#just azn things i guess

[diaryofseraph]

and also

i have chosen to view my relationship not through resentment and despair and anxiety of what may happen, but through kindness.

i know it's a time of uncertainty. i know that this relationship might end tomorrow, depending on what we disagree on, or maybe in may, when i finally move. i've accepted that things really could come to an end, which for some reason, i didn't fully prepare myself for prior to our conversation 1-2 weeks ago. i accept that he could leave because we truly do have our fundamental differences that are too large to overcome. i accept that we may not be right for each other. i accept that he is hesitant, and so am i. we look tentatively to the future right now, but i accept that things could end very soon because of the nature of our relationship, us not being from the same area, having different career paths, and having different values.

i know that i do love luke. we've made a lot of good memories together. we had a wonderful honeymoon phase -- our first kiss, tentatively getting more intimate with each other, so many dates, so many concerts. and despite having our ups and downs, i've learned a lot. i've learned to be a bit less uptight/stiff. i've learned that people communicate in wildly different ways and, truly, there are still people with his type of humor lol. i've learned to have a bit more fun and let loose. i've learned that traveling so much is tiring but extremely fun. i will also instantly dump the next guy who has not completely gotten over their ex lol. all in all, i've gotten to know another human being! and they let me into their life. i really got to know them for who they were. that in itself is a privilege. and i also know it is a privilege for him to have been let into my world.

i love luke's laugh, his voice. i love it when he laughs so hard he curls up and hides his face. i love it when he wears his glasses, and that he wore contacts the first several dates to put up appearances. i love how he covered his mouth because he didn't have gum to hide his bad breath. i love skating around with him, falling off our boards. i love us trying to take the worst photos of each other. i love how he greets my cats every time he visits. i love the feel of his hand in mine, and i love his snore when he falls asleep within minutes. i love that he loves me! i love all these things about him, and i am happy with these things, and i know and accept that.

i also know that if we are right for each other, things will happen as they should. if we aren't, then they will naturally dissolve, as they should. despite loving him, i know that there is a possibility we might not be a good fit for each other. and that's ok. i guess that's just the fallibility of human life and our attempts at trying to connect with others! i know that i tried my best to love him and show him that.

ultimately, i also know that the right person will stay to work things out. that they would believe in us and our ability to work things out, even if we had our differences (within reason, of course lol). so if he truly leaves and breaks up with me, we were not meant to be. that's okay. i'll still have love for him, but i know that i can find someone who is meant for me. i know i have a lot to offer -- i'll be a doctor, am azn (:p), v fertile + high sex drive, cute/petite, empathetic, loving/affectionate, thoughtful, committed, loyal, and hardworking. i can definitely date in residency and find someone that recognizes those qualities and will be committed to stay. i am a lil seaweed floating in the ocean, going wherever the tide takes me. if we go one way (break up), i will float that direction and find the rays there. if we go the other (continue), i will float on as well.

regardless, i know my worth, and if luke chooses not to take up space in my life, i will find someone who is worthy of doing so. if he leaves, we were never going to work out, and my heart will hurt, but it will remake itself again. suffering leads to strength and kindness and love, and i know i can make it to the other side as a better person

[byebyeballoon]

I guess I never made an intro post for this blog, so here we go!

I’m in my early 30’s. Very outgoing and would love to chat with others about these shows! Feel free to drop me an ask or pm. Fun fact my first kdramas were My Lovely Samsoon and then The Hotelier. Both aired on the AZN network on comcast with English subtitles all the way back when I was in high school. The channel has been gone for years.

Fast forward to Covid, and being in quarantine as an immune compromised person. I got back into kdramas thanks to them showing up on Netflix, and when I couldn’t get my fill there I found Xumo, Viki, and Kocowa. I stick to the shows that are free if you don’t have membership, so I will be posting memes about those. I only have a Netflix subscription (for now, we’ll see what the future holds!). I can’t say for sure why I ended up pretty much giving up American shows these last two years, but I think it’s because I finally grew tired of shows that had been around 5-10 (or even in some cases more) seasons. I like that most k-dramas last one season and have an average of between 8-20 episodes instead, so the plot has to be wrapped up nicely in that amount of time. They have a better end in most cases bc they know the show won’t continue. Even if some (like Hotel Del Luna) have a cliff hanger clip at the end that leaves you wanting more of that world or story.

I ended up dragging my bestie @terminalsecondleadsyndrome into kdramas bc I wouldn’t shut up about the shows, and I’d send her clips that cracked me up. Our sense of humor is pretty similar. Plus we are both attracted to a lot of the leads. Eventually I roped her into it, especially when I mentioned Bride of Habaek bc she read the comics when younger. She sent me a couple of memes while we watched, and I felt that they were too funny not to be shared with the community on tumblr. She had a thing for the second lead in BoH, and I told her about the term Second Lead Syndrome, and thus her URL was born. Anyway, then I introduced her to Vincenzo and she was just pumping out the memes (over 100 in total!). 😂 So go check her blog out! Also my URL is from that show!

I am especially drawn towards paranormal and science fiction plots. I have been since my teenage years. Fun fact: I met one of the Twilight actors bc of this (technically more than one, I met three at a meet n greet, but met another ‘out in the wild’ so to speak lol). So I’ve enjoyed the likes of Sweet Home, King Eternal Monarch, All of Us Are Dead, Korean Odyssey, Mystic Pop-up Bar, Goblin: the Lonely and Great God, Bulgasal, and more.

Because I’ve been enjoying countless shows the last two years and had figured out certain phrases by hearing them so often, I ended up installing Duolingo (and a few other language apps), and started learning Korean. The alphabet was pretty easy to learn, and I can read it now (still likely have awful pronunciation since I’m not speaking it with anyone… 😅 And I know I wouldn’t be able to hold a proper conversation yet. Hopefully I get there soon!). I also decided to brush up on my Spanish since I took it in high school and college. I’m actually Puerto Rican, which was why I wanted to learn Spanish originally. I was proud of myself for remembering so much. It’s been nice having these things to distract me from my chronic pain issues. If you can’t tell, I like talking. 😅 And I’ve probably talked your ears off (or eyes in this case), so that’s it for this intro post. Hope you are having a good one!

#get to know the blogger #kdramas #kdrama #kdrama meme blog #personal

[honey-and-strawberry]

Re: we all want friends😬

TMI I’ve been living in different countries for a few years now so I cannot envy more people who have friends whom they have formed a routine to meet regularly. One of my little fantasies is to spontaneously ask friends to meet at a bar or wherever and they’d be there in like an hour💭

Soo perhaps not 100% but I feel you 🥺 part of the reason why I watch MX/other groups is because I get secondhand satisfaction from seeing their friendships. Of course i get too many “ugh i want what they have” moments but that at least gives me hope. FRIENDSHIPS LIKE THAT EXIST & maybe one day I’d have that too😌 so yeah in the meantime i enjoy the long distance relationships with both my online and irl friends💖 let fate do its magic🎁

I’m the same way 🥺❤️ (99% of it)

I lived in the same house and same town my whole life (I did have summer internships in college around the US though) and I do have a close friend I had since we were 11. I love her to death and I would never want to replace her, I just don’t want all of the pressure of being my friend to be pushed on her.

I’d love to live in that fantasy 😞 I find a cool new restaurant and I’ll text them “we’re getting dinner. Get ready”. My guy friends would rather sit down and play games for hours and hours (which isn’t a bad thing) while I wanna go have an adventure 🥺

Monsta Xs friendship is so interesting to me cause they’re all very different men. They have different attitudes, different interests and yet they still hang out even when they don’t have to.

I think I need to start promoting the idea of zoom calls and watching something together (like a watch party). People I know do that with their long distant friends during the pandemic and I guess it worked out for them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have this card game azn flush kpop edition and it’s super funny 😂 it’ll be cards like “who’s most likely to be a trainee but never debut. Most votes drinks” “take a drink if you ever been called a Koreaboo” 😂 it’s just hard to get people all at the same time you know?

#adulthood is hard yall #all we do is work and be sad #if we ever meet irl I’d make you some good food and we’ll watch a stupid movie 😌

[vivpurple7]

21 Questions

21 questions I’m much to told to be indulging myself in these kinds of childish posts but I shall because my bean @honeymoonjin tagged me and I feel like this is a good past midnight activity. 

1) Name: Vivian (but it sounds weird, so I usually go by Viv)

2) Zodiac Sign: Taurus

3) Height: 5′2

4) Hogwarts House: I didn’t follow HP growing up, so I wouldn’t know, but I would probably guess i’m one of those that don’t fit into any house. were they hufflepuff?

5) Last thing I Googled: how to fix “access denied pop for gmail”. In the end i’ve given up trying to do what i’m trying to do. 

6) Favorite Artists: BTS

7) Song stuck in my head: UGH!

8) Favorite time of day: Nap time (which if I have the day off, from 1-4pm)

9) Favorite color: black, dark blue, grey, purple

10) Following: 84

11) Followers: 145 (wippie!)

12) Do I get asks: I get like one a month on average? <3 

13) Amount of sleep: 16 hours a day, the most I’ve done was 22 hours a day

14) Favorite number: 26

15) There’s no question 15: Is this because it’s an unlucky number? 

16) Dream Job: pharmacist (and living it!)

17) Instruments: ...let’s just say my parents listened to their child denying musical lessons and then I now regret

18) Language: English, Mandarin, Taiwanese, French, Japanese, Korean, Cantonese (the proficiency in each one is debatable, but allow me the bragging rights for this one thing in my life)

19) Favorite song: BTS (i cannot choose i’m sorry for copping out)

20) Random facts: I have a dog, I have two older sisters that are 10/13 years older, i’m the first child to go to uni, i’m a nerd, i love sleep, cereal then milk, i wear glasses when i’m being scrub (contacts ftw), i have smol feet (4/4.5 US), I own like 50+ dresses, sweater weather, interesting events/bad luck/unfortunate events seem to follow me everywhere I go (i’m srs this is no joke), I look like i’m 12 cuz i have an azn bby face, I want to travel more (esp. Asia), I wouldn’t mind being a rock in my next life, i wuv yew

21) Aesthetic: What the [redacted] does this even mean. I like to live life luxuriously and leisurely.

The peeps that @honeymoonjin tagged are the peeps i would tag LOL BUT leggo my beans @bangtiddies @franklytae @holyfluffly @bts-poetry <3 

#honeymoonjin made me do it #21 questions #get to know viv

[jkeyy]

Tagged by @thethirstn0el​ - never thought i’d be tagged in one of these

Rules are to answer all the questions and tag 20 10 blogs you’d like to get to know better!

Gender: Male

Zodiac: Scorpio/Monkey

Height: 5′5

Time: 10:38 PM

Favorite bands/artists: Uh, a lot of stuff tbh but Demi Lovato is someone I really enjoy. All the styles of music the evolved through tbh. A lot of Christian artists like Hillsong, Citipointe, All Sons and Daughters. I think I have some music in every genre except EDM, trap, house stuff

Last movie I saw: I’m really bad at movies

Last show I saw: Just as bad as movies.

When did I create my blog:  First blog was around 2010, this one, a couple years ago

What do I post:  Personal posts now and then, reblog a lot of stuff also

Last thing I googled: Uhhh, new phones for the year. time for an upgrade

Any other blogs?   Personal blog. pretty much diary entries with uncensored names and emotions

Do you get asks?  - from time to time. nothing special though

Why did you choose your URL: jkey was taken. so -y not? heh

Types of Blogs you follow: blogs that post about video games I like pokemon, animal crossing, Kingdom Hearts, Disney,some raunchy stuff and cute gay stuff

Favorite colors: blues, purples. I think its time to refine that though

Average hours of sleep: LOL uh, I sleep for maybe 10-12 hours at night, wake up and eat, then sleep for another 3 ish hours. someone stop me plz

Lucky Number: never gave it thought

Dream Trip: Uhm, I guess itd be a couple years ago, my friend got married and I was part of his entourage[?] bridal party[?]. we went on a cruise to mexico and it was lit 

What are you wearing? some basketball shorts, a tshirt I bought off my friend and his youth group to support their fundraiser

How many blankets do you sleep with? 1. I sleep on top of the one I’m supposed to use and use a throw blanket as my real blanket cuz it was a gift from my bro

Dream Job: BEFORE it was a game designer, not its sound engineer, but at the moment, I just need a job in the IT  field to make use of my degree while make money to go back to school for sound engineer

Favorite foods: everyone knows how much I love pancit canton. aside that, pretty much anything

Nationality: #pinoy #azn #flip

I tag uhhh, I really don’t socialize with anyone on here anymore so I would know. everyone I met on tumblr before moved on from here. @theweakwillsurvive you’re my only friend :(

[kazlifeadventures]

Baku, Azerbijan

21-23 June 2019

Baku, the capital and commercial hub of Azerbaijan, is a low-lying city with coastline along the Caspian Sea. It's famed for its medieval walled old city, which contains the Palace of the Shirvanshahs and the iconic stone Maiden Tower. Some of the city's contemporary landmarks include the Zaha Hadid–designed Heydar Aliyev Center, and the Flame Towers, 3 pointed skyscrapers that dominate the city skyline and are illuminated at night in a multitude of colours (similar to the Burj Khalifa in Dubai).

I arrived after dark so for me it was a series of 'wow', lots of pretty lights. Even the airport buildings were so pretty all lit up. Due to my later arrival I opted to pay the 25 AZN (about 20 aud) to have the hotel pick up service. It was one of those interesting experiences I've had in a few other countries. I knew it'd be great when old mate waiting for me with my name on a sign had his best double pluggers on... that and the fuel gauge on empty the whole trip flashing warnings...😂😂 gotta love it!! I'm glad I got the transfer as I was staying in the old town area and there was no car access near my hotel, the guy from reception met the car, otherwise I would have got lost! After checking in I asked about somewhere to eat nearby (it was after 9pm Baku time) he took me to a nearby grill cafe, where I met some lovely local guys who took it upon themselves to share their lamb grill with me and give me wine. I will freely admit I had a moment when I realised I was the only female with 7 men. One of those pivotal points in life.... I stayed. It was hilarious. I kept having food put on my plate and being told to eat. I've had a few different kebab grills on my travels and it was very tasty! Suffice to say I have now had my first marriage proposal in Azerbijan , (apparently Australia is a place they'd like to have citizenship..)one of those nights I'll always remember just going with it. I knew I was safe (well I was 90 per cent sure I was safe..) so that helped! At least one of the guys spoke good English thank goodness or I'd have had no idea!

I've had a great few days with my body trying to defeat me...Yay. but seriously this place is like a cross between Paris and Dubai. It's crazy hot (34 - 37 degrees). They have these enormous open park areas or the 60km of boardwalk area that have so much shade. It's degrees cooler in the shade believe me! I managed to navigate the old town area, getting to Shirvanshahs palace, the Maidens tower, the multiple gates. Some cool mosques. The area is like a confusing bunch of cobblestone streets and laneways. Oddly enough when you look at the plan of the city you can see there is a synchronicity and logic to the way it's set out. It's no wonder it's UNESCO heritage listed, it's amazing and incredible to see the reconstruction being done to preserve the palace.

I managed to find the miniature book museum, luckily for me it was open, and as it was free I wandered in to have a look. The books are all displayed with flags on the cases to show country of origin..Found one that had some Aussie books! Some of these books were not much bigger than my fingernail! The collection has been acknowledged in 2015 by the Guinness book of records as the largest private museum of miniature books.

I got to the 'maidens tower, as it was literally 500m from where I'm staying. Took one look at the spiral staircase and the days temperature (today is 34 degrees Celsius) and said a big nup to climbing it!

Next stop was the carpet museum. Couldn't miss it really - the whole building looks like a partially unfurled carpet.. I wasn't sure what to expect but paid and went in through security- beep machine, but no bag check (kinda confused me but hey carpet is obviously important here 😂). I was actually amazed. This centuries old craft had not only been recognised with a UNESCO cultural heritage recognition, it is also used for so much more than floor or wall coverings. There is amazing detail these artists get into the new age carpets, some of them you wouldn't know it was a carpet it's so detailed. I get how proud they are of the industry! Little Venice was nearby , an area set up to look like, you guessed it, little version of Venice. ..

The major roads are much like Singapore with enormous under road tunnels for pedestrians (lots of stairs and marble). I've found some really cool cafes while I've been here, enjoyed a couple of local beers, and done alot of walking (at least average of 16000 steps a day).

How the locals are not dying in this heat I have no idea the men all seem to wear long pants and t-shirts with random sandles or slip on shoes Girls with their hair out (no idea how they are not melting at the neck!). Crocs or athletic slides and socks are the go (missed that fashion boat!)

Sitting in a park having random non English convos with strangers (I think a young guy offered me the first sip of his coke? Turns out he was Russian according to his mate.. ) I'm awesome at this flirting stuff!😂😂

The one thing I did book was a night tour of the city lights that included a traditional dinner. I thought it'd be with a group, but no, it was just me , the tour guide and a driver. Amazing opportunity to ask a million questions about the simple things in Azerbijan like driving ages, drinking ages, school holidays, university etc. Not awkward at all to sit and eat the traditional meal while my guide didn't eat 😂😂. (He wasn't hungry- it's not that he's not allowed to eat!) Anyway I got to hear some amazing history of Baku and see the matyrs walk and the eternal flame. Hear the story of the people massacred by the Russians in Baku on the 20th Jan 1990. See their memorial, particularly the couple who are first in the walk, the lady killed herself when she heard her husband had died. To this day each Valentine's locals come to lay flowers to acknowledge the couple's love.

Tour is due to start the 24th, so moving hotels to meet my new bus mates! More to come....

Way more photos to come!!!

[tellywoodtrash]

Thanks to the anon who pointed me towards the interview! 💖💖💖

Interesting bits (FYI: mild Ishqbaaz spoilers below)

How AZN dramas influenced her earlier work, and about staying away from the saas - bahu stuff that was the mainstay of tellywood.

She keeps harping on about how “the men cook!!!” in Ishqbaaz and how there’s soooo much “political subtext” to that. 🙄🙄🙄

Yeah ok, whatever helps you sleep at night, pseudo-feminist. 😒😒😒

Apparently, Shivaay Singh Oberoi is the “most complicated hero” she’s created, and how she made Nakuul’s image go from “Nakuul sir” to sexy studmuffin, lol. 

“Just the three brothers was stagnating the numbers, and that’s why we had to move towards the romantic angle.” 

DAMN YOU, AUNTYJIS!!!!!!!! This is why we can’t have good things. 😭😭😭 

Rudra’s love story starts post-IPL!

“Why are the heroes of your show sadistic and egotistic, and the girls poor and bubbly?” “I guess I like them that way. And so does the whole world.” 

😒😒😒😒

“If you want to see the reverse, watch out for Rudra’s love story.”

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. 😧😧😧😬😬😬

Also, is that official confirmation that Saumya is out and we’re getting a new girl, or is Sumo going to get a personality makeover??? 😟😟😟

How Anika is Jerry to Shivaay’s Tom. 

I don’t recall Tom ever threatening to sexually assault Jerry though. 😑😑😑 

Surbhi IS Anika irl. (Calling @manmarziiyan​! Look, official confirmation of your hypothesis! 😊)

IB and DBO will be doing crossover episodes post IPL.

I guess Shivaay’s search for Anika’s family will lead him to Gauri? 

She’s never changing Shivani Shirali as a designer. Ugh. Fuck our eyes, I guess. 😣😣😣

IPK 3 is a-go! Starring Barun Sobti (as Advay Singh Raizada) and Shivani Tomar (who interestingly, was also the female lead in his now-scrapped cop/conwoman show called Satya Ki Kiran.) It will be launching post IPL on Star Plus, as a daily. Will be a “long-running finite show”. 

My thoughts here. 

#ipkknd #ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #dil boley oberoi #dil bole oberoi #gul khan #news #tellywood

[krixwell-liveblogs]

“Lung has an extensive gang throughout Brockton Bay and neighboring cities. More than that, he has two superpowered flunkies. Oni Lee and Bakuda.”

Ah right, there's another consequence of taking public credit - she becomes the target of any revenge Lung’s goons may seek.

I shook my head, “I know about Oni Lee, and Grue mentioned fighting him. I’ve never heard of Bakuda.”

The name makes me think of "barracuda", but I'm pretty sure that's unrelated.

I'm guessing Bakuda is going to be a bit more fierce than Oni Lee.

Armsmaster nodded, “Not surprising. She’s new. What we know about her is limited.

A "she", huh? It's a little surprising to find a woman among the Azn Bad Boys, but I don't think Lung would really mind it if she's just strong and loyal enough.

She made her first appearance and demonstration of her powers by way of a drawn out terrorism campaign against Cornell University.

Hm, interesting. Perhaps this one really is in a Carrie-esque situation?

Lung apparently recruited her and brought her to Brockton Bay after her plans were foiled by the New York Protectorate. This is… something of a concern.”

It's a good thing he mentions here that she's from New York, because I can't name five American universities and definitely wouldn't have been able to place Cornell University as not being in Brockton Bay.

Question is, though, why? Why was Lung interested in hiring Ba(rra)kuda from out of town? Is it about her motivations, her powers, or both?

#Worm #Krixwell liveblogs #Arc 1 #Chapter 1.6

[fujianvenator]

30 of my friends tagged me in this

rules: 21 questions & tag 21 mutuals you wanna get to know better! i was tagged by max thea n sig i m not tagging em JGDSKLDGSJ

underrrrrrrrrrr readmoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

nicknames: vic adn bisyo .:} but my fuckkng friends keep calling me diovic guess im diovixc now

zodiac sign: libra sun libra moon leo rising uuwu

height: 160cm/5′2..very sad very azn

hogwarts house: no

last thing i googled: jade mantis

fave musicians: fuck. so many. abba queen marina lady gaga mika SEXBOMB GIRLS christopher larkin ig coz the hk ost goes fucking hard

song stuck in your head: SU-PE-PER TROU-PE-PER LIGHTS R GONNA FIND ME SHINING LIKE THA SUNNNN

following: 1012... no self control mothers n fuckers of the jury

followers: 173 .:} like thge scp

do you get asks: not often but i do sometimesssss

amount of sleep: girl idk JDSGKLJDGSALKSDG

lucky number: 6,10, 3

what youre wearing: rlly loose espn shirt that is NOT cotton so im feeling that goddamn philippine heat n basketball shortzzzzzzzz

dream job: MEDICAL ILLUSTRATOR... fuck dude jus lemme cut in2 a cadaver n b like hmmm yes this is indeed meaty then scribble that shit 

dream trip: boracayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yes im basic 

instrument: PIANO!!!! i recently learned super trouper on it 2 so im HEAHEHAGHAHGEHA and my voice ig if it countz

languages: inglesh n tagalog .:} im bad at both

favourite song: also super trouper

random fact: iput on lip balm way 2 much.. regina george much

aesthetic: i was gonna write some verbose shit but im LAZYYYYYYY so just go thru @hollywoodmatd SHAMELESS PLUG LMAOOOO

i dont wana tag any1 coz im like that but if u see this u can do it loool

#vic.txt

[jadedromance]

Sh*t was Lit: Jaded Romance

“Jolene!”

I look up and Jade is glowering at me. She was saying something or other about “Jon Elliot” or “Jon Ellington” or something but I drowned her out. I’m still in shock that I lost my virginity last weekend and I haven’t told anyone. I got laid by some dude I had just met. He was a handsome dude and super tall, but I’m not supposed to be sleeping around with random people! I was planning on waiting until I got married but nope. I just went for it.

I’ve been texting Joe on and off since Saturday night. I felt pretty guilty once I came home the next morning, but I made sure to put my oversized sweatshirt and wiped off my makeup before entering the house. Like usual, my mom was in the kitchen making breakfast and dad was drinking coffee and reading the paper. They didn’t notice anything different, so maybe it wasn’t obvious that I lost my V. I wasn’t walking funny and my sister didn’t say anything, so I guess no one could tell.

Jade and Jenessa will think I’m a total hoebag if I tell them. But if I don’t tell them, who can I tell? At this point, Jade’s finished her rant about Jon, and she’s braiding Jenessa’s hair. Those two are so lucky. Jade has James, and Jenessa has Jazz. Joe and I aren’t even really dating! We kissed. We made love. But he didn’t ask me out.

The last thing Joe texted me was, “Mornin’ sweetie” and a picture of him topless in bed. What’s that supposed to mean? I just replied with, “Hey” because I want to let him make a move. I Instagram stalked him a bit and found out that he’s single, also eighteen, and goes to West Valley high, which is about 2 miles from here. Most of his photos show him doing outdoorsy things: skiing, snowboarding, mountain biking, running with his dog. As Jade and Jenessa are finishing up with each other’s hair, I decide to snoop on his Twitter. I caught a glimpse of his ID when he was reserving the private room, and his Twitter handle was just his full name, no twists.

I scroll through Joe’s tweets: random junk about sports, a retweeted post from The Chainsmokers, and some photos of his dog. One tweet though made me freeze up completely: “met an azn girl this weekend. shit was lit. tight virgin pussy” and the drooling emoji. Um, I think he’s talking about me and I guess my tight virgin pussy was lit? That dude banged me til I hurt and bled that night. I screenshotted the tweet and texted it over to Joe, then waited smugly for his reply.

“What do you guys think about banging before marriage?” I asked the others. Both of them made faces at me, looks of curiosity mixed with questioning. Jenessa arched an eyebrow. “I think it’s a great idea, but my parents would kill me. The church would kill me, that’s for sure.” Jade frowned, “I’d be lucky if that every happened, but every birthday when I blow out the candles, I wish I’d get laid.” Both of them are so pro-premarital sex! “How about you, Jolene?” asked Jenessa. “Ummmm..... I think its good if the couple loves each other!” I sputtered. The other two nodded in agreement. “Oh hell yeah,” said Jade “love needs to come before sex!”

I’m pretty fed up at this point. After our meetup, Joe and I are talking like it never happened! He asked for a tit pic this morning, but I pretended I didn’t see the text. There’s no way I’m sending nudes, just in case he posts it on Twitter. Finally, my phone vibrates and Joe replies. “Yea so? What about it?” he said in response to me screenshotting his Tweet. The freak does he mean “what about it?!” The ellipses that show that he’s typing pop up on the screen. “Ur my gf. I banged u. U were tight and that shit was lit. What bout that?” Hold up. Girlfriend? Did he just say I was his girlfriend? Well wait, he said “gf” but that literally means the same thing as girlfriend, right?

Now that I know that I’m Joe’s girlfriend, I freak out a bit less. Maybe when I go home tonight, I’ll dig out one of my cute bra sets and send him a partial nude. Maybe.

[ohhmygeeg]

”DON’T BE AFRAID OF WHO YOU ARE!” Shout out to the men who attended to my talk yesterday, sat up front surrounding me, who had absolutely no manners. Y’all were my worst nightmare realized when it comes to public speaking and I applaud y’all for trying me lol!!! I hate to admit, I guess I really am super AZN “model minority” in a sense when things don’t square up to the excellence I want or expect them to be. (Trust me, I know very well about mistakes, failures alike.) However, I learned something powerful in this moment. I realized I had the ABILITY ~superpower~ to remain focused to combat these rudeass manners with what was innately inside of me—patience, trust, and INFORMATION. 🤫👹👩🏻‍🏫 I very much appreciated all of their questions as they were challenging, somewhat abrasive, and tested my own knowledge. It is all in conversation, so I’m cool with that, #themoreyouknow is my mood at all times. But for the male homies disturbing the peace and learning, shall we meet again or you all find yourself in a room where a woman is speaking, some food for thought—how about you STFU, stop talking to each other WHILE I AM TALKING, and get off your phone if you plan to sit right in front of me (be it texting or taking photos of things you weren’t told to touch yet). While I could say I was appalled, I actually learned A LOT from this and it allowed me to command the audience with peace and intention, outwardly call them out in my own true fashion (and fun/hilarity), and reclaim what was MY TIME to GIVE to a purposeful, educational conversation and dialogue. I think we are all better humans for that level of openness and my fear realized was truly just that —FEAR. And now that shit is gone. Goodbye to fear cuz I live by #getitboo! I WANT MORE MEN TO COME THRU TO MY TALKS, I AM READY FOR YOU!!!! 🤗🤗🤗. HAHAHA. love and respect to all. Thank you again to everyone who came out and showed me some love + support. Much appreciate you. #thoughts #wordup #dontstopbelieving #empoweredwomen #womanempowerment #filipinosbelike #maeface #womeninbusiness #womenincannabis #cannabiscommunity #mood

#themoreyouknow #getitboo #thoughts #wordup #dontstopbelieving #empoweredwomen #womanempowerment #filipinosbelike #maeface #womeninbusiness #womenincannabis #cannabiscommunity #mood

[helloblurryworld]

unsolicited feelings

He loves me, he loves me not. I repeat this until the last petal of my daisy falls to the ground. So he doesn’t love me? Oh, but I know he still does. The real question is, can I love him? Should I love him? I throw on a hoodie and head to the garage. This is something I do every once in a while when I miss him too much. I open up the dusty box full of Liam’s things from last summer. I toss aside his Yankees cap, his lucky ping pong ball with, and the T-shirt he wore when he came over to help my mom with renos. Ever since I ended things with him, I’ve been getting this occasional feeling of guilt mixed with regret, mixed with… more regret. To be honest, my whole being just aches to have him back in my life. I had a few reasons why I left, but now I’m not so sure I should have.

I felt like I had to end things because so many of his actions contradicted my wants, and opposed my needs. Firstly, Liam never understood my OCD. I tried telling him about my compulsiveness, then about the obsessiveness, but he could never differentiate between the two. I am also a Christian, and go to church every Sunday. Liam went to Sunday Service once with me and failed to hide his boredom by going to the washroom a few too many times and yawning uncontrollably. These may be small things, but I guess they bothered me enough to break it off with him. But I want to think about the good memories that we had. I want to let them outweigh the bad. I want to remember how we decorated the Christmas tree together last December, how we got lost on our road trip to LA, and other little things. I loved how he would put his hand on the small of my back as if he was seeking comfort and security in doing so every time he got nervous during small talk with my relatives. But now, there’s a feeling in my gut that bothers me 24 hours a day, and I think the only way to get rid of it is to find Liam.

I head back up to my room and just sit on the bed. I try reading but can’t decide whether to reread John Green’s latest, or to finish the last Pretty Little Liars book, so I just play Candy Crush instead. A few levels later, a text from my best friend pops up.

Elle: LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

Me: huh?

Elle: *sends photo of me and Liam at Christmas party from last year*

Me: Elle… tbh I miss him… help pls

Elle: LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT YOUR SMILE

I put the phone down and two seconds later I pick it up again. This time, not to text Elle back, but to dial Liam’s number.

reblogged from @azn-audrey  

#story3of3