Tumgik
#just an overall nostalgic night i suppose
halfmoondaze · 1 month
Text
Flickering Desieres
A fic collaboraton with @heavyhitterheaux
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Born and raised in Y/H/T, Y/N knew from a young age that she wanted to be a singer and that she wasn’t going to let anything get in her way of her dream becoming a reality. 
She would go on to perform in local bars and coffee shops that were known to have open-mic nights and spend the rest of her time writing her own songs and posting videos of her singing on Tik Tok. 
She posted a song that she had written called “Drowning in the Blue” on the platform, not thinking much of it. However, the song quickly gained traction and went viral, amassing over 230 million views. 
As the song gained popularity on Tik Tok, she quickly caught the attention of music label executives who were eager to sign her. 
After careful consideration, she chose the small independent label “Adagio Records Co.” And the rest was history.
Every single time an opportunity presented itself, she would sing. Whether it be around the house, performing for family, or local talent shows. When she saw an opportunity to sing, she took it.
Meanwhile, Jack had just finished filming his latest movie starring Matt Damon and Casey Affleck called “The Instigator” in Portland. Overall, Jack felt more inspired than ever to go back to the studio and create new music. The last thing that he ever wanted anyone to think is that he was leaving music behind for acting, because that definitely wasn’t the case.
“Look if it isn’t the movie star.” Urban said as Jack entered the recording studio.
“Hey man.”
They did their secret handshake as Jack sat down next to him.
“How was Portland?” Nemo asked.
“Wet.” 
They started laughing from Jack’s response and Nemo just simply shook his head. 
“The label got me this list of the possible female singers we could bring in for the feature” DJ Drama said as he sat down. 
“Shoot, let’s hear it.” 
“Doja Cat?”
Jack thought for a second. “No” 
“SZA?”
“No”
“Y/N?”
Jack pauses for a moment. 
“Who is Y/N? I’ve never heard of her. Is she a new artist?”
“Her song blew up when she posted it on Tik Tok not too long ago. Since you hardly ever go on there, I didn’t really expect you to know.”
As Jack quickly learned about Y/N’s music, he became captivated by her sound as a singer which was something unlike anything he had heard before. A sound that was both fresh and somehow nostalgic. With hints of 90’s R&B, soul, and smooth jazz; mixed with contemporary pop. He found her songwriting skills impressive and authentic. He was hooked. 
At this point in time, the choice was obvious and he couldn't wait to meet her in person.
He felt as though this would be a good move for him seeing as the most he ever did with another female artist was hop on the remix version of a song. However, this time they were starting from scratch and knew that this was something that his fans had been waiting for. New features with new people.
It was true that he was worried about the hype surrounding him and his career dying down, but knew for a fact that as soon as he made the announcement surrounding the single being released, it would pick back up. 
That morning, Y/N showed up early to the studio wearing a men’s button up shirt as a dress, knee socks and sneakers wanting to be comfortable for however long that she was going to be here for. 
“Y/N, you must already know Jack.” DJ Drama introduced her.
Jack went in for a hug but Y/N stopped him reaching out for her hand for him to shake. 
“It’s nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you.” 
Jack smiled. 
“Good things, I hope” he joked as he shook her hand. 
Jack went on and introduced Y/N to Urban and Nemo. 
“We are glad to have you here. Thank you for helping us out” he smiled. 
“Happy to help.” 
“Would you like to go over the song?” 
“No, I’m good,” she said as she entered the recording booth and put on the headphones. 
Jack was taken back by her confidence but thought it was very attractive.
“Ok. Whenever you’re ready” he said. 
That’s when Y/N who was supposed to sing the chorus to his song “Locked In” however, she completely changed the lyrics and Jack stopped her mid performance. 
“Can we stop?” Jack asked as he looked over at Nemo who simply nodded his head.
Nemo stopped the track and waited for the both of you to agree on the next steps.
Y/N takes off her headphones and turns to Jack wondering what the problem was, but deep down she knew.
“Those aren’t the lyrics” he said and turned to Nemo. “Do you have a copy of the lyrics you can give to Y/N?. 
“Oh, I know what the lyrics are” 
“Then why aren’t you singing them?” Jack asked not understanding what was happening at the moment.
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, I was told to come here to help you with your lyrics which is what I did.” 
“Excuse me?” 
“Your label approached me to help you write a hit. And that’s what I'm trying to do."
“My last album was very successful.” 
“I don’t think an album that scored 2.9 on Pitchfork would be considered successful.” 
Jack looked at her stunned, not knowing how to respond.
“No offense, but your music is on a surface level” you replied not missing a beat. “You talk about all this generic stuff like proving your haters wrong, bragging about your conquests…nothing groundbreaking” you paused. “You never reveal anything about yourself.”
Jack clenched his jaw as he crossed his arms, but he didn’t look away from you as you were talking to him.
“I’m sorry?” he raised his brow, feeling a mix of surprise and irritation. No one had ever challenged him like this before.
“You’re not really saying anything” Y/N pressed. “If you want to stand out, you need to be more vulnerable”
He scoffed. 
“And just spill my dirty laundry into the world?” he shot back. “I’m not doing that”
“Suit yourself” Y/N shrugged. “But don’t expect your fans to care for your music if you’re not willing to be real with them.”
With that Jack left the studio without another word, clearly pissed off because of the exchange that had just happened. 
Y/N turned to look at DJ Drama who couldn’t contain his laughter. 
“Did I say something wrong?” Y/N curiously asked because as far as she was concerned, she was simply being honest with him. 
Jack walked out of the studio and headed over to Craig Kallman’s office who was the CEO of Atlantic Records and he quickly knocked on the door. Hearing his voice say ‘Come in.’ He proceeded to enter.
“Jack, what’s up?” He asked as he looked up at him.
“There’s a bit of an issue with the collab with Y/N. I don’t think she’s the right fit.”
Craig simply looked at him before offering his advice.
“Jack, I know it can be challenging working with a new artist, but I think Y/N can bring a fresh perspective and new life into your music.”
Jack sighs as he sits on the sofa across from Craig’s desk. 
“I’ve built my career on my own terms and I don’t want to compromise my authenticity for the sake of a hit song.”
“We’re not asking you to compromise Jack. We’re asking you to explore new possibilities and push your boundaries as an artist.” Craig says, his tone gentle but firm. “Let’s just call it a day and start over tomorrow; I’ll let Y/N know” 
Jack was feeling somewhat reassured but still conflicted. 
He stood up, thanked Craig and exited his office hoping that things would go better tomorrow
85 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
prompt: requests plot of Gojo with a half human/cursed spirit MC. lost the original request in the recent glitch shuffle.
Gojo took a long drag of his cigarette and blew it out. The smoke making a long, mysterious trail in the moonlight.
He’ll never forgive Shoko for getting him hooked on these as a kid; trading bad habits of her smoking and his defiance of authority when they were younger. Like her, however, he doesn’t smoke often. Only when he was feeling nostalgic about the past. As if the smoke & nicotine was some kind of incantation for unlocking the memories.
He turned to look over at the other side of the bed at [Y/N]. Sleeping. He’s often jealous of how well they could sleep, as he was often kept up by ghosts of the past. [Y/N] was more of the opinion ‘the past is the past. keep pushing forward.’ So, she had a lot less sleepless nights.
Taking another pull of the cigarette, Gojo remembered when he first met her. Angry, defiant, snarky. Of course, she was still all those things. It tampered down a little bit over the years. Smoothed the rough edges. He supposed he’d be mad too if his parents bonded him with a powerful cursed spirit. Selling his soul like property, which they didn’t own, and then just abandoning him with all this power he could barely contend with.
Luckily he was cursed with power at birth. So his parents didn’t have to do anything but bask in the honor & glory of a special, chosen child.
They bonded over that. Shitty parents and paths in life.
Despite what anyone said it wasn’t her decision to be the way she was, so he refused to punish her for it. No matter what the old men. They were always scared of unbridled potential. Anything outside the norm was a poison to their ideals.
“Stinks….”
He looked down at the other side of the bed as [Y/N] turned over to glare at him with a sleepy expression. “Do you have to do that in here?”
“No. I guess I could have gone outside.” He took another pull and made no effort to do just that.
“Thinking about the past?” Gojo arched a brow. Surprised she had cracked the code. “You only smoke when you think about Geto and the others.”
He flicked off the ash and didn’t say anything. Not willing to confirm the subconscious theory that he was punishing himself with tobacco smoke every time he thought of his friends. “Hey. Let’s get married.”
“Married?” [Y/N] asked. Clearly surprised by the sudden question as she sat up. “What’s this all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know.” He replied with a shrug. “You like it here, right?”
“That’s not a very good reason to get married.” She told him. “I thought you never wanted to get married.”
“Maybe I changed my mind.” They’d talked about it before. Discussing patterns in life, and when they were getting more serious. Given the state of either of the parents’ marriage, one arranged & one abusive, it hadn’t really sold them on the concept. But, he did love her. And that’s what people did when they loved each other, right?
Or maybe it was just his natural pettiness that when someone told him he couldn’t do something it made him want to do it all that much more.
The bed shifted and [Y/N] reached out to take his hand. “I think you’re thinking about things in and backwards way. You want to protect me, right? But…marrying me isn’t the way to do it. Besides the shit storm it would cause at the school and beyond, we still don’t really know anything about what’s gonna happen to me.”
His all-seeing eyes catch the shadows shift. Which aren’t really shadows, but cursed energy.
There’s never been a recorded record of a vessel like her in existence. Basically half human & half curse. No one was sure if the bond was stable. What that meant for her overall life, if it was extend or shorten it. Nor how it affected the elements around her. She could be completely fine and live a normal life with great power. Or her body could just explode in a burst of red confetti under the weight of her curse.
It was all uncertain.
“Well, I want to be here.” Gojo said. Finishing his cigarette and putting it out. Nostalgia over. It was time to look towards the future. “No matter what happens.”
[Y/N] smiled wistfully and snuggled up into his side. “I told you not to get too attached to me when we met.”
“Hey, what can I say? I like stray cats.”
They both lay back down and try to go to sleep. The smell of cigarettes and [Y/N] shampoo in Gojo’s nose. The past & the future lulling him to sleep.
58 notes · View notes
the-casbah-way · 6 months
Note
What is ur opinions on the actual NatM movies?
overall the franchise is a huge comfort interest for me, the films were a HUGE part of mine and my siblings' childhood like we literally have so many inside jokes specifically relating to night at the museum (my sister and i have an entire parody natm au we wrote together and my brother consistently begins any text conversation with me with this one joke we have about larry daley so). anyway. the second film is one of my top three comfort films of all time i think it's so fucking funny and sweet and it has two of my favourite actors (hank azaria and steve coogan) being not only extremely gay but also extremely sexy (natm octavius definitely served as some sort of bizarre sexual awakening for me) and overall yeah the franchise in general is just so nostalgic and comforting to me. HOWEVER i think the films have issues with how they portray women (see: amelia being a sexualised Girlboss stereotype and forced hetero love interest) and native american people (sacajawea barely gets any screen time or character development, the way custer is portrayed in comparison to her is pretty fucked up and even though him constantly talking over her and mispronouncing her name seems like it's supposed to make him the butt of the joke and not her it's still a weird choice, and i genuinely think shipping her with a fictionalised version of fucking THEODORE ROOSEVELT of all people is like. utterly insane and even when i was a lot younger it made me and my sister viscerally uncomfortable). and i do recognise that my ability as a kid to still enjoy the films in spite of this is a sign of my privilege. so yeah, the films have their faults in my opinion. the third one seemed poorly executed to me but the wholesome message and fun factor was still there (plus tilly the love of my life) so i still enjoy it in a way. i think the first and second film did such a good job at utilising the comic potential in having historical figures (or versions of them at least) interacting with each other in a modern setting (napoleon and al capone teaming up to aid an evil ancient egyptian pharaoh is gold to me) and as a child who was utterly autistic about ancient rome i was very pleased with how well they costumed the roman characters so i have to mention that i'm sorry
8 notes · View notes
hisui-cotton · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
About 4 or 5 years ago I came across a short series called Shamanic Princess and was really enchanted by it. I wanted to to do at least a small write up on it because while it is only about 6 episodes the story is fairly concise. They pack a lot of atmosphere and interesting design/worldbuilding in just a few episodes and it's just really nice. It's not a perfect series by any means but if you're looking for something with interesting character work to check out, this is one I'd recommend and say has the biggest draw because of how the characters bounce off each other. Right now it's available on Crunchyroll but if you're resourceful I'm sure you can find somewhere else if you need to!
Tumblr media
The anime today is Shamanic Princess, a short OVA series by Triangle Staff. There was a short time where Crunchyroll had gotten a bunch of older anime and so I decided I’d check some of them out. This was one I appealed to me because of how few episodes it happened to have, I assumed it may have been something similar to Blue Submarine, where it was a series cancelled before it was done or rushed but the story seems to have a complete round out. As most OVAs go, the experimentation of animation, unique storyline, and overall production makes for a really compelling short series overall. It takes it’s own fun spin on the magical girl genre too taking the “magic” part to be almost tangible rituals.
From a very ominous start we’re introduced to the world of magic that shamanic princess is takes place in with almost persona like shadows lurking about. Tiara, our protagonist, seems to be on alert yet also a bit bratty in some ways too, almost princess like, especially so for a college student. Following what turns out to be a bad scouting mission, Tiara returns home to her “castle” to sleep. The big draw from here on is the missing parts of the story, Tiara is on a mission to “capture” Sarah, whom she almost somberly confronts in her dreams. The next morning she is transferring into a new college, meets an old rival, Lena, to whom we find is also well aware of what Tiara’s mission seems to revolve around. The most OVA like part of this episode comes in this following night. The characters have what seems like a playful rivalry and it only comes to confirm that the characters are not just rivals in this mission but enemies. They fight harshly with spirit creatures they summon and begin to ramp up the fight only for Tiara to be interrupted by Kagetsu, the man who has stolen the Throne of Yord and is using it on Sarah. He doesn’t enter the conversation, or conflict, beyond impeding Tiara. It’s after when Tiara retreats and Lena approaches Kagetsu that their alliance is confirmed and that Lena lays forth that she’ll kill Tiara if she needs to. The episode concludes with a follow up fight where Tiara finally goes to her full power.
A lot of the formula between this episode and the next is this power play. Tiara and Lena going back and forth between their fight and feelings for Kagetsu’s situation. Tiara is the obviously more powerful to Lena and yet Lena is the one standing by Kagetsu. In time we also learn that Kagetsu and Lena were is love, that something separated them and now Kagetsu has taken something from their magical society that is powerful enough to put all three in this conflict. Fairly obviously I suppose, this leads to a love Triangle of sorts, not just where the girls find conflict in love for Kagetsu but where they find the idea of love in eachother similarly. In a lot of ways this is also what kept me around in the story where I could understand each characters desire for connection and love in the way they’ve seen it through each other.
I really love the overall atmosphere through the story though. Theres this feeling of almost cyclical longing throughout the the atmosphere of the story, whether it’s romantic, nostalgic or just to connect with someone in general. Everyone feels lost in there sense of what they want and unsure, yet they know there is something they feel a longing for. In the classes there are two particular moments where this longing is somewhat reflected between Lena and Tiara. When Tiara watches Lena in class, it’s while they have a lecture on the beauty in conceptual ideas like functionalism and rationalism, Tiara even later reflecting she envied Lena, likely for that sense of maturity she emanates and natural sense for logic. Likewise when Lena looks to Tiara they have a lecture on the greek story of Daphne, the nymph turned to a tree. In it Apollo is plauged by cupid’s curse to pursue Daphne who is uniterested in him. In a final act she calls to her father a river god and asks for his help. In hopes that it will save her from Apollo’s pursuit, her father turns her to a tree. Although Lena’s power better fits the story of the girl turned to a tree, I think that Lena’s view on Kagetsu is what’s really in reference here. Lena feels this ever present longing of affection and desire and sees that in Kagestu. Yet it seems that Kagestu only has affection for Tiara and so Lena is left alone with that desire. Even when Lena’s thinking of Kagestu though, there is this feeling of Tiara being the focus of it. She knows the place of Tiara’s affection among the sibilings and recognizes that Tiara did her best to accept Lena into that space. As a result I feel both’s feelings end up being more about eachother than their situation, where they envy the other’s ability to react a certain way to their predicament and as a result pursue that for themselves in the series. They strive to better themselves by becoming eachother in some ways, they see what the other does wrong and yet also see everything that is wonderful about them.
The story definitely tries to rush it’s climax. Just as the story pushes it’s emotional confrontation it spends too much time overexplaining why it is emotional. It tries to play with it as being a taunt from the Throne but it takes so much time and limits so much of the action that it ends up falling flat. It should also be noted a lot of the reviews and notes on this series you’ll see likely say things along the lines of “watch episode 5 and 6 first then 1-4” but I’d say that isn’t necessary. In some ways it spoils the mystique and focus on the emotional story telling of episodes 1-4. You don’t truly have to understand the backstory to understand the emotional stakes of a story. Those episodes are still worth the watch, just don’t feel too pressured to do it in the “5-6, 1-4” order because people say it should have been done that way. You honestly could watch just the first 4 episodes and feel like you have a classic OVA experience of a short contained story by the same logic of watching them out of order. But I’d still recommend it if you like “dark magical girl” as an aesthetic, it’s not too dark but still carries a good maturity in it’s story telling with interesting magical elements. If you have the time and just want to try an older anime, I’d say this is an interesting one to check out.
3 notes · View notes
ecileh · 2 years
Text
a court of rage and fire
sup nestas and nerises, i’m writing a fanfic that is basically just how i wanted acosf to go (feat nesta rage betrothal to eris). some of y’all might appreciate so i wanted to share here. the first chapters are up on ao3
this is an AU that diverges from canon acosf at chapter 58, beginning with the day after winter solstice. there is no deus ex machina or gaping plot hole coming to rescue characters at the last moment. character decisions have final and far-reaching consequences. some of your faves may die, and they cannot be saved. the stakes are high; proceed accordingly.✨
here’s an excerpt:
✦✦✦
Prythian, the day after Winter Solstice.
Her arms filled with a motley assortment of rectangular packages, Nesta rested a moment on the porch of the River House. Despite her overall glowing feeling of love for the Night Court this morning, she still felt a tiny inkling of anxiety. She had never called on the court unannounced. Even though the last few days had passed rather pleasantly, did they really want to see more of her? Even if she came bearing tokens of good will?
She had passed the morning in the bookshop, spending the first dozen or so of the credits Feyre and Elain had given her on everyone but herself. A thick book of what her human family would have called fairy tales—did Fae still call them fairy tales?—with whimsically painted illustrations, for Feyre and Rhys. Not technically for the baby, as it was ill luck to gift before birth, but she hoped they would read the stories to the child. A guide book of herbs and their magical and mundane uses, so old it was browned by time, for Elain. Fashion history for Mor, though Nesta supposed five-hundred-year-old Mor had already lived through much of it. A gilded stationery set for Amren to write letters to Varian. As for Azriel and Cassian, she was not entirely sure if they read much, other than dull strategy books, of which there were few in the bookshop. They did try to encourage pleasure reading there, after all. But the bookshop had allowed her to use credits toward the confectioneries they sold in the little reading lounge in the front of the store. She had noticed from their meals together in the House of Wind that Azriel had a hearty love for dessert, and if Cassian had less of a sweet tooth, well, maybe he'd be eager to eat a few off her bare skin when she returned. She had asked the bookseller to wrap each item for her, and Nesta had painstakingly written everyone's name on their gift with the beautiful calligraphy her mother had drilled into her so long ago.
Nesta debated leaving the gifts on the porch as if to say, I'm a coward and also didn't have any money to buy Solstice gifts until you gave me shop credit. But then she remembered how lovely it had been to spend time with the court yesterday, and how it had made her a bit nostalgic for the holidays she and her sisters had shared in their human childhood. She expected that Mor and Amren might have slept in after the late night, and that the bat boys would likely still be at the mountain cabin, depending on how quickly the snowball fight had been won. But she at least hoped to see Feyre and Elain.
So Nesta knocked, and waited. No answer. The servants would have the day off since the Inner Circle liked to recover quietly from all the Solstice partying, so she tested the knob. Although Nesta expected it to be locked and enchanted, it turned easily, perhaps having been spelled to allow family members in as they wished. She found an empty living room. Thinking to perhaps find Elain in the garden, where she still liked to sit even in winter with little tending to do, Nesta began to head toward the back door.
But the sound of voices behind an imposing, closed door stopped her. It sounded like everyone was in there, all arguing and talking at once.
Nesta knew the door. It was Rhysand's office, which often was used as a formal, private meeting room. Not so private that she couldn't hear from right outside the door, however. Rhysand apparently hadn't thought to seal the room, with no servants in the house, and the House being enchanted against unwelcome guests.
She might have been added to the list of welcome guests, but Nesta was sure they hadn't expected her.
Imagining her presence would be an unwelcome interruption, she almost decided to take the cowardly route of leaving the presents at the door, so she could scurry back to the bookshop to pick up a book for herself and enjoy the reading lounge before making the climb back up the stairs. But a word caught her attention. Her name.
"Nesta's debts—" came from Amren's voice.
"—her choice—!" Definitely Mor.
"—not having this conversation!" Cassian's impassioned voice roared above the others.
Then, silence, and a rush of air from the small space between the parquet floor and the door. Feyre must have taken the air out of the room to quiet everyone for a moment, so her mate could regain control.
Nesta moved closer to the door as a gaping black hole formed in her chest.
Rhysand's voice came on a thin strand of air through the keyhole where Nesta now pressed her ear. Even with her Fae hearing, the door and walls were thick and well-built, and she did not want to miss another word. Rhysand's was no longer the voice of a male arguing with his family, but the pompous voice of a High Lord speaking with absolute power.
"We will put it to vote."
Calm silence was the only response from all in the room.
"I would hear first from my High Lady," Rhysand continued.
"I-I can't. It's not right. We can't keep voting on the lives of those who aren't present. Rhysand, I forgave you, I forgave all of you for voting on me, but Nesta...she'll never forgive us. It should be her choice." The distress in Feyre's voice was evident, even muffled through the door.
"Is it your choice to abstain from the vote, then?" Rhysand asked gently, but with a distant coolness to his voice that indicated the vote would continue, with or without Feyre.
"No." Feyre's voice was ragged with emotion. "I vote that it should be Nesta's choice."
Mor was quick to say, "I vote absolutely not. We can't even tell her. I won't let you do to her what was done to me."
"No one is going to slice her up and nail a note to her belly," Amren said. The words would have been cruel from almost anyone else, but it was Amren's usual blunt tone. "Eris is our ally. Besides, it's my vote next. Wait your turn, Morrigan."
"We will proceed with order, lest we all end up yelling again. Amren," Rhysand said encouragingly.
"Yes. Nesta should go. The bride price, gold or favors, will pay off her debts, and we will cement Eris's alliance. No one is forcing her to actually marry him—she'll have plenty of chances before the final ceremony to back out for any number of reasons, and in the meantime, she can provide the Night Court with insight into Beron and Eris's dealings, and Keir as their close ally as well. It's not like Eris has exactly given us much on either of them, and if Beron or Keir contacts Koschei..."
"You are suggesting that we send Nesta to spy." Azriel's low voice was careful and steady.
"Frame it as a test of whether we can trust her as part of the Inner Circle," Amren replied. "But yes. You would train her until she leaves, a few weeks perhaps, and check in on her regularly. It will cause less distress for Azriel to be our liaison than Cassian, of course. Less territorial male preening, at least."
A pause while everyone mulled this over, though a growl escaped from Cassian. Nesta's heart was pounding as the realization that they were voting to sell her off in marriage sunk in. Rage flowed from a widening pit in her chest to heat every part of her body.
"This is an intriguing play," Rhysand finally said. "Morrigan, your vote?"
Nesta had never heard so much emotion in Mor's voice. Mor was nearly shrill as she said, "No, no, again no. If not no, then give her a choice for Cauldron's sake, but don't let her make the wrong one where she could land in Beron or Keir's claws. You say no one is going to hurt her, but what is stopping Beron or Keir from getting to her if she is found out?"
"Nesta herself," Elain said quietly, with a small, rueful laugh. "She has more power than any of us, truly. And didn't Eris ensure your freedom, in his own way? He is a powerful ally, and the risk seems worth strengthening that alliance, or at least gathering information on Beron and Keir's dealings. I say yes."
Nesta was sure that Elain was out of order, but no one corrected her. The silver flames began to press at Nesta's internal walls at Elain's betrayal, but Nesta tried to count her breaths in the practice of Mind-Stilling to calm herself, lest she burn the entire house away to nothing.
Rhysand said, "That's two votes for yes, one vote for no, and one vote for leaving it to Nesta. Azriel?"
"It should be Nesta's choice," Azriel said slowly. "Having eyes and ears on the greatest dangers from Autumn and Nightmares would be a great boon, I cannot lie. But for it to work, Nesta has to want it. And I will not condone further forcing her into anything. Moving her to the House of Wind has been good for her, yes, but I am not sure we were right for leaving her no choice between that and certain death."
"And I vote no," Cassian finally gasped with fury. "We are not discussing this. She is mine. I will not again be in comp—"
Cassian cut himself off before he could say more, but Nesta could feel the unfinished thought caught in Cassian's throat. I will not again be in competition with Eris. As if she were the consolation prize for neither of them winning Mor over five hundred years ago.
And that phrase. She is mine. It had been one thing to say it in private, when it was the passionate words of foreplay, but to say it behind her back as if he owned her...that was unforgivable.
She would suffer no male to control her.
Nesta stood on the precipice of that black hole in her chest, filling with silver flames that threatened to swallow her and everything in a mile radius whole. She wanted to shatter, but she did not yet allow herself to surrender to the gaping pit.
"Rhys," Feyre pleaded, her husband's vote now the arbiter of a three-way tie between a choice, a forced betrothal, and yet another secret kept from Nesta, who had asked nothing of most of them except for the freedom to live her own life after twenty-five years of having no choices. Anything but her own choice threatened to break Nesta forever.
Nesta did not wait to hear the vote of the High Lord.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40460172/chapters/101360355
98 notes · View notes
philhoffman · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Tonight's Monday Philm is actually a miniseries: Liberty! The American Revolution, first broadcast in 1997. Or, I Watched Six Hours Of This PBS Documentary All At Once So You Don't Have To!
It really wasn't that bad—I'm actually a historian specializing in 19th-20th century U.S. by training 🤓 so while the Revolution is a little earlier than my area of study, I've always had a soft spot for it. Just watching this made me a little nostalgic. I've seen parts of this series before (probably in middle school tbh) and of course I've watched PSH's few bits, but this was my first time watching the whole thing.
Overall pretty good! A little dated, as quarter-century old documentaries are expected to be, and the focus was a little narrower than I might've hoped for from a six-hour series, but it was well-made. SO many actors are in this. Like, I knew several to expect (like Stephen Lang, another favorite actor of mine, voicing Washington), but then Austin Pendleton and Jane Adams and Isiah Whitlock Jr. and Philip Bosco showed up!
I'm curious about how Phil got involved with this project. Released in late 1997, about a month after Boogie Nights, so filmed before his public "breakthrough" in that film. I wonder if this was another role he did, partly like Twister (and around the same time), to afford to move back to NYC lol? Not that it would just be about money—seeing Austin Pendleton pop up made me think he might've gotten Phil involved. And the project is neat, it's history, something Phil probably would've been interested in on his own. We may never know!
PSH is portraying Joseph Plumb Martin, an actual American soldier who kept a diary throughout his wartime service. While doing some research for this post I learned Martin was 16 (!!!) when he joined the militia, so Phil in that first still is supposed to be a teenager lmao. Makes much more sense when you realize Martin was in his mid-20s by the end of the war (the last still) and much closer to Phil's actual age. And like, it's a PBS documentary—they're not blowing the budget on costumes for characters with maybe 2 minutes of screen time—but they still do a pretty good job showing how he became a man over the course of the war.
Martin also kinda has the most character development over the course of the series? He's the primary (maybe only?) American soldier depicted and so carries the burden of portraying the entire demographic's wartime experiences. A little cheesy at times but Phil's sincerity is impressive—his willingness to throw himself into any role without self-consciousness—and I can't lie some of those line readings gave me chills ! Nearly all of the actors do a great job bringing the real diary entries and letters etc. to life—so brash, so funny, so honest and afraid and hopeful.
This series brings up many innate and complicated feelings about my country! Too numerous to dive into here, since this is already a remarkable long review compared to how long Phil is actually in it.
But Phil loved a good July 4th bash so tomorrow, if applicable, make some of his cookie dough s'mores and go see fireworks or maybe just watch him be miserable and freezing at Valley Forge in this series! 🇺🇸
8 notes · View notes
mimi-dracula · 1 year
Text
why I actually think seasons 1-2 were better than the rest
Tumblr media
If it feels like I'm putting a shit ton of stuff about Teen Wolf, that's because I am. The reason for that is... well, I am obviously very opinionated on the show. But I do love the show, despite it's flaws.
This may definitely be one of the most unpopular opinions out there on Teen Wolf, considering everyone and their mother says "Season 3B was the best season of television ever made" and I used to go along with that and agree because I was young and thought if the majority thought that season was the best, then it must be. Now, not so much. Not at all. Now, I stand by my own opinion, which is that Season 1 and 2 were better than every other season.
And to preface this, one of those reasons will certainly NOT be that whole "this could never be that" bullshit that people like to put out there, as though Allison and Lydia are somehow better than Kira and Malia. I love those girls a hell of a lot more than the previous two, in fact. So...
just overall vibes
Tumblr media
I think the autumn-winter element they had in the first two seasons really helped set the tone for the show from the very start. It reminded me of when you'd go to school at that time of year, freezing to the point where you can see your own breath. But you also wanna be out in the cold nights, messing around with friends... it makes me a lot more nostalgic, shall we say, than other shows because I feel like the seasons really make all the difference in this show. It reminded me of Wolfblood, a British show I watched during my childhood and still watch to this day, as that is set in England and is always cloudy and cold. I think the cold and the darkness just adds to the feeling of danger and suspense, even though I have no idea why. I suppose the last thing you wanna do in the cold is run from a giant werewolf beast or a man-lizard.
And I suppose it still felt like a small town to me here. Beacon Hills wasn't the "beacon" that it's described to be later on, there aren't packs and monsters coming in from out of town yet to ruin everything... it's all just inner circle stuff, which I kinda liked. I could keep up with the immediate group that we were following, there was progress being made with each of them. We were in lacrosse season, as opposed to the slightly less thrilling cross country trail scenes. I don't know, the vibes were just a lot better.
the villains were better
Tumblr media
I'm just go ahead and say it. I truly think Peter, Kate, the kanima, Matt and Gerard were the best villains of the show. Why? Because they went far with their shit and they invoked actual fear and anger out of me. They still do when I re-watch it. Peter was diabolical and he didn't care about killing a bunch of kids if it meant he got revenge and he had this whole 80's vampire villain thing going on with Scott where he threatened to turn Melissa in order to get Scott in the pack. Kate burnt an entire house down full of people just because she felt like it was wrong that they existed and continued to try and justify herself. The Kanima was terrifying and probably the most horrific, dangerous creature in the whole show, considering it only took one slice from its claws and even big, bad werewolves like Derek were rendered helpless. Matt was beyond the valley of irritating to the point where he was actually unbearable and yet I enjoyed the tension he caused in Fury, how it was essentially a hostage situation for all our favourite characters. And Gerard was an evil, old man who arrived in town and vowed to kill any werewolf or supernatural creature, whether they were bitten or born, whether they were innocent or not, and he beat Stiles to a pulp just because he could.
The reason why the other villains disappoint me in comparison is because even though they're arguably more supernatural and nothing like we've seen before, they just don't make me fear for the characters at all. They lack the classic horror feel that the others had. They don't freak me out just by looking at them, they don't force characters into tense and impossible situations, they don't have great, personal reasons for what they're doing. And here's where I really hurt the Season 3B lovers... the Nogitsune was a shit villain. Sorry, not sorry. The scenes of Stiles having a dream within a dream within a dream, writing the same thing over and over, having really bad panic attacks, sleepwalking and calling Scott while terrified and upset had me more stressed out and scared than when he was possessed. Don't get me wrong, I don't think Stiles as the Nogitsune was bad at all, I think it was cool as fuck. I thought it was about time that our human, comedic relief character went through the rough of it and became darker, like Willow from BTVS. But the goofy looking silver teeth and bandages was kinda laughable. How am I gonna be scared of a mummy with grills and a stupid voice who tells riddles? Especially when I had a screeching, dangerous freak of nature like the kanima a season ago?
the emotional aspect was better
Tumblr media
Bare with me on this because I'm certain it's gonna be hard for me to explain what I mean. So... what I mean is, there were a lot of emotional scenes in the first two seasons that we didn't necessarily get in the later seasons and if there were, then they didn't hit me hard enough to evoke actual tears. Think about it. In Seasons 1-2, we had deep-cutting scenes of Stiles and Noah, like when he thinks Scott had hurt him and rushes into his arms when he realises he's fine, Stiles trying to get Noah to talk about Claudia while drunk because he usually never does, the awful hallucination he had at the party, Noah going ballistic and losing his nerve when Stiles gets taken during the lacrosse game. We had scenes where Scott is crying in the reserve over potentially losing Allison, we see the shame in his face when Melissa sees what he is and is devastated. We have the scene where Allison has to be pulled aside by Scott because people are talking about Kate close to the funeral and she gets upset, or the scene where she is shouting and sobbing after learning her mother died. Scenes like Jackson begging Lydia to stay with him as he's carrying her towards a crowd of otherwise supernatural-oblivious teenagers at the dance, and him crying as he listens to the others argue over whether to save him. Lydia is going through all kinds of traumatic shit and is having meltdowns every other episode, the one in the ice rink being the most disturbing to me because of how she was wailing and genuinely distraught. Then we see the other characters go through stuff, like Isaac, who was being abused by his father. Erica was being bullied and she still had to go through a seizure even after being turned into a werewolf. Derek telling Boyd to go, despite them both being injured and cornered during the rave.
It's all just so much more heavy to me and I don't really know why. I think everything was just less in-your-face and you had time to really be in the moment. I feared for them all, like all the time. In the later seasons, it all just kinda became less stressful to me, everyone became less likeable (Stiles and Lydia) and I didn't feel what I used to because it just felt like things were done for the sake of bad drama sometimes, as opposed to actual, good character and plot development. Like Allison being killed and Lydia banshee-screaming her name. Or Stiles going missing for an entire season? When I heard that was the premise of Season 6, I honestly just laughed. Like obviously they're gonna get him back, so who gives a shit. It was all just an excuse for Dylan not to be on set for too long (don't blame him) and to make Lydia have this sudden epiphany that she hasn't, in fact, been repulsed or unbothered by Stiles at all, and in fact, was in love with him the whole time. Like, it's just lazy, pathetic and poorly done.
the plots weren't all over the place
Tumblr media
I think these first two seasons do a good job of juggling the different plots within each season, while also having a romance between Scott and Allison and having crucial, silly scenes like the double date at the bowling alley to remind us that they're teenagers. Or comedic scenes like the iconic "my cousin, Miguel" scene with Danny. Or little pieces of backstory and character development, like Erica having a crush on Stiles and them having their "Catwoman and Batman" moments Despite all that in between, I still know what is going on with the main plot.
Whereas in Season 3 onwards, I kinda have no idea what is happening and there were scenes that just felt corny and out of place (and I'm talking REALLY corny). Like the scene were the twins just start beating the shit out of Scott, so he can roar. The whole thing felt like "well, this is gonna be a waste of time" as opposed to the past teaching scenes where Stiles was teaching him control, where at least then I knew this could actually work. In Season 3B, I was so focused on Stiles being in Eichen House and his moments with Malia, that I just couldn't muster up any interest in the "robbing a truck" thing that the others were doing. Season 4, even though I like it because I enjoyed seeing Lydia single for a while and the others in happy relationships and I liked the concept of assassins and the deadpool where no one is safe, I hated the Kate plotline because I hate her and just found her boring in Season 4. I feel like they shouldn't have done that at all and instead, just built up Peter's final masterplan that he had supposed to have been cooking up since Season 2. Cause you're telling me that Peter was sitting out on the sidelines and acting like he was part of the team for 2 seasons and his big plan was to just tag along with Kate near the end of Season 4 and say, "hey, if you get Scott to Mexico, I'll kill him". A bit lame. That whole thing was lame. The Beast of Gévaudan was just stupid to me because it was just awful CGI and design. It had a flat face for whatever reason, had glowing, triangle blue eyes, had smoke coming off it, had a big cheshire cat mouth etc. I would've been much happier if it looked like Peter's Alpha form but bigger, or something, I don't know, a lot more wolf-like. Instead of looking like a big, messed up cat.
11 notes · View notes
anosci · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(61-75 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6])
names and thoughts below cut
61/ PROGedia - Diõscuri (2023) holy shit what is this. prog hip hop? 6???? insane bangers out the gate why is this from R&S? feels like brainfeeder 💯 massive.
---
62/ Sampling Masters - Never Float (2001) this sounds a bit ahead of its time. its not just me right? does this sound like 2001 to you? 2005 maybe… this is a good thing btw
---
63/ VA - D3: Diverse Style from "B" 3rd style Normal (2001) this feels a little dated and amateurish (affectionate) it's a complete mixed bag in style and quality but an all around lovely time. "R4" maybe fav song? there's a lot of good here…
---
64/ VA - D3: Diverse Style from "B" 3rd style Versus (2001) kinda the same story as the "normal" version. maybe a bit weaker overall. the last two tracks are a really strong closer
---
65/ Autechre - AE_LIVE (2016) weird case im not rly including this thoroughly but i found fanmade CUEs and titles for the AE_LIVE releases. so obv i gotta split and organize them. relisten a bit… not to all of it. its cool to have "names" to my favs! (drunk), ceramic, c7b2 slip…
also my least favorite: (rave) get EQ'd gdi
---
66/ Autechre - AE_LIVE 2016/2018 (2020) weird case #2. turns out the newer sets are dif material. fewer beats. it is. RLY GOOD. again with the CUEs and fan IDs, some fav tracks: (flash) holty shit reflected ;_; (cyclone) (2016 ver)!!!!!! "(cosmos) - flute" i could swim in this
---
67/ Herbie Hancock - Future 2 Future (2001) i still have Herbie Hancock associated with like. the old jazz greats. a constellation fixed in the sky. so its wild to me to hear his explorations afterward. smokey jazzy sound sprinkled over breaks and even some bleepy styles. chill.
---
68/ VA - D4: Diverse Style from "B" 4th style (2001) wild variation. putting the diverse in Diverse Style i suppose. im just gonna list some standouts: "Funky Modelling [ATM Remix]" hypnotic! "WOW WOW 220" jf adventure! "manmachine plays jazz [ex.MIX]" classic beat!
---
69/ Initial Y - Dance X 2002 (2001) oh, cheese. i probably shouldve seen that coming based on the artist name. overall not a fan, but also… lol track 6. "Last Regrets -Winter Night Mix-" and (especially) the hidden track are the only ones that truly vibe with me
---
70/ VA - side-c (2001) yeah its another wild ride of genres. im having a good time! standouts: "Believe~Flirtation" sexy garage! "RG14" fun!!! "terrolist_egoist" hits a nostalgic spot "ヒッポカンパス" l u s h, ahead of its time even "雲海に棲む鳥" grasslands rpg vibes!
---
71/ Casiopea - Main Gate (2001) no words just jams
---
72/ Holly Waxwing - The New Pastoral (2023) beautiful and elegant. i feel like i need to study this to learn restraint and intent in design.
---
73/ 4 Hero - Creating Patterns (2001) (i have decided to be extra harsh on dnb albums.) …oh the dnb is stripped back. a sexy jazz fills the space. im still picky about vocals but some of them feel right to me. not quite Groove Aramda but ya. "Eight" is my fav here i think lol
---
74/ VA - Metalheadz Platinum Breakz 03 (2001) (i have decided to be extra harsh on dnb albums.) VA here means Various Alignments with my taste. im far more into the jungle jazzish portions than the darkstep(?). overall: ok. (this is me being harsh)
---
75/ The Railway Raver - You'll Never Get Anywhere By Spending All Day Playing Around With That Bloody Drum Machine (2001) i love railay raver's ear for sound design. id say "gentle synth feel" but this deviates from that a bit. acid tho.
---
5 notes · View notes
annegirl13 · 1 year
Text
Harry Potter Reread Reviews (Part 1)
Note: Given her recent actions, I have decided that I am not giving J. K. Rowling any more of my money. However, I bought these books years ago, before she revealed her true self, and they are comfort reads for me. One of my reading goals was not to reread all the same books, but sometimes I just need an easy listen. I’m going to put the reviews under a cut, because I can’t help blathering about them. The short version is:
Sorcerer’s Stone: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Chamber of Secrets: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Prisoner of Azkaban: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I’ve listened to the first three so far. These were the ones that had come out already when my dad gave me the first book to read. I think the third one had just come out.
Tumblr media
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s (Philosopher’s) Stone — ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
A lot of my feelings for this book are nostalgic. It is a very good first novel I think, but mainly why I love it is the memories that it brings back to me. My dad heard about this book when it was just coming out just getting popular and he also heard all the Christian uproar about “this is about which is this is about magic this is evil. This will send your children to hell don’t let them read it.” Naturally, being a person with an actual brain, my father read the book. Then he handed it to me and said, “Anne, I think you’ll really enjoy this book.”
Enjoy was an understatement. fifth grade Anne devoured this book. in the space of one night, I read all the way up to almost the climax. I remember that I read all the way to almost the climax, because my father – – and his infinite wisdom – – came into my room at 11 o’clock at night and took the book away again. He told me I could finish it in the morning. I have still never quite forgiven him for that. 😉
I think this book is a great starter book for the series and a great debut novel. Because I no longer give the author my money, the only copies of this series I will have in any future classroom will be secondhand ones that I picked up from the thrift store. Because I don’t agree with this author’s actions, I will not be actively recommending them to students, but I’m not about to discourage any of them from reading what is a really good book.
My dad didn’t tell me not to read them, and I go with his philosophy. If you tell a child not to read a book, they’re going to read it to see what all the fuss is about. Better to tell them what he told me about the golden compass series by Philip Pullman. “This author has views that I don’t agree with, and you might find things in this book that make you uncomfortable, but if you want to read it, go ahead and read it.”
(As an aside, I did read the first in that series and liked it OK, but I got really confused in the second book and didn’t ever finish. I’m pretty sure my dad was talking about the author’s views on God in that case.)
Tumblr media
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets—⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I honestly don’t remember a whole lot about reading this one for the first time. That’s probably because I’m pretty sure I picked it up from the library read it in one long session and then proceeded to hunt down the third book like my life depended on it.
Rereading it now, for the 47000th time, I find that it is not my favorite. I still gave it four stars, but I would rank it below the first book. I like the overall story, I thought it was clever, but Gilderoy Lockhart still makes me want to punch him in the face. I suppose that’s a strength of the author, making characters you want to punch in the face. It’s too bad that I also want to punch her in the face now. 🤷‍♀️
Anyways. Book two, decent. I only really return to it because it is the second in the series.
Tumblr media
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban — ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This one is still my favorite. It is the only one of the potter books that I give five stars, and not all of those are nostalgia based this time. I think this book sets up a really really good mystery, and set up an interesting way to solve that mystery and kind of a twist ending.
(On another note, I noticed that the American covers that I grew up with, which I have used as the pictures here, give away spoilers! Especially book 2 and book 3 here. If you read the books, take a look at the cover and tell me that you don’t think it’s super spoilers.)
I love the character development we see for our main trio. I love Professor Lupin. He is probably my favorite part of the book. I think he’s a great teacher. I love the way he helped Neville, who is my favorite character of all the books. I also have to credit this book for sparking my fanfiction debut. Not right as this book came out, but a few years later, I was writing my first Harry Potter fanfiction about Harry’s parents and their friends at Hogwarts.
I do kind of feel that this book is a turning point between the fun adventures of the first two books, and the slightly darker adventures of the rest of the series. This is the one where things start to get serious (or Sirius? 😉)
📕📗📘📙 📕📗📘📙 📕📗📘📙
I’m currently listening to the fourth book. I’ll update after I finish that one and the fifth one. I kind of lump those two together. (Shouldn’t do that if you have the hard copies. You’ll hurt yourself. 😉)
3 notes · View notes
mermain123 · 2 years
Text
Tokyo Mew Mew New episode 2
i loved it
the first episode was great
this one was better
so we still don’t know how mint got involved with ryou and keiichiro. i thought we’d learn this episode but i guess not. they’re saving that for later. very curious what that’s about. but now minto is back to being herself XD. unhelpful as ever at the cafe. her transformation was cool
cute way for masha to get his name.
okay so i a small but really cute detail i noticed about the op. they say something like “it’s showtime again”! a call back to My Sweetheart! niiiice!! (annnd now that’ll be stuck in my head) the op itself seems cute but call me bias and nostalgic....i still currently prefer My sweetheart....
and once more i’m liking how they are developing ichigo and masaya. he seems to really like her so far
also interesting how they all seem to know who the mew mews are ahead of time. in both the original and the manga it was a “where’s waldo” kind of thing
also HI KISH! Hope the anime treats you like the creep you are! (why does he have so many fans again?)
now onto the real meat of this episode
LETTUCE! SWEETIE! YOU DESERVE ONLY GOOD THINGS IN THE WORLD!!
the scarie thing was how normalized she was to the way she’s treated. “they just take their frustrations out on me.” like....that’s not something you should ever excuse.
and then when she activated her powers she’s claearly just so scared and out of control. she’s overhelmed. she’s doing something simmiar to those girls who were her “friends” but here it’s clearly a lack of control and no one was supposed to even be there (she goes to a school pool at night long afte everything would be closed. i doubt anyone else was supposed to be around)
and then ichigo was a real champ! she saw how this girl was treated and said “that’s not right. I'm gonna be her friend and show her how it’s really done”
and she just reached out! so glad the anime didn’t do the fake attack trick thing again. this felt so much nicer.
also sweet how nervous she was at her new job and how supportive the customers were! 
“HELLO! MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER!?”
“it’s your first day isn’t it?”
“y-yes...”
“you’ll do great!”
growing up pudding was always my fav mew mew ut this epiode made it clear lettuce is now at least number 2. we’ll have to see how pudding’s debut goes next week. (yaaaay!! she’s already almost here!!”
overall i liked this a lot!! and i think ichigo’s voice is growing on me. there were maybe 1 or two times that she took me out but overall i’m still liking it more then last week!
can’t wait for next week! please make sure the focus is on pudding and not JUST kish though! because the title and quick preview seemed to emphasize him more then her :(
13 notes · View notes
goldensunset · 2 years
Note
I could be lost in the kh4 SAUCE but I think when Sora is running toward the Darkside in the trailer, I hear bits of the melody of Nachtflugel... sunset I'm having FEELINGS
He just fought for his life against Xehanort, and then again against Yozora, and now in Quadratum...this song is just a reminder of hard he always fights and I can't handle ittttt kh does this stuff so welllll they know how powerful their music is and its ability to make me CRY I JUST WANT HIM TO BE OKAY
so i still don’t…exactly hear it? what i definitely hear is creative bits of dearly beloved intertwined into something with the same vibes of grandeur, mystery, divinity, sorrow, desperation, and just sheer wild beauty that nachtflügel gives off. when first listening to the latter song, it’s kind of all over the place, right? but that’s bc it’s not clear how you’re supposed to be feeling. you actually have No Idea What Is Going On, in a way you haven’t felt since the very beginning of kingdom hearts 1. there’s no obvious single emotion you’re supposed to be feeling towards this mysterious opponent. but it really does feel like a beautiful and desperate cry of grief ringing out underneath the night sky. sora my beloved
there are several parts where i feel like you could insert the main melody in there and it would fit. it’s in the same key i think. there’s a part where the notes are not the same as nachtflügel’s refrain but the rhythm and overall up-down shape of the music are close to the same.
could just be wishful thinking but thematically it would make sense right? i guess we don’t know if nachtflügel is specifically the theme of yozora like in his boss fight and in the car scene afterwards or just quadratum in general bc we hear that motif in the conversation with the nameless star in melody of memory. they’re not talking about yozora but nameless star is obviously connected to him. and we don’t see him in this trailer but obviously he’s gotta be in this game
(aaauggghhh i love this song so freaking much yoko shimomura you are a visionary some day when i’m old i’m gonna hear this again and get so nostalgic i start crying. there’s even already some nostalgia in play, now that we have more info, for a time in which we didn’t have more info. aka i’m nostalgic for as recently as three days ago.)
8 notes · View notes
july13th2004 · 2 years
Text
10th Anniversary Celebration Day 5: Favorite Fanfics (Just a few of them...)
So, for the fifth day of this blog celebration week, I’m going to post a little about some of my favorite fanfics, featuring a couple of writers who have either inspired me or had an influence on my own writing. The first three were written in 2007 and 2008, while the last two were written in November 2019 and at the end of last year, respectively.
I can’t exactly remember when I started reading fanfiction, but it was probably after I started looking at the official Tales series forums that unfortunately shut down at the end of 2013, so I suppose I would say it was around 2006 or 2007. I’ve read quite a few fics in that span of time, though I will say that after I started this blog I kinda stopped until I started posting my own fics about three years ago. I think I also started to privately write my own fics at around this time (2006 or 2007). I remember having a lot of anxiety about posting my own fanfics to this blog up until about three years ago, and I am so glad I finally decided to do it (though I sort of wish I had done it sooner).
Anyway, all five of these fics are about Kranna, so I guess this is another shipping related post...
On the Coldest Winter Night by Cataclysmic Eclipse
A New Dawn by Cataclysmic Eclipse
Unraveling a Dream by Cataclysmic Eclipse
So, like I mentioned earlier, these three fics are older, and while they are all rated T, they are pretty wholesome and fluffy with a little bit of angst as well. I really love this writer’s style, and their fics really inspired me at around the time I was trying to write my own, so rereading these is always kinda nostalgic for me. I also love that music inspires their writing and fic titles, because the same goes for me as well. I think out of the three my favorite has be ‘On the Coldest Winter Night’, because I’ve been really into AUs where Anna lives in recent months.
Now for the last two fics!
Please be advised that the following two fics are rated Explicit. Both contain graphic smut and the first also contains a bit of vulgar language, so please be aware of that before reading.
Next To Me by ZombiesAreGarbageAtKnitting
Just For You by ZombiesAreGarbageAtKnitting
So I first found out about this writer after they left a really nice comment on my first Explicit rated fic, ‘To Feel Every Inch Of You’, shortly after I posted the first part of that fic. It wasn’t until a few months after that that I decided to read their fics. The first one was actually written for Kranna Week 2019, and I was shocked (in the best way, mind you) at the time I read it that someone actually wrote something spicy for one of the prompts. Overall, I like how bold and daring this writer is in their approach to writing smut, and I think that’s what I like most about these two fics (tbh, mine are kinda tame in comparison).
Anyway, I’ll end this post here, and I do hope some of you will consider reading (or perhaps reread) these fics and leaving kudos or comments on them!
2 notes · View notes
alyjojo · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Family Ties 🪢 - November 2022 - Cancer
Overall Energy: The Star rev
This card and King of Cups came flying out of the deck when I first picked them up, I hadn’t even asked anything yet so I put them back, and here they are again as you & your grandparent, which is probably a very strong connection. The Star rev is the feeling of losing all hope, pessimism, possible depression. You don’t feel like you have the support of your family behind you, and don’t have faith that everyone can cooperate with you moving forward, with whatever it is your plans are. It’s important to note that Mom & grandparent don’t seem to be a problem, and maybe you’re just focusing on the frustrating relationships more than the rewarding ones 🙏
Mother: Queen of Wands & 9 Cups
Your mother is a fiery, dominant, confident and sociable person. She probably has many friends and loves to entertain, she’s often the center of attention, is beautiful, and quite charming. She knows how to make an occasion fun, and likes to live life to the fullest doing whatever she pleases. Your spiritual message has The Moon, which is Cancer & Pisces shared energy. Your mother has the same card here, reversed, showing that whatever you’re confused about, any fears or worries you may have, she’s very kind and loving towards you, and tries to be as transparent and honest as possible. Any issues you’re having in the family aren’t with her, on the contrary, you’re probably quite close.
Father: Justice & The World
Dad’s side is intense. There isn’t much detail for me to go into, it’s probably not that important, you know your own story. But, every card here is major arcana, whatever he has gone through in his life, possibly in these family dynamics, are 100% karmic in nature and were supposed to happen exactly how they happened. Hopefully…that’s comforting. Knight of Wands shows him being a fly-by-night kind of exciting & spontaneous person with little follow through and unreliable relationships. The Emperor can show him having grown in many ways since those days, and life has probably kicked him in the arse more than once or twice. Justice shows him coming out ahead of the game in the right way, The World shows the closing of a cycle. Whatever he’s done, he’s realized what he needs to be vs. whatever he was before.
Siblings: 6 Swords & 7 Wands
Your sibling…probably one, or at least there’s only one with issues. It doesn’t seem like it’s between you, it’s between them and your mother. They left whatever drama behind, could have been arguments, they could have felt like they needed to stand their ground or stand up for themselves. They could live a distance away from you, not just 10 minutes or so. Knight of Pentacles rev shows there’s absolutely no movement whatsoever in this connection, it’s at a forever standstill, unless something were to change somehow. That would probably be up to them, not you. You also could be the one that’s defensive simply because they’ve gone away.
Grandparents: King of Cups & The Sun
One grandparent in particular, could be Scorpio with two of their cards here, has a very deep bond with you and makes you very happy. You’re very nostalgic about them and your childhood, they’re someone that loves deeply and they’re very protective over you, or maybe you are their favorite. The relationship between you & them is deeper than most, you two bond on a level that’s unspoken & simply understood. They know you deep down, probably because they recognize themselves in some way 😎
Spiritual Ancestors: Page of Swords, The Moon, Ace of Swords & 6 Wands
Beautiful ending to a beautiful reading. You don’t have much faith, because you’re stuck in Moon energy, which is kinda just your day to day energy vs. most people where it’s just a phase. You internalize all of these fears, worries, and worst case scenario imaginings…what about all the things you don’t know? But the advice here is to simply talk about it. Sibling is clearly not the one, but everyone else here is more than willing to open up and set the records straight with you. No one knows what’s wrong unless you tell them. Ace of Swords with 6 Wands, once you get clarity, you’ll come out victorious. The Sun & Temperance. Everything really is just fine, most of the anxiety is about things that live in your head ❤️
1 note · View note
universalistotalis · 3 years
Text
Too Far
Angst!!!
Atsumu Miya x Female Reader
Word count: 1.5k
Loving Atsumu Miya was absolute bliss. You loved every second of his affection, his skin, his warmth, his laugh, and his jokes. That giant bastard may be a crackhead to his friends and family, but with you, his affectionate side just pops out of nowhere. His eyes filled with love when he looks at you. His arms opened so wide to envelope you in an embrace so tight, your feet lift up the floor with ease. His words laced with care and love with a hint of playfulness at the side and they never failed to make your insides scramble everytime.
You shake your head from the daydream that you’ve consistently been having since the start of the relationship.
God, you loved him so much, didn’t you? You gave your whole world to the man of your dreams. You sacrificed time, effort, patience, you name it, just to have one second by his side.
And because of that love, you became an absolute fool.
Who were you kidding, right? THE Great Atsumu Miya will never settle. Who were you to tame that wild beast? How special did you think you were when he had a sea of people under his spell, his command?
Just face it, you’re nothing to him.
And so you did. You left your shared apartment after waiting for him to come home for the nth time. Who knows where he was, who he’s with, what he’s doing. You were done thinking of an imaginary Atsumu who will love you wholeheartedly. That’s just not going to happen.
After many sobs and insecurities flooding in, you were ready to face the world again. Even more ready to face Atsumu. He’s nothing to you now. There were no grudges held in your heart. There were no tears in yours eyes. But more importantly, there was new love formed in your chest and that’s reserved for the most important person in your life. You.
“Damn, y/n!!! What happened to you?!” One of your friends cheered as you met to go to a club on a Friday night. Work was pretty hectic lately and you all agreed to a well- deserved night out.
“No kidding, you’re literally glowing!!!” Another hyped and slapped your ass playfully as you walked through the doors. “Let’s get wasted tonight!!!”
And my god, your whole group did. You all danced to your heart’s content, ordered liquor until your head got rid of all inhibitions, laughed at each other’s faces and jokes… overall, it was a night to remember.
“Y/n?” You heard a voice behind you followed by your right wrist being cased within the hands of another.
You were just on the verge of getting sober so you wonder if the image right in front of your eyes was real or not. He used to stand with his chest puffed out in confidence but now, he looked deflated. Under his eyes were dark circles, proof of him not sleeping well. His usual playful demeanor was gone and the man in front of you now looked so lost, confused… lonely.
“Atsumu?” You squinted, not believing the sight in front of you.
“It really is you.” He slurred and you had a whiff of liquor on his breath. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been doing great, Miya. Thanks.” You smiled, genuinely.
“Where’s my sweet nickname?” He joked. “You look so damn happy celebratin’ with yer friends tonight, huh? That happy to be rid of me, ain’t ya?” He chuckled darkly.
You were taken aback with what he said. What does he have to do with you having a great party?
“Miya, don’t do this right now. I have to go.” You tried to excuse yourself from his intrusion.
“I hate it. I hate it so goddamn much.” He whispered, closing the distance between you two and caged you on the wall behind. “I’ve been a mess since ya left, sweetheart. Seeing you having the time of your life makes me feel so damn angry. Am I that easy to forget?”
“Atsumu, I—“
“Come back to me.” He puffed. “Come back to me and I promise to treat ya right. I’ll do everythin’ ya want, just please… I love you.” His voice faltered at the end as whimpers of his cries followed. Never in your whole life did you think you’d see him break down because of you. But here he is! AND you never thought of hearing those three words with utmost sincerity from his lips. But again, here he is!
A nostalgic smile lifted from your lips and Atsumu stared at it for a while. The alcohol in his system was enough to make himself go haywire but your smile sent him spiraling. He meant what he said. He missed you to death. He needed you back.
“Come back to me, please.” He repeated and leaned his forehead on yours.
“I’m sorry, Miya.” You said as you held his face in your hands. “Thank you for being honest with me. But it’s too late. I’ve moved on from everything and you should too.”
His head violently shook no as more tears spilled from his eyes. He’ll do everything for you except let you go. “I’ll be better. Please, I’ll be better! I’ll try my best to keep ya, baby, that’s how much I love you! I can’t—“
“Then try your best with the next person because it won’t be me, Miya. I hope you understand.” You said while wiping his tears. “That relationship was too toxic for me and I can’t go back.”
“I’m sorry.” He said, voice too slow and too low to even hear but you did. “I’m so sorry.”
“Atsumu! You prick!” Your head whipped to the left at the familiar voice that boomed. Osamu barreled over to where you were but his steps slowed as he saw your figure caged inside Atsumu’s arms.
“Y/n.” He said, as if in a daze.
“Hi Osamu.” You greeted awkwardly since Atsumu’s stare is still hard and focused on your face. The alcohol seemed to have a toll on him and he was beginning to doze off. Either that, or he still did not process what you’ve been saying.
“Stop it, man.” Osamu came behind his twin and caught him by the collar. He turned to you next while carrying a limp Atsumu in his embrace. “I’m sorry for his behavior. He drinks more than he can take. He’s been out of it since… you know… your break up.”
You smiled sadly. “Oh.” Well, what were you supposed to say to that?
“Y/n!!! Come back here!” One of your friends saw you and waved you to the table.
“That’s my cue to go.” You smiled.
“Yeah.” Osamu nodded.
“Osamu, you’re here!” Atsumu woke up from his reverie and comically hugged his brother, surprising the both of you.
“You know what? Y/n was here! I told her I love her but she didn’t believe me! Tell her! Tell her for me! Maybe she’ll believe you! Help me man, I can’t lose her!”
Your chest burned at the sight and at his words. How you longed for him to say those three words in the past. But it’s just too late.
“Stop it, Tsumu.” Osamu whispered, heart aching for his twin. He saw how broken he was these past few months but then it was his fault after all. He shot you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry for this again. Take care, Y/n.”
“Take care too, Osamu.” You smiled. “Take care of him too.”
“I will.” He agreed then proceeded to take Atsumu to their table.
“It hurts, Samu.” Sudden whimpers came out from Atsumu’s mouth after a few steps. “It fucking hurts. I don’t think I can take this.”
“Imagine how she felt, you bastard.” Osamu sighed. “She really was a keeper, wasn’t she?”
Atsumu hummed in agreement. “She was. She still is.”
“Look, she’s gone, Tsumu. You need to move the fuck on and stop tormenting the poor girl! You’ve caused her enough pain.” Atsumu then was dumped harshly on the cushions.
“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” The saying rang in Atsumu’s ears, echoing louder and louder as the music in the club intensified throughout the night. It mocked him to the core! He drank himself to oblivion for months now, trying to forget your presence in his life. Visions of you were everywhere! You were in his room tucking him to bed. You were in the kitchen whipping up a random recipe from the internet. You were in his living room, dancing to his playlist even when you heard the songs for the first time. You were in the stands cheering for his every move. You were even on his morning jogs, passing his water bottle to make sure he’s hydrated.
You took care of him in the best way possible and he can’t believe how involved you were with his life. How did he not see that? He didn’t realize that what he bothered himself within the past were temporary things that brought temporary bliss. You were his life, his love. How could he throw something so serious? So permanent?
He watched you from afar, drunk as fuck but visions still sharp as a hawk on your side. You were happily talking to your friends, rewarding them with your gorgeous smile and wonderful laugh. Maybe this was his punishment for ever breaking someone as pure as you.
He may be close to where you were but he can never be too close to be yours again.
Okay wait HAHAHA I love Atsumu but I wanted to write an angsty post about him so here it is! This was inspired by the song “Bedroom” by JJ Lin and Anne- Marie. I just love that song so much, I have it on repeat rn.
ALSO YOU'RE SO WORTH IT AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST! Just reminding y'all in case you forgot. <3 hope you liked this one! <3
285 notes · View notes
jazzfordshire · 3 years
Text
fic writer review!
These are fun, thank you for tagging me @hrwinter!
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
36, and every time I see that number I’m surprised
2. What’s your total ao3 word count?
867, 451 holy shit
3. How many fandoms have you written for?
Just supercorp! I am a one OTP at a time kind of girl and supercorp is really the first one to make me so feral that I tried to write my own stories
4. Top 5 fics by kudos?
it feels like the first time (the fact that this is my most kudos’d is honestly hilarious to me but y’all know what you like I suppose)
there’s a big old moon shining down at night (small town au)
but then, my homework was never quite like this (teachers au)
i know you don’t believe (it’s you I’ve waited for) (vampire au)
i believe, you can get me through the night (70s AU)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?
I used to! I thrive on comments as much as any writer, but there came a point where I couldn’t keep up very well and I took a break from it intending on going back after a week or two – and then I blinked and like 4 months had gone by and the unanswered comments were in the hundreds and I was like WELL I CAN’T GO BACK NOW
So I read and re-read every comment I get but I’m trash and can’t answer any until I clear out the backlog which is now impossible. Classic
6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending
NONE, I don’t do angsty endings ever, I can’t even READ angsty endings without going into a weeks long depression spiral
7. Do you write crossovers?
Just these ones!
8. Ever received hate on a fic?
Definitely.
9. Do you write smut?
I used to be pretty convinced that smut was the only thing I COULD write, to be honest. It took a long time to talk myself into trying anything with significant plot that wasn’t a movie AU, and now I feel like I’m an okay plot writer with weirdly honed smut writing skills. Smut is still my favourite thing to write, though – I usually save it until the end to act as motivation to get me to finish the rest of the fic. I don’t get to write the smut until I’ve eaten my vegetables, lmao
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Oh so many times, on Wattpad and on ao3. Frustrating every time it happens.
11. Ever had a fic translated?
Into different languages, yes! I always like when people ask first. I’ve also had fics ‘translated’ based on the Wattpad definition of the word meaning copied verbatim with the names and some context changed ie translated to a new pairing which is not so good
12. Have you ever co-written a fic?
I have not! I’m not sure I would want to tbh, I feel like if I want to write a concept I’ll write it myself and if I don’t I’ll leave it to someone else lmao. I’m more of an independent worker and I had enough of group projects back in university
13. All time fav ship?
supercorp, but swanqueen does pull a pretty close second place.
14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
Ah jeez I have way too many WIPs lmao and my hopeful heart wants all of them to become fully grown fics one day! So never say never
15. Writing strengths?
Emotion-driven smut, and probably description? The comment I get the most and makes me happy is that my writing flows well/they can picture it like they’re watching a movie so I think that’s probably my strength.
16. Writing weaknesses?
I gloss over things that don’t interest me, which sometimes results in jumping from scene to scene too often. It takes me weeks to write angst because I get too sad. I repeat a lot of turns of phrase, I think, and since I’ve written so much I imagine it’s noticeable if you read a lot of my stuff in a single sitting. And I know I used to use too many adverbs, but that’s something I’ve been working on
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?
I respect when people can do it well, but I’m too paranoid that I would get the translation horribly wrong to do it myself
18. First fandom you wrote for?
This one! I mean technically I scribbled like 4 paragraphs of waffle for Gelphie in a notebook when I was 14 but it never saw the light of day so I don’t know if it counts? It so thoroughly convinced me that I was bad at writing fiction that I didn’t try again until I was 25 and even now I get crippling imposter syndrome lmao so I like to say supercorp
19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?
This is THE HARDEST QUESTION HOW DARE YOU ASK ME
It depends on the aspect of the fic we’re talking about. 70s AU was my first real step into writing something besides movie AUs and smut oneshots, and even though if I wrote it now it would be double the length I’m still really proud of the overall emotional arc of the fic. Knights Tale AU is based on my all time favourite movie, so it has a special place in my heart. Small town AU is so deeply nostalgic for me being based on my hometown that sometimes I read it for comfort. But weirdly the one I’m the most proud and fond of is even the distance feels so near, my weird Morgana/El crossover fic. I was terrified of the concept because it required prose I wasn’t comfortable with and I was worried the emotional beats I wanted to hit wouldn’t come across, but I wrote it because I have a lot of feelings about those two characters and how deeply happy they could make each other and I’m really proud of myself for actually writing it!
I’m not going to tag anyone because I feel like a lot have been tagged already but feel free to do it if you so choose and consider yourself tagged by me
73 notes · View notes
in-superbloom · 3 years
Text
did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)
right where you left me: prologue
Tumblr media
pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)
warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!
author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)
another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3
credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.
i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚
@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤
i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡
let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡
word count: 4.1k
☆☆☆
Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.
Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.
Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.
Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.
As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).
When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.
Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.
Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?
The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).
Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.
She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.
Alright, someone's in a mood.
Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.
“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.
Still, no reaction.
That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.
When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.
Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.
“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”
Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.
“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.
Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.
“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.
Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.
A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.
“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.
“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.
Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.
While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.
This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?
She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.
The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.
She knows what's wrong with it now.
It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.
Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?
☆ ☆ ☆
Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.
The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.
“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.
That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.
It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.
That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.
As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.
Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.
While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.
So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.
Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.
He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.
Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.
He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.
Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.
Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.
Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.
Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.
A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.
“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.
Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.
“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.
“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”
Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.
“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”
“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.
“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.
“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”
“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.
“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”
Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.
Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?
Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.
God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.
Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.
Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.
Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.
62 notes · View notes