#just wanna relapse a bit

[princeofyorkshire]

i hate that healing is not linear cause i’d be feeling all positive and shit for a while then boom sad sad sad again and why does it feel good to be here why is it so comforting why does it feel like this is who i am and who i was always meant to be just a dumb girl who does not know how to deal w sadness in a healthy way and always end up relapsing and doesn’t even feel guilty about it. is it the familiarity of it all. is it the fact that i’m so used to this sadness that the second i get a taste of it i want more and more and stay here forever because it’s so familiar and painfully welcoming. why why why

#don’t rb #hate feeling like the second choice every damn time in every friendship or relationship i’d love to be someone’s first choice for once #hate feeling so dumb and silly and stupid at my grown age hate being so behind hate the passage of time hate not knowing how to cope #hate feeling hopeful for a while knowing that days like this one will come and ruin everything for a bit #i guess i’ll get back on track eventually i just hate that nothing can go right ever #i just wanna quit and stay home forever #one thing leads to another i hate overthinking especially when i know it’s temporary #but i just hate tasting that sadness that feels so comfortable and familiar knowing that i have to give it up #i just. yeah #relapse tw #negative

[gregmarriage]

will always have to begrudgingly remember (and hate the fact) that one must find joy in the small things in life, and live in the present

#rn it’s playing animal crossing every day and watching bob’s burgers every wednesday #i do have things to look forward to even if they seem far away (and often are) #at the end of april we have a caravan holiday #and yeah it’s only barely march rn #but at least it’s something #more recently tho i’m planning on dying my hair blonde and going shopping #trying to become human again and come back to life so to speak #bc i haven’t felt very much like a person lately and i’m trying my hardest to get back to normal #but if i relapse i’ll just have to work through it #truly i’ve been redoing my course in mental health 101 and regressing quite a bit #but it’s fine #i’m working through it #idk i’m like dipping in and out of here rn #but anyone is free to come hang out by way of asks or you can folllow my insta or whatever you want #i think maybe i need also retake a course in friendship #bc i haven’t been a very good friend lately and those people know who they are #but i love all my friends dearly <3 #and anyone is always welcome to come make friends with me #i love chatting to people so come say hi! #and i wanna rekindle things with the friends i already have #rn i’m just a lil car going down a road very very slowly and i need to be careful about things #it’s such an obvious thing: you’re a human being with only one body and mind and you have to take care of it #but sometimes that can be hard #and that’s okay #anyways please don’t be shy about talking to me i don’t bite! i’m just relearning how to be a person and that includes talking to ppl #but i’d still love to talk to you! #anyways catch you on the flipside i guess (or whenever i happen to be active on here imao) #gwen rambles #gwenposting

[hearties-circus]

↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*

#gamer txt. #i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard #zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread? #well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming #ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment #well i mean. until now #i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing #it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit #and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to #ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this #i really dony know if i can xome back fron this #ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again #but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take #it would be stupid #no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life #but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice #that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me #i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself #but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne #i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up #someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been #something that will fight me when i obviously lie #but theres no way for me to get that #im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way #what the duck an i meant to do? #im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone #ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been #and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim #even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either #so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it

[solargeist]

You doing okay Ghostly? /gen

-🧃

honestly no i keep crying loL so im just looking at non dsmp distractions for now. if anyone has like good news that'd b nice ^_^;;

#ask #i dont... wanna talk abt dsmp for a bit... it just makes me cry :( #i think its.. hormones... making me more upset than i'd normally be..... #bc ive dealt with CCs ive loved passing before.... #my life has been stressful irl + on the verge of a relapse b4 all this so. ghostly goin through it

[lilgynt]

if my mom puts my dad in a home im gonna have a break down the likes of which no one has seen before

#personal #bc i’ve fucked with my broken foot severely relapsed in my ed and have a slipped disk #just to physically show for this shit show #don’t even wanna get into mentally what’s gone down hill or how all my familial relationships fall apart with this #i’ve ruined my life just to put him a home anyway? #all of this for what? #maybe he does get better maybe it all works out but right now it’s my weekend and i’ve spent 2/3 days only doing stuff for my dad #i just need to sleep and clean #in my room #i just need to sleep and clean that’s all i want to do on my weekends #and watch the hannibal movies like i’ve been trying for WEEKS #they all keep fuckin getting interrupted #i just want time off from my job #it’s stressful 4 10s with only a 15 and a 30 for the whole day #i just want time off #edit re reading it seems like i don’t want my dad in a home #i do and don’t. but anyway if it does happen i’m gonna go insane for a bit #like any decision or outcome im going insane for a little bit

[ripdragonbeans]

Fun thoughts

TW: bulimia

#ngl part of me kinda wants to make myself throw up but i know i shouldn't do that #but i know that could trigger a relapse in my bulimia #hahahahaha love jt #even if im throwing up bc im sick it just makes me wanna throw up even more even if i don't need to #hahahaha it's the one mental illness that my parents didn't catch #bc i was v good at hiding that one #I'm not gonna make myself throw up bit lete twll you the desire os there #im hoping i can just run it off #bean speaks

[be-good-to-bugs]

2022

#tw sh #tw self harm #ive felt unsure of posting art like this but. i really like it and think its nice. around 2 years ago i noticed a big push by people to #attack people who make vent art or even just gore art and ive been a bit scared to post anything like that sbit i dont see it anymore #i think it was a pretty short lived thing but i was personally attacked (different blog) and its kinda scared me from doing it #but i like these drawings. its just like all my other stuff but it has sh in it. im working through a recent relapse rn #im also worried abt making any followers uncomfortable but if they dont wanna see sh art then they should already have the tag blocked #so thats probably not an issue #tw gore #idk if id even call this vent art. im not sad or anything. im just trying to deal with it in a calm way #sorry. ill stop talking now #orbs art #thinking of inking these but idk. its nothing new but i just really like them

[cherrysnax]

someone gave my rapist my number :)

#rape tw #csa tw #im calmer now #but god I feel. so #dead inside #idk #im really upset and idk what to do #Im worried abt relapsing but I probably won’t #i just wanna disappear for a lil bit

[mewrails]

i accidentally pulled like. the third all nighter of the year

#bleat #idk im a bit too emotional and its 5 am and i cant like. bother anyone #i cant sleep so i keep thinking about Traumas tm and im not that great! mentally! and then i noticed its been almost a year since last #timr i relapsed and sh and its gonna be like. over a year since the date i picked to yknow #end it all. a few years back now bc i was at a new low #rn im overall happy with my life pls dw im not gonna do anything to myself rn its just. its late and ive slept so little in this first #week of the year and im thinking back and my life is so different than it was and i really /really/ dont wanna go back #idk i might delete this later i might forget i wrote all this #i dont wanna worry yall either idk talking to the void of my own notes helps w this so yeah

[strike-another-match]

my brain is broken broken i literally just had the thought that im looking forward to hearing the christmas music this year. girl its january 2nd go see a neurologist

#i joke a lot about having no concept of time but sometimes it is actually a bit scary #i want to chalk it up to the fact that i normally spend holiday periods working on projects so i dont participate in celebrations much #i think im gonna do myself a favor and stop overburdening myself with work once im done with this project i have to turn in on march #i do wanna pass my uni classes in september too but once thats over i wont sign up for more stuff to do outside of work #for a couple years at least #or my head is gonna explode #do you want a me/cfs relapse? this is how you get a me/cfs relapse #hell maybe ill even take a year off work in 2026 #to do fuck all and just recover mentally from what the last few years have been #when i say i havent stopped for a minute i mean it #my job has never crunched me im just incapable of not filling every waking hour with projects classes and stuff #its on me 100% i need to stop

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Huh.

#doll #i think. he might be startin to let me in a little bit. #yea yea i know he could be fakin it but he's only ever done that when i've been really upset n on the verge of leavin #(assuming that was fake either but it was at least calculated) #& he'd have to be gettin desperate to start fakin vulnerability to this extent #i've been so completely infatuated for a couple of days now again that it wouldn't fit the pattern at all #especially with the way he's...sayin the kinda things that he knows played a part in me becomin more independent to begin with #tellin me i really should have reaper get me outta there if he gets out of control again n doesn't listen when i ask him to stop #even though he hates the thought of someone else protectin me. he can deal with it when it's somewhere he can't do it (like out here) but #if he's there but not doin it so someone else needs to? he looked. really upset about it. cause apparently that's his job #upset with himself not me (or reaper. who he only referred to as 'that guy' sgsgsgsg) #& talkin about how it's not fair the way the only people men like him can really be with are ones like me. cause if it's someone more like #them that fights back n doesn't put up with their shit it's just mutually toxic n everyone's secretly miserable #but when it's someone like me we get hurt so that they can get better. when we really should be w/ someone good n kind n safe #said i shouldn't be the one to pay the price for that. but i'm his 'only shot at getting better' n he doesn't wanna let me go #n it was. a lot. he's never talked about 'gettin better' before. just 'learning how to take care of me right' #but up til now he's always rejected the idea that he'd even need to get better. that there's anythin to heal. #i mean. i'm stayin as long as it looks like he's makin progress. or til he relapses enough times to burn me out completely n i go dormant #that was always the plan. i'm just slowly gettin better at keepin my distance when he's back to his old ways #i just.....really wish he'd stop self sabotaging n talkin about himself the way he does. like ok you wanna be bad then be bad but #stop actin like you're too far gone n all the shit you say about yourself is so built in you can't change em even if you want to #not with that attitude you can't! #spdrvent

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

#ack. i wanna but a scale so bad but idk how much money i have rn #well at least since im restricting again ill have more money since i dont spend it all on food #wish i could get a job but id have to walk to it and i cant in the weather so im gonna wait till spring or summer #might wait till i turn 18 bc ill have way more options so i might aswell. its only like 2 months off from when i could even get one at all #hmmm. ill have to ask my mom to tell me how much is on my card bc i cant check it myself. im kinda regretting letting my sister not pay me #back immediately for $30 bc then i could buy a scale rn but she doesnt have much rn so whatever #going another month without a scale wont kill me. for the majority of the time before i recoved it didnt have a scale so whatever #but i remember feeling so awful not even knowing if the pain i put myself through did anything so idk if its worth that #i fall ever enough as is with my pots so idk if i wanna add starvation to tye mix when i cant even see the numbers drop #well. ill find out how much i have today and if i have a fair bit then ill buy one soon but if not then ill just cry ig #idk. i feel stupid for relapsing. i KNOW.it feels terrible and i dont even care much about getting skinny. i just miss starving myself #its not about getting skinny its just about seeing the number go down and hurting myself and i know it doesnt actually feel good but like #idk. my life has felt chaotic and out of control recently and i need something to hold on to even if it kills me #i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with #people who abuse me. i live with my only friend in a place where i can actually go places. not many places but theres at least something #idk. i think itd be easier to be ok if i had other friends but i just have my sister. i dont even know how or where you meet people #everything i read either says scool for minors or bars for adults which is useless to me. the only others things are things not around me #idk. i guess ill have to get a car eventually and when i do that then i can go places. i feel so bleh lately #i just. i wanna be sickly and skinny. not bc i think im ugly but bc i wanna be sick. i dont dislike my appearance. im relatively thin #not that it matters bc theres nothing wrong with being fat but like. idk. i used to hate my appearance so much but i dont now #so it feels so weird that im relapsing anyway #idk

[rreids]

PROGRESS • S. REID X READER

semi-specific spoilers for 2 x 15 and the aftermath (specifically 3 x 16), hurt-comfort, tiny bit of smut (a handjob), probably incorrect information (mention of arousal being different but similar to adrenaline, i have no idea if this is true and refuse to do research), mentions of marriage, ~1.5k

Spencer was strong. You knew that.

You’d been with him every stop of the way through rehabilitation: through the relapses; held his hand and kissed away his tears as he fought the urges and ideas that he was worthless; told him he was stronger than anything and more resilient and beautiful than anyone you’d ever known.

One of his personal choices in his journey to get clean made sex harder — he was trying to learn how to temper all desire and urges, filter through what he deemed wouldn’t hurt or threaten his sobriety before making any impulsive decisions.

You hadn’t minded, content with the soft kisses and tickle of his eyelashes and beard against your skin as he silently thanks you for your care.

You loved his beautiful mind that ran a million miles a minute far more than you loved the pleasure from his body, and you knew you’d wait forever if that’s what it took. You wouldn’t have even cared if it was off the table.

You just wanted Spencer.

It’d been a few months since he decided to get clean, and as much as seeing him sob and writhe as he convinced himself he wasn’t irredeemable for slipping up crushed you every time, you knew it wasn’t about you.

Today was a hard day for him.

“Spence, baby,” you whisper, wiping his tears as he tells you about a recent case — the victim used, and the amount of himself Spencer saw in her terrified him —, lip quivering. “You’re okay. You have that coin, right? The one John gave you?”

He nods, leaning into your palm. He presses a kiss to your wrist and closes his eyes.

“You’ll get there. But struggling is okay. You know that, don’t you?”

Shuddering sobs wrack his body, breaths catching in ways that twist your heart, and you know he’s trying his best to calm down. “But what if I can’t?”

“You will, Spence,” you promise. “It’s worth it. We both know it. And we both know you’re strong enough to make it through this and come out better on the other side,” you kiss his forehead. “Besides, I’m here right alongside you. I won’t ever leave,”

Spencer sobs again, breathing ragged.

“I promise.” You answer his silent question, and he nods.

“I love you,” Spencer whispers out, voice scratchy. “You know that?”

“Well, out of the two of us, I’m not the one with the eidetic memory…” you trail off playfully, just for a moment, not long enough to make him worry. “I could never forget, baby.”

“I miss you,”

“We live together,”

“Not like that,” Spencer sighs. “I miss touching you. Feeling you.”

“You can have me whenever you want,” you promise him, brushing his curls out of his eyes. He was due for a trim, but you thought it was cute. “I’m yours.”

Spencer sighs, pushing past your hands and dropping his head to your shoulder.

“We go at your pace.”

“And if I think I’m ready?”

“Then we do what you’re comfortable with, and if you tap out, we stop. Your pace.”

Spencer nods, almost determined. It’s cute, and you have to fight back a laugh.

You smile despite your efforts, and the first kiss is more you two grinning against each other than a kiss. He takes the lead and slowly deepens it, careful and awkward like the first time you two ever tried to do more than steal pecks and hold hands.

His muscles are tense under you as you ghost your hands to his shoulders, and you gently work them as you kiss him.

“Are you giving me a massage?” He asks, confused and a little breathless.

“If I have to.” You smile, kissing his nose. “Relax, sweetheart. The second you wanna stop, just tap me two times. Nothing you don’t want.”

“Am I that tense?” Spencer tries to focus on muscles and force them to relax, but he’s too tightly wound.

“Would it be better if I give a massage first?” You ask, leaning down and peppering kisses to the side of his neck down to his collarbone. “Let you chill and then I ask before anything progresses?”

Spencer looks down, cheeks burning, and nods.

You don’t comment. He’s embarrassed enough, and you’re just happy to see him opening back up.

Tobias had left scars beyond the dots — that look more like freckles than any lasting trauma now — on his elbow. Though you suppose that was Tobias’s way of saving him from the worse scars from Rafael and Charles. Semantics. None of it mattered when your pretty boy was aching and worried under you.

“Lay down,” you urge, “take off your shirt if you’re ready. I’ll get your lavender lotion,”

It’s his favorite, a gift from his mom. You don’t tell him that he used up the one she gave him, since you dutifully rebuy and refill sneakily enough he doesn’t notice the volume shifting.

When you come back from the bathroom, he’s shirtless, fingers locked together and bracing his head.

“Gonna sit right above your thighs, sweetheart. Lotion’ll be cold,” you warn, and wait until he nods.

Then you settle and gently work through cords and muscles, slowly, patiently, methodically, a whispered warning and praise with every big move or change in pressure.

He melts under you, soft moans falling from his lips as you release pain he didn’t even know he had.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Spencer breathes. “Can you… can you kiss me? Before we do anything,”

He’s curled in on himself a little, and you murmur an “of course” as he sits up and tugs the blanket over his chest. You know he’s never liked the bruises from field-work, but this is something more.

“You know I always find you pretty, right, Spence?” He tilts his head at you. “I don’t care about the ugly moments. You’re my pretty boy. You don’t have to hide anything.”

You stress that last word, and you see it click for him, and he slowly lets the blanket fall.

You kiss a bruise on his shoulder.

“Kiss me, Spencer,” you urge, and he smiles, leaning in and softly melding to you, fingers curling on your waist with practiced movements.

His body remembers, and it makes your heart flutter.

He sighs into your mouth, sweet and gentle. You can feel his pulse racing, his movements getting more excited and clumsy as he kisses down your neck.

“You’re so good, make me feel so, so good.”

Spencer smiles against your skin. “You make me feel good too.”

You know he means it more than physically, but that’s what he needs right now.

And you want to give it to him.

“Can we take your boxers off, Spence?”

He nods eagerly, and you carefully slide his pants off with them, avoiding another bruise on his hip from a tackle on the recent case.

“So pretty,”

And he is. Lean muscle, freckles and moles, tan and pale skin in equal parts, wrinkles, bruises, everything.

His cock, too, weeping pre-cum and a pretty pink at the tip.

“Thank you,” he sighs, gasping as you grasp him and stroke, slow and wet. He sets the pace, fucking into your grip and kissing you sloppily to it.

He’s lost technique, having avoided more intimate touch for so long, but the eagerness and anxiety means more to you than it being perfect.

He tenses again as he gets close, and you know it’s the adrenaline, the high. It feels too much like what he’s been fighting.

“Okay?”

Spencer swallows. “I don’t know,”

“What’s the difference between sexual arousal and adrenaline, baby?”

It distracts him, and it also guides him exactly where you want — that the bodily response may be similar, but the centers it lights up are different; the cause is different; he hasn’t done anything to jeopardize himself, he’s okay. He can let go of some of the control he had to regain, can slowly ease back up.

He’s safe.

He cums, gasping breaths tearing through him. As soon as you work him through it, you pull off and clean him.

“You did so good,” you praise, brushing his curls with your clean hand and stroking the skin on the nape of his neck. “You’re okay,”

Spencer nods and kisses you, no urgency, just the depths of his feelings. “I missed you,”

“I missed you too, Spence,” you try not to let the tears prick your eyes, but you know you fail when he furrows his brow at you. “I’m happy,” you reassure.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out. “I just… I’m glad you feel safe enough to try. You know? It’s hard to watch you struggle.”

“It’s hard for me too,” he laughs, kissing your tears, a reversal of just an hour ago. “But I know what you mean. I’m sorry if it makes it hard for you.”

“No. It doesn’t,” you’re quick and firm in your reassurance. “I mean it when I say I will always be here for you. Good and the bad. In sickness and in health — though, maybe I should keep that unofficial until you put a ring on me.”

He laughs, boyish and free. The happiest he’s been in months. “Soon,”

#my works #mdni #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid imagine #cm spoilers #requested

[gresiniracing]

agh

#delete later #tw self harm mention #soz just rambling #im like hehe depressed again right anyway i fuckinf hate #how i capital k Know that people care abt me #and yet i just . do not believe it . #and idk its not helped by some shit atm coz one of my irls is constantly using me as a therapist even tho i told them that im #running real low on emotional capacity #and am struggling a lot #so its kinda feelin like im bein a bit used and a bit not taken seriously and i want to help them i do it just #yeah idk #and man i just dont have any fucking energy and i relapsed the other day agAIN and im just . #idk i know i can talk to my friends but i dont want to bother them and my bf is on holiday so i dont wanna bother him and im just #fucking sucks man ! i feel like im rotting away and no one cares ! #(side note anyway uknow when youve been fucked in the head for half ur life and now no one ever actually bothers to check in coz they kno #the answer #and u dont like care bc ukno u can still talk if u want but like . yea idk) #anyway hehe its fine !!! i will be ok i always end up ok and i should just get over it and help my friend and stop moping but uknow !! #but yeah it will b fine idk im just exhausted

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

[7suns]

my boyfriend is so amazing ;---;

#self harm tw #for the tags #anyway: #i relapsed a couple days ago and told my bf the day after it happened. he was like really upset about it and like trying to get me to stop #which are like totally understandable responses. but in the moment where i wanna SI or recently did. it just makes me feel worse #well today we talked about it a bit more (in person. i'm visiting my hometown for a few weeks) and he actually listened really #well to what i had to say about what actually helps me. and i sent him some links to a website for SI support and resources #and he took a lot of time to read it all and take it in. and he apologized for what he said #so i feel a lot better now. he's really great #he just didn't understand it at all because he's never like personally encountered it before and didn't know how to react or support me #aspen.txt