#kids say the darndest things

[wolfchanw]

My toddler just got back from a sleepover at Grandma’s house….walked in the door and shouted “I MISSED you!” So I said “I missed you too baby!”

…….

“No, I was talking to the house.”

Welp.

#toddlers #toddler life #kids are great #kids say the darndest things #sassy #ok then

[tastefullyoffensive]

17 Funny Foul-Mouthed Kids Whose Accidental Potty Mouth Skills Are Better Than Their Potty Training Skills

#funny #funny kids #kids say the funniest things #kids say the darndest things #lol #parenting humor

[yesterdaysprint]

Chicago Daily Tribune, Illinois, November 3, 1934

#1930s #robots #history #newspapers #kids say the darndest things

[skyloftian-nutcase]

I’ve made progress on Elastic Heart, and then got derailed because 4-year-old Link was demanding attention in Zora’s Domain, so have some Baby Link & Papa Quotes while I vibe with the blorbos:

Link, holding up a cow plushie: Mr. Moo came too! Abel: Is Mr. Moo a bull or a heifer? Link:???? Mr Moo is a cow! Abel: But bulls are boy cows and heifers are girl cows. Your cow has udders, she’s a girl and she’s a mama. Link: Udders? Abel: For milk. Link: She has boobies? Abel: Abel: Link— Link, gasping: She has MOOBIES Abel, simultaneously mortified and dying of laughter: Link NO

.

Link: *patting Abel’s face* Abel: What’s up, son? Link: Grandpa has a beard and you don’t, Papa. Abel: Yes? Link: Your face is wrong! You’re not old enough! I’ll make your beard grow. Abel: Link, that’s not how— Link: Milk helps! I can put milk on your face! Abel: *sighing heavily*

.

Link: Why do people call Zora “fish people”? They’re wrong. Abel: Oh? Link: They’re not swimming in the water all the time! If you take fish out of water it’s bad! They’re just weird people. Abel: Link, they thrive in the water, and their bodies are adapted to water like fish. Link: That’s dumb. They need better names. Abel: They’re called Zora. Fish people isn’t their name anyway. Link: But what does Zora mean? Abel: It means them. Like Hylian means us. Link: So Zora made them? Abel:…Something like that. Link: I need to talk to Zora. How do I find Zora? Abel: Why do you need to talk to Zora? Link: Because she designed them weird, and I have some suggestions!

.

Soldier: How old are you, young man? Link: I’m a thousand! :D Abel: What? You’re four. Link: My body’s four, but I’ve been with Mama her whole life! Abel: *choking on his spit*

#chronicles of the domain #breath of the wild link #botw link #abel #breath of the wild #technically #Link’s childhood in Zora’s Domain had to have been an adventure for both him and his dad lol #kids say the darndest things

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Come Home: Single Mom AU

Blake: (sets serving tray on the table and pours two cups of tea) How are things back in Menagerie?

Kali: They're going just fine, dear. How are things here?

Blake: (pauses) They've... uh... been better.

Kali: Oh?

Blake: (sighs) The landlord sold the building to a new company, and they're raising rent. I can't afford it with my current job.

Kali: I'm so sorry, dear. (sips tea) ...I know this might not be what you want to hear, but have you thought about coming home? You and Kela can live with your father and I until you save up enough money to buy yourself a house, Kela won't be bullied at school anymore, and I'm sure your father can get you a job working in the liaison office.

Blake: (worries lip) If you had asked me that a few months ago, I would have jumped at the offer....

Kali: (arches eyebrow) Oh, what changed?

Blake: (blushes and tucks hair behind her ear) I... uh... I met someone...

Kali: (deadpans) Blake.

Blake: Let me explain, please. She's a wonderful woman. She didn't run away like other dates when she found out about Kela. In fact, she ran down to the flower shop to pick her up her own bouquet of flowers. She even let her come with on our first date. She's been so kind and patient with both of us, and Kela thinks the world of her.

Kali: Hmm... (sips tea) She sounds interesting. When did you intend to introduce this mysterious Faunus girl to us?

Blake: (sweating) Uhm... She's actually a human...

Kali: (spits out her tea) A human?

Blake: That's actually better than I thought you'd react (sips tea timidly)

Kali: Blake-

Kela: (entering the apartment) Mommy, we're home!

Blake: Hi, baby. You're home early. How was school?

Kela: I got a gold star on my book report! Hi, Grandma!

Kali: Hello, little cub, my how big you've gotten! (stares pointedly at Yang) And who is this you've brought home with you?

Kela: That's Ya- oops... Uh, that's Ms. Yang! She's dating Mommy.

Kali: (eyes narrow) Ms. Yang? Why do you call her that?

Kela: Because Mommy says I need to be polite and show my manners when talking about her around adults. When we're alone, I can call her Yang.

Kali: Really? And do you like Yang?

Kela: Mmhmm! She picks me up from school every Thursday, and helps me with my homework when Mommy's too busy. We all spend Saturdays together and go to parks or the library. She offers to make dinner those days so Mommy can have a break on those days.

Blake & Yang: (sigh in relief)

Kela: She's stayed overnight a couple of times too! I saw them wrestling on the couch one night when I went to get a drink of water. She makes the best pancakes!

Blake & Yang: (silent screaming)

Kali: It sounds like you like her very much.

Kela: (nods)

Kali: Does she make you happy?

Kela: Yes!

Kali: Does she make your mommy happy?

Kela: She's happier when Yang's around. (whispers) Even though she tries to hide it.

Kali: (laughs) I believe it. Well, how about you go to your room and put your stuff away while the adults talk for a minute.

Kela: Okay, Grandma! (gives her a hug, rushes to give Blake a hug, and finally gives a shell shocked Yang a hug before running to her room)

Kali: (sipping her tea) Well, Yang, you might as well have a seat. Now that I've gotten my granddaughter and daughter's opinion of you, I think it's time we've had a chat.

Yang: (shuffles over to the table like a zombie and sits down) Am I going to die?

Kali: Oh, hardly. I just want to formally welcome you to the family. I haven't had that much fun in ages. I think I'm already beginning to like you.

Part 2

#y'all I am so sorry for how long this ended up being #bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #kali belladonna #single mom au #kids have no filter #kids say the darndest things

[rwac96]

Mosquito Bite (HanVi)

Trunks: "Hey, Gohan, is that a hickey?"

Gohan: *blushes* "Um, no. It's just a mosquito bite." *quickly places a hand on his neck*

Videl: *descends from the sky, then lands* "Sorry I'm late guys."

Goten: *waves to Videl* "Heya, Mosquito Bite!"

Videl: *blushes, then turns to Gohan* "S-Seriously, Gohan?!"

#text post #text prompt #imagine your otp #imagine your ship #ship prompts #otp prompts #dragon ball #son gohan #son goten #trunks briefs #videl satan #hanvi #kids say the darndest things #source: tumblr #dragon ball shitpost

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

I was playing a game with some friends on discord and their daughter (6 years old) asked her mom if she could make a potion and throw it on the walls to ward off demons

The mom: “uhh…what…”

#kids #kids say the darndest things #I laughed so hard #idk what she’s been watching #or even what she’s been seeing #but her creativity is top notch

[starsaroundsaturn]

13 things you will not expect students to say to you, but they will

1)"miss, am I a good kid?" (asked after throwing six pencils across the classroom and using a swearword as a noun, verb and adjective)

2)"Miss, I thought you had kids!" (cut to me explaining I am in fact 22) "that's not stopped anybody before!"

3)"Miss can I come back to your class? I miss your class!" (this from a child who spent every single class period making me miserable because they, and I quote, "hated my class.")

4)"Miss, did you know ______ is dating __________?"

5) "Miss, did you hear what he called you?"

6) "I personally wouldn't take that."

7) "you're so soft." (in response to me refusing to let them pick on a different kid.)

8) "miss, do you have eggs?"

me, really hoping I am misunderstanding the question and therefore clarifying: "do you mean chicken eggs?"

"no, miss, do you have eggs inside you?"

Cut to me explaining the internal and genetic structure of the female system to a thirteen year old while avoiding the topic of reproduction as much as possible

9) "ayo teach!" (from a child I had, quite literally, never spoken to before.)

10) "I'm going to fail this unit." (me, encouraging them, telling them if they pay attention they will pass). them: "I don't want to pay attention though." (great. such solution. many plan. amazing dumbassery).

11) "you scare me, miss!" (to a 5'7" round faced baby whose eyes disappear when she smiles, who sells animal stickers for our school currency, who fist bumps every child who enters her classroom, whose only weapon is blunt force and eyebrows)

12) "do you get paid to donate blood?" (upon explaining that this would be slightly immoral, and it's a donation not a sale, and that it's for people who get in car accidents or cancer) *gasps* "that could be me." (um. yeah.)

13) "Miss, are you Mexican?" (on hearing me say Hola. and gracias. and tienes preguntas. and trabajo. and banyo. you know duo lingo exists, right? there was no other clue. they just assumed because I could speak exactly thirtysix words of spanish that I must be spanish).

#teaching #education #kids say the darndest things

[itsglor]

😆

#kids say the funniest things #kids say the darndest things #funny #kids #children

[alicerader]

#relatable memes #humor #memes #funny because it's true #iykyk lol #funny meme haha #mental health memes #mental health humor #mental health things #parent memes #shitpost #kis #kids say the darndest things #never grow up

[heyleemickeygee]

Fun quotes from work

(I work in a school) (me)

"what if we don't want to walk in a straight line? I wanna walk in a gay line. Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!" "Oooo Ms. Mickey she's swearing!!" "Gay is not a swear Alex..."

"do you have a dad?" "No" "oh he dead?" "She could be sensative about that!!"

"I like your new hair David" "Yeah I know I'm pretty ☺️"

"being gay is weird 🤨" "no it's not." "Oh okay... 😐"

#reading teacher #third graders #funny kids #fake names #kids say the darndest things #punk teacher

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Me: how was ballet?

9 year old to me: what if someone dies, becomes a squirrel, remembers their old life, travels through the trees to find their children, befriends them as a squirrel and gets a pen and learns to write and writes a message that says, "I am your mom"?

#kids say the darndest things #I'm haunted #the fuck #creepiest saddest story about a squirrel I've ever heard

[lyranova]

Alistar: *as a child* PAPA I DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE!

William: *concerned* What’s wrong? Are you hurt?

Alistar: No, but I think i did something bad to Uncle Yuno 😥

William: What happened?

Alistar: I was playing in the field with him and Auntie Neva, and I saw a flower and picked it, then I gave it to him, and now I think he might have a baby 😭!

William: …I’m sorry say that again?

Alistar: You told me that a certain pollen helps people have babies, and now I’m scared that the flower I gave him is gonna make him and Auntie Neva have a baby 😭!

William: *deep breath, trying to stiffle his laughter* I need to call Neva and Yuno

#black clover #black clover incorrect quotes #black clover oc #oc; alistar #william vangeance #black clover next gen #black clover william #kids say the darndest things

[ladybugsimblr]

I promise you Lyree loves her Uncle Jayce lol. She didn't mean to crush his doing it on his own (kinda) spirit. Our girl has just never seen a studio apartment in her little life, and she wants the best for her Uncle J.

We love what you did with the place Jayce. He has plans to be out exploring most of the time anyway. This is just the right size for you!

#apartment tour #even if it took less than a minute 😅 #lyree loves a good read #she doesn't even know what that it is yet #but she is masterful at it #shots fired #kids say the darndest things #jayce's journey #lyric #bklegacy #jayce #globetrotter tings

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Yang Talking to Her Younger Self

Little Yang: *gasp* How’d you lose your arm?!

Yang: I lost it trying to protect someone very important to me.

Little Yang: Did you win?

Yang: *face twisting* Well...yes and no...

Little Yang: .....You either win or lose. How do you “not exactly” win?

Yang: Well....because things were really hard afterwards. Nothing panned out the way I expected them to. But after some much needed healing, things got a lot better! *gets lovesick look on her face* Now I have an awesome relationship with the smartest, kindest, and amazing person ever.

Blake: *practically melting in her hiding spot*

Little Yang: *deadpan stare* Dust in the Caves, I grow up to be an absolute disaster! Your girlfriend must be a sap who reads those gross romance books Dad and Uncle Crow tell me not to read to Ruby, because I don’t know how she would put up with you like this otherwise. I bet she’s super cute.

Yang: *snapping out of stupor* Wait, what? But I never said-

Blake: *practically crying from trying not to laugh*

Little Yang: What? We like girls. That’s obvious. Have you SERIOUSLY forgotten about the - like- THOUSANDS of times we pictured ourselves as the knight saving the princess in Ruby’s bedtime stories?

Yang: *short circuits*

Blake: *howls with laughter*

Little Yang: *gasps* IS THAT HER?!?! *rushes over towards the laughter and sees Blake on her hands and knees laughing herself to tears* Holy crap! She’s GORGEOUS!!! 

#bumbleby #yang xiao long #Blake Belladonna #young yang #kids say the darndest things #rwby volume 9 episode 6

[sotwk]

In the process of introducing my 4-year-old to the world of Transformers.

He is now going around announcing that his favorite robot is "Amazon Prime". 🫣🤷‍♀️😂

#things kids say #kids say the darndest things #mom life #sotwk naneth #boy mom #sotwk personal