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dreamteamfanblog · 4 years

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You guys might disagree with me, but I fully believe Dream’s apology was genuine.

I mean, for starters, the fact that he apologized in the first place is proof he was actually sorry. Because the truth is, this whole situation wouldn’t have had a very big impact on his career even if he dug his heels in and insisted he was in the right. All his friends would have kept on supporting him, maybe even would have told him he was right. He wouldn’t have lost many subs over the whole situation. Overall Dream would have been mostly fine if he let the whole thing just blow over. But he didn’t. Dream came out and apologized for what he did even when his reputation wouldn’t have suffered to massively otherwise. In fact, by apologizing on twitch he was probably bringing more attention to the situation than it would have gotten if it had just stayed on twitter in the first place. I mean, even throughout the stream, the chat was spammed with nothing but support. People saying Dream was right or that twitter is just toxic, etc, etc. So yeah, the fact that Dream felt the need to apologize for his actions even when he wasn’t technically required to? It shows that he does know he was in the wrong.

Not only that, but he didn’t allow dono’s. Which is honestly more than I can say for a lot of Youtubers during their own apology videos. You see Youtubers and streamers constantly monetizing apologies. Dream could have monetized the whole stream, got a little out of it. But he didn’t, and that reads as very respectful to me.

Starting from the beginning of his explanation, I see a lot of people who ‘aren’t buying’ the idea that the war cry was a Spongebob reference. Which...I don’t really understand. I mean, to be honest, there’s no reason not to think the original incident was just a mistake and nothing more. He was referencing a scene from a dumb kids cartoon. The show was wrong for including the ‘war cry’, Dream was not originally wrong for not realizing. Just the other day a friend of mine did the same thing, as a reference to Spongebob. So I honestly don’t get where the idea comes from that Dream’s story isn’t believable? Especially since, if he knew the questionable story behind the whole thing, why would he have done the ‘war cry’ on stream?

Secondly, a lot of people aren’t entirely happy that Dream cited death threats and doxxing as the cause of his angry tweets. I understand how it could be seen as shifting blame. But it wasn’t. Honestly, if Dream hadn’t explained that he was reacting to threatening messages and not polite explanations when he made that tweet, people would be demanding to know why he reacted so violently to polite criticism. It was important to know what exactly triggered that reaction from him. And he didn’t waste much time on that detail. Sure, Dream mentioned it, but the brief mentions of the awful messages he was getting were sandwitched by apologies for saying something offensive and for blowing up over twitter. Legitimate, genuine apologies where he admitted he was wrong and that he shouldn’t have done what he did. Every time Dream pushed any blame onto hate messages, he pulled it right back onto himself not long after. It wasn’t an excuse for his actions, it was an explanation for his actions. Dream wasn’t trying to absolve himself of any wrongdoing, he never tried to insinuate that it wasn’t really his fault. Telling us why he did something is fine during an apology as long as it doesn’t turn into telling us that he was right for what he did. Which it didn’t.

Then there’s the question of weather it takes away from his apology that he moved on to a different subject so quick and cracked some jokes here and there. Now, I don’t actually think this was in good taste. I feel like he should have ended the stream after the apology and made a new one if he wanted to do something more lighthearted after. However I don’t think his apology is any less genuine for it. Dream seems like the kind of person who doesn’t like to be vulnerable. He keeps most of his personal information private, rarely discusses anything serious, and didn’t even show his own best friend what he looks like until four years into their friendship. Dream clearly doesn’t like to put everything out there. So of course, discussing such a serious issue? It must have been...difficult to say the least. And some people cope with being uncomfortable with comedy. It’s not exactly a good or healthy coping mechanism, especially when you’re offering somebody an apology. Because it can make you seem less genuine. But having that negative coping mechanism doesn’t actually mean you didn’t care or weren’t genuine, it just means you’re uncomfortable being open and vulnerable. So yes, maybe he should have put more focus onto the apology. Maybe he should have made his feelings clearer. But he managed to push aside his discomfort for long enough to get the point across and I can respect that much. Because despite the more lighthearted behavior that popped up every once in a while, he was obviously guilty and kinda nervous, and that made it so obvious that he wasn’t lying when he said he was sorry.

Then there’s the content of his actual apology itself. First off he specified what he did and why he reacted so rudely on twitter, which I already talked about earlier. “I lash out, and that’s what I probably shouldn’t do” he continues. “My first reaction is to attack back, and then I step back and realize i’m being harsh. That’s something i’ve always done. So i’m sorry regarding that. I did not mean to offend anybody”. And honestly, that’s something that I understand. I think it’s natural for a lot of people to go on the offensive when they’re faced with any level of hate. It’s a completely understandable reaction. However, that doesn’t make it an okay reaction. And I think, had Dream refused to recognize that he was in the wrong for lashing out, his apology would be harder for me to side with him on. However he didn’t do that. Despite the reasons Dream gave for why he did and said what he did and said, he still admitted, plain and simple, that he shouldn’t have done it. That he was the one who was wrong. That he’s sorry. And that’s how you know he wasn’t using his explanation as an excuse. Because he was still willing to admit that ultimately it was him who was wrong. “Obviously I don’t mean that towards people who are genuinely just trying to help people that are oppressed, or help people that are actually upset- that are mad about something that i’ve said or done- so i’m genuinely sorry for saying that, I was being an asshole, and I do that sometimes, and I have to learn from that and try not to.” Multiple times, Dream acknowledges why he said what he did. That it was his initial defensive reaction when people were threatening to come to his house (shortly after he was doxxed), and his initial defensive reaction was wrong. He knows it was wrong and he wants to learn to stop. Maybe he could have worded his apology better, maybe he could have scripted it beforehand, maybe he could have dragged it out and pulled out the fake tears. Dream probably could have done a lot of things to make the apology more sympathetic or more likely to be accepted. But overall, even with the stammering and occasional poor wording he used, you can tell that Dream is trying his best and is legitimately apologetic. “i dont want people to be afraid of calling me out for being an ass. i’m sure i made the person who made that original thread feel invalidated by saying the things i said, but i wasn’t trying to, i was just getting harassed by people that weren’t that person. that person had completely good intentions by making the original thread about native americans and they had really good intentions to make sure that their culture wasn’t being appropriated and that their culture doesn’t disappear, and that is 100% good. and theyre a good person for doing that. i wasn’t saying ‘f off’ to them.i want my content to be a safe space. i hope i can learn and reflect. im not perfect, i can always learn and be a better person, and i will try.“ he says later on.

I do get the feeling that Dream isn’t completely educated on the topic at hand. Obviously. He’s from a very conservative state where he won’t have been taught all these things (I sure wasn’t where I live). He doesn’t completely know what he’s doing when it comes to how to handle minorities, but I really, truly think he’s working hard to figure it out. He’s trying his best and I can’t help being a little proud of him for that because I remember when I was in the same position he was, with some kinda gross views on things and not much clue how to change that. But I tried, and I like to think I got a lot better, and I know he can too. It seems like he wants to.

No Native Americans have any obligation to accept his apology. What he did was offensive and ignorant and if you were hurt by his actions then there’s no reason you should have to just get over it. I will never try to force anyone to accept an apology that they don’t want to accept. And it’s not my place to accept that apology for you. However, I feel like I can safely say, as someone who’s done similarly dumb things to him years ago and who grew up in an environment similar to the one in the state he lives, that I wholeheartedly believe he was being genuine, for whatever that’s worth.

#dreamwastaken #dream team #mcyt

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red-becca · 3 years

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The Streamer And The Model

I republished this with my laptop bc why not? Make it look better. Also, just realized I don't really have anything about Red on here that screams "model" other than it being mentioned. So, yeah. Gonna be writing a sequel of sorts or just another oneshot basically that is connected to this one. Hope you guys can wait for it.

---

"Mmm... Okay then." Kevin hummed as he sets up his face cam for his stream for today. "You guys can see me good, right? I see the comments and all the other stuff you guys say, by the way. About how I need to show my face more and well... Here I am. I still struggle with setting it up on this new program you guys suggested me, so yeah... I set it up earlier than when I'm scheduled to start streaming for it to show up properly." He clears his throat as he looks through the chat. "Anyway, I was gonna say we'll have a good ol' fashion QnA while waiting but you guys are just immediately bombarding me with questions..."

The male snickered as he rubbed his painted nails, shaking his head. "Yes, this is live and unedited. I am wearing black nail polish on my nails. I feel like it should no longer be a shock for people to see guys with nail polish but I get it. I don't seem like the type to do it, right?" He chuckled as he takes off his headphones and showing off the piercing in his right ear. "To shock you guys even more, I got myself a piercing too..."

"My girlfriend basically convinced me to do it, so we match kind of. But you know, I actually quite like how it looks on me. And she even did my nails just for fun and I think she did a great job." He said without even thinking, too focused on admiring his nails. Then his eyes widened as he realized what he had done, gulping as he saw the endless spam he was getting in chat. "Fuck, Red warned me that this would be your reaction once you found out..."

He let out nervous laughter and pushes his index fingers together. "Hehe, yeah... There is no way I am gonna be able to edit out what I said earlier. You guys heard me loud and clear there." Kevin let out some more laughter before taking in a deep breath. "So, I guess, I can't hide it anymore. Yes, I do have a girlfriend. We've dating for... like a really long time now, actually. I never really mention her because... Well, she tells me not to. I've actually been wanting to tell you guys about her for a while now because of how much I just adore her but again, she doesn't want me to tell you about her. Why? I don't really remember exactly but it's something like her not wanting to steal attention from me or something like that..."

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, reading more of his chat. "You said her name was Red... You won't happen to be talking about famous model, Rebecca McArthur, are you?" He gasps in realization. "Hmm, maybe that's what Red means when talking about stealing attention from me..." The male mumbles before clearing his throat. "Umm, yes actually. She refers to be called Red more, so please. Call her that. But yes, I am dating a famous model but you know, I knew her and dated her before she became said famous model. So, I see her more than just a famous model. There is more to her than that..." He smiled, blushing softly as he thought of Red.

The smile he had on his face immediately faded when he saw his chat saying that he was lying and that he's only saying he's dating a famous model for clout. "Hey! I know it sounds really unbelievable for someone like me dating someone like Red but you guys don't have to say such mean things like that! I really am dating Red! If you don't want to believe me, go ahead! You'll eat your words once you-" He gets cut off by Red suddenly coming into his office.

"Hey, Kev! Started your stream yet? Me and Bailey made some cupcakes for you to try before it starts! Well, it's mostly me. Bailey just slept next to me." Red laughs, peeking through the door with a tray in her hands. "And don't worry about this tasting bad! I followed the recipe you put down to a T! And it tastes exactly how you would cook it!"

Kevin chuckles as he turns his chair to face her. "Heh, thanks for the snack, Red... And uh, my stream has already started, actually... And funny thing, I... I, uh.. I may or may not have accidentally let it slip that me and you are dating..." He let out nervous laughter and pushed his index fingers like earlier.

"You did what?!" Red freaked, almost dropping her tray but she quickly put it in a dresser next to the door. "Kev, I told you! We can't tell people that we're dating!"

"I know! I know! You told me countless times that you didn't want me to tell my fans about us..." He sighed as he rolled his gaming chair towards her, grabbing a cupcake from the tray and eating it. "But I couldn't keep it in. It just came naturally to me to boast about you, Red... You're an amazing girl, I am lucky to be dating someone like you. Like this cupcake tastes really good! Way better than how make it even!" He chuckles and smiles at her as he takes another bite of his cupcake. "So, yeah... I'm really sorry that I ended up spilling the beans there..."

The redhead ended up smiling at his words, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. "I forgive you, my space captain. I am so lucky to be dating an amazing guy like you, after all. Someone who loves me for more than just my looks..." She giggles as she gets her own cupcake and tastes it for herself. "Mmm, not bad. So, uh... How did your fans react to you dating a "famous super model"?" She jokingly waves her hand at the last part of her sentence, giggling and letting out a snort afterwards.

"Oh, you know... First, shock for me even dating anyone in the first place..." They both snickered after he spoke. "And then you know, disbelief because it is just so unbelievable for anyone who isn't that famous to be dating a famous person..." He rolled his eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?" Red laughs, playfully rolling her eyes as she walked towards Kevin's monitor. "So, what's happening now? Is your stream still on or what? You know me, I may play video games but that doesn't mean I know anything when it comes to working a computer..." She giggles.

Kevin chuckled as he rolled back to his desk, nodding. "Yeah, I understand completely. And yeah, my stream is still on. You see us in the monitor, right?" He gets a nod in response. "That's what my fans are seeing right now..." The male chuckles when the girl let out an amazed gasp, giving a small wave. "I got so distracted by you showing up that I completely forgot that I left my stream on." He chuckles more before flinching when Red suddenly slammed her hand on his desk.

"Hey, you fuckwads! I don't know what you've been telling my boyfriend when it comes to not believing him about dating me! But I'm here to tell you fuckos that it's true! We are dating and I couldn't be more happier dating a guy like him!" She smirked. "Still not believing my own words? Well, how's this for more proof?" The redhead grabs his right hand and shows off the matching promise rings they had. "Boom! Matching promise rings, baby! Custom made to fit the wearer's personality!"

Kevin got flustered at her actions. "Red, I appreciate your enthusiasm and all but this feels like too much for me-" He gasped when Red suddenly kisses him on the cheek.

"Sorry, my space captain. Now that you told people about us, I want them to really know that we're an item." She winks at him, causing him to blush. "Well, anyways... Now that your fans know about us... Mind if I join in with you in a stream?! Please?! I always wanted to join a stream but you know... Keeping our relationship a secret." She giggles, an excited grin on her face.

The male nodded, chuckling. "Go grab your gaming chair from the closet then..." He points to said closet, letting out a small noise of surprise when the girl hugged him really tightly. "Woah! Red..."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I literally love you so much right now!" Red gives him a lot of kisses all over his face before giddily rushing to grab the gaming chair. "What are we going to be playing, by the way?!" She opens the walk in closet and goes searching for the gaming chair.

"Hmm..." Kevin turns to his monitor. "Well, I was gonna be playing a random one player game but I guess we can play some Mario Party, maybe..."

Red gasped in amazement, peeking her head out . "And then we can play as Daisy and Luigi like we always do! Ah, I love it! I am actually really happy that you revealed our relationship online now!" She giggles more before going back inside the closet.

"Okay, I'll set up the Switch for us to play that and then..." Kevin starts setting up his Switch then he pauses when he reads his chat again. "Oh... Oh, wow... As you had been worried about, all my chat is all talking about is you now."

"Oh, really?" Red pulls out a gaming chair from the closet, rolling the chair towards where Kevin's was and sat down it. "What have they been saying? Also, just where are people chatting? Like where are you looking at to read what they say?" She squints her eyes as she looks around her monitor for his chat

Kevin chuckles, pointing to the second monitor where he had his chat in. "There. You can read what chat has to see on that monitor."

"Oh! And that's why we bought two monitors! It makes more sense now!" Red giggles, looking at the other monitor and immediately getting angry. "Excuse me?! What are some of these bitches saying?! "Shame he isn't available anymore, I would have loved to date a hottie like him"?! "Why is he even dating the model with the dumb anger issues? He should just break up with her and date someone like me instead, I'd treat him right"?!" She crossed her arms and started to angrily grumble. "Well, I got bad news for you, girls! He's mine and mine alone! You can't have him!"

"Red, Red... Calm down... Breathe..." The male massages her shoulder gently. "Look, just ignore messages like that. I already have the perfect girl in front of me..." He makes her look at him by grabbing a hold of her chin. "Plus, the last thing I'll do is replace you with some fan..."

"But I'm one of your fans..." She pouted up at him. "One of your biggest fans even..."

"I know, I know... I mean them silly..." He gestures to the camera. "Anyway, ready to play some Mario Party?" He grabs one of the Joycons.

"Oh, hell yeah I am!" Red's mood immediately changed, grabbing the joycon. "Get ready to eat Daisy's dirt, Luigi!" She picks Daisy in the character selection.

"Oh, you'll be eating those words, Daisy! Trust me, it'll be Luigi who wins! He is a fan favorite, after all." Kevin smirks before they both laughed and started to play a round of Mario Kart for Kevin's stream.

#sp red tucker #red sp #red x kevin #red mcarthur #sp kevin #kevin stoley #kevin x red #sp red #red tucker #south park red #sp revin #revin #south park #south park ships #sp ships #oneshot

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kerikaaria · 4 years

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If I Never Met You: Chapter 32

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Fluff, some angst

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: None

Series Masterlist

Chapter 31 | Chapter 32 | Chapter 33

“Y/n noona, your phone is going off again,” Jungkook called from across the room.

“Is someone calling me?” you asked, too occupied at the moment to be able to check yourself.

“No, it looks like text messages,” Jungkook replied. “From your English-speaking friends.”

“I guarantee you that’s Jackson spamming me then,” you said, shaking your head.

“Wouldn’t doubt it,” Namjoon chimed in. “He was just texting me, telling me how he watched the showcase and how cool we are and stuff.”

You finished helping the other staff and walked over to Jungkook, who handed you your phone. You checked your messages while you had a moment to spare.

Jackson: (Y/n) (Y/n)! (Y/NNNNN)!!!! YO NOONA ANSWER ME 😡

Eric: Omg Jackson, I’m pretty sure she’s kinda busy 🙄

Jackson: They’re done with the show though, Namjoon even texted me!

Amber: Dude, that doesn’t mean you should spam the chat 🤣

Jackson: BUT BTS WAS SO AWESOME 😎 (Y/N) THEY WERE AMAZING! NOONAAAAAAAAAAA

Me: OMG I told you not to call me that. But yes, I’m fully aware that they’re awesome and cool and amazing.

Jackson: But you are my noona though

Me: We talk in English. It’s weird! 🤨

Peniel: Noona, why are you being so mean?

Me: Omg not you too… Eric, why did you introduce me to these bozos?

Eric: Hey, last I checked you liked these so-called bozos.

Kevin: Just admit you love us, (Y/n) 🥰

Me: You? Yes. Amber? Definitely. Eric? Sometimes. Jackson and Peniel? Debatable.

Amber: Awwww, I love you too! ❤😘

Kevin: (Y/n)’s Favorites Club application: accepted! 😇

Peniel: I give you my love and this what I get in return? I am offended. 😭

Eric: SOMETIMES?! 😤 Excuse you, who was it who brought you these amazing friends? And if my memory serves me correctly, you couldn’t stop gushing about how much you love my music when we met.

You shook your head, putting your phone away to focus on getting everyone ready to leave. Going to turn around, you got startled at Jungkook standing extremely close to you.

“I wish I understood English so I could tell what you were talking about,” he said.

“Why do you want to know about my private conversations?” you asked as you started gathering your things.

“Because,” the maknae replied, shrugging.

You shot him an unamused look. “’Because’ isn’t an answer. Stop being nosy,” you added teasingly.

Everyone finished getting everything packed up and ready to go and piled into the van, Sejin driving today.

Checking the group chat again once you were all settled in, you weren’t surprised to see that the conversation kept going on for quite a while. You scrolled through to read until the most recent messages.

Kevin: I watched the showcase, too. They really were awesome! Man, I can’t believe I’m going to be missing them on ASC again. 😔

Eric: Sucks to be you~ 😝

Peniel: Okay, but when am I going to get to meet them?

Jackson: Aren’t Sungjae and V buddies? You could ask him for help.

Peniel: Nah, dude. The kid keeps his friends from us as if we’d hurt them or something.

Me: I mean, I’m not entirely sure you WON’T. I know if I was him, I’d be scared of Changsub or Eunkwang embarrassing me to death in front of my friends.

Peniel: I mean… You’re not wrong. Those hyungs are… 🤔 interesting.

Amber: I think we gotta meet (Y/n) first! We still haven’t been able to meet up!

Me: Sorry, can’t help that we’ve been so busy ☹ We had a lot to prepare for their comeback when we got back to Korea.

Kevin: It’s okay, we understand!

Eric: Yeah. Didn’t you say something about some people quitting and you and the other manager needing to pick up some of the work they did?

Me: Ugh. Don’t remind me… The company has few enough employees as it is, that really did a number on us. Especially after us hardly being in the country for two months.

Jackson: Dude, that’s tough. But I know you can do it, noona! 🤩

Peniel: Noona, fighting! 🤗

Me: OMG STOP WITH THE NOONA THING.

You sat in your desk chair, staring blankly at the computer screen in front of you. You already finished everything you needed to handle today while Sejin and the boys were at a small fan meet. To be honest, you had finished an hour ago but had nothing else to do and so you just sat there, doing practically nothing.

I really need a life, you thought, realizing how bored you were without work to do or the boys around. You opened your phone, looking at the text you sent to the group chat with your other friends, but they must all be busy because no one had replied yet.

Turning to social media, you opened twitter to take a look at what the shipping fans had come up with for you today. You may get on Jin’s case about looking this stuff up, but to be honest you found it quite amusing yourself – which was also a big reason why he kept teasing you about it. He knew you didn’t actually hate it.

Looking through, you saw fans recently examined a still of Hobi with you in it from a Bangtan Bomb, and then a picture of me standing next to Namjoon when you were heading to a schedule.

But it looked like today, the popular ship was with him. You’d been trying to chalk things up to just the fact that you felt at ease with him. You’d been conveniently ignoring the times your heart skipped a beat when he looked at you with his smile, the times you felt heat rush to your cheeks when he hugged you without even thinking about it. But looking at this picture, it was one of those moments when you couldn’t find it in yourself to ignore what those things really meant.

A fan somehow managed to catch a very clear picture of the two of you, smiling at each other and looking really happy (no wonder why it was the popular opinion today). For a little bit, just a few moments, you let yourself believe that what these fans were saying could actually be true. That it wasn’t hopeless for you to have these strong feelings, that maybe it wasn’t impossible for him to feel these things too.

You shook your head to rid yourself of the thoughts quickly. There were so many things wrong with it. He wasn’t just someone you knew or your friend, he was your coworker. And he was an “idol.” It didn’t matter if Bang PD didn’t have anything against them having relationships, or even relationships between his employees, because you were on two completely different levels. It just cold never happen.

Pulling your head out of the daydream, you felt myself feeling sad looking at the picture now. It represented things you could only dream of. Yet, you still couldn’t stop yourself from saving the picture to your phone.

You just barely locked your screen when the door to the office opened and Sejin walked in with Jungkook. “Oh, you guys are back?” you asked.

“Yup, everything went well,” Sejin answered. “How about here? Anything I need to help with?

“Nope, I got everything done,” you replied. “Where are the other boys?”

“The hyungs are all at home,” Jungkook said. “I missed a vocal lesson earlier this week so I am going to that now.”

“Oh, okay. Are you going home after?” you asked.

“Yeah, I don’t have anything else to do other than that,” he said.

“Alright, I’ll wait for you so we can go home together,” you smiled.

“Oh wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you got everything done,” Sejin said. He had been double checking through everything that needed scheduled or checked through to make sure you hadn’t missed anything while you and Jungkook talked. “Thank you, I know the workload has been a bit intense lately.”

“It’s no problem,” you waved him off. “Now that we have the majority of their schedules in place for this comeback it’s not as bad as it was at first.” You stood up and walked over to Jungkook. “I’ll walk with you to your lesson. I could use a change of scenery. See you, oppa!”

After Jungkook’s vocal lesson, you walked out of the company together, both of you wearing masks. After the debacle with your personal pictures with the boys being shared with the fans, you were almost just as recognized by the fans as they were.

While you definitely weren’t treated the same (as in fans squealing and wanting attention from you), you still had to be careful when you were around them. He may be difficult to recognize with a mask, but if a fan recognized you they would most likely assume that the person you were with was one of the boys, and that was exactly what you didn’t want.

“Can we stop by the park before going home today,” Jungkook asked as you walked down the street. “I could use the fresh air and alone time.”

“Yeah, that’s no problem. It’ll be nice after being inside all day,” you replied. “But if you want alone time I could just go home.”

“No, you can stay,” he assured me. “I meant quiet time more than alone.”

“Alright, sounds good,” you said as you approached the nearby park. You walked in silence until Jungkook found a spot he liked and veered off the path to sit down in the grass.

This park was rather small, just a small nature reprieve among the city streets. It was simple with mostly trees and one little flower garden, but it was plenty when you needed to relax a bit.

The two of you sat, just listening to the leaves rustling in the wind for a while. It was Jungkook who broke the silence first.

“Noona?” he asked, almost in a whisper as if he was worried about bursting the bubble created around us.

“Yes, Kookie?” you asked just as quietly.

“Are you still happy you decided to stay working with us?” He stared at his hands sitting in his lap.

“What do you mean?” you tried to look at his face, hoping he’d look up and meet your gaze. “Why are you asking that?”

“It’s just,” he paused, sighing and laying down on the grass to look at the tree branches instead. “People can be really unfair, you know? You had all that trouble with Haewon last year, and now there are fans that are really harsh on you too.”

You knew the hate comments toward you existed, but generally they were far and few between and really easy to ignore so you paid them no mind. You were more concerned about hate directed toward the boys than yourself. “What’s bringing this on, Kookie? Did something happen?”

“I’m glad you weren’t at the meet today. It was really hard to hold back with some of the stuff we heard.”

You leaned back on your elbow to get a little closer to him before saying, “I thought Sejin said the meet went well?”

“It did, for the most part. We ignored the comments and made sure not to make a scene out of anything so it technically went fine. But noona, these fans didn’t know who was with us today. What if you were? It just… it wasn’t right, what they said.”

“Kookie, don’t let it get to you. Some of your fans just genuinely don’t like me, but that’s okay. Others may be jealous because they wish they could be as close to you as I am. And some of them take out that jealousy in anger. That’s okay, too. I don’t let it bother me and you shouldn’t pay any mind to it either, okay? And to answer your first question, yes. I’m still happy. I don’t regret anything I’ve done, especially when it comes to you guys.”

“Really? You’re really okay with all of that?”

“Yes. If that’s the price I need to pay in order to have you all in my life? That is more than worth it.” You lay down next to him, staring up at the same trees. “To be honest, I sometimes wonder where I would be, what I’d be doing if I hadn’t stayed. Or even if I didn’t apply for the job in the first place, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to meet Jin or maybe if I never came to Korea. There’s no way for me to know, but I can’t imagine that I’d be as happy as I am now. You guys mean the world to me and I feel so, so lucky to be able to call myself your friend.”

You turned to look at him, finding his gaze had already fallen on you. While his mask covered most of his face, you could tell from his eyes that he was smiling, and you smiled in return. “All I know is, I have no idea where I would be if I never met you guys, and I don’t want to know. If I were given the choice again, I would always pick to be here with you. Always.”

Series Masterlist

Chapter 31 | Chapter 32 | Chapter 33

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @leesalts @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35

Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!

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musicallisto · 3 years

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1] Hiii! Congratulations on your milestone! To many many more followers! 🍨 May I get a male ship for HP (Golden Trio and Marauders era)? I'm a hetero girl, 28, proud Slytherin, INTJ-T, Type 1 Enneagram, Sun and Moon sign Virgo. I'll be receiving my PhD this Friday and I'd really love to work as an uni lecturer. Otherwise I'm absolutely clueless in romance and oblivious to flirting, I'm just really inexperienced in those things. I'm always kind and friendly but I prefer other people to start...

the conversation but I'm trying to be more outgoing. I hate my looks, I really do. I have a temper sometimes when I tend to say some bad things but it usually passes quickly over. Loyal. Sarcastic and chatty but mostly when I know you and am comfortable. Nerd. Metalhead. Bookworm who also likes movies, TV series, crosswords, colouring books, plush toys, stationery and long walks. Hate snakes, crowds, people telling me what to do and prying into my privacy, rom coms. I'm actually quite the cynic when it comes to true love, I don't believe much in it and have major trust issues. And this went too long, I'm sorry for spamming you with so much info. Have an awesome day! ^^

one vanilla milkshake, coming right away! I believe there are two people who have been eyeing you all night, though - word of bartender. could it be draco malfoy and james potter?

If you don’t believe in love and are a bit cynical about happily ever afters, then Draco is certainly not the one who’ll battle to change your mind.

It’s funny, actually, witnessing two souls who are so stubbornly set in their ways and convictions about how love is the biggest waste of time and only a source of heartbreak and pain, slowly grow closer to each other, fonder of each other.

You’re good friends with Draco, what with being two proud Slytherins who hide a biting intelligence and vulnerability under sarcastic airs, and you intended for things to remain that way as long as you stayed at Hogwarts. All you had to do was focus on your studies, go on a little escapade to Hogsmeade with your Slytherin friends, be surprised when Draco seems genuinely interested in the last movie you’ve seen but answer nonetheless, and watch in awe as Draco tries his hardest to comprehend how Muggle movies work...

Oh, no. This wasn’t part of the plan. This wasn’t part of the plan at all.

You know exactly what is happening; you are catching feelings, and you hate them all, down to the last one. You have no time to catch feelings, and especially not for Draco, the last person in the entire wizarding world who could ever reciprocate them.

Little do you know that Draco is also agonizing over the unwanted (and, so he believes, unrequited) love he’s starting to develop for you.

Then start a good two years of Idiots To Lovers(tm), with your relationship only continuing to deepen as friends because you can’t keep away from each other, but plenty of awkward moments because of your untold, mutual feelings, that neither of you want to act on from fear of being ridiculed.

Ah, those Slytherins and their pride.

Eventually, the secret comes out.

It’s a joint, parallel effort from both sides, really; you meet each other halfway. Right before the Death Eaters storm the school and the Battle of Hogwarts is officially underway, he pulls you aside and, in an angst-filled, otherwise pretty assured voice, he straight up tells you he likes you...

... exactly at the same time as you tell him you like him.

You gawk at each other, blink several times, in total confusion. It was the last thing either of you expected; and now that you very well may both die, turns out that you wasted two years of your life away, dancing around your feelings?

Yeah, Idiots to Lovers is right.

Draco is not big on physical contact, nor in big displays of affection - and neither are you, to be quite frank, especially because the context does not call for it.

But once the battle is over and you are both alive and well... you can expect a grand, bear hug from him.

James, contrary to Draco, is keen on showing you all the wonders of a life filled with love and soulmates and swoon-worthy declarations.

Which you loathe, obviously. But if the boy has a quality (and, truth be told, a fatal flaw as well), it’s that he doesn’t back down.

You are the most beautiful girl in his year, and, from what he’s heard, you’re also the most intelligent; you could probably be a professor at Hogwarts by now. He could almost forgive you for being a Slytherin.

And the thing with James is that, once he’s enamored with someone, he doesn’t let them go, in a sense that can be quite overbearing at first, but is genuinely his reaction at developing a crush. It’s not out of malice, or mischief, or to be a pain the ass, it’s just that he’s genuinely entangled in so many feelings that he doesn’t know how to sort out, and he’s paralyzed at the thought that you may find him lame or plainly ignore him. That’s why he’s so... exuberant, but you have to do a little bit of psychoanalysis before you understand all that about him.

In the meantime, you would be lying if you said you didn’t appreciate his compliments. Especially about your looks; he doesn’t know that you’re insecure, and could never comprehend it, because in his eyes you are astoundingly beautiful, and every little flaw that you may have only makes you more special in his eyes.

He’s taken the habit of calling you “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, or any other pet name of the sort whenever he sees you, both when he’s trying to charm you and when you’re already in a relationship.

“Good morning, beautiful!”

“What’re you up to, gorgeous?”

“Hey, where ya going, hot stuff?”

(Okay, that last one was suggested by Sirius, and James felt like a doofus saying that out loud, particularly because Professor McGonagall happened to be crossing the hallway at the exact same time and gave him one of her legendary death glares, but Sirius and you had an hour-long laugh after that, so it was worth it, in the end.)

James would absolutely come with you at any rock/metal concert you went to. Being a teenager in the 70′s, I imagine he would be very into music (are you KIDDING), and being a Halfblood, he’d probably know a lot about wizard and muggle bands. Besides, any excuse to go on a date with you, yell at the top of his lungs, and get absolutely smashed is welcome.

He’ll always there for you if you feel like crowdsurfing, always there to catch you and cheer you on as you float above the raging heads everywhere.

He’s there to catch you and cheer you on outside of concert venues, but that’s a quieter story; you’ll deal with it in the morning. For now, just enjoy the music and the vibrations.

800 follower sleepover

#rafaelina-casillas #800sleepover #ship request #hp #draco malfoy #draco malfoy headcanons #marauders #james potter #james potter headcanons

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT CHALLENGE

This is not just a machine. Even then I took embarrassingly long to catch on. But I think that's ok. It's an excuse to work on boring things, even if they wanted to do things that make you stupid, and if they don't go into research.1 Why don't more people start startups. But how do you become one? What super-angels and VCs. So starting a startup and failed over someone who'd spent the same time working at a big company.2 In America, companies, like practically everything else, are disposable. So why do so many founders build things no one wants to do it may be best to go for brevity. Facebook seemed a good idea to understand what's happening when you do have kids.3

If you learn to ignore injuries you can at least avoid the second half. But if you're looking for companies that hope to win by writing great software.4 For the average startup, that would explain why they'd care about valuations.5 The other way to tell an adult is by how they react to a challenge. A nerd looks at that deal and sees only: pay a fortune for a small, dark, noisy apartment. A high-frequency trader does not. US are auto workers, New York is incomparable.6 But airports are not so harmless.7 There is no absolute standard for material wealth. This is about cities, not countries.

The reason he and most other startup founders are richer than they would have made working 9 to 5 at a big company. So maybe hacking does require some special ability to focus. If accelerating variation in productivity increases with technology, then the idea will fit in the user's head too. The other is that, in a hits-driven business, is that they're the same. The mere prospect of being interrupted is enough to prevent hackers from working on their startup for a whole year before being squashed by Google Calendar. The other way to tell an adult is by how they react to a challenge from an adult in a way people will increasingly be.8 I was walking along the street in Cambridge, and in practice they are usually interchangeable. I thought were the 5 most interesting startup founders of the last 30 years. Design is not just that it makes trade work. When Rajat Suri of E la Carte decided to write software for restaurants, he got out one of the founders of Sun.9 Finally at the end of this long process the VCs might still say no.10 Not just because it's better, but the pain of having this stupid controversy constantly reintroduced as the top one in your mind.11

The iPhone isn't so much a phone as a replacement for a phone.12 San Francisco, or Boston, or New York, where people walk around smiling. It felt as if someone had flipped on a light switch inside my head. They're willing to let you work so hard that you endanger your health. That's because, unlike novelists, hackers collaborate on projects. Someone with ordinary tastes would find it hard to come up with the numbers. Even now the image of a very ambitious German presses a button or two, doesn't it? Northern Italy in 1100, off still feudal. If you don't have to look at. Whereas if the speaker were still operating on the Daddy Model, and saw wealth as something that flowed from a common source and had to be built on NT. There is a large, existing population of stodgy people. Seriously, though, that there are going to get till the last minute.

As the CEO of a large public company makes about 100 times as productive as an ordinary one, but a leading indicator. Several of the most successful startup founders are often technical people who are great at something are not so much the day to day management. To me she seems the best novelist of all time. What nerds like is the kind of problems are those? You'd think it would be such a great thing never to be wrong that everyone would do this. So there is obviously not a fixed pie that's shared out, like an introductory textbook. I've rarely had a neat answer to it. A startup is not to try to think of startup ideas. There are now a few VC firms outside the US. The chance of getting rejected after the full partner meeting averages about 25%.13

Notes

This is true of nationality and religion as well. Some VCs seem to be free to work than stay home with them. To a kid and as a cause as it was overvalued till you run through all the page-generating templates are still called the executive model. Philosophy is like math's ne'er-do-well brother.

To get a lot more frightening in those days, but getting rich, purely mercenary founders will usually take one of the next one will be near-spams that you should push back on the grounds that a their applicants come from meditating in an equity round. In many ways the New Deal was a test of intelligence. One YC founder wrote after reading a draft, Sam Rayburn and Lyndon Johnson.

Did you know about a week for 4 years. The facts about Apple's early history are from an interview. That's the best are Goodwin Procter, Wilmer Hale, and tax rates, which shows how unimportant the Arpanet which became the Internet. I'm not dissing these people.

For example, because despite some progress in the former, and also really good at design, or because they are so dull and artificial that by the government. Part of the biggest successes there is no longer working to help the company goes public. Though most founders start out excited about the subterfuges they had that we didn't do. As always, tax loopholes defended by two of the web have sucked—e.

43. Microsoft, would increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a factor of 20.

The solution for this essay, I advised avoiding Javascript. Often as not the distinction between them generate a lot of people who interrupt you. Proceedings of AAAI-98 Workshop on Learning for Text Categorization.

There is no richer if it's dismissed, it's probably a mistake to do better. 99,—e. In the thirties his support of the Fabian Society, it is certainly more efficient, it inevitably turns into incantation. Most don't try to raise five million dollars in liquid assets are assumed to be obscure; they just don't make wealth a zero-sum game.

Strictly speaking it's not uncommon for startups is a self fulfilling prophecy. One thing that drives most people come to writing essays is to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a sufficiently identifiable style, you can, Jeff Byun mentions one reason not to say for sure a social network for pet owners is a bad idea, period. Is this unfair? You may be some part you can ask us who's who; otherwise you may have to find out why investors who turned them down.

That's because the first year or so and we don't have enough equity left to motivate people by saying Real artists ship. That's why the series AA terms and write them a check. At the moment; if there were 5 more I didn't realize it till I started doing research for this at YC I find I never watch movies in theaters anymore.

The latter type is the proper test of intelligence. If you have to do others chose Marx or Cardinal Newman, and tax rates have had a day job is one of the paths people take through life, the rest have mostly raised money at all. The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, Yale University Press, 1983.

Thought experiment: set aside for this essay began by talking about art.

Applying for a startup is taking the Facebook/Twitter route and building something for a CEO to make money from existing customers. Instead of bubbling up from the study. Unfortunately, not lowercase.

It wouldn't pay. This is one of the bizarre consequences of this essay talks about the team or their determination and disarmingly asking the right question, which would cause other problems. That's the difference between surgeons and internists fleas: I wouldn't say that YC's most successful ones tend not to quit their day job is one subtle danger you have 8 months of runway or less, is he going to do sales yourself initially.

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narcissasdaffodil · 3 years

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Thank you for the tag @kiki-the-creator @codename-mango and @voile-de-lune this gives me a perfect excuse to ramble and talk in depth again!

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Iris. Some people know my real life name too, so if you do, please don’t use it on here. I make a serious effort to separate my real life from online life.

2. When is your birthday?

22nd February

3. Where do you live?

Wales, UK. That’s how specific I’m willing to get.

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Listening to music, thinking in general, and considering writing/editing something.

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

LITG definitely, that’s by far my main one. This blog is a split between LITG and positivity. I’ll chuck Choices, The Haunting of Bly Manor/Haunting of Hill House and Taylor Swift in there too. This blog has way more than just those 4, but those are my main ones.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you?

Back at the start of the year, I was getting better mental health wise, and starting to become a proper adult in general. Then the pandemic hit, and my mental health fully stabilised and has mostly been stable. I’ve had a couple anxious spirals and anxiety attacks since then, but I’ll always have anxiety and depression, it’s all about how I manage my shit and not let it overwhelm me too much. And, ooh! I started my first year of uni in September, and uni in a pandemic is definitely a strange experience. Online lectures actually fit better with me, not having to struggle to hear is great.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

I’ll cheat, and go for two albums: Folklore and Evermore have definitely made my year! Those two have been on pretty frequent repeat, so yeah x

8. Recommend a movie.

Booksmart and Ladybird. I can’t remember watching anything in the past year, so here’s two recommendations from past years.

9. How old are you?

I’m 19, 20 in 2 months and a day! I don’t always keep a realistic count either, but oh well. It’ll be weird when I do hit my 20s for real though, it appears at the moment I’m likely to have a lockdown birthday.

10. School, university, occupation, other?

University and I’m mostly loving it! I love my course, and am so relieved that past me decided that English wasn’t my thing, or even half the weird stuff I got tempted to do. 4 years ago, I seriously wanted to be a child psychologist despite a dislike of children and sucking at Maths and needing a B to even take Psychology. I scraped a C, so Psychology was out, thank god.

11. Do you prefer hot or cold?

Cold by far. I hate hot weather and the summer with a passion. With cold weather, you can add more layers, hot weather you can’t do much, just get more and more uncomfortable!

12. Name one fact others might not know about you.

I want to be bilingual/trilingual in terms of long term life goals. I’m very slowly teaching myself French and Welsh. Both languages are on hold for a bit, but I plan to pick them back up.

13. Are you shy?

Yup. I plan words in my head when I do speak, usually the conversation has continued without me in groups, hell, even group chats that happens! For me to go unfiltered I have to be very comfortable with you, so if you’re starting to hear me talking about more weird stuff (I call it weird o’clock for a label) you know I’m very comfortable, especially so if my messages sound weird and I sound high. Which I’m not, just unfiltered.

14. Your pronouns?

She/her

15. Biggest pet peeves?

Slow walkers, noisy eaters, people who eat with their mouth open, people who move/take my stuff (like, I had it like that for a reason.), loud people, people being nuisances late at night, peer pressure/influencing people in general (I’m pretty damn stubborn, so if I don’t want to drink, there’s no way that you’ll influence me to), arguments, large groups, people who use me for a therapist, dogs (that’s more me not being comfortable with loud noise, things jumping up on me, being absolutely terrified of dogs/having a genuine trigger for them), people who mock strange/rare stuff about people (a serious amount of stuff about me is strange/weird. So you’ll need to find a different person if you want something not weird!), interrupters, being ignored deliberately, and I think that’s it! Phew, that’s a lot.

16. What is your favorite “dere” type?

I used to be into anime, but that was way too long ago, so I have no clue.

17. Rate your life from 1-10

Likely a 7/8. As my mental health is mostly stable, I can actually write and do creative stuff without letting other people tell me it sucks (well, if you hate my stuff so much, do you really need to tell me? Heck no, in my opinion anyway.) I don’t quit stuff just because I get negative feedback any more,

18. What’s your main blog?

I only have this one! My LITG/positivity/random crap one, which started as a mental health recovery/positivity and fandom blog, then gradually got more chaotic as my own creations appeared.

19. List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

I don’t use side blogs, mainly as when I used to have multiple accounts on other social media, I’d always end up sticking to one and neglecting the others. I don’t know how multiple blog people do it, seriously.

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

If your first interaction with me is via an ask box, it might change a little bit once we properly message. I ramble, and talk about a serious amount of strange crap just because it interests me and do spam a lot when I do create stuff, so if spamming makes you uncomfortable, you’ll have to give me a heads up. But also what you see is pretty much what you get, I’m straightforward in that if you’re an arse to me, or people I care about, I will cut people out pretty quickly. I have no patience for people who lash out at others and do set boundaries with people. On a slightly more positive note, a side effect of chatting to me a lot is that I do gush about people’s work a lot. If I love something someone creates, my motto is always telling them! I’m human sunshine for a reason, but even then I can’t always keep it up, so don’t expect me to be constantly happy!

Tagging: @ravenadottir @confused-lesbiam @ajs-wife @bubblybabynailpolish @lucas-koh just tagged the first set of names I could think of!

#tag games #tag game

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dr-astormylasthurrah · 4 years

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spam’s character design tips!

(various designs I’ve done! adopt characters belong to their owners, I only include them here as examples and claim no current ownership.) *disclaimer: it was 9 pages before i added pictures so i’m not inaccurate

If you would rather read this as a Google Document, please click here! (The document has more examples as well!)

Hey! My name’s Spam and I write Danganronpa: A Stormy Last Hurrah! You may also have seen my art for various stories and users around the Internet, including RATS: 252 Chances at Redemption and the Alca Ronpa series! You may ALSO also have seen my character designs, including those for ASLH as well as certain characters in Alca Ronpa and Kill the Joker: AnotheR Game! I sell adopts fairly frequently as well and have miscellaneous designs floating around the web, so I figured I may as well write something about my process. This is mostly oriented towards human OCs! So hopefully this helps someone!!

Before starting this guide, I’d like to give credit to gaiacseas/gokuhara’s “How I Design OCs: Do’s and Don’ts”! When I was designing the ASLH cast, I found myself coming back to this guide again and again. A lot of my points are the same as theirs, but I talk a bit about my own process, especially when it comes to characters that I revamp and redesign.

All uncredited art was done by me, including character designs. Characters belong to their respective owners. All other art is credited.

So let’s get started!

CONCEPTS

The first thing I’m going to say is that my character designs, especially those for myself, take absolutely FOREVER. I usually go through many, many pages of concepts and color tests before I find something I’m satisfied with. It’s a long and very constructive process, and if I’m designing a character for someone else, it can take weeks before we can find something we’re both satisfied with.

Alexei Ilyich Bazhanov, ASLH’s SHSL Birdwatcher, was a design-first character, meaning that I came up with his design first and built his personality around it. Although to be fair someone who constantly wears a feathery halfmask in public is inevitably bound to be kind of dramatic, so there’s only so many ways his personality couldn’t be influenced by his design. However, his design took a bit of a downgrade from his initial design to his current iteration, largely because of his initial design’s similarity to Tatsumaru Harai, ASLH’s SHSL Kabuki Actor.

In Tatsumaru’s concept sketch, you can also see the inspirations I cited for their design! I don’t consume much media, so the characters I cite as reference are often OCs in my friends’ stories. Here, I cited Minami Tachibana (Danganronpa: Dead on Arrival), Alix Murasaki (Ultimate Danganronpa: Supernova at Sea), and… Rhanahad Electricrone (Alca Ronpa 2), for some reason. I… actually don’t remember how or why any of those influences connect to Tatsumaru at all? Actually, for almost all of the ASLH characters, I scribbled down some notes on design influences and proceeded to ignore them. So maybe don’t listen to me actually. But design influences are good! Just don’t straight up copy them.

ANYWAY, as you can see, Alexei and Tatsumaru both had longish coats with balloon pants. However, I had better reason to keep these traits for Tatsumaru than Alexei, because kabuki acting actually uses these elements in its costumes. Thus, it made more sense to change Alexei’s design, although I do think that he would still actually wear that original outfit. It’s very himcore.

The point is that this ended up in many, many more drafts of concept sketches until I found something I was satisfied with. Like, six pages. It was kind of insane. It’s worth it in the end to make a polished product, though!

BODIES

(Admittedly, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to drawing distinct body types. It’s a weakness of mine that I’m getting better at, but I’m still not great at it.)

The #1 tip I can give here is to use shape language! This is what people use in pretty much all Western cartoons - ever think about how hard it would be to take Bill Cipher seriously if he was a circle? gaiacseas goes over shape language and silhouettes in far more depth in their tutorial, so I really advise looking at it! The basics are:

CIrcles/ovals convey softness and gentleness

Rectangles convey solidity and strength

Triangles convey sharpness and distrust

Combine shapes to modify the image your character conveys!

Also, just a tip: if you’re designing a cast of characters, please don’t just make them all the same body type! In real life, if you got any random sample of people, they’re not all going to be the same body type. Diversifying your body types helps a lot to distinguish characters from each other, too. Imagine if all of these characters had the same proportions as each other - even though they all have distinct outfits, you would have a much harder time perceiving them as different people.

If you’re going to draw characters of a body type you’re unfamiliar with, good for you! But first, take the time to look up guides on how to draw those body types. Studying real people also helps a lot to understand the vast varieties of body types. Just look at this picture of Olympic and Paralympic athletes from the 2016 Rio games - there’s already a ton of variations in “muscular” depending on what their sport is, and each athlete is optimized to their sport! It’s like that for literally everyone on Earth with literally every body type. There’s millions of ways to be skinny (bony? lean? malnourished?) or fat (most fat around their stomach, arms, legs?) or muscular (tall like a basketball player, dense like a weightlifter?) so make them count!

Also consider making characters with disabilities! My commentary on this as an abled person is fairly limited, but I will say to please note that what you think you know about disabilities is not necessarily true. This is in regards to their experiences having a disability, but can even apply to things you don’t think about - the wheelchairs most wheelchair-bound people use are not usually medical wheelchairs, for example. Research!!

On a related note, please don’t make racial caricatures or draw all your characters with the same facial features. People of specific ethnicities tend to (but not always) have certain features that are common to people across a regional area, but that’s no excuse to veer into drawing in the same way old racist cartoons are illustrated in. Again, there’s plenty of guides to help with learning about these! Or just look at the people around you and draw real people as practice. You’ll find the world is much more diverse than you think.

And speaking of references!! I’ve seen a lot of really good guides these days for drawing different body types and features! Go check them out go check em go!!

sdkay’s guide on drawing different facial structures (original post was deleted)

kenzandfriends’ guide on drawing fat people (original post was deleted)

nsfwbutts’ guide on drawing fat people (guide isn’t nsfw but their blog is so this is a reblog)

mel-lion’s guide on drawing black features

chuwenjie’s guide on drawing East Asian faces

“world of averages” - composite images of thousands of portraits of people from different places (re: certain facial features being common to certain ethnicities!)

calvin-arium’s guide on drawing characters in wheelchairs

Honestly if you’re looking for help just literally google “how to draw [character trait] and I GUARANTEE you there is a guide out there for you. While people not belonging to the demographic you’re drawing will probably not notice if you don’t portray groups accurately, those who are part of that demographic will be absolutely delighted.

MOTIFS

Motifs are a really neat way to make your character stand out in a crowd, especially if those motifs have meaning behind them! I mostly do this for adopts, but one of my favorite designs was Ophelia Zhang, a character I designed and proceeded to do absolutely nothing with.

She’s Medusa-inspired, as is obvious because of the snake motif on her jacket and the green hair/yellow eyes combination! Maybe you didn’t notice it until I pointed out, but now that I did, it raises intrigue about her character and her connection to the myth, doesn’t it?

Aside from Ophelia, most of my (own) characters aren’t very motif-heavy, but I like having common themes and patterns that run throughout their outfits at least. It just makes the outfit blend better. Some examples of this include Claude Bates, ASLH’s SHSL Violinist, and Chiyo Kumoshita, ASLH’s SHSL Cellphone Novelist.

Nonstandards are a great way of making a character Become Their Motif! Claude is based on snakes, specifically grass snakes - he’s got beady eyes, fangs, a grass snake pattern on his pants, and the combination of weird vesty jacket thing and striped shirt creates a belly scales effect. HOWEVER, he’s also got violin motifs! Most obvious are the f-hole patterns on his coat, but a more subtle thing is that his shirt has 5 stripes - a music staff (which sheet music is written on) is made of 5 lines!

(“so spam shouldn’t he have only 4 stripes on his shirt, for the 4 spaces on a music staff” shut up i realized i messed up his design too late. my orchestra director is going to kill me)

Chiyo, on the other hand, has a distinct cloud motif! This primarily is to match her surname (雲下 are the kanji for “clouds” and “under” respectively), but the other reason Chiyo has a cloud motif is because of ASLH itself - ASLH is loosely themed around the Shakespeare play The Tempest, and Chiyo, being ASLH’s protagonist, gets a “clear skies” motif. Neat!

OUTFITS

(“Incinerate” is the base for Puppet from Kill The Joker: AnotheR Game!)

There is SO MUCH that can be said about outfits and how I design them. The #1 tip I have is to look at what other people wear, and then decide what it is about that outfit you like so much! If you go somewhere where people are dressed differently from what you’re used to (a distant city or a foreign country), take notes! For me, some elements I come back to a lot include collared shirts, sweaters, oversized overdecorated overcoats, and cloud/sky patterning.

So here’s a little about what makes outfits distinct from each other!

Colors:

Bro this is SO IMPORTANT. There’s a lot that can be said about color theory, and gaiacseas says more than I do on the topic, but basically color conveys a lot about the character. Muted colors convey a muted personality, and brighter colors convey a brighter one! As gaiacseas says in their guide, however, this sets up a great way to subvert expectations about your character.

Protip! If you’re having trouble with a color scheme, just color pick from an existing picture! I don’t have any examples of this on hand, but I do know that sunset pictures are very yummy and I have a lot of pink/orange colored designs. Coincidence? I think NOT.

The number of colors you select is of course up to you, but personally, I don’t use too many individual colors for ease of creating reference images. Of course, realistically, no one’s going to wear clothes the exact same color as each other. Unfortunately for that realism, I am lazy and don’t want to color pick 10 colors, so this is how I live.

Layering:

This is the absolute #1 best way to build texture and silhouette in your characters! Step one, find a funky garment. Step two, find another funky garment. Step three, put them on top of each other. Step four, PROFIT.

The easiest garments to do this with is of course jackets, but they certainly aren’t the only garment that can be layered! Layering is just a matter of looking at clothes you would not usually wear together and going “I wonder what would happen if you wore this together?” In real life this is usually a disaster. But in the world of art and hypotheticals everything is fair game and NOTHING makes sense!

Patterns:

For when layers just don’t cut it! As far as patterns go, they could tie into motifs or just be a nice pattern. For example, Mal Jenkins is a painter, so the patterns on his sleeves, pants, and bag are based on Monet’s “Water Lilies”.

On the other hand, patterns could just be a pattern or recurring motif! The world is your oyster!

Materials/textures:

When combined with layering, clothes of different textures and weights can add a lot to a design! I mentioned before that I like designs with jackets, let’s look at a couple different hoodies! Featured here is Tristan McRae, ASLH’s SHSL Video Game Designer, and Hayato Kikuchi, Ultimate Parkourist (submitted to rebootmon’s Danganronpa: Zetsubou Panic!!).

You can see that Tristan’s jacket is made of much thicker material than Hayato’s, which is very baggy and loose. This already makes their designs a lot more distinct from each other! (They’re also wearing totally different colors so that helps too.)

Other textures I like to do include adding holes (like Spring from KTJ:ARG has holes in her coat), adding things onto fabrics (like Tsukino Chisaki, ASLH’s SHSL Flight Student, has studs on her coat and boots), and adding visible stitching (like Brendan Valdez, ASLH’s SHSL Flight Student, has patches on his coat).

Clothes:

Having a general idea of what clothes actually exist is a very good start! Such as:

Tops: t-shirts, collared shirts, long sleeve/short sleeve shirts, tank/tube tops, cold shoulder shirts, blouses, sheer mesh shirts…

Bottoms: Skirts, gym shorts, denim shorts, jeans (with and without holes), leggings, culottes, kilts...

Dresses: Prom dresses, casual dresses, ball gowns, formal full-length gowns…

Undergarments: tights, fishnets, garters, long socks, short socks, gloves, bras/bralettes...

Coverings: Hoodies, cardigans, overcoats, denim jackets, capes, ponchos, vests, suit jackets…

Shoes: Slippers, flip-flops, sandals, high heels, sneakers, athletic shoes, slip-ons, boots...

Accessories: Hats, barrettes, hair ties, jewelry, bags, headbands, belts, chains, suspenders, buttons, glasses...

So from there it’s just mix and match! Keep in mind the different styles of clothing as well - you can swap out things like collars and edges to create variety! There’s different types of boots, different types of skirts, different kinds of bags. The sky’s the limit!

No, I Meant Like Clothes Inspiration:

Oh. Again, keep an eye out for specific art inspirations! If you see a cool character design or outfit on social media, bookmark it! Just remember not to copy clothes exactly, because that’s called art theft! I have a storage Discord server where I keep screenshots and links of art and outfits I come across while scrolling social media.

I find that the best original outfits are a combination of different outfits. Take certain elements that you find cool in each outfit , then add a few elements of your own and stick them all together! It might take a few passes to work as cohesively as you’d like, but keep trying! The best outfits that take inspiration should look so seamlessly blended and original that they should only look like the references if you compare them to each other.

I also have a few characters inspired by songs, so sometimes I’ll incorporate the motifs of MVs for those songs into their outfits. I don’t really recommend this unless you’re 100% prepared to be called out on where the outfit came from, and I ESPECIALLY do not recommend lifting the outfit exactly. Again, that’s art theft.

Isaku Umitsu, my SHSL Kyudoka, is based on the Hitotsume-sama, Bun-chan, and Kulukulu characters from utaite Eve’s music videos Literary Nonsense and Outsider. Looking at them side by side, the inspiration is obvious, but when taken out of context, it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind unless you’ve watched Eve’s videos 100 times (like I have) (take my computer from me please).

References:

As for references! Here’s just a couple that I found digging through my Tumblr!

My main blog’s fashion tag!

moatdd’s layering how-to! This changed my life when I saw it.

OSF Costume Rentals - period accurate clothing!

leaf-submas’s hat and skirt style guide, feat. Napstablook!

Jfashionmagazines - Japanese street fashion!

If your mutuals have fashion tags or pages, that’s a good place to dig through as well! They almost certainly have different styles than you do, so you’ll get exposed to a lot of different styles!

Outfits are a lot of fun and my favorite part of designing characters! Hopefully it will be for you too! :D

REDESIGNING CHARACTERS/NEW OUTFITS

Ever got a character design you love, but then decided you weren’t feeling anymore? Or got a character from someone you ended up hating? Or you found character art from 5 years ago and decided you hated it? YEAH ME TOO TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE!!

ASLH has four characters who were adopts: Ririka Kashizaki (SHSL Nail Artist), Sentarou Sekisada (SHSL Seat Filler), Hirono Ekyou (SHSL Oendan), and Ryouji Atsui (SHSL Caterer)! For a “complete from scratch redesign” I’ll be talking about Ryouji, who was converted from an attempt at design to a fantroll to an original design!

As you can see, I had a lot of trouble with Ryouji’s design. (It probably didn’t help that I didn’t finalize his personality until basically the prologue though lbr.) I didn’t really know what I was doing, and though I had the concept for the vibes I was shooting for, nothing seemed right. Around the same time, I bought an OC design from my friend Marti, and I was having so much trouble I was like “y’know what let’s just fuse the two”.

My process for redesigning OCs, especially when doing something like humanizing a nonhuman character, is to pick the certain traits I’d like to keep and change the rest. For Ryouji, the elements of his concept art I wanted to keep were parts of the outfit (the apron and vest) and the elements of the fantroll I wanted to keep were his eyebrow scar and the squares pattern on the jacket. Thus, when redesigning him, I made him have all of these elements! This was probably one of my favorite designs to make ever, and I’m really glad other people seem to like it too.

Weirdly enough, as soon as I finalized his design for his first reference, his personality almost immediately materialized. Which really just goes to show how much design can influence character personalities.

(Fun fact, drawing Ryouji’s reference was the first time I drew his final outfit, so I’m extremely grateful it turned out as well as it did.)

Other characters, like Hirono, only need a quick outfit touchup. I loved Hirono’s design already, and it fit with what I had in mind with her personality. All I did to change her was the same process I use to make any other outfit, see above. She’s an oendan, so she gets a hapi coat and school uniform… though, honestly, that original outfit is still super cute. I should draw it again sometime.

Most of the characters that I redesign as heavily as I did Ryouji are fangems and fantrolls that I buy from my friends, because I know that they understand my mighty need to redesign things. I try not to redesign adopts I get from other sources because I don’t know how the people I bought them from would feel about my editing their design too heavily; Sentarou and Ririka fall into these categories, so when I got them I mostly changed their outfits.

For me, it feels weird to redesign already-existing human OCs, but it’s also not impossible - Tristan, for example, used to be white. No I’m not going to show you the sketches for that and all you need to know is that it sucked, mostly because I was having a lot of trouble making him look nerdy but also nonthreatening. I think how he looks now is a good balance. If you ever get stuck redesigning a character, a race or gender swap (if either is possible tastefully) can go a really long way, and can even subvert expectations about a character! Just keep in mind dynamics and messages as well - if you have a strong violent woman and go “hey she should be trans”, that’s really not the best stereotype you would probably want to display in your work. Be mindful!

2015 (og design) => later 2015? (RWBY AU) => 2017 (AR3) => 2018 (DE:OPH

CAST BALANCE: DESIGNS

I wasn’t going to talk about this but then I decided I was gonna talk about it! I mean this is kinda a guide for Danganronpa characters, but this applies to any cast that is presented in a group. The characters in ASLH fall into a few different categories:

Created for beta ASLH: Chiyo, Amal, Tsukino, Ririka, Kanemori, Tristan, Tiana, Claude, Iris, Aster

Created for current ASLH: Ryouji, Sentarou, Alexei, Tatsumaru

Preexisting characters: Hirono, Brendan

The largest problem I had putting all the cast members together was revising outfits so that, as seen with Alexei and Tatsumaru above, designs wouldn’t be too similar. For the most part, I had vague ideas of what I wanted for each appearance; even the characters whose designs materialized fully-formed (like Tiana and Brendan) were edited slightly for cast cohesion.

I wish I could say I was responsible in developing all 16 characters’ designs at once so I could keep an eye on their design consistencies, but I would be lying. Instead, I finalized them and then posted them one by one. This was a double edged sword. One, I couldn’t go back and readjust colors or designs without making a whole new reference (which I actually did for Tatsumaru). However, because I was able to take a birds-eye view of my cast, I could see what design elements I needed more of - ESPECIALLY for color scheme! You’ll notice that a lot of the first row in my cast pic is very dark and grey-dominant, so I made a conscious push to include more colors in the second row of characters.

My one regret is not doing more talent-related designs. For a majority of the ASLH cast, you wouldn’t be able to tell their talent from appearance alone. In some cases this would have been impossible anyway (how do you convey to a Western audience a SHSL Cellphone Novelist through design?), but the only really distinct and obvious talent related designs are probably Tatsumaru (who probably doesn’t count because kabuki acting is maskless); Claude; Iris Sumitama, the SHSL Honors Student; and Kanemori Shionaga, the SHSL Football Player. Can you guess who they are?

Also, Alexei’s outfit should have been more extra. I still regret not making it so.

TOO LONG, DIDN’T READ

Go look at gaiacseas’ thing.

I do at least a page or two of concept art before settling on a single design.

Pay attention to body types!

Motifs can make a character look really cohesive and thematic.

Pay attention to what you like in outfits, too!!

Color schemes give an at-a-glance idea of your character’s personality.

Layering creates distinct silhouettes and can be done with more than just jackets!

Varying materials and textures makes the same garments look distinct from each other.

Making interesting outfits is as easy as mixing and matching garments.

Find outfit inspiration, but don’t plagarize!

To redesign characters, take the elements you like and shift everything else until it looks the way you want it to!

Balancing cast designs is a tricky process; going one-by-one is possible but has its ups and downs.

A LAST NOTE

In general, when you make a character whose life is different from yours - especially those belonging to marginalized communities - for the love of GOD please do some research about the experiences those communities have. It is a very bad idea to make them into a mouthpiece for your views of the groups. (SHSL Activists that are portrayed as unreasonable SJW strawmen irritate me to no end.) If you don’t feel you can portray a character respectfully, through either drawing or writing them, either a) research and listen to people of these groups so that you can or b) don’t do it, and maybe reevaluate yourself and figure out what about making this character makes you so uncomfortable.

Which isn’t to say that you have to be 100% perfect at everything, of course. In general, so long as the misinterpretations are unintentional, people belonging to the groups you try to represent tend to be pretty happy that you’re trying at all. You have no idea how happy I am to see agender representation in fanganronpa casts, especially because the Danganronpa OC scene likes to stick to hard gender binary balances. So it is worth it if you want to try it!

GOOD LUCK

And happy character creating!

If you enjoyed this document, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi or checking out my commissions! Or, of course, read Danganronpa: A Stormy Last Hurrah.

#tutorial #art ref #tips #character development #danganronpa #danganronpa oc #dr #fanganronpa #fangan #my art #my ocs #not aslh #spam speaks #long post #q

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gukseuphoria · 5 years

Text

a response to fluffyjhs

Alternative title - Exposing Luna: A Receipt-Filled Thread

Disclaimer 1: I didn’t want to do this, I never wanted to make this a public affair but she has been harassing my friends and I’m DONE, officially. She’s been self-victimizing for months and obsessing and stalking my friend and I’m not having it. And now she’s “exposed” us on tumblr. Enough is enough.

Disclaimer 2: obviously, for my friends’ safety, I will be censoring the names and handles of those who do not want to be mentioned, but who still wanted their part of the story to be included. But y’all can come at me all you want.

I’ll put this under a cut to save peoples’ dashes, but PLEASE read it if you are in ANY WAY involved with Alice/fluffyjhs. Thank you.

So.

Our group of friends knew her as “Luna”, but she’s known currently as Alice, and her current blog handle is “fluffyjhs”. Just because I personally knew her during her time as Luna, I’m going to address her as so, although I doubt it is her real name.

Luna joined our network I think in mid-October 2018 along with a wave of other new members. At first, everything seemed relatively normal: she talked with other members and made friends. It should be known that one of the members of the network - Phi, @guksdimple - was taking time off of the chat for personal reasons.

The first thing that weirded me out was that Luna was acting as if she knew Phi personally. I didn’t think too much of it, I figured they were mutuals. I’m personally close with Phi and so I asked her if she wanted me to say hi to Luna for her. She then told me that she didn’t follow Luna before nor did she know her until now. (I know this sounds random but it will be important for later points.)

Minor issue. Amongst her other habits, it was weird, but not too off-putting.

(Other habits include: leaving the chat randomly only to ask to join back a little later; jumping into any conversation Hoseok-related in a retrospectively possessive manner; whining when one of her messages was ignored (in a very busy, approximately 30-person group chat).)

Luna didn’t start truly off-putting members until another member - whom I will call Chloe - came to the admins of the network (Phi, Bri @starjeon and I) to confess that she felt ignored and even looked down upon by Luna. Chloe and Luna had made contact before being members of the network and it was awkward to say the least. Chloe wanted to be friends with Luna but Luna was very cold with her. Regardless, Chloe tried to be friendly with Luna until it was obvious that it would not be reciprocated.

Here are some screenshots of conversation snippets between Chloe and Luna. While not directly rude, you can see the passive-aggressiveness present. (sorry for the weird format. Blame Chloe, dsibfsf)

(in case you can’t read it: “you really have a lot of love to show right? lol”)

(Chloe only sent 3 pictures and Luna asked her not to “spam”, despite sending MULTIPLE messages at a time in the past herself)

Until then, the admins had decided to simply keep an eye on the situation to avoid drama, as while it seemed passive-aggressive, there was no proof of her intentions, and Chloe agreed. However, this all changed when Chloe received an anon message.

I could go into a deep analysis as to how we concluded that this message was from Luna - typing habits, mostly (notice the over-excessive use of commas and run-on sentences) - but the biggest proof is possibly this message she sent before leaving the network chat, suspiciously around the same time the ask was sent.

Now I’m no detective, but these are the things Luna and this “anon” have in common: 1) the excessive comma use and run on sentences 2) calling Chloe an attention-seeker 3) the ask also parallels Luna’s earlier behaviour about her self-given superiority about being an ARMY for 4 years (”everyone saw the things you keep droping aren’t like everyone is new to the fandom”) - as opposed to Chloe’s 2 months and 4) commenting on Chloe’s eagerness and cheery attitude.

After Luna left - of her own volition and out of annoyance towards Chloe - us network admins felt the need to inform the other members on the situation because of the ask. Following this, many members soft blocked/unfollowed Luna because of this.

Luna noticed this really quickly and immediately dm’d almost every. single. member. that unfollowed her. Here are just two for length’s sake, but many members received similar messages.

This, of course, sparked a minor panic within the network. It’s like Luna was waiting for the fallout to happen, keeping an eye on her mutual status with the members of the network.

And so, as a mod of the network - and to spare Phi the drama considering her own issues - I decided to confront her on behalf of everyone. (As you can see, I’m doing the same thing now, lol.) I’ll include the most interesting parts of my own conversation with Luna. I’m known for being aggressive-aggressive when it comes to defending and protecting my friends, and it shows here. (The contact name is “(Unknown)” because Luna blocked me at the end of this conversation and eventually deleted this kkt id)

Following my conversation with her - which, as you can see, has NO MENTION of Chloe - Chloe receives messages from Luna. NO ONE has told Luna that Chloe was the one who received hate mail, or that Chloe was the one who felt harassed by her.

It’s with these messages that, in my point of view, Luna traps herself. She proves that she sent the ask and that she was PURPOSEFULLY being passive aggressive to Chloe. With that, she was officially banned from the network, and many members of the network blocked her as a precaution to avoid being harassed by her for “answers”.

It should be said that NONE of the members sent hate to, or bullied Luna. The closest thing that could be considered hate were MY messages confronting her and calling her out. She’s claiming we were bullying her but really we just unfollowed her. That’s the worst any other member had done.

Chloe was also in another network with Luna, and so Phi decided to contact the admin of this network simply to warn her that trouble might surface between those two and offered a few screenshots as context. (Chloe later left the other network because she couldn’t handle seeing Luna acting all friendly with others in there, in fear that she would use them to turn on her.)

With that, we thought that the situation was finished.

However, it wasn’t.

Luna continued to send messages to Phi overtime even AFTER she was kicked from the network. This is where my earlier passage about her weird “friendship” with Phi comes in.

Luna persistently tried to form a friendship with Phi despite Phi not really engaging with her. Phi, who was already going through personal issues at the time, did not wish to confront Luna and deal with her drama, and instead tried to slowly separate herself from her. When Luna came to her about having a panic attack, all Phi told her was to “breathe”. Not long after, Phi received these “anonymous” messages (note, once again, the comma usage).

Small occurrences continued like this, and Phi continued to ignore or give very little response to them.

However, Phi changed her mind about her separation technique when Luna sent a vaguely aggressive message about Phi’s friendship choices - essentially, shading the fact that Phi was still friends with Chloe.

I can’t find a screenshot of Phi’s response, but it went along the sentiment of “I’m friends with who I want, and if you can’t handle that, that’s your problem.” It was very dry and to the point, but in no way aggressive. She made her point: she wanted Luna to leave her alone.

With that, Phi thought the situation would be over. However, Luna still tagged her in posts, sent her loving messages that Phi didn’t particularly respond to, and overall stalked her, essentially.

The last straw was when Phi received an anon about not replying to mutuals. Due to, once again, typing habits (and her overall obsession with Phi replying to her), Phi guessed it might be Luna.

And so, after answering it, Phi decided to block that anon.

Not so surprisingly, Phi was right. It is around that time that Luna remade her blog, with the excuse that it was bugging out.

Not too long after, she sent this to Phi:

It should be noted that “some things I saw” were, in fact, Phi interacting with Chloe on her blog and tagging her in posts. It should also be noted that Luna is thanking Phi for essentially just, telling her to breathe and calm down. That’s it.

After that (which happened in November 2018), Luna did not do much, nor did she directly engage with Phi. Luna started going by Winter (and many other names). With that, we thought it was over. She moved blogs and was leaving us alone. She needed a fresh start, and we could respect that.

Of course, the admins - especially me - kept an eye on her to make sure she wouldn’t start drama or confront Chloe again (who was, and still is, emotionally distraught from Luna’s behaviour), but everything was fine. comfyhobi went through many changes and eventually became fluffyjhs, and she eventually took the name Alice. We still knew she was Luna, but nothing dramatic had happened.

We did NOT engage with her. We did NOT send her hate. We did NOT make an expose post despite all she had already done. We let her live on her blog, and I simply kept an eye on her to make sure she wouldn’t name drop us and start drama on Tumblr.

We thought we were finally in the clear, that Luna had moved on and that Phi and Chloe were safe from her harassment.

Until she came back a few weeks ago, in February 2019. She tried tagging Phi in posts again, acting like she didn’t know her and that she was a different person. And not long after, she tried applying to the network again under the name Alice and with her new blog.

One of the admins (Bri) confronted her, reminding her that she was banned from the network, but she completely denied being Luna. However, she still had the same typing habits, and we had made sure to track her well.

Some things to note: 1) tinyjhs is one of Luna’s old URLs and did eventually “deactivate”. 2) Bri never mentioned that she deactivated, simply that she was blocked from the network, yet Luna mentioned it herself. 3) the “5 year hiatus” line is exactly the same as her comments when she originally joined the network, how she had not been active on the internet in over, I think 4 years? (Sadly, I don’t have receipts for that, I didn’t think it would ever be relevant, we’re talking about 4 months ago and I can’t find them, but it is an interesting parallel). 4) she’s awfully compassionate and insightful of the feelings of someone that we accused of causing drama.

Anyways, as you can see, she threw a temper tantrum and blocked the network blog from communicating with her. With that, we hoped it was finally done. She tried to get back in, and she failed. She knew that we knew she was Luna.

But, this brings us to Luna’s open letter on her own blog a few days later.

The original post was made yesterday, WITHOUT our blogs’ URLs in the tags. After deliberating between admins, we decided not to engage and to let her have her drama, as no one was explicitly mentioned (yet), and we desperately wanted it to be over. We figured that maybe she would finally stop after maybe getting some attention from some of her mutuals, or that she would truly leave tumblr for good. (Clearly, we haven’t learned.) We didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of replying to her attack.

So why, you might ask, am I replying to it now?

TWO THINGS.

First. Because of this ask Phi received.

Second. Because she finally mentioned us directly.

Luna finally mentioned us directly, publicly on Tumblr, a place where we never wanted to take this argument. All the aspects of her post PROVE that she is not “Jacqueline” as she claimed a few days ago, but VERY CLEARLY Luna. She did this in hopes of getting other people involved, to hate on us, to ruin Phi’s reputation especially, I assume. Most of all, she did this to get the attention from Phi she so desperately wanted, and the sympathy of others along the way.

We didn’t want to “expose” her. We didn’t want to make this drama bigger than it already is. But she chose to do that herself.

And so that gives me, in my opinion, the justification to finally post this response and expose thread.

This has gone far enough. Luna is manipulative, toxic and downright psychotic. She’s obsessive, with the situation, with the network, and with Phi. She thinks she’s clever enough to move blogs and rename herself in order to sneak back into the network and do god knows what. And when we don’t give her what she wants, she brings up her many private mental illnesses, blaming us for her tw// suicidal thoughts and self harm, when we have done NOTHING but try to end this situation since November 2018. It’s February 2019, and she keeps coming back.

I have a theory that Luna desperately needs attention, which is why she kisses up to so many “big blogs” in order to try and befriend them and become a big blog herself. Many of her posts, as well as her attitude towards Phi - and towards Phi ONLY (the “biggest” blog of the network) out of all of the members of the network - seem to hint towards that. Her obsession with being rejected from the network and her neediness for every single of her messages to be acknowledged also indicate this.

REGARDLESS, while this is a post to inform the general public of the fandom (and to hopefully clear our names from her drama), it is also a callout post to Luna SPECIFICALLY.

Leave Phi alone. Leave ‘Chloe’ alone. Leave ALL OF US alone. We’re no longer tolerating your bat-shit crazy attempt at getting attention from us. We’re done.

EDIT: since Phi wrote her quick response while I was writing out this post - which you can find here - she has received many messages from people who have undergone similar treatment from Luna. Here’s a screenshot we’ve been permitted to use:

Our network is not alone. I now realize that maybe my fear of bringing this onto Tumblr has brought pain and drama to OTHER people that Luna has tried to “befriend” and eventually cause drama with. I’m sorry. I hope that you all can find relief in this thread, to know that you guys aren’t alone, too.

#things for ts #*fluffyjhs #please read it if you are in any way related to her #whether it be as co-members of a network #or as mutuals #etc

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kamino-ink · 6 years

Text

Behind The Mask | Lee Felix

✧ Genre: Spiderman!au, fluff, angst

✧ Summary: You’ve started to notice how your friend has begun to show up to class absolutely exhausted, always falling asleep - he claims it’s just his schoolwork and his internship, but what you don’t know is that his so-called “internship” is actually his duty to serve the people of Queens as Spiderman.

✧ Word Count: 3.2k

✧ Check out my masterlist!

✧

“So, class, as you can clearly see on the board, there are about four key reasons why water is so vitally important to us, as human beings, and the planet itself-”

“Do you think this is how he dirty talks to his husband in bed?” Jisung whispered to you across the lab table, leaning dangerously close to a stray beaker on the edge of the desk.

“Dude, I didn't need that image in my mind. Thanks a lot.” You groan sarcastically to the amused boy, discretely reaching over to slide the beaker closer to the middle of the table so the clumsy kid would (hopefully) not somehow manage to break it.

Jisung sticks his tongue out at you before turning his attention to a very dazed looking blonde beside you. “Come on, it was funny - right, Lix…? Felix? Hellooo?”

You tilt your head slightly in curiosity as to why the boy next to you wasn’t answering his other friend, your gaze drifting over to his slumped over form. He was just barely holding his head up with his chin resting on the palms of his hands, though his legs drooped down to the floor, the bottoms of his shoes swaying above the ground. His black turtleneck was covered up by the plaid shirt draped over it’s material, though spots of the coal colored cloth was made visible by the odd tears in the overlapping shirt.

Lately, you’ve begun to notice something... off, about your close friend. He was mostly quiet, unless he was with you or Jisung, choosing to crack stupid jokes around the two of you instead of trying to amuse a larger crowd. That hadn’t changed, really, but Felix was starting to make weird excuses to not hang out with either of you after school some days - this didn’t happen every single day, of course. Though, whenever you saw him again either at school or outside of it, the teenage boy would be covered in spots of dark bruises or little cuts protected from the outside air by bandages (usually Star Wars or Hello Kitty ones, curtesy of his aunt.)

Needless to say, you were starting to wonder if maybe Felix had somehow managed to have a run in with a bad crowd - perhaps he had been influenced by them, hence the cuts and bruises.

“Yo Felix, wake up,” you grunt, noticing how your teacher had paused for a split second in his lecture to send a heated glare to the dozing boy, “what’s up with you? This is the third time you’ve nearly fallen asleep in class just today. It’s not even eleven.”

The blonde slowly adjusted his position on the stool, now choosing to let out a whine as he let his tired body lead him to lean on your shoulder for support - mostly for his head. “s’ the Stark Internship, Y/N, I already told you guys like a miiiilion times.”

“I am going to personally beat Tony fucking Stark up if he keeps making you work so hard. Does the man have his head so far up his ass that he can’t see how exhausted you are?”

“Look, I swear he isn’t overworking me. I’ll be on a break soon, promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

He lets out a soft sigh, begrudgingly bringing up one of his hands from his lap to link his pinky finger with your own.

“Pinky promise.”

“Fuck me!” Felix screamed into his pillow, completely ignoring a smirking, amused Jisung sat at his own desk just a mere few feet away.

“Eh, I think I’ll pass,” the cheeky teen snickers, dodging a pillow that the younger had thrown violently at him from his spot on the bottom bunk, “you kind of did this to yourself, Lix. You pinky promised Y/N that you wouldn’t let Stark overwork you-”

“But it isn’t Mr. Stark telling me to do all these jobs, Jisung! I’m the one who keeps putting myself in these shitty situations.” The blonde shot back almost too quickly in his hero’s defense, throwing his legs over the edge of his bed so he could properly sit up and face his friend.

An entire week had since passed the day in chemistry class where you had made Felix pinky promise to take a real break from his “internship.” What you obviously didn’t know was that Tony Stark had little to no time to direct Felix’s superhero antics each and every day or night; it was all him, for the most part. In fact, you weren’t even aware of Felix’s superhero alter ego - Spiderman. Only Jisung was aware of his otherwise secret identity, not including the amazing scientist himself. Sure, he sort of felt guilty about not telling you of his secret, especially since he knew you would support him through thick and thin, no matter what - the only thing that might change or, well, increase is your babying of him. You already worried enough about his consistent injures, why should he put that burden of knowledge on your head?

But now, the injures had gotten worse - he had a run in with some ragtag gang of robbers at a convenience store a couple nights ago, and one of the bastards had managed to slash through his suit deep enough to leave a mark on his arm. The following day, he had neglected to wear longer sleeves, which meant that his bandaged wound was open for anyone to see - and boy had you seen it.

“Felix, what the fuck happened to you?” The burning question had been on the tip of your tongue the entire day at school, only you had decided to wait to confront Felix about it until you both began to walk home.

“I uh - nothing, I swear - I just got... mugged?” He lied to you through gritted teeth, the following laugh stained with awkwardness.

“How the fuck were you mugged in broad daylight?”

“Well, um it was actually like... around eleven, I guess?”

“What - Lix, why in the world were you out so late? There is no way in hell May would’ve let you out at that time for no reason.” You whirled around on him now in the middle of the otherwise deserted sidewalk, crossing your arms over you chest impatiently.

“S-Stark Internship? Yeah! I was supposed to get some field work done before the next morning and I forgot the other half of the day, s-so I had to finish it really late.”

Needless to say, you had quickly snapped in a blind, chilling rage, badmouthing the multi-millionaire in front of his nervous intern, who first came to you as your best friend. You brought up the fact that Felix had promised to take a break from the exhausting internship, to which the already perplexed, panicked teenager had then snapped at you of all people, saying that this internship was basically his duty - his life. Since then, you had been silent towards the boy all week, refusing to speak to him out of pure agitation, worry, and hurt.

“Listen, I know that this entire ‘I’m a superhero’ thing is really, really important to you. But you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture sometimes; clearly you’re working too much, and between school and your spidey-shit, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t collapsed yet.” The brunette admitted bluntly. “This isn’t healthy like, at all. I doubt Stark would appreciate you getting hurt so often just because you feel obligated to make him proud.”

Before Felix could even get a word of retaliation out, he heard his phone’s ringtone faintly going off somewhere on his mess of a bed. He was about to just ignore whoever was calling at such an ungodly hour, but after a sharp glare from Jisung, he tossed a pillow and curled up blanket from the corner of his bed onto the floor to reach his still ringing phone.

A picture you had taken of all three of you huddled together during Christmas last year displayed itself on the bright screen, showcasing your bright smiles and red cheeks from the cold day last year. The time read one-thirteen in the morning.

Why were you calling so late?

“Hello-”

“L-Lix?” Your voice comes out as a stuttered whisper, immediately grabbing his rapt attention as he presses a button on his phone and puts you on speaker.

“Y/N, why are you calling?” He notices Jisung shake his head from his seat, clearly wanting you to keep talking considering the dangerously low, nervous tone you were using.

“I fell asleep on the train and m-missed my stop a while ago. I started walking home, b-but now these two people are following me. I - I think I’m close to the bank down the street, could you - could you come get me?”

Felix shoots out of his spot on the comfy bed, tossing his phone onto the comforter while he darts over to his closet in a hurry. “Y-yeah, of course! Just don’t stop walking, okay? And stay on the phone-”

“-Felix!”

The line cuts off.

Jisung throws himself up from his seat by the desk and grabs Felix’s phone from his bed, turning his back to the boy as he starts to slide his suit onto his body in a rush. “Felix, she won’t pick up the phone now!” He says quickly, continuing to spam your contact even when they run out of the apartment - not bothering to see if May was awake or not.

“She said that she’s by the bank, right? I’ll swing over there and take care of the creeps, you call the police and meet me there.” The superhero tells the following boy his plan, already shooting out a splatter of webs onto the side of the building so he can swing into the air.

He knew that you wouldn’t hang up on him, especially after calling him for help. It was likely that you had already called the authorities beforehand just in case, but he was too worried that they wouldn’t be able to get to you in time. Felix had already lost too many people that he loved in his life, he wasn’t about to risk losing you too.

The city of Queens was relatively peaceful during the darkest hours of the night, with a good handful of its otherwise lively residents choosing to stay in the comfort of their homes rather than walking around at that vulnerable time slot. While everyone was more than aware of the superhero presence in their world and, specifically for them in the case of the web-slinging hero, city, the rising danger of criminal activity pushed them to refute from stepping outside when the villains might be lurking about in the shadows. This left the city of Queens to be oddly silent during those particular hours, which is why Felix would so easily hear your desperate screaming even before he had turned the next corner that led to the closed bank.

“Let go of me, you assholes!” You shout at the perps, your voice coming out strangled in taut pain from how the manicured nails of the woman dig into the skin of your neck, her wrist pressing down harshly onto the front of it to regulate your pained breathing. Fighting back had proven useless, as each time you even tried to swing a leg at the powerful woman she would only further intrude onto your sensitive skin, drawing copious amounts of blood that dribbled down your neck and onto your exposed shoulder, the sleeve of your shirt having been ripped in the initial struggle.

“No one is coming to save you, angel,” the man taunts you from a few feet away, cracking his neck, “not the cops or whoever you called. They won’t be able to piece your damn body back together - you see, my sister here has an acquired taste for blood, but mostly from pretty little girls like you.”

“-Hey now, isn’t that cannibalism or something? Cause’ let me tell you, drinking human blood is not normal. Dude, that is so messed up.”

In sync, all three of you twist your heads to look to wherever the sudden voice had come from in the dead of the night, the nails digging into your skin in the back of your mind the second someone else had suddenly appeared.

Perched on top of a dimly lit lamppost was a figure you never would have thought you would be able to see in person - or in a sticky situation like the one you were currently tied into.

It was him - Spiderman.

The young superhero casually hopped off of the lamppost and onto the sidewalk, the pads of his covered feet soundless even then - it was no wonder that none of you had heard him approaching. “Alright creepy lady, if you could let my fr- erm, my little buddy go it would be greatly appreciated. Kinda makes my job easier.” He hums nonchalantly, his bug-eyes seeming to move with his suit as he analyzes the situation at hand.

The redhead practically strangling you lets out a growl, sounding eerily similar to a wild dog, and easily releases her grip on your neck. Your back slumps against the brick wall as you take deep breaths, your throat sore from the strong pressure, stinging pain from her long nails ringing in your head.

“A spider, huh?”

“Everyone has a gimmick these days.” The brother retorts sourly, twisting his neck to make it ‘pop’ again while his sister steps up beside his shorter form. “Come on, Spiderboy, I would love to dissect your organs and the girl’s!”

“I mean, you guys totally brought this onto yourselves.” He quips, not even hesitating to sling out four splotches of his webbing onto the creepy criminals, effectively ensnaring them into the sticky substance.

But it could never be that easy, and Felix probably should've been expecting that much.

While he had been making his way towards your shaking body still leaning against the wall for support, he had left his back turned to the two perps. Because of his keen focus on making sure you were still, you know, breathing, he hadn't noticed that the woman had tore through the web - not until he felt an all too familiar tingling sensation run up his arms, sending his hairs flying under the tightness of his suit.

Before he could spin around and protect the both of you, she had snagged her nails - more like claws - underneath the hem of his mask, pulling it completely over his head and slinging it to the ground. The next few seconds were like a blur to you as Spiderman turned on his heels and threw the woman back onto the concrete with a sickening thud, splaying his web all over her from head-to-toe, including her entire skull so she couldn't catch a glimpse of his exposed face.

But it was too late - you had already seen him.

“F-Felix?”

Said teenage boy whips his head around the second you utter his name in a shaky, bewildered tone. He sees the confusion, hurt, and complete awe in your glazed over eyes; you had seen him, you had figured it out without even needing to try.

Lee Felix was Spiderman.

“... so what you’re saying is I have even more reason to beat the ever living shit out of Tony Stark?”

The blonde hisses a word of protest at your monotone grunt, accidently pressing down a bit too hard on the gauze he was using to wrap up your bloodied neck, which made you whimper softly in pain - almost immediately the boy bandaging you up paused in his movements, the tips of his cold fingers grazing your skin midair.

“You’re fine, Lix. Keep going.” You uttered to the cautious boy quietly, watching his every hesitant move in the reflection painted on his bathroom mirror.

When he had heard the sound of police sirens and the frantic shouting of Jisung approaching the bank a few minutes ago, Felix had panicked and grabbed his mask, slipping it over his head before he had scooped you up into his arms and swung back to his apartment. Luckily May had been in a deep sleep, so she wasn’t there to pester you two about your shared injuries.

Jisung was on his way back, of course, since Felix had texted him a quick sentenced summary of what had happened.

“Are you not - how are you not angry at me right now, Y/N?” Your best friend questioned you, guilt seeping into his soft, broken voice so much that it made your heart squeeze in your chest.

“I’ll admit, I’m kind of ticked off that Han fucking Jisung knew before me, but I suppose I can forgive you for, you know... saving my life.” You laugh weakly, blinking slowly at the reflection of the boy, still clad in his blue and red suit, carefully finishing off the bandaging on your neck. While it most certainly was not the appropriate time for your pitiful heart to start racing in your chest at his close proximity and soft breaths fanning out onto your chilly skin, you couldn't help but fall into a short-lived daze when the boy grabs onto your thighs and turns you to face him.

“I - I did want to tell you Y/N, I swear,” he mumbles, “Jisung found out on accident, and uh, obviously Mr. Stark knows because he gave me this suit n’ all. Don’t - don’t be pissed at him for encouraging me to do this, please? I was already sort of doing this stuff before he found me.”

“But why, Lix?” You huff a bit selfishly, looking down at the floor of his tiny bathroom. “You could seriously get hurt doing this - we’re just kids, we’re supposed to be doing stupid shit like - like falling in love, going to the arcade with friends, and going to dumbass parties just for the free food.”

“Because I’m the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, Y/N. I want to protect the people of Queens, and outside of it - I wasn't able to save my uncle, but... I have helped so many other people doing what I’m doing. I mean... I was able to save someone else I love, for once, tonight.” He whispers to you softly, lifting your chin with a single finger so you can meet his steady gaze.

In all your time being friends with him, you don’t recall ever seeing Lee Felix looking so serious.

“I was actually able to save you, Y/N - god I was so fucking worried when you called because y-you sounded so scared and I wasn’t there to prevent any of it from happening. I’m so thankful that I got to you before something terrible happened.”

“I-”

“Please don't interrupt, for once I’m actually talking about how I feel without chickening out like I usually do,” Felix laughs quietly, watching as your lips twitch into a small smile at his truthful words, leaving him to keep speaking, “I like you - love you, so much, Y/N. S-so, if you don’t mind, could I - could I possibly kiss you?”

You nod with no hesitation, feeling your cheeks heat up when he gulps and starts to lean in, closer and closer until you lips are brushing against each other.

“... so should I shut the door before May inevitably wakes up and potentially sees you two kissing? It might weird her out since Spiderman is kissing her nephew’s best friend.”

“Jisung-”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

✧

#skzwriters #stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids scenario #stray kids imagine #stray kids drabble #stray kids superhero au #stray kids spiderman au #lee felix #felix scenario #felix imagine #lee felix spiderman au #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst

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cosmicmoved · 5 years

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IT’S TIME FOR MIN’S OFFICIAL INTRO... a mintro, if you will. KIM MINWOO, KNOWN AS MIN; 24 YEAR OLD POPSTAR, MEMBER OF POP DUO SO:DA. this is a muse i made back in march for a closed rpg that didn’t open so i wanted to give him a second chance! (:< i’ll write a proper bio for him soon, one that makes him sound like less of a moron, but this is just a basic rundown of his basic situation & some extra facts about him! sorry if this sucks, i can’t introduce a new muse without getting nervous for the life of me asdfghgfdfg anyway !! this gets pretty lengthy, even though it’s all just bullet points, so i threw it under a cut to save the dash. please click the read more to learn about min! if you have any trouble reading the theme, please refer to the mobile version of this post!

FIRST!! I want to be clear that Min is not a K-Pop idol, he’s a popstar. Technically, he started off in the K-Pop industry, is still ‘owned’ by a Korean company and was trained under that system but to describe him that way is no longer accurate. (i’m also very aware there’s already a k-pop idol called min but as he’s fictional, a man and, again, not a k-pop idol, it doesn’t really matter that much but m!ss a deserved better anyway)

BASICS

min is tomo’s best friend. tomo, having a lifetime of awful hollywood experience on min, was one of the first friends he made after moving to LA and they were both around the same age. they’re a chaotic combo and i love them... (i know the fc choice seems a bit too easy but i actually made both of these characters totally separately & making tomo made me want to give min another shot so i decided to lump them together)

full name is kim minwoo (김민우 / 金玟雨 / kim min-u) but he goes by MIN, both as a stage name and a nickname. call him either min or minwoo, he doesn’t really care either way. (he’s fed up with people pronouncing the W...it’s silent...)

birthday: 12th June 1995. he’s 24 years old.

nobody can tell whether or not he’s a jerk because he’s essentially a nice person. is it false bravado or does he just lack tact? is he just a part-time bastard? like.....he’s not mean, he’s a good person, he cares about other people!! ...but he’s also kind of a brat & he’s VERY stroppy. he gets upset if stuff doesn’t work out the way he wants it to.

he’s a member of the pop duo, SO:DA; an okay singer, more of a rapper, but a solid dancer. also very much known for his look, something about which he’s more bitter than he lets on. (he pretends to eat it up but he actually finds it pretty frustrating, a direct contrast to tomo who loves being the designated Pretty Boy so long as it’s not in clean, shiny way; if ur gonna call min pretty a bunch of times, compliment him somewhere else too at least once if u don’t want to end up on his list of enemies)

SO:DA debuted in south korea back in 2014 but the company made the decision to move it abroad a year later in an attempt to globalise their output. it’s hard to consider them as a k-pop group as they’ve been based in LA for 4 years now and they release music entirely in english. (pls don’t mention super m to me, i made this character in MARCH asdfghgfdfh)

the group’s name was originally short for SOL & DAL, taken from the french word for sun (soleil) and the korean word for moon, but they dropped it after the move abroad. min was the member who represented the moon while his partner in the group was the sun. they’ve sort of kept the concept in terms of visuals and all the rest but they mostly don’t speak about it.

min actually grew up in the UK. born in seoul, moved to a london when he was four and then moved back to seoul when he was thirteen and then to LA when he was eighteen.

EXTRA TRIVIA

min’s not as into partying as tomo so like...he’ll go along with it and go to clubs with tomo but usually doesn’t drink as much & often ends up in charge of dealing with the aftermath of tomo being an idiot. min doesn’t really mind bc he’s used to people trying to chase after him & being treated like an irresponsible child so he likes being the responsible one for once. (actually, he’s just a much tamer character than tomo in general. i think the same heavier topics will come up by virtue of him being a big part of tomo’s plotline but, in isolation, min’s less intense. min doesn’t take any drugs, for one thing; it’s part lack of interest, part he’d never get away with it like tomo does)

min isn’t allowed to do wild shit in public or else his management will come down on him like a tonne of bricks but he likes the idea of the Bad Boy image so he kinda...mooches off of tomo for the street cred. like they’re genuinely best friends and he’s not using tomo or anything shitty like that but i can’t say that min doesn’t enjoy being seen as trouble by proxy.

got banned from club penguin when he was ten for saying fuck. (more than once bc saying it once only gets you banned for 24hrs.) it was his first experience with resenting authority for enforcing their rules on him 😔

he likes to keep this sort of...mysterious, tortured image but his upbringing was actually fairly ordinary. he gets on with his family and loves them a lot. nobody’s dead, there’s no awkward relationships.

he has two siamese cats, both aged about 3 years. they have their own instagram account that’s about 40% run by min and 60% run by his manager when they have nothing better to do (usually after min has spammed them with pictures he’s taken). in conclusion, they are baby.

this has actually resulted in them having to separate their channels of contact by purpose; one messaging service will be used for important stuff, one will be used for casual stuff, one will be used exclusively for social media (cat pics & selfies), so on and so forth.

his management won’t let him get tattoos and he’s mad about it. like to the point that he’s been known to wear fake tattoos occasionally. do NOT clown him for it. he won’t take it.

actually, min’s management is just very controlling and overbearing & he’s totally overworked but hahaha we’re just going to ignore that bc arguing with the people in charge means risking your dream career in music & potentially losing it all, esp bc you skipped out on uni and fucked up a lot of high school just to pursue this job hahaha let’s just internalise that shit and get on with it

owns the cherry coke aesthetic. actually thinks classic coke is better. shhh, don’t tell. his favourite sweet is basset’s cherry drops though hehehe (not that he gets to eat them very often, given i can’t imagine they’re easy to find outside of the uk)

actually drinks too much coca cola. that probably explains the stroppiness, as well as his awful sleeping patterns.

pepsi can get fucked

min claims to be a vegetarian.

min is not a vegetarian.

the backstory there is pretty simple; min’s fussy. he has particular tastes. most kinds of meat, esp red meat, do not fall into his OK Zone. instead of having to suffer through important, fancy meeting dinners with posh steaks and not being allowed to use his fussiness as an excuse, he started claiming he was a vegetarian. people seemed to be more accepting of that. the only trouble is that he’s now widely known as a vegetarian when he doesn’t actually give a shit. the only people who know he’s bullshitting are his friends. he just wants a mcdonald’s double cheeseburger.

min lives on a diet of utter shit. he’s contractually obliged to eat healthily when preparing for promotions so he doesn’t just fuckin collapse on stage from malnutrition. pls eat a vegetable.

o yea he’s petty as fuck. wrong him like...once...and it’s fuck u city.

also he currently has silver hair. he’s icy...u see that he’s icy......i know the graphic is pink hair but i made it as a sidebar for smth like a year ago and i wanted to reuse it (:<

ALSO !! uhhhhhh, if anybody’s interested in rping the other half of SO:DA.........pls let me know asdfgfdf i’d literally LOVE for someone to take that role hehehe! p much everything is up to you besides a few requirements; he has to be close enough in age to min, probs not too different in build (duos always kind of have?? a sorta physical symmetry??) and he's a vocalist. the personality is totally your call but there has to be that sunny image. fc and everything else is your choice too but i’d have to be chill w/it & agree that it works asdfghdd!!

#« 𝐍𝐎 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐍𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈'𝐌 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 (ᴍɪɴᴡᴏᴏ) » / 「 headcanon. 」#i wrote 90% of this in march btw...i think the only new additions are the bits that include tomo #and the vegetarian bit is newer ASDFGHGF #i'm just gonna post this while the dash is quiet so i don't keep panicking abt it #but i'll probs rb it later when more ppl are online & i've had time to just accept that it's on my blog & it's too late ASDFGHJHGF #I OVERTHINK EVERYTHING AND FOR WHY #anyway UHHH THIS IS DUMB AND A MESS BUT!!!#im repeating myself but min was an oc i made in like march & got attached to without writing him #and then i thought he'd be a good fit in tomo's plotline so i decided to revive him and then i was like ' OOOO: what if they were BESTIES'#bc i love writing best friends and those kinds of plotlines...my shit #anyw this is more FUN FACTS than actual storyline but i'll write h #*that up another time #(also if u can't tell from parts of this & then also just tomo's plotline in general....#i'm trying to avoid just the glitzy glam version of writing abt famous characters asdfgfd #i don't feel like that's a very honest portrayal and also it's just not that interesting to me???#i wanna go for the.....CONTRAST !! like yeeeeee ur rich n famous but also Shit SUCKS)

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incarnateirony · 6 years

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So I kind of just need a place to let it all out.

If you don’t want to hear me ranting about my truest encounter with the embodiment of male privilege, the stereotype of millennials, and even bad stereotypes about queerfolk - that I’ve ever encountered in a single being - please keep scrolling and /ignore. But it’s better to rant about it here in this contained area than have it wank up in an SM area that is adjacent to a growing business profile. If someone finds it, okay, I have nothing to hide, but still, better to keep clear air over there rather than kick up in main venues.

But holy shit.

Like.

Beware: Much cussing afoot. Minding through this journey this guy is trying to demolish weeks of my work and tried to use my credit card and busting up people’s hubs and turning friends on each other and all kinds of stuff. This is my personal blog and at this point, I’m furious.

Okay so I’m going to start with CultFans. Some of you saw some of the work done. Let me tell you a little bit about how CF started. (and before making any judgments about CF because of this dude as described below, read the whole thing and understand how it’s changed now.)

There was a little podcast called Order of the Outpost. The Outpost is a small CW summer show with a tiny fandom, but I watch it because... well, it’s honestly an indie studio getting its first real shot and struggling through a lack of budget to swing with the big dogs and fuck yes I am trash for that kind of content. But anyway, OotO was started by a girl named Kira, who formerly ran The Lit Round Table for the Librarians fandom, and producer Dean Devlin showed up on it at one point. She got to go to set with the others. It was cool! Dean also signed on to support Outpost next to Arrowstorm, so heyyyyy it was just sort of a neat idea, maybe he’ll show back up one day and if not, we can nerd meta talk.

Several people pile in. One is this dude who happened to make semi-friends with a young actress getting a role in the show, who referred a few people to the stream. The problem is, when people got there, the streams went a few hours, it wasn’t structured - but I mean, that’s understandable. It’s a young fan stream in a young fandom, there’s not gonna be a lot of structure. And we don’t want to take over her podcast with a RuEL oF lAW but we see that the last guest got visibly exhausted. In fact, it was bad enough Shea and I left the call because it had run for 2 1/2 hours and that was just ridiculous. But it left Kira and... dude with the one semifriend actress (Tim/TJ). So the call went into eternity.

I felt bad for Josh (the set guy that was there) and thought - okay, I mean, I have the experience to help this keep rolling, but things have to change. You don’t want to change up her podcast but... if you want guests to stay engaged something has to change. So I propose making like, a second feature. This proposal was originally a second piece of content/second show on the same channel, but Dude With The SemiFriendish Actress ran off and, while I was checking my funds to consider investing in a website, registered a separate social media account, already started spamming tags out and alerting people about a change... okay, weird and unnecessary but whatever, roll with it.

He says he likes the idea of a more professional environment so that’s why he ran off and made the separate channel. I ask if he can invest in it at all. He says no. Okay, well, we need better than what we have, if we want any agents to take us seriously, so I drop the hard cash for website, domain, etc etc up front. I let him know it’s gonna be a hard road if he wants to do that kind of thing, he says he gets it and will listen.Totally open to feedback since I know what I’m doing and I’m totally an owner because I’m investing. Cool. So we do our first independent podcast which ends up being like... an hour and a half of him interrupting everything and talking at the guest. Flashbacks to the call with Josh, which dude COMPLETELY blamed Kira for. Even though he was one of two participants.

I pull him aside, say that’s not okay, that’s still way too long. We’re gonna start scripting it. Nobody’s here to see you talk, dude, or hear your opinion. If you want an opinion stream, go to OotO, you’re supposed to be supporting guests. That’s why they show up - publicity for a small studio. Says he gets it... give him a script. I start working on videos. He visits OotO one more time and drops a GIANT PR BOMB I DARE NOT REPEAT BUT IT COULD HAVE COST SOMEBODY THEIR JOB. (for the record, it’s something it turns out he completely hyperbolically inflated to make himself look good and turned up completely false but this isn’t shit you play around with son, these are careers.) We lock down the OotO stream and scrub it. He does a thousand frowny faces and apologizes and says he gets it. Okay! He’s new to this... will give another chance.

Now, let me insert, I love Sonalii Castillo to death. She’s talented in every way imaginable and a sweetheart. But she is not a big name. She deserves to be a big name, but she isn’t there yet. Her star meter floats at about the same level as TAW, if that gives you any idea, only she’s not a complete shitlord like TAW - she just hasn’t gotten a lucky break yet. But due to huffing crack from talking to her, dude sets up a patreon. We’re so new we have like 6 subscribers but he makes tiers like “$200/month TJ will add you to PS4 and play games with you.” Who the fuck are you dude??? Who is going to do that??? What the fuck? I tell him to take that shit down.

And... another. Dude, who all are you emailing? Wait, why do we have a new email? Wait, you registered an email on top of my domain? That we don’t have access to? Wait - what? Make a fucking spreadsheet, what the fuck is going on.

“Make a spreadsheet” - he comes back with this eye bleeding hot mess:

Just... pages of that. (Contacts blacked out for obvious reasons) O-...okay... he’s... he’s trying, I guess? Need contact to the email to see what you’ve said so we can follow up. Wait, you have THREE emails? Okay - he - he let us in one. Good enough for fucking now I guess, despite bitching him out to not do things in private.

Find him sending two page bricks about his aspergers and hopes and dreams to agents when they ask for more details. Uh- that’s... that’s not what they meant dude? “I didn’t realize-” dude there’s aspergers and then there’s just being completely- like- ridiculous. Dude, I have aspergers. And boy did he pitch that as an excuse every chance he got. Either you’re cut out for this kind of work or you’re not.

So I’m going behind, scrubbing on audio and video PR bombs, busted agent rep, vats of what turns out to be HUNDREDS of emails, writing scripts, making videos and even running the live broadcast because nobody else can handle it - oh, and paid for the site, because, you know, it was me saying we needed a better environment to begin with that kicked this off, but I never meant to completely break away but WHATEVER it is what it is. I made a point to keep attending OotO while, unsurprisingly, he dropped them cold.

He convinces a comic shop owner to give him swag for a light sponsorship deal for advertisement-vs-giveaway - cool, that’s cool. Inventory it. But he wants to keep this super rare rogue poster! Did he give it to you as a gift or as a sponsorship? ...For a giveaway. Okay, then you don’t keep that, that’s fraud. [pouty face]

Keep in mind this dude is 25.

He keeps turning up going “look at the stuff I got from the comic shop for giveaways!” and we’re like, dude, stop spending money, we don’t have money, you’re on welfare, knock it off until we get some sort of income. DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY MONEY okay but if that’s your money that’s on you, I’m not taking that as an investment I’m going to have to pay back when we keep saying to stop buying shit. INVENTORY it so we can BUNDLE it and make GIVEAWAYS. Took like a month of me telling him this for him to inventory a grand total of like 12 items.

So I got him to close his utterly failed patreon and opened one of my own, that stayed in MY management, and he starts bitching for the login. Dude, you didn’t give me yours? You literally won’t give me anything that has a card on it so why am I going to give it to you? We’re not the ones blowing random money left and right? If there’s an expense to pay back, minding of course I’m the one that’s invested triple digits in this and he’s... spastically bought random swag at a comic book store and registered a redundant email on top of my domain that clogs up my ability to use *MY* free email in my package, while paying a few cents a day on it - I’ll fucking paypal you the money dude. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow Shea lives in the same house and can handle it. You don’t need my login creds.

I mean by now, there’s already huge red flags. Add in calling us each and rambling at us three hours a day about jack schitt all nothing while we say we’re trying to do work and mostly just talking about himself, kinda like he does on live air. Serious major narcissism shows, increasing creepiness with female guests, his weird obsession with anything money based, impulse spending, oh and he takes this “I’m the creator” attitude. ???? I... bought everything? And... Shea and I make... literally all of the resulting product? ???? You... ran off early and registered an SM account???? What did you create? Oh, it was “his idea”... right... okay. Yeah, no it wasn’t. Cue arguments and shitfits about it starting up.

But hey, I’m going to stay on point because we have a good thing going.

Again, HUNDREDS of emails. Try to navigate that hellhole of a spreadsheet and eventually just go “Fuck it, I’ll reformat, and make him fill in the other parts,”

Tada, a spreadsheet you can actually like, find shit. Suddenly the other team members could understand what the fuck was going on. I put in a date of contact, and email of contact field (now it’s all uniform now that we’ve cleaned up, but there were FOUR emails bouncing in there that he was doubletapping people from, once I made him type it out). Made him go find his own bullshit and put in dates/emails while haranguing him into giving us access to all but one email, and he pitched a fit saying his personal payment details were on it (because he chose to register the gsuite ON TOP OF MY DOMAIN just because he had limited delegated access to my godaddy I guess. IDK how Gsuite gets signed up for but I’ll just guess randos can’t do it without SOME kind of access)

Well, keep in mind, I’d been spending bare minimum 6, often 18 hours a week resorting emails, ELI5ing basic business or even basic human engagement, on top of my scripting and video work and everything else, because I bought into the “nobody ever gives me a chance” whining. And I’m all about giving people chances to do things they have fire to do. Literally all we’re asking for is to like, spellcheck his work (he was posting things through the blog like “Exlcusive”), not be a PR bomb, and sort out his shit (spreadsheets, emails) so I didn’t always have to clean up over him. Not exactly exorbitant work standards. Also stay relatively on script because, well, nobody wants to attend a stream for 2 1/2 hours, 2 hours of which is him talking at everyone instead of pulling information from the guests or engaging on behalf of an audience. But he’s trying, I tell myself! Against my better judgment. And, well, at least he contributes to paying imdbpro?

Well, I thought he did. Until I found out he was on a free trial and that expired. Sooo guess who had to register for the next trial? [this guy thumbs] Guess who started demanding access despite not allowing access before because of payment creds?

Because I’ve worked in stuff before, I run this by an old art director that’s worked on some pretty big shit. She doesn’t know anyone on the stream from Adam but HONES in on TJ. Her “protect the model” instinct kicked in immediately with how he was engaging female guests. “Mouth breathing basement dwelling perv” was the vibe she got off of him, without any prompting, and she immediately skeeved out. “He’s a problem, he’s a huge problem.” And I legit hadn’t said SHIT to her. She apparently saw the look on my face and was like “What?” so, storytime kicked in. But I did still make excuses for him. He’s an aspie, sometimes we’re weird about how we communicate, our tones are off, it may just be a quirk outside of his control - etc etc. But all this other shit has built up despite my thousand excuses I’ve run for him (and some I’ve completely brushed over in this novel) She also noted he choked on the McNally interview - that we were all nervous but he was squeaky. I said that was my fault, I rode his ass too hard about staying on script, poor baby was trying, that was a my bad.

And there’s parts I haven’t even touched on, TBH.

But let’s review where we’re at

Original OotO stream

I still attend, he drops Kira cold

He’s bitching in private quarters that he can’t stand her

I still try to refer guests we get to her

He starts dragging her when off air to blockade her getting guests

I now lose my shit on him

More frowny faces

after PR bombs

after unsorted emails

after the eyebleeding spreadsheet

After wrecking connections to a few agencies

After many long talks

after him running off script for weeks

After an art director spots him as a problem immediately

After I do all scripting, videos, and broadcasting

After Shea does all the graphics

After we made all of the triple digit investment

Dude randomly thinks he owns it because he bolted off to register an SM first

Seriously

But wait, there’s MORE!

Dude starts pitching bitches that I put out deadlines. Because he’s done things like try to bait guests on live air to make commitments to him and all kinds of shit, and I’m hard scripting it now to PREVENT that. But if the artists are gonna get the script in a time they can yay/nay we need to get it to them BEFORE THE FINAL HOUR. So he misses deadlines and then expects everyone to hand him their questions and work so he can be on the whole stream after he fucked off for a week and failed to even SUBMIT A QUESTION TO BE SCRIPTED? Um, NO? Guess who loses his shit about “his baby.” Oh boy, the entire team has a comeapart on him at this point.

He comes forward with telling the story of how the australian version of welfare (I forget what it’s called? Centerpoint? Some shit like that?) is up his ass to get a job but they’re getting “off his ass” because he’s “trying to make a business” and he’s happy about that, so he “might get a part time job, if he has to" but he wants to finally move out, get a two bedroom apartment. Dude, I point out, if there’s ANY money in this at ALL it is a LONG way away so get the fucking job.

He apologizes, says he gets it... whatever. But boy, an older, not-classically-attractive and not-big-name male guest? He suddenly doesn’t give a shit. Like, no questions, outright says he doesn’t care if he’s on it. But - but Jennifer is the week after!! He absolutely has to be there!!! Uh, why? Do you know anything about what a producer even DOES? Well, no. But he’s bouncing on Charan so he should be in the front THERE. Okay, so what are you going to ask her. Oh, he has no idea. But there’s going to be a GIRL on the stream to talk at, so hey!

But here we are right after I say it was my fault he was choking on McNally’s interview and he runs 15 minutes off script on the next one AND tries to talk over me for a SOLID MINUTE during our scripted wrap. I manage to end the broadcast, I drop mention of OotO to the guest and he goes OFF about it being an unbearable stream; like yes I will be honest literally everybody jokes about her laugh but saying “just letting you know it’s unstructured-” isn’t an invite to go off calling her stream a hot mess and yes, once you go off about her laugh everybody’s gonna laugh a bit and chuckle it off and roll long enough to not go off on you in front of an actor but everybody else knew to shut it down with “but Kira’s sweet” and end it. And nothing about her having any kind of laugh is worth HARDBALL BLOCKADING her getting guests. It’s fair to warn them that it isn’t structured like an interview, because, you know - well, let’s not blindside them, but that still WORKS for some personalities. That DOESNT mean you go off calling it a hot mess and all kinds of other shit. And people lightly rolling with it long enough to not make you look like a TREMENDOUS THUNDERCUNT and make a scene in front of an actor they KNOW you will blow up on us in front of does not WARRANT that behavior, catch a clue when everybody’s cutting it off with “But she’s a sweet girl” dude. Or the fact that SOME OF US STILL GO TO HER STREAM. You’re the one that hard dropped her.

But after the last time he dragged Kira I went off on him. I even deadass told him the feedback from the art director finally. I try to sort his vat of emails to cool off, and wake up in the morning to an ENTIRE INBOX full of him shittily forwarding things from his private email we said he shouldn’t even HAVE, full of attitude about me doubletapping a few clients, after HE put the wrong contact date/email in the sheet BY HIS OWN HAND. Like, I’m supposed to psychically know what’s in his fucking private email he won’t cough up when he put the wrong data down.

So here I am, cup of coffee still untouched, put my butt down in the chair, see an inbox FULL of him being a wumbo sized shitlord and he starts calling me on Hangouts, like he must have seen my indicator turn green. Again, keep in mind him being notorious for three hour phonecalls about nothing, and/or arguing. So I decline. He calls again. I decline. He calls again. I answer. “What.”

Long silence.

“I’m not creepy.”

“Come again?”

Long silence. “I listened to the stream. I don’t sound creepy.”

“Dude, a creepy sounding dude isn’t going to think you sound creepy. And it’s not just the art director. I’ve gotten that from a few other viewers.”

Long silence. He starts trying to argue and I cut him off. Like, no dude. After all of this shit, after ALL of this, after we have literally built and invested in ALL of this when you don’t have a single goddamn skill sufficient for the job and we spend full work weeks trying to mentor you while trying to do other shit, you had the audacity to talk over me during our wrap THEN DRAG KIRA.

“Well I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“Okay?”

“What do you mean okay?”

“I mean, okay? What do you want me to say to that? If you have something going on in your head that somehow makes you unable to process you’re trying to talk over someone for a solid minute, during a point that has literally been part of a routine for a month and a half, what do you want me to say?”

Long awkward pause. “So how do we fix it?”

“I don’t know, dude. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried scripting, teaching you metronome, I’ve tried moving your position around in the stream to see if you sync somewhere better, I’ve tried having you watch other interviews, I’ve tried giving you templates. I’ve tried being gentle, being firm, I’ve tried outright bitching you out. And if you don’t even realize you’re doing these things, I don’t know how to make you fix them. I’m a production coordinator, not a psychologist.”

“But... how do we fix it?”

“I... just said I don’t know.”

“Yeah but I mean, how do we fix it.”

“I mean you can keep asking me that over and over but I just told you, I’ve done everything I can even think of at this point to make this work and to give you chances that I am in no way obligated to give you. And you know, through all of this, I haven’t even gotten a single thank you from you? For even giving you a chance to be part of this?”

Awkward silence. “But it’s m-”

“Don’t start that it’s mine shit. There is no universe in which this is yours. And if you want to play that, I can walk with the site, the domain you registered your emails on, my videos, broadcasting software, Shea’s design and my general understanding on how any of this works, like I could have done a month ago from your bullshit, and you can try to do it with a google hangouts and a wix site and see how that works.”

Awkward silence. “Well how do -”

“I swear to god if you ask me how to fix it one more time I’m hanging up. [Brief silence] Okay, so how about you tell me how to fix it, instead?”

He’s quiet a minute. “I don’t know.”

“Okay well if I’ve reached the limit of my ability to think on how to fix it, and you don’t know how to fix it, I’m going to need you to try harder.”

He loops this cycle several times. In hindsight, I’m aware now, he was trying to make me be the wicked witch that kicked him out. But I wasn’t. He came up on his own, “Maybe I should take a step back.”

“Is that what you think will fix it?”

“Yeah. I mean. Maybe. But... if I step back... what do I get out of it?”

“...Come again?”

“I mean, if I step back, what kind of money do I get.”

...????

??????

“Okay, look dude, what money? There IS no money. There’s like 5 bucks in a patreon when I paid out well over 100 bucks in startup costs. These problems, all of these problems, these explosions in the team all have one source. It’s that simple. If you think you stepping back fixes it, I’m not going to stop you, but there IS no money.”

“But what about if you start MAKING money?”

“...what?”

“Like in a few years, this gets big. I mean, I created it and all - I get money, right?”

“What did you create?”

Crickets. Finally, “It was my idea.”

“No, dude, it was everyone’s idea. And even if it was your idea, which it wasn’t, an idea is just an idea. I have an idea that I’d love to genetically splice a lizard back into being a T-Rex but if I have no idea how to fucking do it and someone else does all the work for that, they’re the creator of the goddamn new T-Rex, so you can put that down right now.”

Awkward silence. Says he has to think. Hangs up.

Okay well, I have an interview to prerecord, so we just get to rolling.

He comes back in the NEXT MORNING bitching about money again. And not even just about money.

So here’s the deal. Yet again, like many a morning recently, I approach with an untouched cup of coffee, sit down... and there is a WALL OF BRICKS in our team chat. Why? Because Shea fucking triggered on him like two hours ago and they haven’t stopped. Shea, a woman with more than 10 years management experience, who was supposed to handle any money we DID get coming in, was out working her 55 hour a week shitty retail job (for the record, due to being physically broken beyond function I am on disability, but I worked until I couldn’t do it anymore, literally, and at least it’s SOME income), when he came in saying, I shit you not, that he needed “that money” because he never wants to have to work retail, sales, or food and he shouldn’t have to get a part time job at Samsung.

What the fuck? Who the fuck are you dude? Needless to say, Shea went postal in righteous anger. And we ALL had righteous anger of our own. Our work, our history in regular work force, our input in this, and asking him what he thinks any of us should get paid for our work or how much he thinks this is going to pull for him to move into a two bedroom apartment. Does only he get paid if we somehow start pulling a few thousand dollars? And is he going to give anything back to Arrowstorm? To Sonalii? How much does he think this digital business is going to be paying in the first year? 10K? 20? or does only him getting a few thousand dollars count? Arrowstorm is indie, don’t just ride their shit to fame as your goal dude, that’s not how this fucking works. Even Stacy, sweetest pea in the pod that hates confrontation, bricked him about the need to respect Arrowstorm and how hard this all is. And what do you even do to justify making all the money? He fills out the imdb spreadsheet, he says. That original hot mess that I had to reformat. And sends emails, that I have to clean up after him. That takes TIME. I bundled it up and did the math like I did and said he was running an average of 1-2 hours a week of work. But he’s super busy. That’s his excuse. We just dont KNOW what his life is like.

Meanwhile we get wind he’s going back to Kira, after ALL THE SHIT DRAGGING HE DID OF HER, and abandoning her stream which I was STILL going to every week. Why? Because everybody’s sick of his shit here, so he’ll go there for convenience, I guess, since he burned everybody up here. And when we confront him about how shitty and gross that is, he tries to justify it but gets reamed. Tries to blame it on how busy he’s been too. Super busy. A wall of busy. And it’s a fantastic busy wall.

Dude goes dead silent on everybody. Kay, well, we have final prep for a live feature with THE ARROWSTORM PRODUCER the next day so we get back to our shit, because we’re sick of him derailing everything. Wake up in the morning to him trying to ultimatum US about the emails we said he shouldn’t have and leaving. So, you know. That was a thing. And we get a notice that he tried to set the FB to delete. Now it becomes a mad dash to password change EVERYTHING. And change all of the recovery options. Luckily my godaddy account was already delegated and restricted access but I go to doublecheck and THIS motherfucker has a domain registration package IN MY CHECKOUT CART. What. The FUCK. Luckily he can’t see or use my payment details but I screenshot that shit. I still have to be live with the producer in a few hours and put on a good face. Like the last interview, it went great without him (barring a tech difficulty that slammed us because of my shitty tech). She said she had a great time. Said she was gonna text the leads in the show (which IS a CW show) to get in contact with us. We smile and wave and thank her and off she goes.

I look back in hangouts and he’s bitching about the emails, I tell him just delete the shit dude, I can register them again, I’m not an idiot and already backed everything up to a zip folder and if there’s downtime it’s the weekend and agents won’t be answering anyway while I put it back up, I don’t give a shit but HEY, while we’re at it, I’m super curious about why I spotted this in my checkout cart and why you pitched a bitch about your access levels suddenly. You know, right before I password locked you out. So are you going from passive fraud of accidentally keeping things from the comic store to active fraud using my card to buy shit? Luckily I’m smarter than you, son.

Oh, the excuses flowed. It was an accident. He didn’t realize, he was just checking how much it would cost (like they don’t show that before you select), IDK, they never found the bodies was probably next.

So I dig in google history to make sure other weird shit wasn’t going on and make sure he was locked out of everything and find that this dumb motherfucker set the group email to be his microsoft account so both microsoft AND google were tracking him and this fuckface was playing more than 60+ hours of random games and bullshit a *week.* And I don’t mean like “might have left it running when he left the house” games, I mean rotating titles every 30-45 minutes was common. You could literally see when he’d try to initiate his three hour google calls, then hang up and go play Marvel, then pick a fight and when people got pissed, turned around and played asphalt, then came back to complain about money, and then when people bitched at him went on grindr or looked up a mix of ageplay and/or pedo porn. Like it’s RIGHT THERE in the tracking history and it’s hard to miss because *he’s the only fucker in australia in the team* and you can track the logins. Mine are all like searching for the acting reels i need or whatever to build their video features then his is like Hungry Sharks > Asphalt 8 > FIFA > Grindr > Some PotC game and so on. The occasional single googling of an article. And you can track this shit going on every day for WEEKS. So I bold ass call that out.

Like, you’re too busy to put in more work or to talk to Kira until it’s convenient to you but you can do [list of 20 apps] for 9 hours a day? On TOP of calling each of us for hours? What the FUCK?

He starts typing to argue back and I’m like, no motherfucker, don’t start. You are literally in here, hoping to work on the actual product being created by people with the work skills making this happen, claiming it’s your creation just because you ran off half cocked and made an SM account you tagged us into and it would look weird to break off AGAIN from OotO, so we ran with it but have literally put in every penny and working hour and bit of product to this and you expect us to wire you any and all cash out of it because what? You LITERALLY have said you just don’t want to work, you LITERALLY have done NOTHING but eat up our time while we give you endless chances, and you’re on here doing [list of 20 more apps] and googling a site once a day as your labor into this expecting cash to just pour into your pockets? Are you on crack?

Typing again,

No dude, we’re not here to pave your way.

Delete... typing again.

No, dude, you’re looking to make a quick buck on everybody else’s work and that’s not gonna fly.

Delete... typing again.

Dude, don’t even, it’s RIGHT THERE in the google history.

...[Tim has left this group]

Okay. Whatever. Ding dong the bitch is dead, we have more work to do. I onboard a few friends to help out with my video/transcripting load - not that TIm ever did any of that anyway - and get to work. I just leave it out of public. Keep rolling. In 2 days we get more work done than I usually did in 2 weeks because, guess what, I’m not cleaning up a manchild’s messes and getting called hours on end and having to argue about basic common sense. And I mean tangible work. Like, now we’re literally a month ahead on prep for our content that we were always running to the last minute on, off of a few DAYS of work. The rest is all time to grow and settle in now.

Turn around... find out his ass is subtweeting us. And not just subtweeting, he’s claiming it was discrimination because he was gay.

I shit you not.

He’s out there saying that Grindr was used to “throw his sexuality in his face” despite being on a list of like 20394203942039420394203942039420394 apps he was fucking around with all fucking day while pitching this attitude. *And* claiming someone was “creepy” for “checking out his browsing history.” not that I checked out *our group account history* because he was *trying to spend money on my card and tried to delete our facebook*, but hey. Spin it how you want, I guess?

My friend, who joined the hangout, and by proxy it loaded the chat history, called him on his shit. Who, by the way, is queer. Like no, motherfucker, this is just your own lazy spoiled entitled ass making its own bed, if it was a straight chat site you’d be getting bitched out for doing Fuck All just the same, what the fuck. I don’t care if it was eHarmony listed in there amidst all the games. Deal with your shit. He blocks her. Blocks everyone. Starts messaging people that are liking said friend’s comments on the thread going “I see you noticed the thread-” and trying his bullshit schpiel on them. Sorry dude. These are people I’ve built rapport with for years and know my work ethic, better luck next fucking time.

And the proof is in the pudding. I’ve gone from being entirely MIA and unreachable for weeks at a time drowning in this shit to being a month ahead on work, with said-friend only having to put in like 3-4 hours of useful additions (rather than basically working against us 16~ hours a week) and boom, we’re way ahead of the curve now! I’m talking to people again! Shit called. Mischief managed.

But if you ever want the image of a thousand stereotypes in one ball

a 25 year old white dude that is creepy as fuck with female guests to the point almost everybody picks up on it, lives with his mother, has never worked a job in his life, thinks breathing in his vicinity or playing games with him is reason to throw money at him, thinks he owns anything he looks in the direction of and thinks he should get all the money; and, on the other hand, falls into the (GENERALLY FAKE) stereotype that calls of discrimination against LGBT folk are just excuses (WHICH IS SHIT THAT MAKES IT HARDER WHEN ACTUAL DISCRIMINATION HITS). *AND* having the audacity to go public about it *AFTER* we tried to quietly let him walk. The literal embodiment of the worst of every fucking stereotype rolled into one, from lazy young generation to men taking credit over the work women do and feeling superior to even attitudes that make honest hard-working LGBT folk have a hell of a time in the world when real discrimination hits.

AND HE WONDERS WHY HE’S UNEMPLOYABLE.

HOLY. SHIT.

...[flips tables]

For the record, here is said friend calling his shit. Some of you may know her, too.

So there, my rant of the day.

Men. Are fucking. Exhausting. Oh. My god.

But now, we’re ahead. We’re pulling ahead. We’re going to be stable and strong and we’re now poised to even increase our number of guests on the week, especially if those emails from the leads come in. We can take the punches, and everybody’s comfortable on interviews without him being weird on them now, and things are going places.

But christ on a coconut. This is literally *WHY* it’s so hard to get given a chance in the world. Because people like this are given a chance and they just... KSJFKSJDFksjfskdjf

I hate people.

#wank for ts

43 notes · View notes

nctjournal · 6 years

Text

Forgotten (Jeno)

Gif Credit

word count: 2312

An au where you and jeno were the duo in school, and you were close friends when you two were little, but as soon as you transferred to a different school, you lost contact with him.

A/N: i miss writing so here i am, and i’m making this female reader bc it’s easier on me and i end up using female pronouns like halfway through writing. this might get really messing, just a warning bc all of this is literally from my head. for once this is really bad sorry

I know it’s mentioned in the description but you two were the duo in school

Like THE DUO

And you two were adorable together when you guys were young

You guys would always pair up when it’s a co-ed project

Even though jeno has other friends when it comes to having to work with the same gender

You don’t,,,,

You didn’t rely on jeno for communication or anything

Interacting just wasn’t your thing

Even though that’s pretty much used in every scenario but oh well

Then a few months into the second year in school together, your mom decided to move back to the states

Why?

Family issues

We’re not gonna get into that

You feel like you forgot how to speak english bc of how often you talk to jeno erugiherg

And with that, your parents decided to get you a new phone

Your dumb butt decided not to transfer your contacts as you just thought you were gonna never talk to them again

You still have that phone, but it’s dead bc you never charge it

You still continue your path of singing and dancing, but you mainly focused on singing

And you have a sibling who’s focusing on dancing

Guess it matches well

You two just used youtube to share your works

Of course your sister is more known bc you hardly use your social media nor post videos

You’re only known for your covers since it’s the audio your sibling uses for their covers

Only you used a different name to go by on social media, bc your parents wanted you to, and they wouldn’t let you if you used your real name

Sometimes you appear in your sibling’s videos for dance covers, and whenever someone asks who you are, your sibling just answers ‘just a friend who agreed to do a cover with me’

Yes your entire face is pretty much covered by a hat and mask

On jeno’s side of the whole story

We know what he’s doing

But he’s been focused on it so much that he basically forgot you

One day, you were searching through youtube and found a video with him as a thumbnail

You checked it out and you couldn’t help but smile in awe

It’s so nice to see your friend finally debuting

Oh yeah, your sibling knows you were close friends with jeno

Bc you talk to them on your free time

Your parents don’t hate each other, but they’re not married anymore

Sounds complicated and i’m sorry for that ewiuhgiuerhg

Apparently you live in one of the places that sm does their monthly auditions

And a few months later, when you actually have time

Your sibling tried to convince you to go with them

Honestly you were fine being a normal cover channel

Which isn’t that popular but that doesn’t stop you from singing

And you had a job too which you were completely fine with

But even your parents wanted you to go

Which means you were going

Tbh you really didn’t want to go

You knew there was training involved and you HATE training your vocals

Even though you can still speak korean perfectly fine, you feel like you're gonna end up butchering it

If you get accepted anyways

It was coming soon and you two were planning your thing

Your sibling was so good with coming up with choreography that you knew they were gonna get in

You KNEW it

You on the other hand

Not so confident

Everyone keeps telling you to be confident

You nod but you just can’t

You’re just gonna wing it since you can’t not be nervous

Then the day comes

And how nice, it was the day nct dream decided to come visit the auditions

You didn’t know that but apparently everyone else did

When your family got to the place, your nervousness skyrocketed

You were definitely not prepared for this

You wore your usual attire that you wear in your sibling’s videos

When you guys came in, many people recognized your sibling

When you guys got your numbers, you waited

While you waited, you two played games, mainly hand games

And you two stretched and then just chilled until your numbers were called

When your numbers are called, you both went

You can feel everyone staring at you

Like, why are you wearing a hat and a mask when they need to see who you are??

When you entered the room, there was nct dream and your sibling almost freaked out

You motioned them to calm down and they did

Let’s make this the we young era so they’re all wearing their sailor clothes

“Excuse me, miss, can you please take off your hat and mask?” you hear one of them say

Who said it?

Mark did, but you didn’t know who he was

You apologized and did as asked

You fixed your hair as you took off your hat and mask

Your hair is average length, so you didn’t need to worry about it getting into your face too much

You two greeted in english so they know who’s who

You guys were getting ready the dance portion of your performance

You can feel one of them staring at you

Of course it was jeno

But it was a stare as if he was trying to remember something

Yet his memory failed him

Then you guys started and BOY YOU WERE GUYS POWERFUL

You were showing off your moves when you had a solo part

And same with your sibling

You didn’t see dream’s faces, but they were surprised and amazed by both of your dancing skills

You look like you wasted so much of your energy on dancing

“Y/N, you said you were going to sing too, do you have the energy for it?” one of the judges say

You didn’t answer, instead, your sibling did

“You’re just underestimating her stamina.” they said softly, but some of the members in dream heard them

You were given a hand mic

Like a normal person would, you checked the mic, and luckily it was working

Luckily, you’ve been doing covers of english songs, and even same some songs that you wrote both in korean and english

Mostly for your sister’s dance covers but you also sing osts

Instead you just sang an english song you really like

Your sibling is standing in the back and swaying side to side as you sang

It’s seems like an emotional song, but it’s really bc how your voice is and the song

When you were done, the judges nod and wrote down something on the paper

Your sibling gave you your water bottle as you were busy clearing your dry throat

Time skip bc my uncreative butt got in the way

After your private auditions, you and your sibling got to meet again

Of course you had your hat and mask back on as you left the room

You’re dying from heat since you’re wearing all black but you couldn’t care less

Your sibling tried to get you to take off the hat and the mask while fanning you

But you refused since you were in a room with a bunch of other people who didn’t know you were the other person dancing in your sibling dance covers

Skipping again bc i’m dumb

Results came a few days later as you were just chilling and singing to a random song

“Y/N!!!!!” you hear your sibling yelling from another room

Instead of yelling back, you walk over to the room they were in

And as usual they’re in their practice room

“What.”

“Did you check your email?”

“No?”

“GO CHECK!”

“OK!”

And you went

But your sibling decided to follow you to your recording room which your dad still kept

Thank god

“Did you get in?” you ask

“Yeah, surprisingly.”

“Surprisingly? Dude, I didn’t see their face, but I’m what I saw in my side vision, those kids were surprised and impressed by your dancing!”

Your sibling laughed, “oh shut up!”

“Besides, aren’t you happy you passed?”

“I am!”

“You don’t seem like it.”

“JUST GO CHECK YOUR EMAIL!”

“OK!”

Then you checked your email

It’s not there

Your sister was confused

But then you checked your spam and there it was

You wondered why it was in your spams, but then you remembered so many people wanted to scout you and you just kept rejecting them to the point that you just ignored their emails

You clicked and there was the email

It��s in all in korean, great

And your sibling didn’t understand it bc her email was in English

You read it like a book and you made a face

“What did it say?” you sibling asked

“They accepted me, but they want me to sing face to face.”

“Why? Were you too good for just a recording?”

“Oh shut up!”

You were ready to fight your sibling

But apparently your parents were listening and willing to have you go back to korea for it

“Well, back to Seoul I guess.” you say

Luckily staying in the city isn’t an issue, since you have a family there

When your sibling and everyone else has left, you stared at your old phone

You could backup your contacts now, but all of your friend contacts are useless to you, knowing they completely forgot about you

Now you gotta plan the flight and pack or else your family is gonna rush you

By family, i just mean your sibling

Of course they’re excited, bc they’ve never been out of the states before

Then when the time came, your mom and your sister was ready

Your dad decided to stay to watch over the house

So when you guys finally made it to seoul, you guys were greeted by your family

Your sibling was so lost and you told your side of the family about them

They still seemed confused, but you’ll translate for them later

Tbh you would have done it a few months later but them you would have to go through the whole audition process again and that alone was already draining

Skipping to the part when you actually went to the building itself

Already you could feel yourself getting lost in this gigantic building

Luckily there was someone who’s willing to show you the way

Haha guess who

Lee jeno himself of course

Of course you didn’t feel any different than before

And your sibling still clung onto you and tried to hide from jeno, which caused you to walk slower than usual

Jeno turned around as he noticed how slow you were going

“Is everything okay?”

You nod

But how long has it been since you heard someone else speak korean other than your mom?

Too long

You guys just continued walking until you got to the room and you see some adults in it

“Ah, Are you Y/N?” someone in the room asked

You nodded

Probably they didn’t know who you were bc this time, you didn’t hide your face and you wore some color for once

Jeno was nice enough to stay so he could lead you out of the building

They asked you a few questions

One was what school did you go to

You just answered that you went to Seoul School of Performing Arts for a year and transferred to a general public school

Apparently they didn’t know you could speak korean well

Your sibling was surprised that you went to that school

You knew they’re going to talk so much after all this is over

Now they got to the part where you had to sing for them

God this was like the audition all over again

You expected music, but apparently they want you to sing an acapella

Your brain is like

‘I don’t do acapellas but ok’

You sang

You can feel your sibling being proud of you again

You basically used your water bottle as a mic

When you were done, you listened to the adults giving you comments

Apparently some complimented on your korean, ok then

Anyways, great news! You got accepted!!

Your sibling tackled you into a hug and you almost fell

You can hear clapping from Jeno

Then there’s someone yelling, “There you are, Jeno!”

He looked over and smile, “Sorry, I was showing someone where to go.”

They popped their heads in and found you struggling to get your sibling off

It seems like the adults have already left

“Oh, it’s them again!” one of them said

You two look over and your sibling immediately dragged you in front of them

You almost lost your balance

The kid with the purple hair laughed at you

Yep that’s chenle

But you didn’t know that

Yes this is during the we young era and i don’t remember if i mentioned that already

You introduced yourself and your sibling

They’re so pleased to meet you

They introduced themselves too

Then chenle had a thought

“Jeno-hyung, didn’t you have a friend that went to the same school as you?”

Jeno’s just ‘??? what are you talking about?’

Then chenle’s just ‘nevermind’

You look at your sibling and they just looked at you and you know how upset they are that he forgot about you

Tbh mark knows you from school too (from jeno) and luckily he remembers you

Apparently mark wanted to talk to you in private and you nodded

When you followed mark to a different room, he just sighed

“What’s wrong?” you had to ask

“It’s not about me, it’s Jeno.”

“?? what’s wrong with him??”

“Were you Jeno’s friend in school?”

Answering a question with a question is not cool mark

“Yeah… well i WAS.”

“So you kinda knew that he forgot about you?”

“Yep, and it’s not the first time a friend has forgotten about me.”

#lee jeno #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct dream #nct #c; mine #c; jeno #c; Bullet #c; general au

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