#just as a reminder Author is agender

[batshieroglyphics]

[FIC] To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) ~ Star Wars: Prequels ~ Fox/Obi-Wan ~ Mature ~ Ch 15/15 COMPLETE

Title: To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Era Series: Your Hands Protect the Flame Author: Batsutousai Rating: Mature Warnings: Alternate Universe, Qui-Gon survives, Jedi Shadow!Obi-Wan, Jedi culture positive, Coruscant Guard deserve better, clone trooper dehumanisation, institutional abuse, discrimination, learning to trust, Jedi and clone trooper relationships, strangers to friends to lovers, idiots in love, trans/nonbinary/agender clone troopers, trans/nonbinary/agender Jedi, character deaths (Palpatine, some Corries, offscreen Jedi OCs; more detail in notes of relevant chapters) Summary: As a Jedi Shadow, Obi-Wan hadn't expected to have much to do with the clone troopers. Until, suddenly, he does.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

He didn't have long to relax into the comfort of the sound of Fox's laughter, because then they said, "Speaking of padawans, I heard you were thinking to...how do Jedi say it? Not 'adopt', right?"

"Who told?" Obi-Wan demanded.

Fox tapped their helmet, where it was set next to them on the ground. "It was in command chat," they admitted.

Obi-Wan groaned and rubbed at his face, because, okay, yeah, he...probably should have suspected something like that. "We would say 'take a padawan'," he offered a bit helplessly, "but there's more involved than just pointing to a padawan and saying 'that one is mine, now'."

"You have to ask them," Fox said, not quite a question.

"I do, and they would have the right to say 'no'. So, too, would their crèchemaster or the Council of Reassignment, if concerns were brought to them about our compatibility or either of our conduct." He sighed. "And, because I'm a shadow, the Master of Shadows has the final say about my taking a padawan, although I don't think she'll take any issue, beyond being much stricter about what missions I'm allowed to take."

Fox nodded, brow furrowed. "Is any of that...likely to be a problem?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Unlikely. There might be some concern, about her being my first padawan, but, well, I did help Quin with Aayla a fair bit, and Yoda's been trying to get me to take a padawan for a few years. Which isn't to say it's a sure thing, but he wouldn't be pushing if he thought the Council of Reassignment would refuse my bid for a padawan because of my recent conduct."

Fox nodded again, then looked up and met Obi-Wan's gaze. "Then...why are you worried?"

Obi-Wan felt his mouth turn with a smile that felt slightly strained. "It's..." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his mouth. "You're...probably going to say it's stupid."

Fox squinted at him. "Is it?" they asked.

Obi-Wan made a face—he probably deserved that—then hesitantly admitted, "I didn't want to ask her, only for it to turn out you two didn't get along."

Fox blinked once, twice, and then warm embarrassment filled their bond, and they ducked their head. "Oh," they said, and cleared their throat.

Read it on Archive of Our Own!

Reminder to please reblog this post, so you can share this happy ending with your followers.

#foxwan #foxywan #pairing:Fox x Obi-Wan Kenobi #fandom:star wars #fic:To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) #series:Your Hands Protect the Flame

[onlygayinthecomics]

I been thinking about my turtle gender+sexuality headcanons (the ones I am reasonably familiar with)

To start, 2003:

Leonardo: I see him as transmasc, most likely coming out in early childhood by simply requesting that his family refer to him as a boy like his brothers, no fanfair. Probably gay, but I can swing bi/panromantic. I like him on the asexual spectrum. He seems most interested in people who can hold their own in a fight, as well as those with some kind of authority. Subby as fuck.

Raphael: Almost stereotypically masculine, you might think Raph is cis, but I see him more as bigender or a transwoman. She is unaware of this, and will never have any kind of egg moment on his own. Needs Donny to literally remind her that Leo transitioned when they were kids. Bi with heavy gay leaning. Wants a partner who can kick his ass.

Donatello: The rare cis turtle, demiromantic or aromantic pan. Sees sex more as a platonic bonding activity, would probably like a qpr.

Michelangelo: My boy hasn't seen a gender she doesn't like, whether that be for identity or dating. Very fluid in how they see both xirself and the world. I do prefer he/him for Mikey, but I also feel that he wouldn't give a fuck what pronouns are used.

2012 up next

Leonardo: I love transfem Leo with my heart and soul (big shock, I know), however this turtle is a veritable playground for identity headcanons. Leo can be read as transfem, transmasc, bigender, agender or really anything you can think of. Will be supremely insecure about this, even when no one else cares. Sexuality wise, Leo is into you as long as you're related to her able to kick her ass.

Raphael: Can be read as either transfem or transmasc, although I'm personally fond of masc. He'd prefer a woman who will kick his ass before pampering him, or a guy he can bully.

Donatello: Donatello desperately wants to be seen as "normal," to the point of refusing to acknowledge that he is both masc nonbinary and bi.

Michelangelo: Once again our pan king, Mikey will fall in love with most people within minutes of meeting them, even if that is very obviously a bad idea. Dtf whenever, but I actually think Mikey would see sex as just a fun thing to do, rather than something to be actively desired. Prefers a more masc identity, although whether that is as a cis guy or trans varies by the day.

Rise!

Leonardo: A gay transman, big shock I know. Like I don't even think that's a headcanon, I'm pretty sure that's just canon (fight me). I actually think this boy wants an authority figure more than any other Leo, and probably wants to be bullied and praised in equal amounts.

Raphael: I actually see him as cis, but I have seen the transfem art, and see the appeal. Pan as hell, with a preference for the cute and badass. Would probably also like an older partner who could kick his ass.

Donatello: Transmasc nonbinary and living it without shame. Bi, with preference for women.

Michelangelo: "Gender is optional, orange is not" quote stolen from rayshippouuchiha's Naruto Don't Gender Good au. I just think it fits him really well. Ace/aro, but loves the concept of love, just for other people. Arolovic.

I will do Mutant Mayhem after a few rewatches.

#Serialized Queer #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt donatello #tcest #(for filter) #headcanons #not gonna lose this again

[classiqals]

{mahesh jadu, 40, agendered, they/them, sometimes he/him} We are so glad to see you safe, ROYAL ADVISOR ARIYAN SIDDHARTHA BANERJEE of THE MUGHAL EMPIRE! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are PERSUASIVE and CALCULATING enough to handle it. Just don’t let your SNEAKINESS bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out THAT YOU WILL STOP AT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SECURE YOURSELF A CROWN OF YOUR OWN.

BASICS;

nicknames:  ari, to those few he is close with

sexuality:  pansexual

relationship: betrothed to rostam abdul, regent sultan of persia/crown sultan of turkey

date of birth: nov 9th

zodiac sign: scorpio

moral alignment: lawful evil

hobbies: reading, storytelling, puzzles, games of strategy, debate, fashion, singing (they have a beautiful voice), music, psychology, conspiracy theories, power, adoration.

dislikes: dancing, early mornings, not being listened too, authority. those who doubt them. childish adults. selfish wannabe empresses (indira).

languages spoken: Arabic, Hindi, Persian, Turkish, English, Egyptian, and some Spanish and French, barely passable Chinese.

politics/loyalty: absolutely no loyalty to anyone whatsoever aside from themself, honestly. would betray anyone they know at this moment in time for their own personal gain.

DETAILS;

the family banerjee has been upholstered upon the palace walls for a century, maybe more; their names are in every record book, soulful eyes in the background of every haunted mirror. loyalists the the throne dating back nearly as long as the sharma family; as the mughal empire itself. they are, or so ariyan believes their name to be, synonymous with the throne.

and in turn; oh, have they upheld their duty set before them. eldest of six, ariyan knew the role that they would eventually come to take on, and underwent exhaustive training to be a brilliant, sparkling mind, well enough to make the ancestors proud. they lived and breathed strategy and psychology.

fast forward to finally settling into the position as advisor, a place as destined by the stars, and watching as a young empress takes over and becomes a leader worth fighting for. or so- the world sees, but there is always ariyan in the background, pulling the strings. they fixed the mistakes. they solved the problems. they got their hands dirty. they made things, or people, disappear, and they always ensured that their empress stayed free of the trouble it may bring.

but this was no easy feat, especially not as the little family grow, and soon ariyan found himself cleaning the mess of not one, but three. and this went on... and on... and on. they hate the lovers, they are beginning to hate the empress, even. they want power for themselves.

so they have accepted the request to restart a betrothal to the crown sultan of turkey; now turned regent of persia, for now. this suits ariyan, though they still fester a bit of a grudge for being abandoned for another, when things were going well, too. oh, no matter... ariyan figures this gives additional access to three thrones now. all that would need to happen is for something tragic to happen.

they are 100% taking advantage of the mughal empire empress; convincing her that she is unwell, starting problems in her relationship, pushing bad ideas to the table, and holding their advice over her head. constantly they remind her what they know, what they have done for her, and have pretty much blackmailed themselves into an extremely powerful role in court.

a very likable person, ariyan is not what you'd primarily expect a villain of this kind to be. charming, extremely intelligent, well-versed in psychology, and an absolute mastermind of a planner, they do make a very valuable asset to anyone. some may even call ariyan gentle if they weren't too close.

CONNECTIONS;

tba

BACKSTORY;

pretty much covered it above but i will write an in-depth one better soon

the basics are grew up filthy rich, filthy influential, tons of pressure, tons of praise. private education, tons of time spent in the palace, definitely has entitlement issues. wants the throne for themself.

#theopulent.intro #;; introduction > ariyan b. THE ADVISOR

[autumn-foxfire]

something I actually hate in zhongchi fic is when the authors keep writing that he’s feeling guilty about what he did in liyue and/or he’s angry with zhongli for de deception. He clearly doesn’t regret his actions and would definitely do it all again and he doesn’t care about zhongli lying to him. It’s like they didn’t read any of his texts or didn’t pay attention to the liyue story. He’s not a cinnamon roll as everyone likes to say. They claim he is their favorite character or that they kin him but the version they are refering is so twisted and unreal.

This is why I read tartali fanfiction /j

For real though, I hate this trope in tartali/zhongchi fiction regardless. I once saw someone's summery being "I'm going to keep Childe mad at Zhongli because other fics let him off from what he did too easily" and I'm like "BRO? WHAT FICS ARE YOU READING AS LITERALLY EVERYONE MAKES ZHONGLI OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY WHO NEEDS TO BEG FOR CHILDE'S FORGIVENESS".

I actually read a fic recently that handled an after confrontation with Zhongli and Childe perfectly. They still had Childe being upset as he was used, however he and Zhongli talked and Zhongli explained all he could about his contract and how it was never personal. Then, when Childe points out he never directly apologised to Childe during his explanation, Zhongli returns it with how he has never apologised for what he did to Liyue. Neither of them ended up apologising, you know why?

BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAD THEIR OWN AGENDERS THAT THEY WOULD FOLLOW THROUGH WITH NO MATTER WHAT AND WOULD BOTH UNDERSTAND WHY THE OTHER DID SO.

Childe was originally upset that he was used as he doesn't like to be involved in the schemes of other Harbingers. But he said himself that all he needs from Zhongli is that fight that he was robbed from. And then Zhongli's voicelines confirm that they are still friends.

The woobifying of Childe is something I despise in fandom. I hate that I got into another fandom and what happened to one of my favourites (Dabi) back then is happening AGAIN with another favourite of mine.

Yes, Childe is relatable and easy to project on. Did he get angry at Zhongli and Signora? Yes. However he is not an overly emotional wreck who was completely and utterly ruined by Zhongli telling him who he was, at most he was annoyed he was robbed of a fight and his pride got hurt.

The irony of this situation though, which I've said so many times I might as well be blue in the face from it, is that CHILDE USED ZHONGLI TOO! He very openly used him to get close to the exuvia, he was just honest about it.

Meanwhile, Zhongli could literally not say anything because HE WAS UNDER CONTRACT AND BY THE ARCHONS HOW DARE THE GOD OF CONTRACTS OBEY HIS CONTRACT.

Yeah, yeah, it's transformative fiction and people can write what they want and how they want but I just don't want my favourite characters watered down anymore.

I get it, we like to give Zhongli a closer relationship with Childe than just friends, I've done it too, I've enjoyed fics that do this as well, but does it get frustrating to see Childe treated as an innocent little bean while Zhongli has to drown in guilt because how dare he lie to him!

LOL it reminds me of a viral tweet I saw on twitter about the new Superman cartoon/anime where Lois gets mad that Clark never told her he was Superman and the QRTs were just people wondering why Lois deserved to know a secret of Clark's that he wasn't comfortable sharing with her just yet? Ironically this is the same situation with Zhongli and Childe, where Childe wasn't owed any knowledge of Zhongli's other identity but this time people think he was entitled to it, even though Childe was an active threat towards that identity and was honest about being so.

My favourite thing these stories do is have Childe say "I would have forsaken my mission" or something along those lines and that just isn't Childe. Childe didn't particularly want to drown the harbor but he did so for his mission, he didn't mind attacking the traveler, who he saw as his friend, for his mission, what makes you think he wouldn't have shoved his hand straight in Zhongli's chest if he knew the truth?

He probably wouldn't have LIKED doing it, but he would have. Because he's loyal to a point and a man that never goes back on his vows and promises.

It's why I love Childe, he's such a complicated and messy character who has done terrible things, he plays by his own rules and that means even going against his own morals to do so. I do like exploring him being mad at Zhongli (again I've done so myself) but we can do so without making him the victim because he was FAR FROM IT.

I love exploring the mess that is Zhongli and his relationship, I love the drama and the angst but I also love how perfect they fit together once they get over those hurdles.

I just hate the one-sided anger from the fandom towards Zhongli for no reason.

Urgh, sorry for the long rant. I bottle up this frustration all the time so when people give me the chance to let loose, I really let loose.

#genshin impact #fandom #fandom critical

[pleuvoire]

last night i made a post about good omens because i was reminded of it via people vagueposting about some kind of big spoiler leak. just now i found out what that spoiler leak is. apparently there was a very brief frame in a s2 promo video that showed the two guys kissing. honestly i'm kind of mad that all the people who were like "it's NOT queerbaiting or anything remotely similar to that despite being framed exactly the same way in-show, these characters are CANONICALLY agender and asexual and in queer love with each other because the author answered some weaselly tumblr asks!" all through season 1 and its aftermath are never going to shut up about this ever again. it would however be tremendously hilarious if the kiss was in a no-homo context so i am rooting so hard for that now. tbh i am kind of suspecting it might be because they just wedged that into a tiny little shot of a promo video with no fanfare, kind of suspicious. let's go destiel 2!!!! also apparently people are saying not to post the leak because they need to respect the author's wishes which is soooooo funny it's a fucking amazon prime show

#you can really tell the fandom ruined this for me because if you'd told me 10 years ago there'd a tv show where these guys kissed #i'd just have been really excited #alas. #^ post from my drafts at 6 am today

[axdently]

𝑷𝑬𝑻𝑬 𝑫𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑫𝑺𝑶𝑵, 𝑯𝑬/𝑯𝑰𝑴/𝑻𝑯𝑬𝒀 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑵𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑺, 𝑺𝑷𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑻 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑹𝑰𝑶𝑹

To SKEETER DAWSON HIGGINS III, the whole world looks like an open page. with a leap of faith, their ability of BLOOD PRESSURE MANIPULATION grows a little stronger. they’re pledged to the HOUSE VANITAS to defend the enchanted lands of cagliostro with their DWARVEN MOSS GRINDER. for TWENTY EIGHT years, they have survived a world of magic with both their BOLDNESS and SELF-PITY. they work as an EX-WELDER, but if they could change their fate, they’d JUST WANNA BE HAPPY ( and get a healthy boner ) 

─── 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒.

You’ve recently returned from a month away from Selphia. If people inquire, you'd mention it was a journey of self-discovery, but the truth is you were spending time with your father and recuperating from the loss of your job. Now, you're back in town in the midst of a Boundary, and determined to stay on this earth. Skeeter is the name that teachers, mentors, principals, and other authority figures call you, including your father, who is currently residing in a nursing home in Florida. Growing up, being the third Skeeter Higgens in existence, you were given the name Trey. Junior was your father's moniker, and Dawson was reserved for your great-grandfather. However, Trey isn't a name you go by anymore–– since it's a triggering reminder of your mother. Skeet stuck for a while, but Higgies is the name used by those closest to you.  Basketball ignited your first real passion. You aimed to play professionally, but the loss of your mother profoundly affected you. Your drive for most things, including basketball, dwindled. Numbness took over, and motivation was hard to find. You stumbled during a crucial game, disappointing scouts and squandering your chances for scholarships and a college basketball career. Depression hit you hard during a critical period of your life. After basketball fell through post-high school, you attended a trade school for welding. You moved around different companies and jobs, but until recently, due to an inability to pass a drug test, your career trajectory faced challenges.

─── 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒.

NAME: Skeeter Dawson Higgins NICKNAME: Higgies, Skeet, Trey ( Family only )  DATE OF BIRTH: DEC 2, 1988 GENDER: Agender, prefers he/him but will answer to they, but generally doesn’t like being referred to as a man or boy. ( He prefers giant )   HEIGHT: 6’3” MARKINGS: a couple of scars from tattoos they never got fully removed, bloodshot eyes, and a scar across his palm. TATTOOS: he’s got a lot, these are a couple of their favs too, 1, 2, 3  PIERCINGS: this many DECORUM: joggers and high top chucks, paired with sweatshirts because they are always cold, and ever necessary ball cap SCENT:  general man stink ( onion armpits ) caused by stress sweat and general lack of care, burnt metal, skunky smoke covered up by vanilla incense & occasionally Oldspice  GOALS: Live past 30 FEARS: the ocean– any  huge body of water. POSITIVE TRAITS: many- sided, spontaneous, punctual NEUTRAL TRAITS: immature, undogmatic, tidy NEGATIVE TRAITS: confrontational, devious, fickle. ZODIAC: Sagittarius , Taurus Moon, Libra Rising ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil TEMPERAMENT: Melancholic ELEMENT: Earth PRIMARY VICE: Lust PRIMARY VIRTUE: Patience TROPE:  Asshole Victim, Consummate Liar, Affably Evil, Beware of the Nice Ones, Only Known by their Nickname, The Stoic, Brutal Honesty, Don’t you dare pity me !, Heroic Comedic Sociopath INSPIRATION: This gifset, also this one, with some Steven Hyde x Fezco from Euphoria and Lip Gallagher from Shameless Inspo  OCCUPATION: Busking the street with a bucket and drumsticks for money RESIDENCE: Gab’s place or on the streets or whomever's' couch he can crash on HOBBIES: Pyrography, metalworking & welding ( he went to school for it but no one will hire him lol ), video games, shooting pool with the boys, also drumming. collecting dildos, and being a general menace to society. HABITS: annoying drumming with anything he can beat with ( finger tapping against tables, pens upon a desk, straws with their ends nearly chewed off– he constantly feels like there is a beat in his head ), he walks with a bit of a limp due to jumping off of a building ( he was in crutches for about a year ), he cracks his knuckles when he’s thinking, he uses excessive salt in his food ( and therefore always has a puffy and swollen face which he of course doesn’t take care of ) 

─── 𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒.

BLOOD PRESSURE MANIPULATION

The ability to manipulate the blood pressure in oneself or other living creatures. The user, with a twist of his enchanted DWARVEN MOSS GRINDER gains control over the blood flow of oneself and others, allowing them to enhance strength and speed via increased oxygen and nutrient transferral. They can increase or decrease the blood pressure, induce heart attacks in other creatures by blocking the flow of blood to the heart, causing the body and/or face to redden, or reverse the flow of blood, causing body function to fail and the victim to die.

VARIATION 1. SWIPE LEFT - SERENITY INDUCEMENT

The user is able to induce powerful feelings of tranquility in others, allowing one to keep others calm and peaceful by turning his DWARVEN MOSS GRINDER counter clockwise. The more he twists his grinder the calmer the target becomes. The user is typically aware of the feelings that slowly creep up on them. They feel as though they are being lulled into a deep tissue massage.

VARIATION 2. SWIPE RIGHT - RAGE INDUCEMENT

The user is able to manipulate the rage, aggression, and anger of others including people, animals, and other creatures, by turning his DWARVEN MOSS GRINDER clockwise. The more he twists his grinder the angrier the target becomes, sometimes resulting in rage. The user is very aware of the feelings that slowly creep up on them. They feel as though they are being antagonized from within.

VARIATION 3. GETTIN’ ON YOUR NERVES - ADRENAL ACTIVATION

The user through blood power manipulation can activate their adrenal glands for as long as they want, increasing their strength, speed, agility, reflexes, and ability to withstand pain. Other applications may include, 100% Muscle Usage, Accelerated ( but distorted ) Perception, and Pain Suppression.

─── 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘.

1. MISCHIEF'S COIN: A silver coin with an animated face that gives Skeeter guidance and advice, often in the form of humorous quips. It can also be flipped to determine the outcome of uncertain situations, giving him an edge of luck. 2. INFERNO WELDERS GLOVES: Stolen from work, these gloves grant Skeeter the ability to control fire, enabling him to weld with unrivaled precision and manipulate flames as a form of offense or defense. They also grant resistance to fire damage. 3. LUCKY LIMP SHOES: These sneakers grant Skeeter enhanced agility and speed, compensating for his noticeable limp. They also give him the ability to make remarkably precise jumps and parkour moves, even on rooftops. 4. ECHO ECHO BOOMBOX: A portable music player that Skeeter can carry with him. When activated, it projects a magical aura of sound that disrupts enemy spells and abilities, providing a temporary zone of silence and confusion. 5. MIRTHFUL MEMENTO: This enchanted wristband stores Skeeter's mother’s laughter. When activated, it releases a burst of contagious laughter that can distract, confuse, and even charm him, rendering Skeeter into a euphoric state allowing him to slip into a peaceful sleep.  6. ELIXIR OF EVASIVE RHYTHM: When consumed, this elixir enhances Skeeter's agility and reflexes for a short duration. It grants him advantage on Dexterity saving throws and allows him to dodge attacks more effectively. 7. PYROBLAST FLASK: This flask contains a fiery concoction that, when thrown, explodes into a burst of flames. Skeeter can use it both offensively to deal fire damage to enemies and defensively to create barriers of flames. 8. AN OUNCE OF DWARVEN MOSS: When inhaled, Skeeter can evade his troubles. 

─── 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

1. HYPERTENSIVE SURGE: Using his mastery of blood pressure manipulation, Skeeter can momentarily increase his own blood pressure, boosting his physical abilities such as strength, speed, and reflexes. This spell can turn the tide in combat or intense situations. 2. SONIC SLAM DUNK: Drawing on his basketball skills, Skeeter can cast this spell to create a zone of intensified gravity. When combined with a powerful jump, he can perform a spectacular slam dunk from impossible heights, stunning and damaging enemies in the impact area. 3. BOUNCEBACK BOOST: This spell enhances Skeeter's jumping ability, allowing him to leap extraordinary distances. It's perfect for reaching high places or evading enemies by vaulting over obstacles. 4. PRECISION PASS: Skeeter can magically guide a thrown object, such as a projectile or even a teammate's weapon, to hit its target with uncanny accuracy. This spell enables him to make precise passes or even disarm foes from a distance. 5. CROSSOVER DASH: This spell grants Skeeter enhanced speed and agility for a short burst. He can zigzag through enemies with lightning-fast movements, evading attacks and creating openings for his allies. 6. HALF-COURT HEAVE: Skeeter can throw objects with supernatural force, propelling them great distances. This spell enables him to hit targets from afar, surprise opponents, or even make impossible trick shots. 7. DUNK DISRUPTION: Skeeter can channel his basketball prowess to disrupt magical barriers or shields. By performing a powerful slam dunk, he can shatter defenses, creating vulnerabilities for his allies to exploit. 8. FREE-THROW FOCUS: This spell enhances Skeeter's concentration and precision for a short time. It helps him make critical decisions in high-pressure situations, granting him advantage on Intelligence or Wisdom-based checks.

#cag: intro #cagintro #⸻ 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒓-𝒊𝒔𝒎𝒔 ; INTRO.

[the-cabin-complex]

Hey happy father’s day to Author, the dad-but-in-an-agender-chosen-family-way of the system. Love ya dude

—💜Esrah💜

#just as a reminder Author is agender #and I would wish it happy Mother’s Day as well but they don’t really correspond to that as much honestly #anyway happy parent/Father’s Day to the resident shadowy hooded figure #Esrah's tag #Author's tag #father mention

[magicaltrans]

How to safely tag for trans content

With the Trans Comfest rapidly approaching, we thought we would put up a little reminder on how to tag trans content.

When to tag "Trans Character"?

Whenever your story has a character that is explicitly trans and has a significant part in your story.

What tags should I use?

Trans Character is a fairly general tag and can be enough depending on the degree of involvement of your character. You can also define where your character sits in the spectrum: Trans Male Character, Non-binary Character, Trans Feminine Character, Genderfluid Character, Agender Character and so on and so forth. Those are usually paired with Trans Name of the Character.

What warnings should I use?

Transphobia, if occurring, should always be tagged. You can give details in your notes to be thorough and assure your trans readers remain comfortable with your work. In the same vein, warn about misgendering and the use and mentions of old pronouns and deadname. Gender dysphoria (the feeling of dissonance between one's self and body) should be warned too. When writing about sex, please give a headsup of the vocabulary you use to describe the trans person's genitalia (masc, neutral, fem nouns).

As @samyistrying said it: "Tag everything that upsets your trans character because it will (most likely) upset real trans people too."

How detailed should I go with my warnings?

Ultimately, it's up to the author. Sometimes details are spoilers so it's up to you to decide where, how and how much. We just dole out advice; we don't make the rules.

#transgender #trans harry potter #trans sirius black #drarry #wolfstar

[batshieroglyphics]

[FIC] To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) ~ Star Wars: Prequels ~ Fox/Obi-Wan ~ Mature ~ Ch 4/15

Title: To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Era Author: Batsutousai Rating: Mature Warnings: Alternate Universe, Qui-Gon survives, Jedi Shadow!Obi-Wan, Jedi culture positive, Coruscant Guard deserve better, clone trooper dehumanisation, institutional abuse, discrimination, learning to trust, Jedi and clone trooper relationships, strangers to friends to lovers, idiots in love, trans/nonbinary/agender clone troopers, trans/nonbinary/agender Jedi, character deaths (Palpatine, some Corries, offscreen Jedi OCs; more detail in notes of relevant chapters) Summary: As a Jedi Shadow, Obi-Wan hadn't expected to have much to do with the clone troopers. Until, suddenly, he does.

CHAPTER FOUR

The captain clearly considered that for a moment, then turned to more fully face him and asked, "Do you not want to be here, Knight Kenobi?"

Well, that was a loaded question, Obi-Wan considered as he folded his arms a little tighter together, where he'd had them resting in the well-practised Jedi stance of arms clasped in front of him, hidden by the large sleeves of his borrowed robe. "It is not about my wanting," he said in as bland a tone as he could manage. "The barracks are intended as a safe space for you, where you can relax; I can't imagine the introduction of a, hm, nat-born is of much comfort to the troopers, no matter what I may have brought with me."

Carver sighed. "Right. First, everyone was warned you were coming before Stone sent you the directions."

Ah, so CC-5869 was Stone.

"Second, the main hallway and common areas like the refectory are considered fair game for other battalions or visiting nat-borns to poke their noses in. If you tried getting into any of the dorm rooms without an explicit invitation, then you'd be invading a safe space."

"Ah," Obi-Wan breathed. That was...fair.

"Third," Carver stressed, "as far as command is concerned, you're our Jedi. That means everyone's just going to have to get used to you."

That Obi-Wan, admittedly, wasn't certain what to do with. Somehow, despite his intentions, he'd still managed to get adopted by an entire battalion of clones.

Carver turned back towards the queue of clones, their awe and hope and bursts of delight filling the room, pushing away the pervasive sense of absence. "If that's a problem, the easy solution would be to stop pretending to care."

It felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest, a reminder of every moment of inadequacy—imagined or otherwise—throughout his life dropped at his feet like it didn't matter that he had the power to hurt them the same way he'd once been hurt.

He stared outward, letting the warmth filling the room buoy him, soothe away the edges of hurt, and somehow his voice came out collected when he said, "I don't make a habit of abandoning other beings, Captain; if the Coruscant Guard want me to piss off, you'll have to be explicit about it."

Read it on Archive of Our Own.

If you reblog this post, consider yourself one of my favourite people.

#foxywan #foxwan #pairing:Fox x Obi-Wan Kenobi #fic:To Be Free Once More (That's Worth Fighting For) #fandom:star wars

[necros-writing-stuff]

This has not left my brain so can you try and relate some characters from MHA (Personalities) with the Degrees of Lewdity Characters

Hell yeah lets go

I've seen a few people compare Kylar to Shigaraki, and I understand why, but I personally think that Kylar is like Deku (and the PC is their All Might). If you're gonna compare them to any Shigaraki I'd say its pre-AFO arrest Shiggs that Kylar fits. Hysterics Kylar is Toga.

Whitney is fairly simple. They're a mix between Dabi and Bakugou - a school bully that seems to target you specifically more than others (like Bakugou does to others) with the sadistic obsessiveness of Dabi (humiliates his family on live TV while his friends fight for their lives).

Robin to me is like Kaminari, with a little bit of Momo thrown in. They're a sweet lil gamer, but they can easily suffer from a lack of confidence despite being one of the very few people in town that is aware of what consent is.

Avery, and hear me out here, is All For One. Big rich man that uses you for his own agender and gives you rewards for succeeding, but flies into a rage when their authority is undermined? Yeah thats got AFO written all over it.

Eden reminds me of Endeavor. Kidnaps you to be their spouse (Enji and Rei arranged marriage) that is pretty traumatising at first (Enji being an asshole pre-AFO arrest) but they're trying really hard now to be better. Also wants you to check in often and will come find you when you don't (texting Shoto to return his texts).

Alex reminds me of Kirishima, but I don't have any long explination as to why.

Same goes for Leighton - it's easy to compare them to Midnight.

Great Hawk reminds me of Twice. Just here to love the ones close to them, even if what they did with the person(s) they love is wrong. But also, yes I ship Keigo and Enji, so the image of Keigo kidnapping Endeavor while he's on a run in the moors and keeping him all safe and happy fills me with joy.

To bring up Momo again, maybe Charlie also reminds me of her, as well as Darryl and Mason.

Remy has Overhaul vibes. Nice and polite in the riding school (Eri running into Deku and whats his face) but is hiding a secret underground thing and wants you to be a certain way (cow/quirkless).

Bailey is what happens when you mix Aizawa with a fucked up alternate universe villain Uraraka. Can care for you and come to your rescue, views you as one of his obligations (like aizawa protecting his students) but ultimately its about the money.

Harper reminds me of Keigo, two-faced. Might just be cause of that one fic I read where he's your nurse, on purposely making you ill so he can 'lest you.

Doren, best teacher that they are, reminds me of Inko. Too good for the rest of this goddamn town.

That's all I can think of right now, if anyone has anymore please feel free to add!

#degrees of lewdity kylar #degrees of lewdity eden #degrees of lewdity whitney #degrees of lewdity alex #degrees of lewdity robin #degrees of lewdity love interests #degrees of lewdity harper #degrees of lewdity leighton #degrees of lewdity remy #degrees of lewdity bailey #degrees of lewdity avery #degrees of lewdity great hawk #mha

[lassieposting]

Bit late and random but it's the anon you leave food out for here to give away I am also bi and I think exactly the same as you about bi val pretty much, every time Derek offers me representation my reaction is to slowly, hesitantly take it and say "thaaaaaaaaanks..." while rolling my eyes, in much the same way one accepts their least favourite flavour of sweet from an annoyingly enthusiastic uncle-type-individual. Ironically I feel I had more in common with her before the bi shit started up.

What I find really amusing is that Landy actually did reasonably well at representation when (and only when) he wasn’t trying. 

Oh god, this got long, anon, my ass rambled.

tldr; I'm glad actual bi people dislike bi val (or how Laundry handled bi val) as much as me, this will probably offend at least one person but i don't really care, Dirty Laundry wrote better rep when he didn't mean to write rep at all, and if he ever starts trying to "represent" groups I'm part of I'll take him out back like a dying horse and shoot him.

Like, yes. He had stupid and potentially offensive shit - I say potentially because what offends one member of a group won’t necessarily offend all of them. His attitude to mentally ill people is, frankly, disgusting. We’ve had “Skulduggery can’t be abused, he doesn’t have feelings”. We’ve had “eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY”. We had Ping, who seemed to be pretty much universally offensive. And that's what's always going to happen when a straight, cis, white, wealthy, male author tries to write marginalised groups he doesn't know shit about, because inevitably he's going to fall back on stereotypes.

But we also had:

SEXUALITY REP: Phase One's nonstraight characters were treated like the straight ones, and like, isn't that the whole point? There was no need for a massive Coming Out Story TM to grab for those sweet sweet Woke Points, because sexuality isn't supposed to be important to mages. I never understood why Val needed that whole Coming Out Panic storyline. Like...Des and Melissa are ridiculously supportive, encouraging, loving parents. They accepted you dating a ~19 year old when you were ~16. They accepted you revealing you could do fucking magic and that you'd been lying to them for like seven years. They took your undead buddy in stride and the most pressing question your dad had was whether magic toilets exist. There is zero reason to think that "I'm bisexual" is gonna be the thing that makes them flip and throw you into the streets in disgrace, Valkyrie. Come on.

Tanith had girlfriends and it was just mentioned casually, because it's normal.

China had massive UST with Eliza. That was an opportunity right there to not only include a f/f relationship, but also to bring back one of the few precious surviving characters from Phase One, using characters and a relationship that already had several books' worth of setup and tension and interest from fans.

The Monster Hunters have a casual conversation about which one of the Dead Men they'd date.

Ghastly has a conversation with Fletcher about the pain he's been through being in love. He never uses any pronouns.

It was confirmed at one point re: the Dead Men that at this point, after 300-odd years, everyone's been with everyone else at some point.

Thrasher is gay, and while Scapegrace's...everything...is treated as a joke/comedic relief, Thrasher's love for him isn't. He's completely devoted to Scapegrace, and that in itself is not played for laughs, even though the rest of the scene usually is. Thrasher's description of their first meeting is essentially a love-at-first-sight situation for him.

"ABNORMAL" RELATIONSHIP REP: Age gap relationships are normal for mages. Off the top of my head, using only canon, canon-implied or almost-canon ships:

Ghastly/Tanith (~350 year age difference)

Tanith/Sanguine (~250+ year age difference)

Tanith/Saracen (~350 year age difference)

Caisson/Solace (~250 year age difference)

China/Gordon (~400 year age difference)

Kierre/Temper (~500+ year age difference)

If you include fan ships, there's also things like Mevolent/Serpine or my Mevolent/Vile, which are both ~600 year minimum age gaps based on the timeline, or Valdug (and its variations) which is ~400 years.

Now, whether you consider this kind of rep positive or negative is up to you, but it’s there.

MENTAL ILLNESS REP: more like "Which characters in this series don't have a mental illness or a personality disorder?" I have some of these issues, but not all of them, so this is just how I read it, but:

ADHD: Skulduggery

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Skulduggery & Vile

Dissociation: Skulduggery again, most notably in DD and DB

Schizophrenia (or similar): Valkyrie & Darquesse, Valkyrie "seeing" Darquesse's ghost thing in Phase Two

Impostor Syndrome: Reflectionie

Autism: Clarabelle

Trauma/PTSD/CPTSD: Skulduggery, Valkyrie, China, Ghastly, Erskine...pretty much everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. People struggling with trauma are spoilt for choice of characters to see themselves in.

TRAUMA REP: This series is a trauma conga line, but everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. I see little bits of myself in more than one Phase One character.

Childhood Abuse (of varying degrees & types): Skulduggery, Carol & Crystal, Omen, Fletcher, Ghastly, China, Bliss, Sanguine...

Estranged Family: Skulduggery abandoning his crest, Fergus & Gordon, China & Bliss

Bad Romantic Relationship: Skulduggery is also very clearly an abuse victim. He’s got a solid history of romantic attachments to women who manipulate, use and gaslight him for their own agendas.  There's a whole paragraph in SPX about how Abyssinia broke him down, isolated him from his friends and preyed on his desperate need to be loved, all classic abuse tactics.

And I’m personally a huge fan of this backstory for two reasons:

1) Society likes a plucky victim in media. The "My suffering made me stronger" type of victim. And it's not always like that in real life. Not all survivors come out of their abuse stronger or kinder or more understanding. Some of us come out cold and fucked up. Some of us end up as emotionally stunted, bloodied-nails-and-bared-teeth survivors, broken in ways that can't be fixed and sustained by enough rage to power a small sun. But society doesn't like to tell the story of that kind of survivor, because we're not usually a likeable protagonist. When we're shown in media, we're usually the sympathetic villain, or maybe the antihero. But Skug is someone who's done awful things and lost pretty much all his faith in humanity and been burned more times than he can count, and he still makes the conscious choice to try and be the good guy when he could so easily go Evil Supervillain on the world, and I don't know about any of y'all, but I've modelled myself on him in that. I've made the choice to do something good when all I really want to do is just become a horrible, shrivelled ball of nastiness and revenge. And that's because I saw him do it and realised that I could do that too.

Skug is an incredibly capable, strong, masculine Man's Man. He gets in fights all the time, and he usually wins. He's military, an industry that's Really Bad for stigmatizing weakness and mental illness, and he's right up at the top of the hierarchy. Almost everyone is afraid of him. He's a straight up cold-blooded killer. Skulduggery Pleasant is precisely the type of person who's not normally portrayed as a victim of anything. Nothing about him screams "victim" at all. But his abuse history is insidious. He's so conditioned to respond in a certain way to abuse from the women in his life, probably from a very young age, that despite all that strength and capability and stubbornness and ego, he just goes along with it. And it's an established pattern going back hundreds of years. He keeps going back to China, even though he knows she's bad for him and his friends keep telling him to stay away from her. Abyssinia latched onto him when he was traumatized and vulnerable and weaponized it against him to make him easier to control - and when she reappears, hundreds of years later, she jumps straight back into using, tmanipulating and gaslighting him and not only does he let her, he doesn't even seem to realise that behaviour is abusive. He thinks it's normal! That's how he's always been treated by his long-term girlfriends, with the notable exception of Wifey. Even when Val is being fucking nasty to him in the first couple books of Phase Two, sniping and lying and blaming him for everything under the sun, he just takes it. There's no attempt to tell her she's being unreasonable, no telling her to fuck right off and give her head a wobble, no defending himself even when she's bitching over something that isn't even his doing. And this is a man who has an absolutely gleaming steel spine the rest of the time; Skug has no problem saying no to anybody else, but he can't get past the way he's been taught to treat the important ladies in his life. Skug is a walking reminder that anyone can be a victim of abuse, even the ones who seem least likely to be susceptible.

GENDER REP: This one is the most iffy out of the bunch and definitely was not done very well in the eyes of the people who matter most, but I'll include it anyway because it mattered to some.

So there's Nye, who's...agender? Genderless? And uses "it" pronouns? Nye was generally considered horrible rep because it's also a war criminal and experiments on people and I've seen people say "Well I don't want to be seen like that" but? It's still possible to be a war criminal and also genderless. I never saw the two things as being related or relevant to each other.

There's also Mantis, who's in exactly the same gender/pronouns boat as Nye and always seems to be forgotten about, which sucks because Mantis is a war hero. It fought for the Sanctuary during the War and they never lost a battle when it was in command. It's called out of retirement to fight for the Supreme Council in LSODM, ends up fighting alongside Skulduggery during the Battle of Roarhaven, and ultimately dies attempting a very brave, very risky strategy. Mantis is, unreservedly, one of the good guys. It was also my introduction to sentient beings using "it" pronouns, and did it in a way that felt natural, so when I met my first person online who used "it" pronouns and hated to be referred to as he/she, it was...weird, but not as weird as it would otherwise have been, because I was like, "Oh yeah, like the Crenga. Okay."

And then there's the Scapegrace sex change plotline, which...I might have an unpopular opinion on this one. From what I’ve seen, trans people don’t seem to think was handled well or with any sensitivity at all. I’m not trans, so if the trans community says he was being offensive to them, I’m not going to claim otherwise. But...I first read the Scapegrace plotline as a young teenager in a tiny rural school with zero diversity, going through a period of being deeply confused about my own gender identity. He was more or less my first introduction to the idea that genitals =/= gender. I was relieved, at that point in my life, to read someone having a lot of the same thoughts I was having about being in the wrong body. So while it may have been badly done and yeah, the series would probably have been better without it, it did make at least one kid suspecting she might not be cis go “Huh! So there are other people who feel like this.”

Thrasher is also implied to be legitimately trans/gender-questioning, and that's not played for laughs either.

So? Phase One, while it absolutely had faults and issues and things that were just "Oh god why", was actually full of rep, at least compared to the other series that I read as a child/teen. But? As soon as Dirty Laundry started trying to be woke? He fucking sucks ass at it. Aside from confirming Phase One's hints that Skug has a background of abusive relationships, every single attempt at shoehorning rep into Phase Two is Bad.

The painfully OOC, forced, badly-written awkwardness of Val suddenly being rabidly horny for women out of fucking nowhere. The stilted, forced cringiness between her and any of the women she's flirted with - contrast that with Sorrowscorn's interactions, full of natural chemistry that had us all like 👀 I mean, I never shipped Val/Melancholia, but I could always see why people did - they had miles more chemistry than Val/anyone in Phase Two.

The fucking mess that is v*litsa, because if someone says "I'm really not interested in friendships/relationships right now", clearly the route to true love is to bulldoze their boundaries and forcibly insert yourself into their life and proceed to treat them like a delicate soft uwu flower, completely ignoring the horrible things they've done, while gleefully damning their best friend as an irredeemable monster for the exact same things, which is. You know. Gonna affect your so-called love's self-confidence and self-esteem because she knows she's no different to him. Y'all know I love an angsty ship, an unhealthy ship, a ship with fucked power dynamics, but I literally cannot roll my eyes any further back in my head at this shit. I never read Demon Road, but from what I've heard from friends who did, it does seem like every time Laundry tries to write an f/f ship, he comes up with a cringey abusive/manipulative caricature and tries to call it rep, and he needs to Stop.

Val's Mental IllnessTM arc. It's funny how he wrote Skulduggery as a wonderfully complex character with deep-rooted psychological damage and long-lasting trauma, but believes he wrote a character with "no feelings" - but when he tries to delve into the damage the world of magic has done to Val, he turned her into a weak, whiny drug addict who treats everyone around her like garbage and is so selfish and dislikeable that I? Honestly can't even reconcile Phase Two val with Phase One val. They're two completely different people. He's shown on Twitter that he doesn't have any respect for mentally ill people, and it shows. Other mentally ill people might see it differently, but the whole thing just makes me go "yikes".

Never, who has no personality outside of being genderfluid, and whose pronouns make no sense. I'm sorry, I have never met an nb person who insists that you change from male to female pronouns multiple times in a sentence, every time you refer to them. It's confusing as fuck. Now I have been told that Never has apparently received some character development in the last couple books, and if so, fair play, but I quit reading after Midnight, and Never and the rest of the personality-less new characters introduced in Phase Two who just seemed to be 2D Stereotypes to snag Woke Points were a big part of why, so. Development too late, I'm afraid.

(Now, if anyone is looking for a well-written genderfluid character, I recommend the Tawny Man trilogy by Robin Hobb. I have a lot of issues with her as a writer, and unfortunately I hate her POV character which puts me off the series as a whole, but she wrote the Fool/Amber/Lord Golden and their gender identity/approach to sexuality with so much more respect and realism. That is the kind of rep nb people should be getting: 3D, complex, realistic characters whose gender is only a tiny fragment of their personality, not the be-all-and-end-all of their existence. You know. Like cis people get. Nobody wants to be represented by a 2D cardboard cutout stereotype.)

Anyway idk how much sense this makes it just really amuses me that Laundry would include all this rep completely unintentionally and then go on Twitter and remind us all that actually he's a massive asshole via insensitive/offensive tweets about the groups he'd actually done a fair job of including (i.e. Skulduggery has no feelings, mentally ill people should find another series to read, the bullshit about Val being "heteromantic bisexual" on Twitter and then spouting all the "the woman she loved uwu" shit in the books (proving he has no idea what he's talking about), eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY. He can only write half-decent rep when he's not trying and he inevitably outs himself as having a really shitty attitude towards those people anyway, proving that ultimately it's all either unintentional rep or performative wokeness.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp meta #derek landy hate blog #Anon #fire message #anti valitsa #anti val #anti phase two tbh #phase two fans will not enjoy this post

[writinglgbtq]

Hi! I'm an NB author who writes sci-fi romance. One of my pairs is a gay human man and his agender alien spouse (any pronouns, but defaults to he/him because of his history). I'm agender myself, but I'm more worried about it being read as erasure of the human man's sexuality- basically like "oh, well the alien isn't REALLY male"/the "Discount Lesbians" trope on TVTropes. I know that basically any sexuality can be NB inclusive, but help! Thank you!

I think you're maybe overthinking it a bit, but I definitely understand that! In this case, if the agender alien tends towards he/him pronouns, the people who would want to erase the human's sexuality couldn't. Aliens are aliens, and if you skip sex scenes there's not even anything for anyone to infer about his bits to pull any "gotcha!" games with.

My concern is actually the alien being agender. As an agender person myself, and you being nonbinary, I'm sure you know that there is a group of people who get upset about all of the agender representation being non-human creatures. I personally am not one of those people, but it is something to keep in mind that it might upset people.

But, of course, no one piece of media can make everyone happy, so I'm definitely not warning you away from making the alien agender, I'm just wanting to remind you that that is a trope that can upset people.

- Mod Ambrose

As far as “can gay men be romantically involved with nonbinary people” goes, there’s quite a bit of discourse online about it, but most of the opinions against it are grounded in TERF rhetoric, so I wouldn’t specifically worry about that.

- Mod Lex

#mod ambrose #mod lex #nonbinary #writing advice

[ask-lu-wild]

Hey! I was thinking, as long as it's not spoilers, is it possible to get a list of all the characters pronouns or sexual identities? Just so we never mispronoun or misidentify a character, if not, that's okay!

I’m sorting everything out as I go along. Once I get to a certain point, I will do just that. I hope you don’t mind. But I can set things in place as soon as possible.

For now, a lot of the chain uses he or they but maybe some will use she/her or other pronouns. Idk

So far, this is what we know:

Time: Asexual (Wanna do more with Ace Time, one of my fave headcanons)

Wild: Bisexual, experimenting w/ gender (probably genderfluid? IDK yet), possibly demiromantic (I’m still considering... but I posted about it a long while back. I think October)

Legend: Bisexual

Warriors: He/they (Thinking either genderqueer or still male, just uses they/them)

Hyrule: He/they (kinda like masc agender, might go w/ that), might go full they/them, (think that’s p cool)

Again, still working through all this. In fact, this entire blog is half-3/4 improv, I hope y’all know that. In the future, I do want to write more about this stuff but I might not make it the forefront. Keep it for smaller interactions. I’ll keep this in “References”. Whether I edit this list or make a completely new one is up in the air; leaning towards the latter, though.

uhh yeah

cool cool

~A

P.S. Just as a reminder, Author uses they/them too and is stewing in their own pool of unknown gender identity

#author's note #references #father Time #a legendary rodent #link from '86 #handsome knights #fairies we shrank the wild

[iwannawritelots]

Taught To Believe

Originally written July 2022

Masterlist

Genre: angst…?

Characters Active: Lucifer, Barbatos, Lord Diavolo (briefly)

Trigger/content warnings: gender dysphoria depictions

Headcanons/notes from the author: transmasc Lucifer and agender Barbatos (also brief mention of non-binary Simeon)

Brief Blurb: After the fall, Barbatos nudges Lucifer to address his gender dysphoria.

Ever since the fall, Lucifer had distracted himself with work. He didn’t want to look in mirrors even more than before. Despite his prideful nature, there was a force within himself that was tearing up his heart and splitting his head from the inside. The feeling was there before he fell, and he had kept it on the back burner since he was a young angel.

Most nights he could drown himself in paperwork or demonus to numb the discomfort. He knew it was unhealthy, but what else was he to do? Being the avatar of pride, he couldn’t allow an invisible torment to weigh him down. The mirrors would remain covered with sheets and he would dress as modest as he could. No one needed to see his skin, anyway.

Why did his name bother him so much? Perhaps it reminded him of the Father when he heard it… Then again, it wasn’t just his name or body, there was the fact that he felt poison ink in his chest when being called a woman. It felt ridiculous, because he was one, wasn’t he?

Lord Diavolo had sat down with him in the castle gardens for tea. Every time his celestial-given name left the prince’s mouth, he felt knives in his chest. Every time Barbatos addressed him as “lady” he had to blink back tears. Lucifer wanted to ask them to stop, but what reason could he possibly have? Wouldn’t he sound insane to them?

“Young Master,” Barbatos spoke up after standing quietly to the side for a while. “It seems that our guest is having a difficult time.”

Lucifer quickly stood, dress immediately catching on the chair and causing him to stumble. “No, I am alright,” he lied, eyes scanning everywhere but the two before him. “I just remembered, I promised to read to Satan tonight. I must take my leave.” The sound of his own voice caused his stomach to twist.

“Allow us to accompany you,” Lord Diavolo said his name, and Lucifer could no longer keep the tears in. One slipped down his face, and the two before him went deathly silent. Of course, the prince couldn’t be lied to, but he didn’t want to use that to get Lucifer to admit his issue. “Are you… sure that you are alright?”

Lucifer hated the pity in Lord Diavolo’s voice, especially since he was the same man that used distress to get him to vow loyalty. How dare he pretend to care! Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Lucifer shook his head. “I’m quite alright. It was an eyelash.”

Before either of them could stop him, Lucifer hurriedly left the gardens. “Barbatos…” Lord Diavolo turned to face his butler. “Do you have any idea what this is about?”

“I’m afraid I do not. Would you like me to utilize my power, Young Master?” Of course, Barbatos had an idea. He was an observant individual, and as someone who wasn’t necessarily the gender expected of him, he could pick up on it.

“No… I suppose I will have to wait…”

;

Later that night, Barbatos was sent to the House of Lamentation to bring Lucifer unprecedented urgent paperwork. Upon his arrival, he knocked and waited for someone to answer. The door swung open, revealing Beelzebub. “Lord Barbatos?”

“Just Barbatos. I am merely a butler.”

“Right.”

Gesturing to the file tucked in his arm, Barbatos told him, “I am here to give these papers to the Avatar of Pride.”

“Okay.” Beelzebub stepped out of the way, then closed the door after Barbatos came in. “Probably in the office.”

Barbatos thanked Beelzebub before heading upstairs, sighing once he was sure no one would hear. He followed the way to Lucifer’s office, then knocked on the door. “Who is it?”

“Barbatos. I have brought urgent paperwork.” There was shuffling on the other side, then a heavy exhale. When the door opened, Barbatos couldn’t help gasping. Lucifer’s face was flushed, eyes red, and his cheeks were damp from the tears that still clawed down his face. “Still having eyelash issues?”

Lucifer growled, but it didn’t frighten Barbatos one bit. “Just give me the paperwork.”

Handing over the envelope, Barbatos couldn’t help but search for some sort of sign that Lucifer may tell him what was wrong. Perhaps he was misunderstanding the cause of so much distress? “If I may—”

“You may not,” Lucifer snapped. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. I’m frustrated enough.”

“What has you so frustrated, exactly?” Barbatos didn’t understand why he cared so much. Lucifer was just another servant, after all; a fallen angel so desperate he gave up his independence to a certain degree. “Perhaps I could help.”

Lucifer huffed, a trembling smile spreading across his face. “I doubt it. I’m just unwell.”

“Unwell?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Lucifer began to shut the door, but Barbatos stopped his movement. “Are demons always so pushy?”

Unwilling to admit he was genuinely concerned for the morning star, Barbatos told him, “I am simply doing as expected with my duty as a butler. If I were to turn a blind eye to your unease, it would hinder Lord Diavolo.” Before Lucifer could argue, he added, “Furthermore, it is obviously an affliction that should not be ignored. Under any assumption I could help resolve some of your discontent, it would be wrong of me not to do so.”

Lucifer was silent for a while. After wiping off his cheeks once more, he opened the door enough to allow Barbatos to enter. The butler did so and sat with Lucifer at the desk, both staring at each other’s faces. “You will think I am insane.”

“I doubt that will be the case.” Barbatos watched Lucifer set the envelope down before folding his hands on the surface of the desk. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on before jumping to conclusions?”

Lucifer fidgeted his feet, then took a deep breath before staring into nothing. “I… have always found discomfort in my… body…” he began, feeling strange saying such. “I don’t like… being called a woman, despite being one. I hate it.”

There was a stretch of silence, and Barbatos half expected to be kicked out of the office. It was as he thought. “I see.” He bit the inside of his cheek, then decided to continue. “I… do not think you’re insane.”

“Liar.”

“Let me finish,” Barbatos insisted. When Lucifer didn’t say anything more, Barbatos went on, “I have never felt like a man or a woman. Neither of them are exactly the correct word for me. There may not ever be a word that resonates with me quite right.” Barbatos made a weak smile. “I do not know if that is the case for you, but as far as I can tell, you are probably suffering from gender dysphoria.”

“Gender… dysphoria…?” Lucifer knitted his eyebrows and stared at his hands. “Is there… a term for it celestial tongue…?” Barbatos thought for a moment, then uttered the phrase. “Oh…” A few tears rolled down Lucifer’s face. “Oh… Simeon… has that…”

“How do you mean?”

“Simeon told me once, they have similar feelings as you…” Lucifer mumbled. “When they went to speak with Michael, he was very nice about it… saying many angels have an issue in creation…” He felt his chest tightening with panic. There was no way he didn’t realize something like this about himself, right? Surely there was another explanation! He was a perfect vision… “We began to use more neutral terms for Simeon, and they… felt better…”

Barbatos wasn’t sure how to properly help. The fallen angel was trembling with crushed pride. “Have you perhaps been… ignoring your needs out of… stubbornness?”

“I…” Lucifer choked down a sob, then muttered, “So what? I can’t… just… I’m…” Words failed to come to him, and a frustrated, tiny scream left his lips as he buried his face in his palms. He ran his hands over his forehead and through his hair, violently shaking from having to deal with reality now that it was out in the open. “Surely I can’t take care of it under Lord Diavolo’s oath. He wouldn’t stand it. I-I mean, he doesn’t call you neutral terms, so why would he change anything for me, the fallen angel?”

“I continue to use masculine terms because it doesn’t bother me,” Barbatos told him gently. “Every person with gender dysphoria has different needs. I simply feel no gender suits me. I present myself as I see fit.” He could tell Lucifer was listening, so he continued, “My question is, do you feel that any gender suits you outside what you were taught to believe?”

Trembling and crying, Lucifer shrugged and hid his face behind his hair. “I haven’t even entertained the idea, s-so…”

“Alright…” Barbatos very carefully laid a hand on Lucifer’s head, mustering a kind smile. “We can take this slowly. It will be alright.”

“Thank you…”

reblog divider

#angst #lucifer #luci #trans lucifer #transmasc lucifer #barbatos #agender barbatos #trans barbatos #obey me! one master to rule them all #obey me! shall we date? #obey me! #obey me #om! omtrta #omomtrta #om! swd #omswd #om! #om #fanfiction #fanfic #darlingficsbycinna #iwannawritelots

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Abuse and Gender Expression - Gender Thoughts Part Three

Huuuuuge trigger warnings for peer abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, religious abuse, a murder attempt and mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder. 18+ talk of sexual activity also included. Discretion advised!

.

I feel like the first time I realized I needed to perform high femininity to be accepted was in sixth grade. I was slotted into a rotating elective class, and the first one was a careers class. That careers class was utter hell for me. Every single day, I was tormented by an entire classroom of about twenty of my peers. I was bullied, no, abused for being fat and ugly and weird. I was called a whore, and told the only way I could ever be loved was someone raping me. Things were thrown at me, I was shoved down and tripped. I was bullied for my special interest in Transformers. I was told I was so fat and ugly I should be killed and be made into meat and cheese and fed to starving people because that was my only worth. Every single day I was told I should kill myself in varying ways. And all of that is just a quick summary. It was intense and brutal abuse for an entire semester, and I distinctly remember a day where there was a literal pool of tears on my desk. I couldn’t understand. I reached out to the teacher for help, and genuinely can’t remember exactly what he said. All I know is that he simply watched, and sometimes even joined in with “jokes” of his own. This was also the year abuse from my mother amped up, and home was a warzone--we were constantly arguing, and she became a professional at gaslighting and poking and prodding me until I exploded so I could be blamed for fighting back. My father would vacantly stand by and remind me not to fight back. This was also the year I began to self harm as a way of release. 

I remember thinking that if I looked more like the girls in my class, I wouldn’t be bullied so much. I was told I was ugly and unlovable, so I thought that if I performed more femininely, maybe I could be like those who tormented me and therefore not be a target. I thought there was something inherently wrong with the way I presented myself. I convinced my mother to take me to the store, and I bought wedge heels and gaudy jewelry I did not like to wear with my uniform--replacing my autobot necklace and sweatband. In another class I was teased for not shaving and for having ugly feet, so I learned to paint my nails, file my heels, and shave every bit of hair on my body--the echo of my father saying that since I grew pubic hair, I was now a woman and held accountable for all of my sins an echo on the cusp of my mind. I did everything in my power to be more pretty and girly. I used to be loud and rambunctious, and began to go silent and demure.

I remember walking up to the class in the new get-up that was certainly not me. I felt that I would be accepted but as I walked up...I fell flat on my ass. I couldn’t walk in the heels. They all pointed and laughed at me, and the abuse continued in even higher intensity. It was until the next semester that I fought back by throwing a desk at two of my abusers who followed me to the next rotating elective, screaming and snarling at them to leave me alone. Those two in particular stopped, but abuse from others continued for many years in many instances. I developed an eating disorder, continued self harming, and began to try and form femininity and “attractiveness” to the best of my ability. I added things like bows and kitty ears and flower crowns to my wardrobe--sure they were cute, and I did like them in a way, but it felt like putting on a costume or some sort of womanly obligation. It didn’t feel like me. Years later, I was told by someone I trusted that I was “too fat to wear pants”, which I internalized and began to only wear dresses--same thing with feeling like I was wearing a costume. I tried to be beautiful. I wanted to be butch, be myself, but I felt that if I was a cute and girly girl, demure and sweet, I wouldn’t be a target. I would be loved. 

And so I locked myself away. 

My relationship with my mother was a rocky one. She is definitely a sick and broken person, but I doubt she will ever get help. She swings between extremes, and I was always her doll and punching bag. She had a habit of pushing and pushing, finding all the littles holes in me that triggered autistic meltdowns and despair. She criticized everything about me, from my weight and height to my blaming me for how tangled my hair was. She entered me in sports and spelling bees with gentle but insisting prodding about how good I would be when I would rather be reading or playing, and when I got frustrated she would say it was my choice...when in reality I just wanted her approval. When I got older, and especially after my father killed himself, I began to fight back and question her authority though--sometimes violently. She didn’t like that, and was violent right back, and oftentimes first. I struggled my whole life with blaming myself for my outbursts and reactions, but through therapy I have learned I was a child being gaslit and abused, shown that violence was the only answer… And through therapy, I have learned to do better and grow. The worst instance of abuse was me having an autistic meltdown where I said that we should both just die and her response was to pull out a gun and point it at me--I collapsed down into our trash covered room (I was forced to share a bed with her) and pleaded with her to stop. She threatened to kill me and help me out since I was so suicidal, then turned the gun on herself and threatened to kill herself, in which I had to talk her down. When the gun was down, I fled in a flurry of tears and barely contained screams. It was truly the most horrible moment of my life, and I still struggle with the ptsd of that moment to this day. I was only fourteen.

All that background to say, my mother was extremely possessive of my body. She seemed to love to touch my breasts and butt, jerk me around, slap my butt, watch me get dressed. When I begged her to stop, she would tell me that she made that body and could do whatever she wanted to it. I found messages on her phone of her talking to guys about having sex with me and stealing my panties. She wouldn’t let me do my own hair because I couldn’t do it right. She wouldn’t let me bathe alone until I was over ten years old. I didn’t ever have my own room until I was 18 and shared it with my partner. She never let me play with my hair and kept a close eye on what I wore. This combined with my very religious Christian father, who said things like “if you know more song lyrics than bible verses when you die, you’ll go to hell” and the aforementioned accountability, along with things like letting me know he loved God more than me and always seeming to walk in while I was changing… I always felt owned by something. I never felt like my body or my identity belonged to me alone. And so it was extremely difficult to explore myself.

Sexual exploration became an outlet. I was asexual and didn’t possess sexual attraction or a desire for coital sex (still don’t), but I enjoyed kink play with my partner and playing with myself. I enjoyed porn, mostly stories. I always felt drawn to mlm porn, but never understood why. I saw myself in the big, fat men of the stories. I wished it could be me, wished I was a big hairy man like that. Wished I could be loved like that. Reading those types of erotica always got me off and made me feel relaxed and fulfilled, no matter what kink it regarded. Of course my mom would slutshame me without even knowing what I got up to, but sexual activity and pornography helped me find solace and ownership of my body. When I was aroused and taking care of myself, being taken care of, or taking care of someone else, I felt like I was finally in control of my body and my happiness. I had been sexually abused in different ways by different people throughout my life, and finding a certain safety and security in the kind of sexual activity I explored made me feel like...me. I found myself in those big men, but still didn’t make the connection that I was not cis. 

It wasn’t until many years that I began to question my gender. First nonbinary, then agender, then genderfluid, then bigender, then nonbinary again, now finally transmasc. I am autistic and struggle with a resistance to change. I have struggled with shifting my name because it feels like a betrayal to become something new. So I have become Charis instead of Charissa...but I think I may be Myles instead. Since I have struggled with abuse and feeling owned my whole life, it is scary to take my self creation into my own hands. People I am close to have expressed concern and dislike for my transition--especially my mother. I came out to her two days ago over the phone when she guessed I was transgender--or “wanted a sex change” as she put it. She outed me to her anti-lgbt boyfriend without my consent, and now they want to have a discussion. She cried and told me it was too much and she couldn’t talk yet. I am still unsure of what to do about it. I know my mother is broken, and has come far from the cruelty she was once capable of--but she still swings. I see those shattered pieces and their sharp edges and know they have the ability to cut. It is terrifying. 

Coming out, especially after so many years of abuse, has been absolutely terrifying and difficult. I am still navigating how to do it, especially with a name change. The clinic I am going to for hrt screwed up with their scheduling and had to reschedule me for later this month, a frustrating thing. I am looking forward to starting hrt, but also scared how people will treat me once those changes begin happening. Even with these fears and struggling with my interpersonal relationships...this is the greatest choice I have ever made. It is my truth and my freedom, and I will fight against that fear to become my most authentic self. I have an incredible partner by my side, and with their support and my own self love, I can do anything. 

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #transmasc #ftm #ftx #nonbinary #transman #writing #writerscreed #writers on tumblr #twcpoetry #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #abuse #ptsd #cptsd #trauma #actuallytraumatized #peer abuse #bullying #performative femininity #gender #gender identity #butch #bisexual #mlm #nblm #nblw

[hottest-mf-that-has-ever-existed]

Chuuya-san.

Author's note: Please excuse any mischaracterization or inaccuracies as this is my first time ever writing fanfiction and I did it in 2 hours without breaks at 5 am.

Written from Akutagawa's pov, Chuuya's pronouns in this are he/they, Gin's - she/they. I hc that Aku is agender but you can read them however you'd like as it's written from 2nd person! All of the relationships are platonic but if you wish to interpret them differently feel free to do so! (except for Gin and Aku, they are siblings.) Dazai is only mentioned.

This is weirdly focused on Chuuya but I am a Chuuya simp so thats fine ❤

CW: some references to canon abuse

-

Chuuya Nakahara had a pretty small build for a person in their early 20's, they were only 5'3" tall to be exact, but he felt larger than life whenever they entered a room, air instantly buzzing with overwhelming energy that instantly made you feel excited or on edge for what's to come with his arrival depending on the situation.

You knew that Chuuya would never intentionally hurt anyone who is innocent and had nothing to do with the thing or situation that had pissed him off but sometimes it was truly terrifying, feeling the anger (and sometimes even grief after missions with tons of casualties, you never understood how can the executive mourn disposable people he didn't even know) rolling off of them in waves, consuming everything. It was the effect that they had on others. The mafia life taught to become emotionless in order to become stronger and better but Chuuya used his feelings as a deadly weapon instead.

You couldn't help but admire it even if you couldn't relate at all. Your own emotions always felt like they consumed you in a way you couldn't control which made you feel weak. It felt truly pitiful to be this way, to be overwhelmed by something as simple as that. You guessed Dazai never really got it out of you. The only thought you can form about this matter is that you are a lost cause. Pathetic. No matter how hard you try, never enough.

Chuuya wasn't like you. Chuuya was strong and kind to his subordinates to the best of his ability. You wished you could keep your temper in check. You wished you weren't so violent for no reason but you couldn't help it. Violence has seeped into your very soul and bones a long time ago, never leaving. You wished Higuchi would finally stop worshipping you for her own good. It made you feel uncomfortable, the way she reminded you of yourself while you still longed for Dazai's approval. They say that pain only makes you stronger but you only felt worse and worse after every bullet or kick that came.

Chuuya was far more kinder, you appreciated it even if you didn't really know how to accept it but tried you best. It's hard to accept nice things when you've never had them before. It makes the past more painful, when you realise how truly bad it was.

You and Gin knew that from first hand experience. It was hard to suddenly have a far better life. You both still mainly visited thrift stores to buy clothes for yourself as you did in the very beginning after joining Port Mafia because having this much money still seems unreal and going to expensive stores for yourself seemed scary even if you knew that it wouldn't impact your finances. Old habits die hard, you guess.

Chuuya liked to drag you both to high end stores though so you just buyed expensive gifts for each other because it felt easier, to give to them than to spend it for yourself. Chuuya always seemed a bit sad in the beginning when they realised that you hadn't bought anything for yourself but he didn't push it which you were thankful for. They still made sure to let you know that they immensely appreciated the gifts and the time you spent with them. It made you feel nice, knowing that you can make someone you care about somewhat happy. Chuuya bought gifts for both of you too as he had figured out you wouldn't get anything unless someone gifted it to you. Now it was a fun unspoken game between you all, noticing what the other was eyeing and then buying it. Or sometimes just noticing something the person would like, you all had gotten really good at guessing or knowing exactly what to get.

You often bought Chuuya expensive wine and pretty hats while Gin really liked flowy dresses and fun accessories. Gin in turn got you tea and beautiful, handmade tea sets that you couldn't get enough of even if you didn't get to use them much with how busy you were. Chuuya often travelled so they got you tons of interesting antique stuff from different places, you especially liked the calligraphy. He also has gotten you some of your favourite clothing pieces, they had an eye for that kind of stuff. Your most favourite was a black long dress that reached to your ankles. It made you feel really pretty whenever you twirled in it.

Seeing For the Tainted Sorrow in action was thrilling, it felt like your blood was singing at the raw display of power, the control with which Chuuya manipulated the gravity never ceased to amaze no matter how many times you worked with him on the same field or sometimes regrettably watched from the sidelines for whatever reason. Sometimes it was because you were too injured to go on, other times it was because Chuuya needed space to deal with it alone without hurting anyone from your side.

You hated being useless, always striving to prove yourself, whenever it be Dazai, Chuuya, the Port Mafia, yourself, or still Dazai even after he left. Thinking about it left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You tried to let go of your obsession multiple times over the years while he was gone from your life but he had left too much big of an impact to erase. You felt like you could never escape so you just stopped trying to fight it and are still fighting for his approval even if the weretiger said you had already gained it. You wished you could believe it but there was just too much pain, the wound never closing even after that single time Dazai did finally acknowledge you.

Gin despised him for what he'd done to you even if they tried to conceal it to the best her ability. Instead they tried to spend as much time with you as possible which was nice, you loved spending time with your sibling whenever it be "forcibly" shopping with Chuuya or just eating dinner at your house (sometimes also with Chuuya as they seemed to love worming himself into your lives. You didn't mind and hoped they knew that too as you weren't too good at showing it). You often wore the black dress Chuuya bought during dinners with him as they always seemed to look happy whenever you wore anything that they had gifted. Gin really liked the joy Chuuya brought in your home and you couldn't help but secretly agree. It kinda felt like you finally had your own little family even if you felt like you didn't deserve any of it.

Sometimes you all even hanged out with the Black Lizard at the headquarters during lunchbreak. They were a rowdy crowd but it was still pleasant to see people that cared about Gin and Chuuya. It made it feel like there maybe is something good in this cold, unforgiving world.

end.

#platonic chuuaku #nakahara chuuya #akutagawa ryunosuke #gin akutagawa #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #my art #my art 2021 #fanfiction #bsd fanfic