#juliabohemianrant

[juliabohemian]

oh dear

I have noticed a number of posts circulating which imply that ANY character being mean to Loki EVER and for ANY reason = abuse.

I will admit that I initially felt mostly irritation at what appeared, on the surface, to constitute such a complete and utter lack of critical thinking. What I’ve realized, though, is that people who make such posts definitely believe what they are saying. And like everything people do and say, there’s a deeper reason for it. The fact is, traumatized characters attract traumatized fans. And not all of those fans are in a good place, emotionally. And those people are perfectly valid, even if the conclusions they draw are not.

When it comes to fiction, good characters are complex. That means they are conflicted and flawed. They make mistakes. They lash out when they are afraid or hurting. They sometimes hurt other characters. Loki fits that bill very well. It’s one of the reasons he is so popular. Not just with traumatized people, but with people in general. He’s relatable.

The problem comes when fans relate to fictional characters, but really aren’t conscious of why, because they aren’t all that conscious of themselves. They haven’t done a whole lot of self-reflection. Maybe because they aren’t ready, because their trauma is too fresh. Or maybe they are still living in crisis and don’t have the freedom to self-reflect. Those possibilities are all valid.

But very often, when a person goes through trauma and doesn’t have the luxury (and yes, it is a luxury) of working through it, their reasoning skills can become flawed as a result. Trauma, especially childhood trauma, tends to have a negative effect on our ability to socialize and form intimate relationships, because it damages our ability to interpret the intentions of others. We call this hostile attribution bias.

The problem with hostile attribution bias, is that it makes it difficult to tell when people genuinely mean you harm. If a person’s words, actions, or facial expressions are ambiguous in any way, they will be interpreted as being hostile in nature. This keeps one on the offensive, constantly, always anticipating the next blow. Very often, no such blow is coming. But it doesn’t matter. Fear is real, and the experience of it is real.

It stands to reason that someone who struggles to interpret the intentions of real-life people would also experience the same difficulty with fictional characters. For instance, fans who identify with Loki because they perceive him as being a victim will have a hard time seeing him as anything else. Thus, anyone who harms Loki in any way is just further proof that the universe is against him and always will be.

This is referred to as an external locus of control. It means that a person sees life as something that is happening TO them, and that they are powerless to affect the outcome. It’s also important to note that people with this mentality struggle deeply to heal from their trauma. They are stuck in a sort of Groundhog Day scenario, living the same thing out over and over again. Because of their flawed perception, everything that happens to them feels like an extension of that initial trauma.

So, it would make perfect sense that a person with a history of trauma, who suffers from attribution bias, and who has an external locus of control, would be extremely uncomfortable watching anything bad happen to Loki. In fact, it would probably be traumatic for them.

And while their feelings and their experience of those feelings are 100% real, their perception of reality is not entirely accurate. In other words, what they think is happening is not necessarily what is happening.

Loki’s initial trauma, believe it or not, was just being abandoned as an infant. Even though he can’t remember it, that experience alone can result in lifelong emotional struggles. In real life, we refer to this as an attachment disorder. A person with an attachment disorder usually develops major issues with abandonment. They also suffer from (wait for it) attribution bias. And that bias absolutely affects their perception.

Loki’s next trauma was being raised in a dysfunctional family. Not only were they dysfunctional, but they weren’t a very good fit for Loki. Loki was a quiet, contemplative person. He was a thinker, an intellectual. He would rather read or do magic. So, not a good fit for Asgardian society. The combination of Loki’s initial trauma, with his inherent temperament, and his dysfunctional family is what led to the inevitable breakdown that is regarded as Loki’s “villain” arc. I’d like to point out that, in reality, such a person would have probably suffered a breakdown much sooner than that. Typically, prior to reaching adulthood.

Loki’s next trauma was encountering Thanos. Now, we have no idea exactly what happened between Loki and Thanos. We know only that it wasn’t good and that it resulted in Loki being absolutely terrified of him. Other than that, details are fuzzy. I think it’s fair to assume that whatever mistreatment Loki endured probably qualified as torture. Whether it was physical or psychological, we cannot know for sure.

While Loki’s Thanos-related trauma was NOT an extension of his family-related trauma, his decision to entangle himself with Thanos was a product of that trauma. By which I mean that his willingness to align himself with someone like Thanos came from a place of desperation, and a desire to prove himself to someone who he perceived as being qualified to validate him.

So, fast forward to the LOKI show. Our version of Loki never returned to Asgard in chains, was never told that it was his birthright to die, nor endured any gaslighting from Ragnarok-Thor. He never got his neck broken by Thanos. He never went through any of that. He arrived at the TVA, fresh off his failed attempt to take over planet Earth. He was all fired up and defensive, as anyone in his situation would probably be.

Now, here’s where we need to put our critical thinking caps on. Because, I hate to tell you this, folks...but unlike most of the Loki content we’ve gotten prior, this content is actually well written. It’s VERY well written. And while it might be tempting to respond to it with pure emotion, it is imperative that we don’t abandon all logic and reason. This show is not an extension of the gauntlet of trauma we’ve watched Loki endure since he first appeared on screen. The creative minds involved in this venture ALL care deeply about Loki’s character and want to see him succeed (whatever that means for him).

Enter Mobius. He’s a cog in a very big machine. He likes to think of himself as being more than that. He establishes a rapport with his boss in the hopes of distinguishing himself from his peers. His interest in his work is personal. He likes what he does.

From Mobius’ point of view, Loki is an asset. He has information that could help solve the bigger puzzle. But Mobius exists in a world that affords him access to multiple realities. He has probably met dozens of Lokis. And he has probably seen hundreds of people casually pruned or executed or reset. It’s just part of the world he happens to be in. And he doesn’t question it, because he has been brainwashed.

So, does Mobius attempt to manipulate Loki? Absolutely. Just another day at the office. And it works, because he knows Loki better than Loki knows himself, has studied him and other Lokis. And it’s hard not to be mad at Mobius for causing Loki pain. Especially when that is followed up by Loki eagerly taking Mobius up on his offer to help track down the other Loki variant.

I think some people might find Loki’s enthusiasm disconcerting. And there are certainly aspects of it that can be considered such. Loki, at his core, just wants to be told that he is doing a good job, that his contributions matter. That part of him is definitely a product of trauma. But is Loki motivated entirely by his trauma? Not really. Despite his manipulations, Mobius offers Loki the closest thing to warmth and compassion that he has seen for a while. Some of that is genuine and some of that is not. And faced with the reality that everything he knows is gone, Loki does what most people in his situation would do, he tries to be productive. He gets busy. He distracts himself. Because at the moment, little else is under his control.

Despite all of that, you simply cannot have compassion for Loki and none for Mobius. Because Mobius is a victim too. He was abducted from his own reality. He is living a lie. He is part of something that, upon deeper reflection, he realizes he doesn’t agree with. He is so very much like the Loki we first met in 2011. He is such a well-written and multi-faceted character, I thoroughly enjoy his on screen time with Loki.

But I understand that there are people who are not in a place, emotionally, where they can overlook such plot devices. And I sincerely hope that those eventually people find healing. In the meantime, let’s try to remember that this is a work of fiction. And unlike real-life trauma, when it becomes upsetting, we can turn it off and walk away.

#loki spoilers #loki show meta #mobius meta #loki show spoilers #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #loki meta #mental health awareness #reactive attachment disorder #external locus of control #hostile attribution bias #early childhood trauma

[juliabohemian]

I'm going to be filtering LOKI show negativity out of my feed...for now. That includes posts that jump to conclusions about the actions or motivations of certain characters.

I am happy to objectively analyze these things AFTER the story is complete and we have all the relevant information. I simply refuse to jump on the every-negative-thing-that-happens-to-Loki-is-further-proof-that-the-universe-hates-him-and-he-will-always-be-a-victim bandwagon. I fully understand why people feel this way. I just happen to believe it is far too premature to be drawing such conclusions.

I say this as both a writer and academic of human behavior. For a person to change or grow or operate outside of their normal pattern of behavior, they must encounter someone or something that forces them to do so. And Mobius is merely that someone/something. Mobius is operating from his own narrow world view. It is possible for him to be mistaken about Loki, but not have malicious intent.

Let's please try to keep an open mind. And if, when this is all over, it turns out that Mobius is truly a destructive force in Loki's life, I will welcome relevant analysis and offer up my commiseration.

#loki #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #can't wait to see how many people unfollow me after this #I actually happen to like mobius so far

[juliabohemian]

FYI: I am not arguing with ANYONE about LOKI. Period.

I’ve spent enough time doing academic writing, asserting research findings, and debating about real world issues to know that people who invite you to convince them of your beliefs do NOT actually want to be convinced. 

They want to draw you into an exhausting back and forth in order to give themselves the illusion of control over your beliefs. Because the fact that you exist and believe something that they don’t like is just too much for them.

I will admit, I used to waste my time arguing with people about fandom related shit. Because I like to debate about things. I’m good at it.

But if I have learned any lesson from LOKI it’s that being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean that you enjoy it or that it is the right thing to do.

In real life, I am usually dealing with facts and data. These things do not need to be debated (or shouldn’t need to be debated, rather). They speak for themselves. They transcend opinion. Many of my fandom related opinions are a product of my life experience (I’m guessing I’m a good deal older than most folks in the Loki fandom) as well as my professional expertise in relation to education, human behavior, and child development.

Despite all that, I cannot convince a person to agree with my opinion, any more than Loki could convince Sylvie not to kill Kang. Because only people whose formative experiences are similar to my own will be able to draw similar conclusions. I have never been to war. There are things that only a person who has been to war can know. I would not expect a person who has been to war to argue with me about what that experience is like.

The next time you find yourself reblogging a fandom-related post you disagree with, so you can bullet point everything you think is wrong with the OP’s opinion and then invite them to “prove” their opinion to you, ask yourself what it is that you REALLY want. What are you REALLY hoping for? Do you want to be convinced? CAN you be convinced? If the answer is no, don’t reblog it. Go find something else to do, something constructive.

#not arguing with anyone about loki #I don't care about loki's sexuality or gender identity because it is completely irrelevant to his actual story #I don't care that loki kissed a girl #he could kiss croki for all I care #Loki made meaningful connections with multiple people why does it have to be about sex or romance? #why can't people just be satisfied that they got to look at tom hiddleston again? #why do people feel so much entitlement to fictional characters? #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #I just want him to be okay

[juliabohemian]

Just a friendly reminder that it will never be okay for you to:

1. Harass or attack real people for not producing the book, television show, or movie you were hoping for.

2. Harass, attack, or verbally abuse fans who happen to be enjoying the book, television show, or movie that didn’t turn out the way you hoped.

3. Accuse any fan who disagrees with your opinion of a book, television show, or movie of being a villain, a narcissist, or a bigot.

#juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #fandom toxicity #loki show

[juliabohemian]

the sky is falling

Apparently...

I have been a fan of LOKI since he first appeared on screen. I will admit that I did not seek out other fans on social media until after The Dark World. Mostly because I had a lot of other things going on in my life.

I distinctly remember being filled with hope that LOKI would appear in Age of Ultron, and being filled with hope that Ragnarok would magically resolve everything between LOKI and his family. I remember being disappointed about both. I remember having renewed hope that Infinity War or Endgame would somehow make up for those disappointments, only to be further let down by the kind of mediocre writing that is typical of blockbuster movies. That is a disappointment that many of us have shared, and even bonded over.

And I was so relieved to have a fandom where I could share my disappointment. I was happy to critically analyze what had been problematic about LOKI's story so far, even if most of it was due to poor/inconsistent writing as opposed to a conscious decision on anyone's part (minus Ragnarok, probably, but I digress). I was happy to have a place where I could write meta about problematic themes in fictional media and how they might negatively affect those who digest them.

When I found out the LOKI show was happening, I felt the same lurch in my gut that I'm sure you all felt. Will it suck? Will it just be another cash grab, using Tom Hiddleston as a lure? Even the trailers I was seeing in the months beforehand did nothing to quell my fears. The trailers were carefully edited for the sole purpose of gaining viewers for the show. Which is an almost laughable notion, since people would probably have watched it anyway. But I was still apprehensive, right up until the last minute.

Then, I watched episode one.

And I immediately realized a few things.

The first is that what we are seeing, now, is as close to 100% Tom-Hiddleston-approved as ANYTHING we have seen on screen so far. 

Take a minute to let that soak in. What we are seeing is how Tom sees LOKI. It isn't the product of someone else's editing, or someone else's vision. This isn’t a product of LOKI being a side character who they simply don’t have time to develop. This is a show about LOKI.

The second thing I realized is that this show is almost like an AU story that exists separately from everything else. So, LOKI isn't going to be exactly like any other specific version we have seen before. And that's totally fine. Because he has never been in this situation before, we have no idea how he would behave under these circumstances. It is uncharted territory.

Now, I realize that not everyone in the fandom has written fiction, or knows what it's like to construct a long narrative. I can personally attest to throwing in an occasional plot device that made slightly less sense than I would like, simply to put the story where I wanted it to be. I can also attest to completely disregarding minor aspects of canon that would have rendered my story pointless or required me to write an additional 5 chapters, simply to explain them away. That is writing, folks.

What I DO know is that we have only seen episode 1. We don't know what the big picture is yet. And I can tell you that if I had written a story and planned the whole thing out and, after posting chapter 1, people had posted giant rants about how everything I'd done so far was wrong, I would be extremely concerned about the mental health of those people. And I would hope that they would stop reading my story and go find something else to do.

From a purely scientific perspective, we don’t have enough information to draw a conclusion. And yet, I have been inundated with Chicken Little posts about how the sky is falling. I am practically getting whiplash from scrambling to unfollow these people.

This show is not going to be perfect.

There are going to be things about it that you don't like.

It is totally okay not to like the show, or to simply dislike things about it. But PLEASE PLEASE acknowledge that you not liking something does not equate to it being problematic. It doesn't even equate to an objective measurement of the show's value. It just means that YOU don't like it. I feel like a lot of LOKI fans have an image in their heads of who they think LOKI is and they feel so strongly about it, that they would assert their headcanon as being more in character than whatever Tom Hiddleston might choose to do with LOKI. And frankly, that is very sad. It also means that those people will always be disappointed, because you have zero control over what Tom chooses to do with his character.

I think that after so much continued disappointment, many LOKI fans have learned to seek their dopamine reward from criticizing LOKI content, as opposed to actually enjoying it. Because, frankly, that affords them more control over the outcome. If we go into a situation assuming it will be bad, and it turns out to be bad, we get to pat ourselves on the back for our genius. If we go into it hoping that it will be good and it ends up being bad, then we have to cope with that negative feeling. And no one wants to feel disappointed over and over again.

And I’ve realized that all the time I spent ranting about what I didn’t like about the MCU has not been good for me, mentally. It is not healthy to dwell on negative things, unless that dwelling is somehow productive. And this hasn’t been productive. It hasn’t led to anything but more ranting and whining.

I am choosing to have an open mind, not because I think that everything is going to be wonderful, but because it is the most mentally healthy thing for me to do.

I am GRATEFUL to have this show. 

Even if it ends up being less than awesome, I am still grateful to have a show that is all about LOKI, that gives us lots of Tom being LOKI on screen without anyone trying to steal the mic from him. I want to do my best to enjoy it. And so far, I am enjoying it.

And if, when the show is all over, I realize that it contained some genuinely problematic scenes or themes, I will explore those OBJECTIVELY. I will analyze them CRITICALLY.

But we're NOT there yet. 

#loki show #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #loki positivity #loki

[juliabohemian]

further adventures in bias

So, I had a very interesting conversation with another educator who is only a few years older than I am, but who feels much older. For instance. I happened to be wearing a Loki shirt today and I had to explain to her who he was.

But anyway, she happened to toss out a few disparaging remarks about younger people lacking respect for older people. The example she gave involved she and her elderly mother being casually forced off of the sidewalk by a Millennial (she made sure to specify) with a dog. I told her that I did not believe any specific age group to be more deserving of respect than any other. In a situation like that one, the right of way should be given to whichever person is least able to maneuver themselves adequately. It's not chivalry. It's logic. She was understandably confused.

She did go on to say a few more disparaging things about young people, while defending her right to not learn how to use newer technology or be interested in anything current. I came in to observe her class today and they were singing, I kid you not, Yankee Doodle Dandy. Now, don't get me wrong. It's a classic. I supposed...depending on your definition of the word classic. It's also out of date and, if you don’t have to dig too deeply to realize how very offensive it is. To say the students were disinterested would be an understatement. They are probably more excited about going to the dentist.

This teacher is a nice, generous, well meaning person. Unfortunately, she is one of countless people who are not conscious of their bias. But no matter how much time I devote to studying bias, I will never wrap my head around those who can justify disparaging the young. I simply do not understand the point of it.

Think about it. Humans have been around for approximately 200,000 years. But during that entire span of time, the only period during which they TRULY had their shit together was when your racist uncle was like 15-35 years old. Those were the days. Good thing he was there or it might have been a disaster. Freebird!

#juliabohemianrant #implicit bias #cognitive bias #reactionary #millennials #boomers

[juliabohemian]

Whenever source material creators contradict their own established canon, I get the same icky feeling I got when scientists decided Pluto was no longer a planet. Like yeah, I guess it's technically valid but also, now everything is ruined.

#please excuse my autism #juliabohemianrant #loki show #pick some facts and stick to them

[juliabohemian]

I’ll never get back the time I wasted, thinking there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed.

Everyone once in a while, when I'm foolish enough to share the fact that I am aro/ace with the wrong person, I am reminded of how very far we have to go as a society and as a species.

I don't mind curiosity. Curiosity is normal. I don't even mind personal questions, as long as they come from a place of genuine interest.

What I do mind, is when people smile knowingly and attempt to explain to me what it is that I'm ACTUALLY experiencing.

Because I am a woman who is both over 40 and pleasantly plump, lesser brained folks tend to come to the conclusion that I must have low self esteem. Therefore, my asexuality is merely a clever defense mechanism designed to protect me from rejection.

The problem with that assumption is that I don't believe that my value comes from whether or not other people enjoy looking at me, or whether they want to yoke themselves to me. I'm not lonely. There's no void in my life where another human being could fit. And all the social interaction I could possibly want, I get from my children, other relatives, friends, and coworkers.

This assumption says a lot more about the person making it than it does me. It says a lot about their values. Which must include the belief that my purpose is to be desirable to a man and that my lack of a man in my life indicates an inability to ensnare one.

I got married when I was 19. Not because I was in love, or even sexually attracted, but because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I spent 14 years with my ex, an emotionally abusive narcissist who sucked the life out of everyone around him like a human black hole. Thus, when we got divorced, I assumed my lack of interest in another romantic (and I use that term loosely) relationship was merely a result of that negative experience. I tried dating. Not because I was lonely, but because (once again) I was convinced that was what I was supposed to do.

That probably sounds silly, to get married just because society says you should. But consider the fact that I am neurodivergent. Which means I was socialized to believe that there was something inherently wrong with me. And that I needed to do things that felt counterintuitive in order to assimilate myself to the collective. How many things do I do that don’t feel natural, just to make other people comfortable? Too many to list here.

What I eventually learned was that I literally did not want another person in my space. I didn't want to share a bed, or my money, or my time. I didn't want to share my bathroom. I don't want to listen to someone else making noises, or snoring, or deal with them moving my things around. I didn’t want to have to worry about what they wanted for dinner or worry about their opinions. And that’s not even addressing the fact that I don't want to be touched, or be obligated to touch someone else, in a romantic or sexual way.

When I made a list of the pros and cons of getting into another relationship, there were very few items in the first column (okay, none) and hundreds in the second. No more room for doubt.

Except for other people, apparently. Other people doubt my asexuality all the time. Other people who have no idea what it means to be asexual.

I am asexual and aromantic. I do not experience romantic attraction. Period. In the same way that people who don't like pickles do not experience a desire to eat them. I do not experience sexual attraction. Period. I DO experience sexual arousal. I might even fantasize about other people. Not specific people, mind you. Just generic men and woman. Yes, men AND women. But I just have no desire to take things to the next level and engage in physical interaction with anyone.

This isn't pathological. I didn't become this way as a means of coping with trauma. I was born this way.

The next time you find yourself wanting to inform someone that their asexuality is really a coping mechanism, or that they just haven’t found the right person yet, do me a favor. Raise your hand, and then put it over your mouth.

Thank you so much.

#autism #asexual #aromantic #aro/ace #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #asexuality is not a phase #please don't scroll past this

[juliabohemian]

I'm going to say something controversial, that really shouldn't be controversial.

If you read someone’s fanfiction and you end up liking it, do NOT comment to tell them that you ALMOST didn't read it. 

Just don't.

I write the majority of my stories in a second person narrative. 

I WISH I had a dollar for every person who felt the need to comment and let me know that they ALMOST didn’t read my story because it was written in second person.

If you read my story and you ended up liking it, I don’t need to know that you almost didn’t read it.

I don’t give a shit.

You didn’t make some kind of personal sacrifice by overcoming your bias long enough to enjoy my story. You got free entertainment from a total stranger.

And it doesn’t even matter. Because, ultimately, I’m still going to write what I want, HOW I want, no matter what.

#fanfic writing #fanfic woes #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian

[juliabohemian]

As a Loki fan, I have been waiting since 2011/2012 for resolution to Loki's story. I have been waiting for someone to acknowledge how he was affected by learning about his adoption, or that he was tortured and subjugated by Thanos, or maybe...just MAYBE Thor has not always been a good brother and that some portion of who Loki is might be a product of that.

Every time I paid money to watch a movie with Loki in it, I did so with the hope of getting some resolution to these things, or to see anything resembling sympathy or understanding from other characters. There was none to be had.

If a show titled LOKI is about anything but Loki (TOM'S Loki...not kid Loki, teen Loki or lady Loki) I will be done with this mess. If its purpose is to force a bunch of new characters on us, to act as a merchandising ploy or means of replacing Tom to pave the way for a younger model, I will be all out of fucks to give.

How about a show that is actually about Loki. About everything we ALREADY know about Loki. No love interest. No completely unrelated arc. Just Loki.

Loki has earned it. We have earned it.

#loki show #disney loki #loki deserved better #mcu #loki #juliabohemianrant

[juliabohemian]

To be honest I am way less worried about how the show will handle Loki being "gender fluid" (whatever that even means to THEM) and way more worried about what the fandom will make of it.

What I'm expecting from the show is for this to be a passing reference about how Loki variants can be either male or female, and how they can alter their appearance. What I'm expecting from the fandom is a tidal wave of how this specific version of Loki secretly wants to be a woman (despite openly preferring he/him pronouns up until now) and how naturally he also wants to bang every other male character in the MCU. Which he was already doing in fanfiction anyway.

And my aro/ace ass will be over here, desperately clinging to hope that the show will actually address all the non-sexual/non-romantic things about Loki that made me interested in him in the first place.

I was talking to my daughter, who is also aro/ace and also on the spectrum. We were discussing how terrified creators of fictional media seem to be of platonic male relationships. This is probably why I gravitate towards brother/brother or parent/child relationships in fiction. Because I feel like they are safe and if the character's story is mostly about that it is unlikely to be hijacked by sex and romance plotlines. Understand this has nothing to do with how I feel about gay or trans people. It is about the need to sexualize fictional characters at the expense of everything else about them.

Think of it like this...imagine that you have no desire to drink alcohol and almost every social gathering on your planet is centered around alcohol consumption. And the ones that aren't might suddenly become about alcohol at any time. THAT is what it feels like to be aro/ace/asd in fandoms.

#juliabohemianrant

[juliabohemian]

I must be fun at parties

Every once in a while, when I respond to a joke or a meme by suggesting that it didn't make sense or just wasn't funny, I will get the unimaginative reply "you must be fun at parties, huh?"

The problem with this statement is that it implies I am not only obligated to be amused by everything, but that the burden is on me to BE amusing as well.

That sounds like a lot of work.

Fortunately for me, I don't owe anyone that. 

This comment falls into the same category as “you need to laugh more” or “can’t you take a joke???”

These are knee-jerk reactions to being invalidated.

What actually IS amusing is that these reactions tend to come from people who (wait for it) are more offensive than funny. 

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I think it’s hilarious when people fall down and hurt themselves. I don’t, actually, because I’m not a piece of shit. But if I were in a room full of people who also found that amusing, then I could easily become convinced that it actually IS amusing when people fall down. We could start a club and sit around watching Youtube videos about people falling down.

Then, one day, along comes someone who does NOT find it amusing when people fall down. And this person points out that sometimes, when people fall down, they can be seriously injured. And the club responds by telling that person they have no sense of humor, and they need to smile more. Because the alternative is that they might have to self-reflect, and question their own values.

In summary, no...I don't have to laugh at your memes. I especially don’t have to laugh at them if they're racist, reactionary, sexist, ableist, or just plain completely unintelligent. 

I also don’t have to laugh at them if they demonstrate a complete misunderstanding of a fictional character (cough cough LOKI).

And for the record...I am, in fact, LOTS of fun at parties.

I’m fucking hilarious.

#Maybe you’re just not that funny #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #yes this was prompted by the Loki fandom which is filled with salty people #how to get blocked by me

[juliabohemian]

Dear Neurotypicals

I care.

I care about things.

I care about a lot of things.

I care about SO many things.

I may even care about more things that you.

I just don’t care about them the same WAY that you do.

I love my children.

But you will never see me with a bumper sticker that says happiness is being a mom or soccer mom or my child is an honors student and such-and-such school. I’m sorry that I don’t have a tote bag, decorated with several years old school portraits of my now adult children. My identity is not built around the fact that I happened to reproduce. My children are their own people with their own identities that are separate from my own. Being a mom is but one of many hats that I will wear during my lifetime.

I celebrate my children and share their accomplishments in my own way. You can rest assured that they never felt neglected by me.

I show my love in practical ways, by helping people solve problems, giving them advice, or doing things to make their lives easier.

My apparent lack of a reaction to something does not equate to indifference. My facial expression is rarely a good indicator of what I am actually feeling. You have no idea what is going on inside of my head.

Do not interrogate me in an attempt to prove to yourself that I care about something. Do not ask me a series of question, hoping to elicit a specific type of response. It will only serve to annoy me and make me reluctant to speak to you again in the future.

I am not being stubborn. I am not cold or emotionless or repressed.

I am not mushy, sentimental, or romantic. I will never be.

I'm not going to get all teary eyed for every Hallmark moment or run around like a chicken with its head cut off during a crisis. I don’t make emotional decisions. I am a thinker. I think about things. I prioritize. I use logic and reason. I solve problems. That's how I function.

But I DO have feelings.

I cried when my children were born.

I cried when I saw redwood trees for the first time.

I cry when I watch movies.

Music moves me in a way that you will never understand.

I have spent years mourning fictional characters.

I have feelings.

I am simply not like you and, frankly, I wouldn't want to be. Because it looks fucking exhausting.

#dear neurotypicals #like on the spectrum #autistic professional #having asd #neurodivergence #juliabohemianrant #facial expressions #neurotypicals

[juliabohemian]

grief policing

The news of Chadwick Boseman’s death is extremely fresh, and yet there is already dust collecting on all posts, righteously schooling other people on how to NOT to grieve him.

The fact is that most white people do not watch films that are marketed to a black audience. And I’d like to think that things would be different if they did. But if some white person watched Black Panther and was moved or inspired by it, and they want to say Wakanda Forever to express their respect for Mr. Boseman’s passing, there’s nothing ethically wrong with that. Is it corny and cringy? Extremely. But is it harmful? No.

My students think that I live in my classroom. They are shocked when they find out that I go to the grocery store and own a car. One of them once drew me a picture and captioned it “Ms. Julia is a good teacher because she has big hair”. Is that why I’m a good teacher? I really hope not. I’m not sure I even agree that my hair is “big”. But the intent behind the sentiment is what matters.

A person died. A person of color. A talented person. A celebrity. A relatively young person, who no one even knew was sick. People’s degree of knowledge and level of appreciation for this person are going to vary. They are going to react differently, connect to this news differently. Meaning is very personal.

If you are at a loss for reasons to be outraged, the news is filled with stories depicting racial oppression. Just this week a white, shotgun-toting teenager murdered a black man, in cold blood, in front of his children. And white police stood by and let it happen. If the worst thing that white people were doing to people of color was neglecting to watch Spike Lee movies, I’d consider it a success.

#juliabohemianrant #grief police #gatekeeping #virtue signaling #chadwick boseman

[juliabohemian]

I'd like to say something controversial...

I am a creator of content.

What does that mean?

It means that I create original art, original meta, original memes, original photographs etc. Not just on this site, but on many sites. For as long as the internet has been available to me.

In other words, the things I post are almost entirely made by me. I share them with you because, as an educator and a neurodivergent, it is my preferred way of connecting with other human beings.

The majority of Tumblr users have blogs that consist entirely of other people's creative content. They are basically consumers. And there's NOTHING wrong with that at all. We are all consumers in one way or another.

But sometimes I feel like people forget that I am a person. I am a human being with feelings. I don't exist just to create art and memes and ideas for other people to consume.

The next time you are getting ready to reblog someone else's original, creative content simply for the purposes of adding criticism, stop and ask yourself "could I have made this?" And if the answer is yes, go and make it. Go and make that art, that meme. Write that meta or fanfiction. Post an original post with your own ideas, and when someone else reblogs them with THEIR criticisms, and you find yourself wondering why they felt the need to do that, may you whisper to yourself "oh...I get it now."

#juliabohemian rant #juliabohemianrant

[juliabohemian]

So, I saw a post in which there was an image of Tom Hiddleston saying “I ruined your life? Darling, you came looking for it” and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’m not going to include the image in my post, because I don’t want to give it any more circulation, but you can find it here.

While I feel a strong ethical obligation to point out how incredibly toxic this image is, and how disrespectful to the actor, I acknowledge that most people who share this image are probably perfectly nice people who mean no disrespect for the actor whatsoever. My commentary is not a judgment of those who have reblogged this image, or even the person who made it, but merely a plea to please consider the deeper meaning behind things you create and share.

That being said, take a moment to consider the message in the aforementioned image. Would you tolerate this mentality from a real man (or woman) in your life? Outside of bedroom roleplaying? Would you be okay with your BF/GF/spouse saying something like this to you?

Let’s say for a moment that you actually WERE looking for it. It being misery or drama or general unpleasantness. That would be pathological behavior. And anyone who would take advantage of that would also be exhibiting pathological behavior. It’s not cute. It’s not sexy. It’s just messed up.

And it is especially peculiar that people insist on projecting this bizarre, hyper-sexual alpha-male persona onto Tom, when one of the greatest things about Tom Hiddleston is that he ISN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL. Outside of that one photoshoot where he happened to be wearing leather (which probably was the photographer’s idea) Tom has shown nary a hint of such inclinations in any public appearance or interview. There are lots of actors out there who would probably say “darling, you went looking for it” but Tom is not one of them.

Friends, I really hope that none of your lives feel ruined by another person, whether that person is in your life, a celebrity, or merely a fictional character. But if it does, you certainly do not deserve it.

And before you comment to tell me how this is just a joke, just for fun, just for pretend...let me remind you that fiction and fantasy have a tremendous impact on society, on socialization, on relationships, self image etc. Any information we consume has the power to affect us.

#op #juliabohemian #juliabohemianrant #can't wait to see how many people read only the first sentence and then unfriend me