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jadeacereigen · 3 months

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i also always felt like the fandom depicting reigen's childhood as abusive and neglectful never really quite fit. i know that most of it is probably just projection, and it's something i really understand because i've done it before with other characters.

i feel like there's a difference between giving a character trauma that makes sense when taking their canon self into account and giving a character trauma for other unrelated reasons, like comfort or even for fun, to be able to explore the scenarios that would come with it. both are very valid. let the people do what they want, y'know?

but something i feel like people tend to gloss over sometimes is that parents can fuck up when raising you and still not be outright shitty evil people. they can judge you on your career choices and still love you. your friends can make an off the cuff comment that ends up sticking with you in a bad way without realizing, people can suck at showing they care about you while still caring about you, they can be imperfect just as much as you are. it's their first time on this earth too. and it doesn't excuse the times they may have hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself, but it's up to you if you wanna keep them in your life. everyone can change, but that's also up to them.

it gives reigen an added charm [or should i say humanity?], to know that he is a flawed person and that it stems from the things that happened when he was younger, and the people that were in his life, and to know that things don't need to be catastrophic for them to affect and/or change you, whether good or bad. it's a good thing to remember i think. to know that there's so many greys between the white and black. that he has layers. his experiences are very valid.

anywho. sorry for the long ramble i just had to get this out there hehe.

ask game time!!!! 25, 9 and 22

Oh my god no don't apologize you're so right. I agree 100% so I'm gonna answer with my own long ramble.

(Discussions of child abuse below, though nothing that's not present in MP100 canon.)

Yes, it almost feels like people want to dismiss all flawed parenting and strained relationships between parent and child as abuse. There's certainly something very wrong with Reigen and his parents' relationship but I'm gonna be honest, I don't understand how people can find redemption in Toichiro who literally beat up his own son but then at the same time demonize Reigen's parents for the crime of disapproving his life as a CONMAN.

Yes, Reigen actually helps his clients and refuses to take money for things he cannot fix, but he's an incredibly special case and his parents are like most people who have no clue that the supernatural is even real. I personally think IRL psychics are full of shit and prey on the naive and emotionally vulnerable. If I had a kid who quit their normal job and spent all their savings to become a psychic I would not be happy with them! I would hope I wouldn't be as cold and that they wouldn't live in fear of my messages to them but I would definitely be encouraging them to stop that shit and get a "real job". To think that his parents should support his choices in life when he's pretending to be a psychic with no additional context is wild to me. (Also, I can't find the translation anymore but Reigen says in the fanbook that his mom thinks he's being tricked into doing his current job.) Again, they could go about this in a much better way but this disapproval does not inherently point to abuse.

(Sorry this rant got very long so everything else is below the cut.)

I think the biggest thing that points to Reigen's parents not being as awful as they are in fan content is that even after Reigen gets publicly exposed for being a con artist, his mom does tell him to learn his lesson from this but she also takes the time to prepare him an apology, tells him that he should come home (instead of telling him he's not welcome home/disowning him) and emphasizes that she's on his side. Maybe you could consider that the bare minimum of a decent parent but this to me just doesn't feel like she's the hateful abusive mother so often depicted. She could be warmer about it but she's obviously super concerned and wants Reigen to know she cares about him regardless of his actions.

(As for his dad, all we know is that he and Reigen don't talk to each other at all and that he thinks Reigen is unemployed. This relationship is definitely worse than Reigen and his mom's but there's little to go off of in terms of if his dad is a terrible parent or not. His mom seems to think he's worried about Reigen and that would definitely not surprise me.)

In terms of how Reigen feels about his parents, in the fanbook he acknowledges that there have been misunderstandings from both sides and that he'd like to talk things out with them and visit them more often. That's such a real thing lots of people can relate to and I'd love to see that get explored! I want to see Reigen patch things up with his parents! Maybe I'll write out my stupid fic idea for it idk.

I also don't want to stereotype but I am from an East Asian family myself and grew up surrounded by others so I feel like it's safe for me to say that Reigen's parents really remind me of your typical older generation of Asian parents. (Reigen was born in 1984 so his parents would definitely be of the boomer ilk, potentially even the Silent Generation if they had him on the older side.) Reigen also says in the fanbook that his parents are very serious people. Oftentimes with that older generation they just don't really show their care the way you'd normally see it. There may never be any "I love yous" but they'll cut you a plate of fruit without you asking or remember the show you liked 10 years ago and assume you're still into it...

Of course, parental norms in a culture don't justify hurtful parenting. (I mean just watch Everything Everywhere All At Once if you want to see the pain of having a disapproving Asian parent despite knowing they love you and just want what they think is best for you.) His mom fussing over his job and his lack of a girlfriend may be a super "Asian parent" thing, but it definitely hurts Reigen's feelings and she should cut that out. So yeah, Reigen's parents could do a lot better in terms of making Reigen feel supported and loved regardless if they approve of his life choices or not, but Reigen wants to patch things up with them for a reason and I'm hopeful that they can all reach a better understanding with each other.

One thing I also wish the anime showed was that Reigen's mom talks to him on the phone after Separation Arc! We see that in this omake:

Reigen definitely didn't tell his parents his phone number or his home address if his mom had to resort to emailing his business address just to talk to him. But I like to think that after Separation Arc he started letting his mom into his life a bit more...

God this was such a long rant, I'm sorry. One final thing before I get to your questions is that if we really need abusive parents to hate, Teru's non-present parents are ripe for the picking... Just saying.

(ask game)

I'm assuming you mean Reigen for all of these btw

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Gosh I initially thought he was just a silly goofy character who could be annoying and pathetic at times, but I enjoyed his presence on-screen. Then he got deeper in the Season 1 finale and showed just how much he truly cared about Mob... That part definitely got me shook. He only got better and better from there and now he's one of my favorite characters in the story.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Jesus christ uh I definitely don't think he'd be a bad roommate and we'd probably get along just fine but I also think I'd annoy the shit out of him. I'm not the best at keeping my space neat and clean. Also the thought of meeting Reigen in person is actually terrifying... Reigen should never exist outside the world of fiction because his pure chaos would be too much for reality.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Hmm I answered what I don't like last time, but I do like fics that explore his relationship with Mob or Serizawa. I also like seeing him confront more of his personal issues and grow as a person even if he gets a little hurt in the process-

#jade speaks #ask #reigen arataka #hoo boy

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zeroducks-2 · 8 months

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"Batman should be a good parent because he's the hero of the story so it makes no sense that he abuses his kids. He's a paragon of justice and so he must also be a good father." - a take I've seen around recently

Have you considered that Bruce isn't supposed to be a perfect person?

He's a hero to the people he helps, he's not a hero in every facet of his life. He's a paragon of justice when a sick and twisted society won't punish criminals because of corruption and bribery, he's not a paragon of justice in the sense that he will always stand for what is right - what's right and wrong strongly depends especially for a 80+ yo character. He's selfless when it comes to his mission because he refuses to have a normal life, and sacrifices his own happiness for the greater good of Gotham and the rest of the world, but he's not selfless in the sense that he will prioritize the well being of his family over everything else.

Bruce is often written as someone who is a control freak, paranoid, domineering, and to be Batman it kind of makes sense that he needs to be. His mission is noble and so are his actions, but he's a flawed human being who will also hurt those who love him, will cross other people's boundaries, will be physically violent and emotionally dry.

Yes he's a good parent sometimes and often he's also a very good person, but to be honest if he was a perfect paragon of righteousness without a single flaw I wouldn't like him nearly as much as I do. He's interesting because he's imperfect, and if I want to read about a character who's the picture of emotional and moral perfection, I pick up a Superman comicbook.

#Tbh I think it boils down to people wanting him to be a good parent because they enjoy good parent Bruce #Which is valid #But 'it's OOC of him to abuse his kids' is just not true #And to be 100% honest the instances of him NOT abusing his kids and being a genuinely good parent are... Not Many #Yes he has been a good father here and there but it's spotty at best #There's Wayne Family Adventure to satisfy every Good Dad Bruce urge #The canon comics ain't it #Bruce Wayne #Batman #My meta

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queentheweeb · 1 year

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Grace Augustine X Fem Omaticaya Reader

A/N: You are 45 years old here considering Grace herself is 50

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You have known Grace for years, you remember her young and fresh-faced just as you were when she first landed on your home. She was bright, curious, and wanted to know everything and anything she can about life here from the plants to the Na'vi, and Eywa herself. You were intrigued because you have never seen a human before and when she came out in her Avatar you were just as curious because she looked like you but, she had four fingers instead of three like you and she had what they called eyebrows. Her eyes and nose were smaller as well but, you were so intrigued that you looked over what would be considered imperfections. You remembered your first interactions.

"Hi," Your head was tilted to the side as you watched the Na'vi look-alike come alive and look at the plants, intrigued with the fauna and the insects and animals that wandered around. You were supposed to be out hunting when you first caught sight of her in those weird garments. you have never seen such garments before. They seemed they would get in the way of hunting, of trying to move silently in the trees. They will get caught on branches and twigs.

"Hi?" She was even speaking a language you have never heard before and it seemed she caught herself because to your surprise she greeted you in normal Na'vi fashion

"Oel ngati Kameie." Her accent was different but, you can overlook that. Giving a tentative smile you slowly made your way to her, placing your bow down so as to not spook her. You were curious as to what she was doing and she seemed as if her whole world lit up when you got closer to her. It seemed she was just as curious about you as you were about her. This can be interesting.

"Oel ngati Kameie" You ignored the way her smile made you feel at that moment.

That was the start of a long and beautiful friendship with her. Over the years you have watched her connect with the Tsahik and Olo'eyktan as they welcomed what we called dreamwalkers into our home. They did not seem to be a threat and were simply curious about our way of life. She had opened a school for everyone to learn English and you were there to help mediate the children and to help her translate the rare times there was a loss of translation. It was also the first time you saw her and you realized how complicated your feelings were about to get.

However, all of that changed when the school was attacked by humans after Sylwanin and others destroyed their trucks and she as well as many children were killed. Sylwanin was the oldest daughter of the Tsahik and Sylwanin and per their order of them, all dream walkers were banished from entering the home tree and were to be killed on sight once in their territory. You were distraught over such a loss but, you couldn't bare being apart from her. You would volunteer to watch them, you would sneak off whenever you can to watch her and talk to her for a bit but, that was far and in between. The damage caused by the humans was too severe and therefore put a strain and hold on your feelings for her. Years went by and more humans came and the only time you even cared about one of them was when Jake Sully came and was declared chosen by Eywa. You were happy. You figured times have changed and one day your Grace would be able to connect with Eywa, come to the Home tree, and be able to see you. As time went by with teaching Jake Sully, you were informed of something spectacular by Neytiri herself

"Jake Sully has managed to convince my parents to let Grace come back." Your head had turned so fast that the beads in your hair clinked together to eye Neytiri who had a small smile on your face. You had seen her as a daughter and would always talk to her and Tsu'tey whenever you can. They were the only ones to know of your feelings for Grace and just how devastated you were that she was not allowed back to Home Tree.

"Are you sure? Ma Grace can come back? You promise?" You had dropped the bowl you were making in order to turn fully to Neytiri who let out a little chuckle at your eagerness.

"Yes, Sa'nuk. Your Grace will be here." You sent a prayer to Eywa before engulfing Neytiri in a hug and ordering her to take you to Jake Sully to personally thank him for this opportunity.

That was a while ago and you had re-connected with her and she brought a peace to your heart you never knew you needed. All of this did not last as Hometree was once again attacked by the humans but, this time they destroyed Home Tree completely. Your heart broke into a million pieces and you felt betrayed. You felt a deep sinking hurt and you were with Neytiri banishing Grace and Jake. It was their fault you no longer had a home and your Olo'eyktan was killed. You had prayed and prayed until Jake had shown up on Toruk and hope was brought upon the people once again. However, peace was not brought upon you when Jake informed you that Grace was dying. You felt as if you can cry going through the motions as Jake and Neytiri brought her body and her Avatar to the spirit tree. You knew there was a good chance that it wouldn't work and you had convinced Mo'at to allow you to be at the front. If anything, you wanted Grace's last face to be yours.

"Ma Grace." You pet her hair as everyone chanted. "My sweet, strong Grace." You watched as she reached for a weak hand to hold the one you had on her face.

"Oel Ngati Kameie, nga yawne lu oer...ma Y/N." You felt tears escape you as the words you longed to hear, begged for her to say escaped her lips as everything went silent. You waited with bated breath as her mask was removed and it was silent. Too silent. No movement. You felt your ears pin to your head, your hands shaking not wanting to accept that your Grace was with Eywa. Just as you were about to whimper her Avatar moved, your eyes focusing on her face watching as her eyes slowly opened, focusing on you. You sent a prayer to the Great Mother feeling a much bigger, much bluer hand guiding your face back down to hers.

" Ma Grace." You brought your face down to hers pressing your foreheads together

"Ma Y/N." You knew everything was going to be okay. You will be pulled out of the Time of Great Suffering.

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It's insinuated that we have the same ending as Avatar 1 except Grace lives here. This was a little different than how I usually write but, I think I did a pretty good job. Let me know what you guys think!

#grace augustine #avatar #omaticaya reader #fem reader #grace x fem reader #grace x fem omaticaya reader #older reader #na'vi reader #fem na'vi reader #fanfic #fanfiction

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clementine-kesh · 1 year

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for real though i know i say it all the time but janeway and harry’s relationship is so fascinating. out of everyone in the main cast they’re by far the most starfleet (with the exception of tuvok but being a vulcan he’s kinda got his own thing going on) and it’s clear from very early on there’s a strong sense of solidarity between them because of that. in a lot of ways they’re each other’s connections to home, to something familiar out amongst the unknown, and their relationship very quickly grows into something much more than just a captain and her officer.

it’s shown over and over that harry sees janeway as a parental figure (see the thaw, favourite son) and similarly it’s easy to tell that janeway feels harry’s the son she never had. in disease she even states outright that she feels differently about him than the rest of the crew, more protective and caring of him in a very maternal way. i think it’s very telling that the “bad things happen to harry” episodes often end on him and janeway having a conversation about what just happened. he goes to her seeking guidance, wisdom, and comfort and she’s always there to provide it.

this dynamic is great and very sweet of course but there’s also an element of tragedy to it which lies mainly in two places. first of all, they’re both very similar people, empathetic and ambitious and loyal to an often destructive end. i think that’s part of why they clicked so well, janeway sees a younger version of herself in harry she feels the need to protect. unfortunately, that also means she holds him to a higher standard than the rest of the crew. in a way it’s like she’s looking to him to be an example of a model starfleet officer because that’s something she feels like she’s lost. which means when he does mess up she reacts more strongly than when other members of her crew mess up.

again, disease is a bad episode but it’s very telling of the nature of their relationship. like, tom also has a tryst with a random alien women that causes a diplomatic incident in season one and janeway does not care. meanwhile when harry does it she’s angry at him in a way we rarely see from her! and poor harry’s there trying to get her to see beyond this image of him as the model officer she’s built up in her mind to the person underneath. like yes he messed up but he’s only human and he’s still young. the weight of the expectations janeway’s imposing on him must be absolutely crushing!

the second tragic thing about their relationship is that harry looks up to her for an example of the kind of captain he wants to be someday. which is all good and reasonable except that janeway has the biggest martyr complex in the galaxy and loves taking huge risks, so of course harry’s gonna do the same at every single opportunity in order to prove himself. from almost staging a mutiny to erasing 15 years of history to deploying the janeway maneuver (threatening to blow up his ship) the moment he gets his own command. and poor janeway has to watch the person she feels especially protective of get himself into these dangerous situations because he’s imitating her own self-destructive behaviours, which only contributes to her guilt over the whole situation. it’s a vicious cycle that neither of them can quite find a way to end.

i think the fact that they’re both trying so hard to do right by each other only to have it lead to destructive consequences is what really makes their relationship so compelling. they clearly love each other and have a very deep familial bond but unfortunately they’re in a terrible situation and neither of them are in a healthy place mentally to be able to be rational or normal about their feelings. ultimately, there’s more good than bad in their relationship but it’s the nuance and imperfection that makes it interesting.

#oof this turned into a whole essay #sorry i have a lot of thoughts about them lol #star trek #voyager

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youngestdaughtersyndrome · 23 days

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The real poll is too long so i will just give my opinion here. Finding out im secretly a robot would be a relief frankly ive had my suspicions and itd be nice to have a reason to point to when people get weirded out by me (frequent occurrence) and then maybe i could do some cool shit. Itd be a little weird because robots typically exist for an certain purpose and i dont really do anything but i guess if i was getting blade runner-ed the purpose would be "can a robot be convinced of their own humanity/become human?" so there is that. Finding out im a clone would also not really freak me out but it would freak me out a little more than a robot would because theres more intention there if u know what i mean. Theres prototypes for robots and you can make an imperfect robot but a clone is deliberately an exact replica of someone else, meaning that either the parent clone had a trait so desirable that the flaws are dismissible or that someone intentionally created me to be this way which is honestly the most terrifying thought of all. And of course the horror of nothing ever being yours including thoughts and body and whatnot which is also scary even though ive kind of come to terms with that just being the nature of existence as a human. I also feel like (within the context of being told youre a normal person yr whole life) a clone has much more sinister implications ..... trying to convince a robot theyre human is like a classic trope at this point but someone intentionally creating a clone of someone else means theyre using u in some way or another yknow? That person served a purpose (emotional, physiological, etc) to them and theyve created you to try and replicate it which just seems more fucked than a robot

#anyways. thats my two cents. also im team walrus over fairy i dont think ive said that #hollyws

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shadowqueen402 · 11 months

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Since you guys have seen Madame Prim as an eighteen-year-old teenager with a sinister motive, I have redesigned Madame Prim as an adult.

Here is all of her information below:

Full Name: Primrose Gaillot

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Age:

40 (currently)

18 (Prim And Proper Origins only)

Status: Alive (incarcerated)

Family Relatives:

Antoine Gaillot (father)

Célise Gaillot (mother)

Vladimir Gaillot (older brother)

Roland Carmichael (ex-husband)

Dolly Carmichael (daughter)

Chloé Gaillot (sister-in-law)

Physical Appearance: Madame Prim is a middle aged woman with greying, platinum blonde hair that is tied up in a tight bun with a fuschia ribbon, fair skin, and violet eyes. She wears a long-sleeved black dress with a white collar that touches the floor, white hip-lengthed socks, and black Mary Janes.

As a teenager, Prim wore her hair in a low ponytail. She also wore the standard schoolgirl uniform of Edinburgh High.

Personality: Since early childhood, Prim was originally emotionless, indifferent, and apathetic about everything. This was because she suffered from an inexplicable psychological condition that prevented her from expressing emotions until she were to meet "the right one". Prim still is well aware of what's right and wrong, but she just doesn't care as she is incapable of feeling remorse.

When Prim met Roy, she began to experience emotions for once which led her to show an obsessive side, becoming determined to have Roy to herself. Prim had even displayed vanity as well as a delusional side, believing that she is the only girl that Roy should fall in love with. She holds animosity towards any girl that she believes is in the way of her chance of getting Roy, which resulted to her becoming manipulative, cunning, and intimidating. Her animosity grew worse when she met Esme and learned that Roy was in a committed relationship with her.

As an adult, Prim had become a bitter, cruel, and perfection-obsessed individual who does not hesitate to use harsh punishments on any student that shows at least one sign of imperfection, her own daughter not being spared. She despises flaws and anything that she deems imperfect or improper. Prim is also shown to hold grudges as she had written the words "Imperfect Prostitute" on a picture of Esme with Roy and their daughter, Aria, in Prim And Proper Problems, symbolizing that she remembers Esme.

Relationships:

Antoine Gaillot

Prim was indifferent toward both of her parents. She was well aware that her father wanted her to be a normal girl. So she spent the majority of her life pretending to be normal by doing stuff such as playing dress-up, collecting dolls, watching cartoons, and reading gossip magazines despite not actually enjoying any of that stuff. But she only did this so as to avoid any suspicion from her father. Prim never felt any love towards her father, rather only pitied him. She strangely showed a "vibrant" side of her after her father vanished.

Célise Gaillot

Like her father, Prim was indifferent toward her mother. She believed her mother to be a kind-hearted and wise woman who could truly do no wrong. It was her mother that taught her how to be perfect in every way; such as how to dress accordingly, how to have a perfect answer for every question, and so on. Célise was the one that also taught Prim how to win a man's heart. Despite this, when Célise disappeared, along with her husband, Primrose showed a "vibrant" side to her.

Vladimir Gaillot

Prim and her older brother barely interacted with each other, growing up. This was because Vladimir did everything in his power to avoid interacting with his sister. But not out of fear. Rather, out of contempt. Vladimir simply sees Prim as "a person who needs to figure herself out" while Prim just sees her older brother as "just a person". Vladmir's suspicions of Prim grew worse when he saw how she reacted to their parents' disappearances.

Roy Montgomery (nèe Campbell)

Prim started to grow an infatuation towards Roy from the moment she met him. She even daydreamt about her ideal future with him such as the two of them getting married, starting a family, and living in a nice mansion together. She becamed infatuated to the point where any food that Roy likes is a food that she appreciates or that any color that Roy likes is a color that she loves.

After Roy and Esme married, Prim would send countless love letters in a vain attempt to get Roy to change his mind. Roy sees Prim as a "vile woman" due to what she put him and Esme through. He had even become reluctant to tell his daughter about Prim until she was fully grown.

Esme Montgomery

Prim despises Esme intensely because she believes that Esme "robbed" her chances of being with Roy. She is also incredibly jealous of Esme due to her natural looks, intelligence, and kindness; traits that won Roy's heart. Even after two decades had passed, Prim still holds a nasty grudge against Esme.

After Esme married Roy, Prim would start sending threats toward her in hopes of getting Esme to leave Roy. Esme still suffers from the trauma that Prim had put her and her husband through and wants nothing to do with her.

Aria Montgomery

Prim's personal opinions toward Aria are rather complicated ever since she met her when Aria was a child. On the one hand, she knows that Aria is the daughter of the one man that she "loves" (Roy). But on the other hand, Aria is also the daughter of her worst enemy, Esme.

Despite this, Prim believed that Aria would fit in PPP and had since tried to convince her parents to send Aria to her school, but to no avail. It was soon revealed by Aria to Iben that Prim was the reason why she and her parents had to move.

Roland Carmichael

Prim did not genuinely care about her ex-husband, rather only seeing him as a tool to make Roy jealous. Roland had grown to fall in love with Prim, but upon seeing her true nature toward their daughter, Dolly, his feelings drastically changed, causing him to file for a divorce. Roland rarely speaks to his ex-wife as of right now.

Dolly Carmichael

The two do not share a mother-daughter bond together. Throughout Dolly's childhood, Prim had been a strict and hypercritical parent, governing all of Dolly's choices. The final straw was when Prim even went so far as to brainwash Dolly into being a perfect individual. After Prim's arrest, there's likely a good chance that Dolly would cut off all contact from her evil mother.

Chloe Gaillot (nèe Willems)

Not much is known about Prim's relationship with her sister-in-law. It is likely that they had met at some point before the events of Prim And Proper Problems. Considering her personality, there is a high possibility that those two never get along.

Madame Prim, Vladimir, Chloè, Roland, and Dolly belong to: @kayssweetdreams

Roy, Esme, Aria, Antoine, and Célise belong to me.

#balan wonderworld #ocs

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magnoliamyrrh · 10 months

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i find the whole conversation around self-dxing to be interesting too because while self-dxing can indeed be dangerous and bad, on the other hand i am also quite anti-psychiatry, if youve got something youve obviously got it without a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis can be hard af

like idk i think way too many ppl push this "go get therapy go get professional help and evaluation!!!" thing all the time. as if many therapists and psychs arent stupid af, as if they cant be wrong, as if they cant further traumatize someone, as if they can't be smart and kind ppl but Still get things wrong. and as if the entire psych system for the most part isnt fucked in manyyy ways...... like... yea, if you can and find a good one go i guess depending on circumstance... but you better take everything they say with a grain of salt too, wtf

.... yes teenagers and in general young ppl self diagnoing themselves with 2000 things is harmful. they may be doing it either for attention, because its cool and trendy, bc theyve actually got histrionic or mauchausens, bc theyre pathologizing normal human reactions, or bc theyve not done enough actual research and went off of articles which explain things in such a way that frankly most humans would relate. or they may confuse disorders among each other, or they may not be pragmatic enough abt it. yes this is a huge issue. weve got 20000 teenagers and young adults and even some adults running around saying theyve got turrets or did or autism or bpd or ocd or whatever the hell is trendy. psych wards for symptoms and conditions (which are themselves often imperfect) have been watered down to an extreme and are thrown around. therapy talk is being used to make excuses for behavior which should not be excused

...... at the same time. yea self diagnosis isnt inherently harmful all the time. the ppl who say otherwise and are 2000% certain only docs can tell u shit arent skeptical enough of docs. with some things its obvious. i didnt need any doctor to tell me i had anorexia nervosa or bulimia lmaoooo that shit was obvious and clear as day. i didnt need to be told i had bpd, i caught on at a young age i had it, and bc i neither could go to therapy nor wanted to, i spend years understanding that disorder on every which side and way and recovering from it myself. it saved my life. i dont even wanna know how bad things would have been if i didnt accept i had that and understood it - and yea, i didnt need no doctor to tell me to know. and low and behold, docs agree i used to have bpd, still hsve some symptoms, but have mostly recovered from it. funnily enough i caught onto having some sort of osdd/did years ago, than denied it completely to myself for years, than i couldnt ignore it and deny it anymore. ended up getting a diagnosis for that too. :/ i figured i had adhd for years on end but docs either thought it was something else or i wouldn't bring it up much. low and behold i have a diagnosis and the high doses of adhd meds i can handle without feeling st all "drugged out" are proof that i do actually have adhd

if anything lmaoo i have personal experience with having a crazy psych. a woman who mistook cptsd&osdd/did for bipolar disorder, gave me drugs literally illegally which ate at my body and told me not to tell anyone, and also yelled at me that i was crazy. had a therapist who thinks being molested makes ppl homosexual and that step-parent sexual attraction is normal on some level.....;;;; like;;;;;;..... yea. the psychs and therapists arent some sort of final say people. they can be crazy and they can be wrong

and the idea that Inherently someone with bpd, or did/osdd or whatever else Cant Know of their disorder before being told (tho the latter was actually suggested to me many yrs ago by someone) is just. wrong and harmful frankly. yea in some cases pls dont know, or theyre in extreme denial (like with anorexia). but not with all. not with all. 👀 my psychs found it surprising how self aware i was, impressive, but they did not think this was some sort of disqualification

idk. yea. like. theres definetely issues around self-dex especially in the hell were living today but acting like its Always Inherently Bad and Will Never Help and docs are some sort of authority who are the only ones with some say... ,,,, yeaaaa. no. that's also dangerous

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striving-artist · 1 year

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I'm...not sure food-based punishment IS okay? (I don't mean "you need to eat this because it's (supposed to be) healthy for you even if you don't like it", I mean "I am specifically making you eat a food you don't like because you did a Bad Thing"). Idk i think food as a punishment (and even reward) system could foster a lot of unhealthy eating habits or attitudes towards food.

But i've also never had kids and don't plan on doing so, so my opinions on that are all theoretical

Got a whole whole bunch of answers in various forms. Hallsy, I’m using yours to post because a bunch of comments went beyond the scope of that post so I don’t wanna clog it up.

(Crap this is long because I was working through my own thoughts and I don’t feel like editing)

— TLDR: parenting is hard, long as it’s not malicious, I’m probably not grabbing my pitchfork. —

One: didn’t know he told his kid they were normal apples. That’s nine new layers of wtf.

General Consensus seems to be that any tying of food to punishment (or reward) is shaky ground. And a lot of general statements on kids and food, all fascinating. Couple of comments for intuitive eating, which I think is a mostly great thing… but feels a little disconnected. It isn’t always applicable if you’re broke. Same thing with offering kids a different option if they don’t like that food. If you can only afford the single vegetable on sale and covered by Snap(they’ve improved the system but it’s still imperfect) that week, or if you’re eating whatever the food bank had, disliking a food isn’t enough reason to not eat it. I’m an adult, still hate veg, and still make myself eat some.

If they truly hate it, sure, you’ll avoid it and won’t make them eat it. But when the choice is Kid eats Zero Produce or Kid eats French Cut Green Beans, most parents are gonna insist they eat the beans. Kids are not logical or consistent. Yesterday they adored beans, today, they’re having a tantrum. Planning for their moods is hard, and I often side with the parents.

I also got a lot of general vibes of “the parents should never make a mistake in child rearing” that made me uncomfy. I wish that was a option. Really. But its not gonna happen. Ever. Not only does advice and recommendation change over the years, parents are humans. If you get home after two eight hour shifts in a row and need to make dinner, I can’t blame you for only making one meal choice or being a little snippy when they decide corn is the devil. Heck, less than that.

Legumes make my stomach real unhappy. I didn’t understand why but I knew I didn’t want to eat them. As in, they once said I couldn’t leave the table til I ate the dinner (chili) so I stayed there til midnight. (this was when dad realized this wasn’t just me being a brat and he’d make sure there was a spare stack crackers and extra cheese) But there were three kids, and it took til I was out of the house before it mostly stuck in my moms head that I hated legumes. (It’s cool. I never remember her birthday, she still sends me legume recipes) I know it made her batty that I fought every vegetable. My family loved veg and fruit. I had to be bribed to eat other than my four acceptable ones. I would also have found me very frustrating and probably said “eat it or not, but I’m not making you your own meal” pretty often. Parenting is exhausting y’all.

There’s also the factor of multiple kids. My siblings faves were meals I despised. (See above, chili, which the whole family loved) And vice versa. I’d i was happy, they were suffering. Cooking full alternate meals wasn’t an option(god we were poor) and yeah, they’d give me more of the part I hated least, and I never went to bed hungry, and it wasn’t done as punishment, but my child brain sure as heck thought it was.

The most damaging food based childhood thing wasn’t punishment, it was how hard they tried to avoid wasting food. Again, I get it. They bought the food that was on the cusp of going bad, it couldn’t sit in the fridge for five days. But that meant my dad pushed this No Leftovers thing. And, if you put it on your plate, you had to eat it. All three of us, to this day, have trouble leaving food on the plate even if we’re full. Again, not great, good intentions, he didn’t want us to starve, caused some issues, but not punishment because it wasn’t intended or treated that way.

Specifically on the punishment via food thing, I still find a weird grey zone here.

Say you have four meals planned for the week. One is your middle child’s top five foods. Middle child fights a kid at school. You decide to change plans and not cook that one tonight. (It’s me, I am middle child) that’s definitely in the Punishment category, because you’re withdrawing a promised Good Thing. But I’m totally cool with it now. I took that kid down hard, no, I don’t get to have my fave that night. Or the next.

That’s in the pile of ‘until you X to make up for it, you can’t have Y’ which is a solid thing to me? “Until you apologize for stealing all the crayons from your brother, you can’t keep coloring.” That’s instructive and reinforces better behavior. It being food makes it shaky. I get that. It’s why I asked for opinions in the first place.

I think I’m drawing my line between foods you dislike vs hate. You’re not starving, you’re just not happy about dinner.

And seriously, fuck that guy for the sneak attack spicy apples. If you and your kid show mutual affection via pranks, I’m probably okay with it, cause it’s one bite, they spit it out, and begin plotting revenge. Also, if they’re old enough to pull pranks, they’re old enough to understand that it’s not malicious. But dude. Wtaf

#look I love my parents #and they did everything they could for us #my dad skipped lunches to save up money to buy mom gifts #because then it wasn’t an extra charge to a tight budget #but parenting is SO HARD #kids are unpredictable #and sometimes it’s just ‘dear god please just eat’#the common theme on tumblr wrt children is that the parent should always yield #but guys #there comes a point #where the sanity of the parents matters too #if they’re screamingly angry #that’s not healthy for anyone #and the kiddo is often the source of the screaming anger

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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Hebi Anon

"They don't get to do that"

There's a concept I think about every single time a concept of a "higher power" or "superior species" shows up in works and puts themselves as "leaders" or "guardians" of imperfect humanity.

While they may objectively be better, proper leadership requires understanding of those you are trying to lead. What colors their decisions, why they will think in certain ways. However, how would a "perfect" being ever hope to understand imperfect people? How could those born with incredible power understand the normal person? They may have qualifications to lead or make important decisions, but can they actually be fit to lead people they can't understand?

Of course, this could also apply to Mr. Perfect Taro...

mmm <333

But Taro is also imperfect because of his lack of social understanding/awareness. I don't even know if he knows what it means **to** actually be a leader.

So far every time he enters battle he calls it a festival and a contest. Like it's all a fun game, even if there ARE real-world terrible terrible consequences involved in said 'game'

Which I think is a particularly nice callback to the apartment protest flashback.

'A fun festival’s happening, Jin'

Tarou didn't understand the nuance of the situation. That these people weren't having fun or celebrating. But instead gathering together in hate because they didn't want him around.

I really like how you highlighted the lack of understanding on both sides. Because essentially that's one of humanities fatal flaws.

We always like to choose binaries. What we understand, what we don't understand. Right, wrong. Normal, abnormal. But a binary doesn't accurately represent real life.

Momoi is flawed because equivalent exchange is too real. He's good at everything, therefore he must lack in something as well.

I remember learning in Psychology that people who can remember things perfectly, literally never forgetting anything --lack the ability to live a normal life. What people see as 'basic human functioning skills' are the exact things they take critical hits in.

But this 'lack of understanding' is what hurts those kinds of people the most.

I didn't go to a psychiatrist/seek professional help when I would only be able to sleep about 4 hours a day for a week straight, or when I would then crash and not be able to get out of my bed for an entire month because I didn't realize that was weird.

I thought everybody got like that.

I never could've thought I had ADHD because I wasn't super hyperactive unless I was in social situations with friends. I thought everyone just got really obsessed about certain things and then procrastinated and panicked. I blamed my 'one-track mind' on being an inherited trait from my mother.

"Guess I'm just spacey"

But like poison this idea of a normalcy I could never quite hit spread through my system like battery acid and choked me till even the idea of breathing without drowning felt like a far-off dream

My lack of social understanding made me the audience in a play I should be a part of. My sophomore year of high school I took the entire persona of KPOP idol I really liked because of the choking terror I had at the idea of spending another year sitting by myself with my thoughts as everyone else made friends.

When I was a child I lost a library book and my parents yelled at and punished me for it. The next time I got any library books I kept them inside my backpack always, because if I didn't then I'd lose them, and that t e r r i f i e d me

So seeing Momoi be told he's not normal (to his face) and that 'he needs to understand other people better' is truly a smack in the face.

That's like asking a colorblind person to put together a 3,056 piece rainbow puzzle, and then asking them to explain the nuance of each one of the colors

,,,,anyways, I really like the way Donbrother's is exploring this concept. Truly there is nothing harder in this world than understanding somebody else.

Also W O W Hebi Anon spitting fkin PHILOSOPHY yo.

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stripedcuriosity · 1 year

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My main verses: cat Cheshire and human Cheshire have little sub verses cause I like being complicated. Human Cheshire will be referred to as Cheshire Gines in this list but both of these guys go by the last name of Gines

v: Cheshire Cat

Verse for the regular Cheshire Cat. Silly goofy cat hours

tag: a curious cat

v: young Cheshire

Verse for little kitty Cheshire. Since my Cheshire is trans, he’s gonna go by she/her and no name. Living with his parents still

FC is Dinah

tag: when i was just a kitten

v: pre-Cheshire transformation

A Cheshire is a phenomenon in Wonderland where someone “snaps” from all the extreme social expectations. It’s more common among the noble class. So this verse takes place before that happens to him. He still has no name and only goes by his last name, Gines, but at least he goes by he/him now. Living with the Duchess

No current FC

tag: most cats have handsome whiskers

v: 1951 movie

Pretty straight forward. After he gets Cheshirefied and almost entirely takes place during the original movie. Goes by Cheshire now. Living in the woods.

tag: ‘twas brillig

v: Alice’s Wonderland Bakery

Also pretty straight forward. He’s now much older and hypothetically wiser, but definitely much friendlier. Still living in the woods.

tag: the only cheshire cat in wonderland

v: Cheshire Gines

Verse for human Cheshire

Doesn’t have a FC so my drawings and regular icons when none of my drawings are accurate to the emotion I’m portraying. Just imagine the cat as a human alright

tag: it’s odd how odd i am

v: young Cheshire Gines

Like the kitten verse, this is for when Cheshire was a little girl. No name for this verse but goes by she/her

tag: they said i’d be a gem

v: young adult Cheshire

This is for when he’s just turned as an adult. He hasn’t transitioned and is still living with his parents but will refer to himself as a he. No name still and just by Gines

tag: an imperfect tune

v: arrived to Wonderland

Human Cheshire is from Yonderland so he one day falls into Wonderland. This is before Father Time gives him the power to be invisible. So he looks normal. Goes by Gines still

tag: a cat may look at a kingdom

v: 1951 movie

Pretty straightforward. Takes place during the movie and now goes by Cheshire.

tag: then it really doesn’t matter which way you go

v: Alice’s Wonderland Bakery

Also pretty straightforward. He’s old now

tag: let me be your guide

v: Modern AU

A verse that only has a human variant. No cat here. Wonderland characters aren’t Wonderlandian and are just normal people. Cheshire lives in an apartment with Cookie raising AWB Alice together.

tag: stranger than normal

v: Wonderland comic

Since this comic is in its own separate continuity, it gets its own verse. Cheshire still lives with the duchess as he creeps around Wonderland, working behind the scenes to rule all of Wonderland. Has both human and cat variants

tag: a mad king of nonsense

v: Unbirthday

Based on the A Twisted Tale book, Cheshire is incredibly sick ever since the Queen has become a dictator. All he can do is try to communicate with his Yonderlander counterpart and with Alice. Depending on which variant you choose, Katz will be related to him.

tag: another me from another world

v: descendants

After their ruler was placed in the Isle of the Lost, all Wonderlanders were relocated to Aurodon. Because of his track record, Cheshire is constantly being threatened to be sent to the Isle. Cheshire tries to live a normal life in a nice apartment but it’s hard when he has to go to court for what feels like every week.

Both variants included

tag: wicked cheshire cat eyes

#i’m not all there myself{ooc}

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slickshoesareyoucrazy · 1 year

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‘Extreme’

This isn’t a post about kink. (Sorry.) It’s a post about how my perspective and understanding of the word ‘extreme’ has always been warped because of the experiences I had with my family, particularly my parents, growing up, and how that affects me now.

My mom was a workaholic and still is a control freak and a passive aggressive emotional manipulator. And my dad is probably somewhere on the autism spectrum (but never diagnosed or accommodated) and a yeller with a mild gambling problem. I come from a huge, working-class, Catholic family (both sides) that was (and still is probably except with us because we’ve pretty much separated ourselves from it) in each other’s business ALL THE TIME. And because of how and where I grew up, there are a lot of things that ARE extreme (like moving the furniture and appliances in your house including sometimes the REFRIGERATOR at least once a week; like having 12 kids; like marrying before you’re 21; like exploding in irrational catastrophizing anger at every imperfection or curveball life throws at you; like everyone talking over each other all the time; like living with constant criticism; like feeling guilt about anything that makes you any kind of happy; like parents ignoring and neglecting and resenting their children openly; like being responsible at age 12 for raising your infant/toddler/younger sibling(s)) that I considered normal for a long time. I mean well into adulthood and even my own marriage and family life with J. Especially the being responsible for my brother thing. I sacrificed a major academic opportunity in high school for my brother. I didn’t stay away from home for college for my brother. I often sacrificed my social life or just added my brother into it. He went bowling with my friends with me; he went to baseball games with my friends with me. I treated my brother from age 12 to age 23 like he was MY kid. That’s EXTREME. But I just thought it was normal.

And there are things that are NOT extreme at all (like crying when you are sad or overwhelmed; like laughing loud when something is funny; like wanting to share an accomplishment to celebrate with or seek advice about a problem from your parents/family; like calling a parent when they are at work to check in or especially if you are scared or need help; like getting hugged or told ‘I love you’ by your family; like wanting a connection with another person outside of your family) that I was led to believe were extreme. Crying when my grandmother (the person I was closest to in life until I met J) died when I was 11 was ‘too much.’ It was being dramatic. It was being a baby. It was going to extremes. Having panic attacks about letting people down because I wasn’t good enough or perfect was being desperate for attention. Having friends call the house to talk to me on the phone was too much (DEFINITELY going somewhere with them in the world was a lot). Wanting to date in high school was extreme, but somehow also NOT dating boys who called me and NOT having romantic interest for other people was also extreme. I got told I was too much and I expected too much often. Oddly I also got told I was never enough and never good enough pretty often too. Either way, it was clear from direct communication and implication that I was extreme. How I behaved was extreme. The things I wanted from relationships with other people were extreme. And that’s why I was alone and probably would always be alone. I was extreme and that made me basically unlovable. According to them. And I believed that. I believed I was extreme for a long time, and sometimes I still do feel like I’m being extreme, when I’m really just being human.

And then I met a few important people to me. People who love me even though I got told I was extreme and unlovable, or at least hard to love.

Me at 15: Shit. <My 4 year old brother> is sick. How am I gonna get dinner made and do the trig homework now? :( My friend A: Call your mom. Me: I can’t call her at work. (NEVER call Mom at work. Maybe even if the house is literally burning down. You know fire safety, Jen. Half your dad’s family works for the fire department…handle it yourself…) A: Her little kid is sick and you have trig homework due! *That’s not right, Jen.*

Me at 19: I can’t go bowling until like 10 when my mom gets home from work. I have to watch my brother (who was almost 8, and it was pretty clear at that point he was probably on the spectrum like my dad, but my mom wasn’t hearing that from the professional childcare workers and educators who told her so). My friend S: *That’s not RIGHT, Jen.* That that’s on you.

Me at 22 at my first job: (I called my 11 year old brother every day when he got home from school; he walked home from school alone 1 block at 3:30 and would be home alone until I got home from work at 5:15) He’s not picking up the phone!!! <panic> My friend E: Call your mom (whose job was 10 miles closer than mine to home). Me: <again> I can’t call her at work. I’m going to have to ask <our boss> to leave early and check on him if he doesn’t pick up this time. E: *That’s not right, Jen.* I mean, yes, you should check on him. I know you’re worried, but…that should be your mom or dad calling to check on him every day and leaving work early…

Me, telling J a story about when I was 13: …and I walked down 25 (major 4 lane divided highway) to the library… J: What?! By YOURSELF?! Me: Yes? How else would I get to the library? J: An adult would drive you? On *25*. Me: What adult? J: Did you take <brother, who was 2 then>? Me: If I had to. I pushed him in an umbrella stroller. J: *That’s not right, Jen.* Shit, you aren’t allowed to walk down 25 by yourself NOW. <3

For all that repetition of ‘That’s not right, Jen,’ it never really sunk in until several people said it to me several times about varying things I relayed to them like it was totally normal, but it was clear what I’d said was actually extreme. To the point that it made a lot of people say, ‘That’s not right, Jen.’

I’m not extreme. I never have been. It’s not extreme to cry, to laugh, to show anger or frustration when shit is not fair or not working out, or to want some consistency in your environment and reciprocation and consideration in your relationships. It’s not extreme to have personal boundaries or to want your own life without constant sacrifice for other people. It’s not extreme to want to be a kid when you’re a kid. The expectations and responsibility put on me were what was extreme. And probably the expectations we’re still putting on a lot of people, especially kids, is extreme. We shouldn’t do that to anybody, but when it happens to kids, they can grow up, like I did, thinking those expectations are normal. And it’s a lot of work to undo that and the anxiety it causes.

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carterreviewsmovies · 1 year

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Mio fratello rincorre i dinosauri (2019) Review

My Brother Chases Dinosaurs (Mio fratello rincorre i dinosauri)

Directed by Stefano Cipani

Year Released: 2019

Duration: 101 Minutes

Video: Colour

Audio: Stereo

Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1

Embarrassment from one’s family is a certainty in life. Whether it be due to an overly proud parent or the obnoxiousness of a younger sibling, the feeling of embarrassment from these moments is quickly fleeting and largely inconsequential. While being unimportant in the grand scheme, in some instances we resort to deplorable stratagems to evade these small moments of shame due to our insecurities.

My Brother Chases Dinosaurs explores one of such instances. The film follows Jack Mazzariol (Francesco Gheghi), a young boy in a family of six and his relationship with his younger brother Gio (Lorenzo Sisto) who has Down’s Syndrome. Growing up, Jack had been made to believe by his parents that Gio was “special” in the way that he had superpowers. This little white lie seems inconsequential until Jack discovers the truth about Gio’s condition. This causes Jack to become outright ashamed of his brother whom he once idolized, and he begins to live two separate lives. His life at home with his family and Gio, and a life in which he denies Gio’s existence entirely.

Being based on the true story of Giacomo Mazzariol, My Brother Chases Dinosaurs is a confession of guilt. It is an admittance of falling victim to childlike insecurities and ignorance, but it is also a plea for understanding. While the lengths Jack goes to distance himself from his brother are inexcusable Francesco Gheghi’s performance brings a sense of sympathy to where the character is coming from. Jack’s shame was in himself, not in Gio. He felt ashamed for believing something so silly as his brother being a superhero, ashamed for proudly telling everyone that Gio has powers. But more than that, Jack internalized the insecurities and fears being projected by his parents Davide (Alessandro Gassmann) and Katia (Isabella Ragonese). Naturally, Davide and Katia are fearful of the uncertainty that comes with raising a child, let alone one with a disability, but initially discuss the situation so coldly. Davide suggests if they knew sooner, they could have “warned” people. Jack attempts to leave behind the naivety of his youth but ends up more ignorant than before. To err is human, especially in the haze of youth and trying to find one’s own identity and path, but that does not mean it goes without consequence.

Jack changes everything about himself, his look, his attitude, and his interests, his best friend Vitto (Roberto Nocchi) doesn’t even recognize him anymore. He does this all out of a deep yearning to be accepted, to escape the “special” circumstances his family is in. He’s guarded and fearful of connection, his soul is stiff almost unhuman, almost robotic. This is reflected in some wonderful sequences with Jack and Gio playing music together. Jack follows sheet music and theory religiously whereas Gio plays what he wants regardless of musical coherency. Gio juxtaposes Jack’s stiffness with the uninhibited whimsy of doing what you want when you want. Gio shows us everything beautiful in otherwise mundane circumstances, like feeding a waffle to a t-rex skull. He pursues what will make him happy without hesitation. Whereas Jack is more concerned with conformity and the pursuit of a “normal life”. It is easy to sit and criticize Jack’s actions, but at one time or another, we have all done something regrettable when our fragile egos are at risk.

My Brother Chases Dinosaurs is funny, sweet, frustrating, and most importantly human. We are imperfect beings and part of growing up is making mistakes, some small, some catastrophic, but what’s important is learning from them. It’s also important to realize that those who love you will always be there in the end.

#italian cinema #european cinema #italy #my brother chases dinosaurs #comedy #film review #2010s films #drama

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gndr-reading-responses-1-10 · 5 months

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GNDR Reading Responses

1. ) HEALTHY AND DISEASED BODIES

I oppose the debate over, whether healthcare should be a right or a privilege. The reason is I think the answer should be obvious. Healthcare should be a right, not a privilege because if you’re poor in America, you’re screwed for how much healthcare is here. There are many videos where people in Eastern Nations or just people who live somewhere with universal healthcare, judge America for how expensive healthcare is: they are shocked by the fact. This chapter also dives into illness and disability. People with illnesses and disabilities tend to be overlooked because they don’t fit the description of what a “normal body” should look like. This social construct is sickening to me. People with disabilities have accomplished great things. For example, Matt Klotz is an Olympic swimmer. Matt was born deaf, even with a disability he’s still accomplishing greater things than the average person. I’ve noticed that if people with disabilities are noticed they tend to be looked down upon, hated, or pitied. But why? My little brother has autism and I will be damned to let anything happen to him. A childhood bully in my grade would target my little brother, and what did I do? I made sure he didn’t talk about my brother ever again so I beat his ass (excuse my French). Imagine being hated by people for something you have no control over. I deem people with disabilities no less human than I am. I wish everyone had this mindset but unfortunately, that is not the case. However, my family is a special case. We knew my little brother was going to have autism even before he was out of the womb, yet we still wanted him. My parents are very religious and in Christian beliefs, those who are disabled are imperfect and are cast aside. My parents realized this belief was nonsense. We love Preston unconditionally.

2.) AGING BODIES

Oh, where do I begin with this one? Let’s start with feminine beauty in comparison to masculine appearance. So, for women, they have to look young. I mean looking young makes you more attractive so why do we have this standard for women but not men? Many products alter a woman’s appearance like makeup. That is a big one—or even skin care. I see women hold themselves to high standards regarding their appearance. Sure it is nice to look nice - to present yourself in the best way possible. However, this mindset can also be damaging. Our body has natural responses due to hormone fluctuation. These responses can cause acne, pimples, and blackheads. I have gal friends who freak out when they notice something as minor as a singular pimple. This pimple would also be very unnoticeable unless someone were to point it out. They hyper-fixate on small things that could make their appearance “imperfect.” As men, we don’t worry about it. We simply have them and do not have a second thought about it. We can blame these social constructs revolving around women. In the modeling agency, they must present no wrinkles. Every model is young and skinny or puts makeup on to make the model look younger. It doesn’t stop there, even when you see models on billboards, posters, etc. If you were to look close enough you’ll see that the appearance of these women is modified by modeling agents. This is why women have these high standards for themselves. Males don’t have the same struggle because they don’t have these standards. For movies, the actress tends to be younger to fill in the role of an older person. For example, Mila Kunis was 16 substituting in a 18 year old role. Whereas every guy there was older than the actual age of their character.

3.) REPRODUCING BODIES

This chapter is mainly about women reproducing and what they experience in different cultures, what rights they have, and also how men and societal norms affect the reproducing body. I want to talk about how women who reproduce in America experience menopause differently than women who reproduce in Japan. Here menopause is an issue for women. I thought this was an issue every woman experiences after childbirth, but I now see that it is not the case. In American culture, we view menopause as a scary thing for older women. We view it as a dangerous thing, so as soon as women stop menstruating they undergo hormone replacement therapy. In Japan, women experience hot flashes much less frequently. The severity of their hot flashes is also relatively low. Menopause is embodied as a biological and cultural blessing. Which is why women there are not medicalized for menopause. I find this fact very interesting because I grew up in a place where menopause is a common issue people face, so I assumed it happened everywhere.The book mentions that reproductive rights are more controlled by institutions and men rather than women themselves. I know this part is true. For example, some hospitals don’t give out birth control because they don’t want to and the right to an abortion varies by state. Since the beginning of time, it has been a societal norm that women should only have sex for the sole purpose of reproducing. Having an abortion is strictly forbidden. However, for men, they can sleep with whoever they want and get praise. The double standard is that women should save themselves for marriage and men can go around sleeping with whoever they want. How is this fair? If a son were to sleep with a girl, the dad usually is proud of the son, however, if the daughter were to sleep with a boy, the dad would get mad at the daughter. We should put restrictions on boys too.

4.) RACIALIZED AND COLONIZED BODIES

Racism has been an issue for as long as anyone can remember. A big event in history is the Atlantic Slave Trade. During this time the Spanish were invading the thirteen colonies spreading the three G’s known as God, Glory, and Gold. During this time, those who were white took over other cultures and land imprinting their norms upon those people, and then enslaved them. In the Bible, a section describes the roles of white people and those of color. It said that white people were fallen angels who needed to spread God’s word and people of color have risen devils that require cleansing. Following this ideology is how religion influenced racism. After the Civil War in America, slavery was abolished. We were either the 14th or 16th major country that abolished slavery. Even with slavery abolished, racism was still a very big problem because everything was segregated. Segregation is essentially discrimination by actively separating a group of people from others. From segregated bathrooms to segregated schools. Those who were white would not interact with those of color. People of color were also placed in designated areas of every town and white people had the right to have a home anywhere else. These areas would typically be very poor. The reasoning behind this was to closely monitor their actions. It was believed that those of color commit more crimes such as robbery, drug use, and murder. People of color would also get paid less than white people so making a living was significantly harder. Along with police brutality where white people can get away with more crimes than black people. These are issues we still face today. Although these problems are reoccurring, we are slowly going in the right direction. More people are aware and speak out about this issue.

5.) GENDERED BODIES

In today’s world, society has placed a set of rules and regulations based on gender. Still to this day, society thinks that gender and sex are the same thing when they are indeed not. However, I do understand why there is confusion. I don’t blame those who don’t understand because when it comes to gender, people like to make things up. So for example, being sexually attracted to inanimate objects is considered a “gender” to some people. I wish I was making this up but I am not. How are people supposed to believe about the importance of gender when they hear stories like that? Also, from my experience of education, there are three different views of sex and gender. Biology says that sex and gender are the same thing and that there are only two genders. Psychology taught me that sex and gender aren’t the same thing but there are only two genders except for non-binary and transgender. Sociologists say that gender and sex are not the same thing and that gender is a spectrum. If three different views are being taught then how can everyone come to the same conclusion? Anyway, the reason why people identify as something other than male or female is because they don’t like society’s expectations for their gender. For example, the man is typically the one who mows the lawn whereas the woman is in the kitchen making dinner. This is an example of many. So those who feel like they don’t fit society’s description of a male or female, feel like they need to form a label for themselves. This society also determines how you should look based on your gender. For example, women should have this “hourglass” figure. Seeing how society claims what you can or should be with your identity and body is why gender classification is important. Because not everyone wants to fulfill these standards rather than be themselves.

6.) SEXUALIZED BODIES

Going back to my “gendered bodies” response - I mentioned that a standard for women is this “hourglass” body figure. In class, we talked about Barbie representing what a woman should look like according to society’s standards. This body type is very unrealistic. It makes you think, what unrealistic body standard is placed on men? Shocker, it is nothing. Men have no shackles weighing them down. If a man is fat, he may have less respect but it’s fine that he is fat. If a woman is fat she gets called a whale. If a man has a dad body, society accepts that. If a woman has a little fat on her, she is told to lose more weight. If a man is nothing but muscle he is respected whereas if a woman is nothing but muscle it is not natural. Diving into the topic of intersex, many people don’t realize this is a thing. People think that there are only two sexes. Intersex is where an individual is born with both male and female body parts. When an intersex child is born, it is the doctors who determine its sex and gender. Later, this child will undergo surgeries to make it strictly male or female. Some people are aware of the existence of intersex but identify it as a disorder or a deficiency. Well, it’s neither one of those. If you call it a disorder, you’re implying that this condition affects their everyday life. Some studies prove that intersex doesn’t negatively affect bodily functions, though it may be a little different. A deficiency implies this is a shortcoming when it is not. The individual may experience a lack of testosterone but that can be treated. Intersex is very rare, but because is rare, it shouldn’t be looked down upon, it just makes the individual unique.

7.) CLASSED BODIES

It’s hard to believe that body types are also indicators of class. I know what you’re thinking, how could body types be indicators of class? Well, in the past, those who were overweight were deemed wealthy. Typically they were because the wealthy were the only ones who could fill their stomachs with food. Because of their wealth, body type didn’t matter, in fact to some it was worshiped or even envied. Nowadays, being overweight is looked down upon. People who are overweight are deemed as disgusting and lazy. These classifications are given without a second thought. Without knowing what the individual could be going through. What if the person has an eating disorder or was born with extra fat in their tissues? Would their opinion change or stay the same? Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to that question. I just know that I don’t have that mindset and that’s all I care about in this instance. Being very skinny has the same identification as it did in the past. Many saw that being very skinny was an indicator that the person was poor. In the past, this may have been true because the only ones who could fill their stomachs were those with money in their pockets. Today’s classification isn't much different. There are mixed views on those who are very skinny. Back then it wasn’t attractive at all to be skinny but now some think it is very attractive. When you see a very skinny individual you think middle or lower class. Never have I heard someone thinking upper class when identifying very skinny people. But I think in the modern day we are starting to not assume someone’s class based on their body type. I never related body type with class. I see people of all body types in every class.

8.) BEAUTIFUL BODIES

We see all these models on billboards, signs, and other advertisements. We take a glance and say, “She’s beautiful” then turn away. Little did we know that these models are edited on these advertisements. Their faces are edited to be slim, their necks are longer, and they put more emphasis on detail in the eyes and collarbones. In the modeling industry, you don’t see many plus-sized women. We are just now being inclusive to plus-sized women. Usually, models limit what they intake and some don’t eat at all. A method to look skinnier is to not drink water. It makes you more defined than you are. This method is in no way healthy but is used for TV stars and models. In stores like Victoria’s Secret, the clothes are there to make women feel more beautiful. They don’t fit all sizes because they only fit “beautiful” women. To my knowledge, they don’t have any plus-sized clothing in stores. But did you know the person running Victoria's Secret isn’t a woman, but a man? Going back to Barbie, the cooperation-making Barbie is also run by men. Barbie and Victoria’s Secret have made major impacts on the market with their targeted audience being women. Girls would say they want to be just like Barbie because of how she looks. Victoria’s Secret sells very nice clothes that attract many girls to their store. With no options for plus-sized, women would get the urge to get thinner to fit into this clothing brand. What a coincidence that these two companies portraying high body standards for women are being run by men. Psychologists say with this overwhelming presence of beauty in our everyday lives it is hard for men and harder for women to find satisfaction with how they look. So boys, if you wonder why your girlfriend is asking what dress she should wear, it is because she has this high standard for herself to look pretty.

9.) MODIFIED BODIES

Let’s start with tattoos. The meaning of a tattoo is to imprint. In Western society a tattoo symbolizes deviancy. In Western Society, Christian beliefs are very common. It is against Christian beliefs to have a tattoo. My argument to that is if we weren’t allowed to have tattoos then why were we born with birthmarks? In a way, these could also be classified as tattoos. I mean, they are imprinted on our bodies after all. The older generation has this common view of tattoos symbolizing deviancy, however, people get tattoos for a variety of reasons. Some cultures believe having a tattoo could protect them from evil. Most get tattoos because the tattoo has meaning. A common reason is the loss of a loved one. Just something meaningful to the individual is imprinted on their body. Some think tattoos are just cool and so they get them. I think the deviancy ideology of tattoos goes back to people in prison getting many tattoos. A person I know who went to prison for a few years for the use of marijuana - before prison, he had nothing imprinted on his body but came out with around twenty tattoos. Body notifications happen more than we think. Today, tattooing, scarification, piercing, body painting, and other forms of permanent and temporary body modification are found in every culture. Scientists discover that these modifications are used in ways to communicate, express, and maintain status and identity. Though some body modifications may be a little extreme such as tattooing your eyes are adding horns to your head - I think it’s looked down upon because we aren’t used to seeing it. If we saw these modifications more often I think it would be more socially accepted. I think this is why people with transgender status are looked down upon because undergoing the surgery of changing your sex is an extreme body modification.

10.) RELIGIOUS BODIES

I do believe that most of these standards we have on bodies, gender, and sex are mainly from religious beliefs. As a gay man, I face trouble with acceptance daily. Either accepting myself or acceptance from others. As I get older, it doesn’t bother me as much because I have faced so much of it, however, when I was younger this struggle I faced was consuming me. I do think hatred towards homosexuality is more about ignorance instead of a justifiable reason. In the state of Ohio, religious hospitals can refuse healthcare to people of LGBT status. Going further into religious bodies, when it comes to women, it is said in the Bible that Eve is punished for tricking Adam into eating the apple. This sparked the ideology that women are manipulative and will tempt men into doing their bitting. This is why in some religions, women cover themselves up because if they don’t a man will be tempted by her. The Bible says women will face punishment for the eaten apple. Christians use this to explain why girls have periods. It’s so crazy to me because men are the manipulative ones. They created all these rules, regulations, and standards. We deem God as a man and guess what, he has every firm believer in the palm of his hand doing HIS bitting. Now that’s manipulation. When it comes to sex, sex is to be only between a man and a woman for the sole purpose of producing offspring. It is a sin to have sex before marriage as well. But sex can now be between people of the same sex. Actually, that was always a thing, it is more common now because it is more accepted in modern society. It could be due to more people turning away from religion, or people realizing that these rules are just obscured.

#barbie #star wars #ryan gosling #taylor swift #super mario

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femme-kitty · 7 months

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healing can be so uncomfortable, and feel really scary sometimes because it’s uncertain. you’re exploring spaces you’ve never been to and building habits that you’ve never worked on before, and that can feel scary but it’s okay

because your childhood was dysfunctional due to an unhealthy parent, there are unhealthy environments and communication styles that were normalized but not what a healthy child would have experienced. these dysfunctional ways of living can feel familiar and navigating the world in a healthier state can feel unsafe or “off”, but thats okay. you keep going because you know it’s worth it and that the 80 year old version of you will be so glad you didn’t give up. you learn that you can sit with the fear and still show up. you gradually un-do the fear that traumas placed in you about others and the world around you.

i can wish my childhood would have been better to me, that my mother would have shown up for herself and me in the way we both needed, to have had a completely safe place to be and feel at home with my parents, so that i could have built the tools to get to a healthy place in adulthood, but i have to work with the reality of my childhood and accept the generational trauma of my family to begin to heal (and start the process of generational healing through healing myself),

healing is the process of putting it into my hands now. its letting my adult self teach that inner child the tools and emotional regulation skills they missed out on, it feels unfamiliar but also it’s so important. it’s not blaming my parents or mom’s family, just understanding that they tried their best while also understanding that i still deserve the healthy foundation that should have come from my childhood experiences. it’s also understanding that i can still love my mom’s family but also place boundaries and distance when necessary because they still choose to operate in anger and dysfunction and i won’t engage or play a part in that. it’s empowering because i’m able to listen to myself and meet my needs, and it feels really nice to strengthen my relationship with myself in this way.

healing is the process of letting myself exist. as a queer person with different style interests and ideas, i’ve always been fascinated with dressing up based on concepts or stories and i get to give that to myself as an adult even in little ways, it’s letting myself cut or style my hair however i want and experiment with different styles in how i dress and present myself,

healing is saying no. it’s making eye contact with your mom or grandma and saying “i feel uncomfortable when you raise your voice and yell at me or say insulting things to me, so when you do that, i am going to leave the room/go outside” even when it feels scary, trust me, it won’t feel as scary the more you do it. healing is removing yourself from living spaces when you are bullied and emotionally abused for being yourself or setting boundaries. healing is not having to read into silence or passive aggressive actions as a method of communicating, only direct communication from family. saying what i need or how i feel and in that, opening the space for others to do the same with me.

healing is enjoying food as fuel, and learning that what works for me won’t work for everyone, that my body and health is my business as is everyone else with their own bodies and health, and that i can eat intuitively, listening to what my body needs and having the freedom to explore foods without fear of acne or an upset stomach, which are both just regular human experiences. healing is releasing the fear of being in a changing or imperfect body, because my body will change and be imperfect throughout my life and i don’t have to see a problem with that like my mom does. healing is releasing any need to be “perfect” or change anything about my natural state. it’s accepting i’m a human being and i will change and age and my body will too and that the process is beautiful because i get to grow older and thats genuinely a blessing.

healing is letting myself laugh again, to sing theatrically and loudly, to blast music and dance and jump around everywhere, to make weird noises and talk to myself out loud all day. its also letting myself cry intensely, to sit with myself when i’m feeling sad and let myself process it instead of running away from my emotions, to comfort myself when i’m experiencing a negative emotion and say kind words to myself as if i was talking to a younger version of me. having baby pictures of myself around helps a lot, i get to show myself the unconditional love i really needed growing up. healing is also letting others help me and support me in a healthy way, and knowing i can ask for help and reassurance when i need it. that i will struggle sometimes and it’s okay, i’m allowed to struggle through something and learn from others.

healing is acceptance, its accepting i can’t change my family, i can’t change anyone but myself. i can only control how i act, how i speak, how i treat myself, how i treat others, and how i treat the world around me. it’s accepting my own past mistakes towards myself and loved ones, its accepting my life’s journey so far. it’s also accepting when i feel depressed or anxious or burnt out or insecure and knowing that i’m still worthy and deserving of love in those moments. its recognizing that my anxiety, depressive episodes, and insecurities are just expressions of the same core issue. that when i work on giving my inner child reassurance, security, and love, that these things start to go away. it’s accepting that others can also struggle with their mental health, and that i can offer my genuine support, encouragement, and care but that the journey is ultimately theirs and that it’s not my responsibility to help other’s heal. that i don’t have to feel forced or guilted into helping others at my own expense.

healing is accepting that i can really love a person and no longer be present in their lives. it’s accepting my feelings for them for what they are, and that i can’t force myself to shut my heart off. it’s accepting that i feel i will love them throughout my entire life, but that these feelings aren’t to be a cage for myself or them or anyone else. that it feels more like a part of me i don’t have to hide or change or run away from, like the fact that my hair is curly and it’ll curl until i’m really old. no matter where i go, it’ll curl. something that just is. and it’s okay, angie.

it’s knowing that love isn’t attachment, it’s freedom, it’s a choice, it’s a coming together, it’s sweet and kind, reassuring and understanding, and that it can mean letting someone go when they ask for it from you. healing is knowing it’s healthy for humans to have the freedom to choose who they want to love. it’s also knowing love is abundant on earth, that i am capable of loving others as family, as friends, as role models or inspirations to me, that i can share love with animals, pets, stray/wild animals, and even nature, my plants, food i grow, a certain water body i really like to visit or tree i like to read or lay under.

healing is remembering the person i was growing up and finding her again. healing is having pieces of myself come back up to the surface because they’re safe to do so now. it’s seeing and feeling younger me inside and happy crying because i remember her joy, her jokes, her singing, her laughter. it’s also knowing these pieces weren’t lost because of people but just lost to the process of trauma. as i unravel past events and forgive myself/others, i get closer to myself.

healing isn’t trying to go backwards in time, it’s not desperately trying to be those specific versions of myself again. those wonderful childhood versions of me are in my past, they’ve contributed to the person i am today, and in remembering those versions of myself, i’m able to remember my core values and personality traits and carry them with me in my present and future. i can appreciate and fully experience being 22 years old. i can make new memories with myself, try things i’ve always wanted to, make art and music again and as a whole, feel possible again.

the best thing i’ve felt is release. releasing survival mode. releasing fear. releasing ingrained beliefs from childhood. releasing the need to control environments or the future out of fear of uncertainty. releasing guilt and perfectionism. releasing the need to have it all figured out when i’m only 22 and meant to keep learning and making mistakes and growing/maturing. releasing the pain and unprocessed emotions from past traumas. releasing the need to constantly please or perform for love and affection from my family, and just letting myself be. loving myself for who i am and enjoying that i get to be me until the day i die. loving others exactly as they are too.

remember that it’s okay to feel stuck sometimes, you won’t always feel like there’s significant progress going on inside, but there is. progress isn’t linear and it won’t always look “good”, but it’s still progress nonetheless. keep going, it’s worth it and the smiles suit you! when you look back, let the memories remind you of how much you’ve grown, that you’ve made it this far, and that you’ve always been loved and protected throughout it all :”)

lastly, i love you and i’m so proud of you! :-))

-carolina <3

#caro #cocoon #september 2023

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