#just picking out one part of the dream bc im lazy but i like when i get dreams with fake merch

[fbj723]

my whb progress 2

as of apr 7, 2024

since whb's half anni has passed, i thought i'd do a progress check to reflect on how much has happened btwn now and this post

general info

lvl: 47

status: 🤨 mostly f2p

i say mostly cause i just recently broke the f2p status and bought bp for ppyong

i refuse to buy packs and in the future i'll prob be very selective over who i pick for bp (aka i wont buy every bp), so for the most part i'll just be having the f2p experience

when i started: launch (10/03 my timezone)

ver: erolabs

team setup

i finally have levi now lmao

sometimes i'll switch out one of the levis for attacker satan but this is what i use generally

everyone's lvls and artifacts

skill lvls (normal atk-ult-passive)

attacker mammon: 1-3-1

selfie mammon: 4-5-4

selfie satan: 4-4-1

selfie beel: 4-4-4

bloodshed levi: 3-3-1

selfie levi: 3-3-1

secret club

i only work on completing mammon's unholy board

stuck on needing attacker mammon's sig atm :'))

materials

too lazy to screenshot it all but im basically broke on pies, tears, pretzels (tbf i dont play the minigame whatsoever), red keys, yellow keys, and seals

everything else im either ok in supply or overflowing w it

overall thoughts / reflection

this section is for me to look back on in the future when i do progress posts. i'll break down this section into multiple parts similar to my prev post for consistency

STORY

honestly, its interesting in concept. since sadly only 1 chapter has released btwn now and my last post so thoughts havent really drastically changed

ch5 imo wasnt really a full on hades chapter. yes, it takes place in hades and yes we get some intro abt hades, but i think this was supposed to act more like a bridge to tartaros, which is prob why we didnt have any h scenes w any hades chars aside from levi. ofc we'll get back to it being hades-focused eventually, but the story for a while is most likely gonna pivot to tartaros bc of that big lore drop abt mammon at the end

i assume we'll prob be introduced to the cherubs in tartaros bc of selaphiel txting us near the end + it being mentioned at the end that theres a hub of angels in the lab, and hopefully part 2 of mammon's h scene. it was strange at first for mammon to only have 1 h scene, compared to satan or levi that had 2, but w him implying theres probably gonna be a part 2 in his h scene + we'll most likely see him again in ch6 (or however many chapters tartaros will be played out), we'll prob experience part 2 in his home country. tbh that prob just me inhaling MASSIVE hopium since mammon isnt rlly that popular but i can dream ok-

i hope us being in tartaros doesnt last for just 1 chapter. you cant condense the experiments tartaros went through to create a clone of mammon only for them to fail + bring up the fact that the seed is prob also in tartaros in just 1 chapter. well— technically you can, but not at the pace chapters are at atm. chapters have roughly 15 parts of story on the main branch, and imo that much info abt tartaros cant be condensed into 1 chapter unless if they make the story bits like WAY longer than what they normally do

GAMEPLAY

tl;dr as an endgame player, its too easy 💀

working on the spreadsheet ever since the games 1st month of release and now just recently testing multiple team comps, the "meta" is so monkos HSHFJDJ

this game is INSANELY dependent on you having more than 1 dps/tank light card. light is also just an unstoppable element and i wish the game was balanced a bit more to let other elements shine

enemies are now way too easy to defeat. ik i prob shouldnt be complaining abt this but pls im a pgr and neural cloud player at heart I NEED SOME CHALLENGE

ch3 and ch4 were prob the most tedious and awful chapters, but at least they actually made me think when it comes to battles. now i just place down chars and let it play in the bg while i go do smth else. ofc this may just be bc i have a team that im comfortable w using everywhere, but id like to see at least a bit more "challenge" outside of holy coin portal

also, for weekly achievements, lvling artifacts is not a great requirement

i only pull when theres a new s rank or when mammon is moved to standard, so its very, VERY rare compared to avg users. having the artifact req is essentially forcing me to pull during those gaps just so i could fulfill a weekly req which sucks. i also dont need to lvl anymore artifacts in general for my team comp. lvl 15 is the bare minimum i need to get through all content w ease, anything after that is just a small boost tbh

on the note of daily/weekly requirements, there needs to be more of them

i mean in a sense of theres still gonna be 9 daily achievements, but you get more options on HOW you get to the 9 daily achievement req. most gachas that ive played always have more options than necessary to fulfill the overall requirement to get all rewards, so having this strict number w strict reqs is rlly not that great tbh

RESOURCES

thoughts from last time still havent rlly changed. pies and candies especially are still rng dependent which sucks, and now there gonna revamp pancakes while also keeping the old pancakes ???? theres way too many currencies (w some even having very little to no use) atp which can and will get overwhelming for new players

GACHA

i hate solomon seals. you can tell that red keys were supposed to be the main gacha currency if you ever look at old packs, but smth happened along the way and now we have seals

pity is also way too high for what we're earning atm. based off of f2p earnings, every week we get roughly 1 pull of red keys, maybe 2 pulls of yellow keys (red and yellow keys are more dependent on the key boxes which again, dependent on rng), and 1 pull of solomon seals. this doesnt include the stuff earned outside of dailies/weeklies, and i think there should be more ways to earn said currency through dailies/weeklies and not be so dependent on either paying or pulling chars

speaking of pity, i wish we had pity for both of the standard banners

i also wish theyd separate char and artifacts into their own banners. that way, if someone has a char but needs their sig, they can just pull in the artifact-only banner and try to get said sig

tl;dr in general i wish everything wasnt so strict and rng dependent, also wish numbers made sense like why do we get at least 5 red keys a week when 1 pull is 3, JUST GIVE ME 6 KEYS ATP

so yeah thats all for now lmao. im pretty sure i have a lot more to say abt this game but my minds at a blank atm, so ig thatll be saved for the next progress post which will be around 1st anni

#fbj rambles #whb

[raredrop]

im often at bookstores or “kinda” bookstores in my dreams and i dont often get to remember what the (usually non existent) books are

but i do have this one my dream gave me today

a kids manga (u know how bookstores have them in the kid section over the normal manga section) called tama (or tamagotchi) champion

#julie has weird dreams #just picking out one part of the dream bc im lazy but i like when i get dreams with fake merch #too bad i dont remember if i ever saw the cover or even picked it up #i know reading is weird in dreams in the first place

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #ncssianwrites #a favor #nessian fic #nessian au

[the-fandomwriter]

thinking about a full and properly modded server with all the members of the dream smp, with like mo creatures, mr crayfish, bibliocraft, biomes o’ plenty, decocraft, CIT resource packs, THE DOG ONE THAT STACYPLAYS USED IN DOGCRAFT and the ones that add all different types of foods like pies and sandwiches and soups and all that fun stuff!!

and it’s a mostly “normal” server, in which there are no tyrranical governments or roleplay nearly as angsty as the dream smp. i’m basically thinking origins smp but softer, with more roleplay, and billions of mods that used to be popular back in the shadowcraft and dogcraft days. it would be more of a “found family of people that all left their previous homes for various reasons that they slowly get into detail with as they become closer to the others and they all develop a big family dynamic, but there’s occasional conflict since they can never get along for long periods of time.” 

i’m sorry just iMagine all the possibilities???

 tubbo would own ALL the animals like he’d just run a huge fucking zoo and live with all the animals hes tamed and he’d have like 80 dogs and all the bees on the server. not to mention his house would be absolutely DECKED with cute decor stuff. he’d have a huge portal hub for all the different dimensions that would be added to the game. he’d probably dabble in some witchcraft mods too with ranboo!!

wilbur would take mass advantage of bibliocraft and fulfil his dark academiac dreams by living in a nice tudor home in a plains biome with a gigantic library and a pond out back with fairy lights and some wheat fields. but underground he would have a gigantic lair where he grows sketchy plants he gets from tubbo that’re from other dimensions, and he makes  potions and also collects various crystals and rare ores to sell illegally to other people. 

niki and hannah would build a cottagecore village together with lots of eucalyptus and wisteria logs!! they’d do a lot of exploring to find all the cool biomes so they could collect all the flowers, crops, and trees possible. they would probably have a green house shop at spawn, as well as a cafe/bakery. despite their soft aesthetic, they would actually be two of the richest people on the server, and no one would fuck with them since they had some of the best modded armor and weapons from all of their travelling. 

puffy would really like oceancraft, and also spend a lot of time travelling. she often bunked with niki and hannah, and occasionally with bad and skeppy in their own area. she just hung around spawn mostly and had a simple ocean monument inspired house on the shore, so she could access the sea easily for her distant travels. she would also love getting into the weirder parts of the mods, like the shape shifter mods and would have a massive collection of all the inverntory pets. 

dream, george, and sapnap would band together and make a huge underground lair inside of a mountain that they put no effort into making pretty, but somehow doesn’t look like shit? sapnap would have a room dedicated to all the armor sets he set out to forge, and would have great pride in them. george would like indulging in the food aspects, like harvestcraft and mo’ foods. dream would try dabbling in the prank/security mods and have minor success, aside from the few holes he blew into the mountain and sets of armor he accidentally blew up which sapnap would never let him live down. he’d also probably do a lot of collecting and make various mob farms to get lots of cool loot to sell in spawn. 

tommy would also collect lots of cool stuff, except he wouldn’t actually go out and find the materials for armor, fight mobs, or explore caves, no he would steal it. he commissioned sam to build a gigantic, overly complex and fancy house insisting it has as much detail as possible (im talking chisel mod, carpenters blocks, decocraft, mr crayfish ALL OF IT) but he never actually stays in it bc he prefers the stupid dirt mound he lived in on the first night (mainly bc he doesn’t feel like moving all of his stuff from said dirt mound into his giant mega-mansion and sam refused to do it, no matter how much money tommy offered him). he’d also wreak havoc, yk, stealing and hiding pets, burning houses, destroying crops, setting elaborate traps that don’t work but are just annoying to clean up. despite being chaos incarnate, he’d probably have a big farm and make cool foods and have a bed and breakfast at spawn. 

fundy, sam, ranboo and tubbo would all really like diving into the red stone packs (obvi) like industrialcraft and all those prank/trap mods. they would start up a business to make elaborate redstone machines for people, and would have some of the coolest houses on the smp. they’d live in a huge treehouse colony in a jungle, and they’d have elevators and secret doors and a hidden vault underground. it would look amazing, and they would spend hours working on it, and it ends up being the prettiest build on the server.

ranboo, much like tubbo, wouldn’t live just in the jungle colony. he would also have his own base a couple hundred blocks from tubbo. it wouldn’t be super big or fancy, but he would decorate his house really nicely, and probably base some of the interiors off of other video games or something. he would collect lots of cats and dogs as to all keep him company in his house. he’d have some OP armor and tools, but be really humble about it? he’d like collecting the mob backpacks and have them all on display in his house in the woods. 

bad and skeppy would live in a mesa where they would have a massive modern base where they test airplanes and helicopters n cars n shit. bad would def try to collect a bunch of animals, especially dogs (they would all be named after members of the smp based off of the vibes they give him). skeppy would be one of the richest  bc he keeps all of his rare/expensive items in a hidden vault literally hundreds of thousands of blocks from his base. skeppy would definetly take advantage of the extra blocks and supplies for trolling. 

ant would obviously collect cats, like the ones that you can pick up and they like wrap around your neck? and they have those adorable cat beds and smack you when they’re hungry? yeah he’d have a whole fucking army of them and whenever they’re hungry he’d just unleash them on anyone nearby just to piss them off. he wouldn’t have actually wanted the cats at first, since he thought it was just ironic and lame, but after he tamed his first one he just liked the company. he would build a whole separate house for his cats so that they could stay away from the workspace in his house where he would look into dinosaurs with jurassicraft. 

connor would be a wandering vagabond who collects those cool mob backpacks and keeps all of his stuff inside of them and never settles down because he doesn’t have the money to commission someone to build a house and he’s just too fuckign lazy to build one himself lmaoo he’d end up rooming with tubbo for a while, just because he has multiple homes and has plenty of room spare.

schlatt would elect himself as leader (but not in a dream smp kinda way) he’d tax everyone and use the money to commission like forty vacation homes that he never lives in because he’s never active. he also likes to just fuck around and annoy people by breaking all the windows in their houses and stealing their doors, but no one can do anything about it bc he’s technically they’re leader and he probably somehow got access to creative mode. he definitely abuses his power, but not to a concerning extent. he’d just boost the price to buy land in the shopping district by ten diamonds every month and piss everyone off. 

(i might make a part two to this with the other members if y’all wanted to see more :))

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp memes #tommyinnit #tubbo #wilbur soot #dream #georgenotfound #sapnap #skeppy #badboyhalo #hannah rose #captain puffy #niki nihachu #connoreatspants #antfrost #awesamdude #jschlatt #ranboo #fundy

[no-brand-gays]

okay here are my thoughts on and a very loose rating of the discographies of the major idol anime franchises (disclaimer that i haven’t listened to Every Single Song of any of these series and i’m 

-love live: i think...i’d be biased in saying ll has the best idol franchise discography...but i don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that they pour a LOT into their music production. i do think there’s a lot of ll stuf that sounds the same and none of the full groups have a sound that differentiates them from each other but ll’s also good at mixing up sounds and concepts, so there’s no character or unit that’s really locked into just one style. i feel like ll prioritizes catchiness and energy a lot of the time so there aren’t many songs that aren’t fun to listen to, which i definitely think is one of the most important things in idol music. there aren’t even that many bombs which you’d think would mean they play it safe but i don’t think you can talk down the variety in the discography. aki hata is also a lyric writing god and i do think it’s saying something that even 10 years into the run as a series we’re still getting songs that sound new. you can tell when they’re being lazy but that’s a pretty uncommon situation and you’d be damned to find a ll song that isn’t at least fun to listen to. favs: mermaid festa vol 2, blueberry train, angelic angel, snow halation, ps no mukougawa, shoujo ijou, doki pipo emotion

-idolm@ster: before you come at me i want you to know that i have felt this way about idolm@ster’s discography for the last 7 years and my opinion Has gotten better over time but wow. so many idolm@ster songs are so boring. i think one thing you can really say abt love live is they’ve mastered the art of making OPs and EDs and group singles that all kinda sound the same but are still fun to listen to. i think what makes im@s discography good is that they’re not afraid to really jump into weird concepts for their more out-there characters. like what other franchise is delivering to us ai like hamburger. nobody. so those more unique songs are almost always hits but a lot of the generic idol pop songs feel pretty watered down and hard to get into. they do get that right pretty often too but bc their discography has gotten so huge over the years there’s a lot of filler. favs: kyun! vampire girl, do dai, s(mile)ing, romantic now (uzuki mix)

-aikatsu: honestly? i would place aikatsu’s discography at LEAST at 2nd place. they’ve gone through a lot of changes in producers in the last few reboots but there are sooooo many consistent hits and i feel like it gets written off for being a kids series when the music is honestly so top tier. aikatsu doesn’t do big group songs all that often and each season only comes w a few one-size-fits-all generic songs so most of the discography is tailored to one or two characters in particular which makes for some amazing variety. the fact that it’s for kids even means the songs are more catchy and energetic so even the ones that are kinda dumb stick in your head. i don’t know how much i can speak for these past few seasons but you can really feel the passion that went into most of the songs. the general sounds of aikatsu are clean and bright pop and emotional pop rock and theatrical ballads and genuinely i have no clue why the music alone hasn’t made it mega popular. there are definitely duds though, especially when it comes to songs that weren’t made to be performed. favs: diamond happy, koisuru mitai na caramelize, summer tears diary, hello new world, heart skip, dramatic girl 

-pretty rhythm: kinda similar to im@s in that a lot of their music is kinda boring in its early 2000s idol sound but i’d honestly argue that pririzu does that sound better. like it all sounds very nostalgic and classic and gets this quality of timelessness from that. this is probably the franchise i’ve listened to the least though so i’m not the best authority on this. favs: you may dream, cherry picking days

-pripara: pripara is definitely an acquired taste and the franchise i’d be least likely to listen to with my friends in the room but the one thing you can’t deny is that the production is so crazy tight. pripara definitely gets most of its fame for how off the walls crazy it is and since that’s such a part of its identity i can’t fault it for how many songs are similarly whole hog wild but even though i never want to hear the omurice song again in my life pripara has continuously delivered hit after hit. their generic idol songs (like make it and dream parade) are some of the best in the genre and whatever subgenre they’re pursuing they never fail to bring the energy. i do think a lot of their out of the box songs (like the ones that are made for visual-based performances that aren’t really meant to be cohesive songs) are flops but the entire first season is made of 10/10s which is so crazy. the crazy concept songs usually hit too. favs: marble makeup a ha ha, zero week old, suki suki sensor, realize

-bandori: hot take but bandori has some stinkers. i don’t know why the first few months of bandori songs had so many flops (tokimeki experience...yes bang dream...that’s how i roll...) but i do think they’ve stepped up their game since then!! i think...as time has gone by bandori has become a franchise people really care abt and with it the content has gotten better too. like holy shit. NOW you can see how much the producers are putting their hearts into the music but it definitely took a little while (not that there weren’t good songs at the start too, shuwarin dreamin is one of my absolute favorites). i think it’s really impressive how much they’re found their footing w each band’s sound, they all really feel believable as artists, and it’s blown up so clearly they’re hitting it out of the park these days. favs: hidamari rhodonite, kimi ga inakucha, shuwarin dreamin

-bonus shoutout to zombieland saga bc the production is so all over the place. when they wanna write a good song holy shit do they write a good song but sometimes you get To My Dearest. which im still sort of baffled by. could the writers not figure out how to rewrite those 20-syllable lines to sound even half singable or 

#i make fun of aikatsu's aurora princess for trying to cram 'omatase' into like a 1 second space #and to my dearest is like 'hold my beer (20 syllables in 3 seconds)' #also i didn't include wug bc i've only heard what's in the anime and every single song in the anime is an absolute 10/10 hit #but i didn't think it'd be fair to say '7 senses is the best idol song i've heard in a while and i know nothing else' #personal #that's all i have

[unironicduncanstan]

rating disney movie sequels ive seen from worst to best bc i can

12. pocahontas II: journey to a new world - caught sight of it on my tv one time, and as a child who was probably still identifying as republican at that point, i s2g it was so racist i could not finish it. ‘wait till he sees you’ gives me fuckin hives

11. tarzan II - its. tarzan as a kid. like just more young tarzan adventures and dont get me wrong its a cute idea but after about 5 minutes it gets so boring 

10.  atlantis: milos return - this one gets a lil bit of a pass bc from what i heard it was supposed to be a better sequel but that got canned and they were working on a spin off series too so they just like. took a couple of the episodes they were working on and stitched it into a movie. its like a bootleg parody of the first film and my family and i despite loving the original , once again, could not even finish this one. the only memorable part for me was kida picking up a life preserver presuming its a game and milo telling her you throw it to someone whos drowning and she responds “does this not make it difficult to play the game”

9. beauty and the beast: the enchanted christmas - not that bad, tim curry plays a great villian per usual, its just kinda confusing where and how it fits into the plot of the first film. and its like. Dark? perhaps scary? for a christmas movie??? i remember my mom didnt want me to watch it every year she’d dread it bc it was such a bummer lol

8. brother bear 2 - ok nah introducing the new girl character was actually a baller move, and the concept was pretty cool. they just didnt make it fit very well and ngl the entire rest of the movie also feels disconnected from the first. had a lot of good dots but no good connection ya dig. also even though they tried in the end it was still just a ‘we have to give this character a love interest’ movie which kinda trumps the whole reason the first movie revolved around brotherhood. it aint wife bear

7. cinderella II: dreams come true - i barely remember it i am literally just giving it this high of a rating bc the romance between the baker and one of the stepsisters was so fucking wholesome. that true love lives in my head bitch xoxo

6. the rescuers down under - i never saw the original so when i saw this on tv i thought it was the original , thats how quality it was imo. i just hardly remember it and had no real urge to seek it out again for years. its eye catching but not super duper memorable

5. the little mermaid II: return to the sea - ik most of the plot is just the first movie reversed but i actually rly liked the character melody and how they inverted a lot of the concepts, its just. a lot of it includes secondhand embarrassment and some of it rly is too lazy for me to ignore. solid B- for me

4. the lion king II: simbas pride - INCREDIBLE soundtrack, nothing can beat the first but its still Baller, and the newly introduced characters are all iconic. my only qualm is how like. the concept of bigoted simba is very hard to watch which ik ik it makes some sense with the events of the first movie but jfc my man does not have a great look in this one

3. mulan II - most ppl hate this one?? but i actually rly loved the princess characters and the music as well, i watched it a LOT growing up. the whole mushu trying to break up mulan and shang thing is equal parts entertaining and frustrating. and the animation is a tad bit... off. but like am i ever gonna FORGET mulan hanging off the bridge and reaching for her man and screaming with her entire heart? or the way she kinda parallels his ‘ping, hold on’ from the first movie with ‘shang, hang on’? no

2. peter pan II: return to neverland - broe....... howd they take the racist misogynistic trainwreck that was the first film and make this. its so fucking good, it has emotional depth and speaks to kids who feel they are being forced into growing up too fast by showcasing wendys daughter going thru WORLD WAR II and making her an incredibly realistic portrayal of a traumatized kid, pairing her with the happy go lucky peter pan and the lost boys who CANT grow up, symbolizing the death of her innocence with the way that her not believing in fairies is slowly killing tinkerbell, it all just makes for a really impactful movie. and even in a kids movie sense its just so entertaining and at times really funny and/or whimsical? not to mention the ‘i’ll try’ song/scene gets me crying every single time. beautiful movie dude the only reason its 2nd is bc it is , So emotional that im not always in the MOOD to watch it bc i have to prepare a little

1. the lion king 1 1/2 - god yes i fuckign loved and still love this one so much. the music is fire the comedy still makes me laugh so hard and the whole idea is so fucking genuinely clever. god bless whoever came up with this one i had it on dvd and im p sure i watched it for years till it was so scratched up it wouldnt play anymore, 11/10

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight�� came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

[janellion]

HAPPPYYY BOKAY THURSDAYYYYYY!!!!!!!! *que air horns* Anyways would you like to write some 80’s AU Bokay head cannons?? Like how you first met??

TYSM FOR THE ASK BB!! i’m sorry it took so long for me to get to it! this ended up being,, WAY longer than i anticipated? i just went off on one idea so this is less general hcs and kinda how we met and got together! also i made a moodboard for no reason? 

OK SO this is a college/uni bokay late 80s/early 90s au!!

bo is there on a sports scholarship (likely american football or maybe rugby) and also part of one of the frats on campus!!

so he’s not trying as hard as he could be on the academics side

THIS ISNT BC HES NOT SMART

i know a lot of ppl don’t see bo as smart BUT HE IS

he’s just focusing on other things and using his smarts to plan the best parties that campus has ever seen

so as a result of his scholarship, he has to keep his grades up

unfortunately, he’s slipping in a couple of his classes and gets told he needs to find a tutor and that’s where i come in!!

i work at the academic success center (i actually did do this in college!) and so he’s one of the students that i get assigned to work w

our tutoring sessions consist of a lot of him semi flirting but also blushing?

he’s embarrassed bc he’s here to get help even tho he could have done the work he’s just kinda lazy and gets distracted when there’s a million other things on his plate

like practice and workouts and training and the ton of frat events he attends

so the flirting is a lot of “you look different today, did you get a haircut or something?” “actually i slept like 3 hours thanks for noticing” and then awkward silences

bc im over here thinking ‘WHAT THE FUCK THIS GUY IS SO HOT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS ON SPANISH LITERATURE WHEN HE LOOKS LIKE THAT AHHHH’

at least at first?? but then he does all this cute stuff during tutoring sessions like chewing on the end of his pencil or doodling little notes in the margins of his books, or using cute photos of his family back home as a bookmark

and then it goes from just appreciating him as eye candy to ‘well shit i kinda wanna love him forever’

we go on with tutoring for a while, but eventually bo’s grades pick up and he doesn’t need the appointments anymore

both of us are a little too shy and awkward to say anything on the last session so we both go home at the end just kicking ourselves for not asking for a phone number or to meet up or anything

we don’t see each other for a while

or at least bo doesn’t see me for a while

i go to all of his home games and cheer him on but he doesn’t know bc i like to sit at the top and leave before the crowd heads out

but he’s always searching the crowd at games, trying to see if i’m there, and feeling a pit in his stomach whenever he sweeps the crowd and doesn’t immediately see me

one night some months later, after the season has ended, i’m waking back to my dorm through greek row bc i’m a slut for architecture and none other than bo is walking out of one of the large building wearing a toga, a crown of poorly painted gold leaves around his head, his face flushed, and a huge grin on his face

i stop in my tracks momentarily at the sight, wondering if i’ve actually passed out in the library and am dreaming

but then bo’s voice calling my name is ringing through the sounds of the party drifting through the open doorway behind him and he’s bounding over, the grin on his face growing

as he gets closer, i see the flush in his face and the slight stumble in his step and brace myself for impact as he crashes into me for a hug, his arms wrapping around my waist and lifting me up

“uh bo???” i’m blushing and trying to free myself from his grip ok i’m not trying that hard WHO WOULDNT WANNA BE IN HIS ARMS

but he’s just grinning and laughing before setting me down and grabbing my hand, pulling me into the brightly lit doorway and up the stairs of the house

“i’ve been kicking myself for not asking you out ages ago so let’s go out now!! we could get burgers or just walk around the city or get ice cream or go skinny dipping or —“ he cuts himself off, looking back at me with wide eyes as his smile drops for a moment while he lets go of my hand

“oh my god i mean if you want to of course i’m so sorry this probably seems so creepy and pushy —“ he babbles on, his facial expression now one of panic instead of excitement

i just laugh, still kind of thinking that i’m dreaming, and reassure him with a squeeze of his hand and a small smile, “bo no that all sounds amazing, i’d love to. i was hoping we’d run into each other too”

at this, his grin returns to his face as he continues bounding up the stairs and down a hall, before pulling me into a bedroom

“aren’t we moving kinda fast?” i tease him as i look around the incredibly chaotic room

bo turns around with a shocked look on his face before it melts into a grin and a hearty laugh as he sees the teasing look on my face

“i’m just getting changed! can’t go out on the town in a toga,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks to the closer. “don’t look,” he turns around and waffles his eyebrows at me with a grin, before pulling out a shirt and some jeans

as he gets changed, i turn around and look around the the room, not failing to notice the sticky notes littering his desk, little messages and reminders that i’d written for him during our tutoring sessions

i feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see bo, eyes excited and face still slightly flushed, but now fully dressed

he sees me eyeing the sticky notes on his desk and blushes even more, a hand going to rub at his neck before he’s laughing and grabbing one, looking at it affectionately before sticking it back down

“they help me stay focused, you know? remind me that i should be working hard. you really helped me a lot”

before i can respond, he’s grabbing my hand and pulling me down the stairs, out the door, and into the fresh night air

we walk around the city, getting to know each other better over burgers before getting ice cream and MAYBE SKINNY DIPPING IDK 👀

at the end of the night, we head back to my dorm, deciding to watch a movie and since “it’s close enough, and we might as well stay up to watch the sunrise” 

we end up putting on a movie, something fun and light like hercules, and cuddle up on the couch, falling asleep just before the sun rises 

+++

THE WAY I COULD HAVE KEPT WRITING I-- IM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG AHHH

tysm for requesting this bb!! i rly didn’t think i’d be able to write much bc i don’t rly “get” decades aus? i think it’s bc there aren’t many POC in media from the 80s and 90s and so it’s hard to picture for me! but N E WAYS, this was my best attempt!! it was a lot of fun to write once i got into the mindset!! and thank yall for reading if you got this far?? I LOVE YOU 

🌻 bokay taglist (also my faves): @deadontheinsidebut @stcrryskies @sstardusty @zoni @kuronekomama @anianimol @the-kool-aid-man-is-real @nekoma-hoe @sugacookiies @churochuu @shoyosun @achoohq @miel-meraki @dearest-kiyoomi and i’m tagging @strawberriimilkshake @yamagucciii bc i think y’all might like to see this as well?

#✨bokay thursday✨ #bokay 🌻 #bokuto🌻 kayla #bokay aus!! #i love one (1) man #and its bokuto koutarou

[yikeswtfmate]

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number:  also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex: 

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it? 

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

*

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

*

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe: 

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #social media au #bucky barnes social media au #bucky barnes au #social media #bucky barnes texts

[peaches-writes]

would i trust skz with my grades 

chan - i’d trust him with an rrl & doing a data gathering session on his own and that’s the highest compliment i could give someone tbvh the level of reliability and resourcefulness is so *chef’s kiss* this boy would NEVER fail you will carry his weight in the group and goes the extra mile even when he’s not the group leader because honestly iSN’T THAT WHAT GROUPMATES ARE SUPPOSED TO DO also he prolly also likes the library for summ reason like i like the library too i like actually looking at books for work and not just sitting there to stare at my laptop and hoard the air conditioning & electric sockets but he does it w/o hesitation like he gets in there and actually looks for books for the paper and that’s admirable shit right there canonically i have a crush on college campus heartthrob chan in all of his soft boy senior who’s kind to everyone forms and i think we should just discuss this

minho - we’d prolly fight once during brainstorming bc he suggested the one (1) wild ass topic proposal & thesis statement that the thesis adviser surprisingly liked (?) like GETS in a topic proposal there’s usually the underdeveloped topic the group just threw in there bc y’all could dream LOL, the topic everyone ACTUALLY likes and wants to do, and the filler topic that’s so wild but for summ reason gets the adviser’s attention like he suggests the THIRD one and it’s gonna spark a mini fist fight but it’s cool lee minho lee know is smart he knows what he’s doing 

changbin - he seems like ur 2 am google docs buddy where you know the one where all of your classmates have gone to take short naps & promised to come back at 4 am to finish their parts or just straight up SKIPPED on writing the paper the night before the deadline & the two of you like gave up halfway to communicate & consistently update each other via chat just so now you’re just competing over who’s gonna leave the website first ALSO IDK he reminds me of that one guy on twt who like hovered their gdocs cursor over their crush’s and said something like we were holding hands on gdocs im sorry my humor’s encountering an error atm

hyunjin - starbucks study buddy who’d fight u for the seat near the electric socket and will prolly be too chatty all throughout the thing like you just want to SUMMARIZE THIS LONG ASS ARTICLE IN PEACE but hyunjin’s sitting across from you while he’s typing obnoxiously loud and fast on his laptop while also scrolling thru his insta dump on his phone and showing you the latest tea on ur grpmates who refuse to do their parts sdhfksld but he’ll treat u to wings for lunch after bc u deserve it later dont get mad at him !!!! 

jisung - i’d pick him in class bc i can’t do public speaking to save my life, im too shy to approach people for surveys & interviews, i hate computer shops (!!!) and bc every stressed out research group needs a bubbly moodmaker to balance out the lack of optimism in getting a passing grade might also hav a crush on him if he dresses up extra on thesis defense day im just sayin like jisung in a kinda wrinkled button up he forgot to iron before coming to school in the color ur grpmates agreed to color-coordinate for ur presentation plus black blazer + slacks combo and then MESSY FLOOFY HAIR bc it’s just u & the scariest profs in ur department he doesn’t need to slick his hair up but it’s sooo adorable wtf u want me to treat u to iced coffee after this sTAY RIGHT THERE IM GOING TO TIM HORTON’S 

felix - i’ll end up doing most of the work for him not bc he’s lazy or deadweight (aka the usual reasons why i’m always overworked in a researched group) but bc i’m whipped for him like omg baby just go and cook the pancit canton for the group and rest i’ll do ur work for yOU ARE YOU HAVING DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING THE SOURCE MATERIAL DO I HAVE TO PUNCH THE SOURCE MATERIAL FOR YOU I GOT YOU OKAY 

seungmin - 100% no questions asked i’d trust him with my life in a life-threatening situation ofc i’d trust him with my grades he’ll prolly turn up to ur grp meetings w his resources ready and a sorta clear ide aon what to do alr like that’s HOT but more importantly i’d also trust him w ranting abt deadweight groupmates he’d prolly be that one (1) trustworthy groupmate of urs who’s also like super sassy n goes omg just remove their names from the title page if they dont want to do their work !!! then actually tells ur deadweight grpmates off after bc injustice ???? i wont stand for it !!!! 

jeongin - idk why jeongin exudes that classmate who has a decent printer that the entire class takes advantage of for a whole semester it’s prolly why he’s late to class all the time or coming to school haggard with all the stacks of paper he has to carry (until he decided one day to just fuck it and bring the printer to school) like bruh just make it a business also that one classmate of urs who’s like literally running all the time bc ur class is in one building, the campus library’s on the OTHER SIDE, and the conference room for the thesis defense is on a whole ‘nother planet and he gets the unfortunate task of transferring the final research paper copies and escorting groups to the thesis panel pls save him my poor bby lemme buy u iced coffee

#and eye oop #the whipped for felix agenda continues #i only hav one grpwork left tmi #but like #im too lazy to do the research #i did do the poster templates yesterday tho and i liked how they turned out!!!! #hopefully my grpmates like them too lol

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

[ghost-ghost-baby]

Talk to me // Dabi x Tomura x Reader soulmate au // (poly)

a/n: look,,,, im not gonna lie i had to split this bc i wasn’t sure if i wanted the next part to b angst heavy or smut heavy. or both. so enjoy! warnings: angstish,,, self harm mention,,, yandere themes,,,, i think thats it???  requests: open 

The world hated you, that was it. Was it because of how you used your quirk? Quite possibly, you’d turned to a villains life without batting an eye, hadn’t you? Still, you didn’t think that meant you deserved this. You’d joined the league a month ago, Toga had bugged you until you gave in, it’s not like you had anything better to do. It’d been good, for about a day, and then like your life always seemed to do, it went to shit. Dabi and Shigaraki had come back, all over each other which was frankly what you’d expected from what Toga told you. You couldn’t really blame them, they were soulmates, you were kinda happy for them at first, until they’d spoken to you. 

“You must be Toga’s friend.” 

“You’re not what I was expecting.” 

Words had burned through your soul, you’d been waiting to hear those words since you were sixteen, and now this- this was happening? You hadn’t spoken, not wanting them to know, only nodding before you’d turned back to Toga. 

Luckily you could avoid them with relative ease, you didn’t live at the base, you had a nice apartment all to yourself that you loved. You’d worked hard for it, it was your home. And right now you missed it more than you thought possible. You could be curled up in bed with a drink… maybe some weed, but no, instead you were on some bullshit mission with Dabi. Well, technically the mission was finished, you were walking back now. He hadn’t pressed you to talk, him and Shigaraki just… thought you didn’t at this point.

“So, what’s with you and avoiding me and Tomura.” Dabi’s words had you freezing in place, biting your tongue until you tasted blood.

“I mean, it’s kinda obvious, you’re friends with everyone except us, and I want to know what you’re hiding.” You grit your teeth, you were almost back at the base, Toga was waiting for you and you could-

“Hey, stop being such a bitch!” Dabi hissed, hand clamping around your arm and making you yelp. Your eyes locked on his, mouth still shut tight and worry pounding through your veins. His grip tightened and you winced, sharp pain followed b a warmth that could only mean-

“What the fuck?” Dabi didn’t pull his hand back, staring at the blood that soaked through your shirt, coating his fingers and revealing something you’d managed to keep hidden for years. Fucking dumbass, he should have left you alone. 

“Y/n, is-”

“Fuck off, Dabi. I know what I’m doing.” You hissed, wrenching your arm away and bolting to the nearest club, he’d never go there. 

The club was higher end than you’d usually go, but heroes came here and you were betting on that to hide you. 

“There you are Y/n! Ths place was so hard to find!” Toga slid into the booth next to you, happily grabbing the drink you’d gotten for her. 

“Yeah, but no one we know comes here.” You were already on your second drink, although your friend seemed determined to catch up. 

“Good point Y/n! You were always so smart!”

“Shhhh, Toga we don’t wanna wake anyone up!” You whispered, hand covering your mouth to muffle your laughter. It was almost four am, everyone else was sleeping and you and Toga had decided to go back to the base after realizing there was no way you’d be able to make it your apartment. You made it to her room without incident, thank god, closing the door before the two of you dissolved into giggles. 

“God, we haven’t done this in ages!” Toga sat on the bed, you following without a moment of hesitation. 

“It’s been too long.” You agreed, lazy grin overtaking your face as you leant forward. Toga’s face mirrored yours, she’d always been good at picking up your moods, and her hands wound around your neck as you kissed her. You pushed her down on the bed, god her lips were so soft, hands trailing over her to try and get her clothes off. Toga was just as desperate, her fangs dragging along your lips and you weren’t even surprised when you felt a knife rip through your clothes. 

“You owe me another pair of jeans Toga.” Your tone was light, briefly pulling away before you focused on her neck.

“I always pay you back Y/n, you know that.” Her hands pulled off the shreds of your clothes, fabric littering the bed around you. You nodded,, lidded eyes fixed on Toga as you settled between her legs, pushing her skirt up and hooking your fingers on the band of her underwear. 

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Shigaraki hissed, and you couldn’t help but turn, eyes looking him and Dabi over. 

“You’re welcome to join.” You smirked, watching him tremble at the words. 

“Dabi, grab them.” He turned and left, leaving you with Toga and Dabi.

“You guys wanna have a threesome?” You joked, too drunk to grasp the situation as Dabi scoffed, tugging you up by your wrist. 

“Okay so that’s a no… just lemme grab a shir-”

“God you’re stupid.” Dabi shook his head, covering you in his jacket before scooping you up.

“Okay, easy there big boy, have you see-seen my quirk? I’m great.” You slurred, head too heavy to do anything except fall to Dabi’s shoulder.

“Whatever you say.”

“What the fuck happened last night?” You groaned as sunlight hit your face, hand pushing your hair out of your face. You weren’t in your apartment, and you were wearing someone else’s shirt. 

“God not again, I hope my pants are around…” You pushed the covers off, thankful the shirt was big enough to fall past mid thigh. 

“What’re you doing?”

“Looking for my- Dabi?” You jumped back, arms crossing over your chest. “Oh this is bad, I knew I was shitty but I’ve never gone for taken people… I really need to lay off the booze.” You mumbled, hand coming up to rub at the back of your neck. 

“We didn’t sleep together. However, you did come home plastered at four am, and Tomura and I had to stop you fucking Toga and bring you back here. You passed out.” Dabi’s voice was cold and you frowned. Feelings warred for dominance, the strongest being the fact they had no business who you slept with, you weren’t theirs. 

“Okay, good to know. I’m gonna go uh, find some clothes and ask Kurogiri to warp me back home.” 

“I don’t think so. Tomura was crushed last night, and he doesn’t want you leaving the base.”

“Excuse me? Fuck that Dabi, I’m fucking going.” 

“No, you’re not. We’re gonna wait for him to get back, and when that happens we’re all gonna sit down and have a nice little chat.” 

You’d never been in a situation this tense, Dabi was standing by the door and you were left on the bed, trying to cover as much as you could with one shirt. You could have sworn there was an anxiety rash on the back of your neck, and your fingers were itching to find something sharp. Your nails had been getting long, maybe you could-

“Don’t even think about using your quirk.” You startled, eyes jumping up to meet red ones. You’d never seen Shigaraki this mad before. It was… kinda hot you had to admit. 

“Look, Shigaraki, Dabi, I really don’t see the big-”

“How long have you been hiding this from us?” Shigaraki’s voice was cold, hands twitching by his side.

“Uh well… since you guys spoke to me, I guess. You already had a good thing going and I didn’t wanna… screw it up.” 

“That wasn’t your choice to make.”

“Yeah, well, I made it anyway.” You were already getting defensive, walls and masks flying back up before you could do anything.

“We’ve been waiting for you for years, brat. How the fuck could you not say anything, you’re our-”

“I’m not yours, actually, and now if you don’t mind, I’m going to find Toga. She owes me some pants.” You were pushed down as soon as you stood up, when had Shigaraki gotten that close? 

“What the fu-” You went silent as Shigaraki clipped a bracelet around your wrist, hands surprisingly gentle and you wanted to crawl out of your skin when his fingers brushed up against your scars.

“Don’t touch me.” You hissed, arm pulled back as though it had burned. In a way it had, it was too much. 

“Don’t talk to him like that.” Dabi finally spoke, you’d forgotten about him, actually. Wow, you really were a shitty soulmate.

“We can touch you as much as we like, you’re our soulmate.”

“Shigaraki, look-”

“Call me Tomura.” 

“Shiga-”

“Do you really wanna finish that sentence?” Hands grabbed onto your legs and you shut your eyes, waiting for his quirk to kill you, only to be able to open your eyes a second later, still alive.

“Huh?”

“The bracelet makes you immune to my quirk, Dabi has one too.” 

“Keep in mind, your bracelet also cancels your quirk, until we can trust you.” 

“Okay, I’m out.” You shook your head, trying to push Tomura off of you. 

“You haven’t even given us a chance. We’ve been dreaming of finding you since our words appeared and you won’t even give us a chance?” You were caught off guard at that, you’d never seen those red eyes look sad. 

“I uh, it’s not you guys, it’s me! I’m just… really a lot to handle, and uh… you guys seemed so happy I just didn’t wanna mess anything up?” You trailed off as the pair exchanged a look. That couldn’t be good, honestly you couldn’t see it ending up well for you. 

“Well if that’s all,”

“We’ll just have to show you how important you are to us.”

Great, they finished each other sentences. You were certainly in for a treat. 

“It’s no big deal, you guys really don’t-”

“You obviously need our help, need us. Did you know staying away from your soulmate for long periods of time declines your mental state?” Dabi scoffed despite walking over to the bed, letting his hand rest on Tomura’s shoulder. 

Okay, you didn’t know that, and it must’ve shown on your face. Tomura reached out, hand cupping your face, and you didn’t know if you liked the way it burned. 

“We’re gonna have so much fun.”

#yandere imagines #shigaraki x reader #dabi x reader #yandere shigararaki x reader #yandere tomura x reader #tomura x reader #yandere #yandere dabi #dabi bnha #yandere tomura #yandere shigaraki #x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x you #bnha x reader #bnha yandere #yandere my hero academia #yandere drabble

[adrianjpg]

tagged by @kylerichards i love u!!!!!!!!!!!!

nickname - ade 

zodiac - leo sun, aquarius moon, capricorn rising,,,also gemini venus i think thats an Important part of my personality

height - 5'6″ ish short king

last thing I googled - “valentines day imdb” bc i remembered this movie exists

song stuck in my head - beige by yoke lore

number of followers - im too lazy to check like 70ish idk

amount of sleep - ok dont ask me about my sleep schedule its fucked but on friday i slept for 14 hours <3 and the next day i slept for 4 <3 i love being stressed!!!!

lucky number(s) - 6, 7, 21.....i Think

dream job - i Simply do Not Dream of labor..........idk i wanted to get into academia but thats not happening,,,,still on the fence abt getting into publishing and shit even tho it’s Literally what i studied at uni for 5 yrs....my future, career wise, is a big shrug emoji

wearing - yall caught me on my way to bed so im just wearing underwear kjdfghkjsdf

favorite animal - dogs ig??? also lions??? and seals 

when I made this account - last year i think?? ive had so many rp blogs in the last few years, i mix them up, time isnt real anyway

why I made this account - peer pressure,,,,,,,jk but yeah everyone jad a rp blog and i DIDN’T 

favorite song - begin the beguine by artie shaw but also i refuse to just pick one so plz refer to my all time faves playlist if u wanna know who i  am as a person

favorite instrument - violin but also. hear me out. a bodhrán. 

aesthetic - i KNOW i keep linking things but i Literally have a whole ass pinterest board for this

favorite author - viktor shklovsky, oscar wilde, wilfred owen, edward stachura

favorite book - literally ANY essay by shklovsky, his works r pretty much the reason why i didnt drop out of my MA jksdgkjd, a place called winter by patrick gale, angels in america by tony kushner, the history boys by alan bennett, ari & dante, the picture of dorian gray, a little life by hanya yanagihara, i REFUSE to just pick one ok

favorite movie - the institute (2013), treasure planet, dead poets society, the history boys, top hat, funny face, rope...i could gO ON

favorite animal noise - cat noises!!!!!!

random - i have a test from latin on tuesday and i literally havent started studying yet also can my supervisor please email me back and set a date for my thesis exam i wanna get it over with :/

#( ooc. ) #im not tagging anyone bc everyone i know has alREADY BEEN TAGGED #anyway hope u enjoyed this oversharing sesh this post sums me up p accurately

[dinokeis]

self ship with tsukki things

putting this under a read more bc it’s actually really long and i go off on a tangent quite a lot

also i know this is really unrealistic but let a girl live out her dreams :”-)

how we met + first impressions:

so im an exchange student at tsukki’s university

lets just assume i can already speak pretty fluent japanese OK

we met through common friends

like we were planning a surprise birthday party for said friend and we both had to communicate with each other to plan it and all

tsukki hates parties but he felt bad if he didnt help out at least since this friend was his roommate after all and his roommate did help him cover some chores occasionally

so during the actual day of the party we “officially” met and tsukki was being all snarky and his usual salty self and i was like “ok who is this tree and why is he so salty” but i just brushed it off bc i aint got the time to deal with it

THEN HE PROBABLY SAYS SOME SNARKY REMARK TOWARDS ME LIKE i was trying to put up the birthday banner or something and make sure it’s aligned but im short so the struggleTM is real and tsukki sees it and hes like “wow even on a chair you still need to tiptoe”

and im like “??????? at least i dont get hit in the face by door frames” yes i know im lame i cant think of a comeback nOW

and in tsukki’s head hes like “OH?” bc people usually dont sass him back and hes just so amazed and that i dont look japanese but i speak fluent japanese ???

so he got curious and just snooped around and found out that im actually an exchange student and then he kinda gets interested in me bc i make pretty good snarky remarks and we both have the same vibes and all issa same tired of your shit energy

also when i got a proper look at tsukki i was like “the tall guy in the glasses is hella cute” AND I LOVE HIS SALTY REMARKS TOO

i took the first step and like contacted him and befriended him and we both found out more about each other and got closer

how we got together + dates:

ok so im stupid and i actually cant tell when someone likes me you have to actually spell it out for me

tsukki and i spent a lot of time together like just the both of us and we both studied together and ate together whenever we had the time

tsukki is smart and he wants to keep his grades up and im just trying my best to even pass i am so bad at studies but we’re both in different majors so we just study together and make sure that we dont get distracted and lazy (me especially)

i drag him to school events he didnt plan on going initially

so like we had a lot of “dates” to cafes, libraries, me just crashing at his dorm room

i go support him at his volleyball matches and he does the same for me at my table tennis matches

somewhere along the way i get confused with my feelings and all like do i like like him or am i just being nice ???? what if he doesnt like me back ??? what do i do ???? but i dont tell anyone about it and i mainly keep it to myself 

and tsukki realises that he likes me but he doesnt act on those feelings bc i didnt exactly show any “signs” of liking him back

so here comes the slow burn and all our friends can tell we both like each other but one is stupid and the other is stubborn and they both know that we both will just give them the death glare about it

until the last week left of my exchange and im packing up my things to fly back home and tsukki is helping me pack

and he saw that i had put up a picture of the both of us from one of his volleyball matches (it was my favourite picture of us) and in that moment he realizes that he might have a chance bc i dont exactly like to put pictures up and ive said that only if it meant a lot to me i would put it up

so he just went like “fuck it shes leaving and god knows when i’ll see her again”

AND HE JUST TELLS ME “so uh i like you”

and im just in shock and all and i start crying bc like i came here for exchange and to make memories but here i am falling in love with this tall french fry and now im going back soon and basically im overwhelmed with emotions

and tsukki doesnt know what to do bc he has never actually seen me cry ??? i dont cry in front of people unless im really comfortable with you and trust you wholely

hes trying to comfort me and figure out what to do and i tell him everything that i had bottled up and was feeling

AND THEN after i had calmed down he went and bought a whole strawberry shortcake and we just ate the entire thing in one sitting

i love strawberry shortcake i refuse to have any other cake but that for my birthdays

on the day i had to fly back home tsukki sent me to the airport and he asked me if i wanted to give us a try especially with the long distance and i said yeah bc like im already in deep and i love him with my whole ass heart

after:

when im back home we facetime and talk to each other everyday

my parents asked how my exchange was and i told them about everything

except i left the part out about me and tsukki getting together and stuff bc yknow they would probably kill me if they knew i FELL IN LOVE

but they soon picked up on it bc like who is this dude im facetiming everyday and im talking in japanese too instead of english and they suspected

so my mum just casually “you guys are together right”

and i cant deny it bc im as red as a tomato

during one of his breaks he actually flies over to visit me and im just A CRYING MESS AGAIN bc this boy would do anything for me even though he acts all unbothered on the outside

he flew all the way to see me im :”-)

HE MEETS MY PARENTS

my mum, upon seeing him personally for the first time: *looks at me and goes* “why are you so short”

me: “hes ???? literally ????? a tREE ??????” (also mum youre only slightly taller than mE)

tsukki is all nervous bc my parents dont speak japanese so he has to speak to them in english and hes worried that his english isnt good enough but MY MUM IS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND MY DAD TOO

my mum says his english is better than mine

we’re still together even after we both graduate and i decide to move to japan so no more long distance and we get to see each other more !! (plus ive always wanted to move to another country and now i have an actual reason too !!!)

also we both have a killer death glare get on our wrong side and prepare to die

basically i love this tall salty boy and i would die for him

everyone wonders how i deal with his salty ass but it’s just im equally salty and we both love that about each other

THE END

-

also im just gonna tag @raevaioli bc i wanna see the raeji ;-)

#ok I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GONNA BE THIS LONG #self ship #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!! #tsukki

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[kindlespice]

ooooh skin stuff?? what products do you use / what's your routine? im super nosy and fascinated about this stuff lol

oof, sorry this took so long to answer, i ended up writing a whole damn novel… my b. Anyway i buy my skin care pretty much exclusively from yesstyle (minus a few exceptions, but i’m always open to new suggestions! i am gonna take a look at jolse soon) so i’ll just link the products from there. Also i have a little dinky code for like 2-5% off if you wanna save like… $1 it’s 5NAYTT

Disclaimers before i start though, I have normal skin (i know i’m so lucky uwu) so i generally don’t stress about whether my products work better or worse for dry/oily skin—but i do tend to favor more hydrating/moisturizing products. Also i’m no esthetician or dermatologist, most of my knowledge comes from product reviews, skin care videos, and my own personal experiences. So basically take everything I say and share with a grain of salt :))

We’ll start out easy with my morning routine:

1.)  Mostly i start by wetting my face with warm water. you can also wet it in the shower if you’re a morning shower-er(?) but i’m not lol. IF my skin is feeling really dirty in the morning for some reason though (like if i sweat real bad on a summer night or drown in a pool of drool x-x) i’ll start with the Perfect Whip foaming cleanser

i find that most mornings, bc of my more extensive night routine, my face isn’t often in need of a cleanser

but i really like this bc you get SO MUCH use out of so little product; i use less than a dime-size amount per wash. but i do use this little foam maker thingy which builds up a better and faster foam than using my hands—not necessary but very convenient. there’s also foaming nets you can try, but i’m not familiar with them.

i don’t completely dry my face after use; i like it damp when i apply the toner

2.)  Apply Klairs Supple Preparation Toner

i personally use the original version as i don’t mind essential oil scents, and my skin doesn’t react negatively to them. If oils bother you for whatever reason though, you might want to try the unscented version!

i also pour this into a spray bottle (you can pick these up pretty much anywhere but these are cute if you wanna order some) and apply via spray. No reason other than I just don’t want to buy cotton pads :)

3.)  Apply Snail Repairing Essence

i use this pretty much as a moisturizer but you might want to use an additional cream or something if your skin is on the drier side?

4.)  Apply SPF

okay so… i don’t actually have a rec for this bc i just use whatever my mom has.  and i haven’t actually gotten a korean sunscreen yet bc i don’t go outside and i’m that person (who is v dumb) and doesn’t apply spf consistently in the winter -.- but rest assured, i’ll get some eventually lololol

Okay like i said, pretty easy in the morning! I don’t use essences, just bc i’m still young and a lot of them seem to be focused on anti-aging things that aren’t my main concern. And I prefer to use my serum at night bc it’s got vitamin C and i just told you i’m bad at sunscreen

But night time is where it gets complicated fun:

1.)  Hop in the shower (but if you’re not a nighttime shower-er then you can just cleanse out of the shower) and go in with the Clean It Zero cleansing balm (this also has other versions: purifying, revitalizing, and nourishing but i’ve only ever used the original)

i usually do double cleansing at night, so this is my oil-based “first cleanser”

but i have been known to um… “gloss over” this step if i’m being lazy….. -.-

i like oil-based cleansers bc they’re a nice, gentle way to remove makeup (as opposed to wipes and stuff) and i do use this to remove eye makeup as it personally doesn’t irritate my eyes; i also prefer balms over straight up oils bc they’re more fun ^-^

anyway, i massage it on, emulsify, and rinse! also, if you’re not in the shower, i would keep my face damp after rinsing.

2.)  Perfect Whip foaming cleanser while still in the shower

pro-tip, if you have a foam maker, i would make the foam BEFORE you start. that way you can just apply it right after the balm!

again, i keep my face damp after rinsing off the foam and hopping out of the shower

3.)  Klairs Supple Preparation Toner returns!

again, i have mine in a spray bottle so i spray it on and tap it in!

4.)  IF IT’S SUNDAY, then i will go in with the Lemon Sparkling Peeling Gel next

this is a chemical exfoliator (i finally ditched my knock-off st. ives XD) and i only use it once a week

5.) IF IT’S SUNDAY, and i have one available, i’ll put on a sheet mask next

sheet masks are… honestly all the same to me lol but i order these innisfree ones all the time; my regulars being green tea, tea tree, and aloe (they’re actually cheaper on their website tho so…).  i also really wanna try the A’PIEU Milk Packs particularly in banana and strawberry, so i’ll probs order and try those out when i can justify spending the money on a whole bunch (knowing me i’ll turn it into a whole $40+ order lol)

i leave these on for 15-20 minutes (usually 20), take it off, and pat the remaining product into my skin

also there’s usually some left over on the other side of the mask and/or in the package that i’ll massage onto my neck and body (we try not to do not waste product in this house!!)

if i’ve done a mask, then i will most likely skip this next step

6.)  Apply Klairs Vitamin C Drop

this is pretty much my daily serum as it helps with improving my dark spots and hyper pigmentation (my main skin concern)

i take 3-5 DROPS in my hand… that’s it, i literally wasted so much before i finally decided to stop dropping it onto my face.

apply and pat that bad boy all over!!

7.)  Snail Repairing Essence  returns!

again this is my probably-not-supposed-to-be-but-idfc moisturizer so i just slap it on!

8.)  Almost done, here’s the Snail Repair Eye Cream

this is actually new, but i bought a smaller tube bc 1. i didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on something that might irritate my eyes. and 2. i didn’t. want. to spend. a bunch. of money. but the little nozzle is actually really helpful for getting a small, good amount of cream actually XD

so i’ll squeeze a little line (more like an oblong dot tho) under each eye and use my ring fingers to glide that up to the lid and pat in the product.

9.)  Last one! Berry Lip Mask

basically…. i even buy korean knock-offs lololol

i just apply this to my bottom lip (my top lip never causes me issues??) and let it sit over night

Anddddd that’s everything! Very nearly got to that 10 step dream but, no essence, no clout i guess. Anyway, i do have some additional pro-tips too:

If you’re buying/trying new skin care products, be patient and introduce them slowly. it’s hard, but this way—if one or more products are causing a reaction—it’s easy to just cut it out of the routine. Also i like to think it gives your skin time to become used to the new ingredients and to “normalize” before piling on new stuff (but that could be total bs lol)

“Listen” to your skin; use products that make YOUR skin feel good, and use products when YOU need them. especially with serums and stuff, invest in products that will help you to address your skin concerns and achieve your skin goals (whatever those may be at the time)—and not someone else’s. Also don’t be afraid to admit if a product’s not working, better to chuck it than ruin your skin you know?

From someone who’s experienced a very unpleasant, burning unibrow :))) don’t remove hair on exfoliation day and avoid putting a lot of product on sensitive areas. Also, doing some sort of cleanse before hair removal helps to reduce the risk of dirt and stuff getting into the exposed skin.

Oh and be gentle with your exfoliators (whether physical or chemical) DON’T SCRUB FOR THE LOVE OF PETE to avoid cuts and burns!

If you have a spot (or feel one coming up) , use some sort of spot treatment. you’re much less likely to pick with something if it’s covered up by a patch (these are my faves) which will reduce irritation and formation of dark spots.

Be as hygienic as possible! There’s no towel drying steps in my routine for two main reasons. 1, i like keeping the moisture and hydration from the water as long as possible. and 2, bacteria. is. everywhere. Towels are pretty gross when you think about it and limiting contact between them and your face will probably greatly improve your skin’s health. Also avoid touching nozzle or dropper applicators directly to your hands or face: that way the applicator won’t come in contact with any bacteria or germs and transfer that gunk onto your face every time you use it. Washing your hands and/or tools that DO touch your face is also important in, again, reducing the spread of random gunk.

Take it slow, relax, and enjoy it! Skin time is my relaxation time (especially sunday nights oml so awesome!!), it’s honestly one of the best parts of my day just being able to kick back and take care of myself. Try not to make it a chore, it isn’t supposed to feel regimented or overwhelming, but relaxing and fun!

Okay that’s really it!! And yeah this got really really long….. sorry if you actually only wanted my yesstyle recs XD

#i really didn't mean for it to be this long #i just kept on typing #idk this stuff gets me excited lolol #let me know if any of you guys use these products or have any recs #i'm always on the hunt for new stuff to try!! #plus i'm also nosy and fascinated by people's routines and go-tos XD #asks #should i start a skin care tag? #i'll put it here just in case #kspice.care #non sims #Anonymous