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justimagineitblog · 3 months

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“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 13

Well hi *I wave sheepishly from behind the computer screen*

Let me start by saying I am so so sorry that the conclusion of this story took so long - I have barely been writing for a really long time.

But this story and doing it justice has always been in the back of my mind, and I finally got myself to finish it for all of you who have been so loyal and patient.

Here is the final Chapter of You Used To Love Me.

All my love, I hope you enjoy x

Besides the obvious shock at seeing him at such a fucking inopportune time, his presence sends an immediate chill down my spine.

I have to physically close my eyes to try and rid my mind of the thoughts and flashbacks to the other night, when he kissed me. When we kissed each other.

The room collectively falls silent. No one tries to stutter over their words. No one tries to save the moment with some excuse. Just pure silence. All of us processing what has just unfolded. That is until Gina finally speaks.

“Well, I guess the gig is up” she says, almost laughing.

I don’t even look at her. My eyes are just glued to Michael. I watch his face contort into 100 different shades of confusion.

When no one else speaks, when nothing is elaborated, he looks back and forth between all of us, searching desperately for an answer.

“Izzy?” He says my name, his tone just begging me for an answer.

“This isn’t on her…” Gina begins, standing up slowly from the floor and straightening her dress “I’m pregnant, Michael”

And just like that, the bomb is dropped. But that’s not even the worst of it. My heart aches inside my chest, knowing that it’s about to get so much worse for Michael.

I didn’t think it was possible, but somehow the air in the room grows heavier.

My whole body tenses at I wait to see Michael’s reaction.

He doesn’t know it’s not his yet.

He runs his eyes over her, covering his mouth in shock when he finally notices the small baby bump just beginning to show through her dress.

“Oh my god” he runs a hand through his hair, his hands trembling.

He doesn’t speak, he just shakes his head in disbelief. No excitement. No joy at the thought of having his own child. And that says it all. He isn’t happy. This is not the life he wanted for himself.

Part of me want’s to tell him about Gina’s infidelity. To tell him that he is not having a child. That he is not going to be stuck raising a child with a woman he doesn’t love. But before I can even find the words, his head stops shaking and his brows furrow. Like a lightbulb switched on in his mind. Like something clicked. It’s like I can see him mind doing back flips as he realises that something doesn’t add up.

He looks back up at Gina, who is chewing at her bottom lip nervously. She is also waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Like she said, Michael is smart. It won’t be long before it dawns on him, and I know she does not want that moment to unfold before all of us, here in this room.

“I would like a moment alone with my husband” Gina says quickly, as she looks over at Polly and I. She knows Michael is starting to catch on to what he knows deep down inside. This is not his baby.

I take her queue to leave immediately, reaching for Polly’s hand. “Come on Pol, let’s go make some tea yeah?” I say, locking eyes with her and nodding towards the doorway.

Polly’s catches on, and she takes my hand as we both make our way out of the room. As we exit I quickly glance back over my shoulder to find Michael looking at me gravely, before Gina closes the door behind us.

Polly and I walk downstairs and into the kitchen in complete silence. I start making tea, but Polly touches my arm.

“This is not a time for tea… I’ll get the whisky”

I nod. I’m like a soldier with shell shock. I can barely speak. I can barely move as I lower my body stiffly into a chair at the dining table.

I’m straining with all my might to hear the conversation going on upstairs between Gina and Michael, but it’s eerily quiet.

I know what she is telling him now is being said in hushed voices.

Polly slides a hefty glass of Whiskey in my direction, and tasting the bitter drink is the only thing that brings me out of my frozen trance.

“Michael’s not going to be a father” she says out of the blue, with her face all knowing, as though she has read the room and understands the situation.

“No” I affirm her suspicions, although she already knows without me needing to “No he’s not”

“One day” Polly responds, holding eye contact with me.

I’ve always known Polly has senses. Everyone in the Shelby family knows. Hell, everyone in fucking town knows. She see’s things. Feels them. She know’s Michael will one day be a father. I’m not psychic and even I knew that. He has a way with children. He’s wonderful with them. And in this moment, I know exactly who she thinks he will be having children with. I know what she’s insinuating.

I almost jump straight out of my seat when I few minutes later, I hear footsteps coming down the staircase.

I quickly sink the rest of my whiskey, as Gina and Michael enter the dining room.

“I’m taking Gina to the hospital, I’ll be back later. Tell Tommy we have to reschedule our meeting to another day”

Michael is holding his cap in his hands, gripping it so tight that his knuckles have gone white. But they’re not as white as his face. I can’t tell if he looks like he’s seen a ghost, or if he is the ghost.

Gina looks down at the floor, then up at the ceiling. Basically anywhere but at our faces.

Polly nods, knowing that now is not the time to have words with either of them. I’m actually impressed with how civil she is being towards Gina in this moment. In light of the severity of the situation.

Michael ushers Gina out the front door, and moments later the cars wheels turn on the gravel and make their way out of the street.

Polly and I sit in silence, drinking for a little bit longer, until everything catches up with me. The whiskey, the sleeplessness, the bomb that was just dropped.

Without saying much, Polly and I hug goodbye. She holds on a little longer than usual, and before we depart she gives me a knowing smile.

I know what she’s thinking. I know she can tell something happened between Michael and I.

But I can’t let my brain run off with the possibilities. I don’t know what is going to happen between us.

Even with Gina now possibly out of the picture, there’s a lot that has gone on between Michael and I. I still carry the pain, nursing it in my arms every day since he left for America, and came back with another woman. I don’t know what he could ever say to fix that.

And then there’s the possibility that he stays with her, despite the news. Which might just send me over the edge. Truly into a place of no return.

I wander the streets in the short walk back to my apartment, where I pour myself another drink when I arrive.

I don’t know why, but I sit by the window. Waiting, I guess. Hoping that he might show up. Maybe even part of me is hoping that he doesn’t. But still, I can’t pull myself away.

I have so many errands, so many jobs to do. But I can’t move on. I spend the rest of the day worrying about him. Picturing him at the hospital, sitting by Gina’s bedside. Supporting her on what might be the worst day of this life thus far. I picture his face when he found out she was pregnant. The horror and fear that he was trying to disguise.

He didn’t have the glow of someone who just found out their wife is having a baby.

By the time night falls, and dusk gives way, I have bitten my nails down to the quick without even noticing.

Feeling horrid and heavy with anxiety, I decide to drag my sleep deprived body into the shower. It’s a peaceful moment, and I start to feel like I could finally settle into bed when someone knocks at my door as I’m getting changed into my night gown.

I catch myself in the mirror for a moment, willing myself to be strong, because I already know who it is standing at my door without even having to open it.

As I make my way to my visitor, I run over 100 speeches that I have planned in my head. But once I grab that handle and pull it open, the chatter in my head falls silent.

Michael Grey.

He stands in the door way, a look of relief washing over his face as though he didn’t think I would actually answer him.

Of course I would.

He opens his mouth to speak, inhaling deeply, but the words never follow. With this much history between two people, it’s impossible to know where to begin.

He looks like he’s been to hell and back.

“Sorry” he stammers, snapping himself out of his trance “Your door was unlocked, but I didn’t want to just walk in-”

“It’s always been unlocked” I breathe, knowing that I’ve kept a lot of parts of me unlocked, incase there was a moment where Michael Grey decided to wander back in. Just like he has right now.

He nods, understanding what I meant immediately.

“Can I come in?” He begins “I can go if you want, I just…”

He looks so small in this moment. He’s the most timid and sheepish I have ever seen him.

“Of course” I nod, stepping aside to let him in.

We move about my apartment in silence, as we both take a seat at my dining table. When he does, he places his elbows on the table and rests his head in his hands.

Without even needing to ask, I pour us both a drink.

“I figured if I need one of these you probably do too”

I looks up at me gratefully as I place the glass in front of him and he takes a swig.

“How is she?” I ask, nervous to actually address the situation at hand. But I know there’s no way around it. We’re not going to talk about the fucking weather.

“They’re uh, they’re going to keep her overnight until she’s got her hydration back”

There’s silence for a moment before he continues, and he looks as if he’s not able to believe what he’s about to say.

“Then she’s going home”

My heart jumps and skips over a few beats, making me feel unsteady as I realise what he just said.

Gina is leaving.

“We’re done” he says, and I suddenly take note of the fact that he’s not wearing his wedding ring.

“Michael I’m sorry-” I begin, but falter when it comes to finishing my sentence.

I am sorry. But the truth is that I’m fucking relieved. Relieved for Michael. Relieved for myself. Relieved that I don’t have to watch him raise a child with someone else right in front of my eyes when it was supposed to be me.

“It’s okay” he nods “Her and I we weren’t… I didn’t love her Izzy”

I knew this whole time. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I want to scream it at him. I want to ask what possessed him to act that way for so long.

I want to ask him who he loves. I want to ask him if it’s still me.

“It still hurts though” I say instead, trying to keep my wits about me. And that is the truth. He is still in pain.

“Yeah well I had that coming didn’t I” he almost laughs to himself, shaking his head.

He looks up at me, bearing himself. He knows what he did was wrong. And he knows as far as karma goes, he was now getting his.

“I’ve done so many things wrong… Everything got so out of control Iz” I notice his knee is bouncing rapidly beneath the table.

I hold my breath, so much so that I begin to feel light headed and my chest begins to burn.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to” he says once he notices my speechlessness, “I just owe you an explanation. I owe you that much”

I nod, giving him the go ahead. The green light of redemption.

We’re on the edge of the moment. The moment I’ve been waiting for for months.

“You know I don’t even know why you let me in, you’re always so kind, so good. Too fucking good. After everything”

His chest rises and falls beneath his shirt and vest, growing faster with every second as he gets himself more and more worked up over the train wreck of his life.

“You know I can’t get the look on your face out of my head, from the day that you saw me and Gina. The day I came back and told you to leave me alone. It fucking haunts me Izzy. Because I didn’t want it. But when you’re in too deep…” He shakes his head, as his words just keep pouring out frantically “I thought it was the only way… the only way to deal with what I had done. I couldn’t even look at Gina. I couldn’t even touch her. So I thought if I forgot about you, that I could move on”

“Did you?” Are the only words I can utter, as the lump in my throat swells, almost cutting off my voice completely.

“Never. Fucking never”

I had built this moment up in my head for so long.

What I would say to him.

How I would teach him a lesson.

How I would show him what he had done to me.

That he can’t get away with doing that to a person.

I had rehearsed how I would make him get on his knees and beg for my forgiveness.

Make him explain himself until he was blue in the face.

Until I was satisfied.

I wait for that feeling to come, the rage, but it never does.

Instead, I stay silent as he takes a deep breath to steady himself. His eyes are welling up, threatening to spill over as he continues to explain.

“I lost my way over there. I was losing my fucking mind without you. I got drunk, Gina was forceful. One thing led to another and I woke up next to her one morning. Then I couldn’t get rid of her. I was doing business with her family, and it’s like she saw something she wanted and would stop at nothing to get it. That’s when I stopped contact with you… I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. To face what I had done”

The first tear falls onto his freckled cheeks, but he wipes it quickly.

“I was going to cut her off before I came back home, but she threatened that she would cut off the deal between Shelby Limited and her Uncles if I left her. She threatened fucking horrible things to the people I loved Izzy, you have no idea” His voice is panicked as he recalls every last detail, and I can see the flashbacks taking their toll on him.

“Her family and her people, they’re something we’ve never dealt with before…She begged me to let her come with me. I was in way over my fucking head. And so I had to pretend. I didn’t want her to sink her claws into you too. I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I didn’t want you involved. So I had to pretend like I fucking hated you when all I wanted was to come crawling home to you”

By now, one tear had led to another, and he was no longer wiping them away. His eyes red, his cheeks drowning.

Unable to keep swallowing the lump in my own throat, I abandon all control over my own emotions, and my own eyes spill over with tears.

“You could have told me” my voice scrapes out of my throat “You could have told me what was happening”

He shakes his head “I wanted to protect you, and I had to break you in order to do that. And I’m so fucking sorry”

The feeling comes again, where I’m certain I should be screaming at him right now. Cursing him for everything he put me through.

But I can’t. After all this time, after everything. I just can’t.

I still love him.

My small, shaking hand glides across the top of the dining table, and lays gently over the top of his.

Of course it did. We’re like magnets, him and I. We’ve never been able to keep away from each other.

My touch has an immediate effect on him, as his breathing begins to calm.

But in an unexpected turn, he holds my hand and brings it up to his lips. His eyes close as he places a kiss on the back of my hand, and then another one on the soft, sensitive skin of my inner wrist.

This is something we used to do all the time, and right now, it’s like he doesn’t realise what he’s doing. Muscle memory takes over.

“You’re fucking stupid Michael Grey” I sniffle “I should hate you. I should fucking hate you”

“Do you?” He asks, still holding onto my hand like it’s his only lifeline.

I stare back at him for a moment, before I feel my head start to shake in response.

“Never”

I feel a pull on my arm, as I realise he’s pulling my closer to him.

And I don’t resist.

Our bodies creep closer, slowly then all at once as we collide. His arms wrap around me fiercely, engulfing me. My arms wrap around his torso, and I make no mistakes about holding him tight.

It’s almost crushing, suffocating, the way we are clinging onto one another.

I can’t breathe, or cry, or laugh. I can’t move. And I don’t want to.

His hand holds the back of my head, and I bury it into the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry” he apologises, his voice muffled as his face presses into my skin “I’m so fucking sorry”

I could have stayed like that forever, but he pulls back holding my face in his hands as he looks down at me.

“I love you” he begins, his breath tickling my face “I don’t know if that’s okay with you, but I still love you. Izzy. I never stopped”

I look up at him, our breaths slowing and steadying, until we’re breathing in synchronicity.

“I still love you the same as the day I met you” I shake my head, but I can feel the smallest of smiles begin to creep onto my lips “I love you Michael”

“Yeah?” He asks one more time, as if he doesn’t believe it yet.

“Yes, you fucking idiot” I exhale a laugh, unable to stop the smile now “I love you”

He beams back down at me, his head lowering until his lips meet mine.

He’s slow, this time. Unsure. Gentle. As if this moment might fall away and escape him if he makes one wrong move.

But I can’t hold back any longer.

I kiss him back, pressing my body even harder against his, which I hadn’t thought was possible.

I expect a ravenous kiss to follow, for clothes to start falling off our bodies and to gravitate our way towards my bedroom.

But after he returns a tender kiss, he pulls away.

“Wait” he breathes

“You okay?” I pant, biting down on my lip.

“Can we wait…” he whispers nervously “I don’t want you to think this is all I want. I just want to talk to you. Stay up all night talking like we used to. God I missed you so much”

My chest warms up, as I realise he really means it. That he doesn’t want me to get the wrong impression. That he missed my body, but more than that, he missed me.

“Of course” I coo “I would like that”

He presses his lips to mine one last time, then plants a few soft kisses across my nose and cheeks. Just like he used to.

We lead each other to the bedroom, and flop down next to each other, taking in the days events. And how the hell we ended up here.

It doesn’t take long for the conversation to start, as we turn to face each other.

He caresses my face the whole time, stroking my cheek with his thumb gently.

It’s all so familiar, and right now in our little bubble, it’s like no time has passed between us at all. Like no hearts were ever broken.

We talk for hours, neither of us ever feeling tired for a moment. We laugh, getting carried away and wrapped up in each others. Sometimes we cry. He apologises more times than I can keep count. We hold each other. Sometimes I want to ask him to pinch me, to make sure I’m not still concussed from earlier in the week and imagining all of this. That I’m not going to wake up and realise it wasn’t real. That he won’t be taken away from me again.

We talk about how things used to be.

We talk about the future.

Eventually at some point in the early hours of the morning, once our voices are tired and we can’t keep our eyes open any longer, we fall asleep.

When I wake, I’m alone, but next to me I can see the indent of where Michael had been next to me the night before.

My heart starts to race as I become more aware.

He’s left. He’s gone again.

I’m almost carried away into a full panic attack, when something snaps me out of it. The sound of the radio coming from somewhere in the house.

Wondering if someone is here, or if I just left it on, I wrap myself in a robe and make my way into the heart of my apartment.

And there he is.

Fixing up breakfast, still in his clothes from the night before. Humming along to the radio.

He doesn’t even realise I’m there for a few moments, and I’m glad I have some time to process this all to myself.

I had thought I’d never see this scene again. Maybe in my memories, but never in real life.

Michael, in my kitchen, making us breakfast on a cold morning.

My chest floods with warmth.

I didn’t realise how I felt like I had been holding my breath up until this moment, and how now I can finally exhale.

“Morning” he greets me when I he catches me standing there out of the corner of his eye “Sorry, I just thought I’d make you some breakfast, or at least coffee”

“Thank you” I smile, as I force myself to hurry up and adjust to the moment.

“You still like your eggs the same?”

“Absolutely” I smile, endeared by him asking.

He holds out a hand, and I take it, as he reels me in towards his body.

“If this is too much just tell me” he says softly, checking in with where I’m at right now “Is this okay?”

I can tell he’s still unsure. Unsure of whether I’m going to tell him to leave. To get out. That the mistakes are unforgivable and that we can never get it back.

But the truth, that I can feel in my core, is that what we had never really left.

I run a hand through his hair, and he closes his eyes briefly, taking in the sensation.

“I think so” I nod, and he perks up, his eyes look hopeful and bright again “I thought you had left” I admit, revealing why I looked so startled just now.

“No chance” he shakes his head “I’m here. I’m yours”

And I believe him.

It’s a pivotal moment.

Standing on the edge and letting yourself jump.

I know it will take time. And I know he will work every day to prove it to me.

But I choose to trust him.

In whatever way that means right now.

I am his.

I always have been. And I always will.

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dandelionprints · 2 years

Text

Time To Go

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x you

Summary: The sunlight began to stream in, the sign of a new day. A new day Tommy didn't want to begin. He'd just been called up to fight for his country in the war alongside his brothers, John and Arthur. And then there's the love of his life, how will he possibly say goodbye to her?

Warnings: slight fluff? Mentions of war and destruction/weapons, slight language.

A/N: This is my first imagine writing for this fandom! Full credit for GIF to whoever created it. I do not give consent for my works to be posted anywhere else or used without my permission, reblogs are very welcome though! I feel like this could be better but I really wanted to get something out there, I hope you enjoy it x

Tag list is here if you’d like to be added to it

Word Count: 2929

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He'd hardly slept a wink.

'What time was it?'

He was aware of the sunlight slowly creeping in through his window little by little, making his small box room in the Shelby household glow. The dull wallpaper on the walls now had shadows cast upon it and he tried to decipher what item in his room each shadow belonged to. He'd hoped that it would help him drift off to sleep if even only for an hour. God knows he needed it. He slowly turned onto his side to check the time on his pocket watch that he kept on his bedside table. '5:30am. It would soon be time to leave for the train'.

He rolled onto his back letting out a sigh, fuck he was so tired. The night was spent tossing and turning, his mind wouldn't stop racing with thoughts of the unknown that he was soon to endure. His eyes felt like sandpaper was scraping past them with each blink, his mouth was so dry that it was an effort to lick his lips successfully in an attempt to wet them. He'd kicked the bed sheets off of himself in the night as they clung to his sweaty body and he found himself constantly turning the pillow over in a desperate attempt to reach the cold side.

He'd just been called up for the War.

He wasn't sure yet what his main duty would be, would he be called up to the front? Digging trenches? A sniper man, maybe? A tunneler? God he hoped he wouldn't be a tunneler, he'd hated confined spaces ever since he was a child. His older brother, Arthur, would often trap him in their mothers wardrobe whenever they were fighting over something or he just wanted some entertainment. The sound of his brothers pleas for freedom did nothing but make Arthur laugh even more each time a scream came from the young trapped Shelby lad until their mother set the poor boy free from his dark holding. She'd always be sure to give Arthur a swift hiding on the backside each time which he'd come to see as worthwhile if it meant he got to torment his younger brother.

Tommy could feel his throat closing up just at the memory, the air in the room suddenly appearing thinner as if someone had turned a dial and was slowly shutting off the oxygen. He brought his hands up to his throat and began clawing at it as if to try and remove an imaginary pair of hands he was convinced were squeezing it, tightly.

Don't think about it, Tom.

Trying to regain back some kind of control, he lowered his hands back down to his sides and slowly closed his eyes before making sure to take some deep breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth. His mother had taught him that trick as he was growing up, "the best way to get that breath of yours back!", she'd told him.

He'd soon come to find that it was also a neat little trick for when he'd been out stealing small rolls of bread at the bakers to help feed the family, times were hard, he couldn't let his mother see that he was out of breath from running away and then have to explain the reason behind it. He smiled at the memory and soon realized that he had gained back the control of his breathing, with each breath as smooth as the last.

He rolled over once more to grab a cigarette from his bedside table along with the lighter laying next to it. Lighting the end he laid back down on the bed with one arm rested behind his head, taking a drag of the cigarette that was now in between his fingers.

His mind quickly wandered back to everything that had kept him up all night and the thought of knowing he was about to enter a new chapter in his life. He knew that to begin with he'd have to go through some very basic training, how long this would be for he didn't know, he just knew he'd probably go on to do whatever job he was assigned very under-prepared due to the need for more men to help fight for their country, and fast.

His brothers, Arthur and John, had also been called up. His youngest brother Finn was still not old enough, a blessing he'd admit to being relieved by. If the three were all to die in combat then at least there would still be a male Shelby to carry on the family name.

He took another drag.

His mind raced then as he thought about all he'd be leaving behind. His beautiful white horse that was a gift from his mother, the freedom of being able to do what he wanted when he wanted, to go wherever he wanted when he wanted. The woods just past the cut that he'd often escape to, trying to relieve his mind of the pressures of the city. His mother. His father. Finn. Aunt Pol. You.

He felt a pang of sadness suddenly hit him in the chest and was surprised to feel a rush of tears enter his eyes but wouldn't allow them to spill out, no chance, if he started he was afraid he'd never stop.

The cigarette had now burnt right down nearly to the filter, his thoughts pretty much wasting the time he could have spent smoking it. He rolled over again and stamped the wasted nub out into the ashtray he kept on his bedside table before once again laying down, this time rolling over onto his left hand side.

A smile grew onto his lips as he saw you sleeping peacefully beside him. He brought a hand up and gently stroked the hair that had found itself covering your eye away so that he could see every inch of your face. 'So beautiful'.

You'd first met Tommy as a young girl whilst playing out on the dim dirty streets of Birmingham. The pair of you had soon become inseparable and it was a known fact that wherever the Shelby boys went, you went too.

You were often being told off for not 'acting like a girl' by your parents, when you'd rather skin your knee's climbing walls into places you weren't meant to go in, or sneak into the pub with Tommy and his brothers to try and drink whatever leftover alcohol people had abandoned in glasses on empty tables, you didn't see the need in making sure you looked presentable all the time.

Tommy loved that about you. Your carefree, determined attitude to do whatever you wanted to do instead of being trapped by other peoples thoughts and opinions about what they thought you should be doing. Even now you were a young woman, that attitude had never changed.

His eyes shifted as you began to stir from your sleep, his hand gently cupping your cheek.

"Morning", he smiled, happy that you'd finally woken from your slumber.

He'd watched you sleep throughout the night, the constant worries of leaving you behind plunging themselves into his thoughts. He'd had to fight them off each time and reassure himself that you'd be okay back here in England with his mother and aunt Pol. They'd make sure to keep you occupied and keep your mind busy to try and warn off any bad thoughts about Tommy's well being, as much as they could anyway.

You opened your eyes fully before squinting, the room now brighter than you'd expected it to be. You heard Tommy let out a chuckle as you pulled the duvet up closer around your chin and slightly nuzzled the pillow.

"Morning", you managed to murmur, "what time is it?"

"Just after 5:30, you can go back to sleep if you want to, you need your rest", his hand was now back to stroking your hair away from your face, each brief graze of his fingers sending the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end. How did this man do it? Any time he touched you no matter how briefly was like it was for the first time all over again. Electric.

"No, I want to be with you, savoring every second before..." the realization hit you then. Today was the day he had to leave for God knows how long. Maybe forever.

As your voice trailed off he knew you were probably finding things just as hard as he was, he knew you didn't want to be apart from him either. What he didn't know was that you'd been in a constant stream of nightmares all night, terrible ones. Images of bombs going off, men being gunned down, tunnels collapsing... and you wasn't about to tell him either.

His hand was around your waist then, gently pulling you in closer as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. He didn't have the words to tell you just how much he'd miss you, how you'd be on his mind every second of every terrifying day. How even though he'd carry your picture with him wherever he went, he was so scared of forgetting each and every angle of your face, the way your nose slightly curved upwards at the tip, the way your lips would feel as they touched his, soft. So soft.

The thing he was most scared of though was forgetting the sound of your voice, how it sounded as you called his name in any capacity, and your laugh, God he hoped he didn't forget that. The noise was music to his ears every time even though you always said you hated the way it sounded.

He also didn't have the words to tell you just how scared he was. Not just scared, he was absolutely petrified. It was probably a good thing because he didn't want to make you worry even more, he had to put on some kind of strong front for the both of you. He was determined that he would be coming back home.Back home to the streets of Birmingham, the woods behind the cut, his family, you.

Neither of you spoke for a while, instead you lay holding one another in the perfect sanctuary of Tommy's bed. Though neither of you said it you both wanted this moment to last forever, you wanted to feel his breath gently brushing past your cheek, his slightly rough skin on the pads of his fingertips grazing every part of your body as if to tease you, his lips pressed to yours, bliss. One thing you knew for certain was that you’d miss it all while he wasn’t there.

But time was cruel and waited for no one, it was time to get up and get ready to leave for the station.

- - -

Once at the station neither of you could hold in the tears that were forming in your eyes. You let out another sob as you flung your arms around Tommy's neck, you didn't care if his uniform got a bit wet and creased, there was no way in hell that you weren't going to hold him for what could be the last time before he stepped onto that train.

Tommy had convinced his mother and aunt Pol to stay behind at the house, he knew his mother would be in pieces having to say goodbye to three of her four sons, watching them step onto the train one by one not knowing if she'd ever get to see their faces again.

John and Arthur had already gotten onto the train. With no one to say goodbye to at the station they couldn't bare to watch mothers and sons, families with children, men with their girlfriends getting to share that last hug before the men went off into the unknown, not knowing if their feet would ever touch the soil in Birmingham again. They'd rather block it out, just get on with it and deal with their emotions in private, they never wanted to be seen as weak.

A whistle blew on the platform, signalling that it was time to start boarding the train. Your stomach tensed up and you could have sworn that you didn't know how you managed not to throw up where you stood. This was the moment you had been dreading, or so you thought.

"Please, come home to me", your voice was shaky through the sobs, your hands cupping each side of Tommy's face, "I don't want to live a life where you're not in it".

Your words were like daggers to Tommy's heart and he brought his hands up to cover your own, "I will do everything I possibly can to come back to you, even if I have to dig a tunnel all the way back to Birmingham myself, I'd do it for you".

Your foreheads pressed together for a moment before Tommy released his hands from yours and gently lifted your chin with a finger. He placed a gentle, loving kiss to your lips. You silently begged for the kiss to never end but of course it did and as you both pulled away you could see the tears still running from his eyes, rolling over his cheekbones and onto the station platform.

Another whistle.

He bent down to pick up his bag that held the very few possessions he owned, the most important one being his photograph of you, it was a portrait he'd taken himself on a camera that he'd stolen from an upmarket shop on their visit to London one year. "The most beautiful girl to ever exist", he'd said.

"C'mon lad, time to go", shouted another man in a deep, burly voice as he walked past Tommy, giving him a slap on the shoulders as he did so.

"I'll write to you, I promise", he planted one last sweet kiss upon your lips.

Tommy’s eyes were still flowing with tears, he used the back of his hand to wipe his nose as he slowly started backing away from the love of his life, his feet aching to step forward, his arms screaming at him to reach out and grab your hand to run out of the station and into those woods behind the cut that you'd so often visit together. But he couldn't.

Before either of you knew it he was at the train door, a bustle of men all stepping on one by one. Tommy took one last look at you and tried his best to give you a smile before he too took a step onto the train.

The sobs that hadn't stopped since you'd left the Shelby household that morning continued, the sound blending in with what seemed to be the majority of the women's sobs on the platform. How could any of them ever stop? Their partners, dad's, brothers, uncles and so on were leaving to fight in a dangerous war, one that they knew wouldn't be forgiving. And God knows how long this war was going to last for, it could be months before the men, come soldiers, could even imagine the pure relief of being allowed to come home.

One final whistle.

The train doors were closed one by one by the conductor, a grimace on his face with every slam of the wooden frames, almost as an apology to the loved ones standing on the platform waving goodbye, as if he felt responsible for sending the men off into what could possibly be their death.

The steam started spilling from the funnel atop the train and the sound of the engine pumping as coal was being piled into the boiler at the front started to fill the air. Ever so slowly the trains wheels began to turn and as they did so the men all stuck their heads out of the windows, hoping to catch a last glimpse of their loved ones.

You saw him, clear as day. Tommy had his head poking out of a window, two men had also stuck their heads above his, trying to wave at their families. He waved at you, tears in his eyes, the smile that he'd tried to throw in your direction before stepping on the train now well and truly gone, instead a look of worry and sorrow was written all over his face. You were sure that the same was on yours too.

His features began to get less distinctive as the train crept further and further away until eventually you could no longer distinguish which face belonged to him, the distance too great. You continued to stand there until the train was nearly out of sight, and that’s when you realised, this was the moment you were dreading the most.

Tommy had gone to war and you didn't know if he was ever coming back.

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xmc-graphics2011 · 1 year

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#joecole #johnshelby #peakyblinders #edits

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theunluckieststar · 1 year

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Finn Shelby - 14.3.23

Bernadette, or ‘Bernie’, Frances was a weasel.

A well known pickpocket on the streets of London, causing chaos wherever her and her friends went. Contrary to popular belief, Bernie did actually have friends. People were shocked by this because Bernie was a sarcastic little shit, and the only way people could be around her, was if they were the same. And her friends were, but Bernie was always the worst out of them all.

Her friend group consisted of her best mate, Cyrus Roman, a lanky blonde who Bernie had known since she was 4, he was thick as pig shit, but the group loved him nonetheless. Next up was Oliver Pierce, the youngest of the group, who was shorter than the rest but persisted about the fact that one day he would be taller than all of them combined, he had chaotic dark brown hair that was all over the place and had never once been styled or brushed. Pointed teeth and pale skin that made him look like a vampire. Then there was the muscle of the group, Callum Young, he was a ladies man for sure,definitely a sight for sore eyes. When the gang went on a night out, there was a 99% chance that he would go home with a woman, one who he would not know the name of until the gang told him, them knowing more about her than he did. He was like a brother to Bernie, they all were, so don’t get the feeling that this is going to be some weird love story between them, cause it won’t be. Don't get me wrong there will be love, just not between them, Bernie's love could only be seen for one man,

Finnigan Shelby.

#peaky blinders #finnshelby #johnshelby #thomasshelby #peaky imagine #peaky #imagine #og character #first post #help this is probably so bad😭

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ethanantares · 1 year

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#peakyblinders #thomasshelby #tommyshelby #cillianmurphy #arthurshelby #peakyblindersedit #tomhardy #johnshelby #peakyblindersseason #netflix #peakyblindersquotes #joecole #shelby #alfiesolomons #paulanderson #peakyfuckingblinders #finnshelby #pollygray #finncole #peakyblindersofficial #michaelgray #peaky #adashelby #byorderofthepeakyblinders #peakyblinder #love #bbc #birmingham #snowfall #graceshelby (presso Snowfall) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpx_ljFLOFs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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hauwff · 5 months

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Mix Media Illustration

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novakphotofeelings · 1 year

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Jest na Śląsku zakręcona pozytywnie na punkcie Peaky Blinders banda. Stylowe ciuchy, ponętne babki, łypiący groźnym okiem spod kaszkietów faceci... Wszystko w klimacie serialu z lokalnym odcieniem... Damian @fanzlohvonobzyldz (znamy się nie od dziś i troszkę już razem porobiliśmy) jest głównym zbirem tej bandy i pomysłodawcą na cykl fanowskich plenerów. Wszedłem w ten projekcik od razu... a dziś pierwszy set dla oddania klimatu. W następnych sporo super portretówek, zbiorowych i fajnych sytuacyjnych kadrów... *** Przewielkie podziękowania dla całej ekipy: Basia @you_want_it_darker_ Kasia @kaska0192 Damian @fanzlohvonobzyldz@fanzlohvonobzyldz Kuba @fotokompozytor.pl Miłosz @callsign.snowshoe Piotr @wymyslnypiotr Kamil @czytoholik_pl *** #peakyblinders #thomasshelby #tommyshelby #arthurshelby #johnshelby #peakyblindersseason #netflix #shelby #peakyblindersofficial #peaky #adashelby #birmingham #peakyblindersfan #stylizacja #sesjastylizowana #sesjafanowska #peakynasląsku #nikiszowiec #novak #novakphoto #novakphotofeelings #fotografkraków #fotografiakraków (w: Nikiszowiec) https://www.instagram.com/p/CncbpOXIWGm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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multirenowacja · 1 year

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Farby ze sklepu MULTIRENOWACJA.PL 🎨🎨🎨📲 Custom od 👉👟👟🎨@cieslak_dsgn PEAKY FOOKIN’ BLINDERS AirForcy w motywie Peaky Blinders, na których znajdują się podobizny Tommyego i Arthura Shelby. Poszczególne elementy butów zostały pomalowane na wzór beretu, który był nieodzowną częścią ich garderoby. Inspiracja: Peaky Blinders Farby: @multirenowacja Model: AirForce 1 low Nazwa: „Peaky fookin’ blinders” #peakyblinders #thomasshelby #tommyshelby #cillianmurphy #arthurshelby #peakyblindersedit #tomhardy #johnshelby #peakyblindersseason #netflix #peakyblindersquotes #joecole #shelby #airforce1 #customshoes #customkicks #kicks #peakyblinderscustom #nikecustom #angeluspaint #angelusdirect #custommade #razor #airforcecustom #custommovement #customsneakers #multirenowacja #multirenowacjapl https://www.instagram.com/p/ClA_ZCfs6zL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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socheckitout-mikey · 10 months

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Taglist!

this is predominantly here for anybody who'd like to find the tags for characters that i write for. all you need to do is search these up on my blog! :') - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

fright night 1985/2011:

° jerry dandridge (1985) → #jerrydandridge

° jerry dandridge (2011) → #jerrrydandridge

the hobbit:

drawves-

° thorin oakenshield → #thorinoakenshield

° fili → #fili

° kili → #kili

hobbits-

° bilbo baggins → #bilbobaggins

elves-

° thranduil → #thranduil

° legolas → #legolas

others-

° bard the bowman → #bardthebowman

the lost boys 1987:

° david → #david

° dwayne → #dwayne

° laddie → #laddie

° marko → #marko

° paul → #paul

° star → #star

the outsiders:

curtis gang-

° dallas winston → #dallaswinston

° darry curtis → #darrycurtis

° johnny cade → #johnnycade

° ponyboy curtis → #ponyboycurtis

° sodapop curtis → #sodapopcurtis

° steve randle → #steverandle

° two-bit matthews → #twobitmatthews

shepard gang-

° angela shepard → #angelashepard

° curly shepard → #curlyshepard

° tim shepard → #timshepard

soc's-

° bob sheldon → #bobsheldon

° marcia → #marcia

° randy anderson → #randyanderson

° sherri (cherry) valance → #cherryvalance

peaky blinders:

shelby's-

° ada shelby → #adashelby

° arthur shelby → #arthurshelby

° finn shelby → #finnshelby

° john shelby → #johnshelby

° thomas shelby → #thomasshelby

other's-

° alfie solomons → #alfiesolomons

° luca changretta → #lucachangretta

teen wolf:

werewolves/creatures-

° brett talbot → #bretttalbot

° boyd → #boyd

° cora hale → #corahale

° derek hale → #derekhale

° erica reyes → #ericareyes

° isaac lahey → #isaaclahey

° jordan parrish → #jordanparrish

° kira yukimura → #kirayukimura

° liam dunbar → #liamdunbar

° lydia martin → #lydiamartin

° malia tate → #maliatate

° peter hale → #peterhale

° scott mccall → #scottmccall

humans-

° alison argent → #alisonargent

° stiles stilinski → #stilesstilinski

twilight saga:

cullen's-

° emmett cullen → #emmettcullen

° jasper hale → #jasperhale

° rosalie → #rosaliehale

denali's-

° garrett → #garrett

° kate denali → #katedenali

° tanya denali → #tanyadenali

egyptian coven-

° benjamin → #benjamin

nomad's:

° alistair → #alistair

romanian coven-

° stefan → #stefan

° vladimir → #vladimir

volturi-

° demetri → #demetri

° felix → #felix

wolfpacks-

uley pack;

° jared cameron → #jaredcameron

° paul lahote → #paullahote

° sam uley → #samuley

black pack;

° embry call → #embrycall

° jacob black → #jacobblack

° leah clearwater → #leahclearwater

° seth clearwater → #sethclearwater

° quil ateara → #quilateara

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

#mae.txt #mae's.taglist #taglist #characters #<33

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englishinmatehmp · 11 months

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Offender fit

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imedhamdiiii · 1 year

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POLLY GRAY 🙈💣

Tv Show: Peaky Blinders

Dimension: A4

Materials: Pencil on Canson

Artist: Imed Hamdi خلّي الحيط يتكّلم

#peakyblindersofficial #peakyblindershaircut #peakyblinders #thomasshelby #imedhamdiii #خلي_الحيط_يتكلم #peakyfuckingblinders #peakyblindersedit #peakyblindersquotes #peakyblinderstattoo #reels #johnshelby #johnshelbyportrait #artist #artworks #painting #design #pencildrawing #sketchdaily #sketch #sketchart #sketchpeakyblinders #tomhardy #lizzieshelby

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justimagineitblog · 9 months

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KEEPER OF MY HEART - THOMAS SHELBY

KEEPER OF MY HEART - CHAPTER 2

Well… I survived.

Actually, more than that. I feel at home already.

I glance over at the clock as the last of the men stumble their way out of the pub. I smile to myself as I hear them singing and laughing with each other, all the way down the street. Happy customers.

I poured the beer. I made sure there were no fights. Nothing was damaged or broken. I made chatted with the men and women, making them laugh as I tried to make sure I left my best impression on them. Incase the Shelby’s wanted to ask around about what people thought of me.

I felt like I had found my feet after only one night, but the relief doesn’t last long.

I know I haven’t gotten the job yet. In fact, the Shelby’s could walk in here right now and thank me for my time before sending me on my way. I try to push the thought of homelessness or having to clean peoples houses for a living out of my mind as I count up the last of the till. This is all I know. This is what I’m good at. I need this job.

I sweep and mop the floors, and wipe down all the surfaces, making sure everything is neat and tidy.

A peace of my heart has fallen in love with the Garrison already.

Earlier in the night, John Shelby and some of the younger Shelby boys and their friends had stopped in for drinks. It was Saturday night after all. The boys were hitting the town. They had their own private room, and I made sure they were tended to like kings. I was fast and discreet, remembering their orders and topping them up with fresh glasses any time they ran out before they even had to ask.

My only reassurance, is when John pulled me aside just before 11pm.

“Zoe, right?” He had asked me, as he joined me behind the bar and started helping me pour beers during a busy rush.

“You’re good at this, you know, like really good” He had smiled at me “Tommy told me to stop by-“

“To make sure I hadn’t burned the place down yet?” I joke, earning a laugh.

“I’m putting in a good word for you, I just want you to know that” he touches my shoulder reassuringly “Maybe it’s that I’m younger, more with the times than the others, but I think you would be good for the place. Bring some life back in here”

I smile at him warmly, turning my attention away from the beers I was pouring to make sure I have him my full presence. Him doing me this favour means more to me than he could imagine. Everything is riding on this. Ever since I gave up my fathers pub, I’ve felt so lost. Just one night at the Garrison and I feel like I’m back in my element. More than needing money, I think I need this job for my sanity.

“So you’re the softie of the Shelby’s huh?” I grin, handing him a beer “That means a lot to me John. Thank you” I add sincerely.

“See you tomorrow then hey” he smiles back, heading back to the others.

I knew from that moment that John and I would be friends. Similar in age. And he had looked out for me when the rest were ready to dismiss me at first glance. He even reminded me of my own brother.

Smiling to myself at the thought of the exchange with John, I head over to the front doors to lock them and close up for the night.

Right as I reach up to close the latch at the top of the door, it suddenly swings open.

And there he is. Thomas Shelby.

I take a few steps backwards, moving out of his way.

Like earlier in the day, he looks me up and down before giving me a firm nod. I guess that was his way of greeting me. So much for “hello”.

He brushes past me, and begins to make a lap around the empty Pub. It takes me a few seconds to realise he’s examining the place. Checking that nothing is out of order. I clasp my hands behind my back, wringing them tightly. I don’t want him to see my nerves.

“The till is balanced, place is clean, everyone is gone and safe and everything is prepped for tomorrow” I inform him, but he barely even notices. Despite my reassurance, he makes his way behind the bar to check that the money is all in order.

“I didn’t steal anything, before you ask” I say, slightly offended that he won’t take my word that I can manage the pub.

He counts the money in silence, and takes one last look around the Pub before finally turning to me.

When his eyes meet mine, they’re just as piercing as they were 12 hours ago when we first met. Something about them makes you stand still, frozen. They are crystal clear blue, but it is still impossible to read him. To know what is about to come out of his mouth.

“Good. You didn’t burn the place down”

Seriously.

Any nerves I had fall away, as I am overcome with frustration. That is all he has to say to me? Is he embarrassed that I proved him wrong?

“Thank you is generally the word that people go with” I retort.

“Thank you” he replies condescendingly, almost mocking me.

I sigh. I expected a lot of things. But I didn’t expect him to literally send me on my way without even giving me a fair chance.

“What’s it going to take?” I ask, exasperated. I’m tired. I’ve just worked all night. I’m beyond entertaining this man any longer “Just tell me what I have to do?”

But he doesn’t speak. Of course he doesn’t. He just studies me. It’s like I can see his brain ticking.

Until I get an idea.

“You know what. Sit down. I’m making you a drink”

“No,” he interrupts her immediately “I have to go and-“

“Come on,” I cut him off, with nothing left to lose “Appease me”

He takes a deep breathing, looking up to the ceiling as if he’s trying to gather patience “Fine. One drink”

I burst into a wide grin, feeling like I have a chance again. With a spring in my step, I make my way around the bar, concocting the same drink I used to make for my father.

When I place it down in front of him, he examines it, a disapproving look on his face.

“Oh come on I didn’t poison it”

“Not funny” he shakes his head, before bringing it to his lips hesitantly.

He takes a sip. And another. And another.

I got him.

He finishes the drink, and I smirk, waiting for him to admit that it was good.

“Okay so you can make a drink” I dismisses me, unimpressed.

This man is something else. I can’t pick him.

“Alright” I shake my head, giving up “Just tell me what you’re thinking”

He pauses “I don’t know if I trust you”

“I’m not asking to run your business” I reassure him “I’m asking to pour beer so I can afford somewhere to live”

“Well I don’t know anything about you” he retorts “I need to know who I’m letting into this family”

“You haven’t asked me anything”

He opens his mouth to reply, but closes it again. He knows I’m right.

“You’ve only jumped to conclusions about me. So go on, what do you want to know? I’m an open book”

He shakes his head, taking less time in between replying now. Like I’ve gotten him fired up and his normally carefully crafted responses are getting hastier.

“I don’t want to know your favourite colour, I want to know that you don’t have ulterior motives” He reveals.

“I do” I reply shortly “Who doesn’t?”

He glares at me.

“I want to live in the country. I want to save my money and buy a place. I want to live comfortably. I want to work and be treated like an equal. This may come as a shock to you, but I have no idea who you are and who your family is. I moved here one week ago. The only jobs going are for nanny’s and maids. I saw the ad. I put my name down because I’m good at this. And I don’t want to clean someone’s house for a living. So there…” I pause, letting my words sink “Not everyone has sinister motives you know”

And for the first time, he’s looking at me like he’s actually listening. Like he doesn’t have anything else to say. I search his face, trying to find some kind of indication. Did I go too far? Did I cross a line?

“And it’s purple” I add, trying to lighten the mood “My favourite colour is purple”

And all of a sudden, he laughs. Okay, maybe it was more of a scoff. But it is the most emotion I’ve seen on his face all day.

He shakes is head at me, like he’s astonished that I won’t give up.

“Lot’s of business goes down here. You do not utter a word of it to anyone” He says seriously, his face turning grave and serious.

“I get paid to listen, not to talk” I nod.

He nods back, and then, he holds a hand out.

Oh my god. He’s offering me the job.

I quickly take his hand, shaking it firmly to try and show confidence.

With that, he heads back towards the doors that he came in.

“See you tomorrow, Boss” I call out to him, unable to contain my excitement.

He looks back at me, shaking his head, but I swear I could see the faintest smile on his hollow cheeks.

#thomashelby #tommyshelby #thomasshelbyimagine #tommyshelbyimagine #thomasselbyfanfic #peakyblinders #peakyblindersoneshot #peakyblindersimagine #cillianmurphy #cillian #oppenheimer #johnshelby #arthurshelby #pollyshelby #michaelgray #lilycollins #lilycollinsimagine #kepperofmyheart

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