Reach
Your voice wakes me and I find myself drenched in a cold sweat
I used to reach out in these moments in the dark
In these moments of panic and catching my breath
To remind myself
I’m not alone
Yet, now I find myself
Completely alone
Panic sits in, hyperventilating begins
I breathe shallow breaths... in ,out,in,out until
I have to sit and clutch my chest
I wait for the feeling to pass ...and no sooner will it
That I find myself waking in that cold sweat again
I stopped driving
As it tore my heart apart
Each time I’d reach for your hand
And found it vacant in your seat...
I used to worry putting your feet on the dashboard
Would cause an injury to you
Now I worry not telling you to stop
Will cause an injury to me
I walk up to our door
Past gardens of red, purple and blue
Gardens planted with great love
And an attentive you
I hate coming or going I’d rather never move
Not moving hurts just as much though
As I’m surrounded by a void
A hole so deep and infinite
It swallows you whole
With no mercy, thrusting memories
With each look I take
What’s on the tv? I can’t check now without you
Something on the table , made once by you
What’s in the kitchen...
Just the foods that we once shared
I’m shredding into pieces
Sometimes I wish I’d just fall
Fast, quick...straight down the stairs
You won’t speak to me, I guess I understand
But from where I am sitting
Your reaching out would be my mercy
In this dark and blackened land
Just a word here or there
A how are you or hi
Anything to lift me up
From this pending demise
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I just cried tears of being touched rather than in despair. After having not been attempt free for over a week and sleeping on a sofa frozen in anti ligature clothing sobbing my heart out all night in between screaming matches with staff, I wake to this parcel from Robyn. Thank you so so SO much,it is so perfect, I smiled for the first time a real smile, from he bottom of my heart you’re amazing xxx #blessed #friends #hope #lightindarkness #gifts #keepmeholdingon #thankyou
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