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weirdmageddon · 7 months

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OK OK SO!!

First off!!! Hello fellow davejade enjoyer i see you. Second off—what sort of things do you wish you could’ve seen with these two in canon :0. Could be expansion on canon scene, arc direction, or just a new scene entirely. for me personally I would’ve loved to see some genuine fighting collaboration going on. I felt VERY teased with all the magic combo’s in collide.

Third! I know they do a lot of music collaboration in canon, and I’ve seen some things with them making a band together post canon. What sort of sound do you think they’d have/what artist do you think they’d sound like?

Thank you :))

okay god theres so much i wish was expanded on in canon with regard to dave and jade

this post is swan dive into homestuck meta and took me over a day to write. so i would appreciate feedback or discussion on this if you'd like, reblogs appreciated!

despite this question being posed as davejade related, my answers here are actually relevant for anyone interested in homestuck meta as well.

it’s just recently come to my attention that there are a a handful of people on twitter who are vocal davejade dislikers. i didnt know it was actually disliked until i looked it up on twitter, i honestly thought it was a joke blown out of proportion but no they exist! it surprised me a lot to see people think they "lack chemistry". not only because knowing what i know about them thats a ridiculous insinuation, but also i haven't seen the vitriol on tumblr. probably because we can actually poast about it on here in an unabridged manner which thus enables better, deeper critical analysis and engagement with the media. i think also people forget that dave strider is canonically bisexual and are too yaoipilled + facing the consequences of the epilogues to even give davejade a serious look/analysis. (dave dates terezi and karkat in separate timelines, thinks jane is hot, thinks roxy is a babe but shoves it down when he discovers she’s his ectomom lmfao. davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dated jade! but i'm going to cover that in more depth in this post since theres a lot of misunderstandings about the nature of that relationship in fanon.)

(as a side note according to what some people have told me in inbox and what ive seen lol i think that ive been inadvertently been getting people into davejade. it's all in my davejade tag here in chronological order if you'd like to get a Whiff. be sure to read the tags on posts in there too!)

even though theres a lot in this post as it is, it doesn't cover everything ive talked about wrt davejade, and i think it would benefit readers to have complementary posts alongside this for the full picture with stuff it doesn't cover. there's a ton about why theyre cute and why i think they work well together in that tag.

here's some highlight analysis posts, but be sure to check the tag because there's a more in there:

post a / post b / post c / post d / post e / post f (← one of my favorite ask responses ive ever gotten)

i think a huge chunk of the issue has to do with how the narrative handles dave and jade. one of the most damning things to me is how glossed over their canon interactions were in act 5 despite them collaborating on one of the most important things in the story. i haven't talked about this yet but i'm going to do so here. because they’re put on the backburner by the focus of the narrative during act 5, people who don’t read carefully will miss the implications that are there all along in canon but easily passed over.

under the cut ive separated it into multiple parts

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

this is an analysis examining apart exactly what jade and dave did while frog breeding. i wrote it while high which was extremely enlightening and it allowed me to comprehend it and hopefully explain it in an understandable way. i also discuss how shitty the lack of on-screen communication between jade and dave was for this part and the next.

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

ive discussed this one before on my blog so it's not as dense (see davejade tag). but i still sewed the gifs together and discuss how unfortunate this was to be be delegated to a banner at the top of mspa and the neglect of that whole arc despite the outcomes of it being reissued by characters thousands of pages later

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

i get into davesprite's head here and try to make his motivations about the breakup clear to the extent that i can infer because jesus fuck i love these characters way too much ive known them for a decade i understand their core personality structures and why they think what they do and what is most likely to happen when extrapolating? i also talk about how grimbark jade changed the way the fandom perceives their relationship, leaving davejade on a low note instead of a high note. and then hs epilogues had even worse consequences for davejade but i wont get into it because it was character assassination all around and doesnt deserve my time or yours. but if you wanna know what i think, here

4. The music question

where actually answer this ask like it's an ask and not an essay

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

i wish we could have seen what collecting frogs entailed for the two of them. what exactly were they doing? jade’s quest is one of the most interesting.

before i start i want to take a tangent and say the frog breeding reminds me of back in 2020-2021 when i would breed hybrid flowers in animal crossing new horizons to get a very specific gene sequence for these flowers to not only use to breed for hybrids, but to get known gene sequences that i could use to “check” the genes of other flowers. the goal is to get two parent flowers whose sequences when bred would make a specific phenotype 100% of the time.

this sounds complicated but here’s what i did for the lilies:

(“rare island” refers to one of the first acnh patches that removed a nook miles island from the pool that had hybrid versions of your native flower of very specific phenotypes for each color. i wrote out the breeding chains to get parents that would always breed that exact flower found on the rare hybrid nmt island that is no longer available.)

the cleanup ALL TO GET the white 2-2-2 lily looked like this. and after i got white 2-2-2 lily it was smooth sailing

after all that i could use the orange 2-2-0 lilies and white 2-2-2 lilies made in the black lily process and get rare island orange 2-2-1 lilies 100% of the time. in mendelian genetics these numbers (2-2-1) are quite literally RR-YY-Ww.

RR-YY-ww (orange) x RR-YY-WW (white) = RR-YY-Ww (orange: heterozygous Ww gene)

and all that effort into getting white 2-2-2 lilies enables me to get it over and over again now. i don’t have to repeat that process to get rare island pink lilies. all i need to do for the pink 2-0-2 lilies is breed two default bag red lilies (2-0-1) together. 50% will be red (2-0-1) lilies, 25% will be black 2-0-0 lilies, and the last 25% will be pink (2-0-2) lilies.

anyway sorry back to the main point. FROG BREEDING. it just reminded me of it. now that i think of it the frog breeding process also reminds me a lot of artbreeder back from when AI was only a fun little toy 4-5 years ago

ok so have a look at what kanaya says about what jade must do. this is the coolest quest imo because of how it progresses and how long it actually is

here’s how it works. remember back in act 2, when the wayward vagabond needed to tie a longer cable to descend down the ship (and refused to give up the ones that made up his mayoral sash)? he used the appearifier in the ship to appearify the extra cable across the gap to his location? that’s how the appearifier normally works when when it’s locked to the present. it’s very straightforward.

when jade appearifies a frozen frog, it shows us this exact thing. she appearified the actual frog itself (the same way WV appearified the actual cable across the gap) to her exact location. it can get the frog out of the ice in the way WV could untrap serenity from the amber. if something’s destiny wouldn’t otherwise be changed, it will not be paradoxified, it will just simply itself be warped to that location, with precise carving if it is somehow trapped inside of something else.

if you could appearify it to your location right now, you wouldnt be able to take it out the appearifier’s crosshairs in person later to alter its destiny because the object won’t be there at that time. it wouldve been with you the entire time. unless you decide to take the appearified item back to that location so that you could appearify it in the past, but that’s the most pointless time loop ever and doesn’t change its destiny.

for this icicle frog jade and dave weren’t capable of changing its destiny anyway, because it was completely encased in ice, and just didn’t bother to go after it. partially because it was with jade at the appearifier the entire time anyway and she can’t exactly put it back in there in the future. the point is, besides jade appearifying it to her location, the frog had no other possible routes of destiny. in that part of lofaf where she appearified the frozen frog from, the ice is too deep to get anything out of it (other than appearifying it) and i’m not sure the forge would have melted it in time before their reckoning ended anyway.

the goal of jade and dave is to target frogs on the appearifier screen and trust that their future selves follow through in altering the frog’s destiny. if so, then the frog’s paradox slime will appear instead and its genes would be collected in addition to creating offspring between multiple paradox clone frog genes. then, dave and jade would necessarily have to go out adventuring and find the frog so that they end up following through for their past selves.

if i understand correctly, jade is creating all the frogs on her planet that grow up with manually modified genes. these frogs must be genetically altered from their parents so that the frogs she creates don’t grow up to become one of their parents (as they’d be identical). the mutant offspring frogs “generation A” she ectobiologizes will eventually mature from tadpoles to frogs, assisted by dave’s time travel. then she will eventually target “generation A” with the appearifier to get their paradox slime to fuse with some other frogs’ paradox slime and create new slightly altered frogs “generation B” (and then follow through on altering the “generation A” frogs’ destiny so their slime and genes can be paradoxified by jade and dave’s past selves). repeat until the genes are fine tuned for the genesis frog.

this is why i compared it to my breeding in animal crossing. getting the genesis frog reminds me of the blue rose paths. i worked with the garden council back in the day and i used backwardsN’s “cesspool” method, except i honestly gotta say my white 2-2-2 lily thing was much more involved and carefully maneuvered in a way that i imagine frog breeding is more like. backwardsN’s “genepool method” was basically making a red-orange-black rose primordial soup and waiting for a blue rose to emerge out of it, just increasing the chances seeing a blue rose sprout the next day after watering with each generation of offspring. you KNOW my ass was using time travel, even if i happened to get lucky and got a blue rose without even finishing the big turtle plot. without time travel, most players (95%) will get their first blue rose before these # of days. (open up advanced tag)

there must be so many daves running around to help her going back in time all within the span of a few hours while still having their own linear, older timelines that are much longer than the “time stage” they’re actually functioning in. this sounds complicated but it’s not. think of this “time stage” as analogous to the 3 days until the moon falls in majoras mask. it’s the “time window” all the time travel takes place within, but link doesn’t become a day younger when he travels to a day ago. the timeline of his “self” is older but is kept within the confines of the 3-day timeframe. similarly, in tears of the kingdom, two master swords exist simultaneously for most of history, but the one on the light dragon’s head (who was above the cloud barrier before the upheaval btw) is further ahead on its own linear timeline: it starts as the other, pre-gloomed master sword → broken by gloom → sent to the past to be repaired → renewed over time, existing at the same time on the “time stage” as its own pre-gloomed past self but ahead on its own linear timeline

now imagine this but within the “time stage” of just a few hours within the same 24-hour period. kanaya says frog breeding ordinarily takes weeks. multiple daves can exist simultaneously because they’re operating in the same few-hour-timeframe but one can linearly be days ahead of another. it’s the exact same thing as breeding flowers in animal crossing for irl days but to your game it’s whatever date you have it set to. your irl progress isn’t lost if you go back a few days in settings. i’d often find a week in june to use as a “time stage” to loop through when it would rain at least one hour on each day of that week which would save me the hassle of watering my flowers every day before time traveling to the next.

it must’ve sucked for dave to hear jade say the same things over and over again. the novelty probably wore off pretty fast lol…… dave says he saw his future self fighting and dying to jack and knew that’s what he’d eventually have to do as well. every single dave at all points of his linear timeline understood that and it probably settled something horrible into his heart.

im imagining during the original run dave was thinking to himself: “im bored but cant alter anything about this without creating a doomed timeline. if i dont see my future self hugging jade then i cant hug her even though i really fuckin want to. note to future self: hug jade. aww shit look at me go guess i remembered. hell fucking yes cant wait for that to be me in a few hours” and gives a thumbs up

future dave pov, hugging jade and watching his past self give him a thumbs up from afar thinking to himself: “ahaha i remember exactly what i was thinking there” and gives a thumbs up

but anyway. goddamn. JADE AND DAVE. what did hussie do to you.

this is a goddamn atrocity.. what the hell man. i wish we could have at LEAST seen the text file jade sent to kanaya. we got to see ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt but not daveisafunnyguy.txt?

i mean i GUESS the humor is delivered through this

and like, yeah that is pretty funny? but i feel like the single laugh this gives me is nothing compared to the joy i wouldve gotten out of seeing what dave has to say about the cloning apparatus for ants here and talking himself into circles about frog procreation enough to make not just gigglehouse jade laugh, but kanaya too

we spent so much time learning about the mechanics of the punch designix and hardly anything about creating the seed of the actual new universe. we learn about it through kanaya and karkat messaging jade, instead of dave and jade working that out through SHENANIGANS. even though this is JADE AND DAVE'S session. it’s fine that kanaya is helping them, as she should, but we’ve seen parallel pesterlog conversations before so i dont get why we didn’t get that here! jade and dave frog breeding is one of the most important events in homestuck, and yet it was terribly glossed over. everything in the story, their futures, are predicated on their success. not just in their unwinnable session, but the one they split up for 3 years and escape to.

at first i thought, maybe their lack of shown interaction has to do with hussie working out the intricacies of pesterlog/dialogue thing? as he once stated on tumblr:

shoshaumbay asked: In the intermission of act 6, it says that they get to talk. Does this mean that their guardians couldn’t talk to them before and that is why they left them notes all around their houses? The achievement badge only upgraded their ability to speak to each other as presented through the comic. I.e. it permitted them to speak to each other… WHILE WE WATCH! Do you think all the trolls were hanging out together, not talking at all? Or Dave and Jade were doing all that frog hunting without a single peep?? That’s ridiculous. On the other hand, abstraction weaves itself through the Homestuck reality, and it can be hard to pin down where abstraction is to be taken literally. The truth is, there is not much distinction between the layers of abstraction and the reality they are meant to stand for. John was both literally named on his 13th birthday, and not quite, because that’s silly. The guardians are both literally silent automatons, and not really, as there is indication through allusion they function as normal people too. And the kids went through a huge adventure, achieved immortal god status, and even then had to gain a few more levels just to gain the achievement of simple dialogue as a literal upgrade, as well as not literally, because that makes no sense. The reality is inseparable from the way the story is presented and the way the “game” is played. But those abstractions are also a facade for a more life-like reality beneath it as well.

then i realized, this is not only an arbitrary cop out that affects my enjoyment of the comic in retrospect because they wind up being able to talk later anyway and that makes me feel cheated in these moments, but also still actually awful within these parameters because hussie breaks his own rule here, proving he could have shown us dave and jade talking in person at any time regardless of needing the gift of gab achievement for us to watch them as readers. recall this is also the first time john and rose met in person (at least when rose wasn't asleep):

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

this is where i take out my frustration over this being delegated to a banner at the top to the point where readers forgot it occurred.

(also i want yall to take a moment to acknowledge this ^)

youtube

i wish their time on lofaf frog breeding and fighting with jack was front and center and wasnt just in the banner at the top of the page. it makes it seem not as important when it completely was, considering that characters brought up what had happened in that scene multiple times.

it is significant because it is at that point that jack noir has killed all of the kids at least once. the only one left being jade who he refuses to kill due to bec’s loyalty

THIS IS WHAT THE REFRANCE (foreshadowing)

jack noir killed john on his quest bed which allowed him to ascend to god tier. then he killed john AGAIN but it wasn’t a heroic or just death so john was revived

jack killed grimdark rose. john smooched rose’s corpse, allowing her to take over on derse.

jack killed dave by redirecting jade’s bullets into dave’s body instead. jade smooched dave’s corpse, allowing him to take over on derse.

after jade shoots him through jack, he’s down for the count. she kisses him and he wakes up on derse; all he and rose have left of “themselves” in an existential sense are their dreamselves. they didnt know they were going to ascend to god tier delivering the tumor. they assumed they were just going to die like for real and not come back which is why dave went with rose since he didnt want her to die alone.

it was also an important point since her time spent with dave on lofaf is the first in-person contact jade has had with another living human since she was probably 4 years old with her grandpa.

for jack noir, we got [s] seer: desend and [S] ==> (3696) which were hella impactful. seeing jade and dave essentially go through the same thing but with an extended battle sequence honestly kinda warrants a flash in my mind. (the sad thing is that unite synchronization was originally written with those pages in mind (the track was originally called redshift) but of course malcolm brown couldnt have known what was going to happen unless hussie commissioned him for a specific track for a specific story beat, probably like whatever he did to coordinate cascade’s music with toby ahead of the 10/25/11 release of the flash and publication of volume 8 on bandcamp)

i think one of the worst parts is that entire conversations were referenced, but cut or never written.

this is a real forgotten homestuck fact: jade was completely freaking out after filling dave with bullets until karkat had talked her through it. very easily forgotten since even though it being referenced twice we never actually saw the conversation. (i overrode the black scratch background so it's easier to read)

wow thats so crazy i as a member of the audience dont in fact remember! would it have killed to write it my guy

and we find out thousands of pages later dave was thinking more about how it wouldve made jade feel to watch him die than knowing he was about to fucking die. if you even care btw

i wrote more about this here

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dates jade but breaks up because he feels inadequate at being the dave that he thinks jade deserves. NOT because they fought or anything. they were still on good terms. davesprite just felt inherently unlovable. john seemed more upset about the breakup frankly.

what davesprite did was because he thought it was in jade's best interest. there is nothing to suggest it was a fight / clash break up. they still seemed to be on good terms, davesprite asking where she went and all. jade says the breakup “is complicated” and “hes going through a lot of stuff”. given the context i think it's reasonable to assume that davesprite's thought process was: “we're coming up to the new session soon and youre going to meet up with dave again and i dont want to make shit awkward with you dating knockoff dave. you deserve to be with real dave instead so im gonna cut what we have going here in advance and distance myself from your life”

jade probably protested about saying how he's just as real as “real dave”, but davesprite made his decision already. im sure it wasnt easy for davesprite to break up either. with emotions running high (sadness, not anger) he probably just left to be alone and distance himself from jade, and seems to harbor guilt about it as we see in the log. that's probably why he wasn't at john's movie party. this is just speculation on my part but it doesnt seem in character for the breakup to be explosive because jade seemed more understanding than john. sad, but understanding.

i feel like a lot of people forget this. grimbark jade made it seem like davesprite did it to hurt her, or for this to mean that dave and jade are not actually good for each other, which is a wild mischaracterization of what happened but the one that stuck with the fandom nonetheless.

not only that, but davesprite's existence tragic and he's understandably depressed. after spending about a year in sburb (accounting for time travel) without john or jade, only to go back and give up your personhood to advance the alpha timeline and become forgotten is fucking crushing, and i think the breakup is also about davesprite coming to terms with that trauma, being okay with his existence as a sprite instead of being a bootleg stand-in for the dave that jade knew.

basically what vintagegamebro says,

it was such a tragic way for them to part for 3 years with no communication, and it was only proceeded by more tragedy because jade then had no one but davesprite to turn to, and davesprite needed anything but romance at that point

grimbark jade isn’t a good reflection of jade’s actual self. she pushed the mayor into lava for fucks sake which normal jade would never dream of doing, grimbark jade is straight up unhinged. i’m sure jade was hurt because all breakups hurt, but it was blown out of proportion (see how calm she was above a few days after the breakup?) because of Evilness. but also as @vintagegamebro mentioned it also felt somewhat … “off”? or out of left field? especially seeing what the nature of the breakup was from both sides in the above screenshots.

when dave says “theres no way i would have done that to you” i genuinely believe him. i have no reason not to believe him. look at him above asking for questions and clarification. thinking about how what davesprite did, a version of himself beyond his control and how it reflects on himself, i think it's obvious dave cares a lot about how jade feels about him

even after this confrontation in the game over timeline, dave laid down his fucking life to defend her corpse from the becs in he hope she could be revived by jane

and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered

4. The music question

i wrote this post regarding instruments with this song in the back of my head if its anything. takes about 12 seconds to start after you press play for some reason

this too, closer to the “style”. i like imagining dave going apeshit on drums

#homestuck #dave strider #jade harley #davejade #homestuck meta #hs

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thimblezz · 5 days

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um… rant i posted on discord but now im posting here becwuse im very proud of it

so basically in homestuck both dave and karkat are knights which means they have similar ideals and morals especially when eorking with a team which knights are a helper class they make sure everyone else is okay before they help and thats corresponded by dave dying for jade and also putting his friends before himself just like karkat who keeps all his friends together and makes sure nobody is out of line which is also a blood thing but he wants the best for his friends like dave does

and they were both raised with fear mongering because dave was raised by bro to be the “perfect man” and “cool guy” with fear of getting hurt and mind games and constant fighting and manipulation and karkat was manipulated by the whole alternian society because he was a mutant which means hes an outcast and is pretty much damned to death no matter what kinda person he is because alternia is fucked up

so they both have that to relate to eachother by and also on the meteor they both get to know eachother more and learn that they arent that different especially with their ideals sure they seem different at first but really theyre both very alike and karkat has this way of seeing thru daves stoic mask bullshit and always knows the truth hes very brutally honest which is what dave needs because he had been raised on lies and so had karkat but karkat had taught himself that it was all bullshit and he is who he is and dave nrrds to learn how to accept hinself too

and yes i know plot wise davekat was added in just to appease the fans because other karkat/dave ships have more plot relevance and shit but I DO NOT CARE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH nobody can take them away from me…

idk if you can tell but i like davekat… also this is like my perspective on things and its all my opinion its chill af if you don’t agree but i love talking about my favorite things so much

okay thanks for listening bye

#homestuck #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #txt post #personal rant #i love them #tw opinion #lmaooo

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ale-cart · 2 months

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I’m absolutely dying for any information on Dave and Karkat in your gleestuck au. Im obsessed.

Okay so first of all I'm sorry sorry for this being so late- I've had to think real long and hard about what I wanted to add here.

Second, I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this as much as I do. It genuinely makes me so excited when I see y'all's tags and reblogs :')

Hmm I guess I'll start with how they met? Which would be in middle school when karkats family moved to town.

Almost immediately they Didn't like eachother, karkat didn't like Dave because of his "douchebag shades make me want to punch him". And Dave actually didn't mind karkat until he found out why karkat didn't like him, then it was, "Jesus what a prick, maybe I'll fuck with him later."

After that it sort of just began a whole "I can do better than you just watch." Sort of deal, UNTIL karkat started gleeclub in freshman year (when Jake started teaching) Dave basically saw that as karkat trying to one up him again but he legitimately could not join. Mostly because of his dad (bro) having just started being enemies with the glee teacher, and well because he knew he couldn't sing. "Touche vantas"

That being said, Dave had been playing the drums and the piano since before he had met karkat. He would always practice late in the band room when he'd have a particularly bad day, otherwise he'd wait til he was home to use his own.

Funny story actually, karkat (for the longest time) had a crush on dirk. Until he found out that dirk was interested in the schools paranormal obsessed dork. He only found out after accidentally hearing Dave rant to rose about it, afterwards he gave up on liking dirk completely (besides being friends).

Junior year, Karkat has just heard about dirk wanting to try out (due to johns antics) and went to look for him to ask to do a duo together. That's when he passed the band room and accidentally seen Dave just hammering on his drums. He then sort of snuck in, about to give Dave an earful about being in there without permission, when he actually listened to what Dave was playing and "woah isn't that one of the songs we were practicing earlier?"

Which Dave didn't hear obviously, but when he looked up and saw karkat you bet your ass it scared the shit out of him, falling out of his chair and on his ass with surprise.

That's when karkat just sort of blurts out that he should try out for glee, that they needed more people anyways and since his brother was joining he might as well too. Dave immediately shuts him down, making a joke about being too good for the club which pisses karkat off and gives him a new purpose at the school.

Getting Dave strider to join glee club.

Which proves to be a bigger hassle than he'd imagine because damn, striders are really fucking stubborn. But so was karkat, and eventually he had to settle with what they were best at doing. He called Dave out for being a Wuss, practically. Told him that he was admitting that karkat was better than him because he wouldn't join.

Dave being, well, Dave. Immediately jumped to being defensive, "fuck it! I'll join!" And boy did he, and boy did he like it, and boy was karkat getting cute? Oh shit.

I'll leave this here before it gets too much longer haha, but please! Feel free to ask me more, there's so much I can say on this au (there's so much for everyone please ask me about everyone pls pls)

#homestuck #dave strider #karkat vantas #hs #implied davekat #gleestuck #davekat

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palestporn · 6 months

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Gamzee: Blow up your ancestor's whole motherfucking spot

Finding your way back out of whatever the fuck he's doing (your ghost your ancestor the grand fucking highblood, every time you think this day can't get any more motherfucking wild--) feels like stumbling your way through choking smoke. Feels like when you woke up from getting your pan rung earlier, except this time when you find your way back, instead of a fight happening over your head, everybody's all staring at you while they bitch each other out.

"KK, shut the fuck up," says Sollux, and clicks his claws in front of you couple times, and watches you twitch. "I think he's hearing us again. Hey, good evening, moonshine. What the fuck--"

"What did you see?" says the emperor, real intense, and you stare at him and feel your hand try to twitch--to touch his cheek or tear his neck open you have no fucking idea. You don't think your ghost does either. Fuck. "Focus! Look at me. What did he show you?"

A whole lotta shit, is what. Fire, death and blood. A mutant who looked only just Karkat's age--arguing long nights with him through the bars on a dark cell. A hand reaching through the bars to your cheek and how all of everything flipped to spin around that second where he touched you.

"Motherfucker's pale for you," you blurt out.

Sollux and Karkat turn at the same time and stare at the emperor, and then at you, and then at the emperor, like they fucking practiced it. Your ghost does a noise that doesn't amount to words. The emperor does much the motherfucking same.

"I beg your fucking pardon," he says.

IN WHAT MOTHERFUCKING WAY, howls your ancestor, what part of FATAL AND WEAKLING FAILURE and UNDYING MOTHERFUCKING AFTERDEATH OF SHAME did you FAIL TO COMPREHEND?!

"And he's fucking salty about it," you say, fool mouth running without you, on a laugh of disbelieving. "Oh, fuck. You just touched him the one time and he's fucking gone about it, he just, ha, hhaha, he hates it so motherfucking much."

The emperor, it transpires and turns out, goes red a whole lot the same way like his descendant does. "Fucking, really?!" he says, only half at you--to the dark, to the shade he can't see. "It's been hundreds of sweeps! You tried to execute me!"

I regret NOTHING, mutant, says your ghost in boiling furious snarl, and his hating regret sings through your horns. I linger only to see your long-delayed death and drag your soul to the messiahs' cull-pits by motherfucking hand.

"What, you're. You're just, hanging out waiting for him?" you say, and Karkat's face does some kinda SOMETHING. "Like so you can go on together? Motherfucker, damn."

"Thirsty," says Sollux, and it pushes a laugh out your mouth like a punch in the gut, especially how it makes Karkat's face do a whole different kind of something. "Ehehe--"

"This isn't funny, Mituna," says the emperor, sharp over your ancestor's howl of scouring rage and cursing on your soul.

"No, it's fucking not!" says Karkat. "Is that why you put him in the conciliatrium?! He's not the same person as his ancestor, you absolute throbbing boil on the waste chute of the empire, that's not how descendants work and I should fucking know!"

"Karkat, shut the fuck up," says the emperor. He's pinching the bridge of his scarred-up, broken-ass nose.

To REVENGE himself on my memory, says your ancestor, to my MOCKERY AND DEBASEMENT, turning a hatched subjugglator of my holy bloodline to some purring, pampered--

"Hey, if you didn't like learning pile stuff you coulda just left, motherfucker," you say, stung a little. "Not like either of us ever had to do the motherfucking job, being as how I guess you fucked up my shot at getting any action a billion fuckin' sweeps ago!"

Sollux fucking cackles about that. The emperor says "You didn't have a 'shot'! Neither of you have anything even resembling a shot, okay?! Kurloz, you dense piece of shit--"

"Don't fucking talk to him like that," says Karkat, at the same time you go "Who the fuck is Kurloz?" and then both of you stop and look confusion at the other.

Never did I give him my hatchname and never ALLOWED him to use it, your ancestor's growling, sulky now, all sorts of shit you can't get a vibe on rolling around your thinkpan, while the emperor makes lecture and scold at the air where he isn't. Speaking at me like he knows me, bossy little MOTHERFUCKER. Claiming some power to speak down at the King of Colors, the culler of a thousand worlds--

"I'm Gamzee," you say, by way of explanation, and Karkat stares at you and then says, "I'm. Karkat?" like he's not really actually all that sure right this second. Sneaks a frond out and rests it on your knee, while his ancestor's yelling at the dark and his buddy's laughing his ass off, and then whips it back again red in the ears.

...You want to touch him back. Not just to kneel there sweet and let him get up in your business, but butt rudenasty up in his. So that's. New.

"Hey, uh," you say, and shoot your motherfucking shot.

Gamzee: Get up in the Second Coming's business.

==> Courtly ==> Polite ==> Bold ==> Downright Presumptuous

[START OVER]

#CYOA: Imperial Favor #T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TENSION BREAKERRRRRRR lmao #I have to do a pretty lengthy drive real quick lol vote amongst yourselves

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knights-unwelcommentary · 4 months

Text

"Dirk Strider, Dave's bro."

"Karkat Vantas, your literal god."

"In that case, I've got questions."

"I bet you do. And, well. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You know, the usual. Doing things in a hurry to win and giving your universe cancer and stuff. I even got locked out of it after like a big slobbering chump."

"All right, I've got no more questions."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. God's a kid and he's neither omniscient nor omnipotent. That explains damn near everything."

"Okay, douchelord. You clearly got it all figured out except I'm not a kid."

"Aren't you like sixteen?"

"You're nine over the mark."

"What."

"I'm going to stop y'all there before this devolves into another match of intercultural trolling."

"Right, sweeps. Good one."

"Tell me, Dave. When did you become the life of the fucking party?"

"Not in the best mood right now, sorry."

"Did I do something or is it the…? It's totally that isn't it. I'm shutting up now."

"Tell you what, let's rap about it when plot critical shit stops going down. Kay?"

"My schedule's fucked six ways to sunday but I might be able to pencil you in somewhere."

"It's about to get worse, bro. The chess people are looking for you".

"Again?! I made it clear that John's the one in charge!"

"Yeah, I was there. Egbert totally just gave them the slip."

"You mean he's gone?"

"Fucking gone with the wind, maybe we shouldn't've put on the spot the kid that can do a cranked up disappearing act. "You're de facto pal honcho to them now, them's the breaks."

"Fuck. I'll go check if I can get Terezi to do it, or maybe the other human leader. We really don't want me to ruin yet another civilization. "Nice meeting you for real, Strider. We'll have to catch up later."

"… "Sup."

"Sup. I'm told our universe had cancer?"

"Don't put too much stock in his inane theories. Dude would twist a ruler if it'd let him take the blame for everything that goes wrong."

"He looked dead sure. Speaking as a newcomer that's got no business giving his opinion, there can be nuance."

"Nah, even if the cosmic cancer thing were true, then it was what had to happen for us to get this far. Trust the time professionals. "Karkat's just-- Let's just say that if you give him a mirror, he'll immediately lose his fucking marbles."

"Hm. A perfectly reasonable thing to do, I see."

"You know I can't tell if you're being serious or not, right?"

#my fics

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pesterloglog · 2 months

Text

Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde

Page 99-105

JADE: the prince’s power grows.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

JADE: i feel him resonate through the void.

KARKAT: FUCKING GREAT.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second

DAVE: also are you ok

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM!

KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN!

JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario.

KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

KARKAT: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?

DAVE: yeah i may be totally misunderstanding the intricacies of "next gen technology" designed by an idiot in microshorts

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door

JADE: i unlocked it with my mind.

DAVE: fuck

KARKAT: FANTASTIC.

JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

KARKAT: WOW? COOL? AND YOU HAD TO COME IN HERE AT THE ASSCRACK OF THE MORNING TO TELL US THIS?

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

JADE: ...

KARKAT: OH, IS THAT ALL? NOTHING ELSE TO SAY?

DAVE: karkat its fine

DAVE: who cares

KARKAT: YEAH. YOU’RE RIGHT.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO WAKE UP FOR.

KARKAT: GO BACK TO BED.

DAVE: no dude im up fuck it

DAVE: i want coffee

KARKAT: FUCK! FINE! FUCK IT.

KARKAT: I NEED TO USE THE GAPER ANYWAY.

DAVE: oh me too

KARKAT: DON’T FOLLOW ME.

ROXY: oh what up

ROXY: its a whole ass pajama party up in here

ROXY: couldnt sleep??

KARKAT: JADE WOKE US UP BY BEING CREEPY.

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jade why did u do that

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US!

ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess

ROXY: it be like that

KARKAT: I PREFERRED WHEN ALL SHE DID WAS FLOAT AROUND AND POINT AT SHIT.

KARKAT: AT LEAST THAT WAS QUIET.

DAVE: yall want coffee

ROXY: sure

KARKAT: YEAH, THANKS.

DAVE: hate to give it up to venture capitalism but this coffee is EONS better than the garbage we had on the meteor

DAVE: this ship is maybe the dumbest thing ive ever looked at but its a give and take right

ROXY: maybe u just developed a taste for it

ROXY: i used to think coffee tasted like ass but drinkin it was another thing i felt like my mom woulda done

ROXY: turns out rose drinks tea and i stockholmed my own dumb butt into liking this addictive bean juice

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now

ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away

ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU UP ANYWAY?

ROXY: well i wasnt but then somebody screamed like a rooster boned a teapot and had a noisy lovechild

DAVE: yeah thats basically accurate

KARKAT: FUCK YOU.

DAVE: maybe if youre lucky

KARKAT: THAT JOKE STOPS BEING FUNNY WHEN WE’VE ACTUALLY

KARKAT: UH

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

ROXY: lmao

ROXY: in the fridge

DAVE: wheres kanaya

ROXY: idk

ROXY: sleepin i hope

ROXY: last time i saw her she was on the second floor

ROXY: no

ROXY: the third floor observation deck

ROXY: this place is huge

KARKAT: PLEASE.

KARKAT: IT’S MAYBE A TENTH THE SIZE OF THE METEOR.

DAVE: yeah dude but that was basically a city

DAVE: this is more like a castle

DAVE: a castle of idk

DAVE: twenty something ennui

ROXY: anybody hungry

ROXY: i was thinkin about alchemizing some pancakes

ROXY: or maybe eggs

ROXY: they all basically taste the same at the end of the day i think alchemized food is like eighty percent imagination

ROXY: but both of you barely eat and its making me anxious

DAVE: damn thanks mom

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: shit

DAVE: dad

DAVE: roxy

DAVE: fuck sorry im tired

ROXY: haha its ok

ROXY: dont worry about it

DAVE: okay but just because our relatives turned evil doesnt mean we have to act like total animals

DAVE: we can still try to respect each others identities and shit

DAVE: anyway im gonna go check on kanaya

DAVE: possessed jade dont follow me

JADE: i am fine where i am.

DAVE: cool

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #jade harley #karkat vantas #dave strider #roxy lalonde #homestuck^2 act 1 #page 99 #page 100 #page 101 #page 102 #page 103 #page 104 #page 105 #alt calliope

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terraco-07 · 3 months

Text

I'm gonna start this off by being self aware. Vriscourse in 2024 is so funny and kind of silly in a way so take as little or as much of this as you want. I think I should lead in with Vriska is divisive on purpose. Her entire story is rife with places where you can either hate her, love her, or find shades of grey. I love Vriska as a character, but I want to be perfectly clear. Vriska Serket is NOT a good person, but imo very few people are. Narratively speaking Vriska grows up on a hostile planet where she's forced to kill for her Lusus. She also has the influence of Mindfang's journal to contend with. Vriska never knows who she is, she's always living in someone else's shadow and constantly hating it. Yet at the same time she's trying to live her life by some grand formula. Let's take Tavros for example. By virtue of Karkat and the descriptions we get of Alternia we see the word pity used several times when describing Flushed feelings. Can we take it with a grain of salt and assume that Karkat a known romance over enjoyer is being an unreliable narrator? Sure, we can. That said I think that wording is relevant here. In Vriska's head she feels bad for this guy and thinks that she's the only one who can fix him. On top of that you add in that her hero was flush with a powerful bronzeblood and you've put massive blinders on yourself. She becomes so self absorbed with this idea that she ends up going way too far in her efforts to bring him around and pushes heavily past his consent and boundaries. (Looking at that kiss scene). Even after his death she says maybe 2-3 things about ahh man maybe I shouldn't say bad things about that guy anymore or am I bad for killing (another) friend. She's young but I think the lack of remorse is something that matters here when looking at her in adulthood which is what we're really trying to get to here. As for the previous murder it's barely even touched. There's an air of well Aradia killed me back so we're all good. Even though she ascended to God tier and initially Aradia was just a ghost who had to deal with it while Sollux had to cope with the fact that physically it was his body that killed his matesprit. General other beats are the arrogance, easy to anger, and lack of empathy. Which we actually get to see some development on those from pre retcon Vriska! More on that here in a second.

Holy shit Gil, you're rambling so God Damn much why do we care? I don't know, don't ask me, but here's why all that foundation matters. If we're thinking about the theoretical for any Homestuck character as a whole I feel like we have to consider who they are in adulthood. Tons of discussion and debate all circles around "well they were kids!" Okay, well lets talk about what they could be as adults. So with everything we've already brought up about Vriska, how does she act in her 20s? Personally I think she struggles post game. She has no mental purpose for a while and she's in a place where she doesn't have to fight just to live so that means tons of time to sit around and think. We've seen from pre retcon Vriska that when the stress is off she does actually consider what she's done to a degree. Do I think she thinks about Tavros or Alternian sins all that much? No. I think she doesn't like her younger self (like most people) and does what she can to avoid being like that anymore. That comes with painfully slow growth and still a lot of bridges in need of mending. Those same traits of being self centered and needing attention are there but they're a little more tempered. She can at least listen now and has the emotional intelligence to realize when she's hurt someone and actually care about that. In summary: Vriska is a complicated and flawed character and saying that she did nothing wrong but also saying she did everything wrong are both incorrect. There is nothing defensible about her acts (She fucked up bad) but we can understand why she may have done them without condoning them. As an adult she is still kind of an asshole but she's not to that same level and she gets to grow into a somewhat reasonable adult that is still a dick at times. Also if you got this far then enjoy my shameless Vrisrose propaganda. They get in fights all the time and want to beat the shit out of each other nonstop. Both of them suck and it's so funny.

#homestuck #vriska serket #Text post #Terra rambles #Look I just rambled on because both sides of this suck and there's an easy enough middle ground #And one that feels way more plausible to me

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callmearcturus · 2 years

Text

Masterpost Of Arc Fic

/taps all this into a calculator. So I have over 1,311,254 1,365,918 words of fic. I've written a lot of things, and I sometimes get asked what folks should try reading. I'm going to try to do a fast pitch on all of my major stories.

Now, it's at this point a running gag with my readers that a good chunk of them read my stuff without knowing the canon, to the point I make a conscious effort to structure many of my fics in a way that's friendly to reading them like original novels. But that's not the case for all of them. So I will mark the ones that are most friendly to people who don't know the canon:

✔️ Totally accessible to people who don't know the canon!

⚠️ Could be accessible to people who don't know the canon, but you'll need to be good at inferring from context clues or be willing to google one or two things!

🛑 Canon Lock-Out. This fic is either set in the canon material or relies on a lot of knowledge of the canon!

Now for my own recommendation scale.

🌟 I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF THIS STORY AND YOU SHOULD READ IT. I put a lot of work in and I think it holds up very well!

⭐ I think this is a pretty damn good fic, though maybe not one of my Best of The Best. Read these second unless the summary calls to you.

🐙 This is a Weird Story! Some of my stories are unabashedly very strange and this is one of them!

Okay lets get started. I'm ordering this by word count and separating by fandoms.

Homestuck

so we don't kill the ones we love (SWDKTOWL or KTOWL). 223,097 words (yeah). Explicit. ✔️🌟

Karkat Vantas has escaped Alternia, and landed himself in a brand new problem. To pay his way to Earth, he takes a contract with the Undying Umbra as an assassin and wetwork generalist. With a pricetag assigned to his life, Karkat assumes he just has to work his way out. Day by day, job by job, he's going to claw his way out from Under The Table. Then: He meets his handler, Dave Strider. And things get complicated. Like, really fucking complicated.

Vibes: This is my best story. Look at it like its own miniseries; it's separated into three arcs with two large intermissions, and has a very rigorous plot. Complicated characters with very different views of the situation, plot twists that recontextualize the story, a lot of moving parts, all navigated by one stubborn fucking protagonist who's superpower is that he cares too much about people in a world that does not. I'm extremely proud of this one, but its Enormous, so maybe read it second?

Hey, I read this one, what next? Try The Eurydice Suite for more Davekat. If you wish KTOWL focused on Dirk, Jake, Roxy, and Jane more, TWYCC.

you can only take what you can carry to the edge of the sea (TWYCC). 150,254 words. Explicit. ✔️🌟🐙

Crocker Magitech is among the foremost developers of innovative magic and technology for the modern home, and the team of Crocker, Lalonde, and Strider are among the most important cogs in their clockwork machine. After a long dry spell without new projects to work on, Jane hits it big with a grand new discovery: a remote island out in the South Pacific that’s teeming with lost majyyks to rediscover. What the team finds out there is far more than their next big break: a lost settlement, a forgotten god, strange arcane flora, and a friendly boy living in the lake. Not even the combined knowledge of the team can prepare them for their expedition to this strange, hidden island. Magic, sex, and mayhem ensue.

Vibes: This is the one that takes place on a remote island that's powered by tantric magic and involves a lot of strange xenokink. It's also the one about losing hope about finding your place in a world that doesn't seem to have a place for you and how to emotionally heal from that trauma. Both are true! Until KTOWL, I would say this was my best work.

Hey, I read this one, what next? If you want more emotions, chamomile. If you want more weird xeno stuff, TSAD. If you want more weird magic specifically, earth and water.

we float before the sea at dusk. 119,572 words. Explicit. ✔️⭐🐙

Jake English is a minor celebrity of the sublight net who often goes on intragalactic adventures to amazing locales to share his excursions with his lovely followers. It can be very good press for new interstellar tourist traps, so he's used to being hired to check out new vacation spots. When his old friend Jane hires him, Jake winds up on Alcyone to promote the new resort CrockerCorp has opened there. There's but one small, remarkable detail about the planet: it's covered entirely in breathable liquid. It would make a perfect tourist trap. Shame it's already inhabited. (A very weird AU, in which humans try to settle a big waterworld to build a tourist hotspot, and the native mers enact castle doctrine.)

Vibes: Fucking balls to the wall weirdness, and yet prob the fic I got the most fun feedback on. There's hypnosis, spooky sexy alien mers, and a full on Soft Bad End. If you want to just experience something super fucking weird but also sexy, this one has you.

Hey, I read this one, what next? If you want even more intense weird kink, ear tags. If you want something with less of a bad end, TWYCC.

The Eurydice Suite, v2.0. 116,613 words. Explicit. ⚠️🌟

Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind… It's going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

Vibes: Did you watch Leverage? That's the vibe. This is the kind of story where a bunch of terrifyingly competent people have their skills and relationships put to the test. It's the sort of story where in chapter 4, you are told What The Plan Is solely so by chapter 6 you can see just how much the plan can fall apart. This is also by far the most Cinematic story I have ever written, and feels like watching a blockbuster movie. (But like a pre-MCU blockbuster, back when ppl knew wtf pacing was.) I personally think having some Homestuck knowledge helps understand the fic, but I've had multiple people tell me you can read it without knowing the canon.

Hey, I read this, what next? If you want more hot Karkat, KTOWL. If you wanted more DirkJake and Roxy, ASAFAF.

chamomile, rose water, and other unlikely intoxicants. 86,573 words. Explicit. ✔️⭐

"I do swear by Skaia's guiding light to eschew ambition and direction to serve in the holy retinue. I will lay my head in the safety of the bower and pay penance in thought and deed. For the King of All Winters and the Undying Prince, I will provide succor and balm, and yield my being to ease the burden he carries for us all." In which Dirk plays the role of resigned god-prince of Skaia, locked in a twisted version of the Year King fable. His life is a sorry routine until one year, he receives a very bold, strange offering from the heir to House Harley, Jake. A story about cycles, and how to break them, and the patterns left in the scattered pieces afterward.

Vibes: Isolation, winter thaw, a lot of very textured alchemic magic, and dark fairy tales. A very quiet story in many ways, driven by emotions and character arcs more than plot. This is one of my most popular stories. It has a small fun sequel, valerian, borealis, and other unusual marital aids.

Hey, I read this one, what next? If you really like the vibe of the coda, a steady hand. If you want more royalty stuff, ASAFAF.

A Spark, A Flame, A Fire (ASAFAF). 56,156 words. Explicit. ✔️⭐

Deep in Derse's shadowy core languishes the stolen second-in-line to the Prospitian throne. He plays the part of reluctant Ambassador, though rather than politics he finds himself juggling the heavy heart of Derse's Prince, which he regrets ever asking for, and charting out his new life far from the Sunburst Court. Jake is grimly sure he'll never be warm again.

Vibes: Mountainous winter kingdoms, political intrigue without getting overcomplicated, finding you have a place in the world that wants you and fighting to keep it. Obnoxiously endearing clairvoyant twins. The inherent eroticism of late night tea. I came very close to spinning this off into its own OG novel but it was just too fucking long.

Hey, I read this, what next? Almost certainly chamomile.

pump your veins with gushing gold. 55,327 words. Explicit. ✔️

Dirk Strider goes out into the world with two goals: find something, and lose himself in the process. It works well enough until a handsome boy with bottle green eyes follows the trail of missed connections and ticket stubs right to his heart and decides to help himself to everything Dirk was determined to throw away. (Fae Jake/listless semi-sex addict Dirk, and a lot of self-indulgence.)

Vibes: Okay, I think this one is rough just due to how fast I wrote it, but it's by far one of my most lasting stories. People regularly bring it up. I plan on doing a clean up revision on it soon when I get the time. But the vibes are dark and sexy and dangerous, and emotionally complicated.

Hey, I read this, what next? The spiritual successor to GG is the Intermission chapters of KTOWL. You will enjoy them a lot, I promise.

ready to start the conquest of spaces. 54,664 words. Explicit. 🛑⭐

The only thing standing between Dave, Aradia, and Jake and their masters is their mandatory fieldwork. When Aradia has the brilliant idea to find the Temple of the Signless, it seems like an low-effort way to get those fancy initials slapped onto the end of their names. One tripwire of a prophecy later, and the Signless returns. Which doesn't look great for their easy final project. In fact, things only get more complicated from there.

Vibes: Very comedic weird story in which Dave, Aradia, and Jake accidentally bring the Second Signless, Karkat, back to life. There's a lot Fish Out Of Water humor but also prophecies and dream sex and Dave faced with the fact he's hiding a revived rebellion leader in his room.

all the world is earth and water. 35,289 words. Explicit. ✔️⭐🐙

It was pretty common knowledge around the mortals that you had to be wary of tradespeople. Not that they were all malicious or anything, but when you lived next door to beings with that much power, it paid to be careful. The problem is Dave Strider is not very careful.

Vibes: What if body horror was super gentle and romantic? This is a very gentle story with maybe my favorite magic I've ever written. It's short and very sweet. Read this one if you want something comforting.

Hey, I read this, what next? If the scope of this one appealed to you, try dustsceawung. If you liked the weird body horror stuff, TSAD.

The Magnus Archives

a steady hand, a delicate man. 52,899 words. Explicit. ✔️🌟

Martin is the proprietor and manager of a very discrete and fairly exclusive brothel situated between Belgravia and Chelsea. Blackwood House excels at special requests and pleasing any client. Except for Jon, who probably has never been pleased a day in his entire life. Despite that, he still comes back. It eventually begs the question: how do you solve a problem like Jon Sims?

Vibes: Sex work and the reasons people seek out submission and the tricky nuances of being a kinky asexual. A very light story.

Hey, I read this, what next? chamomile has similar healing vibes, so maybe that one.

I (don't) come to you seeking peace. 42,496 words. Explicit. 🛑⭐

In his capacity as Peter Lukas' assistant, Martin dresses differently. The pale hues and muted blues of his family are smeared all over Martin like an bruise. It's formal. It's professional. For reasons he's not willing to examine right now, Jon cannot handle this. At all.

Vibes: Did you enjoy the claustrophobia and tension of TMA Season Four? But just wanted to see Jon go off his shits? This is the one for you. I find this one really dramatic and fun.

dustsceawung. 38,269 words. Mature. ✔️⭐

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court. However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days. However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain. These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Vibes: Small spooky town, fae magic, textiles, and cozy romance. If you want something gentle practical magic and no real Bad Guy, try this one.

Hey, I read this, what next? Both chamomile and earth and water will scratch the same itch. If you wanna read a story about faeries but a less savvy protagonist, gushin gold.

ear tags. 33,617 words. Explicit. ⚠️🐙

Among all of the alterations made, the one that really draws Jon's eye is surprisingly mundane. He keeps looking at the ear tag.

Vibes: If TSAD is not intense and weird enough for you, then this is the next step up from that. This is body horror with worldbuilding, some very strange humor, and people making the best out of a weird spooky situation. TMA was a weird fandom, lemme tell you.

Hey, I read this, what next? As mentioned, TSAD for sure. If you really liked the "rationalizing a very specific weird kink for the real world" aspect, then Territory, Voice, and Choice.

Other Fandoms

dripping with alchemy. Borderlands, 34,501 words. Explicit. ⚠️

It wasn't that Rhys had anything against being an omega. He didn't have any self-loathing or resentment for how he presented. It was just easier with the suppressants, especially when you had his ambitions. Unfortunately, after sort of accidentally-on-purpose using them for years, Rhys finds himself very ill and having to quit his suppressants for his health's sake. Suddenly, he has to figure out how this whole omega thing works. There's plenty to learn.

Vibes: Kind of goofy, dangerous fun A/B/O fic set in a capitalist hellscape. This doesn't use my New System Of A/B/O, its more the standard trope set. Fun afternoon read.

Territory, Voice, and Choice: A Case Study in Isolated Societies in Desert Biomes. Welcome to Night Vale, 63,348 words. Explicit. ⚠️🌟🐙

The list of things in Night Vale worthy of study is long, and part of Carlos’ work in this strange desert community is deciding what takes precedence. With the impossible seismology, apparently psychotropic sandstorms, fake clocks, and whatever those deer are, there's just not enough time to cover everything. Also, call it an oversight, a budgetary limitation, or Carlos having seven degrees in natural sciences and none in social sciences, but studying the actual societal structure of Night Vale and its… peculiarities hasn't been a priority. Six months in Night Vale to the day, he's going to wish he'd taken the time. (The AU in which A/B/O exists… but only in Night Vale. And after six months of residency, the scientists have just officially become citizens.)

Vibes: I'm very proud of this one still. It is technically a WIP but it ends at a good point in the story. It kind of petered out because I accomplished everything I wanted to with it, and that's a a thorough retooling of the A/B/O trope. I… still super love this one, and it takes place in very early WTNV so canon knowledge shouldn't be an issue.

The Hunters' Initiative. Rooster Teeth RPF, 203,243 words. Explicit. ✔️🐙

Vibes: THIS IS PROBABLY THE OLDEST FIC I'M OKAY LISTING. It's super rough but it literally benefits from you knowing NOTHING about the source material, I think. Superheroes, learning how to be forgiven for terrible things, and the nature of identity and how to become something new.

#my fic #homestuck #the magnus archives #and a few others #this is a HUGE post

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disabled-stuck · 10 months

Note

YAYYYY hi it's me (chronic pain anon) i'm back. had a flareup so i was kind of m.i.a. for a bit but im doing better now~ hope you're doin alright too! i said i would do the highbloods and here i go

terezi pyrope is the opposite of karkat. xe's Aware of and recognizes the symptoms of chronic pain. but whereas karkat refuses to acknowledge it bc it will require him to confront the reality of alternia's ableism in its ultraviolent world, terezi has already performed some Serious mental gymnastics in order to conceal its chronic pain. her being blind, she's convinced herself that since she can compensate, it's okay. the chronic pain, well... if it just doesn't mention it, if xe can ignore it long enough, can push through it, then it shouldn't be a problem, right? terezi can still be a good legislacerator, right? (game over & retcon terezi, having to deal with the consequences of what this mindset did to their psyche: oh no)

vriska serket is in the boat of like. girl Knows that chronic pain exists. Knows that many of her friends have it, including the love of her life terezi, her ex-kismesis eridan, and her ex-pale-girlfriend kanaya. Knows it's a real serious thing, and that it can hurt people to hide it or ignore it. makes maybe a couple distasteful comments about it pre-game or during sgrub, but is much better on the meteor. absolutely helped kanaya & terezi out with their own chronic pain and was a great shoulder to lean on believe it or not. BUT. will NEVER acknowledge her own, debilitating, legitimately constant and really bad chronic pain that radiates all over her left side. shrugs it off as "eh i'm just tough" "nah it's just my battle scars" "i can cope with it". She is just like me at age 16 for real.

equius: love him to death. he is not acknowledging this ever. we are seeing a pattern with highbloods i fear... he just thinks the pain is because of his workouts even though he DELIBERATELY doesnt work out much bc he doesnt think he needs to be strong he just wants to do archery. oh equius i am so sorry. he absolutely registers nep's chronic pain though.

gamzee: again i have no hcs for him i am not. a gamzee fan

eridan: she knows bc he was trying to find sollux on every alternian internet site ever so they could block him on all of them and found sollux on the lowblood spoonie site and was like ... god damn... that's a thing? that's what's happening to me? that can happen in My Gills? What the hell!!! and then tells feferi about it and fef is like oh i have that too lol i've been open about it but eridan truly just was like oh that's a feferi-only thing. i love her unfortunately. anyways then she is more open about it, and she feels comfortable talking about it in front of equius, feferi, vriska, and believe it or not. nepeta!

feferi: INCREDIBLY open about it. gl'bolybg or however you spell that encourages her to be open about how she feels and that includes her pain!!! she will tell you if she feels bad and she will probably apologize for not being able to make it to your party but she Has cut friendships off because people weren't understanding. honestly boundary goals

hiii anon!!!! these are all so so real.

#i'm doing the best i can but pain is killing me 2day haha

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maedaex2combo · 2 years

Text

Y/N: Self-Insert yourself into the Homestuck Epilogues

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Pairings: Dirk Strider x Reader (Mostly platonic / One sided)

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, Angst, Homestuck Epilogues plot

Word Count: 10.4k

Summary: After not hearing from your best friend Dirk for a while, you decide to go check in on him. For some reason, you feel like this isn't going to be the same feels-jam talk you two normally have. The air is different. Something is happening.

A/N: Okay first off, please know that this story is based directly on the plot of the Homestuck Epilogues. It’s supposed to be right before the Candy/Meat timelines split and take place. I know it’s literally in the title, but just to be safe bc I know how some people feel about it. Secondly, I project a lot to write my fics so the backstory about Y/Ns feelings for Karkat and Dave are very self-indulged. Accidentally became kinda important to the plot. My bad. Thirdly, please forgive me if Dirk seems out of character at all. This is just how I felt he would’ve been before he became like the ultimate Dirk or whatever tf goes on in the epilogues 💀. Anyways. Again, tread lightly if heavy topics like suicide are triggering for you. It gets kind of intense. I just felt like this boy needed some comforting when I was reading all those chapters. OKAY IM DONE NOW. Enjoy!!!

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“DIRK!” your voice shouts pointlessly at the closed metal door in front of you, for the umpteenth time. You’re banging at the door unapologetically, like you have no shame, which you don’t at this point. Not when it came to your best friend, and trying to get him out of his self-inflicted depressive/dissociative episodes.

This episode in particular had been especially hard to get him out of. Dirk had a habit of shutting his friends out when he got to feeling a certain way, and not even letting them in when they came to check on him in person. He seemed to have a soft spot for certain people, but even they couldn’t always get through to him. You included, as well as Jake, Jane, Roxy, and Dave. But, usually you were more invasive and better at tearing his walls down when he built them up. The amount of times you pried your way into listening to a Jake or self-villainizing related rant from Dirk, WILLINGLY, was impressive at this point. Lets be real, Dirk doesn’t open up about his feelings on the usual. All raw and feels-jam like, like your other friends do.

In summary though, his little shut-in episodes did little to keep you out of his life.

However, he hasn’t been answering your messages for weeks, actually maybe a month now. You haven’t been good at keeping track at this point. He doesn’t ever ignore everyone for this long, especially you. Now that you’re here, and he’s not answering the door, it’s honestly starting to worry you. What could he be doing??? Is he even home? There’s no way he could be…..

Nah.

He’s just in there being all dreary right now, you know it.

“DIRK OPEN THE DAMN DOOR OR ILL FIND A WAY IN. YOU KNOW I WILL!” You continue banging on heavy metal. You can hear it echo into the chamber behind it, assumingely empty unless Dirk is a literal fucking dickhead. Which he is. But you give him the benefit of the doubt. Looks like you’ll have to find a way in.

This is really annoying. More than usual. Of course, you don’t ever mind putting this much effort into Dirk. He’s someone you care about very much, so this type of thing just works like clockwork for you. You have a desire to be there for Dirk in a way you feel he needs someone to be. It’s probably inconvenient for him most times, but you try to ignore that intrusive thought.

Right now though, this is especially annoying because you’ve been trying to contact Dirk for weeks about your own personal issues. It’s always a back and forth of issue-sharing with you two, as friendships should be. But honestly, your life isn’t super eventful, not as much as Dirks somehow. So, you don’t usually have all that much to rant about. Now, the one time your life feels like it’s going to shit and you REALLY need him, he decides to swan dive straight into a pool of “fuck everyone, especially (y/n)” and dissolve into it like a damn spoonful of salt.

That analogy was awful, you can’t even come up with clever things anymore, your head is so disoriented. You launch up into the air with little to no grace at all, so fast that you forgot about the metal hood hovering over the front of the studio and smash your head right into it. Fucking OW.

You’re silent for a moment, absorbing the pain like when you stub your toe and you just stand in shock for a minute straight. Then, after a due moment of silence, you let out a loud aggravated groan of pain and annoyance.

“UUUUAGGHHHHUGHH!!!”

Yeah that’s basically how it would be spelt out, I guess.

Using all the annoyed force your body can muster, god powers and all, you punch through the orange-tinted window in front of you. Not physically, with your hands, but with a sheer force wave of strength you just pushed out upon throwing your fists out and down in front of you as you yelled out. The window cracks and shatters, the whole action being very anime-like.

Wow.

That was kinda a lot. Maybe chill out for a second? I mean, you’ve been known to do some pretty crazy and powerful stuff back in your Sburb days, fighting enemies and all. But there was no reason to unleash that on Dirks poor window. You know he’s gonna have to reinstall that now, and it probably won’t be of glass this time.

Nonetheless, you float inside, accidentally cutting yourself on a shard still intact in the window frame. You hiss a little at the cut, but it doesn’t stop you. You’re back to being set on finding Dirk.

It doesn’t take long to find him, of course. You enter the largest room in his studio down on the first floor, down a long hallway, basically the center of his place. This is where he keeps most of his materials and works. It could basically be a big high-ceiling living room, and you’re pretty sure it was once decorated like one, but now it’s covered in metal, tools, junk, etc. You find him drilling away at whatever’s in front of him, back turned to you.

You casually float down from the balcony above, most of the frantic anger from earlier out of your system now that you’ve found him. And he’s okay.

“Yo. Did you hear me banging at the door or are you deaf now?” You say, half joking, but also a little genuinely.

He doesn’t look at you when he responds, ever focused on his work. He stops drilling to be able to talk at normal volume, and to switch to another tool. “Of course I did. You’re quite loud, I don’t know if you noticed.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, okay. Just wanted to confirm you are as much of an asshole as I assumed you were.” You’re still hovering an inch above the ground as you glide over to face the front of him.

“Oh please, you’ve been very aware of my asshole-ness long before you even met me face to face.”

You laugh a little at this. It’s true, in a way. Even before you knew this timelines version of Dirk, Dave would always rant to you about his Bro. So you assumed he would be an asshole way before you even really met who you’re looking at right now.

“You’re right. But how do you know that by ‘assumed’, I meant that in recent tense and not one that dated back to my pre-teen years?” You shoot back.

You know he would usually like your comment, but he doesn’t laugh or react much at all.

You frown, because he’d normally have a witty comeback to a stupid question like that. But the conversation seems to have cut off there, when he doesn’t reply for a while and continues operating. It stays like this for a bit, slightly-uncomfortable silence as you stare down at him and he doesn’t look back. You finally slump down, into a criss-cross sitting position in front of him while he works. You stay this way, the only sound echoing the room being made from the burning metal, and you wait for him to be done with this piece before you nudge into his personal life. It’s the respectful thing to do, you know how serious he is about his mechanic works. Whatever he’s doing is probably of some type of importance.

You watch him carefully use a… a uh…. Damn what is that thing called? That little fire-like tool that’s used for welding? A welder? I don’t know and I can’t be fucked to search the internet for it. You know what I mean. He’s sweating just slightly on his freckle-spotted arms from the heat, and you try not to linger on his mussels for too long as you examine him right now. He’s wearing his wielding mask, unfortunately, so you can’t see his face. The eye part is shaped like his shades, and you can’t imagine how that’s practical at all. What a dork. But not like John Egbert adorable-like dork. Dirks a dork in a cool admirable way. It’s hard to explain.

Another while goes by like this, shrouded in a more comfortable silence this time. You don’t look at him the entire time you wait, eventually you find yourself staring off into hallway behind him, chin in your hands.

If you (the reader) haven’t picked it up by now, you obviously have a thing for Dirk. But you try not to acknowledge it most of the time, and you’re pretty sure no one knows about it. It kinda conflicts with your feelings you’ve had for Dave since you met him, and your feelings for Karkat you developed not long after spending time together on the meteor. It’d be weird to like Dave and his bro right? This bro, not his actual timeline bro obviously. Yeah, it’d be strange. You must have a thing for the Striders, you guess. But you try to push it into the back of your mind as often as possible. Dirks just your good friend, he’ll always be a friend to you. You want to be there for him because you care in a PLATONIC way. Of course. Even if you did acknowledge these feelings and act on them, he’d most definitely turn you down for various reasons. You know him too well. This is how the last 7 years have panned out, and it was only a few years ago that you even came to acknowledge your feelings that I just said we’re choosing not to acknowledge.

Moving on.

“I’m assuming you broke one of my windows to get in. Do I have to go and fix that now?” He says, toneless. You cant even tell if he’s really upset.

“How’d you know?” You ask innocently.

“Aside from it being the most obvious way of breaking in besides picking my lock, which would be impossible. Remember when I said you’re loud?”

You giggle a little. Yeah you guess theres no way he couldn’t have heard you, even though it was up on the second floor, down the hall. “Okay yeah, I totally busted your window, dude. Sorry about that. It was a mistake honestly, but you kinda deserved it for blatantly ignoring me!”

“I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just busy.”

“Dirk. Busy with what? You haven’t answered me in like a month.” The conversation suddenly gets pretty confrontational without you meaning to make it so.

“I haven’t? Doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“Well it has.” You cross your arms, looking up at him “I really needed to talk to you! And I was really worried.”

“Why would you be worried?”

You frown at this, again. You’re not exactly sure what you were worried about. There were some specific worries that you wouldn’t say to him out loud, that come with having any friend as depressed as Dirk tends to be. They didn’t have to make sense, but they were always at the back of your mind.

“I don’t know. I just worry when you don’t answer for a while. You’ve never gone that long without texting me or calling me back.”

At this very real statement, Dirk doesn’t respond. He probably doesn’t know how to at first. Then, he pulls off his helmet, revealing his pretty face to you once again. You almost let out a sigh of relief. You just really love to look at this guy. His shades are on still, having worn them under the mask like a DORK.

“Well, I’m totally fine so there’s nothing to worry about. Okay?” This is his best attempt at comforting you right now. You’re still not impressed.

“I can see that now. But it would’ve been nice to know like a week or two ago.” You would look away to reinforce that you’re upset, but you can’t stop looking at him, while he’s assumingely making eye contact with you behind his shades. You’re trying your hardest to push back thoughts again.

He finally looks away and pushes himself up to stand, walking over to the pile of metal on the couch. “Hey don’t go getting all sentimental with me now. Starting to sound like Jake.” His voice feels off from how he normally talks, like he’s hollowly trying to say something he thinks he would say. “He’s actually been breathing down my neck all week, I’ve thought about blocking him at this point.”

You roll your eyes x2 combo. That last sentence definitely sounded like him, it’s one you’ve heard a million times. He never does it. This is good though, you can segway this into getting him to open up.

“Jake, huh? You’re still talking to him? Didn’t you say you’d cut him off like- a million cut-offs ago?”

“Yeah.” He picks the piece of metal up off the couch, knocking a few pieces next to it over onto the floor. “But I could never actually cut him off completely, you know that. With all the arrangements we have and whatever. I just meant for a little while so maybe I could get a fucking second to breathe.”

You nod. Fair enough, you guess. You still think it’s funny how much the tables have turned with them. Since Dirk used to tell you how he was the clingy one back when Sburb was still active. “How come he’s still bothering you so much? I thought he had gotten pretty distant from you in an attempt to get over you or something?”

“I mean yeah he was like that, but lately our show’s been getting even more popular. Plus, with Jane’s upcoming announcement about the presidency, I’ve been trying to add more elements to amp up his popularity.”

You didn’t even think you could make Jake anymore popular than he already was on earth C, and you already knew of Janes presidency plan thing. Dirk told you a while ago, and you’ve tried so. SO hard not to tell Dave and Karkat yet, per Dirks request. “So why does this make him bother you more?”

“I made him pretty ambitious about the new season. He’s got all these ideas and plans he’s been shooting at me. Haven’t been responding obviously, which makes him bug me more.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you don’t talk to your friends for long periods of time, Dirk. The messages start to pile up. I wouldn’t call that ‘bugging’. He’s probably been messaging you a normal amount, and you’re just behind on responding.”

“No no, you’re not friends with Jake like I am. Trust me. He has been giving an absolute fucking earful to me in text. Assuming there was an ear actually listening, and a mouth replying.”

“You’re not even reading the messages?”

“No.”

“What if it’s important?”

“I would know if it was anything that important, trust me.”

You sigh and lean back on your hands. Your arm stings a little and you suddenly remember the cut on your shoulder that you never tended to. Dirk didn’t even notice. Something inside you feels disappointed for some reason. “You’re really full of yourself, yknow that?”

“Yeah, I know.” His response is quick, without hesitation. You know he does. He self-loathes about it at least once every time you guys talk.

“I just wish you’d at least shoot me a text before you disappear for weeks being like ‘Hey! just so you know, I’m about to fuck off to not exist for a while! Don’t worry im not dead or anything!’”

“I’ll make sure to do that next time.” He says sarcastically, coming back over to where he was sitting to add the new piece of metal to his project.

You groan, it almost feels like a growl. That makes you think about Jade. You groan again. “Can you just tell me what’s going on? This obviously isn’t like your other episodes which don’t really happen for more than maybe like a week at a time.”

“We’re calling them ‘episodes’ now?” He asks, looking over at you, but still keeping his hands busy. You swear you can see him smirk a little.

“Well, that’s what I call them. Sorry. That’s probably rude, I just don’t know how else to describe when you get like this.”

“Like what?”

“Reclusive? Distant? I’m assuming you haven’t been in contact with anyone this whole time.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s not a big deal though, you guys all have lives to be living, I don’t have to be out there all the time.”

“Out there? Dirk, sometimes I just want to talk to my friend. You can stay all shut in your studio, but the least you could do is answer me via text???”

He’s back at work, mask down, attention to his project now. But you weren’t done yet.

“Dirk.”

He doesn’t answer. He’s avoiding the conversation so you don’t investigate further. Again, this is clockwork.

“Dirk.” You insist again, standing up now.

The cut on your shoulder is bleeding down the side of your arm now. “Can you please just tell me what’s wrong this time. Even if there’s nothing going on, you know that just talking it out DOES actually make you feel better. And I LIKE listening to you talk.”

He flinches a little at this, stoping his wielding for a second, but not any longer. He goes back to ignoring you.

You sigh. This is probably going to take a while. You start to walk down the hall towards the bathroom to find a bandaid and clean up the blood.

When you’re far enough away, Dirk looks back in your direction, thinking that maybe you were leaving. A twinge of guilt flickers quickly in him, but he ignores it again and turns back to his project.

When you come back, you feel a bit refreshed. You had time to clear your head slightly. You decided that if he’s going to ignore you, you’re just going to wait until he HAS to talk to you. He can’t let it be silent forever, and you’re not leaving until he gets something out. Not like you’ve got anything better to do.

You move past him silently and over to what you’re pretty sure is a nice recliner chair, under all the cloth and metal. You start taking the metal off and placing it aside. This catches his attention, and he almost asks what the hell you’re doing, until he realizes what the hell you’re doing, and decides it’s not worth starting up a conversation again.

Once all the metals shards are off the chair, you dust it off with your hands and take a seat. You just stare at him for a bit. When that soon gets boring, you lean back into the chair with a sigh, closing your eyes. Maybe you’ll take a nap.

It’s silent (aside from the wielding) for so long that you really do start falling into sleep. The sounds of him working were lulling you into relaxation for some odd reason. You can feel your consciousness just about to be pulled from under you when-

“So… what was it you needed to talk to me about?” Dirk asks from across the room. You hadn’t noticed he stopped working for a bit. The sound of his voice snapped your eyes open for a moment, but when you see he’s not even looking at you, you go right back to closing them.

“I just needed to rant about some stuff, maybe get some advice. But I don’t really think I should be having that conversation with you right now. It seems like you probably got your own stuff to sort out.”

Dirk shrugs, but you can’t see anyways. “Not really. I mean, kind of. But you came here to see me, you might as well tell me instead of leaving this awkward silence while I work.”

“I didn’t think it was awkward. But I didn’t come here to rant to you, I came here because I was worried.”

“Okay, sure, whatever. But you might as well tell me now that you’re here. I don’t mind.”

You sigh. Should you really start this conversation? Would it be selfish to dump all your bullshit on your friend when he’s clearly going through it, even though he won’t talk about it? But he is asking for it at this point. You didn’t even bring it up.

“Well?” He’s looking over at you when you open your eyes again. How long has he been looking?

You sigh again. “Alright… I’ll try not to drag it out too much.”

“Are you sure you’re capable of that type of self control?” He asks sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up.” you say, but you’re smiling. This man and his smartass. “Alright, well-“

And your rant begins. I’ll explain what the rant is about because I don’t want to have to type ours and dirks every action out throughout the whole length of this long conversation. You can just assume he’s listening intently, because he is, for the most part.

Overall, life on Earth C hasn’t really been all that great for anyone as of lately, that’s a given. It’s perfect here, sure, but perfect can only be perfect for so long, before it gets extremely boring. This is amplified x1000000 when you add in the fact that most of you are immortal. Forever is a long long time. However, on a more personal level, there’s a lot going on.

First of all, you’ve lived with Dave and Karkat since you got here. The three of you were best buddies on the meteor together, and decided to stick together after, even despite plenty of money to get your own places. You feel you kind of dug yourself into a hole with this one. Because while living with your best friends is so fun, you’re also not an idiot. You and everyone else on the planet can see the thing Karkat and Dave have for each other. And the fact that you have a crush on both of them, makes this not only awkward, but also painful. This whole situation isn’t new though. In fact, Dirks heard an earful about it for several years. The first year or so of living with them was great, then it backfired. You took it upon yourself to go on a lot of trips, some with Jade and Jake, some alone. You started getting into pottery and went around selling pieces, random art experiments. You tried to convince your two antisocial roomates to go sometimes, but you’re kinda glad they didn’t. You probably needed the distance. Eventually you moved out, only about a little over a year ago. You felt almost guilty, like your presence was keeping the two of them from being together (That definitely wasn’t it though, as Dirk reassures you. They’re both just dense and stubborn.)

For the past year you’ve struggled with separation issues. Everyone knows you always liked to be with someone all the time. Though your trips alone were freeing and refreshing, you enjoyed the feeling of coming home to someone, or two someones. It hurt, spending the nights in your big empty home, lovely as it was. You had people over plenty, but it was always the nighttime when everyone left that got to you. You developed insomnia, dark circles under your eyes that won’t go away. This isn’t really new news either, but newer than the last.

The CURRENT issue at hand, now that we have background story, is where Jade comes into the mix. Jade is a lovely girl, and you love her to death. The two of you hang out on many occasions, though you may not be as close with her as with others. You enjoyed her energy and attitude, it was contagious. But lately, she’s been… putting herself very closely into Dave and Karkats lives. Not that she wasn’t already around them a lot, she definitely was over pretty often. But it seems like ever since you left, she’s been there basically 24/7, like she lives there now. Not only that, but the boys have told you how she’s been making uncomfortable advances towards them, and isn’t hiding how she would like to be with the both of them seriously. Now… it’s not necessarily that you’re jealous. (Dirk gets a kick out at this. And by a kick I mean letting out a snort and ALMOST breaking into a chuckle, to your momentary annoyance.) But it’s especially frustrating for many reasons. Putting aside the obvious reason that you have the same feelings for them as she does. She’s basically ruining everything you gave up to try and help DaveKat happen. You moved yourself out of the equation to make room for maybe some progress, and she moved right in after you. They both love Jade as a friend, but you can tell that her advances make them uneasy just from the couple times you’ve witnessed it. You’re afraid she’ll ruin it for them.

“So, you’re definitely not jealous?” Dirk asks, obviously being sarcastic.

“Of course I am. I won’t deny it. I’m just saying it’s not the ONLY reason I’m upset about it.” You respond defensively.

“Okay. I mean, that makes sense. But I think you’re mostly just upset with yourself.”

You’re open your mouth to retort, but you stay quiet for a moment. “…You think?”

“Yeah. To me, it sounds like you’re mad at yourself because leaving them caused you to self sabotage into a life you’re not satisfied with. And now Jade is over there going after what she wants and you’re upset you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same.”

You’re a little offended by the accuracy of his blunt words. There are some things you need to defend though. “Okay well, maybe you’re somewhat right-“

“Somewhat?”

“-BUT, I only didn’t go for it because I knew they didn’t feel the same, and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship. Or worse, their relationship.”

“How do you know they didn’t feel the same?”

……

How did you know?

“Well… I just thought it was pretty obvious. They just don’t act with me how they act with each other. You can just like… feel the different energy, I guess.”

“But how would you know for sure if you never even went for it?”

Silence again.

“…I don’t know…” you shuffle awkwardly in the chair, looking down at your lap and playing with your hands. “…So you think I should’ve done what Jade is doing?”

“Oh, definitely not.” He responds almost immediately. “She’s definitely gonna fuck their shit up.”

Your head shoots up at this, shocked. “WHAT?! But you were just saying that I should have gone for it!”

“Yes. But honestly I think you would have gone about it in a less uncomfortable way. And even if they did turn you down, or like- weirdly wiggle out of the situation like they do. Then at least you’d have a straight answer. But you didn’t ever bother trying at all.”

“I-“

“-AND furthermore, I think that if you had gotten a straight answer, it would’ve given you the closure you need, and you wouldn’t have to keep trying like Jade seems to be set on doing.”

It hits you now. You don’t know why you’ve never thought about it like this. You always just assumed their feelings. Even if you had confessed to them one time, you could’ve gotten that closure you didn’t realize you needed. Now it’s too late. They’ve already got too much tension on their relationship, adding you in the mix would be chaos. This is suddenly very troubling, you’re starting to get into a depressed state of mind again. The one you’ve been stuck in for weeks, as well as Dirk probably has for reasons still unknown.

“I….” You relax your hands in your lap, and lean back to look up at the ceiling. “You’re right. I should have at least tried.”

“Didn’t I tell you to a ton of times before? I always thought that a sincere heartfelt confession from you might actually help push their relationship forward, even if they didn’t reciprocate.”

“Yeah… I just never wanted to. I was so sure they’d be repulsed at the idea.”

“Ouch. Repulsed? That’s a new word for the situation.”

“Yeah, I guess I always felt like that deep down though. I mean, Karkats super harsh and distant. And Dave’s super aloof and distant. So, being vulnerable about your feelings for them just feels… extra vulnerable.”

“Yeah. It definitely wouldn’t be an easy relationship to navigate. Honestly maybe you did yourself a favor.”

You sigh at this. It certainly doesn’t feel that way.

It goes silent again for a little bit, but this time neither of you find any discomfort in it. Dirks been working still, but doing something more quiet now. Connecting wires or something probably. You’re not really sure what it is he does.

You remember something he said to you several sentences ago.

“Also… earlier you said… that I caused a life that I’m unhappy with…” you speak, sounding more dejected that you have today.

“Mhm.”

“Well. I don’t think that’s true.”

“No?”

“No, not really. I mean, yeah it definitely caused me some additional problems, sure. But Dirk…” you look down to make eye contact with him. He stops to look back at you, from behind the shades. He’s resting his arms on his knees, face stoic, fully listening.

“I don’t think… I’ve been happy with my life.. in a long time.”

The sentence hits Dirk harder than maybe it should’ve normally, almost as if breaking something down. His face finally changes, from just being a stone-cold expression, to a slight frown, his features relaxed. It’s not an expression of pity, really. He’s sympathizing.

Most everyone of the sburb kids probably feel this way. Things are just not as great as you might have though they’d be at the beginning of starting an entirely new universe. There’s just this terrible lingering empty feeling, that no one really talks about out loud. But it feels different hearing it from you. You always tried to be a little optimistic. You’ve been unhappy many times, that’s just normal human emotions. But you’ve never expressed being unhappy… with your life as a whole? Or accidentally admitted that you’re also depressed.

The confession hits you hard as well for some reason, even though you’ve known it as a fact for quite some time. You’ve never outwardly admitted it. Suddenly you’re feeling warm wet tears run down the sides of your cheeks. They surprise you. When did you start tearing up?

Now they won’t stop, despite your frantic hands that try to wipe each one away.

“Sorry… I… didn’t meant to get so emotional all of a sudden! Haha..” you’re sniffling a bit between your words, and trying to force a smile to make things less serious. Dirk just stares at you as you try to pull yourself together. “I just can’t help.. but think like… wow! I’m really going to live… potentially forever… and I’m not even enjoying the beginning… what’s 50 years from now gonna feel like? What’s 500 years gonna feel like? Will I even be me anymore at that point?” You’re just rambling now. You’ve went so quick from a normal rant-sesh to such a wet sloppy mess (ew). You’re no doubt embarrassed, and trying to talk in a casual manner that will maybe make you forget that you’re sobbing in front of your cool best friend or maybe crush, while he stares at you uncomfortably. Why did you even think coming here was a good idea? You’re in no place to help him. You just needed him to help you. You are selfish.

“Im- Im sorry, I’ll stop.. just give me a sec-“ you’re cut off suddenly. A distantly familiar feeling. You’re quick to go from feeling alone and pathetic, to warm and secure, as you’re pulled into an embrace with Dirk Strider. These hugs are not something you get to feel often. You didn’t even hear him walk over.

You’re pulled out of your intrusive thoughts immediately. You feel safe, and comforted. In a way only he’s ever been able to make you feel. Despite all the bickering, and smart ass comments, you really loved Dirk. He always knew how to talk to you and handle you, with just enough care, even though sometimes you craved more. (Give a dog a bone, right?) But not because of the hug alone, no. It’s what’s about to come after this. This is it. The clock is moving, it’s in motion.

He pulls back only after he’s felt you settle down and go quiet. “I know how you feel. You’re not alone, you know that.”

You nod, too flustered to look him in the face, so you look to the side, staring at his funny little shoulder tattoo. “I feel guilty about it though. Earth C is so perfect. I should be really happy, shouldn’t I?”

“Nah. Nothing is ever perfect. Even though we literally created Earth C, I wouldn’t call it perfect. In fact, we’re probably about to get so fucking far from it.”

You look at him and tilt your head. “What do you mean?”

He pulls back again, standing up, turning to grab a chair sitting in the corner of the room. He carries it back over and sets it down in front of you, your eyes follow him the whole time. He sits on it the opposite way you’re supposed to, legs around the back of the chair, resting his arms on the top. The way a cool guy sits. You look at him, attentive. Ready for him to lay it on you.

“I just seriously doubt that anything that’s about to happen will turn out very good. Our years for living a ‘normal’ life are already pretty much past at this point.”

Okay, now you’re really confused. “Dirk you’re not making any sense. What’s going to happen that’s so bad?”

He looks at you for a moment. He definitely isn’t intending on sharing with you any information of any importance, but you don’t know that.

“I don’t know yet. John has to make a decision first.” He says nonchalantly, looking more stoic than usual.

You don’t respond, waiting for something else. But that’s it.

You can’t help it, you start laughing. What could that possibly mean?

“John makes a decision?? That’s it? What’s the choice? To nuke or not to nuke the planet??” You’re still giggling at this thought, though kinda morbid.

Dirk isn’t laughing. “Ha ha. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s hard to explain. But the jist of what I was saying before, is it’s just that none of us are really meant to live a normal life on Earth C. Think about it. A bunch of immortal gods, of totally different upbringings and outlooks, and even species, all living on one little planet. We’re bound to fuck shit up one day.”

You’ve stopped laughing now and take a second to think about this. You’ve never really considered it. “Yeah… I guess now that you say it, that sounds kinda bad. We could’ve done with a few more planets in the system honestly.”

“No, it’s not about the number of planets. Even if we all had our own planets, we’d end up going to war and shit with each other one day. We’re just not meant to lead normal lives.”

You frown at this. Why would friends go to war with each other? Granted, not everyone was super close, but we all fought to make this universe, why would we tear it apart?

“I think you’re oversimplifying it. Not all of us want to be dictators.” You roll your eyes and cross your arms. You definitely aren’t happy about Janes plans, Dirk knows this.

“You subtly talking about why you don’t like Jane and the way she wants to lead just proves my point. And anyways, It doesn’t matter. We don’t have a choice in what we are. And what we are, is gods. We’ll have to ascend one day.” You search for a hint of irony in Dirks face, but he’s dead serious. Wow.

“Ascend??? Dirk what the hell are you talking about?”

It’s quiet for a moment. Dirk catches himself about to tell you too much about what has been fucking his brain for months, or more like years at this point. You can tell his silence is a troubled one.

You reach out a concerned hand to place on his arm. He flinches a little. “Dirk… please tell me what’s going on. What are you talking about?”

He can’t look at you. His head stays in place, but he’s avoiding eye contact even though you can’t tell. There’s a lot of thoughts going through his mind right now. Not all of them are about his ultimate self that is inevitably going to take over one day. Some are about you. And about the outcome of this timeline. For a moment he feels sympathy for all his friends. But there’s not much else I can tell you about what he’s thinking. Not now.

“I just… don’t know how much time I have left.” He says, still having not moved, but his eyes watch the clock behind you.

“How much… What? Dirk… Are you sick or something?” You are rapidly trying to understand his cryptic way of explaining to you, but it seems you’re falling short.

“Not physically.” He pauses and actually lets out a slight chuckle, putting his gloved hand on his mouth. You bask in his slight-laugh, he’s really so charming. More than he could know. “God that sounded so emo.”

“Dude, I don’t sound any better. We’re both being emo, it’s fine.” You smile back at him, removing your hand from his arm. You feel a bit of tension leave your body that you didn’t notice was there, the sound of his laugh ever like a cure to your stress.

He nods. There’s just so much he can’t tell you, you wouldn’t be able to understand. And he didn’t want you to either. He didn’t want to put that burden on you. There was only one person he could give that burden to, and he still wasn’t sure when he’d have to tell her.

But there were some feelings he knew he could vaguely talk to you about.

“But no, I’m fine physically. It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I’ve been having the same thoughts you have. How long can this all really last? Who will I be hundreds of years from now? What if I don’t even recognize myself anymore?” He pauses for a moment, and you watch him frown as he thinks of something. “I definitely won’t.”

You don’t dare interrupt. You just sit and listen, attentive, the best you can. When Dirk starts opening up, you hardly say a word until he’s finished.

He goes on about how he’s been feeling especially useless and exhausted lately. Talking vaguely about his potential and his purpose, and that right now just felt like a stagnant period while he waits. But what if he doesn’t want to have some greater purpose, or some ultimate potential destiny? He’s always just wanted to be able to live a happy, normal life with his friends. He didn’t get to grow up with other people and have relationships. Getting here to figure out that he really never would get that normalcy, sucked the hope out of him. At least, maybe he could’ve got a while if he had made the most of the last seven years. He can’t even say they flew by, they dragged by painfully. He says he’s always just felt like he’s been watching his friends live through a window, communicating behind the glass, but not actively joining them.

You soak in every word like you’ll need to know it for a test. You nod every now and then, and quietly “mhm”, to show you’re listening. You can feel he’s still not done yet.

“I mean honestly (y/n), what’s even the point of it all? You feel it too right? There’s no way we’re headed toward a future that’ll be of any real purpose.”

You decide to finally speak up since he addressed you. “Are you saying we’re in a doomed timeline?” You ask, enabling him to explain more.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m not even sure doomed timelines are possible anymore, they’re just… timelines. But we’re definitely not going to be living happily ever fucking after.”

You’re giving him that sympathetic look now, but he reads it as pity. His head reflectively looks away. He’s starting to get aggravated. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I don’t even want to go through with this anymore. I just wish it’d all end.”

Woah. You’re eyes widen a little at what he’s implying. “Dirk… don’t say that-“

“What’s even shittier about this whole thing is the fact that even if I really wanted to end it, I couldn’t. None of us could. Except maybe the trolls. We have to wait for something just or heroic to happen and decide our fate for us. We’re stuck to live in some shithole timeline with no way out. I have no choice. I either subject to being a depressed shut-in, or leave my humanity behind to pursue something above this existence. How pathetic is that?”

You’re not sure exactly what he’s going on about, but your instinct immediately is to comfort him. You take his hand. He doesn’t flinch this time, but he doesn’t look at you either.

“Hey, just calm down for a second, okay? I promise you it doesn’t have to be like that… I don’t know what’s due for this timeline, and I’m not sure if you do… If Rose told your something or.. I don’t know. But I always know that whatever life throws at me I’ll…” you hesitate to say the rest of the sentence. It’s a little cheesy, it almost makes you cringe for a second. But then he looks at you, clearly anticipating the rest of your sentence. You push through. “I’ll know I’ll be able to get through it, because you’ll be here.”

He’s doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are wider now. He has no idea what to say at this intimate sentence. The two of you have been close for a while now, but you never really express it verbally. You just enjoyed each other without having to say it usually. The lack of response eats at you, you have to say something else since he clearly can’t think of what to say to that. You let go of his hand too, thinking maybe it’s making him uncomfortable.

But he watches your hand as you pull it away.

“And I’ll always be here for you! I’ll always be here to help you. I mean… if you ‘left’ in whatever way that means I’d…” You play with your hands again, the both of you staring at them, thumbs in a tug of war. “Just… please don’t leave, okay?”

You both look up at the same time to make eye contact, but it’s obviously more intense for him. He can’t promise you that. He’s told you he won’t already, but you refuse to understand him.

You’re both quiet, and you anxiously bite your lip again at his lack of a reply. Why isn’t he agreeing?

“(Y/n)… have you ever thought about trying to take your own life? Just to see what happens?” The sudden dark inquiry sends your heart into your stomach. Why is he saying this? Your face looks terrified, but he doesn’t say anything, still looking.

“Dirk.. W-what are you say-“

“Have you?”

You swallow hard. This is something you REALLY don’t like to talk or think about. It’s something you’ve never spoken to anyone about.

But the answer is yes. Of course. You think about it a lot recently. It started when you started living alone. Those restless nights, wondering what the meaning of it all was. You wondered if maybe the clock of justice would consider the theft of your own lifespan a worthy enough cause. Why would a godtier with no will to live be worthy of such a title? It wouldn’t even makes sense, like more of a punishment than a reward. In a sense, you killed yourself to get this title. Why couldn’t you do the same to remove it?

Maybe you could.

You’ve been quiet a suspicious amount of time now. It tells Dirk his answer, but he still waits for you to admit it. His social cues are still really not the best sometimes, even after getting used to social interaction. You’re clearly uncomfortable.

You’re looking at your lap again, but your hands are still. You’re too deep in traumatic thought to even want to move. “…Of course I have.” Is all you say after a while.

“Have you tried?”

His question sounds genuine. Actually curious.

“No. I wouldn’t dare. What if…”

“It worked?”

“…Yeah…”

“Then it’d finally be over.”

When you look up, he’s still staring at you. You’re still scared, your heart breaking more with every word he says, but he seems calm now. As if he’s decided something in his mind. The more the clock ticks, the more anxious you get. What is he thinking?

You’re just about to speak up again, try to say something to calm the conversation, or just to change it to something less triggering. But he suddenly stands up. You look up at him, face getting more worried.

“Dirk?”

He’s not looking at you anymore. And without a word, he turns around and begins to walk away.

“Dirk?? Where are you going?!” You automatically stand up when he just continues to get farther away, turning to go down the hallway.

You follow him, quickly.

“Hey! Wait! You can’t just leave the conversation like that!”

You watch him turn into the bathroom, and shut the door before you can get to it. You jiggle the doorknob, but of course it’s locked. You’re panicking a bit now. This panic causes you to bang on the door without thinking, feeling a bit helpless.

“Dirk!!! What are you doing in there?! Please just wait a se-“

“Relax.” You hear him calmly through the door. You silence immediately hearing his voice. “I’m just using the bathroom.”

Your face automatically turns a slight pink. All of the panic and anxiety turns into embarrassment in the blink of an eye. You must’ve been overreacting. You do that sometimes.

“O-oh….. Okay. Sorry… I’ll leave you alone then.” You’re cursing yourself in your mind as you start making your way back down the hall.

Halfway through though, you stop suddenly. Taking a second to think about what just happened, to see if you were really overreacting. You come to the conclusion that you definitely weren’t, now that the embarrassment has subsided. Why would he just suddenly lock himself in the bathroom after your intense discussion about suicide? That is definitely concerning!

You feel better having justified yourself. You then come to the rational decision that you’d give him 5 minutes and then check on him. Hopefully you’re jumping to conclusions, and he’s just really bad at ending conversations like usual. You take a direct turn into the kitchen that was right next to you. You flip the light switch on and take a seat at the table. What an exhausting conversation you just had. That was not how you were expecting that to go at all.

You look around. The kitchen isn’t excused from having a bunch of junk in it. There’s spare parts and random doodads laying all over the place. Wow, did you just think the word “doodad”? Who are you, Jake? Sometimes being here alone with him made you feel like it. Like Jakes replacement.

You decide you’re just gonna tuck that repressed thought back deep into your brain. That’s not even possible, you and Dirk aren’t even… I mean he would never… Wait didn’t he just tell you earlier that you shouldn’t assum…. OKAY THATS ENOUGH.

The clock ticks by with the speed of a damn snail. You’re just sitting there watching it. You don’t even have the energy to check your phone to distract yourself. One minute has gone by and you’re waiting on the second. You’re also listening intently for any concerning noises, but you’re pretty sure the walls in this place are very thick. You couldn’t hear him drilling or anything from outside earlier, and the hallway isn’t that long.

You’re staring at a piece of hair in your face, blowing it up and watching it fall back down, passing the time. Three minutes now. Your stomach grumbles, and you decide to check Dirks fridge for inventory. When you open it up, it’s literally just like 10 half gallons of milk(?). This is clearly equisprites doing, but what has Dirk been eating??? Does he ever go out for food? Does he alchemize it? Who knows. You sigh and sit back down.

Just as you’re counting down the last minute, you hear the bathroom door open and you look over to the doorway. After a few steps Dirks frame passes right by without glancing at you, even though it was obvious you were in there with the light being on. You sigh x2 combo and stand up from the table, walking out and back into the hallway to follow him.

He’s sitting back on his bench in the living room, working again. You watch him, about 6 feet away. You don’t even know what to say, and you take your time trying to think of something.

“Are you… okay?” Is all you could come up with.

There’s no response. You can see he’s assembling his drill with a different top. He’s gonna drown you out.

“Dirk. It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it anymore. You can just-“ the drilling starts “-… say that.”

You look dejected. It’s a sad scene honestly, if you could see it like I am in my mind right now, and I hope you are.

He’s never been this distant before, especially not after opening up so deeply like that. His feelings were like a one way ticket each time, once you’re in, you’re in. But he’s forced you out after already letting you in. It didn’t make any sense. You look at the clock on the wall. It stopped working. When did that happen?

“Is there anything I can do to get you to talk to me?” You ask as a last resort.

Unsurprisingly, no answer. You give up. Quite frankly, that whole conversation tired you out too, emotionally. If he doesn’t wanna talk about it anymore, that’s fine by you.

“Do you mind if I stay over at least? Is the guest room still open?” You ask, expecting an answer, since it’s unrelated.

However, still no answer. You don’t know why you thought you’d get one that time. You decide to just take his silence as a yes. You’ve stayed over his house plenty of times before. A lot of the time when you guys would hang out, you’d talk or do something into late hours of the night, and not realize how late it’d gotten. The guest room might as well be yours at this point, since you’re pretty sure no one else ever stays over. Other than Jake, but he’ll just sleep in Dirks room. Obviously. And Dave has his own room here for some reason.

You take yourself up the stairs, and you gaze at him for a minute from the rail before you make your way to the room. This whole day has made you sadder than you already were, you think.

When you’re in the room, you don’t even take in the interior. You’ve seen it a million times. It’s just a bunch of subtle weeb decor. Annoyingly aesthetic. You faceplant onto the bed and kick your shoes off. It’s not even that late, but you’re so exhausted from that interaction and from not getting much sleep the night before. Insomnias been hitting you hard lately since you didn’t have Dirk. It’s been especially lonely. Somehow being in Dirks house lulls you right to sleep immediately.

You sleep like a baby. A full 8 hours, something you haven’t had in a while. When your eyes flutter open it’s pitch black, only the light of the bedside clock glaring at you. 2:00am. Wow, it’s early. Or late, you guess?

You don’t know what to do since you feel so awake now. You could probably sleep a little more? You decide you wouldn’t mind some milk right now before you go back to bed. Assuming the white fridge liquid is milk. You’ll take your chances.

You make your way down the stairs, and as you’re descending you start to remember todays conversation. You cringe a bit. The whole thing was so emo and embarrassing on both of your parts. You’re pretty sure you made him uncomfortable towards the end and that’s probably what scared him-

Suddenly your thoughts are cut off. You hear… A voice. Dirk? It was only quick, but you see a small light from the hallway leading to the kitchen. You follow it quietly, curious.

When you see him, you freeze at the sight.

He’s leaning over the kitchen sink, head hanging. He’s facing away from you, and you’re kind of hiding in the doorway anyways. The ambiance is coming from a small nightlight over the counter. You wish you could see his face. You hear a quick sniffle.

You’re deciding whether to say something or walk away. It seems like he’d want to be alone right now. Or does he need someone more than ever? He’s been so hard to read. You always think you interfere too much with him, but you can’t help it. Then, you hear him let out a small, quick sob. Probably the source of what you heard earlier. He sounds like he’s trying to hold it in, even though there’s no one around from his perspective. Your heart breaks. You have basically no control over what you do next.

Suddenly, Dirk feels a pair of arms wrap around his abdomen, a warm body leaning into his back, embracing him. He jumps slightly at first, but relaxes into it after a minute. He’s silent now. No sniffling, no sobs.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say once you feel him relax.

It’s silent again. All you can hear is the clock behind you.

“You don’t have to respond, I just can’t stand to-“

“I tried it.” He says, cutting you off. He sounds defeated.

Your eyes widen a little. “You tried…”

“To kill myself. Earlier.” He states way too bluntly.

Your heart sinks. “Oh…”

Silence.

“It didn’t work.”

“Well, I can see that.”

“Because I couldn’t actually do it.”

You pause for a moment.

“Huh?”

“I couldn’t really go through with it a hundred percent… I have to see this timeline through. It’s my burden to bear.” He grits his teeth and grips the sink. You feel his tensing.

“I’m sorry, Dirk.” It’s all you can think of to say. You don’t want to bother asking him to clarify anymore. You have no idea what he’s going through or what to suggest. This is all you know. You hold him tighter, and nuzzle a little bit more into his back.

He relaxes again, to your surprise. And he lets go of the sink with one hand to place it on your arm. You can’t see his face right now, and you wish you could. The two of you stay like that a little longer. After a minute or two you can feel him crying again.

You’re sure it’s hard for him. Not just what he’s going though, but being vulnerable about it.

Suddenly, you feel yourself start to tear up too. The two of you share a cry almost silently, not having to see each other in this emotional state, but still holding on and having someone there.

“I promise it’ll be okay.” You say, breaking the silence. “Whatever you’re going through, we’ll go through it together. I’m a god tier too. I promise I’ll be here for you.”

It honestly feels like this made him cry a little harder as you feel him shake a little more.

He raises his hands up to his face to wipe away any evidence of emotion under his shades. Then, to your surprise again, he breaks out of your embrace, only to turn around and embrace you again straight on.

You’re surprised for a moment, but when it settles in, you hug him back with all you have. And maybe it’s just you, but no hug between you two has ever felt this… passionate?

“Sorry I’m being like this. It’s just been hard. I’ve never been this emotional about it, even though I’ve known it for so long. I think it’s because it’s getting closer. And because you’re here. Probably why I’ve also been ignoring everyone.” He confesses. “So there’s your answer. I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I’m sorry, again.”

Again, you have no idea exactly what he’s talking about, and you make a mental note to maybe ask about it again another time when you’re both more stable. But you’re just committed to comforting him to your best ability right now.

“You don’t have to apologize, Dirk. You can tell me anything, seriously. I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do to help you. I wish I could.”

You feel him sigh slightly, but it seems more like relief than frustration or anything negative.

“You should really get some sleep. Have you been up this whole time?” You say, changing the subject in concern for his wellbeing. You wonder what his nights have been like all this time you haven’t been talking.

“Yeah. But I’m fine. I don’t really have a sleep schedule anymore.”

“Well, looks like we’re starting now then. Cmon.”

He doesn’t complain or object when you pull back and take his hand to walk out into the hallway. The two of you make your way upstairs and into Dirks room. He doesn’t say anything, and you couldn’t possibly know what he’s thinking right now. About you.

You stop right after walking in the doorway and let go of his hand.

“Well, goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning, kay?” You say, giving him as much of a genuine smile as you can manage. You start walking past him to leave.

But then his hand grabs yours, stopping you. You freeze for a second, and turn to look at your friend again.

Your eyes widen at the sight when your eyes meet his. He had pulled his shades up to sit on his head, and for the first time you see his eyes, along with the rest of his face. Granted, it’s pretty dark so you can’t see the color well, but you can’t help but think they’re beautiful, just like the rest of him. His face also just reads ‘exhausted’, and tired from all the crying and emotion showed in the last however many hours. The two of you are quiet, staring at each other like this for a moment.

“Would you… wanna stay?” He says, not breaking eye contact, but still seeming slightly unsure about it?

“Stay… like, stay over? Yeah.. I-I was just gonna go to the guest r-“

“No. I meant in here.”

You’re blushing now. Good thing it’s dark, you guess. “In… your room?”

“Yeah.”

“In your bed?”

“Mhm.”

He seems much less embarrassed by this than you, of course. You’re extremely flustered now that you’ve made sure he meant what you think he meant. Wait… does that mean he wants to sleep with you or like SLEEP with you??? Oh god-

“Not anything weird. I just mean like, we can sleep in the same bed.” He says, almost like he read your mind. “It just feels like we both kinda need some comfort right now. And it feels weird to have you sleep in a different room after… Yknow everything that just happened. You don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“No!” You say, embarrassingly fast. You clear your throat a bit, not making it any better. He smirks at you slightly, tilting his head. Lord have mercy. “I mean… That actually sounds nice, yeah.”

He smiles in response, and you bask in the sight. Dirk Strider smiling at you, fully exposed so you can see all his beautiful features at once. You’re actually really happy right now. You haven’t felt this happy in a while. Which is kinda ironic after todays conversations. Why does he feel like a cure to your pain every time?

With his hand still holding onto yours, he guides you over to the bed. He puts his shades on the bedside table. When you both lay down and get under the covers, he turns to face you. Your heart is pounding like a million times per second right now as you turn to look back at him.

“You’re blushing pretty hard right now. You okay?” He says, and you can definitely see that slight little shit-eating smirk. He’s really gonna tease you right now. How could he even tell you’re blushing?

“Shut up! I’m fine… You just caught me off guard..” You defend.

“What? Did you think I wanted to have sex?” You would think he’s teasing since he’s still smirking, but it also sounds kind of like a genuine question.

Hearing him say it out loud while looking at you with those intense eyes makes you blush harder, like your face is actively working against you. “NO! Well… I mean I wasn’t sure.” You have to look away for a second. “And sleeping in the same bed just feels intimate in its own way, even without sex.”

He nods understandingly. “Yeah, you’re right, this is pretty intimate I guess.” It’s silent for a moment then. “…But …I don’t know. It just feels right after everything that happened today.” He looks away now, facing the ceiling.

This grants you to look back at him. You take in his beauty, the moonlight from the window being the only luminescence to light the scene. Even the curve of his nose looks perfect, making an impressive outline of his side profile. You just can’t stress to yourself enough how you love seeing him like this. You wish you could do it everyday. You’re smiling without realizing it.

“You can take a picture if you want, it’ll last longer.” He says, glancing at you while keeping his head in place.

You blush again and shove at him lightly. “Fuck you!” You say, but you laugh afterwards. He smiles in response. If only you could stay this way forever.

You turn to face the ceiling as well. After that, it feels like it’s the end of your conversation, and you both start trying to fall asleep. You’re laying there for so long trying to sleep, you can’t remember how long it’s been. You did get a lot of sleep earlier so it makes sense that it’s a little hard now, plus being in bed with Dirk isn’t helping. Your heart is still kinda racing.

What happens next almost gives you a heart attack. You feel Dirk snag his arms around your torso, his face leaning into your arm. You’re frozen, and you’re not sure if he’s sleeping or not, so you don’t say anything.

As if he feels your discomfort, he speaks, in a low tone “Sorry. Is this okay?”

“Mhm…” you respond quietly, and carefully move your arm up and put it over him, and he automatically leans into your side now.

Now it’s really hard to sleep, so you just open your eyes. You look down at him and take in the rare and perfect sight of Dirk Strider sleeping. He looks so peaceful. Unbothered, undisturbed by Earth C and all your stupid post-Sburb problems. You wish you could make it all go away for him.

You start to run your hands though his hair softly, and he hums slightly in response. Still slightly awake, but you can tell he’s on his way out. You smile at how natural this feels now.

You finally feel yourself start to fall asleep as well.

“I think I’ll stay here for a while.” You say quietly, but Dirk is already sleeping. And you follow suit with him again as soon as you say that.

The two of you stay intertwined for the rest of the night.

END

#dirk strider x reader #dirk strider #dirk #strider #self insert #homestuck #hs #homestuck fanfic #homestuck epilogues #homestuck^2 #sorry for the possible jade slander that could be interpreted. i literally love her but in the epilogues it was yikes #also kinda #davekat x reader #one sided crush #unreciprocated love

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