#journal.txt

[fleshwerks]

tbh i'm actually looking into local jobs that are mostly physical. doesn't have to pay much at all, but i just feel most zen when working with body rather than brain. this leaves enough opportunity for me to sit on my arse and draw, while getting my fitness in, some money, and most importantly, dump excess energy, which as adhd-hi i have plenty even when i'm bloody tired.

it's just good balance. and like i said, i like being able to turn my brain off and just let the body do the labour, it knows what it's doing.

i just don't know how it's gonna work out for me in belgium. probably gonna look up flemish job providers as i'm taking the language as a part of the immigrant programme, and i already studied dutch in university. still, i'm a 'trailing spouse', and not from a wealthy country, i'm a dirty little eastern european and expats from less desirable/prestigious countries seem to have a difficult time here.

we'll see what options are available.

#journal.txt

[leviathanroxas]

I said this when I presented my senior thesis on Kingdom Hearts, but I really think that one of the most beautiful takeaways from this series is the fact that it provides a literal representation to the idea that there is always a place in our hearts for the most vulnerable and helpless people, so long as we’re willing to make room for them.

Sora’s kindness is a sanctuary to those who need a second chance or those who feel incomplete and empty. His heart is strengthened by the compassion he feels towards those who need it most.

#Kingdom Hearts #sometimes I get weepy thinking about him 😭 #Sora #journal.txt

[frostbittenbard]

Didn't expect to be posting about this one, but he has my whole heart after playing a while. I ended up rolling another drow recently since I'm not sure I'm up for a durge run quite yet. Alfira killed me to watch, but I'm sure I'll work on Dirge after I get through a Tav run.

But! I love drow too much, so I made another. Similar looks because look at him, he's beautiful. Dirge had the looks perfected, I just want a kinder story. xD

I'm starting him as a Lolth-sworn Storm Sorc, but he's leaning towards changing faith over the course of the story. By act 3, I expect to give him silver/white eyes as he leans into embracing Eilistraee (they'll be pink sometime in act 2 as he slips his way away from Lolth).

The Underdark told him who he was his whole life; Just a Jaluk, who only knew betrayal and violence. Going topside was the first he'd been able to make choices and have them respected, and to have friends he didn't have to think before trusting (Well, after a time). He's learning who he really is, and that he's deserving of a softer life. Also, what was it about loving someone so much it changes their narrative? :3c

I plan on making sure he and Astarion have their happy ending.

Yes, I'm romancing the vampire again. I love he. And Neil's performance is impeccable.

For those asking, 'well what about Orion? Or Quill?' I had a feeling they weren't going to be the ones I get through the whole story with. It's never the first one. Or the third, even. I go through a lot of characters before landing on my main. (I was the same way in FFXIV. Ki'to was like, the 20th character I made. But he was my first to finish the story, and is my main now)

#Journal.txt #Tav #Tathlyn #Tathlyn Do'rret #He's gonna be the epitome of 'I no longer crave power. I now crave rest' #He's been a little shit since the crash #but thinking about how some of his choices have gotten softer #I just think it'd be really nice to let him be gentle #for once in his life #Anyway #Word wall #but enjoy the boy #<3

[princelestats]

i should just post about my ocs!!! I should make new ones for the hell of it!!! I should stop being scared of embarrassment!!! i am 29 years old my existence alone is embarrassing to some people i can't change that!!!

#trying to be. carefree. and not my own evil critic #is very difficult but we try.... #journal.txt

[doom-radio]

Wish I was allowed to stab everyone who calls me a lady

#journal.txt

[cellophobia]

🦐 let's keep it real shrimple folks

#it's as shrimple as that really #🦐🦐🦐❤️ #journal.txt

[balsambay]

It hasn't really been til this past year that I've learned how to evaluate my own likes and dislikes. I mean this both granularly (part-specific preferences) and globally (what do capital-I like?)

One of the many legacies of early childhood abuse is the effect it has on one's sense of identity. For parts that adapted to fawn/attach to survive strategies, I think this is especially true. Whatever "I" liked was what they (he, really) liked. If, by some chance, I discovered I secretly did like something I wasn't supposed to, it caused me a great deal of guilt and shame until I rationalized my like of it away.

Do I really dislike something, or is it just out of my comfort zone? Do I really dislike something, or does it just trigger me? Do I really like something, or have I just convinced myself that I have to?

#journal.txt #dissociative identity disorder #did

[mikeybee]

its really interesting to me how people will joke about how you should never get emotionally attached to a rockstar because of the trend of rockstars abusing fans, and on the same note be so surprised and emotional when a rockstar is accused of misconduct with a fan. maybe we all collectively understand the trend of people with power and influence taking advantage simply because they can, and we don't want to face what that might say about ourselves if we were in their position?

#this is just me rambling #journal.txt

[thestarseersystem]

There's so much I'd like to talk about in regards to myself, but what is there to say? I see images, not words to speak. I do wish I could be as eloquent as other people on this platform.

I wish I could draw for you, but all I have are the images that linger in my brain. I wish I could make myself speak. But no matter what, I open my mouth and nothing comes out. I've used others to speak for me. Songs and pictures. I feel like a doll without a voice box.

If I could put the images into reality, I would. But I do not have the energy nor place. I am merely a ghost, wandering in this tundra. Dark hair and white skin, like pale snow with ball joints.

I'm here, waiting for something. Maybe I will change. Maybe it will get better from here. But I never remember what it is, until someone else fronts. I guess, I guess it's not my memory.

#journal.txt

[xi-xxi]

I tried a new store for groceries and took backroads with the top down cause today was truly beautiful. Then I cooked spaghetti cause it was easy and the kids are all here.

#journal.txt

[inefable-enigma]

made the people in my breakout room laugh today, i think my goal for the day has been accomplished ^_^ life is all about seeing other people smile and making them so genuinely happy that they can't stop laughing with you!!! <3

#ngl feeling really funny and charming right now #it was still a bit nerve-racking to talk with basically strangers but i managed to get through it and we were having a blast! #i don't really know them that well but hopefully life will keep treating them kindly 💚 #journal.txt

[dykefagz]

its genuinely so odd being together again for so long after long distance. It’s weird in so many ways but the biggest one is learning that our time isn’t as limited, that it’s not just a weekend or a week and just like. trying to get into a new routine since our old one was “seeing” each other on FT more often than not. And this applies for so many of my friends too… the fact we’re down the street from each other after being separated for so long snd now its just me whos doing it. im the one with school the one with aerials and i dont even work that often and the truth of thr matter is i dont know how to maintain friendships outside of school

#journal.txt #just so its easy to find if i need to refer back :-)

[bardkin]

being a ridden dragon & not yet knowing what that entails

inspired by @who-is-page's post here! i decided fuck it !! i wanna write (more) about the draconic aspects of myself, timidness be damned.

as a quick preface, i am a psychological 'kin! i hold loose beliefs in multiverse & a form of reincarnation, but i don't know for sure if / don't think those things apply to me specifically.

o()xxx[{:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>

i've known i'm a dragon for a while, now. i go somewhat in-depth about it here in this entry about adopting/trying out the term folcintera for myself, but i didn't really touch on one of the newer revelations i had about it:

i'm the dragon in a rider-dragon pair.

as for how i know this, it just feels Correct. (far as i'm aware,) i don't have any past or concurrent life memories, or know who/what my rider is or was. this is a noema that i cannot explain further, as of yet. I Just Know this aspect is fact.

i mentioned [in my linked entry] that my first up close exposure to dragons was the Eragon series, which is what cemented my idea of what "dragon" was to me. ever since that series, i've been aggressively hyperfixated on dragon-rider stories; the kind of hyperfixation that waxes and wanes, but when it hits, it Hits like a Truck.

i don't think i'm from any one specific source, such as How to Train Your Dragon, Dragonriders of Pern, or Eragon. none of those really feel like places i've lived or belonged in. my specific brand of dragonity is wildly different from any dragons you'd see in the listed settings/stories, so i am not any dragon you'll see in those stories — but i also am.

moreso, i feel a connection to the dynamic between rider and dragon; the trappings don't truly matter, in the end. i am the archetypal dragon-with-a-rider, and see myself in almost any dragon-rider setting. i am a Ridden Dragon, and that will mean something different to everyone who interacts with dragon-rider lore — including myself. i am both folcinteric and an archetrope, in this regard.

before i awakened, and thought about dragon-rider stories, i thought i was simply wanting to live in a world where i could share a bond like that & go on adventures... and while that's still true, since i'm an escapist storyteller, there's a key difference between then and now.

i thought i had to relate to and imagine myself as the rider — and that never felt completely right.

now that i'm aware of and better exploring my draconic side, this aspect has come to light. and i have No idea what it could mean for me.

as stated, i don't know who my rider was/is or could be. i don't know what our dynamic was like, if our bond is of magical origin or through mutual trust. though, that might have something to do with me being archetypal, here. my rider could be anyone; our bond origin could be of any type, so long as it serves the purpose of the archetype.

dragon riding means different things to different people. sometimes it's about taming a wild beast, akin to horseback riding. other times it's a magical bond. and other times still, it's about trust and friendship.

i still don't know what my personal mythos is, or if i have one at all. maybe it is just that dynamic, nebulous and without a tether. or maybe it's just not uncovered quite yet.

i don't know how common being a ridden dragon is, be it in fictherian/fictionkin dragon spaces, or more general dragonkind spaces, because i haven't seen it talked about much. possibly because i'm just not looking in the right places, but, *shrug*!

i have no idea if this post will inspire any other dragons with riders (or maybe even dragon riders!) to write about their experiences. but, never know unless i post, so ;]

thanks for reading!

#dragon therian #dragonkind #dragonhearted #dragonkin #draconity #draconic #sword's journal.txt #folcintera #folcinteric #archetrope #horns of chrysocolla

[frostbittenbard]

Putting Dirge on the back burner for a bit since I feel like playing a Good Boy for a while.

Problem is, should I continue with Orion, or make the new soft boy wild magic sorc Tav that's been living rent free in my brain?

At this rate I'll never leave Act 1. orz

#Journal.txt #We'll use that for personal posts here #Quill my beloved #I have so many ideas for him #but I feel like I should save him for later?? #I have a character creation problem #I know

[princelestats]

the future grasps me by the collar and asks me, "how could you imagine something so cruel?" in anguish, hollow and broken, it asks me, "have you ever considered my dreams?"

#journal.txt

[doom-radio]

I'm going to kill myself if one more fucking person calls me a woman

#journal.txt