you examine yourself like studying a virus.
for days after, months - years, even - you torture yourself over small objects. times where you misspoke or interrupted with a joke when you should have listened. times when you didn't know how to show your support. times when you were louder, brassier, inappropriate for the situation. times when you were too quiet, shy, cold.
fucker. you constantly promise that next-time you'll do better. you will make sure every person you come in contact with leaves smiling. that they'll all feel loved and accepted and held. that you take care. other people do it! other people are actually good people; you're just cruel.
it feels like you are fighting a horrible little beetle. one of those parasites that control ants. one who comes up and wiggles into your brain and makes you a shameful ghost of a person. too spineless to ever be a demon. so what if you were having a bad day? you don't get to stumble. so what if you are overwhelmed? you don't need to make a scene.
all this time on the earth. you are still somehow convinced: the mistakes you make are more important than any other part of you. you still feel like you are wrestling a nature you do not understand; one that coils horribly inside of you. one that seeks to destroy, to undo.
you go home. you replay the moments where you weren't perfect. be better, you scold. do more. you are an accident. a train wreck. something to abhor.
the questions always ringing in your head: why did i do that? why do i slip? why can't i just fucking be normal? what if all i am is just ... this?
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omg sparrow fur just got confirmed to become the second leader of skyclan
Ok, that's good. I'll have to think of how to go foward from here.
If Sparrow Heart had died before taking leadership, I was going to write that as her being INFURIATED by it. Remembered forever as Skystar's stooge, his general, his loyal servant, but never having power of her own. And, generations later, she'd grab for it in any way possible.
With her being Sparrowstar, I'm going to keep her ambition and desire for power, but she had a chance to enact her vision in life. She was the first cat to inherit 9 lives, even, with how BB!Skystar is the first leader to die. She continued his "legacy," not out of any actual love or respect to him, but because it's HER TURN.
All these years of groveling, of having to bend and bargain around the desire of stronger cats, now it's HERS. She is the one who bargains, who makes others grovel. No one will make her scared and powerless ever again.
It's going to continue the ferocious rivalry between SkyClan and ThunderClan, especially as Owlstar takes power. Sparrowstar is definitely gone by the time of the River Kingdom's succession crisis, though, she's too battle hungry to rule for so long.
Or maybe Sparrowstar will end up inventing some kitty war crimes and become one of the first Dark Forest cases. After all, it's very in-character of BB!Skystar to not officialize an heir, and force Sparrow Heart to have to carve a path through his bio-kits for the power she is owed...
(Mumbling to self: and then that makes a pretty interesting claim for SkyClan during the River Kingdom succession crisis... "we need no claim to your throne to take it from you")
We'll see!
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can we please have a moment after byler gets together of lucas giving dustin a little nudge and pointing to byler and dustin being like aYO- and lucas pulling him back so byler can have their moment but then both of them quietly arguing like 'i told you so' 'no i told you so'
like it can be so brief but i feel like it would do SO much in terms of validating byler for the GA because its basically saying like 'byler was sO obviously in love w each other u dumb mfers just didn't notice lol jokes on you'
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Commission from @bunbunsheart !!! I'm still going nuts over this, thank you so much!!
Lil chibi of Pancake and Arthur!!
Other versions!!
Tagging: @wisp-herr @jils-things @cherubdulce @speedstershipping @impurra @bioexorcizm @jocelynships @gible-love-nibles @gideongrovel
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Can we see your durge? :oc if not no worries I'm just curious!
Of course! Have a lil WIP of her in all her evil glory 🥰 (Hope I can finish this anytime in the next century lol)
Her name is Sandra, she's a war cleric of Gruumsh/oathbreaker paladin and she's Totally Bad Not Good Unredeemable. I haven't posted much about her bc I'm still in ACT1 with her (Im replaying Khael and campagn that takes priority).
fun fact before I even got through half of ACT1 of all the compainons only Astarion and Shadowheart were alive/present. I dont know how long theyre going to last though lmaooo
She's another iteration of my DnD character Alasandra, who Ive played for a couple years in a homebrew campagn! I also played with her in Solasta (another DnD game, that I suggest checking out!) He's all three of her together for the meme:
I also technically have a Redeemed Durge character that's based on another DnD character! His name is Chan, he's a warlock and a cinnamon roll who can do no wrong 🥹 (which makes me chosing him as a durge an awful parent)
and here's how he looks like!
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So random Mera but I've read your last post, and the line about Riddle planning out his morning sex had me wondering, will he put that in his daily planner? I can both see him being too embarrassed to commit such things to writing, but at the same time, he has this side of him that makes me think he'd want to show it off. Like, 'Oh, Trey, can confirm the time of my dentist appointment for me on Wednesday?' Just knowing he had a 5AM entry in there about banging Darling. What do you think: too shy or showing it off?
AAAAAA OH MY GOSH YES YES!!!! This is exactly how I imagine Riddle feels. Maybe he’s shy the first time he makes note of it, but then he’s lived away from his mother long enough to realize premarital sex isn’t going to lead to the end of the world and that it’s normal to indulge in intimacy for reasons beyond what his mother thinks is the standard. Not everything has to be related to the traditions of marriage and having children.
Riddle’s once narrow world has opened so much since he’s allowed himself to follow his own rules, slowly but surely cutting himself out of his mother’s mold and becoming more of himself. It’s impossible to rid himself of her influence overnight, but baby steps are important and much-needed. He’s making progress! So I think, in the very beginning, he’s immensely embarrassed and shy about scheduling these sorts of things. Even talking about it with you prickles his skin with some sort of nervous discomfort—like he’s about to do something criminal. He gets used to it eventually, especially if he’s discussing sex often with you.
At some point, it feels like less of an embarrassment and shameful thing to write in his planner and more of a blessing. He’s doing this because he wants it. Because he’s allowed to choose the things he wants and he’s not going to let his mother’s influence from all the way in the Queendom of Roses to cow him into submission. Riddle does have a few prideful bones in his body, so he absolutely becomes proud of adding you to his schedules! At first it felt like he was tainting the page with mentions of sex, but now he’s happy to plan it out and pencil you in. <3 he definitely has Trey check his planner to confirm certain arrangements all while fully knowing his friend will stumble upon the time slots he’s reserved for fucking you hehe.
Also, on the subject of showing things off, Riddle’s the type to threaten tell you not to leave hickeys in obvious places, but when you do he’ll feign frustration and act like it’s the worst possible thing. But then he’s purposely wearing outfits that will risk showing off the love bites. :) he’s immensely proud of every scratch and bite and bruise because it’s proof of the enjoyable times he spends with you. Also also!!! Sometimes he just doesn’t want to be seen as a pure goody-goody. He’s sheltered, but he’s not that sheltered. Not anymore. Not since you came into his life and helped him see the horizon beyond the birdcage his mother raised him in.
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