#life lives everywhere that life can

[neon-impressions]

I AM SOFT AND KIND AND FULL OF LOVE

#everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #movie lists #movie sessions #this movie gave me so much to think about #nilhism and existentialism will always get to you #and maybe you'll never be the utmost potential of what you could be #maybe you are living the worst possible life possible and all the choices you've made are wrong but the only way out is through #the fact that killing yourself is not the answer and figuring out to be happy woth what you have and where you are is such a cute message #also thinking about how family members always go through so much and there's generations of built up trauma #but you still can find comfort with them #a universe where nothing matters is so liberating #just gotta be kind #michelle yeoh #ke huy quan #stephanie hsu #jamie lee curtis #daniel kwan #daniel scheinert #a24 #this movie is basically jester's privilege #also my ramblings make no sense but at least ik how to walk my path better now

[alsojnpie]

dishes are forever

#I MISSED HAVING A TABLET!!!! #ht papyrus #a gentle touch when you're sad #a menacing touch when it would be funny #he can do it all #LITTLE PRO TIP LIFE HACK THOUGH: IF WASHING DISHES MAKES YOU WANT TO LIVE ON A DIFFERENT PLANET #MAYBE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DANG DISHES #BEING IN A SITUATION WHERE I HAVE 80% FEWER DISHES THAN BEFORE MEANS I DO DISHES MORE OFTEN BUT IT'S SO EASY #AND NOT SOUL SUCKING AT ALL #JUST MY EXPERIENCE!!!!!! THAT'S ALL #I'm sure when i am reunited with my other dishes i will languish in bed staring at this psyching myself up to the task #but i like keeping random jars from food i bought and dishes that i picked up in different places. #they physically remind me of everywhere I've been and sometimes i just look at them and remember where I've been #my favorite is the old ratatouille jar i bought at carrefour in Chengdu #that jarred ratatouille was the nastiest food to grace this earth #i bought it in case it would make a quick easy meal (you don't really find those at the grocery store in China at least not back then) #but even my cheap lazy self couldn't eat it #so no one ever consumed that ratatouille but the jar was pretty big so i put other stuff in it and now it's my dish #and somehow the label is glued on PERMANENTLY it has never washed off after all these years #actually idk maybe it eventually did it isn't here for me to look at but it lasted a long time i know that

[spearxwind]

Something I've been thinking a lot recently after becoming a lot more social and going out is like. How different people really LOOK in general. Or rather, I've always seen it but I've been noticing it more. Different body types, different faces, different features.... etc. Everyone is so different looking.

There isn't a way you could possibly gauge how "beautiful" someone is because everyone is so different, and everyone's perception and preferences are different. Someone who you could consider extremely handsome could have deep seated self image issues, and someone who looks unremarkable to you might be someone's ideal.

I feel like being online and constantly exposed to the same types of faces, especially the type of people who become popular online due to the appearance, they always have the same set of features, same set of body types. It's not inherently bad, people do gravitate towards them because there's beauty standards that certain people fit. But in general exposure to people who look all similar rots the brain. It rots your self image. It distances you from your own community as well.

It bleeds into how people handle their relationships, it brings prejudice to people just based on their appearance, and it sucks so much to actually like, fully consciously REALIZE. Everyone is worthy of love, no matter how they look like (this includes you btw!! Yeah you!!! <3) no matter what the media says. It sounds like something sooo obvious but it really is something that grows roots in your brain given the chance and is hard to pull out.

Feeling like you're in an arms race against your peers to "score" someone who you could pass for an instagram model, instead of finding someone who you truly connect with. Having to deeply justify your partners and friendships to your family as being worth it, when they don't look like celebrities on TV and just look like regular people. (This has been my personal experience for a long time, but I feel like theres probably more people who have gone through the same)

"What will other people think? What will my family think?" is something constantly on my mind whenever I make any friends, and im only recently realizing that it really does not matter what they do think what matters is one's own happiness.

Not sure where I am going with this post I just wanted to write it out for a few days now and I finally did it <3 have a swag day

#thunderclap #words #i just think people should live without the constant pressure of appearances both your own and your peers. its literally brainrot #everyone everywhere is so different there are a thousand faces a thousand bodies a thousand features theres eight billion people on earth #its so terrible that we are always focused on the same ones and call them beautiful when theres so much to people in general #does this make any fucking sense? god im so tired but im feeling this a lot recently. man.......... #my own appearance has been both praised and degraded for years years years and its fucked up my way of perceiving people for my whole life #idk... theres so much nuance to this whole conversation ofc i cant fit it all into one (1) post #like... recently realizing my mom is to blame for like 90% of my body image issues has had me reeling. like hello. #dont get me wrong i love her but damn that family can self project their flaws needlessly on the next generation huh

[cas---2y5]

This scene from s2 is so so underrated and so so IMPORTANT to me. Like, we see Jo, who wants to hunt to be close to her father, grew up adjacent to the life, but has other options and a way out. She has zero experience and goes into a hunt with all this theoretical knowledge, feeling confident in her research and her knowledge of how to hunt spirits.

And in this scene, reality really sets in for her and we get to see it. The hunting life she imagined, not perfect but romanticized in its violence and dusty backroads and gross motels, is destroyed and replaced by the grim truth that it is grotesque and horrifying and deadly in a very real way.

She ends up still wanting to hunt afterwards, but it changes her. She finally sees that hunting is an awful, terrifying, excruciatingly painful way to live. I feel like we really lose this throughout the show. By like s12 hunting is sort of portrayed as this cool club that Claire and Alex and Patience and Jody and Donna choose to join as a family and it just feels...wrong. It feels like the writers completely missed the part where hunting is something you're either born into or forced into, and not something you choose to do if you have literally any other choice.

#idk I just feel like there is such a stark difference between how in early seasons #hunting is this dark life lived in the underbelly of everywhere and nowhere that only ends in an early grave #and in the later seasons #its like a secret society or special club that you can join to prove how tough you are while keeping a semi-normal life #just some thoughts as i go through my #spn timeloop #s2 ep10 no exit #jo harvelle

[pickled-flowers]

The blue jays have started building a nest that's right next to my balcony and I see them perfectly from my usual seat!

#i hope ill get to see some babies blue jay #but anyways its a blessing whenever they come on my balcony or when i can just see them #the back alley of my appartment is basically my backyard ok ive decided that #anyways theres a bunch of trees (AND MORE IMPORTANTLY RIGHT ACROSS FROM MY BEDROOMS WINDOW IS A LILAC TREE) #i cant even begin to explain how awesome that is to me #anyways ive been feeding the birds sporadically since living here and my downstairs neighbours have as well #so theres lots of city wild life #also the water is pretty close by i suppose that helps! #i forget i live in a “green” part of the city #le saint laurent est juste a côté #cant wait to go smoke by the fleuve during the summer #also fun Winter lore : when i was a kid i used to always call Montreal “pays pas beau” (ugly country) #i would say that everywhere i went that had no/little trees 😭😭😭😭

[toasteaa]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS LEARN ABOUT SEKIRO AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN

RAY FUCKING CHASE. LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP PULLING ME INTO THE BRAINROT!!!!

#toast talks #I HEARD A TWO SECOND CLIP OF THIS DUDE'S VOICE AND MY WHOLE BRAIN WENT #You know that voice. You know it. You know that tone. #DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK IT UP. MY FIANCÉ LOOKED IT UP AND IMMEDIATELY SAID 'Yeah you already know who it is' #I'M SORRY I'M SORRY HIS VOICE LIVES IN MY BRAIN RENT FREE #I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!! HE'S EVERYWHERE I CAN'T ESCAPE!!!! #I CANNOT BLUSH EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE LIKE THIS!!!! #On the bright side this just gives me more voice lines that I can be like 'hey imagine Neuvillette saying this -' #NO SHUT UP I SHOULD NOT BE ENJOYING THIS!!! I'M BEING CURSED! HAUNTED!

[byanyan]

catch me sobbing bc I'm about to have a desk of my own for the first time since I was like 17 😭

#me spending my entire adulthood taking up as little space as possible #everywhere I'm living in an effort to be less of a burden on whoever I'm living with #now my mom's gone & cleaned out the storage room so I can make it my space to exist so I'm not just isolating in my bedroom #we spent today in town buying shit for the room.... desk & chair & lights etc.... #and I'm v emotional about this..... i think it's going to help me a lot to like. actually exist & function. #not to get emotional about my pathetic life on the dash or anything but wow... realizing it's probably not just depression & anxiety #and that I'm actually probably autistic has done fucking WONDERS for me like. taking steps forward again. #actively working on change & like. figuring out how to cope & regulate & not blame everything about my life on myself being lazy adjgksh #honestly it's 7pm but I'm probably gonna set the desk up tonight bc I'm so fuckign excited to get that room set up now oh man... #that'll probably be most of my day tomorrow too tbh. at least until we leave to go watch d-day in cinema 😭😭 #IT'S A GOOD WEEK GUYS..... it's gonna be a good week #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me. #personal cw

[ardentpoop]

anyway s2 will always have a place in my heart

#spn #unironically they were the blueprint #irreparable damage to my psyche #husband and wife who grew up under the thumb of a mercenary with nobody but each other for comfort and are committed to a life of murder #on the run from the law together with identities they wear and shed on a whim twisted up by grief over their upbringing #trailing blood everywhere they go deeply unpalatable to most people they stick around long enough to get to know #at the heart of a brewing war that threatens to rip them away from each other but the concept is unfathomable so everything else can burn #both of them fighting the seductive pull of the dark bc letting it consume them would be easier than living thru this shit #also ash and jo are there sometimes :3 #but i got so tired at the end of AHBL 2 when theyre having that convo abt dean's deal LMAO #like can both of u die together and leave the world alone already (my brain flitted thru 8 consecutive seasons of melodrama and the #100+ deaths therein) #tag vomit

[hellishfig]

emily axford: any character i create is either a kid with issues or a southern belle (also with issues)

me: i know you’re married but please consider–

#she’s everything #i love that she’s from upstate new york but constantly sounds like she’s from the south #i’m rewatching a starstruck odyssey rn and she can LITERALLY do anything #one of the most impressive dnd players i’ve ever seen #i just think she’s neat! #emily axford #fun fact: i live in nyc and have been upstate many times #and there are a lot more commonalities btwn the deep south and upstate ny than one might think #(i have seen a shocking number of confederate flags in upstate ny) #(ny was not a confederate state! but also racism and homophobia exist everywhere) #(saw a lot of thin blue line flags too) #(i wore a rainbow magen david shirt upstate and felt like i was taking my life in my hands) #dimension 20 #d20 #naddpod

[wtfspocks]

uuuuuuugggggggnnnnhhhhggggghh

#this really is just me living life #especially at work like why is it so gd bright #can we please have mood lighting everywhere #also tored

[dreadfutures]

Every day I read about the news in the Middle East and across the globe and I honestly can't imagine what the world will be like in 100 years. I hope it looks very different.

Just gotta do our time on this planet to make our individual corners of the world a little better, and encourage the people around us to be better, and hope that's enough.

#end apartheid everywhere #end us imperialism #end western imperialism #I can't imagine and will not bring children into this #you can't live a pure life but you can try to live a life of service and i think that's where my goal is #i hope the political systems of the future look completely alien to us #cuz this isnt working #personal #doing our time also involves voting and working with the system we have... etc #until it's dismantled or changed #you gotta be doing something tangible about the system if you're gonna refuse to participate in it tbh

[slippery-minghus]

watercolor progress!

#second painting ever! #been thinkin a lot about the powerlines here and how they're everywhere #it was never a thing where i lived before here and even though i've been here 4yrs i never really paid them any mind? #until a few months ago i was on a walk in a wealthier part of town and the person i was with commented about how different it looked #without the power lines #and i met a watercolor artist who paints a lot of cranes over forest landscapes and like. i get it #they're part of nature here #like the view outside my window right now (while waiting for this layer to dry lol) #is trees and a dozen phone line wires #outta take a picture so i can paint it ;) #narrating my life #my art

[actualbird]

other life things: so shocker, i actually havent been doing well this entire month of november. it's rather bad (intersection of unfortunate personal life occurrences + my bipolar throwing me into Quite the depressive episode + those two things happening at the same time = jesus fucking christ) but on the bright side ive been reading a bunch of shoujo manga which has been good for my heart and on the cathartic side im going to a rage room soon which will be good (hopefully) for my brain. rage room, yknow, a place i can smash and destroy shit. im hoping that that helps dispel uhhhhhh roughly 24 years of pent up anger that has never had an outlet. related to that, i made a short playlist full of my fave screaming music (many of them cliche, sorry not sorry for liking linkin park JSKJFH) to play during my session there so i can yell at whatever poor appliance im gonna smash with metal pipe

i might take luke plush with me to take a before and after picture of the aforementioned poor appliance

#im just trying to give myself more things to look forward to. #im also gonna go to a con this weekend to by tot stuff from a friend whos boothing there #and tonight i'll have a nice dinner. and it's almost christmas and people are gonna have lights everywhere #maybe at some point i can set something on fire and return to my college (mild harmless) burning of shit for more catharsis #i have to put (mild harmless) because uh nobody get scared of me i just like setting small things on fire when im not well sjfhdkjhs #anyway. just gotta keep going. thats all life is. just gotta keep going and going and giving yourself reasons to keep going and going #[ina garten voice] if you dont have inherent will to live then manufactured ones is fine #dootdootdoot

[tunapesto]

picking a course makes me want to cry and throw up so bad

#this will set up the rest of my life im afraid #there are 2 viable courses. the others are too complex and will not benefit me in the long run #the two viable choices. one I have experience in bec its somewhat art related #and it has real jobs. but its real rare and kind of underappreciated here where i live #might be hard to apply for #and the other one. i have vague interest in #not much experience however it has great jobs and opportunities everywhere #overall i will learn More and gain more from it probably. its not the most annoying subject in the world #sorry i dont have any figures that i can ask in my life about it hahaha all they say is 'which one would you enjoy more' #ive been in a self aware depressive state for years now i have no real passion for anything #i just do the things i know i can do #i would enjoy either the same normal amount #one where i can hone and expand on an existing skill #and one where i can take up new opportunities and expand my brain . my tool belt if u will #and i would really like either #i will gnaw wood #sorry for oversharing on main this is an actual cry for help heehoo maybe someone out there is going thru the same thing or whatever #it's just a lot of irreversible wasted time and effort and money