my mind cannot be trusted it keeps saying "cmooon go off your antidepressants you know they flatten you out cmon if you stop taking them you'll actually feel happy" which is absolutely the fuck not what would happen. let's go flat fuck fluvoxamine we're in this for life
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people talk a lot about how later seasons dean is out of character because of how he behaves towards jack - he's too much like john! the dean I know and love would never treat somebody like that! but the foundations for that are actually laid out all the way back in season 7, with emma.
we see a lot of dean and fatherhood in 6 and 7 and those encounters actually give a strong impression that dean genuinely wants to be a father. and like, he (technically) even gets his own daughter, his flesh and blood, and he can't bring himself to hurt her, even when she's standing right in front of him, about to kill him. like!! why does she get special treatment and not jack?
because of sam.
emma is a fun and funky parallel to amy - you know, the amy that dean murdered and lied to sam about? in dean's explanation a few episodes later we learn that he felt sam was "too close" and thus took on the responsibility of finishing the hunt himself. okay! sure. whatever helps you sleep at night. but we see sam do something similar with emma. we're treated to cuts of him running red lights to get home in time, and when he sees that dean is hesitating, sam doesn't.
that's an ongoing thing - if one of them is getting too cosy with a monster, the other goes on red alert. we see it with ruby, we see it with amy and emma, we see it with benny, we see it with freaking crowley, and we see it with jack. one brother softens and the other flips the safety off.
dean can't be this loving and accepting father towards jack because sam is already taking on that role, and dean needs to be there if something goes wrong. it's a kindness. it means that dean is on high alert so he'll notice if something goes wrong, because he doesn't trust sam too, because sam is too close. it means that sometimes dean hates jack, because sam cares about him and that means sam will be hurt if jack steps out of line and dean has to kill him. it means that sam doesn't /have/ to worry about those things. dean's the safety net, and he takes that role seriously.
(he knows that, when you care about someone, really care about them, there is no line. you'll watch them destroy the world and you'll still love them in the rubble.)
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the Illuminati has a website and idk if its legit or not but im dying
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me, making detailed schedules and colour-coded calendars for when I’m going to finish various stories: :)
me, realizing that in order to finish said stories I have to actually write them: >:(
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rereading old fanfic drafts I have laying around and I'm angry at past me for not finishing them >:(
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help I want to make a PJO forum but I have like negative time and energy available for that
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I want to start writing more, like not just more of my existing projects (though I would like to finish those) but also just more ideas! Little snippets of stories! I wanna get better and the only way to improve is by doing
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I chopped like 5 inches off my hair last night on a whim and it feels so much healthier
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god am I really thinking of going back to business school 🤡
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