#just laying DOWN fucking hurts

[introspectivememories]

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.

#what the fuck is this #the theme was wistfulness. hopefully that came across right. and like i wanted this to be all 1 text block so you feel how it all collapses #into that 1 thought they have at they end but fuckass tumblr has a 4096??? text limit for a single paragraph???? so here's multiple paragra #anyway here is my middle of the road sad timbern hc. do i think this will happen? no? is this still a fun world to play in? yeah absolutely #also super huge fan of darla haunting the narrative. darla as this chasm they cannot cross. darla as smth they shelter each other from #but also smth like a 2 way blade. it cuts them both. it will never stop cutting them. smth smth the wound will always bleed #also i cannot stress how important it is that they are happy with other people!!! they are both satisfied with other people. it's just that #they have a very specific history and they are the only two people who really know and understand that history #and also it's not that theyre unhappy with their partners but just that smtimes they look at each other and... wonder. in a softer world #maybe i could've been a chef and you could've still been a superhero and we could've still worked out. maybe we would've gotten a boat #together and maybe we could've come home to each other. maybe i could've trusted you to come home to me. maybe you could've #understood my need to help people. maybe we could've held our love as something precious. #maybe in a softer world our love wasn't something that hurt us both. #i need to lay down. im going crazy #as always i do love reading yalls thoughts in the reblogs and replies!!! #bernard dowd #dc #tim drake #timbern #timber

[jittyjames]

ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.

#i don’t want to feel this way #but i don’t know how to stop it #i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it #it wont leave me alone #i want it to leave me alone #i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think #but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else #i feel so empty and weird and vague #december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction #i’m always on the verge of crying and #i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work #and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting #you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down #ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing #how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head #part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics #idk #just haven’t felt this bad in a while #i just want to get out of my head so bad #i wish i could turn thinking off #sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own #but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that #i don’t mean to vent #i just feel really hopeless and shit rn #anyway #i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning #it wont be tho lol #nothing is ever better #bc the universe and god hate me

[ninjafuuzz]

Hoffstrahm AU kinda thing idk

CW for mental health issues and su!c!de

OK LISTEN

What if post-glass coffin Hoffstrahm AU where Hoffman spares Strahm bc he pussies out at the end and couldn’t bear seeing Strahm die after his arm was starting to snap. Hoffman fixes him up (does a lowsy job at it ofc), Strahm miraculously survives the injury , he gets kidnapped and thrown in some cabin in the countryside where Hoffman feeds him and stuff, keeping him alive. Peter, still shell-shocked and helplessly incapacitated, stays with him. So Strahm lives but is so PTSD-ridden he can’t even function normally, he gets paranoia and panic attacks and practically depends on Hoffman like a little child.

LIKE okay I know this is kinda another typical “Strahm-survives” kind of premise for a fic but listen. While Hoffman, who is, at the time, still the cold-blooded selfish murderer that he is, initially treats Strahm like a dog and lets him live out of mere pity, he SLOWLY realises, through his actions, that he actually wants to care and protect this utterly broken man who’s a result of his doings, and inevitably falls in love. (cue the florence nightingale effect) Hoffman begins cooking him meals, from imprisoning him inside the home to walking with him everyday when the sky’s clear, washing his hair, showing him his favorite films or music, letting Peter sleep in his arms whenever he has a nightmare.

I suppose we could imagine Strahm being so traumatised and wounded he’s drained of his usual rationality and temper and that’s why he lets Hoffman baby him. But of course Strahm isn’t COMPLETELY broken. His symptoms lessen, he gets better but still has frequent attacks. After some time he regains his usual wit and nature. At one point of course he simply realises what’s been happening and goes batshit angry. Hoffman sympathetically and patiently works it out with him. Strahm resists at first, perhaps by trying to kill Hoffman and escape or even attempting k!ll!ng himself. After trial and error and lots and lots of blood sweat and tears, Strahm starts realising that Hoffman genuinely cares… and not out of pity, but love. His mental instability and wanted status leaves him crawling back to Hoffman whenever he tries to run away.

Eventually Hoffman stops killing and cuts ties with Kramer. All his resentment and vengeance now replaced by his attachment to Peter. As for Strahm, he takes a tad longer to give in, and to accept the fact that he’s actually content and at peace when he’s with Hoffman and break through the moral boundary(aka the fact that Hoffman used to be a reckless bloodthirsty killer). Hoffman pretty much retires and wants to pursue a different way of living with Strahm.

And after everything, they end up becoming two runaways living in a wooded cabin surrounded by forests and mountains, secluded from a tiny town where they work together among the locals, indifferent to the past they’ve left behind. They’d go hiking and fishing, watch all the shitty films Mark would bring home, plant a garden, cut lumber, play-fight and cuddle in grass fields. Mark tending to Peter whenever he gets a panic attack, Peter learns to get used to receiving such solace. Slowly it becomes this usual, domestic thing between them. Perhaps one day one of them would propose to the other. Perhaps they’d grow old together, too.

-

P/S i was listening to The Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx when I had this thought. i suppose i kind of saw this poetic analogy between “the bug” and Strahm’s chronic issues and inner conflicts that Hoffman wants to get rid of while Hoffman is the “bug collector” so to speak??.. idk interpret it however you will but this song truly inspired the whole mess. kinda fitted the misty earthy mountains vibe i was going for with this prompt too. really suggest you guys give the song a listen its beautiful. i also suggest checking out the genius annotation of the lyrics

#prompt #sawposting #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #did i just… do something? #i dunno has this been done yet #i had an epiphany #sorry for the terrible writing im not a writer like at all #but DO YOU GUYS SEE WHAT IM SEEING #HRFNGGG IMAGINE HOW TENDER THIS COULD BE #this is like a strahm dies at the end fix-it fic of a sort #but painfully self indulgent #like holy fuck lumberjack!hoffstrahm #hurt/comfort turned domestic fluff #ao3 writers work your magic #this was actually very much inspired by that wonderful fic #im half crying rn #burnt my pasta sauce while writing this #i need to lay down after this

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

---

"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #pericky #ricky owens #professor pericles #anyway fucking end me actually. lay me down to die #i said i was gonna write more pericky and by fucking god i did #the 'why did you do this to me' to 'oh thank god you didn't actually do this to me' pipeline of abuse folks 🥲 #which like. their last conversation is yet another devastating example of ricky finally standing up to pericles' bullshit Too Late #ricky denounces him in the strongest terms he knows; based on his own feelings and opinions and the way he sees the world #(which: even then he can't bring himself to say 'i don't love you anymore') #(the closest he can get is 'i chose you and i can't take it back; the only way i can imagine not loving you is if i never had at all') #and pericles tries to go 'nyeh nyeh whatever i don't care' (and does a real bad job of pretending he is not obviously hurt lmao) #and ricky doesn't try to understand his logic; he doesn't try to reconcile a world where pericles didn't *really* mean to do anything wrong #his response is MAYBE YOU *SHOULD* CARE. #pericles' view of the world and what's right and acceptable are warped and *wrong* and he's the one who needs to get his shit together #'you shouldn't have abused me you shouldn't have killed cassidy you shouldn't have murdered a child in cold blood' #that is MASSIVE and i think it is really telling that pericles' response is to shut him down with force instead of trying to argue any more #and that in the end is the real true fucking tragedy of it all #ricky is making huge strides one after the other to take back his freedom from pericles emotionally #....and materially it makes no difference to improve his situation in the moment; because pericles doesn't have any less power to abuse him #he never has a triumphant moment where he Overcomes His Abuser and Breaks Out of His Control #there's nothing he can do to fight back until pericles is too Literally Dead to control him anymore #it is one of the rawest depictions of the reality of abuse i've ever seen and just. God. i love it so much #(at the same time i REALLY want to explore a version of events where he got the chance to expand further on that growth) #(the 'all witches are selfish; make all things yours; i have a duty' speech from the wee free men comes to mind) #whosebaby makes things #whosebaby writes #SDMItag #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

[emberphoenix-san]

chronic pain!Rosamund with a briar-themed wheelchair/crutches. is this anything

#brought to you by: #those punk spikes you can get for your mobility aids so people won't fucking touch them unwarranted #if I had a cane (they are So Expensive wherever I look) I'd 100% make it rose thorns-themed that I think would be metal af #also brought to you by: #everything hurts tonight I just wanna lay down in a soothing warm ocean #rosamund du prix #neverafter #rome.rambles #2023 #dimension 20

[catzgam3rz]

I need my body’s pain receptors to fuck off for like a week. Minimum.

#i can’t go one damn week without something fucking up and it is exhausting #like hey here’s a full week of migraine #and then we’ll stop that but oh no! agony when you walk! #and no one else from my team is here #so I just have to #keep walking and standing on my stupid cut foot #and im just so tired lmao #rambles #personal I suppose #i just wanna lay down for a couple years and come out not sore or hurting or gross feeling is that too much to ask

[thenothlng]

probably a wiz oomfie: tumblr user thenothlng also known as styx pass through here

wizblr: how can you tell???

wizoomf: Wizsein

#jext msg #is it about to be 5 am. yea. am i thinking about wizsein/beasein. yeah #like literally my stomach hurts rn thinking about them #pleaasepleapeleplasepelase it has to be ok. Please #and if it’s not just. put me down gently ok. let him at least be ok and let us make peace with it #god how would i even handle that. wow. wow. wow. fuck my stupid baka life #ship tht is so incredibly important 2 me #i know i’m like the 1% tht ships it romantically but it’s also like Beyond tht i’m afraid #like it rlly transcends human emotions and it’s just. A Thing. to all those oomfs who call it a secret third thing. Yeah #ohhhhhhh if i could just go back and experience all of that again. literally. man #guy who i would put myself into a doomed time loop for over and over again just to see again forever #relive it all just to experience guy all over again. try different things even if the outcome wouldn’t change (desperately trying to do so) #wizsein forever i’m so fr #my blorbos. i need to finish so much art still lol #ANYWAYS. i should lay down. enough indecipherable texts for the masses of wizblr to try and decrypt #im taking my big gay ass to BED #wizsein

[siphonophive]

they should invent a chair that doesn't hurt to sit in

#this chair is actually good quality my body is just fucked up #sitting hurts and standing hurts and laying down hurts

[glass-trash-bab]

Mutuals I am miserable rn

#im back to bitch #teeth hurt. from being congested. still #ugh fucking hate my brother why did he bring this upon me #i really am like this everytime im sick. i just love complaining on tumblr dot com. it makes me feel a little bit better #going to lay my sick head down on my pillow and pass the fuck out

[nerosdayinanime]

reminiscing about a life left behind

this is after the reunion at the bar, when Giyuu left Makomo tried to talk to him & figure out why he faked his death (then came back??) and left pretty soon after when he not so subtly brushed off her questions and vaguely apologized for disrupting things. Tengen & Kyojuro got extremely worried about him immediately ordering as many drinks he could at a time and being his usual happy-go-lucky self after Giyuu- the quietest and least confrontational person in the whole office -sent him to the floor in a fit of cold rage. They watched (and joined, though not to the same extent) as he got absolutely wasted, his suddenly saccharine attitude showing off just how much of his personality is just a performance.

Between the revelation that hes a demon slayer- a hashira just like them -and finally noticing the seam in his otherwise perfect mask, the both of them figure he's just as fucked up as they are from their job. Tengen has his own guise of extravagance, Kyojuro always being loud and proud to hide his insecurities- but Sabito was subtle about it. He was happy and playful, but not too much so like Kyojuro was- he also became a master of diverting attention from himself, they didn't know much about his personal life or hobbies- or anything outside of when they hung out or stopped by the little grocery store he worked at. Didn't know his favorite color, what genre of music he liked, what his favorite movie was- didn't know if he's ever had a partner or other friends, nothing about his school life or parents or if he had any siblings- nothing! He was a ghost of a person, like he merely popped into existence when they met him. That's probably not too far off- they didn't meet Sabito that day, they met his empty smile. Without ever realizing there was nothing behind it.

Thoroughly disconcerted by the realization and very worried about Sabito chugging alcohol like he had nothing left to live for while laughing like there was nothing wrong, they kept a close eye on him. When he starts getting quiet they force him to stop drinking and drag him back to his apartment and stay the night crashed on the couch & floor. In the morning Sabito was fucked. Absolute shit time. Had a vague feeling he shouldn't think about anything so he didn't, just fucked around with a worried Tengen & Kyojuro until they left. Continued not thinking about anything, did a bunch of chores and errands so he didn't have to think about Giyuu. Even fixed a neighbor's ac unit with the help of a youtube tutorial. As soon as the sun started setting he donned his slayer uniform and ignored painful sting in his heart at the sight of his old fox mask hanging on the wall, settling his face into the same empty smile as the default slayer mask he uses now. That night he was a beast- merciless and scathing strikes, chasing down terrified demons like he had a score to settle. Completely ignored other slayers he ran into, simply pushing past them dealing the kill and moving on.

This little routine continued for a few days- overworking himself desperately trying to keep out of his head, deflecting and straight up ignoring Tengen & Kyojuro asking about how he's doing, fleeing any of the other hashira or water-fox squad trying to ask about him and what all he's been doing the last several years, pissing off lower-level slayers he steals kills from. He works until he passes out from exhaustion, getting up and doing all it again when he wakes. A few weeks later and it catches up to him despite his attempts at running.

Giyuu hates him.

Rightfully so, he left him to burn like a coward and a fool. And did what with his time? Do nothing but make more mistakes? How many people hes lied to and let down? He's done nothing but run.

He knew it'd happen. As soon as he stopped moving he would never want to start again, as soon as he stopped running, as soon as he tripped- as soon as he hit the ground he'd never want to get up again. Years of grief stress and denial hit him all at once, he doesn't know what to do. Walls too high to see over, too deep to dig under, too thick to simply power through. No one on the other side who really needs him anyway.

Why does he even bother?

He stares at his fox mask. Hand crafted by the man he thought of as a father, who took him in and taught him to defend himself and protect others. Real good job he did of that. All he's done since he started running was hurt hurt hurt. The people he cared about and respected the most- abandoned. Everyone else left in the dust like they were nothing.

What fucking good..

...

He thinks of the better days. When he was a son, helping his mom water the plants so they'd bloom bright and vivid. When he was a brother, helping his little sister reach the top shelf for candy. When he was a student, fueled by his grief and anger with a promise not to let anyone else lose as much as he had. When he was a friend, pulling Giyuu out to see a meteor shower in their favorite clearing. When he was a boyfriend, feeding popcorn to Giyuu laying across his legs watching a movie together. ...He threw that all away and for what? So he wouldn't have to face his failures? How fucking pathetic.

He'd never have any of that again. Burned his bridges, destroyed the foundations, turned the ground to shifting sand. His head thunked against the wall behind him, why did he have to fuck everything up?

#neros art tag #vigi au #sabito #kny sabito #read After the main post- sui & hospital stuff warning in further tags: #then it gets to the part from Smokey Eyes :) #he gathers up as much shit as he can and starts chugging. he gags but gets it all down. #ties the fox mask in place to hide his shame and let him fall asleep in a peaceful dark. breathed in the sweet smell of chloroform until #he finally went out. Ten & Kyo usually at least get a 'read' even when he ignores them so they notice theres nothing. they try calling- #he doesnt pick up. not even after the 7th time when he for sure wouldve snapped at them to fuck off already. The both of them quickly head #over to his apartment thinking he finally snapped- Tengen nearly screams when he opens the door and sees the creepy stare from the mask #Kyo hurries over to his slumped form and realizes how cold he is the same time Ten notices how slow his heart's beating. full panic mode. #they rush him to the hospital where he gets revived- Kyo grabbed some of the mostly empty bottles he found and Ten tells them it most #definitely wasnt some accident or mishap. sabito blearily starts fighting back when he comes to enough and they have to strap him down so #he wont hurt himself or any staff. eventually hes stable enough for ten and kyo to come in again and theyre so thrown off by his demeanor #hes a broken man. for once his real self on full display. anguish sorrow shame and exhaustion writ into his very being. silent tears #tracking down his face. he doesnt move- doesnt really react when they walk in. the little fight he had was gone. just follows them with his #eyes. doesnt respond when they try to talk to them. he just lays there looking at them with a sadness like he expects them to leave #kyo sits next to him and comfortingly pets his head. sabito closes his eyes in defeat- fresh tears and a shakey exhale. #the two of them sit and talk at him for a while- very serious about enforcing that they deeply care about him. #'dn't..' 'dont? dont what? care about you?' 'm not good.. bad fr u...' 'tough luck man. i care about you anyway.' 'yeah!' #of course the two of them can only stay so long before they're kicked out since its late- plus they have jobs to do #tengen leaves his personal phone with sabito so he & kyo can text/call when they can- sabito's stuck at the hospital for a while tho #next day when kyo's at the office giyuu asks what him & ten left the office in such a hurry for 'uhhhh. cant say' 'why not?' 'hippa' #'..since when were you a doctor?' 'im politely ending this conversation! how has your day been so far?' '....okay' #thats it for now i think- i dont have much else after this point #glad to finally write it all down tho- 'm very bad about not doing that then forgetting #sabito does not have a good time in this au</3 no one does #everyones trying to cope with minimal therapy & the constant threat of death anyway #i need to do some more shit w the rest of the water-fox squad. flesh them out some. so far ive just been throwing concepts at a wall

[hopefulqueer]

ow

#having one of them 'hurts too much to sleep' nights #dont even want to lay down bc i know that will not hurt any less and it'll just upset me #i fucking hate this #it's not even that bad it's just bad enough to be so distracting that i can't ignore it #i have to go to work tomorrow and be normal #i was supposed to go on a hike this week to prove to my boss i can do the field trips. #haha. #i didnt do that. and i probably Can't do the field trips. #and they're gonna fire me <3 #(they probably won't but honestly that's worse bc then i have to keep working with people who know i lied abt being able to probably #do the field trips no issue) #how the fuck am i supposed to be an outdoor educator when i can't Go Outdoors for more than a few minutes w/o hurting myself #why did i think i could do this. why do i ever think i can do anything

[novelconcepts]

Oh god oh god, that cringe response is so strong. I’m sorry I can’t help but open my mouth. Almost twenty years in fandom and I still feel like the baby that stumbled onto livejournal and tried to prove they weren’t a child by having opinions TM

my head is in my hands right now, I feel your damn pain.

I wish I knew why leaving comments was so hard. Well done you for asking the question, honestly.

maybe one day we’ll be fully grey and give zero fucks and feel like every time we leave a comment we’re Gertrude Steining a creator. In the meantime we just share a vague ‘I liked this’ shame and get to live in that awkward silence of not knowing how support is received. Here’s to being dominoes balanced on the edge 🤘

All of this, genuinely. I think about it all the time, and maybe it’s that we’ve been socialized to associate sincerity with childishness and/or (negative, harmful) obsession? Which: as a creator, as an artist, I fucking LIVE for sincerity. I love when people come back to the stuff I make with their whole chest. There’s absolutely nothing off-putting about it. I welcome that shit every time.

So then the question becomes: why is earnestness fair and even endearing from other people, but I must be above it myself? Why do I always hold myself to a standard unlike any I’d set for a stranger? It’s bonkers. And it merits not only questioning, but actively repairing in myself. I love authentic positive reactions to my art and to my queerness. Of course other people deserve the same from me. Bonk that mortification over the head until it stops squirming, and just let the joy in.

#ask #so much of internet comment sections is about hurting people #so there’s absolutely no shame or embarrassment in using those sections to say #hey dude I fucking love this thing you made. I love the representation you bring to the table. you’re doing a good job keep it up. #that’s valuable. and the cringe part of me can just lay down and chill out about it #(helped that I woke up to JSB liking the most recent earnest comment I made. like oh thank god you took that as intended.) #(but even if no response is ever given it makes MORE sense to assume that kind of supportive comment will be well received than not) #(assuming they're just gonna think you're a nut for no reason is giving no credit whatsoever to either party.) #(it IS normal to like things and to praise the things you like. it IS normal to give positive feedback. essential even.) #(so like. just gotta jam that into my noggin.)

[many-gay-magpies]

you ever have disproportionately large feelings about something that seems comparatively very small and you feel like if you don't articulate them all perfectly youll explode and die

#im. still fucking thinking about the last scene of the beyOnd mv. i am irreprable #fuck it this is my blog i can freak out in the tags if i want to. #hell dude it isnt even the kiss itself at all jsut. the fucking REST OF IT. the way mill treats nine's wounds and then lays down just to be #-close to him and the look of utter PAIN on his face. not ''why do i want this'' but ''why does it hurt so much to want this. why does it #-have to be this hard. why do i have to suffer just to be happy''. and nine leaning in and responding: ''yes it hurts. yes its not fair. but #-fuck the world; we'll have it anyway. i'll have YOU anyway. even if it hurts. even though its hard.'' #god dude im unwell. #onlyoneof acting KINGS #magpie thoughts #onlyoneof #ooo #yeah im putting this in tge main tag because i feel like someone out there will appreciate my absolutely deranged tags

[meltedhorror]

I always hoped we'd rot together, that the day the earth reclaimed my bones it'd be by the side of you. . . Maybe if I close my eyes and believe enough, it'll come true eventually. . .

#my art #own art #oc #ask to tag #wewo #ik I'm drawing wewo a lot rn but he's just become my comfort character atm #comfort character that I hurt and project all my hurts to <3 #it hurts so fucking bad when you just want things to be okay for once and want to get a chance to breathe and then it just... ends up worse #a friend told me recently they didn't know whether I forgive people easily or if I'm impossible to get forgiveness from at all #and at this point I don't know either #I'm a puzzle even to myself at times and it's frustrating when at least I should know what's going on in my own head #to quote a great game #now all that remains are our regrets #and I have a lot of them for a lot of things #can never take back what happened but can at least try to look towards the future and make the best of whats to come #if I pretend enough maybe it never even happened and everything would be okay again #could have life back to normal again #it would be easy to just lay down and never have an opinion again and take the fall for everything like I've always done #depression is a vile thing that only ruins everything it touches and I wish I didn't have it

[bunnyb34r]

This depression, have even less energy than usual, no motivation to do anything but have "me time" doing crafts in my room alone, shit better fucking end with January.

#marquilla #it's like i know part of it is the 10 day withdrawal shit and recovering from that pain/fatigue but like... idk i feel more selfish lately #like fuck you i aint making dinner i HURT while i turn my back and continue to mindlessly make scrunchies #i come home from work and rush through my chores so i can shower and lay down... like i want to want to help out but ... #i hate january i should up my vitamin d3 but i already take 5000ui daily (my bloodwork is fine thank you very much. i live in Ohio it is #necessary) like do i take 10k?? sgdgdgdg would that help me or kill me?? idr what organ is affected by VD3 overdose but egdggdgdgd #i remember one dr telling me with all my meds my liver should be damaged but its perfectly fine shdhdgd like bitch my body is deficient #and defective i need them to survive #anyway i want to like want to make dinner. i want to want to make stew or a roast in the crockpot for mom but my body says no #and my mind says fuck you. #im just so tired