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moonflower-31 · 3 years

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I Won’t Forget You - Spencer Reid x Reader

Masterlist

Part 26

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

A/N: Sorry it’s late. Again. Technical difficulties :/

Warnings: None

Tags: @dra-reid, @eevee0722, @ceeellewrites, @anotherr-fine-mess, @ssahoodrathotchner, @egg-boy03, @helena-way07, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @serendipity-imagines, @kaelyn-lobrutto24, @thatsonezesty13, @bihoeofmanyfandoms

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity - Edgar Allan Poe

Spencer raised an eyebrow as Garcia came into the room with her open laptop in her hands. She immediately placed the grey slab on the desk and began typing rapidly.

"W-what do you mean? What do you have?" Spencer asked, rushing over towards Garcia's side to see what she intended to show him.

"I've been keeping track of all the surveillance cameras in the surrounding tri-state area. And get this; just an hour ago, I got this glimpse of a very Peter-y looking guy up in Baltimore on one of their traffic cams. He got out of the city but he's headed back here. His license plate wasn't in his name, but he was driving a black chevy truck. I've put it out on the APB so the police can bring him in if they find that car." Garcia shows, turning the laptop towards Spencer to show him the footage.

On the screen, sure enough Peter was there in what was a chevy truck and with a baseball cap and a dirty flannel. He seemed to be on the phone. Whoever he was on the phone with obviously got on Peter’s nerves, as over the ten seconds of video where he was in the view of the camera, he yelled into it before tossing it out his window.

Spencer widened his eyes and began to stumble over his words. "D-do we know if that was a-a disposable?" He asks. Garcia looks up at him and shakes her head.

"I don't know his true personal number so I can't track and see if it's called any numbers repeatedly." She apologizes. Spencer curses under his breath and rubs his face tiredly.

"I… I guess I'll have to ask (Y/N) when we get back if her phone records still exist from before she abandoned her old life. Maybe we can check the numbers he used to stalk her with. If any of them have any recent repeated calls we need to bring them in for questioning." Spencer insists, pacing through the room instead of getting anywhere on the geographical profile.

Garcia nodded. "I'll do the best I can for now Jr. G Man." She says, closing her computer and then clicking her heels as she left the room to get back to her temporary office. Spencer sighed tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took an exhausted sip of the coffee JJ had given him. He watched Garcia go, nothing but sleep weighing on his eyelids.

All he could think of was you. But unfortunately, they had a case. And the case came first.

But that didn't mean Spencer wouldn't be willing to drop everything he was doing to drop kick Peter onto his ass multiple times if he decided to show himself.

Spencer grabbed the small box he had of pins and got back to work, hoping sincerely that you were okay back at home.

It wasn't long after he finished that JJ and Emily came back from investigating the main dump site, and came back to inform him of the new findings.

"Another body? Where?" He asked, turning his head towards Emily as he picked up another obnoxiously red pin.

"9 miles from here. It fits the distance, except it was 3 miles more than the normal 6-7. What made him change?" She asked.

"Maybe someone saw him abduct this girl and he drove farther to prevent this murder being tied to the others?" JJ asked.

The two women continued talking while Spencer added the pin and began to look over the map. He wasn't really listening. Why was he so distracted? He never usually had this much trouble, especially when you were here.

His mind was going blank as he looked over the blending blurs of the map. He was developing one of those headaches again. The colors on the map all began to blur together and he couldn't make any of them out. He grunted in frustration and gripped the side of his head from the sudden onslaught of pain.

"Dammit…" he exhaled as he narrowly placed the box of pins yet again in the marker tray of the map.

"Hey… you okay there Reid?" Emily asked, her voice changing to express her concern. JJ wasn't too far behind her, her voice soft and motherly.

"Yeah, you've been kind of out of it since we left."

Spencer shook his head. "I'm fine, alright? Just… another one of my headaches. Garcia's news didn't really help anything." He grumbled.

"News? About what?" Emily spoke up, putting her pen against her hand. She adjusted in her seat, as if preparing herself for whatever news Garcia had given him.

Spencer groaned and rubbed the front of his head, his fingers digging into his scalp. "She said she found traffic surveillance footage of Peter in South Baltimore. He wore a… pretty pathetic disguise? Like… a Yankees cap and a stained flannel hiding some sort of beer company t-shirt. The only letters I could come up with from the exposed fabric were C, D, and B. The B ended up standing for beer when he moved and exposed more of the shirt-" he was pacing now without realizing, and stopped himself once he noticed.

JJ looked towards Emily for a moment, then back at Spencer waringly. "Do we know for sure where he is?" She asked. "He could be in Quantico by now if this footage isn't too old." JJ warned.

Spencer’s eyes widened. "No… no, no, no… He… Morgan’s at home. He doesn't know my apartment… she's safe…" he began to rant, more to himself than to the women.

Emily sighed and stood up. "Reid, I think you need to take a break."

Spencer looked up from the sudden change, his eyes and pupils as wide as saucers. "What?" He breathed.

"A break. You know, take a walk. Read a book or 16. Call her maybe." Emily suggested, her shoulders rising with her last one.

Spencer looked back down to the ground for a moment, finally his nerves deciding to take a break from causing him so much distress. "Maybe… maybe I will…"

Emily smiles down at him, but unfortunately was a little too soon.

"But only after we find this unsub. Hotch wouldn't want any of us to slack off. Especially with two of our team members on leave." Spencer insisted. Emily sighed and looked to JJ for help. The blond just shrugged and gave her a smile. One that most definitely said 'Well, we tried.'

"Well… Good luck then Reid. Don't overwork yourself though, okay? If you do I'm telling (Y/N) myself." Emily teasingly threatens.

Spencer chuckled. "You wouldn't. She hasn't told me anything regarding overworking myself before."

JJ grinned. "Doesn't mean she won't."

○●♡●○

A few hours passed and Arthur had to leave. Your mother would be tracking him by cell phone before he knew it, and he didn't want to risk giving your mother anymore 'product' to sell to Peter. You understood, and wished him well as he went off, of course not without Morgan giving him a talk about trying to use a disposable from now on.

But for now, you were doing the dishes as you listened to Beethoven and tried to distract yourself from Derek's obnoxious snoring. Yes, he had decided to catch up on sleep while he was with you. But you didn't blame him. There wasn't much to do. So you settled on chores while Spencer’s favorite composer played over the speakers of your cracked I-phone (Or Samsung).

You hummed along with the familiar tune and scrubbed at the ceramic plates Spencer had in the sink. It was a miracle they were even used at all, given the amount of paper plates you had found and had thrown away when you first actually got to sleep in the apartment. It seemed so long ago since he first brought you here. He hardly ever used his flatware and relied on the 'Great value' brand to supply him with things in which to put food on to eat. But thankfully, you had been slowly getting him brought back to the light side of the force. But it was an uphill battle for sure.

"Why do I have to use them? They're easily breakable, (Y/N). The plates I buy are biodegradable." Spencer had grumbled as you insisted on putting the food you had made on one of his ceramic plates.

You had playfully rolled your eyes. "Because! You wouldn't have to buy the 'biodegradable stuff' if you used plates you could wash instead. Problem solved."

Spencer had then replied with a very childish and frustrated stuck out tongue and an annoyed huff that had sent you and your aching insides into a fit of laughter.

The memory brought a smile to your face, causing you to put the plate down so as to not drop it into the sink from how far you had it held in the air. (If you dropped it, he'd really get after you about the paper plates)

As you continued to wash the dishes, your mind began to travel back to Spencer. You wondered what he was up to. What he was thinking about. Did he think of you? If he did, did he think of you the way you did him?

A sigh released itself from your lungs, letting your chest fall. The dance you had invited Spencer to was still in four months. Maybe then would be your next chance to tell him how you felt. But with that long of a wait, you didn't think you could do it. You wanted him to know. Even if you ended up being hurt in the end, you wanted desperately to tell him. Unfortunately, cookies and killers were successful at pushing your opportunities away.

You finished the last dish; Spencer didn't have any more than 6 dishes in his sink due to it only being the two of you. Derek always washed his dish when it was cleared. You turned the sink off and quickly dried your hands with the dish towel on the oven handle. Once the dishes were all in the dishwasher, you began to wander back into the living room.

You had done what laundry there was to do and Derek wasn't due to wake up for another 2 hours. He had specifically asked you to wake him up when it was 6:30 pm. So you decided that since you had virtually nothing else to do, you'd take a nap. You'd wake up at the same time you were set to wake up Morgan, and then you'd both be rested.

You turned off all the lights and closed the curtains for a dimmer light. You then grabbed the blanket Spencer had recently been keeping on the back of the couch and curled up in it. You didn't want to head into Spencer’s room and bother Derek just to borrow one of Spencer’s hoodies. No matter how much you really did want to steal one.

You settled in on the couch, and closed your eyes, letting your body begin to rest more and more with each inspiration and expiration.

When 6:30 hit, and Derek had somehow managed to wake himself up without your assistance, he groggily got up to go check on you.

"Hey, Pretty Girl, what happened with you waking me up, huh?" He asks you, rubbing his eyes with his hand. He expected an answer, but instead heard the sudden movement of fabric and the thud of something hitting the coffee table. He narrowed his eyes and looked down at you, and found you asleep. However, it was not peaceful.

Your leg kept trembling, almost kicking the coffee table as the rest of you shook in terror. You mumbled incoherent pleas under your breath, causing Morgan to panic. He was afraid this would happen.

"H-hey, kid," he started, gently putting a hand on your shoulder to slowly get you awake without alarming you. He gently shook you, but you proved to be unwakeable. So he took in a deep breath before he shook you a bit harder, calling your name a little louder. "(Y/N), hey, come on kid it's just a nightmare-"

You finally woke, heavy breathing and a jolt forward followed by a violent shaking came afterwards. You hated this. Even after having just woke up. You felt terrified. Fear was coursing through you and you had no way out of it.

You whimpered and curled up in the corner of the couch, unable to calm your racing heart or your uncontrollable breathing that came in harsh sobs.

Derek felt his eyebrows tilt as he looked at you. "Kid I… " he sighed, looking at you pitifully. You and him both were in the same boat. He had been sleeping more often to escape the look in Peter’s eyes he was reminded of whenever he saw you. But he knew you needed him, that was why he had been cutting back on his sleeping. It wasn't healthy anyways.

"C-call Spencer…" you whispered softly, hugging your knees.

Derek raised a confused eyebrow and got a little closer to your reserved form. "What'd you say?" He asked, unsure of what you actually said.

"P-please…" you spoke up a little louder, taking a deep breath as you began your request. "C-call Reid…"

Derek didn't know how Spencer was supposed to help, but he didn't want to sit by when you clearly needed the genius.

He nodded and grabbed his phone from his pocket, dialing Reid's number. He pressed the phone to his ear, whispering pleas for Spencer to pick up the phone. He reached over and gave you the option of holding his hand, to which you thankfully accepted. You squeezed his hand for dear life, just wanting to hear Spencer’s voice and hear him recall one of the many poems he'd read to calm your mind.

Meanwhile, Spencer was currently standing beside JJ, feeling his phone buzz as Hotch tried to deliver the profile. Spencer had given his expertise already, and just wanted to see who was calling him. He'd already been on high alert in case it was you. And no amount of convincing himself to focus on work was helping.

"Please have all of your available officers out looking for this unsub, and warn women of his type around the neighborhood and in the kill zone." Hotch began to warn. Spencer’s phone continued to buzz, causing the room to turn their eyes towards him. He blushed softly and flashed Hotch a desperate look. He sighed, but nodded.

Spencer nodded back in rushed thanks before muttering his apologies and leaving the main room to answer his phone.

Once outside, he picked up his phone and answered.

"Sorry, we're in the middle of delivering the profile, so I was a little caught up. How is she?" Spencer asked.

"Reid, she's… I don't know…" Derek replied, wishing he could hug you and soak up all your pain. He took the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker. "She just woke up from another nightmare. She told me to call you."

You look towards Morgan, gesturing to see if you could take the phone. He nodded, still never letting go of your hand.

"S-spence?" You whispered into the phone.

"Hey…" he replied calmly. "Are you okay?"

Instant relief washed over you. Not completely instant and overwhelming, but you suddenly felt a rush feeling of being protected and loved. Even if Spencer didn't know it yet.

You sniffled. "H-honestly? No. I'm the furthest from okay." You wiped your eyes of incoming tears, exhaling sharply so as to not encourage more sobbing.

Spencer felt his heart ache from hearing you cry. He wished he were home with you. So it wasn't just you and Derek. Strangely, after that thought, a misplaced thought of jealousy panged his heart. Seriously? This wasn't the time to be jealous of his best friend for getting to spend extra time with the girl he loved who he hadn't gotten enough courage to confess to yet. He supposed he was just worried that when he'd be ready to tell you, you wouldn't feel the same anymore.

"Is there anything I can do to help? I still have all of Edgar Allan Poe's works memorized if you need me to recite one." He offers. The idea brings a slight, and small smile to your face.

Derek's face lit up at the arrival of said smile, showing off his own signature one.

"Please? S-spence I don't want to i-intrude on the c-case but-" you began to ramble and try to explain.

"Hey, it's okay. Hotch cleared me to come take this call. You're my top priority right now. Not the case, not the profile, you." Spencer assured, smiling genuinely as he even was able to hear your voice.

You sighed gently, and let your mind relax for a moment. "O-okay… but y-you pick this time." You replied. Spencer replied in kind.

"Sure, (Y/N/N). He answered. "How about The Raven this time? It's one of his most well known works, and it surprises me you haven't asked me to read it yet."

You can feel your nerves slowing down and relaxing as you let out a soft giggle. "S-sure. But you know that's because you prefer the obscure ones."

Spencer rolled his eyes teasingly, as if you could see them. Derek gave you a reassuring look, and you nodded, letting him sit back for a moment as Spencer Reid began to read yet again another poem to you to calm the raging storm of emotions stirred from your nightmares.

Spencer cleared his throat teasingly before he began, pulling a slight laugh from you. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--while I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping…"

Just as it was each and every time he did this for you, it calmed every part of you to hear his voice alter somewhat to fix the tone of the poem. To hear the way the words rolled off his tongue even without the poem in his hands.

You were asleep before he could even finish the poem. But that didn't matter to him. He just finished the poem and sighed to himself.

"Is she asleep?" Spencer asked softly.

"Yep. Out like a light." Morgan says, readjusting the blanket over you.

"Good. Just… call me if she needs anything else. I should be able to answer. If not text Hotch for me." Spencer expressed.

If only he could be there to see your beautiful face asleep on his couch. Maybe even with your head on his chest. To hold you close. To hear your gentle breathing in and out.

Derek got to do that.

Spencer couldn't help the jealousy he felt in his heart. Derek could get any girl he wanted. Even you. But Spencer's heart couldn't help protesting that you were supposed to be his. He wanted you to be his. His life. His love. His Darling. Well...

Only time will tell if that will ever change.

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z1pp3rs-dr3amsc4p3 · 3 years

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｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆W3LC0M3!!!

T4BL3 0F C0NT3NT5!!!

Ab0ut m3 ⌫

Bl0g w4rn1ng5 ⌫

DN1 ⌫

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Ab0ut M3

Names ⌫

Achilles, Zipper, Tømmy, Slug, Marlboro, Lars really anything

Pronouns ⌫

It/Zip

Fun Facts ⌫

DID system, Age regressor, Aroflux, polyamorous, MINOR, taken <3, autistic / ocd

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Bl0g W4rn1ng5

This bl0g is weirdcore/dreamcore/oddcore themed, and may also have images related to it! This may trigger dissociation! If this bothers you please block the tag #☁🌈📻🔦 !!!

This blog may also contain flashing images! If this bothers or triggers you, please block the tag #🔦✨ !!!

This blog may also contain gore, trypophobia, ommetaphobia, etc! If this bothers or triggers you, please block the tag #✨🩸 !!!

This blog may also contain eyestrain/bright colours! If this bothers or triggers you, please block the tag #🌈👁 !!!

This blog may have rants including mention of potentially triggering topics! If these may bother or trigger you, please block the tag #vent !!!

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆DNI

Anti lgbtqia+ of any kind

Racial discrimination of any kind (antisemitism, xenophobia, islamophobia, etc.)

If you invalidate systems based on age

Endogenic or pro

DSMP

#pinned bios #🕯post!!!

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begxy-docrxmes · 4 years

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Alright as Promised, I said I was going to do some special things for 100 Followers! Here’s the first one! I think it’s like...a follow forever kind of thing? I don’t really know! Anyway I’m gonna be sappy under the cut and then talk about my friends! (And I 100% recommend you follow them too)

AaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA finally made it to 100 followers guys ;w; ! This blog is only 4 month old and this is really exciting for me! So here’s a shout out to the people I consider my closest friends (that’s not to say that you’re not all my friends of course!!!!! These are just the people I talk to the most!)

@chains-of-rebellion Clock is such a Good ;w; I’ve known them for years now, I believe we met in the undertale fandom? Back when I was wee baby. They’ve been there through many big events in my life such as my high school graduation! Every character they write, they are egregiously in character, but also super unique! Where else are you going to find an Arsene rp-er that can be little french baby, but also Satanael?

@mask-0f-rebelli0n is one of my first friends in this fandom! Pie is such a sweet person and so so nice! Dia is a little shit and I would die for him, honestly. Max charm, max bully, but also has a place for serious situations and doesn’t JUST make it into a meme. If you like complex characters, I think you’d like Dia so I recommend following pie!

@reticentluminary Parker’s patience with me is outstanding, and all of his muses are so good I don’t even know where to start! I dont even know anything about dragon quest or anything but I see parker on my dash and I go ;w; Plus his persona muses makes my heart go doki doki! I love their Akechis in particular, not to mention that he also is REALLY good about making all his muses unique but in character as well!!!!!

@fatedpersonae HAAAILEY hailey is such a blessing, honestly. They let me rant about xyz so much I almost feel bad. Not bad enough to stop though, sorry Hailey! But they also inspire me to keep writing Akechi particularly! If it weren’t for their love for Kara ( @uragiri-karasu ) i probably wouldn’t write him anymore! And they’re one of the major reasons I went in the genderfluid direction with Akira, and Akira honestly has never been this happy. Plus, Hailey writes just sO many characters from 3, 4, and 5. Please go check them all out!

@iustitia-punientis MAPLE IS BABY. CHELLEN IS BABEY. MAKI IS BABY. everyone is baby. And I love them all. I don’t even have that much to say I just,,,,love u Chellen muah.

#|I Should Write Something| ooc #AAA im so #EXCITED #i did the thing!!!!!#I got to the number!!!!

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seokkgenie · 6 years

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More Than Anything Else (two) [M]

This took almost two months. I’m sorry! This is unedited, so please excuse any errors.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: CEO!au, smut, fluff, angst

Words: 12.8k

Warnings: Unprotected sex

two

To say that you felt completely out of place would be an understatement. The mansion was lavish, positively gleaming with the glitz and glamour from the decoration as well as the guests. You pulled at your pencil skirt, feeling overwhelmingly under-dressed looking at the elaborate gowns, jewelry and makeup of the rich specimens around you. You felt a little like a voyeur, head turning, almost involuntarily, in the direction of every immaculately dressed individual who passed by in front of you.

For a brief minute, you were so enamored by this party that you forgot your initial intention for being in such a place. You could handle the few side glances and snickers from some snobby rich people. That was hardly a problem. But, the only reason you were prepared to unnecessarily endure it all was so that you could get Namjoon to listen to you, to talk to you and try to resolve this stupid misunderstanding.

You pulled out your phone, scowling hard at the last message that he had honoured you with. He said he would leave first and that you could take his limo to Seokjin’s house. Arriving in that big, black, grand limo and stepping out of it in your measly, plain work clothes while everyone looked on curiously, was not an experience that you would like to recall or repeat ever again.

You began to look around, phone clutched tight in your hand as you held your breath hoping to meet a familiar pair of dark brown eyes. After what felt like hours, you could discern Namjoon’s silhouette from across the room, at the bar. His back was towards you, but his tall, muscular frame and distinct stance was enough for you to recognize him.

You began to walk towards him, completely sure that he would not do anything to cause a scene, which meant that no matter how angry he was with you, he wouldn’t have a choice but to hear you out. With that assurance in mind, you tapped him on the shoulder, smiling slightly, secretly hoping that the flash of curled lips would change his mind.

“Hey, I made it.” You said, maintaining the strained smile. His expression hadn’t wavered in the least. He looked bored, he looked completely indifferent to your presence, and it cause you to falter your smile for a brief second. “You have to listen to me,” you said, then added, almost pleadingly, “Please.”

It seemed like he was looking straight through you. Though his eyes were trained on you, his interest most definitely was not. Before you could say anything else, he turned around, walking away again. You sighed, partly in annoyance and partly due to desperation. You saw him walk into the hallway, hidden from the sight of the guests littered around the main hall. He probably knew his way around this huge house owing to his closeness with Seokjin.

You followed him, frankly a little grateful that the hallway was quiet, almost too dark which probably implied that it was off limits for anyone visiting tonight. You had to walk faster than usual to catch up to him, and you grabbed his wrist, trying to make him halt his long strides. “Why are you being so immature?!” you asked, exasperation evident in your tone.

“I don’t think an employee is supposed to speak to their boss in this manner, Ms y/n.” he deadpanned. You wanted to scream out loud at the sheer pettiness emanating from his words. You had been trying to salvage any last hint of boundaries when you had said what you had, and all you wanted was the reassurance that he was serious about you, and that you weren’t some disposable fuck buddy. “I don’t want to talk to you.” He said, and even in the dim lighting, you could see the seriousness of stare. “Go back and socialize. Do your job since that’s all you care about, anyway.”

His words were supposed to be a jab at you, and you could feel the frustration within you escalate. He shook off your grip on him and began walking again, and this time you lost your cool. Your voice boomed throughout the hallway, and you were sure that you heard it echoing back to you from the walls and intricately designed pillars. “Kim Namjoon! Don’t you dare take another step forward!”

Your loud voice and stern tone seemed to have surprised him, his figure halting in its tracks. He turned around, but stood frozen, and looked at you with confusion etched on his face. You walked closer, running a hand through your hair. “You’re being such a goddamn child and I’m so fucking tired of this. Talk it out like an adult!”

“Did you just yell at me?” He asked, staring at you, dumbfounded.

“Yes.” You said, not bothering to sugarcoat anything. Any regard for him as your boss had vanished after he had managed to push your buttons enough to make you lose your temper. Before you could continue your ranting, you heard distant footsteps and soft murmurs. You realized how privy you two were to being eavesdropped on by anyone passing by. You grabbed his hand and pulled him along with you into the closest door, shutting it behind you with a thud.

“This is a goddamn storage room.” He said, scrunching his nose in disgust. There was a small bulb on the ceiling, providing enough illumination for him to see you roll your eyes at his distaste.

“I don’t care.” You replied, not even noticing how close you two were standing. You could feel the warmth 0f his body, and you could hear his breathing, but you refused to get distracted by the tension in the air. “Look, Namjoon, I didn’t mean to say that you were just fucking around, or that you weren’t genuine.” His name rolled off your tongue more easily than you had anticipated it to have been, and you could see him biting his lower lip to suppress a smile.

“My name sounds much better than ‘sir’, doesn’t it?” he asked and you narrowed your eyes at his attempt to lighten your mood. At least this meant that he wasn’t angry anymore, so you decided to loosen up a little.

Looking at him with a blank expression. You continued, trying to stay on track, “I’m being serious, Namjoon.”

He looked at you, pinning you down with his gaze. You bit your lip, nervousness creeping in while the anger was slowly simmering out. “I’m tired of this.”

A sharp increase in your heart rate made you jump, eyes wide and palms digging into your own skin at the side. You had expected him to fight for this, for whatever this was between you two. You had been so preoccupied with what you wanted to hear from him that you had completely disregarded the possibility of being rejected. It hadn’t occurred to you that he didn’t see you as important enough to agonize over, maybe he didn’t feel the things you did and what could have happened between you and him didn’t appeal to him.

This crushing realization brought about a whirlwind of emotions inside of you. You wanted to turn back in time and just kiss him, hold him and be with him even of it meant that you would be left heartbroken and destroyed in the end. In just a few seconds, you realized that you were missing something that you didn’t even have. “O-of what?” you managed to ask him despite your clouded emotions.

He took a few seconds to discern your expression before answering, “These mixed signals you’ve been giving me.”

You looked at him, breathing in sharply, waiting for the inevitable.

“We kiss and then you pretend like it meant nothing. We have sex and then you tell me you regret it. But, then you follow me around demanding to speak with me.” He paused, bending his head so that his eyes are in level with yours. “I just want to know what you want.”

It never came. There wasn’t a crushing blow, but your heart rate was still rapid, in a completely different light, though-one you wouldn’t mind experiencing more frequently.

Your eyes drifted to his lush lips, no longer requiring any other kind of reassurance. Everything felt too surreal, the need to overthink being overwritten by the need to show him how you felt.

Your voice was low, almost a whisper, “I don’t regret it.”

“You-“

Your hands were around his neck, pulling him down and your lips crashing onto his even before he could finish that sentence. He reciprocated quickly, hands gripping the sides of your waist and lips moving in tandem with yours. All the built-up tension from before was quickly adding fuel to the fire, your tongue brushing against his as he took you in completely.

You moved closer, not an inch left between your bodies, your hips grinding into his, eliciting a grunt from him. The kiss became sloppier, more biting, more moans as he moved away briefly. Holding you by your waist, he gently pushed you back, your back hitting a stray metal shelf. He moved in again, his tongue not waiting a second to caress yours again.

You could feel his erection pressing into your stomach, and the resulting tingle in your core had you deciding that you were going to throw caution into the wind. At that moment, all you cared about was that you were with him and that you wanted him.

You pulled away slowly, panting. The intensity with which he looked into your eyes, his hand still around you had you blushing, but it also reminded you of why you were in this hot, dingy room in the first place. You mumbled, “You’re really immature.”

He kissed you again, a moan leaving his mouth when your palms made contact with his bulge, slowly rubbing over the clothes. You were quick to take action unbuttoning them and pulling them down, his boxers along with the slacks. You looked down, pulling away from his lips and bit your lip looking at the glistening tip.

You grabbed his member in your hands, listening to his erratic loud breathing. A few strokes starting from the base to the head was enough for him to close his eyes, anticipating more. You would never admit to it, but you loved the control you seemed to have over him.

“You’re really infuriating.” He replied, his voice mere gasps. He sounded vexed, still angry with you, but somehow unable to stay away.

You responded by connecting your lips with his again, and this time, he moved back, placing his lips on your neck, sucking on a spot that had you moaning. You couldn’t care less about the mark that it was bound to leave. “You’re bossy.”

He moved his hands craftily, the wetness in your heat increasing as his fingers made contact with your throbbing clit. “So wet….” He mumbled, and then looking at you with a narrow, piercing gaze, he retaliated, “You’re impatient”

You didn’t have time to show your anger. You gasped when you felt his finger inside of you with no warning and you steadied yourself by gripping his arms. He stopped his movements, “You okay?” he inquired and you nodded. His sudden softness in the midst of what was a very charged fight in more ways than one, had your heart fluttering and you were even more sure than ever that you wanted this, no matter what the aftermath of it would be.

His phone began to vibrate, somewhat bringing you back to your senses. You realized that people would be looking for him outside, and he shouldn’t be spending all his time with you. But, you also knew how much you wanted to feel him inside you, how much you ached for him. He didn’t pay heed to the phonecall, not even sparing it a glance. You said, shakily, as he added another finger. “You’re arrogant and annoying!”

You tried to push his hand away, and he obeyed, looking at you as he wondered what you wanted. The glint in his eye was not lost, “You’re stubborn and difficult.”

You hastily gripped his erect penis, positioning it to your opening and he asked, “Are you sure you don’t need more?”

“Just fuck me.” You said, taking silent offence to his accusations.

He pushed forward, holding your waist as you winced at the stretch. He started slow, pushing in as you hoisted your legs up, wrapping them around his waist. He used the shelf behind to support your weight, digging his fingers into the side of your waist as he grunted with each thrust.

From your position, each motion of his member inside you was enough to have you moaning in pleasure. The shelf behind you was shaking rhythmically along with your ministrations, the sound of which was lulling the voices being elicited by the both of you. You enveloped your hands around his neck, placing your head in the crook of his neck. You could feel his hot breaths on the back of your neck, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

You could feel the heat building in your abdomen, ready to burst. You looked up at him, forehead glistening with sweat, eyes shut in pleasure and strong arms wrapped around your form, keeping you upright. You unconsciously match his pace, eyes shut in pleasure, and palms digging into his back.

His pace increased, making you grit your teeth to prevent yourself from uttering a string of pleasured curses. With your position, each thrust resulted in a strong stroke to your sweet spot, your whimpers becoming louder simultaneously.

When the bubble burst, heat spreading through your body, your eyes rolled back in pleasure, the curses you were holding back escaping your mouth in swift, breathy moans. He groaned, his grip tightening further and his movements becoming irregular as his orgasm approached. He pulled away just in time, releasing all over your thighs, leaving them a hot, sticky mess. You remained in that position, both of you panting, and reveling in the post orgasmic bliss. You hadn’t come like that in a long time, and more so, you hadn’t felt like that for even longer.

You unwound yourself from him, legs buckling when they made contact with the floor. His hands were still on you, steadying you. You tried to fix your skirt, cursing mentally that you didn’t have anything wipe his seeds off from your thighs. The realization of it caused your stomach to flutter once again, the recollection still too fresh and burning in your mind. You knew you needed to head to the closest bathroom, and you took a step away from his hold, legs too wobbly and mind too dazed to make sense of much else.

His hands jutted forward, grabbing your wrist with a little too much haste and desperation, “Where are you going?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“Washroom” you replied with a slight smile, just looking at him causing your heart to race.

“Don’t run away again.” He said, his grasp tightening, and face frowning.

“I’m not-“

He interrupted you, “Don’t pretend like this means nothing. I can’t handle that again.”

You paused, looking at is distraught face. A lips curled into a small smile, and you held his hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “Namjoon.”

The sound of his name from your mouth made his eyes light up with hope. “I’m just going to the bathroom because of the mess that you made.” You looked down towards your legs, the fluid now dry and uncomfortable. His ears were a little pink, partly because of embarrassment and partly because of excitement. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging.”

He gaze was trained on your intertwined hands, he said “I like you.” He looked up at you, his dark eyes looking into yours trying to discern how you were feeling. You smirked, and jokingly added, “Inspite of all those accusations that you made.”

You could feel your heart pounding against your chest. You didn’t realize how much you wanted to hear those words from him until he admitted it. It was as though your moral dilemma didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t just your boss anymore, he was someone you cared for immensely, not just professionally, but personally. You respected him, admired his perseverance and you always had good conversations with the smart man, and of course, the sex was amazing too.

But, everything would get complicated if you admitted to how you felt about him. It wouldn’t be easy working for him, you’d have to tiptoe around everyone at work, and the risk of getting caught would surely cause a lot of stress.

You realized that he was growing anxious, waiting for your response. You looked at him, saying blandly, “I overthink everything.”

He looked at you, waiting for you to finish explaining. You added, “It’s difficult for me.”

“What is?” He asked, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

You sighed, “It doesn’t matter how much I like you. You’re still my boss and-!”

He cut you off, letting out a small laugh. “You looked hot yelling at me.”

“I-What?” you asked, frowning at him.

“You’re hot.” He repeated, and a small smile creeped onto your face, He continued, “Instead of trying to stay rational all the time, go with your gut for once.”

You sighed, knowing full well that he was right. No matter how much you tried to stay away, the attraction was too real and the connection was too strong to ignore. You stood on your toes and kissed him on the lips, lingering for a minute as he placed his palm on your cheek.

When you pulled away, he smiled, his dimples on full display and his eyes lighting up like the north star on a dark night.

You couldn’t stop the euphoria of it all even after you left the uneventful party, riding home in a cab that smelled like cigarettes. When your phone buzzed with a message from Namjoon, you didn’t wait even a second to open them and read them.

Cancel the conference call tomorrow. My father just called for an emergency board meeting. They’ll text you the details soon, so please prepare whatever is necessary.

You were a little disappointed at the formal tone of the message, hoping to see something a little more personal. But, you should know better than to expect Kim Namjoon to put any kind of work off to the sidelines. You remove the tablet from your purse and make the changes on the calendar, followed by an email to the client promising to set up another call soon.

Already done.

You purposely make it a point to not refer to him as Mr Kim or Sir, and replying to a work related text with his name felt like the wrong thing to do. So, you completely avoid both. After a few seconds, he replied with two continuous texts—a new feat for him.

Also, I have something I wanted to ask you.

Be my girlfriend? ;)

You couldn’t help but giggle at his texts, not just because Kim Namjoon had just used an emoji, but also because he was being so straightforward, yet cute and you found it so damn adorable.

Already done.

You send the same message again, the smile never leaving your face throughout the rest of the ride.

You stood looking at him, reading the papers infront of him as he adjusted his glasses on his nose.

You could see the frown on his face even though you were sitting away from the board table along with the other assisstants.

Namjoon’s father leaned forward, questioning Jihyo, “Did you have any idea about this?”

Jihyo crossed her legs, frowning and shaking her head, “None at all. Mr Lee was a trusted employee. No one would have guessed that he would have taken a bribe. From a gangster, no less.”

It was all over the news. The stocks of Bangtan Corporation had dropped by twenty percent as soon as the news was out. The media was a step ahead of Mr Kim, and he, and the board didn’t have any time to block the news or react to it.

One of the senior board members, Mrs Jeon, spoke up, “This is going to halt the construction in Tokyo. They probably took all the money and used cheap material to construct the actual building.”

“What’s the loss that we’re looking at?” another board member asked, looking towards Namjoon.

“40 million won for reconstruction” He answered, already having calculated the damage earlier during the day. “Although, I think the monetary damage is reversible. What we need to work on is to regain the trust of the public. Our image has to be rebuilt, and we need better PR now more than ever.”

Mr Kim nodded, clearing his throat, “That’s a good observation. For now, get your PR team to work on a public apology and explanation. The HR and legal team will deal with Mr Lee?” He looked towards Jihyo and she nodded.

You didn’t miss the smile that was threatening to spill onto Namjoon’s face after being praised by his father and you couldn’t help but feel happy for some reason even though he had achieved so many things greater than that observation he had shared. Maybe this was a new found joy that was different from being in awe of your boss. It was a new kind of feeling, one of pride about your wonderful boyfriend.

A month ago if someone had told you that you would appreciate working late with your borderline workaholic CEO and actually look forward to it, you would scoff at their face and roll your eyes so far back your head that you wouldn’t be able to see this stupid person’s face anymore.

But, as you sat on the chair next to him, the rest of the office dimly lit, the hot pizza with cheese oozing out staring at you from its box on the table and Kim Namjoon sat next to you rambling on about what he thinks happens after a person dies, you think to yourself how content you felt in that moment. A smile embellishes your features and Namjoon stops speaking, asking, “What? You think the rebirth theory is funny?”

You shrugged, the warmth in your heart expanding as he pouted, but continued his ramblings none the less. “Personally, I like the idea of regenerating souls. It means that everyone gets another chance at life and if we could only remember the previous ones—oomph“

You leaned forward attacking him with a small kiss on his lips, interrupting him.

He smiled, and asked, “What’s that for?”

You replied with another peck to his lush lips, causing his adorable dimples to appear again. “You’re cute.”

He chuckled, shaking his head slowly, “You’re weird sometimes.” You reply with another kiss, this time his palms resting on your cheek as he deepened the kiss. You let it linger for a few seconds before moving away slowly and grinning at him, and picking up a slice of pizza. “Control yourself, Mr Kim. The pizza is getting cold.”

“So fucking weird….” He muttered jokingly before delving into the pizza.

Namjoon frowned, motioning you to come closer so he could look at the message on your phone. “This place is like an hour away!”

“I know, but Seokjin called me and insisted that I have to get you to attend the opening of this hotel.” You replied, placing the phone back in your pant’s pocket.

He groaned, “Why is he calling you, anyway?”

You shook your head, “I’m your assistant,” then you added with a small smile, “Also, because you ignore all his texts.”

“I’d rather have dinner with my beautiful girlfriend.” He said, trying to get out of traveling all the way to an opening.

“Nice try,” you said, leaning down and patting his cheek, “But, you should be a good friend today. Besides, your family is the largest investor, which technically means that you own the place.”

Namjoon sighed, melting into your touch. He grabbed your wrist, pulling you down. A yelp escaped your throat at the unexpected motion and you found yourself seated sideways on his lap. “Namjoon, what are you doing? Someone’s going to see us!” you hissed.

“Just two minutes.” He said, burying his head into your neck. You squirm a little when his soft breaths tickle your skin and you giggle, gripping onto his hand, “You’re such a baby.”

“I missed you.” He said, softly. You hummed a yes in response, keeping yourself from admitting to the fact that he had become such an important part of your life in just two months and that a few days away from him made you miss his presence like you’ve never missed anything else before.

He continued, “I know I work too much. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Don’t be. I love how hard working you are and I would never ask you to do anything to jeopardize your position here. I know you want to prove yourself and I understand that you can’t always make time for me.” You replied, not even wanting him to think for a second that he was doing anything wrong.

He moved his head, looking at you, his eyes showing a discernible expression. “I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his declaration, and you fiddle with your fingers, too struck to reply immediately.

Two months was logically too soon to be making such bold statements smack dab in the middle of a totally unrelated conversation, wasn’t it? But, you couldn’t ignore the feeling of elation that spread through your body hearing his deep voice tell you those three words. You smiled, leaning in, holding his face between your hands and leaving an affectionate kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

He let out a relieved sigh and you hugged him, every fiber of your being screaming at you how right this was.

You jumped out of his lap when there was a knock at his door, and you moved a few steps away from him as the door opened, revealing Jihyo’s bright face.

She smiled, and entered the room, and as she took a seat, she said, “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

“You did.” Namjoon replied, frowning and she laughed unapologetically in response.

Namjoon was good at being discrete, but he hadn’t hesitated for more than a week before telling his two best friends about you two. The relationship felt more real to you after that, like it wasn’t just something you had imagined since more people knew about it. It also solidified your confidence that he wasn’t just playing around when you saw how excited he was for you to meet them for the first time as his official girlfriend.

“You’re coming tonight, aren’t you?” Jihyo asked, ignoring his scowl.

“Do I have a choice? he asked, rolling his eyes.

“No.” she said.

“Did you come all the way here to ask me that?” Namjoon questioned her and she sighed.

“No.”

Jihyo looked a little worried, and you couldn’t help but ask, “Is everything okay?”

Jihyo looked at you giving you a wry smile, “I just have a bad feeling about this.”

Namjoon leaned forward, “What do you mean?”

“I heard my father talking on the phone. Apparently there’s going to be some big announcement tonight. That’s why your family is coming, and they’ve invited a lot of reporters.” She replied, crossing her arms.

Namjoon nodded, “Thanks for the heads up, but I don’t think it’ll be anything to worry about.”

Jihyo nodded, but she didn’t seem to share the same faith. She looked at you, “You’re coming too, right?”

“Yes,” you replied, “Or else Seokjin might kill me.”

She smiled and got up. “I’ll see you there.” She said before waving slightly and heading out.

You felt like a fool for thinking that the party at Seokjin’s house was too lavish as soon as you walked into the well ventilated lobby of the new hotel. The walls were elegantly decorated, a small marble fountain in the middle of the large marble flooring. You heels clinked on the hard floor as you strode forward next to Namjoon, feeling better than you had the last time you were in such a setting since you were dressed for the occasion this time and Namjoon only sent warm smiles and approving nods in your direction.

After grabbing a glass of champagne each, you walked around, accompanying him as he greeted his acquaintances. His parents were probably seated inside, preparing for whatever announcement they had in mind. You noticed the large number of cameras in the room, reporters swarming in the corner, waiting to get something newsworthy out of the evening.

“Hello, Namjoon, how are you doing, dear?” A middle aged woman asked, her diamonds bright enough to blind you if you looked at them directly for a second too long.

“I’m doing well, Mrs Oh, I heard your daughter is getting married this month? Congratulations!” Namjoon said, and you smiled remembering how he had grumbled about having to attend the wedding.

“Yes, thank you! I hope to see you there with your date!” she looked at you giving you a small smile before looking at you, all the way from top to bottom as if you were a showpiece whose worth she was trying to determine. “Who is this young lady? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!”

She extends her hand, introducing herself, “I’m Oh Young Mi, I’m sure you’ve heard of me, dear. You are?”

Her narcissism made you want to scoff at her, but you controlled your instinct and smiled at her. “I’m Y/n, ma’am. I’m Mr Kim’s assistant.” You shook her hand, your grip tight enough to show her that you were not intimidated by her.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, “How nice of you to bring your assistant along to such a fancy party! She must be having the time of her life, feeling so important to be here!”

The condescending tone in her voice made you frown slightly, abut before you could respond, Namjoon put his arm on the small of you back, and said, “She’s been to more interesting parties. She’s smart enough to know that these parties are just formalities. Besides, she knows how important she is to me and to the company even without having to be told. Right, Ms y/n?”

You let out small smile escape you lips, “Yes, sir.” He led you away, bowing to a shocked Mrs Oh before spotting Seokjin and waving at him. You made you way towards him, Namjoon’s palm still on your back.

“Hey, you guys made it!” Seokjin said, clearly overjoyed. “Wow, Y/n, you’re really good at your job. You actually got him to come!”

You laughed, “Or maybe he’s just too whipped for me.” Namjoon scoffed, frowning at the two of you.

They wasted no time in talking about the hotel, the investments and something about stocks, so your eyes wandered around. Spotting Jihyo standing alone near the buffet, you wave at her enthusiastically and excuse yourself from your present company in order to speak to her.

“Hey!” you said, “What are you doing here all alone?”

She smiled seeing you and shrugged, “I needed a break from socializing.”

You nodded, sharing her emotion and sighed, “You guys do this a lot, huh?”

She looked at you, sincerity etched in her voice, “All the time. I can’t begin to imagine how much worse it must be for Namjoon. He used to be such an introvert. His family really put him right in the middle of this hot mess.” She gestured towards the surroundings before dropping her arms back on her sides.

Her words reminded you of the advice she had given you two months ago, and you were curious to find out more. “Jihyo, do you remember what you told me about his family?”

She nodded, her expression flaccid.

“What did you mean by that? I’ve worked with Mr Kim and he was a good man.” You said, reminiscing your time as the President’s assistant.

She scoffed, “Good? Maybe. Stubborn? Yes. Manipulative? Most definitely yes.”

You looked at her, confused, and she continued, “I’m only telling you this because you’re his girlfriend and I can see how much you care for each other.”

You nodded as an agreement, and she said, “His family always gets what they want. Always. No matter what the damage is, no matter the methods they have to use. Why do you think Namjoon took over as the CEO? He wanted to start his own company, something to do with music production, but they manipulated him into this job. He’s so distant from his actual dream, that he never mentions it anymore.”

You were speechless, trying to swallow this new piece of information. You knew Namjoon liked music and that he had dabbled in composing and writing songs before, but you didn’t know how serious he had been about it before.

You looked at Namjoon, smiling and talking to his best friend, and you smiled fondly at yet another reason to love and respect him. If he was this good at a job he didn’t even want in the first place, how amazing would he be if he could pursue his passion?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Namjoon’s parents. He looked a lot like his mother, the warmth in her eyes identical to the ones in Namjoon’s and the dignity with which she walked mirrored his charisma too. However, silent gasps and piercing stares filled the room when they saw the man following the couple. He was a familiar figure, one of the most famous people in the continent and well respected due to both his business ventures as well as philanthropy. Not just that, Mr Kang Minho was in line to become the next President of the country, all the polls predicting his success in the upcoming elections. He was a man of great stature, and his appearance seemed to have brought a buzz amongst the guests as well as the reporters. Following him was one of the most elegant women that you had ever seen before, even after being in this line of work. She couldn’t have been much older than you, but her aura was different. She was wearing minimal makeup, small accessories and a simple black dress, but her beauty was standing out. She was smiling, and it looked like she had a halo around her head, her soft, yet strong gaze trained infront of her.

The room seemed to quiet down at their appearance, the reporters ready to take pictures and record their announcement. A small podium had been set up with a mic and the small entourage headed towards it. Mr Kim spoke, a professional smile on his face, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for attending tonight inspite of your busy schedules!”

He paused, looking around the room and then continued, “This is a very joyous occasion for me, and my family since this hotel is the fruition of years of toil. I would like to extend my gratitude towards everyone who worked hard to make this a reality, especially our young, capable architect, Mr Kim Seokjin.”

A round of applause followed as everyone turned to look at Jin, and you joined in, appreciating his hard work.

Mr Kim continued, “I think it would be befitting to announce some good news that our family is very excited about on such a happy day. I hope all of you can join us in celebrating our fortune.”

You looked towards Namjoon who looked confused, and Jihyo’s eyes were trained on him like your own. She looked just as worried as she looked back in his office and you held her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

You didn’t let go of her hand as your former boss continued yet again, “I’m proud to announce that my son, Namjoon, is doing an excellent job as the new CEO of our company.” Everyone looked at Namjoon whose eyes were wide at the sudden attention trained on him. “I’m also very proud and honoured to announce that as of tonight, my son, is engaged to Ms Kang Yoona, the beautiful daughter of my long time friend, and colleague, Mr Kang Minho.”

You felt like everything from then on happened in slow motion around you.

There were loud claps, and cheers echoing in the room, reporters posing questions simultaneously at the shocking news. Jihyo’s grip tightened around your hand, and you looked at Namjoon, his eyes still blown wide, mirroring your expression. His eyes met yours, his expression alarmed, and he took a step to walk towards you, but he couldn’t move due to the swarm of reporters now pushing cameras and microphones to his face, yelling out questions.

Mr Kim announced that there would be a press release with more details and that for the time being, there would be no further comments provided. You saw them retreat back into the hotel hallway from the corner of your eyes that were still trained on Namjoon. You tried to give him a reassuring nod that you were fine, and that he shouldn’t worry about how you were feeling. You walked towards him slowly, Jihyo trailing behind you with a frown on her face.

The security had come forth, creating a barrier between the reporters and Namjoon, and escorting him to where his parents were. Seokjin motioned you to follow him, and you did so without any hesitation. There were some perks to being the assistant, after all.

The conference room was quiet when you entered, and Namjoon was standing infront of his parents, glaring at them. “What is this?” he yelled, looking thoroughly infuriated

“Son, please. We have company.” his mother said, eyeing the Kang family who stood by the large window, looking on with serious expressions.

“I don’t care.” Namjoon replied, gritting his teeth. “Why would you discuss my marriage without even asking me about it?”

You already knew the reason for this decision. You had a hunch that everyone in this room knew it too, but Namjoon wanted to hear it directly from his father, someone he respected all his life, someone whom he never thought would use his son as a pawn to improve his business prospects.

“This will be good for you, Namjoon.” Mr Kim replied, calmly. “Yoona is a good girl, and I only went ahead with this because I knew you two would be compatible.”

Namjoon looked towards Yoona, “Did you agree to this?”

She didn’t reply, but her father did. “She’s smart. She understands that this is all for her own good.”

Namjoon sighed, clearly exasperated. “I don’t care. I’m not getting married to someone I don’t even know.”

“Son-“ his mother tried to convince him, but he didn’t listen.

“No. I’ve done enough for this family already. You’re asking too much from me.” He said, his voice a little calmer than it was before, but determined none the less.

“You should be making us proud, son, not making us lose face in the public.” His father stated, and Namjoon winces slightly at the words, staring at his father speechlessly.

Mr Kim looked around the room, “I would like to speak to my son in some privacy.” His words were not harsh, but his tone made it sound like a command. Everyone except Namjoon began to move out, Mr Kang stopping in his tracks to nod slightly at his friend.

You walked out animatedly, a little struck from all the events that had occurred in the short time. Once you were outside, Seokjin sighed, running his hands through his hair. “This is messed up.”

You nodded, unable to think of anything appropriate to say. He looked at you, tilting his head with worry, “You know this isn’t his fault, right? Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.”

You nodded again, a little faster than before.

Jihyo spoke up, a tint of anger in her tone, “I knew they would try to emotionally blackmail him into this. Making him proud? What a load of bullshit!” She groaned, “I told you about this. Manipulation at its finest.”

“Jihyo, please.” Seokjin chides her, and she rolled her eyes. She looks towards you, her expression softening. “Y/n, come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

You whip your head in her direction, “N-no, I want to wait here.” You said, knowing full well that you will have to speak to Namjoon about this, and let him know that you weren’t angry with him and that it wasn’t his fault.

“You should leave.” Seokjin suggested, “I’m sure Namjoon will call you as soon as this mess is sorted out. He wouldn’t let me live if he found out that I stood by as you waited here anxiously.”

Reluctantly, you had to agree to their pestering and walk out with Jihyo and wait outside for her to bring her car.

“Hello.” A soft voice greeted you, starting you with its proximity. You turned quickly to watch Kang Yoona standing next to you, her purse clutched tightly in her hand. “You know Kim Namjoon, right?”

You blinked at her, wordlessly.

“Are you one of his friends?” she continued asking, smiling at you.

“I-m…….” you trailed off, then clearing your throat, you finished, “his assistant.”

She nodded, her mouth forming an ‘o’, and her smile widening. “Nice to meet you. I’m Yoona.”

“I’m Y/n,” you replied, not seeing any reason to be rude to her.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you a lot from now on.” She said.

You frowned, wondering how your life had become so incredibly complicated. You didn’t understand this situation at all, never having experienced the planning of a marriage of convenience, let alone be a second hand victim of it. “How did you agree to something like this?” you asked, your tone unabashedly bold.

Her expression became stoic, “I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.” She said, then added, as Jihyo’s car came up, “Not that it’s any of your business, but, this is how things work in our world. Everything is about business, image and power. This is what’s best for me, for my family, and for him.”

Jihyo honked the car, asking you to get in, but you stood startled at her answer. She smiled again, “Your friend is waiting.”

She walked away without a greeting, and you moved towards the car, sighing as you sat in the front seat.

“Was that Kang Yoona?” Jihyo asked.

You nodded, “Yes.”

“What was she talking about?” she inquired.

“The reality.” You answered, removing your heels and looking out the window, a peculiar anxiety gnawing at you suddenly.

You had barely slept last night, waiting for a call from your boyfriend. All you received at 2 am was a text that read, I’m sorry, Y/n. Please go to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning.

You were two hours early to work, eager to see him, give him a tight hug and talk to him about this situation. You practically leapt out of the elevator again, cursing internally at how your fear of closed spaces seemed to be intransient. The office was empty, save for the guards on the ground floor and some people cleaning the corridors. You were glad to be wearing flats since it made it easier for you to rush towards Namjoon’s office and wait for him to arrive.

To your surprise, he was already in his cabin, looking lethargic and sleep deprived, still wearing the same shirt from last night, and his coat hanging on his chair.

You practically ran into his arms, making him gasp as you wound your hands around his body. He sighed, burying his head in your neck as he hugged you back, his grasp strong and warm. “Are you okay?” he asked, pulling back, and keeping his arms around you.

You nodded, “Are you? What happened after we left?”

He sighed, taking a step back and you felt the loss of the feeling of his hands on you. He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing loudly and taking you hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. He pulled you forward, asking you to sit and he followed suit, sitting in the chair next to you. “I love you.” He said and you smiled. But, his expression was serious and you had an intuition that something was wrong. He looked at you with intensity, furrowing his brows as though he was concentrating really hard. “You know that right?” He puts his lips over yours momentarily, giving you a brief kiss.

“I know.” You replied, mirroring his frown.

“This doesn’t change anything.” he said, his voice deeper and sounding more exhausted than ever before. “You need to understand the pressure that’s on me right now. I don’t have a choice.”

He waited for your response and with each ticking second, you could feel your heartbeat rising. “I’ve worked hard all my life to make my parents happy, to make my family proud, and to never let them down. The last few months have been hard for me” He pauses, gulping as he reminisces about his time as the CEO of the corporation. “You noticed that even before we started dating. So, you understand why I need to do this.”

His words were subtle, not to the point, but you understood the implication anyway. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks, making you pull away your hands and clasp them together. When you tried to speak, your tone was monotonous, voice almost cracking, “You’re going to marry her.”

His eyes widened seeing your reaction, trying to make it as clear as possible. “No, Y/n, I won’t. But, until the company’s stocks are better and our image is improved, I’m going to have to keep up the pretense that I will be marrying her.”

“W-what?” you asked, your mouth too dry to speak clearly, and your head lowered, eyes concentrating on the floor.

“That’s the deal I made with my father,” he sighed again, “There was no other way.”

You head shot up, “No other way?” you repeated, and he inhaled sharply at your sudden loud voice. You scoffed, “Does the Kang family know about this deal?”

Namjoon tried to grab your hand again, but you kept them intact on your lap. He said. “I thought it would be unfair if Yoona didn’t know, so I talked to her about it last night.”

“And she agreed?”

“Yes.”

“This is ridiculous.” You stated, arms crossed across your chest. “There are better ways to keep up the image of the company!”

“It’s not just about the company. It’s also about Mr Kang’s election campaign. This helps him too.”

You frowned at him, anger rising in your chest at how illogical he was being, “You’re going to deceive the whole damn country?”

“Y/n, please, calm down and try to understand-“

“No! You can’t ask me to understand that my boyfriend who supposedly loves me wants to pretend to be someone else’s fiancé in front of the whole world! Are you even listening to how insane you sound right now?”

His face was starting to turn red, his jaw clenched, “You don’t understand how helpless I feel, and I honestly thought you would be the one person who would get it.”

You sighed, breathing rapidly, “What do you want, Namjoon? You want me to give you my blessing? Do you want me to say okay to this fucked up mess?”

“I just want you to understand that I can’t let my family down.”

“You’re a coward.” You said, tears threatening to spill due to how livid with anger you were.

“What?” he snapped.

“You’re too afraid to stand up to your family and do the right thing. You know you’re being manipulated, but you’re too scared to stand up for yourself.” You accused him and he looked at you with evident fury in his gaze. “You know what, go ahead, marry her- fake or real, I don’t care. Just know that I won’t be a part of any of this.”

You stood up, ready to storm out. His words made you stop in your tracks, “If you can’t understand me, why are we even together? Why are you making this more difficult that it already is?”

His voice was stern, his chin jutting out due to how infuriated and hurt he was, but you were too engrossed in your own emotions to care.

“I’ll make it easier for you, Namjoon.” You said, “We’re done.” You don’t bother to wipe the tears from your eyes, “And sir?” you added, taking a deep breath and decisively saying, “Consider this as my weeks’ notice.”

You didn’t linger around to gauge his reaction, and you walked directly to the bathroom, letting the tears spill and cursing the situation, and his lack of tact. It took you an hour to somewhat calm down enough to think straight.

You had just broken up with the man that you loved.

You had just quit your job.

The worst part was that you didn’t regret either. You weren’t the kind of person who would stand by him even when he was wrong, and staying as his assistant considering the depth of your feelings for him would only lead to destruction.

You walked out of the bathroom, walking directly into the break room to drink some water.

“Hey, stranger.” Jimin greeted you and you forced a smile. “Where have you been all month?”

“Too much work, Jimin.” You replied, gulping down the water.

“What’s new with you?” he asked, trying to make conversation and catch up with you, but he clearly caught you at a bad time.

“I quit my job.” You stated, stunning yourself at how real it sounded saying it out loud.

He leaned forward from his seat, “What?” he exclaimed, “Why?”

You shrugged, “Shit happens.”

His eyes were still wide, but he nodded slowly, trying to comprehend.

You felt horrible, and you wanted to vent. You didn’t try to stop yourself from breaking the news, “Oh, also, our boss is getting married.”

“I heard.” He said, “It’s all over the news today.”

You nodded, sighing.

“Does your resignation have something to do with that?” he questioned and you looked at him speechlessly.

“N-no.”

He narrowed his eyes, unconvinced, but didn’t question you any further. “You look like you could use a change of scenery. Come on, let’s go out for brunch.”

“In the middle of the day?” you asked, too exhausted emotionally to want to go out.

“Who cares? You don’t work here anymore.” He replied with his signature eye smile, his eyes just endearing slits.

That brunch and Jimin’s easy going company was the only thing that prevented you from breaking apart that day.

The week didn’t get easier even though you tried to avoid talking to Namjoon as much as possible. You depended on Jimin’s kindness whenever there was a need for you to directly talk to Namjoon and you somehow put on a brave face at work and decided to just get through the week even though you spent the nights staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep or curled into yourself, sobbing.

The office had been buzzing with the excitement of the news, and you couldn’t escape hearing about it no matter where you went. You hardly checked your phone anymore, stayed away from the TV, papers and social media, and even spent all your time alone, avoiding social interaction.

You had received an earful from Jihyo when she got your notice, and she refused to process the documents until you told her how difficult it would be to stay around Kim Namjoon.

He had neither called, nor texted you and he was back to acting like the cold, detached boss from when you first started working for him.

You didn’t even bother to say goodbye to anyone on the last day of the week, packing up all your belongings and heading out without looking back. You were too afraid that hesitation wouldn’t allow you any room to do what was right for the sake of your sanity.

You moped around in your apartment, deciding to move back home to get away from everything. Lately, you seemed to find everything reminded you of him, and the heartbreak would feel like a fresh wound all over again.

One particularly dull late evening, Jihyo gave you a call, surprising you quite a bit since both Seokjin and Jihyo had respected your decision and given you space.

“Hello?” you answered the call, fidgeting with your shorts.

“Hey, Y/n, how are you doing?” she asked.

“I can’t go online for even a second without being bombarded with images of them together, all the news shows talk about them, refer to them as the power couple, and even the boring business magazines talk about their accumulated net worth. Meanwhile, the man who claimed to love me hasn’t called me even once since our fight. You tell me how I might be doing.” You snapped, knowing full well that you were being completely unfair to Jihyo.

You could hear her sighing and said, understandingly, “I’m sorry to have to make you do this, Y/n, but can you come down to the office and sign the final papers? You can take your relieving letter too.”

“Jihyo….”

She cut you off, “I know it’s late,” you looked at the time instinctively to see that it was around 7 pm, “But, I procrastinated to get it done, not to mention, I didn’t really want to approve your resignation, but I need to file this in tomorrow. It’s urgent.”

She pleaded, “Please?”

You groaned, “Fine, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

You took much longer than twenty minutes to get there and you rushed in, feeling bad for making Jihyo wait for almost forty five minutes. You called her from the lobby, unable to walk up without an employee card. She asked you to come up, assuring you that the security had been informed already.

When you got to her office, you noticed that the rest of the floor was empty, and the only illumination was from her cabin. You knocked at the door, and opened it slowly, ready to apologize, “I’m so sorry, I’m late! I got caught up in-“

You stopped midsentence when your eyes landed on familiar dark brown ones, the situation reminding you of your first day at this office, only this time, you were not overwhelmed by panic, but by sorrow.

“Y/n?” Namjoon’s voice was just as deep as you remembered it, and his eyes still shone in the same way. You couldn’t help but feel terrible at how well he seemed to be doing, while you were left broken and miserable. All the anger from that morning came flooding back into your body, and you turned around to leave, not wanting to interact with him.

He rushed forward when he saw you moving away, and held onto your wrist, “Wait.”

You shook his hand off, rubbing the lingering feeling of his touch away with your own and make your way towards the elevator. You could hear his footsteps following you, but you made no effort to slow down.

You heard him say, “Just hear me out!”

The anger was now mixed with all the sadness that had been accumulating successively in the last few days. More than everything else, the fact that he hadn’t even tried to reach out to you, and stop you from leaving was what hurt the most. He didn’t care at all about you, and suddenly, after he saw you due to whatever plan Jihyo had in mind, he wanted to talk to you. You would rather crumble in self-pity later on than let him curb your ego, which, to be honest, hadn’t been at its best in the last few weeks anyway.

Even getting into the elevator that you hated so much seemed more appealing than letting him see you breakdown, and you gladly entered it and pressed the close button. What you hadn’t anticipated was that Namjoon’s large hands would appear on the sides of the door before it could close, and his tall frame entered the dreadful hanging box before the door could close.

“Y/n, please,” he said, but you refused to look at him, your eyes trained on the digital flashing indicating which floor you were on.

When it came to the second floor, there was a loud thud, and suddenly the lift stopped moving. You looked around, panicking, a gasp emanating from your mouth when you realized that the elevator had stopped functioning midway.

Not only were you stuck in a claustrophobic box with minimal ventilation while you were almost at the edge of a breakdown, you were stuck in it with the last person that you wanted to come off as weak to. This thought fueled the triggers in your brain, and you found it hard to breathe, your knees buckling as you squat down, sitting on the floor. Your eyes were shut, and you suddenly felt his comforting, strong arms around your shoulder, and his voice close to your ears, trying to tell you to breath and that everything was okay.

A few moments later, you were breathing a little less erratically, and you let him hold you, glad that you weren’t alone in this situation.

“Don’t worry.” He said, calmly, “I’ll call for help, it’ll be fine.”

You nodded, blinking off the tears.

He spoke into the intercom, and looked at you with a worried gaze. “Faster!” he yelled into the unit and out it down.

“There was a problem with the electricity, but, they’re already fixing it. It won’t be too long. Will you be okay?”

You let out a small laugh, “Suddenly you care?”

He looked at you briefly, and moved closer, sitting down next to you again, close enough that our knees were touching. “I know I fucked up.”

You rolled your eyes, sniffing away the remnants of your vulnerability, “That’s an understatement.”

“I missed you.” He stated and you couldn’t help but glare at him.

“You expect me to believe that when you didn’t try to call me even once?” you asked loudly.

“I….” he trailed off before sighing and continuing, “I was trying to keep you away from it all. I thought you would be better off without having to deal with the Kang family or the constant media hounding that you would be exposed to if you stayed by me as my assistant.”

You shook your head, “No, Namjoon, you don’t have to explain. Not anymore.”

“Don’t say that.” He said, his voice shaking.

You trail your eyes down, scared that his tears would convince you to forget everything. A soft sob from him was enough to have you looking at him, your eyes a little softer. You had never seen him cry, nor had you ever thought about him looking so defeated and vulnerable.

He was not invincible, and you had to keep getting harsh reminders such as this to see how human he was beneath all that façade of his position and wealth. He was as human as you were, succumbing to the pressures that weighed you down, feeling lost, helpless and lonely. Humans make mistakes, and even though he was still in the middle of his biggest one yet over the last few days, he was still the same flawed, yet, admirable man that you had fallen in love with.

You extend your arm, placing it on his shoulder, and he looked at you with glassy eyes, “Forgive me.”

“I can’t. Not while you’re still doing this.” You replied and he looked down again.

He confessed, “I’ve been miserable without you.”

“You’re someone else’s fiancé.” You said, hoping to make him see how flawed his logic behind agreeing to this deal had been.

He sighed, covering his face with his hands and groaning, “You were right. I am a fucking coward.”

He continued, “I want to be with you. More than anything else.” You smiled weakly at the words that you had previously uttered, ones that arguably gave rise to your relationship. “But, I can’t. I’ll have nothing left if this deal goes downhill.”

You wanted to say that he would have you by his side, but you stopped yourself. You didn’t want to be like his family, emotionally blackmailing him into getting what they wanted. You wanted him to make this decision and you wanted him to choose you. So you settled for, “You should understand what you mean by nothing.”

The elevator jerked once again and you involuntarily moved towards him, jumping up in surprise. It began to move down again, and you sighed in relief as you got out. Two guards were waiting outside, and they bowed when Namjoon walked out, still looking shaken, but not due to the reason they believed him to be.

You finished your sentence, “You need to prioritize, sir.” It probably looked like a former employer sending off an old assistant on their last day to the guards, and you maintained the front of professionalism, “That way, you can get everything done without me.”

You left after giving him one last curt bow, and a soft smile.

You disliked packing, and you disliked the idea of having to unpack and rearrange everything again, especially since it had been less than half a year since you moved from one city to another. Moving back to your hometown was going to be even more of a hassle, but it was probably better than staying in Seoul and wallowing in pain and hurt from your breakup and fighting the urge to knock on Kim Namjoon’s door and pounce on him, peppering him with kisses and reassurances of how much you missed him.

When those thoughts had entered your mind, you would have never imagined it to have the other way around. Kim Namjoon was standing at your door, looking forlorn and so distraught that you couldn’t help but invite him to dry his hair that was drenched from the light summer showers.

“W-what are you doing here?” you asked, eyes blown wide.

“I just needed to talk to someone.” He answered, standing inside your house, but still near the door since you weren’t feeling strong enough to let him in completely and control your emotions.

“Why would you think I could be that someone?” you asked, eyebrow arched in his direction.

He sighed, “You’re the only one.”

“Namjoon, please, I don’t-“

“I resigned today.” He said, and it took you a few seconds to process his words, you jaw dropped and eyes flickering around in confusion.

“What?” you asked, moving aside to let him into the living room. He looked around at the mess that was your apartment and suddenly looked even more exasperated than before. The boxes were left opened, half of the accessories spilling out, furniture bare and the TV unplugged.

“Were you packing?” he asked, his voice louder and strained.

You didn’t respond immediately wondering why he was making it so difficult for you to move on. Just seeing his face had brought back a whirlwind of emotions and you didn’t want to deal with them quite yet.

“Where are you going?” he exclaimed, and turning to look at you. He moved closer and put his hands on your shoulders, asking you again, “Where the fuck are you going?”

You push his hands away and run your hands through your hair before crossing your arms across your chest, “You don’t need to know.” He tilted his head slightly.

Before he could argue, you motion him to stop and began to question him instead, “What do you mean you quit your job?”

He sighed, the remembrance of his problems striking him again, “I’m no longer the CEO of Bangtan Corporation and judging by how my father took the news, I’m no longer the heir to the wealth and fame of it all.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that, so you settled for exclaiming, “Oh.”

He looked at your face, “Oh?” His expression softened, the creases on his forehead disappearing, “By default, I’m also no longer engaged to Kang Yoona.”

“How-you---Why?” you stuttered, your hands relaxing and falling back down beside you.

“I prioritized, Y/n.” he replied, a small smile on his face. “You’re more important to me than all of that.”

You were supposed to be flattered, you knew that, But, you were more terrified than ever before. You really didn’t like the pressure that came with him quitting his job, giving up on everything that is rightfully his and putting everything he worked so hard for aside just for you.

You frowned, stepping back and he looked worried again, “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“You shouldn’t have done this.” You said, and his frown reappeared on his face. “Not for me.”

“Y/n,” he called out, reaching out to take your hand softly and you let him do it in a daze, “I love you, but sometimes you think too much of yourself.”

“What?” you snapped, confused.

He was smirking now, trying to lighten the mood after realizing what was gnawing at your mind.

“I didn’t do this for you. I did it for myself. I don’t care about being the CEO or the money. I was only doing that because it was what was expected of me. I’ve decided to start living for myself now, and do the things that make me happy.”

You relaxed a little after hearing his words, “What makes you happy?”

“You do.” He replied without hesitation and a smile tugged at your lips.

“Did you really give up everything?” you asked again, the news was too much to take in even after listening to his explanation.

He pulled out his phone, and put it up against your face and you squinted to read the words on the headlines, BANGTAN CORPORATION’S CEO RESIGNS

BANGTAN HEIR NO LONGER CEO

BANGTAN CORPORATION STOCKS FALL BY 30% AFTER CEO’s RESIGNATION

You tear your eyes away from the phone and push it back in his direction with your hand. “What are you going to do now?”

He shrugged, “For once in my life, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He laughed, making you smile at the sonorous sound, “It feels so fucking good! Why did I wait so long? I love being unemployed, poor, and completely clueless.”

You rolled your eyes.

He trained his eyes on you again, joking, “You won’t leave me just because I have no money anymore, right?”

“We aren’t together.” You retaliate, “And trust me. Even if we were, that is not why I would leave you.”

The detour in the topic of conversation seemed to have made him aware of the state of the surroundings, and he asked, after gulping nervously, “Where are you going? Although his tone was serious again, it was calmer than it had been the last time he had asked you the same question.

“Home.” You muttered.

“For how long?”

“Forever.”

You expected him to ask you why you were leaving or why you didn’t bother telling him that you would be walking out of his life for good, cementing the breakup. But, silence followed the exchange and he stared at you, before sternly saying, “Don’t go.”

“I have nothing here.” You said, your voice barely a whisper.

“You have me.” He replied, taking your hand again, “You’ll always have me.”

He took a long stride forward, placing his arms around your waist and enveloping you into his broad form. His eyes were pleading with you, and no words were necessary to sense the desperation in him. He leaned down, his eyes trained on your expression and his lips softly grazed yours. You closed your eyes momentarily, remembering how much you had missed the feel of his lush lips, and wondering if you would ever feel them again.

When he pulled back to look into your eyes, you opened them and involuntary tears from all the built up frustration and sadness began flooding out. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, dabbing at the tears on your cheek. “For everything.”

You sniffled, trying to control the dam that had finally broken, and stood on your toes, crashing your lips onto his. He wasted no time in tightening his hold, sucking on your bottom lip and you reciprocated by opening your mouth slightly and slipping your tongue into his.

Your hands travel to the hem of his shirt, trying to tug it off but realize that the buttons needed to be removed first. You fumbled with the bottom one, trying to pry it open while he moans into your mouth, a bulge forming in his pants due to your proximity. You let go of the shirt, deeming your efforts to be futile and place your palm on his growing erection instead, causing him to buckle his hips forward.

He pulled away from your mouth and placed his lips on your neck, peppering it with open mouthed kisses, nipping and biting at them before settling on the spot above your color bone and sucking on it. Your breathing became louder as the wetness from his mouth caused a different kind to accumulate in your underwear, and you rubbed your legs together to cause some friction between them.

Your hands began rubbing over his clothed crotch and you use your free hand to tug on his shirt again. You didn’t have the patience to work on each button, so you pulled on it, ripping it open. Namjoon moved back to look at you, his eyes darting between his torn shirt and your flushed face. His eyes looked hooded, dark with lust and he grabbed your tshirt, pulled it over your head, your hands moving up to help speed the process up.

You concentrated on pulling undoing his pants when he began to move his mouth down from your neck and over your chest. He unhooked your bra with his nimble hands and tossed it aside before immediately taking one of your erect nipples into his mouth. You gasped at the sudden contact, and took his semi hard member in your hands, rubbing them up and down. His tip was glistening with precum and you wanted nothing more than to get on your knees and take it in your mouth, but his ministrations on your breasts felt too nice to think about asking him to pause. His hands slipped over to your shorts, cupping your sex under them and you pulled back.

“So wet already, babe?” he muttered and you remove your hands from his now hard penis and used them to hold his face. You pulled him up and kissed him again, tongue immediately slipping into his mouth as you moan a yes. He pulled off your shorts, along with your underwear and touched your bare crotch again, rubbing it slowly with his palm, making you instinctively grind on his large hand.

You pushed him back and he took slow steps backwards towards the couch. You made him sit down, and place yourself over his lap, straddling him with both your legs on either side of him. His lips travel down to nick at your neck again, the bites on your pulse point making you groan with pleasure.

He moaned your name against your skin, egging you on to lift up your ass just enough to take his penis in your hands and position them against your dripping slit. You slipped yourself onto him, moaning at the stinging stretch and making his gasp before holding your waist to brace you.

“I missed you,” you said into his ear before kissing his neck and moving up and down. You started slow, familiarizing yourself once again with the feeling of his dick disappearing inside you. With your position, you were taking in his entire member, making him exhale loudly.

He placed another kiss on your lips, buckling his hips forward to make your movements easier. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, placing a small kiss on your temple.

“You look so good riding on my dick like this,” he breathed out. His words intensified the heat that was building up in your gut, and you whined before speeding up your movements. He moaned in response, muttering a “Baby, you’re so good.”

You hummed in response, unable to stop the sounds coming out of you as his member grazed your sweet spot over and over again. You mumbled a “I’m close.”

“Cum for me, baby.” He said and sooner than you had expected, the heat burst in your abdomen and you came undone over him, your eyes rolling back due to your intense high. He jutted his hips forward trying to keep the momentum going before you heard him curse as he reached his peak simultaneously. His released inside you, the liquid pouring down the side of your leg. You managed to place one last kiss on his lips, before holding onto his shoulders, trying to make him stop his thrusts as the over stimulation became too much to handle.

You winced as his softened member plugged out from your body, and you moved slowly to sit next to him, your head on his shoulder.

You didn’t say anything for a while, closing your eyes and listening to both your breathing. You began to think about what this meant for you, what this meant for him and how much had changed in just a few minutes’ time.

He turned his towards you, smiling at you.

You looked at him, reciprocating his smile, “What?” you asked.

“Nothing.” He said, placing a chaste kiss on your nose, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Your smile widened at his cheesy comment, and you replied, “Yeah, you kind of are.”

He let out a small laugh, and asked, “So, does this mean that you’ll stay?”

You looked at his earnest face, his deep dimples and warm eyes. You felt more alive and happy than you had felt in a long time, the constant butterflies in your stomach making you grin. You moved closer to him, hugging him close by placing your hands around his waist and your head on his bare chest. You didn’t miss the feeling of comfort that flooded through you, and you were baffled yet again with all the varying emotions that Kim Namjoon was able to overwhelm you with.

“Yes.” You said and he placed his chin on the top of your head, sighing in relief.

“I’m scared.” He admitted, and you pressed into him softly, nuzzling against him.

“It’s okay to be.” You replied. “You’re human.”

“I’ll figure something out, right?” he asked, and you smiled at how he sounded like a small child who needed reassurances.

“We’ll figure something out.” You corrected him.

“I want to make music.” Namjoon said, and you nodded.

“Okay.”

“I can?”

You laughed, “Namjoon, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You’re free now.”

He placed a kiss on your hair, “Jin hyung and Jihyo are going to kill me.” He noted. Then added, “My parents are going to try to make me come back.” He began stating his piled up problems, “Every media outlets wants me to comment on my situation. The board keeps trying to call me and tell me how much money I cost them.”

You looked up at him, a contemplative look on your face, “Maybe we should run away before any of them can find you.”

He nodded, the smile still etched on his face, “Where do you reckon we would go?”

You shrugged, “I’ve always wanted to see India.”

“Let’s go,” he replied, a glint of excitement in his voice.

“Okay,” you said, lifting yourself up, “But, can we go to the shower first?” You could feel the stickiness on you, and you felt too blissful to be in the right mind to plan an escape.

“Round two?” he winked, standing up and taking your hand before pulling you in the direction of the bathroom.

You smiled at the thought of how natural this felt, and how easy it would be to get used to this. Kim Namjoon didn’t have to be rich, famous and successful for you to love him. He just had to be himself.

You loved him for him, and you never wanted to let go of his hand, no matter how many hardships lay ahead of the two of you.

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punk-paranormal-mlm · 4 years

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#ugh why is adhd s0 hard f0r me t0 deal with????#i cant get anything d0ne #thankfully ive still been able t0 take care 0f myself physically but ive had t0 sacrifice m0st 0ther stuff f0r it #and while its pr0bably n0t a g00d idea s0metimes it seems that i w0uld be better 0ff getting my sch00lw0rk d0ne #even if it means i d0nt sh0wer 0r i eat less #and my parents are being n0 help at all #my stepm0m called me lazy last week and usually i w0uld tell her that im not but this time i just t00k a 3 h0ur nap #i have an f in math even th0ugh i l0ve d0ing it because we have s0 much h0mew0rk #and i kn0w its n0t fair t0 me 0r 0ther pe0ple t0 just let me n0t turn things in #but i d0nt kn0w what kind 0f acc0midati0ns can be made f0r me if i just can't get things s0ne #d0ne #its getting harder t0 d0 the things i enj0y d0ing either #because im just c0nstantly aware 0f this ever-gr0wing pile 0f failures #and my parents d0nt let me d0 anything if i d0nt have everything turned in either #s0 theres n0thing i can d0 t0 get my mind 0ff 0f it #rant

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sillysorcerer · 5 years

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Part one of the Beforus review.

I will be splitting this album into three parts, one for each disk, and will be typing as I listen to the album. Be prepared for rambling.

I will be scoring based on the style, the songs atmosphere, and composition

I know nothing about any of these things. It boils down to my opinion. 0/10 is a terrible song, annoying or just too repetitive, or not even really music. 3/10 is a bad song, one you can stand, but don't like. 5/10 is an ok song, not good or bad. 7/10 is a good song, catchy or memorable in a favorable manor. 10/10 is a song that makes no mistakes.

..........PART 1..........

Track 1- Disk 1: Very peaceful, but short. A great start that flows right into the next song. Too short to rate though.

Track 2- Fatalism: Very interesting. It really works for Damara and the time aspect. I am also a sucker for a good lyrical Homestuck song. The lyrics work so well for the song too. 8/10

Track 3- Breathtak1ng: Very interesting track. From the first two songs, this album proves to be very diverse in musical style. This is heavy on the wind instuments and a light airy tone before dropping to a drum heavy section, and returning. A playful song. I love the action in the song. 8/10

Track 4- The Mituna Method: A very techno based song, but nonetheless catchy. The drums are strong, sort of taking center stage from the other instruments. Still a fun tune. 6/10

Track 5- Civil Discussi9n: A slow start to a playful song. Then it becomes an interesting rant by Kankri. Am I the only one who read and thought about all of his dialogue? An otherwise ok song. 5/10

Track 6- MOG^3: A wonderful song for it's attitude, and fantastic use of sound. It can go from playful and fast, to enchanting and slow. It even gets a bit dark at the end. 8/10

Track 7- Let me Dance, Let me Glisten: Another lyrical song, which could have REALLY benefitted from a more natural voice. The lyrics and voice are clearly the central focus here. The music is just framing the lyrics. 6/10

Track 8- R4D1C4L!: a cool song. It is fun and fitting. 6/10

Track 9- Salv8ion: A good, interesting song. Excellent atmoshphere. 7/10

Track 10- Creeping Blue: A very noisy song. I never had an issue with that, but it could use more structure. 6/10

Track 11- Pious Noise: A very eerie atmosphere that works in the songs favor. It's like the music itself is trying to get into your head. 8/10

Track 12- Aquasex Renegade: Cronus's infamous reputation is shown here in full spectrum. While the song is good and catchy, it is also about Cronus in a WAY to personal mannor. I rate the song a 6/10. Cronus is 2/10

Track 13- Killer Beach: An actiony song with plenty of techno overlays. Then it takes a more serious tone where you can hear the buzzes a bit less. It is at that point that the song really shines, in it's slower less "beepy" moments. Also minor vocals. 7/10

..........PART 2..........

Track 14- Disk 2: Too short to rate again, but still pleasant.

Track 15- Memories from Before: A slow, repetitive start. It doesn't really go anywhere. 4/10

Track 16- Pink Moon Escape: A very pretty techno song. It seems a lot of this album relies on tech, and not more natural sounding instruments. It makes sense, given the accessibility, but I can't help but feel this would be a much better album if fully played out with real instruments. This is a slow, but still very fun song. Very beautiful to listen to. The drums fall into the background while the "rewind effect" is played for some notes. 7/10

Track 17- Radiant Imperatrix: A very relaxing, peaceful tone. Light and peaceful. It captures a fantasy landscape very well, and for this it earns great praise. 10/10

Track 18- Speak no Evil. Hear no Evil: My advice is get good quality headphones, lock yourself in a dark closet, close your eyes, and listen to this. It has a very dark, oppressive atmosphere. If anxiety were a song, this is it. 9/10

Track 19- The Boy who Lived (Unfortunately): Very Harry Potter vibes from this. Moody music, actiony pacing, and soothing tones come together to make an interesting song. It transitions poorly though, and a far too often. 7/10

Track 20- The Weeaboo's Battle Cry: A fantastic frantic song. Very catchy and fun. Much better transitions in this song. 10/10

Track 21- Life with Peace: Very peaceful and kind on the ears. The drums are also good. I like the change in tone around 2:36. 8/10

Track 22- Lullaby for a Day: Peaceful, and a catchy jingle. Just too short. 7/10

Track 23- Before we Enter: A frantic, energetic start, before calming down a bit half way. It picks up again after that. I like it. 7/10

Track 24- For Beforus: Wow, what a change in tone! A very adventurous song, it really works with the techno in the buzzes, or rings, or whatever you would call them. Still a very catchy tune, and a fun song. It creates a fantastic game-y atmosphere, with a lot going on. Great length, and varied moods. Very mournful by the end. 10/10

Track 25- Battlepump: A fun, albeit simple song. It's cool, but I'm having trouble finding the words for it. It's a sweet song. 8/10

Track 26- March 9f the Insuffera6le: Great use of string instruments and drums and piano. 9/10

Track 27- Land of Cruisin and Bruisin: A fun tune. Catchy and adventurous. I love the use of whatever electronic equivalent of horns they use. Man, tech-heavy music is hard to describe. Like "oh man, I love the beeps, and the brrzzzts are the BEST." But I digress. A cool song. 7/10

Track 28- Rust Witch: WOW! What a start! It almost sounds oriental with the strings. Then the horns pick up, and the drums are great. Also use of waveforms and a techno-gong. 9/10

Track 29- Caligomancy: Very appropriate for Horuss. A simplistic song. Not a lot going on. That does not mean it isn't good. 6/10

Track 30- Land of Rad Tricks and Gnarly Odorless things: What an odd name for an odd song. I may get more out of this from the quality equipment I'm using, but there is a lot going on in this song. I like it. It has an underlying sense of emptyness and dread. It gets very pretty near the end. 9/10

Track 31- Scratchless Scraps: A very interesting song. It would fit right at home in the Exiles album. Frantic, interesting, and diverse. 9/10

Track 32- Skaia ad Infinitum: A strange song, fun and excited. I like the snare drum, and background "ahh"s. Not much more to say. 8/10

Track 33- Formant (Sprite Chorus Mix): A peaceful relaxing tune. It's nice. The bells are cool, but it isn't otherwise noteworthy. 7/10

Track 34- The Explored Ruins: This is a cool song. The strings playing a certain popular freymotif throughout the song is a nice touch. Good rock melody without really being rock, if that makes sense. 7/10

Track 35- Shipping Implicatpuns: I don't actually care for the song- it's too beepy for me- but I will add a point for it having the funniest name of any Homestucksong ever. I will then remove that point because it has no actual bearing on the song whatsoever. 3.5/10

Track 36- Dear Heart: Immediately starts with excellent choir. Very peaceful and calming. Each instrument takes a place in the choral of sounds within the song. I love the whistles throughout and what sounds like the harp, and even symbols. It goes on a bit long though. 8/10

Track 37- Look Into the Future: Another slow song. Very peaceful, as all the other slow songs in this album are. This one is a bit TOO slow, but at least it's short. 6/10

Track 38- Cosmic Malfunction: A cool tune expands into a really awesome song. The flow of the song is great. A good chorus, if you can call it that when it doesn't have lyrics. 8/10

Track 39- Hypnagogia: Aaaand right into a dark, disturbing jingle again. It is forboding throughout, no matter how optimistic the music may get on the surface. I love the jingle. And the clacking instrument works well as a minor addition. 9/10

Track 40- 50M3 GR347 4C7 0F H3R015M: A beautiful drum beat with a very interesting song. It shifts throughout in both beat and tone, making for a very climatic track. Very techno, but suited for that genre. 10/10

Track 41- Time's Apostate: A lovely jingle and a dessolate atmosphere. All in all, a beautiful track. 9/10

Track 42- Antev+orta: A delightful tune, very peaceful. I love the violin. 9/10

Track 43- 7UN3: I really like the melody to the this one. Very heavy techno, but it works. Nice and upbeat. Sometimes feels a bit repetitive though. 7/10

Track 44- CHEATER PAN: Man, the beginning reminds me of some old Chrono Trigger music I listen to. It doesn't keep the same feeling throughout though. It sort of changes styles throughout the song. Hard to fully judge the track due to that. 5/10

Track 45- DAMiterNEIGHtions: A very empty sounding song. It's peaceful, but that peace is meaningless. It sounds nice, but the song is kind of flat, if that makes sense? It's a very aesthetic song. 6/10

Track 46- With the Fishes: at first, this track also feels very flat, but when you hear the strings in the background, it becomes a VERY sad song. It then switches to a more adventurous tone. It flips between these moods throughout the song. I like it a lot. 8/10

Track 47- Timeout: FANTASTIC rock piece. It uses a lot of the strife themes in unique ways. It sort of changes throughout, but it works with that as a theme, different "rounds" being different "battles." I love the ending. 10/10

Track 48- Game Lost: A very slow, sad piece. The silence plays out just as much as the notes. A perfect piece for the idea, considering the album was made to represent the Beforus trolls' adventure. They've all realised they failed. There is no point in going forward, and the track paints that picture perfectly. An epic adventure come to an abrupt end. 10/10

Track 49- Press A to reset: The scratch, the reset, the new beginning. Another perfect track for the idea. Adventurous and upbeat. I love it. 10/10

Track 50- The Scratch Before the Calm: A calm, peaceful track. Not really "sad" but relaxed. Also an interesting sound to it. The echo effect makes it seem hollow. Perhaps like a hollow victory? The trolls know they will all be erased after this. Then the tone gets darker, and the song ends off in a chilling way. 9/10

Track 51- Voided: I don't really know what to say about this track. There are sort of inhaling sounds? Is it going for a jazz feel? It's odd, but not unpleasant. 8/10

Track 52- Dream Around: Calm and peaceful. Nothing special, in my oppinion. 6/10

Track 53- The Sylph is in: A fun tune, very fitting for Aranea. I like it's catchiness. A solid song. 8/10

Track 54- Vwiolet Vwelvwet: A VERY slick, greaser style song. 60's hop, alien style. I like the "chorus" if you can call it that, with the horns. 9/10

Track 55- STRONG like Hoofbeast: This is an interesting start to a song. Then it goes into a strong drum beat. Fitting for Horuss and his machine-making. I like the guitar that holds the song together in the background. Without it, this song would sound SO weird. 8/10

Track 56- Whispering Chucklevoodoos: BOY what a start! This song starts off so HAPPY! So when does it start getting dark and forboding? Based on the name, it's got to, right? Ok, I guess not... I loved the chorus. 10/10

Track 57- 7UR8UL3N7 Coll4bor4t1on: A very interesting track. Well suited for it's cover art. As a song, it holds up decently well. Very fun, but also interesting to listen to. 8/10

Track 58- Solus Vates: Ooo! Pipe organs and bells! And violin! Fun! It's a very sad song, but a VERY unique one for this far in the album. 8/10

Track 59- Radglare: THIS is a cool song! Very fitting of Latula. I like the style and beat. A very "cool" song. 9/10

Track 60- We are +ogether: the drums start off a little strong. I think the song is ok for what it is, it's just not great. Not even that special or pleasing to the ears. 5/10

Track 61- Divert Momento: THERE'S the creepy track I was waiting for. A very anxious atmosphere again. I like it though. It is exactly as long as it needs to be to get the point across without the piano getting annoying. 9/10

Track 62- Curly Fury: Wow, this track is REALLY good. I love the piano throughout the entire song. It has a great beat too, and when the horns come in, it's fantastic. 10/10

Track 63- The Light Forms Us: Eh, I preferred Let me Dance. This is really just a remix, if anything. Not as good. A bit too high pitched in places, and no vocals to help ease the high pitch. 4/10

Track 64- Fortune Fins: An interesting track. A little "off" sounding at times though. Not sure why. Some notes just don't seem to fit in the song. 4/10

Track 65- Thief of the Ring: The opening is really misleading, but to be fair, it does help the song transition from the last track. A cool rock song. The transition to the second half of the song is excellent, and the reference in the middle is silly. All in all, a chaotic, but good track. 7/10

Track 66- In the Light: An odd start, but a fantastic lead in afterwards. Great beat, and superb pacing. The instruments all work well with eachother. 9/10

Track 67- Funeral March of the Avenging Dead: A grand track with a slow buildup and steady pacing. 9/10

Track 68- Past and Present: A cool track with a steady beat. I like the melody of it too. 8/10

Track 69- Beforus: What a nice peaceful song. I love relaxing to it. It caps off disc 2 quite nicely. And the end of the song is great. 9/10

..........PART 3..........

Track 70- Disc 3: Again, too small to rate, but very nice.

Track 71- Fuschia Moonrise: A very peaceful track. Lovely to relax to. I love the tune to it. It's very well composed. 10/10

Track. 72- Burgundy Revenge: A sort of empty sounding track. Not a whole lot to it that I could tell. The atmosphere of it is nice. 6/10

Track 73- #problematicfave: A great sounding track. It has very Indie Rock vibes. I loved the guitar in the background. 9/10

Track 74- Tree Dwellers: A very fun, energetic track. Just long enough that it doesn't get repetitive. 9/10

Track 75- Puppeteer: I adore everything about this song: the vocals, the lyrics, the music, the atmosphere, all of it. It is easily my favorite track on the album. 10/10

Track 76- Cardinal Movement: More of an "experience" than a song. Still, fun to listen to and enjoy. 7/10

Track 77- Anacronus: A very empty, sort of hollow sounding track. It still sounds great though, and leaves a feeling of loneliness and dispair. 8/10

Track 78- Madam Firefly: Another fantastic lyrical piece. The vocals are great, and it is beautifully made. Lovely lovely lovely. 10/10

Track 79- 7UN3 remix: More rock than the original. The drums come off a bit strong. I think I prefer the original track just a little bit more than this one. 7/10

Track 80- East Beforan Funk: Uptown Funk. Enough said. 8/10

Track 81- Rex Duodecim Daemonia X: Don't be fooled, this song is like Rex Duodecim Angelus in composition alone: borrowing themes and freymotifs from the previous tracks and using them to tell a story. That being said, I don't think it pulls it off quite as well as Angelus. 8/10

Track 82- Motions of Infinity: A solumn piece, fantastic for ending off the album. Very well paced. 9/10

ALBUM RATING: It would not do this album justice to simply average out the song scores. The entire album shows excellent composition, leading you through the characters and story of the last surviving Beforus trolls. It is very heavy on the techy side, so if you prefer your music to sound organic, this album isn't for you. With all that in mind, I rate this album 9.5/10

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