#like dont get me wrong. it was an entirely healthy relationship. its just hard to explain the depths of her love

[she-ismysun-archive]

🚨 THE ROOKIE 6x02 SPOILERS 🚨

do not read if you don’t want spoilers. Holy shit 100th episode started off with a BANGER. This is my live blog thread.

DADDY COP? FOR REAL? WHAT A FUCKING INTRO. NO WONDER ZANDER RANDOMLY BROUGHT IT BACK UP ON HIS INSTAGRAM.

100 SPARKLE INTRO ✨✨✨

Henry missed his flight???? NAAAUUU

HELLO CHASTITY AND SKIP TRACER RANDY. HE SKIP TRACER BOUNTY HUNTED PETE LOL. I literally can’t stop screaming. I can’t stop SCREAMING. I feel so feral

Chastity is teaching him how to kiss! 😆😆

please 🫣 PLEASE TELL ME THEY DONT LOSE THE RING?

Oh brother. Aaron is not as ok as I thought he was or would be. Bro is NOT ok!!! He’s still benched for a reason. Wade will not make the same mistakes he did before. He will not lose another one.

Wow healthy communication? No. Angst continues. Please help me save me save ME. He’s so mad. She’s so hurt. Pleeeease our lovers will resolve this episode I said so!

OSCAR?

Henry missed the bullet train.

What is happening with Nyla and Celina rn. NARCOTIC POT?

MONICA?! Double fucking whammy

Friendship hugs. I said so. They’re friends. Please don’t force this romantic relationship :((

THEY PAWNED THE BAILEN WEDDING RINGS? DEADASS????

the hammer episode name drop 🫠

“No please don’t do me any favors” Angela please save us WAHH THEYRE BICKERING

Hello wedding DJ - womp womp drug dealer

BILLY BOB BENNET (the hammer)

Oh they’re scheming. Oh they’re scheming so hard

So I definitely misread this shot in the promo (they have not made up yet)

Eric Winter’s hardest fight scene of his entire career

Lucy negotiating is so fun

TIM OFFERING LUCY UP TO BE THE FIGHTER?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Tim get his shit rocked but he WINS - wait I just noticed Lucy holding his belt??

TIM? HOLDINF THE RING ON ONE KNEE Bdjdksnsksk

Goodnight Tim

HAHA “THE ROOKIE” NAME DROP

Nyla just calling Celina “the rookie” and she gets to do her first interrogation

No flower. Almost no ring. Almost no Henry?? ENJOY GIRLS NIGHT? SHES TRYING TO GET HENRY INTO THE COUNTRY.

CAKE TOO EARLY 🫣🫣 AND IT HAS COCONUT CREAM

Randy is the florist expert now (Ty ClipTok)

Ou they’re both. Gossiping about each other at the bachelors party

Lucy: he’s the problem

Tim: how do I prove to her that I’m not the problem?

DAMN IT. THEYRE GETTING DINNER TOGETHER NOW (Celina and Aaron) AND TIM WANTS TO MEET LUCY AT THE STATION

lie. detector. test.

LIE. DETECTOR. TEST. 🥹🥹🥹

YES. I LOVE YOU. HES A LYING LIAR WHO LIES?

he’s a. Lying liar. Who LIES 😭😭😭 it took a LIE DETECTOR TEST for him to ACCEPT that he doesn’t want Lucy to do UC work.

Luna’s getting her social work degree!

And of course their officiant doesn’t show up. Thank you Wade for saving the day

This wedding is so goddamn beautiful. Their vows are so fucking beautiful.

God they tricked me with all the happy promo shots of Chenford but their angst is far from over

Randy and Chastity is DJ-ing?? James saves the day with a playlist of his own.

Will Tim and Lucy make it out?? God I hope so! (I know they will but this is hurtinggg)

AARON. GOOD GOD. They were laying that on THICK. And now Celina is leaving the wedding. God Celina please be ok

I just spent last night spiraling about “dog bring a live part”

They’re dancing but they’re going to talk. Yea you DO need to deal with it Tim. YOU ARE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS

SHE SAID IT BACK

The chenford wedding kiss 🥹

ITS JOEVER. IT IS JOEVER

Celina is in fact NOT OK. And Aaron is drunk off his ass. Of course why would Nolan have a peaceful wedding night when everything else went wrong.

Alright then. That was wrapped up quickly. Everyone quick thinking weeehh Everyone’s ok.

This is the third shot of them laying on their back? It’ll be fun to clip that together.

Well ok then.

I feel so betrayed and tricked but it was delulu of me to think they would make up that quickly!!! IT TAKES A LIE DETECTOR TEST FOR HIM TO ACCEPT THAT HE DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA OF HER DOING UC WORK? This is actually just so in character for them! This is actually just chenford being chenford because it took them going undercover as a couple to even CONSIDER the fact they have feelings for each other.

#the rookie #the rookie spoilers #the rookie 6x02 #liveblogging #initial thoughts #good god chenford #everything that coudlve went wrong did #lucy chen #tim bradford #the bailen wedding is so beautiful

[sporesgalaxy]

i know you prolly know this shit but i gotta yell: chariot and temperance is NOT mid and fitting in. temperance is *going with the flow* when that flow is *the journey of your life*. its not failure to take an easy route you choose so long as you remember that ANY ROUTE IS YOUR LIFE and WILL still feel like it was just as hard once you have moved on. you dont step into the same life twice whether you go with the flow or swim against it, either is your life. the reversed temperance, its "negative" mirror, isnt being "too ballanced" and mid or fitting in, its being UNBALLANCED. which fitting in CAN be, but so can swimming against the current, because its not the curren that ultimately matters its the journey. likewise the chariot is in the flow of life, but is explicitly a VICTORY MARCH won through determination and willpower. it is your triumph, still with a voice wispering you too shall die in your ear but you STILL TRIUMPH, the reward you can obtain from perserverance. and reversed isnt saying you are having the wrong victories, its saying *at any time the reigns are in your hand*. the crowd might freak if you randomly mush your horses and pull away from the march in your honour, but if performing for the crowd is killing you, you can just fukin hit da bricks, as YOU choose. like its not all good and it still seems to fit your self assesments in many ways, but part of the point of the cards is a haruspex of self assesment, neither good nor bad but a way of ordering thoughts for your self. this aint fukin, star sign. even if you wanna do a read as "birth tarot", by the cards if you ever fake your age feel free to pull again, even if its for like, a website age gate. to tumblr joke, you got a frisk ass reading. your determination can be seen in your actions and past motions and creations. you have it, if you feel it or not or like the results of it or not, the reigns are in your hand and the flow of the current is visible, and its full okay to go with that flow or not, pick your route captain.

hehe, I appreciate the passion, and I genuinely like reading abt the Tarot cards so this is a delight! Thank you!

Buuuut Im sorry to say you got mixed up somewhere, my cards were Temperance + the Hierophant!

I admit, I was knowingly being wayyyy reductive as a gag.

I felt called out by the Temperance + Heirophant combo so I wanted to be mean about it lol. Yes, I was always the kid obsessed with making sure things were Fair. Yes, I have an unusually healthy relationship with my religion. And YES, I've been called Switzerland (derogatory). And YES!! I've had the thought, an alarming number of times lately, that I completely understand why people under slightly more social & financial pressure than me will settle for a hetero marriage to someone they only sort of like!!!!!!!!!!!! It was RUDE of the middle road & rituals fan cards to get my entire ass like this, so I was rude back.

Anyways. The Temperance insight you gave here is still quite fun to read! I liked what I read about Temperance (and didnt honestly consider it mid) but I hadnt thought about it like that either!

Chariot sounds fun too :-) Neat stuff! I like Tarot Cards

#asks #long post

[silenthillbunni]

it's easy for other ppl to say that i should love my body. to think i should love my body. to judge me for being 'weak' or 'shallow' or whatever for not loving it. but they dont get it, bc they havent had to live with my body. how and why could i love it when i've mainly received insults nd ridicule for it? boys in my class used to joke abt my clothing size, my own friends talked behind my back and said things like yeahhh it was her who ate the entire bag of candy haha (even if i have an issue eating infront of other ppl. so i never even participate in eating or drinking anything w others. only some water but even that is difficult to do in front of others). my relatives judged me, nd i always had whatever was on my plate criticized by ppl around me. strangers in the store have side eyed me nd talked openly abt what items i bought and that i should be eating 'healthy'. my body has been judged and criticized wherever i've gone or have done. ppl stared, openly talked to eo abt how i should exercise or do this or that. ppl generally treat u worse and are rude to u if you're even slightly overweight. my shoulders are broad, my hips are narrow, i feel like everything is sagging. i have stretchmarks almost everywhere. i've lost weight bc of health issues but i still have back rolls in some angles. i still have fat armpits???? my body is just droopy and gross and i feel nauseous whenever i have to look at it. i love clothes but it's never fun bc nothing is flattering on me bc my body is so grotesque. my stomach is like dough. my arms r flabby. nd im pretty sure theres smth wrong w my body circulation bc like my legs are reddish while the rest of my body is my normal skin color. also.. ketasoris pilatoris (however tf thats spelled idc). anyway my body rlly is a horror show and i dont know. it's hard to "love" it or be fine w it bc i havent existed next to someone with it in it's natural state and not been scrutinized. (im lucky tho that my mom has never criticized my appearance or anything bc from my understanding it's smth many ppl have experienced). i mean sure when i've worn shorts in summer she's joked abt my legs been hairier than a man's but... not more than that. idk. it's just frustrating to be so judged for it. yes. i have a very complicated relationship w my body and appearance. im sorry if its annoying to u lmao? idk what to say. why would it be easy for me to exist unapologetically in my body? i can accept myself all i want, but if i cant feel that from others what will it matter? even if i often feel it, im not an island. im dependent on other ppl's input. it's just frustrating when ppl act like it should be easy or that i am weak or stupid for hating the way i look. it hurts to not ever receive a little bit of sympathy or compassion. no. im just stupid and weak and annoying!!!!! well. whatever. i dont care. at least the ground will accept my body wholly and completely when it eats me and i'll nourish the earth. worms and insects will accept me exactly as i am. it will all be absolutely unimportant to them. they wont even care abt whatever feelings i have abt it. theyre completely apathetic to all of it.

[ridiasfangirlings]

is sarumi toxic?? genuine question, i dont know if its just the way certain fanmanga that ive read portrays their relationship. i love the ship with my whole heart, dont get me wrong. ive read lost small world, finished rok and season 1 (halfway through season 2). consuming all kinds of k stuff, i personally dont see it toxic as certain people do (knowing that theyve already reconciled). im super confused on who to believe so here i am asking you

I will say to start that I’m not exactly a neutral third party here, even with me being a filthy multishipper Sarumi is still my ‘main’ ship. That said, I personally don’t consider them to be toxic as a ship. There are definitely elements of their relationship as presented that are not good and could certainly lead to toxicity, but that’s also pretty understandable considering Fushimi as a character is not a healthy person and isn’t equipped to deal with relationships in a healthy way. If we look at, say, only season one Sarumi is a vacuum there’s certainly room to call it toxic, with the way Fushimi interacts with Yata by drawing out all his negative feelings and deliberately goading him into physical violence, but thankfully there’s a lot more to their relationship than episode five of season one.

When you consider the side materials the series is pretty clear that Fushimi’s actions stem from him being an abused and neglected child who clung to the one person who ever showed him affection and who has no idea how to handle things that other people would consider easy. When they join Homra and Fushimi doesn’t feel like he fits in he starts to assume a lot of things, that Yata’s leaving him behind, that he’s going to be rejected, because up until he met Yata Fushimi’s entire life has been him being rejected by the world around him and rejecting the world in turn because it’s his only method of coping. When he burns his Homra tattoo in front of Yata it’s a move intended to hurt them both, because the only way Fushimi knows of to break something that he loves is to do it spectacularly — Fushimi himself can’t break what he cares about so he takes on the persona of the person who could, of the guy who can flawlessly destroy what Fushimi Saruhiko loves every time. Fushimi is so afraid of losing his precious friendship with Yata that he feels like he has to be the one to break it first in order to save himself the pain of losing it. This is a toxic mindset but also a totally understandable one in the context of Fushimi’s character. 

Obviously Fushimi’s way of dealing with his emotions is not healthy but he’s not a healthy person, that’s well established. Are a lot of Fushimi’s problems of his own making? Very much so. Does he really owe Yata an apology for being a dick all this time? Also yes. But Fushimi’s actions are also very understandable due to his upbringing, and Yata himself says that Fushimi is trying to be better — “You have a sense of guilt.” Fushimi’s relationship with Niki is a toxic one because Niki is abusing him and literally doesn’t care about the trauma he’s inflicting on his kid. Fushimi on the other hand is well aware of what he’s inflicting and tries very hard not to care, while still not being able to let go of Yata and still occasionally letting his mask slip (how he has difficulty dealing with a grieving Yata post-S1 for example, and how he still helps Yata in Missing Kings) and ultimately, Fushimi knows what he did was wrong and he and Yata start to reconcile. They aren’t a perfect pure and unproblematic uwu ship but I don’t consider them to be toxic just because Fushimi dared to be mentally ill, the Sarumi I ship isn’t the one where they hate each other and where Fushimi’s still constantly cruel to Yata, it’s the one where they make up and recognize their mistakes and Fushimi starts on a healing path that includes recognizing what he did to Yata and in his own fumbling way trying not to do it again even though it’s difficult for him. (And also frankly if someone does like the toxic version of them go for it, you do you. I really hate how people tend to throw around the word ‘toxic’ as some kind of forbidden brand, like if a ship is not perfect and healthy and wondrous it shouldn’t be shipped. Ship your fictional characters any way you want, as long as you tag things properly! Be free of the need to be judged!)

#sarumi #Talking K #let ships be toxic let ships be health let them be whatever you want them to be #free yourself from the confinement of caring what others think and indulge yourself! #I hate when people use 'it's toxic' when what they mean is 'I personally dislike this ship' #trying to somehow discredit the ship so disliking it makes them morally superior #it doesn't #if you dislike a ship bc it's not your thing own that shit don't try and act like it makes you a better person #anyway that's my rant for the day ship whatever you want be free to live laugh love Fushimi ships specifically

[asthevermincrawls]

wasn't really going to talk about the ls dunes fiasco since I don't really post about mcr that much anymore, but it kind of ties into something that's been bothering me for a while, which is how much social media plays a role in obsessive fan behaviour

the most obsessive fans always have a close knit circle urging them on and encourage behaviour that anyone outside that circle would see as unacceptable. when people base all their social interactions and relationships around any one singular thing--be it a support group, subculture, or fandom--these communities become more and more insular, and bad behaviour can easily go unchecked.

if any one person where to try and take a step back, either to take a break or object to obsessive or unhealthy behaviour, they risk losing their entire social network, and so the group self reinforces. this isn't helped by the fact that bad, shocking, or outrageous behaviour gets far more attention. fans feel the need to outdo each other in order to stay relevant and funny: "wow, he has such a nice smile. im really happy for them, they seem to be having a lot of fun this tour" gets a lot less attention than "i want to get him pregnant."

don't get me wrong, there's nothing really wrong with jokes like that. i've even made a few of them myself (hello, op of the post comparing frank's bald head to an eos lipbalm here. that still haunts me btw). the problem is that their success inspires some people to push the jokes even further. and over time, without taking time away from the fandom or engaging in other interests, stupid jokes turn into talking to the members inappropriately on social media or digging into their personal lives and childhoods to find new "content" to post in order to stay relevant. this is the exact kind of behaviour which can feed in to the feeling of entitlement that lead to someone camping out outside the ls dunes tour bus for hours

the only solution i can think of is to just. log off once and a while. get other interests, get into other artists, get friends that aren't into mcr. go for a walk once and a while, geez. i know it can be hard, but its so much more rewarding. speaking from personal experience, you dont have to get to the point of stalking famous people for online fandom to have become unhealthy for you.

unfollow people! follow other people who post about a different interest or hobby that you want to get into! make an effort to spend less time on social media! take up reading, knitting, painting etc! fandom will still be there when you get back, but you'll be able to engage with it in a lot more healthy way

#idk if any of this is legible or if it even comes off the way i want it to but i had to get this off my chest #social media can be really fucking miserable sometimes #a.txt #mcr

[libralight]

Hot Astro Takes: Synastry

***These are just my opinions that I've developed through research and personal experience. If you don't agree, that is totally okay*** I think learning about your own chart is important and looking at someone elses chart could be quite beneficial as well to help understand each other better. But when it comes to Synastry, I personally don't think it's something to get too invested in. I've had people read Synastry charts between me and others and have it be sorta correct to incredibly wrong. I have also seen it with other synastry readings as well. Obviously some certain things could be accurate, but in a way its just confirmation bias that a person may have been looking for to answer a particular question. Should I be with that person? Why is my relationship so hard with my sibling/parent? And so on. Of course people want answers to these questions. We all want solutions right? The common problem I've seen with Synastry is that they focus on the placements between two people, but seemingly don't consider the individual peoples charts and how their own unique charts explain their Character blueprint. Like having negative synastry aspects because of someones placement could be entirely incorrect because a persons entire chart could simmer out certain energies/behaviours in that particular placement that just so happens to be negative in the synastry reading. If that makes sense. A lot of people swear by Synastry, but consider me a skeptic. -> I know a lot of my hot takes seem to be dunking on Astrology, but it is something I do believe in... I just don't believe in all things that are wrapped up in it, ykno? It's healthy to have varying opinions of things, it keeps a community healthy. Nothing sounds right in an echo chamber. If you want to speak to me about Synastry, I dont mind :) After all, maybe I've totally missed something and I'm just woefully misinformed. Astrology is an incredibly involved and complex art.

#hot take #astrology #astro notes #astrologer #astrologist #witchy #witch #witchblr #astrology notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology community #astrology blog #astrology tumblr #western astrology #zodiac signs #natal chart #astroblr #birth chart #synastry

[spikeinthepunch]

maybe itd be good to also dump the timeline of what i have taken out or changed that i feel was affected by my own anxiety of why i could or couldnt tell and story with 'dark themes'. and ill just talk about it with Penrose because that is the story i am currently telling in the game i am making.

TW but not really detailed here- sexual, emotional and physical abuse. horrible toxic relationships in general. grooming. pedophilia.

.... Penrose (or TIWIFL)

TIWIFL it was obviously based on trauma stuff. the title gave it away ("this is what it felt like). the original ideas are entirely thrown out so i can be more clear about it without caring for spoilers. the first version of the story was about Mick, and her group of friends who i think were highschool students. the general line up of characters was Mick, Mars, Babs, and Haiden (a few other unimportant ones). Mick is a sophomore who was in a toxic abusive relationship with Haiden, a senior. Babs is a freshman who had been/was being sexually abused by an older man who groomed her. Mars is a senior who dealt with extreme anger problems that often resulted in him abusing girlfriends he tried to date. Yeah it was uh, a myriad of problems. I had no clear story with all of them together. Mick was a lone character at first who was to have a comic that had her exploring memories she forgot. Eventually they were to all be in a single story though i dont know how. there are some random drawings and map parts related to them though!

eventually Mick got selected for a short finished comic- Trip- which personified the idea of her past manipulative and gaslighting relationship. but i had no longer ideas at the time. now its just her and some new characters for this game jam story i am whipping up.

either way, while i didnt get any solid story for the old stuff, these guys sure represented some tough topics. and the content i did make was very triggering for me to even do. this version of the story may have gotten thrown out for many reasons (well, i had no story i could figure out, for one) and i think my age and mental state halted much of exploring it properly at the time. it was like desperate trauma dumping to get things out but it wasnt healthy- i think a lot didnt happen either bc i was throwing Types of trauma at various characters bc i needed an outlet. but still looking back at it, there was nothing wrong with trying to cover that- i ended up facing a lot of conflict and anxiety when i saw all the various opinions of Who could tell those stories and How to tell them. im sure that piecing out exploring these characters, would make a good story. and maybe i can still use this in my new iteration of this long running messy all over the place story. idk.

Penrose especially is one that was intended to feel more like "home" in the sense its grounded in a simple modern day world in a small town inspired by mine/one very close to me, and the concept of exploring forgotten memories is definitely based of myself- and then covering topics that are close/familiar to me. But when i started to of think of why's or what's for the memory loss topic and the trauma topic i did start to hold back when i took it out- for all the reasons echoed prior. i end up with a story that doesnt have any of the content i keep wanting it to have!

its current story now has to do with recovering memories of a cult Mick never realized would have been a cult in the first place. there is a lot that happens in cults, a lot of hard shit to consume. and its not all relevant to my characters or story or... i guess maybe, i made sure to write it so i didnt have to try and tackle those subjects. And yes, I don't by any means intend to or need to cover every possible bad thing that happens in a cult. But at the same time I know there is a lot of me that is nervous at even trying to explore themes of abuse, grooming, etc if it were to come up. and some of it HAS to if this is about a character coming to realize the bad of something she normalized for so long!!

its a whole process to realize this now. i want to change it and i guess its also hard to change my OC stories AGAIN. but im trying to be aware and trying to push away anxiety about the stories and subjects i want to write.

#penrose

[earth2carmen]

I've struggled with eds my entire life. I was a really chubby kid and while I wasn't picked on for my weight I could definitely tell there was a difference between me and the other girls. I sought comfort in my meals at times it felt like food was my only friend. it was the only dependable thing I had and for most my childhood was the only thing that brought me comfort. I have always had ab ad relationship with food. weather its overeating or starving myself when I reach my breaking point I go to the extremes. when I diet I follow crazy strict workouts and meal plans. I try to restrict myself to under a certain amount of calories per day. I do it to an absurd number that no sane person could ever do because its just not fucking healthy. I remember being 12 and wanting nothing but to so badly be skinny that I would only eat 400 cals a day and if I fucked up or ate more than I restricted myself to I would make myself vomit. and I knew what I was doing was wrong. I've seen all the videos and I knew it wasn't healthy but I didn't care my desire to be skinny ruled all. the only thing that brought me comfort was the feeling of an empty stomach. Because that showed that I was finally doing something right, that it was working and my family not knowing I had an ed supported me through my weight loss journey. no one knew I was sick because when the fat girl gets skinny its praised, the mental health aspect gets overlooked and surely the fat girl could never have an ed like look at her. I still struggle with it honestly I still find myself searching up inspo, weird diets and fall into the fucked up world of Ana twitter. but I also still binge. when I'm sad I binge when I'm mad bine any little thing can cause me to binge and I don't want to do it I know ill feel like shit after the first bite but nothing can stop me when I'm binging. I order everything off the menu and wait for it to get delivered. the only one who's seen me truly binge eat is my brother. I once ordered 60 dollars worth of Chinese because I had gotten into an argument with our mother. the look of just disbelief and disappoint on his face said it all. I was so ashamed yet I couldn't stop. I order so much food then lock myself in my room and wallow in my self pity. I hate that I go so extreme on both sides but i dont know how to stop. its really an addiction and I know lots of people may see this as not a real addiction but it is. I am still chubby and plan on losing the extra weight. but I know ill go extreme to get the results I want In the timing that I want. even tho I know it isn't safe. In no way am I encouraging this. you don't want to end up in this vicious cycle with food mane. eat a balanced diet, enjoy life and appreciate that you don't know how many calories are in apples off the top of your head. because this never ends. you always tell yourself it will but deep down you know the road for recovery is so hard. food takes over everything you start off counting calories then all of a sudden your wondering if your toothpaste has any extra cals and no one should live their life like that. be kind and gentle with your soul

[hopeididntscareyou]

Even though Liz would talk shit about me, I dont agree with everything she says. I'm not going to let other people get in the way of my relationships anymore. Listening to other peoples opinions just making me feel hateful and also making me a terrible person for being always on defensive mode. Deep down, i'm a very loyal and genuine person. I believe in true love even in this day and age where people are either manipulators and too traumatized to trust others. I am someone who would go lengths to show how i care about someone without losing myself. I dont care about all these labels and games that people play. As long as I stay healthy mentally, emotionally and physically, then nothing can destroy me. I only follow my own philosophy.

I find it saddening how people would believe whatever bullshit they see on tiktok/youtube rather than learning things from real life experience. People need to understand that these content creators are mainly trying to make money. They have that goal thats why they stir drama from reddit or 4chan extremists. Their ideas dont reflect the entire population IRL. They make money by grabbing your attention, brainwashing you and being their followers. Don't you see how out of touch with reality that looks like? if that doesn't sound crazy and cult-like to you, then i don't know what to tell you. I admit though, I was also a victim of this for awhile, but in my entire life I realized, the only times I have really learned about life was from my own experiences, and going outside and engaging with people who are passionate about their work that they dont even have time for the internet- usually older people from all walks of life. Thats where I got real wisdom. Its never really been from the internet. The thing is you could spend your precious time consuming self improvement material from youtube or reddit and even a book but it wouldn't actually improve your life whatsoever because you spent your time being a follower of someone else's ideas than having your own path. To be honest, all self improvement books/videos I've seen are just mostly common sense that I already knew and had been doing because I came up with these ideas on my own. It's really not that hard to give yourself a quiet time to sit and think solutions for your own problems. I believe it is more important to create more than to consume. Nowadays, internet is full of retarded and braindead people wired by quick dopamine. Its not the same as early 2000s and mid 2010s where internet stuff was obscure. Its been decades since the invention of the internet. It is not the age of the internet anymore but the age of algorithm. I stopped consuming internet as much as possible because of two things; one - the internet is full of fake news, misinformation and propagandas. Two - it is the source of distraction with its unlimited entertainment. I only use internet as an online tool for conveniency to keep up with the digital world; mainly using google maps, QR codes, storage, work or legit educational priorities.

And honestly, i can tell a lot about person based on their internet activities that its probably my main criteria now when judging a person as first impression. If you're a person who doom scrolls on short videos/reels regardless of the content, then I would assume you spend your spare time as a consumer than a creator and that alone would tell me what kind of person you are.

In an unrelated note, I'm still coming into terms about my sexuality because I can't quite figure out if i am really indeed an asexual or not. I feel extremely grossed out with the idea of sex with people I have a romantic relationship with. It just feels so wrong, like it makes me feel like i'm engaging in incest kind of wrong to me. I do however like sharing intimate moments and romance like hugging touching cuddling and kissing but sex is just repulsive and disgusting to me. I think its partly because of my trauma from watching depraved and disturbing porn for sickfucks, that definitely is a fact. But i also should admit that I have been sexually attracted before and I would consider myself as sexually active because I masturbate an average of 3x a week to 5x in just one day. The problem arise whenever I'm dating/seeing someone because i completely lose my interest in anything sexual all of a sudden and I would even stop masturbating. I don't know, its fucking weird. I cant count how many times i forced myself to be in the mood while someone is kissing me and touching me, but it just doesn't work, and I hate that when that happens because it makes me hate sex entirely and apathetic with someone. Like i don't even care if my partner would do it with other women just because he cant have sex with me. I literally don't care. Honestly, I am not really a jealous person and I can handle things well as long as I'm not bored. Sex is not a massive issue to me entirely at all. Fortunately i never had a problem about this with most guys except one time. But in general, the guys i chose to date were good natured individuals that i shared the same values with. So contrary to the popular belief, no I am not a raging feminazi who hates men. Thats incorrect and its funny how my friends would say i hate men just because i don't put up with trashy behaviors. You'd think people who are close to me would know me better, but surprise surprise. Sometimes its just not really easy to get to know someone on a deeper level. You could know someone for years without knowing anything about them. Not all people are open books, and honestly I dont care enough to change how people perceive me. You can think whatever you want about me and I'm still going to live my reality

[divergent-one-1984]

ISOLATION and RUINED RELATIONSHIPS as part of TARGETED GROUP STALKING and HARASSMENT

One aspect of the stalking, harassment, psychological abuse and torture campaign that I have not talked about in so much depth is the deep betrayal by friends and family members who choose to turn on you and engage in the harassment. I have had to cut off the majority of friends and family I had relationships with because they chose to do the wrong thing (for whatever their individual reasons may be, none of which have to do with me because I did nothing to them, their hands were obviously forced / manipulated to turn, for a myriad of reasons they felt justified for) and engage in the harassment campaign.

Starting in SUMMER 2016, after the TARGETED COMMUNITY STALKING and HARASSMENT began, I began removing people gradually from my life on an individual basis as I began to realize based on multiple interactions with them over time that they were engaging in similar harassment I had experienced at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION and in my community. With these people, it was mostly DIRECTED CONVERSATION, GASLIGHTING, and BAITING. I am a pretty intuitive person so I can often pick up on things that just dont seem inline especially with people I have known anywhere from 10+ 20+ years to practically my entire life. I can even detect the pulse of the neighborhood changing and feeling differently for me because I have been part of the community for 46 years, since 1976.

Before SUMMER 2016, I never had issues with individuals or groups of individuals in this community, which has always been fairly diverse.

After SUMMER 2016, its like someone placed a ball of slander in my neighborhood and it was spreading like cancer between people who knew me practically my whole life and complete strangers. These 2 distinct groups were treating me the same, disrepectfully, weirdly, rudely, just differently without any provocation from me.

My life prior to SUMMER 2016 and after are very different.

Before SUMMER 2016 I was a person with a social circle consisting of many people, many of whom included friends I have known for 10+ 20+ 30+ years. All of my life, since elementary school, I made friends and acquaintances easily in every space I inhabited, my neighborhood, schools, and workplaces. I did not have many family members I was close to, large family with a lot of disfunction therefore not a lot of closeness mostly because of issues with my parents generation going back, made it hard for closeness because the adults were dealing with multiple disfunctions amongst themselves so makes it hard for future generations to get together consistently and healthy, therefore some of my friends who I had know for 20+, 30+ years I considered like family. The head of this GROUP STALKING has basically told people in my life some thing or a combination of things to get them to turn against me and engage in the harassment and because of thr 24/7 ILLEGAL SURVEILLANCE anyone I come in contact with is told whatever they are told (FAKE FILES) to get them to eventually turn against me and this continues on and on, in real life and online, in social / personal and professional settings. You could never get me to do what these people have done to me under any circumstance because I have character, integrity, a sound mind, an empathetic spirit, a strong sense of right and wrong, don't subscribe to group think, and think critically about information given to me and by whom. Plus I am on a higher vibration, dedicating a significant amount of time and energy to psychologically abuse another human being is simply wrong, engaging in this is a waste of valuable time that could be dedicated to something more important and constructive, NOT destructive. I am not an idiotic moron follower or a psychopath so for those obvious reasons I would not engage in the immoral, unethical, and criminal behavior of GROUP STALKING AND HARASSMENT especially with people I know, so the positions these "family" and "friends" were placed in must have been very compromising (or they just dont know any better due to ignorance or intellectual or emotional deficiencies) to choose to throw me all the way under the bus and turn their backs. I understand and get it, a significant amount of time has passed, I have been harassed for about 8 years now so I have had a lot of time to sit with this, think about it, analyze it,etc. I am over the betrayal, I want to be left alone now. It appears that the people who still engage with my relative have to continue to harass me, I dont know if its simply a compulsion and they have gotten so used to it or they are doing it to protect their part in the ORGANIZED CRIME RING, or are they being blackmailed so thry feel coerced to keep harming me, dont know, dont care, just want to be left alone. You were cutoff, why do you still have to engage in harassment when you know I am in earshot, why cant you just stop? Others have actually stopped contacting after they sensed that they had been cutoff by me because I know what they are doing. The handful of people that remain in contact are family members who are also actively religious.

I figure if someone was able to come into their lives and make them forget the 10+ 20+ 30+ 40+ years they knew me and chose to engage in my harassment and abuse, they are compromised in ways that make me instictively want nothing to do with them, not only to protect my mental and emotional well being by removing the abuser but they are essentially involved in ORGANIZED CRIME and I dont want anything to do with criminals or people with some kind of diminished capacity or cowardness that would make them make such a decision to harm me.

These so called friends and family did not deserve my time and energy in the first place, they have shown me who they really are when it all came down to it and I am better off for it, if they are no longer around. I can no longer trust you, you are engaged in criminal activity, and you will never tell me the truth about what you have chosen to do to me, which for your best interest you shouldn't because if you dont know that you are actually engaged in ORGANIZED CRIME, silence will be the main way to protect yourself from being held accountable for your actions.

---BTW, NYPD sirens just started going off as I type this draft in my Word Program at about 6:25 AM---

Since my gradual removal of people I am no longer in contact with these people because they chose to engage in my harassment and I have to protect myself by any means.

This harassment campaign has been inflicted upon me since 2015 in the form of WORKPLACE MOBBING while I was employed at THE NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION from 2014 to 2016.

The WORKPLACE MOBBING PROCESS was instigated by NATASHA LIGGINS-MODELO and supported by her mean girl sisters TOLANI ADEBOYE and KHADIJA DAVIS, all of whom got their "people" in the workplace to actively engage in an abuse campaign to remove me from the workplace by forcing me to quit or fabricating a firing for cause with some criminal element attached to it, namely physical assault, since they could not sabatoge me on my work, although they tried, they had to try another area to sabatoge, my reputation and freedom.

The first "friend" that I had to remove from my life because it became apparent to me that they had been turned against me based on the final communication we had via Instant Messenger, ABDOULAZIZ BARRY, aka BARRY aka AZIZ BARRY was a friend I made while employed at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION.

BARRY initiated contact, I did not know him at all, we did not work in the same department and I don't recall ever seeing him prior to this meeting in which he initiated the conversation) BARRY and I met in FEBRUARY 2015, developed a friendship over time where we communicated both during and outside of work hours (mainly through instant messenger) as well as met in person occassionally, both during work hours and outside of work hours.

The last communication I had with him was via Instant Messenger in MAY 2016. I ended the friendship, politely and respecfully, after he attempted to bait me into some a negative interaction that would match the lies being told about me in the workplace at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION.

This was about a month and half after quitting from the job and about 2 to 3 weeks after I reported the WORKPLACE MOBBING to NYS DEPARTMENT OF LABOR.

In April 2016 I quit NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION due to the WORKPLACE MOBBING. BARRY and I were still friends afterwards until I realized different and cut him out of my life MAY 2016. He was saying things to me that were out of character, bizarre, and nonsensical and looked like some kind of a set up. When he failed at baiting me into a negative interaction with him, he seemed to backtrack and insisted we meet in person to further discuss to end thing amicably, I refused because there was nothing else to discuss as far as I was concerned, I was respectful and polite and chose to end the friendship. I was clear about not wanting to be friends anymore. No means No, basically. We were adults and I did not need to explain myself any further I thought I was very clear and to the point. I barely just left the workplace I was being abused in, of which he knew about, and now he was abusing me. I felt like I just needed to get away from the whole thing, plus he seemed to be baiting me so he was no longer someone I thought I could trust.

He replied again attempting to try to get me to meet up or call him for us to discuss, I did not reply.

May 2016 was the last communication I had with ABDOULAZIZ BARRY.

Shortly after this, the TARGETED COMMUNITY HARASSMENT began in ASTORIA, NY SUMMER 2016. Based on my observation it was mostly Muslim people who were engaging in the harassment, I dont think this is coincidence. If you don't recognize by the name ABDOULAZIZ BARRY is Muslim.

At the end of this are explanations for ISOLATION AND RUINED RELATIONSHIPS, 2 tactics used in ORGANIZED GROUP STALKING and HARASSMENT.

The short explanation is my character has been defamed, a mixture of lies and confidential truths had been spread around the workplace and town to slander me in order to get people to engage in the harassment, and make them feel like they are justified in the harassment in order to isolate me from mainstream society and leave me with no financial, social emotional support, and promote instability and the lie that I am an anti social loner and difficult person who does not get along with people, who hates people, which is a bunch of bullshit, but this is the picture they have to paint to match to their fabrications and lies about who I am in order to marginalize me, damage my reputation and credibility so that no one will believe me or care enough to find out the truth about me and what has been done to me or to question as to if if the things they were told were even true.

Since cutting off ABDOULAZIZ BARRY, there have been many more friends, family, and family friends whom I have had to cut off because of their actions.

I want to talk about one in particular who just hit their last button with me yesterday. I had to tell this woman to stop trying to engage / talk to me. LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE, a family friend of at least 50 years called my relatives cell phone to speak and sent a message to me through my relative, whom I am the caregiver for. LINDA knows that I don't speak to her anymore. She calls and comes to visit my relative occassionally, each time she makes contact she has been engaging in harassing behavior towards me for sometime now in the form of DIRECTED CONVERSATION. LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE also is the GODMOTHER of a SIBLING of mine, SAME SIBLING WHO HAS BEEN HARASSING ME FOR A WHILE NOW also engaging their child in the harassment. Also, this SIBLING , is the 1 other person besides WILFRED SHAWN KIRKALDY who knew about HPV diagnosis until it was apparently illegally accessed and leaked by person(s) employed at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION and / or associated NYC employee staff such as from NYPD.

I have distanced myself from LINDA and my SIBLING and her CHILD as much as I can under the circumstances, when THEY call I close my relatives door so that I can't hear the conversation and when inclined to go into my bedroom and close door.

When LINDA and SIBLING and their child come over to visit I don't engage with them, I basically buzz LINDA into apartment building and open the apartment door leave to door slightly ajar so that she can see its open, then go on about my business. My SIBLING has a key so most times I just ignore them and watch TV.

My relative is bed bound so I have to open the door to let people in, LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE has been a friend of my relative for like 50+ years and my relative has been in this same apartment for about 46 years so LINDA knows where to go to visit with her friend.

The last couple of times to really let her know that I dont want anything to do with her I expressed by my actions and inaction. I buzzed her in the apartment building, unlocked the apartment door, left it slightly ajar and walked away back into the apartment. I did not stand their with the door open to greet her at all. One of those times, she actually walked into the living room where I was and said Hi, I did not turn to look at her or reply, it was as if she were not there.

Upon leaving she would make a bit of a rauchous, prior to me really icing her out she would rattle relatives wheelchair which is parked by apartment door, slam apartment door to ket me know exactly when she left, loudly stating she was leaving. My response eventually would be to not get up to see her out or say goodbye, I waited a few minutes to ensure she left the apartment before getting up to lock the door.

Last night she sent a verbal message to me via a phone conversation she had with my relative, so in case she was not clear on the fact that I dont deal with her anymore based on my actions / inactions (which she is of course because she is involved in the harassment, her sending a message to me through my relative was to intentionally harass and abuse) I responded to her via text message on my relatives phone not to send anymore messages to me and that basically if she had not noticed the last couple of times she came over did not engage with her at all I wanted her to know that I no longer talk to her and I wanted her to be clear on that in case she was not.

As I have stated previously, in addition to the motivations of hate, racism, and misogyny, being that I am an African American female, there us an undercurrent of religious nuttery that is a guiding force in this TARGETED GROUP STALKING AND HARASSMENT, even starting from the WORKPLACE MOBBING at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION.

THE MEAN GIRLS - These woman were all believers

(CHRISTIAN / CATHOLIC)

NATASHA-LIGGINS MODELO (INSTIGATOR OF THE BULLYING / WORKPLACE MOBBING) I recall Natasha talking about an event she was part of in church, I think it was Praise dancing or something of the sort.

TOLANI ADEBOYE (FRIEND OF NATASHA AND HEAD OF MY DEPARTMENT WHO JOINED RANKS WITH NATASHA TO HARASS ME) I recall one time I ordered lunch for Tolani and myself, she told me to order for her whatever I was ordering so I ordered a dish that contained chicken, she stated when the food arrived she forgot it was Friday she was observing Lent / Good Friday and she could not eat meat so she ate the rice and vegetables and left the chicken

KHADIJA DAVIS (FRIEND OF NATASHA WHO JOINED RANKS WITH NATASHA TO HARASS ME) I don't recall anything as specific as the others but recall her generally talking about attending Church.

ABDOULAZIZ BARRY aka BARRY aka AZIZ BARRY (Person I developed friendship with, who ultimately turned on me and who I cut off shortly after quitting NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION) Religious on the opposite end. BARRY is MUSLIM. I spent plenty of time with this person communicating via Instant Messenger and in person to know he was quite active in his faith.

He took me to a Halal restaurant in Brooklyn on a couple of occassions. I know that he prayed during the day at work and often went to a Mosque close to the job to pray during his lunch break.

One time, maybe a week or so after I quit NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION, we met up at a Red Lobster in Harlem where I ordered an alcoholic beverage. He offered to pay for my meal but asked if it would be alright if he excluded the drink from that since he does not drink alcohol because of his religion, he did not want to pay for the drink but would pay for my food, to which I agreed because although I am an aethiest I respect peoples choices and their faith and that was not a problem for me. I was appreciative that he paid for even a portion because it was not expected and great because I was afterall unemployed.

So, at the genesis of this harassment were pretty religious people who were active in their faith, they did not seem to be casual based on my conversations and experiences with them. Most of the peope harassing me in my neighborhood are also religious, many of the Muslims around here are fundamentalists from Middle Eastern countries, many of the woman cover their hair, there have even been a few who cover their whole bodies including eyes. Latinos are also known to be very religious people and I know for a fact based on observation and experience that out of the other 8 tenants in this building, 7 of them for sure are religious, 3 being Christian / Catholic and the remaing being Muslim.

LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE, whom I have known for a good portion of my life, basically since I was a child, has always been an active church member and believer. Her family is this way as well.

RUINED RELATIONSHIPS When targets are in a relationship, the members of the Organized Gang Stalking group will try to ruin that relationship. This could be friendships, family or significant others. If it’s a romantic relationship, they will find out what your significant other likes and try to get them to cheat, or leave you. If it’s a friendship they will tell lies to come between you. The same goes for family. This is done so that targets will have no means of support, once they do realize that something is going wrong in their lives. When this Mobbing continues out in the community it is called Organized Stalking. Organized Stalking is Mobbing that takes place out in public. Deception using lies about the target appear to be the most common method used to get citizens to participate. Specifically, smear campaigns using bogus investigations. Furthermore, it is likely that they take advantage of existing federally-sponsored mechanisms, such as community crime watch or community policing organizations, senior citizens organizations, & religious groups, & use them as unsuspecting instruments in their retaliation campaigns. Many people across the country have reported being harassed by these community groups. Some of these people they’re using think they’re doing a community service. This is a very well funded & organized service/cult that is apparently condoned or even run by the state. The perpetrators of Organized Gang Stalking are serious criminals who do great damage, and the acts done are very serious crimes by any measure. Organized Gang stalking is a highly criminal campaign, one directed at a target individual, and one that aims to destroy an innocent persons life through covert harassments, malicious slander and carefully crafted and executed psychological assaults. Organized Gang Stalking deprives the targeted individual of their basic constitutional rights and destroys their freedom, setting a stage for the destruction of a person, socially, mental and physical, through a ceaseless assault that pervades all areas of a persons life.

ISOLATION For this harassment to be successful, it’s important to be able to isolate the target from friends, family members, co-workers and even spouses if they are not already involved in the harassment. To accomplish this isolation many methods are used included, but not limited to: slander, lies, fake files, sabotage, anything that will get the target into a situation where they have no support system. This is important for them to succeed.

[luemiere]

[ thinks intensely about jeans relationship with the concept of love ]  [ thinks intensely about jeans relationship with the concept of love ]  [ thinks intensely about jeans relationship with the concept of lo-

#im gonna cry fuck. FUCK. #maybe i should do one of those big collage type edits or write a meta or something and just sob into my hands #she's so full of love.... she was created from roses... she was meant to love and be in love... #its so intrinsic to her character... to be the hopeless romantic... to be so loving to everyone she meets... #its so easy to imagine that she falls in love with people so quickly.... she's like love incarnate... #and yet despite that (canonically) she's only been in an actual relationship once. in 1500 plus years. one time #she was so hopelessly in love with that man. and she had to watch him die slowly in her arms #the amount of love and dedication she had... that she STILL HAS for him... is literally unfathomable #like it cannot physically be described in words how much he meant to her #she was in mourning for so long after he died. she had to live with her sister for a long time because it was devestating #it was like losing part of herself #the fact that he got sick and she stayed up every single night praying over him and crying softly and tending to him #she was so tired. but she loved him so much. every moment was dedicated to him #like dont get me wrong. it was an entirely healthy relationship. its just hard to explain the depths of her love #what am i saying anymore... idk... fhhFJSHFJ IM SAD ? IM CRYING. THERE R TEARS IN MY EYES FUCK #–––– ◝ . ♡ 𝟎𝟎 ❛ cortex that makes me rude ╱ out

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

#mine #shameless #ian gallgher #gallavich #mickey milkovich #text post

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

#supergirl #supercorp #supergirl review #episode review #supergirl episode review #cw #supergays #kara #kara danvers #kara zor el #mon-el #Mike mathews #lena luthor #lena #season 2 #season 2 episode review #text #textpost #sneaky sneakster #clever lady in a purple coat #sick puppy dog says some questionable things #gay thoughts #too many to count #wanna do a supercorp parallel essay at some point #maybe after ive watched more #Hope everyones enjoying the reviews #Kel always proof reads for me #get you a man that screams with you when the forced love interest is about to kiss the main character

[souryogurt64]

i also think a big part of petes behavior (this is not an excuse but an explanation he is v much still responsible) is he only acted that way while super fucked up mental health wise. joey effectively has nothing wrong with him. i truly dont think pete would have been like he was if he were mentally healthy at that time…. because hes not that way now because hes stable and works hard to be for his family. so i think he probably sees it much harsher than it might seem like he would? i cannot see him sympathizing. i just truly zero percent believe hes as much of a monster as a lot of the other ppl who were actually involved, even with all his horrible BS with exes considered. and i dont say this in a fan way/stan wanting him to be better than he is kinda way… i just genuinely cant see it. i know plenty of ppl like pete and plenty like joey. pete is not nearly as horrible imo so i dont see him feeling sorry for him. even in gray he was self aware about the horrible shit. even on howard stern re meagan he was fully self aware that he can be a lot. joey seemingly has absolutely no remorse or awareness that what he did was wrong? he thinks hes a victim. i think thats what makes me so sick about the shittening. no apologies. just stone cold and compassionless. ick. sorry to talk about this more it just made me think lol

yea i mean he is like A Man but anyway it doesnt matter, its all hypothetical anyway and theres no way to know what hes like now just that hes not getting arrested anymore and theres nothing anybody could do anyway.

yea their email was entirely in the passive voice, im a naive stupid child but it was like “there was harm in their relationship” which is so passive. they also made it sound like i was super special and then after a few days i realized they did it the day or so before joeys birthday and it was a whole thing they prob sent to multiple people. it was so manipulative.

[lucidpantone]

Visitations: The Ending Explained

So @gele-gordijnen asked me a really interesting question and I think am finally ready to answer it. She asked can you tell me if Visitations is or isn’t a happy ending?

So here it goes.... (if you want the ending you imagined to stay intact don’t expand)

So in the most long winded way possible yes it is a happy ending but the ending really doesn’t matter in away because it’s what its trying to communicate to the reader about themselves and the way they treat or don’t treat those they love.

It’s very clear that Robbe and Sander never fell out of love but their love became unmanageable. It was way to potent that it hijack all other parts of their lives. Robbe loved Sander so much he was to scared to tell him he wanted to pursue the idea of leaving Belgium. He would rather push aside his own desires then to lose Sander or jeopardize their relationship with a dramatic change in dynamic. The issue here tho is relationships always change and evolve. Trying to ward off change only causes more conflict and Sander was right to doubt his intention in away because Robbe didn’t have faith that they were strong enough to survive change. But at the same time doubt and fear of change is only human. We all make decisions out of fear and doubt at points in our lives and we come back to this same moment again in the car scene where Robbe is trying to decide his future and its so hard for him because at this point fear and doubt have consumed his entire being and he is trying to break this inherit pattern of decision making he has established. But this is how Robbe has operated for so long I mean look at what he did to Lucas in the car. The moment Amsterdam became real to him he lashed out in the most extreme way out of fear and Luc shouldn't have said what he said but wouldn't you feel like you’re deserving of an explanation after being so open and honest? They had clearly had several conversations about Sander and Robbe clearly said there was nothing there which we know was a lie and deep down so did Robbe.  Sander to put it plain and simple loves Robbe too much. Robbe is not in the state of mind to have a healthy honest relationship with him. He clearly loves him but he is so weighed down by the past. Those years of back and forth happened because Robbe wasn’t ready to admit to himself that he maybe made a mistake. Sander was absolutely wrong for what he did but people make mistakes. Love is not a black and white situation. Good people sometimes make bad decisions out of anger and resentment. Sander makes the same mistake at the night of the gallery open when Robbe is trying to open up to him. Its clear in that moment wants to ask for forgiveness but Sander is so angry that he punishes him as Robbe has punished Sander so many times.What’s that saying? sometimes you harm the ones you love the most. If you haven't caught on every scene that plays out in present day is taking place in the metaphorical grey space the place before the event horizon where the skyline is the color yellow to signify the grey place may be hazardous to sobbe. They have been there too long they need aid to get out. The grey place also represents reflection all over the fic there is symbolism towards mirroring or self reflection. The butterflies are a clear indication that we are somewhere in the life cycle of rebirth. Sometimes sobbe is the butterfly and other times they are the caterpillar, the egg or in chrysalis.Thats why the story takes place in flashbacks we are somewhere in their life cycle. In the fic death is not a bad thing because caterpillars die and turn into butterflies so if we are dying we are really just being reborn again and sobbe does metaphorically die as the caterpillar a couple of times. 

The end is happy because they finally chose each other. They jump the crevasse they run towards the event horizon but we know from science we dont know if a human can survive an event horizon. The likelihood is they cannot it will probably kill them but thats not the point sobbe made it out of the grey place the sky turned pink and the floor underneath them turned monochrome. And what did I say before death is not a bad thing in the fic because it usually indicates rebirth and it isn't a coincidence that sobbe is part of a universe that can exist in different timelines. BTW if you read carefully all the evaks are seen for a split second in some form in the story and Joana sorta of explains the ending. When Robbe asks her how does he find her? She tells him he doesn’t but that she’ll be waiting for him and since we the reader know Robbe is Isak and Joana is Even we know that they do indeed do find one another in the other universe. So yes, Sobbe and everything they mean always survives. Do they literally survive? Maybe...because you know who does survive? Bowie. Plus I don’t think that matters honestly because am not really sure this story was ever really about sobbe in the first place but about how love is a metamorphosis or better yet a journey.

#visitations #its a long read #the ending explained. #what did i tell you at the very beginning it was always about the journey #but also pay attention bowie was always the key if he lived then so did sobbe

[fairycosmos]

i know you said real life people, but im also pretty much alone. i dont really have friends and my relationship with my parents is strained. its tough to think abt ur presence in this world that moves so fast, that it can all go wrong so easily and no one bats an eye, not really. following your blog since p much u started it helped me feel less lonely and i care about you in this odd internet way u know. i didnt send this to talk abt myself, i just wanna say that for whatever its worth, i care

:(( if there’s one (for lack of a better phrase) silver lining about being this intensely lonely it’s that at least other lonely people see me, and we’re able to recognize and comfort each other to an extent. even just thru a screen. i’m really sorry about your family, and just everything. nobody deserves the hands they’re dealt. i know it’s cliche, but the situation you’re in really isn’t a reflection of you or what you’re worthy of. it’s just easy to get lost, i think. but yeah....exactly. i’m having a hard time figuring out how i could be gone tomorrow, or anyone could be. it just doesn’t seem real. there are so many things that don’t make sense about the world, but death is another level all together. and w my anxiety or whatever i feel it’s always just round the corner. i always feel in danger, i can’t even explain the full picture properly. but it induces a state of constant existentialism, which is exhausting, because it solves nothing. ugh, anyway.  i cant believe you’ve been following me this whole time!!! maybe you deserve uhhh the guinness book of record award for being the most patient person ever 2 exist lol?? anyway it really does mean a lot to hear that. caring about people in that odd internet way is where like, 90 percent of my social battery goes lmfao. it can really make a difference even if it’s not a tangible interaction. it’s such a genuine comfort that i always end up thinking about even when i’m just laying there for days on end. thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart baby <3 you deserve the entire universe. i care about u too and i hope you find all of the peace and genuine, healthy love that you deserve. mwah <3

#anon