#life is funnier than you think

[ace-s-fav-dp-posts]

So I've seen DPxDC stories where Danny is Damian's twin brother or just full blood sibling in general and not biologically a Fenton at all, where he's Bruce and Maddie's son, Talia and Jack's son, stories where he's either Bruce or Talia's kid with some other random person and was adopted by the Fentons.

Stories where either Jack or Maddie is Ra's kid and Danny (and Jazz) are thus Damian's maternal first cousins.

I've even seen a few stories where Danny was just literally Ra's son, either by blood or by adoption.

I know of one specific post where Danny is Dusan's son and Mara's older brother, but that's it.

I have yet to see a single prompt where either of Danny's parents are descended of either Dusan or Nyssa even though both of them are far more than old enough to be grandparents.

Hell, Dusan is calculated to be around 750 years old by some people, while Nyssa canonically had her bloodline wiped out by the Nazis, a bloodline that included a great grandson and she has a confirmed birth year of 1775 (so she'd be nearly 250 years old in modern day).

So the idea of Damian's first cousin being an adult pushing 50 with kids older than Damian himself would be completely logical (if you go ahead of sticking the show aged DP characters into the 2020s).

Though to be honest if we go this route I'd pick different Fenton Parents and generational displacement from Ra's depending on which of Ra's kids Danny and Jazz are descended from.

If they're descended from Dusan, then I'd pick Jack as being his son, and Mara's older half brother, who is older than her by like 46 years.

The Fenton's are actually aware of their connection to a quasi-immortal assassin, but Jack and Maddie do their best to keep their kids out of that life.

Which Dusan isn't supper accepting about. But he also only discovered Jack when he was already an adult, and if he wants to be invited to his grandkid's birthdays and be allowed to drop Mara off at the Fenton house to be watched he just kind of has to accept that his son and grandchildren aren't interested in the Al Ghul legacy.

While if it's Maddie who's descended from the Al Ghul bloodline, then I'd want her and Alicia to be descended from Nyssa's line, specifically Vasily Vasilevich, Nyssa's great grandson.

Nyssa thinks he's killed by the Nazi's like the rest of her descendants but because he's an infant someone actually manages to smuggle him away before he actually enters any camp. He eventually ends up smuggled all the way to the United States, where he's given a new name, and raised as an American by the family that took him as their own while fleeing from the Nazi's and smuggled him to the state's in the first place.

So Maddie and Alicia are both Nyssa's great great granddaughters, while Danny, Jazz, and Dani are Nyssa's great great great grandchildren. The Fenton's (and Walkers if we go ahead with making that Maddie and Alicia's maiden names), have no idea that they're descended from a weird eco terrorist assassin cult...

Until Jazz insists on the family doing one of those at home dna tests after Maddie casually dropped family lore about how her dad wasn't the biological child of her grandparents, and that they'd ended up taking him in when fleeing Europe from Nazi persecution, and no one knew who his birth parents were or if any of his biological family survived or not. Or even the name his biological parents gave him.

Jazz just thinks this is going to be a fun family history project where nothing weird will happen, unbeknownst to her Tim Drake has created backdoor access to every single one of those at home dna testing databases he can find, specifically looking for hits on the Al Ghul family tree.

That man might be old as fucking dirt, but Talia's existence (and backstory of being conceived at Woodstock with a random hippy lady) is proof that Ra's is more likely than not still producing swimmers and going around banging random women much to Tim's horror.

And Tim wants to know if any oopsie Al Ghuls pop out of the woodwork before Ra's does, at the very least to try and prevent any more from getting indoctrinated into the League of Assassins.

I just feel like either one of these would really hammer home that Ra's line really is comprised of largely unaging immortals (if they have access to a Lazarus pit and want to), who's outer age doesn't really reflect their actual age at all.

WIth Mara and Jack being half siblings but also like 40+ years apart in age, or Maddie being Nyssa's great great granddaughter but looking basically the same age.

Because DC's never really pushes that when it comes to Ra's. Sure all of his kids are adults, but all of them are also seem to be frozen between the ages of like 30 to 50 years old, with Ra's himself looking around 70-ish, and then all of his grandkids (who we get to see) are literal children.

So if you were to take a family picture of Ra's and the descendants (who matter and) we get to see in the comics, it would just look like a normal family portrait or family tree. The grandparent looks 20-30 years older then the Parents/Aunt/Uncle generation, who looks 20-30 years older than the child generation.

Like I just feel there should be more family line fuckery going on with the Al Ghul family than there is in canon.

Or hell you could make Jack or Maddie Talia's kid if you go with the really old canon of Talia also actually being a lot older but using the Lazarus Pits to stay physically young. I think she's like 150 in that continuity but using the pits to stay in her 30s or so.

Then you could just have Jazz or Danny show up and Damian introduce them to the Batfam as his niece and nephew, played best with Damian being around ten, but Danny and Jazz in their late teens or even early 20s.

#dp x dc #Danyal al ghul #but by way of the longest most convoluted bloodline possible #great great great great grandfather ra's al ghul #if you go the Maddie is descended from Nyssa route #or Jack's only living 1st cousin and sibling both being under the age of 10 when he's turning 50 #if you go the Jack is Dusan's son route #either way I think this is far funnier than most of the other Danyal Al Ghul AUs #Do I think Nyssa learning that her great grandson survived and actually lived a long and happy life with two daughters would Fix her? No #Do I think she'd be the most ferociously protective Babushka who wouldn't let Ra's so much as Look at her last living descendants? #yes yes I do #Nyssa wouldn't let her father set foot in the same country as Danny considering she more likely than not knows his plans for Damian

[hephaestuscrew]

Minkowski would be so intense about introducing Eiffel and Hera and Lovelace to any of her loved ones back on Earth. She makes the crew sit through a PowerPoint presentation on suitable topics of conversation to discuss with her mother. She gives Dominik a folder of detailed guidance about how to interact with Hera because he's never met an AI before. She asks Eiffel several days beforehand if he has decided what he's going to wear to meet her family, as though Eiffel has ever in his life put thought into an outfit more than 30 seconds before getting dressed.

She tries to control every parameter of the interaction in a way that actually makes it more uncomfortable for everyone involved. She spends the entire time sitting right on the edge of her chair, looking anxiously between each of these people she cares about, trying to tell whether they are getting on, and attempting to communicate with them individually through urgent expressions.

And of course it doesn't work. Eiffel puts his foot in his mouth. Dominik is confused and curious about all the wrong things. Minkowski dares to leave the room for a few minutes and when she comes back, her mother is showing the crew her baby photos, and Minkowski knows she'll never live this down.

#wolf 359 #w359 #renee minkowski #renée minkowski #That last bit was inspired by a conversation with @commsroom #She said Minkowski's mom should tell the crew a charming anecdote from Minkowski's childhood #that Minkowski finds intensely embarrassing #and I agree #Also thinking about how intense Minkowski would be about this is funnier #if you share my idea that Minkowski's family is generally more chilled out than she is #Like I don't imagine her mother to be the kind of person you'd need a briefing to interact with successfully #but Minkowski is giving that briefing anyway #She'd just be very freaked out about the colliding of worlds I think #Eiffel and Hera and Lovelace are so so important to her #but she's also known them in this very particular context #in which the parameters of her life were fixed and limited #and she could (mostly) control what they knew about her #When they are back on Earth #they've got to work out how to be important to each other in a very different context #They have to work out how they relate to each other in this wider world #which includes Minkowski's husband and family and friends #(and Lovelace's loved ones. and Eiffel's. such as they are) #And I don't think that will be an easy process #but I think it will add an important new dimension to their closeness #the empty man posteth

[earlycuntsets]

my personal favorite live ending to headfirst for halos:

"think happy thoughts think happy motherfucking thoughts think ha- .. wooOOw"

#i just think he's funny #to me it's funnier than it should be #i'm like omg gerard you comedy genius #forgive me #gerard way #my chemical romance #mcr #i brought you my bullets you brought me your love #life on the murder scene #headfirst for halos #the red ones make me fly and the blue ones help me piss my pants laughing at literally nothing

[slimslamflimflam]

I want everyone to know that Koichi is canonically taller than me while being the size of a small chihuahua compared to literally anyone and everyone else

#is this information relevant at all to anything or important? no not really i just think it’s funny #i’m not even like 10 or anything im just stupid short and have a growth rate of one inch per year #if any of you have a medieval stretcher can i borrow it #or stilts #or really high heels #anything works please i beg #also i just realized saying he’s canonically taller than me implies i exist in the jojo canon #his canon height is taller than my real life height #i don’t know the first phrasing is funnier i think #by the way tag readers jubilee and amy rose evolved so i now have a crobat and sandslash :]

[kevyeen]

if i ever meet lewis hamilton I'm gonna tell him he's the same age as my mom and watch the realization dawn on him

#for reference i am currently 18 #and i am only a few cm shorter than him #so imagine living your life and this guy comes up to you and says you could be my mom btw #and this will continue to be true and i am growing taller still so as time goes on this will become funnier #i could tell the same thing to nico rosberg but i don't think he would mind it so it wouldnt be fun for me #lewis hamilton

[croc-odette]

remember when george r martin said that if he didn't finish winds of winter by like 2020 we could lock him in a cabin

#tbh i... think it is so much funnier for him to go enjoy his money and his life rather than keep writing these books #like i support it. it's a great bit and life is short. but i miss brienne #also if you notice me talking way more it's bc i've been drinking caffeine again

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Calendar Finale: OTP To OT3

Happy New Year's Eve, everyone! It's time to talk about the final date on the Valice (r) Calendar post I made to celebrate 15 years of shipping my Valice OTP, and two years of shipping the Valicer OT3! So what's the significance of New Year's Eve to my OTP/OT3?

Well, it's basically the date I feel like my OTP became an OT3. XD This is basically how it all went down at the end of 2021, when I first learned about The Smiler coaster:

December 26th: I watch "One Night In Alton Towers" with my parents (a show where comedians Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker, accompanied by a guest comedian -- in this case it was Roisin Conaty -- spend the night at whatever UK attraction happens to be in the title) and see the fabled theme park in action for the first time. The show itself does NOT contain the group going on The Smiler (I believe the entrance is shown briefly in a montage, but the X-Sector ride they actually hit is Oblivion), but my family and I are intrigued and start looking up videos showing what riding the coaster feels like. Along the way, we discover The Smiler, and while we don't watch a video on it...

December 27th: I am sufficiently intrigued that the next day, my birthday, I start looking up stuff about it in earnest.

I quickly discover that the "brainwashing machine designed to make people permanently happy" theme is, uh, "relevant to my interests." XD Cue me going on a binge on YouTube and tumblr looking up the coaster, its history, its lore, and it's fandom, and getting pretty well obsessed. XD

December 28th: New coaster obsession continues, and I get the idea that I could use it in one of my private little snippets about Victor and Alice having a hypnokinky relationship. After all, I'm pretty sure Victor would like to be brainwashed to be happy, the poor anxious noodle! I start coming up with various scenarios in my head regarding Victor and Alice visiting the park and riding the coaster and using the theming to have some more saucy fun later to add to one of my private docs later, which get gradually more complicated as I look up more and more stuff...

December 29th: And by the very next fucking day, a certain anxious noodle has come up with his own AU within my AU where the coaster has an AI behind it and he and Alice are in a relationship with it. Specifically it's him doing art of that scenario in my AU where, you know, the coaster is just A FUCKING COASTER. I'm like, "excuse me, I'm trying to write down this completely normal scenario where you and Alice just have fun with the coaster theme! What is this bullshit where you want to fuck the roller coaster?"

He is unrepentant.

December 30th: "...would you like me to make the coaster human, because it occurs to me I could do that in Sims 4."

Victor: "I would not object."

December 31st: I've already come up with three different Smilers for three different AUs (the original Modern AU, the VTMB Malkavian!Smiler, and the FO4 Robot/Eldritch Horror!Smiler) and wondering how I completely lost it so freaking fast. XD

Sooo -- yeah. That was the point where I knew this was going to be a Thing. XD (And I hadn't even come up with Smiler's actual human design yet! That was nine days later!) Two years in, and it is still a Thing, as you are all very much aware. XD Here's to my bizarre Things, and the ships that were created from them! I hope to get much enjoyment from them for years to come.

#valicer #valice calendar #how this all went down #pretty sure I summarized this back when I first introduced Smiler to the Chill Save #but it never hurts to do a recap for anyone who might have shown up later #and also I think this recap is funnier than the last one XD #at least part of Valicer becoming a Thing so fast was also me looking at how long it took me to accept Valice as a Thing #and going 'okay no I'm not fighting this nonsense for half a year only for it to consume my life' #instead it consumed my life in a matter of days XD #not that I'm complaining #I think I've made it very clear that this ship and everything related to it has given me a lot of joy :) #which I guess is only appropriate for anything based on The Smiler XD #but yeah #expect to see lots more Valice and Valicer content in the coming year #because if I have to deal with this nonsense #so do all of you

[taaalia]

only the funniest things being allowed in goofs realm is giving me hope for yeet bigly content cause name anything funnier in regards to this godforsaken podcast

#manifesting anthony going you see brian griffin again.. you see a guy with a wheels for feet and an eyepatch.. #I WOULD SCREAAAMMM #And then throw up #i cannot for the life of me name anything funnier than the yeet bigly name reveal #i was walking home and doubled over in laughter because its just so fucking funny and also a little cringe cause yk its 2023 not 2019 anymo #id u went vack in time to tell me a year ago taht my favourite characters evee would be called yeet bigly and killa demall i.. #i wouldve believed killa #bur yEET BIGLY?? #would have laughed in ur face then continued reading shitty ao3 fanfics #dndads #dungeons and daddies #yeet bigly #anthony burch please ill never adk anything of u ever again #anthony imagine how confused the craihlist person would be!! #just do ir bro i know u want to *whispwes in ur ear very convincingly* #lets pretend i rolled a nat 20 on my persuasion roll anthony pls #i think i fr wrote the qords anthony and plwase 50 times in these tags #JUST LISTENED TO THE END OF EP 34 ANTHONYYY PLEEEASSEEEEEE #make that 52..

[worstloki]

New favourite genre it’s called Thor pining for his younger brother for like a full bunch of centuries only for him to confess and Loki to be standing there having no clue like what

#Loki: wait WHAT #Thor: I like you. I’ve liked you for a while. #Loki: [literally zoning out rn. he thinks Thor is perfect so something like this doesn’t make any sense] #Thor: 🥺😭😭 #love me some Thor feeling guilty about it on top of not having the perfect image he’s expected to #Thor: I know you’re my brother and I wouldn’t ever risk losing that but it’s the truth #Loki: (asexual and still thinks attraction is a joke) ok ok this is fine we can manage this #Thor: DONT TELL MOTHER #Loki: DO I LOOK LIKE IM GOING TO TELL ANYONE #thorki #Thor/Loki #huge fan of Loki being horrified bc he’s got bro feelings only but thinking bout it romantically and being like hmm maybe it wouldn’t be bad #anyway these bros are need to talk more #Loki: never doubt that I love you #Thor: (dying inside trying to no homo their relationship so hard) thanks. #Thor like I can’t tell him why the mourning hit me way harder than everyone else bc it would have anyway. *says we all mourned you* #Thor like wowoww my crush of 850 years came back from the death looking murderous... kinda hot tho #living the life tbh #if only it wasn’t his brother ya know #which becomes even funnier if he’s told they’re not brothers because it’s like. #wait so if you fools hadn’t adopted him we could’ve #Thor blaming Odin and Frigga for his failing love life is hilarious #Thor not being able to reject Loki as his brother even if they don’t share blood vs not wanting to be brothers bc that means he’s not wrong #Loki will be looking at Thor like he’s everything to him and Thor is there sweating like haha brother y doth Thou tempt me like this #loki: *literally oblivious. wonders why Thor is growing so mean over the centuries. feels like there’s a distance between them. sad.* #thor: WE ARE GOING HUNTING AND HAVE TO SHARE A TENT I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS AGAIN #loki: why won’t he snuggle anymore :( #Thor will be like I have no choice in this situation but to speak the truth and confess and Loki is like YOU LIKE MEN?????????

[dirt-str1der]

This but its kiryu majima and saejima

#Yakuza liveblog #i keep thinming of the fact that they could have made saejima an awesome bear hunter #or like if they really had to include the manhole gimmick they could have — god sorry i was staring at nothing in real life because i #was thinking about majimas man hole. man hole cover ? you mean underwear ? — anyway they could have made him launch a surprise attack first #and then disappear like some kind of creature of the night (i do believe that saejima utilises something a lot of others dont : stealth !!) #he is like what eighty kg of hard packed wild cat the boy can lunge or should i say pounce. his essence of shockwave is legit funnier than #his manhole cover tornado attack. he should have attacked. disappeared. and while everyones ljke whered he go !!!! he pops out the ground #and fucking kills them. see how much scarier and less bizarre that would have been #and his mindspace should be set in a snowy tundra or why else would his name be saejima taiga fuck my life #anyway kiryu should be taking the worlds worst selfie with his fancy starbuck drink and majima very purposefully pours it down the drain #and saejima is like thank you ive been so thirsty and tired ...

[bumblingbabooshka]

I want Neelix to know random bits and pieces about T’Pel because of his time spent with Tuvok as Tuvix. Like he knows what she looks like and remembers moments spent with her and once Tuvok finds that out he screams. (Embarrassed)

#IASIP 'Did you fuck my mom santa??' meme applies #but I think Neelix having absurdly sweet lil moment memories is much funnier than sex ones #Neelix is just going about his day and then he remembers when he/tuvok was lying in bed with T'Pel and pretending he was measuring her ears #by how many kisses he could give them #Just living his life and then suddenly remembers holding his toddler daughter in his lap while trying to work and humoring her babbling #(dah bah badhem dabah!!!) Indeed? (bbaaa....DA!!!) how curious. #Going on about blah tuvix murder...boring !!! thinking about how tuvix impacts tuvok and neelix's relationship to one another? THERE we go!! #I think the memories would fade with time but maybe they could talk about them while they're still fresh~ #I refuse to believe that literally being the same person as another person WOULDN'T affect your relationship to them irrevocably #Tuvok caught in 4k being a lovey dovey motherfucker -camera shutter- #Tuvok would also have memories!! About Neelix's own family before they were eradicated...

[wackernagels]

will not lie mfs who say jojo part one isn’t good are lying i have never seen anything as insane as the dio and jonathan character arc

#mumbles #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #the way that in the span of like TWO minutes they went from ‘yeah this guy kinda sucked but we’re cool’ to #‘i am committed to ruining everything about your life’ #and then going from THAT to ‘we are dying and tbh you were kind of ok’ #like????? bitches insane good for them #go on your funky little adventure jojo!! #i have never seen anything funnier than the COMMITMENT dio has to his bit #jjba part one #i think the funniest thing is that dio makes a promise at like 12 and committed to the bit #and the bit was like normal and relatively realistic and then he was like ‘oh mask??’ and modified the bit to be the most insane #cartoon villain goal possible

[mars-ipan]

it’s @magiskarp​ ’s birthday which means i MUST draw another birthday piece :D happy day of being born buddy!!

#martzipan #a while back i asked finn how she'd want to be designed if i drew him #they said 'think catra' and listed a bunch of animal features #unfortunately i'm two steps away from being a furry and have selective hearing so i internalized: #'think catgirl' #and then. i was drawing the design. and this happened #also this hair is BARELY accurate to his actual hairstyle but. that's ok. i got the signature jacket in that's what counts #uhh right birthday wishes! #ur a real good friend of mine and i'm super happy to have u in my life ^^ #thanks for being kind to me when i was a horrified little theatre kid who thought everyone older than me was scary #it was nice knowing that i had someone who'd always talk to me #plus it's fun to be divorced (ex fiances but divorced is funnier) with you so i appreciate it

[chryzure-archive]

scenes that made me throw down the book and pace my room like a caged tiger.

#memorie.txt #s.chrysiarchie #i was like ‘WHAT!!!!!! DO NOT DO THIS TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!’ #currently brainstorming ways chrysi finds out #funny option: archie finds out first and he is like ‘oh… this… makes me embarrassed. since i spent so much time distancing myself frm you bc #i didn’t want to risk a close relationship when i was going to die. meanwhile you were willing to take the plunge despite ur disease.’ #funnier option: chrysi finds out archie’s dying first and she does not say anything hehe :) she jst sits in agony :) #and then she reveals it with ‘let’s play a game. whoever dies first wins.’ and archie thinks she jst says it bc of her dangerous job. #(spoiler alert: neither option is funny) #i also don’t know how clear i’m being rn. my head is KILLING me #but i love the idea of archie’s disease being revealed first #and he has to deal w chrysi being heartbroken over it #archie thinks it’s normal!! the way she’s reacting!! because YEAH she found out the man she loves is dying!! #and i mean. it IS. but chrysi’s also grieving the fact that she’ll STILL die first #and that archie won’t even live long enough to get over her + live a long and happy life #because… he’s dying too…. he’s dying at a slower rate than her but he’s still dying #godddddd THAT hurts. and archie finding out and he’s like ‘WAIT. ACTUALLY THIS FUCKING SUCKS. WHY DO WE BOTH HAVE TO VE DYING.’ #is sad :( don��t think abt it too hard because it hurts so much #i started out this ship as a way for chrysi to be a lesson to archie.. something funny and heartwarming #chrysi teaching the flirt how to love… and now it’s the worst race to the end for both of them #A R G H!!!! IN ANGUISH!!!

[dayurno]

https://at.tumblr.com/muggedbeans/697588280949194752/r7znoi5br7qx

andrew minyard-day looking like a lowercase letter

TWO THINGS

1. LMFAOOOOOOOO i wanted to rb that and say its kevin about andreil so bad but i was like i alr rbed four posts in a row w the kevin tag.... i Must not be obsessive... *is obsessive anyway*

2. the minyard-day thing oh you are so evil. you are so cruel and mean to me. you kick me like the football. jail for soy for a thousand years!!!!!!!!

#i actually do think kevin is a short king advocate thanks for coming to my ted talk #but you know what would be even funnier. if his exes were all taller than him #like. LIKE. thea. jean. #if you were andrew and you just met the love of your life basically #and hes like. everything you want. But. his exes are 6'3 and 6'5 respectively #what would you do? #because you see me personally i would kill mys #anyway #hehe #muggleasks #andrew

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Hey you know what kind of moment Meteors needs? Eddie (Cassie's dad) taking a very long moment to process something before being like, "wait... oh my god the robots are dating?!"

#is it funnier if he thinks 'oh my god the robots are fucking?!' cause fdsfds #bros only just realised they were sentient and aware the entire time it did NOT occur to him that naturally #at least SOME of them would start a romance lmao #they just turn to him with blank stares like '....... you didn't.... notice?' #who's dating in Meteors? no one at the moment. #but references to... whatever bonnie and freddy have going on now would open up a whole can of worms #IF roxy and dj being queerplatonic didn't come up already #cassie mentioning it offhand like 'you're like... dj's guardian-in-law.' #and it takes a good minute and a half before he flies to the conclusion they were a Thing the whole fucking time and he had no idea #what do you MEAN this wolf child has a love life?! with the giant fucking SPIDER?! #what????? #she's just Baby to him. like cassie is! they're his kids they'll always be Baby to him!!! #he was NOT prepared for that though dfsfsdsfsd #like okay he knew there was a family situation going on here #but ROMANCE?! #in THE Pizzaplex?! #it's more likely than he thinks!!! #lmao anyway #meteors au #meteors eddie