i found a baby picture of my cat please please look at him i'm begging you
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man if I was a russian mob boss and my worthless layabout son killed baba yaga's dog I'd just fucking give him up. like immediately. like call john wick's secret basement landline and be like "iosef's at the club. all his goons and bodyguards have been instructed to stand down. there's a new puppy on your front porch. do you want an edible arrangement or anything"
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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in his primadonna girl* era 😌✨
(*playing the damsel in distress and getting locked in a tower in the middle of the french revolution so his boyfriend can rescue him from being beheaded 😏)
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anyway literally everyone is going through something all the time!!! everyone is wounded!!! everyone is human & no one makes it out of this life unscathed!! maybe try approaching people in good faith instead of always defaulting to the worst possible interpretations of each other
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"True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake,
it is making the choice to build a life
you don't need to regularly escape from."
Brianna Wiest.
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Shadow and Bone adaptation is so fun you’ve never seen a more perfectly cast show acting their hearts out paired with the weirdest writing decisions in your life
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"Wyll is boring" he is the personification of daddy issues. he hides away at a beach TWICE and leaving the tav to go find him because he's not used to having people around who care abt him. he's been running around the sword coast for seven years just killing things and saving people because he got EXILED and chose to prove himself to his father and just help others. he spends his time training kids how to defend themselves. you find out his dad is the ARCHDUKE of Baldur's Gate. he almost drowned once trying to find mermaids. he has a literal devil haunting him that watches his every move. He managed to stop an entire cult of Tiamat AT AGE 17!!!!!!! he loves clowns.
Wyll isn't boring, ppl just haven't taken the time to explore his story and it SHOWS
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tired of medication positivity posts that assume everyone has a positive relationship with medication
here’s to people who don’t take medication that their doctors want them to take. here’s to people who get marked noncompliant. here’s to people who get sectioned or hospitalized bc they won’t take their meds. here’s to people who self-medicate w nonprescription drugs. here’s to the people in withdrawal. here’s to the people who would rather deal with their symptoms than medication side effects. here’s to the “treatment-resistant” people who have never found medication that helps at all. here’s to the people who are only on meds nonconsensually. here’s to people who refuse meds for “irrational” or “stupid” reasons. here’s to people for whom taking meds is a trauma trigger. here’s to people who are disabled from past medications. here’s to people who are constantly being pressured into taking meds they don’t want and having to defend their “no” over and over again
yes, lots of people need their meds. yes, meds can be important. but don’t forget us
fuck everyone who calls us anti-science or anti-recovery. who says we are hurting other ppl by talking about our choices. bodily autonomy includes the right to say NO. even to medical treatment.
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