Luther King walked along Jews, at what point did that become hate instead?

Social Media Freaks by Dustin Kidd shares perspectives on social media and the Black Lives Matter Movement. Kidd explained that Black Lives Matter started as a hashtag and then developed into a movement. It began after the acquittal of George Zimmerman who was a police officer that killed a young black boy named Trayvon Martin. Trayvon Martin was only 17 years old when he was shot by Mr. Zimmerman.  The movement developed and had principles such as diversity and empathy.    

This book also shares a perspective on the phrase All Lives Matter. I found the perspective to be interesting and reasonable. Kidd argues that All Lives Matter is simply a phrase to undermine the black community and that Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean that only black lives matter. He argues that All Lives Matter is a form of color-blind racism. According to Kidd, Color-Blind Racism is a racial ideology that argues against any explicit acknowledgment of race or ethnicity. (Kidd,2019.) This is like the phrase “I don’t see color”, which may have good intentions but is simply racism in disguise.. It is important to know our differences and embrace them, and then also notice others and their differences while also embracing them. Kidd shared an interesting anecdote to help with perspective. He says that there is a ship that is sinking and needs help, and then someone says all the ships need help, so they lift all the ships. Lifting all the ships does not address the ship that is sinking and does not bring equality to the ships. This anecdote helped me understand that the phrase All Lives Matter works in the same way, even if it's not a movement and is just a response to the movement. Black Lives matter, and addressing all the issues within the black community, not only police brutality, is important. This issues that Black Lives Matter is trying to address does not mean that other problems should not be. It just means that the problems are there also, and should be addressed as well. 

#https://www.nbcsports.com/philadelphia/eagles/desean-jackson-hitler-quote-louis-farrakhan-anti-semitic #Kidd D. (2017). Social Media Freaks: Digital Identity in the Network Society. Routledge.