#legally parentally etc

[goldkirk]

.

#I am struggling so hard to pinpoint where the lines are in discussions of situations like the franke and hildebrandt behaviors #because like ok #people keep being so outraged and angry and baffled that they viewed the kids as #deliberately willful and disobedient #and then transitioned into believing them to be infected with evil and or influenced or possessed by demons or under satanic influence #and that’s where everyone is like HOW COULD THEY THINK THIS HOW COULD THEY TELL THEM THAT HOW COULD THEY ETC ETC #and that’s where everyone loses me #like yeah. of course it’s wrong. of course it’s damaging and shitty. but like. what in the world is everyone so shocked and upset by #about that concept (not the physical abuse it caused obviously) #how are you shocked. how are you shocked? it’s just the logical conclusion of believing children have disobedient evil wills #like if you assume evil you’re only going to escalate from there. OBVIOUSLY #I don’t understand how it’s different #where do things cross these lines? no one explains that to me #normal life as usual while tons of kids including me spend years or decades believing we’re evil and under stubborn satanic influence #but in one of the rare situations where it rises to public awareness suddenly everyone is shitting bricks over it #I want those kids drowned in love forever and I wish it never happened to them and their situation #was definitely so so so extreme and severe and I am so glad R was so brave and desperate and got them out #but like. how is everyone so shocked #this is standard. this is common. there’s a huge subculture of people doing and believing this shit #like why is it different just because this case is so visible #so like how is it so hard for people to grasp that this is a widespread issue #I don’t understand #of COURSE it’s wrong to do to someone but like #so many parents and adults do so many of the things these two did just less #fewer hours. less intensely. not in a desert. not with handcuffs and shit. etc. #where’s the line legally? where’s the line culturally? #like how am I supposed to grasp that it’s not a problem until it’s at some level that #I know it’s all Bad but I mean in terms of when the populace starts to mass-care

[chaotic-queer-disaster]

i've not really looked at this discourse very much but i found out the take "being early diagnosed with autism is a privilege" is something people, like, actually genuinely believe, and. uh.

what

#early diagnosis means it's not your choice #you know all those things that are like ''before you get diagnosed consider: it might impair your legal right to adopt #get a house be taken seriously in medical settings etc etc etc''? yeah uh. early diagnosed people don't get to choose. #it just happens. #idk if i count as early or not (diagnosed january this year am a teen not saying exactly how old but was therefore diagnosed pe-adulthood) #(*pre-adulthood) #but my [redacted family member] was diagnosed at like. 6. and it was not his choice #his guardian is the one who chooses whether or not to tell people too (which is fucked. he's 11 now he can decide that on his own) #and early diagnosis means things like more likely to be put through ABA more likely to have parents trying to find a ''cure'' #more likely to have your entire class know without your permission etc etc etc #late diagnosis isn't good either. it can be very very painful to go so long not understanding what's up in your brain. #but oh my god early diagnosis is not a PRIVILEGE.

[boyfridged]

What do you think Jason would feel about mothers? Considering he was betrayed by one and then would have gone on and had figures in his life like a mother.

since someone brought up sheila yesterday, i just remembered that this ask has been stranded in my drafts for a while! sorry.

some loose thoughts on the topic, in a "chronological" order:

in the 80s canon, jay grieves after willis and catherine the same. while it's safe to assume that willis was (physically) more absent, there's not much indication that jay had any parental preference (neither of them really could responsibly parent him anyway.) so i believe in general terms jay doesn't really differentiate much between parental roles (and that's why, subsequently, my answer is more about parents in general rather than just mothers...)

i have a post talking about jason's parental relationship with bruce here but i just want to add that atp we also don't see jason having any specific longing for a figure of a mother. imo the reason he gets obsessed over seeking his biological mother out is that in this particular moment he does not feel secure in his relation with bruce. i think if he found out about a biological father instead, he would also want to find him. what he wants is simply a stable family (<- which he does have in bruce; but does not trust to be able to keep without robin.)

i have mentioned before that it's very important to me that jason most probably forgave sheila. of course, the fact that he tried to save her does not alone confirm it; he would probably do it for anyone, and so it's more of my headcanon, especially since the contemporary canon nearly completely erased her from the narrative up until cheer. but as i said, i prefer to think that he forgave her, as he forgave catherine (if he even ever truly blamed either of them.)

i like to think about his relationship with talia as a parental one too (ignoring the two infamous pages of the lost days), but there's not much canon material, and freshly post-res jason seems fixated on the idea that he is "no one's son." nevertheless, he is also just still a kid when first in her care, and i do think that they could grow into that kind of relationship throughout the years (despite his best efforts to deny himself the comfort of familial connections.)

tbh one of the reasons for which i headcanon that, compared with other kids bruce has taken in, 1. he is the only one who used to call him 'dad' regularly 2. he is the only one who actually settled into a more 'standard' parent-child relationship with him 3. he is the only one who got formally adopted (which "on page" happened only pre-crisis btw), is because jay had a rather traditional expectation of what a bond with a parental figure should look like (and because bruce wanted to overcompensate while working through on jay's attachment issues). the others were either older or did not have a past that conditioned them for such focus on keeping the parent close, so it did not matter much. i think in terms of parental relationships, jason needs to call them by that name and needs formal ways of them being recognized, or at least this is what his abandonment issues call for. at the same time, it also freaks him out because he was a parentified child before and he doesn't think he should need it, so it's a game of pulling closer and pushing away, testing the bonds.

my conclusion is that i don't have much to say about mothers in particular; i think he has plenty conflicting feelings about the parental roles no matter the gender.

#i'm not talking about nocturna because pre-crisis jay's experience with parents is completely different #i'm so sorry it took me so long. for no reason at all. i knew exactly what i wanted to say since i saw it #and it's an interesting question! esp that i would reply to it differently like a year ago - before i did a solid reread of starlin's run #re: jay calling bruce dad and the formal adoption etc #it's important for me to be understood that i don't say it because of favouritism #but because i don't think batfam should ever fit anything resembling a typical nuclear model #and all in all it's really just jay who's been shown to actively seek out these traditional role #<- because he has a ton of issues that in particularity correspond with it #and also esp re adoption bc legal adoption is a very conservative thing #<- which is why (among others) i don't want it for dick. and i don't think *dick* would want it #anyway sorry!! this is not even an answer to your ask. what a tangent #outbox #jay.zip #dc #robin days

[bahrmp3]

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#the girl i go home with twice / week revealed disturbing family history and im not sure how to proceed from ehre :/// #her sister was married at 17 not bad right? except the husband was 24 :/// the parents approved of this etc etc #the worst worst part? apprently they were engaged when she 13! 🤮 and he officially 'married her' when she was 16 🤮🤮🤮🤮 #lit the moement she turned legal that man married her and my friend was talking about it like 'his family truly wanted to get together; #with my family nd they looked for the oldest daughter for their son' 🤮🤮🤮🤮 #personal

[br1ghtestlight]

my parents have all these kids and then out of all of them the only one who might actually want kids (me) cant have them and most likely won't even get married or anything..... what a sad life!!!!

#i cant really adopt either bcuz 1. moral issues with adoption 2. legally i have diagnosises and etc that make me ineligble for adoption #and i cant even be a foster parent. as previously mentioned the medical diagnosises etc #like not that i actively want kids if i was given a baby tomorrow no strings attached (????) i would say no OBVIOUSLY #but it isn't really a thing that i could think about for my future. im not even thinking about marriage #bcuz a long term romantic relationship seems like a pipe dream at this point especially with a MAN???? #men hate me!!! #i think i could have a good life with or without other people in it. Would prefer to have people around but ehh not in the cards most likely #txt

[menalez]

some woman yelled at my ex-muslim friend & called him a racist bc he was talking about why he’s no longer muslim 😶

#i hate the term islamophobia sometimes bc sometimes it’s literally just. mild criticism of the religion #and somehow that’s hateful and not allowed even tho we are literally legally muslims and have muslim upbringing and muslim parents etc

[whotaughtyougrammar]

I buy Gwen calling Rio and Jeff by their first names but I draw the line at Ganke calling Miles’ parents by their first name

#even an AsAm as Americanized as me would not call my friend’s parents by their first name!! #suspension of disbelief broken movie ruined etc etc #for legal reasons THIS IS A JOKE #across the spiderverse #atsv #spider man across the spider verse #spider man atsv

[apollo-cackling]

idk if it's just a me thing or if it's a shared experience but for me being chinese definitely part of why I think names are all fake all the time (/at the very least contextual)

#legally the english name I go by is just as fake as anything else in english I call myself (legally I'm my chinese name) #my parents call me the english name they gave me. they used to call me by my chinese name/妞妞 sometimes but not anymore #chinese family members/family friends call me 妞妞 or [family name]妞 when the distinction is needed #sometimes it's a phonetic thing with our english names #so my brother's english name starts with lu and so we call him 小卢 #etc #our cat's called aspen but we call him aspen/pen-pen/喵-spen/喵子 etc #names are fake! #plus the whole thing with chinese courtesy names in the past etc #my rambles

[neon-angels-system]

bitches will get tipsy and either get productive or start special interest posting (it's me I'm bitches)

#I'm legally allowed to drink + drinking with parental supervision + drinking responsibly etc etc

[hearty-an0n]

steve is robin’s wife and robin is steve’s husband am i making any sense here

#<3 #i CAN NOT get them out of my head #theyre so. theyre in a qpr #and they get married so robin has a beard and gets her parents off her back etc etc they get married #and they spend their lives together and theyre litteally besties do u understand? #they wait till robin finishes college or uni or whatever and they go on a trip to france (OPPERATION CROISSANT DO U HEAR ME…???) and then th #they huy a house together and they live together and they work the same job like usual and life is good for them #they celebrate gay marriage becoming legal in the states by divorcing #do u get the vision

[coffeebooh]

misplaced is an emotional rollercoaster and is responsible for zatanna’s daddy issues so fuck misplaced and fuck doctor fate

#dc in general should stop making zee’s entire character being abt her father #i also believe that yj missed an opportunity w sindella #but oh well #rewatch: yj #tho the end is wholesome w billy and wally hugging parents/legal guardians etc etc

[casual-eumetazoa]

i never see anyone talk about how cheap it is to live in Eastern Europe like. provided you aren't paying rent (and where i am, less than 10% of the population rent, the rest either have their own place or live in community housing such as student dorms or social housing), you can live pretty well on a minimum wage!

me and my bf spent half a year living off of 400$ a month, which is actually below minimum wage though not by much. we don't pay rent so this money mostly goes to food, transport, meds, and nice things. we had to do a fair bit of budgeting but it really wasn't that hard. we spend less than 200$ a month on all supermarket trips and despite insane inflation this year, i am consistently surprised about how much food you can buy with the equivalent of 20$... like, we need two people (2 full shopping bags plus my backpack) to carry 20$ worth of food every supermarket trip. a bus ticket for an hour is less than a dollar. train ticket to a different city is like 10 bucks for me (with a student discount). i used to go to therapy every week to a very good specialist and she charged less than 30$ an hour

this is why i am so obsessed with making YouTube or writing into an income source like. i could happily and easily live off of a 100 of five dollar patrons. a very modest book advance of 5k dollars would feed me and another person for a year... yeah

#this is of course compensated by living in a country with no legal access to abortion and rampant government homophobia #the ruling party is weird af because they are economically very left but socially pretty right leaning #so we have huge spending on social security medicine education etc #a lot of government support for people especially for kids and elderly #but also christian fundamentalism shoved down everyone's throats #but yeah so many things are free and basics are so cheap #rent is insane tho #me and bf live in a tiny 8 square meter house that my parents own #my parents rent their place and rent plus utilities is more than me and bf spend a month on everything #also heating is getting much more expensive so yeah #still it would be so easy to live off of an income that is like half the poverty line in the US #i really wanna make it in science and financially im covered for the next five years because of two stipends #but it would be really nice to have sci com or writing as a backup plan... #random

[judasvibe]

watch out when you hear about a 'pro-women' policy of some sort at a workplace or from your government

is it pro-women, or pro-mothers? 🤨

#i support legal protections like you cant be fired for pregnancy etc but #i dont appreciate being tax cattle to support the financial incentives the gov wants to give you for creating more tax cattle #'additional vacation days and preference for part time work to parents' hmm i wonder who will do that work instead for no extra pay then.

[zenyye]

YOU take edibles to get high, I take them to calm the anxiety levels of an animal being hunted for sport and stumble upon some sleep. we are not the same

#for legal reasons this is a joke #just in case #also for my lawyer father <3 god I would die if my parents ever found my tumblr that’s my worst nightmare #cbd delta8 etc are my wives #reblog bait: rb with your own personal gummy use

[neverendingford]

.

#so uh. I was stressed out of my mind for my “court hearing” for my legal name change. #I literally dialed in to a teleconference call. heard the end of the case before me (congrats small trans child on your new name!) #and then was like “yeah I'm not committing any crimes or dodging any debt” and I wasn't asking for a gender marker change so like. #took a minute tops. now I just need to wait for the mailed documentation and then I get to officially update it with shit like dmv etc. #I was stressed as hell but like. genuinely easiest thing ever. #of course the judge mispronounced my middle name. part of the reason I want to change it. imagine being named cock. #you think I'm joking but I'm not. I had to keep that middle name a secret cause I knew I would get laughed at in school. #anyway. more paperwork for the future. but step by step we get that shit done. I will create myself into who I am whatever it takes #new first middle and last name. free of heritage. free of history. free of family ties except those which I choose to maintain. #I am not owned by my parents. I am not controlled by my upbringing. I am beholden to no gods. #and I am free to be whatever gender I want now. suitably un-gendered name and now I'm free. #I'm fucking free. #eliminate the nails in your feet. eliminate the stakes from the bottoms of your heels. walk on and walk away.

[sammydem0n64]

Been rethinking the “Toffa is adopted by Pearo, Chazel and Dolat” lore if only bc. Y’know Pearo is meant to be the main parent but he’s an unemployed 25 year old whose only stable living situation is crashing on his older brother’s couch. Dolat is always traveling due to work as well so he won’t be rather active either. And Chazel is the most stable here largely no complaints actually. BUT there’s also the fact Toffa is in a VERY dangerous situation (her parents are gang members who forced her into their ranks at a young age, the longer she stays with them rhe more likely it is she’ll end up gravely injured or worse) and none of them are. Really equipped to handle that. At all? Pearo’s family is in the mafia yeah but the other two are completely defenseless 😭 they’re just some guys being thrown into the horrors out of nowhere because some teenage girl decided to latch onto their boyfriend out of spite . Much more interesting to dissect this tbh

#Like yes. they love each other as a family. or at least claim to! #but like. DO these three truly have the resources to actually be full on adoptive parents to this kid? and not just family figures? #Like in Phoenix and Picoda’s case like yeah. Phoenix still lives in his parents basement when Molly latches onto him but both he and Picoda- #-Have the resources to take care of her. Picoda has a house with Ket and enough money to feed cloth protect her etc #and also. Molly isn’t in a life or death situation living with Waffa. it’s not like this is time sensitive #Melphis May be emotionally stunted and shit too but we all know he’s in a position to take care of ALL of his adoptive kids 😭 #But Pearo is literally homeless . not really the best conditions to be adopting a child who has very intensive needs #And Dolat + Chazel. honestly we’re really nonchalant about the Toffa thing #like yeah they care but they also didn’t put much thought into it. they’re just like ‘oh guess we have a daughter now’ #not considering the work and care required. especially in this case where a gang may come busting down your door to take her back #Unless Pearo can speedrun getting his shit together and whatnot Toffa will probably lack a lot of the stuff a proper guardian can provide #Because yes they love her . but she needs more than that #they need to be more than just friends. people who like having her around and want to protect her from her shitty bio family #she needs so much more and. it’s ok to acknowledge you can’t fully provide that. that she’ll be better off living with someone else #because that’s what you would do For a loved one. youd let them thrive instead of being selfish and claiming you know what you’re doing #you can still be family just not in this nuclear context! #much to think abt #EDIT: THIS IS LIKE. OK THE WAY IM IMAGINING THIS IS IN A LEGAL GUARDIAN CONTEXT OBVS #Like I said they can still be family they can still see each other as family BUT this trio is not in the position to actually have a kid rn #She’s gotta live with someone(s) who can actually provide for her needs Y’know 😭 but they can still b family #clarifying bc of the previous examples . and didn’t want to have the vibe of ‘you can’t b adoptive or found family if you’re broke!!’ Y’know #it’s just a matter of fucking. legal guardianship and living situations and ‘can we actually fucking raise a kid properly or nah’