#just . needed to vent :( you know this is the only ‘social’ platform i have left | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chickentendersnfries · 3 years

Text

Addressing the Situation

Hey Everyone, so myself and some close moots you may know have come across a recurring problem involving someone you might be conscious of on this app. And yes, we have thought this through and we would not be doing this unless we all thought it necessary. This person has been entangled with not one, not two but numerous occurrences where they sexualized, harassed, and made their formal mutuals uncomfortable. You may have noticed that mutuals were plural, that is because we’ve become aware of how many people this has happened to. This person is commonly known and we would like to make a disclaimer that all of our accusations can and will be proven in the following. The said people who have been sexualized, harassed, and pressured include @mira-cant-spell , @noceurwhore , @dr4cking , @ameliasbitvh , @just-a-smol-spoon , and @dracoscum . And those are the ones we are presently mindful of at the moment or who have given our authorization to share with the public. You are probably familiar with most of those blogs because of their popularity and I’d like you to know they’ve all given consent for us to tell you their experiences with this person. The person we want to talk about is @fucky-bucky or more commonly known as Ash. @ameliasbitvh , @pansyspet , and I have spent the past day or two gathering information about everything that has happened.

It started when Mira added Ash on Snapchat, beginning with Ash continuously asking for pictures of Mira herself, which is only slightly concerning, but after Mira agreed and sent the picture and time went on, Ash began trash-talking every single one of Mira’s moots beginning with Rose. She told Mira to stop talking to all of them which led to Mira getting anxious every time she talked to Ash because it felt wrong. She tried to avoid Ash but Ash would pull Mira back in with all sorts of things. If Mira tried to tell Ash that she was tired and busy, Ash would ignore her for the rest of the day without any sort of apology. The guilt and weight of everything led to Mira taking a small break from Tumblr, mostly with hopes that Ash would stop talking to her so often, but once Mira came back Ash continued, starting with more trash talk about Mira’s moots but moving from that to telling Mira that she was the only reason she was still alive, essentially guilt tripping Mira into not leaving her. It may seem normal to have someone who is the only reason you wake up in the morning, but it is not normal that Ash would tell everyone that. Mira tried to give hints that she didn’t want to talk to Ash anymore but she wouldn’t stop, so Mira blocked her. When this happened, Ash tried to contact Mira from a different account. Ash had also tried to contact Cinta from this account as well. Another add-on to the story between Ash and Mira comes in when Mira was still trying to figure out her sexuality and preferences but Ash would make Mira highly uncomfortable by sending Mira NSFW things about characters and celebrities, to which Mira expressed her discomfort. Although Ash didn’t send as many, she played the victim by coming to me and telling me that Mira was annoyed by her and was upset with her when in fact Mira was simply not comfortable with the subject.

As for Cinta, she was sexualized multiple times by Ash, same with Mae. Ash would make up NSFW scenarios of both girls, making both highly uncomfortable as they tried to change the subject but still be friendly towards Ash because they didn’t think it would get too extreme. And everytime Cinta and Ash talking about something Ash would always turned it into herself and turn the topic into sexual things including Cinta in it. As I previously stated, after Cinta blocked Ash, she was contacted by another account made by Ash and the girl was unrelenting. Cinta ended up getting so uncomfortable with Ash that she was scared to unblock Ash for even a minute to get screenshots of their interactions. Both Cinta and Mae tried to play things off with Ash and tried to stay friends with her but her actions continued on multiple social media sites including Instagram. Ash kept creating these scenarios and flirting with her in a not so sfw way even after both Mae and Cinta explained that they were straight. Ash went as far as to question Cinta’s sexual orientation three times over time, and even after being told, Ash continued with her behavior. Ash made up several NSFW scenarios with Mae, even using gifs to show her point, and didn’t stop with just a few.

Now addressing Eve’s experience with Ash which we had an actual conversation about. This one all started from one simple ask further continuing when ash slid into Eve's DMS. The conversation was okay, it wasn’t all weird or NSFW. That was until ash started sexualizing every little thing, there was no time from that point on where Ash did not sexualize Eve, it got to the point where ash sexualized her for using an emoji. A fucking emoji. The rolling eye emoji, telling Eve that if she kept using that emoji that one day ash would make her eyes roll back like that. she sexualized the use of that emoji and made it about eve. and they came to a point where one had ‘caught feelings’ it was a normal conversation turned weird. And with the sudden confession of feelings, Eve felt obligated to say that she also had taken a liking to ash. Which wasn’t true. Another thing that baffles me is that Ash knew nothing about Eve, not even her age, yet still caught feelings? Ash had told her that they would go unlabeled. When Eve finally mustered up the courage to tell Ash that she truly didn’t like her in that way, Ash said that she didn’t either. Meaning that if Eve did have feelings, Ash would have played with them. Which isn’t right. Eve was very uncomfortable with the way that Ash would ‘flirt’ and sexualize her. Ash is also very ignorant. Eve had told her that she was uncomfortable with a certain pet name and emoji, yes I know an emoji. but when using that emoji seriously, it made Eve uncomfortable. When Ash knew that Eve was uncomfortable with these two, she continued to use both of them. Eve had also tried ignoring Ash, trying to give Ash a hint that she no longer wanted to talk to her. But Ash couldn’t see that. Ash went out of her way to text her on almost every platform they had shared. (Eve never wanted to give any social platform to Ash, but out of fear she did) and she also got Mira to contact her and tell her that she is trying to reach out to eve. it’s funny to think that someone online can have so much fucking power over one. manipulation at its finest. Ash had also made a scenario of the both of them, in mafia au, trying to get eve to participate in. This made Eve very uncomfortable, she did not want to participate. Also, Eve would cover her discomfort using sarcasm, to try and pull away from an NSFW topic. But then again Ash did not get the hints and would keep trying. even though giving dry responses would keep her at bay, and that didn’t work. Ash has also talked about Eve behind her back, calling her foul names, including “clown”.

Eve talking: if I’m a clown, she needs to STFU and go back to the circus where she fucking belongs. She was raised in a whole fucking barn, right next to the pigs.

Although Ash’s toxic tendencies towards Jae were much less straightforward, they were still very apparent. The most recent event was the ending of Jae and Ash’s friendship, something that Jae had thought was mutual and non-bitter, it had seemed as though there were no hard feelings. After their parting, Ash approached Jae through asks, showing her a sentence sent on an anonymous platform that said “I miss you as a best friend, IDK why I just left that day. I hope we could talk again soon. -Jae '' which led Jae to explain that she hadn’t just “walked out” on Ash, because the two girls had spent several days on the discussion of their friendship ending and them distancing themselves from one another. Ash continued the conversation by asking Jae if the message had any truth to it, which is when Jae told her that the ending of their friendship was mutual, rather than just Jae leaving Ash behind. After further discussion and set boundaries between them, they parted ways. Jae didn’t expect to hear anything else about Ash but a few weeks later, she heard about the things happening to Cinta, Mae, and Eve. After talking to Cinta for a bit, she found out that Ash had been saying things about her to Cinta. At first, she started with telling Cinta that Jae had caused her to be depressed again (and called her a clown, same as she had done with Eve) and told Cinta that Jae had taken her kindness for granted, was rude the whole time, and went as far as calling Jae a “toxic whore”. Before this, Ash had guilt-tripped Jae into several things, the most prominent and extreme example being when Ash threatened to end their friendship if Jae didn’t call herself pretty. Of course, there was some good intention, but Ash said that it was one of her biggest pet peeves, which is essentially saying that she doesn’t care about Jae’s insecurities. Even before this, Ash had been a confusing subject and had once told Jae “I know that my family and friends and god love me” but was still playing the suicidal card that led to Jae being too afraid to unfriend her. At one point, Jae had gone to rant and vent to Ash, only for Ash to turn it on Jae and try to argue that the relationship between Jae and this person (Jae avoided the person's name to not make them the bad guy in the situation) was toxic. After going back and forth for several minutes, Ash made a post about “dumb people” and people who didn’t listen, something that was pointed towards Ash. After this had happened, Jae found out that Julie had vented to Ash that same day about the same thing, which proved that Ash most likely knew who both of them were talking about. Essentially, Ash had tried to force Jae into believing that her relationship with Julie was toxic and unhealthy, and was very harsh about it at the time.

On the other hand, there were other people, Orion and Ari. They both were uncomfortable with ash and the way that ash had attempted to flirt with the two girls. Ash had called Orion a “hot lesbian”, to which Orion is not lesbian. Orion is also confused about her sexuality too, so the whole interaction had made Orion even more uncomfortable. Ash should’ve respected the fact that Orion was not a lesbian, but instead, she kept pressing it on. Ash is at least the age to know that the things that she is doing and saying are all wrong. Ash has also made Ari feel this way as well. Ash asked Ari if they wanted to see a “video of her lip-syncing a sexy song” which made Ari highly uncomfortable. And you can see that the use of the word ‘uncomfortable’ is used so many damn times and that's saying something. The actions that ash has and had committed are all so fucking sick and she knows it, but cannot bear to admit it because of her ego.

Ash has also admitted to Eve that she is a narcissist, but excused it saying that she was a good narcissist like Harry styles. How did harry styles even correlate to the fact that she is a fucking narcissist, it baffled me?

Ash’s continual flirting wouldn’t be too much of a problem if it hadn’t convinced multiple people that she had a crush on them. It caused them to question if she liked them or if it was just her normal personality because she made no indications that she didn’t like them, however, she did all of that while admitting to having a crush on someone who also had a crush on her. They weren’t in a relationship because Ash “doesn’t like labels” but still apparently liked the person back. Ash refused to stop flirting with other people or set any kinds of boundaries to make it more obvious that Ash liked the person back. Ash repeatedly told the person that she liked them but didn’t like labels which led to more heartbreak on the person’s behalf. When they told Ash this, she simply said that she didn’t like labels and continued flirting with others in her normal manner. What Ash has done is prey on those who don’t feel love and those who want affection, people who want someone, anyone, to care about them, and she puts herself out there as someone who truly cares and wants the best for everyone and begins manipulating people in many different ways, hurting them over and over again but getting away with it because they think she cares about them. She tricks people into thinking that she is nice and caring and sweet but she’s a manipulative and lying person who doesn’t care for anyone but herself. Maybe she was friendly and normal in the beginning but as time goes by you can see just how much she has truly changed, especially when she started getting more attention. When she was first receiving hate anons and death threats she handled them well and loved herself but the minute she started getting attention, she became suicidal and depressed. Not to say that this couldn’t happen, but all of these events make you question if that’s even true. If it is true then of course we would wish that she would get better and make a recovery, but the evidence doesn't make it seem like she truly cares.

As you can see it’s become a problem, and we are all knowledgeable of how many ‘problems’ this app already has. Ash has not only sexualized, harassed, and pressured other people who may I might add trusted her but has also been proved to do this on multiple occasions. If you’ve heard the most recent news here I’m sure you understand our need to abolish such behavior to preserve our small community of mutuals. And maybe this type of stuff isn’t big for you or maybe you don’t care, but this is important because maybe it won’t affect you but it might affect your mutual or someone on here you don’t want this happening to. We’re not in any way threatening anybody here. We want everyone safe and we couldn’t imagine our lives without any of you but we preferred this to be out in the open so that you can make your own decisions. Whether you stick with Ash or acknowledge her unfair actions towards others. You may not want to hear this but it had to be said. Too many of us are getting hurt or discouraged and yeah, maybe it was just for attention in her eyes for ‘fun’. But she can’t possibly have this many ‘feelings’ for that many people, she can’t be able to take advantage of these people's kindness because she feels like it. It's not right, and it's not fair. If this has been done to you or you’ve ever felt uncomfortable talking to Ash we want you to know it's not uncommon for many people who aren’t comfortable sharing have said it's happened to them. If you’re interested or would like proof of evidence contact Eve, Jae, or Lia for more information including screenshots of these conversations. Please do not go to the blogs we’ve mentioned unless they trust you or are close to you. Any inconvenience you cause them won't be in anyone's favor. Hopefully bringing awareness to this situation will prevent further harm to others in the future, and we all sincerely hope that you will avoid Ash and her harmful ways after reading this post.

As of right now, Ash has tried guilt tripping multiple people including @thesunsetsonthehorizon and @angel4you . She has began playing her sad and alone card again in an attempt to guilt them into staying friends with her, but don’t fall for it. Do not listen to her, and if you choose to do so, block her.

221 notes · View notes

buck-nialled · 4 years

Text

Anybody - N. Horan Imagine

NOTE: I sincerely appreciate everybody’s patience with me getting to requests. Sometimes its just nice to take a lil break and write a niall amnesia fic, ya know? anyways, here’s another requested imagine (i combined two because they were vv similar), enjoy!

“You’re telling us you’re still single?” The girl scoffs. “Yeah, right.”

It made your cheeks flame up incredibly and your stomach turn in guilt. Normally, this conversation would not have you so antsy or defensive if it had not been for Niall’s presence beside you. The idea to share lunch with the cast one day and have Niall tag along was entirely your idea, so there was nobody else to throw blame on. You were happy Niall agreed almost immediately to your proposal, despite knowing the repercussions if either of you somehow clued that you were together in front of your friends and especially in public.

Your lifestyles were definitely a commonality in your relationship. The constant interviews and public appearances were what led to the two of you introducing one another. You both had a disposition for complimenting people greatly, but had a difficult time taking them to heart. Your first meeting could be illustrated with the two of you gawking over each other’s work and red cheeks, with the subtle flirtatious remark thrown in. But it was the impetus for the exchanging of numbers, and a couple of dinners and intimate nights shared in the bedroom.

More importantly, it led you here at a restaurant surrounded by your costars for one of Niall’s favorite television shows and the man himself. He claimed it to be one of his favorites before he even met you, which you still doubt to be the truth, but you never pushed him for validity. The question from your costar, who could also be considered one of your closest friends, left both you and Niall stunned for a moment.

“Oh, come on. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“You’ve got guys crawling over you all the time.” Another chimes in. You could not argue his point; it happened every time you stumbled across a male fan of the show, over twitter direct messages or blatantly in response to something you posted online. Even during interviews some male hosts would flatter you in the objective to get in your pants, in spite of how clear you made your interests to be platonic.

“So, I can’t be independent and say ‘no’?” You raised your eyebrows, feeling inferior to your colleagues. Unlike them, having a public relationship was off of the table.

“You can. But admit it, you could literallu have anybody, Y/N.” Your friend looks around the table, earning many nods of agreement. You wish every day to wake up and just have the world know your secret. But it did not work like that.

Your publicist immediately refuted the idea of publicly dating when you mentioned your affair with the musician. She went ballistic, claiming you were insane to just post a picture of the two of you to your socials with the mindset of “whatever happens, happens”. It would lead to speculation, which will lead to a closer eye on the two of you and your every move, she argues. Her demands made you want to keep your mouth shut about your fear of being mobbed by cameras off of the red carpet before this conversation. She went on to say the longer you were “available” in the eye of the public, the more popular you would grow. Teenage boys would fawn over you, their girlfriends would google you to see what the hype about you was and hate-stalk you, which would result in a larger following.

Having that disappear all because you were off of the market would make your numbers plummet and lose grip of your male demographic. You were nearly tuning her voice out by this point, until she pointed out that Niall was probably in the same boat. Girl’s loved him; guys were fuming over him. Bigger album sales, followers for days, until the announcement that one of the world’s biggest heartthrobs is officially taken.

You informed Niall about the conversation later that day. And as much as he wanted to say it was bullshit, he could not. It was true. He had attempted many times to present the relationship reveal presentation to his manager and publicist, but both shut him down the moment he began to speak. As of now, both of you were bound by contract to keep your lips shut.

Niall’s aura screamed its independence, so there was no speculation circling him lately about a possible affair. You however, were fresh meat. The new, hottest thing one of few top, trending shows. Everybody wanted to know your whereabouts and who you we’re hanging around with everyday, all day. And it never really seemed to stop.

The night your followers on various media platforms doubled, then tripled, then quadrupled in a matter of hours was when you needed to turn off all receiving notifications. Messages, mentions and questions were flooded to your phone at such a rapid rate that your phone froze. If a photo was even published online of you hugging a man, you would be interrogated about it for the next five interviews following that day.

Recently, the man in question has been your co-star in the series, Ryan. It was clear in the show that your and his character had major chemistry, but outside of the set, Ryan acted like more of a brother figure than anything. He would scare you whenever you turned random corners in the studio, ruffle your hair and bicker with you at any opportunity.

Many gossip news sources were asking both you and your co-star if the relationship between your characters was the same on-screen and off-screen. But it seemed the countless amounts of “no’s” you both delivered immediately after the question was asked was not enough. The other day, a video of him handing you a water bottle with a smile gained thousands of views overnight, as well as theories that you two were hiding a relationship from the public. It could not be further from the truth, but you and Ryan knew it was useless to comment otherwise.

In fact, everybody around you was discouraging the idea to cancel the rumors. All except one person, who always seemed to be cheering you on in your worst moments. And by the eighth week and hundredth photo of you and Ryan allegedly “confirming” your relationship, you had enough.

You stormed into Niall’s apartment with hot feet. You passed by him and paced his kitchen, while he sat up from the couch. Turning down the volume on the golf match playing on the television, he ventures after you and into the kitchen, finding you scavenging his fridge.

“Hang on.” You held up a finger, before retrieving a cold bottle of booze from the fridge. Niall eyes you carefully in your haste to grab the bottle opener already accessible off of his kitchen island and pop the bottle cap off the drink and down half of it. While you guzzle down the drink, Niall gulps, licking his lips.

Chugging a beer, as weird as it sounded, was one of the hottest things Niall had witnessed you do to date.

“Okay,” you slammed the near empty bottle down, taking a deep breath of preparation. “Go ahead.”

“What happened?” He already knew the answer, but it could not hurt to ask. He figured if it bothered you too much to speak about it, you would deny answering. But, considering he was the only person who allowed you to rant to him, you were not going to throw away the opportunity to do so.

“More shit about me and—” That’s the farthest you could let Niall peek at your day before a familiar ringing noise sounds in the kitchen. Niall releases a sigh as you collect your phone from your back pocket, seeing who was calling.

“It’s Ry—”

“Take it. It’s okay.” Niall assures, without you even having to ask. You nod, promising to be quick, though he knew it would be at least twenty minutes before your attentions could turn back to him. That is, if another article was not sent to you about the situation.

“Hey…yeah I saw…” you eye Niall strolling out of the kitchen, his bare back and tense muscles prominent from your view. “Uh huh…” you murmur, before you and Ryan are venting about your day to one another. All of the interrogations at interviews, the photos people had snuck while touring the set, and the trailer for the newest episode that was just dropped. The trailer went viral within two hours because your editors and marketing team decided to include the kissing scene your two character’s shared in that episode along with the montage of other points. By the time you had ended the call, you found Niall showered and lying on his bed. The television in the living room was black, a sign that the golf match ended much earlier.

“Hey…sorry about that.” You mumble, crawling into his bed beside him.

“It’s okay…I assume you don’t want to talk about your day?” He inquires, looking down as you wind an arm over his stomach.

“W-what makes you…”

“I mean, I don’t want you to waste your breath or anything. Judging by the earful you gave Ryan it must’ve been juicy.” Niall remarks through his teeth.

“I was just—”

“Because why waste your time talking to me about it, right?”

“Niall! Stop!” You yell, allowing a heavy silence to fall in between you two. You take your arm away from his middle and sit up, brows scrunching. “Why are you acting like this?” You ask, tone quieter.

“I…don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m just…I’ve been in my head a lot lately. Thinkin’ about lots of things.” He huffs, turning his gaze down to his legs.

“Like?”

“Like…us.” He answers, face solid.

“What about us?” You hesitate with a trembling voice.

“Well, more like how there isn’t an us.” Niall mumbles, voice gravelly. “To everyone else, anyway.” He breathes, trying a smile but with no avail. The sight delivers a brutal sting to your heart.

“Niall…”

“I know we can’t tell anybody; I know.” He rushes out before you could remind him. “But shit, can we at least act like they do when you’re here?” Your lips part, but fail to generate the right words. “Because right now it kind of seems like I don’t exist when Ryan calls and—and when I ask about your day first but he interrupts, it seems like I can’t get a sound out of you after about it. And damnit, Y/N, I want to hear about it! All of it! And having to listen through the walls just to know you’re okay…”

“Yeah?” You whisper.

“I see what everybody else does. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.” You nod, biting your lip to hold back tears much like Niall was doing judging by his crackling voice. The only reason you really spilled your guts to Ryan was that he was in the same exact position you were in, so he would understand you the most. But that was not entirely true. Because right in front of you sat Niall, who was hiding just as much as you were for the same exact reasons.

“I’m…I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Yeah,” Niall sniffs, “who could blame ya? Ya never have time to ask.”

“And that’s not right.” You shake your head, bringing your body up to straddle his lap. After swinging a bent leg over both of his, and situating yourself over his thighs, you stare into his eyes with a shameful gaze. “It should never be like that. I should tell you about my day, and ask you about yours and…I’m sorry, Niall. I’m so sorry I haven’t.”

“It’s okay—” He tilts his head down, but your hand grabs a hold of his chin scraggly with hair and lifts it back up.

“No, it’s not.” You decree. “To be honest, the reason I never really talk about it is because…I thought it wouldn’t matter to you?” At your admission, Niall’s eyes bulge. The feeling of his warm hands flying to your hips calms both of you to an extent.

“Why would ya think that, love?”

“Wouldn’t you be annoyed hearing me rant about some guy people think I’m dating?” Niall nods his head, understanding your point.

“I suppose…but I’d be angry with you. I’d be on your side.” Niall guarantees with a firm squeeze to your sides. It makes a giggle bubble up from your throat, and a smile crawl up to his lips at the sound of it resounding against his bedroom walls. After bringing his hands in yours and lacing your fingers together, you say, “I’m sure you would. You’d hold me…pleasure me…sing me to sleep.” You smirk, watching Niall grow flush beneath you at his noticeable methods of affection.

“Ryan can’t do any of that.” You bite your lip.

“Damn right he can’t! You’re mine.” Niall looks you up and down, pulling your chest closer to his.

“And I’ll start taking that into consideration more. Now, how about I pleasure you this time to start?” You raise your eyebrows.

“I like the sound of that.” His hand starts to reach up to comb through your hair, but the boisterous rings of your phone interfere once again. Niall heaves a breath and sits back, all while you roll your eyes and reach out for the phone.

“Hey, Ryan.” Niall looks up at you, expecting in less than a second to be off of his lap. But he is rather surprised at the feeling of your hand reaching up to tug the loose sweats down off his waist. “You mind if we talk tomorrow? My boyfriend and I are kind of in the middle of something.” You answer with a smirk, watching Niall’s eyes grow right before you. Ryan’s screams of puzzlement could be heard by Niall as you dragged the phone away from your ear and ended the call. And soon, your grip made its way back to Niall’s boxers with a devious smirk on your lips.

“Now, where were we?”

407 notes · View notes

the-stoned-priestess · 3 years

Text

Keen Pros and Cons

I know it's only been my 2nd day as a paid "psychic". But I quickly learned a thing or two about working for Keen. Besides being the best platform and easy to navigate and pays daily, there are some good and bad things about being a new advisor.

Pros

Clients are polite most of the time by giving you thier names.

Some people are slow to type causing the clock to count the minutes you are paid. Longer times = more pay.

You can go offline whenever and for ever long you want. I take small breaks here and there to vent to my bf about a difficult client, take a dump, eat, play with Barry, and check social media.

You can work from anywhere.

You get paid DAILY!

Cons

Difficult people. Because you are getting paid by the minute they want thier answer in 2 minutes. Sometimes it's not possible. It triggers my anxiety and I know it causes me to lose clients. It is what it is. Difficult people won't get what they want.

Reviews. Well it's actually a good and bad thing. I don't look at my reviews because I know it will mess me up either way. But if a difficult person is having a bad day, they will fuck up your ratings.

Sometimes you don't get to finish your reading. The timer goes up and even though I'm notified that there's 1 minute left, I'm still trying to finish my process. So it looks like I'm baiting them into paying more money for me to finish a sentence. I don't like that. Sure it makes me money but I don't like it. The whole rush rush rush of it all.

Not a lot of stuff. Today I didn't make my goal of 200 tonight but I came close. There is always tomorrow and the next couple of days. I'm very happy with my experience working for Keen. I feel as I get more experience on thier platform and doing text readings vs emails or Tumblr asks I'll get more comfortable. It feels like I'm being put on the spot and with the time ticking and people rushing me to answer thier question, it triggers anxiety. I just really need to work on it.

#tarot community #ask a psychic #witchblr #free readings #psychic #tarot readings #psychics #psychics of tumblr #tarot cards #tarot readers #psychic jobs #psychic job #keen #keen psychic

12 notes · View notes

kryptsune · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday UT... -_-;

🌼Ok I am going to say a few things that may be off putting to some people... please be aware this is my opinion and just how I feel in general. This is just something I want to get off my chest... this is a very serious topic so please read with that in mind.

I am sure some people remember the Dear UT Fandom post that I made a while back. This is an extension to that. After stepping away from the fandom I have seen more trends that have left a VERY sour taste in my mouth. This fandom used to be welcoming and passionate but lately I have seen some behaviors that I can only classify as immature, narcissistic, and entitled. Now I am not saying everyone in the fandom is like this, no, far from but as someone that has been in the UT pit for a very long time... It is disheartening to say that the more of this I see the more I begin to question if people actually UNDERSTAND what the game was trying to say to begin with. I am going to go on record here to say that I am seriously tired. On a level that I did not think was possible. I still love what I have created and I still enjoy the content that my friends put forth that will never change. At the same time with my split from the fandom I have realized that if you are not in then you are out. In other words those connections you once had seem to break down because you are no longer in the fandom 24/7? Is that... ok? Sure people have different interests but you don’t just drop people because they aren’t in the thick of it like they used to be. What... how? I don’t even understand that. In addition I have been seeing some highly toxic people spouting some shipping war garbage. Now I know what you are thinking... but Kit you have been dealing with that for years! Yes, sadly but this is where I draw the line. Look I know certain ships are not everyones cup of tea. You all know I am personally uncomfortable with Fontcest and Sanscest content. THAT IS MY OPINION. I am and will always be a RISK girl. That said... I have increasingly seen people become extraordinarily hostile when it comes to this.

I am not going to name who I saw this from because honestly I don’t want to give them the platform but... come on guys. It’s easy to filter tags. Does it always work? No.. but it’s a start. It’s what I do. You really have to check yourself when you go on your blog to call out a specific group of people calling them things like “sick fucks”. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you can tear down the people that do. Their argument for this was something along the lines of... again the same beaten to death annoying excuse I get every single damn time, pedophilia. They are even claiming that those that make older adult versions are also in this category. The truth of the matter is they are spouting out mindless generalizations in favor of their own outcome... Yes, I am a Frans shipper. It makes me happy but let me tell you a little story. When I first played the game I had no shipping at all. It was a cute little game that I thought had a very profound message to tell. Then I got into the RP side of things. I have always kind of been a person that is into the dark stuff so I auditioned for Fell Frisk, hence my old username. Do you know why I started shipping Frisk with Red? Because of the interactions between my version of Frisk, which would eventually grow into Underworld Frisk, and my friends version of Red. Let’s be honest here... Red is NOT Sans. At least their version wasn’t. It was their own, an OC in a Sans the skeleton skin. That is where my love came from because I will tell you right now... the Red that existed and one I still see from time to time... I LOATHED. I hated his character so much.

My point in telling this story is that people automatically assume that I looked at the game and went HECK YEAH they should be a couple. Absolutely not. In fact it was quite the opposite. I fell in love with a characterization under that same same. So before people go pointing fingers maybe they should stop and actually think. Not everything is cut and dry. I am sorry if I am pontificating a little bit but I can’t help myself. I am sick of seeing “you need to see help” posts by people that refuse to actually take the time to get to know people.

That is one of the main problems of social media. How well do you actually know someone? The answer... you probably don’t. Ok I am going to pull back from my soap box. Look... I love this fandom it has been very good to me but I am glad that I am out of it now. I made the @fallenfellfrisk blog for you all who have supported me and enjoy that kind of content because as a creator I love interacting with people. I know people want to see more of those designs and I eventually will deliver them but for now... I hope you enjoy and support this massive Hell Lore world build I have been working on. It’s going to be crazy and it’s honestly a lot of fun to play in. So to end this very long “vent” enjoy what you enjoy and don’t be a jerk about it. Don’t put others down and accuse them of things that are not even remotely true. Instead of being so one way or the other people need to really think about a few things. We are all human beings. We are all individuals. Not everyone is going to agree with what you have to say. THAT IS OK. There are ways to shield yourself from the content you do not like. Do not attack your followers. Do not call them names. Do not treat people like garbage or spread rumors about them effectively separating them from the ones they care about.

Try to remember that your actions have consequences and that your behaviors even more so. Be the best person you can be and remember the humanity of others. Be a positive influence in life and not a toxic egotistical and narcissistic asshole demanding something of someone else. Be... well... kind.

Today is the day... Happy birthday... Undertale.

#kit talks #vent #undertale #thoughts

67 notes · View notes

rametarin · 3 years

Text

TERFs are wrong. But, so are social constructionist Gender Theorists

You know it is not a question of one extreme or the other. As much as both like to think they are morally right and have “the science” on their side, they don’t. Both are god damned annoying, totalitarian, and are interpreting reality and what that means in order to browbeat and push others, both socially and legally, towards doing things based on what those mean.

Both are trying to control the parameters of all things based on the fundamentals by their interpretation of reality, not by the objective facts. Both are wrong.

TERFs are not wrong in that someone that is born with XY chromosomes and a standard male sex conforming body is male, and you need dysphoria in order to be trans. They are not wrong that your gender is not just a wily nily purely social construct.

They are, however, wrong about absolutely everything else regarding what those genders MEAN, where they’re derived from and why they were derived that way.

And the social constructionists aren’t wrong in that we should make exceptions to the biological rule for people with transgenderist disorders of the mind and brain. But, they are wrong in that so many are totalitarian. They do not want these exceptions to be exceptions, they want the very basis and fundamental understanding, how we define gender and sex, to change to be based not on biological empiricism, facts or truth, but by legal and social oughts and things they argue “should be held true else it demoralizes and oppresses a minority.”

There are not, “millions of genders.” There’s your basic standard assed functioning, and then there’s a disorder we otherwise can’t do anything with or about right now where it’d simply more healthy for everybody around if we let them live with the identity that is in their minds and body.

Furthermore, the nonbinarist movement needs to stop being such a cowardly little bitch and argue for itself outside the umbrella of trans rights, because it sits there demanding changes and exceptions and validations be made for it on the basis of bowing to trans rights, when it itself hasn’t stepped out of its parasitic sphere to fight for any on its own. Strategically using trans rights as a platform for both offensive and defensive purposes.

TERFs, up to now, have been virtually unchallengable because, “you must be a horrible right wing fundamentalist religious monster to oppose EQUALITY for WOMEN!” And they’ve just skirted on that since the 60s. Which was absolute hell trying to convince anybody that radical feminism was nonsense and harbored deep, authoritarian bends on takes with social ramifications. Yall were in their corner when they were talking about how, “society” needed to give women, exclusively, help to go to college because of past oppressions. But when someone tried to tell you they had weird obsessions with vaginas and using them as rubber stamps for whom gets special treatment and privileges and exceptions to defaults that make men do dirty work and women get clean pay? Deafening silence.

But the minute TERFs don’t want transwomen in their magical witch girl’s clubs, fucking with the cosmology? Ohho they’re visible now. You can see their bullshit now. They’re weirdos drawing female symbols and self-portraits with menstrual blood and making hacky poems about their uterus, now. They’re bad people now. You can actually see they weren’t, “being hyperbolic” or “just venting about the evil MEN around them” now. Hahahahaa. Hilarious.

TERFs are wrong. Point blank. But so are the social constructionist extremists and postmodernists behind the appropriated bandwagon of what calls itself the trans rights and nonbinarist rights movement in the west. The basis for which they’ve defined their norms is not one of reality, but “oughts” and “should be’s” and “must bes” and “or else”s. To the point where they invented a slur specifically to denounce those that do not share their view. “Bioessentialist.”

That makes as much sense as calling someone a dirty, “bioessentialist” because they say you need to be an elephant, to be an elephant. Yes, you do need the physical, biological characteristics to really BE that which you aspire to be. No, you don’t get to redefine what an elephant is to force the elephant to “identify” as an elephant so something that is not an elephant can also be an elephant.

If misgendering someone is triggering for a minority, it’s just as triggering when you deny someone’s sexuality or gender when they’re hetero and cis. And many are repulsed by the idea that the reason they’re compatible with their sex and gender conformation is because they, “made a choice.” For that matter, if you’re actually transgendered and not some bandwagoneering asshole, being trans isn’t a choice either. It’s a psychological and neurological impossibility to be anything else, not a lifestyle, not a hobby, not a “preferred state of mind.” Arguing anything else is arguing not for trans rights, but for psycho-social dominance in law.

And if you think misgendering someone that’s transgendered is bad, people that make up at MOST, 0.7% of the human species, and some say as few as 0.3% of the human species (people with cleft lips, born missing limbs and more are born more often) then what the FUCK do you think it is, redefining the identities and realities of 99.3% to 99.7% of the human animal, not to mention how every other animal works? (not counting some exceptions like clownfish.)

Gender is not, wholly, a social construct. It’s a derivative and pluto’s shadow from SEX. SEX is not psychological. Sex is not negotiable. Sex is biological and disease can make it express incorrectly or correctly to function as intended by natural selection. Gender is only a social construct in that some cultures have assigned thoughts and characteristics and responsibilities for people on the basis of said sexual role. That’s it.

But people that try to live purely in the psychological sphere or argue that sphere belongs in the dominant position for mankind try to argue it’s the only one that really matters, and while we’re at it, lets let the minority dictate what is normal and rational and good. So their believe gender as feelings supersedes sex as reality.

And why would they argue this? Because they’re, “just such big fans of trans rights?” No. Because they hate disparity and immutable, biological difference. And so want to use the arbitration of human law and culture to marginalize it and pretend it doesn’t exist- to where using technology to circumvent it and the penal system to enforce that view seems like a reasonable, moral thing to strive for. Trans rights for these people have always just been a nice coat of paint to put their real activism under.

And the biggest bitch of it all is, Radical Feminists and Trans Inclusive Radical Feminists and Social Constructionists all receive their marching orders from the same ideology. The same stupid take that says bugger reality, live in a communal fantasy and enforce everybody else to live in it, too. Else they’re a bad person. Else they’re a fascist. They merely differ in the rules and the fundamental parameters.

Know the difference between, “this person is bad and they should be shamed for their beliefs because they are bad,” and, “This person is bad because they’re sitting on a throne that I want to sit on as is rightfully mine.” TIRFs don’t hate TERFs because they’re wrong, they hate them because they’re in the middle of a power grab.

But we have the opportunity to end this “Critical Lens” shitshow forever. Both sides are exposed and showing their true colors as terrible ideologies and people. Both sides are showing their totalitarianism in the form of competitive propaganda and using the legal system to get their way based on past manipulations and exploitations they got from lying to a public that didn’t want to be misogynistic or prejudiced against the transgender.

All it takes is connecting the dots and understanding just how and why it’s not a matter of “bitter evil borderline-conservative Karens Vs. noble oppressed transgenders.”

TERFs are fucking NOT conservatives. They’re typically the same far-left assholes as the TIRFs. They differ ONLY in that they believe critical theory fucking STOPS at the immutable reality of biological sex, because they stand to lose dominance if it’s not immutable- so they demand it be CONSIDERED immutable. Their status as oppressed inherently, hinges on it.

So that’s it then. You’re left with no real heroes in this fight. But if you take anything away from what I’m telling you today, it’s that you can argue legally for trans rights. Just, on the basis as exception to the biological basis, as has been proven. Asterisks. Hyphens. Acknowledging the reality that the existence of the transgendered does not negate the reality of biological sex, nor those whose genders are a direct result of their biological sex as the norm.

It’s not bigotry to sexually discriminate to some degrees. When dealing with subjectives, it’s a matter of argument. When dealing with biological realities and imperatives, opinion is irrelevant to the self-evident realities, and interpretation matters less than the reality.

But to those that believe any discrimination based on physical differences or state is inherently wrong, just the idea of male and female being two different, named things, (”classes”, if you will) with different, “unequal” functions and capacity, fills them with rage.

Your moralism stops where nature begins. Period.

6 notes · View notes

rpbetter · 3 years

Text

Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

You are always welcome to send me an ask or private message requesting a particular trigger be tagged for you. I try to check blogs I see following, especially if I follow back, so that I can tag what you require. However, I’m a person, I’m an ND, ill, busy person though, I do make mistakes!

If you find yourself desirous of telling me to tag in a hateful way, don’t. You will not be responded to with an apology and kindness. Do not be rude, it’s uncalled for when informing someone of a problem or making a request.

I will run the blog largely on a queue, and will not be following many people back. This is not personal! I just like to try to provide content at many different times, have a life elsewhere, and I am so happy that you love your fandom, but it might not be something I’ve enough interest in to have on my dash.

Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

I highly encourage asks and submissions on any and all RP topics, and it’s perfectly alright to be salty as fuck in them, you can totally vent here, but don’t take out your frustration on me or be demanding of me. I am always happy to help with information, advice, or just a response to your venting-it’s important to know someone is listening. However, it may take me a few days to a week to get to you, be patient.

If you are going to vent, leave out usernames. This isn’t a callout or burnbook blog. It’s fine to state characters and fandoms, but if this becomes a problem, it’ll have to change. I don’t want this becoming a salt blog for one or two fandoms I very likely can’t even stand. Practice the fine art of alluding to things, its good experience for your writing! Besides, RPC problems are RPC problems, I promise. It might feel like it’s just your fandom, but there is something relatable in all corners.

I will not overly police comments. Keep the slurs and shit out of it, though. If there is an issue going on pertaining to a serious instance of hate speech, or behavior I, personally, deem as too inappropriate and/or immature to be taking place on my post, I will step in. Otherwise, I expect everyone to be adults in the comments and reblogs too. If you want to argue with each other, that’s your business. If you want to argue with me, I’m not sorry in advance.

Addition to the above: this is not a blog in which it will be tolerated that commentators or those submitting with the URLS are targeted for callouts, shaming, or other instances of bullying. No, I cannot make those people stop bothering you by blocking them, but the least I can do is address that by shutting down their access to this blog and it’s posts by blocking on the URLs I have for them. And I will. Fuck that “we can’t be responsible for” shit. It’s my blog, it’s my content I’m putting out there, I’m not going to just ignore shit like what went down over on COAR, thanks. Not. Cool.

This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

anti-original character/just wants to fuck a FC or canon character club, get the fuck out immediately

y’all who see writing as an obstacle to getting down to action, be that smut, drama, or fight scenes...it’s literally a writing hobby

politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

#pinned post #tumblr rpc #rph #rp help #rp advice #rpbetter

8 notes · View notes

wanderingcas · 3 years

Note

hey so I saw you post a couple things about not wanting negative comments on your fics and I feel rly bad bc I think if you were vagueposting it may have been in response to the comment I left on your most recent chapter of ascend (I’ve since deleted it, though if it’s still in your inbox I’m sorry I can’t remove that as well). I did read it through before I hit submit, but after seeing what you said I went back, and can see how it could have been interpreted that way; I can tell my tone was just way off, especially for the platform. I’m autistic and have done a lot of work to improve my communication skills and convey appropriate tone, but I still bungle it up sometimes, and I’m sorry about that.

Things get messy on the internet for a variety of reasons, basic miscommunication being one, blurring of boundaries another, mismatch of expectations, etc etc; my intention was to be conversational, like wondering about a plot point not touched on, sandwiched between things I really liked about it. In retrospect I am seeing that even if that tone had been appropriately conveyed, that’s still a boundary you would prefer not to be crossed, particularly not in that setting uninvited.

Tumblr can add a layer of complexity bc of how friendly and informal and blunt so much of it is, and I think perhaps because I’ve read so much of your work and follow you here, it skewed the relationship baseline I was aiming from. For example, if I were talking to a friend about their work, I believe that tone would be less likely to cause hurt or offense, if that makes sense, or at least that has been my experience...though now that I’m thinking about it, still maybe not on a public comment platform! So again I am realizing the layers of my error here.

I’m not explaining to minimize your feelings or absolve myself of blame, but because by describing it this way I better understand what I did, where I went wrong, and how to improve going forward. I would rather be embarrassed and work through it than experience this social faux pas and be too ashamed to leave comments at all in the future. I can understand the position you have taken about not wanting negative comments, and I definitely get that you and all fic authors and other fanwork creators put in the time and effort and make yourselves vulnerable by sharing that effort for free, only hoping for some positive feedback in response.

Although I’ve definitely had good interactions with some authors over the years via comments and included some not-exclusively-positive feedback without issue, it’s wrong to assume that that is everyone’s stance. It’s absolutely every author’s prerogative to decide what types of comments to accept, and I mean that without judgment. As a non-neurotypical person (who often needs explicit statements of acceptable social behavior to adequately modulate my communication), this has reminded me that it is safer and kinder to assume that someone wants positive-only until otherwise demonstrated.

I apologize for any hurt caused by my inappropriate and badly phrased comment. Thank you for sharing your work, and for enforcing your boundary about what type of comment you’d prefer to accept.

hi, anon! just to clarify - are you the commenter that made a post about wanting more of Jack in the epilogue? Because i want to absolve you of some blame right now - I actually wasn't vagueposting toward you at all. I got really bad anon hate yesterday? two days ago? toward my fic (I deleted it, blocked the anon, and never posted it), as well as anons in the past - and I've also been seeing fellow writer friends go through some of the same issues. My post was less of a vague post necessarily and more of a general "let's review fandom etiquette" lol. Know that my post about that, and the subsequent discourse with that anon, was absolutely not directed at you.

When I got your comment I will admit it made me a little uncomfy - mostly because when I've gotten those comments in the past, they're layered with an added "this is what I wanted and you didn't do it so I'm angry and telling you about it", but that's not what you did in your comment - I understood where you were coming from, even if it did make me pause a bit. So i just want to let you know that you shouldn't feel shame or awkward or anything like that. I agree that tone and intention can get lost over the internet, and the relationship between reader and author can be tricky sometimes - particularly if you want to offer an opinion that might not be taken as completely positive? But it sounds like you are aware of that, and I do appreciate you taking the time to self-reflect.

And just as a quick note - in the past, there have been fics I've asked to get feedback on from readers - like La Hantise, for example, which I since deleted to rework as an original fic. I really wanted readers to point out what parts worked for them, and what parts didn't, and I specifically stated that in the author's notes on every chapter. Looking back, that may have been why our signals crossed got crossed, if you've been following my fics before. And usually I am pretty open to opinions in comments? But "ascend" in particularly has gotten some really entitled, really awful comments (again, not putting yours in that category!) so I've had to guard myself a bit with that fic. Maybe it's because it's a fix it fic, and everyone wants different things out of the finale to be fixed. Maybe it's because tensions are high. I dunno. Either way, i've had to build some walls around myself so i don't want to stop posting supernatural fic altogether lol.

So yeah, this is a messy way of saying - thank you for coming to apologize in case you needed to, but know the post wasn't about you. It was a general vent about the unwanted criticism and vitriol that some writers have been receiving lately on their fics. Like, really mean-spirited stuff lol. It wasn't my intention to make anyone paranoid, especially because comments on fics are great and lovely and I'm not about to drag anyone through the mud even if a comment made me a little sad, but I can tell their intentions are good. Usually in that case I just disengage and think about how to process it on my own end. <3

That all being said, i really really appreciate you taking the time to come to my inbox and say all this. You're one of the good ones, you really are. And people like you make me want to keep posting fic. Truly.

#anon ask #answered ask #there's a definite difference between a comment that makes me sigh a little and go 'hmm okay wish they hadn't said that but shrug'#and a comment that makes me go 'oh no that person is MEAN'#it's a huge gap between the two and it's easy to tell the difference usually!#so yeah not referring to comments like yours <3 #i was actually gearing up a reply to yours this morning when i realized you had deleted it #because you also did say some really lovely stuff <3

6 notes · View notes

johnrossbowie · 3 years

Text

LEAVING TWITTER

I wrote this earlier in the fall, before the election, after dissolving my Twitter account. I wasn’t sure where to put it (“try up your ass!” – someone, I’m sure) and then I remembered I have a tumblr I never use. Anyway, here tis.

How do you shame someone who thinks Trumps’ half-baked policies and quarter-baked messaging put him in the pantheon of great Presidents? How do you shame someone so lacking in introspection that they will call Obama arrogant while praising Trump’s decisiveness and yet at the same time vehemently deny that they’re racist? How do you shame someone for whom that racism is endearing and maybe long overdue?

You don’t. It’s silly to think otherwise.

Twitter is an addiction of mine, and true to form, my dependence on it grew more serious after I quit drinking in 2010. At first it was a chance to mouth off, make jokes both stupid and erudite and occasionally stick my foot in my mouth (I owe New Yorker writer Tad Friend an apology. He knows why, or (God willing) he’s forgotten. Either way. Sorry.) I blew off steam, steam that was accumulating without booze to dampen the flames. Not always constructive venting, but I also met new friends, and connected with people whose work I’ve admired for literal decades and ended up seeing plays with Lin-Manuel Miranda and hanging backstage with Jane Wiedlin after a Go-Go’s show and exchanging sober thoughts with Mike Doughty. When my mom passed in 2018, a lot of people reached out to tell me they were thinking of me. This was nice. For a while, Twitter was a huge help when I needed it.

I used to hate going to parties and really hated dancing and mingling, but a couple of drinks would fix that. Point is, for a while, booze was a huge help, too.

But my engagement with Twitter changed, and I started calling people my ‘friends’ even though I’d never once met them or even heard their voices. These weren’t even penpals, these were people whose jokes or stances I enjoyed, so with Arthurian benevolence I clicked on a little heart icon, liked their tweet, and assumed therefore that we had signed some sort of blood oath.

We had not. I got glib, and cheap, and a little lazy. And then to make matters much worse, Trump came along and extended his reach with the medium.

There was a while there where I thought I could be a sort of voice for the voiceless, and I thought I was doing that. I tried very hard to only contribute things that I felt were not being said – It wasn’t accomplishing anything to notice “Haha Trump looks like he’s bullshitting his way through an oral report” – such things were self-evident. I tried to point out very specific inconsistencies in his policies, like the Muslim ban meant to curb terrorism that still favored the country that brought forth 13 of the 9/11 hijackers. Like his full-throated cries against media bias performed while he suckled at Roger Ailes’ wrinkly teat. Like his fondness for evangelical votes that coincided with a scriptural knowledge that lagged far behind mine, even though I’m a lapsed Episcopalian, and there is no one less religiously observant than a lapsed Episcopalian. But that eventually gave way to unleashing ad hominem attacks against his higher profile supporters, who I felt weren’t being questioned enough, who I felt were in turn being fawned over by theirdim supporters. If you’re one of these guys, and you think I’m talking about you, you’re probably right, but don’t mistake this for an apology. You suck, and you support someone who sucks, and your idolatry is hurting our country and its standing in the world. Fuck you entirely, but that’s not the point. The point is that me screaming into the toilet of Twitter helps no one – it doesn’t help a family stuck at the border because they’re trying to secure a better life for their kids. It doesn’t help a poor teenager who can’t get an abortion because the party of ‘small government’ has squeezed their tiny jurisdiction into her uterus. It doesn’t help the coal miner who’s staking all his hopes on a dying industry and a President’s empty promises to resurrect it. I was born in New York City, and I currently live in Los Angeles. Those are the only two places I’ve ever lived, if you don’t count the 4 years I spent in Ithaca[1]. So, yes, I live in a liberal bubble, and while I’ve driven across the country a couple of times and did a few weeks in a touring band and am as crushed as any heartlander about the demise of Waffle House, you have me dead to rights if you call me a coastal elitist. And with that in mind, I offer few surprises. A guy who grew up in the theater district and was vehemently opposed to same-sex marriage or felt you should own an AR-15? THAT would be newsworthy. I am not newsworthy. I can preach to the choir, I can confirm people’s biases, but I will likely not sway anyone who is eager to dismiss a Native New Yorker who lives in Hollywood. I grew up in the New York of the 1970s, and that part of my identity did shape my politics. My mom’s boss was gay and the Son of Sam posed a realistic threat. As such, gays are job creators[2] and guns are used for homicide much more often than they are used for self-defense[3]. I have found this to be generally true over the years, and there’s even data to back it up.

“But Mr. Bowie,” you might say, though I insist you call me John - “those studies are conducted by elitist institutions and those institutions suck!” And again, I am not going to reason with people who will dismiss anything that doesn’t fit their limited world view as elitist or, God Help Us, fake news. But the studies above are peer-reviewed, convincing, and there are more where those came from.

“But John,” you might say, and I am soothed that we’re one a first name basis - “Can’t you just stay on Twitter for the jokes?” Ugh. A) apparently not and B) the jokes are few and far between, and I am 100% part of that problem.

I have stuff to offer, but Twitter is not the place from which to offer it.

After years of academically understanding that Twitter is not the real world, Super Tuesday 2020 made the abstract pretty fucking concrete. If you had looked at my feed on the Monday beforehand – my feed which is admittedly curated towards the left, but not monolithic (Hi, Rich Lowry!) – you’d have felt that a solid Bernie surge was imminent, but also that your candidate was going surprise her more vocal critics. When the Biden sweep swept, when Bernie was diminished and when Warren was defeated, I realized that Twitter is not only not the real world, it’s almost some sort of Phillip K. Dickian alternate timeline, untethered to anything we’re actually experiencing in our day to day life. This is both good news and bad news – one, we’re not heading towards a utopia of single payer health care and the eradication of American medical debt any time soon, but two, we’re also not being increasingly governed by diaper-clad jungen like Charlie Kirk. Clouds and their linings. Leaving Twitter may look like ceding ground to the assclowns but get this – the ground. Is not. There.

It’s just air.

There are tangible things I can do with my time - volunteer with a local organization called Food On Foot, who provide food and job training for people experiencing homelessness here in my adopted Los Angeles. I can give money to candidates and causes I support, and I can occasionally even drop by social media to boost a project or an issue and then vanish, like a sort of Caucasian Zorro who doesn’t read his mentions. I can also model good behavior for my kids (ages 10 and 13) who don’t need to see their father glued to his phone, arguing about Trumps incompetence with Constitutional scholars who have a misspelled Bible verse in their bio (three s’ in Ecclesiastes, folks).

So farewell Twitter. I’ll miss a lot of you. Perhaps not as badly as I miss Simon Maloy and Roger Ebert and Harris Wittels and others whose deaths created an unfillable void on the platform. But I won’t miss the yelling, and the lionization of poor grammar, and anonymous trolls telling my Jewish friends that they were gonna leave the country “via chimney.” I will not miss people who think Trump is a stable genius calling me a “fucktard.” I will not miss transphobia or cancelling but I will miss hashtag games, particularly my stellar work during #mypunkmusical (Probably should have quit after that surge, I was on fire that night, real blaze of glory stuff I mean, Christ, Sunday in the Park with the Germs? Husker Du I Hear A Waltz? Fiddler on the Roof (keeping an eye out for the cops)? These are Pulitzer contenders.). Twitter makes me feel lousy, even when I’m right, and I’m often right. There’s just no point in barking bumperstickers at each other, and there are people who are speaking truth to power and doing a cleaner job of it – Aaron Rupar, Steven Pasquale, Louise Mensch, Imani Gandy and Ijeoma Oluo to name five solid mostly politically based accounts (Yes, Pasquale is a Broadway tenor. He’s also a tenacious lefty with good points and research and a dreamy voice. You think you’re straight and then you hear him sing anything from Bridges of Madison County and you want him to spoon you.). You’re probably already following those mentioned, but on the off chance you’re not, get to it. You’ll thank me, but you won’t be able to unless you actually have my email.

_______

[1] And Jesus, that’s worse – Ithaca is such a lefty enclave that they had an actual socialist mayor FOR WHOM I VOTED while I was there. And not socialist the way some people think all Democrats are socialist – I mean Ben Nichols actually ran on the socialist ticket and was re-elected twice for a total of six years.

[2] The National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, “America’s LGBT Economy” Jan 20th, 2017

[3] The Violence Policy Institute, Firearm Justifiable Homicides and Non-Fatal Self Defense Gun Use, July 2019.

14 notes · View notes

phoenix-angel-suyari · 3 years

Text

I’m having a really rough day and I can’t even drink.

I don’t even know where to start...

So, I think I’m just gonna bullet point this bitch.

- On Monday, I missed my therapy appointment which I only get once every 2-3 weeks and never seem to be long enough at anywhere from 20-40 minutes per session depending upon my therapist’s availability. There’s a LOT wrong with my therapy situation, but at the moment I’m honestly, seriously lucky to be able to have therapy at all in the first place. So as much as it sucks, at the very least I am receiving mental health care and that’s all that matters.

However, my missed therapy appointment was not my fault. The night before I was called by the office in regards to my appointment and the coming storm. I was offered a rescheduled in person or a telehealth appointment. Now, as much as I despise the telehealth appointments - entirely because of my living situation - as rare as my appointments can be, semi-consistent therapy has caused me to sort of NEED them. I never get around to actually talking about what I need or want to talk about, but just venting some things is helpful so I opted for the telehealth appointment instead. I was told my appointment had been turned into a telehealth and would retain it’s time slot.

The next morning, I made sure I was awake and prepared. Nine o’clock came. No phone call. So, I waited. Ten o’clock came. No phone call. By eleven, I thought, I’d make brunch (I only eat twice a day) because I needed to take my medication. By twelve, I figured, I’d go shovel because the snow was coming down by the foot. My therapist called while I was shoveling and was told I was unavailable. She said she’d call back at 1. So I finished up, took a quick shower to get warm and waited. I ended up waiting all day and she never called back.

I’d assumed initially when time was going by and she wasn’t calling that perhaps I had been the only one who opted for telehealth and she’d misread an email that had let her know she essentially had the day free. I still don’t know what happened there, but I am hoping it doesn’t count as some sort of strike against me (the hospital has a three strikes and they drop you situation) because it was NOT my fault.

Regardless, now it’s gonna be over a month between when I last spoke to my therapist and when I next speak to my therapist. And honestly, the only saving grace is that I will be seeing my Psychiatrist on Tuesday and she’ll listen to me and I can cry in her office if I need to then.

- I’m smack dab in the middle of a mid life crisis and I’ve been struggling with it. I know I’d still be where I am if not for covid, but I still can’t help like feeling as if covid has made me lose valuable time I will never get back and which I am quickly running out of to turn my life around.

This has not been aided at all by a slew of strange but not disturbing, just confusing as hell dreams, and my family being my family.

- Speaking of my family...

Yesterday, some of us who have been tested recently and/or already finished receiving both doses of vaccination got together for the first time in a year. And it was nice. Enjoyable. I couldn’t really drink because my new meds really do not mesh well with alcohol - which I tested safely at home and learned the hard way.

Now, it’s important to note that my sister has been pressuring me to open an OnlyFans because in her opinion it’s something easy I can do to make money and it makes no sense for me not to. (We’re not going to get into these “discussions” held previously, only know there have been way more than there should be.)

So, we’re talking and I point out that everyone sitting around the table is married already and so they at least don’t have to worry about finding someone in all this mess, as it drags on longer and longer. I finally caved and after years of just letting them come at me while not bothering to ever do any work like introducing me to someone they thought I might get along with, I confronted them about it. I was like, “Look, everyone seems to forget they met their spouses through someone else INTRODUCING them. So, if you know someone who’s single and looking for long term - marriage and a family - then please, feel free to hook me up.”

I was then told - rather seriously - that I should go on a tv show. I - rightly so - pointed out that I didn’t trust shows like that to set me up with anyone because they’re all about the drama and why should I even have to go on tv for something like that. My sister then proceeded to tell everyone how she thought I should open an OnlyFans. Instead of being surprised or anything by this, my family proceeded to spend the next hour trying to convince me to do something I don’t want to do. They basically laid it all out in a start to finish establishing a fan base and getting a patreon to crowdfund the basics for an OnlyFans. They worked out and tried to sell me on content I could offer and when I countered, “Even if I wanted to - which I DON’T - explain to me how the hell I’m supposed to do any of that in THAT house.” The answer being that it was entirely possible. I just had to figure it out.

My sister said, “You do it like you do when you exercise.” And like when I WHAT?! I’m not ALLOWED to exercise. It “makes too much noise” and invites derision. Which I then have to suffer through. She then proceeded to inform me that I could always establish a career as a Sugar baby. “You don’t even have to have sex with them, you just have to dress pretty and make them feel important.” Can I do the second one? Absolutely. The first is not possible. We argued about it and she was like, “It works! My friend did it in college and she got an apartment and everything!” And I countered that even though there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a LIFESTYLE and it’s most lucrative for people in their twenties, not someone like me. Which apparently, is an excuse? Because I need an excuse to object to something I fucking objected to when I was IN my twenties.

So, anyway, I learned that my family seems to enjoy my singleness as a source of conversation, if not entertainment, but which is somehow fulfilling for them because even when I come right out and fucking ASK THEM to HELP ME find someone, it somehow becomes that I don’t need a someone when I can be a camgirl instead.

I even pointed out that I could make JUST AS MUCH with a cute dog whom I could make an entire social media platform for and was told in like the most what the fuck moment of the evening, “With what money?!” Like, are you fucking SERIOUS?! There was a whole conversation detailing and planning how to get me to be a camgirl and we can’t figure out a fucking DOG?!

I am so fucking done with all of it.

- I was feeling really sick last night when I got home, like I might throw up and so I just took a shower and went to bed. But, because I did that, I never took any of my meds last night - which is when I take the bulk of them - and my body is just NOT HAVING IT.

- For some reason my family wanted to have a dog movie marathon today that like, I enjoy those movies, but they’re emotional as fuck for me and I was already not feeling okay, and then wanted to subject me to that. I watched like half an hour of one and then left.

- I’m not even getting into the dinner fiasco.

I took a fucking swan dive into a depressive oubliette and the only thing I can hope for is that taking my meds tonight will give me the protective boost enough to not be completely lost tomorrow. I have now learned the hard way that my explanation to my doctors about how my anti-depressants are like doing the brunt of the work to make me capable of daily life without a complete mental breakdown is in fact not a handy analogy. I have learned my lesson. I will not be missing a dose again.

I’ve never been a smoker but my god, could I use a cigarette right now.

I did receive some good news this week at least. My liver’s finally healed. I’m gonna have to be on medication for the rest of my life to ensure that, but that’s one organ that forgave me at least.

I’m going back to sleep.

#my life #my family

3 notes · View notes

reikiajakoiranruohoja · 5 years

Text

Online and basic etiquette

Just some thoughts I wish to part for people, because I feel once more people need a reminder. 1. You are not owed anything from content creators. Unless you literally commissioned from them something, they owe you nothing. 2. Having headcanons that are not always supported by canon is ok. In fact, that is what most headcanons are. 3. Anything pre-2008 is going to be far less conscious of social issues/bad words than anything written today. People as a whole were not as aware of some things or how they affected people. 4. Online is (mostly) forever, us older folks might have some really dumb stuff left on our old blogs. That does not reflect us today. 5. Online is forever, so think twice about sharing or saying anything you don’t want people to know on any platform. Consider ANYTHING posted on Tumblr and Instagram as public knowledge.

6. Beware of echo chambers. If no one disagrees at all in a group, you need to get out. All who do not agree with you are not malicious. 7. Pick your fights carefully. Sometimes, venting to a friend is better than replying to something that upsets you.

8. Your kink is not my kink and that is ok. Excluding pedophilia, people have very damn varied things they like. Often upsetting ones to some. Do not label these people as bad just because they like darker things.

9. Guilt tripping is less effective than bare facts.

10. Don’t only wallow in negativity.

#rambly ddw

477 notes · View notes

cilldaracailin · 4 years

Text

Another One Bites The Dust

Hello all my lovely Tumblr’s. I am back with the next part of the series of Robyn and Taron. It’s just a little one shot and follows on from where A Kind Of Magic left.

Hope you all enjoy :)

“Sometimes you meet a person and you just click--you're comfortable with them, like you've known them your whole life and you don't have to pretend to be anyone or anything.”

Two days after Taron had arrived home, with help from Lyndsey, he had made his press release from the comfort of his own sitting room in his home in Aberystwyth without his hat, all of his injuries on full show. Lyndsey had asked him to do so, showing that his slight disappearance had actually been for a reason, letting everyone see that he had actually been seriously injured. He read Robyn’s words along with his own, explaining briefly what had happened in the 7/11 and how his life had been saved by the quick thinking of Robyn, who selfishly came to his aid. He clarified that he would be fine and was under strict medical instructions to rest and take care of himself.

He also mentioned how filming for Kingman had been halted but would pick up when he had returned to full health and was able to film. Mathew had explained to Taron that the delay in filming shouldn’t push back the release date and he would make sure the film was released as planned as the end of April, meaning none of Taron’s press schedule had to be changed either and Taron had mentioned that in his statement too, as he knew it would be a question that would be hanging in the air if he didn’t address it. Taron had only filled everyone in on the necessary details of the last three weeks, not including anything about where he had been or who he had been with, keeping his secret getaway with Robyn completely undisclosed. Taron then asked for his privacy to be respected as well as Richard’s and Robyn’s and for everyone to understand that what they had experienced was still very raw and fresh for them and they were both still coming to terms with the whole ordeal.

He knew the story of the truth of what happened to him was going to be a headliner but he had not expected the newspapers to actually run with the truth and not try to twist the story too much. ‘Egerton on the edge of life’ and ‘Taron’s still standing’ were some of Robyn’s favourite’s and she had to find the articles online to actually read them as Taron refused to send her the English newspapers. The Irish equivalent of the tabloids weren’t as interested in Taron as the English ones and she wasn’t travelling into Dublin to get them from the big bookstore so had to find other ways to read the articles and stories that appeared after Taron’s statement. She was relieved to see that they were factual and used quotes directly from Taron’s own press release and of course her words too and her name was written right beside his, as the woman who had performed the CPR that saved his life.

Robyn had been incredibly proud of how Taron had handled his press statement and called him once he had made it, to reassure him that he had done the right thing and talk him off a ledge he was teetering on. She was worried about the backlash from the media for Taron’s sake as he had been almost making himself sick with the apprehension after his video was circulated but he was taking the attention really well and twenty four hours after he had made his statement, he wasn’t as stressed as she thought he was going to be about it and with constant support from his family, friends and Robyn herself, Taron was relieved with the positive outcome from the story

One paper tried to run with a version of how Robyn was stalking Taron and followed him from the set in New York to Florida, while another said she only did what she did to try and get into his pants. Robyn had calmed Taron down when he called her to vent by explaining to him that technically he did end up in her bed and his laughter filled the air as she pacified his annoyance and once the next edition of the paper was printed, those stories were long forgotten.

After meeting some reporters outside his home for the first few days, the news quickly changed to some other celebrity gossip and he had peace from hidden photographers and immoral journalists who snooped around his mams house too. Taron was delighted to hear that Robyn had very little fallout from the news too other than her family and friends wanting to know if the story that filtered across the ocean to her was true. Taron was so thankful that Robyn’s home country newspapers and magazines were not concerned with gossip and stories of the nonsense that came with his job and he felt slightly foolish for panicking so much in her bedroom three weeks ago and was so appreciative that everyone was extremely supportive of her in her work too.

Robyn had encountered two reporters at her gate who had travelled from the UK to try and track her down but she had actually stood at her gates and had a conversation with them and the story printed just confirmed Taron’s words and appeal for their privacy. Taron was furious with her at first for talking to the reporters but she had angrily shouted at him down the phone that turning them away was only going to ruin the hard work Lyndsey had already done to appease the media and it had done no harm to either of them. She was so angry with him, she had hung up the phone, Taron ringing back immediately with an apology. She accepted it but firmly told him she was a grown woman who could handle herself and if he didn’t realise that after what they had been through then he needed to get it through his thick skull very quickly. A bunch of flowers had been delivered to her work the next day with a card that read ‘I am sorry chicken’ along with a picture he had drawn of a rocket with stick man inside.

What had really helped Taron and Robyn with their luck was the fact that the video footage from what happened in the 7/11 had been leaked onto the internet four days after Taron’s statement and although it terrified Taron at first, it had only worked further in their favour as the media and fans actually got to see a first-hand real account of Taron being shot and knocked unconscious by the shelf as well as Robyn administer CPR on him. Taron hadn’t been able to watch that part of the video feed at first and it had really upset him mam when she saw it and then he had to watch it back for himself. Once the footage showed the seriousness of their situation, the media had almost backed off realising that Taron Egerton had nearly lost his life but was saved thanks to a stranger who was now a firm friend of his. It completely changed the emotional charge of the story and those journalists who had cheapened the story, wrote a more suited article about the footage, praising Robyn, Taron and Richard for their endurance and strength through it all.

The three had managed to get two quick skype calls together but with Richards work commitments in Chicago and the time difference, they had lasted only about ten minutes each. It was just enough time for them to talk over the lack of fall out from the media and ensure they weren’t frazzled by the papers and online platforms. Another promise had been made between them to meet up properly in person once they could arrange it to suit all of them. With Richard in the middle of filming, he had very little free time and it was unlikely their meeting would be before the year was out, especially with Taron going to back his own filming in the near future. Robyn was just as busy as them, her work schedule filling up fast and it only got busier for her the closer it got to the end of the year. They had to be satisfied with the few quick chats they had as a trio and were happy to have them rather than no contact at all.

Taron’s words and video had spread over social media initially like wild fire and Robyn took to twitter to inspect the damage the news has caused despite Taron’s desperate protests but with an ocean between them he couldn’t stop her. She had scrolled through many threads, posts and comments reading with delight, shock and horror at the words written. While the replies under his Instagram pictures he had posted of the rainbow cake and him posing with the stuffed dinosaur were positive and welcoming, once Taron’s name had been associated with her, a female woman, the attitude of some of the fans had changed and they tried to call Robyn out on stalking Taron, using the happenings in the 7/11 as a way to only get closer to him. However, despite the few negative comments, the majority of the fans had been supportive and grateful and even more so when the video recordings had leaked, most who had made a little fun of what had happened, quickly editing or adding a new comment to thank Robyn for what she did for him. However of course there was the one percent who had to be extremely nasty. After a while, Taron caved and skimmed through the judgements people had made about them and what had happened and had called Robyn every time to apologise each time he read one he found that was particularly upsetting for him.

“I am sorry about that comment Robyn.”

“If you say I am sorry once more Taron, I am going to catch a flight over to you and hold my hands so tight over your mouth to stop you from apologising to me, you won’t even be able to lick me.”

“I am sorry!”

“Funny and nice try.”

“So, when are you coming to visit me then?” He asked after Robyn had scolded him and he smiled when he heard her sigh. “Ok don’t cut me off. I just want to make sure you haven’t been reading every comment on Twitter and everywhere else. You really don’t need to be doing that.”

“Of course I have. I am making a list of who I am going to get you to write a strongly worded letter to.”

“Robyn!” Taron wished she was beside him so he could scowl at her.

“Taron you need to stop worrying about it all.”

“I know you are big girl and you can look after yourself but I do worry and I will worry and I always will worry about you.”

“If you think one little foul comment about me giving you the breathes being compared to kissing and used as an excuse just to kiss you, which by the way we actually have done, twice, is going to make me run away from what happened and our friendship, then your fans are going to have to come at me with something a little more imaginative.”

“Don’t even tempt them Robyn.”

She laughed and could imagine him frowning at her. “Maybe I should post the picture we took together at the piano on my Instagram.”

“Don’t you even dare.”

“But if it is a private one…”

“It will take about two minutes before it goes viral. I am just glad that footage in the 7/11 couldn’t be zoomed in.”

“They already know what I look like Taron.”

“Yeah I know.”

“And don’t get pissed off about it. I am not having this conversation again and again and again. It is what it is and it has been supportive and positive. Now what you need to do seeing as how it has been a week since the statement release and it has already completely mellowed out, is get into bed with a cup of tea and get some proper sleep.”

“My mam has been talking to you.”

“Of course she has.” Once Tina was able to compose herself after she watched the video footage, she was on the phone to the Robyn, thanking her once more for what she did for her son. “She has been telling me all about your time at home. I think I need to send cwtch to you to help you sleep.”

She could hear him smile on the other end of the phone but the tone of his voice was down. “It’s just been a bit stressful Robyn.”

“I know Taron but like I said, a week has passed and everything has calmed down. You can actually put your head down and get some sleep, some decent sleep.”

“Cosy in the duvet sleep?”

“Yeah that kind of sleep. You need to make sure you keep resting Taron.”

“I will and don’t raise that one eyebrow at me.” Taron might not have been able to her, but he knew her left eyebrow was raised in a perfect unapproving look. “I promise. Tonight, I will do my best to try and get a decent night’s sleep.”

“That’s all I can ask for Taron.”

It was Robyn who phoned him when he posted the picture two weeks later on his Instagram of the key lime pie he had made. ‘Learning new skills while I rest up’ was the caption he had written under the photo along with a love heart and chicken emoji.

“A chicken?”

“Well I had to get the nod to you in there somehow!” He laughed as he sat on his mam’s couch, with his sisters either side of him. He had wanted to bake something for his mam as even though he had insisted he stayed at his own home, she visited him every day and had made him many dinners he could freeze and re-heat. Once all the craziness of the media relaxed and he was able to catch up on much needed sleep, he wanted to repay his mam for all her kindness. Her hug had hurt him dreadfully when he got home but he didn’t dare let go and it was an extremely tearful reunion, his step-dad hugging him just as tight and Tina had been almost hounding him lovingly every day making sure he was resting, sleeping and eating. Taron brought the book Robyn had made with him over to his mam’s house and used the recipe she had wrote out for him for the key lime pie to make one in his childhood kitchen much to the amusement of his family. Tina was very interested in the book he was given as a present, and had hugged her son hard around his waist with one arm as she looked through it, laughing at the pictures of his and Robyn’s antic’s and giving him a kiss on his forehead when she got to the picture near the end where Robyn was leaning on his chest with her hand on his heart. Mari and Rosie had insisted that they sat together with him so he could talk to them about the book too and he had answered Robyn’s call as they drooled over the pictures of the rainbow cake. “My mam liked the pie by the way.”

“You do realise that if you keep posting chicken emoji’s someone is going to see a pattern of chicken emoji’s and wonder what on earth they mean.”

“They are just chicken emoji’s.”

“Who uses a bloody chicken emoji Taron?”

“I do and my mam loved how I baked a whole pie by myself.”

“Ok so let’s avoid the subject and I see my thorough instructions worked in your favour.”

“Very helpful.” He agreed. “Robyn I am going to put you on speaker. My sisters want to talk to you.” Taron’s sisters had hugged him tight when he arrived home and even though their arms squeezed his ribs painfully hard, he couldn’t ask them to let go. The arms were warm and comforting around him. They had questioned why his head had a big cut on it and both placed a kiss on his forehead to help make it better, Taron cuddling them both into him for a long time as he knelt on the doorstep of his mam’s house.

“Hey Robyn!” The girls called.

“Hello girls.”

“Robyn did Taron really make that cake in the book you gave him?” Asked Mari.

“He sure did.”

“And he really did throw flour at you.” Confirmed Rosie.

Robyn laughed. “I told you he was being a little bit naughty Rosie.” After speaking with his young siblings a few times on the phone over the past few weeks, she could easily tell their voices apart from each other now.

“We love the book you made for him.” She said. “You had a lot fun with Taron.”

“We did have a lot of fun.” Agreed Robyn.

“The girls want to know if cwtch can come and visit us.” Taron chipped in. “But I told them that he didn’t have a passport.”

“Taron teddy bears don’t need passports.” Laughed Rosie.

“Rosie cwtch is not a bear. He is a dinosaur.” Corrected her younger sister.

“Well dinosaurs don’t need passports either.” Rosie replied.

“Cwtch doesn’t really like airplanes.” Said Robyn.

“Told you.” Replied Taron as he watched the girls flick through the book to try and find the pictures of the plush Robyn had stuck in.

“Yes you did.” Robyn replied knowing Taron’s words were for her. She had wanted him to bring cwtch home with him but he had refused saying that his sisters would want him and how right he was.

“Taron you really loved cuddling him.” Said Rosie as she found the picture where Taron was asleep on Robyn’s bed with the dinosaur in his arms. “Robyn did you really let Taron sleep in your bed?” She asked.

“Should I not have?” Robyn asked back.

“No I am glad you let him. Mam said that we have to let Taron sleep just like you did. It is what the doctor says he had to do. Mari and I gave him one of our bears to cuddle but I think he just needs cwtch to help him sleep.”

“Oh, he does, does he? Rosie has Taron been sleeping in his bed?”

“In our house no. In his house sometimes. Mam has been telling him he needs to stop drinking coffee and sleep.”

“Taron…”

“Robyn, I need to go chicken. My mam is looking for me.”

“No she’s not Taron!”

“Love you!” He called and ended the phone call.

Robyn sent him a text with an angry smiley face followed by a bed, a rocket and a man and Taron’s reply of a love heart, chicken, sheep and a cloud made her grin.

A week later it was Taron who called her to first scold her from commenting on his latest Instagram picture and second to thank her once more for giving him CPR in the 7/11.

It had been over a month since he had left Robyn and he could finally feel his ribs starting to heal and movements that had once stung him and caused him to stop and groan, were much easier for him and he could sit and stand with an ease he had taken for granted before he was hurt. The bruises on his face had completely faded away and his forehead was finally looking healed and only a small thin scab was left as the wound fixed itself. His arm had repaired itself too and again only a skinny scab that he didn’t need to cover was left on his skin. It was taking every ounce of his restrain to not pick at the healing wounds. He didn’t want to be left with a significant scar compared to the small one he would have.

One of the first things he knew he wanted to do once he could move more freely was contact the British Red Cross and enquire about a CPR course that he could take part in and he did so during the first week of October. He had already spoken to his agent about it as well as Lyndsey, his parents and Robyn, who though were concerned with his willingness to throw himself into a course that taught the technique that saved his life so soon, they could see how much it meant to him and supported him with his choice and his need to follow through with his decision to do so.

When he explained who he was and why he wanted to learn such a vital skill to the lady on the phone, it only took three days for his team to work with the British Red Cross in Wales and organise for Taron to take a two day first aid course at home in Aberystwyth. He was extremely happy to share his experience on video for the Red Cross to use in their training, making sure it was ok with Robyn too before he donned the t-shirt with the Red Cross logo to explain how important CPR was and how it had saved his life. It was a campaign that he was proud to be a part of and the two days of training although had been very important for him, were extremely hard and he had to leave the room twice during the first day to compose himself before the instructor could actually show him and those taking the course, how to properly perform CPR. His hands shook and his breathing quickened as he took to his knees in front of the mannequin and he nearly didn’t do it but pushed himself and even when tears started to form in his eyes, he continued to push the compressions up and down. He was glad when the instructor let them take a break before they introduced the breathes as he needed to leave the room and get some air.

He quickly pulled out his phone and called Robyn needing his confident to sort his head out before he went back in.

“I am so proud of you Taron.”

“First off, I don’t know how you did that to me. I was working on a mannequin and my hands were shaking. Your hands were on a real person, on me and you did that. Second, Jesus Robyn, it takes so much energy. I am knackered and I have only done it a few times without the breathes. Thirdly, I can’t believe how hard you have to push down on a chest to ensure you do it properly and fourthly, could you have made it any more obvious on my Instagram that you are the Robyn who helped me? We are supposed to be avoiding social media contact.”

“Oh, how I am missed my rambling numbering things Taron.” Robyn wished she was there with him so she could give him a hug that she was sure he desperately needed. She thought he was crazy when he had called her to tell him what he was organising and only because it was so soon after he had been given CPR. She fully supported him and the campaign he wanted to be a part of and couldn’t encourage him enough for what he wated to do and learn. However, she really felt that learning the new skill would only bring unwanted memoires and pain back to him but he had been so insistent on learning it and she couldn’t talk him into waiting until the new year. “I am giving you a virtual hug now, rocketman.”

“Thank you because I need one.”

“Let go sort through those numbers for you. Firstly, I did it to you because I had to. Believe me, when you are faced with an unresponsive body in real life, it is a very different feeling than sitting in front of a mannequin. Adrenaline automatically runs through you when there is someone’s life depending on you and you do everything within your power that you can to help them. Second, yes it takes a lot of energy but again your adrenaline and instincts kick in and you will be doing lots of rounds Taron when you practise so you get used to the feel of it. I only did one on you but then it is good to understand how much energy it takes. You can tag team with someone else if they know how to do it too.”

“Yeah the instructor had said that.”

“Third, it’s a fair push down on a someone’s chest. You really have to put a lot of strength into those straight arms and thrust the compressions down.”

“And you didn’t break anything.” When speaking about his experience of receiving CPR from Robyn, the instructor was baffled by the fact that Robyn hadn’t broken any of his ribs.

“Still haven’t figured that one out yet Taron and thankful that I didn’t. It would have been a completely different story if I had of broken your ribs.”

“Something else I have to be thanking you for.” Agreed Taron. “The instructor told us to sing Baby Shark in our heads to help keep the beat so each compression is even and solid.”

Robyn laughed a little. “I actually did that.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yeah I did. It’s what I was told too and it’s a great tip. Really helps you with the rhythm.”

“Everyone laughed when he said it but I think I might go back and tell them that little tip works.”

“And fourthly, you expected me not to comment on the photo you posted of the campaign? I am extremely proud of you for doing this Taron and I am going to say so.”

“You have completely offered yourself up to the world now.”

“The world already knows who I am.”

“You read the comments?” He asked as he walked up and down the car park.

“Naturally.”

“And?”

“All good Taron. You have done such a wonderful thing with this campaign.”

“Well it’s very close to my heart.”

“Nice pun.”

“Wasn’t actually a pun, Robyn.”

“You ok though? This cannot be easy for you.”

She heard him take a breath. “It has been hard. Really hard but I need to do it and I need to it now rather than later when I will chicken out or don’t have the time and I am actually enjoying it, even though it scares me shitless. We are working on the breathes next.”

“Just take your time with it Taron. Everyone understands that this is a very unusual situation for you and won’t mind how long it takes you to get comfortable. I know I am going to find my next first aid training very difficult. At least you don’t remember the CPR.”

“Ugh Robyn what a fucking mess.”

“And here we go again.” Robyn smiled as Taron used his go to phrase when things got a little hard for him and he started to get frustrated when he couldn’t figure his problem out quickly. “Not a mess Taron. Hard and emotionally horrible but needed for healing for you. Seeing the video footage from the 7/11 and watching it makes it harder for you too. Now you have seen the actual CPR, it makes it so much more real for you.”

“Even with an ocean between us you can still read my mind.”

“I told you it was my gift to you.”

Taron looked at the instructor came out and gave him a wave. “Robyn, I have got to go. We are ready to start again.”

“Just breath and take your time. Concentrate on the reasons why you would have to learn this and call me when you are done.”

“I will. Thank you Robyn.”

“Anytime.”

“Before you go, can I ask you something?”

“You know you can ask me anything.”

“Have you thought any more about coming to Elton’s charity benefit with me? And remember it wasn’t me who invited you but Elton himself and you know you can’t turn Mr Elton John down.”

“Taron…”

“I don’t want to put you under pressure but I would really love for you to come.”

“I know Taron. You have already said that to me the last four times you asked me this question over the last week.”

“You would get to wear a fancy fancy dress.”

“You said that too.”

“Please think about it. It is only two weeks away and it’s on a Saturday so you won’t have to miss work.”

“And again, you have told me this already.”

“And it was Elton who invited you, not me.”

“And yes, I know this too. I got the invite in the post.”

Robyn had been confused when the gold envelope arrived in her letter box and opened it, shocked to see that she had been invited to the auction for Elton’s AIDS foundation at his home. Taron had sworn blind that he had nothing to do with the fancy invite when she called him and that Elton had only asked for her address.

“Robyn?” He asked when he heard her go quiet on the end of the phone. He heard his name called and turned to look at the instructor and he gave him a two-minute sign with his left hand. “Hey, look, I don’t want to pressure you into it. I know it is a huge ask for you.”

“It’s only one of the most important charity events of the year being held in Elton John’s home with an array of celebrity faces. Meant to be the soirée of the year. Full of press and media.”

“It’ll be my first event since Florida.” He said quietly.

“Taron…”

“I am not guilting you into it Robyn. I promise I am not and I honestly had nothing to do with the invite. Elton wanted to invite you himself. He knows how much you mean to me and he thought it would have been a nice ‘treat’ as he called it for you.”

“You know I believe you. I just need to think about it Taron. It’s a lot and I thought we were keeping me away from the media.”

“We are and I just miss you. Today has been hard and it’s just bringing some emotions back.”

“I miss you too. I just need some more time to think about it ok and I am always here if you need to vent some emotions.”

Taron hoped Robyn hadn’t heard his sigh into the phone. “I really need to get going Robyn. They are waiting for me.”

“I don’t think you should go back to that course with your mind set the way it is.”

“I will be ok.”

“Yes you will be but you need another ten or fifteen minutes to clear your head.”

“Always looking out for me.”

“And always will be.”

“I should go.”

“Yeah I know. Please call me when you are finished ok?”

“I will.”

“I am still stupidly proud of you Taron.” She enjoyed the small laugh he gave her. “Just remember to breathe and it’s ok to stop if it gets too much for you.”

The call ended and Taron wandered slowly back towards the building where the training was taking place. He had slipped his phone into his pocket but pulled it back out when he felt it ding against his thigh. He was confused when he saw a message from Robyn and unlocked the phone, sliding the screen to open the message.

‘I will be there.’

Four little words brought the biggest grin to his face and he replied quickly with his most used emojis lately: a chicken and a heart.

#Taron Egerton #Taron Egerton Fanfiction #Taron Egerton Fanfic #Taron Fanfic #love #Friendship #Being There For Each Other #Proud #Family #Phonecalls #CPR Training #First Aid Skills #Friends for Life

3 notes · View notes

nyrator · 4 years

Text

been feeling like venting, so just some random vents- then afterwards, JSRF ramblings because I just beat that game

turning 29 at the end of the week, not looking forward to it- turning 30 next year terrifies me

mother’s funeral was friday, got that out of the way relatively painlessly (other than having to spend an extra 800 dollars just to bury my sister with her, about $4500 by the end of it

gofundme raised about $2000, other donations about $1300 last I counted (probably higher), so most of it was covered

yesterday my mother’s 70 year old best friend held a party at a bar for my mother’s friends and I was obligated to go, bunch of crazy old women talking like sailors, drinking and smoking pot and laughing about all the drugs they did and all the times they got raped (yeahhhh), the only person I was comfortable around was the best friend. And then the party ends two hours late, we’re getting kicked out of the bar, and this friend falls bending down to grab a picture of my mother that she dropped, smashes her face into the floor, and collapses with a pool of blood under her face, unmoving, right in front of me. I couldn’t get the words out that I’d go and pick the photo up for her before she went to get it, and I regret it

Thankfully, she only had a concussion and a broken nose, she started responding after about a minute of just lying there, but it messed me up, I think.

I’ve been debating if I want to start drinking. I never tried before, mainly because my father was an abusive and violent alcoholic. The other reason is because I’m afraid what I’d do to myself if I had no inhibitions in place, I feel like I’d be very dangerous to myself.

neck has been stiff for two days. Probably slept on it wrong. Also keep feeling like I get different symptoms of covid every so often after exposing myself to the public (that bar was packed with old people who wouldn’t wear masks and had no concept of personal space). Today my throat’s been sore and I can barely breathe.

my boss told me I can go back to work as soon as the funeral’s finished- not sure if I should call her to remind her or wait for her to call me, she texted me last week and I told her the funeral was on friday. But my coworker was also wondering and asked me today, and I didn’t know what to tell her, since my boss doesn’t want me to let her know just yet because of how limited they’re open (three days a week, four hours a day)

relationships are very hard

I’m a terrible person who does the bare minimum to help someone who’s terribly lonely and depressed, and it’s like I’m backed into a corner in desperation from being unable to do anything about it. I’ve caused so much harm to this relationship that I wonder if there’s any way it can survive sometimes

It’s always the case, though- I can’t get myself to do more than the minimum effort it takes, and my social anxiety prevents me from ever initiating anything, which has cost me so many people that I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. And I can feel that awful, selfish bitterness inside of me, that part of my father and my sister that’s in me that I try to suppress, and I hate it.

my diet is going well enough, lost over five pounds since starting it late August. But it’s mostly because I just dislike eating, so eating in portions is easier for me. And then there are days like today, where I just don’t eat at all. Just ate one slice of bread, 30g of peanut butter, and a small cup of ice cream today, and I don’t even feel hungry. Normally I try to get some food in me, but today I’m just too disgusted to even try to make dinner.

My sleep’s also been weird, still. Been going to bed later and later again, but can’t stay asleep. Usually only sleep in bouts of 3-4 hours, then just lay awake until I’m half asleep long enough that I feel the urge to give up and get up. It’s been like that for weeks now, I can’t remember the last full night of sleep I’ve gotten.

In lighter news, finally got back to playing JSRF. Beat it the other night after 24.5 hours of game time, just have a few more challenges left (did everything from Dogenzaka Hill to the Bottom of the Sewage Facility so far), got all graffiti and souls possible before beating the final boss. Played it via emulator (which worked great except for crashing when entering the graffiti selection occasionally) with a Switch Pro Controller, felt really good. I own it and the original Xbox for it, but just am spoiled by a PC experience, I suppose.

The gameplay is great, but the level design leaves a funny taste in my mouth. Aesthetics are worse than JSR for me, while music... it’s tough to say, it’s different than JSR, but really grew on me. Sometimes it felt more like noise (I remember the Sewage tracklist not speaking to me too much at first with the more ambient-ish tracks), but it did grow on me a lot. Baby-T was my Garage theme the entire game, such a great track.

Naganuma’s music in the first game was definitely the weakest of the original’s OST (still good of course), but in Future I feel he really stepped up his game. Teknopathetic is one of my favorite songs in the new OST.

speaking of favorite music, here’s mine from each game:

Bout the City

Dragula

Magical Girl

Miller Ball Breakers

Mischievous Boy

On the Bowl (A.Fargus Mix)

Rock It On

Super Brothers

Yellow Bream

Aisle 10

Baby-T

Birthday Cake

Count Latchula

I'm Not a Model

Like It Like This Like That

Rockin' the Mic

Statement of Intent

Teknopathetic

The Scrappy

(shout outs to Girls from the one JSR CD, haven’t listened to much of the other exclusive songs to it, but Girls was good)

but yeah, my minor gripes with Future

Linear level design was a bit painful (missing a jump and not being able to backtrack a lot was bleh), and the later levels were very painful (the sewage area and the rooftops are come to mind, skyscraper to a lesser extent but I liked the skyscraper one a bit more), but at the same time, they force you to get good, which I can appreciate, so hm. Still, a checkpoint system (especially since there are save points) or unlocking shortcuts would be a bit more convenient, if not entirely necessary.

Not having a way to stop auto-grinding, even if just holding down a trigger or something- the way I latched onto rails especially in the sewage area was painful

Points challenges mainly being “find the special points rail and just spamming Y” on it was a bit odd (mainly for the Jet Techs so far, just five minutes of spamming Y...), but I like how the combos feel in this game, especially X combos to speed up. Has a rhythm that’s hard to explain but just feels natural.

Also street challenges should’ve been explained better in general, had to look up most of the special ones (and glitched out the Shibuya Terminal one many times until realizing the fix was just “hop all over each platform multiple times and hope it counts”, the second one next to the tilted platform specifically for me

Mew/Bis/Rhyth’s redesign still hurts, but you better believe she’s the character I used throughout the entire game after unlocking her

Storywise, I think I like JSR’s take better- Professor K being a neutral party and more amusing/less insulting, Onishima > Hayashi, and the character designs and artstyle I overall prefer from the first game

Felt like it tried to add things that just didn’t really work sometimes (Death Ball comes to mind, though I haven’t messed with Versus yet, the story mission was very easy compared to how they hyped it up), and the boss battles were all... strange. Tagging enemies on that roller coaster level, having to grind up to that one Hayashi boss fight over and over and over, then even moreso for the final boss... never got much use out of targeting enemies, spinning circles around them, or things like the railgrab for high jumps or skidding to slow down for graffiti, either, but maybe they have their uses.

But man, the game did feel fun to play, just frustrating to explore, I think. I still like the idea of making Skatered, even more after playing this game. Maybe I could learn modding, or something...

Oh yeah, also got all the pieces of my costume together (minus some eva foam), we’ll see how that goes. Not looking forward to assembling it, honestly, but I can’t back out now. Main regret I think is the tights, being unable to find striped ones (and the solid ones I bought being a bit too see-through, I should’ve bought a size up maybe). Still not confident enough in my makeup abilities, either.

and one last bit of light news- I finally got my Kuja figure, he’s so beautiful and detailed and I need a good place to put him

#text stuffs #nyrants #lots of venting I apologize feel free to skip to the JSRF portion if you even feel like reading

1 note · View note

mesmeret · 4 years

Text

Femlux: The Rise and Fall of E-Girl Hux

Inspired by a tweet from starsshine77 Fem!Kylo and Fem!Hux with catfishing, internet trolling, Diva Hux, and crybaby Kylo.

Still thinking of e-girl troll Hux. She has a vid of her wearing novelty vampire teeth and chewing on strawberries. She looks all innocent despite posing in her dark corner set up wearing a blood soaked dress. The caption says "i wuv vegans uwu save the earth!"

She composes these videos wanting to shock and confuse as many people as possible. She loves the high.

Kylo knew her in the K-8 private school they went to. Kylo had been in awe of the snooty older girl. When Kylo got her first laptop, she started following Hux's descent into trolling and performative arts. Hux would talk on her blog about how much she loved going to school wearing a normie flesh suit and then shedding it after school.

When Hux went to college for her MBA, she wasn't very active online. Kylo was dismayed but kept checking her blog. When Kylo is 19, Hux posts that she's starting a makeup and fashion channel. Kylo is startled to see that all of Hux's old internet presence is gone. Kylo was glad she saved all of the photos to a hard drive to prove that those years existed.

Kylo is Hux's first subscriber. She's so embarrassed thinking Hux is going to show up and confront her about it. But nothing happens.

Kylo works at a cafe while going to community college while Hux is making herself look like a living doll. The 24 yo doesn't say much about her life. Just off hand comments like:

"This mascara really stays on when you cry in the toilets at work."

"Sometimes you have to wear a mask around men."

"I hate the New York stench. So I use this perfume."

Kylo's pillows get two spurts of the perfume each week.

It's around this time Kylo realizes she's in love. She feels silly that she hadn't noticed it earlier, but she's always been slow.

Hux posts a video about once every two weeks. Kylo watches and studies each one voraciously. Hux slowly goes back to her cynical, dark self. Kylo missed it dearly while others find it disturbing.

Hux offers livestreams and Kylo rearranges her work schedule to attend with an alternate account. In Kylo's rush, she chose a very fit male torso as her profile pic.

The livestream is a shit show. Chat is accusing Hux of things while Hux slings insults at them. The service ends the stream and bans Hux.

Hux's next yt video does not mention the stream at all. She's chipper and cheeky as she does a clothes haul. Kylo is in awe. If she was in Hux's position, she'd have to be institutionalized for severe depression. Instead Hux is beaming at the camera saying the day's date and how much she loves this day. Kylo wonders why and goes down a rabbit hole to discover Mr. Hux passed away last year due to a heart attack.

Kylo uses her alt account and DMs Hux that she loves her smile. Kylo stares at the screen in shock that she sent the message. But she did.

Two hours later, Hux writes back with 'I give you something to smile about, fuckwad.'

Kylo types lightning fast before fully comprehending Hux's words, 'Oh yes please do.'

A couple minutes later, 'For real?'

Kylo bites her lip, 'Please.'

They fall into a weird pattern of Kylo complementing Hux and Hux replying in insults.

As Kylo turns 21, Hux becomes an overnight sensation on a viral platform. Kylo is wrapping up her accounting bachelors degree and nearly fails her midterms due to watching Hux's daily vids.

Their routine takes another turn when Hux starts sending Kylo photos of outfits. Hux would rarely wear the ones Kylo picked.

After a stressful day, Kylo is thrilled to see Hux wearing the checkered bra peaking out of a tight black body suit. 'Thank you. You made my day.'

Hux responds with a puke emoji and a very suggestive pic of the body suit unzipped. Her pale belly glowed. Kylo wrote back, 'My whole year is made. Beautiful. Thank you.'

Hux doesn't reply until next week.

Hux becomes a global phenomenon. Kylo is worried. She catches herself wanting to type 'are you okay?' But doesn't feel like it's her place.

Then the joke that got out of hand happens the next year.

Kylo's alternate account became a true catfish in order to be a top tier patron of Hux.

Kylo declines the video chat perks but wants the bathwater.

------

Hux's life sucks. She's never been happy. Never even had the chance to recognize it, really. She liked things but would get bored or hurt sooner than later.

It was weird that some girl from her hometown became her number one fan. Hux had no idea until a year into talking with Kylo in her DMs. She was stupidly catching feelings for this supposed guy who was nothing but supportive and kind to her. She wanted to know who he was, but he was very shy and declined to answer.

She had been partying after big sale with the sales team when she bumped into a guy that recognized her from the internet. He simpered at how amazingly scary she was. Intrigued, she got to know that he worked at a background company. She offered to use him if he gave her the info on this Kylo Ren guy.

It was nice to vent her frustrations of being catfished on the guy. Mitch was his name? She never saw him again since the morning after.

But she couldn't confront the weird goth girl from her hometown. Hux liked the compliments too much. They kept her going.

And as her corporate job found out her internet life along with the rest of the world, she needed Kylo desperately.

The suggestive photo was a shot in the dark. She had no idea if Kylo saw her as a gal pal or a /gal pal/. Hux returned to their hometown to see Kylo from a far after the Beautiful comment. Hux was stunned to see how tall Kylo is.

Kylo's social media only had two photos of herself. One of her at High school graduation and another of her tagged in her mom's second marriage. The former photo was her at a distance walking up to receive her diploma and the other was her sitting uncomfortably.

Hux couldn't enter the cafe. Kylo's snaggle tooth smile as two kids ordered something made Hux feel like the Grinch. She turned around and stomped back to her rental car feeling like an idiot.

It lessened when she got her first brand deal the next day. Money is one hell of an aphrodisiac.

Then the bathwater...

...and Kylo pouring it down her ample cleavage. The water shimmered down the sloping belly with the filter Kylo was using. It joined the rest of the frothy bathwater. Hux was bummed Kylo's mound was hidden below the surface.

'Now that's some bathwater I could drink for days.'

She smirked at Kylo's reply: 'I am so sorry for lying to you all this time. I didn't know it would ever get this far. Please don't hate me!'

'Sweetie, I just told you I'd drink your bathwater. I like you. You're sexy af.'

'Oh. Uh, thanks. You, too.'

'I knew who you were for a while.'

'Oh! Wow. Would you prefer if I was a guy?'

'No. Never.'

Hux frowned as twenty minutes went by, 'You good?'

'Yeah, I was crying. You're so special to me.'

Hux felt flushed instead of her usual reaction of 'Oh, get over it.' Kylo was genuine.

As Hux's businesses crumbled due to a volley of harassment and misconceptions, she knew she had a golden parachute. She cut her hair to a severe pixie cut after finalizing her business arrangements. She packed up her condo the next day and put it on the market the following day.

She rented a car on the fourth day and drove back to her hometown with her favorite clothes. Kylo was unaware of what she was up to and was sending sweet words of encouragement three times a day.

Hux pulls into Kylo's apartment complex feeling dead tired. But she wants this moment to be truly special. So she changes into an outfit that Kylo loved. Her strawberry school girl outfit, her orange tabby cat ears, and her pink faux fur coat. Her feet hurt too much for heels and she wants to enjoy Kylo's extra height. She grabs two of her suitcases and heads up to Kylo's apartment. Taking a deep breath, she knocks.

Kylo answers the door in a sports bra and pj pants. She stares at Hux dumbfounded before squeaking a hello. Hux sighs, "If you don't hug me in the next-"

Kylo pulls her into a hug and Hux hums appreciating their height difference. Kylo's chest feels just right against her own and Kylo's hands are so big!

"Wait a minute... why do you smell like my old perfume?"

Kylo blushes, "I, um... been following you for a while?"

Hux nods slowly before getting her voice back, "Well, now you won't need to follow me. I'm moving in."

Kylo pulls away trying to form words for a moment, "Really?!"

"Deadly," Hux gestures at her suitcases. "I've got four more in the car."

Kylo turns away but can't hide the sobs. Hux feels a wave of discomfort and has no idea what to do.

"I, uh, will get my things?"

Kylo looks over her shoulder, "Y-yeah, I'll go clean things up for you in the guest room."

Hux's stomach drops but Kylo hadn't rejected her completely.

When she has all six suitcases and two boxes of shoes in the living room, Kylo is crying silently while making pasta. "You can put your stuff in the room to the left. I'm making cheesy pasta for dinner. That works for you?"

Hux almost objected but remembered she doesn't have to maintain her skin anymore, "Sounds good."

She moves her clothes and sees the guest bed is a twin with Wonder Woman sheets. The primary colors are bold. Not at all Hux's aesthetic. But she wasn't going to complain. Instead she threw her pink coat over the coverlet. She went back to the kitchen area where Kylo was still crying.

"Allergies?" Hux asked.

"No. You're here and it's so amazing. Wow," Kylo sighs taking Hux in. Her nose and cheeks were exactly what Hux and all the other e-girls were trying to achieve. "You're here."

"For good. Had to liquidate everything. No more internet for me," Hux threw her hands up.

Kylo blinked, "Are you in danger? I, um, saw what those guys tried to do..."

Hux shook her head, "Nah, I'm gonna go by my real mother's surname and get used to people calling me Armie."

Kylo nods and pours pasta into the boiling water. Hux moves closer, "Like my hair?"

Kylo startles but nods, "Can I touch?"

Hux nods back and removes the cat ears. Kylo smiles shyly as she runs her hand through Hux's short hair. Hux mumbles, "Sorry you weren't able to feel it when it was long."

Kylo blushed, "It makes your cheek bones amazing."

Hux wants to blurt out 'Kiss them! Kiss me!' But Kylo is already awkwardly kissing her. Hux has to tilt her head up slightly and takes advantage of her balance slip to hold onto Kylo's broad hips. Kylo kisses her slowly, gently but commanding. Hux has to follow. There's no wiggle room like with everyone else. She started shifting her hips feeling arousal burn deep. Kylo pulls away with a satisfied sigh before stirring the pasta. Hux bit her lip. She wasn't going to scream. Her stomach was perking up after the long day of packing and driving.

Kylo wordlessly guided them to the couch with two heaping bowls of cheesy pasta. Kylo kissed her forehead before whispering, "Water okay?"

Hux nodded and watched Kylo's backside jiggle slightly with each step.

They kissed each other good night two hours later. Kylo tried to give Hux the wi-fi pw but Hux declined. She had gotten rid of her phone, iPad, and laptop. Kylo had squeezed her hand and told her things would get better.

Hux believed her. Especially when they ended up in Kylo's bed the next night. They hadn't done anything more than cuddling and kissing before falling asleep. The next day, Hux's new accounts were open with the money she was able to move from her past. She could've easily lived the rest of her life on the money. But Kylo's CPA study books caught her eye. She had a MBA with a focus on finances. When Kylo came home that day, Hux announced they were going to be accountants together. Her money could be put towards their business rent. Kylo cried for an hour before she could speak in clear sentences. Hux petted her hair while watching TV.

"That would be pretty fucking awesome, Hux," Kylo whispers.

Hux smiles, "I know."

Kylo sits up and wipes her face before kissing Hux, "Does mean you'll have to interact with people and be on the internet."

Hux shrugs, "Numbers are concise aside from human error."

Kylo's smile grows, "Fucking nerd."

Hux giggles, "Yes, fuck this nerd."

#kylux #femlux #kissing #e-girl aesthetic #soft #and then they were accountants

1 note · View note