#klaus hargreeves snz

[silentsneezes]

fandom: the umbrella acamdey (tua)

snzer: klaus hargreeves

a/n - allergic klaus and snz kink dave!

“H’DTsch! Snff. Sorry Davey,” Klaus apologizes, having interrupted his boyfriend.

Dave blushes and clears his throat, “B-bless you. It’s fine. I was just-,”

“Hih? h’GXSHT! Pardon me.”

“Bless you,” Dave repeats, completely forgetting what he was talking about. His mind is racing. He looks over at Klaus, who is sniffing softly, but completely unbothered. Dave swallows and continues talking, trying to keep the desire out of his voice, “I’m excited to see the new camp, maybe it’ll be a little nicer.”

“Davey I doubt it c-heh-can get much worse than the… h-hold on I- H’RSCH! H’MPPHf! Snff… ‘xcuse me. I doubt it can get much worse than the last camp we were at,” Klaus muffles the second sneeze into his shoulder, body shuddering. Dave shivers with desire, but just mumbles, “Bless you,” voice shy.

“Snff. Thanks. Ughhhh I hate dust it makes me so itch-heh-y… TSHChiW! hrDSHH!” Klaus whines, finishing his statement with two more ticklish sneezes.

Dave feels himself getting hard and swallows, trying to figure out what to say. He settles on another polite, “Bless you.”

“Do you have a *snff* handkerchief?” Klaus requests a pout playing on his lips.

Dave pinches his arm, half thinking he’s in a dream, but nope. His boyfriend’s having an allergic reaction. And sneezing. And pleading with Dave for a handkerchief. Holy Fuck.

“Davey?” Klaus asks, snapping Dave back to reality, “Handkerchief?”

“Oh, uhm,” Dave pauses, feeling around in his pockets before pulling out a black (and fairly dusty) cloth (what can he say, it’s hard keeping things clean during a war), “Here.”

Klaus snatched the cloth out of Dave’s hand in time to muffle a harsh sneeze, “mMPPHxt!”

“Bless you,” Dave says. He finds his hand working it’s way around Klaus’ shoulders, pulling him closer.

“Dabey I’b all sdeezy, I’b sure you dod’t wand to touch be,” Klaus whines, pushing away from Dave.

Dave practically melts from the congestion in Klaus’ voice. And god Klaus talking about sneezing is driving him insane.

The bus they’re riding in gives a sudden lurch before stopping, and immediately everyone is on edge. Guns are drawn and everyone stops talking. The soldiers listen for approaching footsteps or gunfire.

Dave’s focus turns to Klaus when he sees his boyfriend’s shuddering frame. Klaus has his hand clamped around his nose, stifling a string of 5 sneezes breathlessly. Dave’s stomach floods with warmth and all he wants to do is undress Klaus, but he forces himself to focus.

All the soldiers (including Klaus, though his reaction is delayed) look up when the door to their bus opens. All guns are pointed towards the figure that enters until they hear, “Stand down soldiers. Minor technical issue, but the bus will be fixed within minutes. Stay alert, but you can relax and continue conversation as usual.”

A few soldiers cheer, and Dave can’t help but smile. Somewhat disguised by the loud cheering, Klaus blows his nose, hoping not too many people will hear.

Dave can’t help but feel bad for Klaus when he sniffs again and the familiar itchy expression returns, but he mostly just feels desire.

“Ughhhh,” Klaus complains, rubbing his nose with the (now damp) cloth Dave gave him.

“Are you okay love?” Dave asks, hoping he sounds sympathetic and not horny.

“I have to sn-heh-sneeze so bad Davey,” Klaus whines, breath hitching in the middle of his sentence.

Dave clenches his jaw and adjusts so his boner isn’t obvious. Hearing Klaus talk when he had to sneeze was enough, but Klaus’ pleading tone made it so much better.

“I’m sorry,” Dave forces out, figuring he has to reply with something.

Klaus pouts and turns towards Dave, leaning his itchy face against Dave’s chest. Despite feeling guilty Dave was praying Klaus would sneeze again. And his wish was granted. Klaus took a shuddering inhale before snapping forward with a spraying, “HeHTSCXHh!”

He managed to direct the sneeze mostly onto his lap, but hadn’t had enough time to cover. Dave’s left arm had been sprayed and it was taking all his self control not to kiss Klaus.

“B-bless you,” Dave stutters.

“Oh no Davey I’m so sorry!” Klaus starts saying, noticing the moisture on Dave’s arm.

“Oh this?” Dave asks casually, wiping at his arm, “Don’t worry. I’m not a germaphobe.”

And that was so fucking hot, Dave’s brain adds.

“I’m sorry,” Klaus apologizes again, “I didn’t mean to ruin our time together b-heh by having an allergic -hehNGXZT!- reaction.”

Dave’s jaw drops. Even if he didn’t find Klaus’ sneezing extremely attractive, he still wouldn't be mad.

“Don’t apologize, you can’t help it, okay? I couldn’t ever be mad at you for something like this,” Dave comforts, voice genuine.

Klaus gives Dave a watery (and itchy) smile before smothering another sneeze into his handkerchief, “hNgxPHSh!”

“Bless you,” Dave repeats, smiling and wiping an allergic tear from Klaus’ face.

“Thanks Davey,” Klaus whispers, a smile playing at his lips, “You’re awfully caring, you know.”

Dave pales.

He couldn’t possibly know about my kink right? I mean, how could he? Was I being too nice? Too weird?

“Dave calm down; I can practically see that brilliant mind o-hehNSHgNT!- snndff of yours overthinking,” Klaus teases, barely noticing the sneeze that interrupts him.

And so Dave did calm down. He took care of Klaus and made a habit of always carrying a handkerchief for his sneezy boyfriend. It only took a few weeks for Klaus to figure out Dave’s kink. He was always more than happy to induce for his boyfriend, occasionally sniffing dust or perfume before climbing into bed with Dave. All in all, things worked out well for the pair.

#sneeze kink #sneeze blog #sneezefucker #sneeze scenario #fanfic #allergies #sneezefic #snzblr #klaus hargreeves #tua fic

[honeybee-babe]

“Can you stifle them for me today, babe?” (Klave)

My first Klave fic! And of course, it’s Klaus snzfic with fetishist Dave! Idea developed with the help of @hargreevesstyles, hope you like it bby! ;)

~

It had only taken Klaus three weeks of being (officially) with Dave before he discovered the man’s kink.

It was a happy accident that he had landed in Vietnam in the dead of April, when tree pollen was at its highest. When he got together with Dave, it was late May, and just when the tree pollen was starting to die down, grass pollen came in full force on top of it. He was surrounded by miles and miles of tall grass, in a climate he wasn’t used to, and antihistamines weren’t half as strong in 1968.

At first he’d held back his allergy sneezes around the other men, only indulging in occasional stifles around them, and frequently removing himself from the group when he was on the verge of an irrepressible fit.

He was even more careful around Dave, always pulling away if he had to sneeze while they were making out, and excusing himself profusely afterwards. It was in those moments when Klaus started to pick up on it. He noticed the little smile that always played at Dave’s lips afterwards, and the way he blushed a bit with every mumbled “Bless you, Bug.” He’d been around the block when it came to kinks, and it really wasn’t that hard to figure it out.

And although Dave was pretty uncomfortable when Klaus first confronted him about it, he didn’t protest when Klaus started bringing bunches of Chrysanthemums and handfuls of grass into the infirmary. That was the only room that was usually empty, and the access to wall to wall cabinets of medical supplies served as a bit of an insurance policy, just in case Klaus reacted too strongly to anything.

These past few weeks though, Dave hadn’t been reacting to Klaus’ sneezes like he normally did. In fact, Dave hadn’t been reacting much to Klaus at all. Klaus wondered if he’d done something wrong. Whatever it was, Dave clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

Klaus had done everything to cheer him up. Kissing him about fifty extra times every morning and night, wearing those big sunglasses he liked whenever he had the chance, and passing him all his strawberries whenever they had any at breakfast (Dave loved strawberries). He’d even induced himself three times (secretly) in the course of five days, and Dave had barely reacted. He’d just said “bless you,” without the bug. Klaus even tried making them extra loud for him, and Dave’s only reaction was to tell him he should take a bath.

Klaus tried to be easy on Dave, giving him his space and not bothering him about it but it was going on a week since they’d last banged now, and he was getting desperate. And with the rest of the camp hitting the bars tonight, they had the whole barracks to themselves. And it was mid-June, the height of grass pollen.  Klaus was not going to let this perfect opportunity go to waste.

He sauntered into the barracks with a tall strand of elephant grass in his hand, sniffling unapologetically as he made his way over to Dave’s bed. The other man had his back turned to him and was lying down with his chin propped up on his hand. He didn’t even look up in response to the sniffling.

Klaus went to town with the grass, sticking it directly up his nose and wiggling it all around. It didn’t take long for his breath to start hitching. That’s when Dave startled in surprise, having genuinely not realized he was there.

Dave turned around to lie on his other side, ready to snap at his boyfriend about sneaking up on him. 

“Jesus, Klaus! You can’t just - oh…” When he saw what was going on, and a grin inevitably spread on his face. Klaus returned the grin, even as his eyes unfocused more and more with each breath. Success.

“Davey, I...hh! Can you help me?” To his delight, Dave willingly obliged. Klaus scooted onto the bed to lie down next to him. They propped themselves up on their elbows as Dave brushed the end of the grass against Klaus’ nostrils, gently. Far too gently, for Klaus’ liking. “Ihhhh… come on, Davey, what’s that gonna -hih!- do?”

Dave went in just a bit deeper and sped up his finger movements. That seemed to do the trick. He only pulled it out again when he was absolutely certain that Klaus was over the edge.

“Ihhhh...hih! Het’shiuuu! Edtshuuu! Igxtshyuuu!” he sneezed against his wrist, merely inches from Dave’s face. He finished with a deep sigh, and rubbed profusely at his itching nose.

“Mmm, bless you, bug.” Dave kissed him on the cheek.

On the cheek!

“Did I do something wrong?” Klaus asked, pulling away with a sniffle.

“No, bug. You’re perfect.”

“You don’t seem that into it. Normally you’d be jumping all over me by now.” Dave just shrugged and started to turn back around. “Hey, hey, hey!” Klaus placed a gentle hand on Dave’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, Davey? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

He rubbed at Dave’s shoulder and kissed him on the back of the head, rubbing his itchy nose in the other man’s curls. Even as stuffed up as he was, it still smelled distinctly like Dave.

“It’s the twins’ birthday this week.” Klaus smiled a bit, against Dave’s hair.

“Danny and Debbie?” Dave nodded his head in response. His hair tickled at Klaus’ nose.

“Hh’itshieh! How old are they turning?” Klaus asked with a little sniffle. He knew Dave was very protective and close with his younger siblings.

“They’ll be sixteen on Tuesday.” He let out a little sigh. “I just really miss them.”

“I know, Davey. I’m sure they understand it’s not your fault,” Klaus hummed, rubbing his hand up and down Dave’s arm. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

After a moment or so, Dave turned back around with a tiny grin and waved the blade of grass in his face. “Distract me?”

Klaus just rolled his eyes and lifted up his chin, to give Dave access to his nostrils. “You’re so predictable.”

“Mmm,” Dave agreed. “Can you stifle them for me today, babe?”

Klaus quirked a brow. “You mean like… hold them in?” Dave nodded, biting down on a sheepish little smile. Klaus cocked his head to the side. “Why would you want me to do that? I thought the whole point was the release.”

Dave blushed profusely. “Uh, it is, kinda. But I dunno, it makes it seem more desperate?” he looked down at the blade in his hands, twisting it around nervously as he searched for the right words. Klaus bit down on his smile; he was just too cute. “Like…like you’re trying to control it but you… can’t? I don’t know. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s sexy to me. You don’t have to, I know it’s weird-”

“Shh, Davey. It’s not weird -- well, it is weird, but we’re weird anyway. And besides, it’s cute! And it’s what you like,” he kissed Dave on the nose, “so I’ll do it.”

Dave scrunched up his nose and pulled away, flashing Klaus a sheepish smile. “You will? It might hurt.”

Klaus giggled. “Pshh, I do that all the time anyway, it’ll be fine. Come on, Davey probe me!”

Despite his reservations, Dave’s libido took over,

“Okay... but only if you promise to never say that, ever again.”

He returned to stroking the tip of the blade of grass against Klaus’ nostrils.

“Hih….ihhhh....go deeper, for Christ’s ssake. Oh! I think I’m...hehhh good.” Dave pulled the blade out as Klaus raised his hand to his face. “I think I’m gonna - heh! Hih’iGTshyuu! Fuck!”

“Bless you! It’s okay, bug,” Dave said through a chuckle, though the blush returned to his cheeks. The familiar warm feeling rose up in his belly when his boyfriend brought his other hand up, steepling his hands over his nose.

“Wait… I can do it this… heh I’ll get it this ti-ih’nkxt! G’kt-ngktchiew! sndf Like that?””

Dave bit down on a huge smile and nodded. “Yeah, like that, baby.”

“Hihhh…. hih’nkxt! h’nxgt! xngt!” Klaus sniffled and removed his hands, grinning up at Dave. “Davey, I’m doing it!”

“Mmm,” Dave moaned as he returned the grass to his Klaus’s nose, the tip dancing against his already quivering nostrils, “Yes you are.”

“Ihhhh… ugh! Gimme that.”  Klaus snatched the blade of grass out of Dave’s hand and shoved it as high up his nostrils as it would go, wiggling it around wildly.

“Klaus, be careful,” Dave warned with wide eyes.

“I know what I’m…. hehhh what I’m doiihhh- nxgtshyuu! nXGT! XXGT!” He stifled the triple hands-free for a change. “Fuck, that felt good.”

Dave moaned. “Sounds good, too.” he brushed Klaus’ messy curls out of his eyes, which were really starting to tear up. “Okay, you can stop now.”

“N-no, I-l - hih! I love it so much, I don’t want to stop. Oooh it’s so,” he paused his movements, setting the grass down as he searched for words. How exactly does one talk dirty about sneezing? “It’s so itchy. Mmmm.”

Dave stifled a laugh. “Klaus, you don’t have to do that.”

“Mmm, what?” Klaus returned the grass to his nose. “Hihh I love sneezing, it feels soooo good.”

“You don’t have to try to be sexy,” Dave explained. “Just… talk about how it really feels. Or don’t talk at all. Trust me, you’re hot enough right now. Way more than enough.”

“Hmm…. you know what would be really hot?” Klaus snapped the blade of grass in half, and handed one piece to Dave. “Wanna help?”

Dave chuckled deeply. “You’re killing me.” He went in for Klaus’ left nostril, while Klaus took his right nostril with the other half.

“You’re weh -hih!- welcome…. hihh! H’nxg! Inxgt! Ehhh...” Klaus frowned when Dave removed the blade of grass from his left nostril. He continued to attack his right nostril with the other blade, but it was his left that really needed the extra push. “It’s st-suck. Hih!... Fuck! Help me out, Davey. Pleeeease?”

Dave grinned devilishly. “No, I think you got this babe.” He raised his brows playfully. “It’s not rocket science.”

“Wha-?” Klaus could barely think, his brain was so preoccupied with finding this sneeze. His eyes were streaming, eyelids fluttering rapidly as his chest rose and fell with each hitchy breath. He made grabby hands at Dave’s blade of grass, but his boyfriend put it in his other hand and held it out away from Klaus, way too far for him to reach.

“Fuuuuck,” Klaus whined. He continued to rub the blade of grass up and down his right nostril until, like Athena bursting from the mind of Zeus, the answer finally came to him. “Oh! Hihhhh.. duh!” Quickly he removed the blade of grass from his right nostril and jammed it into his left nostril. Dave tensed beside him.

The reaction was instantaneous.

“Fuck it’s workihhhhh…” He removed the grass from his nose and steepled his hands over his nose in the nick of time, just before his head snapped down. “ihh’nXGtsh! Sorrry - heh’nxgt! Ixtchuhhhh!!” He didn’t even open his eyes, even as he heard Dave moan deeply, and felt his hands press a tissue against his nose, which was now running like a leaky faucet. He removed his hands, allowing Dave to cover for him with the tissue. “hih’NXGT! Uhhh… hihhh? Ihhh?! Hiehhtshieww! H’tDZshyuuu-nxgt! Ngt-nxgtchiew!”

Klaus literally felt Dave shiver against him. After a few moments of silence, he swatted Dave’s hands away, and blew his nose himself. 

This seemed to snap the blushing man out of whatever stupor he was in.

“Shit, Klaus,” he finally spoke up. Klaus chuckled; Dave rarely swore. “That was… fuck.”

“Sure was,” Klaus agreed, breath finally evening out a bit. He blew his nose a second time.

“Ugh, shit, sorry those last few get out,” Klaus said with a smug little grin, knowing full well that it didn’t matter from Dave’s more than enthusiastic response.

Dave was in a daze beside him. “Are you kidding me? That was so hot.”

“Really?” Klaus teased, a grin crossing his face when his nose twitched again. “But -hih!- isn’t this better?”

Before he could respond, Klaus buried his nose into Dave’s neck.

“Ih’ngxt! Hhn’xgt! Gnxtchiuu!”

He sniffled, a deep gurgling sound, as Dave went completely still against him. When the once-again blushing man finally spoke up, he was breathless.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Klaus giggled and pulled away to boop him on the nose.

“Language, Davey!”

#tua #klave #klaus hargreeves #klaus snz #dave katz #umbrella academy #snz kink

[silentsneezes]

hello! my tumblr hiatus has ended, and i’ve decided to start writing snz fics again. im currently hyperfixated on spiderman, parks and rec, and klaus hargreeves so i’ll probably be writing abt them (if you have any reqs dm me or reply to this!)

[honeybee-babe]

Sharing is Caring (Except When You’re Sick) Part 3

Part three of my collab Sick Luther and Sick Klaus fic with @hargreevesstyles. Can also be read on her blog!

Meanwhile, at the CVS check-out counter, Klaus held the sleeve of the hoodie Diego had forced him to wear up to his face.

“Hih… xngt-ishuu! Ht’TDZshieww!” He scrunched up his nose afterwards and the itchiness that had barely been affected by the sneezes, and rubbed his hoodie-sleeve covered knuckles underneath his nostrils to prevent another outburst. Diego tried not to watch. He would definitely be washing that before he wore it again. In fact, maybe he’d just give it to Klaus.

“Bless you, dear!” The middle-aged cashier flashed him a warm smile as she put the cough suppressants and expectorants (“Might as well get both, knowing you!”) into a brown paper bag.

“Thanks! I’ll take that!” Klaus said with a grin as he took the bag from her, punctuating the sentence with a watery sniffle. Diego rolled his eyes, not looking up from the card reader as he punched in his pin. The total was a bit higher than he’d hoped for, but he tried not to let his frustration show. At this insistence of Vanya’s frantically scribbled list, they’d stocked up on tissues, cough drops, Gatorade, the whole nine yards, even buying extra of the stuff they already had at home. Plus Emergen-C for Klaus. And ice cream, he’d insisted on ice cream (“It’s for Luther! It’ll help with his throat.”). Yeah, right. But Diego had agreed, not wanting to waste time arguing with a pouty Klaus. He just wanted to get home and give everyone their pills ASAP.

“Always best to plan ahead, I guess, hmm?” The cashier smiled at Diego, holding up the last remaining item -- Echinacea -- and putting it in the bag turned to Diego. “You make sure your boyfriend takes this right away before that cold gets worse!” Diego blushed deep red. Klaus chuckled out loud, stopping himself when he felt a bit of a tickle forming in his throat at the tail end of it. He cleared his throat subtly, which subdued it, but it still lingered a bit.

“Will do. But he’s not my boyfriend. He’s my brother.”

“Oh my god.” The cashier brought her hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay. We’re not exactly twins -- and I’m not sick,” Klaus said with a proud smile. “It’s for my brother.”

“You’re sick?” The cashier looked at Diego with a raised brow.

“No,” he sighed, “he means our other brother.”

Speaking of brothers and twins, Five was surprised to find Allison and Vanya speaking in hushed tones in the living room. He licked the peanut butter off his fingers as he stood in the entryway and watched them deep in conversation

“I don’t know, Van. But I’ve never seen him so sick, he’s always had a pretty decent immune system”.

“But then how did he get so sick?” Vanya asked, voice soft and scared. “I don’t get it.”

“Of course you don’t,” Five cut in, crossing his arms smugly over his chest as he stepped into. Allison whipped her head up at him and shot him daggers.

“You don’t even know what we’re talking about, Five.”

“Let me guess, you’re talking about Luther, who is sick, and you’re trying to figure out how it happened.”

“Is this some sort of weird twin thing?”

“No, Allison. It’s a having-a-brain thing.”

Five explained how it really hadn’t been that difficult to figure it out, even without his ability to literally jump through his brother’s locked bedroom door -- which he’d only done once, when he heard him whimpering, thank you very much. The fact that Luther had been holed up in his room for two days was enough for him to draw that conclusion -- and let’s just say the largest Hargreeves sibling wasn’t exactly the best at stifling his sneezes. Plus, Five had passed by the pot of chicken soup boiling on the stove. It had to be for someone.

“And to answer your previous question,” Five turned to Vanya, “have you ever tried living in complete isolation for four years? Because I doubt you would feel very healthy when -- “

“We come bearing gifts!” Klaus stood in the doorway to the house, holding up one of the paper bags from the drugstore up above his head with a huge grin on his face. Even despite his chipper energy, his red-tinged nose and slightly-more-pronounced than usual pallor was unmistakable. As was the slight hoarseness of his voice.

Diego trailed behind with two more bags, filled to the brim. You couldn’t even see his face behind them. Vanya rushed to grab one of the bags off of Diego. As they started unpacking everything, Klaus started laughing.

He joked, “What, are we opening up our very own hospital?”

“Come here, ghost boy. We’ve gotta get some of this stuff in you,” Diego ordered.

Klaus groaned and sat down next to his stabby brother. Diego opened the Emergen-C and a water bottle and poured the drink mix in. He shook it up and handed it to Klaus who just set it down beside him.

“Drink it, headass,” Five said.

Again, Klaus groaned. He opened the bottle and drank about a quarter of it. As soon as he put the bottle down, Diego was forcing pills into his hands. Mucinex and Sudafed along with a couple of cough drops.

“I’m not sick!” Klaus said.

Vanya jumped in, “You’re going to catch it. The thermometer I brought downstairs that Diego took your temperature with...I had just used it on Luther and I don’t think we cleaned it in between uses, and...yeah.”

“Hh’-gkSCHh-nGXTchiew! Hh’tsxchyuu!” Klaus caught the sneezes in his palms like normal, but what he forgot was that Diego’s sweatshirt was about four times his size and the sleeves draped over his hands. “Sorry.” He sniffled lightly.

“Bless you,” Allison said pointedly.

The attention of the whole room was on Klaus, something he’d usually bask in but this time he felt vulnerable and uncomfortable in the spotlight.

He grumbled, “I’m not sick! I sneeze all the time!”

Five shrugged, “He’s not wrong.” Still he picked up the thermometer off of the coffee table and blinked over to Klaus’ side. “Open up.”

“Really? This? Agai-ow, what the hell, Five?” Klaus scolded, as his tiniest sibling tried to shove the thermometer in his mouth as he was speaking. Klaus ripped the device out of his brother’s hand and put it in his mouth. After it beeped, he looked at it. “Look, 98.7. It’s pretty much the same as last time.”

“You went up a tenth of a degree,” Diego noted.

Klaus rolled his eyes. “What-fucking-ever, Diego!”

“Take the pills already!”

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that from you,” Klaus chuckled.

It was Diego’s turn to roll his eyes. “Yeah and it’s the fucking last time too so don’t get used to it.”

Klaus ignored him and swallowed the pills dry. With another threatening look from Five, he took another swig of the Emergen-C.

“I’m gonna go check on Luther,” Allison said.

Five added, “I’ll come with. I’ve yet to see him in all his sick glory.”

The two disappeared, Five actually walking with Allison instead of blinking away.

“Hehht’TSCHHhyeu-nkTT!” Klaus moaned lightly after.

“Bless you. Where’s Ben?”

Klaus rubbed his nose vigorously. “Uhh, he’s right here. Yeah. No, no I’m not. Shut the hell up! Whatever.” He turned to face his visible siblings. “I will not be manifesting Ben for the time being, as he is being a complete bitch!”

“What’s he doing?” Vanya asked.

“Pestering me! He’s all like ‘Oooohhh Klaus! This is exactly how Luther was at the start! Blah blah blah!’ like, I don’t care!” Klaus ranted. “I feel fine! I know that you’re all used to me being useless but I actually think I’m okay for once and no one will hip off my fucking dick!”

It was silent. Klaus sighed. He felt guilty. Sure, Ben was annoying him but Klaus was the only way his siblings could see Ben. He couldn’t keep him from them like he was his master. He didn’t want to be like that.

“Whatever,” Klaus muttered. Slowly, Ben became visible.

Klaus tuned out the conversation as he slumped back down on the couch.

Up in Luther’s room, Allison and Five were trying to give Luther everything they could without absolutely filling his stomach cavity with different types of medicine. They used some spray Klaus found that was supposed to numb your sore throat. Luther said it didn’t work.

They waited a few minutes after applying everything. Allison was impatient to see improvement. She hated seeing any of her siblings feel like this, especially Luther. He was supposed to be their leader, and when he couldn’t lead them who was supposed to?

For the next hour, Allison checked Luther’s temperature every fifteen minutes. It finally dropped back down to 100. Still a fever, not not nearly as bad as his 103.4 degree fever from before.

“Allison?” Luther asked weakly. His voice had become so much more raw and broken as his coughing had increased. “Can I have another cough drop? My throat hurts so badly.”

Allison nods and goes to give him another one. She hands him two this time, just in case. She then announces that she’s going to go get some tea for him because the cough drops aren’t working as well as she’d like.

All Allison can think about is how sick Luther was. She had had to change his shirt because of how sweat-soaked he was. Luther was obviously embarrassed but he let Allison do it without complaining. That was a big clue to Allison that he was really miserable. He had started having more productive coughs, ones that were wet so everyone in the room could feel his sickness.

Five had left shortly after Allison had taken Luther’s temperature the second time. She didn’t know where he went, but she knew that Five didn’t like seeing his brother in such discomfort. Luther wasn’t one to really show how he was feeling. He was almost always still as a stone. It was odd for them to see him break his walls down for once.

As Allison poured the tea into the kettle, a quiet voice asked, “Can I have some? Only if there’s enough water. Diego said I should keep drinking it just in case.”

“Of course. Sit down,” Allison said.

It was Klaus who had entered the room and he sat down quickly and quietly. Allison would have noticed that he was acting off if she wasn’t so worried about Luther.

“I’m gonna take this up to Luther and then I’ll come back down to hang out with you,” she promised.

Klaus shook his head, “No no no, you don’t have to. You can stay with Luther, I know you want to. You don’t have to feel obligated to stick around. I’ve got Ben here.”

“Klaus, I want to hang out with you,” Allison’s voice faltered. “I thought it would be nice.” She couldn’t help but be upset that Klaus thought she was only offering to hang out with him out of pity. That’s what Klaus was used to: people pitying him.

“Oh, okay then.” He grabbed a napkin off of the center of the table and held it up over his face. “Hh’eiishieww-ishhew! H’nxght!”

“Bless you. You sure you’re feeling alright?”

Klaus nodded, “Must be pollen or something. Diego took my temperature and I feel pretty okay otherwise. I’ve been sneezing all day, but that’s something I’m pretty used to.”

He was right. Klaus was a pretty sneezy guy. Due to his several-year-long relationship with snorting cocaine, Klaus was set off by almost every strong smell there was. He had grown up being allergic to pollen and he had found out in his late teens that he was quite allergic to cats. Klaus wondered if there was anything Luther even could be allergic to on the moon. Moon dust? Recycled air? He didn’t know.

“As long as you’re not feeling too badly,” Allison said.

“Hihh...hh...fuck I...hh’ishhyu! Ugh. My god!”

Allison giggled.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Allison continued laughing.

Klaus feigned anger. “What’s so funny?”

“You just had that dramatic ass buildup for that tiny sneeze!” She confessed.

Klaus cracked a smile but then quickly went back to faking his furiousness. “My sneezes aren’t tiny! They’re quite average, thank you very much! They come out so damn fast sometimes, it’s like they’re all on top of one another. They all fuck me in the ass one after another. It’s like a damn orgy but without any orgasming.”

“One time I read that if you sneeze enough it can make you orgasm,” Allison doted. “Not sure if that’s true though.”

“I’ll have to try it out someday,” Klaus said. “Not today though.”

Allison joked, “You better be quiet about it because Diego would not be happy to hear about you triggering your allergies or your asthma on purpose.”

“You’re doing what?” Diego’s voice came in.

“Nothing! Just fun and games, that’s all,” Klaus said.

“Allison mentioned your asthma is it acting up? Are you feeling alright? Christ, Klaus you have to tell us these things Allison where’s the thermometer-“

Klaus laughed, “Calm the hell down, Diego. It’s not acting up, I promise. I’ll tell you if it is, you know that!”

It was times like this where Klaus really saw how much Diego cared for him. He could become so worried in .2 seconds and it always threw Klaus off of his game. Part of Klaus’ whole routine was people not caring about him and it kind of threw a wrench in things when people started to care.

Diego looked at Allison with the same urgency, only calming down a bit when she nodded her head in agreement with Klaus, who was sniffling and rubbing at his nose.

“You mentioned his asthma --”

“In jest, Diego. Jeez, lighten up!” Klaus play-chastised his brother, shoving him lightly with his free hand, which of course left his brother completely unfazed. Diego was similarly unfazed by Allison’s explanation of their previous discussion. While Allison and Klaus chuckled again, Diego’s jaw remaining locked and he rolled his eyes.

“Hilarious. Klaus is getting sick, Luther’s upstairs hacking his lungs out and you think it’s the perfect time for a stand-up routine.”

There was a silence after that. The spoon Allison was using to stir a cup of tea hovered in mid-air. Even Klaus’ sniffling and nose rubbing stopped as he stared at Allison in excitement, waiting for her response. Finally, she started stirring the cup of tea again.

“Yes, Diego. My brothers are sick,” she said, voice calm. A small smile on her lips. “And I’m making them feel better by being a nice, pleasant presence. You should try it, god forbid you might like it.”

“For real, D, don’t be a dick. Sissy is a mom, she’s the best at this kind of thing -- see?” Klaus took the cup of tea from her hand as she offered it. “Thanks, Ally!” He blew on it as Diego shot him a look. “Hey, you’re good at this stuff, too, man!” he quickly added on. Klaus was truly grateful for all of the times Diego had helped him out in the past when he was sick, before he was sober. But now his brother went into panic mode the second he heard him sniffle. It really killed his vibe.

“You’re just a little… intense,” Klaus said with a small grin, quickly covering it up as he raised the mug to his lips. He sipped way too quickly. Not only did he burn his tongue, but steam rising from the mug made his nose itch. He rubbed at it again to delay the inevitable reaction.

“Well, if you’d been in my shoes all these years maybe you’d understand why I don’t think it’s funny to see you make a joke out of it when you’re sick.”

“But I’m not even sick!” Klaus bit back, in that same whiny tone Diego had become familiar with over the years. His nose chose the perfect time to finalize its reaction in that moment. He hastily set the tea down on the counter as he again buried his face in his hoodie sleeve. “nxXGsht-ixgtshu! Hih! H’dtZshiuhh--fuck!”

“Not sick my ass-”

“Bless you!” The three siblings whipped their heads to the entrance to the kitchen, but Vanya was standing at the stove seconds later, having rushed in in a panic. She was just as bad as Diego. She fussed over the large pot of soup boiling on the stove, lifting a small spoonful up to her mouth to taste-test and blowing on it. “Diego, I told you to watch it while I was gone!”

“Sorry, Van, I was too busy watching over our idiot brother.”

“Rude!” Klaus gasped, moving his hand to cover his mouth in pretend shock.

“Klaus, what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick yet?” Vanya asked, as if it was an inevitability. She turned to look at him for concern, the spoon still raised to her lips, her anxiety over his well being overpowering her anxiety over dinner. Diego swapped anxieties with her, diving in with another spoon and tasting the soup without blowing on it before she could bring the spoon to her lips. He burned his tongue in his haste, but he nodded through the little wince of pain.

“It’s done.” Vanya shifted her focus back to her own soup-filled spoon and finally tasted it, nodding in agreement.

“Klaus, come get your soup.” Vanya started ladling the soup into the six bowls she had laid out.

“Wait, it’s for me?” her curly-haired brother asked in mild shock (again, people caring about him was not the reality he’d known most of his life). Though what came across was annoyance as he crossed his arms over his chest. He’d sat at the counter watching them prepare the soup for the last hour, sniffling discreetly and rubbing his nose as Diego rapidly chopped vegetables and flung them into the pot with perfect accuracy, Vanya quietly stirring and adding the seasonings. “Give it to Luther, he’s the one who needs it. I’m not--”

“Klaus, eat the damn soup!” Ben had apparently appeared behind him, and he could hear the eye-roll in his voice. Klaus’ living siblings had blinked at him when he’d apparently cut himself off mid-sentence, assuming he was going to sneeze, since he’d cut himself off in the middle of the sentence. When it didn’t happen, Allison sprung into action, picking up a bowl and putting it into Klaus’ hands. She chuckled as she brought a perfectly manicured hand up to his cheek and patted it gently.

“Klaus, do you really think we made this whole pot of soup just for you? And you guys say I’m a narcissist.” Klaus watched as Diego shook his head and walked over to the table with a bowl of soup, Allison and Vanya following shortly after.

“Oh.” Klaus looked down at the soup in his hands and tried to hide the little smile that had formed on his face. He knew for a fact that they had made the soup because of Luther and him, and even if he was convinced he wasn’t sick, the fact that they cared so much and they were going to make a family dinner out of it made him feel just a little bit warm and fuzzy.

“Where’s Luther?” Klaus asked as he set his soup down on a placemat. “Shouldn’t he be the one we’re worried about feeding?”

“He’ll eat in his room. He needs to be quarantined,” Diego said, blowing on a spoonful of his own soup.

“I’ll bring him some!” Klaus rose from his seat.

“Absolutely not.” Diego shot him daggers. Klaus slumped down into his seat with a pout and scooped up a spoonful of soup. “Allison, why don’t you bring it--”

“Oh, no, let him be. He’s asleep.”

“Again?” Allison gaped. “Well I guess that’s what his body needs more right now.”

“Mmmhmm,” Vanya responded a little too quickly, putting her water glass to her lips almost immediately afterwards and taking a big, audible gulp. All these years and she was still a terrible liar. Thankfully, everyone was so preoccupied with eating -- and, in Klaus’ case, trying not to sneeze -- that they’d let it slide.

Around twenty minutes prior, Vanya had left her precious soup entrusted to Diego’s care and walked upstairs to Luther’s room to check on him and ask if he was ready for dinner. Afraid that he might actually be asleep, she opened the door slowly and carefully, not making a sound. The sight that greeted her had been pretty surprising, and even more so touching.

Luther was lying on his bed in the fetal position, barely fitting on the twin XL mattress. His blankets had been pulled back up to his chin, hopefully due to the fever breaking. He was wheezing in that careful way that meant one miscalculated breath would send him into the harsh, liquidy coughs he’d been producing for the past hour or so, thanks to the hefty dose of Mucinex.

And at his side sat Five, probably the only one of the siblings who could fit next to Luther’s massive frame on the bed. He looked down at his brother with intense concentration, brows furrowed as he traced constellations on his broad back with his index finger.

“Gemini,” he announced softly. Despite his expression, his voice carried an air of tenderness Vanya hadn’t heard from him in years. Not since they were kids, and even then it was rare. And he never used it on her. Only Luther, and only when he really needed it.

“The twins,” Luther wheezed out, a small smile playing on his lips, which quickly dissipated as his jaw went slack with a shaky breath. Five quickly retracted his hand, just as Luther buried his face in his blankets. “Heh-nGXTchiew! Hahh-nXXT!” He was stifling again, and judging by the slight curl in Five’s lip, Vanya knew the reason why. Five had never done well with germs, and she caught his slight flinch when Luther’s blanketed form contracted a third time. “S-heh!-sorryfive-

‘nGXTSCH! Hhh’nXGTschiehh. Hhh… heh!”

Luther tensed in anticipation, and so did Five; Vanya could tell he was about to bounce. So she decided to be a good sister and do something about it.

Concentrating on the sound of Luther’s breathing, she focused her energy on his nose, sending little waves of energy flowing outwards against the walls of his nostrils from within, and thus applying pressure from the inside out; something she’d been doing to herself lately, whenever she had to sneeze in a crowded place, or just didn’t want to attract any attention to herself. She released her hold when Luther’s breathing evened out.

As if on cue, Luther let out a deep, wheezy sigh. Five relaxed again, chuckling a bit as he put his finger back gently on his brother’s back.

“That was a first. Gesundheit!” His voice still held the soft tone Vanya had feared it might lose. “How about Libra next?”

With a small smile on her face, Vanya had slipped out of the room even more quietly than she’d came in.

She walked back to the kitchen, satisfied with her ability to stop Luther from sneezing, and she wondered if she could possibly do the opposite. She would get to test this theory out at dinner.

#sick luther #sick klaus #luther whump #klaus whump #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #tua fanfic #tua #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #luther snz #klaus snz #tua snz

[honeybee-babe]

imagine

one of the siblings tries to hide a sneeze/stifles the sneeze into silence while klaus has his back turned and thinks they got away with it

a pause

then klaus just casually turns around and goes “ben says bless you”

and watches the person either go beet red or get real annoyed

#umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #tua #tua snz #tua snez

[honeybee-babe]

Sharing is Caring (Except When You’re SIck) Chapter 1

Part 1 of my multi-chap collab fic with @hargreevesstyles!! It’s already finished, and we tried to keep all the chapters relatively the same length. We’ll each be posting the parts, probably according to some schedule. You can also read it on @hargreevesstyles‘ account!

~

Luther woke with a start to the familiar feeling of soreness in his throat, only now it was accompanied by a tightness in his chest. His reading glasses had slipped off his face onto the pages of research laid out before him on his desk.

Suppressing a wheezy cough against his wrist, he lifted his other arm up and checked his watch: 10:27 am. Last he remembered, it was 8 pm. He must have fallen asleep at his work. Despite the sheen of sweat forming on his hairline, and the three layers he was wearing, he was shivering. With a groan he crossed over to his bed, picked up one of the many blankets out of the messy pile on his bed, and threw it over his shoulders.

He’d been holed up in his room for two days now, only sneaking downstairs to grab tissues. He’d skipped Allison’s “family dinner” both nights, instead opting for some crackers and water. He was too tired for anything else anyway, and this way he could avoid his family. Even though he was sure it was just a little cold (he hadn’t been sick in so long, this was normal, right?), he didn’t want to take the risk of getting them sick.

There was also the fear of attracting unwanted attention to his body. He’d gotten better at not isolating himself, but in times like this, when he felt even more grotesque than normal, he reverted back to old habits.

He shuffled downstairs, clutching the blanket around his arms. It was too small to cover his gargantuan shoulders, and he had to stop repeatedly to readjust it. When he got into the kitchen, his throat itched in that telltale way, the catalyst for a series of deep, chesty coughs, which he smooshed as much as possible into his elbow. Three layers of fabric were a good enough silencer.

Unfortunately, the violent movement sent the blanket slipping off his shoulders onto the ground. He looked down at it with a small sniffle, dreading the aches and dizziness that would inevitably come if he picked it up. He stood there for a good minute, staring at the blanket and trying to figure out if it was worth it to bend over and pick it up. He didn’t have to think for long though, because a bony hand swiped it up off the ground and threw it over its own shoulder.

“Klaus-I. What the hell? Give it back!” Luther spoke defensively. Part of him just wanted his blanket back but a bigger part of him didn’t want Klaus to be infected by the germs inhabiting said blanket.

Klaus ignored Luther and draped it over his own shoulders. Luther wanted to say something but he didn’t want to admit that he was sick. If he did so, his siblings wouldn’t leave him alone—either by helping him or teasing him. Luther stuck with a small sigh and went to turn around to start making some tea when Klaus tapped him on the shoulder.

He said, “I’m just poking fun at you, big guy. Here you go.” He handed the blanket back to his big—size-wise—brother. Luther didn’t know what to say and Klaus caught onto that quickly. “You alright Number One? You’re looking a bit peaky.”

“I’m fine. What do you want, Klaus?”

“Hey, hey, hey, relax! I’m only trying to help. Do you need anything?” Klaus asked. “I’m so damn bored all of the time now that I don’t have anything fancy running through my system. I came here looking for an adventure and it seems like you’re on a fun one. May I join?”

Luther felt badly. He really wanted to spend more time with his brother. He was trying to push himself out of this character Reginald forced him into. He tried to stop himself from thinking about his siblings as teammates and actually as his brothers and sisters. But right now he was caught between a rock and a hard place.

If he hung around Klaus for even a few minutes longer it was likely that Klaus was going to catch whatever Luther was harboring.

So, Luther shook his head. “Sorry, Klaus. I’ve got to go back upstairs and work on something. A lot of reading. You wouldn’t be interested.” Luther tried his absolute hardest not to sound cold or annoyed with his brother.

Still, Klaus’ reaction was full of nothing but disappointment. He nodded quickly and quietly and skirted out of the room before Luther could say another word.

Now that Klaus was gone, Luther could focus on how he felt. Without Klaus distracting him, the pounding in his head seemed to come back with a vengeance. Luther wasn’t sure if he just had a headache or if it was from the buildup of all of the congestion. Whatever it was, Luther was in pain.

He let out a small cough into his elbow, knowing that anything more would have him dragging on for what could be minutes, and he didn’t have the time nor the energy for that. The tickle in his throat was momentarily alleviated, but not the tightness in his chest that still lingered, begging for a deeper release. But he couldn’t let that out, not right now, with Klaus in clear earshot the next room. He’d have to wait until he was in the privacy of his room.

With his arm still held up to his face, he shuffled over to the sink and poured himself the glass of water he’d come downstairs for in the first place. The first sip unfortunately hit his throat in just the wrong way, and he had to bring his elbow to his mouth again to suppress the coughs that inevitably resulted, this time a bit more chesty than the last. Fortunately, the second sip seemed to soothe rather than aggravate the tickle, and he downed the rest of glass in just two more sips, quickly pouring another glass, which he downed in two huge gulps.

Unfortunately, the rush of cold water made him shiver even more profusely than he already had been, to which he responded by immediately washing the glass in warm water -- he needed to wash it ASAP anyway, if he was serious about not leaving any germs lingering around.

The steam from the sink ended up wafting up to his nose and loosening some of the congestion that had built up there. A good thing for his health, probably, but it meant that the persistent tickle he’d had some momentary relief from was back. Which meant he’d inevitably start sneezing again soon. And, with this cold, there was a very good chance they’d keep coming for few minutes. Klaus definitely wouldn’t leave him alone if he heard that. So Luther turned the faucet off a soon as he felt the steam tugging at his sinuses, and brought a gloved hand up to scrub ferociously at his flaring nostrils. He gave one pointed, congested sniff.

That seemed to do the trick. For now.

Klaus had left the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest, but once he’d made his way into the living room, he put them down by his side, exposing the tiny mesh tank top he had on as he stood rimrod straight and put on a stern face.

“‘It’s grown-up stuff, Klaus, a lot of reading,” he put on his best Luther voice. He quickly lost the act, however, and flopped down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and speaking in his normal voice. “Cause God knows I never learned how to read, right?” He rolled his eyes. “How do you know what  I’m interested in? Maybe I secretly want to learn all about moon rocks!”

“Do you?”

Klaus shifted his gaze to see Ben sitting by his feet, grinning at him. He stuck his tongue at his ghost brother.

“That’s not the point, Ben. It’s the principle of it!” he explained, pushing himself up with his elbows into a sitting position. “He just pushed me to the side, like I was in the way. Typical Luther.”

“You’re overreacting,” Ben said, shaking his head.

“I’m just having fun, Benny boy,” he said, reaching over and booping his brother on the nose, though he knew his finger would just phase through him. “I’m not upset, we all know how Luther is.”

“I don’t think that’s what it is,” Ben said. “Did you get a good look at him? I think he might be sick.” Klaus just shrugged.

“He was a little pale. He’s probably fine, he’s always had a good immune system.”

“I don’t know, Klaus.” And with that, Ben poofed away. Klaus groaned and got up from the couch. He had a sense of where Ben might have gone.

Back up in Luther’s room, the largest Hargreeves sibling was blowing his nose into a handkerchief he had found in his dad’s belongings a couple of weeks prior. He still felt a deep connection to his father, feeling like no matter what else he did, he had still done whatever he could to save him while his life was on the line.

“Heh-NGXht! Hahh-nGHXtchiew!” Luther’s body rocked forward as he let out the properly contained explosions. He always tried his hardest to keep them quiet nowadays, for fear that his siblings might find them funny whereas he found them deeply embarrassing and draining.

With this cold, one sneeze was never enough. He was pretty sure he’d sneezed more times in a row that morning than he ever had in his entire life. Miraculously, he’d managed to keep the sound contained until now. But the pressure in his head was building, and he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.

He had just started blowing his nose again when a knock at his door had him hastily putting the handkerchief down sniffling back the congestion back instead before speaking.

“Who is it?” he called, getting up from his desk chair and shuffling over to the door.

“Your worst nightmare.” It was Klaus.

“Sounds about right.” Luther rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

“Open the door,” Klaus whined. “Ben wants to see you.”

Luther bit down on his lip as he considered that. He really didn’t want to infect Klaus, and he wasn’t even sure if he was just fucking with him. But he very well might be telling the truth, and he knew if Ben wanted to see him, it had to be important.

So he opened the door just a crack, catching a glimpse of his dead brother’s concerned face outlined in a blue glow, before his own wildly hitching breath caught him off guard. He eyed the handkerchief on his desk for a moment, before shutting the door quickly, just before he brought his hand up to pinch his nose shut.

“Hih’nXGT! Hihh... heh-GNXT!” Once again, his large torso shook with the force of suppressing the explosions, which were growing more and more difficult to contain, just like the pressure in his head grew more intense with each stifled sneeze.

“You’re gonna blow your brains out!” Ben tsk’ed from the hallway, apparently still manifested. Klaus just giggled.

“Bless you, big brother! What, you got the sniffles?”

Luther groaned, “Go away, Klaus.”

Klaus wouldn’t let up. “Come on, Ben and I both know you’re sick! There’s no point in hiding it from the two of us!”

“You can’t keep lying to us forever!” Ben joined in.

Luther tried his hardest to ignore them. He knew they really did mean well, but Klaus had a weird way of going about it and sometimes Ben would tag along. Luther blew his nose as quietly as he could into the handkerchief. Great. It was soaked. Luther grabbed around for more tissues but he realized that he had forgotten to grab more on his journey downstairs earlier.

He cursed under his breath. With this wretched cold he couldn’t afford to go without tissues.

Luther stood up and walked to the door. As he opened it, Klaus and Ben fell into his room. They had had their ears pressed up against the door.

“What the hell, you guys? Can’t you leave me alone?” Luther yelled. He really wasn’t feeling well.

Klaus’ look softened. He asked, “Do you need anything, buddy? I-I could go fetch you some tea or some tissues or something like that. Come on, we both know you’d like that. If not, I ca-“

“Jesus Christ, Klaus, if I let you get me tissues will you leave me alone?”

Klaus nodded happily. He bounced off, taking Ben with him.

Luther shut his door. He knew Klaus was going to get sick. “Goddamnit,” he muttered. Klaus always picked the worst of times to become interested in his seemingly eldest sibling.

“Knock knock! Your nurse is here!” Klaus’ voice came from the other side of the door. “Ben’s here too I’m just a little winded from those stairs and manifesting Ben isn’t really within my power limits right now. Anywho, I have some tea for you and I also found some nifty cough drops! I grabbed all the boxes of tissues I could find, too. Oh, and, open up!”

“I-wha-“ Before Luther could finish talking, Klaus stuck a thermometer in his mouth. Luther went to scold him but Klaus cut him off again.

“Nuh-uh, big guy! Keep your mouth closed until the thermometer beeps or it won’t get a good enough reading and you’ll have to do it again!” Klaus tutted.

Annoyed, Luther waited. When the thermometer beeped he went to take it out and read it but Klaus’ scrawny little hand grabbed it before Luther could even move his hand.

Klaus frowned. “You’ve got a fever. 101.3 to be exact. Strictly bed rest for you, Number One! I’ll be back in a little to bring you some soup or something!”

Luther couldn’t help but smile as Klaus sauntered out of his room. Sometimes he felt estranged from all of the other siblings, but Klaus had this way of magically making him feel like they were all a real family.

As soon as Klaus stepped out of Luther’s room, he wiped his nose on his sleeve. It was running for some reason.

“You feeling alright?” Ben asked.

Klaus nodded, “Yeah, it’s just from the steam from the tea. You know how sensitive my nose is after all that damn cocaine.”

Ben nodded, but he decided to keep a closer eye on Klaus, as well as Luther. Ben hadn’t been completely blinded as to why Klaus hadn’t manifested him when he was in Luther’s room. He knew that Klaus was feeling tired and he hoped, no prayed, that Klaus wasn’t catching what Luther had. When Klaus had been asleep the night before Ben had been wandering around the house and he heard some noise coming from Luther’s room. He heard him up coughing and sneezing, trying to keep himself quiet so he didn’t disturb his siblings. Ben wished they realized how much Luther cared about them.

He had brought up Luther looking sick to Klaus hoping he would catch on, and he was glad that he finally did. At least Luther was getting some rest now, even though Klaus had to hassle him before he could get some.

Now Ben was worried. He hadn’t realized that while Klaus was the least likely to really make Luther feel badly about his illness, he was also the most likely to catch it. Klaus’ immune system was shot to hell due to the cocktail of drugs he had consumed every day for seventeen years. Yes, Klaus was sober now, but he was a lot more susceptible to illness, and now that he wasn’t high all the time he was present enough to realize how shitty he felt.

“You’ll tell me if you don’t feel well, right?”

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Hop off my dick, Ben! I feel fine. Go haunt Diego or something.”

Ben liked to stay around Klaus to keep an eye on him as much as he could, but as Klaus was now sober he felt less of a need to babysit him. So Ben disappeared.

Klaus wandered into the living room and rubbed his nose. He flopped onto the couch and tried to ignore the bloody bitch to his left. She was wailing at the top of her lungs. Klaus felt bad, he always did, but there was a slight ache in his head that made him a little more aggressive than usual. He was going to yell at the ghost and tell her to can it, but yelling at ghosts usually did more harm than good, so Klaus stayed silent.

Back in Luther’s room, Ben was creeping around. He wished he could will himself to become corporeal to help clean up and tug the blankets up to Luther’s shoulders. He was shuddering in his sleep. Ben frowned and sat down on the edge of Luther’s bed. He started humming one of Luther’s favorite songs from when they were kids. He knew Luther couldn’t hear him, but he could’ve sworn he saw a smile on Luther’s face.

#tua #sick luther #sick klaus #luther snz #luther whump #klaus whump #klaus snz #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #umbrella academy

[honeybee-babe]

How The Umbrella Academy Sneeze

Some please stop me

Luther: Theres kinda two parts to this one. He used to have relatively normal sneezes (maybe kinda loud) but stifled (because Reginald would act disgusted when any of them sneezed, and he was so desperate to please him). Ape body has larger lungs which made his sneezes louder. Plus he got used to sneezing freely on the moon and forgot how to stifle, but is embarrassed by his sneezes. So he has these awkward half-stifles, which Diego makes fun of. I feel like his nostrils flare/twitch a lot before he sneezes but not an audible build up, and I imagine a spoken ‘choo’ out of a reflex to sound more ‘normal.’ Covers with both hands (which Five detests). Usually doubles with the second more contained. He always says bless you when someone sneezes even if they already sneezed multiple times (this annoys Allison).

Diego: I feel like he usually sneezes in singles but has allergies which can cause occasional fits. They’re kinda harsh and throaty but not too loud, a bit of a breathy build-up, kinda desperate but not hitchy. Probably no ‘choo.’ Covers with his elbow like a normal person. Usually muffled by his elbow but not stifled. BUT if he pinches his nose he can make them completely silent, which is useful if he’s sneaking up on someone. Or if he’s trying to cover up being sick/allergic which I can see for him (I imagine Vanya notices this though of course). He’s allergic to cat fur because I said so. Whenever he sneezes around Luther he claims his fur alllergies are acting up.

Allison: Rapid, high-pitched girly fits of tiny (but not suppressed) sneezes, at least three at a time. Very quiet with no time for build ups in between. I feel like they come on suddenly, too, without a buildup. Not desperate or super forceful though, just fast. No spoken ‘choo’ or anything like that. She holds one hand in front of her face as if she’s trying to display her manicure. She sniffles afterwards and twitches her nose a lot. Everyone (except Vanya) always comments on how cute her sneeze is and she gives them daggers.

Klaus: Very desperate presneeze face. Uncovered scream sneezes (maybe kind of wet too) with dramatic hitchy builds ups that usually end in a song lyric (“ahhh!... aHhHh... !... ACH-OOPS... I did it again”) And then he blesses himself. Ben always laughs. No one else is amused. I imagine they’re kinda forceful because of the build ups and that he usually has singles since they’re so loud. He acts like he’s dying if he sneezes more than once in a row, uses this as an excuse to take prescription pills he doesn’t need. Is just as dramatic about blessing as he is about sneezing.

Five: Single, dry sneeze into his elbow. A single breath as a build up but not dramatic. No voice at all really. I feel like his sneeze is completely natural without any holding back or extra gusto for show/emotion. He thinks people who make a production out of something as trivial as a sneeze (re: Klaus) are ridiculous and people who cover with their hand (Luther, Allison) should all be forced to live on a deserted island where they can only infect each other. Says Gesundheit when others sneeze.

Ben: Used to have these violent, messy sneezes that came out of nowhere. It was low key kind of gross (but funny as fuck) and his face would get super smushed (and adorable) and Klaus would laugh every time. He says bless you not only to Klaus but everyone in the family when they sneeze even though they can’t hear, which Klaus thinks is sweet.

Vanya: Doesn’t. Has the fetish so she’s sneeze shy and holds back around others, although they’ve all seen her ‘almost’ sneeze before but didn’t think much of it. The shyness also comes from the fact that she wants to keep herself unnoticed. She never says bless you because she’s uncomfortable. Klaus brought it up once after he had one of his dramatic explosions and she went totally silent. She turned bright red and went quiet, and Ben told him to leave her alone, so he quickly changed the subject. When she’s alone she has a soft, single sneeze. I imagine when she’s alone she has one very loud breath as a build up but no hitching or gasping. I imagine her pre-sneeze face is very expressive (and high key just really cute) and her mouth hangs opens for a bit before she sneezes.

#the umbrella academy #diego hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #umbrella academy #snz #snzfic #tua snz #why do i do these things #im tired