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#just let my woman be angry and bitter and tragic for more than just what was done to her
chillielo · 3 months
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new year’s day | ln4
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summary: you spent new year’s eve in tears but a certain pretty boy is about to make new year’s day different for you.
warnings: fluff, comfort, what happened on new year’s eve isn’t specified but feel free to interpret however you like
a/n: this is incredibly self-indulgent bc i had a shit nye 🥳🥳
things can’t always go my way. you kept telling yourself that as you walked down the streets of the london suburbs.
you weren’t lost, but you definitely felt like you were. emotionally, that is.
there were a ton of things or person(s) that you could selfishly put the blame on for how tragically your new year’s eve celebrations turned out. but, you figured that at least you didn’t have to suffer the crowds of central london while you were crying your eyes out in the bathroom.
you let out a heavy sigh, your exhale fogging up your glasses that you had begrudgingly decided to wear after seeing how puffy your eyes were in the morning. i’m not confident i’d have the patience to force the stubborn contact lenses onto my eyeballs.
shoving your hands further into your pockets, you decided to walk a bit faster so you didn’t have to spend a second longer in the bitter cold with the breeze messing up your hair which you had already given up on. it was practically a bird’s nest at this point.
as you made a sharp turn to seek a warm refuge inside of the supermarket— big mistake. you couldn’t stop yourself fast enough and neither could the person who you had unceremoniously barrelled into. the bags of groceries he had in his hands were flung onto the ground, causing you to cringe as the sound of breaking glass filled the air.
“i’m so so so sorry!” you immediately apologised, hunching your back as you tried to help salvage whatever was left. tears pricked your eyes and you ducked your head, not wanting anyone to see a grown woman like yourself crying over what seemed to be… wine, eggs, and some fruits.
you heard him swear and you cringed internally. “I-I’ll pay you back!” you stutter even though you weren’t even sure if you had enough money on you.
“it’s fine, just leave it.”
he sounded annoyed but not angry. reluctantly, you placed the broken pieces of glass neatly on the side of pavement, not wanting anyone else to step on it.
you must’ve looked pitiful as you got up from your bent position with watery eyes and finally made contact with the guy you bumped into.
“wait.”
his eyes were intensely grey-blue and it took a little more effort on your part to look away instead of staring at him like a fool.
he was quite pretty.
“yes?” you dabbed away the tears in your eyes as you hung your head and pretended to clean your glasses. the last thing you needed was for a good-looking man to make you feel like worse when you already felt like utter shit.
“you don’t have to pay me back but you can make it up to me.”
what? you raised an eyebrow at him, suspicion filling your gaze.
his eyes twinkled as a cheeky grin spread across his lips. oh fuck, he’s more than quite pretty.
“come with me, i need to buy some of this stuff again and an extra pair of hands would help,” he said to you as if it was a completely normal thing.
confused, you nodded your head. at this point, you’d do anything that didn’t involve emptying your pockets for your stupid mistake. physical labour didn’t sound too bad either.
“okay.”
his name was lando and he’s home for the holidays. unfortunately, he seemed to have messed up his schedule because none of his family members were home. well, in this home. you figured it out pretty quickly that he was well-off when he started mentioning how he got his many homes confused.
you refrained from asking too many questions. something told you that lando was a secretive guy. he talked a lot but never told you anything substantial about himself.
“are you making dinner for yourself?” you asked as lando tossed a packet of pasta noodles into the basket.
“yeah, i wasn’t going to at first but i’ve changed my mind,” he replied with a small smirk.
“help me pick.” lando held up two different jars of pasta sauces to you and stared you down with a similar look of intensity from before.
you chose one without much thought and lando nodded in approval.
“good choice, i was thinking the same.”
the grocery shopping continued with aimless chatter. you weren’t sure if lando was always this talkative but you were quite grateful for his company and witty remarks.
“ugh, the wine selection here is god awful but i guess i’ll make do.” you watched curiously as he crouched down and surveyed the bottles of wine with a scrunched up nose.
in your opinion, any wine would do since you weren’t a wine connoisseur and you weren’t the one carefully examining bottle after bottle with immense concentration.
it was kinda cute how lando’s brow furrowed as he read label after label and how his bottom lip was now bright pink from being bitten on.
snap out of it. you scolded yourself as you willed your heart to calm down.
“where are you going?” lando asked as he gripped your wrist, preventing you from slipping away after you just helped him load all his groceries into the boot of his minicooper.
“uh… home?” you tell him even though you’d rather be anywhere else but home at the moment.
lando paused and you saw it in his eyes, the flicker of doubt and you suddenly felt exposed. you hoped he couldn’t read your mind.
“i thought you didn’t have anything else to do today?” he questioned, still not letting go of you. his fingers curled around your wrist, cold but gentle. i could break away… if i wanted to.
you shook your head, surprised that he had been paying attention to the things you said.
“then have dinner with me.”
before you could protest, lando tugged you towards him and the smirk you’ve come to familiarise yourself with appeared once more.
“i didn’t make you do all that grocery shopping with me for nothing, you know?” his eyes flickered down for your lips. “you said you had a bad new year’s eve right? so why don’t we have spend new year’s day together and make it a good one?”
you couldn’t argue with his logic. as much as you shouldn’t, you didn’t want to be alone on new year’s and you craved the warmth that lando was offering.
“fine, but just so you know, out of the two pasta sauces you made me choose earlier, i liked the one i didn’t pick more.”
he grinned.
“that’s fine, we can just have that next time.”
and that was it. there was no room for backtracking or second-guessing as lando confidently deposited you into the passenger seat, shutting the door for you with a self-satisfied look on his face.
the elation and his good mood doesn’t fade even as he clinked his wine glass with yours and laughed at the way you couldn’t hide your disgust at the taste.
“you’re so pretty,” he sighed softly. so softly you had thought you were just imagining things.
but he continued to stare at you with a strange expression and a glimmer of something in his grey-blue eyes.
“i like it when you smile,” he said before taking another sip of wine. whether it was for confidence or just because he enjoyed the wine, you didn’t know.
“but you nearly broke my heart when i saw how sad you looked just now,” lando whispered as he grew closer to you.
you should’ve known. you’d sensed that he was much more perceptive than he had let on.
“i won’t ask what happened, i just ask that you let me make you smile like this for as long as i can.”
only the thunderous beating of your heart filled your head as you let your wine-sweet lips meet his, sealing the deal with a kiss.
happy new year. lando whispered as he smiles into the kiss and you mirror him, doing the same.
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dulcewrites · 11 months
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Double standards.
Alicent is a bad mother
She has them young. YOUNG.
and people actually believe by being a single mother is easy,also at 14 years old..ew just ew..just please: it is not and my mother constantly tells me to have my children when I'm older because having kids is a choice and a labour.
Alicent was forced to, Nyra as well and at the end of the day she has the fortune and misfortune to bore Harwin's children,condemning them because they are bastards and we know that in the game of thrones, the war happened because Cersei's children were illegitimate despite looking alike their mother.
Alicent didn't give Helaena to Jace because she knew the danger of it, didn't another civil war happened between a legitimate and another illegitimate Targaryen?the blackfyre rebellion i think and it didn't end well...at all
They call Alicent a cunt, when you know who is the really cunt here:the men but I don't see anyone blaming them and among them, I'm talking about Daemon.
Him.
Who killed his first wife, ignored the second and his daughters and who, in the books, has abandoned his third wife(who was grieving her children's death)and groomed a teenager(the people trying to call Nettles his daughter when he ignores the others and it's canon he likes younger girls..ew)
Him
Who at least try to connect with her daughter, despite not understanding her hobbies and believing she was odd.
Alicent.
Who loved her children more than anyone else because they were all she had
Alicent who stood in front of her son to protect him
And we know what a mother would do for love
Alicent is my morally gray character, also Rhaenyra, flawed and tragic -the dance of dragons is gonna wreck me
sorry to rant, thse comments and tik tok pisses me off so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It’s just so funny to me bc all the same people who say they want morally grey characters (while praising just straight up evil ones like daemon) or lie and say they would rather have book Alicent, drag Alicent anytime she does something relatively mean or ‘cunty’.
Like which one is it?? You want female characters to be allowed to stand in their evilness or you hate show Alicent for apparently being the most evil woman to grace westeros. You can’t have it both ways. It’s goalpost moving bc they know damn well they would hate Alicent all the same, maybe even more, if she was pulled straight from f&b. They hated her even before the show aired… based on her book character 😭. Even though she’s not the most devious person on team green, let alone out of all the characters. Book Rhaenyra does way more shit if we are being real. But she’s a blonde dragon rider so she’s allowed to do that.
It’s why I hate the whole ‘alicent has no agency. Alicent is just a victim’ argument. Alicent throughout the season challenges and pushes against multiple people. And even if she didn’t, why is Alicent required to show her victimhood in a way that makes people comfortable. If she wants to be anxious, jealous, bitter, or angry, she (out of anyone) is allowed to be. I think Rhaenyra stans have this weird idea that everyone must be benevolent towards her bc she’s the ‘main character’. Like I’ve literally seen people on Twitter say that Helaena deserved what happened to her and her kids bc she didn’t warn Rhaenyra. Why on earth would Helaena side with a woman she barely knows? They cling to that “Helaena my sweet sister” or whatever the fuck it was line. Not taking into account that Rhaenyra only thinks that way bc she doesn’t she Helaena as a threat. If Rhaenyra actually cared about her sister, she wouldn’t have put a bounty of her kids head’s. Literally all of Alicent’s kids know Rhaenyra would throw them under the bus in a heartbeat, why would they trust her lmao
And one day we will have a conversation about a lot of people use Helaena as either a self insert or only talk about her if they prove she hates team green… despite that being the only family she knows
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The Witch-King of Numenor
I've been thinking about Tar-Miriel as the Witch-King. I don’t know if the timeline lines up, but. Just. Mmhhhn. Lots of thoughts and female rage. Like, any way you slice it it's just so bitter? Whether it's sad or angry or triumphant depends on your interpretation, but her story never ends well, per say. It's a satisfying ending at best.
It's taking this faithful queen, this good, pure queen of a slowly corrupting people, who does her best but is ultimately powerless, falling under greater shadows, culminating in her martyrdom at the hand of God, and turning her bitter.
Maybe she takes the ring because she's faithful, still good, because she thinks she can do good with it. She doesn't trust this advisor in a too-fair form, but she can do this, break out of her husband's shadow and fix things, make them good again- only to fall under a greater shadow than before, because you can be good and still be tempted and still fall. And it’s a history doomed to repeat itself, when Boromir thinks the same things about the One Ring and falls just the same, but he was never given the ring freely by it’s maker. He still gets a chance, while she gets nothing but ash and sodden ruins.
Maybe she takes it because she’s faithful, she’s been faithful, but she’s so sick of being powerless, because faith doesn’t get you anything but a pretty place in storybooks. Because she’s just too angry to keep up this facade of an obedient wife and pure queen and this token from a monster is a way out. Because she knows that it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only way she has to get some measure of revenge at the gods who have repaid her faith with nothing but eagles in storm-clouds, warnings that she’d already seen coming from miles away. Because her hands bleed where her nails bite into them and she can’t take it anymore- anything is better than this.
Maybe she takes it because she’s faithful, but only when she needs to be, because she lost her faith long ago, and now there’s a demon who hates her husband almost as much as she does, and who has the power to do something about it, and is offering it to her, and that’s the only faith she needs. She wishes she could care about her people, but most of them are the Kings Men and the rest do nothing but pray to gods who won’t listen and tell her to “have patience, stay faithful, stay good, stay pure” and the demon is telling her she doesn’t have to care, and whispering doomed plans in her husband’s ear for no reason but the sake of it, and cackling as the streets run red with blood he says will bring his master back though it is only his own shadow that grows. And it’s horrific, but at this point so is she, and she wants a shadow like that, big enough to cover others in like she was always covered up. So she says “Let’s make a deal...” and he gives her a ring and her freedom and she gives him a bloody kiss and her oath of service and then they play their parts. So they say that Tar-Miriel ran to Meneltarma, faithful to the last, and that it was Sauron who urged Ar-Pharazôn to seek immortality in the holy land, and no one ever knows that it was Tar-Mairon and the Witch-King who sat in a temple built for both their former masters and laughed and laughed and laughed even as the island was taken and their bodies were destroyed and their spirits twisted, because in the end only the rightful ruler of Anadûnê becomes immortal.
And it was Glorfindel who prophesied, but it was the demon who promised that no man would kill her. And millennia later, what little is left of Tar-Miriel the faithful, the good, the pure, can’t help but smile at the woman shining proudly in the sunlight, under no shadow but the Witch-King’s own.
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hubbie22 · 3 years
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Here is an ask well half an ask from the lovely @meddowscrl please don’t hate me 🥺 I just can’t do happy endings. I tried, I just couldn’t. I can only do angst. I like to suffer ~nervous laughter intensified~ Also, please excuse the writing, I have a respiratory infection and am heavily medicated.
You were happy, weren’t you?
“I want a divorce.”
You stare at him, you had only asked if he wanted to change the drapes. And the answer, turned your world upside down. He had been your boyfriend since 1968, your husband since 1972 and yet with one sentence he was now nothing.
“The drapes, I just wanted to change the drapes.” You mutter out like a hapless child.
“We haven’t been good for months.” He looks at you, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses.
“We haven’t?” Since when haven’t you two been good? Since when haven’t you two shared one brain cell? That was news to you.
Roger stands firms, flicking his long hair back. “No, Y/N.” He sighs, “We haven’t been us for months.”
“Is there someone else?” You look at him, searching for something. “You promised me. You promised me.” The words come out like a chant or mantra, what you held onto when he was on the road. A promise from another lifetime ago.
He sighs, as if he wants to tell you the truth. But he looks at you, and he sees the brokenness he caused. And he can’t bare to make it worse. So, he lies.
“No.”
You walk past him, and he grabs your hand and you think for a moment he will tell you he change his mind. But he hasn’t, and you tear yourself away from him trudging up the staircase.
“Y/N, this has been a long time coming. I’m not happy…. I’m not happy with you anymore.”
“A long time coming for who?” You can’t even look at him while you are packing your things. Most of which, he bought you. So, you only bring what you can into this relationship with yourself. “For you? Because I was happy.” There are tears streaming down your face, like a waterfall, “And I thought we were happy, it’s news to me that we aren’t. And that’s we haven’t been for sometime. Or maybe that you haven’t been.”
You sit across from him in a London high-rise, a wood table between you two and armed with a divorce lawyer. It happened fast, or maybe you were out of it the last few months.
You looked over at Roger, his hair was shorter the last time you saw him.
He stopped by your new apartment to drop off things you left, you could remember his shocked face when you open the door. You heard rustling outside and curiously you opened the door to see Roger crouched down, putting a box by your door. Blue eyes meet yours, and it was like time hadn’t passed. And maybe that’s why you treated it that way, maybe that’s why you went with the old routine. And you wonder if it was the gleam in his eyes, that let you believe that there was something to hold onto; that hope remained.
“Just some bits and bobs of yours.” Roger said, fumbling his keys in his hand.
“Thanks, Rog.” You can’t move from the door frame, the gaze y’all shared unbroken. Years of memories dancing between tha gaze. The squeal of the kettle you put on earlier makes the both of you jump.
“Cuppa? I still have your favorite biscuits.” You couldn’t stop yourself from buying them. It was just normal. And sometimes normal in this new word you didn’t know, was what you needed to sleep at night.
“Really?!” His blue eyes light up, and you motion for him to come in. Staying for tea was a dangerous thing, an old and easy routine. It was weird being so comfortable with someone, who was leaving you behind. Funny how the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Maybe it was because of the easiness of it all, that you left yourself fall back into the comfort of it all. As of you two were old friends, not two lovers frayed at the seams. Because of that easiness, you let yourself entertain a thought that maybe you could save your marriage. Put back the broken pieces into something recognizable, but it wasn’t enough. The yearning, the reminiscing of old times through the stuff he brought to you somehow turned into fumbled kisses and clothes thrown around haphazardly. It was something you thought would change the course of where your life was going. Instead of reconciling, it turned into Roger sneaking out when he thought you were asleep. It turned into your lawyer, letting you know Roger wanted you to have more than you asked for. It turned into more resentment and hurt from you, how he could use you and then leave you. How could he so easily but all those years together aside? It turned into something that shouldn’t have happened. And it turned into something that would stay with you forever. A funny word forever, because forever never is forever.
“Sign this, and your divorced will be finalized. All assets obtained during the marriage have been split, due to Mr. Taylor’s wishes.” Your lawyer says looking at you, sliding the papers across, while Roger’s lawyer speaks, “You will be comfortable, and well off Y/N. My client has been more than generous. In fact, I’ve never seen a settlement this amicable from the side of the main breadwinner .”
You sign the papers without any words, you don’t even look at Roger. You realize as you sign on the dotted line, this will be the last time you will use the surname you used for years. Funny how something you thought would never change, would be stagnant in your life just fades away. You then pass the papers across the table back to Roger’s lawyer, you watch as the lawyer slides the papers over to Roger for his signature.
And when Roger takes the paper, you stop breathing you wonder if his mind will change at the eleventh hour. But, he signs it without any hesitation. It’s a fluent and flawless movement, very unlike Roger- really. Part of you breaks at that, it was like he didn’t care he was closing the door on years of his life. Closing the door on you.
You stand up, smoothing out your wide legged pant suit. After the divorce, you had dipped your toes back into the world of working for a living. Putting that masters degree in business to use, and now it was time to separate yourself from the last of the rock n roll lifestyle you loved. And you turn to walk away, high heels on the marble floor when someone grabs your wrist turning you around.
“Take care of yourself, Y/N.” Roger looks at you with concern in his blue eyes. And you wonder if it’s for the friend he was losing, and not the marriage he let go of so easily.
You look at him, “I will. Don’t forget to wear your glasses, we both know you are blind. Don’t forget to call your mum once in while, she misses you. And try not to get so angry at the boys, they mean well.”
“Even after everything I’ve done, you don’t hate me.” You spot something in his eyes, you can’t put a name too. An emotion that seems out of place, it was almost looked like guilt and forlorn.
“I told you a long time ago, I could never hate you. No matter how much, I may want too. I just can’t.”
“You are too good, Y/N. I’ve forgot to remind myself of that. Maybe that’s why…” he drifts off, “Even those daft band mates of mine agreed. Never let me forget it. But, Im sure they are out to drive me mad!” He says with a small smirk.
“With the drum sets you destroy, I doubt the plan to make you mad.” You make a small sound, something between a strangled “hmph” and snort in retort.
“Same old, Y/N.”
“By the way, I have something to-”
“Roggiee!” A voice like a bell cuts through the hushed words you tell him.
You both turn to see a girl, or really a woman bounding toward y’all. And you look toward Roger, and you see the look in his eyes. A look that used to be reserved for you. And it clicked, the guilty look etched in his eyes, not even moments ago. The guilty look he wore that night. The whole reason your world was being upended and ruined. It was for her.
The bitterness filled you up, the way he could so easily toss you aside. The look you threw at Roger was one of pure resentment and unbridled rage.
“You lied.” Your hushed words, that come out through clinched teeth drip with a malice.
He looks at you with wide eyes, as if he was trying to shelter you from the truth. And you see that damned look again. “Y/N, please. I just couldn’t tell you.”
But before you can answer, she comes up with a smile on her pink lips and a twinkle in her dark brown eyes. “You must be, Roggie’s lawyer! I’m Gwen.” She smiles at you. And her smile is sickly sweet, and almost innocent.
It makes you want to scream, to throw something, to do something other than what you are doing.
“I’m Y/N, actually.” You extend your hand to her. Her eyes go wide, and she looks at Roger, who goes to her side immediately.
“Y/N, please listen.” He hold onto her side, and the whiteness of his knuckles against the material of her dark dress don’t go unnoticed by you. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with her.”
Gwen chimes in, “We honestly tried to stay away from each other, we just couldn’t. We were drawn to each other.”
If you weren’t so bitter, hurt, and angry perhaps the romantic side of you would find that notion tragic. You had read about it in books, and always rooted for the star-crossed lovers. But, now you were the collateral damage, you were the woman scorned.
“When we decided that what we had was something, I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell you that I was in love with someone else, when you were there from the start. I just didn’t want you to find out after I got back from tour-”
“He couldn’t see you broken like that.” Gwen finishes for him.
You can’t even begin to comprehend the information given, you were gobsmacked. You were completely barred raw, for everyone is this godforsaken lobby to see. And because of that, you selfishly did not want to see how genuinely happy he looked with someone else. Someone who wasn’t you. So, you used the words you knew would cut him to the bone. “So, you thought it was better to make me believe it was my fault you weren’t happy. That I was ignorantly living in one sided marital bliss, while you were falling in love with someone else? While you were planning to leave, I was planning for a life with you?” Your eyes are blazing, your face hot with rage, “You thought it was better to make me believe I was the problem? I can’t believe you! After everything I did for you? After putting my life on hold for you?! This is how you repay me? I deserved the truth, but you, the both of you took that from me.”
“I just-” He sighs, “I just wanted to be happy again, and when I’m with Gwen I’m happy. And I was going to tell you, I was going to tell you that day with the drapes. But, you then you uttered that damn promise. And what was I supposed to do? How could I break my best friend? I’ve always been the asshole to everyone, but you.”
“I love you.”
You look at Roger, his long blonde hair disheveled with bright blue eyes. “I love you too, you are my friend. My very best friend.” You bump your shoulder against his, and let out a giggle.
“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”
You stare at him wide eyed, “Oh.”
“I have been for sometime.”
“Rog, I love you too. But, that doesn’t mean I want to date you. I know how you are, you will grow bored of me and find someone else. And love is sweet, but it’s not your nature. I don’t think I have it in me to me hate you, or to lose you. Please don’t make me lose my best friend.”
“You don’t get it, Y/N.” He looks at you like you hung the moon, and you like it. You crave that look. “I don’t want anyone else, it’s you. And I think it’s always been, and always will be you.”
“You promise? You promise it’s only me forever?” You bite your lip and stick out your pinky finger, like you had done so many times growing up.
“I cross my heart and hope to die.” He says as he raises your intertwined pinkies up to kiss it.
“And in that moment, I was back in Truro laughing with a curly haired little girl, and then I was in uni with that same girl, who was my best friend, I saw that girl. And, I couldn’t do that to her.”
You look at him, your face cold as stone. “I’m still that girl, I haven’t changed. You have. And that’s okay, it’s okay the change that’s life.”
That is how it ends, with a look of heartbreak on your face as the elevator doors close on the sight before you. And when the doors open, and you are greeted by the sight of the lobby. You realize, you didn’t even tell him what you wanted too.
Would it change anything?
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tokrev-roses · 2 years
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⇢ ˗ˏˋ cold hearts, cold nights
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: ̗̀➛ synopsis: Kisaki does love his daughter, even though he is, as they say, a monster.
: ̗̀➛ series: Father!Kisaki (see more) or search my blog for father!kisaki!au
: ̗̀➛ words: around 1,3k
: ̗̀➛ warning: bitter-sweet. damaged father-daughter relationship. kisaki is a shitty father, but let him have a moment, okay?
: ̗̀➛note: I’m actually surprised how many of you like this au. makes me wonder if there are any others you’d like to see. not edited, sorry for bad grammar/spelling.
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Everyone was looking at her. Their eyes didn’t meet hers, nor did they visibly turn their heads upon her entrance, but she knew, she just knew, that they were all looking at her. She couldn’t even be annoyed, nor angry, as their interest was understandable. It was rare to see the younger daughter of Tetta Kisaki entering the family-owned skyscraper.
A lazy cover-up to make his dirty business seem “fancy”, that was what she always thought, but upon seeing so many normal faces, people who obviously weren’t part of Toman, the mafia-business her father ran, she couldn’t help but wonder how many of them truly knew about the blood that stained the money her father paid them with.
Her curiosity was short-lived as her train of thoughts got disturbed by her father’s secretary, who came running towards her. A young woman, in her 20’s, which she had seen before, one time, at a fancy dinner adorning the side of Shuji Hanma, her father’s right-hand-man. Poor woman, she seemed way to oblivious for all of this.
“Hello Miss Kisaki, your father sent me. I will lead you to his office. He actually asked…”
Ignoring the enthusiastically chatting woman, the young Kisaki followed her to the elevators. So her mother did manage to reach him. How unfortunate.
Just as unfortunate as the situation as a whole. The origin of her misery was, as so often, her older twin sister, who once again caused some kind of trouble on a school trip. The new teacher called their mother to pick her up at once and she, of course, did. As their school was in the heart of Tokyo, but their mansion quite some miles away, her mother called her to go and drive with her father.
Silly. She begged to just take the bus, train, a taxi or even walk. Everything but being alone with him, but her mother insisted, ever the worrywart, talking about abduction, kidnapping and all kinds of dangers. As if he didn’t have his eyes everywhere. As if someone would dare, knowing the consequences of messing with Toman.
That is the tragic story of how she got here, chatty secretary by her side, on her way to meet the biggest monster to exist. Her father.
-------------------
He didn’t move a muscle when she entered. Didn’t even look up from whatever files he was working on. As if her existence was nothing to him. She knew better than breaking the silence, making her way to the expensive-looking leather couch in the corner of his office. The secretary already left, not so stupid after all, the schoolgirl thought.
So she sat there, almost not daring to breath, observing her very-interesting knee-caps.
“So, you can’t even greet your father now, hm?”
She visibly jumped as he finally broke the silence.
“Sorry, I thought you were busy. Hello father.”
A small bow towards him, not daring to look up, as she tried to make her words sound sincere.
He didn’t answer, but she could feel his cold gaze. As usual. She knew that he did not believe her poor acting for a second. She wasn’t sorry, she never planned to say a word to begin with.
The large door opened again, and it was the secretary, holding a small bottle and a glass on a tray. Bowing in Kisaki’s direction, she walked to his daughter, a neutral smile on her face.
A small nod must be enough as she did not trust her voice to speak.
The secretary was oblivious to the rising tension and the frozen aura. She turned towards her boss.
“Is there anything else I should bring, Mr. Kisaki?”
His eyes were still fixated on his daughter, that she realized as she timidly looked at him, confused by his silence. Almost as confused as the woman that asked.
He only raised one eyebrow, as if he was redirecting the question at her “Does she need to bring something else?”, his eyes seemed to question. She shook her head, almost invisible, but he, of course, saw her silent answer.
“No. You may leave.” Now it was the secretary’s turn to seem relieved, as she fulfilled her job. She left, and it was silent again. He stopped his penetrating gaze and continued to brood over his files, that she knew, because she heard the rustling of paper and a silent sigh, as if he, Tetta Kisaki, was tired. Hilarious.
She tried to make herself comfortable, the leather doing little to deliver comfort in the unusual chilly room. As silent as possible she reached for her bag, pulling out homework, which she didn’t have. But she could pretend, everything was better than sitting in this cold silence.
-------------------
Time flew by and the sun disappeared to make way for the shimmering lights of Tokyo’s streets. He didn’t realize how late it was, until he heard a soft Thud! that made him look up for the first time. His strained neck protested.
Her book fell down. That was the first thing he noticed. Then he heard her soft snores. Funny, for someone who seemed so uncomfortable, to sleep so relaxed. He sighed, taking his glasses off his tired eyes. He got up, awfully slow, almost as if he was trying to be quiet to not disturb someone else’s sleep. He could practically hear the mocking tone of Hanma in his head, a memory of old times, as Hanma, as well as himself, had become quite serious.
He tiptoed walked over to her, his daughter, a young girl he had seen lesser times in both of their life than he’d actually meant to. When was the last time he had been home for a full day? He couldn’t remember. Toman was his life, his family came second. No, not second. They were all cared for. His wife and his children had everything, everything he and Hanma could only dream off, back in there teenage days. What more could they ask for?
The stirring of the sleeping girl in front of him brought him back into the present. Goosebumps were visible on the exposed skin of her thighs as well as her arms.
“Why does the school make them wear skirts in January?” was a passing thought of his. Something he would think over some time later. Now, he silently took off his coat, custom made by a label whose name he couldn’t remember. Almost by fatherly instinct (hilarious, she would have thought, he knew that too), he covered the shivering girl, his girl, before picking up her book. Math it was. He knew that his older daughter hated this subject, given the constant begging if he could “talk” with the school about her score. As if he wouldn’t do that anyways. He never heard complaints like this from his youngest, but then again, he couldn’t remember when they ever had a conversation that went longer than five sentences. In another life he, as a responsible father, would have taken that moment of clarity to change his ways. But this Kisaki couldn’t. Not just because he already knew, so it was no sudden realization, but also because he was no normal father, just as this was no normal family. It was whatever one could call this. Nothing else.
He looked up, using this small moment to have a look at her face – has he ever truly done that? - She did look just like her mother. Every other man would have taken that loose lock that obviously bothered her peaceful sleep and put it behind her ears, he thought. But he didn’t, opting to pull his jacket up a bit more to cover her shoulders. That was all he could do.
All he allowed himself to do.
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Subtext, by Calvin Klein
happy birthday @stinastar!!! I know it’s not the prompt you wanted, but I’ll write that too. :) Thank you so much for being awesome and so so sweet!
Legally Blonde au - modern - fluffy pre-getting together
depending on the comments I get on this, I might post a second part
tw: Geralt’s tragic backstory (foster care mention)
---
Geralt approached Jaskier slowly and kept his hands firmly in the pockets of his loose-fitting jeans. “What’s up-” he noticed the bunny ears poking up from Jaskier’s fluffy brown hair and added “-doc?”
The young law student looked up at Geralt through teary black lashes and let out another soft sniffle, his lips wobbling unattractively. Geralt hurried to drape his zip-up hoodie over Jaskier’s bare shoulders and take a seat on the wooden bench beside him. 
The worried teacher’s assistant rubbed his hands up and down Jaskier’s arms through the material, trying to warm him up a little better. “Why are you dressed as a Playboy bunny, sitting on a bench in the middle of the night in this terrible New England weather?”
“I made a terrible mistake in coming here.”
“What?”
Geralt had never heard Jaskier sound so utterly defeated. Usually the student was bright and bubbly, congenial to a fault even when he made mistakes or answered incorrectly during class discussions. The charming brunette seemed to pull bucket after bucket from a nearly endless well of positivity; until now, apparently. 
As he sat beside Geralt on the worn wooden bench, wearing the tight pink leotard and little wrist cuffs, practically glowing in the yellow-tinged lamplight, he seemed too ethereal to be real. Even as he shivered and sniffled, Jaskier looked too gorgeous to be human. Seeing him in such a distressed state was a little unnerving, like bumping into an old teacher outside of school or accidentally seeing your neighbors kissing through a window. It felt wrong. 
“I followed the love of my life to this stupid fucking university and now he’s going to marry some fancy, well-bred blonde woman like his parents wanted and I’m going to flunk out of these classes with nothing to show for my time here and my parents are going to-”
“Hey,” Geralt interrupted, taking one hand from his pocket to place on Jaskier’s trembling knee. “It’s going to be okay. Breathe, Jaskier.”
“Right. Breathing. Yeah.”
“Are you… okay?” 
Jaskier looked at him again and Geralt flinched away from the obvious hurt in his watery blue eyes. Of course he’s not okay, he’s sobbing alone on a cold bench in the middle of Halloween night. 
“Jaskier, I’m sorry. I’m not good with words but- Wait... are you saying you came to school because of a man?” 
“Y-Yeah. You could put it that way, I guess.”
Geralt yanked his hand away from the younger man’s knee and scooted backwards, away from the man he’d just been admiring. “Oh my god, that has to be the absolute stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You came all the way to Oxenfurt University’s prestigious and award-winning Law School to hunt down a husband?!”
Jaskier looks taken aback. Startled and bewildered and sad, like a much smaller child rather than an adult man with a degree and a half. “Are you mad at me!?”
“A little bit, yeah,” Geralt laughed humorlessly. He shook his head, swiping one hand over his face on his way to tuck in a stray strand of white hair. “I worked two jobs to get myself through college. I was doing full-time classes and pulling sixty hour weeks at the bar and the grocery store; I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s sleep since I graduated high school. I certainly don’t know the meaning of the word vacation anymore... and you came here to follow some- some guy that you liked?”
“We’d been together for three years before he suddenly dropped me to pursue a degree in fucking bitter looking women, to be completely fair. And I managed to get a good enough LSAT score to qualify for admittance, so it’s not like I’m totally incompetent.”
“No,” Geralt nodded, a small, genuine smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I guess that’s true.”
“No guessing involved,” Jaskier spat, tired and angry and flustered. “It is the truth, plain and simple. I deserve to be here and I will be successful.”
“Hmm.” 
“Well why are you here, then, Mr. Grouchy T.A.?”
“I grew up in foster care and let me tell you, from experience, that the system is shit. If I had been forced to remain a foster child for any longer than I was, I probably would have become a match-happy little delinquent like my youngest brother, Lambert. Luckily my third foster parent, Vesemir, adopted me legally and made me his son. He already had one adopted son, my older brother, Eskel, and after me there was Lambert.”
Jaskier took a moment to contemplate Geralt’s story, pulling the sweatshirt closer around his shoulders and burrowing down into the neckline in a way that sent butterflies swirling through Geralt’s stomach rather unexpectedly. Then the younger man smiled at him, pearly teeth glinting in the light of the streetlamp. “That’s… that’s a little sad and a little sweet. It makes sense.”
“What makes sense?”
“The sadness and the sweetness,” Jaskier repeated, grinning a little more shyly than before. Geralt wasn’t sure, since it was so dark and he was so skeptical, but it almost looked like Jaskier was blushing. “Like you. Sweet, kind, caring, but a little melancholy. Anyway, I should be getting back to my dorm. I need to study.”
“I want my sweatshirt back,” Geralt said, standing and offering Jaskier a hand up. He wobbled to his feet, still wearing a pair of dangerously high black stilettos. Geralt knew this outfit would haunt his dreams for the next few weeks and cursed Hugh Heffner’s lingering spirit. 
“If you’re lucky,” Jaskier replied, and click-click-clicked his way into the darkness. 
Geralt honestly wasn’t sure he’d mind if Jaskier decided to keep it… maybe someday he’d wear it to class. And didn’t the thought of that send something odd and new and terrifying swirling in Geralt’s gut.
---
“Where are we going, exactly?” Geralt asked, eyeing the giddy brunette before him. Jaskier batted his long eyelashes at the grumpy T.A. and gave his sweetest pout.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
“Hmm,” Geralt’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”
“Well then don’t stop now!” 
The excitable young law student laced his fingers with Geralt’s and pulled him through the large glass doors and into the mall. When at last his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the shopping center he asked: “What is this place?”
Jaskier grinned, taking a deep, dramatic breath. “A department store.”
Geralt rolled his eyes and took his own deep breath, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “What is that smell?”
“Love,” Jaskier replied.
“What!?”
“Love,” the student repeated, pointing at a sign with his free hand. It was large and pink and read LOVE, BY CHANEL in black block-letters. “There’s Love in the air.”
“Terrible joke, really,” Geralt teased. “But really, Jaskier, why are we here? You have plenty of clothes for court; I know because I’ve been in your closet and seen them firsthand.”
“We’re not here for me,” Jaskier elbowed his mentor and study partner gently in the side. Their hands were still interlaced in a way that made Geralt’s heart thunder dangerously against his ribs; love really was in the air, it seemed. Jaskier continued breezily, unaware of the older man’s roiling internal conflict. “I’m taking you shopping so that you have the proper outfit to wear when accepting Stregobor’s partnership offer.”
They had reached the men’s business section and the brunette released Geralt’s hand in order to dig through the racks of clothing. He was elbow deep in Calvin Klein and Kenneth Cole, hunting for jackets in Geralt’s size. “Jaskier, I can’t afford this kind of-”
“Hush,” Jaskier replied, waving his hand dismissively in his direction, letting it go limp at the wrist. “It’s a gift. No! Not a gift, a repayment.”
“I didn’t give you anything…” 
Jaskier looked up from the selection of suits he’d been inspecting and shot Geralt a dangerous glare. “You most certainly did give me something, Geralt Roger Eric du-Haute Bellegarde! You looked past my bubbliness and my pink blazer and my previous degree and treated me like a person. You supported me and encouraged me without asking for anything in return so this is what I’m giving you.”
Geralt took a step towards him and sneezed. “What is that smell?”
An attendant appeared as if from thin air, a little glass bottle clutched in her hand. “It’s Subtext, by Calvin Klein!”
“It’s not really my thing,” Geralt frowned, closing the distance between himeslf and Jaskier as he made his apologies, “But thank you, regardless.”
“Let me know if you gentlemen need anything!”
Geralt stepped close enough to feel the heat of Jaskier’s body, still not brave enough to initiate touch. “Thank you.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jaskier grinned again. 
Geralt considered the feelings that were stirring in his heart, driving through his veins, branching out through his mind so that all he could focus on was Jaskier... 
It might be a problem, he thought, allowing himself to enjoy the moment. But it can be dealt with another time. 
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meta-enthusiasm · 3 years
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You know what I am really fucking tired of seeing in popular media?
The "evil, hysterical woman in power" trope. The clichè that potrays women who are in a position of power as overzealous, unhinged, power hungry maniacs who are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Female leaders are shown as less resonable and down to earth as their male counterparts, and are often villainized by either the fandom or the narrative of the story itself. They are doomed to fail because of their womanliness and need to be taken down before they enact their evil plans, preferably by a man, or a woman who performs the 'right' kind of femininity.
This trope relies on the sexist misconception that women are more fragile than men, more emotionally unstable and unpredictable.
"Women aren't cut out to be leaders, they should be nurturing and supportive and tend to their families. Having higher aspirations is against their nature and will eventually break them and drive them crazy."
That type of bullshit that was designed to keep women out of leadership positions and keep oppressing us. To keep us quiet and submissive.
Here are a few examples to further explain this stereotype:
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Daenerys Targaryen is one of the most well known characters to fall victim to this trope. She is an abuse and rape victim, seeking to change the current social and political systems of the world because she knows how many people suffer under its injustice. ("Crush the wheel.")
For all her compassion and charity she has shown over the series, the writers decided that it would be reasonable for her to go crazy at the end of the show and, despite promising she wouldn't inflict more damage than necessary, kill thousands of innocent people whose government had already surrendered to her.
And guess who had to kill her in the end? Yup, another man. Her love interest, who was "forced" to betray her.
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Next, we have:
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Morgana Pendragon, from "Merlin". To remind you, she is an abuse victim who had to endure her father's controlling behavior and bigoted attitude towards people with magic abilities which, suprise suprise, she turned out to have. She had to watch as her father murdered and oppressed people just like herself, and when she challenged that behavior, he would come down hard with punishment. (Going so far as to actually throwing her in the dungeons for a couple days.)
Eventually, she rebelled against the corrupt system and had her genocidal father killed. She led a rebellion against Camelot after Uther's son (Arthur) continued to oppress magicians under his reign, and sought to create a better future for herself and her people.
So far so good, right? Well, no. The problem here is that she is the antagonist of the story. She is portrayed as being in the wrong for not quietly taking the injustice and watching it happen.
Halfway through the show, she becomes obsessed with power and status and desperately chases after the throne of Camelot. She is extremly vindictive, manipulative and cruel to others to archieve her goals. She is a "hysterical woman" who is out of control, emotionally unstable, challenges the patriarchy, and therefore needs to be defeated.
Her death was portrayed as tragic, yet absolutely necessary.
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(Of course it had to be a man who killed her.)
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Azula is the epitome of this horrid, misogynistic trope. She is a fierce, ambitious leader and highly skilled fire bender, respected and feared among her people. She is highly driven and succeeds at almost everything she sets her mind to.
Ever since she came into this world, she was better at everything than Zuko. She was a better fighter than him, a better bender, better strategist, better child. And that is precisely the reason why she had to lose in the end.
Despite coming from the exact same circumstances as Zuko, the story and the fandom at large see Azula as way less redemable and likable than him. Even though she is an abuse victim whose own mother hated her and is a literal child soldier, she doesn't get any sympathy from the protagonists of the story. The otherwise so understanding and wise Iroh even calls her "crazy", (which is, if you've done some basic research into misogynistic expressions, really fucking problematic.) and tells Zuko that there is no saving her. Why? He doesn't tell, but it's obvious that the writers made him say this because of their own internalized sexist beliefs. She isn't offered a way out of her toxic environment like Zuko was. She didn't get the support from Iroh because he had already given up on her.
To top it off, she has a nervous breakdown near the end and loses her remaining sanity. Because, you know, "She's craaaazy!! And SO unstable!! Typical woman." (Not to mention how this further stigmatizes mental illness and portrays it as something only evil people get.)
She was supposed to become the next fire lord, a position that carries utmost power and influence. Of course, such authority could not be given to a woman. That's why Zuko, a man, gets to be the next fire lord, and we are left assuming Azula will be spending the rest of her days in prison.
The writers assume the audience detests Azula and wants her to suffer. She doesn't deserve a happy ending, or the love and support that Zuko got.
Why? Because she poses a threat to the status quo, the patriarchy. She challenged the belief that men had to be the best and most efficient at everything they do, that women could indeed be better leaders and be happy with having a career and not be nurturing, motherly figures to the men in their lives. And for that transgression, for breaking gender stereotypes, Azula was punished.
(It's also why Katara, someone who performs the "right" kind of femininity by being nurturing, motherly, supportive, healing, doting, and is the care taker of the group, ends up taking Azula, the evil and perverted form of femininity, down. I believe @batboyblog has made a similar post about this.)
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This is Carmilla from the popular Netflix show "Castlevania", and if you've payed attention to my previous points, it should be pretty obvious what her character represents and how her story ends.
Note that she is also an abuse and rape survivor who is represented as evil and cruel for being angry at what was done to her.
To top it off, she is also an example of the man hating woman stereotype, whose anger at the misogyny and sexism of the world is portrayed as an "overreaction" and as "too much".
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At the end of the story, she had to be taken down by another man (Isaac) so that the status quo could be preserved, and the reign of a crazy bitch like her could be stopped. Horay, the day is saved from yet another unstable, selfish woman who would have brought suffering and pain over her country if allowed to rule. Hysterical women with their demand for equality.
Conclusion:
In all these examples, we can see female abuse victims thriving for power and status, for respect, being represented as something negative and something to avoid. Trying to fundamentally change a system that is rigged against women/female representing people is a fruitless endevour that will eventually fail and drive us crazy, because our minds aren't strong enough to handle this type of responsibility and status.
Holding on to anger and bitterness over what was done to us is the sign of a bad person, and the only morally acceptable path is to forgive/ignore our abusers and let the injustice continue to happen.
Strangely enough though, that same gaslighting, victim blaming mentality gets almost never applied to male characters. Men who seek vengeance are never portrayed as weak or crazy for giving in to the wish of changing a corrupt system/killing bad people. (Batman, the Punisher, Hawkeye, John Wick, Jason Todd, Erin, Scar from FMAB, Iron Man, and so on)
The reason why these stereotypes almost never apply to men but almost always to women is sexism. There is no other explanation for this. These tropes were specifically designed to make society believe that women aren't cut out for leadership positions and are happiest with domestic, easy tasks like watching after our children and taking care of the household.
Women who are angry, women who are dominant are to be feared and distrusted. They are represented as a danger to the general public and need to be taken down before they enact their evil plans.
Feel free to add further examples.
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Text
it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.
Titans 3.06
y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!
as always, typing this up as i see the episode.
SPOILERS AHEAD
1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?
... oh, i’ve just started.
1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 
1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)
2.
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i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 
(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)
2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!
2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.
2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 
(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)
2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.
3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 
(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)
3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.
(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)
3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:
a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 
b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!
c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 
d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 
e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.
also:
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*pinches his cheeks*
3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 
i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.
3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!
4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 
anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 
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when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...
4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!
5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.
5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?
why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?
5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.
5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.
5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.
6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...
(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)
6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.
6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...
7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.
7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY
8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 
like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 
8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.
8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)
9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”
honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.
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MY MAN CONNER
10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!
a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.
b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 
c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.
d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.
e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.
f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room
i need, crave gifs of this scene!
11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!
12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!
(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)
12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING
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13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3
13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1
13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.
14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.
15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.
15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!
16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?
whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.
17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?
17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 
18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?
18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 
there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.
but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 
18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.
19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!
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Lily Evans and Severus Snape: Headcanons
So, I was asked in the ask about Sirius and Regulus what I thought about Snape and Lily. At this point people are probably going, “Oh that Carnivorous Muffin is just clearly a Snape stan who thinks he could never do anything wrong and anyone who was slightly mean to him is evil.” Shockingly, I’m actually not, I just happen to think sexual harassment and attempted murder are bad and probably worse than JKR intended (I do think she was trying to go the “boys will be boys” route versus “oh my god, they just dumped pigs blood on Carrie at the prom and then threw her at a starving vampire”)
So let’s start on Snape.
First, Snape did live an incredibly shitty life, with circumstances beyond his control, that did lead to many of his poorer choices. In no way am I saying that it was alright for Snape to have grown up in an impoverished, abusive, household and endured years of humiliation and torment at school. 
That said, I believe that we all, in some respects, are responsible for our actions and our decisions. Yes, even when we come from non-privileged backgrounds. Life is hard, some people will have it much easier than you, that doesn’t excuse you becoming a domestic terrorist or tormenting and terrifying your students, young children, so much so that an entire generation comes out with a loathing and incompetence in your subject.
I guess let’s start back on his friendship with Lily Evans. We get... a really weird perspective from Snape on that friendship. Time and her tragic death have warped it into this strange worship where I’m not sure the Lily Evans that exists in his mind and memory is the one that really was there. She’s this shining Madonna idol who he failed, actively betrayed, is very very hung up about it years later.
I suspect they weren’t as good of friends as either of them thought they were and it comes down to Snape’s resentment of his own upbringing and muggles. I believe Snape was very racist towards muggles, specifically, due to his father. It was his way of grappling with his home life and only fueled by being in Slytherin. Lily was probably, in his mind, always a golden exception to the rule (Lily is the token, gold standard, muggleborn where she’s pretty, brilliant, charming, etc.) That Severus himself was a halfblood clearly caused him some angst. What I’m getting at is that I believe throughout their entire friendship, especially when they got to Hogwarts, there was an unacknowledged undercurrent of intense racism that eventually boiled up with that one incident in Snape’s fifth year.
Calling her that, while he views it as a slip of the tongue that damned him for all time, I see it more as a Freudian Slip. That sort of thing doesn’t just slip out from nowhere, not at that age when they both knew exactly what that word meant, it simmers beneath the surface, and was ultimately what he thought of her. Later, she became the Madonna figure that he views her as today (ironically perhaps even less of a person than he viewed her as at the time).
That said I think a number of factors played into the young Snape becoming a Death Eater. One, becoming friends with Lucius/that crowd who were all being sucked into Tom’s influence. Two, having his terrible home life and all the implications of Snape resenting his own blood status as well as muggles and muggle borns at large. Three, the loss of friendship with Lily (now there’s nothing to hold him back anymore, he has no reason to preserve muggleborn life). Fourth, Dumbledore’s letting Sirius, James, and Remus entirely off the hook in the werewolf incident.
That last one, especially, I imagine cemented Snape’s utter hatred of ‘the light’ (don’t get me started on the stupidity of light/dark in Harry Potter but I guess I’ll use the term) and those that cater to muggleborns. They’re hypocrites of the highest order, Dumbledore claiming to defend the poor and non-nobility, when he goes and does the exact opposite (James is the next lord Potter, Sirius is still pureblooded even if disowned, Severus Snape is a dirt poor halfblood). 
So what I’m saying is I understand why Snape did become a Death Eater, I do not condone this action. Especially as, unlike Regulus, Snape never gets cold feet. He loves being a Death Eater at first, he’s living the dream, getting all the revenge he ever wanted and burning the stupid wizarding world to the ground as he scrambles for ways to climb in Tom Riddle’s graces. We don’t see any hint that he was wavering, thinking of the fact that beloved Lily might die in battle, perhaps at his hand, until the prophecy. 
Now, I’m a little kinder than some about the prophecy. We know Snape overhears the first portion of the prophecy in early 1980. He eagerly rushes to the dark lord, regales him with the prophecy in both a) aid to the cause and b) in the hopes of climbing in the ranks and gaining the dark lord’s notice. At this point, Lily Evans is pregnant, perhaps knows the gender, but has not given birth. Months later, when both Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter are born at the end of July, Snape realizes he has signed Lily Evans’ death warrant (because despite Dumbledore talking, I imagine Tom always planned to kill off both children, Pettigrew just happened to make things convenient for Tom to go to the Potters first).
With Lily’s death now so inevitable, and her blood on his own hands, Snape has his existential crisis, goes to Dumbledore who puts the Potters in hiding and becomes a double agent. Snape also pleads for Lily’s life with Tom and he puts in a minimal amount of effort to spare the woman. 
Then Lily dies anyway and now Snape lives in the bitter cynicism most commonly seen in characters from Game of Thrones. He’s Dumbledore’s agent and sort of a Dirty Harry character, getting to see all the nasty things that many of the other order members never have to deal with. He’s one of the more intelligent characters in the series, able to see the truth of the world he lives in, but he also doesn’t care enough to actually do anything about it. He’s a bitter, resentful, and angry protector of Harry Potter, choosing to hate a naive child for all the reminders of his own terrible life (both in Lily, for failing and betraying her, and in James his most hated rival and tormentor). He gleefully enables the favoritism of Slytherin (my god how he panders to Draco Malfoy) while tormenting poor Neville into terror (that Neville’s greatest 13 year old fear is Snape is very telling).
Basically by the time we get to him in canon Snape not only isn’t happy but I think he doesn’t want to be happy. He’s accustomed to his bitterness, his cynicism, his quiet rage and moves forward out of both resignation, guilt, and a sense of obligation to a woman’s ghost. The actions he takes in canon aren’t so much for Harry as they are for the memory of Lily Evans.
Even if Snape could be happy at that point, change his life or his purpose, I do not think he would. He’s a man who has given up on life.
Now, onto Lily Evans.
You probably think I’m going to rail on her to for the sheer hypocrisy and nerve of marrying James Potter. I’m actually not. Lily Evans is one of my favorite characters in the Harry Potter series and probably the one I’d label as the most moral (though that’s a very low bar in Harry Potter, the characters are almost all assholes, but even so Lily would still be very high on the list).
You know what, I’m just going to damn myself and sound like a crazy person. Lily Evans always reads to me as a more moral young female Tom Riddle.
What the hell? You undoubtedly ask but I’ll explain.
Lily, while having a far more stable homelife than Tom Riddle, also comes from a muggleborn background. She’s exceptionally brilliant, very good looking, and very charming with a lot of people who would call her friends but no one close. Lily, aside from Snape (and that’s debatable), has no friends.
If Lily had not been a Gryffindor, and were Dumbledore not a raging misogynist, his Tom Riddle bells likely would have been ringing with her.
“But wait, that can’t be right!”
Oh, yes it can. First, as I went into above with Snape and Lily, there was something deeply wrong with that friendship. I believe they both considered themselves best friends, didn’t see many of the warning flags, but ultimately we see the giant fissure when Snape lets loose the m-word. Given all of that, I would not label them having been true friends in the first place. Just the appearance of friends.
Otherwise, while it’s very easily to canonically point out James’ friends it’s incredibly difficult to do so with Lily. First, people hardly remember Lily. We get Dumbledore talking about her like she’s the Virgin Mary, saving her son with the power of her love. We get Snape’s weird Virgin Mary impressions of her. Otherwise, it’s pretty much just Slughorn. Everyone else remembers that she married James and that was great because JAMES WAS SO COOL and that she had very striking eyes and was “nice”. Lily is less than a ghost in Harry Potter canon (sadly Harry never really realizing it).
Also, unlike James who has Sirius, Remus, and Peter to point towards (that are very important characters in canon). Lily has no one. The godmother was Alice Longbottom, a woman many years older than Lily and James who probably liked Lily well enough but I can’t imagine was a close friend. In canon there’s an offhand mention of two girls named Mary and Marlene but we don’t see much of them/Severus was always cited as Lily’s closest friend. As for Lily’s sister, well we know they’re estranged. I think it’s very telling that Lily writes a letter to Sirius, James’ best friend and certainly not hers, telling him that James is pouting over his invisibilty cloak. It’s because there was no one else to write.
So Lily Evans is a brilliant girl, who everyone likes and is very charming, but has no friends and led a very lonely and short life.
Here’s where my slack towards Lily comes in.
When she dumps Snape I completely understand why she did so. Snape dropping that word wasn’t simply a mistake, a moment of infinite regret, but something that revealed what he truly thought of her and where she came from. Lily was absolutely right in walking away.
However, without Snape, her closest friend is suddenly gone and the world is cold. As graduation approaches I imagine Lily’s career options become clearer and clearer. While very talented and smart, Lily is a muggleborn, what job she does manage to get (thanks to the sheer nepotism of the wizarding world/lack of jobs) will likely be through Slughorn if she manages to get a job at all. The world is cold and it is cruel and no one seems to even notice.
Cue James Potter. I do believe, probably until seventh year, Lily loathed James, not simply because of the horrifying things he did to Severus (and I’m sure she knew very little of it, Snape hiding most of it from her out of pride and shame), but because he’s just a giant dick. He’d make flirting with her a kind of game and joke to be shared with Sirius, something to hold over Snape’s head, like she’s a prize to be one.
However, by seventh year the werewolf incident has happened, Snape’s retreated further and further into Death Eater recruit land and she’s cut him off, and for all my “James is a dick” I do imagine he calmed down a little. Now that Snape is no longer friends with Lily/after the whole almost murder incident I imagine they didn’t bully him nearly as much as they used to. Though yes, they probably still bullied him, but Lily probably doesn’t know that now that she’s lost contact with Snape. 
James is charming and very good looking. He seems a bit more mature than he used to be. Lily is desperately lonely, living in a world that rejects everything she is, and James seems like one of the few who does support her (that James is more of a ‘pretty fly for a white guy’ kind of support for muggleborns doesn’t hit until later). So Lily is charmed and makes the largest mistake of her life, she and James start dating.
Now, given their extreme youth as well as Lily’s pedigree (say what you like, I don’t think Mr. and Mrs. Potter were thrilled that their son was dating a muggleborn) I imagine the wedding was a shot gun wedding and Lily got unintentionally pregnant. Yes, go ahead and throw fruit at me or call foul, I just can’t imagine they’d want a child that young while in the middle of a war while they’re part of an active resistance movement and only just out of Hogwarts.
Then things start snowballing downhill. Lily and James have just joined the resistance movement, Lily’s son is prophesied to defeat Voldemort, they strongly suspect one of James’ close friends is a spy, and they’re forced into hiding.
In hiding is where I imagine stress runs high and their marriage begins to fall apart. We know from Lily’s letter that James was routinely leaving hiding, using the cloak, so he could meet up with Sirius and Peter (I imagine Lupin’s on the out as they suspected he was the spy). While James might not realize what a big deal that was, I imagine Lily always did, and she begins to realize just what she’s gotten herself into but there’s no way out while in hiding.
Now we go really off the rails into headcanon territory in: what the hell is up with Harry Potter?
In my stories, I often choose the unwitting god route. Harry can’t die because he is a god, he becomes the master of death and always was the master of death. This is an answer, but it’s one that makes canon Harry a god and... I would not want canon Harry as a god. JKR and Dumbledore push the “Lily loved her child so much that it deflected death... multiple times” but this always felt... unsatisfying. Many parents love their children (fathers too, JKR, let’s not make this weird Virgin Mary thing) and yet Harry Potter alone in the history of mankind survives multiple times. 
Most likely, Lily pulled off some insane bullshit with absolutely no resources and minimal education AND EVERYONE IGNORES IT. We do know that Lily crafted the blood wards, wards stronger than anything Dumbledore himself can come up with/than Voldemort can break. Ones that protect Harry not only at home but away from it as it melts Voldemort for simply touching his skin. Lily pulled off the impossible in only a few months and did it right under everyone’s nose.
This makes her easily one of the most intelligent characters in Harry Potter. Probably beating out Dumbledore and maybe tying with Tom Riddle. And Dumbledore tells us, “Your Virgin Mary mother loved you so much, Harry, that it courses through your veins and lights those that would want to harm you on fire.”
So, that’s Lily for you.
Now, that said, I’m probably a bit biased and clearly very lenient with her marrying James. To be honest it took me years to figure out why the hell Lily would ever marry James after what happened with Severus and was always one of those weird canon things I never quite understood. He’s that good looking and charming, I guess, was my response.
The answer I now land on with some confidence was that the world is that cruel and bleak and Lily was utterly alone for two years.
By the way, a side note/plug, of all my stories while head canons do pop up here and there I think “October” is one where they tend to crop up more. It’s a vast AU of canon, but it gives an idea of what I think x character would do in y situation. 
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drivingsideways · 2 years
Text
Kdrama women I love (Part 2)
 Part 1 (here)
Sorry, not sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about them!
Cha Soo-hyun from Signal: Imagine having a powerhouse like Kim Hye-soo on your cast and then saddling her with an awkward/tragic workplace romance in lieu of idk actual character development that happens ON SCREEN as opposed to off it. I mean, Signal is excellently made, but there’s no denying that Cha Soo-hyun got a raw-ish deal. I would have loved to see her grow into the badass cop she is when we meet her first, but most of her time onscreen is spent reacting to events set in motion by The Men, and just, like, why. In my head, the perfect fic for Cha Soo-hyun would cover the years after Lee Jae-han’s disappearance and before Park Hae-young’s entry; so much of her struggle in the early years was to be taken seriously as a cop, and I want to see her doing that without Lee Jae-han’s help. I would also NOT be opposed to a post canon OT3; it could be incredibly fun to write the tangled dynamics of that, especially now that Cha Soo-hyun isn’t the wide eyed rookie that Lee Jae-han knew, and Park Hae-young’s YEARNING to belong would neatly fold into what his sunbaes could offer. 
Ahn Young-yi from Misaeng: My god, this woman suffered in Misaeng. I just want the fic in which she lets herself be angry. I fully understand her choices in Misaeng- the tightrope that she’s walking in the hopes of survival- but I won’t deny that I felt robbed of the satisfaction of seeing her hurl a rock or three at the heads of her misogynist colleagues and boss. There’s probably a fic out there about how Young-yi starts to build her networks with the other women at One International, and how she climbs the ladder to power. I want this to be a story about women making space for the ones after them, and pulling them up with them. It’s the story she deserves, along with all the other women in that series, whose stories were sidelined to make space for The Men. 
Yoon Hee-soo from Into The Ring: That woman is going to be President in ten years and nobody will convince me otherwise. Love her pragmatism, her wicked, trollish sense of humour, her ambition and the fact that she cares deeply but isn’t performative about it. She’s the one I would trust to Get Things Done, just as I would trust Goo Se-ra to rock the comfortable status-quo. Together (and with the intrepid Gong-myung) they will CHANGE THE WORLD. Where’s the fic, world, where??? ( side-eyes self) ps. I hear there’s a season 2 in the works and if it doesn’t give me some version of this fic, I shall be very sad. 
Jang Ro-sa from Hospital Playlist : WHERE is the 70 episode show about the Life of Jang Ro-sa? I loved her from the first episode where she’s so matter-of-fact about her marriage of convenience; how on earth did she manage to raise a bunch of kids who ALL fell in love with God first and forever? Why didn’t she become a pianist? What are she and Jeong-su doing on that pilgrimage/ road trip ? I just want to know ALL of it. Someone write it * puppy face *
Kim Sang-sook from Into the Ring- Jang Hye-jin brings so much sparkling charm to her role as Se-ra’s mom, I just fell crazily in love with her. I just love how much she’s just herself and unfazed by other people’s opinions of her; i love that she fucks up on the regular but with STYLE. I think that’s a lovely trait that she’s passed on to her daughter- one that will carry her through her chosen life of MAKING THE WORLD BETTER. Anyways, where’s the fic where Sang-sook gets involved in some pyramid marketing scheme and Gong-myung has to bail her out of it and they both have to keep it secret from Se-ra and her dad? I demand this be put in my eyeballs AT ONCE. 
Do Hae-won from Beyond Evil: My god, a villain’s villain. Gil Hae-yeon puts the fear of the devil into you every time she slithers onto the screen with her weaponized cloying, subservient femininity. She seems so brittle, but beneath it is the hard rock of years of bitterness. The show doesn’t bother to do more than hint at the reasons why- because of course, female villains are never afforded the interiority of their male counterparts, or even chance for understanding- but I think Gil Hae-yeon manages to convey both her resentment at this world ruled by men and their rules. and her contempt for them as a class in every scene. I wonder how things would have been different- if they would have been- if she’d had a daughter, instead of a son. Anyways, an absolutely riveting performance, and I think that’s the only reason I am sort of tempted to contemplate a post canon fic for her. How does she survive jail? What does she do after? Who’s going to write it for me? (SIGH.)
Jung Geum-ja from Hyena- I don’t think a lot needs to be said about why Jung Geum-ja is literally one of the best female characters ever to be written in a kdrama. Kim Hye-soo is in her element in her role as this half-gangster/ half- vengeful angel, 100% unforgettable woman. Love to see sexpot Ju Ji-hoon fold like a pack of cards in the face of that unbearably sexy combination of wit, grit and panache; but ALSO love watching every woman in a radius of 5 kms faint from lust and longing to be her and be with her at the same time. Luckily for me, I don’t have to write any of the fic, everyone who’s watched the show just head over to Gin’s AO3 page and treat yourself. 
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bestworstcase · 3 years
Note
zhan tiri :)
(:
What I love about them:
canon: fascinating, eccentric, open-ended lore makes a good sandbox for headcanons and interpretations; cool and eclectic aesthetic; gremlin baby is so wild and so much fun and i adore her with all my heart
bitter snow: custom-tailored to my exact tastes because i crafted her out of a few bits and bobs of lore pre-s3 and have never looked back. she’s a trillions of years old cosmic creator-devourer who wanted to become more than that so BADLY that she broke reality in two to make it happen and she is also, literally just a cat. her design is just all the animal symbolism i like stuffed into a single character and slathered in a nice coating of tar and swamp and rot.
BISA: exactly the same as bitter snow but a twenty-six year old catastrophe without any of the power that enables bitter snow to do whatever the fuck she wants so instead she is just permanently filled with unspeakable wrath and also has a sword
strings: eldritch monster cosmic devourer zhan tiri RIGHTS also every aesthetic vibe bitter snow has strings has also. might actually be even more of a ham than bitter snow which is very cool and sexy of her
DF: tragic and angry and fucked up and her friendship with cass lives rent free in my head. has the team braincell but helpless to avoid the consequences of cassandra’s general disastrousness and catastrophic decision-making
diadem: has literally never done anything wrong, ever, in her life,
burn a broken effigy: very canon flavor but with more eldritch flair. 10/10.
What I hate about them:
no 💜💜💜
Favorite Moment/Quote:
like. every single moment gremlin baby is on screen. her monologue in RTTS. her…everything in OAH. gloating over the wreckage of the demanitus device. how flat out feral she is in CR. her grand finale in plus est. every word out of her mouth in the pre-CR stingers. i LOVE HER
What I would like to see more focus on:
nuanced zhan tiri complex motivations zhan tiri actually cares about cass zhan tiri MORALLY GREY ZHAN TIRI
also ELDRITCH ZHAN TIRI
What I would like to see less focus on:
please no more cardboard cutout mustache twirling evil zhan tiri. if you can’t at the very least give her the delightfully charismatic pure evil she had as gremlin baby or the horrific eldritch monster vibes then use a different villain 💜
Favorite pairing with:
canon & burn a broken effigy: no
bitter snow: *wails* dione and sorchā
BISA: that is a surprise for later :)
strings: no
DF: cass
diadem: caine
Favorite friendship:
canon: sugracha and tromus (let me have this)
bitter snow: all the scions and also cass and also sirin
BISA: that is also a surprise for later :)
strings: strings/bitter snow cinematic universe!zhan tiri
DF: her mentorship of varian is very cute. also cass
diadem: what friends. someone please get this woman a friend
burn a broken effigy: i love anton
NOTP:
zhan tiri/demanitus 🚫 (unrequited as like a comphet thing for human!zitis is acceptable)
Favorite headcanon:
…literally just all of bitter snow lmfao
special shout out for ferret ziti though
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varibean · 4 years
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Try Turning It Off And On Again
This was my piece for the tangled dreams zine that can be found here! I wanted to try writing a bit of Team Awesome/Dadgene so I hope y’all enjoy and lmk what you think! 
Read On AO3
It was no small exaggeration to say that, on paper, Varian was living a near perfect life. It was hard to imagine the boy-or as his father so often called him, ‘young man’-wanting for anything and for the most part he didn’t. After the battle with Zhan Tiri and the terrifying day of the eclipse, all of his dreams had been practically handed to him on a silver platter. Royal Engineer, renowned alchemist, best friend to several important people; with all that under his belt it was hard to imagine him not being in a constant state of euphoria over how well his life was playing out. Especially after his rocky start.
However if someone was to catch him in the early hours of the morning, they would be led to think that nothing had ever gone right in the history of his entire life.
It wasn’t a fact of Varian not being a morning person that was the issue but rather the sheer number of things he had to do once he got up. Early on in his career as royal engineer, Rapunzel thought it to be a great idea that he live in the palace with them. He’d been excited about the prospect at first; getting to live close with his greatest friends? Spending his days working on machines? Winding down at night in the grand ballroom for dinner? Absolutely perfect.
What he hadn’t considered was the fact that, by living in the palace, he was essentially on the clock twenty-four seven. Every morning when he woke up he skipped his usual routine of combing his hair or brushing his teeth in favor of opening up his bedroom door. That action was always greeted with a pile of neatly placed but still numerous scrolls, all left behind by the morning castle page. Each one was either a task, request, or order form filed by any and all who needed his service. It was only after he picked them all up and read through them that he continued his other morning tasks.
Life at the castle was more boring than he’d ever considered life in a castle could be. The whole place worked like clockwork and not the fun kind. The only thing that broke up the monotony of the place was Rapunzel, with her always chipper nature, and Eugene, who often tagged along with her despite his own duties as Captain of the Guard. But even that small burst of excitement was becoming less and less as time went on. Less Rapunzel, less Eugene, more work.
When Varian first arrived, everything had been wonderful and new. The scrolls at his doorstep were exciting projects, not boring chores. He had time for his own inventions and endeavors no matter how small they were, and most importantly, he got to spend time with his friends. All of those things were slowly fading, dwindling in time and importance as his daily tasks grew and grew. When writing his father about it, the older man simply replied that it was all part of growing up. Varian hated that. Still, the days dragged on, the ever steady pace of the castle completely uncaring to his internal plight of drudgery.
____
It was on a day of heavy rain and wind when Varian got the notice that something was wrong with the boilers. Nothing major enough to cause an entire village to explode, he’d been sure to put that safety precaution in place, but enough to warrant a knock on his door as he was preparing for lunch. No ham sandwich break for him today.
Apparently some rainwater had managed to seep through the shallow earth and gotten into the underground reservoir used to fill the tankers, in turn causing them to overflow. It wasn’t the overflow that was causing any structural issues, the machines wouldn’t rust overnight after all, but it was causing an imbalance in the chemical reaction. Too much water meant there was more liquid than the chemicals could properly heat, leaving everyone with lukewarm water. Tragic.
Duty called though and lunch would have to wait.
“Lukewarm water. Oh”, Varian said sarcastically to Ruddiger as he prepared to go down and find the leaky bit of earth that was causing the problem, “The horror of it all.”
The people of Corona could survive a day or two without hot water, but why should they when they had a Royal Engineer at their disposal? Nevermind the fact that he was a person too, who was currently missing out on his meal so that everyone else could wash their hands in comfort.
He bit back the desire to spout out another sarcastic comment to his furry companion, knowing that he was just being unreasonably bitter because he was hungry. Food would still be there when he got done; the longer he ignored the problem the worse it would get. In all fairness, it took priority. Besides, something like sealing up a bit of loose earth and diverting the dripping water from the tankers would be an easy fix. He could do it in his sleep.
____
Varian had been correct in assuming that the boiler problem would be an easy fix, maybe slightly tedious at best. What he hadn’t accounted for was how difficult it would be to simply get down to the reservoirs in the first place.
The problems started the second he stepped out of his room and into the main hallways of the castle. Ruddiger trotted beside him happily, the fat animal knowing that his only job was companionship and nothing more. Given the time of day and the raininess outside the place was busier than it normally was. Gardeners muttered over their tools, maids rushed to clean up dirt and grime that had been tracked in, and all the other servants began to hustle and bustle around in order to make sure that everyone was safe and well attended to.
It shouldn’t have been a long trek, just a few turns before getting to the downstairs, but the trip was elongated by everyone constantly bumping into him and pushing him aside.
Despite being a respected member of the staff, he was still just a boy in many of their eyes. He glared at the people who brushed past him, knowing that he’d helped each one of them with at least half a dozen things at some point or another. They’d been perfectly kind to him then but now he was nothing more than another body blocking their way. It was easy to be nice to someone while they were doing something for you and even easier to ignore them when the time was over.
Half way through the crowd to his destination he felt a hand grip at his arm and turning around he was met with the stern face of a maid, face flushed with frustration.
“Excuse me young man, you’re the Royal Engineer correct?”
Her voice was twice as haughty as she looked, speaking as if she couldn’t believe that she had to stoop to the level of talking to him in the first place.
“Varian. Just Varian.” He didn’t have time to deal with whatever nonsense the woman needed him for even though he had a sneaking suspicion that he was about to be given no choice.
He was quickly proven right as the woman gave a soft huff and pulled him alongside her to whatever issue she needed fixed. For a moment he considered squirming out of her grasp or maybe telling her that he was busy but as nice as those both seemed he knew that it would only come back to bite him in one form or another. If he didn’t fix whatever problem she had now then he would have to do it later. He was already missing lunch, might as well make the most of things.
She all but shoved him into one of main rooms, where he was met with several maids and servants covered in dust and circled around one of his many machines.
Ah , he thought, That explains a lot.
“Your blasted machine blew up. How are we supposed to clean up dust when the device that you made to help does nothing but blow it back in our faces?” The woman huffed as she crossed her arms.
Varian would have rather been scolded by old lady Crowley than whoever this woman was. At least Crowley didn’t balk like a fish when she was angry.
“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” Varian tried to joke to lighten the mood, but was met with only a cold shoulder and a stifled chitter from Ruddiger.
Eugene or Rapunzel would’ve found it funny.
He signed while leaning down to the device and fixing it up with one very simple step: Flipping the switch from ‘blow’ to ‘suck’.
“Let me know if you have any actual problems with it ma’am. Sadly, even I can’t fix operator errors.”
He skittered out of the room before anyone could berate him for his mouth. He smirked to himself, thinking how funny one of his friends would find that line. That was only the beginning of his troubles though.
It seemed that every step he took towards the boilers, someone needed his assistance.
Nigel’s mechanical pen needed the ink chamber fixed, Hope needed the automatic laundry cart’s wheel to be tightened, one of the chefs needed more preservation chemicals to keep the food fresh until next week.
By the time he actually got to the door to the boiler room it was well past his lunch break, time slowly and steadily creeping towards dinner. Hours of helping crowds of people with their problems and all that just so he could get to the actual problem of the day.
But yet again, right when he was about to turn the knob on the door and enter the stairwell for the boilers at long last, another hand grasped at his arm.
“Hey there buddy-”
“For the sun’s sake I just need to fix one stupid problem!” Varian shouted, turning around to face the stranger who’d grabbed him only to find that it wasn’t a stranger at all.
Instead he was met with Eugene’s surprised and amused face looking down at him, red uniform dampened slightly from the outside rain and hair slicked back in an admittedly stylish fashion.
“Well hello to you too short stack.” Eugene’s response was met with a groan as Varain pushed in the door and began to descend into the underground area. “Rough day?”
“Not more than any other day here.”
“So I’ll take that as a yes. What’re you doing going to the boilers so late, it’s almost chow time kiddo. You know how your dad will chew us out if we don’t get you your three squares a day.”
Even with Eugene’s joking nature Varian could hear a bit of sincerity in his words. He couldn’t bear the thought of confessing that he hadn’t gotten a chance to eat lunch. Instead he just kept walking downwards, the other man following close behind with Ruddiger.
“The rain cracked through one of the underground tunnel walls, which has been causing the small reservoir down there to flow faster. It’s overfilling the machines which means the formula for heating them isn’t working and that means a bunch of people upset at me until I can fix it.”
“Well of course, can’t imagine what a tragedy it must be to go a full day with only lukewarm water.” Eugene’s tone was sarcastic, mimicking Varian’s earlier sentiments on the matter.
Despite the day he had, the alchemist laughed. Of course Eugene of all people would share his same sense of humor at the situation.
“It wouldn’t be so bad if people would just let me get down here in the first place.”
“Nah, they can’t make it too easy on you kiddo, that’ll just make you go soft.”
Another chuckle rang out against the walls. It was more than Varian had laughed in probably an entire week. Suddenly the task of fixing a leak didn’t seem so bad; having company helped and though he loved Ruddiger to pieces, there was only so much conversation that a single raccoon could have.
“So what do we have to do to fix it?” Eugene asked after the laughter had settled and the two made it to the bottom of the steps, leading to the underground tunnels.
“I’m just going to put some of my newest solution on the crack and up the Flynnolium for a few hours. That’ll give everything time to reset by morning and then I’ll adjust the Flynnolium solution release back down to four percent per tanker. And it’ll also give everyone else ample time to find something new to yell at me about.”
Though he spoke with a joking tone he could see the flash of concern that drifted over Eugene’s face, making him instantly regret saying anything at all. He didn’t want to appear ungrateful to the older man; he really did love his job even with the few pitfalls that came with it. His snark was nothing more than the result of a little stress. That’s what he told himself at least.
The rest of the walk was short and comfortably chatty, Eugene going on about his latest guard duties while Varian laughed and ribbed him on his work ethic. It was nice to finally get some time to talk to his friend again, Team Awesome. He almost didn’t want his work day to be finished but the fixes he needed to implement were easy; it had just taken him forever to get down to do them. Just as soon as the two (plus Ruddgier) had made it to the caves, they were back to the top of the staircase.
“Well kid,” Eugene started, “now that we’ve got that all done let’s go get some grub. Don’t want to keep everyone else waiting.”
Eugene began to walk in the direction of the dining hall but Varian stayed put. He was hungry, that much was for sure, but he’d spent all day around people. Being around them, fixing their problems, having them bump into him and squawk at him. It was nice to spend some time with just Eugene but an entire room full of more people...now that was something different entirely.
“Actually I still have some leftovers from lunch in my room.” By which, of course, he meant his entire lunch. “I’m not that hungry anyways so I think I’m going to pass tonight, tell everyone I said hi.”
“Are you sure? Heard there was going to be cookies tonight-”
“Yeah, don’t-don’t worry about me it’s just been...been a really long day.”
Varian mustered up his best smile and gave a thumbs up as he walked away before Eugene could say anything else.
It had been a nice reprieve from his regular day to day drudgery, but it was time to go to bed and start the whole process over again tomorrow.
____
When Varian woke up the next morning he wasn’t tired which was his first clue that something was wrong. He stretched and yawned, squinting as the sun shone brightly through his window which was the second clue.
The third, and by far the most obvious clue, came when he cleared his nose and sniffed a few times and was met with the scent of fresh ham and eggs. Turning to his night stand he saw a brilliantly decorated tray of toast, butter, and scrambled eggs with ham and tomato slices mixed in.
“What in the-oh shit!” Next to the delicious smelling breakfast was his alarm clock which had apparently not gone off despite having wound it up the night before, seeing how the time displayed on it read 11:12. He was late, beyond late. It was nearly noon, he would never hear the end of it. Not only that, but there was a bigger issue at hand.
“The Flynnolium!” He darted up out of bed, not even bothering to put on his work clothes or brush his hair.
He nearly tripped over his own feet trying to reach the door. When he opened it, however, he ran face first into a solid body, sending him reeling back from the impact.
“Well good morning there sleepy head. Man, you really must’ve been worn out to sleep that long huh? Any sweet dreams?” The voice was calm and teasing with just a hint of sincerity playing against the tone of a smile.
“Eugene!” Varian steadied himself and once again tried to get by him. “I can’t talk right now, I have to go. I overslept somehow and-and the Flynnolium has been set on high for too long, I need to get down there and-”
“Set it back to four percent per tanker? Already taken care of buddy. Now come on, I worked all morning on that breakfast and you haven’t even touched it. Well, the royal chef worked all morning on it but I was in the room so i’m pretty sure that counts for something. Supervising, you know, is a very important part of the process.”
“Wha…”
Varian couldn’t even finish his sentence as Eugene guided him back to his bed and sat him down, moving the breakfast tray onto his lap.
“Well don’t sit there wasting all that hard work, dig in.”
“But I don’t...I don’t understand how-what the hell is going on?”
“Language.” Eugene chidded jokingly before sitting down beside the other, “I noticed you seemed a little stressed yesterday. So, I took it upon myself to give you the day off. Woke up this morning and turned the Flynnolium down. Bribed Ruddiger with a few apples to get him to turn your clock off and let you sleep in.”
Varian looked down at the food in his lap, speechless. He hadn’t been that tired, had he?
“Why though?” He asked, quizzically picking up a slice of toast and slowly biting it.
“I just told you, you’re stressed. We’re Team Awesome and Team Awesome looks out for each other.”
Varian continued to crunch slowly and Eugene let out a soft sigh before putting his hand on the other’s back.
“I know the people here demand a lot from you. It would be a big adjustment for anyone just to exist around this place, let alone be the Royal Engineer. Doing projects every day, people only giving you the time of day when they need you, running around like Pascal chasing after a fly. And I know I...probably haven’t helped much in that regard either. You’re the Royal Engineer because Rapunzel and I know you can handle it. But just because you can handle it on your own doesn’t mean you should have to.”
The more Eugene spoke the more Varian relaxed, shoveling more food into his mouth as he got more comfortable.
“Fankfs.” He said, his cheeks full like chipmunks, causing Eugene to laugh.
“No problem buddy. Anyways, like I was saying, I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much-”
“That’s not your fault.”
“No, but it is my fault for not trying harder. And for not realizing how tough things have been on you. So, here’s the plan, once a week from now on you’re getting a full twenty-four hours of off time. Maybe after a few of those and we’ll finally have you back on a decent sleeping schedule. Anyone who interrupts it gets thrown in the dungeon, my royal decree as Captain.”
“I don’t think Captains can make royal decrees.” Varian stated flatly, suppressing a smirk.
“Ok smart mouth, well they can now. You have the rest of the day off.”
There was a comfortable silence for a moment as Varian finished eating, setting aside the tray and closing his eyes. He leaned against Eugene’s shoulder, content and full and happy.
“Thanks Eugene.”
“Anytime kiddo. Team Awesome?”
Eugene extended his fist and Varian happily, if not a bit tiredly, pounded it with his own.
“Team Awesome. Now, since I have the rest of the day off…” In a split second Varian was falling back against his bed, rolling himself up in the blankets pillows, “I’m going back to sleep.”
Eugene laughed and playfully shoved his shoulder.
“Lazy bones. Well, have sweet dreams. Sugar plum fairies and all that.”
“Nah, I’m going to be dreaming of cute blonds who look like Flynn Rider and take me on daring adventures.”
That caused Eugene to laugh even louder.
“Wow, you really are such a teenager aren’t you? Well tell dream hotshot that if he wants your fantasy hand in marriage he’s going to have to get through me first.”
“And my dad.” Varian joked bluntly.
“Personally I think I’m the more important one to impress but, yeah, that guy too-” Suddenly a pillow hit Eugene’s face, muffling his chuckles, “Ok ok I get the message, I’m leaving, I’m leaving.”
“Eugene?”
“Yes sleeping beauty?”
“Thanks, I needed this.”
“Any time kiddo. Love ya.”
As Eugene closed the door, Varian closed his eyes, sinking down into his mattress and into a day of blissful sleep.
“Love you too.”
By the time Varian got the drowsy words out, Eugene was already gone, but it didn’t matter. He already knew.
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papers4me · 3 years
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Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep25 (Season Finale)
ah~ I finished furuba’s Season 2..T_T.. now my life is empty..that’s a good ep!
- A moment with yuki:
I think there’s sth I still don’t understand abt yuki’s tohru-mom feelings...I thought that yuki after acknowledging such feelings, will slowly build a healthier, more equal relationship with tohru  & the only reason he didn’t tell her is cuz he wants her to be ready & not worry. So today, it makes sense that he comes & tells tohru he stood up for himself & was scared but made it! he’s proud of himself & tohru should be proud of him, too. Also, it helps tohru let go of worrying abt him & realize his growth. All amazing!!! However, the scene was depicted in a way that screams, “look mommy, I’ did it!” rather than a friend reaching out & proudly telling a friend. it really cemented the mom-son dynamics. I felt “awe look at him proudly telling his mom” sth I thought, we’ll be slowly moving away from towards more equal dynamics. Yuki was drawn extra thin & he was leaning as if he was waiting for a head pat. Nothing is wrong with yuki wanting motherly feels since he never got one but i felt nothing changed between them. yuki still below tohru. I mean he’ll never be able to repay her kindness. true. but I thought the story will let us see him standing taller bit by bit, y’know? I know he still calls her honda-san & perhaps him finally calling her “tohru” is when they’re equal..but shouldn’t he move slowly towards that? rather than suddenly coming & thanking her for being his much needed mother figure? why is this scene depicted with extremely strong mother-son feel? could it be cuz yuki is still putting tohru in a pedestal? he told momiji “did u do sth worthy of honda-san’s praise” as if tohru isn’t the person who praises momiji for a cute uniform or kyo for making a standard riceball. hmm, maybe yuki can’t be equal to her if he still sees her as the sky or an angel or someone who desperately needs protection. tohru is precious to him & he’ll protect her with his life, but I thought he’ll do so as a friend, not as a son. Maybe SE03 is abt him learning to see tohru as a normal, lacking but still amazing person? I’d love to see that!!
- Shigure ( the main character ):
It’s always forgotten that this goofy, good for nuthin dude is a main character. But once he turns dark & reveals his face, no doubt that this guy is the plot’s leader! Shigure doesn't do lengthy inner monologues, nor his actions are easy to read. Mayuko is right “ he is like a ripple in the water” .The stages of shigues’s emotions:
Bitter: “why not let yuki take responsibility & tend for akito?” mocking akito’s bedridden status over yuki’s defiance. “ why u ask abt tohru in the phone?” & proceeds to mock kureno for calling. Tohru would never answer the phone first. “ you’re featherbrained” cruelly mocking him using a pun on his zodiac while suspecting he isn’t one anymore. Only shigure is capable of such salt!
Silent Anger: looking at akito as she rants abt him not coming to her first! not choosing her first. while she’s the one who didn’t choose him. “you’re one to talk” Epic!! “ what do you want from her?” shigure had no right intruding on kureno’s business with tohru. but he’s too angry to behave. Kureno answers like a good boy.
Refusing to play blind: hatori looking for excuses for akito’s behavior within the curse’s lore. Shigure fires back with “haven’t u ever felt sth off with kureno?”. They all did. “ Ah~at long at last” not even waiting for kureno to say first.
Sticking his finger in open wounds: “don’t accept it?scared? sad? emotionally attached to the bond?” Verdict: “devious” he’s calling out  hatori & kureno both!
Embracing himself with no regrets: “ weak, intolerant, worthless, worst kind of man”. He embodies his own description of himself as he talks to kureno over the phone & sends tohru. “ see you later” only the worst kind of man uses tohru like that. sending her with no clue to an emotional shock. He wants the situation to escalates. He’ll use tohru if he have to. Let’s see if kureno’s “kindness” spares tohru the pain or if it tears her heart apart as it has been tearing everybody, kureno induced!
-Akito’s manipulating tactics start to backfire:
“ I speak cruelly of you, You know I don’t say it out of spite” very typical sentence abusers say to further their grasp around others. Insult them cruelly, then play the kind apologetic card. It makes the other person linger longer. “X didn’t meant it. X actually cares. X just lost control”. It happens in domestic abuse cases all the time.. it never changes..it never stops. Akito knows when she’s loosing her grip on someone. she feels it. Her ego doesnt let her acknowledge it. However, seeing akito’s innocent young self humanized her so much. She wasn’t despicable since birth as we’ve seen in yuki’s flashback, but here she was even more innocent than with yuki. Could it be cuz it’s from kureno’s perspective? someone older than her? or she treated older male zodiacs differently. Akito knew kureno’s curse broke as he himself did. hmm. it’s the bond, so the ruler does have a connection with the zodiacs. Akito fearing kureno’s abandonment is understandable. Akito using tears, screams, pleads & frantic behavior, “so typical of spoiled children” to get kureno to stay. It is a working tactic. A tactic that abusive adults use in toxic relationships so much & works to trap the other party to stay. Stay with me cuz you pity me, yes, but I’m the one on control. Keeping in mind akito’s age here, she looks 6? 10 maximum! is really twisted. Akito learned early one that manipulation works. She gets what she wants by playing games, whether it’s tears, pity, rage, ridicule, mockery, bets, humiliation, or sexual seduction. It reinforces her behavior that nothing can stand between her & her desires. curse or no curse. If she can keep a  non-cursed person, then the cursed ones are way weaker to leave. This, off course doesn’t justify her abusive behavior with yuki/ kyo/ momiji/ kisa/ rin/ haru/ hatori but today, we got a small window open into her psyche. The best “antagonist” is someone with irrational behavior that stems from twisted mindset! She is so interesting!
-Kureno & ( the most destructive foolish traveler):
So, kureno stayed with akito cuz he can’t turn a sad, lonely, fragile child away. Can’t bear to break her heart. The child became a woman. The woman needed him in bed, he can’t turn a sad lonely woman away. He gave in & their relationship became even more twisted with the complexity of intimacy issues. Kureno said “ arisa is the first person he ever loved on his own”. meaning that he slept with akito using the remaining feelings of attachment of his previous bond. EXACTLY as shigure said while questioning hatori’s refusal to believe the curse can break“ emotionally attached to the bond”. He continued this unbalanced sexual affair with her. completely submissive to her moods & whims. Unbalanced relationship cuz both stayed together for twisted reasons “unable to let go”, She has control over him since she’s the family head, over even his freedom outside the house, He is willingly submissive to her, choosing to not seek his happiness,  not standing up & denying her, or stopping her or telling her sth as simple as “ i want to go out to the supermarket”. content & satisfied with his dull, lifeless life. Until akito “ the sad child/ the sad woman doesn’t need him anymore??? but kureno can see that him staying by akito’s side didn’t do shit to improve anybody’s situation!!! Akito is still miserable! even before tohru appears in their lives. all the zodiacs were miserable & united in a toxic fake bond. The bond is so fake that all this time there was a fake imposter & no one dared to question. They’re so accustomed to submissive obedience that they don’t dare to hope. Only shigure. The intolerant jerk saw through it all.
-Kureno is a different kind of foolish traveler. He helped no one. Not even the person he gave his eyes to, Akito didn’t benefit from his kindness. He didn’t benefit, nor arisa, nor any zodiac. What kureno’s kindness brought him is misery. What it brought the sohma’s is enabling abuse & continuation of current toxic atmosphere. He is a more sever enabler than hatori. Hatori enabled the continuation of the curse by erasing memories & staying by akito’s bed tending for her with no life of his own. But hatori knows he’s a sinner & hatori is still chained by the bond. Kureno is free to leave. Yet, he’s still here deceiving everybody & suffering alone while pretending to be content with fake smile. Was Kureno raised to always follow orders? No personality. No needs. Still, he decides to continue even after given a chance to leave now!!!! he lost the first chance due to a promise he made while he was afraid, lonely & felt pity. Now, he knows someone there loves him (arisa), he has a new friend (tohru), someone flat out told him to freakin leave (shigure). Still, he feels that causing akito to break down & cry is cruel. The most passive character in the shows I’ve watched!! Kuteno is another proof of this brilliant writer! there are many kureno’s around us. hurting themselves & others by staying in the cycle of abuse. The writer is really brilliant for writing such variety of characters. Who cares if fans find him appealing or not? hot or dull? good or bad? that’s not the issue here. He fits the plot so amazingly & realistically represents real life ppl who are caught between causing immense harm & being severely harmed, between helping & ruining! Kureno just closed his own caged tight shut behind him. so foolish, so tragic!
Side Notes:
Momiji pulling tohru to his level to tell her abt his achievement is cute! I was told he’s supposed to be taller than tohru now! can’t wait to see that!
Momiji’s been dressing more mature for a while, such as the violin ep, ep24 & now. All three tops while still having so much decorations, a hint of feminine designs are still in tune with momiji’s funky spirit! Also they are NOT toddler-like clothes! at all. I’m convinced it is done on purpose!! baby is growing!
I love dark shigure!! OMG! the story take a whole other level once he turns dark & turns off the goofy mode, activating the bitter mode! He was raw with no mercy & unveiled hatori’s hidden feelings with no hesitation. He tore kureno like a vicious dog! I LOVE.
Akito’s Japaneses VA is queen! & shigure’s Japaneses VA is so amazing!! can’t wait for his American VA!!! he’s one of my faves!
the bond breaking visuals are perfect! 10/10. No words needed.
tohru does have a women’s intuition! She is the most emotionally intelligent & socially perceptive character in furuba, just as long as it’s not abt herself. XD
tohru had a flashback within a flashback! lol. flashback inception!
they gave tohru a lil bit bigger boobies than usual!! my girl is maturing, too? =D
The scene of kureno & akito’s innocent childhood & the curse lifting being cut & inserted all over the ep is EPIC!! 10/10 presentation. It gave the ep eerie & distorted feel. Exactly as both kureno & akito felt. 
The scenes of tohru realizing sth is off with kureno’s curse is 10/10.
“ how did the curse break?” tohru’s first question! wow! I thought it was good for you, I’m happy, then ask afterwards. But NO. Interesting!!!!
I love that there is NO explanation of why the curse broke!!! I hope there is NEVER any explanation!! plz don’t let it be sth magical kureno did without noticing or anything. Let it either be random to keep the suspense as we wouldn’t know who’s is next or let be sth abt the bond somehow. But not sth tohru herself needs to do!
I still don’t understand kureno much, but I find him well-written for the reasons mentioned in my post. As for akito, I still don’t know much abt her. I doubt I’ll like her easily. But I can feel that her part in the story would be so amazingly entertaining!!
Shigure is the most unique furuba character hands down!!!!! this unbelievably entertaining jerk! is hot too.
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What I would love to see in the next Fantastic Beasts movies
(as always, sorry for the mistakes and for my poor english, I’m not a native speaker, etc! I will continue to correct it)
If you already read other posts I wrote, you know that I’m into plans and organised texts. So here we go again.
Just to be clear:
it's neither a request, nor what I think we should or need to see, and I won't be mad if we don't have the following scenes it in the next films. (I do have an opinion on what can be interessing to include in the movies, but again, it's my opinion! just ideas, and a lot of questions without answers also, etc) (and well it’s not groundbreaking but who cares)
About Newt and his friends
About Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald
About the Summer of 1899
About the other characters
About the Wizarding Society, Muggle world, etc
Some explanations we would like to have
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1. About Newt and his friends
- Newt as a selfless and intrepid hero who loves all of the magic creatures
- To be honest, all the team as dauntless and loveable heroes and heroins facing bad guys (and Jacob - who’s already the kindest and smoothest man - being also incredibly brave)
- Newt and Tina, as a couple, loving each other, fighting together, having each other back, growing stronger and more confident with each other (like they’re fighting and are in symbiosis) (in the last film obviously)
- Queenie Goldstein as a powerful witch while she explains why she joined Grindelwald’s side - because she believes Ministry is going to do nothing for her, because she believes in a brighter future without the Statute
- (At least) some clues about Nagini’s and Riddle’s meeting
- Credence’s true family? And because his past is quite tragic and he’d already gone through awful experiences, maybe his happy end?
- Theseus not knowing how to act after Leta’s death: should he follow blindly the Ministry? Trust Dumbledore, his brother and the rest of the team?
- A character eventually agreeing with some of Grindelwald’s ideas about magic things which shouldn’t be hide and stuff, but fighting against him anyway (well, most likely Queenie)
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2. About Albus Dumbledore and (or) Gellert Grindelwald
- Albus Dumbledore as the charismatic, incredibly marvellous and skilled wizard he is, while people around him are impress by his aura: imagine Albus walking in the Ministry, and people who are supposed to protect the whole country are amazed, even scared: he’s stunning, blazing with power (and with cold fury, because the Ministry obviously did something stupid and Dumbledore is mad at them)
(at this point, we finally understand why he is the most powerful, skilled, prodigious, dazzling wizard of his age)¹
- Albus with colourful and amazing clothes
- Albus facing his Boggart (which is supposed to be Ariana’s corpse, but well, who knows)²
- Gellert Grindelwald facing his Boggart (what could it be?) (ok, I’m just curious here)
- The backstory of the Deluminator: why and when Albus developed this magical device? Did he always used it to have fun with light, or was it initially a more personal object? Had Albus created the Deluminator to find Gellert Grindelwald to fight him, at the end?
- A funny and arrogant (and bitter?) Dumbledore’s rejoinder, while he’s conscious of his marvellous mind and skills (like in the books)
- Dumbledore’s reaction when he discovers who is the actual Master of Elder Wand (again, i’m curious)
- Are Grindelwald’s mismatched eyes™ a sign of something important about his past, his abilities? is his hair white - and not anymore blond - because of Dark magic?
- A moment when we see how Dumbledore is able to manipulate surrounding people, including allies and friends
- A heartbreaking and breathtaking dialogue in 1945, while they fight against each other - and I wonder if - how - they are going to talk about their past, shared ambition and dreams, sentiments, guilt, regrets, etc
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3. About the Summer of 1899
- To be honest, it’s mostly: Albus and Gellert as remarkable, arrogant, impish, brillant and not wise at all young wizards in a flashback of 1899
passionate discussions about the Hallows, politics, the Statute, or complex magic things
wandless magic, non-verbal spells, forbidden and dangerous rituals³
Albus’ reactions while Gellert has his visions (was he already able to control his Seer’s abilities?)
how they have fun (common sense of humour, a bit bitter and jeering one most likely?)
And thanks those very quick scenes, we understand why Albus and Gellert fell in love with each other - they both were a freedom symbol for the other in a way, all what they always desired and dreamed of - and their common ambition elevated them, made them wanted a bright and glorious future
(ok, too much to show, yes, i know)
- Also, an already dangerous and extreme Gellert and an in-denial Albus (about the Inferi army, etc)
- A glimpse of the relationship between Abelforth and Ariana, between Albus and his family, and between Gellert and Albus’ siblings
(edit: and yeah i forgot, a kiss or something - an act only did by lovers and not best friends, because there are still people believing they are friends - and their relationship is technically still not canon?)
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4. About the other characters
- Adult Abelforth, loathing his brother, suffuring
- Tom Riddle at Hogwarts, possibly facing Dumbledore, or as a young charismatic awful future Dark wizard, or acting like he’s jealous of Grindelwald’s influence and like he already wants to surpass him
(it could be great to see him, at least few seconds, to build the bridge between FB and HP and most importantly to have a more detailed vision of Wizarding modern History, you know what i mean?)
- Ministry people who do not like Dumbledore because it’s funny
- A character who’s scared by the war and finally who gives up, and who runs away to try to be as far as possible from the political troubles
(it would show how war is an ordeal - I do not have the impression that the pressure and all were something so exposed in HP books, it could be great to see it?)⁴
- Minerva McGonagall, Alastor Moody, Cornelius Fudge, etc, being young - if they are already born in 1945? It’s not written anywhere so idk
- edit: I forgot Hagrid, it could be awesome to see him as a teen in the last movie during the events of the Chamber of Secrets’ first opening!
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5. About the Wizarding Society, Muggle world, ect
- The consequences of Grindelwald’s actions around the wizarding world and in the Muggle world: how things are destroyed, how he influences the governments
- The influence of rich and conservative pure-blood families through the war: how several of the sacred-28 families supported Grindelwald, how they influenced the whole magic society, why their inaction killed people, how the Ministry is corrupted, why it didn’t really change, even after the end of the war⁵
- The same conservative influence but in the very heart of character’s life: how Nagini is marginalized, for example⁶
- Why not political opinions expressed by several characters, to show how politics is a delicate and intricate subject, and why neither Albus Dumbledore nor Gellert Grindelwald are all white / all black, how Grindelwald gain influence, etc
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6. Some explanation we would like to have
- Why is Albus Dumbledore DADA teacher? We know he wrote articles in Transfiguration Today before graduating, so why teaching DADA? (guilt, will to help young people to not be tempted by Dark magic and power like he was, or was there simply already a Transfiguration teacher?)(should I mention it’s never said in the HP books?)
- When and why will Albus be the Transfiguration teacher? (edit: we have clues in FBtCoG because Travers says Albus is not going to be allowed to teach DADA anymore so I guess it explains it)
- How can Minerva McGonagall be at Hogwarts, already be a young woman - if I remember well, she’s not even born? Or extremely young?
- How Gellert Grindelwald summoned a phoenix - and more likely, let’s theorize, how might he summon and control Fawkes?
(because Credence can’t be a Dumbledore - or at least, can’t be directly related to Albus, Ariana, Kendra and Percival - or is he the illegitimate and secrete son of Abelforth? a cousin of Albus?
but if we consider Credence is not a Dumbledore, Gridelwald had been able to control a phoenix which is linked to thhe Dumbledores, right? is it thanks the blood pact? of because of Credence’s Obscurus? we don’t know
edit: or there is the theory about Credence being created by the philosopher’s stone I guess, so with Ariana’s Obscurial and most likely Albus’ blood)
- Why nobody knew that Grindelwald and Dumbledore met each other when they were teenagers, when Rita Skeeter published Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore in 1998?
(i’m not so angry, i’m mostly confused)
The Ministry knew Albus met Gellet Grindelwald in 1899, right? How can a that huge information be a secret during decades? Why Rita Skeeter only found it after Dumbledore’s death? Albus said they used to be “closer than brothers”: after that and because Travers doubted of Dumbledore’s true side, Albus had been restricted and watched by the Ministry during FBCoG. It should exist papers, files, archives which confirmed all of this. So why everybody forgot that Gellert and Albus knew each other when they were young?
- Or about Albus’ and Gellert’s former close relationship, didn’t Travers or Theseus understand they were lovers? Or if they understood, they - again - didn’t tell it? (Travers is not fond of Dumbledore, it could have been a scandal, why he didn’t say it?) Can all of that make any sense?
- Why isn’t the Blood Pact ever mentioned in Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore - or most likely, how everybody (Albus; Gellert; Newt and Newt’s friends; the Minstry; Grindelwald’s acolytes, etc) had succeed to hide it from the press and the whole magic society?
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That’s already a lot so let’s stop here Half of it is not so deep but I’m a simple girl, I’m always here for characters’ and background’s (lore?) development I will be pleased to hear what are your own wishes also
Notes:
¹ : certainly one of the thing i would the most like to see in the next movies, which is also something very important in the FB and HP universe - i have the feeling his power, skills, etc are more an idea than a reality. (and i indeed used a thesaurus to describe him)
² : Boggarts, Albus’ Boggart, how - in Albus’ situation - it mirrors his Erised reflect and how it might show important elements about him is a subject i really want to broach, i already planned it, it may be great to talk about it i think?
³ : talking about forbidden rituals, i talked here about the Blood Pact and why i think it was illegal, Dark, etc :
Why Albus didn’t tell Ministry employees about the Blood Pact
⁴ : to be fair, there are elements which are reminders of the pressure of the war in the book, especially in OotP and DH, but the Golden Trio did not experienced the war like the common people did, and the story - even very short - of someone who was scared is something i will be pleased to discover
⁵ : well, i talked a bit about pure-blood conservative families, their power and their influence in two posts:
How can everyone find their true-love and still be in love after years in HP? (”magic-soulmates” theory and conservative society)
Why are the Weasleys poor? (eng&fr) (theories about pure-blood families, inheritance, etc)
(it’s theories, but it can explain my point of view - headcanons? - about those families and the Wizarding Society)
⁶ : again, check the two posts if you are interested!
Thanks for reading!
I again apologize for the mistakes - and there might be incorrect informations, even if I hope there are not
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felassanis · 4 years
Text
The blatant Anders rivalry when it comes to any of Hawke’s romances.
I will mainly be talking about a Hawke who romanced Fenris, because that is literally the only guy I ever romance. Therefore, I have witnessed the behaviour Ander exhibits from a Fenhawke point of view, I do not mean to ‘demean’ Isabela or Merill but I probably won’t mention them a lot. Other factors are that I am female, therefore I utilise Marian Hawke and I am a mage who is ‘friends’ with everyone. No rivalmance or rivalry with any of the characters. Just putting that out there because I don’t want someone popping into the comments saying ‘BUT THIS HAPPENS WHEN-” Yeah, I know. I have played the game THOROUGHLY and I have watched many videos depicting the choices I did not make.
Anyway, THE BLATANT RIVALRY WITH ANDERS IF YOU DO NOT ROMANCE HIM. It is...amazing. I am not hating on Anders, I absolutely adore Anders. And...I have always believed that he has feelings for your Hawke, especially if you flirt with him. 
The thing with Dragon Age is that it does a good job of not making you feelbad if you flirt with multiple characters nor does it mean that you are locked into a romance upon flirting once with a person. It also does not make you feel bad if you kinda romance a companion but change your mind, you can break it off with a companion and that’s it. The Companion will act like nothing ever happened, as though you have and always were just friends.
Dragon Age 2...does something a bit different. Anders is someone who brings up the romance, and has very clear emotions towards them.
Your companions in all of the games obviously comment on whoever you romanced, but Dragon Age 2 makes A MUCH bigger deal about it than any of the other games. Particularly, with Anders. I truly think that regardless of your choices, Anders has feelings for Hawke. 
My points are:
I am of course, going to bring up the fact that Anders is one of three characters that comment on your romance. Varric, Isabela and Anders comment on who you romance, The thing is Isabela jokes about it, Varric jokes while showing some real concern (You know Varric will make anyone who hurts Hawke fucking hurt 10x more) but Anders gets...a bit bitchy lmao. As you do his companion mission when looking for the ingriedients to ‘seperate him from Justice’ Anders will stop and ask “Are you sure?” about whoever you are romancing. But not in the manner that Varric innocently inquired, Anders inquires like Hawke is dating a 90 year old. “Are you sure?” like hes asking Hawke “Have you lost your mind?!” He purposely stops the crew from going any further just to bring this topic up whereas Varric and Isabela were just chilling at the Hanged Man waiting for you to come to them. 
Then, he goes on to insult whoever you are romancing; even when they are right there. Anders truly has no shame, and often whatever he brings up about the other companion it’s him being hypocritical. Especially with Merill. For Fenris he says, “Surely you want someone more open minded?” And my first thought upon hearing this was ‘are you alluding to yourself?’ because that’s...kind of what his tone implies, he is suggesting they deserve someone better and since he’s the only one who has a problem with whoever Hawke romances it’s safe to assume he is referring to himself. (That’s quite bold of you Anders)
Another thing, after a Bitter Pill and sleeping with Fenris you can actually still flirt with the other companions, and you can engage in Ander’s kiss scene. It’s.... good. I think it adds a lot more conflict to the companion dynamic, especially between Fenris, Hawke and Anders. 
 Anders will go the Amell Estate at night. Here he brings up your romance again (It can either be Isabela or Fenris I’m not sure about Merill) and again, he insults them. Now, he calls Fenris a ‘dog’ and my Hawke always gets defensive and asks that he leaves, saying they cannot do this. Anders will appear hurt (I can’t blame him) and visibly angry. It’s...interesting that Bioware lets you get so far with Anders. You can have that hot make out session (Even tho the noises make me cringe) and be on the verge with sleeping with him. You even get the chance to reject Anders twice before you can initiate the sex scene, once straight off the bat and the next one after he makes his comment on whoever you previously slept with. To which the option goes “I still love him/her” it’s just interesting that Anders gets that treatment, Idk if the other companins get the same treatment, it’s more like you friendzone the other characters rather than directly say ‘I am in love with another’. while the prompt button says ‘I am still in love with her/him” Hawke doesn’t actually say that, they say “Don’t call him that! I’m sorry Anders, we can’t do this!” but...the prompt button is conveying the fact that you can choose to have your Hawke realise their mistake.
“I can’t imagine what Hawke sees in you,” He says to Fenris “I always knew she had some sense,” He says relieved when he realised Fenris and Hawke are currently ‘not together’. (And the fact that Fenris very clearly is wearing Hawke’s token and their family emblem probably fuels Anders need to badger Fenris. As it’s clear Fenris still loves Hawke despite breaking it off, so it gives Anders some fuel I suppose but that’s just a headcanon)
He also acts very proud if you romanced Fenris and then did sleep with Anders. “You were a fool to leave hawke” and he’ll say something about being glad he brought Hawke to him. He just gloats about it. (can we just, relish the fact that people call this ‘Fenris and Anders fighting over Hawke’ but in reality it’s just Fenris being guilty about leaving Hawke and it’s just Anders harping on Fenris, like it’s Anders who’s doing the fighting Fenris is just kind of accepting it? It’s still such good banter, I am a slut for conflict what can I say ;) )
Other factors are kind of miniscule, little tid bits that have connotations to Anders caring about Hawke. It could be seen as just him being a great friend, because he is a good friend, but...I also can see this as Anders just doing it because not only does he care about Hawke but he cares about them so much it is leaning towards a crush. Despite moaning and complaining about the Deep Roads he will go there with Hawke, despite saying how he will NEVER go to Wardens, and despite actively hiding from them if Carver or Bethany are sick he will bring them to the wardens even tho he is being hunted. Because they are Hawke’s family. “You are the one bright light in Kirkwall,” Is also just...a very romantic thing to say and I’m pretty sure he says it regardless if you flirted with him or not.
Anyway, I don’t know if it was intentional. But all of this (to me anyway) not just alludes but confirms that Anders has feelings for Hawke regardless of your choices. I like it, it really adds something to the story in my opinion and to his character. It’s fun to imagine what kind of arguments, conflicts, jealousy and pining went on in the many years that DA2 takes places. It adds more emphasis to how heartbreaking Ander’s end in the story is, with him betraying and lying to Hawke to keep them safe, but ended up making Hawke a damn fugitive in the process. Not his goal I assume, but the reality nevertheless. He makes the woman/man he loved a fugitive, and whoever they fell in love with is also forced to go on the run with them. 
And then in Inquisition, the way Hawke talks about Anders if they did not approve of the Chantry Explosion. Romanced they will say “When someone betrays you like that, it takes a long time to get past it. I don’t know if we ever have” It’s...such good dialogue, but applying that to a Hawke who did not romance Anders...those feelings must still apply just the dfference being Hawke probabaly has no idea where he is. Maybe Hawke prefers it that way. I like to think Hawke can never forgive Anders, perhaps a bit of disdain for their old friend. But, while a part of them prefers not knowing where he is, they deep down hope that he is okay. It’s sad to think that perhaps Anders and Hawke never did reconcile, that they said little to each other before everyone went their seperate ways as the betrayal was still warm (And like Fenris would even let Anders talk to Hawke after all of that lmao)
So, my point is that I think Anders is a hopeless romantic, not-so-secretely pining for Hawke and that it is rather tragic if you don’t romance him. It’s more angsty if you don’t, and that’s why I purposely kiss Anders but call it off because I love Fenris, it adds more to your story and I love that it’s an option that can have consequences. Even tho regardless if you kissed Anders he acts really jealous, if you do kiss him his behaviour makes more sense. 
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agent-cupcake · 4 years
Note
hiya i’m not sure if your requests are open but if they are could i please have them yandere prompt 7 with caspar!! i adore your work
7. “I’m trying to help! You had a problem, and I fixed it!” 
There was no name you could think to call yourself, no direct consciousness to cling to. No person living in the confines of your weightless head. There was nothing but an endlessly rolling sea of fog, your head cresting the waves every so often to grasp at a memory of a life you couldn’t remember.
You were a child, standing on the pier with your father —he was a naval engineer, the best in the Leicester Alliance— as you looked upon his newest warship. She was a beautiful creature, this ship named Claudia, everyone said so. You weren’t so sure. It was her face, you thought, her front —the bow! it was called the bow because ships always had different names for everything— was fixed with a frightening metal face. And she smiled. Not for you or your father or for the dozen others who had come to see this modern marvel. No, Claudia smiled for the enemies, for the Almyrans. Claudia, beautiful Claudia, would approach them with a scary bronze grin, Claudia would smile as she killed them. 
You were a girl, twirling in your new dress made of imported fabrics shipped in from the Empire on the eve of your first ball. You felt beautiful, weightless, ready to leave behind your childish toys and frocks and join the adults in their courtly games. But these games were dangerous, and not all smiles were honest. Makeup tears ran down your face as your mother told you —wiping the blackened tears from your cheeks so as to avoid staining the beautiful fabric of your new dress— to smile even when it hurt.
You were a woman with a face drawn and pale as you followed the evacuation orders of the ruling Duke Claude von Riegan. Imperial Troops were marching to take Derdriu. And they would win, everyone knew they would, even if all the Alliance soldiers armed themselves and formed defensive lines to keep them at bay. All of the fine naval weapons your father had spent his life creating were useless, now. No smiles, bronze or otherwise, would greet the Emperor when she conquered.  
You were a survivor, emerging from the war relatively unscathed and as a newly sworn part of the new Fódlan government under the command of Emperor Edelgard. Maybe that would have scared you, or made you go red with shame, but there was a smile that kept you from falling to those feelings. A true, warm, reckless smile. He had a name, you knew it. He had a name and a voice and warm, warm hands. 
Hands that had caught you when you fell, when you were dizzy and unstable as heavy black inkblots invaded your vision and pulled you under. What happened before the dark? What name had you called, whose hands had caught you?
You knew it! You knew, you knew, you knew-
“Caspar?” you managed to gasp out, trying to claw out of the fog and into the world using the name as an anchor. A warm, warm hand grabbed yours as you flailed, holding you still. Your eyelids fluttered, heavy and unfocused. He was blue. Blue eyes and hair, a color that was all at once soft and electric as it blurred in your vision. You could remember the color, from before the dark, before the falling. Before-
“Hey, relax, you’re okay,” he said comfortingly, his calloused thumb rubbing circles on your hand. You groaned in response, your body heavy and head fuzzy. It was too much for you to support yourself, your limbs wilting back into the seat and corner wedge of the wall. The familiar sway of a horse-drawn coach trundled beneath you. Your body ached in a thousand places from the uncomfortable position. And yet you couldn’t find the energy to move, to consider what was happening. “It’s fine if you keep sleeping, we’re not there yet.”
You groaned again, the words you wanted to say not finding cohesion in your own brain. Sleep sounded nice. Sleep was inevitable. So you let it wash over you, fading out of whatever reality you’d managed to find and into the grasp of memories unearthed by his voice. 
Now there was a new feeling, one that was very distinctly yours. It was sinking, drowning, dark, and cold. It held like chains, trapping you in the dark.
You were newly engaged and laden with the heavy weight of news you so badly didn’t want to voice aloud. Beside you sat the man with the brilliant smile. Caspar von Bergliez, that was his full name but you only ever knew him by the first because he had absolutely no regard for station and you enjoyed the thrill of ignoring propriety. He had his own heavy, horrible news.
“You’re leaving?” you asked to clarify, eyes wide with shock and panic. The salty breeze of the ocean air blew a fresh gust, bringing another wave of the familiar fishy, wooden scents from the docks, but there was no comfort in it.
“Yep, I got orders to leave tomorrow. I guess there’s some sort of dispute in Enbarr I’ve gotta go check out.” Caspar shrugged casually. “I’m not sure what it's about but it seems urgent.”
“Will you be coming back?” you asked, a hint of desperation in your voice. It was strange how quickly the terror had taken hold in your heart, considering that you knew he would have to leave eventually. But leaving now of all times, right when you needed his brilliant smile the most.
“Yeah, I have no idea,” Caspar said. “Thanks to you, I got my work here done in half the time I expected.” He smiled, as if not seeing the tragic irony of your help allowing him to leave sooner. “That’s actually why I wanted to meet with you today, ‘cause you’ve been such a big help.” He paused, uncharacteristically taking the time to consider his next words with a crease between his eyebrows. “I was wondering if maybe you could come with me... If you want to. We make a pretty great team, if I do say so myself, and I’ve been needing someone to keep me organized and stuff.”
You stared at him, jaw loose on the verge of dropping. Caspar wasn’t the type to lie, and you doubted any motive he’d have to make up something like this. Shock faded into something like anger. Not at the short notice of the invitation or the casual way he proposed it, although those were perfectly valid complaints. No, you were angry as you wondered why couldn’t he have asked you earlier?
“I can’t,” you said, but the wind caught your soft words and pulled them away. Swallowing hard, you averted your gaze, unable to look at Caspar directly. “I can’t do that. My father has... Arranged for me to be married. That’s what I wanted to tell you today.”
“What?” Caspar asked, his body tensing in a way you could feel through space between you. “You’re gonna say no, right?”
“I can’t,” you repeated. “Lord Pendleton is doing my family an honor by agreeing to the match.” You spoke the words you’d heard a hundred times from your parents with great care, a sick feeling in your stomach. Even saying the name  — soon to be your name —  was difficult, like a mouthful of medicine you had to force down your throat.
“Him? But you don’t even like that guy!” Caspar said. His voice was raised too loud for comfort in the relative peace of the breezy afternoon, making you flinch. Tears stung at the back of your eyes at this horrible arrangement of events, but you forced them back. Your mother told you to smile, no matter what. The one you mustered was a bitter, fragile thing, full of false humor.  
“That’s not the point of arranged marriages,” you said, forcing an even voice. “And I don’t dislike Lord Pendleton. By all accounts, he’s a fine man. His family has been working with mine for years. And, besides, everything has already been arranged. I can’t just break it off like that.” Not without making an enemy of both his family and your own, at least. Despite that logic, guilt formed a knot in your chest on top of the selfish pain. Denying Caspar when he was looking at you with such earnest eyes was harder than you’d have ever thought, but you raised your gaze to meet them, to plead with him. “You understand, right?”
Caspar frowned, his shoulders slumping a bit as the burst of passion faded. He nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I get it…” He sighed, running a hand over his face, into his hair. It was already tousled by the wind, but now the longer bits stuck up. It was cute in a way you absolutely loathed noticing. “If I had asked you before, would you have said yes?” he asked.
“Yes,” you agreed without hesitation. That made his frown fade a bit, although the thought didn’t bring you much solace. It was little more than an empty prize, a chest of fools gold. 
“Yeah, cause you like me way better, right?”
And again, you answered without thinking. “Of course I do. You’re… You’re a good man,” you told him. “You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had.” You deflated with those words, a hollow feeling in your chest. In contrast, Caspar’s chest only seemed to swell.
“Aw, I like you a lot, too,” he cooed, a strangely unaffected response to such a deeply personal confession. “A lot, a lot. And you know what? I have a feeling things are just gonna work out.”
Sending a sideways glance at Caspar, you felt a melancholic burst of affection. Maybe innocent was a strange word to describe a fully grown man, and perhaps an inappropriate one if you were to get right down to it. Condescending, infantilizing, and certainly unbecoming of the Minister of Military Affairs. And yet, it was the only description that came to mind in your hours with Caspar. He wasn’t innocent in the way of white flowers and doe eyes, but in an innate, childish way that gave light to his beaming smile and a captivating animation to his endlessly energetic attitude. And, yes, he was innocent when it came to women. Happily oblivious, or perhaps too distracted by everything else to be preoccupied with such things. Right then, it hurt. If he had offered marriage, perhaps you could have said yes. If he had shown any sign of romantic affection, maybe you could have justified taking his offer.
Heart sunken deep, you looked out to the ocean where clouds were building on the horizon. Not storm clouds, but the thick type that would bring a pointless oceanic gloom with them. You related to them far more than Caspar’s sweet optimism. “I hope so.”
You were a child and your father was carrying you in his arms, cradled to his chest while you pretended to sleep so he wouldn’t put you down. He smelled like the ocean, sawdust, and the achingly familiar scent of the cologne your mother liked so much. But, no. That wasn’t true, you weren’t a child and it wasn’t your father who was carrying you. Your body ached in the way it had only begun aching when you reached adulthood. The smell was wrong, too. Sweat and linen and leather.
Then there was a bed beneath you, a place you could finally lay flat. Still, the discomfort persisted, your brain relentlessly struggling against the dark and muscles falling slack. It was the thirst that finally got your eyes open and stiff body moving. The moments between wakefulness and the press of the cup to your lips was a blur, you couldn’t even remember seeing the water beside your bed. It was sweet, soothing your throat with each desperate swallow. Some of it dribbled down your chin, nearly choking you. Still weak, so weak, your fingers let the empty tin cup fell to the floor. Then your eyes closed again, ignoring the dozens of little pains you suffered. 
"Oh, so you are awake!” Your eyes opened to the familiar voice, watching him enter the tent. A tent? “That’s good,” Caspar said. “I was starting to worry you’d never open your eyes.”
“How long was I asleep?” you asked, the words coming without thought as your mind swam, too disoriented to focus on any of your larger concerns. It looked and smelled like the earliest hours of the morning when he had opened the tent, the air thin and bitter with a creeping chill.
“About twenty hours? Give or take some, yesterday was pretty hectic,” Caspar answered, looking up as he thought. Then he smiled, sitting on the edge of your bed and stretching, throwing you a sideways grin. “Did you know that you snore? I didn't know girls did that. It was pretty cute. Reminded me of this cat I used to take care of.” His tilted. “I kinda miss that little guy."
“Twenty hours,” you repeated, knowing the words had far more significance than you could give them. Fog clouded your brain, panic barely finding its way through when everything all felt so unreal, so far away. The water hadn’t done much to ease the sour, sandy flavor weighing down your tongue. Your body sagged, your head aching. Everything was so uncomfortable you could hardly stand it. Fear of the unknown, of the confusion, was beginning to take hold. “Last I remember I was… You were there?” you asked, looking at him helplessly. “What happened? Where are we?”
“Hey, don’t panic, everything’s okay!” Caspar said, looking a little panicked himself. “We’re an hour out from the old Empire border. It’ll be two days more of traveling before we get to Enbarr.” His face scrunched unhappily. “I’ll have to teach you how to ride long distances so we can make better time when we travel from now on. Traveling so slow is the worst.”
“We left Derdriu,” you said, cold with horror. Memories were slipping into place, more relevant memories. “I snuck out to see you off and... You poisoned me?”
Caspar frowned. “Believe me, I didn’t want to!” he emphatically told you. “But I was worried you’d make everything all complicated again. I knew you were gonna feel too bad about leaving to come with me without some... Help. Besides, it’s better this way. You’d be completely wasted as Lord Pendleton’s wife. He’s a chump and a coward.”
“So you kidnapped me?” you asked, overwhelmed and nearly breathless on the verge of hyperventilating.
“You said you wanted to come with me,” he said.
“It’s not that simple,” you protested, a hand rising to your head to halfheartedly massage your temples.
“See? You think too much, it makes everything so complicated. Now that you’re already gone, you don’t have to feel bad about leaving.”
“I can’t believe you did this,” you said, your eyes closing. Hunger gnawed at your stomach, a reminder of all the time you’d spent asleep, getting farther and farther away from your family.
“You like me, don’t you?” he asked. Your eyes opened. Caspar looked pleading, a tad desperate. Oh, so innocent. It made your heart ache, it made your empty stomach twist.
“Of course I do,” you said, choking on the words. He relaxed slightly.
“Yeah, that’s good. I’m glad,” he said, nodding. Awkward. 
A moment passed, Caspar looking intently at the tent wall with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips. It wasn’t enough time for you to think, only to feel a washing sense of distress and fear. 
“Listen,” he finally said. “I know that I can be kinda difficult and reckless. I’ve even been called annoying, but you don’t ever make me feel like that. I didn’t realize what I felt until you said that you were gonna get married. I realized that the idea of you with any other man made me angry. Livid, actually. I kinda wanted to leave and fight Lord Pendleton right then and there just for thinking about marrying you.” Caspar’s posture was hunched, his eyes down and cheeks blushing bright red. “This is so embarrassing... I swear, I didn’t want to do it like this.” He finally looked up, his jaw set as if he was readying for a fight. “The thing is, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, protecting you and taking care of you. I know you didn’t want to marry that guy and that you’d be miserable, so even though it didn’t make me happy to do it like this, I had to take you. You understand, right?”
"No, I don’t,” you said, your voice a pinched, parched sound. Some part of you wanted to laugh at the horrifying juxtaposition of his confession and the situation, the morbid way they complimented each other. “I don’t understand why you would do this at all.”
“I’m trying to help!” Caspar said, pleading once more. “You like me way more than that guy, you wanted to come with me!”
“Why would you think that any of this is what I wanted?” you asked, meeting his shout with a shrill whisper and gesturing around the tent. Slowly, bit by bit, Caspar’s expression faltered, as if your unhappy tone was only just now invading in on his mood. It left you feeling cold. You had always known Caspar was a bit oblivious, but this was something else entirely. He truly hadn’t given a second thought to this, any of this. He thought this was for the best.
“Please don’t be upset,” he begged, moving towards you with imploring, innocent eyes. Then he smiled, and it was the worst one yet. So genuine and sweet, you felt as if you could actually see the love. Love. Caspar smiled and reached out to you with his warm, warm hands. “You had a problem, and I fixed it!”
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