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#just me and some bad lighting
ziracona · 3 days ago
How do otherwise decent people just seek out and start relationships with other people, entirely of their own volition and by choice and on purpose, could not have been more optional, then succeed in befriending their target and getting close to them, become cared about and have time and effort and emotion spent on them, and then stop caring about any of it and bail on the whole thing and run away the moment they’d have to do any work for the relationship to exist, instead of just cashing in on someone else as a passtime...
#I am so sad. I just don’t understand how it’s easy for some people to flip emotions towards others on and off like light switches. how can#it be so easy not to care. or not to try or not to communicate or bother even officially saying goodbye just fucking around from life to#life and playing it off as normal or quirky or victimless.#I don’t get it I don’t. I have a hard time stopping caring about people long after things go /south/ even. completely anyway#why does friendship not matter in a demonstratable way? how? how can you not want to try hard and care#I’m so ride or die. all I /am/ is ride or die. I’d never talk shit about someone I’m friends with behind their back. I defend them and work#hard to support and help them when I can. I try hard to listen and care and if I am asked directly I work hard to do or address what I am#asked. how is caring so trivial or changable for some people I just I don’t understand I don’t understand#how do people not care who they hurt how do they not feel bad about it? I’m plagued with guilt by the things I did wrong if a relationship#goes south with someone because they were /terrible/ to me#I just.#I just...#I guess it doesn’t matter. me caring is never going to be enough to get them to. they will it won’t and they won’t ever care what I think#I just need to stick to the people who can love on my level and treat me well. Dashawn and Nye and Grace and Tyler and Drew all tell me I#need better friends. (I mean aside from them ofc. I have plenty of wonderful friends too). maybe they’re right#Nye was making a lot of sense last night#this has already had long term repercussions for me at this point. how much more damage can I afford to take?#I don’t really know how to ‘vet’ people aside from just. being slow and thorough af getting close to anyone new. or just. not doing it#anymore or smth : /#oh well I’ll figure it out and be okay or I won’t 😔#fuck it#personal#I am angry and hurt. maybe I deserve to be#maybe that’s valid.
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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 25 days ago
Me: Ahhhh yes, 2021! The hell year is over and we can finally move on and have a good and productive next year!
2021: *has two mass shootings in one month* *Asian hate crimes increase drastically* *pandemic still going on* *new strains* *insert more fucked up shit here*
Anyway, onto the point of this.
Sorry I try not to put heavy things on this blog but fucking hell... what’s going on now? Stop Asian Hate. If you have Asian friends, especially East Asian, please check up on them, ask them if they’re okay. Luckily my town is fucking ignorant and they all think I’m Mexican so I’ve been getting groceries for the families of my Asian friends because the place I live is also fucking RACIST did I mention my city used to be a KKK hotspot in the West? It’s crazy and I’m so scared for my family and friends. And my god some people are turning this into a race war with African Americans PLEASE this is not the time to turn against one another we’re supposed to stand United and fight against the prejudices and racism that is POC and BIPOCs have to go against every day. I will not advocate people to “say their name” because I’ve seen many Asian and African American activists say that it brings attention away from BLM and Breonna Taylor, so instead I will say “They Will Be Heard” in context of the Asian Activists finally speaking out for basic human treatment. I’ve debated using the phrase “You Will Hear Us” because of my southeast Asian heritage but then I realized that although Asians stand together, Stop Asian Hate is a movement for our East Asian brothers, sisters, and cousins. Now this isn’t to take away from the problems that is Southeast Asians have to deal with, don’t get me wrong, but let’s not use this to turn against one another, we all stand together against the growing threats of racism and hate crimes. East Asians have dealt with so much bullshit since the pandemic started and it’s not fair for them, we will amplify their voices and they will be heard.
I apologize for the extra step, but this tiktoker I’m going to link below has a lot of really good sources in her bio (and I’ve seen many, she has links to a lot of good resources to help educate yourself) so when you can please take the time to look through these:
#crys talks#sorry to get political I’m just tired#I was telling my grandma to be careful when she goes out because yes she’s Filipino but she’s very light skinned and can easily pass as an#East Asian and she was like don’t worry about me crys they’re targeting Chinese like first of all one it doesn’t matter you’re ASIAN like#what kind of racist asshole is going to stop mid punch and be like oh you’re Chinese right? NO. hTHEYRE GONNA BEAT HER UP ANYWAY BECAUSE#THEYRE RACIST ASS MOTHER FUCKERS they don’t care. as long as you look Asian they’ll fucking hate crime you#and my white male friend had the AUDACITY to tell me that I was overreacting oh my FUCKING god of course he would he even mansplained to me#why we don’t need heavier gun control what the fuck thoughts and prayers my FUCKING ASS#did thoughts and prayers stop the school shootings? are they stopping hate crimes? y’all have been spouting that bull shit for YEARS and#what has it done? prayer goes both ways you can’t just rely on god that’s bull shit because clearly he doesn’t give a fuck about all the#CHILDREN and PEOPLE that we’ve lost to these mass shootings because these derranged fucks we’re having a so called bad fuckingn day#fuck the lone wolf argument what kind of fucker shoots up innocent people#I don’t get why people are so against gun control the only reason why they’d be against it is if they have some shit to hide and if they do#then they are the LAST fucking person who needs to own a goddamn gun#I swear they’ll spout shit about the 2nd amendement not knowing that the whole reason why it’s there is because it was written during a#fucking time when you could walk outside and have a 95% chance of bEING ATTACKED BY A FUCKING BEAT#BEAT GODDAMIT I’m too late to retype that tag fuck#now bears are more scared of us because we fire twelve rounds into them when they’re just vibing#fuck this how many more people have to fucking for#*die until we get stricter gun control#I swear#this is just a generalization but most conservatives care about kids until they’re out of the womb then they’re fine with them being target#practice but GOD FORBID a woman has a right to her body THEN it’s considered murder but as soon as they’re out it’s just some LONE WOLF#MOTHER FUCKER having a BAD DAY AHAHAHAHAHAH THE IRONY OF IT ALL I WANT TO SMACK SOME PEOPLE SOME TIME I swear hahhahahahahahaa#sorry for the rant post it’s dangerous times right now and there are too many stupid ass fuckers who don’t know how to do their fucking#research or use they’re fucking COMMON SENSE#when will people understand that they’re killing and hurting other human beings fucking hell.......#crazy times
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maeamian · 26 days ago
Listen, I’m not here to defend everyone’s dad or anything, but when you’re driving at night, how well you can see is a pretty important factor in how much you don’t die while you’re doing it. So when someone, without warning, turns on the interior light in the car, thereby both throwing off your dark acclimatized eyes while also causing the interior of the car to become significantly more reflective to the windshield you’re looking out, that’s a problem especially if you want to not die, or even possibly want to have your kid in the back seat not die. 
Anyhow, this is where I’m unwilling to go further in defending any parent’s specific reaction, beyond my own, but my parents were pretty fond of explaining things to us and so I was generally aware of all of that and the rule was ‘if we’re driving at night and you have to turn on the light please let me know so I can prepare and possibly let you know if it’s not a good time’. And like, IDK, not to tell you kids to get the hell off my lawn, and not to justify anything specific your parents did in reaction to it, but is it possible that the reason your parents reacted strongly and harshly to a road safety issue is because it was a major and surprising road safety issue which is the exact sort of thing you try to not have happen when you’re driving? I feel like maybe that was the harshest many people saw their parents because it’s one of the most abrupt life and death situations that many of us have directly put our parents in, no matter what your innocent childlike intent was in creating that major road safety issue.
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toytulini · a month ago
u know what actually im just gonna say it, those posts that are like "if you can read x long fictional fandom thing you can read y long non fiction political commentary or dry long book or book about incredibly heavy and hard topics uwu" annoy the shit out of me. like i get the point theyre trying to make, but like. the insinuation that you can read this thing bc youre able to read this other VERY DIFFERENT thing in this like grating, condescending tone just pisses me off. not even touching on the fact that i know i personally struggle to even work up the executive function to read Fun Fictional Things i WANT to get into, its like...a Thing, im pretty sure, in ADHD that it is significantly Harder to focus on smth you are not actively interested in and sometimes obsessed with. like. i could tear through an entire book series im obsessed with in like 2 weeks but i would cry for hours every night trying to accomplish math homework that "should" take like 10 minutes, or finish a book that was assigned reading that you Hate and Cannot maintain focus on. Like, no, being able to focus on and finish one thing doesnt actually mean that you can accomplish the same with another Very Different Thing of the same length.
And like, thats not to say that we should Only ever read fun lighthearted fiction things and not have to focus on learning important info, about history and politics and systemic oppression, but like, can yall find a way to talk about it with condescendingly acting like engaging with these two things is exactly the same and that ppl who engage w the fun lighthearted accessible fiction thing are choosing the fun thing out of malice? like idk just recognize that it does require a different energy and state of mind to engage with that sort of thing.
#toy txt post#like i can hyperfocus on certain interests and push through the slog of material that isnt accessible to me as someone not in that field of#study Sometimes on Some Topics that i know other ppl Absolutely would not be able to do. but i can keep trying and ramming my brain against#it even tho i struggle to undersrand bc im mega interested in it like that time that i just fucking. read that paper on coral metabolisms#for fun. sometimes i can activate an interest in smth and hyperfocus my way through the inaccessibility of the text or even just the topic!#but i cant always do that. and i cant do that for every topic. and so sometimes trying to read smth. even if its very important! is just#like. nothing. nothing is entering my brain no matter how hard i mash my head against this wall. if i dont take my adhd meds honestly trying#to force myself to focus in that way will just straight up give me a headache and make me go to sleep.#idk just the vibes i get from those posts...same energy as all the adults who yelled at me as a child for not trying hard enough to focus on#things that hurt and were hard vs me reading books under my desk. and i honestly didnt even get it that bad as a kid bc so many of my#interests at the time that i got obsessed with was BOOKS. if i had been like that about video games or movies or even comics i know damn#well that it would have been seen as me actively being like. manipulative when i said that i struggled to focus on homework but then turned#around and was able to focus on playing a video game for 12 hrs! and i know that def now bc i struggle to read books these days and instead#i watch tv or play video games which isnt as respectable.#and like im not saying that we should all let ourselves get fully lost in fun fiction media with no criticisms of it etc okay like i#i know thats not good for any of us and its not helpful and can lead to some Damaging Discourse but god damn. try not to sound so...#'shame on you for not being able to force your brain to focus on hard things when you can so easily get your brain to focus on fun things'#i do not control the focus!! and even when i do it is with GREAT EFFORT to focus on things that havent just. caught me#idk just recognize that it takes more effort. and that sometimes the reason ppl arent engaging w that but they are w fun light things is cos#all their mental energy is being expended on other things. and the fun thing doesnt take much
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