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#just Big Gay feelings yknow

foxgirlmoth · 9 months

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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more #She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has #She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same #But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites #And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that #But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it #It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks #Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie #She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen #Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk #She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while #Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess #And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more #Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too #Runa diary logs #But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people #And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living #I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3 #Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3 #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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disteal · 7 months

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yknow it’s more than a little sad that every artists ‘hand-wringing panicking’ about what ai would do to the industry and how it would replace a lot of the already slim meat-and-potatoes jobs we rely on to survive were overwhelmingly proven true months after the technology really became widespread. It’s sad that convention space is being taken up by enormous booths full of cheap ai prints soaking up the limited space and money available at cons, it’s sad that competitions are getting flooded with ai generated pieces, it’s sad that i’ve seen a lot of ‘man. i’m just gonna go work at target, i can’t compete with this.’ from ppl who have been working in the industry for YEARS.

But it’s INFURIATING to see supposedly leftist game devs and indie ttrpg makers on here try and astroturf a PR campaign for ai to make using it for their projects more socially acceptable, and in order to do this paint artists as pearl clutching hysterics. As if anyone would blink on here if factory workers threw a brick through a window when they were being replaced by automation, but because art is never respected or treated like actual labor our industry collapsing is just kind of a big joke.

Like I saw someone compare the gay sex cats to Duchamp LIKE NO!!!! THEYRE NOT!!! The people who would get pissed off at Duchamp’s fountain are a very specific demographic!!!! Namely fascists!!! Like the implication of a statement like that is actually absurd. who is the fascist in this analogy, 25 year old nonbinary artists?? If you don’t want to pay artists to do your backgrounds for your indie game like just SAY it. (edit: additional context bc this got out of hand but I’ve looked at the blog of the person who said this and i’m walking back the salt I expressed here. It’s a nuanced take that wasn’t expressed super clearly in the post that went viral and he’s elaborated on it a lot in a way that makes me feel this was an unfair interpretation of his words. My bad)

#vent #ai art #these ppl never rly graduated from the ‘please draw my comic for exposure’ mindset #edited for context

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yonpote · 3 months

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ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

#the shift #softlaunch #myrambles #phan

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zan0tix · 30 days

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Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

#hermitcyclop #daniel talks #my art #jake english #DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT JAKE ENGLISH I WILL NOT STOP. I COULD KPEP GOING BUT ITS MIDNIGHT AND I NEED SLEEP.#But thank you for the ask hermitcyclop you are the most dedicated dirkjaker mad respect 🫶 years in the game and still around.. you are cray

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nicollekidman · 5 days

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i was not the anon who asked about a gaylor safe space but i AM unfamiliar with your lore and have now been made curious, is there a spark notes version

oh um hm. hmm. original fan (owned self titled on cd), red was the soundtrack to my freshman year of college and 1989 was my junior year at nyu so yknow i was in the trenches, reputation era i was a Certified Popular Taylor Blog(tm) (rip) which means like. i was getting FOUL anonymous messages every single day from rock star trolls but i was also getting intel from at least three people i know were legit, im 91% positive at one point (however brief) she was keeping up with my blog directly, i got interviewed by jezebel after karlie got engaged 🤪, then lover was still kind of in a boom period and then folklore/evermore dropped and i was dating a big swiftie at the time so we talked about her for like hours every day….. now im just kind of trying to be a normal rational adult woman who has loved her nearly my whole life but also isn’t a bootlicker. i think she’s gay but i also don’t think it will ever matter in a material way because the odds she ever comes out or ever makes genuine art again is feeling slimmer by the day and that’s fine. besties is that a good Summary djdjdjcjcn

#she’s my wife and i’m never getting a divorce (horror story)#taylor swift

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imurlilsparklejumpropequeen · 7 months

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hi lol this is like my first request ever and i’m nervous but i was hoping you could write abt the reader being like the son/adopted son/protege of catwoman (or harlivy) and he’s stealing something from a museum by himself but nightwing just so happens to be visiting gotham for family dinner or wtv, so they’re both in the museum but a security guard gets close so they end up in a very small supply closet or wtv yknow? like a forced proximity type, i also won’t mind if it does get spicy towards the end <3 tysm

Notes: I'm half asleep as I write this, this is as creative as I can get with no sleep for three days

Warning(s): Gay, super gay, like very homsexual, smut, lemon, zest fest.

You and Dick Grayson were in a supply closet, nothings wrong with that right? nothings wrong with being hiding in a supply closet with a superhero right? nothings wrong with being in a close proximity with the said hero right? so close that you were able to breath into his neck, so close that his back is against you chest.

Nothings wrong with this is what you keep telling yourself.

Just a while ago you were stealing a precious jewel from a museum owned by some criminal you bothered not remembering the name, you were on your way out after grabbing the jewel when Nightwing came trying to catch you, and now you're both hiding in a supply closet with guards patrolling outside.

"Hey you really like the position we're in huh buddy?" Dick muttered while giggling, You had no idea that your boner was pressed against Dick's ass.

"I-uhh... I can't help it y'know, I mean with a ass like that who wouldn't pitch a tent." You made a flirty retort to which earned a chuckle from the other man.

"Well what can I say? I've got the finest ass in Gotham." Dick leaned his head on your chest and looked up, you both kept eye contact with each other (or mask to mask stare?)

"Not just Gotham, I'd say the whole world." You chuckled as you both kept looking each other, his hot breath on your face while you breath down on him too.

a short silence came as both of you stare at each other's face, You were feeling hot and Dick's breath on your face doesn't help your painfully hard boner.

"Why don't we make our time here worthwhile? from what I can tell the guards are still searching the area." Your voice was breathy, Dick could tell you were at your limit, so he decided to tease you, he pressed his fat ass further onto your crotch earning a grunt from your mouth.

"Well let's make our time worthwhile then Mr. Thief." Dick stood on his tiptoes to place a peck on your lips.

You unzipped your pants and the hard meat slapped Dick's spandex suit making quite a noise.

"You should keep the noise to minimum Mr. Thief, You wouldn't want our little session to end early do you?" Dick smirked as he felt the hot big rod pressed against his clothed behind.

"Oh baby I'll keep quiet until I fuck you dry, now lick this." You shoved two of your fingers in Dick's mouth, he happily sucked and licked your fingers.

Dick unbuckled his pants so you would not have to tear his suit for access, as soon as Dick's pants were lowered you hurriedly shoved one of your finger in his hole.

"Damn baby your quite eager." You chuckled as you felt Dick's hole clenching.

"Haven't had action for a long time." Dick answered with a small laugh of his own. He groaned every time he felt the finger massage his inner walls.

You inserted the second finger to which Dick quietly whined, You massaged his inner walls scissoring it repeatedly to make the entrance wider, or just wide enough to fit you.

"That's it baby you're doing great, just a little more and you'd have the real thing." You grinned at Dick as you pressed a small peck on his forehead.

You spat on your hand and lubricated it with it (Hey don't judge! no one carries around lubricants in public)

You immediately pushed the tip inside Dick's entrance, Dick shivered in both pain and pleasure.

"Fuck..." Dick cursed, his eyes were a little teary.

"Come on muñequita it is only the tip." You pressed a peck in his forehead trying to ease him up.

You then swiftly pushed your entire length inside Dick, he moaned quite loud so you placed left hand on his mouth to shut him up.

"Weren't you the one who told me to keep the noise to minimum? maybe you should abide by your own rules muñequita." Your lips curled into a smirk as you looked down on the tearing up Dick.

You began moving inside him, thrusting in and out, pulling out until only the tip is left inside and thrusting until the tip rubs against the prostate.

"puta te sientes tan bien..." You huskily whispered in Dick's ear. Your hands made it's way into Dick's nipples and pinched and twisted it.

"Hngh~ j-just earlier I was... ha~ having dinner at the manor... Hngh..." Dick whined as you plowed his ass and played with his chest.

Your thrusting became more frantic and hurried, you could feel yourself getting closer.

"Hngh~ fuck I'm close~" Dick whined he can feel his own cock nearing it's orgasm.

Your thrusts became quicker and more violent, you were thrusting deeper and deeper within Dick's hole.

With a grunt, you released your hot cum within Dick's ass, Dick teared up pleasure as you came deep inside him.

"You're pretty when you cry, muñequita...." You both panted as you came from your highs. You pulled out of Dick's hole leaving it a gaping mess with cum leaking out.

"I don't see anymore guards out, I thinks it's safe to leave now." You peaked out to see no guards on the lookout.

"I hope this Isn't the last time we do this muñequita..." You whispered into Dick's ear as you buckle up your pants.

"And here I thought you were all talk, guess I won't be able to walk properly after being manhandled. I down being manhandled anytime Mr. Thief. " Dick grinned as he pulled up his pants and opened the door to leave.

"Oh... and I'm letting you go this time, as you can see I'm in no condition to arrest you." Dick winked to you as he jumped out the window and grappled leaving you.

#batfam x male reader #dc x male reader #batboys x male reader #dc x reader #male reader #dick grayson x male reader #gay #zestfest #homosexual #smut #female reader

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sandinmybed · 9 months

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big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

#mike wheeler analysis #mike wheeler #byler #byler analysis #anti mlvn #mike's love language is gift receiving #stranger things analysis #mike wheeler i know what you are

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here2bbtstrash · 2 years

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heartless (explicit)

genre: pwp, smut, exes hooking up - a part of the jeju shore collab !

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: after a wild summer at the shore where he made more than a few mistakes, jungkook is ready to remind you why you always take him back.

word count: 7.4k

other works in this collab: You DTF? by @haliiimede and Himbo Hours by @gimmethatagustd

contains: explicit sexual content!!! set in 2009, member POV, established relationship (exes), mentions of infidelity, mentions of alcohol and drug use, jk blows a stranger (definitely not anyone we know 👀) in a bar bathroom, some good ol' fashioned 2009 biphobia lmao, EXCESSIVE use of petnames (kookie and jagi) like it's really too much, cunnilingus, fingering, a lot of pussy appreciation bc of who i am as a person, they make a sex tape 🎥 (reader films jk going down on her), hot tub sex, jk makes reader come with a hot tub jet, unprotected sex (smh 😔), nothing in this fic is sexually healthy pls do not replicate, multiple orgasms/overstim, a lil bit of marking, jk is toxic and i kind of love him oops, don't fight me for the ending

A/N: it's here it's here it's here!!!!! happy jeju shore day 🥰 i'm so excited to share this one with y'all, it really was supposed to be a joke thing like ~sammi and ron vibes~ yknow and then idk.... this fic ran away with me,, like tell me why i ship kookie and jagi lowkey 🥺 over here like maybe one day they'll work it out 🥺 ANYWAY uhhh heed the warnings, this one's a doozy, have fun, stay hydrated 💦 and make sure you check out jai and hali's fics toooooo for your full ~weekend at the shore~ !!!! love you babes, thank you as always for reading 😘💜

read on AO3 !

“Shit, gonna come.”

Thank god, Jungkook thinks to himself. This guy has some impressive stamina, which he’d normally appreciate, but he’s in a bad mood tonight. Getting his throat fucked hasn’t helped like he thought it might.

Even though the guy is cute, with a big body and a sweet set of dimples, Jungkook is just going through the motions. He’s annoyed by the way the bathroom floor is digging into his knees, the way his jaw is starting to lock up with how long he’s been at this.

He shuts his eyes, remembers to breathe through his nose, and then a hand presses hard to the back of his head and his mouth starts to fill, bitter and heady. Careful not to spill a drop, Jungkook keeps his suction tight through the cock-twitches of this guy’s— he didn’t get his name, because he really doesn’t care to know it— orgasm, until he finally feels the fingers in his hair release.

Jungkook gets to his feet and stumbles to the sink, gripping the porcelain edge while he spits out the glossy strings of a stranger’s load. He’s not a swallower, because he’s not gay. He’s just good at sucking dick— and Jungkook likes doing things he’s good at.

“Appreciate it!” The stranger’s voice echoes over his shoulder, followed by the sound of the bathroom door swinging on its hinges and slamming shut, leaving him alone with a sink full of cum.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Jungkook stares himself down in the mirror, runs a hand over his hair to make sure it didn’t get fucked up from that guy’s truly obscenely large hand. Thankfully his extra-hold gel seems to be doing its job.

At the realization that his teeth are grinding together, he presses a knuckle into the hinge of his jaw, trying to encourage it to relax. He’s been clenching all night, and he’s not sure if he should blame the six redbull vodkas he’s thrown back or the keybumps of something he did off the bar: it was either coke or molly.

Coke, he thinks. He’s on edge.

He can’t shake this feeling, like he’s a wild animal trapped in a cage, as he pushes the bathroom door open and presses his way back into the mass of bodies in the club. He’s gone out every night this week looking for something, but he can’t find it. It’s not at the bottom of a bottle or in white powder snorted through a rolled-up hundred. And it’s certainly not in any of the random strangers he’s taken in the bathroom or the back alley or on the hood of his car in the parking lot.

He misses you.

It’s been almost three weeks since you last came around, and even then, it was only to scream at him while you dug your clothes out of his dresser and threw your spare toothbrush in the trash can. All because someone left you that stupid fucking note detailing the night Jungkook went blackout, where the last thing he remembers is Jimin convincing him to switch to Malibu.

If what Jungkook’s been told is the truth, he apparently started a bar fight and had a foursome that night— just, unfortunately, with three people who weren’t you. He kind of wishes he could remember at least one of those.

Fuck this, he thinks to himself, surrounded by trashed club-goers on all sides, bodies slick with sweat and tanning oil, the floor sticky from spilled drinks and probably a few other things. Jungkook knows exactly where he wants to be, and it’s between your thighs, not at one of the seven shitty clubs he and his hyungs have been rotating through all summer.

Figuring Taehyung and Jimin are fine to handle their own shit, he shoves through the crowd a little more aggressively than he needs to, and definitely knocks one drunk girl flat on her ass without bothering to look back.

The slight chill in the air when he steps outside is a welcome relief from the stale heat of the club. It’s the last weekend before everyone packs up and heads for the mainland, which means he’s running out of chances to see you, to try and convince you to get the fuck over this latest bump in the road and take him back.

Jungkook knows he loves you, he’s sure of it. He wants to marry you someday, get a little house in the suburbs, pop out a few kids, all that shit. But right now he’s young, and he just wants to party and have fun. He doesn’t understand why you care so much.

Driving home with the windows down, going a cool 80 in a 40, he grips the wheel with one hand while the other digs his Razr phone out of the pocket of his ripped jeans. He hits the first speed dial where your number is saved and has to call three times before you finally answer. The fact that you picked up at all means he has a chance tonight.

“What, Kookie?!”

Probably the greeting he should’ve anticipated, but his stomach still flips at the nickname. You’re the only one allowed to use it: he’s strictly Jungkook to most, JK to his hyungs.

He fidgets absentmindedly with the car lights, the AC, the button for the windows. This is always the hard part, talking about feelings and shit. But it’s what you want, so he’ll do it for you.

“Wanna see you,” he murmurs into the phone, as if he needs to keep his voice down so he won’t get caught being soft.

“Fuck off,” you snap instantly, but you don’t hang up.

Jungkook’s played this game enough times to know what it means: he’s got a rapidly shrinking window of opportunity to say the right thing. He clicks his tongue against his teeth, trying to buy himself some time. “Come on, don’t be like that.”

“Like what?” You huff.

Stopped at a red light, Jungkook tips his head back against the car seat and shuts his eyes for a second, trying to keep up with the rapid pace of his thoughts. “Don’t be mean to me. I already told you I’m sorry, it’s not fair for you to hold this shit over my head.”

“I’m not holding anything over your head, Kookie, you fucking cheated—“

His grip on the steering wheel tightens, and he has to hold himself back from stomping too hard on the gas pedal when the light changes. “Yeah, I fucking know, okay? But it’s the last weekend. Is this really how you want to leave it?”

The silence on the other end of the line is more than enough to answer his question.

“Just… come over. Let me see you. Please?” Jungkook grimaces, embarrassed to be begging. He wouldn’t do it for anybody else.

Gravel crunches under the tires of his car as he pulls into the driveway, and he’s only sure the call didn’t disconnect when he hears the way you sigh softly on the other end. It’s a sigh he knows well.

“Fine.”

You don’t say anything else, and neither does Jungkook. He doesn’t know what else there is to say, or why any of this has to be such a big fucking deal. But he waits, until finally you hang up, and then he flips his phone shut. Girls.

Once inside, he makes quick work of getting everything together: sweeping the empty beer cans on the kitchen counter into the trash, spraying on a little more Hugo Boss, a mouthwash rinse to rid himself of the lingering taste of cum. The place you rented for the summer is just down the road, so it’s as he’s spitting in the sink for the second time tonight that he hears you bang loudly on the front door.

Time to turn on the charm, Jungkook thinks to himself, and then he exits the bathroom and reaches a hand between his shoulder-blades to pull his shirt off over his head. He drops it to the floor of his bedroom before heading down the hallway to let you in.

Jungkook swings the door wide and leans one arm on the frame as he takes you in. You’re standing on his stoop, arms crossed angrily over your pink crop top, belly button piercing glinting in the porch light. He smiles fondly, remembering the summer you got it done, the way you squeezed his hand so tight when the needle went through that he nearly lost feeling.

It was nice then, the way you acted like you really needed him. You used to be so sweet. He wonders when that changed.

It’s been too long. “Hi, jagi,” he says, and it comes out softer than he would’ve liked. It makes him sound weak.

“Fuck off. Answering the fucking door shirtless. You did that on purpose.” You roll your eyes as you brush past him to walk inside.

He turns sideways, purposefully taking up most of the doorway so you have to squeeze through, and when you do, his fingers hook in the belt-loops of your jeans to pull you closer.

“Just like you wore these?” There’s no way you don’t know what those white low-rise jeans do to him. Jungkook always tells you they make your ass look so fat, and even though you complain every time, he means it as an honest compliment.

Clearly still trying to act pissed off, you pop your gum at him, but he knows better than to believe that you’re really mad. If you were, you wouldn’t have come here. And you certainly wouldn’t be looping your arms around his neck and tilting your head up like that, moving so close that he can feel the heat of your breath ghosting over him.

“Maybe. What are you gonna do about it?” You purr, like you don’t already know the answer.

Jungkook’s lips find yours at the same time his hands slide around your hips, fingers sinking into the denim stretched tight over your ass. You squeak a little at how hard he grabs, and he takes the opportunity to swipe his tongue into your mouth, deftly retrieving the wad of gum from between your teeth. He pulls back with a cocky grin and spits it halfway across the yard.

“How about you come inside and find out?”

“Jesus.” You make a face when you step in first, leaving your Gucci flip flops in the front hall, and Jungkook turns back to shut the door behind him as he follows you. “You guys trashed this fuckin’ place.”

He frowns at your utter disregard for his cleaning efforts, but he follows your gaze and, well, you’re not wrong. He probably could’ve done something about all the half-empty liquor bottles, the overflowing ashtrays, the sink full of dishes. But right now he really doesn’t give a shit.

Jungkook closes the distance between you again, arms slipping around your waist from behind, head ducking down to nuzzle in the crook of your neck, to make you squirm the way he likes. “This is the bachelor life. We need a woman’s touch,” he murmurs against your skin, and you scoff a laugh.

“I’m serious,” Jungkook protests. He pauses to suck a mark into your skin, only stopping when he manages to coax a soft whimper out of you. “Why don’t you and I get a place together next summer? I’ll tell Jimin and Tae they’re on their own.”

You hum softly, in the way that tells him you want that, too. But you’re still playing coy, even as your hands slide over his arms locked tight around you. “That’s very presumptuous of you.”

“Maybe I should do some convincing,” Jungkook’s lips brush over the shell of your ear, and you wriggle out of his grasp, crossing into the living room and tossing your purse on the couch before dropping down unceremoniously next to it.

The wild animal feeling hasn’t dissipated— when he follows after you, Jungkook can’t help but feel like a predator stalking his prey.

It’s probably fucked up, but he likes the chase.

Leaning back on your hands, you gaze up at him, jeans sunk low enough for Jungkook to see the pink straps of your thong that peek out over the curve of your hip. The visual makes his own pants start to feel tight.

You tilt your head expectantly. “I’m listening.”

“I wasn’t gonna talk,” he admits with a smirk, standing over you, one leg teasing your thighs apart.

You reach forward to trail a hand down the defined lines of his stomach— the gym has been good to him this summer— and blink your long lashes innocently. “Will you at least use your mouth?”

“Well, now I know what you came over for,” Jungkook growls. His hands drop to brace on the back of the couch behind you, arm muscles flexing as he cages you in, and he leans down to capture you in a heady kiss. He missed it all: the way you smell, how soft your lips are, the way you still taste like spearmint. Your needy little noises when he licks his tongue into your mouth and the way you suck so diligently on it. You’re always so good for him, always so pretty when you come back.

“Take your pants off, jagi,” he breathes into your mouth, shifting to grip your neck with one hand as he kisses you again. He can feel a soft whine in your throat under his palm when you do as you’re told.

Jungkook pulls back once your jeans are kicked all the way off, knees digging into the carpet as he settles between your legs. His biceps wrap under your thighs and he tugs your bare ass to the edge of the couch, pausing to slip a finger under the thin string of your thong and gently snap it against your skin.

You spread your legs wider for him, leaning back against the cushion. “Don’t tease,” you huff. The desperation in your voice just turns him on more.

“Impatient,” Jungkook notes with a smirk. “And I haven’t even told you what I want yet.”

“What you want?” Your attempt at sass is undercut by the moan Jungkook works out of you when he sucks another hickey into the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. He pulls back with a final lick over the mark that sends a shiver rippling through you, makes your nipples stiffen against the thin fabric of your crop top and your hips tilt up instinctively for more.

His eyes find yours again. “Let’s make a movie.”

“Kookie,” you whine, and Jungkook cups a hand over the front of your panties, rubbing circles into the thin material, then gently squeezing your pussy lips together to help argue his case. He can feel the muscles in your thighs twitch in response— always so sensitive.

“Come on,” he murmurs, pushy. “I know you have that camera in your bag.” You take your Sony digital camera with you everywhere, like it’s a third limb, like you believe nothing really happens unless it’s documented on Facebook.

Jungkook reaches for the strap of your Coach purse and drops it between your spread thighs. “I want you to film me while I go down on you. That way you can watch it back when you need to remember why you keep me around.” He punctuates the request with a wink, because he knows you can’t say no to him. That fact is made evident by how quickly you dig in to retrieve the little pink camera before tossing your bag aside again.

“I don’t watch porn, Kookie,” you scoff, already turning it on and fiddling with the settings. “I’m not nasty like you.”

“You’ll watch this one,” Jungkook corrects, hands pressing on your thighs to encourage them to spread further. Your skin is smooth and warm under his touch as he slides his fingertips back up to the line of your panties. “Now shhh. The only thing I wanna hear talk is this pussy.”

When the telltale beep indicates you’ve started recording, Jungkook stares pointedly into the camera with a cocky smirk. “Missed you, jagi,” he says, both to the you on the other side of the camera and the you who will watch this in the future, when you inevitably get mad about some dumb shit and break up with him again. As if you could ever really stay away.

His eye contact doesn’t falter as he licks a long, slow stripe up the front of your panties, taking his time, tongue laid flat to fully soak through the fabric. When he leans back, one hand snakes between your thighs to tug the damp material to the side, tattooed fingers pressing into a V to spread your folds apart. It always makes you squirm, but he loves to admire you like this. He’s not ashamed to like pussy.

“So pretty,” he murmurs, reaching the hand that isn’t parting your pussy lips up to beckon for the camera. “Let me film. Won’t get your face in it.”

You hand it over silently, clearly already too turned on to make a big show of protesting. Jungkook turns the lens on your pussy, holds it up close as he traces two fingers over your folds, keeping the pressure light enough that you squirm and flutter cutely beneath it.

“Fuck, look at you,” he murmurs when he teases his touch down to your entrance. There’s already enough slickness there to earn him an audible wet noise as he goes, his pattern a slow, lazy circle. He presses a finger in just to drag it back out, and a thin, glossy string of arousal comes with it. “Your pussy loves me too much. That’s why you can’t stay mad.”

Jungkook paints the wetness he pulled out of you up to stroke over the hood of your clit, and it’s enough to edge your breathing with shy sounds. You bring your palm up to your mouth, clearly trying to keep quiet, and it only encourages him to dip back in for more. He uses two fingers this time, slipping past your entrance into the tight velvet heat of your cunt, always so warm and willing for him.

You sigh at the loss when he pulls back, more arousal drooling out of you to chase after his fingers. Jungkook loves to play with you like this: you squeak when he squishes the whole of your cunt up in his hand, reveling in the noise of your slick folds pressing together, in the way your pussy’s gone needy for him. All swollen and puffy, all soft, dripping juice like ripe fruit.

He works up some saliva in his mouth and lets it dribble down over your slit between his fingers, then follows it with another pass of his tongue.

“Oh my fucking god,” you whimper.

“You know I’ll always treat it right, jagiya.” Jungkook purrs, releasing his grip on your pussy lips to pinch at your clit while he passes the camera back. “But let me show you in case you forget.”

He firmly tugs your panties down your thighs and leaves them to dangle off one ankle before guiding your legs to hook over his shoulders. After a final glance up to make sure you’re still filming, he leans in to properly trace his tongue through your slick folds, lapping at the arousal pooled at your entrance while his thumb brushes over your clit to work up more.

Jungkook’s brows pinch together and he grunts in appreciation of your taste, thick and familiar; he’s gone too long without it. He’s eating properly now, alternating between dragging his tongue flat and flicking it gently over your clit in the way that makes you gasp and shove your hips up towards his mouth, rough and wild, no good-girl pretense left in you.

His arm locks across your stomach to keep you where he wants you, and he pulls back with a smack of his lips and a cheeky smile for the camera.

“Relax. I’ve got you.”

This is the part he loves: when you start to come undone, worked up enough to be responsive to every little touch. Jungkook licks broad, showy stripes up to your clit, eyes fixed on you through the lens, enjoying the way your soft sighs blossom into full-out moans, matching pace to the steady rhythm of his tongue.

“Kookie,” you groan, “nnh, fuck— f-feels so good.”

He hums a laugh against your folds, and the vibrations make you cry out so he does it some more, lips closing to suck firmly at your clit while his mouth buzzes sweet, low notes around it. You arch up beneath him and your moan scrapes rough against the back of your throat, desperate.

It was a stroke of genius to have you film it, Jungkook thinks absentmindedly to himself. Documented proof that nobody else could ever do you this good.

“Fuck.” Your voice brings him back to attention as he continues to pulse suction against your clit, tongue fluttering out again to lap at the sensitive bud. The sounds you make are slightly muffled by the manicured hand you’ve clapped over your mouth, but you’re so loud now that he can still hear every word. “Oh god, Kookie— I-I’m gonna come, oh fuck, ohhhh—”

Your hips tilt up as your orgasm overtakes you and he shoves them back down, practically growling as he forces you to stay there and take it. He can feel your legs shake, the way your bare heels kick listlessly against his back as he sucks and licks you through the peak of your climax. Your pussy throbs in his mouth and drips down his chin like honey, with a taste so good he doesn’t want to stop.

“God fucking dammit,” you moan, and he keeps going until you bring one foot up to press into his shoulder to push him away. “Kookie, p-please, it’s too much.”

With a final swipe of his tongue, Jungkook pulls back, wiping at his chin with one hand. “You’re sensitive, jagi, I know.”

But there’s a reason you haven’t stopped filming, and it’s one you both know well. It was back when you first started dating, when you could never keep your clothes on around each other and barely left his room, that Jungkook learned your body expertly enough to figure it out: after you come once, your pussy gets so sensitive that he can easily work you up to a second orgasm, even from just the curl of his fingers against your g-spot.

He hopes no one else will ever get the chance to know you like this.

You barely manage to stifle another sob and almost drop the camera when he slips two fingers into your cunt, pressing to the hilt to feel how swollen-tender you are inside. Your walls squeeze so tight around him that his cock twitches in his pants with jealousy.

Sliding one of your legs off his shoulder, he presses your thigh firmly into the couch and groans a little at the way you spread wide for him, glossed folds all flushed and pretty. It gives him a head rush to watch his hand work you open, to see the thick white cream of your arousal paint his fingers each time he pulls back just to thrust in again.

You’re wet enough now that the sound is obscene, a juicy squelch every time he fucks into you, and Jungkook can’t help but smile. He glances up. “You’re dripping on my couch, jagiya.”

You can only whimper in response.

“You want to come again?”

You nod desperately until you manage to find the word. “Please.”

“Anything for you.” Jungkook winks for the camera as he starts to flex his fingers to pet over the ridges of your front wall. You keen as he puts more weight into his strokes, your free hand reaching to cling to him and dig your nails into his bicep. He’s too keyed up to feel it, can’t focus on anything that isn’t your pussy squeezing him like a fucking vice grip, tight and hot and soft inside.

You’re past the point of being able to talk, reduced to breathless moans— “ah, ah, nnh”— because Jungkook knows exactly what to do to take you apart all over again.

This time he makes no move to stop you when your hips buck up. Instead he lets you let go, lets you fuck yourself on his hand, fluttering around his fingers and trembling all over as you start to come.

Jungkook goes a little slack-jawed watching you and momentarily forgets about the video, looking over the camera to see the expression on your face as he works you through your second peak. He loves the way you grip tight to him with your nails and your pussy, like he’s special, like you need him.

Your knees reflexively pull towards each other as your cunt-pulses slow and you finally start to come down, thighs clamping in around Jungkook’s wrist to still the motions of his hand. When he hears the whir of the camera shutter retracting and sees you toss it aside on the couch, he finally relents. You open yourself up enough that he can slip his fingers out to suck the excess off.

“What the fuck,” you finally manage as you collapse against the couch cushions, sounding beyond dazed.

Jungkook presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his smug smirk, and gets to his feet. As he watches your head tip back and your eyes flutter closed, he can’t help but wonder if you got what you came for. If this is the last he’ll see of you until god knows when.

Fuck that. He’s not letting you go that easy.

In one swift move Jungkook leans forward, slipping an arm between your back and the couch and sweeping the other under your knees. He tosses you over his shoulder— completely naked from the waist down— like it’s nothing at all, delivering a swift slap to your ass with the hand that isn’t wrapped around your hips.

“Kookie!” You try to sound mad but the laugh that bubbles up gives it away. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Come on,” Jungkook replies as he carries you across the living room, impervious to the way your hands claw at his back. “It’s a perfect night for the hot tub.”

“I didn’t bring a fucking bikini,” you sputter, feet kicking softly in the air. “Put me down.”

“That’s okay,” he reassures you as his free hand easily slides the back door open and he takes you over the threshold. “Tae and Jimin won’t be back for a while. It’s just us.”

Tae and Jimin have also already seen you naked… probably dozens of times at this point, if Jungkook had to estimate, but he doesn’t mention that part. Not when he’s trying to get his girl back.

Instead he crosses the yard to set you down on the hot tub deck, your legs dangling over the side, and makes quick work of stripping out of his jeans and boxers, half-hard cock hanging heavy between his legs. He hopes it might give you some incentive to stay a little longer.

When he turns back to face you, your bottom lip is jutting out in a bratty little pout as your feet swing aimlessly off the deck. It makes him want to fucking ruin you.

Jungkook steps forward to close the distance, thumb running down your mouth to pet over your lip. “Put this back in your mouth and take your top off, jagi.” His voice is low, his mouth ghosting over yours.

Your bare foot knocks into his shin, but it only hurts a little. “Make me.”

He can’t help but smirk at your attitude. It’s cute. He likes you feisty. “That’s a lot of sass for someone who was just screaming my name.”

You smack a hand against his chest with a play-scowl. “Shut up.”

He sweeps your arms behind your back before you can do it again, easily enclosing both of your wrists in one of his hands. “Why are you always so mean to me, huh?”

“Oh, I’m mean?” You look like you’re going to say more, but he pushes your crop top up with his free hand and watches the way it makes you shiver, your nipples tightening in the cool night air.

“You are,” Jungkook says softly. “And I’m just trying to love you.”

The same hand cups one of your breasts, and he ducks down to suck the stiff peak of it into his mouth, enjoying the airy little moan he coaxes out of you and the way you arch up into him. His grip on your wrists doesn’t falter as he pulls off, switching to roll your other nipple under the pad of his thumb.

“You should get these pierced,” he remarks, gaze shifting between your tits as he imagines silver barbells studded through the buds of them. “I’ll get one too. We can go together. Next summer.” His eyes find yours in time to watch your expression soften, just barely. It’s enough.

“Yeah, sure,” you deadpan, wiggling a little in his grasp. “Until you decide to stick your dick in some strange and fuck everything up again.”

Jungkook sighs. You’re fucking relentless. “I don’t want to talk about that. Can’t it just be us?”

Your reaction isn’t what he expects: he’s surprised to see the fight go out of you, to see how defeated you look as you lean in and press your forehead against his chest. Even your wrists go slack in his hand, and he releases his grip.

“That’s what I’m saying, Kookie,” you murmur. “That’s all I want.”

Jungkook’s fingers sweep under the line of your jaw. “I know.”

He tilts your head up for a kiss, and your hands come to cup his face, as if to pull him closer— to hold him in place so he can’t run away.

It’s the way it always is: he’s not going to promise he’ll change, and he knows you’re not dumb enough to ask him to. He can’t be anything but what he is, but he can hope you’ll love him anyway.

Your thumb strokes over Jungkook’s cheek as he pulls back, and he smiles a little. “Will you please get in the hot tub?”

Jungkook settles into the water first, sighing dramatically loud at the welcome warmth, and you giggle as you peel your top off before following after. When you slip in politely across from him, he grabs you by the ankle with a growl, and you don’t fight as he pulls you close again.

His hands guide your thighs apart to straddle him, so your knees rest on either side of the ledge he’s seated on. Between the heat of the water and your body on top of him, he’s dizzyingly hard in seconds.

The two of you make out like teenagers, more tongue than anything else, doing your best to hump and grind against each other despite the water slightly inhibiting your motions. Jungkook can’t stop touching your tits, obsessed with the weight of them in his hands. His fingers pinch and tug at your nipples to make you whine into his open mouth again and again, and his cock twitches in response every time.

“K-Kookie,” you finally manage to groan, nails dragging down his back as he presses sloppy kisses, all tongue and teeth, to the slope of your neck. “Need it, please. Your cock.”

His mouth finds yours again, and he bites down on your bottom lip with a smile before pulling back to answer. “You’ll get it, jagi. Wanna try something first.”

You whine a little and he gives a teasing pinch to your inner thigh, shifting you off his lap so he can stand up.

“Come here.”

Jungkook’s hands slide to your waist when you get to your feet, and the added weightlessness from the water makes it even easier for him to move you where he wants you. He guides you to spin so your back is flush with his chest, then encourages you to kneel on the ledge again, pushing your legs further apart.

“Can you stay like this for me?” He murmurs in your ear. You look up at him over your shoulder with wide, shining eyes, reflecting back the blue glow of the mood lights filtered through the water, and you nod.

As he ducks down to kiss you, Jungkook’s hand fumbles blindly against the edge of the tub until he finds the button he’s looking for. When he presses it once, the jets roar to life, including the one positioned right between your spread thighs.

You gasp into his mouth, and Jungkook wraps his arms tight around you to keep you in place, letting you collapse back into him as the jet pulses onto your pussy. “Oh my god, oh fuck, Kookie.”

“Feels good?” He murmurs in your ear, and you can only whimper and nod, hips circling against the stream of water, stimulated past the point of coherency. Your eyes practically roll back in your head. “Yeah, you look good like this.”

Jungkook can’t help himself now— his cock aches from lack of attention, and he starts to grind into you from behind, rutting himself against the small of your back, the curve of your ass. His hands grab at the soft skin of your thighs for leverage, and he can feel the way you’re shaking, already close, your breathing going ragged.

“K-Kookie—” you whimper. “I’m— fuck, g-gonna—”

“Want you to come for me,” he groans, tongue darting out to trace the shell of your ear. “Come for me like this so I can fuck another one out of you.”

Your arms scramble back behind you for something to keep you grounded, nails scratching and digging into Jungkook’s shoulders as your orgasm starts to crest.

He keeps rocking his hips into you, which only serves to move you closer to the jet and make the pressure that much stronger. You’re moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear, and Jungkook has to grip your hips to keep them still as you come fast and hard, shaking apart in his arms.

“That’s it, that’s it.” Jungkook talks you through it, petting broad strokes down your thighs that make you jolt under his touch. “How was that, jagiya?”

“Fuuuuuck.” Your answer is a soft whine, and he can feel the aftershocks still rolling through your body. You shift to pull your thighs together, shivering all-over, and Jungkook releases his grip on them, hands moving up to squeeze at your tits while you recover. He can feel the way your heart is racing beneath his palm.

Your eyes slowly blink open, heavy-lidded, and you start to untangle your arms from around Jungkook’s shoulders. His back stings a little— he’s sure he’ll have pretty pink scratch marks to remember you by.

He presses a kiss to your temple, chaste in spite of how fucking hard and horny he is. “Love you. Stand up for me?”

Your legs are still shaking, so Jungkook helps haul you to your feet. Taehyung is always telling him he shouldn’t actually be penetrating girls in the water, something about vaginal health, so he has you bend at the waist to lean over the edge of the hot tub. The arch in your back when you press your ass up towards him makes his cock start to leak against his stomach.

Your head lolls forward to drop down on your forearms, and he laughs a little at how fucked out you already are as he gives your ass a firm slap. “Stay just like that. Face down ass up.”

You wait patiently as he climbs out of the water to search the deck. It only takes a few seconds for him to spot what he’s looking for: the bottle of lube Jimin’s always leaving out “just in case”. Jungkook makes a mental note to buy him a thank-you shot.

“God damn,” he murmurs appreciatively when he returns to you, rubbing three fingers slicked in thick silicone lube along your puffed-up slit before pushing them into the velvet heat of your pussy. “Wanna come in you so bad.”

“Please, Kookie,” you whimper.

Jungkook withdraws his hand to squirt more lube into his palm and fist it over his length, hissing a little at the sensation and the squelching noise his hand makes when he fucks into it. Tossing the bottle over the edge, his hands come to frame your hips, and he can’t help but moan as he starts to grind the head of his dick against your folds. “Fuck.”

You push your hips back on him, all wrecked and needy, your voice wrung-out. “Fuck me, Kookie, please— wanna take your cock, wanna feel it.”

It’s so hot when you beg for him. With another soft noise, Jungkook lines himself up to your entrance and gives you what you need: the whole of his thick cock sliding into your grip-tight pussy, slow for the delicious stretch of it, so you can feel every inch until he’s pressed in to the hilt.

It feels the way it always does. You were made to fit together.

You whine into the crook of your elbow, your walls already fluttering, split open and filled up and so sensitive. Jungkook leans forward, hands bracing the edge of the tub on either side of you, until his chest is flush with your back and the tip of his cock presses into your g-spot.

“Oh shit, right there, Kookie,” you gasp, like he doesn’t already know.

Jungkook grunts, nipping at the skin of your shoulder, and he starts to grind his hips against you, rubbing his cock into your g-spot over and over, until your legs threaten to give out.

Your pussy feels so good, the little moans you’re making in time with his motions are so pretty, it’s like he can’t get enough of you. He brings a hand up to run over every inch of your skin he can reach, all of it smooth and gorgeous under his fingertips— he really can’t stop touching you.

Maybe those bumps he did back at the bar were molly, he thinks absentmindedly.

“So fucking sexy,” he groans as he strokes a little harder, hips rolling fluidly. “So fucking beautiful.”

“F-fuck, Kookie,” you whimper, pushing your ass back to meet his thrusts, and you let out a choked moan when he starts to pound more firmly in response. “Ah, fuck— don’t fucking stop, oh god—”

Jungkook hooks his arm across your chest, and his hand gripped tight to your shoulder gives him more leverage to hit deeper. Being squeezed so close by your walls is nearly overwhelming, your pussy all hot and wet inside, it’s like he can barely fit. “God, you’re so fucking tight, jagi.”

“F-feels so guh— good, nnh,” you can hardly get the words out, and Jungkook can feel the way your whole body is starting to shake.

He can’t stop himself now, not when it’s this good. “Missed you so much, jagiya. Wanna marry you, wanna put a baby in you.” His cock twitches hard, enough that you whimper a little, and he knows he’s not going to last much longer.

“Come with me, jagi,” he grunts. “I want to feel you come again.”

“C-can’t,” you gasp, but he knows you can, can tell by the way you’re gripping around him that you’re already close.

The clapping of skin on skin echoes out as Jungkook fucks deliberately into your g-spot, no longer holding back, and you cling to the edge of the tub for dear life as your muscles start to contract. “Oh fuck, Kookie, fuck, fuck, I’m coming, I—”

With a loud cry, you collapse forward, knees nearly buckling as your orgasm hits you. Jungkook is helpless to the way your pussy pulses around him, like it was made to milk his cock. He tips his head back with a throaty groan as he comes with you, comes for what feels like an eternity, thick white ropes spilling into your cunt with every dick-twitch of his orgasm.

“Oh my god,” he groans, working the last of it out with a few shallow strokes, his breathing harsh and ragged. “So fucking good.”

You whimper softly with your head dropped down into your arms, your pussy still shuddering around him.

Jungkook squeezes at the curve of your ass as he pulls out with a hiss of oversensitivity. Deciding not to bother with the mess running down your thighs, he takes a second to catch his breath, then climbs over the edge of the hot tub, wiping absentmindedly at the beads of sweat dotting his temples.

You’re clearly too fucked out to walk now, so he scoops you up to carry you across the deck and back inside through the open sliding door, bridal-style this time, cradled in his arms. He smiles at the way you’re still trembling a little, your face now buried in his chest.

He deposits you onto the couch, then stretches out next to you to prop up on one arm, admiring how your hair fans out beneath you as you curl into him with a small sigh.

It takes you a while to come to, lashes fluttering prettily over your cheeks, and when your eyes finally blink open, you sit up rather abruptly.

Jungkook brings a hand to your low back to rub gentle circles. “Hi, jagi.”

There’s a look on your face, like you’ve just realized where you are.

“Fuck, I should go,” you murmur, looking around until your gaze lands on your purse. You lean over to retrieve it and dig through the contents until you finally find your phone and slide it open. “My roommate is gonna figure it out if I don’t come back, and she’ll fucking kill me.”

“Stay with me,” Jungkook says softly.

“No, Jungkook,” you snap, and he can tell by the way you’ve dropped the nickname that he’s lost you for the night. “I shouldn’t have even fucking come here.”

He should probably take this more seriously, but he can’t help his instinctive reaction, or the smirk that pulls up the corner of his mouth. “But you did come. Four times, if my memory is correct.”

“Fuck off,” you grunt, already up and starting to pull on your clothes that are scattered across the floor of the living room. You briefly disappear outside to retrieve your shirt.

“Does this mean we’re not back together?” Jungkook tries when you slip in the door again.

You shoot him a look he’s all-too-familiar with. “Not at all.”

“Will you at least unblock me on Facebook?” He asks sweetly, and it’s a joke, but he can see from the way you roll your eyes that you’re clearly too pissed off to have any more fun tonight.

“Facebook?! That’s seriously what you care about right now?! You are so fucking shallow, Jungkook.” You grab your purse in a huff and storm off down the hallway.

Jungkook knows he should get up and fight for you, at the very least stop being horizontal on the couch— but honestly, he’s fucking tired. That’s the thing about your hot and cold shit: he knows you’ll be back eventually, whether he makes any effort right now or not. And it’s so much easier not to.

So he says nothing, hands folded behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling, and waits until he finally hears the front door slam behind you.

Whatever, he thinks to himself with a heavy exhale.

After a minute, he gets up and heads into the bathroom, turning the shower on extra-hot. It’s still early. He can rinse off, get dressed, go see what Tae and Jimin are up to. Maybe he can jump on a grenade for one of them and take his mind off things for a bit.

He unlocks his iPod, docked on the speaker he keeps on the bathroom shelf— can’t shower without a good playlist— and spins the wheel until he gets to one of his favorites, simply titled fuck bitches. The opening 808s of Kanye West kick on like a heartbeat as Jungkook steps under the spray of the shower-head.

#jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #bts smut #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts collab #jeju shore

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ftmtftm · 4 months

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different anon, but I remember being like the transmed and thinking being trans was the worst thing that could never happen to me when I first realized what I was. I made myself miserable trying to convince myself that I wasn’t, that I didn’t want to be, and if I just avoided thinking about it or doing anything about it then I could just keep pretending I was cis forever and no one would be the wiser

however, it was the idea of having to be either binary gender that made me feel dysphoric to the point of spiraling. neither of them made sense to me, I felt like I was entirely without a place in the world, completely illegible.

it was realizing that everyone experiences their gender and presentation differently that finally helped me remember how to breathe.

I really hope transmed anon, once they grow into themselves a bit more and feel a more secure, realizes that trying to insist other people are “being trans wrong” will never make them not miserable, or give them the validation they evidently don’t have within themselves and are seeking externally. other people having different reasons for going on HRT or not starting HRT have nothing to do with them or their own process.

I never understand how those kind of people don’t realize that trying to say “You Must Do X to be Trans” just means they aren’t taking people at their word when it comes to their identity and who they say they are.

as in, the thing that causes us so much pain when cis people do it.

but yknow. it’s sometimes easier to hit the people closest to you when you’re afraid ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think you hit the nail on the head with the last sentence of your first ask.

It's sometimes easier to hit the people closest to you when you're afraid.

Because you're absolutely right. Especially when you view those people as lesser than you in response to their proximity to you. It's a way to make yourself feel big. It's a phenomenon that happens with most bigoted / hateful pipelines. You see it in the working class with the poor, you see it in gay spaces with bi people, you see it in conversations about race and blood quantum / mixed racial identity, you see it with people like marginalized Republicans, etc. etc. etc.

It's easy to try and protect yourself by trying to be one of the good ones in whatever way grants you safety and security. But that's not true safety and security, it's just temporary.

Also 100% - suffering isn't moral. We're not Protestants here and also - I'm sure anon has had some shitty experiences with other trans people. I think most of us have because trans people are not a monolithic force and some of us are absolutely going to hurt each other. That doesn't mean the entire community is at fault for those experiences though.

#asks #anon

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dryococelas01 · 11 months

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As a worm fan I have to speak up about the best character in worm, the greatest hero in worm, a tragic and severely underappreciated character (I've seen like 1 fanfic with him in. And it was a pretty mediocre one imo) and a character I seem to be the only fan of.

The most powerful man in the world. Kevin Norton.

This is gonna be a big ramble and I have not planned this out and it's gonna contain a shit ton of worm spoilers so ignore if you don't want to be spoiled.

And considering its involved in his backstory, trigger warning for homophobia, rape, homelessness, and partner abuse.

Kevin Norton, unhoused gay English man.

We get 2 versions of Kevin's backstory, the one he tells Lisette and the one from scions interlude.

I'm pulling this from memory so please forgive me for errors.

To her he says essentially he went to college, got a girlfriend. Lived with her for a while, and eventually realised he was gay. When he informed his girlfriend it didn't go well, got abusive, and eventually he left, to live on the streets. There he, eventually, found Scion (and Duke, his dog, the more important character). Scion at the time wasn't exactly a hero. He had healed Vikare and his sister and he definitely wasn't a villain, he just sortof floated around. Kevin goes off on him about all Kevin's been through, how dare he look sad etc. And tells him to help people. And Scion listens, and begins to help. Later he meets with Scion a few more times, to talk to him.

Then there's scions interlude. Its about the same, with one slight difference. He explicitly mentions that he has been raped. I don't believe, off the top of my head, that it's made explicit it was his former girlfriend, but l feel that's very obvious.

I live in Britain, and I've seen a lot of people on the streets like Kevin. I doubt any of them are talking to alien god beings but many of them are on the streets for very similar reasons to Kevin. LGBTQ+ people get kicked out a lot when they come out, many do end up on the street like Kevin when the homophobia from their family or partners becomes too much. There are also a lot of people with abusive partners who end up on the street, or who, upon realising they are LGBTQ+, get a very negative response.

He is a character who's suffering a lot. But, and I don't phrase it like this to minimise it, it is a mundane sort of suffering. He didn't end up on the street because Behemoth sent a lightning bolt through his house, or the slaughterhouse nine altered his face to look like Jack Slashes, or even a possible but still unusual form of suffering like Taylors locker.

The tale of Kevin Norton (minus scion) is one that no doubt countless people are going through now. And I know it's kinda tiring that a lot of stories of LGBTQ+ people revolve around our suffering, but idk, I'm fine with it here.

And yet, and this is the thing that sticks in my brain and makes him so intriguing to me, he doesn't ask Scion to fix it. Kevin Norton dies of a disease (cant remember which), and he knows Scion could cure it. The first thing he did was cure a man's cancer. And Scion could easily give him whatever he needs to live, whether directly with his powers or by just yknow, asking Scion to take him to a nearby hero team and going 'hey, I command Scion and made him a hero, I've saved millions of lives through this, can I have a house'.

So... why doesn't Kevin ask for that.

There's 2 answers I can think of, the selfless (but still kinda depressing) and the full on depressing.

The first is that he recognises scion has so many people to save and doesn't want him wasting time he could be spending saving 10 peoples lives to help him live better. In this interpretation, Kevin has made his peace with living on the street, and with his eventual death.

The second is that Kevin Norton is tired. He has suffered a lot, he has lived on the street for years, he has borne the emotional burden of being the man who commands the strongest hero in the world, and he has discovered that he could have done so much more, if he had just phrased things differently. In this interpretation, Kevin Norton just doesn't want to go on.

There's other possible interpretations, but in truth I think it lies somewhere between these.

There's something tragic about him that captures me. The greatest hero in the world, who has likely saved more people than any member of the triumvirate, and he likely dies alone, bar perhaps his dog, with only one other person knowing what he did. His last act as a hero, is to pass on the torch, an act he clearly feels guilty about, knowing the burden its been for him.

And that's captivating to me. And I don't know if I've even fully explained why.

I like to think he died after hearing of Behemoths death. He would know he had fixed his mistake, and performed a last, great act of heroism.

And there's something to say about how, for only a small kindness of money and a few minutes, he made Lisette the most powerful woman in the world. I try, when I can, to give money and time to the people I see on the streets. But I don't always have money, or time, and whenever I walk away I always feel a great amount of guilt. I'd like to think the little helps I give make as big an impact as Lisettes to Kevin's, but I doubt it. We don't have alien god beings.

Perhaps his rant to Scion was unfair. He didn't know Scions perspective or history. Scion could have suffered a lot. But it was very real. An outburst of a man so powerless and suffering to one who seems to have all the power in the world and is doing nothing with it. There's something about that that resonates with me, despite having had a pretty privileged life myself.

Speaking of privilege, this is sortof a tacked on note but there's something interesting to note about the stories 2 more impactful (in setting) gay male characters.

We have Legend and Norton.

Legend has a lot of power and influence, he has a husband and an adopted son. He definitely suffers from homophobia, not taking that away from him, but he lives pretty well. His suffering doesn't come from his living situation, but from external forces: Endbringers, supervillains, the weight of the entity over his head, the lies of his teammates etc. He has done good. He has saved many.

Norton suffers because of his living situation. He suffers very directly from homophobia, as essentially the cause of his living situation. Other than Scion he likely hasn't really been directly impacted by Cape stuff much. He has done good, he has saved many.

They both have such drastically opposite lives, and you can see it in their relationship to the being that plays an important part in both their stories. Scion. To Kevin he's a seemingly mentally broken man who has saved thousands under his direction. To Legend he's a Venus fly trap, an entity appearing heroic waiting to destroy hundreds.

Under a certain perspective, you could argue both are right.

You could also make a point about how privilege can shield you from some of the worst impacts of homophobia and seeing that by comparing them etc etc but I find such conversations often end up being very dismissive and suffering Olympicsy, and don't feel entirely qualified to talk about it as I am a not out trans woman, not a gay man, and only know about that effect of privilege in relation to homophobia second hand, from discussions other people have had. If other people want to talk about that who have more experience there, feel free.

There's more to say about these two characters, but I can't grasp it right now.

One last point I want to make.

Fiction... does not treat people living on the streets very well. It would have been very easy to have Kevin being a raving man, wearing a tinfoil hat and ranting about how powerful he is. And many other stories would have.

And to a degree, he does initially come off as such, and it appears that Lisette, for a moment, thinks he is after hearing him talk about being The Most Powerful Man and so on.

But he isn't. We get in his head and he's never treated as anything but a human being in a terrible situation.

I don't know what else to say about this part of it other than that his interlude is very well done, and while there's a lot you can, and people have, say about how Wildbow handles certain subjects, I think he did well here.

Also he has a cute loyal dog and one of the best interludes in worm.

I stan Kevin Norton

#worm web serial #wildbow #parahumans #worm parahumans #wormblr #worm #Kevin norton #worm scion #scion

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