#laura draws garbage

[twistedsea]

🔴

#original character #oc: laura #oc: abigail #my ocs #my art #i was listening to Boys Wanna Fight by Garbage while drawing this :)

[silentglassbreak]

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Just having a lovely good time with this. We are getting there, I swear it. 😘 (I promise there’s method to my madness.) Also HEAVILY recommend listening to the chapter song title - especially toward the end of this chapter. Levitate by Sleep Token.

Warnings: No smut today. But I fucking cried writing this chapter, and I hope you do too (I'm so sadistic). Sadness. Graphic descriptions of vomiting and overall being sick. Fluffy, heartache chapter. OH and graphic depictions of violence and blood (in a dream setting, don't stress).

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @knivesforapro @diabolicdiatonics

Part 7 - Levitate

At what point do you start drawing lines in the sand? I asked myself that question over and over the past several weeks since the party. Who was fucking with who anymore? I'm certain neither of us really knew the answer.

Mileena was still seeing Justin, our mishap in the bathroom on the 4th being unspoken of again. It never happened. I kept trying to remind myself of that, each time I saw her, the only times our paths crossing being during pick-ups and drop-offs of Addison.

I had fully expected her to become scarce, but to my surprise, she was letting business go on as usual. Even being around more often. Part of me wanted to hope that meant she was slowly inching her way back to me, some undying need inside of her not being capable of keeping a distance. That thought was shut down, however, when Nick mentioned that he was asked to go on a double date with her, Laura, and the Ken doll (my favorite nickname for him).

That came about two weeks after the party, and I just shrugged it off, assuming that meant Mileena had truly forgotten about the bathroom, or was forcing herself to.

Still, she showed up, sometimes spending half an hour or more at the house when dropping off Addie, making small talk with me, once in a while even flirting. It was casual, comfortable, and for some reason, it didn't bother me to know that she was likely fucking that other guy. Something in my gut just told me to be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

So that is exactly what I did. I gave her room to exist, letting myself exist somewhere near her being good enough for me most days. In all honesty, the lack of pushing made some space for a very good friendship that we never gave the chance to grow before. Sure, the attraction was clear, but she started telling me things; things that I didn't get to hear before.

'Nick and Laura are gag-worthy. It's honestly kind of annoying.'

'I'm going to go back to work soon. I got a job offer, but the last two years off have been so heavenly.'

'I miss Washington. We need to take Addie up there to visit Dad.'

She kept throwing that word around. We. I never wanted to bring it up. Never wanted to spook her. Rather, I stood there and listened to her most times, smiling softly at her, loving the way the light filled her eyes when she was excited, or she came in close for a hug whenever she was sad. I took every second. I accepted it graciously, happy to exist.

Today, however, was not a good day. Today, I felt like a bin of hot, rancid, putrid garbage. We were stood in the green room of a venue in Buena Park, getting ready for a pop-up show, when I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea hit me. All day, I had felt off, but had brushed it off as the heat, stress from the show, and exhaustion hitting me all at once. I had slept most of the day, working to get myself out of the funk, trying like hell to prepare for the show, but I couldn't shake it.

Now, feeling my insides threatening to make their way out, my eyes darted around the room frantically, eyes falling on a nearby trash can. I bolted for it, collapsing onto my knees before emptying everything in my stomach into the bin, heaving painfully.

After successfully spitting out the last of the vomit, I sat back on my heels, trying to breathe deeply. My episode had caught Jolly's eye, and he ran over, face cringing at the sight.

"Dude, what the fuck?" I pointed at a stack of napkins on the table behind him, and he handed me a few. I wiped my mouth.

"I don't know, man. I was good, and then I just had to hurl." I was trying to determine if I was done puking, my stomach still rolling around.

"Eat something bad?" Nick had joined us now, hands in his pockets.

"Fuck, man, no idea. I guess." I shrugged, tossing the napkins in the can.

"Do we need to cancel? If so, we need to let Matt know now." Jolly's voice was concerned.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good. I just need a minute."

"You sure?" Nick raised a brow at me, and I stood up.

"Yeah. You guys got any gum?"

Four songs. I made it that far. I worked so hard, swallowing all of the saliva building in my mouth, keeping my face even. But as soon as we hit Glass Houses, and I had to start screaming, I had to run off stage, emptying my stomach once again into a trash can off of the side. I had thrown my mic hastily on the stage, making it clear that my abrupt exit wasn't planned.

Jolly, still vigorously playing the music, repeating the same riff, stepped off to the side and gave me a glance. I was kneeling, gagging dryly into the can. I saw him motion for everyone to stop. The music and lights cut sharp, and I leaned my head on the cool rim of the metal can, breathing heavily.

Folio stood over me. "Noah?" I looked up at him.

"I can't. I'm so fucking sorry."

He was shaking his head. "No, bro. You're fucking sick."

My body was covered in a slick, disgusting sweat, but I was still shivering profusely. "I'm freezing, dude."

Folio looked up. "Uh, hang on." He jogged off to the side of the stage, returning with my coat that I had discarded after the first track. "Here."

I stood up and pulled it on, not feeling much relief, my skin screaming as the fabric brushed over it. I took a moment to calm my body before walking back out to the stage, the crowd cheering as I did.

I picked up my discarded microphone and waved. "Well," I put a hand on my hip and huffed a laugh out. "I'm so sorry about that, guys."

The crowd cheered for me, but I was still fighting the feeling of another impending puking spell.

"So, I think I'm sick." I chuckled, and I saw the guys shaking their heads, smiling. Nick was already taking his bass off, and Jolly was walking over next to me. "I'm so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to finish the show tonight, folks."

It was met with cries of sadness, and I frowned. "We're so sorry." Jolly's voice came through his own mic. "But we will schedule a make-up show. We've just got to keep this guy away from the gas station sushi."

Nick and Folio laughed with the crowd, but I just gagged, pressing it back down. Jolly slapped me hard on the back, which made me flinch.

"We're going to get this guy into bed, guys. But, before we go, we thank you all for being here!" Jolly hollered, and the crowd cheered.

"And can we give it up for Noah, guys?!" Nick hollered out, causing the venue to erupt. I just gave an embarrassed nod and began stalking off stage, feeling another wave oncoming.

-

Nick drove me home last night, walking me inside to make sure I got into bed properly. I only managed to get my pants, shoes, and shirt off before I folded into bed.

"Alright, bro, I've set a bowl on the nightstand, in case you don't make it, and I've got a water bottle next to you." But I was already half asleep when he left.

I was awoken to the doorbell going off, and I groaned, my back muscles screaming at me, and my stomach rolling inside me when I swung my legs off the bed. My head pounded hard at the sensation of sitting up. I felt truly horrific.

I stepped downstairs slowly, my body aching with each drop of my feet. I rubbed at my eyes against the sunlight, opening the front door.

Mileena stood in front of me, grocery bags in hand, and staring brightly at me, her faced etched with worry.

My eyes widened when I realized. "Oh, fuck! It's Sunday!"

She shook her head. "Oh no, I didn't bring Addie. I didn't want to risk giving her the plague."

I rolled my eyes as she walked past me into the house, closing the door behind her. "Then why are you here? Don't you not want to get it?"

She waved me off, heading for the kitchen. "I'll be fine."

She was back after a second, and I hadn't moved from where I stood by the door, focusing on staying upright as the room started to spin. Her eyes examined my face, a look of sympathy on hers.

"Oh Noah," She rubbed a hand on my shoulder. "you look like shit."

I smirked, my eyes nearly closed. "Thank you for noticing, I feel like it too."

I yawned, stopping it short when I felt as though I may gag again.

"How'd you know I was sick?"

"Nick called Laura last night. Told us about the show. I almost came over then, but Nick said you knocked out pretty quick."

I opened my eyes, then, giving her an inquisitive look. "So, you're here because...?"

She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "To make sure you don't die?"

Leena was trying so hard to be convincing, but I still smiled playfully at her. "Oh sure. You're just here cause you couldn't stand the thought of not seeing me."

She rolled her eyes at me, smacking a hand gently on my chest, which made me whine, rubbing the spot. My skin was so sensitive.

I saw her face flinch, realizing I was tender. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Her fingers rubbed the spot she hit, but I wiggled away, the contact uncomfortable.

She then pressed her palm to my chest, scrunching her brows. "Jesus, Noah." Mileena grabbed my face and pulled me down, pressing her lips to my forehead - something she always did when checking for a temperature. "Fuck Noah! You're burning up!"

Scurrying into the kitchen, then back to me in a flash, she had the thermometer in her hand, brushing it across my forehead. Everything was happening in slow motion for me, the room still threatening to turn on it's side at any given moment.

"Fuck! 104.9 degrees!" I just nodded dryly, not fazed. "Noah, you may need to go to a doctor."

I groaned, walking over to the couch and sitting slowly. "I just want to sleep."

She followed me, pulling my legs up to stretch on the couch. Her hands grabbed the blanket I kept on the back of it, stretching it out over me. "Fine, but I'm staying with you a while. I don't like that fever."

I scoffed. "I'm not too fond of it, myself."

She grabbed the remote and turned the television on. "What do you want to watch?"

I moaned, absolutely suffering. "Don't care. Whatever you want."

She took up space on the other end of the sectional, tucking her feet underneath her and scanning to Hulu.

"Just nothing about food." I felt my face begin to turn green, and she noticed. She ran to the bathroom, grabbing the trash and placing it near my head on the floor. "Thanks, babe."

I watched her still, glancing at me, wanting to correct me. It was a reflex that I hadn't meant to say, but in my current state, I couldn't find the willpower to care.

She must've known, because she just turned up her lips, and softened her eyes. "Of course."

I let my eyes fall closed, my head calming while I heard the opening to Grey's Anatomy play.

I woke up to a lurch in my stomach, my eyes flying open, and my hand instinctively grabbing the trash, retching hard into it. Not much had come out, mostly bile, as I hadn't held down anything for about thirty-six hours. I opened my eyes, bleary with involuntary tears, and saw the end of the couch empty, but the TV still playing.

"Oh, Noah!" Her feet tapped the floor softly as she ran into the living room.

She circled the coffee table, and sat next to me on the couch, her hand rubbing small circles on my back. Setting the can down, I leaned back on the couch, fighting to get air in my lungs.

"What the fuck?" I grit through my teeth. Her hand was now on top of mine, her thumb massaging into the tattoos on my skin.

"I know. Must be a bad bug."

I leaned down, grabbing the edges of the bag in the can, preparing to get rid of it. Her hands came in, shooing mine away.

"I'll get this. Go brush your teeth."

I stood, running a hand through my sweat-soaked hair, and realized I was still in just my boxers. It hadn't even occurred to me, too sick to realize how gross I must look.

"Sorry you have to see me like this."

She snorted, tying the bag up. "Noah, you watched me give birth. I think we're okay."

I smiled at her tiredly. "You don't have to stay. What about Addie?"

She walked to the front door, slipping on my slides so she could walk outside to the can. "Uncle Jolly and Uncle Folio took her out for the day. Laura told me to stay as long as you need."

I was sick, exhausted, and half-dead, but I couldn't help what came tumbling out of me.

"And what if I never let you leave?"

Her hand hovered over the door knob, her neck twisting so she could look at me, a sad expression on her face. "Go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank."

I smiled. It wasn't a 'no' or a 'shut up', so it was progress.

"I think I'm going to shower, actually."

She just nodded before disappearing outside to dispose of the garbage.

I climbed the stairs carefully, lightheaded. I walked straight into the bathroom, turning the water to scalding, and stripped off my underwear. I glanced in the mirror, cringing at the sight. My eyes held dark, grey circles around them, my hair was visibly greasy, and my lips were pale and chapped.

Real sexy, Sebastian.

While I waited for the water to get hot enough to melt my skin, I brushed my teeth, working hard not to gag again. Once I spit the last of the toothpaste out, I stepped into the hot water and took a moment to adjust. I had a feeling my fever had broken, as my skin didn't hurt quite so badly.

I took time to scrub my body, letting my body calm as I felt the previous day rinse off of me. I quickly washed my hair, not even bothering with conditioning or anything extra. Then, I just stood there, letting the warm water wash over my back, my forehead leaning against the cool tile, zoning out while I breathed deeply.

"Hey." I heard her voice, which I didn't react to. "You alive in there?"

I flipped the handle, turning the water off. My hand grabbed the towel on the hook, pulling it in and wrapping it around my waist before opening the curtain. She stood in the doorway, and I heard her inhale a sharp gasp when her eyes caught me standing, my hair dripping down my face. I flipped it back and eyed her.

"I feel like death."

Her eyes were blown wide, and her lips parted slightly, not responding. Normally, I'd be taking full advantage of the moment. However, I was sure my stomach couldn't handle any sudden movents.

"I, uh," She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I brought some Zofran. We need to get you to hold something down."

I stepped out of the shower, sighing. "If you think it'll help."

She held a hand out, a small white pill in the palm. I walked over, picking up the tablet and holding it on front of me.

"How do I know you're not drugging me?"

She pursed her lips, smirking. "You don't."

I shrugged nonchalantly, and dry swallowed it.

Standing inches from her, smiling mischievously. "How's my breath?"

Leena grinned earnestly, then. "Better." She lifted a hand to the back of my neck, pulling my forehead down to her lips again. She hummed in approval. "That's better too. Now c'mon," She tugged at my wrist, pulling me out of the bathroom. "let's get you dressed and into bed."

I took note of the sweats, underwear, and t-shirt laid out on the bed. I also noticed the blanket being fresh.

"I changed the sheets for you. They were still damp from you sweating all night. I set up the trash can next to the bed, water on the nightstand. You need to drink it." She was using her Mom voice now, which had me staring at her, amused. "When you're ready to try eating, I've got Saltines, cheese, and a few different soups."

Eyes boring into her, I couldn't help but grin. "I appreciate you, Mileena."

The look on her face told me she was not troubled by any of her efforts. "You know I don't mind." She scanned the room, and began turning around. "I'll let you get dressed."

"Are you leaving?"

She stared at me, her eyes sparkling. "Do you want me to?"

A tinge of red crept up my neck, suddenly shy. "I mean, no?" Breathing out a chuckle, I picked up the underwear, letting the towel drop. Her eyes only flashed down to me for a split second, her throat swallowing hard. "But I get if you need to get back to Addison."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "No," She had her lips held tight together. "I checked in with Laura. Addie's fine. She said I can stay however long."

I nodded. "I've got pants on now." My words were lighthearted, finding humor in the fact that she was trying to preserve my modesty, as if she hadn't seen it all before.

"I figured I'd start disinfecting the living room while you napped."

I sat down hard on the bed, slipping the shirt over my head and wincing, the sensitivity coming back.

"Or, you could watch TV with me."

She stared at me, as if I was insane. "Is that such a good idea?"

I leaned back, pulling myself under the comforter and sinking down into the mattress.

"I mean, if you don't want to catch this crap, I don't blame you."

Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, she laid a hand on my stomach softly. "I told you I'm not worried about that."

I laughed. "Well, you don't have to worry about me trying to come onto you. I get nauseas just breathing. I couldn't imagine what having sex would do."

She let out a hard cackle, smiling with all of her teeth. It was a nice sight to see, even on the brink of death.

"Well," I could tell she was weighing her options. "I guess it's fine. Mind if I borrow some pants? Jeans aren't exactly comfortable."

I just gestured to the dresser. She knew where to find everything. She slipped a pair of joggers out of the drawer, stepping into the closet to change. After, she came over to the bed, her side, and sat on top of the blankets, pushing her pillow up against the headboard, and flipped the TV on.

"Still no requests?" I just shook my head. She started Supernatural, picking up where her and I had left off on the last season, sitting back and watching the screen intently.

After a few minutes, I rolled onto my side, facing her, in a desperate attempt to ease the hard ache in my diaphragm. My body felt sore from dry heaving and the virus that crept through my veins. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the uneasiness each position had me in, growling.

"Come on." She motioned for me to scoot closer, pulling her legs under the covers and half-laying on the pillow. I moved myself to lay my head on her stomach, arm draped over her middle. Her fingers began running through my hair, nails scraping gently over my scalp the way she knew would have me snoozing quickly.

I buried my nose into her shirt, breathing easily. "Hey Leena?"

"Hmm?" She was into the show, but I still couldn't help myself.

"How would Justin feel about us just cuddling?" I smiled, reminiscing of the first time we cuddled on her couch, two years ago.

She snorted, clearly remembering exactly what I was referring to.

"He'll live. You may not. Priorities."

"So I take priority, huh?" My voice was slightly muffled against her, but I was warm all over thinking about it.

"You're the father of my child, Noah. And my best friend. Of course you do."

My hand squeezed her side in a sad attempt for a hug. She gripped my hair a touch tighter at the root, earning her an appreciative moan from me. So fucking relaxing.

"You should get some sleep."

"Are you and him still...a thing?"

I felt her chest heave. "Is that really a good conversation for right now?"

I raised an eyebrow she couldn't see. "We're best friends, right? Just pretend I'm Laura or something."

She laughed at that. "No can do, babe. Laura's prettier than you."

I waved a finger in the air in front of us. "Nuh-uh."

Her body shook with laughter.

"Ah Noah, insufferable as always."

I could only hum at her, my arm falling back to her side.

"You can tell me, Leena. I won't get mad."

Her voice was careful. "Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly that, Noah. Kind of." She sighed. "I like him, but..." She trailed off.

"But what? He’s not as dreamy as you had originally expected?" I smirked at my words, which came out in my voice.

But her words were somber.

"He's not you."

My face fell, processing what she had said.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Her fingers pet my hair softly now, smoothing it down. "Get some sleep, babe. I'll be here."

Even with the firecrackers exploding inside of my chest, the overwhelming exhaustion was taking over, blurring my vision. Sleep overtook me quickly, my eyes closing while her hands soothed me into oblivion.

-

"I don't love you, Noah. I don't think I ever did."

"She's never going to be with you again."

I pulled at the metal shackles around my wrists and ankles, screaming at the top of my lungs behind the leather bound around my mouth. My skin burned from all over, unable to breathe in enough air to fight any harder.

"This is how you die, Noah. Alone. No happiness. No dignity. No family. You're pathetic." Leena was stood inches from my face, Justin just behind her, staring wickedly.

"She's mine now, bitch."

The veins in my neck strained as I tried to bite down on the bind in my mouth, my flesh bleeding as I pulled against the steel holding them to the table I laid on.

Justin picked up an instrument off of the tray, a long, razor-like blade that looked medieval.

"You deserve this, Noah. For being such a fucking failure." The laugh that pressed out of her was maniacal, bouncing off the hard walls of the dark room. "Addison will never have to see how fucking sad and horrid her father was."

Justin stepped over to me, using one hand to rip the tank top I wore. I pulled harder as he lowered the blade over my stomach.

He smiled at me. "I hope you didn't pay much for these tats, dude, cause they're about to come off."

My eyes bulged, my chest heaving as I shook my head hysterically.

The blade sunk deep into my skin, a sharp, piercing burning flashing over me as I watched the blood pouring out of me.

My screams were wet and desperate, tears flowing down the sides of my face into my hair. I stared at Mileena, begging her to stop this, but she just smiled at me, her yes dark.

"Oh Noah! You're doing great!" Her words were all venom, and I couldn't breathe now, a weight pressing on my chest. I looked up to see Justin pressing his palm down as he dug the blade in deeper, piercing my organs.

Blood pooled in my throat, and I tried spitting it, only for it to fall back down into my mouth, making me choke.

"Noah!" Mileena clapped, smiling wildly. "C'mon Noah!"

"Noah! Noah, wake up!" I felt my body shaking. "Babe! Wake up, honey!"

I startled, my eyes snapping open, and sat up abruptly. My eyes scanned for the trash can, grabbing it and lifting it into my lap, violently throwing up into the bag. I could feel the tears coming out of eyes, and I lifted my head, my body still shaking with sobs.

"Baby," Her hand was on the back of my neck, her voice calm in my ear. "it's okay. Let it out."

Heaving again, I ejected any stomach contents I had before taking a few deep, hard breaths.

"Done?" After a few seconds, I nodded. "Okay, let me take this."

She grabbed the can and stood off the bed, walking back into the bathroom. Returning with toilet paper in her hand, she tore some and handed it to me to wipe my face.

She crawled into my lap, pulling my face into her chest, as I cried hard.

Usually, I try to be masculine about it, crying quietly, privately. However, I was still so shaken by the nightmare, that I let myself wrap my arms around her, wetting her shirt with my hot tears.

She shushed me, rubbing calming circles on my back until I was able to breathe evenly again.

"Bad dream, huh?" I only nodded in response, unable to speak. "Yeah, fever dreams are the worst."

After several long moments, I shifted so she could scoot off of me, standing and heading into the bathroom, running my toothbrush over my tongue and teeth again, washing the taste of stomach acid out of my mouth.

I came back to the bed, pulling her back into me.

"I'm sorry."

We were laid together, tangled on top of the blankets, and she giggled.

"Don't apologize for having a bad dream. You can't control that."

"It was so bad."

She reached a hand up under my shirt, splaying her fingers out on my chest. "Sounded like it. You started screaming."

"Ugh, I'm sorry."

Rather than lecturing me again for apologizing, she just hummed.

"I've got you, babe."

I noticed Supernatural was still on. "How long was I out?"

"About two hours. I think I dozed off a little, too." She traced my skin with a fingertip. "You think you want to try munching some crackers? You're dry heaving so bad because you don't have anything to throw up."

I sighed hard. "I guess."

Another hour, and I was sitting up on the bed, breaking the crackers into four and taking at least fifteen minutes to eat each one. My stomach didn't like it, but needed it. I had earned a love/hate relationship with a sleeve of Saltines, and that's just fitting for my whole fucking life, isn't it?

Mileena was eating a sandwich she had ordered from her favorite spot, pulling pickle slices off of it and popping them in her mouth. We both watched the screen intently, making odd and end comments about the movie we watched.

"This isn't nearly as good as the first one." She spoke around her bite of food.

I shook my head. "Nah. The first Nun was actually a little creepy." I pointed at the TV. "This one is kind of boring, actually.

"Agreed." Leena popped another pickle in her mouth.

I smirked at her. "I still don't get that. Why not just eat them on the sandwich?"

She stuck her tongue out, a perfect round pickle slice sat in the center, and crossed her eyes at me. I stuck my fingers out to pinch her tongue, but she sucked it back in quickly, giggling at me.

Although my stomach still hurt, and wasn't pleased that I had filled it with six crackers and a half of a water bottle, I felt a slight energy surge, so I didn't want to try falling back asleep yet. Not after my last nap. I shuddered at the thought.

Her eyes fell on me, noticing my shiver. "You want to talk about the dream?"

I shook my head, looking down at the cracker I was breaking. "It's fading anyway."

Mileena raised an eyebrow at me. "Mkay, well you let me know if you change your mind." She turned her attention back to the movie.

"What time do you have to go?"

She stood off the bed, balling up the paper from her sandwich, and tossing it in the trash can. "I called Laura after you woke up, and she told me I was fine to stay over if needed. Addie has been really good today, and tomorrow her and Nick are taking the baby to the aquarium."

Expressionless, I tried not to let the hope swell too much in my chest.

Still, I croaked out. "Slumber party?"

She laughed, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. "Oh sure! We can paint nails and have a pillow fight!" She hollered from behind the door.

"I'm into it!" I yelled back.

"Yeah, well I'm all yours, then."

I smiled triumphantly. If I had known this was how to keep her around, I would've been licking doorknobs ages ago.

She returned, perching back on the bed. Her eyes glanced over to me comfortably, a smooth smile on her face.

"Leena?" She looked back at me over her shoulder. "Seriously, have you told him you're here?"

Her face fell, her gaze dropping to the remote in her hand. "I haven't."

I huffed, leaning back. "Maybe you shouldn't."

Her eyes looked up at me from under her lashes. "Can I be honest with you, Noah?"

My face twisted into a frown. "I expect nothing less."

She turned completely, facing me, and her legs crossed underneath her.

"I'm not good at this." She gestured between us.

I raised a brow. "What do you mean?" I looked over to the nightstand and down at my crackers. "Being a doctor? Could've fooled me."

She rolled her eyes, smiling. "No, dork." She looked back down out her hands. "Being broken up."

My head leaned back against the headboard. "Ah."

"I just," She pressed her lips together. "I miss you. And that makes it so hard, because I know you miss me too. You tell me all the time."

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. "I do."

"I want to be with you all the time. I think about it all day, every day."

I wouldn't dare interrupt, despite the increasing surge I had to kiss her, touch her, hold her. Anything.

"I damn near talk myself into coming home every day, Noah." Her eyes were getting wetter, and I just wanted to press my lips to her forehead. "But then I remember. Being alone."

My heart twitched.

"I don't know. Justin is...good." Ouch. Didn't need to know that. "He has a good job. He likes me, so much." She rolled her eyes. "He's good-looking, funny. He likes everyone. He respects the hell out of you." Shocking, truly. The feeling wasn't at all mutual.

"But," Her hands fell flat on the bed, a deep breath filling her. "I don't feel what I do when I'm with you."

My face was curious. "And that is?"

"Alive." She stood up then, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. My eyes followed her every move.

"Noah, I spent a long fucking time just...breathing." She stopped, eyes boring into me. "But then I met you, and I felt like something inside me woke up. Like I had been on autopilot, but then, suddenly, I was driving again. At a hundred miles an hour."

I smirked.

"Even now, after all this time, I feel so drawn to you. Like a magnet, or gravity? Maybe that's the same thing, I have no fucking clue."

"It's not. Continue."

She narrowed her eyes at me, but continued pacing. "Either way. I can't find that feeling with him."

She sat on the bed then, right next to me.

"It's like that feeling of being on a roller coaster, when your blood is on fire, and your heart is racing? But then you get off of it? And everything goes back to normal? Do you know what I mean?"

"I do."

"The second I left your hotel room that night, it was like I stepped off the coaster. And for a while, I loved that. It was relieving, not knowing when it was going to drop. It was nice to know that I finally had control." A tear rolled down her cheek. "But then...I hated it. I felt like I was at a standstill."

I lifted my hand, wiping the tear from her cheek, using the other to rest on her shoulder.

"But every time I saw you," Her voice cracked, wet. "it was like I was awake again; alive."

She shook, a cry breaking through her. I pulled her, then, bringing her in close to me. I held one arm around her body, locking her in close to my chest. My other holding the back of her neck, squeezing gently to comfort her as she cried.

"I got you, Leena." I whispered in her ear. "I'm right here."

Her hands gripped my shirt tight, legs pulled up underneath her.

"Babe," I pulled her up so I could look into her eyes. "I know this is so hard. But it's truly whatever you want. Whenever."

I pulled her back down.

"I'm always here, just for you."

She laughed then, a sarcastic sound. "Noah, I can't ask you to sit around and wait for me to figure my shit out."

"You don't have to."

This made her cry harder, and I squeezed her tight.

"I love you Mileena. More than life itself."

Her voice was strained. "God, I love you so much, Noah." She cried between her words. "I miss you so much it hurts."

I felt my own tears brewing. "I know. I do too." I inhaled hard, trying to hold my own hurt back behind my hard exterior. "Every day. Every moment."

"Can we just pretend for today? Can we just act like nothing ever happened? And be us? Please, I'm so fucking tired. I just need one fucking day." Her hands were pulling at me, desperate to get closer.

I wrapped both arms around her in a tight grip.

"Of course we can, baby." I spoke into her hair. "Anything you want, my love."

#fanfic #noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic

[numetalpuppygirl]

what i'm listening to november 2023. the agony

spot. link//yt link

song notes under cut

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Garbage - Queer: stand up for the fag anthem. but also let's be real one of the main draws here is the music video where shirley manson pushes the pov character down to the ground and forcibly shaves your head while singing "i know what's good for you." i'm a lesbian

Chris Fleming - W.U.G.: i've met a couple wugs in my time but more than anything i'm just on my chris fleming shit recently. this one has been stucks in my head sooo bad and bsaically anytime i see the word "guy" it comes back with a vengeance

Limp Bizkit & Method Man - N 2 Gether Now: random lb songs will really just crop up in my rotation for seemingly no reason but really this one has so many good lines and the addition of method man brings it up by so much. it's comical on some level bc it's like why is he here, he's like. a real rapper. and fred sounds so out of his depth next to him. but at the same time they both do actually really pretty good. pull the plug and then jet. MIC CHECK.

Sloppy Jane - Bark Like a God: recommended by a friend. need to listen to the full album but this goes insane goes crazy i mean those damn vocals and the THEMES ugh i mean what else do you need in this world. don't even really know what to call this band but it good and i need more

Almeda Riddle - My Little Rooster: Gummo is a 1997 American experimental drama film written and directed by Harmony Korine, starring Jacob Reynolds, Nick Sutton, Jacob Sewell, and Chloë Sevigny. The film is set (but was not filmed) in Xenia, Ohio, a Midwestern American town that had been previously struck by a devastating tornado. The loose narrative follows several main characters who find odd and destructive ways to pass time, interrupted by vignettes depicting other inhabitants of the town.

Destroy Boys - Fences: mostly just real catchy. many such cases. but there is a certain doggish quality to it as well

Enon - Natural Disasters: hi violer :3 ooh ahh the song so catchy the riff so tastey and shiney

Limp Bizkit - The Truth: i watched the band's short film of the same name recently and was pretty underwhelmed. but it did make me wanna go back and listen to the ep! it's been said to death but it's easily some of lb's best work, and not just because it's the serious one or whatever

Repo! The Genetic Opera - Night Surgeon: tbh there should be more repo on here but there's only so much space and this is undoubtedly my favorite track from the soundtrack (although "at the opera tonight" comes pretty damn close!!) i could listen to anthony head go "i remember" like that allllll day. i have been having some serious repo fixation recently i won't lie. give it a watch it's a normal movie

Foo Fighters - Everlong (Acoustic Version): okay look you guys know at this point how i get about everlong. so when i was watching hit film little nicky starring adam sandman and a rather beautiful sequence took place accompanied by a sparse acoustic version still laden in the characteristic warmth of the original song, of course i was hooked. and that's a nu metal-ass movie, too, but this was the pick i ended up making. that's special

Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up To Boston: WOOOOO BOSTON!!!!!!!! GO BRUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME A CUP O DUNKS!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! YANKEES SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <is not from boston but rather a different place entirely

Fefe Dobson - Unforgiven: why did nobody tell me about this fuckin nu metal x y2k pop fusion. this is like rina sawayama stfu but all the way back in 200-goddamn-3. fefe you were before your time

MGMT - Little Dark Age: i don't know mgmt that well but i heard a little bit of this song in a youtube video long ago and really liked it and could never find it and then i happened to encounter it again and was like oh hello my old acquaintance shall we get to know each other better

Billy Joel - All For Leyna: beginning to realize that billy is good actually. every little part of this song is crunchy and sweet and delicious for me. and god i sure am doing it all for leyna aren't i......

Tom Cardy & Brian David Gilbert - Beautiful Mind: tbh this was far from my favorite effort from either of these guys...... didn't really think it was all that funny. had a very lol random sort of appeal that just didn't hit me right. however it does sound amazing, really clean, and they both have nice voices. plus you know i love them harmonies

Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz: they play this a lot at a cafe i go to sometimes. i used to not like this song but it's really grown on me. it's one of those absolutely one-of-a-kind songs that could have only been a hit at the exact time and place that it was. and i like stuff like that! you might even say i think it's super duper :)

Violent Femmes - Breakin' Up: this song is dumb as balls. and it sounds way better in my head than it does to actually listen to it. but! the video is really cool, with that simple but effective camera trick. i enjoy that

Bowling For Soup - Girl All the Bad Guys Want: if the previous song was dumb as balls, this song is dumb as. like. the epididymis. or like a single sperm cell. i don;t know man it's a dumb fucking song. but it's about a cool rap rocker girl :3 and that's meeeeee probably. when i listen to it i like to rate each lyric on how true it is. watching wrestling? maybe now and then. creaming over tough guys? hmmm no i would simply not do this. but listening to rap metal? turntables in her eyes?? now we're fuckin talkin!!!!!!!!!!

#it has been such a trek through mud to get this out. please enjoy #*char noises* #talking pop

[cellard0ors]

Where Eliza gets off to, Travis could really care less about.

His concern now is keeping Laura safe, and while his mind is still a reeling, complicated mess, he takes her hand in his and looks for shelter.

He feels both drunk and hungover, the way everything in his brain is sloshing around:

Laura and himself playing pretend pirates.

Laura and himself eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Laura kissing him - kissing him so well after days and days of deliriously good practice.

She's everywhere. She's in everything. She brings color to his past, to his life. Jesus Christ, how could he have forgotten her?

There's been a hole inside him for so long and now it's full - overflowing, bursting with her. With love for her and as they take refuge behind a large clump of trees, Silas's howls ringing out again, Travis turns to her, "Laura, Laura I'm so sorry. Fuck, all that stupid shit I said-!"

"It's okay." Her voice is warbling with emotion as she runs her fingers through his hair, tucking a few strands behind one ear, "You didn't mean it."

"No." He grumbles and he takes that same hand, kissing it tenderly, "No, I did. Don't make excuses for me. I was a fucking idiot. But I'll make it up to you. I swear to God, I will."

Silas howls again and Travis curses, pulling her closer as if to shelter her, "Once we get ourselves out of this mess. Any ideas?"

"You're asking me?!"

"Yeah." Travis deadpans, "You're the smart one."

Laura's smile wiggles some, overcome with emotion as she is, "You really do remember..."

She looks at his mouth and dear fucking God, does he want to kiss her, but, "Gotta wait, sweetheart. You kiss me now, I'm not going to stop. And while there's no other way I'd like to die..."

Laura draws in a loud breath and nods, directing her gaze back up to his eyes, "Okay. You're right."

Looking around the copse of trees they're hiding behind, Laura turns to Travis, "Alright, you said this site disappeared after the fire?"

Travis nods, "The fire happened at night. Next day we started the clean up - firetruck crew, garbage men, cops - the whole lot. We cleaned out some debris, a few bodies - but the day after," he shakes his head, "It was all gone."

"Hmm, no doubt Eliza shrouded it after that, because she not only came fully into her incorporeal form, but because she wanted to protect her body."

"That sounds plausible." Travis agrees, "We weren't finished in just one day - there was a lot left behind. We thought we had plenty of time. When none of us could find it..."

He lets out an aggravated snarl, "Let's just say red tape in a small town is both looser and stickier than you'd think. Mayor wanted it all tied up quick - found the whole thing an embarrassment - was worried it'd reflect poorly on his reelection."

Travis actually spits to one side, "After the curse hit my family, we looked for it too. But no luck. Yet here we are..."

Laura swishes her mouth from side to side in thought, "Well, it's been a long time, but looking around now, I seem to recall the contortionist's stage being over there and the cotton candy stand over there...so that would put Silas's cage and Eliza's caravan..."

She peeks around the trees once more before motioning to Travis that he should follow her. They stick low to the ground, picking carefully through the underbrush around them so as to make little to no noise.

They reach a burned out area of trees, small signs of life returning to the scorched wood in the form of green moss.

There's a loud, shuffling to one side of them and Laura grabs one of Travis's arms, tugging on it tightly so that he'll move with her behind some boulders.

They do so and only seconds later, Silas darts by, his nose raised and sniffing loudly. The two hold their breath as the werewolf prowls around the spot they were just standing.

Neither of them can say why luck has chosen to smile upon them for once, as Silas can't seem to pinpoint their exact location. Grunting and growling as he bounds off into the distance, away from them.

With the danger passed (for now) the two practically collapse in on one another. Laura gasps 'That was close' even as Travis looks at her and says softly, "You haven't changed."

Laura blinks at him, confused, until he looks down, his voice bitter, "You're just as beautiful as you were the last time I saw you. Just as young..."

"A-actually, I'm twenty two now..." She offers this as if it will help, but he merely snorts even as she tacks on, "In a manner of speaking..."

"How-?"

Laura shrugs, "Magic. She kept Silas and I young. Better that way - easier to keep us in her control. It's not the kind of spell someone can use on themselves though, so-?"

Another shrug, "She aged. It's probably why she forgot she'd been here before. It's why I sent you the tickets..."

"You found out I was the sheriff." Travis sighs and rubs at his face, guilt hitting him like a freight train, "You thought I'd come and save you. Save both of you."

One last helpless shrug and he lets out a sour laugh, "Here I was earlier, blaming you - when this really is all my fucking fault."

"No, Travis-!"

"If I'd have just fucking gone that night, none of this would have happened. I've thought that before, long before tonight," He laughs again, sadder this time, "At least now I know for sure it's true."

Laura looks like she wants to object again, but Travis isn't done as he looks at her, takes in her lovely face, "Look at you...still so young, still so beautiful...and here I am..."

He shakes his head ruefully, looking away from her, and she finally gets her chance to speak, "You have nothing to apologize for, Travis. You grew up. That's all."

"You can admit it: I grew old." Travis stresses, looking back at her, "Old and nasty - twisted. You don't even know the promises I broke, the ones I made to you-!"

"Hey!" Laura cuts him off sternly, takes his face in her hands so he'll look directly at her, "You didn't know you were breaking anything. Okay? I took your memories from you...I-I thought it would be easier. That you'd be fine without me...happy even..."

She runs her thumbs over his cheekbones and he leans into the touch as she whispers, "I hurt you first, Travis. So...it's okay. And-and I know you just got your memories back, but...nothing's changed for me. I still lov-!"

Silas howls again and there's the sound of him thrashing through the forest in the distance. He's not close to them, far from it, but the sounds remind them of their mission, of what they're here to do.

Laura lets his face go and returns with determination, "To be continued..."

"Oh," Travis grins, "You better believe it."

The two move out from behind the boulders. Bound and determined to continue their search.

#hackearney #my writing #the quarry #travis x laura #fin

[shadowsshowdown]

Deus Ex: Human Revolution Shadow’s Showdown: Chapter 14

The light in the darkness.

Detroit. Adam's apartment. Laura's home.

Jensen left the office later than intending. He was distracted after today’s events. He felt as if he had allowed himself for too much, that he should be more mindful of his emotions. When he left the company, he lit a cigarette and nimbly ran down the stairs. At first, he wanted to go home through the main streets or even take the subway but eventually decided to shorten his way through side streets. The neighborhood was mostly dark, disturbed by a dim light of street lamps only in a few places. He had to watch out for overturned buckets and garbage bags scattered all over the place. There was also a broken bottle, stinking vomit, and vulgar drawings on the wall, which was nothing unusual. Adam tossed his cigarette butt on the ground and stubbed it out with his shoe. It was then that he noticed Laura's backpack lying on the ground. Jensen took it with a thought that it seemed strange to him that she had lost it right here. After few more steps further he found her jacket. It was torn into shreds. Suddenly, images flashed right before his eyes which awoke a dormant detective mind. Instantly, he began to piece together the clues. The broken bottle might not have been a coincidence, and the shoe marks looked as if someone was sliding on the ground during a likely chase. Jensen's quick step turned into a run. He searched for more clues with concentration, catching smells and sounds. If it's too late, if something happened to her, he won't forgive himself for the rest of his life.

Laura screamed in pain as the attacker bit into her neck. Although not so long ago she wanted to die, now reason came into play. The man's left hand roamed chaotically over her body. She could not predict where it would be in a moment, which drove her insane. The fingers of his right hand wriggled unbearably between her legs. Shrill despair ripped from her lungs with another scream. The one that was heard by Adam.

Unfortunately, her life had never been a fairy tale and never would be. The man finished playing with her and went straight to the point. Laura squirmed, trying to escape with her hips but he pushed against her firmly. Then there were only aggressive thrusts. The first, the second, the third. Even the pain became indifferent to her. She has already come to terms with her fate, and a whole fucked up life flashed before the girl's eyes. Laura closed her eyes tight.

"Leave her alone, motherfucker!" he roared with rage.

She thought she heard a voice, that well-known husky voice of Adam. An irrational sense of relief filled her mind. After all, he's not here, it's just a projection of her sick imagination. The Chief of Security pulled the attacker back by his hair and punched him in the face with the fist. The sudden cold made her realized that tormentor had stopped moving and wasn’t panting into her ear. Laura did not open her eyes; she allowed herself to continue dreaming. She settled on the ground and waited. If it’s not him? If it’s another guy desiring to rape her?

Driven by primal aggression, Jensen banged the rapist's head against the wall until he felt he had enough. His eyes burned with fury. Adam was completely out of control because of Laura, he was like a machine programmed to destroy the enemy and defend the target. Finally, he threw the man into a pile of garbage and kicked him several times in the ribs. After making sure he would not get up, he returned to Laura, who was now huddled against the wall of the building.

"Laura?! Can you hear me?!" his voice changed instantly, now it was a mixture of fear and uncertainty. "You're safe now, I'm here." He tried to reassure her. "Look at me."

The girl slowly raised her head, opened one eye, and through her tears, she saw the blurry face of Adam.

"Did he rape you?" He didn't want to ask that question, after all, he knew and had seen, but he needed to be sure. The words seemed to burn his throat.

The girl wanted to deny it, to lie to him to spare Jensen trouble. It’s her burden, her alone. In Laura’s sad eyes was a request, a begging: „Please stay out of this. It’s not your concern. I beg you, Adam, just leave.” But he didn’t want to listen.

"Tell me the truth," his voice grew firm. "Yes," she replied biting her lip.

Adam got rid of the belt that had been used to tie Laura's wrists together, rose from his knees, and reached his hand out towards her, helping the girl in getting up. While Laura was buttoning up her pants and struggling with the torn clothes, he went to check if the tormentor was still alive. He wanted to kill him and massacre his dead body for what he had committed, but Laura's trembling voice behind his back stopped Jensen from doing so.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "If it weren't you... If it weren't... I..."

The shaken girl hugged him tightly around the waist, snuggling her cheek into his torso. Though Adam was torn by conflicting emotions he didn't push her away. He couldn't, not now. He would be a complete idiot. He carefully enclosed her in the cage of his strong arms giving her as much time as she needed to quieten down at least a little. He, however, felt that he had failed her. He blamed himself for everything that had happened to Laura. If he was faster, more perceptive, maybe then… Maybe...

"Hush, hush. I'm here with you,” Adam reassured her as best he could, but he was aware that it was not enough, that no words could let her forget.

It didn't matter that he had just broken all his resolutions. She needed him here and now at this very moment. So he was because he couldn't act otherwise, because he wanted to be. Despite the circumstances they found themselves in, somewhere deep down he felt happy to embrace her. Although on the outside he was composed deep inside he was screaming desperately. Why her?! Why did this have to happen to her?! Why did he fail?! Why the fuck?! Because of his damn rules, his fucking pride, and fear of opening up. He would have given anything to turn back time, anything for this dearest being he now held in his arms.

"You should report this to the police. I'll go with you if..." he offered in a calm tone without letting Laura out of his embrace. "No, please..." she protested clenching her hands tightly on his sweater. "They'll ask about everything several times. I can't stand the whole night at the police station. I can't stand the shame."

Adam sighed. He had a completely different opinion. This bastard should answer for what he did. Meanwhile, she was letting him off the hook. Nevertheless, he did not exert pressure. He could only imagine how she felt right now.

"Can we get out of here now?" she asked, trying to cover herself with her shredded hoodie.

Without a second thought, Jensen took off his coat and covered the girl with it. He didn't care that it was too long and almost dragged on the ground. He picked up the backpack and handed it to her. Looking at Miss Werner's scratched face, at the sadness in her eyes he blamed himself even harder for not leaving the company right after he saw her from his office.

Streetlights illuminated their silhouettes for a moment, and then they were lost in the darkness until they reached another light source. Adam reflexively embraced Laura when anyone passed them. He felt responsible for her. Bright colored lights flashed at them from storefronts, few cars passed them on the way home. They were invariably silent. Many could marvel how could it be possible that these two were still wandering in their own labyrinths of feelings having everything at their fingertips reach.

Soon they were standing in front of her house. Laura was the first to end this awkward situation. She took off the coat intending to give it back to Adam.

"Thank you again for everything. I'll see you tomorrow," was the only thing she managed to say with her still trembling voice.

He almost let Laura go. She would have almost slipped away and would have disappeared behind the door if Adam hadn't come to his senses in time.

"You can't be alone now," he stated firmly, but only concern spoke through him. "I'll be fine, really." She turned her head smiling faintly. „Please don’t worry.” „I’m not worthy of your concern. I’m not worthy of being saved, not by you. I’m nobody, just a dirty rag.” This is what she wanted to say. "Of course you will, but I'm taking you to my place," he insisted.

So I want to run to your shelter tonight Run to the shelter tonight United in silent resistance Of bowing to false kings So let me run to your shelter tonight Run from this meaningless pantomime I'll swallow my pride Give up the pretence of bowing to false kings

It was that husky, decisive voice that did not tolerate objection. Indeed, she could not refuse him. Deep inside, Laura needed Jensen’s presence now. He covered her back with his coat, put his arm around Laura’s shoulders, and led her to the Chiron Building. They didn't speak in the elevator or long after entering the suite. Adam took two glasses from the cupboard, set them on the low coffee table in the living room, and poured some Whisky into them. Laura felt quite insecure in the new place. Only now did she realize that they were all alone here. In the narrow hallway against the wall on the right, she noticed quite a few cardboard boxes that he had not yet or still had not unpacked. The apartment seemed as lonely and dreary as its owner was. With no doubt, it has partially anchored in the old days that were forever gone. This part of it was close to her heart, it made her feel at home. She shyly walked a bit further, passing the small kitchen on the left. She went down a few stairs to the living room. An antique-looking sofa finished with wood and upholstered in green-gray vertical striped fabric attracted her attention. It was standing on a decorated coral-colored carpet.

"A few sips should help." Jensen handed her a glass, encouraging to drink.

He drank it all in one gulp, set the glass down on the table, and walked over to one of the cardboard boxes that were also present in the living room. He crouched down beside it, searching through the contents. Adam was looking for something in particular and did not give up until he found it. Laura took a sip while looking at him investigatively, her face twisted into a grimace as if she had eaten a lemon.

"Too strong?" he asked, and the corner of his lips twitched in an involuntary smile. "Maybe a little," she replied quietly, looking at what he had brought. "Unfortunately I don't have anything bluer," he said after a moment, somewhat embarrassed, handing her one of his t-shirts. "You didn't have to..." she sighed accepting the t-shirt. "How did you even kn...?" “I figured it out not so long ago. You can change in the bathroom. I'll show you the way." "There's no need to." Laura shook her head, taking another sip. She set the glass down, took off Adam’s coat, hanged it over the backrest of the sofa, and started changing clothes.

Adam did not know if she was doing it on purpose, spontaneously, or if the alcohol mixed with what she experienced desensitized her to his presence. The truth was that right now Laura didn't care who was staring at her tits. She was just a dirty rag that someone had wiped the floor with. Not the first time, not the last. Jensen turned around before he could see anything, but her silhouette reflected in the large TV screen that occupied a large part of the living room wall. He momentarily closed his eyes, deciding that it was inappropriate and unprofessional to peep. Laura tucked torn clothes into the backpack and fixed her ponytail. The sound of the zipper could be the unspoken permission to opening his eyes, but Adam waited a moment longer. Jensen walked past Laura, nimbly climbing three stairs, crossed the bedroom, and disappeared into the bathroom from where he had brought the first aid kit.

"Sit down, I don't bite, really," he said, forcing himself into a gentle tone, and pointed to the sofa.

Laura took it as an order. She felt terribly stupid for troubling him and involuntarily dragging Adam into matters that did not concern him at all. Now he would probably relax after work, do what he felt like doing instead of dealing with some pitiful, raped thing. Jensen sat down next to her after a while. He looked nothing like that stiff Sarif Industries CoS right now, though Laura still felt there was a distance between them. It was not the kind of distance that divides, but the one that brings people closer together, one that shortens instead of stretching. The one she wasn't ready for at all. Therefore, a sea of icy uncertainty wrapped her, clutching her whole body and freezing her lungs. The entire rape incident was nothing compared to the emotions raging now inside Laura.

"Do you have a headache? Any vision distortion? Problems with keeping the balance?" his voice was an equal mixture of fatherly concern, decisiveness, and friendly support.

She nodded to the first question, shook her head with denial to the other ones. If she had to give an answer, she would say that her heartaches. But this is by no means a medical problem. Adam examined her hands carefully. Only now did he notice the long scar on the outside of her right forearm. It extended from the elbow almost to the wrist. He didn't ask about it, as a professional, he kept everything to himself. Anyway, she wouldn't tell him the truth, and he didn't need lies. Both wrists were livid from being tightened by the belt, so he smeared them with some ointment. It had a pleasant honey smell. The blood dripping from the wound on her right cheek clotted on her skin in ugly dark trickles that woven together like a spider's web. The lower lip was cut open and slightly swollen. Besides, from what he noticed earlier, she had numerous bruises and bite marks all over her body. What kind of a bastard does one have to be to do something like that. Adam caught himself thinking that earlier he had no hesitation to touch Laura during the personal search, but now he was uncomfortable with the sight of a piece of her bare arm.

"It may pinch a little," he informed just as a doctor warns the patient.

Laura squinted, the touch of his hand caused goosebumps. He was gentle, sometimes just a little too forceful, but she felt he was trying hard so she let him take care of her. Finally, he covered the wound with sticking plaster. The girl smiled slightly in gratitude. They took another step towards reconciliation and began to lay the foundation for something much more lasting. Laura had already forgotten why she had ended up in Detroit, what her obligations were, and that she hated that grumpy Cerberus. Adam cleaned only the visible wounds on her face, neck, or hands. He left the others out of sheer decency.

"I can sleep on the sofa. I've already caused you too much trouble anyway," she said without a second thought.

"Out of the question," he replied with sudden annoyance in his voice as he put the things back in the first aid kit.

Jensen didn't like her words. The girl confused pity with care, and that always made him angry. He needed to cool down, so he wouldn't say too much. Adam went to prepare her bed. Laura felt that she had probably offended him with something, which overwhelmed her even more. Adam's anger, after all, was the last thing she wanted. When he finished, she obediently took his bed sinking into the cold bed linen and the scent, his scent. The Chief of Security only muttered 'Good night' before heading to the couch. Again he behaved reprehensibly, but even in this situation, he was unable to overcome it. He should be with her now, assure her that she is safe, and doesn't leave Laura even for a step away. Meanwhile, he crawled into his solitude, leaving her only because she offended his pride. Besides, he also decided that being in the same bed together was inappropriate and that sudden circumstances changed nothing. He was lying to himself by looking for any arguments just to suppress his guilt. Adam wanted to be a shoulder to lean on and a voice to whisper quietly in her ear that everything bad was already gone. He longed to cradle Laura in his arms, but her every look, every tear, and breath reminded him of how weak he was and how he fucked up everything. She deserves much better and more than he can give her.

The bedroom was furnished with only the most necessary items and separated from the living room by a wall. However, Laura noticed that it was possible to walk freely between the rooms cause there were no doors only wooden arches. Even the bathroom didn't have them. The girl sighed heavily and tried to sleep.

She woke suddenly unable to breathe, drenched in sweat and terrified. She felt lonely in an unfamiliar place. Although Adam was so close to her, she could not find peace. The whole incident in the dark alley awakened the until now dormant oily shadows that poured into her subconscious, reminding her that they had always been here. She got out of bed, put on pants, and grabbed the backpack, throwing it over her shoulder. Holding shoes in her hand, she looked out cautiously to see if Jensen was indeed asleep. She quietly walked along the wall toward the exit, pressed the button that opened the door, and fled.

"I’m sorry," she whispered regretfully once she was standing in the hallway.

Laura put on shoes and took the elevator down to the ground floor. She crossed the street in a hurry, after a while she was safe at home. Stalker came to greet her so the girl stroked him gently. The cat answered with a long purr, raising his tail straight up. She filled the cat’s bowl with food and cleared the litter tray. Then took off her backpack, throwing it carelessly on the sofa. When every usual thing was considered done, Laura ran straight to the bathroom. She felt dirty, blemished, and humiliated. With the hot water, she tried to burn out the mark, furiously scratching her skin almost to the blood, wanting to forget. She sat down in the shower tray, curled up, and began to cry hysterically. Now she could, now no one saw that she was weak. Water poured down on her like rain, but it didn’t heal her wounds even a little. Laura slowly stood up and turned off the water. She reached for a towel and dried her skin. In the smashed mirror she could hardly see herself so with a heavy sigh she took the first aid kit and left the bathroom. Using the mirror hanging on the left wall of the hall, Laura managed to take care of most of the wounds. She expected Adam to be angry with her, but she could not act otherwise. She didn’t know how to behave properly when someone cares. She had always mistaken care with pity. She'd screwed everything up again, but it wasn’t deliberate. The barely solidified foundations collapsed, the distance between her and Adam stretched even more than usual, and the dream died in the loneliness.

All  chapters can be found: [AO3], [dA], [Wattpad] and [Tumblr]

#Deus Ex #DXHR #Deus Ex Human Revolution #Adam Jensen #Shadowfanfic #crunchy-shadow #Shadow's Showdown #Nifriel #I never asked for this #Fanfiction #Evie Dormer OC #Joe Mando OC #Chapter 14: The light in the darkness. #cyberpunk #writers on tumblr

[jewelchangdmc22]

The reflective commentary

A reflective of the mill road cemetery

In the very first class we were talking about double diamond methodology. I was a bit confused what it is and how to apply it into my project. However, in the middle of this course I found I went through from diverge to converge couple times and reframe my idea two times from holding an ART exhibition to a garbage treasure hunting which is applyed the process of double diamond.

As an illustrator how to make a cemetery better place is the goal for this project. So I decided to do some observation and experience in the mill road cemetery. I want to gathering as much as ideas and feeling I can of this place first. Then next step I tried to find the thing I interested the most and I found I am more into bringing the enjoyment to this place so I start to draw a mind map which around this idea. The lecture from Dr Laura Santamaria was talking about a good design should bring in the social engagement which links my own creative thinking to the community. For the idea of making cemetery a better place I think I should understand a problem as human centred. I should really ask myself Who use this place? How they use this place? What they want in this place? I want to find out what people’s needs and desires and how it can connected to my idea.

To get to know these answers I need to do more research. I use the primary research such as interview, observational drawing, photography and field research for the secondary research I use the secondhand research gathering information on the mill road cemetery website. For the beginning, I decided to spend time in the cemetery to do some observational drawing and photography as my inspiration. Sometimes I just seat on the bench and observed what people doing in this place. I found there are many students from different art course in ARU use this place as teaching material and I also found people sometimes just use this place as a short cut. I go on the official website of the cemetery and I found there are so many information there but the website looks basic.

At this point I still did not know what I want to bring to the cemetery. But I found I really interested in What people do and how people use different small paths in the cemetery. I think maybe I could use the information on the website and create nature trail for people to learn something new.

We had a lecture from an amazing illustrator Luise Vormittag . She talked about the way how she works as an illustrator and two of her projects was start form marking map with local people, she was tried to connect the community into her project which is really inspired me. So I decided to do more research of cemetery. I started from field research. I use google map as a tool then walked around the cemetery to mark every small paths on the map then I want to know how people use these paths and what they really care in this place so I asked for ethical approval from my tutors and discuss what questions are better for my project. I interview people, record the voice and asking them to draw their footprint on my map. After interview I found that although some of people like the idea of knowing more things about cemetery and trail, however, most of them hate people throwing litter or doing unsafe thing in the Cemetery. This result led me to the slightly different direction of my project.

After went through this research journey I finally decided what I want to bring to the cemetery which is to combine the idea of creating interesting trail and litter. I decided to hold an garbage treasure hunting event in the cemetery. I am going to make some big litter sculptures and make them looks like really animal then put them into cemetery for people to find. At the same time people can follow the trails and learn from the nature.

Every steps of the process of my research helped me expand the idea, from exhibition to trail to litter sculptures,as I find out more I come out with better idea. Although I did not have a clear idea in the beginning, the decisions come out naturally when I got inspired by the lectures, courses and the mill road cemetery.

For example, I am pretty surprised by the most of people from my interview . They all noticed litters around cemetery and this important finding which became an amazing element helps me to build up my project. Another surprise is that everyone like the creature i made which encourage me to do something more and focus more on this

A successful project for me is to engage with people and the society so the social relevance is important for me to development and that is why I tend to bring in the interactive activity into my project.Moreover, how to develop the visualization and make it interesting is also an important element because if the outcome does not attractive enough to people then the strong idea and the research might lose the power.

I am quite satisfied with the final outcome although for the beginning of the course I could not find the direction, I enjoyed the methodology Strategies I went through. I think my project would be connected with the people who use cemetery also the people who doesn’t know the place will intrigues by treasure hunting. I wish I have more time to develop the idea and implement something at the end of my project. It would be nice to make one sculpture to see if this idea work or not. For the next step, I would like to get some review of treasure hunting and the trail I made. I want to know if this event brings the enjoyment to them and if them learn something from it. Then maybe will need to reframe my idea again.

[leagueofleaguesff]

Wonder Woman VS Guardians Of The Galaxy Part 2 ❇

*Drax takes offense to Mantis getting knocked the hell out and draws his knives. He charges at Wonder Woman yelling in rage*

*The stabbing is hilariously not effective as Diana just stands there holding her shield with one arm*

*Wonder Woman throws Drax off her with ease*

Gamora: I got this.

*Gamora snaps of a gauntlet gun from the ship wreckage*

*Diana smirks*

Rocket: You're going for the 2 QB special huh?

Gamora nods and starts shooting at Diana.

*Gamora yells for others to provide more cover*

*With the 2 RB side attack cover provided, Gamora was able to get close enough to kick Diana*

*The kick sends her flying into Groot who catches Diana and throws her*

*Wonder Woman dusts herself off from the rubble she landed in. She adjusts her neck and has her lasso glowing in hand*

*Her and Groot have a standoff with alternating back & forth zoom closeups of there eyes squinting at each other...so much to the point there eyes closed. They shake thier heads and run towards each other*

*Groot extends his arms towards her (good enough for bench points that don't count toward the score)*

*Diana reaches her lasso first to knock Groot back and double swing back to grab and slam him down mid-air*

Wonder Woman: I have my own double RB combo myself (smiles)

*Rocket gets pissed*

Rocket: Time for the big guns...

*Rocket pulls out a space gun grande launcher and fires it at Diana but she simply blocks it with her shield*

StarLord: We only have one more move left.

Yondu: I can take her.

StarLord: No I got this. Be ready to get mesmerized.

Rocket: OH no. We're dead.

StarLord: Alright you hot...oh so hot garbage (winks at Gamora to her displeasure). Dance off bro....you and me (dances)

Wonder Woman: I'm done.

*Diana beats the hell out of all the Guardians before walking away badass with the game win*

Play for final battle montage👇

(15 secs)

Laura (Wonder Woman) Wins 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

[portsidewonderland]

Okay, I’ve been wanting to write this for the last three weeks, but I’m finally - finally - sitting down to do just that.

First, I’m a Rogan shipper. I’ve been a Rogan shipper for the last 20 years, but in that time, I’ve grown, I’ve experienced my own sense of love, and I’m a writer so I’d like to think I’m familiar with structure, characterization, and the like.

Second, I’m focused on the film franchise, strictly speaking. Just wanted to make sure that is clear.

Having said that, when I discuss how utterly wrong the X-Men franchise is, I’m talking about from a story standpoint. When I speak of Logan and Rogue, if that ship isn’t your jam, fine, but the points I make still stand.

Finally, spoiler alert for all of the movies.

Okay, I think we’re ready to jump in.

1. After the first movie, everyone forgot the heart of what made the first movie so special: Wolverine & Rogue

I don’t necessarily mean together. I mean, the movie focused primarily on Logan’s story and Rogue’s story. It was told through THEIR POV. This is important because, essentially, we’re asked to connect with these two characters AND WE DO.

The dialogue, the acting, and their stories (which reflect each other’s as well as stand on their own) draw us in and we are hooked.

Even the critics thought some of the best scenes are the ones Logan and Marie share together. Multiple critics discuss chemistry, how they add to the scene, etc.

Regardless of whether you ship them or not, there’s a compelling story between the two. This vulnerable, slip of a girl is the most powerful X-men out there (or one of) and this growly, fierce angry, broken man who’s been alone for so long that out of everyone he’s met and seen, THIS girl brings him to his knees.

And it’s because she isn’t scared of him.

Even after watching him beat the shit out of his opponent, even after seeing the claws threaten humans and slice through a barrel of a gun, she still thinks, I can trust him.

And when he catches her in his trailer, she STILL isn’t afraid of him. She gives him lip. She calls him out on his shit.

That’s how she manages to slide through the cracks.

And that is BEAUTIFUL.

I’m not here to talk about the performances, but Jesus Christ, I love this scene so damn much. The chemistry RADIATES. The glances, the confusion, the curiosity, and the attraction. (Sorry not sorry, it’s there on both parts, I’ll die on this hill.)

Anyway, the first movie is about how this girl brings the savage, feral Wolverine to his knees. How she gets him to STAY. How she gets him to open up.

Yes, Logan wants info on his past, but he’s staying for Marie. We all know it.

When he threatens Jean after first waking up, Jean is scared. And for good reason, obviously.

But Logan STABS Marie with his claws, and guess what? She’s still not scared of him. She’s worried about him.

This is THEIR story.

Do you really think Wolverine is going to go running around in leather for anyone but Marie? Yeah, I don’t think so. I mean, he literally STABS HIMSELF IN THE CHEST to free himself and get to her.

He PROMISES her that he’d take care of her. Do you think Wolverine bullshits? Hell no, he doesn’t.

And that’s why....

2. The whole Jean thing was just not great.

Okay, can I tell you something?

I don’t see Jean as a sympathetic character. She’s engaged to Scott and suddenly, Wolverine comes strolling in and she can’t get her shit together?

I mean, okay, I get it, let’s be real.

But Scott isn’t a bad guy. He nay be a dick, but he treats Jean well. Because we’re not in Cyclops’ or Jean’s head, we as the audience don’t see any marital/romantic issues between them. Hence, when Jean gets flustered by Wolverine to the point where she lets him goad her into reading his mind, she knows what she’s doing. She likes it. She likes Logan’s attention.

Not because she likes Logan.

(I read this fic where basically Jean tells Logan he could have been anybody, and I thought that was so perfect)

But because he’s giving her attention. He makes her feel desired.

And she leads him on.

Right there, I don’t like her, and I think that’s why a lot of Rogan shippers don’t like her is that she has no problem toying not only with Logan’s feelings, but with Scott’s.

But that’s not even the worst part of this.

At the end, when Logan asks for Marie and Jean makes her comment, she adds, “I think she’s taken with you.”

Like - why would Jean say that? Why mention it?

That’s petty ass shit right there.

To me, what she’s trying to do is align herself with Logan as adults and belittle Marie for having a little crush on him. Like it’s so juvenile.

And the worst line of this whole movie is when he says, “Tell her my heart belongs to another.”

Want to know why?

Because the writers/director haven’t SHOWN this. This line is forced here to TELL the audience that we should be shipping Jean and Wolverine. It’s sloppy writing. It tells me they think the audience are idiots.

Really, Logan?

Jean has your heart even though you completely go against Tall Dark and Feral to pick up a girl, then stay at the school with her, leave a fucking mansion to bring her back, make a promise to her, go after her after she’s kidnapped, stab yourself in the chest, fling yourself on the Statue of Liberty AND RISK YOUR FUCKING LIFE TO SAVE ROGUE’S JUST BY TOUCHING HER and you want me to believe your heart belongs to Jean????

Please, tell me, why the FUCK should I buy that?

Oh, because they’re the same age?

LOL no.

Anyway, I didn’t like Jean’s characterization because of that. Because she’s leading people on, because she needs to put down Marie’s feelings after her ordeal because of her insecurity, because of it all.

Which is why I’ll never ship them together.

Logan is at his worst when he’s around Jean.

Anyway.

And Jean is just the worst.

3. They took something meaningful and they fucked it

Logan promises to take care of Rogue. Do you know important that is for both of them as individuals and their relationship?

Rogue only goes back because of Logan. Not for anyone else. Not even Bobby. She comes back, she stays, for Logan.

Where do we see that after the second movie?

He’s so goddamned focused on Jean, on everything about her, that he barely notices that Rogue is ready to get the cure.

I’m GLAD they got a scene together. Because of their looks.

I am.

But shit.

It’s like Logan has completely forgotten all about Rogue, and I’m sorry, but after that first movie, I just can’t buy that.

I can buy that he leaves to check out his past. The dog tag scene is one of my absolute favorites. That’s perfect. Makes sense.

(Also, side note: Fic is so beautiful about this but he isn’t afraid to touch her. Like, he doesn’t HAVE to play with her hair but he does. It’s playful and flirty. It IS. He could have just said he liked her hair BUT HE HAD TO TOUCH IT. And this is HUGE for Rogue because honestly SHE’S afraid to touch and of herself but if Logan isn’t afraid, she stops being afraid - if that makes sense.)

But seriously? He’s not calling the mansion, not writing to Rogue?

I don’t believe that for one second.

This is why I will never watch The Wolverine after that first time (I refuse especially after the director said he was contemplating adding Rogue at the end and didn’t and FUCK EVERYTHING.) because he just leaves because he’s upset about fucking JEAN

I’m sorry but the Wolverine isn’t ABOUT Jean.

If that was the case, we should have had point of views between Logan and Jean in the first movie, not Rogue.

We should have SEEN their development, but we didn’t.

We’re TOLD it.

I’m sorry, but how do you want me to believe that the big bad Wolverine runs off to Japan because he’s sad about Jean? Like, so he’s just going to leave Rogue alone with all of those threats? Are you fucking kidding me?

Show them keeping in touch or SOMETHING. You can’t expect me to see such a huge transformation arc in Logan in the first movie that just gets shit on in every other movie (besides the second). Because that makes Wolverine look like a big, gigantic ASSHOLE and I get that he’s supposed to be that way, but NOT with Rogue.

Which is why Days of Future Past pisses me off as much of the rest them (I’m only discussing the Rogue Cut because I refuse to acknowledge that Bryan Singer - who gave us the first movies - regulated Rogue to such a fucking small cameo.) because Rogue was treated as garbage.

Now, I’m going to assume Logan doesn’t know about what really happened to Rogue because no one told him. But honestly? If he cares about Rogue the way I know he does, he should be asking about her every single time he and Xavier talk.

I love that Logan can sense Rogue when she steps in to help. I love that Rogue refuses to let go of Logan’s mind even in the heart of danger (@bigfrogbestfrogs has an awesome breakdown of these scenes). But I’m appalled at how Kitty is chosen before Rogue? Like, even when coming up with the idea for this movie, why not involve Rogue more?

I refuse to discuss Bobby and her together at the end.

Fuck that.

4. The timelines

Look, I’m not even going to go into the shit that is the timelines.

But honestly?

Fuck everything about that.

I get Singer wanted to retcon X3, but I don’t care.

Based on Apocalypse, the future still sucks so everything failed and then the movie LOGAN takes that shit and amplifies it.

5. LOGAN (the movie)

I’m sorry, but this movie is amazing in some ways and sucks in others.

Want to know why?

Because it takes everything about what made the first movie great and emphasized it.

Laura is too young to be a love interest, so clearly, it’s paternal, and I’m here for it.

But there are so many parallels between logan and Laura and Logan and Rogue that for Logan not to say anything or feel anything in a way tgat tells the audience he’s feeling something just boggles my mind.

Even if he carried HER picture or played with the dog tags and thought of her, something that shows the audience he remembers her, dammit, and she MEANT something to him.

But FUCK how could he NOT?

And that’s why the scene where he’s reading that comic book and he sees himself saving Rogue is so poignant.

Because his gaze lingers.

I mean, obviously I’m assuming she’s dead (which is bullshit but whatever). But still.

And then when he’s dying and Laura is holding his hands and you get that prophecy of him dying with his heart in his hand and I loved how they paired it with the Logan and Rogue song. I loved that callback.

And if the films in between them weren’t such shit, it would be enough.

But it’s not enough for me.

There was so much potential and everything got shit on and it angers me soooo much.

Anyway.

That’s me venting.

Luckily we have so many talented Rogan fic writers and that our ship has survived 20 years.

But still.

What could have been...

Shit.

#logan x marie #wolverine x rogue #Logan x rogue #Wolverine x Marie #Anna Marie #wolverine

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

#i literally do apologize for how long this got but you have to understand i was holding myself back . #she is…. everything. to me. i could keep going for so long #amy pond #ask #jonismitchell

[theunstablejester]

x-men most to least likely to eat pussy (of any gender)?

I will just be counting the ones I like and remember on this moment:

Xi'an Coy Mahn, queen of lesbianism.

Rachel Summers, obviously.

Illyana Rasputina, definitely.

Jubilee, I am just gonna say... vampire.

Laura Kinney, like... come one, what is with Marvel and throwing Marjorie Liu's hard work to the garbage?

Daken Akihiro, miss thing needs to have something going on because we are being lied when they say that he is handsome... I see those drawings.

Kitty Pryde, she might be going up on the list depending what happens on canon.

Dani Moonstar, same as Kitty.

David Alleyne, so walk with me on this one, he is bisexual and he can absorb knowledge? We all know what that means.

This are the ones I am thinking as of right now, ask me another and I might come with new ones.

#I feel borderline cringe because meanwhile I answer this for good laugh I know that people take this shir seriously. #Anon #Asks #Pussygate

[mattgrzelcyks]

bradray new years kiss drabble for @jillsandwichs (715 words) this was literally written in the first 23 minutes of 2021 

Contrary to what he says, Brad remembers all the useless shit Ray says — every dumb fact, conspiracy theory, and tidbit about his life. It’s all stored in a knowledge bank of Ray deep in Brad’s mind. He’s learnt to parse through the fountain of garbage that streams from Ray’s mouth, to hold on tight onto the important things, and filter out the trash. So, of course, he remembers Ray’s offhand comment about never having had a New Years kiss. It was buried deep in a rant about the commercialisation of romance and consumerism that had been part of one of their long drives through Iraq. Brad didn’t know if it would ever be useful, but he’d tucked it away nonetheless.

Brad remembered the fact, suddenly, a couple of days before New Years Eve. He and Ray had been together for a few months, quietly and secretly. Spending nights at Brad’s apartment, not much different to how they’d been before, but at the same time completely new, and better in so many ways. It came to Brad when Ray was talking about the get together they’d been invited to at Poke’s house. It had been hard for Brad, losing both Poke and Ray from his team in the months after their return from Iraq, but he and Poke had stayed in touch.

“Apparently a bunch of the Recon guys are gonna be there, Poke’s invited our entire team, including fucking Trombley, as well as a bunch of other guys. It’ll be fucking sick.”

It would be their first new year together, which was a pretty fucking lame thing to think, all things considered, but it played on Brad’s mind in the lead up to the party at Poke’s. This was the start of their first full year together. Brad had never put a lot of weight on New Years, he’d been single since Laura broke up with him, and when they’d been together, they’d usually celebrated with a small group of Laura’s friends. Brad guessed he could see the appeal of a fresh start, in a way he’d never done before; it was a way to shake off the past year, the ordeal that was Iraq, and all the bullshit that had come along with it. He still thought it was fucking ridiculous, moto shit, but he got it, maybe.

Poke’s party was fun, of course it was; Poke grilled, Gina was a perfect host and as much as it pained Brad to admit it, their kids were great. Brad’s team was there, as well as much of the rest of Bravo, the LT even turned up. Ray was in his element, loudly entertaining people with dumb shit, and flirting with Gina’s friends. Brad spent time catching up with people he hadn’t seen for months, asking the LT about his classes, talking to Poke, Kocher and Pappy.

As midnight drew nearer, Poke’s kids handed out fucking lame-ass sparklers and Brad used the distraction of everyone trying to find matches and lighters to drag Ray out of Poke’s back yard and further down the street. “Yo, Brad, homes, what’s lit a match under your ass? Where are we going, dude?” Brad drew to a stop when he was sure they were far enough away from Poke’s house that no one would be able to see they’d snuck away.

“Hold on,” Brad checked the watch around his wrist, less than a minute until midnight.

“Why the fuck are we out here man, Q-Tip told me he found fuckin’ fireworks and was going to set them off, I wanna see him set his own ass on fire.”

A muffled countdown started from inside the house they were huddled in front of, and as it drew closer to midnight, Brad dropped Ray’s wrist, and placed his hands on Ray’s shoulders. He smoothed his hands up to cup Ray’s face. As the countdown hit One Brad drew Ray into a kiss, and shouts of Happy New Year burst from the houses around them. Brad could feel Ray lean into the kiss, both their lips drawing up into smiles, and Ray’s hands grasping onto Brad’s wrists. They pulled back, and Ray was grinning a mile wide, “Happy New Years, Brad, you big, gay, sappy loser.”

“Happy New Years, you degenerate hick.”

#bradray #bennie's writing #generation kill #eddie tag

[niallloverontheloose]

“True Alpha Male Material”

Another load of delusional garbage courtesy of the Scott McCall Defense Squad https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/646822259388022784/why-are-true-alphas-so-rare-lots-of-other#notes

Anonymous: Why are true alphas so rare? lots of other characters (Liam, Malia, Isaac, Season 3b-6 Derek) demonstrate strength of will and determination, strength of character and virtue. From S4 onwards, I don’t see what makes Derek any less ‘worthy’ of the status true alpha than Scott. What is it that makes Scott more special than the other characters?

@princeescaluswords:

The easiest way to approach this is by talking about what the True Alpha status is not. To remind you, I’m drawing these conclusion from what was said and done on the show.

It’s not a merit badge. No checklist exists of things a werewolf can be or things a werewolf can do to become one, so it’s impossible to plan to become a True Alpha. It’s not a reward. There’s no cosmic being or review committee that looks at someone’s behavior to determine who this century’s True Alpha should be. It’s not an achievement in a videogame. A werewolf can’t keep trying again if they fail to succeed on the first try.

It’s not a superpower either. It’s a way that a werewolf can become an alpha without having to kill or take that power. It doesn’t make them stronger than another alpha. It doesn’t make them smarter than another alpha. It doesn’t make them immune to temptation or failure. It’s not a state of grace. A True Alpha can still get angry, can still make mistakes, and can still be manipulated. It’s certainly not a destiny. There’s no cosmic force pushing the chosen one toward their goals.

It’s a consequence of both behavior and personality. A werewolf with certain qualities is in a situation where they need the power of an alpha to achieve their goals. Two of the most prominent principles in Teen Wolf is “The shape you take reflects the person that you are” and “It’s extraordinary what the force of your own will can accomplish.” Scott was a person who cared for others and who came to believe that he had a responsibility to help others before he became a True Alpha. As his mother said “Cause you’re always going to be involved, because not only do you have the power to do something, you care enough to do it.”

We see Scott fulfill the requirements as given by Deaton: force of will, strength of character, and virtue. We see it when he resists Peter’s violent attempts to coerce him into helping him destroy the Argents and kills his own friends in Season 1. We see him insist on getting involved in the Hale-Argent war in Season 2, even though it jeopardizes his life, his relationships, and his future, because he knows that innocent people are going to die he doesn’t. We see him willing to confront impossible choices in Season 3A and resist the manipulations of someone far older, more powerful, and smarter than him.

As for the people you listed? We see their behavior and their personalities as well. Derek, Isaac, and Liam all demonstrate that they don’t have what it takes; that’s not who they are.

Take Derek for example and his relationship with Peter. He doesn’t have the force of will or the strength of character to resist Peter’s manipulations. Peter talked him into having Paige Bitten by Ennis and helped lure her into the school. Peter talked him into not only believing that Peter’s murder of Laura was an accident but that Derek should betray his promise to Scott and help Peter make Scott kill his friends. It took Peter one episode to worm his way back into the Hale pack and how many times do we see Peter manipulate Derek in season 3 even after Derek, by that time, knows exactly who Peter is. Yeah, Derek is angry and petty toward Peter, but he still listens to him. In Season 4, Derek has enough clues to know that Peter isn’t a good person, what with murdering the Mute right in front of him and having “a little werewolf strength,” he still is unable to do nothing to prevent Peter’s endgame.

A response might be that Theo manipulated Scott, but the answer is, what did Theo manipulate Scott into doing? Trusting him. Defending victims. Theo didn’t convince Scott to drive Stiles out of the pack because he could find a better friend, one that wouldn’t be so much trouble. He convinced Scott that Stiles had gone too far and killed Donovan on purpose and that to keep Stiles in the pack, Scott had to deal with it. Think about all the things Peter manipulated Derek into doing? “Shades of gray” is not compatible with “strength of character.”

When did Isaac ever show force of will? When he let Derek turn him into his hand-picked executioner? When he waffled between being loyal to Derek and being loyal to Scott? When he followed Allison’s lead through Season 3? When, knowing that the Nemeton was still activated, that he was Scott’s only actual werewolf beta, he left? He was a follower, not a leader, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

And people have compared Liam’s relationship with Hayden with Scott’s relationship with Allison: passionate, tempestuous, and quick. But here’s the thing – when confronted with the idea that he could save his love’s life by killing someone else, Scott said No in Co-Captain (1x10) and Liam said Yes in Status Asthmaticus (5x10). When presented with the opportunity to abandon innocents and friends to danger and death in order to maintain his relationship with his love, Scott said No in Ice Pick (2x03) and Liam said Yes in Lies of Omission (5x09). Scott never ever complained about becoming an alpha even though it destroyed his life. When Derek anointed him Protector of Beacon Hills in Riddled (3x18), he immediately accepted it. He worried about not doing the task well, but he never contemplated not doing it because someone had to. Liam waffled for the first quarter of Season 6, even though he wanted to be alpha.

This is not saying that they’re written as bad people. Derek, Isaac, and Liam are written as good people. They’re heroes. They’re just not True Alpha material, and that was pretty clearly demonstrated in the show. This doesn’t make Scott superior to them, simply different. The True Alpha status isn’t just about what you do, it’s about who you are inside.

//

So Derek is unworthy and not “True Alpha Male Material” because he got manipulated by Peter, but Scott totes is even though Scott was dumb enough to trust Theo and fall for Theo’s cheap lies since the beginning and Theo played Scott like a cheap kazoo throughout Season 5? 🤔

“It’s one who rises purely on the strength of the character, by virtue, by sheer force of will” If this is the actual definition of a ‘True Alpha’, then it is safe to say that literally EVERYONE on Teen Wolf could and deserved to become one except Scott McCall and Gerard Argent

#anti scott mccall #anti tyler posey #submission

[noliaert]

A WIP list of things I want to draw/am drawing + things I have already drawn

Post showing off some current WIPs (tho there are more)

Edit: I'm not really working on most of these

Maybe I’ll add links once I do them. Though honestly I’m likely not gonna do most of these. And I tend to make new stuff

New WIP post HERE (eventually)

↓ click to see the list ↓

Vamps

VAMPTOBER self-made promtlist for 2020 I still want to finish, further links to the prompts that I did in the link: vamptober post

IWTV (several were meant to be in the vamptober challenge tho admittedly I have done mostly OCs if I can call them that)

IWTV Exchange; "nickistat" prompt: https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/709281238458023936/heyo-i-drew-this-based-on-tvl-book-nickistat

Loumand (?) being soft (in progress)

Claudia (in progress/put on hold) + Claudia different phases + alternative unvamped future (;-;)

A more gory Lestat killing (in progress) + garbage cryptid era

Armand

Louis in leyendecker style.... Which I can't do.... But is true goals

Louis confessing to Paul, religious imagery (in progress/put on hold)

Nicki

Gabrielle gnc

Idk. I want to do a TVC piece but I gotta figure out what 🤔

Loki/Loke related ideas

"I have the hc that Loki’s black nails are due to using Seiðr and if he’s losing control or using too much, it burns his hands" from this x post by @ midnottart , I wanna take this hc and project my chronic hand pains onto, but also maybe something more gory 🤔

Mcu Loki seeing their jotun skin in the mirror like Laurits and Loke (in progress)

Startouched elf! Jotun Loki (in progress/put on hold) Link: https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/635529064993751040/just-so-you-know-worstloki-i-am-working-on-that

Dramatic comic Sigyn in “rich widow robe” (in progress): https://notachair.tumblr.com/post/649130643553484800/notachair-starcrossedcherik-worstloki

Loki with friends (in progress/put on hold)

Loki and Theo

Young Loki in Jotunheim aka growing up in Jotunheim AU (in progress/put on hold)

Jotunheim’s defeat aka their POV (in progress/put on hold)

Myth Loki aka Loke

Tbi fanart/animatic for "Loki"

-> Redraw attempt of official TBI!Loki & TBI!sigyn designs ✨: https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/682172753061740544/heres-one-with-better-quality

Tbi Loki sketch link: (https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/634894009709576192/quick-sketch-of-loki-from-the-bifrost-incident

More fem/nb comic loki (in progress/put on hold)

A prospering Jotunheim/before the war (in progress/put on hold)

Jotunn loki with red details (sketches)

Infinoki (yes we be doing that) (in progress/put on hold)

Verity

Loki and Verity being soft: https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/633546323841449984/heres-a-little-love-and-fuzzy-feels-for-verity

Leah

Norse mythology stuff in general

-> Odin pondering the orb (Mimir's head: https://at.tumblr.com/noliaert/695055611283587072/0tpfd2hxnxcc

Queer ideas

OC throuple

City/nature studies aka what if there were sapphics here?

"Peach fuzz" (in progress)

OG Carmilla + Laura, The Kiss with vampyric elements (in progress): https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/651695912124579840/i-just-attempted-coloring-it-before-going-to-bed

Vinland saga fanart

Einar helping Thorfinn shaving: https://www.tumblr.com/noliaert/726420374768762880/cant-believe-i-never-added-the-improved-one-to?source=share

S2 (in progress/put on hold)

Biker Bjørn (in progress)

Bjørn Bear flag: https://www.tumblr.com/noliaert/712279581325967360/pov-askeladd-wakes-up-one-day-to-bj%C3%B8rns-sudden?source=share

Arnheid x Hild AU (in progress)

Blue eye canute (meme): https://www.tumblr.com/noliaert/709281266896388096/canute-s2e5-be-like?source=share

Manga redraws (thorfinn): not posted on tumblr yet

Hild (in progress/on hold)

Ect (canute + thorfinn).

Other fanart

Death note o.1: https://www.tumblr.com/noliaert/717723095835770880/not-me-having-a-death-note-phase-during-exam?source=share

ATLA

Zuko sketch (in progress/put on hold): https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/728756273551654912/hey-zuko-sketch-here Jetko 01 (in progress) Jetko o2/ect. Rangshi (in progress)

Nb spiderman link: https://noliaert.tumblr.com/post/647227135341297664/happy-trans-visibility-day-everyone

Baelf aka Aaravos (in... pajamas for some reason)

Castlevania fanart: Portrait of Greta of Denasti w. sketches (in progress) + OT4 😌✨ → x + more of Greta in the OT4 and in general cause there’s too little >:( (I have multiple ideas) rip to me and my art blocks tho

Feral Hua Cheng <3

Cottagecore wangxian <3 ahah /honestly I just want to make some mdzs art

Yiling Laozu

-> postburialmounds!wwx (in progress/put on hold)

That one mdzs ritual au

Agatha

Nebula and Gamora

Malekith from War of the Realms run/comics, idk he just seemed way more fun there

Yennefer

AWAE fanart (Bash, Cole, Aunt Josephine, Mary, Jerry, Miss Stacey +)

Ravneringene fanart

Shadow and bone fanart

Others

Glowy galaxy/colour spectrum person (in progress/put on hold)

Cottagecore image

Hulder

OC "Acidic-Sneaker/Syresko)

Making my own variations of bunad/norwegian folk-costumes (how about some queer inspired ones <.< ), flower practice

That one feeling at church (sketches)

Lethargy/fatigue, fibro fog (sketches) + A Quiet Despair

idk. I just wanna create something as visceral as the "I am- a ghoul" tg panel. Sorta missed my gory art tbh

Study ideas

whaj

~

Def haven't put all the ones I've actually posted or all of the WIPs in this list.

Made: 03.05.2021

Last update: 19.03.2024

#eh I do have more I just don’t feel like adding them cause the ideas are too vague #my art #art wips