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snakeautistic · 3 months

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One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

#actually autistic #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autistic #autistic things #autistic traits #autistic thoughts #low support needs #LSN autistic #social cues #socializing #social skills #asd #neurodivergence #autistic experiences #autism spectrum

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vtoriacore · 8 months

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✧ never the first

note: wow i can't go long without writing for vil at all. i wanted him to suffer today, can't say i'm sorry when i'm still feeling petty BECAUSE HIS BDAY CARDS DIDNT COME THIS YEAR. anyways sorry vil, love you really but also suffer <3

synopsis: he viewed you as more than a friend, and it was tearing him apart from the inside; couldn't you see him as more?

reblogs much appreciated, mwah 💞💓

Envy, not an emotion Vil was used to feeling in regards to someone else. Sure, he could begrudgingly admit that he did feel searing jealously whenever Neige was up on stage start to finish, playing roles fitting for someone of his 'cute' and 'innocent' stature (industry's words, not his own) but envy? No, never envy. He was never envious of his one-sided rival, never had been and never will be. Which is something he'd thought up until now, thinking over how you talk to Neige so casually and without a care in the world as if you'd known him your entire life. Why did Neige get to have your attention like this, spoken to like a treasure, when you were so formal with Vil, as if he were just another commodity?

Always a 'good morning, Vil.' but never a 'morning hun!', always a 'goodbye' but never a 'see ya later dear!', always a 'how are you today?' but never an 'aww what's got you so down sweetie?' and always-

"Roi du Poison!" why couldn't you dote on him like that?

"There has been a little emergency back at the dorm, you see-" why didn't you gift him any of your endearing nicknames?

"We aren't sure if the potion is dangerous yet and the freshman-" why couldn't you see the longing in his eyes every time you were together?

"Roi du Poison! By the Seven, are you listening? Undoubtedly so, your thoughts are always deeply beautiful and assuredly just as important but this is no time to be occupied in this manner!"

Ah, how vexing. Or perhaps he should feel grateful at the fact Rook, the blabbering (not that he minded) man he is, came over to distract him from his thoughts? Not that it was working very well, because even now as he's being whisked away in order to deal with the fool who potentially contaminated the Pomefiore labs with a dangerous substance, all he can think about is that sweet smile you'd direct at Neige and how it contrasts with the formal one you always direct at him. Did he really intimidate you this much? Or did you not wish to pursue anything more than aquaintanceship with him? Even thinking the word stung, and he desperately wished it didn't.

"How did this mess happen?" he asked as he observed the unsightly scene, but didn't process it. Really, how could this mess have happened? How could he have gotten so deeply involved with you when you viewed him as nothing but a friend, or maybe even less?

"I- I'm sorry housewarden! It was an honest mistake- I added too much rosemary oil and-" and he never did think that you'd be anything more than a friend initially. So why? Why did he allow his heart to tear open at its seams when you aren't the one there to mend it, when you aren't the one to stitch the fragile felt, when you aren't the one to weave every thread of his love together into something you could both admire? Why couldn't you be the one?

"Take utmost precaution in the future. Come. I'll instruct you on how to properly dispose of the potion's residue with magic. Rook, please ensure no passing students are in the vicinity," he didn't allow his voice to tremble, despite the thrashing storm of emotions passing through him in waves, eroding at his steel, or perhaps iron with how fast it was crumbling, will. But he knew this endeavour was fruitless. It isn't like he could focus on anything but the raging thoughts, sharper than ever, ringing in his head; was he not enough for you? Did he lack something fundamental you were looking for? Could you not find anything within him to build something beautiful up?

"Thank you housewarden! I'll make sure to be more careful in the future," he didn't respond, not when his underclassman waited for a response and not when Rook came back to assess the situation, not when he himself couldn't even assess what it is he was missing that made you want Neige and not him.

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit #twst x yuu #twst x y/n #twst x reader angst #twst angst #twst vil x reader #twst vil

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comradekatara · 6 days

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nothing too insightful to say just !!! toph is the disabled character of all time and it means so much to me, personally. thinking specifically about what you mentioned on the last post about how she learns to let herself be loved; it is often such a fundamental aspect of growing up with a disability that “love” is the guise that adults stripping you of agency wear.

it’s not just being helped in a way that harms and deemed incompetent. it’s being perceived as incompetent, receiving help for your disability that strips you of autonomy, being vulnerable to the abuse and unable to speak for yourself in response to it because you are too frail, helpless, all under the premise of “love.” when disabled love becomes the equivalent of burdening another and being taken from yourself, toph is kind of incredible because it took me nearly twenty years to even begin to unlearn all of that, but she managed to open herself up to others within a few months (to varying degrees, it’s also interesting she seems to trust sokka the quickest, maybe i will send another ask after breakfast rambling about that).

but toph’s ability to adjust her concept of what love is and open herself to it, is genuinely one of the most powerful disability arcs i have ever seen. she becomes able to accept help and not have that feel like embodying weakness, which feels dangerous when disabled because your perceived social weakness is why you have been stripped of all agency and dehumanized, esp. as a disabled child. toph is incredibly strong in regards to earth bending, but truthfully it is this ability to listen, observe and adapt that is her greatest strength. her character is soooo good and her arc is so fucking beautiful

YES 💗 i don’t talk about toph’s disability enough because i don’t like getting too personal on here but you really do articulate that struggle perfectly and i agree so much with what you said.

toph’s foundational trauma is tied not to her experience being blind, but rather the abuse she received due to her blindness. the struggle of being disabled is always twofold: firstly, and i hate when people sugarcoat or ignore this, having a physical disability does make life more difficult. we see toph struggle when she’s not in a position to use her earthbending as a mobility aid; there are aspects of life that are difficult or genuinely impossible for her to participate in due to her limitations. she can and does often compensate by being a brilliant earthbender, but there are still some things she simply cannot do.

but what’s more important to toph’s experience with disability is the way she is treated by those around her, especially her parents. toph simultaneously struggles with being coddled and smothered due to her unique needs, denied agency due to the assumption that she is somehow less able to dictate her own choices, and treated like a shameful burden due to her disability. so by the time toph joins the gaang, she is very afraid of being seen as a burden, but she also doesn’t want anyone helping her with anything or telling her what to do, because she associates that with her parents’ abuse.

she bristles when katara tries to get her to help out, because she wants to be the kind of person who respects everyone else’s space and lets everyone be capable of “carrying their own weight,” just as she wants to be allowed to be left to her own devices. she doesn’t yet understand that a community or support network is not the same thing as a denial of agency, and so she assumes that katara is overbearing and motherly instead of a kid who comes from a place where everyone does an equal share of labor and expects everyone else to do the same.

that’s why i think a lot of people who have never experienced any kind of major disability firsthand don’t really understand toph, and just assume she’s spoiled and brash due to being rich and entitled. but that’s not the case at all. she’s spent her whole life being treated like a fragile doll instead of a person, and it’s dehumanizing and isolating. she doesn’t understand the value of a community because she’s sick of people trying to help her, and due to her own experiences being “helped,” assumes that help is necessarily negative and a denial of one’s agency.

the last thing she wants in that situation is to be overbearing, to be the one telling other people what to do and how to live their lives (yet another reason why she would never become a cop). of course, she signed on to be aang’s teacher, so pretty quickly she does have to get over herself and actually instruct, and she’s not a gentle pedagogue either. but she also knows that she is supremely qualified to teach earthbending, and so it’s easier for her to tell others what to do when she knows that her wisdom counts for something and she isn’t just imposing her will onto someone else for the hell of it, or because she doesn’t respect them.

she also definitely takes iroh’s advice to heart, because unlike a certain incorrigible nephew, she’s really wise and emotionally mature, able to respond to measured advice and actually internalize what iroh is saying. so it doesn’t take long for her to develop a bond with sokka where she doesn’t feel afraid to rely on him. and it’s funny, because she accuses katara of being overbearing and motherly, but she does actually listen to sokka and follow his every command, despite her supposed disdain for authority. and i think it’s the fact that even though sokka does sometimes forget that she’s blind, he’s never purposely insensitive, and he never bosses her around for the hell of it.

unlike katara, who is genuinely unkind to toph in “the chase,” sokka never disrespects toph, and he certainly never disrespects her disability. he’ll banter with her about it, like when he says “well you’ve never not seen anything like this” in “sokka’s master,” but the joke isn’t at her expense, unlike “the stars sure are beautiful tonight,” which is straight up cruel and lowkey unforgivable (sidenote: as someone who has been bullied for being disabled, i do think that this is hands down the worst thing katara ever says in the show, and i understand why toph would continue to hold a grudge against her for that for a long time). whereas sokka always treats toph like a person, and toph recognizes that, so she thus not only accepts his help, but actively asks for it and enjoys receiving it.

toph does grow and accept her own vulnerability remarkably fast, but to the gaang’s credit, they are great friends, and they all treat her like a person instead of a burden or a doll (including katara). having people who love you and understand you, both in terms of your strengths and your limitations, is really necessary, for anyone, but especially for disabled people. i’m really lucky to have people in my life who love me like that, and toph’s arc is so beautiful specifically because she is given that love and care and never takes it for granted. i definitely think that toph is one of the greatest disabled characters of all time, and it’s because her disability isn’t simply incidental to her character, but rather the central pillar of her arc that informs all her motivations at all times. she learns to ask for help, and accept help when it’s offered. she finds a community.

#amorphousea #asks #toph #analysis #katara&toph #sokka&toph #she means so much to me…..#and please do send that follow up ask about sokka because their dynamic is so important #honestly it’s probably what got me to like sokka in the first place #crazy i know . but his friendship w toph is just so perfect #& it rly made me appreciate him more as a kid

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dadmareau · 1 year

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i’m imagining adult dream and baby nightmare having their own shenanigans, it’s significantly less funny though cause dream would just be an emotional wreck

There would be many, many tears.

It feels wrong to call him brother. It's been a long time since he could call Nightmare his brother. But it brings relief. Enormous relief.

(summary of the dream dad au)

Dream would probably be an enormously protective and ruthless parent (end-game), though it would take him a character arc to see past Baby Nightmare as the symbol of what he lost. Although Nightmare is a child, he is still observant enough to understand his presence causes Dream such a great grief that it is palpable in the air when Dream is in the house. This would probably drive Nightmare to fall into further self-loathing and run away, prompting Dream to once again chase after his brother after neglecting him.

Thankfully, Dream would catch him and they could have a nice emotional talk about the past and why Dream "hates" Nightmare. Dream sums it up as the two having a very bad argument that ended so badly they stayed hurt for hundreds of years. Nightmare then asks if he ate the apples on the tree, to which Dream hesitantly says yes.

Eventually, they grow into trusting one another more and bonding better. Dream would not hesitate to act as a guardian to Nightmare and is happy raising him. Dream eventually learns that he can forgive himself because he realizes that he, too, was ultimately a child and just as helpless as Nightmare in the past. Nightmare is observant enough to know Dream is somehow an adult version of his brother, but still views him in a mix of fatherly/brotherly perspective. I think Dream would end up more as Nightmare's crybaby, caring big brother, but it's up to you.

I kind of get the vibe that Dream would be pretty pathetic in the beginning before taking up arms when he realizes Nightmare is still being endangered by the villagers. They probably wouldn't recognize him, since he's got a different temperament (isn't willing to be pushed around by their demands anymore.) They assume he's some kind of new guardian from the tree to replace their old one for the rising demands they're making. Entitled, arrogant, etc.

Dream prefers being more straightforward, so I think he probably betters their situation by just being himself (honest, kind, generous, friendly, caring) and winning over the townsfolk again. But he would absolutely use their goodwill to pamper his younger brother without remorse. He's fundamentally against unnecessary cruelty or violent forms of revenge, but he is absolutely vindictive when it comes to holding the villagers accountable.

Always the goody two shoes, he offers them forgiveness if they repent for being horrible people and change their horrible ways... perhaps by helping him restore his home? And maybe then they'll see that Nightmare is not a monster, but just a little boy...?

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daisygrayce · 8 months

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It's not miscommunication that's the problem

TL;DR - Crowley and Aziraphale can't talk about heaven and good because those things don't mean the same things to them. Their experiences are fundamentally different, so they will always miscommunicate and misunderstand.

OK. I know I have 3 big things going against me: you don't know me, this is amazingly long and miscommunication is the problem. Please hear me out.

In a simple view, miscommunication is the problem but the cause of that miscommunication isn't the fundamental issue. Aziraphale and Crowley are two fundamentally different beings and I don't know how they can bridge that experience gap. Heaven, the Plan and especially God are different CONCEPTS for our boys. It starts with who they were as angels when they were both in heaven BEFORE the beginning.

From the moment Crowley calls Aziraphale to help, we are aware that Crowley is a powerful angel. It's also apparent that he's excited, engaged, joyous and creative; all things we will see less of when he is on earth. I don't it occurs to him to introduce himself to Aziraphale partly because he is so engrossed in unleashing his passion project and partly because he's used to being recognized. In their discussion, two major facts become clear about how we need to frame Crowley's relationship with God, the Plan and heaven. First, his relationship with God and the ineffable Plan is personal. More so than just how he believes in it, but that God is his Mother and Crowley's experience with heaven much more resembles a family or close network and less a disembodied corporation. His comment about Gabriel coming to look at his statue in the graveyard is that of a brother, not the distant observation of an archangel in authority.

Second, we see that his understanding of the Plan is that it is dynamic and evolves to always push forth the greater good for everyone. "Good" isn't an abstract to be applied but rather a mandate to be lived. It's beauty and peace and love and wellbeing. I believe from the moment he hears that things will end in 6,000 years, Crowley believes that there is a misunderstanding between what God wants and what her "staff" is executing. I think for him heaven and God are two distinct entities and that heaven fucks things up (means to an end) when his somewhat flighty, even a little vain, Mother isn't paying close attention. We see his disgust in the Noah, Job and Caligula minisodes, part of that disgust is disbelief that his Mother could be that cruel, another part disbelief that heaven could be that stupid and inefficient.

If I were doing a literary analysis, I would say that Crowley is representative of our personal relationship with God and spirituality. Crowley's trauma with the fall is more about being rejected as a child for disappointing his Mother, than not being part of heaven and the good guys. We see that when in crisis he talks directly to God (ex. when hell figures out he's lost the Antichrist or "Oh God." when Aziraphale rejects him). In the Job minisode, we see him wistful for the opportunity to ask God a question, to talk to her. For him "heaven" is toxic because of how the corporation is executing the Plan. God and goodness is not. He rejects being reinstated as an angel because he doesn't need to be a "good guy" or have the corporation's mistake fixed. He wants the "furniture of his Mother's love and family relationships" to be restored. That's beyond the power of heaven and it's something that Aziraphale fundamentally doesn't understand.

Aziraphale is a lower functioning angel in heaven who is constantly helping. He experiences heaven from a more distanced perspective. He is raised in the confines of heaven, the corporation, and has the structure of this organization repeatedly forced on and drummed into him. Heaven never treats him well and he does experience a tremendous amount of trauma. He struggles with the need for affirmation and approval and is so aware that his co-workers don't think highly of him. From a literary standpoint, I'd say that Aziraphale represents our relationship with organized religion and society as a whole. "The Almighty" isn't a personal concept for him. It never occurs to him to directly address God, even if he knows that she's ultimately running the show. He appeals to a higher authority, but never God. Sadly, I don't think that Aziraphale ever experiences a parental relationship or a family's bond, ever. I think that lack makes the ineffable plan an esoteric concept that he should aspire to even if he doesn't really get it, much like a corporate mission statement. It's not until he has to "act local" and is suddenly presented with the ugly consequences of the Plan that the plan becomes real. To his credit, in that moment of realization, Aziraphale works his ass off to fix it for the better (see the Job minisode) usually with Crowley's help. I love him desperately, but he's not a global, big picture guy as we see in the end of season two ending. He thinks he's offering Crowley salvation and a chance to be together and do that ineffable "good" he clings to, however, Crowley sees the global concrete implications for not only them, but the rest of everything.

Aziraphale would never intentionally hurt Crowley. For him, reinstatement to heaven is like checking a box, righting a gross wrong. He knows that Crowley is good, that's not at issue. He cannot fathom that overwhelming wealth of hurt that Crowley carries from the fall, that personal judgement from God that Crowley "disappointed her." He doesn't understand that heaven can't reinstate that. Because of that inability to understand how Crowley sees God and heaven, he can't understand why Crowley doesn't want to be a part of heaven.

When Aziraphale is confronted by the archangels for conspiring with his "boyfriend" in season one, he never denies the relationship or really even blinks. I think his exposure to the concepts of love in literature has formed his view of his relationship with Crowley to unrequited love. He has physically moved closer to Crowley over the series, but he believes it has to remain unrequited because of the whole "rules of heaven" and consorting with the "enemy" thing. Crowley, bless his heart, feels love and because of its power (and probably the slow burn) relates it to the only love he's ever known, family. When Maggie and Nina explain that it's not that kind of love, he's free of the family implications. He's seen romantic love in the movies and can move forward. He even knows from Gabriel and Beelzebub that they can move forward. Then when he expresses his love, gives voice to the longing in his heart, the global implications of heaven and their plan and what he believes is confirmation of Aziraphale's judgement of him crush him.

I don't believe that Aziraphale will ever be able to understand how Crowley views God and heaven until he goes to heaven and sees the disconnect for himself. Then he has the foundation to understand why.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

#neil gaiman #ineffable husbands #crowly x aziraphale #good omens theory #good omens season 2 #good omens #pay our writers and artists so we can all have a happy ending #good omens season 3

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fuck-hamas-go-israel · 6 months

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Ok so I have watched multiple videos on the history of Israel - Palestine and honestly? Go Israel.

The only thing I am not able to understand is, why is the whole world in the support of Palestine? Even Tumblr? (Yes the death of innocent people is bad but it's happening on both sides, why are they pretending that everyone in Israel lives in idk, rocket-proof luxury rooms?)

And people are purchasing books on history of Israel - Palestine, and still violently supporting Palestine. And not even seeing a shread of "blame" on them? :(

This is just an observation, but wherever muslims are in majority, they won't let the minority in peace, no matter what — they're not the “peaceful” community the world tries to show them as.

There is whole history on how they are ruthless, tyrants, who can not accept let alone tolerate another religion in their proximity.

I JUST don't know what will it take for the world to see the actual history and stop viewing Israel like The Evil Nation.

That’s a good question, but a very difficult one to answer.

As you’ve said, the information is out there in the open, available to anyone willing to put in the time to read and understand.

However, it takes a lot of mental effort to wrap one’s mind around the historical and geopolitical nuances of this conflict. As a result, it’s definitely less of a mental burden to get information from reading headlines, reading tweets, and watching TikToks.

Of course the information isn’t always accurate, and if someone absorbs news from these sites that all have the same bias, they’ll be inclined to think a certain way. But even still, it’s digestible, and why put in the work to make informed opinions of the subject when these smaller, bite-sized pieces of info are being spoon-fed to you easily?

You can tell people to “educate themselves”until the cows come home, but the chances of them actually going to read up more are pretty slim. After all, it’s more comfortable and safe to maintain your opinion than actively seek out information that challenges your point of view.

That aside, I think the Israel-Palestine conflict in particular has elicited, or rather, uncovered a very worrying hypocrisy and double-standard, and caused a rise in antisemitism that’s alarmingly reminiscent of 1940s Europe.

Those who support Hamas claim to be on the side of “human rights” and “protecting the innocent”, yet turn a blind eye to or rejoice at the slaughter of innocent children.

They present this issue as intersectional with other liberalist movements such as feminism and LGBTQ+ rights, yet Hamas rapes and parades the naked bodies of women around to publicly humiliate them, and calls the LGBT community “sinners” that will be “punished by Allah”, and refuses to allow any LGBT person on Palestinian soil.

Yes, it is baffling to see people defend a terrorist group that has such fundamentally incompatible ideologies with them, and would kill them on sight. Normally I wouldn’t just tell them to go to Palestine if they like it so much, but if they can’t see the irrationality of their own beliefs themselves, if they can’t see that their parroted platitudes are of no use and don’t make them immune or exempt from the hate-filled violence of Hamas, then maybe going there to see for themselves is perhaps the only solution.

So maybe there isn’t anything that can be done, unfortunately. It’s very telling that many pro-Israel accounts are sent hate mail daily, and instead of being presented with the opportunity for discourse on the complicated subject, it’s just crusty anons calling for the end of Israel and telling them to kill themselves for supporting Israel.

If someone calls for your death, then there’s little to nothing that can be done anymore to have a rational discussion. All you can do is stay safe and stay informed, and don’t stoop to their level because they’ll use that as ammunition against you to justify calling for your death.

Am Yisrael Chai 🇮🇱

#i stand with israel #israel #palestine #gaza #stop hamas #pro israel #am yisrael chai #hamas #fuck hamas #stop anti semitism #antisemitism #judaism

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drdemonprince · 4 months

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Recently, I've observed a pattern in my friendships where I connect with people who tend to be people pleasers or are less confident in expressing their thoughts. Given my neurodivergence and direct communication style, I've received feedback about sounding righteous, making them feel unsafe to share. How can I navigate these situations more effectively or seek out individuals with stronger personalities who appreciate straightforwardness?

P.s. it makes me feel so bad every time this happens, it’s not my intent to hurt people and I feel very rejected.

I have a bit of experience with this dynamic myself. Those of us who are read as negative or difficult to please can unwittingly be appealing to people pleasers, because it reminds them of people who have genuinely mistreated them and fraught family or relational dynamics of their past that have dug a real deep groove into their brain. Unfortunately the very qualities that feel familiar to them also burn them, because they want to win us over and soften us, but we're already just being ourselves and not abusive and don't need to soften. I've honestly been on both sides of this dynamic -- the person who keeps accidentally hurting someone's feelings and the one getting hurt with glib comments, incompatible communication styles, or whatever else.

That's just one of many dynamics at play of course. We're both traumatized, othered groups of people who may gravitate to one another because we share so many struggles in common -- but our triggers and sensitive points can be incompatible. When someone expects me to read their mind and pre-empt their needs, for example, it freaks me the fuck out because I've put a lot of work into no longer being that kind of person. At the same time, it's okay and normal for a friend to want you to understand the basics of what makes them comfortable and uncomfortable and to consider their feelings and needs.

Sometimes it's just a conflict one needs to talk through. I have plenty of cherished friends who are sensitive or people-pleasing in nature, and we can make it work because they don't view me in a negative light -- they fundamentally see me as someone they care about and like, and so even if they suddenly feel like I'm making fun of them or have left them out, they are able to check that instinct against the reality they know of me and we can talk about it or they can work on the feeling on their own as the case warrants. If I do say something hurtful or miss the mark, a lot of my closest friends are the types who can tell me, and then it's my job to not freak the fuck out on them or to feel controlled or penned in by them sharing that intimacy with me... sometimes I'm still not the best at it. but lord have i gotten better.

I think one has to just keep endeavoring to be oneself and to communicate early and often. I don't think the solution is ever to censor oneself or to feel that your true self deep down is too cruel or wrong for people to love. I used to really feel that way and still struggle with that sometimes, especially when I hurt people. It can be easy to feel, if you're a kind of negative/blunt seeming person like me, to feel that any time a person shares with you that they are hurt, that they are trying to censor or control you. Sometimes that very much happens. But it isn't always the case. Sometimes a person just wants reassurance that you like them, that you didn't mean the remark in that way, or even just acknowledgement of their pain and that they aren't crazy for feeling how they feel. Not everyone who gets hurt is a crybully or manipulating. Just as not everyone who accidentally hurts people is abusive or cruel.

I used to really gravitate only toward other negative prickly people. I still like that "type" a lot. But there is no type that is wholly trustworthy or safe. I got burned plenty of times by trying to win over the friendship of someone who I thought surely would "Get" me, because they were also blunt and to the point, and I assumed that made them "real," but in actuality they were manipulating people and steamrolling people and trying to make people feel bad. Some people can only be "real" about candid negative opinions. They can't be really contrite. Or curious. or humble. or even tell you directly when they are hurt. They might only be passive aggressive and barbed instead (i have also been that person).

As always I think it's most important to look to a person's actions and the impact they have on others, as well as their own capacity to both self-advocate and to admit fault. Can this person reflect? Can this person say they were wrong or that their opinion changed? Can they own that they might see things in a biased way? That they have their own triggers? That they need things? Do they help people the way those people want to be helped? Do they behave in accordance with a consistence values system you can admire? Do you like how they think things through? Can they understand their own emotions to at least a responsible extent? Etc etc etc. Some people who tick off all the right boxes on these questions will be someone who is pretty sensitive and people-pleasy but working on it. And some of them will be people who are patholdogical demand avoidant naysayers with a chip off their shoulder but who can also be vulnerable. And most of us are all of those things I think.

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lakesbian · 1 month

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Hi, I just want to clarify that I don't mean this as an accusation but as an honest question; but when you and others on your posts are talking about narrative bigotry in Worm you talk about the racism and homophobia (which I agree with) but you also talk about fatphobia/fat characters being universally handled poorly, and I would love a breakdown as to why this is. With regards to Piggot when she was initially introduced I was thinking from how the heroes thought about her in their POV chapters that she was going to be the fatphobic stereotype of "soft and uncool but mean/unpleasant, disgusting fat civilian who doesn't know real courage and heroism like the thin, attractive heroes", and was pleasantly surprised when she got a lot more nuance than that, and also turned out to be very courageous and militaristic in contrast to the stereotype of "fat = cowardly and doesn't know real survival", with her flaws more lying in how she goes too far in that direction. In general the problem I typically see with how I see fat characters represented isn't just that they have flaws, but that they are never allowed to be "cool". They might be laughably dumb or they might be smart, but in a "loser nerd" way, never in a "clever scheming competent leader" kind of way. If they are negative/mean/evil characters, the emphasis is always on their venal, base qualities like gluttony, greed, and just being a jerk, they are never an "evil is cool" character with flaws like pride or a philosophy that is thoughtful and intended well but goes too far. So in that respect I thought Piggot was well-written, well besides. being literally named Piggot which is cringe but I could excuse as setting up the expectation of a stereotype to later support. And the only other character I remember being described as fat, Gregor the Snail, I have no memory of being any kind of problematic stereotype, though I don't remember him and his chapter that well either. So could you explain why Worm writes fat people badly/fatphobically?

this took way too long to answer because it's like. Well it's a simple answer but also this is a very long ask. so there's more to unpack. the short answer is just that literally, like, virtually 99.99% of the times a fat character or someone being fat is mentioned in literally any wildbow novel it's with palpable disgust. regardless of who the narrator is. it's obvious even with taylor but pact really hammers this home because blake is characterized in a way that indicates he should never be randomly judging someone's weight or appearance and he's still constantly written as observing whether or not someone is "fat." and it's in italics, like it's a slur or some grievous insult. like we're not even at the point of being able to analyze how wildbow writes specific fat characters here due to there are almost none of them and anytime fatness is mentioned it's in the context of it being stated in the same tone as if the narrator was observing someone picking their nose and eating it. like the loathing is Palpable. pay attention to how the phrases "fat" or "obese" or "morbidly obese" are used the next time you're reading a wildbow novel. you'll see what i mean.

as for the specific characters it's like. i think this post has everything icould think to say about gregor already in it, which as you will see is not very strongly opinionated. i mention piggot in it also. i don't remember enough abt either to just wax abt them at length but fundamentally it's that there's nothing particularly Strongly Good about either of them--not doing the "soft lazy uncool glutton" schtick is, like, bare minimum, and neither of them are very far above the bare minimum, and they're in a story that consistently does infinitely less than the bare minimum. there's gonna need to be more than a fat character Having Characterization before we can say that worm isn't wildly fatphobic

#ask #worm spoilers

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mcdonaldsnumberone · 7 months

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FLOWER RAIN!

the ability to touch others had been a fundamental thing you had been deprived of. yet things seemed to change when you stepped foot into eridia, moreso when you were able to take leander's hand. leander kindly brought you a temporary solution of flowers, but beyond the calm surface, maybe there was something more dangerous than your own curse lying in wait.

gender neutral reader

content warning(s): reader is mc, yandere, suggestive content

To touch was something holy.

It became the pillar of human existence and human connection. Whether it be running a hand over a lover’s body or even the ability to huddle together with others during a meal, it was undeniable that the ability to touch and to feel and to connect defined an integral experience of what it meant to be a human.

It was something that you had been stripped of your entire life. It was only until just recently that the revelation that you might be able to be granted the privilege of touch. You could hardly believe it yourself, and on some days, you couldn’t help but think that maybe starving yourself of it entirely instead of entertaining a foolish hope might hurt you less in the long run.

“Do you like them?” You jerked to life, thoughts shattered as if they were freshly frozen frost. A foreign weight in your hands reminded you of where you were and the man standing in front of you, observing you for your reaction.

Leander’s voice remained quiet and warm, like the gentle light of a candle placed by the windowside on a cold evening. A bouquet of beautifully bloomed white lilies nestle themselves in your hands, and they weigh against your palms in a way that only a taken life would.

The lilies weren’t heavy, but the clear markings of where they’ve been plucked by the stems seemed to add some kind of presence to them. You can’t imagine something as vibrant as these cloud-white lilies growing to fruition in the wasteland that Lowtown and its surrounding areas were, yet… These were real flowers. They weren’t the magical lilies that Leander would conjure up at the request of his team.

You glanced up at the smiling man. “They’re real. Where did you get these?”

He waved his hand, simply dismissing your curiosity. “I have my ways. You should already know that I have my own connections around these parts. Besides…”

You watched with widened eyes as Leander reached over, and with one big hand, his fingertips pinched the end of one of the flowers. The subtle white and the graceful curve of the lily petal looked like freshly fallen snow against Leander’s calloused hands and dark clothes, the contrast striking and lovely enough to render you almost breathless.

“...It’s only fitting that a gentleman brings his beloved a gift of flowers, don’t you think?” He chuckled in the usual way he always did, and the mindful sound set you at ease somewhat. Gift or not, you’d be lying if you said that being gifted flowers wasn’t special.

“Thank you. They’re beautiful.” You brought the bouquet to your face, and you were welcomed with the sweet scent of the lilies. Leander remained one of the very few people you could touch with your bare hands without any drastic consequences, and yet, you knew deep down that as desperate as you were to fulfill the incessant craving for human touch, it would be horrendously unfair of you to hoard so much of his time just so you can let your hands wander all over the human body that you had been deprived of your entire life.

Leander grinned, his green eyes sparkling with delight. “Seeing you like it makes it worth my time. Although I hope you don’t take too much of a preference for them. It would make me a little sad if my magic lost its place in your heart now that you’ve seen the real deal.”

You balked, whirling your head towards Leander. “I’d never! Your flowers are something special. I don’t think an infinite supply of actual lilies could replace yours. I still remember my first night in Eridia and how I felt when you offered your flowers to me for the first time. I thought my heart stopped right there and then.”

“Now you’re just flattering me,” Leander laughed again. “Not that I mind. Praise from you is something I cherish moreso than anything else.”

There certainly were moments where you wished you could see what exactly went behind Leander’s mind. You liked him dearly, maybe even bordering on the cusp of infatuation at times, yet like any experienced resident of Lowtown, Leander kept his secrets close only to himself. Even with his friendly facade and his insistence that you give him your trust, you had a hard time following his true intentions every now and then.

It wasn’t enough to make you doubt his loyalty to you. But it was enough to pique your morbid curiosity at times, to make you want to peel back the gentlemanly act he puts on for you to see what kind of man actually laid in wait underneath.

“Prettiness aside, I found out something interesting that I thought you’d appreciate.” His words shake you from your thoughts, and you find yourself face to face with Leander again. You wondered what kind of experiences he must have to develop the natural charisma that he possesses, every sentence of his ensnaring you like a siren’s song. He gestured towards the flowers. “I’ve heard that flower petals feel similar to human skin.”

Your heart skips a beat. Your breath weighed heavy in the back of your throat and on your tongue.

“They do?”

“Mhm. Why don’t you see for yourself?” He hummed. You’ve never been too good at hiding your emotions, even less so with Leander, who could read your true intentions as if you explicitly told them to him. You leaned the flowers into the crook of your elbow before you tugged cautiously at your bandages.

The white strips bled away into the mangled flesh and golden cracks, and you held your breath. Carefully and cautiously, you brushed your knuckles against the underside of one of the lily flowers, and a sickening shiver ran down your spine.

The petals were soft. So, so, so insanely soft. Delicate, with minuscule veins crisscrossing the bottom, you swore your heart stopped in your chest.

Leander was right.

“They do,” you breathed, stunned. You turned to him with eyes bewitched and shock scribbled all over your face.

Leander’s face melted into a fond smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I told you, didn’t I? Ever since you told me about your curse and touched me, I realized how little you must have touched others. How much trust it took for you to take that step with me. I know I’ve offered you the chance to touch me whenever you need it, but I get that that’s not an easy thing to ask for. So I figured that I would try to find the next best thing—something that won’t hurt anyone.”

“I-,” your voice caught in the back of your throat. Emotion bubbled up inside of your chest. You were no more than a stranger to Leander, an outsider who dragged their feet into Eridia with nothing but a single strand of hope towards solving your affliction, yet here he was, going out of his way to make sure that you could savor the same, trivial happiness that others took for granted. “You don’t need to do so much for me. I don’t know what to say… I mean, thank you, really.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” His voice dropped down to a low cadence. His gaze was fixed on you as you continued to stroke and pinch the petals the same way he did.

Your fingers kept curling around and savoring the sensation of something so soft and welcoming against your own skin. It wasn’t anything compared to the actual feeling of flesh and bone underneath you, the same warmth and tension that came with brushing your fingers over Leander’s hands, but if this was the closest you could get without hurting others, you’d be a fool not to take the rare opportunity.

“They feel like you, kind of,” you said. It’s your turn to offer Leander a small grin, and your face lit up like that of a kid in a candy shop. Innocent and pure, a breath of fresh air in comparison to the muck and grime that Leander is used to being stifled by.

“Do they?”

“Not as good, of course!” You blurted awkwardly, shaking your hands. “Nothing could feel better than actually touching you-”

-Leander raised a teasing eyebrow, and a tiny chuckle escaped the man. Heat flooded your cheeks, and you groaned, shaking your head and immediately backtracking.

“...Don’t take it the wrong way,” you grumbled. “Otherwise you’ll be just as bad as Vere.”

“I won’t push my luck then,” the man easily laughed, “But it’s good to hear that you have such a particular fondness for me. I really wish I could spend more time with you throughout the day. If only I could, I’d let you put your hands over me whenever and wherever you want—all in good faith, of course.”

“Just… forget I said anything,” you mumbled, wanting to bury your face into the bouquet of lilies. Leander laughed heartily again, and he turned on his heel, giving you a small wave in farewell before disappearing back to whatever he had been up to before he had come to you. Being the leader of the Bloodhounds must be no easy task. It was awfully kind of him to take time out of his busy day to accommodate you.

Not that Leander ever minded. Even as he walked away from you, his perfect facade working wonders at getting you to drop your guard around him, the man can’t help but let his mind run wild.

Your fingers wandered across the pretty lily petals. They’re his flowers, an extension of who he was. A perfect extension of him. His devotion, his sympathy, and his faith: all ephemeral suggestions of his love. Dignified and lethal. Your cluelessness was enough to drive him insane. You have no clue the influence you have over him, and yet, you kept stroking the flowers with the same tentativeness and visceral need that you did with him.

Leander could see the scene clearly in his head. Your fingertips followed the end of the petal towards the inside of the blossoms, from the broad curves of his chest and lower towards the hardened muscles of his abdomen. Would you touch him with the very admiration you showed the petals? Or would it be something more carnal, demanding that he reveal more of himself to sate you?

Or maybe it’d be something more romantic. His sultry eyes lowered into a more darkened look. You might raise the flowers to your face, and you’d take in the scent of the flowers, his presence embedded into the core of every single lily. The curved petals would brush against the tip of your nose and the graceful curve of your cheeks.

Maybe, just maybe, you might even press your lips against the flesh-like petals.

The thought made Leander want to go crazy with desire. Something deep and dark inside of him stirred dangerously. This world was determined to snuff you out without any fanfare, to the point that even the smallest sparks of joy were enough to tempt you out from the light and towards a fate far murkier than the one fate had in store for you. After having been deprived for what must be your entire life, the little things must taste that much sweeter to you.

But it was entirely alright.

Denial only makes the desire harder to stave off, and absence only makes the heart fonder. The flowers were nothing more than a temporary fix. Perhaps enough to get you hooked on the feeling of human touch, the same thing you’ve learned to live without out of sheer necessity. Now that you’ve had a sampling, it would only be natural that you’d follow the fleeting rapture like a starved madman.

And Leander would gladly be waiting at the end of the descent, arms wide open, for you to accept.

For you to love.

For you to touch.

#touchstarved #touchstarved x reader #leander #x reader #my writing #bye i caved 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 (abt to end it all)#the r*sticaprint w leander is INSANE #user mcdonaldsnumberone when they see an insane gentleman that wants to lock them up

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riseofamoonycake · 1 year

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May i request for Qin Shi Huang x Reader but the reader's personality is like a black cat and would sometimes be a little cold and annoying from time to time

And here we go! Thank you so much for your patience!

Lovely Thorn

✨ Pairing: Qin Shi Huang x Gn reader

✨ Warnings: mention of sex, nudity

✨

When you slowly walk along the corridors, everyone can’t help but contemplate you, even if they don’t always notice your arrival and you appear behind them like a supernatural presence: your feet make no noise on the floors, not even the slightest rustle, because you know how to walk with the same silence of the felines and without forgetting their elegance, and like them you observe reality with the profound and timeless gaze of someone who knows so much, practically everything, about life.

It is the first thing the Lord of China, the celestial Qin Shi Huang, noticed about you when he met you many nights ago: away from the imperial palace, away from the people who surround you every day, on the river where you met he only saw your opal eyes; the water itself took refuge inside them, it flowed together with the words you sang with the same sweetness of the moon that danced among the trees, and in the ancient poetry that blossomed in the night there was all the grace and wisdom of a millennial entity. Beauty and elegance are important in the world you live in, but foresight and wisdom are equally fundamental: and no mind can doubt the abilities you possess when your honeyed voice begins to narrate and explain, weaving past and present, revealing the future.

There could be no other soul capable of capturing and binding the colorful and strong one of the emperor to itself: and even if the sacred marriage has not yet united you in front of everyone, the proud smile with which it walks by your side is undeniable, more than sufficient proof of how much he deems you worthy of him and of his time ― in fact, you rarely detach yourself from the young sovereign or leave him alone.

Today, on the occasion of an important event for the whole nation, the eyes of the court, of the illustrious guests, of the foreign delegations and of the population are glued on the figure of Qin Shi Huang and on the words and actions with which he will start the celebrations, but you you are not far from him: at the right distance so as not to take up space for him, but not even to go unnoticed, you observe him with a kind and bright smile, almost more like a parent than a lover; and sometimes, when you are sure no one will notice, your long fingers reach out to softly meet his or brush the bottom of his back with a light move, as if you were to give strength or inspiration to his speech, and energy to his body.

It is a game that began as soon as the emperor allowed you to participate in sittings, and in any celebration and occasion, by his side: a barely perceptible movement on the palm of your hand and a slight contact with Qin’s bare skin, and a flicker runs over it like a light wave, forcing the young man to stiffen and stop for an instant, while you only hint at an amused smile and nobody notices anything strange. You like watching the emperor lead his people, at least as much as you love to delicately torment him and keep his attention high: you are unpredictable and playful, and you never fail to get the effect you want, even if it is just to liven up for a few moments a long and almost always boring hour of reports and requests.

Today is a different day from the others and the time you can share will be less, but this won’t be a problem: you will know how to find it, thanks to the innumerable rooms of the imperial palace and the large curtains and drapes that populate them. A stolen kiss and all the caresses in the world breathe wrapped in silk and behind wooden doors, just waiting to be picked up by hands capable of caring for them, even if it could be hours before they are able to do so: so, in the end, after all the commitments of the day, respite and rest arrive together with the colors of the evening, when thousands and thousands of lamps begin to shine in the houses as if to imitate the stars in the sky, the voices become sweeter and calmer and, amidst the lights and shadows they chase each other from room to room, the emperor can slip into the most secret and protected chambers, where you are already waiting for him.

«Ahooo⁓», Qin exclaims as soon as he sees you, dragging himself, rather than walking, towards the huge sofa where you have reclined, to then sink without any delay into your arms and lean his head against your shoulder. The deepest tiredness is painted on his face like a thick veil, and even if the dark blindfold protects his gaze, you clearly know that his eyes are about to close under the pressure of sleep. There, in close contact with your inviting and soft body, he finally feels able to lower his defenses and relax completely, to abandon himself to your care: he knows he will find in you a refuge that will never betray him, because you will have the your secrets, but among these will never harbor the idea of hurting him. He is learning well, the little boy…

However, tonight the simple cuddles are not to your liking. «My lord, what a busy day you have had and how you have faced it with energy, like the best of rulers! But, I wonder… now don’t you have a shred of strength left for me? I’ve waited so long for your attention…»

He replies with a smile to the question full of false concern and made to test him, as well as to the languid touch with which you brushed his nape, then he moves away the blindfold just to look you in the eyes and the smile becomes a grin while a hand rises to slowly, sensually caressing one arm along its entire length, to finally move on to the upper part of the chest and neck. «I could quickly regain my strength… especially if you talk to me in this tone», he whispers, adapting his voice to yours, wave with wave. As if to confirm his words, he turns abruptly and traps you against the back of the sofa pressing with his whole body, one knee already between your thighs and his hands around your cheeks, the lips ready to take from you the kiss that he have long awaited and begin a secret dance to the rest of the world; giggling and squeezing the emperor tighter, you do not reject any of his requests and let him be satisfied with what you offer, without ever making a move to let him go ― as if he could ever escape from your arms.

Even the moon is kept away from this meeting, its light barely filtering into the soon boiling and bustling chamber; your light is enough to illuminate it, there is no need for other clarity to see and meet you.

Qin knows your body perfectly, even if he can’t get enough of the taste of your skin, its softness and the shivers that flow through it at the slightest touch; perhaps you are pampering him excessively, cuddling him and holding him even when it is not necessary… and when, after a long love session, instead of settling down and quieting down, he still demands attention and another round, inside you recognize your faults and give a funny smile in apology. «I think my lord enjoyed himself enough tonight. A peaceful rest awaits you now», you say however, taking his wrists and gently pulling his hands away from you as you blow a kiss on the tip of his nose.

Qin snorts slowly, and instead of listening to you he comes closer, almost rubbing his chest against yours. «Rest is for later, now I have other plans in mind», he murmurs with a lascivious smile, his intimacy knocking against your clasped legs and begging to be welcomed back, his fingers ready to work wonders with you.

«But not me», you reply curtly, taking the young man by the shoulders and pushing him back slightly, «tomorrow. At the break of dawn, when you will be at your full strength, I’ll come to you.»

«It is your lord who asks you, Y/N…»

«And to my lord I answer that now is not the time. I wish you a good night! Look for me in your dreams… I don’t even know if I’ll be able to reach my rooms, how tired I’ve been...»

Qin’s expression quickly changes from confused to annoyed as you free yourself from his grip and leap up nimbly, leaving the sofa and its now sole occupant behind you.

«Y/N! Y/N, come back here… I command you! Don’t you dare leave this room!»

You stop at the inlaid door and give him a quick glance, then throw your head back and toss your hair, a grin painted on your face. There are many promises in your eyes, but not for tonight. «Tomorrow you can give me all the orders you want, my eager love. I’ll come tomorrow so… I won’t be late.»

«But… but you didn’t seem so cold to me before!»

The emperor’s shrill tone elicits a laugh that you struggle to contain, but that doesn’t mean you obey him: by now he should know that, although you would never dare to disobey a command from Qin, in love you act with the utmost freedom and don’t listen to anyone voice other than yours. Be that as it may, it never hurts to remind him once in a while, this will also help him learn.

The shadows of the palace sneak between you and Qin, taking up more and more space: on one side there is you, free from all thoughts, and on the other your lord, who continues to stare at the empty door now not so angry anymore, but very confused and unsure how to act. Why do you keep behaving this way, giving and withdrawing, giving a lot and suddenly depriving? Sometimes he just can’t understand… what happens to you in these moments? Is it his fault, is it something he does involuntarily? But it can’t be, no, it’s not like that…

Who knows where the truth is.

Pressured by the questions, the young man can only resign himself to slipping into the imperial bed alone, where doubts and physical urges torment him for hours and until the dawn of the new day: then, as in a pitiful comfort, dawn arrives and it repeatedly strokes his hair and cheeks, closing his eyelids and accompanying him towards sleep.

It is not long since the emperor fell asleep that the door opens and you silently enter the room, immediately locking yourself inside it. You just glance at the bed, then smile a little and shake your head: it was to be expected, Qin is sleeping. Didn’t you tell him you’d come with dawn? Yet he didn’t listen to you, and now you need to wake him up…

Approaching the bed, you jump on it and crawl towards him, careful not to move even a blanket and with your gaze fixed on his face: he looks like a god from how beautiful he is. He is certainly as demanding as a deity, but he must be such: it is his right, then whether you want to play with him is another matter.

Crouching next to him, you let whole minutes flow while you observe his relaxed features, his broad chest that rises and falls regularly, his hands with open fingers, stretched out towards a possible caress. He looks so helpless now, even if he isn’t and at the slightest movement his trained muscles would snap to save his life: but you are not a danger to him, and you never will be. A torment, a little thorn in the back, but never someone who will bring him death.

He can come along, the Reaper: he’ll have to deal with you first, and you sure as hell won’t come away empty-handed. Oh no, that wouldn’t really be like you. «Rest for a little longer», you whisper to him as you brush these thoughts away with one hand and arrange the covers better, «I’ll stay here.»

Soon you’ll wake him up by jumping on him and, now is your turn, asking for everything he has to offer, not giving in until he gives it to you; but for the moment, this silence and this peace are enough.

For the rest there is all the time you want.

#record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #Ror #Snv #Record of ragnarok Qin Shi Huang #Shuumatsu no valkyrie Qin Shi Huang #ror qin shi huang #snv qin shi huang #record of ragnarok x reader

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pinkest-nekomata · 9 months

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Thinking about how the “don’t need labels” crowd doesn’t understand autism because my autism *needs* patterns to understand myself. Like I need a full and specific understanding of what autism can look like to see the ways it shows up in myself and to support myself.

I needed to learn what stimming is and that it can mean I’m bored or agitated (or content), I needed to learn that for as observant as I am in social situations I crucially lack the assumptions that make those situations easier, I needed to read, from many different stories, that mix of loneliness and content solitude that’s so often part of the autistic experience.

I process in a bottom-up way, a fundamental trait of autism, so of course I need a specific, detailed understanding of myself and how I relate to others.

Even in a perfect world where autism was neutrally accepted, I’d always need a word for it. I’d always need concepts to describe the patterns of how I’m (neutrally) different than other people—even if only to communicate and connect with them better.

I think that’s why it’s so important to me to claim “autism” and the language around it back from medical pathology. The community and the wisdom we can share with each other is so freeing and comforting—especially since what works for neurotypicals may not work for us. CBT and DBT are less effective for autistics, for example. And even as we gain nuance and peel apart experiences like alexithymia, which is more likely caused by trauma (including the abuse inherent in being autistic in an unaccommodating world), how we address alexithymia will be different for autistic people.

Autism then becomes an important aspect of therapies, because we understand that the therapies must necessarily be more specifically described, more self consistent, and must accommodate a range of opposite traits including hyper-and hypo-verbal, meltdowns and dissociation, etc.

Therefore even as pathologization diminishes, autism as a concept must remain, because we will always need a specific way of understanding ourselves in the world—or else we will continue to suffer harm that will drive us to find that concept again.

#actually autistic #just autism things #autistic adult #autistic community #autism #actually audhd #being autistic

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zee-has-commitment-issues · 3 months

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I love your analysis SO much!!!! You're so smart (Dani too obviously). I never thought about the friendship of Vincent and August but now I can't get them out of my head. Well and now I'm wondering if you could do a similar analysis for Nils and Vincent 👉👈 no pressure tho

HELLO! We would love to give you our thoughts about Nils and Vincent. As avid Nilcent shippers, we have thought about this a lot. And by that I mean that I, Zee, am a Nilcent shipper and I have dragged Dani down to the pits of hell by my side. ANYWAY:

Nils and Vincent are so interesting as a dynamic. Like we're not kidding, there is so much to dissect with this one.

On a surface level, they act in the opposite way you would think they should. Nils is very much the cookie cutter, stereotypical image of wealth, and Vincent is more loose with it. But the more you dive into it, the more it makes sense.

Nils is careful because he is comparatively nouveau riche. He can't break any rules. His entire reputation hangs in the balance, and reputation is all you have when you're on the status level of Nils. That's why he stays pretty quiet, that's why he stays in the closet, that's why he's seemingly a follower.

Vincent, by comparison, is far less careful. He knows the rules. He has memorized every single one so well that they just play in the back of his mind, warped and kind of bended from how much they have been drilled in. He isn't actively thinking about them because he doesn't have to.

And this key difference between the two of them reflects in everything down to the way they dress. Nils is always dressed up. He always looks nice. He's always ready to be seen and observed. Vincent experiments. He plays more with bright colors and jewelry (like his chunky necklaces) and he isn't always read to be seen (like in s1e2 when he's in a bathrobe).

Dani's point: As far as dress and conduct go, they seem like the opposite of what they are and it is kind of exactly what happens the longer someone stays around money.

But then when we get down into the nitty gritty of their dynamic, it get's stranger. Because this relationships is fundamentally unequal based on status alone, and yet they don't seem to be using each other all that much.

Vincent uses Nils in the August-take down and throughout season two as has right hand, but Nils seems a ready and willing participant. There isn't much that feels forced about their positions in season two.

However, this doesn't come without a caveat. We do actively see Vincent look down on Nils.

Zee's observation: something something the actor being shorter was an interesting and important choice because he's being looked down on both physically and metaphorically something something.

In season one, Vincent talks about how he and The Society are allowed to be in the club, but Nils isn't because he is nouveau riche. And then in season two, when Nils asks to be co-captain of the rowing team, Vincent tells him no.

But Nils is far more qualified for that position. In fact, Vincent isn't even on the rowing team in the first season. Nils is. Vincent gained his new position based on status, even though Nils is in every sense the better option.

It's the Wizard of Oz: don't look behind the curtain. Vincent is the big talking head and Nils is the man talking into the microphone.

Despite all of this, they do actually just like each other. It is an active choice for them to hang out with each other. It is an active choice for them to go on that vacation together in between seasons, and to overthrow August together, and to just hang out whenever they can. No one is forcing them to do that.

If this was a status thing, Nils would be looking for higher conquests, and Vincent would not be wasting his time "slumming it" with nouveau riche boys. They choose each other.

They repeatedly prove that they trust each other too. And, in Vincent's case, he repeatedly shows Nils that he can be trusted. It isn't blind faith, Vincent actively demonstrates that he is worthy of Nils' trust.

In season two, Nils says he thinks Vincent knows about him being gay, but it’s not something they really talk about. One would think that would freak him out, but it doesn’t. Because he trusts Vincent to keep that secret safe.

It’s proven time and time again that Vincent is trustworthy with that secret. Not only Nils’ sexuality, but also Wille’s. He shows Nils that he’s trustworthy by not talking about other people like that. When the video comes out, Vincent’s only thought/comment is about who made the video, not who is in it, and he consistently looks past Wilmon being around each other in favor of minding his own business. That all proves to Nils that Vincent can be trusted with his sexuality.

But chicken or the egg: which came first?

Did Vincent figure out Nils’ sexuality and then become nonchalant about those things? Or was he already nonchalant about it and then figure out Nils? Is Vincent fruity too?

In comparison to August and Vincent, who have the worst kind of friendship, Vincent and Nils might just have the best kind of friendship. It isn't simply blind faith and a business transaction. August blindly trusts Vincent with all of his secrets, but Nils knows his secrets are safe.

Beyond the Nilcent ship, Nils and Vincent are just in this, like, near-perfect friendship. It's really very strange.

Y'all literally ask us more. We'll do it. We'll analyze the shit out of this show.

@the-navistar-carol

#ask #anon #young royals #nilcent #nils young royals #vincent young royals #young royals analysis #zee and dani analyze things

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iztea · 4 months

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Maybe you have some drawing tips for beginners?

Your style is incredibly beautiful and it just inspires this thing inside me to grab my iPad and start drawing but unfortunately I have no idea where to even begin

Or maybe you have some recs where to look to learn how to draw stuff?

But I understand completely that it’s your thing and artists should never feel pressured to share all their techniques and secrets, you worked hard on it!

I just really really love your art to the point where I just look at it for 30 minutes straight with this big feeling in my chest

ah it was never about being secretive, i'm pretty open about my drawing process since gatekeeping knowledge is a big pet peeve of mine. It was more like,, laziness because writing a cohesive and helpful drawing tutorial is pretty difficult and i wouldn't even know where to start; i'm afraid i'll get maybe too technical and what have you.

As for tips for beginners, i've shared plenty on my couriouscat so you can scroll through the answers there, i also have some drawing timelapses on my twitter account as well (albeit you'll have to scroll a little)

I'm very flattered you feel that way about my art, it really means a lot to me and i'm glad to have inspired you to draw as well that's awesome and i wish you best of luck!

I actually don't know how different drawing on an iPad is compared to a graphic tablet+desktop, so I am actually pretty clueless in that regard. I think Procreate is the most used digital art app for iPad so you can start by getting it and familiarizing yourself with the UI. I think this step is often overlooked. The brushes and the chosen program can make or break the drawing experience. If you simply find yourself not enjoying Procreate, experiment with other apps or maybe try switching to a graphic tablet, maybe that feels better and is more suited to your tastes.

To be completely honest, one "bad" piece of advice that i should probably keep to myself is to draw something you actually enjoy: fanart, Pretty Girl Portrait(tm), your cat, landscapes etc even if it's above your skill level (becoming obsessed/ fixated on some character from a piece of media also works wonders i'm just gonna throw that out there). The main point is to actually care about your chosen subject in order to get inspired and to have that inner desire of "doing them justice" aka drawing them well. The traditional art learning route probably involves studying the fundamentals, shading spheres and cones and simple 3D forms blablbablah which. Yeah ! sure that's probably better advice but i'm telling you what will make you want to keep going and not get discouraged after a few failed attempts.

As for the drawing subject, I highly recommend having photo references to guide you.. you always need refs it's a recurring thing. My fastest artworks are the ones where I have the right references. the less references the more difficult it is to draw something

As a beginner it is also a good practice to draw OVER your photo reference to get the proportions right ( i'm not talking about literally tracing the contour of a face or limb ( just an example ), but moreso identifying the Main shape which makes up that body part and observe how long is it in respect to the other components, how does it connect to the other parts etc - big difference. Tracing won't help you in the long run).

Another thing you can do is to study your favourite artists and see how They tackle whatever it is that you like in their work. how do they simplify facial features? what about anatomy? color/ light etc and kinda reverse engineer your way through their process. ( but i highly recommend to just keep these practice sketches to yourself, and to not share them on social media- unless you get the artist's permission)

This is how i got into drawing and what i did back then, again, for more technical hands-on information i did answer similar CCs before so with a little bit of stalking you'll find them in no time

I wanna finish this with some resources that helped me:

>youtube guys - sinix, ahmed aldoori, marco bucci, and also just speedpaints in general i highly recommend watching those

>for simplified anatomy i found @/ taco1704 's ref sheets to be very helpful but ........... I'm pretty dry here i just look up refs on Pinterest tbvh

speaking of, here's my pinterest i have a bunch of art related boards board cool stuff overall maybe they can help guide you towards some direction or inspire you in some way idk

ok i kinda suck in the resource department listeN. im starving too just.................. watch youtube speedpaints ok

SORRY IT'S SO LONGGGBGGG i hope it was at least a bit helpful? this was all over the place... I'll try to come up with a tutorial as well but i really gotta be careful with how i go about it. I'll leave you with this for the time being. Again, thank you a lot for the kind words, I really am very grateful and touched esp by that last part about staring with the big feeling stuff eeeeeeeeeeeeee really wow T T that's so lovely and a big compliment thanks ty ly

#long post #this is so messy...... sorry anon #i don't have a very. linear thought process as the kids would call it #you should see my lit essays back in the day lmfao #anyways #if there are typos i'll fix them later #ASK IZTEA #they call me the tutor the way rial my way through the .....#ok nevermind

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lryghe · 8 months

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MDZS thoughts; wangxian

Out of all the MXTX couples, I think Wangxian is definitely the most polarising, especially when you consider how like-minded Hualian are, and how mutually ridiculous Bingqiu are. It’s interesting to think about, because even through character design, Bingqiu’s christmas tree themed robes and Hualian’s red and white complimentary robes, Wangxian falls outside of that, their black and white robes always being a direct contrast to each other in the most basic form. But after deeper consideration, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are shown to be incredibly similar in the ways that draw them together (with of course, some fundamental differences). This post will contain spoilers, but why would you be on Tumblr if you didn't want to get spoiled?

I think a good place to start this would be with ‘righteousness’, because it pretty much explains the other points I had planned to make anyway (e.g. loyalty, isolation, duty). It’s a running bit throughout MDZS that Wei Wuxian is just a depraved evil demonic cultivator, but that’s the beauty of the statement, because it contrasts his actual, very noble personality. The way in which he presents his righteousness is where the majority of the problem arises though, because Wei Wuxian is a true and staunch defender of people he deems less fortunate, and those people also happen to be the ones which everyone else is venting their hatred at. His defence of the Wen’s was truly admirable, but even through his friendship with MianMian, or his obsession with being friends with Lan Wangji, his dedication to doing what he believes is right is unmoving. And this drives people away from him, casting him aside as a traitor and eventually leading to his own demise, but he stays true to what he believes is right, which is protecting those who need it.

Lan Wangji is much of the same type of person. Lan Wangji has always been (and I quote) ‘righteous, perfect, and void of worldly desires’, the very pillar of how everyone else should act. He not only holds everyone around him to impossibly high standards, but lives by them himself, which drives a wedge between him and everyone around him. People are uncomfortable with the staunch and unyielding standards of righteousness that he holds people to, which leads to them pushing him up as this impossible standard that they should be trying to emulate but they just end up saying ‘really, who can be like Hanguang-jun, he’s always been perfect!’. ‘It’s lonely at the top’ is something that is so perfectly applicable here, because Lan Wangji’s desire to uphold the standards of righteousness to protect those who cant protect themselves divides him from the general populace, placing him firmly as unreachable, above all the rest.

Both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s unyielding righteousness and nobility is one of their greatest strengths and a very admirable character trait to have, but it also ends up being their greatest tragedy, because it isolates them from all that they love or could love. It even pushes them away from each other, because Lan Wangji is trying so desperately to pull Wei Wuxian to his side and make him adhere to the only way he can understand others (through his impossible standards), but Wei Wuxian is unmoving in his defence of the Wen’s, helping them when no one else will. Unstoppable force meets immovable object?

Of course, there are so many differences between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian but really, those are all pretty surface level. Wei Wuxian’s mind works a million miles per hour, thinking of countless solutions and strategies, whereas Lan Wangji adheres to the traditional problem solving solutions. Wei Wuxian is loud and vibrant, and Lan Wangji is stoic and cold. Wei Wuxian wears black, and Lan Wangji wears white. Simple observations can tell you how they differ, because they obviously aren't the same and it would be weird if they were. These differences are important to consider, but their similarities are crucial to the development of their relationship too.

Words: 671

Reading time: 2 mins

#going back to my 'mdzs is the weird adopted child' agenda #its seriously weird how distinctly different mdzs is compared to tgcf and svsss #wangxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mxtx #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan zhan #wei ying #i listened to my lwj playlist writing this almost cried #i get so emotional thinking about wangxian its so special to me #im in love with their love #cql #wei wuxian meat riders pls don’t attack me #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation

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pantalaiimon · 2 months

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I've seen dune part 2 twice now (both within a 24 hours interval lol)

the expectations were humongous, the hype was real

and at first, I was a bit thrown off by how much it veered away from the book compared to part 1 - so much so that I was thrown off the pacing of the movie and had trouble getting into its rhythm (because i kept thinking back to changes from 5 minutes before), anyway that first viewing experience was a mess for me

now that I've had more time with it, I can safely say I love the movie. I think I prefer part 1 in some ways (I prefer contemplative & moody to action-packed & drama), but I also love how part 2 leans even more unapologetically into the utter weirdness of the source material, and how cinematic it is

it looks gorgeous (even moreso than part 1), the acting is good to superb, but the dialogue could be better (compared to the books and to part 1), and hans zimmer recycled the first score which I found to be a real disappointment: even though it's still good, it's too repetitive

now unto specifics (incl. potential spoilers):

I am 100% harkonnen trash (which could mean anything, as paul states quite clearly he's harkonnen too, so...) (but yeah i'm harkonnen trash as in I absolutely loved the whole giedi prime sequence, and have soul-binding devotion to & utterly unhinged sexual desire for Feyd-Rautha (yes, even bald and less scheming than in the book), because boy is he twisted in interesting ways

Alia was robbed of a lot, BUT I love the fucked up deranged codependant mother-daughter relationship she and Jessica have got going. actually i live for it, for the abomination. bring it on. Also Jessica, who was the most OOC character to me in part 1, switched to being the most IC in part 2 and i couldn't be happier?

more desert lore, from details like wind traps, to weather & travel conditions, to hints of the sandtrouts, and the whole ecological system linking spice, worms, desert & water. yay for fascinating and immersive worldbuilding (that movie makes you feel the desert, unlike the first one)

more charlotte rampling is always a good move. also sets up dune messiah beautifully. on that note, irulan was well paced, that is, she's allowed to stay muted and observant rather than front and center, again, setting her up nicely for dune messiah. however, stilgar's arc was pushed way ahead and it displeased me, because I feel it lessens the mourning and regret I remember feeling reading the books as he evolved, and how tragic his changing was (highlighting through him, that of his whole people, and their downfall into fanaticism). if the movie rushes to the end result, I care less about that change, for i can't realise and mourn for what was lost along the way. on a similar note, as they played paul as more moral at the beginning of his journey (to make him more likeable), the switch to his mahdi era was a bit jarring. so yay to mohiam & irulan character arc pacing, nay to stilgar & paul.

chani was also allowed more breathing room and dimensions/depth/inner life than in the books, and as I remember finding the book lacking in that respect, can't fault the movie for fixing this.

the ruthlessness of the politics of the landsraad and the intricacies of the manipulations by the bene gesserit were perfectly show-cased. The commentary on the dangers of messianic religions and its melding to politics was too overt for my liking. especially at this stage of the story, it's less of a warning to the insidiousness of fundamentalism if there are glaring neon signs at the onset of that path telling you "do not go, there be dragons"... I know villeneuve wanted to set up herbert's course-correction from dune messiah earlier, but it's too much too early imo

anyway, to conclude, i'd like to lick feyd-rautha's abs

#and kiss his boots - he doesn't even have to hold me at knifepoint like he did rabban #unless he's feeling like adding some knife action anyway i'm not picky #ramblings #Dune #dune spoilers #'i am a serious decade-long dune fan and not hormonal trash' i chant as i try to restrain myself while writing abt feyd #no but it's crazy: i'm the girl who always said #'i don't care for ANY character until God Emperor and then I love Leto II & hwi & moneo & DARWI & miles & the last duncan ghola etc'#and now we have an anomaly (and frankly an abomination): i am wayyyy too into feydy-boy

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