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#jess mariano x original character
jojoblessed365 · 1 year
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Manip: Love at First Punch/ Checkmate
Sparks fly upon first sight (or rather first punch) between Jonathan Bishop who locks eyes with Eleanor "Nell" Brandon, at a party they don't want to be at- unaware that they're on a collision course...
On paper, they couldn't be more different- while Jonathan is the proverbial black sheep and middle child in a family consisting of his sisters and mother, Nell is the golden and only child in her family, en route to following in her parents' career paths and footsteps, with no room for contemplation or Plan B's. While he longs to follow his heart in becoming a mystery writer and out of the small town where he lives, she is content with where she "has" to go- her eyes are set on Harvard, her parents' alma mater. He embraces unpredictability, she downright rejects it. If there's one thing they do have theoretically in common- they both choose to be happily single and falling in love is NOT an option for either of them.
But they both have a hidden talent- while Jonathan can read people through body language without blinking an eye, Nell is overly and incredibly empathetic and can tell when something doesn't seem right in a situation...
So when a person they both care about is found murdered the following morning- they find a kindred spirit in each other's grief and decide to take matters into their own hands.
What happens when a night of passion, startling revelations and caveats as they go about their investigation, instigate something that neither one of them are prepared for- falling in love?
Starring:
Darren Barnet as Jonathan Bishop
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Natalia Dyer as Nell Brandon
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Summary: a grittier version of Literati (Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls) solving mysteries in a Twin Peaks style town with Riverdale season 1 romantic drama and 2000s nostalgia/ TV shows (Veronica Mars/Law and Order SVU).
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Nurse Fucking Ratched, Part One
PART ONE OF THE PIECES OF THE MIDDLE SERIES
Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)
Warnings: discussions of illness, guilt, shame, swearing, plentiful pop culture references
Word Count: 8.2K
Summary: A blizzard hits Stars Hollow and Ella finally convinces Jess to watch Silence of the Lambs.
. . .
November 15th, 2002
Outside, the snow fell in harsh, twinkling sheets. From the moment Jess had risen that morning, the weather had been cloudy and brooding. Part of him was glad he didn’t have to brave the storm and take the bus to Walmart. The bus driver was a nice guy, but sometimes he would do his crossword puzzles while driving. Jess fancied himself a little dangerous, but definitely not enough to put his life in the hands of a well-meaning—albeit, distracted—eighty-year-old man in the midst of a blizzard. Though a reprieve from the monotonous manual labor of the forklift was welcome, the alternative was to suffer the relentless cheeriness of Stars Hollow and work the dinner shift. Both realities were equally exhausting. 
And yet, he felt antsy. Energized. He tried to remain absorbed in Ella’s copy of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but his eyes kept flitting up to the big clock over the front door of Luke’s. It had been a week since he’d turned eighteen, and a week since he’d last seen Ella. He had been taking advantage of his legal adult status and picking up more hours at Walmart when he was technically supposed to be at school. Ella was always in the art room working on projects at lunch anyway. Plus, every moment she wasn’t serving up false grins at Luke’s, she was nose-deep in her statistics textbook. She had a big exam coming up, scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving break. Only then, she had told him, would she be a free bird.
But they were set to close the diner together, Luke busy with inventory or some new stock. Jess had more or less stopped listening after Luke told him he would get a chance to see Ella. The reason didn’t matter. His fingertips were yearning to graze over her skin. For his birthday, she’d driven him out to Hartford and showed him what she called ‘the coolest bookstore in the known universe.’ Jess had lived in New York long enough to see more than his fair share of vintage and gimmicky bookstores. Had he stumbled upon this particular bookstore himself, he would have thought it was nothing special. But Ella’s wonder at the place endeared him to no end. She’d walked in with a big, open smile on her face, and offered a tiny wave to the hippie woman behind the counter as though they were old friends. She’d taken him by the hand and led him up the winding staircase to the second-floor, where the rare copies were kept. 
Both of them had been caught up in their own separate explorations of the texts for a moment, touches ghosting over the worn spines. The wood floor was creaky and Jess had been wondering if they would fall right through. He forgot every preoccupation entirely when he saw a second edition copy of Big Sur. It was in considerably less than mint condition and had obviously been a library book for a time. But what was the point of a secondhand book if it didn’t have some character or history? When she’d offered to buy it for him, he’d thought she was joking. Then, when he saw she was serious, he’d vehemently refused. But she wouldn’t budge.
.   .   .
seven days earlier
“C’mon, Mariano,” she said, waltzing over to him as the ancient boards beneath her groaned in protest. “It’s your birthday. I want to get it for you.”
“You already gave me those CDs,” he argued. The yellowed pages in his hands were precious.
“Those were but a prelude to this main event,” she said, grabbing the book from his hands with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes before he could even realize. Her smile twisted slightly to become a smirk. “You only turn eighteen once. And we are fucking celebrating. I’m buying this for you, because you’re the fucking best.”
“Very eloquent of you,” he said, still incredulous. “That’s over fifty bucks. Seriously, you earned your money. I don’t want you spending it on me.”
Tilting her head at him, Ella narrowed her eyes. Then, after a moment, she cracked the book open to a random passage. She cleared her throat theatrically, and looked at him so pointedly he thought she might be seeing right through him. The waning afternoon sunshine streamed in from the giant arched window behind her and lit her up in golden. Her hair was sparkling, and her cheeks were rosy from the central heating inside the store. She still wore her bulky peacoat, no match against the winter wind. The youthful valor of her face made him feel hopeful and valued in a way he couldn’t bring himself to feel comfortable with. 
“You are going to let me buy you this book. And until you agree to that, I will have no choice but to subject you to my dramatic reading of Mr. Kerouac,” she said playfully.
Jess grinned, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows in expectation.
She scoffed. He was really going to make her work for it. Ella made good on her promise. She looked him dead in the eye, then back down at the text with gravity. After taking a deep breath, she began in a voice that was somehow both mocking and reverent. She had been smoking like a chimney lately, and Jess could hear it in her words. 
“And I shudder sometimes to think of all that stellar mystery of how she is going to get me in a future lifetime, wow—”
She looked back up at him for a moment and quickly swiped her tongue over her bottom lip. The way he was staring at her, like she was the only person in the world, made her heart hammer in her chest. She uttered a bashful little chuckle as she returned her gaze to the book. Her smile widened and she kept reading.
“And I seriously do believe that will be my salvation, too. A long way to go.”
His affection for her was so arresting in that moment, he could’ve died right there and died happy. Before she could continue her recitation, Jess advanced towards her. He brought one hand to her waist and one hand to her cheek, surprising her with a heated kiss. Ella was so startled, she dropped the book. It fell to the side, thumping loudly on the splintered wood. She felt as though she were melting against him. Soon, her fingers were tangled in his hair. Despite the burn in her stomach, the hungry one, the flame that lit every time their lips met, she pulled away, panting. Passion be as it may, she certainly didn’t want to damage a relic of the past.
“Jess, the book-”
“Forget the book,” Jess cut her off, then captured her lips once more, pressing her up against the bookshelf.
He was glad for their privacy, knowing otherwise she would have been embarrassed. Not for the first time since he had arrived in Stars Hollow and met her, Jess felt as though the stars had aligned in his favor. The romance of it all made him feel dizzy and foolish. Then again, Jack Kerouac would never lie to him. The words Ella had just spoken to him must have been true. As he lost himself in her, her taste and the sensation of his skin against hers drowning out everything else, a fleeting thought floated through his mind. It was the best birthday of his life. 
.   .   .
“Where the hell is your girlfriend?” Luke’s annoyed grumble broke through Jess’s reverie.
Jess rolled his eyes and went on reading. His birthday present was tucked away safely in his nightstand. He couldn’t risk someone spilling coffee anywhere near it. “How should I know? She’s perfectly capable of captaining her own ship.”
“Well, her ship is usually here ten minutes early. Now, she’s fifteen minutes late!” Luke said. 
Due to the storm, the diner was essentially deserted. Lucky, as the customers usually preferred Ella’s beaming smile to Jess or Luke’s monosyllabic stoicism. There were a few stalwarts—primarily Taylor—who would no doubt show up at a moment’s notice, though, demanding a perfect recreation of their usual order and someone to cater to their every whim. Jess was a lost cause in terms of customer service, and as such he was often in awe of the tirelessness Ella exhibited. He knew it drained her sometimes. Part of what made them so compatible was their shared penchant for comfortable silence. After a shift, she would need a brief listening ear as she vented, and then they would simply sit together and decompress. Just being in the same room was enough; words weren’t always necessary. 
“I’ll be sure to let Ahab know that you’re now referring to her as my girlfriend. I’m sure she’ll love being defined by her relationship to a man,” Jess said flatly. His impatience was pulsing beneath his surface, and he was in no mood to deal with Luke’s totalitarian temper. 
Luke sighed. In the time since Jess and Ella had become official, he had grown used to feeling outnumbered. When Jess had first arrived, Luke truly believed the two of them hated each other. Looking back, he should have known the moment they started swapping the books. The books he could never understand as a high school student, and sure as hell didn’t understand as a middle-aged man. He didn’t know whether to be proud or scared of their naive thoughtfulness. Still, he felt a distinct affection for each of them. Seeing them together was almost heartening. But the strength of their bond also incensed him to no end. 
“Please don’t,” was all Luke could muster. He didn’t need an earful from Ella. Not today. He wasn’t by any means looking forward to inventory later in the evening. And the weather was harsh and biting, sucking the life out of his Friday night dinner rush. He had been more or less in the black for the last few fiscal years. But his stinginess was the only thing keeping him comfortable. He never liked to see the diner empty. His desire to maintain financial stability, especially now that both Jess and Ella were ostensibly under his wing, outweighed his consistent irritation with the patrons. 
“No promises,” Jess said. 
Suddenly, the bell over the door chimed cheerfully, announcing Ella. Her hair was damp with flurries, and her combat boots were caked with snow. Her nose and cheeks were frosted with pink, dusted with freckles. She shot them a sheepish, close-lipped smile. She rushed to unwind her scarf and shed her coat. She was shivering.
“There she is,” Jess said, straightening in his seat and tilting his head at her with a smirk.
“About damn time,” Luke said. He had his arms crossed over his chest.
Ella was unsure whether his stern stature was directed solely at her or if Jess had pissed him off somehow before she walked in. The latter didn’t seem unlikely, but her stomach was swirling at the knowledge that Luke was disappointed in her. She never liked to break her patterns, especially not in front of the treasured few adults in her life who didn’t despise her. None of them were people she was related to, so she was well aware of the fact that their good graces were conditional. She had to be responsible, hard-working, and mature for her age. If she wasn’t, who would want to be her champion? There would be no point. She had never been too successful at being somebody’s child. Gulping nervously, she hid a wince and went towards the stockroom with her eyes glued to her feet. She couldn’t bear facing the earnestness in Luke’s face. She didn’t want him to think of her as fallible, or (so much worse she could barely even acknowledge the thought) lazy. A leech. 
Furrowing his brows, Jess watched Ella trudge back into the stockroom with shame painted on her face. She didn’t acknowledge him at all, cowering under Luke’s gaze. Her silence piqued his curiosity. But there was also something peculiar about the way she was walking, the way she was carrying herself. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Her posture was almost crouched, like she was hiding. Or maybe the weight on her shoulders was just particularly heavy today. He knew the college application process hadn’t exactly been kind to her. As usual, he was more or less clueless about what was going on in her home. Tossing the book aside without remembering to save his place, Jess rose from his spot near the kitchen and followed her. Luke was in the process of starting a fresh pot of coffee. Jess shot a scowl at his uncle as he passed. Luke only rolled his eyes. 
Ella had already donned her apron when Jess caught up with her. He leaned against the doorframe, assessing her as she tied up her hair. She looked, for lack of a better word, exhausted. Jess knew she could spread herself pretty thin, but this was something different. Having had enough of his staring, Ella raised her eyebrows at him impatiently as she finished with her hair and went to punch her wrinkled timecard. 
“Long time, no see, Stevens,” he said. “You alright?”
The worry in his voice caught Ella aback for a moment. But she tried not to let it show. She only nodded. She clocked in, then made to brush past him and start working. Before she could snake by though, Jess caught her arm with a gentle hand.
Ella sighed heavily, but still said not a word.
“Feelin’ Chaplin tonight, huh?” Jess asked suspiciously. With his free hand, he reached up and placed his palm on her forehead. His eyes widened. 
Scoffing, Ella swatted his hand away. But the damage was done. 
“Holy shit,” he murmured. “You’re burning up. Did you go to school like this?”
Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, Ella tried to compose herself. She tried to think of an excuse. Her head was throbbing, pain shooting from behind her eyes to down her neck in vicious bursts. It had been since the moment she opened her eyes that morning. She couldn’t think of a coherent sentence, let alone something savvy enough to fool Jess. She cleared her throat, sniffled, then looked him in the eye again. Her hazel gaze was glazed and glassy. 
“Listen-” she began, but immediately stopped short. 
At school, she’d made an effort not to say anything, for fear of being sent home. No one, including herself, had heard her all day. She appeared to have misjudged her condition slightly. Instantly, Jess’s face morphed into an expression of utter surprise. Her voice was very nearly gone, words coming out strained and gravelly. The sound alone made Jess’s throat sore.
“I know, I know,” she said, raising her hands in her own defense. “But, I promise, it sounds worse than it is.”
“You honestly expect me to just ignore this?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “You sound like a woodchipper and you look like a Dickensian orphan!”
Ella smiled thinly and narrowed her eyes at him. Her tone was contemptuous, if subdued. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special, don’t you, James Dean?”
This time, she succeeded in pushing past him. Nonetheless, he followed, running an anxious hand over his mouth. 
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Jess said, hot on her heels.
The main room remained empty, and even in the couple of minutes they had been in back, the snow seemed to be falling ten times heavier, torrential. Ella shivered again, looking at it. Each time she swallowed, she fought a grimace. Her malaise had been maddening all day, slowing her down and clouding her brain. She was certainly not going to let it interfere with her paycheck, though. As she stomped around behind the counter and grabbed the broom, she made a considered effort to ignore Jess. She wanted to take advantage of the lull in customers to tidy up before the dinner shift. In the kitchen, she could hear Luke starting up the grill, a comforting sizzle filling the air. On a normal day, she would have been upset that she couldn’t smell the onions he was prepping. But she thought it might actually be a blessing, given the state of her stomach.
“Seriously, Eleanor,” Jess said in earnest, coming to stop her before she could exit the counter and make her way to the tables.
“Seriously, Jess,” she echoed venomously. 
He sighed through his nose, shaking his head. For a moment, they stared each other down, both motionless. Jess maintained eye contact with her, though, as he raised his voice to his uncle. “Hey, Luke, we got any chicken soup left?”
“What?” Luke called from behind the stove warily. He was already running behind, and Ella being late had done nothing to help him. Taking any sort of bait from Jess was not something he wanted to entertain, but he found himself turning down the gas so he could hear anyway.
“Chicken soup. We’re gonna need some. Eleanor’s temperature is about to reach boiling point, I’d say,” Jess said, watching Ella’s jaw tense.
“You dirty fucking traitor,” she whispered, ever dramatic. “Hey! Language!” Luke said, jumping into scold mode yet again as he turned the heat off and emerged, eyeing Ella in exasperation. “What’s wrong with you today?”
Under Luke’s questioning, she faltered. She was at a loss for words. No matter what, she would give herself away. It dawned on her that there was not a chance in hell he was actually going to let her work. And that meant trouble in more ways than one. Dread sunk into her gut and exacerbated her unease. She looked over her shoulder at Luke and then back at Jess. After biting her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, she sighed again and Jess saw her facade crack.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,” she began, pivoting so she could look at Luke. “You really do have a bionic ear, boss.”
Luke’s face softened. “Jeez, you sound terrible,” he said, putting his hands on his hips. He appraised her appearance. “You can’t serve food like this. Go home.”
“Can’t you just put me on dish pit or something?” she asked, cheeks flushing deeper. “Please?”
“No,” Jess chimed in.
“I didn’t ask you, jackass!” Ella snapped.
“You really think the dishes will get clean if you’re the one washing them?” Luke said.
“Ouch,” she said, uttering a humorless chuckle. “When did this become an inquisition?”
“I’m sorry, Ella. I am,” Luke said. “But you’re a walking health code violation. I can’t have that. You gotta go.”
She nodded dejectly. She felt silly for ever believing it would be a good idea to waitress with a cold. What kind of morals did she have, to jeopardize public health?  She could only imagine what Taylor would say if she spread whatever she had to him. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for her face to end up on the front of the Stars Hollow Gazette, a town pariah named typhoid Mary. She knew what Jess and Luke were probably thinking. She was desperate. And irresponsible. And useless. She suddenly bypassed Jess again, heading in the direction of the stockroom. “Fine. I’ll go clock out.”
“I’m sorry, Ella,” Luke repeated. He didn’t have a choice.
“No, I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to even walk in here. I’ll go. I have homework to do, anyway,” she said, features drawn with guilt, then disappeared. The second she was out of sight, she started coughing into her elbow. At least she wasn’t under their prying, pitying stares, but of course they could hear it. She had been doing her best to keep it at bay. At least in that she had been mildly successful.
Jess shook his head again. He could hear that the cough was in her chest. He crossed his arms defiantly and raised his eyebrows at Luke.
“What now?” Luke groaned. He didn’t have time for this. When had so much of his life become devoted to standing around and arguing with two teenagers? It seemed like all he did anymore. 
“You’re gonna send her out there when she sounds like that?” Jess asked, gesturing to the storm through the windows. Already, the entire town square was bathed in white. The sidewalks were invisible. It appeared all the tourists had vacated in advance of the true New England weather. The snow was pristine, untouched, nary a footprint to be found. Jess’s mouth was set in a thin line and he was staring daggers. But there was a genuine quality to his words that perplexed Luke. He couldn’t recall a time when Jess had shown such sincere concern for another person before. Jess and Ella had only been dating a couple months. Luke hadn’t expected the feelings to be so developed. Granted, his only other frame of reference was the fling with Shane.
Luke sighed once more. Not that he was ever going to admit it out loud, but Jess was right. It would be cruel to make her walk home in the storm. And, moreover, to send her home. It didn’t cross Luke’s mind once to call Ella’s father. Even if Jake was decent enough to come pick up his sick daughter, he certainly wasn’t going to do anything beyond that once they returned to the little blue house. And Luke knew Ella too well to assume she would actually rest in favor of her homework. Had Lorelai not called only an hour ago to say they were already snowed in at her parent’s house in Hartford, he would have driven her straight over to the Gilmore house. Ella’s eyes were watery from her coughing fit as she returned and headed for the coat rack. Luke made up his mind. His parental improv would have to do.
“Ella?” Luke said, hands on his hips again, despite his apprehension.
“Hm?” she hummed, eyeing him in askance. She made her hands busy with putting on her coat and scarf. 
“Go upstairs,” he said.
“What?” she croaked.
“You can’t walk home in this storm. You’ll get pneumonia,” he said. 
Ella scoffed. “That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “I’m a big girl, Luke. I made it here from school. I don’t need rescuing. I’ll be just fine.”
“Just give it up, Daria,” Jess interjected.
“Bite me, James Dean,” she replied.
“I’ll make you some soup and bring it up in a little while. Take it easy, alright?” Luke said. 
Glancing between the two of them, Ella felt her stomach churn with nerves. She didn’t want to go home, of course, but she wanted to sit around and wallow in her illness even less. The idea of Luke or Jess tending to her made her more nauseous than she already was. Wrestling with the idea of either running out the door before they could stop her, or maybe even spending the night on Rory’s porch with the unfounded hope that they would somehow find a way home from Hartford, she began to feel dizzy. There was no winning; not this time. No matter where she went, she would feel like shit. Heaving a resigned sigh, she looked down at her boots.
“Well, I’m flattered that you’ve both given me so much choice in the matter,” she muttered.
Jess smirked fondly. Then, he sauntered over to her and held out his hand. She raised her eyebrows at him for a moment, making no moves to grab it. Luke shook his head at her petulance, and tried to ignore the nostalgia touching his heart. Often, flashes of her as a child would pop up in his field of vision, distorting time and making him yearn in a way he found infuriating and uncomfortable. He experienced the same phenomenon with Rory every now and again. But with Ella, it was more frequent. Especially since she’d started working at the diner, and even more since Jess moved in, Luke was really starting to understand his age. They were growing up right before his eyes, and in some ways the reminders of what once was were welcome. In this case, sobering might have been the word. Ella could be so self-sufficient sometimes, he could forget that she needed just as much attention as a troublemaker like Jess, even if she didn’t act out. Being late was basically Ella’s version of stealing a gnome, though the question of intentionality definitely differed. When he looked at her, he glimpsed a towheaded four-year-old with strep throat, attached to her mother’s hip. Ella’s mother picking up coffee on the way to the doctor, eyes stressed but face assured and calm. Even then, Ella had been obstinate, arguing with her mother in a tiny, almost elfish, voice. 
“Just go get some sleep, kid. We’ll all still be here when you wake up,” he said.
Ella faced him again, not startled, not mystified, not exactly. But his tone of voice had been so parental she couldn’t ignore or hide her surprise. He sounded worried. Luke had already spent so much time and energy worrying about her. She couldn’t prolong it wilfully. She swallowed, and let the wince show clearly in her features. Then, she nodded. And begrudgingly, she gripped Jess’s hand. He squeezed gently and began leading her toward the stairs. 
“Alright. That’s the last I want to see of both of you until after I close. I’ve done enough client resolution for the week. I don’t need any more. And no funny business with her, Jess. She needs sleep,” Luke warned, pointing a finger at his nephew. 
Jess frowned, and when he spoke his voice was acerbic. “Jeez, Uncle Luke. Glad you see me in such a positive light.”
Luke rolled his eyes as they passed, but then began to shoo them faster with the rag in his hand. “I can see Taylor through the window. Hurry the hell up!”
.   .   .
“Feel any better?” Jess called from the tiny kitchen as he heard Ella open his bathroom door. He poured scalding water into a Cubs mug, and instantly the smell of ginger invaded the apartment.
“Yeah,” she replied, thready and tired. But she had to admit, she was way more comfortable in Jess’s Tool t-shirt and sweatpants than the outfit she’d worn to school, which she now held in her hand, folded and damp with frost. She went over to the rack by the door to stuff the clothes in her bag. 
“Good.” Jess was fluttering around the kitchen, opening cabinets and furrowing his brows in search of something. 
“Thank you for the clothes,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Her body shook a bit as she stood awkwardly by the kitchen table. 
“Don’t mention it,” he muttered, distracted. But then, he finally spotted the honey in the cupboard with the baking soda. His back was still turned to her as he placed it next to the steeping tea and then went to put some bread in the toaster. “Why don’t you go lay down?”
“Are you actually gonna make me do that?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied, matter-of-fact, pushing the toaster’s lever down. He turned to her and felt his heart do a twist at the sight of her. She looked ghostly pale, but also a little green, and just so sick. 
“Since when do you listen to your uncle’s orders?”
“Since you tried to come to work with laryngitis and a fever. Since then,” he said. “And you should stop talking. You’ll make yourself worse.”
Again, she rolled her eyes, though it only hurt her head. “I’ll say what I please. I’m fine.”
“That’s very convincing,” he deadpanned.
She glanced doubtfully over at his bed, then back at him. “You really want me in your bed right now? Didn’t you ever see Outbreak?”
“Now, I thought you were fine?” he said, feigning naivete.
“Shut up,” she said with a huff. 
“Oooo, angry face. You do not like being sick,” he said.
“I’m not kidding, Jess. I’m not contaminating your bed.”
“Eleanor,” he began, and continued even when she scoffed at him. He rested his hands on the back of a dining chair as he spoke to her over the table. “You’re my girlfriend. C’mon. Just let me take care of you.” 
Then, after only receiving a vexed stare from her, he sighed and continued. 
“Okay. How about we watch a movie first? You pick this time. Go set up shop on the couch and I’ll bring you some medicine. But, when the movie’s over, you’re gonna get in bed and sleep this off. And that’s my final offer, ma’am.”
She rubbed at her eyes in exasperation, having just washed off the heavy makeup she’d applied that morning in an effort to look less like an episode of Tales from the Crypt. 
“Please?” he said.
Smacking her lips together for a moment, she relented. Once again, she felt silly. Small. And selfish. Was he really pleading with her to let him play doctor? A part of her didn’t know whether to feel triumphant for getting Jess Mariano to go soft. But the rest of her just felt ashamed for being a brat. “Okay. I’m sorry. I know I’m being difficult.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry over. You’re sick.”
“Yeah, and I don’t want to sentence you to my fate,” she argued, growing uncomfortable at his affection. She felt disgusting; surely, she was disgusting. How could he still have such kind words for her, patient zero?
Jess shrugged. “I don’t mind. I’d rather I get sick from hanging out with you than from anyone else.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do I have to carry you over there myself?” 
“Alright, alright,” she said, raising her hands in surrender as she started towards the living room area. “White flag. But it’s your funeral.”
“I’ll take my chances,” he said, returning to the task at hand when the toast popped up with a jovial ding! “And for the love of God, stop talking.”
“Don’t bring God into this space,” Ella retorted, ignoring him. “He harshes my mellow.”
Jess rolled his eyes in frustration. “Whatever, Peter Singer.”
She only gave a hoarse laugh in response.
Meanwhile, Ella crouched down beside the TV and let her gaze roll over the various titles. Lots of people she knew had DVD players, but both Lorelai and Luke preferred VHS. She shook her head at the thought of the two of them. If only. She swallowed again and was reminded of her utter misery. Her amusement didn’t dampen completely though, as she read the boxes and assigned ownership to each one. Field of Dreams—Luke. Blade Runner—Jess. Bridge on the River Kwai—Luke. Apocalypse Now—Jess. But the one she landed on seemed a lot more like something she would have in her own collection. She popped it into the player and went to grab the afghan from Jess’s bed. Bringing it over to the couch, she settled into the cushions, finally off her feet. Like a little kid on New Year’s Eve, she wanted to will herself not to doze off. But, the moment she exhaled and her muscles relaxed, she feared the sheer weight of her own fatigue. Her eyelids were already impossibly heavy. If there was any movie so compelling it would keep her up, though, it was her choice for the evening.
“What’s this?” Jess asked as he joined her on the couch, setting the plate of toast, mug of tea, and bottle of painkillers on the coffee table in front of her. “Something Stephen King, I presume?”
“Close but not quite,” she said. “Silence of the Lambs.”
“Eleanor-” Jess began, but she cut him off.
He had always been resistant to the film adaptation of Thomas Harris' novel, for some reason. Ella had tried countless times to convince him to give it a shot with her, calling it a cinematic masterpiece. It was a hill he would die on. He didn’t want to taint his experience of the original. But she knew he wouldn’t refuse her in her condition. “C’mon, James Dean. I promise it won’t be anything less gruesome than The Shining. More so, actually.”
“I’m familiar with the source material,” he said shortly. A glance at her expectant and feverish face, and all his hesitation faded. “Fine. Only if you promise to—and I mean this in the nicest way possible—shut the fuck up and give your voice a rest.”
“Deal,” she said with a smile and glued her gaze to the screen as the camera stalked Agent Starling on a run through the Quantico woods. She was already mesmerized, and not a word from the script had yet been spoken.
Jess reached in his backpack, thrown on the floor without care as he got home from school in the afternoon, and pulled out a notebook and a pen. Nudging Ella, he got her attention and handed them to her. “Just for the sake of curbing the urge.”
She shook her head at him, but still wore a tiny smile as she took to the college-ruled. It was almost halfway through the school year and Jess had barely used up the first ten pages. 
You have that little faith in me? she wrote in large cursive and showed the page to him.
Jess chuckled. “I think you’re asking me to bet on losing dogs.”
Fuck you, she wrote, though her scowl was ungenuine. 
“I love to hear you talk, Eleanor, I do,” he said. “Music to my ears. It just worries me when the songs start to sound like they were sung by Stevie Nicks herself. That’s not your normal style.”
She rolled her eyes. Don’t blaspheme Stevie. How about you shut up so we can absorb this tour-de-force of the thriller genre in peace?
As he read, she turned back to the TV, ready to lose herself in something after such a long day. A long week, really. Before she could get too absorbed, though, Jess went on. “And you have to eat that toast and take those pills.”
“The deal’s done. You can’t add more conditions,” she said, breaking eye contact with the screen to furrow her brows at him.
“Well, you’re in breach of the contract by talking, so why am I not allowed to add conditions?” he said.
Rolling her eyes again, she scribbled in the notebook. What about Luke’s soup? 
“Who knows how long that’ll take?”
Can’t I just take the pills? When did toast become part of the equation?
“Because if you take the medicine on an empty stomach, you’ll just throw it up. Then we’ll have to start this process all over again.”
Can I be honest with you?
Jess nodded.
Ella passed the notebook to him with an earnest embarrassment Jess had grown to expect. There’s a chance I’ll throw it up either way. 
Still, it was disarming to see her without her mask of confidence. In a way, it felt like a privilege to him. So, he chose his next words carefully, face glowing with a kindness he reserved only for her most unguarded moments.
“Well, I think I’m willing to risk it if it means you take those pills and start feeling better sooner,” he said. After a moment of thought, he held up one finger: wait. Then he made a brief beeline to his bathroom, and returned with a small plastic trash can. He set it down beside her and sat next to her again. “Some insurance. The tea should help your stomach, too.”
Ella looked at him for a moment with an expression he couldn’t place. She was bewildered, almost. “Stop being nice to me, Jess.”
“No,” he replied, light but unflinching.
Ella huffed. Nonetheless, she picked up one of the dry triangles of toast and took a gingerly bite. Then: “Thank you for making this.”
“Don’t thank me. Just be quiet and eat the damn toast.”
She spoke in a hiss so soft that her voice was barely audible, but Jess heard it clear as a bell just the same. “Nurse fucking Ratched.”
.   .   .
With the apartment awash in the dim glow of the TV, Jess couldn’t deny he was riveted. It was the second act, the search for the killer intensifying and nearing climax, turned down to a low volume. At his side, Ella snored slightly. Sure enough, she had been able to keep the toast and the aspirin down, along with the chicken soup. It had taken her all of ten minutes after Luke brought the steaming bowl up from the kitchen to pass out asleep on Jess’s shoulder. He could feel the blazing heat of her cheek through his shirt. The afghan was draped over the both of them, and outside, the wind was whipping by in blustering gusts. She shivered every so often, but less and less the more time went on. He was glad; at least he had done a couple things right. Of course, he had never been known for his caretaking skills. His mother certainly hadn’t been a master class in the instinct to nurture. But he had tended to a few hangovers in his life, only some his own. And with Ella, things sometimes came so naturally to him, he barely registered it. It was simple; he was going to do everything in his power to help her, because she mattered to him. As Hannibal Lector escaped, she shifted around sleepily and tried to clear her throat. But soon she began coughing in the crook of her arm once again. In an instant, she tore away from him and sat up. Jess smoothed what he hoped was a soothing hand over her back. 
“You want some water?” he asked when she finally caught her breath. 
Ella nodded, collapsing back against the couch and drawing her folded legs to her chest. The afghan slipped and dropped to the floor, but she paid it no mind. Curling up into herself, her skin was flaming, but still, waves of chills rolled over her. The haze of sleep was wearing off slowly, and for a moment upon waking, she had felt a streak of purely animal fear. She was out of her element, and her hackles were itching to raise. As Jess went and collected some water from the kitchen tap, she took a moment to breathe. He returned and she took the water from him.
“Thank you,” she said. Her voice was shredded, but she didn’t feel like her throat was scorched earth anymore. Progress, she thought wryly. The leaps and bounds of medical science.
“You’re welcome,” he said, watching her sip gratefully. “How do you feel?”
“Aces,” she retorted, tone flat.
“Yeah, I can see that.” 
“I’m sorry, Jess,” she said, placing the empty glass on the table. Too shy to meet his gaze, she rubbed her hands anxiously on her knees.
“For what?” he asked, confusion painted on his face. 
“I’m sick. I’ll get you sick. I’m sure you had more exciting plans than listening to me snore,” she said, gesturing with exasperation. She let her feet hit the floor again and pressed her hands down into the cushions at her sides, making to stand up. “I should just go.”
“Whoa, hey, Eleanor,” he said, grabbing her wrist before she could try. “There’s no reason you should be out in that weather. You’re already under it.”
“You think puns are gonna make me wanna stay?” she asked doubtfully, still refusing to make eye contact. “The reason is that I’m not your responsibility and I still have to study for my stat test. I’ve already overstayed my welcome.”
“As if you could ever do that,” Jess said, shaking his head at her. “Y’know, you should really be putting this in the notebook.”
“Fuck the notebook!” she exclaimed, words crackling.
“Alright,” Jess shot back. And after a moment of charged silence: “Look at me.”
Ella squeezed her eyes shut for a moment in frustration, then set her jaw tightly and faced him. 
The vivid brightness of her eyes was startling, but Jess knew it was the fever that had yet to break. “I’m telling you. I don’t mind. Luke doesn’t mind. Why can’t you hear me? What’s going on?”
“I just…” she began, her words a sigh. Her words trailed off for a moment, but then she took another resolute breath and doubled down. “I just don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Like what?”
“Sick.”
“Everyone gets sick. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
“Obviously I know that, but…” she had to stop again, suddenly becoming more emotional than she was prepared to handle. Her head was on fire. Maybe the waterworks welling up would at least cool her down. “I just can’t! If I get sick and I miss school, or I skip my chores, or call out from work, my whole life gets thrown off! I’m already gonna be behind on my studying for my stat test! And then suddenly, I’m behind on fucking eveything, and I’m disappointing everyone, and then I don’t get into college, and I never get to be an artist, and I never leave Stars Hollow! I can’t!”
“Honey, hey,” he said, cupping her face in his hands so maybe she would finally listen. “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I promise it’s not the end of the world.”
She scoffed sadly. “Easy for you to say. It’s like a shark. If I stop swimming, I’ll die.”
“You’re human, Eleanor,” he said softly. He caressed her cheeks with both his thumbs, once, in affectionate synchronicity. Then, he dropped his hands and smirked in a way she found comforting. “And, for the record, I’m sure that even  Jaws still took a sick day every once in a while.”
She chuckled in spite of herself. A minute of pause sobered her amusement, and she smacked her lips together in thought. Then, she raked her hands through her hair and let her head loll back against the couch again. She rubbed her red-rimmed eyes with the heels of her hands, and then tilted her gaze at him. “I’m a nightmare when I’m sick. I know it. I’m sorry.”
“I’m gonna need you to stop apologizing now,” he said shortly, but free of malice. 
She opened her mouth to protest, but he interrupted before she could even begin. Once more, he laid his palm on her forehead and clicked his tongue in worry.
“You say one more word and I’m telling Luke that you still have a fever,” he warned. “And you’ll be wishing for the time when you thought I was Nurse Ratched. Believe me.”
Jess had been begrudgingly under Luke’s care for a little over a year, and had been privy to his uncle’s questionable bedside manner only a couple of times. Once, in the aftermath of him cutting his hand open on one of Caesar’s knives and painting the dish pit red, and a second time during the awful flu that hit Stars Hollow right around Christmastime the year previous. In both instances, Luke’s protective nature was abundantly apparent. It was in the tact and patience departments where he was lacking. Far be it from Jess to criticize anyone for their social ineptitude, though. 
Judas, she wrote. Whose side are you on?
He shrugged. “Desperate times. I can’t have a Satine situation on my hands.”
But then you’d have such tragedy to pull inspiration from, Christian.
“Believe me, it wouldn’t be worth it,” he said. “I’d never be able to return to the Moulin Rouge.”
She giggled with a quizzical expression, about to ask when the hell someone had dragged him to that movie. It was one of her favorite’s, staged like a LauTrec painting. She couldn’t imagine him sitting in the audience, and definitely not without a frown at its frivolity. But then, her body interrupted and she yawned into her fist.
Jess hopped up from the couch and held his hand out to her. “Okay. Bedtime.”
For a second, Ella thought about arguing. But then she decided she had given him enough of a hard time for one night. A jackass though he was, he was showing a restraint so immense she was having difficulty recognizing him. Part of her thought in a foggy, febrile way that the whole evening had been a hallucination of some kind. But she was exhausted past the point of interrogating the reality of things. Instead, she took her notebook in one hand and with her free one grabbed Jess’s. She let him help her up.
“Do you need anything?” he asked.
Ella squinted in the dimness of the apartment as she scribbled. You’re not tucking me in, Mariano. 
Jess smirked. “I’ll take that as a no.”
Ella lingered there for a moment, still apprehensive about lying in someone else’s bed when she was contagious. She wrote again. Thank you. Seriously, Jess.
“Don’t thank me,” he repeated. “There’s another addendum.”
You’re impossible.
“Right back at ya.”
You sure you don’t mind me stealing your bed for the night? I can just surf the couch.
“Nope,” he said with cool assurance. “Don’t mind at all. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
A nostalgic smile tugged at her lips. Then can you keep the movie on? And turn it up, please? So I can hear it from over there.
Shaking his head, Jess found the strength of his resolve again outmatched by just the sight of her. “Oh, yeah. That’s definitely not a recipe for night terrors.”
.   .   .
The first murky orange light of sunrise crept in through the windows above Luke’s. Jess wasn’t sure exactly what woke him up, but he thought he might’ve heard the bell above the diner door jingle, breaking the silence of dawn. He startled, and once again, Big Sur hit the hardwood. Getting his bearings, Jess realized he must’ve fallen asleep with the book on his chest before he could actually finish his chapter. He had already read through it once in the week since Ella bought it for him. Often, he had been tempted to put notes in the margins. But he couldn’t bring himself to sully the masterpiece with his markings. He supposed he owned it, but his gut was unaware. Holding it in his hands felt sacrilegious in a bizarre way he knew he could never vocalize. Nonetheless, he rescued it from the floor, along with the receipt he had used to save his place. At the present moment, all he could think about was coffee. There would be time to retrace his turning of the pages and find the spot he last remembered later. 
He rose from the couch, stretching. There was a crick in his neck. He shrugged it off and padded softly in sock feet over to the coffee maker. Glancing at his watch, he found it was not even five yet. There were no deliveries this Saturday; Luke was still snoring in the vein of Texas Chainsaw Massacre on his side of the apartment. Soon enough, though, his alarm clock would blare its grating BEEP BEEP. And Jess would be awoken regardless of whether he was scheduled to work. Jess knew it made Luke feel a bit vindicated, especially on this particular morning. Jess thought he must’ve fallen asleep around midnight. At that point, Luke had still been downstairs doing inventory, without Jess or Ella’s help to close. Misery loves company.
As bitter as Jess was about his body becoming accustomed to the early bird lifestyle, at least today his awakening had been a little less jarring. While he filled the pot up with water, preparing to pour it into the machine, he looked out over the town square, glimmering with fiery sparkles. Though it was only a ballpark, Jess had been a northerner his whole life, and was semi-confident in his assessment that there was at least a foot or two of snow on the ground. Once he got the coffee started, he took a minute to rummage through Luke’s tea stash. It was a cabinet he did not frequent, but had seen Ella organize more than once when they were hanging out upstairs. She did the same thing with not only the tea, but pretty much everything in the stock room. When he’d first come to town, everything had been arranged by color. At some point in the interceding months, she had made the transition to alphabetical order. He decided on peppermint, then prepared the cup and the kettle. The air was becoming fragrant with medium roast, and he decided in favor of waking Ella up gently, rather than let the alarm clock give a jolt of surprise to start the day. He wasn’t on shift until two, and he intended to keep Ella company for as long as she would let him. 
But as he rounded the corner from the kitchen to his room, he furrowed his brows. His bed was made, perfect and meticulous. On it, he found a note written in Ella’s cursive:
Hooper,
Thank you for last night (consider the contract officially ripped up). It was nice to float for a little while. But I really have to go! I’ll call you tonight. 
-Jaws
. . .
Author's Note:
It’s been awhile! I hope this note finds you well! It’s great to be back, but a bit nerve-racking! 
Please consider this story a companion piece to the original, rather than a sequel. A character study of sorts. An extension, if you will. An expansion. It will not be linear like the original, nor will it be as plot-driven. If you hate this, please ignore it and pretend the original story is all there is. In returning to this story and these characters, my greatest fear is corrupting the foundation. I also have not written in this particular voice in a while, so please be patient with me as I reorient myself with the pacing and the style of Gilmore Girls. Fair warning: this new story, much like the original, will in many ways be an avenue for me to work out some personal trauma. The eighteen months since I finished the original story have been…interesting for me. I can only imagine what y’all have gone through since then. My hope is that while the subject matter of this story may be dark, and the themes arguably even more mature than the original, we can all find some light and levity together. That’s what Gilmore Girls has always been about for me.
Moreover, I wanted to mention that there are a lot of things I wish I could change about the original story. It was written during the depths of the pandemic, with a feverish impatience that comes only from being locked inside for months on end. There are grammatical mistakes, timeline inconsistencies, and a few flat-out plot holes. With this new story, I intend to treat everything with a bit more time and care. So, if there are parts of this that read like revisions of the original, they are! Don’t get me wrong; I am proud of the original story and it was written with a lot of love. Just not enough editing. I’m not going to change anything really, just rework a bit. Only time will tell if this new addition corrects or exacerbates the errors of the original.
I’m also aware that not a lot happens in this chapter. Fear not; more action is coming. This was more about setting things up for the future and reintroducing us to the microcosm of Stars Hollow that is Luke’s diner.
But enough doom and gloom and warning! I am also so excited to share more of Ella and Jess with y’all! Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought of this first installment! Feedback nourishes my soul!
P.S. As you can tell, time has not afforded me any greater skills in brevity. I apologize!
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HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE 2023
Here’s a masterlist of all the Fics I have wrote/will write for my Halloween challenge. The aim was to post a fic a day for 10 days between 21st - 31st of October. All are song fics and not necessarily Halloween-themed. I’ll be updating the list as I go. Hope you like them🧡
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Day One // Tennessee Orange
Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader Rating: Teen Word Count: 2407 Summary: I met somebody, he’s got blue eyes. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Two // Die From A Broken Heart
Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader Rating: Teen Word Count: 1837 Summary: Was it ever really real if he don't feel like I feel? Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Three // Pieces
Fandom: Supernatural Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Rating: Teen Word Count: 1494 Summary: Baby, please release me, let my heart rest in pieces. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Four // Southern Boy
Fandom: RPF Pairing: Austin Butler x Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1455 Summary: Ain't nothing in the whole wide world like a southern boy. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Five // Stay With Me
Fandom: Daisy Jones x The Six Pairing: Daisy Jones x Reader Rating: Mature Word Count: 1399 Summary: Guess it’s true I’m no good at a one-night stand. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Six // Good 4 U
Fandom: Daisy Jones x The Six Pairing: Graham Dunne x Original Female Character Rating: Mature Word Count: 4793 Summary: Maybe I'm too emotional or maybe you never cared at all. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Seven // I'd Lie
Fandom: RPF Pairing: Austin Butler x Reader Rating: Teen Word Count: 3271 Summary: And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Eight // You Ain’t Woman Enough
Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader Rating: Mature Word Count: 4106 Summary: You’ve come to tell me something, you say I ought to know. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Nine // It Hurts Me
Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader, Jerry Schilling x Reader Rating: Mature Word Count: 7849 Summary: It hurts me to see him treat you, the way that he does. Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Ten // Jess' Dad
Fandom: Gilmore Girls Pairing: Jess Mariano x Reader Rating: Teen Word Count: 2426 Summary: You know I really like Jess a lot but… Song Link AO3 LINK
Day Eleven // Little Bird
Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF Pairing: Elvis Presley x Addison Goodwin Rating: Mature Word Count: 4553 Summary: Walked down the aisle, breakin' my heart, lay down my pride, I know I gotta let you go. Song Link AO3 LINK
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velvetcloxds · 2 years
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Hiii loves, so, this is my first writing challenge and since I've been really enjoying writing song fics, I thought it might be fun to do a song fic challenge with some of my favourite comfort songs, was absolutely terrified to post this because I wasn't sure if people would participate, but if you do, I hope you have fun <33
~RULES:
There is no deadline for this writing challenge, I know that I can't hold to a deadline when it comes to writing, so I don't expect you to either- as long as you have fun when you write it, write it whenever.
Please send me an ask saying which character you want to write for as well as the song you'd like to use.
There can be only two people per song and you can write for more than one song. I’ll cross out a prompt when it’s been claimed by two people.
Fandoms; Harry Potter, Teen Wolf, Marvel, Twilight, Bridgerton, Outerbanks, The Umbrella Academy, The Originals, The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, Shadow and Bone, Peaky Blinders, and The 100
Please do not submit any smut, smut concepts, smut tropes.
Preferably male!character x fem!reader or male!character x nopronouns!reader
____________________________________________
Masterlist | Fic rec list | Playlist
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~FLUFF:
Always- Isak Danielson
I melt with you- Modern English
All those pretty lights- Andrew Belle
Apocalypse- Cigarettes after sex
@/v1oletvenus - sirius black x reader
@illicitvalentine - lily evans x reader
Youth- Troye Sivan
Kiss me- Sixpence none the richer
@wrathspoet - james potter x reader
Heart's content- Brandi Carlile
Will you still love me tomorrow- The Shirelles
@/hairdye-enthusiast - tommy shelby x reader
Nothing's gonna stop us no- Starship
I'll be- Jacob Noah
It's not living if it's not with you- The 1975
@/ughgclden - remus lupin x reader
Perfect- Fairground Attraction
The closest thing to crazy- Katie Melua
All my love- George Ezra
I choose you- Sara Bareilles
~ANGST:
The Last Time- Taylor Swift
@/sarahisslytherin- diego hagrieves x reader
@/mirclealignr - remus lupin x reader
Two Ghosts- Harry Styles
@/sheraayasher - steve rogers x reader
@messers-moony-lupin - remus lupin x reader
Like a river runs- Bleachers
Saturn- Sleeping at last, Tim Fain
@beelovespizza - jess mariano x reader
@mystics-writings- bellamy blake x reader
7 Minutes- Dean Lewis
Forever- Lewis Capaldi
@/thesecretwriter - loki x reader
All I ask- Adele
@/yoooespinosa - regulus black x reader
@ms-heartbreak-queen - regulus black x reader
Empty space- James Arthur
@/natashxromanovf - stiles stilinski x reader
Lost without you- Freya Ridings
Ghost- Banners
Cry over me- Meat Loaf
Save tonight- Eagle-eye cherry
Heal- Tom Odell
I should go- Levi Kreis
Stay- Hurts
~MISC:
Like real people do- Hozier
@/cupids-crystals - remus lupin x reader
@/sarahisslytherin- regulus black x reader
I don't wanna dance- COIN
Sex- Eden
Crimson and clover- Tommy James & The Shondells
80' Flims - Jon Bellion
Stay- Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs
Alone- Heart
Lips of an angel- Hinder
Craving- James Bay
Right girl- The Maine
Heat Waves- Glass Animals
Kiss goodnight- I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME
Dirty little secret- The all American rejects
@/saintlike78 - charlie swan x reader
Bad decisions- The strokes
Meet me at our spot- Willow, The anxiety, Tyler Cole
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no pressure tags: @/cupids-crystals @/mirclealignr @/sarahisslytherin @/oliverwoodmarrymepls @spxllcxstxr @/moonlitmeeks @/yoooespinosa @/scandalous-chaos @canibeoneofthepogues @/v1oletvenus @natashxromanovf @pad-foots @whiskeypowder @fantqsha @lonelyhe4rts @mendesxruel @mellifluousart @messers-moony @pepper-up-potion @peppers-analytics @rons-whorerp @sereinegemini @/sheraayasher @selenes-sun @leahsficemporium @leydileyla @heloisedaphnebrightmore @henqtic @thesecretwriter @beloved-bucky @queen-asteria04 @iliveiloveiwrite @dracossweetprincess @marauders-lupin @proserpina-magnus @weasel-b33 @isaacmflahey @/saintlike78 @/fairydxll @destourtereaux @songofpolaris @ladyvesuvia +literally anyone who would like to participate
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bi-bard · 2 years
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You Signed Up for This - Writing Challenge Masterlist
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This is a masterlist for my writing challenge for Maisie Peters' album "You Signed Up for This"
Each imagine is based on a different song from that album.
Unlike my last writing challenge, I won't be using a random number generator, I'll just be writing the imagines in order.
I hope that you enjoy!
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1. You Signed Up for This
I Know I'll Get Better, I'm Just Not Better Yet Dean Forester (Gilmore Girls) X Reader (Y/n) realizes that Rory is truly the golden apple of Stars Hollow. However, (Y/n) didn't realize that she would influence so many parts of their personal life.
2. I'm Trying (Not Friends)
But One of Us Has Gotta Try to Keep a Promise Oliver Queen (Arrow) X Reader (Y/n) and Felicity were best friends while Oliver and (Y/n) were together. Now, (Y/n) finds a wall between them once Oliver and Felicity confess their feelings for each other. All they want is answers.
3. John Hughes Movie
'Cause if You Don't Want Me, Then You're Not the One Dean Winchester (Supernatural) X Reader After years of watching the same pattern, (Y/n) realizes that Dean isn't going to choose them. At least, that's the conclusion that (Y/n) draws.
4. Outdoor Pool
And You Only Kissed Me Once; Nothing Changed at All Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls) X Reader (Y/n) is ecstatic to finally be the first choice. To not come second to anyone else. If only that were the truth of the situation.
5. Love Him I Don't
Guess That Was My Stubborn Season Lonnie Machin (Arrow) X Reader (Y/n) discovers the truth about Lonnie's job and life. Sadly, that's not just something that can be smoothed over with kind words and a kiss.
6. Psycho
Playing a Perfect Patrick Bateman Bruce Wayne (Gotham) X Reader After all that he had through, it took a lot for Bruce to find a group of friends of his own. However, did he care about who had to step on in order to get them to stay?
7. Boy
And I Can Do Better Than This Sam Winchester (Supernatural) X Reader (Season 6) After losing his soul, Sam makes a giant mistake. Once he's back to himself, he realizes that it may not be as easy to fix as he had hoped.
8. Hollow
You Left Me Hollow Barry Allen (The Flash) X Reader (Y/n) had dedicated their life to protecting Central City. However, after a rift is formed between them and Barry, (Y/n) realizes the only way to fill the void is find a new place to save. Somewhere that didn't have The Flash plastered on every window.
9. Villain
I'm Your Villain Ray Palmer (DC's Legends of Tomorrow) X Reader When a perfect thing goes wrong, (Y/n) is understandably upset. They just wanted to take the time to heal and find their rhythm back. Ray doesn't quite understand that.
10. Brooklyn
If You Wanna Take Her Out, You're Gonna Have to Ask Me First Bela Talbot (Supernatural) X Reader Sam and Dean find out that their sibling is hiding a relationship about them. Naturally, the brothers step forward to be protective of (Y/n).
11. Elvis Song
I'm In Over My Head Lance Sweets (Bones) X Reader Fear can be a strong motivator. Lance can also be very persuasive. Sometimes good doesn't mean too good to be true.
12. Talking to Strangers
Talking to Strangers About You Temperance Brennan (Bones) X Reader (Y/n) realizes through a talk with Angela that they aren't the only one rambling about lucky they feel in their current relationship.
13. Volcano
Thought I'd be a Cool Girl but Turns Out I'm Livid Lydia Martin (Teen Wolf) X Reader Break-ups can be incredibly messy or clean. It all depends on how both parties act. Lydia decided that the clean route was too boring and (Y/n) is pissed.
14. Tough Act
But I Hope I'm One Tough Act to Follow Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) X Reader There's a collection of books written by a young author named (Y/n) (Y/l/n). However, the books were only published after (Y/n) had passed away. Who was this person so dedicated to keeping (Y/n)'s memory alive?
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Masterlist
What I Write For
Request Guidelines
Some Original Characters
folklore/evermore Writing Challenge (and Masterlist)
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daisyjohvson · 4 years
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book posters   [ inspo ]
original character: everleigh mae morgan
love interest: jess mariano & oc x oc
fandom: gilmore girls
tag list: @ahsokatonas @freakingbradleys @fleetwoodmcs @aaudace @megdonnellys @villanele [ want to be added? ]
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mirianaruggiero · 6 years
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100 TV CHARACTERS (not in order)
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1. Brooke Penelope Davis - One Tree Hill
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2. Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer - One Tree Hill
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3. Jess Mariano - Gilmore Girls
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4. Pacey Witter - Dawson’s Creek
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5. Danny Wheeler - Baby Daddy
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6. Eleanor Henstridge - The Royals
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7. Brian Kinney - Queer As Folk
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8. Rory Gilmore - Gilmore Girls
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9. Chandler Bing - Friends
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10. Robin Scherbatsky
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11. Joey Tribbiani - Friends
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12. Chuck Bartowski - Chuck
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13. Barney Stinson - How I Met Your Mother
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14. Jesse Pinkman - Breaking Bad
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15. Willow Rosenberg
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16. Justin Foley - 13 Reasons Why
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17. Sarah Walker - Chuck
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18. Josephine Potter - Dawson’s Creek
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19. Tyrion Lannister - Game Of Thrones
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20. Monica Geller - Friends
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21. Lexie Grey - Grey’s Anatomy
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22. Blair Waldorf - Gossip Girl
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23. Sam Evans - Glee
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24. Mark Sloan - Grey’s Anatomy
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25. Margaery Tyrell - Game Of Thrones
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26. Quinn Fabray - Glee
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27. Jenny Humphrey - Gossip Girl
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28. Izzie Stevens .- Grey’s Anatomy
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29. Dustin Henders - Stranger Things
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30. Alyssa - The End Of The Fucking World
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31. Karen Page - Daredevil
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32. Wade Kinsella - Hart Of Dixie
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33. Frank Castle - The Punisher
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34. Eva Cudicini - I Cesaroni
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35. Matt Murdock - Daredevil
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36. Lemon Breeland - Hart Of Dixie
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37. Jessica Jones - Jessica Jones
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38. Cleo Sertori - H2o
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39. Finn Nelson - My Mad Fat Diary
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40. Elektra Natchios
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41. Lily Tucker-Pritchett - Modern Family
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42. Phoebe Buffay - Friends
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43. Denver - La Casa De Papel
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44. Joe Pritchett - Modern Family
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45. Nathan Young - Misfits
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46. Jasper Frost - The Royals
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47. Phil Dunphy - Modern Family
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48. Emmett Honeycutt - Queer As Folk
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49. Ward Meachum - Iron Fist
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50. Chloe - My Mad Fat Diary
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51. Emily Thorne - Revenge
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52. Nick Miller - New Girl
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53. Isaac Lahey - Teen Wolf
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54. Nicky Nichols - Orange Is The New Black
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55. Killian Jones - Once Upon A Time
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56. Nairobi - La Casa De Papel
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57. Edoardo Incanti - SKAM Italia
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58. Spencer Hastings - Pretty Little Liars
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59. Poussey Washington - Orange Is The New Black
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60. Lucas Scott - One Tree Hill
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61. Jessica Day - New Girl
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62. Perry Cox -Scrubs
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63. Ted Mosby - How I Met Your Mother
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64. Penetrator Chris - SKAM
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65. Josh - Younger
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66. Jack Pearson - This Is Us
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67. Lorelai Gilmore - Gilmore Girls
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68. Katherine Pierce - The Vampire Diaries
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69. Caitlin Snow - The Flash
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70. Seth Cohen - The O.C.
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71. Helena Henstridge - The Royals
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72. Damon Salvatore - The Vampire Diaries
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73. Chris Keller - One Tree Hill
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74. Steve Harrington - Stranger Things
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75. Stiles Stilinski - Teen Wolf
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76. Noora Saetre - SKAM
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77. Jordan Sullivan - Scrubs
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78. Emily Gilmore - Gilmore Girls
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79. Nancy Wheeler - Stranger Things
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80. James Cook - Skins
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81. Isak - SKAM
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82. Nolan Ross - Revenge
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83. Effy Stonem - Skins
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84. Will Byers - Stranger Things
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85. Maritza Ramos - Orange Is The New Black
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86. Bernadette - The Big Bang Theory
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87. Sutton Brady - The Bold Type
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88. Lily Aldrin - How I Met Your Mother
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89. Spike - Buffy
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90. Simon Lewis - Shadowhunters
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91. Leopold Fitz - Agent’s Of SHIELD
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92. Barry Allen - The Flash
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93. Tate Langdon - American Horror Story 
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94. Sheldon Cooper - The Big Bang Theory
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95. Steve Rogers - Marvel Cinematic Universe
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96. Luna Lovegood - Harry Potter
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97. Finnick Odair - Hunger Games
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98. Hermione Granger - Harry Potter
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99. Peeta Mellark - Hunger Games
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100. Peter Parker - Marvel Cinematic Universe
+ BONUS
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a. Aria Mongomery - Pretty Little Liars
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b. Clint Barton - Marvel Cinematic Universe
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c. Malia Hale - Teen Wolf
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d. Nathan Scott - One Tree Hill
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e. Wren Kingston - Pretty Little Liars
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f. Archie - My Mad Fat Diary
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g. Summer Roberts - The O.C.
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h. Emma Swan - Once Upon A Time
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i. Luke Danes - GIlmore Girls
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j. Blaine Anderson - Glee
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k.Haley Dunphy - Modern Family
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l. Matty Mckibben
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m. Savannah Monroe - Hellcats
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n. Jack Porter - Revenge
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o. April Kepner - Grey’s Anatomy
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p. Rachel Berry - Glee
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q. Jay Halstead - Chicago PD
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r. Elena Gilbert - The Vampire Diaries
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s. Peter Hale - Teen Wolf
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t. Bay Kennish - Switched At Birth
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u. Elijah Mikaelson - The Originals
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v. Brittany Pierce - Glee
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w. Neal Caffrey - White Collar
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x. John Casey - Chuck
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y. Farkle Minkus - Girl Meets World
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z. Bob Kelso and JD - Scrubs
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natehastings · 6 years
Photo
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N A T E    H A S T I N G S
Character Inspiration~
Jasper Frost~ “It’s not too late to F I X this. Tell her that yeah this might have been the original reason you came her but once you got here and got to know her, that you fell in love with her and literally nothing else matters because you will give up everything just for a second chance with her.”
Tyler Lockwood~ “It was an accident and I was being S T U P I D. She's ok though, but there I was, you know just for a moment, for a split second I hoped she’d die.”
Jess Mariano~ “I wanna be G O O D. Life’s just not letting me.”
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stormy-thomas · 7 years
Text
Tag Game
The beautiful @maybe-mikala tagged me so here we go (thank yoouuu!)
Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms
1. Bucky Barnes - MCU 2. Odd Thomas - Odd Thomas 3. Stiles Stilinski - Teen Wolf 4. Dean Winchester - Supernatural 5. James Moriarty - Sherlock 6. Daryl Dixon - The Walking Dead 7. Randy Meeks - Scream 8. Noah Foster - MTV Scream 9. Xander Harris - Buffy the Vampire Slayer 10. Kol Mikaelson - The Originals
The top 5 ships you’ll go down with no matter what
1. Stydia (Stiles Stilinski x Lydia Martin - Teen Wolf 2. Stoddy (Odd Thomas x Stormy Llewellyn - Odd Thomas) 3. Bethyl (Daryl Dixon x Beth Greene - The Walking Dead) 4. Newtmas (Thomas x Newt - The Maze Runner) 5. Literati (Rory Gilmore x Jess Mariano - Gilmore Girls)
Tagging: @imthehoneyyourethebee @mellifluous-melodramas @genesis-of-a-warrior @sebbytrash @marvel-ash  (ignore it if you don’t want to or if you’ve already done it and I missed it!  Sorry!)  and anyone else who wants to do it
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jojoblessed365 · 1 year
Text
JUST A LITTLE CRUISE LOVIN’- Sequel to ‘The Valleys of New Orleans and Midnight Train to Memphis’
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Excerpt:
Denny:
“It’s not too late to turn back.” I say as we stare at the cruise ship. Jess looks at me. Even through his sunglasses, I can see his frail attempts to hide his discomfort. After all, we were going to be on shore for a week, with hundreds of people on board, sappy entertainment, no cell reception, stopping in destinations for less than a day. And the icing on the unsavoury cake? The morning call every 9 am- where I’m subjected to waking up to a cheery voice detailing the type of waters, temperature and other useless details. Or the probability of sea-sickness. I just don’t know which ones worse until I’ve experienced it.
I adjust my messenger back, and Jess toys with his duffle. He shrugs, “I mean it’s not like we’re stuck with something we’re avoiding, like a crush or Taylor.”
I giggle. At least, Jess was holding it in. For my sake. Because I’d rather do this with him over anybody else.
We climb onboard the cruise and check in. we’re given pass-cards complete with a picture on it and details of our suite type. A porter takes us to an elevator, one of six glossy ones, complete with transparent glass and ornate furnishing. I marvel at the deck room complete with armchairs and ballroom style floors as we’re whisked to the 11th floor. The porter directs us to our suite and opens the door.
I try but fail to hold back my gasp of pleasant shock. It’s like a small flat on its own with a small balcony and the ensuite bathroom tucked on the right. I immediately enter the balcony, and marvel at the pristine waters of the sea and the outdoor deck on the other side along with the pool.
Jess tips the porter and pulls in the bags. He sits on the bed and I ask him, “Well, thank God we got an upper-level suite.”
“I think key word would be lucky.”
An hour later, after having packed our luggage, we aim to eat something. After a little bit of navigating, we end up on the outer deck near the buffet. I go for the burger and fries and Jess grabs a little bit of the Italian from the live counters. We take a seat on the pool chairs and eat our lunch in silence. For a while, I’m taken aback at the sheer calmness of the atmosphere. It’s like I’m transported to the 70’s. I ask him, “You know... we don’t anyone here. We could just... stay in our rooms and you write while I... do something. We’ll be alright, don’t you think?”
Jess looks up and shrugs. “I guess.”
“You’re sure you’re going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. The worst would be being stuck here on this ship with Rory and Logan right now sucking face or something.”
I look softly at him. it’s clear that Rory really did a number on him. and then I see something. Or someone. I crane my neck and squint to take a closer look.
And I think I’m going to suffer a aneurysm.  
Cause Rory is here.
On this ship.
“Uh, Jess. Want to go take a walk? Get out of here?”
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m trying to delay my death from jumping off this ship by a few hours.”
Jess shakes his head, confused. “What are you talking about?”
I decide to stall. Which is stupid.
“You know how you shouldn’t say Bloody Mary in front of a mirror 3 times? Or the Candyman? Or... uh-”
“Out with it Denny.”
“Rory’s on this ship.”
“WHAT???”
I’m officially dead.
And then I’m officially cremated when I notice who’s sitting opposite her. I can see the back of his head. But I’d recognize those shoulders anywhere. How could I forget that those were the only things that were anchoring me while I kissed him on a whim after the best blind date that I ever had?
It’s Jamie.
My Bid-a-Basket date.
I think we’re safe to say this is going to be a nightmare over 500 stretch of wide European sea.
-x-
Anyone excited???
Cause I am.
Dedicated to @sagestonefanfiction and @stellaluna33
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jojoblessed365 · 1 year
Link
How do you know when it’s time to let go?
Chapter 14 out!!! The first of the last three for this fanfic!!!
This is the start of something great, trust me!!!
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Text
Jess’ Dad
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Female Character
Characters: Jess Mariano, Original Female Character, Luke Danes, Rory Gilmore
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2526
Summary: You know I really like Jess a lot but…
Tags/Warnings: Songfic, Kissing, Dating, Jealousy, Age-Gap Romance, Crushes, Angst, Fluff, Halloween Challenge, Dylan’s Dad // Geena Fontanella
Notes: not a Dean, Jess or Logan girl. I will always be a Luke Danes girl.
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SONG LINK // HALLOWEEN MASTERLIST
‘She’s looking at you,’ Luke said, glancing towards Jess before returning his attention back to the napkin holders he’d been in the middle of restocking.
‘What?’ Jess asked, looking up confusedly from where he’d been diligently refilling ketchup bottles.
‘She’s looking at you,’ Luke repeated, not bothering to look at him.
‘Who is?’ Jess asked scanning the diner but finding no one facing his way.
‘That girl,’ Luke said as his eyes flicked to the window forcing Jess’ to follow where he found a girl standing on the other side. Lauren. He knew her from school and though they’d had very little interaction he had noticed she’d been coming into the diner quite a bit recently. He hadn't thought anything of it but the way Luke’s mouth turned up in a smirk, as if there was something he hadn’t disclosed, made a scowl fall on his face.
‘No she isn’t,’ Jess grunted, pulling another ketchup bottle towards him so he had an excuse not to look in his uncle’s direction.
‘She’s looked in here at least twenty times in the last few minutes,’ Luke said.
‘She’s looking in the diner,’ Jess protested, his irritation flaming further as Luke smirked and shrugged.
‘If you say so,’ he mused.
Jess didn’t bother retorting because he knew it was pointless. Whilst Jess was an expert at getting under his uncle’s skin Luke seemed to be just as versed in riling up the younger man and so he chose to let it go knowing it would only lead to more teasing. And as the bell above the door tinkled, signalling someone was coming into the diner, he was glad he had because he didn’t exactly want to get into an argument about a girl liking him not when the girl he actually liked was walking through the door.
He watched as Rory came in, surveying the place for a seat, but when their eyes met her face fell into a glare and she headed towards a table in the corner. Followed to his surprise by Lauren. Jess groaned internally. Of course they had to come in together. He could practically feel Luke’s smugness radiating out of him so determined not to give him the satisfaction of insisting Jess go take their order he bit the bullet and headed to their table anyway.
Rory looked up as he came over, annoyance still plastered across her face that made his heart sink. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d heard from Luke that his little stunt of basket buying had caused a rift between her and Lorelai as well as her and the lanky idiot she called a boyfriend and yet he had hoped beyond hope that after their ��date’ her feelings might have started to change. He knew she liked him, probably as much as he liked her, yet she was just too blinded by what others thought to let herself do anything about it. It made his heart hurt because she was the only person in this ludicrous town that he actually liked, well save for Luke and even then that was because it was sort of a requirement given that they were family.
‘Hey,’ he said hoping if he came in with a voice that could lend itself to being an apology without him having to utter one it'd be enough to turn her mood.
‘Cheeseburger and fries,’ she said coolly, ‘and a coffee.’
Jess’s heart sank.
‘Rory-’
‘Have you decided what you’re having?’ she asked cutting him off as she looked towards Lauren whose eyes snapped up, flitting between them both.
‘Oh uh not yet,’ Lauren said sheepishly, her eyes falling back on the page as she tried with haste to pick something.
‘You should come back,’ Rory said dismissively and suddenly Jess felt his disappointment at being in her bad books turn to irritation.
‘No it’s okay,’ Jess said, ‘I’ll wait.’
And so the pair waited, watching each other irritably until finally Lauren caught their attention and said, ‘Uh I’ll just have the same.’
‘Coffee too?’ Jess asked.
‘Uh no, diet coke,’ she said earning a nod from Jess before he headed back to the counter, practically slamming the ticket down on the counter earning another look from his uncle. Jess didn’t say anything, instead, he moved back to the job he had been doing before they'd even come in, albeit a little rougher than he had been previously.
He couldn’t help it. He didn’t know why she got under his skin so much. How he could like her and be frustrated by her simultaneously. Though it wasn’t even her that irritated him. No, his irritation was caused by the fact he knew it wasn’t her. Like the whole god-forsaken basket thing. He knew she wasn’t all that bothered about it in fact he could tell she'd actually enjoyed herself yet she was still letting others tell her how she felt. That’s what irritated him.
As he glanced back to where they were sitting he hoped that she would be looking at him but she wasn’t. She was talking, her eyes on the girl in front of her though Lauren didn’t seem to be paying much attention because her gaze was looking towards the counter. As their eyes met she turned a slight shade of pink, moving her attention back to Rory as quickly as she could and as he kept his eyes fixed on her he noticed they kept peeking his way seeing if he was still looking. And in that moment he had an idea.
It was just a small thing at first, like a seed being planted in his brain, but as he carried their order to their table and found Rory refusing to pay him any attention yet again he found it growing.
‘One burger with a diet coke,’ he said placing a plate in front of Lauren.
‘Thanks Jess,’ she said politely.
‘And one with a coffee,’ he said placing another plate in front of Rory who looked at him but said nothing and instead reached for the ketchup on the table. The seed was growing now, the idea in full bloom. If Rory wanted to play stupid, if she wanted to pretend that she wasn’t having feelings every bit as much as he was then fine. He could move past it too. Hell, why not do it with someone he was sure liked him? And so before he could stop the words from coming out of him he said, ‘Uh Lauren?’
‘Yeah?’ she asked, covering her mouth to conceal the bite of burger she had taken given she wasn’t anticipating any questions.
‘Would you wanna hang out tonight?’ he asked looking directly at her. Though he refused to look in Rory's direction he could guess how her face looked at that minute, the panicked look Lauren shot her only confirming his suspicions.
‘Oh, uh,’ she said hesitantly glancing away from him until something flickered on her face that he couldn't read. He didn’t know what it was but it didn’t really matter because after a second she said, ‘Sure.’
‘Meet at the bandstand at seven?’ Jess asked.
‘Okay,’ she said and with that Jess strode away trying to harbour all of his willpower not to look back at Rory.
✵✵✵
This was a stupid idea. Jess didn’t know what he'd even been thinking asking Lauren out and yet here he was on a date in the vaguest sense of the word with a girl he didn’t even like. Well, it wasn’t that he didn’t like her she was sweet enough it was just that well she wasn’t Rory. With Rory he could be himself.  Rory he knew how to act around. Around her he didn’t know how to act. They'd met at the bandstand and after a quick walk around the town they'd almost completely exhausted all talking points so she suggested they go see a movie. Jess had agreed but the theatre was closed which meant they'd had to rent one and head back to the diner, ignoring Luke’s smirk as they'd headed upstairs to watch it. He supposed it wasn’t all bad. The movie was decent but as it had started to wrap up he’d panicked suddenly realising he didn’t exactly know how to throw her out. After all, it had been her idea to come over and once inside their awkwardness had melted away, her mood lifting once they were completely alone.
And so as the credits rolled and she turned to look at him he’d kissed her. He knew it wasn’t a great idea and that if she did like him he'd only be leading her on but he couldn’t stop himself. Which is how they'd found themselves to be making out for the past half hour.
He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it was stupid and unfair to her but as his hand moved up under her shirt, eliciting a breathy moan from her lips his guilt went out of the window. Well until it was brought straight back in through the door as Luke entered, clearing his throat which made the pair of them leap apart, throwing themselves on either end of the couch as if they hadn't just been wrapped around one another.
‘Sorry to interrupt,’ Luke said and before Jess could say anything Lauren jumped up to answer, turning to look at his uncle over the back of the couch as she said, ‘it’s okay. Everything alright?’
‘Yeah I just needed Jess for something but it’s alright he can do it later I can see he’s busy,’ Luke said.
‘Oh it’s okay,’ Lauren said with a smile.
‘It might take a while,’ Luke said making her shrug.
‘If you need him you need him,’ she said.
‘Well uh great, Jess?’ Luke said offering her a smile though Jess didn’t fail to spot the confused glance he threw him. Jess didn’t fail to notice it because he was feeling just as confused as he was. After all it had been her suggestion to come up here. She'd been the one to let him kiss her.  Then again maybe she was looking for an out. A polite way to have an excuse to leave though that thought was stomped out as she said, ‘actually I think I might come down too. Grab something to eat.’
‘Well sure,’ Luke said, ‘on the house.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ Lauren said bashfully.
‘No, it's okay. What with me ruining your date,’ Luke said, ‘uh Jess?’
‘Yeah,’ Jess said, though he was still looking at Lauren who was watching his uncle, a smile on her face.
‘Just come down when you’re ready,’ Luke said.
‘Yeah sure,’ Jess said non-committally and after one last look at the pair of them Luke headed out of the room.
It was only then did Lauren turn from where she had been kneeling up on the couch, slipping back into her seat only to find Jess watching her with narrowed eyes. Again that blush she'd had when he’d looked at her in the diner earlier came back only now Jess was sure it wasn’t because of him.
‘What?’ she asked self-consciously.
‘You like Luke,’ Jess said finding himself just as surprised as she was when the words came out of his mouth. As if the idea hadn't truly settled in until he had said them aloud and even then they didn’t land completely, well not until the pink tinge on her cheeks darkened only confirming his suspicions. As did the way she said ‘what?’
‘Luke,’ he said firmly hoping she wouldn’t try and take him for an idiot not now that it was blatantly obvious, ‘you like Luke.’
‘What are you talking about?’ she scoffed.
‘Luke,’ he said pressing his point, ‘surly, hates everyone, flannel toting, cap wearing Luke.’
‘No I don’t,’ she said with a scowl.
‘Oh come on!’ Jess said rolling his eyes.
‘I don’t!’ she protested.
‘Sure you don’t,’ he scoffed, ‘you know I should be offended. Here I was thinkin’ you like me and all you were here to do was ogle Luke.’
‘Yeah well you like Rory,’ she said snappily folding her arms across her chest as she challenged him, waiting for him to deny it.
‘What?’ he said cursing himself for using the tactic she had employed for her denials though he needed thinking time. Yet she didn’t let up.
‘You heard me. You like Rory. That’s why you asked me out right? To make her jealous,’ she said.
‘She’s with that gormless idiot what do I care,’ Jess said fully aware that it wasn’t a complete denial but enough of one not to completely bruise his ego.
‘Oh come on!’ she said.
They fell silent for a moment the pair of them looking at each other challengingly. With anyone else Jess probably would’ve denied it. It was none of their business who he liked, but with her, he couldn’t. He couldn’t deny it to her because she understood given that the pair of them had agreed to this ludicrous date knowing they had no feelings for the other party involved. And because of that he felt closer to her than he had all night.
‘Okay fine,’ Jess grumbled, fiddling with one of the corners of a cushion on the couch so he had an excuse not to look at her, ‘if I admit you might be right about Rory would you at least admit you only came here because you like Luke.’
‘Fine,’ she said.
‘Okay fine…I like Rory,’ he admitted, not daring to look up for a moment. When he did however she was watching him, a sad smile on her face as she said, ‘I like Luke.’
‘Really?’ he asked unable to keep the judgement from his tone though he didn’t take it to heart and merely shrugged.
‘I know it’s stupid given he’s old enough to be my dad but…I don’t know I just…do.’
‘Yeah,’ Jess grumbled, ‘guess you can't pick who you like.’
‘At least Rory could like you back,’ she reasoned making his heart twinge at the thought, at the hope.
He decided to sidestep that idea. She was Rory's friend and though she would no doubt have an insight into the whole situation he didn’t yet have he wasn’t sure he wanted to open that box for fear she might tell him something he didn’t like. After all, she had said Rory could like him back. Not that she did. As his heart twinged again he shook the thought out of his head and said, ‘so, what now?’
‘Well our date went to hell given that neither of us like each other,’ she said.
‘True,’ he smirked, ‘though the making out wasn’t bad.’
‘Fair point,’ she smiled, ‘though I suppose that’s kinda over now.’
‘Yeah probably,’ Jess said, ‘unless...’
‘Unless?’ she asked.
‘Well I don’t really wanna go and help Luke with whatever you signed me up for,’ he said, ‘and are you even hungry?’
‘Not really,’ she admitted.
‘Well then,’ he said leaning in with his signature lopsided smile, ‘wanna make out?’
She seemed to think about it for a minute and then smiled.
‘What the hell.’
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Do You See Her Face? Masterlist
Summary: Missing a piece of herself she knows will never be replaced, Ella Stevens can only hope to make it through her last two years of high school and earn some extra money waitressing at Luke’s Diner. When Jess Mariano, Luke’s New Yorker nephew and the new teen menace of Stars Hollow, arrives in town, it quickly becomes clear he has no plans to make her life any easier. But as time goes on, neither of them prove to be quite as they first appeared.
*COMPLETED*
Moodboards
Eleanor Stevens Moodboard
Jess Mariano Moodboard
Eleanor x Jess Moodboard
Chapters
She’s Very Clockwork Orange (Pt.1)
A Regular Keats and a Regular Mozart (Pt.2)
In the Company of Anne Sexton (Pt.3)
Hester’s My New Hero (Pt.4)
An Alice Man (Pt.5)
King’s a Hack (Pt.6)
Ginsberg, Again (Pt.7)
Bowie Didn’t! (Pt.8)
EAT ME (Pt.9)
Catherine, Heathcliff, and Shangri-la (Pt.10)
Much Beloved Dickinson (Pt.11)
Wait to Find the Silver Lining (Pt.12)
Eardrum Torture (Pt.13)
As in Debbie Harry (Pt.14)
Going Carole King (Pt.15)
Can I Look, Miss O'Keefe? (Pt.16)
Out of Nora Ephron (Pt.17)
KISS v. Phantom (Pt.18)
Pretty Gertrude Stein (Pt.19)
Oliver Twist and Little Orphan Annie (Pt.20)
California’s Living Dead (Pt.21)
Everything Joan Didion Promised (Pt.22)
The Steinbeck Agreement (Pt.23)
Tragedy of Gatsby (Pt.24)
James Dean and Daria (Pt.25)
Lily Briscoe, Remember? (Pt.26)
How Kurt Cobain (Pt.27)
A Thousand Beach Boys Songs (Pt.28)
Andy Warhol Arguments (Pt.29)
Grinches at Home (Pt.30)
Holden Caulfield or Nancy Drew (Pt.31)
Of Princess Bride Past (Pt.32)
The Infamous Jethro Tull Incident (Pt.33)
A Patti Smith Envelope (Pt.34)
Really, Marcia? (Pt.35)
An Orwellian Nightmare (Pt.36)
A Dash of Morticia (Pt.37)
What about Byron? (Pt.38)
Not Joyce or Monet (Pt.39)
This Ernest Hemingway Thing (Pt.40)
A Truman Show Star (Pt.41)
All Norman Bates (Pt. 42)
Nora Roberts Shit Like That (Pt. 43)
If James Bond Was Bruce Springsteen (Pt. 44)
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Not Joyce or Monet
PART THIRTY-NINE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES
Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)
Warnings: major discussions of parent death/death in general, smoking, drinking, plentiful pop culture references
Word Count: 6.3K
Summary: Jess publishes his second book and Ella receives a troubling call from Stars Hollow.
Flopping face-first down onto the bed, Ella breathed a sigh of relief. It would have felt strange not to have a little champagne at Jess’s book launch party. But, she was a lightweight. She was floating somewhere between tipsy, buzzed, and drunk. At least she was still capable of slipping off her shoes before making her way to the bedroom. She’d even managed to change into pajamas, brush her teeth, and wash her face. A far cry from the screwdriver incident at Liz’s baby shower. A heavy winter snow fell outside the windows and a touch of cold air seeped into the draughty apartment. Goosebumps rose lightly on her skin. In her state, they felt nice instead of uncomfortable. She was already dozing when Jess came in, having taken a quick shower. His hair was still damp as he climbed into bed next to her, the movement shaking her from her haze.
“Did you like your party?” she murmured, watching as he shut off the lamp and rolled over to face her.
His face was aglow with the bluish light of the snowy Saturday evening. “Mhm.”
She snickered a bit at his nonchalance. “I know you hate parties, but Chris insisted it was the best way to drum up business. And you do like surprises, Mr. Spontaneity. Matthew and I made it as lowkey as we could.”
“It wasn’t so bad, Eleanor. Really,” he said, shrugging. “You’re remembering that you whispered lines from Catch-22 in my ear all night, right?”
“I figured you’d need some Joseph Heller to make it through,” she explained, slightly sheepish.
Jess smiled. “Of course. And watching Chris and Leo get so drunk they do their acapella version of ‘Under Pressure’ could never be bad.”
“Leo does do a damn good Freddie Mercury,” Ella agreed, chuckling. “I didn’t realize the publishing agents would all go blackout level, too.”
“Oh, yeah. You should’ve seen what Chris did for the Subsect launch. It was like that scene where E.T. gets drunk. But if there were fifty aliens in the movie instead of just one,” Jess said flatly, begrudgingly.
“You must be a little drunk if you’re letting a cheesy eighties movie slip. Or have I finally converted you?” she teased, snuggling deeper into the pillow.
Jess smirked. “Not yet. Chris made me try his Manhattans to see if they ‘tasted too much like gasoline.’”
“I have a sneaking suspicion that they did,” Ella said.
“Someone give the lady a prize,” Jess shot back tiredly. “Good thing we walked there.”
“Yeah. And good thing I got to watch you catch a snowflake with your tongue on the way back.”
“Shut up.”
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed, cutie,” she said, forcing her laughter down. “I’ll be eating my words when you watch me fall on my ass while we’re ice-skating with April.”
She knew if he’d been entirely sober, he wouldn’t have gotten so caught up in his wonderment at the storm. But Ella had also seen him sticking out his tongue awaiting a snowflake in an old, yellowing photo album Liz had shown off during her baby shower. In it, Jess had been no more than three. Dressed in a raggedy winter jacket on some grimy corner of New York City. He and Liz were sticking their tongues out together. Seeing the photo had given Ella’s mouth a bittersweet taste. It was hard to imagine Jess ever feeling so relaxed around his mother. She saw the same rare awe from him on the walk home. Most of the time, he was so weighed down by the world he could barely come up for air. She thought she had never seen him look so young at heart before.
“Can’t wait,” Jess hummed, mocking. It was nearly time for April’s winter break, and Anna had somehow agreed to let her spend it with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory. Ella and Jess had opted to return to Stars Hollow for Christmas, after the bumps in the road on Thanksgiving. Two more days, and they’d be braving the icy roads on their way up to Connecticut. April had already called them to schedule a time for ice-skating. The proper, analytical way the little girl spoke never failed to amuse Ella.
“Me neither,” Ella quipped as her eyelids began to droop again. She could smell the minty scent of Jess’s shampoo.
As he watched her begin to drift off, he leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. From what Matthew had said, Ella had essentially been put in charge of the party when Chris’s trademark irresponsibility made an appearance. Matthew had jury duty and couldn’t assume his usual role of organizer in the wake of Chris’s chaotic decision-making. What she’d managed to throw together, though, was one of the better parties Jess had ever been to. The publishers they knew usually sent younger employees to the underground press launches, and Chris had ended up making friends with most of the usual suspects at the launch for Jess’s first book. Ella had made sure the guest list only included familiar faces. If they just had to throw him a surprise party, which Chris demanded (normally, she wouldn’t have listened, but if it was a matter of getting his book better exposure, she was willing to risk it), she’d try to make it as comfortable for him as possible. Or, at the very least, bearable.
And she’d just gotten done with finals two days earlier. He could see how tired she was. Her nerves over the possibility of seeing her father during the winter holidays hadn’t helped her sleeping recently either. Though Jess wasn’t sure how it would actually pan out, she claimed she wanted an attempt at apologizing for what she’d said at Adam’s graduation. She was sick of family nonsense, she said. Maybe if she levelled the playing field, they could begin to understand each other again. Ella herself wasn’t sure exactly what had sparked her desire to try again with her family, but suspected it might have been Thanksgiving. Jess, simply put, was someone she admired. Seeing him trying to mend his relationships (even though he didn’t have to, even though it was difficult), made her feel just a little more confident. Maybe not everything turned out bad, after all.
Shutting his own eyes, Jess slipped his hand beneath Ella’s shirt, his fingertips ghosting over her back. She smiled softly at his touch, feather-light. A pleasant shiver rolled through her.
“Thank you for the party,” he said, barely above a whisper.
“Well, thanks for writing my new favorite book,” she answered instantly, sleepy and sincere. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”
.   .   .
There were still a couple hours left until lunchtime when Ella slipped through the door at Truncheon, but it wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to show up and work a little. Especially when she was on break from school and got antsy. Jess had debated giving her the easel he’d bought her for Christmas early, so she would have something new to focus on while he tied up the odds and ends at the book press. But, ultimately, he wanted to wait until the morning after they returned to Philadelphia. It would be far more surprising to wake up and find a Christmas present wrapped up in the living room on the morning of New Year’s Day than on the actual gift-giving holiday.
When he’d left for his last day of work prior to their trip to Connecticut, she’d still been half asleep. Her sketchbook was open on her bedside table, a pencil drawing of a child with hollow eyes having yet to be shaded. She’d been up late working on it the night before, on a roll. He hadn’t even shut the door to the apartment before she was out cold again. He’d been anxious to get back home, to pack and prepare for the trip. In his opinion, there was no use in only opening for a Monday and then closing for the holidays the rest of the week, but Matthew’s stickler spirit won out. Jess wasn’t going to be skipping around the store in merriment as the rest of the world took a vacation, but he also wasn’t moping around like Chris. He was in the midst of diffusing an argument between his two coworkers when Ella arrived.
He wanted to smile when he saw her, and almost did. But then he got a good look at her hazel eyes, and immediately he could tell something was wrong. It wasn’t that she was sleepy, though she looked a bit haggard in with her peacoat tied around her haphazardly and her hair wild, dotted with the snowflakes falling steadily outside. Instead, she looked almost unreachable. His Eleanor who was always so present and vivid and alive, even in the midst of drudgery. And she wasn’t daydreaming, either. She wasn’t off in her own thoughts, thinking of Emily Dickinson or James Joyce or Claude Monet. No; she was simply not there. Not really.
“Hey, honey. You’re early,” he began as she approached him, where he stood in between Matthew and Chris. The two of them didn’t even notice she’d come in until Jess addressed her, still too caught up in their argument over where to place the new books of free-form poetry.
Swallowing harshly, Ella gave a weak smile and raked her fingers through her hair. She walked up to them, wringing her hands together. Jess didn’t need to see her hands to know she had already bitten her nails down to the quick. At the interruption, Chris gave a frustrated huff and turned to Ella.
“Ella, please tell Matthew it makes zero sense to put the free-form poetry anywhere near the sonnets! They should be on opposite ends of the store, as far as I’m concerned,” he exclaimed in exasperation.
Matthew rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as his jaw clenched. “I’m glad you’re here, Ella. Please tell Chris that we don’t only sell poetry, and free-form or not, it has no business anywhere near science fiction!”
Furrowing her brows, distracted, Ella shook her head. “Um...I don’t know...but I….”
“What?” Jess asked as she gestured slightly with her hands. Her face was pale, and she almost seemed confused, at a loss for words. It didn’t happen to her often, to say the least.
Blowing out a breath, she tried again, jerking her thumb back over her shoulder. “Back at the apartment...I just got a call from my brother. My dad’s dead.”
Jess’s heart dropped into his stomach. “What?”
“Yeah,” Ella said, nodding. As she continued, she took a hair elastic from her wrist and began pulling her locks into a ponytail. “Adam said he was in a car accident this morning. Driving home from some bar in Maryland. If I had to guess, he was still a little drunk from last night. No one else got hurt, which is good. He hit a patch of black ice, and he was going too fast, and I guess he just went right off the road. Into a tree. And he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt.”
Her speech became more urgent with every word, as they heard it sink in for her in real time. But she was never frantic, only determined and stern. The spacey fog was fading from her demeanor, though it remained in her eyes. Only in her eyes. She didn’t give them time to respond, just kept thinking out loud.
“Noah’s already on a plane from Oregon, but I don’t think he’s gonna be any help. And Adam said Fiona’s freaking out, so I’m almost definitely going to have to make the arrangements. I know you guys have work and stuff, but we need to pack up and get there before the rest of the family does, or everything will probably just explode on principle. Fuck! This is just like him. To die a week before Christmas!”
“Whoa, hey, Eleanor, just slow down for a second, okay?” Jess began, taking a hesitant step towards her and grabbing her hand. He squeezed once, hard, hoping to calm her down at least a little.
“Jesus, Ella-” Chris began.
“I’m so sorry,” Matthew said.
Ella shook her head, her face stoic. “Don’t, okay? Don’t be sorry. No one needs to be sorry. He was a fucking drunk, and it finally caught up with him. I just need to get back to Stars Hollow to take care of this, and then maybe Christmas won’t be completely ruined. Sound good?”
“Elle, just hold on. You should sit down and-” Jess said, but she cut him off.
“No, Jess. Seriously, I’m fine. Let’s just go and get it over with, and then it’ll be done,” she said, her hand never leaving his though she didn’t squeeze back. Her tone was tight, clipped, but she didn’t sound angry. He recognized it from the night on the bridge when she’d told him about the days following her mother’s death. The way she held it all together, and blocked it all out. Numb and headstrong.
“Do you want us to come with?” Matthew asked, watching with uncertainty as Ella began to tug Jess towards the door, grabbing his bag for him and handing him his coat.
“What? Of course not,” Ella said, insistent, as though it were obvious. “All I need to do is steal Jess for a few days. You need to do whatever it is you’re gonna do with Mabel. And Chris needs to do whatever it is he’s gonna do with Leo, and you need to tell me about it when we get back. I can pretty much guarantee your stories will be more fun than mine.”
“Are you sure?” Chris chimed in, brow heavy with worry. Her iciness surprised him. He had never heard someone react to a parent’s death quite so flippantly before.
“Yes. Jesus, Chris, keep up,” she replied, in a way which would have spurred a playful argument on a normal day. Again, her nonchalance unnerved all three of them.
Jess interlocked their fingers again instantly once he had his bag and his coat, almost heading out the door already. She was moving too fast for him to process much of anything, only reacting. He hadn’t seen her in such a frenzy in a very long time. “Eleanor, wait. Stop.”
“I can’t stop, Jess. I told you, we’ve gotta get there before my uncle has time to hit on Fiona and before Noah has time to piss off Adam. It’s fine. I promise. I’m fine.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but she pulled him out the front door instead. As they went, she shouted over her shoulder to Matthew and Chris: “Happy holidays! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
And then, she and Jess were gone. Chris and Matthew exchanged concerned, flabbergasted glances.
.   .   .
Flashback was the word that came to the forefront of her mind, as she stared up at the ceiling in the Gilmore living room. Luke and Lorelai were trying, and she appreciated it. They could both tell she didn’t want to talk about it, only wanted a bit of normalcy after the long day. And they’d obliged. After all, they’d had practice. Lorelai knew exactly what to do. She’d had Luke bring dinner home from the diner: turkey sandwiches and sodas. She’d suggested they watch a movie after dinner, something campy horror. Finally, they had settled on The Lost Boys. Ella knew how much Jess hated the movie, especially Kiefer Sutherland’s mullet, but he never complained once. A large part of her wished he would. She wanted it to be the way it was supposed to be. She wanted to have Christmas in Stars Hollow with the people who felt more like her family than her father did. Adam celebrating with one of his school friends in Boston, Fiona with her sister, Noah with his finacée in Oregon. But, of course, things never went as planned. Not in Ella’s experience at least.
At some point during the movie, she’d fallen asleep on the couch. No matter how much she wanted to stay awake until the end, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Dealing with Fiona’s blubbering and Adam’s silence and Noah’s anger had pretty well exhausted her. Not to mention the business setting up the funeral at the church. She’d spent nearly two hours with the pastor, but the service was only halfway planned. She wished Aunt Julie could arrive sooner, but the girls were in school until Tuesday. Erin had some big recital she was pitching a fit about missing. Ella couldn’t blame her. She wouldn’t want to be there if she didn’t have to be. No, they would arrive on Wednesday morning. Two hours before the funeral, set for noon. At some point before then, Ella would have to sort out the flower arrangements and the music and the programs. At least Luke was providing the food. She assumed he would before he even offered. And she would have to write the eulogy. But she wasn’t even thinking about it yet. Every time the idea of writing it entered her mind, she would start humming a Stevie Nicks song and pointedly ignore it.
It was all too familiar. The planning, the writing, the consoling. Since they’d arrived in Stars Hollow that afternoon, it had been a non stop barrage of tasks and tears. None of it was surprising. And it almost made her want to laugh. The minute she heard that her mother was dead, she had burst out laughing, a nervous reaction she couldn’t control. Granted, the laughter came from deep inside her, and probably resembled a pained shriek more than an actual giggle. But it was laughter nonetheless, and her father had recognized it as such. He’d yelled at her until his voice became hoarse. She knew it wouldn’t happen again. He was the dead one now, after all. But still, she didn’t let the anxious laughter escape. She didn’t let anything escape. After the punishment she’d received for letting go last time, she knew not to do it again. No one was there to smack her, to scream, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forget how it had felt. Like she couldn’t even grieve right. And the best way to grieve became to not grieve at all.
She laid with one hand on her stomach and the other behind her head, analyzing the popcorn ceiling. She’d awoken with the room dim and the TV shut off. A quilt which she hadn’t fallen asleep under was draped over her, and there were hushed whispers in the direction of the kitchen. She hadn’t planned to wake up until morning, but she hadn’t planned to fall asleep there either. They were supposed to be sleeping in the apartment above the diner for the vacation, while Rory and April took the spare beds in the Gilmore house. But neither girl had yet to arrive, and Lorelai insisted Ella and Jess stay over after dinner. It was no use driving over in the snow, even if Luke’s was only about a minute away. Ella couldn’t believe how similar it all was to before. Sleeping alone on the Gilmore couch as others worried over her a few feet away.
She listened, in spite of herself. It was too tempting not to eavesdrop when she’d already heard her name so many times. Luke was concerned about her forgetting to eat. Lorelai was concerned about her shutting everyone out and being overwhelmed by the funeral preparations. And both of them were concerned about her coming to blows with Fiona at some point in the next few days.
Sighing, Ella ran her tongue over her teeth and remembered she hadn’t brushed them. She debated not doing so, but decided to just bite the bullet. With everything else on her mind, she thought it best to eliminate all the outward elements which might impede her from getting back to sleep. She rolled over on her side, preparing to sit up, when she saw Jess. She thought he’d be in the kitchen, talking with Luke and Lorelai. Instead, he sat on the floor with his back against the sofa. His head was near hers, leaned back. His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t snoring. She doubted he was fully asleep, but nonetheless attempted to get past him and rummage through the bag on the armchair to find her toothbrush. Her stealth proved lacking, however, when he began to stir as soon as she reached the bag.
“Hey,” he said quietly, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands and doing his best to seem lively. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she replied, fishing her toothbrush out from the sea of clothes she’d thrown into the duffel before they sped away from the apartment in Philadelphia. “I just forgot to brush my teeth.”
“Oh,” he said, nodding and hoisting himself up. His neck was already sore from the position he’d dozed off in, unwilling to follow Luke and Lorelai into the kitchen with Ella asleep on the couch. “Me too. I’ll come with.”
She nodded back, grabbing his toothbrush as well. The whispers didn’t cease until they made their way into the kitchen, Luke and Lorelai looking up at their entrance. Ella debated using the upstairs bathroom, not disturbing the two of them. But she didn’t have the energy to climb the stairs, and it would be the first time she could get a good look at the new half-bathroom they added next to Rory’s room. The smell of the diner food lingered, and it made Ella’s chest feel just a touch less tight. Lorelai broke out into a small smile at the sight of the two of them.
“You need anything, sweetie?” she asked, speaking only to Ella.
Though she felt a bit uncomfortable under everyone’s gaze, Ella smiled back. There was a warmth in her stomach at Lorelai’s voice. She focused on that feeling, and only that feeling. “No, we’re fine. Just brushing our teeth. The dentist would be pissed at me if I broke the pattern after over twenty years.”
“That’s true. Always best to avoid the Sweeney Todd dentistry possibility,” Lorelai agreed, nodding. Then, she yawned theatrically and looked at Luke, who only rolled his eyes at the dramatics. “I think we’re gonna head upstairs. It’s past our bedtime.”
“Still got those four o’clock deliveries, huh?” Jess asked sullenly, eyeing Luke. Many a morning when he was a teenager, he’d been awoken at half past three by the sound of Luke’s alarm.
Luke sighed. “For the business that housed and fed you for two years? Yeah, I do.”
Ella snorted a laugh, and nudged Jess playfully in the ribs. “Like you’re not always up before the sun, even on Saturday.”
“Where do you think that started?” Jess shot back, pointing an accusatory finger at Luke. “He screwed with my internal clock for life!”
“I think that’s enough fuel for future therapy sessions for tonight,” Lorelai announced, rising from the table, Luke following.
“Agreed,” Luke grumbled.
As they exchanged goodnights, Lorelai gave Ella a kiss on the cheek. Immediately after, she scrunched up her nose and smudged the lipstick from Ella’s freckled skin with her thumb. To Ella’s shock, Lorelai also gave Jess a short hug before making for the stairs. Luke hugged Jess,  too. The two of them still had trouble showing physical affection for each other, as they probably always would. Ella had to stifle a laugh at the awkwardness between them.
When Luke hugged Ella, though, she felt tears prick at her eyes for the first time all day. She recognized his familiar smell, the soft feeling of his flannel, his strong arms around her. Somewhere in her mind, it occurred to her that the way it felt for Luke to hug her was what she had always wanted it to feel like when her own father hugged her. And she knew for sure she would never get it from him. She could finally be certain there was nothing left to do to repair her relationship with him. There was no time left for Jake to make her feel as safe as Luke made her feel. As he never had, even in her childhood. But by the time she and Luke broke apart, she had gathered herself enough. She cleared her throat and blinked away the glassy sheen in her eyes.
Luke ruffled her hair as he stepped back from her. If he saw that she was upset, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Don’t worry, kid. We’ll get everything figured out tomorrow.”
“I know, boss,” she replied.
.   .   .
The cigarette smoke made her a bit nauseous, but it was also comforting in a way she was slightly ashamed of. The winter air was crisp and biting, and her cheeks were frosted roses. Embers glowed orange in the darkness as she took a long drag, burning her lungs. She was already regretting it, but she simply felt too tired to think out the actual consequences of what she was doing. She had tried. She really had. But falling asleep, with Jess snoring softly beneath her as they lay on the couch, was absolutely impossible. Fatigue was weighing down her bones, and there was a perpetual ache throbbing behind her eyes. But each time she got close to sleep, the thought of her father would flash across her mind, and she would be wide awake once more.
Once she gave up, she had managed to sneak outside unnoticed. The wind whispered past her, hollow and haunting. But maybe everything was feeling spookier because death was at the forefront of her mind. Then again, when wasn’t it? Though the shock had certainly hit her with full force when she heard the news, she couldn’t bring herself to be surprised. The other shoe had dropped. She knew it would, just when she let her guard down. The moment she forgot to worry, the universe had knocked her down again. She flicked her cigarette and watched the excess ash melt a small spot in the snow below the steps.
At the sound of the front door creaking open, she startled only a little. For a wild moment, she wanted to put her cigarette out and hide it behind her back, pretending to be innocent. Especially if it was Luke. But she had to remember she was a grown up. And the feeling disappeared entirely when she saw only a disheveled Jess wrapping himself up in his jacket as he came out onto the porch and sat down next to her.
“You’re gonna catch a cold out here,” he remarked, holding her peacoat out to her.
She took it with a trembling hand.
“Thank you,” she said solemnly, breathing out a long stream of smoke as she spoke. The coat was old and cheap, and did little to help a Connecticut winter, but she shrugged it on anyway.
He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Don’t mention it.”
They sat in silence, an owl hooting somewhere in the trees beyond the house. Ella didn’t put the cigarette out until it got so small it began to burn her fingers. After she’d discarded it, her breath still puffed out, along with Jess’s, in frigid white clouds. Flurries of snow fell in scattered sprays, but the night was mostly quiet and overcast. Jess crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.
She spoke, as he knew she eventually would, after a few more minutes. Gesturing down to the crushed cigarette, her tired eyes met his. “Do you want one?”
“No, thanks,” he said, shaking his head. “Where’d you get those in the middle of the night in Stars Hollow, anyway?”
A thin smirk ghosted over her lips. “Snatched ‘em off Bootsy’s newsstand.”
“Really?” he asked, laughing slightly, with eyebrows raised.
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Don’t act so surprised, Mariano. I was sneaking out of my bedroom window long before you got here.”
“Touché.” His eyes lingered on her, hair glistening golden in the soft light and eyes still far off somewhere miles away. He hesitated before he continued. “Did you walk all the way to Bootsy’s without a coat?”
She shrugged, glancing down at the Doc Martens on her feet. “I’m fine. I had my good shoes on. Besides, it’s only like a minute away.”
“Alright.”
“Seriously, Jess. I’m fine,” she snapped after a moment.
“Okay. I get it,” he said instantly. “You’re fine. You’re not cold.”
Ella ran her hands through her hair. Her body shook as she yawned.
“You wanna go back to bed?” he asked.
“No,” she said with a heavy sigh.
“Are you sure?”
“Jesus, Jess! Stop trying to take care of me! Stop asking me questions! Just let me fucking sit here!” Ella exclaimed, huffing in frustration.
Jess recoiled slightly, and he nodded at her again. He ran a hand over his mouth and swallowed down the million other questions which were rising in his throat. The ones she’d refused to ask on the drive up, and the ones she apparently still wanted to avoid. “Sorry.”
She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “No, I’m...I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“We don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to. We could watch one of Lorelai’s cassettes in there,” Jess suggested, fighting hard to keep his tone light, bracing for whatever reaction she was going to have.
“I love that she still has cassettes,” Ella said wistfully, though not smiling. Her voice was low and raspy as she stared out ahead of her into the darkness and the lightly falling snow.
He nodded a little. “I know you do.”
Ella’s hands were itching to hold another cigarette, but she fought the urge. The pack which sat on the porch steps next to her would almost certainly be crumpled up and thrown in the trash the moment she reentered the house. Along with the lighter. But it was nice to have them there. If she wanted. They sat wordlessly, listening to the rustle of the wind in the evergreen trees. Jess didn’t make a sound. He was just far away enough not to touch her, almost in silent askance of whether she wanted space. She did. And she didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to talk almost as much as she didn’t want to write the eulogy. She wanted to be able to push down the sorrow and the rage until they just dissolved and she was as happy as she had been just a day earlier. Yesterday, she may have even been hopeful. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt hopeful about her family. But, now, she had to stop herself from reaching for a cigarette yet again. And she felt herself wanting a drink. A drink stronger than champagne at a book launch. And then the words started flowing before she could overthink them, before she could lock them away in her heart forever.
She swallowed thickly, looking down into her lap at her nail-bitten hands. “This is just like it was the last time.”
“Oh yeah?” he whispered, shifting a bit closer to her.
“Yeah,” she echoed, so quiet he almost couldn’t hear. She sniffed. “I mean, last time my dad was the devastated one instead of Fiona. But Adam still got pissed at Noah, and Noah only got more pissed because Adam was mad at him.”
Noah had only made it to town an hour before Ella left to go back to the Gilmore residence for the night, but he and Adam were at each other’s throats pretty much as soon as they saw each other. Upset that his Christmas vacation was being disrupted, Noah had insisted on staying at a motel instead of at the little blue house in which they had grown up. Adam wasn’t happy about it, accusing Noah of acting as though he was too good for them. In turn, Noah asked Adam why he wasn’t mad at Ella for staying with Lorelai. Adam had shot back immediately, saying Noah had abandoned the entire family the minute he could, while Ella stayed behind. At that point, Ella knew there was no way to diffuse the situation. She’d only offered to walk back with Noah to the motel, leaving Adam to sleep in his old room. Luckily, Fiona’s sister was already in town for the holiday. So, it didn’t wholly fall to any of the three of them to console her.
Jess and Luke had both offered to go over to the house with her after helping with the arrangements, but she’d insisted on meeting her brothers there alone. The surreality of the moment didn’t dawn on her until she saw Adam’s teary eyes and Noah’s flushed face. It was like she had stepped into the past. She’d come back to the Gilmore house to find Jess sitting in the living room, halfway through the Russian novel he’d brought with. In the face of his questions, she’d only given him the liner notes and then fallen mostly silent for the rest of the evening.
“And Lorelai and Luke won’t let me brush my teeth without asking me if I need anything,” Ella continued, with a scoff in her words. “And, I love them. I do. And I’m so fucking grateful that it hurts. But, I’m fine. I’m totally fucking fine.”
“So I’ve heard,” he quipped.
“You’re hilarious.”
“I’ve heard that, too,” he said.
She laughed breathily, lifting her head to look up at the sky. “Shut up.”
“Will do.”
Then, after a moment: “I just wish...I wish it wasn’t like this. I mean, he was a shitty dad. But he was still my dad.”
He watched as she chose her words, carefully. Her voice had more emotion than he’d heard all day. Bringing his arm around her shoulders, he hoped to lessen the trembling of her hands just a little. She leaned into him, letting herself feel his warmth but fighting the wateriness in her voice. Of all the things she didn’t want to do, crying was at the top of the list.
“And now...I don’t have parents. I don’t even have a dad who hates me and never calls,” she continued.
“He didn’t hate you,” Jess interjected.
She shook her head. “Yeah, he did, Jess. He fucking hated me. Because I looked like my mom and I didn’t like Fiona and I wouldn’t quit talking back at the dinner table. But it doesn’t bother me. I hated him most of the time, too.”
He hummed in response, listening.
Her face crumpled for only a moment. But, again, she regained her composure. A couple silent tears threatened to slip over. “But at least I had someone to hate, y’know? Now, it’s just...no one.”
She took in a shaky breath, and Jess began to rub circles over her back. He recognized that her shivering was no longer due to the cold but from the sobs she wouldn’t let loose. Ella’s stomach did a flip, as she clenched her hands into fists. But she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. She let a single wimper pass her lips. And then, the levee broke. She put her head in her hands and finally began to weep, cries from deep within her escaping at last.
“I just...I don’t have p-parents anymore,” she spoke through sobs, trying to get her voice under control but failing miserably. “I’m not anyone’s daughter anymore. I don’t belong to anyone anymore.”
Jess shut his eyes for a moment, feeling a crack in his heart as he heard her anguish. But a part of him was relieved she was finally letting it out. He knew not all of her tears were for her father, but for her mother as well. He’d never seen her cry so hard before, so hard she couldn’t catch her breath and she was beginning to feel sick to her stomach. She stopped being able to talk after a while, only crying, folding in on herself.
“I...I don’t...belong to anyone anymore,” she repeated.
Gnawing on his bottom lip again, Jess smoothed an affectionate hand over her hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Though he couldn’t see her face, Ella felt her cheeks heat up at his seeing her sob so openly. Jess spoke in a clear, strong tone.
“Listen, Eleanor, I know it feels like you’re alone without them, but that’s not true, okay?” he said.
She let out a tearful scoff.
“Hey, hey, hey, I’m serious,” Jess continued, placing a hand on her damp cheek and turning her face gently so she would look at him.
She wanted to avoid his eyes, embarrassed, but simply couldn’t bring herself to look anywhere else. The sight of him almost made her physically relax.
An earnest crease stood out between his eyebrows when he spoke again. “You belong to me, and I belong to you. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it?”
She stared at him for a moment, stunned at his words, as tears kept rolling steadily down her cheeks. But then, her lip began to quiver and she closed her eyes. Jess was worried she was about to get angry again. But instead, she slumped weakly against him. He could feel her tears begin to wet the neckline of his t-shirt as she rested her head on his chest. Breathing out long and slow, Jess wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t know whether his words had helped, but he was doubtful. No amount of talking was going to make her feel any better. He couldn’t crack a joke or start a playful argument or do a magic trick. He could only be there. He simply sat and held her against the wind.
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How Kurt Cobain
PART TWENTY-SEVEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES
Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)
Warnings: drinking, anxiety about future, plentiful pop culture references, this is the product of intense writer’s block so who knows its quality honestly 
Word Count: 4.3K
Summary: Ella takes a morning walk through Philly. Then, she takes Jess to Lane’s wedding.
Tangled beneath the sheets, Ella awoke with the sunlight streaming through Jess’s window and into her closed eyes. She squinted as she cleared her throat and shifted to find Jess’s side of the bed empty. Furrowing her brows, she raked a hand through her messy hair and sat up against the green wall, Nietzche’s eyes looking over her almost comically. Still, she found no Jess in the room, though the door was slightly ajar. The smell of coffee drifted in from the kitchen. She worried frantically if she had missed her interview with the Dean.
“Jess?” she called.
After only a moment, he waltzed in with the paper in one hand and a mug in the other. He smirked when he saw the scowl on her face. Yet another thing he could count on never changing. Ella Stevens was not a morning person. “Yeah?”
“What the hell? Why didn’t you wake me?” she demanded, rubbing at her eyes with both hands.
Jess snickered. “Like it’s so easy. I tried. You told me to fuck off.”
“I did not.”
“Oh, but you did. Twice.”
Groaning slightly, she shook her head at herself. “Sorry.”
“No problem. I’m used to the colorful vocabulary by now,” he shrugged, taking a long sip of his black coffee.
She rushed over to her bag, convinced of her tardiness.
“Woah, where’s the fire?” Jess asked.
“What time is it?”
“Relax. It’s only nine. Your interview isn’t until eleven, right?’ he asked, smug smirk ever-present.
Blowing out a small breath, she nodded. “Yeah. Jesus. I thought it was noon.”
“Why?”
“That’s usually how late I sleep when I forget to set an alarm,” she said, running her fingers through her hair again.
He chuckled. “Well, you’ve got a while. I had to get up to let the poet guy in. There’s donuts in the kitchen. Campus is only a few blocks away. I can walk you there later, if you want.”
Biting the inside of her cheek, she tried to fight the smile which threatened to cross her face. “I don’t need an escort, Mariano.”
“Oh, right. I forgot you know exactly how to get there from here,” he said, feigning understanding.
She rolled her eyes. “I brought a map.”
“That’s cute,” he teased.
“Fuck you.”
“It’s not the twentieth century anymore. Just let me walk you, Stevens.”
“Okay, fine,” she conceded, finally letting herself break into a little grin.
.   .   .
Cloudy light shone through the overcast sky in gray tones, but the air was light. Philadelphia was not due for rain. Ella breathed in the city as they strolled down the sidewalk. It was a little grimy, but so alive. The pulse of the noise and the people made her feel excited, inspired. She would have to draw something of it as soon as she got a moment. Jess had his hands shoved in his pockets, stealing occasional glances at Ella. He saw the same wonder in her eyes that he had when she’d come to visit him in New York all those years ago. A pleasant warmth radiated throughout him, and for just a little while he stopped wondering where they stood with each other, what would happen, about the words they still needed to speak.
She fiddled with the thin strap of her watch as she walked along. “Do you like Philly better than New York?”
He perked his head up as she suddenly broke the silence between them. “Oh yeah. Less people. Better art scene.”
“Really?”
“Definitely. And it also helps that my mom doesn’t live here.”
“Ah,” Ella replied knowingly, nodding slightly. “So, you guys haven’t talked much since the wedding, I take it?”
“Every now and again,” he shrugged.
They turned down a road lined with coffee shops and bookstores. Ella could tell it was a backwards way of getting to campus, but expected nothing less of Jess. It made her want to smile. The more she saw of the city, the more she could tell he belonged. Finally, he had a place where he fit.
“She did call me when April showed up, though,” Jess continued casually.
Ella uttered a small laugh. “Yeah. That was...straight outta left field. She’s a good kid, though. Can recite the whole periodic table in like sixty seconds. She kinda reminds me of my brother.”
“Adam?” Jess asked.
Ella nodded, the warm breeze blowing her bangs back from her face. Her hair was in a low bun, and she was dressed in the same clothes as the day before. Most of her wardrobe wasn’t the most professional. And straight-laced clothes, she thought, were an important balance for her visible tattoos.
“How’s he doin’?”
She shrugged, smiling lightly. “He’s good. Almost done with his junior year. He’s applying to all those big schools. MIT is his top choice, I think.”
“Jeez. Another valedictorian in the family?”
“Maybe. He might get a full ride, especially since…” she paused, biting at the inside of her cheek. Looking over at Jess, she saw his curious expression. He seemed more open than he ever had, comfortable in his own skin. When she continued, her tone was firmer, more direct. “Well, my dad left to live with my uncle in Baltimore a few months ago. It’s just Adam and Fiona back in the house. He’ll get lots of financial aid points for having a single step-parent.”
“Oh, that’s…”
“Yeah. But, I think everyone’s better off,” she said, averting her gaze from him. Again, Jess thought he saw her try and grab for a necklace, but instead she reached up to tug gently at one of her small earrings. “Once the baby thing didn’t work out with Fiona, my dad started drinking more and...I think he realized he’d never...losing my mom. He’s never gonna be the same. Adam’s doing well, though. And Fiona’s doing better. It’s better.”
He hummed in acknowledgement, appraising her with a careful eye. “I’m glad, then.”
“Me too.” She cast him a tiny, reassured smile. “Sorry. That’s heavy stuff and it’s not even afternoon.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry over,” he replied.
Rushing over a crowded crosswalk as the seconds blinked off the timer, Jess took her hand to lead her. She wouldn’t be late, but he could tell she was anxious to get where she needed to be. “We’re almost there.”
He thought for a moment about disentangling their fingers, but she gave his hand a squeeze instead. His heart glowed with nostalgia and hope. The noise around them seemed like music. Cherry trees, which dotted campus, were blooming and they stepped over the petals beneath their feet. Hardly thinking, Jess ran a thumb over the smooth skin of the back of her hand. Her smile grew.
They were approaching the brick building which held the dean of the art school’s office. Students whizzed past them with backpacks and frantic looks. A sense of surrealism dawned on Ella. She was going to end up at an Ivy League, after all. Just a little later than she had once hoped she would. The air smelled clean and damp with spring.
“So,” Jess began, coming to a stop a few feet from the walkway which led to the double doors, “after this, you’re all set?”
“Guess so,” she said, slightly breathless with the moment.
He hummed, looking around him. “Y’know, this morning, I was thinking-”
“That’s a bad sign,” Ella interjected.
Jess rolled his eyes. “Age has not helped your stand-up material, Stevens.”
“I disagree,” she said shortly. “Please, continue.”
He sighed heavily, separating their fingers and running a hand over his mouth. “Well, you don’t have a place to live here yet, right?”
“Not yet.”
“I was thinking maybe you’d want to come live with us. Above Truncheon,” he said, spitting out the words as fast as he could.
Ella’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really?”
Jess nodded shyly. “My bed’s big enough. And I don’t have that much stuff; there’s room for you. Chris already loves you. I’m sure Matthew wouldn’t mind either. And your sketches are down in the main room anyway. We could put a price on them and...only if you want to. I know it’s a lot to process, so you don’t need to answer right now or anything.”
Her eyes were calculating as she gathered her thoughts. “Just so I’m clear...you want us to get back together. And you want us to live together in your apartment. With Matthew and Chris. Above Truncheon.”
“Yes,” Jess confirmed, tone growing more confident, though his heart was beating painfully against his ribs.
“Are you sure? I mean...we haven’t seen each other in two years. Maybe time has corrupted me,” she said, voice serious despite her weak joke.
Again, he sighed. “I think we were both pretty corrupted to begin with-”
“How Kurt Cobain of you.”
“And I don’t care how long it’s been. We’ve got a lot to make up for. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you forever. And I’m tired of waiting. I’m ready to try again. Really try, this time. But only if you are. Only if you want this too,” he said.
A familiar nausea rose in his throat, and his hands began to shake. The only other time he’d taken such a leap of faith, it hadn’t gone over well. But everything was different. He was settled, with a steady income. She had graduated, and was finally embracing her dreams. His foolish hope persisted, even still. When he’d woken up next to her again, in a bed which he’d bought himself, and eaten breakfast with her, read morning papers with her, he could think of nothing he wanted more. Communication, he reminded himself. Open and honest communication. Even if he still wanted to roll his eyes at just the thought of Luke’s self-help nonsense.
“And,” he continued, when she hadn’t said a word, was only turning thoughts over in her head silently, “you don’t have to say anything now. I...dammit. I should’ve done this after your interview. I just got caught up after yesterday and this morning. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you later and...I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. Really, you don’t have to say anything-”
“Jess,” she interrupted, finally locking eyes with him again. “Just shut up for a second.”
“Okay.”
After chewing on her thumb nail for a moment, she blew a breath out through her nose with finality. “Can I get cactuses again? There was no place for them at Lane’s. And, Jesus, you guys have got to organize your living room. I mean, the kitchen and your bedroom are okay. But I have no idea how you guys even find anything. The piles of paperwork on the table are, like, seven feet high.”
A slow grin formed on Jess’s face, and the worry began to clear from his brown eyes. “You can do whatever you want, Stevens.”
“Truer words never spoken,” she agreed earnestly. “You better make room for my fucking records then, too. They’ve been living in my car for way too long.”
Jess chuckled, nodding slightly. His eyes lingered on her lips. “I was thinking about kissing you, just now. Is that okay?”
Ella thought her heart would melt at his words. “Go for it, Mariano.”
Jess brought his hands to her waist and kissed her. For the first time in years. Ella smiled into it, pressed against him. It tasted sugary-sweet, from the donuts they’d eaten. Her fingers tangled into his hair, longer and less greasy than she remembered. But it felt much the same. A tingly joy began in her stomach and then spread throughout her body, new and old and welcome and perfect.
.   .   .
Of all the people not to be at Lane’s wedding, Ella did not expect Luke to miss it. For some reason, he was still out of town for April’s field trip. Not that it was any of her business, but she couldn’t help be slightly irritated at his absence. However, she wasn’t entirely alone. Though Lane and the other people in her life weren’t exactly sold on him, Ella had taken a shot in the dark and invited Jess. At Mrs. Kim’s millionth reference to her loneliness, her lack of a date, Ella had finally let it slip to Lane. She had seen Jess again. They were talking on the phone every single night. She was set to move in with him in a week. And, soon, she was calling him up. Hearing the surprised tone of his voice, his apprehension to come back to town. But, honestly, he’d caved a little quicker than she thought he would. All it had taken was her offering to try Hemingway again. And Kerouac. She knew she was going to absolutely loathe the latter, but it would be worth it.
As the ceremony ended, most of Lane’s family, including her mother, left the gathering in town square. None of them were eager to party with the townies. Kirk revealed the white food truck parked on the street opposite the gazebo to actually be the bar. He was exploring business ownership, and Yummy Bartenders was his most recent endeavor. Lorelai, without Luke and somehow having ended up with Rory’s father, Christopher, as her date, flocked straight to the alcohol. It made Ella snort a laugh, but inside, it made her heart ache. Luke and Lorelai had taken so long to get together. And now, things were headed nowhere good. A hot, dry sunlight shone down on them in yellow tones, and soon the sky would darken. Everyone’s mood had changed as soon as they left the church. Lorelai ripped off the bottom half of Lane’s dress, revealing her calves joyfully. Standing beside Ella, Rory let out a hoot of excitement and rushed over to the new bride. Snickering, Ella took the long pin from her low bun and let her blonde waves loose down her back.
Jess tucked her hair behind her ear gently as they both took a moment to breathe. The church had been stuffy and hot, filled to the brim with people. The air was no cooler, but at least there was a wide open space to mingle in. Grabbing his hand, Ella ventured a glance at Jess. As soon as his rusty Ambassador had rolled into town three hours earlier, she could sense how anxious he was. Maybe just being in Stars Hollow made him uncomfortable, or maybe it gave him too many flashbacks to his own mother’s wedding.
“You okay? I have the key to the diner, if you wanna go. I called Luke earlier and he said we could stay in the apartment. I’ll be up there later,” she said, tone apologetic.
Jess shook his head. “No. I’m fine. Just don’t know where we should sit.”
“Next to Miss Patty?” she asked. The dance teacher had noticed her across the way, and Ella waved back at her.
“She’ll eat me alive,” Jess sighed. “What about with Rory and Lorelai?”
Narrowing her eyes, Ella considered it. Then, she bit the inside of her cheek for a moment. “I don’t know. I haven’t been so close with them recently. And I don’t know if I wanna get in the middle of the happy family back together.”
“Fair enough,” Jess agreed. “Alright. Miss Patty and Babette, then. But I’m counting on your protection.”
Her grin grew wicked. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m your knight in shining polyester.”
.   .   .
Hep Alien was on fire, despite the wasted state of every single band member. Balmy breezes blew and Ella’s flushed skin was finally beginning to cool down. The night was dark and the sky clear. Every so often, her eyes flicked to Rory, Lorelai, and Christopher’s table. Sookie and Jackson had been sitting with them, but they had long since left. Without Ella to babysit the kids, they’d had to hire a new girl. Jackson could barely handle the nerves at a random high-schooler watching his babies. Ella twirled her rings nervously on her fingers, while Patty, Babette, and Maury chain-smoked across the centerpiece floral arrangement. Jess, at her side, had his arm around her shoulder. He stroked her upper arm absently.
He raised an eyebrow and followed her gaze to Rory. “What’s with you?”
“Hm?” she asked, blinking the reverie from her eyes. Facing him again, Ella was struck by how much more mature he looked. Back in Stars Hollow, but as a man with a publishing business and a decently neat bedroom of his own. Despite the uneasiness brewing in her stomach, she also felt pride appear. It didn’t shock her where he ended up. But it still made her feel such joy to see him successful and content.
Jess nodded in the direction of the Gilmores, three tables over. “Did something happen between you guys? Is it why you weren’t a bridesmaid?”
Ella shook her head. “No. I wasn’t a bridesmaid because Mrs. Kim hates me with the fire of a thousand suns. I mean, my outfit alone is probably enough for her to condemn me.”
Giving Ella a once-over, Jess smirked wider. Her camisole dress was black, with small pink flowers embroidered on it. It had thin spaghetti straps and fell above her knees. Of course, there were no heels on her shoes, black leather ballet flats. The ensemble was so very Ella, along with her dark eye makeup. And, it was true, Mrs. Kim was not a fan of anything which could be described as ‘so very Ella.’
“It does give off a certain Beetlejuice vibe,” Jess agreed.
“The best compliment you’ve ever given me,” she said lightly, then turned back to the crowd of wedding-goers. “But...I don’t know. Rory slept with Dean when he was married and then took a year off from Yale and stole a boat.”
“What?” Jess chirped, almost choking on the watery soda he sipped. He’d debated going to the bar, but decided against it. Best not to get drunk in the town where everyone hated you. Especially when your long lost girlfriend didn’t drink anyway.
A certain sadness came to Ella’s smile, shrinking slightly. She tugged at her earring. “Yeah. And she was fighting with Lorelai forever. They weren’t talking. I’m also pretty sure the guy Rory’s dating now is some trust fund kid from Yale with a porsche.”
“Ugh,” Jess grimaced, unable to hold back his distaste.
“We’re just...different. We grew up. Went in different directions. I mean...Lane and Rory are still best friends. I was friendly with her at a bachelorette party last night. But it’s weird now. I can’t...I don’t really know her anymore, I guess.”
Jess nodded.
She shrugged again, deflective. “I still love Lorelai. But I haven’t seen her much lately, since Luke didn’t want her to meet April, which is a whole different beast. Things...changed. But, hey, maybe I changed too.”
“You did,” Jess said. “But not in a bad way.”
She scoffed, gently plucking at the collar of his white button-up. He wore with it black pants, completing their gothic look when they stood together. Ella knew, though, that both of their outfits came cheap and basic. That’s why they had them. Of course, he still refused to wear a tie of any kind. “You too. Still a jackass, though.”
“Glad you see me in such a positive light.”
“But, in an arguing-with-me-about-Kerouac kind of way. Not in a gnome-stealing, running-off-to-California kind of way,” she explained, feeling goosebumps rise on her pale skin where his fingertips still brushed against her arm.
As much as Jess lived in his words, touch had always been such a major form of communication with him. Older and able to judge it more easily, Ella could see it. It calmed him down, made him feel safe. She could understand that. It was what happened when someone grew up in a place where they were often touched in anger.
“Well, the Kerouac defense will never change. He’s a genius,” Jess insisted mockingly.
Ella rolled her eyes, leaning back against him. “You’re impossible.”
“Right back at ya.”
The band began one of their familiar White Stripes covers. Ella couldn’t count how many times she’d heard it over the years, during nightly practice. It was so odd to see Lane in a wedding dress, all grown up. A nostalgic smile ghosted over her lips and she sighed. Neither she nor Jess said a word for a long while, comfortable in each other’s grasp. June crickets and cicadas sung, mixing with the sound of Zach’s vocals. Patty and Babette laughed heartily at something across the table. The air smelled of cigarettes and beer and summer-cut grass. Soon, the song faded away and Zach played the opening chords to something different, something Ella hadn’t heard him play in a long time. “Sweet Thing” by Van Morrison, a cover they’d attempted after Ella moved in, when she’d let Lane hear one of her Jeff Buckley live albums, on which he did his own cover of the song. She broke into a full grin. It was the perfect song for a late-night wedding reception, romantic and long and calm.
Jess seemed to notice her brightening up at the tune, as he sat up and faced her with a mysterious smile. “You wanna dance?”
She snorted a disbelieving chuckle. “Excuse me?”
“Do you wanna dance? I know you like this song.”
Ella raised her eyebrows. “Liking the song is one thing. Subjecting everyone to the horrifying visual of my dance moves is another.”
He rolled his eyes, standing up and extending a hand to her. “So dramatic. It’s a slow song. And we didn’t dance at Liz and TJ’s wedding. Making up for lost time.”
“Fine,” she sighed, taking his hand, and letting him pull her up. “But it’s your funeral.”
“I like to live dangerously,” Jess said, leading her to the dance floor.
“Whatever, James Dean.”
Before they were out of range, Miss Patty blew a stream of bluish smoke in their direction and gave a bark of haughty laughter. “I’d watch out for her, young man. Have you heard about the domino incident of 1992? Ella made the Gazette. Her talents run more towards the musical.”
His smirk grew. “I’ve been warned.”
They passed Lorelai on the way, lingering by the bar and sipping her Manhattan. Tumbler filled with cherries, sugar on the rim. The sight almost made Ella want to chuckle, almost grimace. The drink looked as sweet as cotton candy, but she would expect nothing less of a Gilmore woman. More than half of the sleepovers she’d had with Rory involved a midnight raid of the kitchen. S’mores pop tarts were one of Ella’s personal favorites. Lorelai reached out an arm to stop them, wavering drunkenly on her feet.
“Ugh, I can’t believe Sid Vicious is back,” she slurred to Ella, pointing at Jess angrily.
With Lorelai so close to her face, Ella could smell the tequila on her breath. “I told you before. He’s got more of a Richard Hell vibe, in my opinion.”
Jess blushed, but said nothing. He only tightened his grip on Ella’s hand.
“Your uncle is out of town,” Lorelai continued, facing Jess.
“That he is,” Jess said shortly. Time had passed, but it was clear Lorelai still wasn’t quite over her contempt for him. Though, he could definitely recognize what an asshole he’d been as a teenager.
Lorelai laughed bitterly. “He’s with his daughter. Who Ella’s met and you’ve met and Rory’s met. And I haven’t met!”
Searching her head for a careful response, Ella was utterly relieved when Rory came up from behind her mother.
“Hey, mom, let’s get some coffee for you, why don’t we?” Rory asked, voice bouncy and nervous.
“You got her?” Ella raised her eyebrows at Rory as she took her mother by the shoulders and began steering her away.
“Oh, I guess we’re going over here now,” Lorelai muttered in drunken surprise.
“Yeah, go have fun,” Rory answered with a little wink, disappearing into the crowd with her mother, headed for the table where her father and some steaming coffee sat.
Blowing out a long breath, Jess shook his head. “I take it that she and Luke aren’t seeing eye to eye.”
“Understatement of the year,” Ella scoffed. “No matter where she and Luke are though, I think you’ll always be a portrait of Sid Vicious to her.”
“Not even with the haircut?” he asked as they made it to the edge of the wooden dance floor.
“Not even with the haircut,” she replied with a smug smirk.
With a heavy breath, Ella placed her hands on the back of Jess’s neck as he brought his hands to her waist. She felt glad Hep Alien’s version of the song was nearly ten minutes long; it would have nearly been over after Patty’s warning and Lorelai’s ramblings if not.
“Don’t worry, Elle. Just follow my lead,” Jess said quietly, beginning to sway side to side, taking small steps.
“Shut up, I’m focusing,” she hissed, watching her feet.
He chuckled slightly. “Relax. Just look at me.”
Sighing again, Ella managed to drag her gaze away from her shoes and up to Jess’s big brown eyes.
“Hi,” he whispered, smiling fondly.
“Hi,” she replied, feeling the anxiety in her stomach lessen slightly. “Deja-vu, huh?”
“Maybe a little,” he said, shrugging. “But I’d say things are looking a little sunnier now.”
“Still finding those silver linings.” Ella gave him an affectionate peck on the lips.
Why was she nervous?, she asked herself. She didn’t need to be. Maybe it was the future creeping up on her, or her exit from the only place she had ever lived only a week away. But, as she looked at Jess, she felt her heartbeat slow. And her lips even turned up a touch at the corners. Where she was going, he’d be.
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An Orwellian Nightmare
PART THIRTY-SIX OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES
Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)
Warnings: discussions of parent death, teenage drinking, anxiety, and depression, please read with caution, plentiful pop culture references
Word Count: 6K
Summary: Ella and Jess go to Rory's graduation party, then return to the bridge.
A/N: The descriptions of depression in this chapter and in this fic are based on research and my own experiences. Everyone is different. If you need to talk, I am always here.
“The door itself is worth more than everything we own.” Jess gawked at the large mahogany door of the famed Gilmore house.
“Welcome to the realm of the one percent,” Ella replied, smirking as they stood hand-in-hand facing the entryway. Beyond it, she could hear the faint sound of classical music and polite chatter. “I don’t hate it, though. It’s got kind of a Great Gatsby thing going on, don’t you think?”
“Maybe. But I think it’s more like Dracula.”
“Hm,” she nodded, lifting her eyes to see the pillars on either side of the door. “Wuthering Heights?”
“Oh yeah,” Jess agreed. “That sounds right.”
“Get ready, then, Heathcliff,” Ella quipped, ringing the doorbell.
Jess scoffed. “Ready as I can be, Catherine.”
Not more than a moment later, the door swung aside to reveal a woman in a maid’s outfit in the sprawling foyer. Behind the maid, there were groups of well-dressed people, mostly older, milling about with martini glasses in their hands, sugar on the rims. Though she couldn’t quite be sure, Ella thought it was Mozart playing from somewhere farther inside, live on a piano. It sounded fine, but she had always preferred Beethoven. The lesser of two evils, she had taken to calling him. Before even stepping beyond the threshold, she could see at least two chandeliers gleaming in the yellowish lights. She tugged Jess along by the hand, stepping up and into the house.
“Good evening,” the maid said.
“Hi,” Ella said, smiling at the small woman with black hair and dazzling brown eyes. “This is Rory Gilmore’s graduation party, right?”
Jess chuckled behind her. They’d gotten a bit lost on the way up to Hartford. The plan had originally been to follow Luke’s truck, but he had decided against going at the last minute. He wasn’t sure if Lorelai would really want him there. Instead, they had followed the less than legible directions Luke scribbled on one of the diner napkins. Luke rarely remembered street names, using mostly landmarks. The drive would have been easier if it wasn’t already near dark by the time the party started.
“Yes, ma’am,” the maid answered formally, holding a hand out to Ella. “May I take your bag?”
Furrowing her brows, Ella looked down at her large black purse, the only one she owned, and then back up at the woman. She hadn’t been expecting such a question, instead thinking she’d either carry it with her or stumble upon a coat rack somewhere. “Oh, sure. Thank you. That’d be great...sorry. I didn’t catch your name?”
The maid looked equally confused as she took Ella’s bag from her. “Helen.”
“Okay, Helen. I’m Ella,” she said, sticking out her hand for Helen to shake, tilting her head in Jess’s direction. “That’s Jess. We’re Rory’s friends.”
Jess nodded in greeting at Helen, biting back a laugh as the maid shook Ella’s hand with a disconcerted expression.
“Enjoy the party,” Helen muttered, then turned on her heel and disappeared into the crowd behind her.
“I don’t think you were supposed to introduce us to the maid,” Jess chuckled as Ella led him through the sea of people to the left, revealing a large sitting room with an open bar.
“Who cares what we’re supposed to do?” Ella shrugged, stopping in her tracks as she began to search the room for anyone she knew. “Rory used to tell me her mother fired a maid a week. Figured she might need at least one friendly face tonight.”
His smile turned warm and his face lost its amusement as he regarded her for a moment. Her hair was back in a low bun, shorter pieces framing her face. She wore a dress bought special from Goodwill for the occasion, a black bodice and a skirt of lavender tulle. On her feet, the same black leather ballet flats she had owned since high school. Somehow, they hadn’t begun to fall apart yet. Beauty in her usual, hasty variety. She didn’t look exactly comfortable, but she looked like herself, fitting in so well simply because she wasn’t putting anything on. He disentangled their fingers and brought his hand to her freckled cheek instead, catching her lips in a kiss.
For a moment, Ella relished in the feeling of the butterflies in her stomach. But then, she remembered the buzz of the socialites around them and the mission at hand: to find Rory and congratulate her. She pulled away from him with a smack! and blushed immediately.
“Jesus, James Dean. Wait until we’ve got a smaller audience,” she snapped, though there was a smirk playing on her mouth. She was glad to only be wearing chapstick. Most of the makeup she was the dark smudge of smoke around her eyes.
Jess only shrugged, nonchalant and smug. “We’re the other half, Daria. They don’t expect too much from us.”
She rolled her eyes. Before she should retort, though, a woman with heavily styled brown hair and a glittery pantsuit approached them. Thankfully, it didn’t take more than a few seconds for Ella to recognize her as Rory’s grandmother, Emily Gilmore, who she’d met only once before. Back when Ella was still working at the diner, Rory had brought her grandmother for a tour of the town. Ella remembered how odd the chunky white sneakers looked on Emily’s feet, as she had also been wearing a stuffy, expensive skirt set and some Chanel No. 5.
“Ella! How nice to see you!” Emily received them, her voice raspy and pleasant.
Regaining her composure, hoping the flustered roses on her cheeks had cooled, Ella plastered on her best smile. “Good to see you, Mrs. Gilmore. Thanks for inviting us. Your house is incredible.”
“Ah, thank you,” Emily said gratefully, then looked quizzically at Jess. “And I should hope this is a boyfriend, from that little display I just witnessed.”
Ella’s face fell at the tight, irritated tone in Emily’s voice. Her skin flushed once again in embarrassment. She cleared her throat and grabbed Jess’s hand once more. “Yes, this is Jess Mariano.”
“Hi,” Jess said shortly, extending his free hand to Emily.
“Hello, Jess. I’m Mrs. Gilmore, Rory’s grandmother,” Emily replied cordially, reciprocating, though the distaste was still very evident in her voice and her face. She turned back to Ella as she broke her handshake with Jess. “How are you? It’s been so long. Are you still doing those little doodles?”
Her smile came to look even more forced, but Ella maintained the facade. It was Rory’s party. The least she could do was avoid a scuff with the hostess. “Yes. I’ve only got a year of grad school left. Studio art.”
Widening her eyes and nodding along, Emily made a small noise of acknowledgement. “Wonderful! And what comes after grad school for an artist?”
Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella began to search her mind for a careful way to answer the question. The easy thing was to say she had no idea. But then, Ella had heard enough stories about Rory’s grandparents not to be entirely honest. “Well, I-”
“Oh, for goodness sake!” Emily exclaimed suddenly, brown doe eyes fixed on something over Ella’s shoulder. “I told him a million times to wait to serve the cheese cubes!”
Ella furrowed her brow, glancing behind her.
“I’ve got to go take care of this,” Emily said gravely. “Enjoy yourselves, you two. Make sure to try a Rory.”
“Um, pardon-” Ella began, but Emily had already begun her purposeful march back to the head waiter, who was apparently serving the hors devours out of order.
“Try a Rory!” a voice chirped cheerfully in front of them, and Ella jumped a little, turning her head forward once more.
Jess had a scowl on his face, so far unamused by the extravagant fanfare.
A waiter stood with a tray in front of them, a wide grin on his face. He stared at them expectantly for a moment, beaming, before they took the hint and each grabbed a drink from the tray. As they gave begrudging grunts of thanks, the waiter was already off to assault another group of partygoers with his enthusiastic exclamations. The drinks were those Ella had seen in the hands of other guests in the foyer, crusted rim martini glasses filled with pink, perfumy liquid.
“What the hell is this?” she thought aloud, inspecting the drink, swirling it around in the glass. She smelled it, and could only make out something fruity and the strong stench of alcohol.
Jess shrugged, staring down at his own glass inquisitively. “It’s a Rory.”
She scoffed. “Well, of course. I mean you haven’t lived until you’ve had a drink named after you.”
Snorting a laugh, Jess nodded. “I knew they were rich. But I didn’t know they lived in an Orwellian nightmare.”
“Me neither,” Ella said.
“Shall we?” Jess asked, raising his glass.
Heaving a large sigh, Ella clinked her cup against his. “We shall. Please don’t let Chris have any input in my eulogy.”
“No promises,” Jess quipped, before downing a big sip of his drink.
“Jackass.”
Taking a sip, Ella almost instantly regretted it. She never thought she would have the opportunity to taste the color pink, but she certainly wasn’t enjoying it now that it had come. As a child, her mother had sometimes stuck a bar of soap in her mouth when she let a swear word slip. Obviously, the technique hadn’t worked in the long run, but the taste was usually enough to elicit a weeks-long change in vocabulary. The drink instantly brought back the soapy memories. It was not quite Irish Spring, and not quite the orange bars of Dial her mother had eventually become partial to for punishments, but somewhere in-between. Her face twisted into a grimace and she swallowed with great labor.
Jess was already uttering a harsh cough as she finally managed to get the stuff down. “Are we sure they didn’t bring us all here to poison us?”
“Anything’s possible,” she replied, shaking her head at the taste. “Can we find a plant to dump these in?”
“I think it’d be wise,” Jess said, eyes immediately scanning the room.
He tossed a glance in her direction, then pointed subtly to a ficus in the corner by the sliding glass door. Meandering through the crowd of people, Ella did her best to look inconspicuous. She stood guard, blocking the view of Jess, as he drained his own drink into the plant and then took hers from where she held it out to him behind her back. After a few moments more of indecision, they placed their empty glasses on the mantelpiece and fled the scene of the crime into the dining room, where other groups were milling about.
“We might’ve just murdered that plant, Stevens,” Jess said as they finally came to a stop, lingering in the doorway between the foyer and the dining room.
“Well, death is a part of life,” Ella said dryly, still frowning at the taste in her mouth. “But if it does die, I’ll probably be the prime suspect. Maybe second to Lorelai. Mrs. Gilmore didn’t like me when she met me the first time, and it doesn’t seem like much has changed.”
“Why would she invite you, then?”
“Because Lane’s on tour and I’m pretty sure I’m the only other Stars Hollow friend she knows about,” Ella explained. It wasn’t hard to gather why her presence had been requested, with a formal invitation in the mail weeks earlier.
“Huh.”
“Can’t betray Emily Post, can she?” Ella said flippantly.
Jess smirked. “No, I think that’d get her twenty to life.”
Ella laughed, just as she finally spotted Rory approaching them from the opposite side of the dining room, with Logan in tow and Lorelai following behind. Rory looked radiant, hair curled perfectly and blue dress free of a single wrinkle. It reminded Ella of a dress Rory had worn to a school dance with Dean years earlier, the one she and Lane had squealed so loudly and girlishly over when Rory told them. The dress had been made by Lorelai, though. Ella didn’t doubt the dress Rory now wore cost more than the mansion door. She felt her stomach flip over when she caught herself in her thoughts. Ella knew she didn’t need to resent anyone’s wealth. She knew it truly didn’t make anyone any happier. But sometimes, she stopped the train too late and she’d already turned a bit green with envy.
“Guys! You made it! I’m so glad to see you!” Rory exclaimed happily. She hugged them both, then linked her arm with Logan’s.
“Yeah, we wouldn’t miss it,” Ella said. “We couldn’t find a scuba suit to buy you, though. Sorry.”
Smiling amiably, Rory gave a dismissive shake of her head, playing along. “That’s okay. I’m sure I’ll still be able to snag my Mrs. Robinson without one. Listen, Logan and I were on our way to find my grandpa, but I’ll try and catch up with you guys later. Is that okay?”
Ella nodded. “Of course. Go have fun, Thelma.”
The grin on Rory’s face grew, her teeth straight and white. “Thanks, Louise.”
Then, both of them were gone, Logan biding both Jess and Ella thin, compulsory goodbyes. Lorelai hung back a moment though, greeting the two of them. Her blue eyes were distracted and her voice was slightly frantic, but her usual warmth was ever-present.
“My dad’s been hiding from the party all night,” Lorelai explained. “My mother’s appointed us to seek.”
“Ah. I’ve had to do that more than once,” Ella said, giving Jess a playful nudge.
He rolled his eyes and flushed at her teasing. “I’m not a big party guy. Sue me.”
“As if you have any fortune worth chasing,” Ella shot back, then turned her full attention to Lorelai. “So, how does it feel to be the mother of a soon-to-be Yale graduate?”
“Honestly, sweetie?” Lorelai said, her eyes shining with pride. “Pretty damn good.”
“I’m glad,” Ella said.
“Hey, how did Adam’s go today?” Lorelai asked, taking another sip of her gin. “Did Father of the Year show up?”
Ella’s face fell and Jess cast her a glance. The two hours between the high school graduation and Rory’s party had been spent alternating between getting ready and hyperventilating. Maybe she hadn’t previously realized how unlikely she’d thought Jake’s showing up would be. His presence caught her off guard, trudging up old feelings which left the bitter taste of bourbon in her mouth. She didn’t know why she’d said what she had, when normally she could keep her mind and her mouth pretty well separated. Usually, her quips were calculated and deliberate. But Jake bringing up her mother right away after not speaking with Ella for so long? Saying she’d be disappointed in Ella’s choices? A burning rage Ella hadn’t known in years had flared up inside of her, and all her powers of restraint had short circuited. She’d said the first, most searing, most jarring, most hurtful thing she could think of.
“That he did,” Ella said shortly, looking down at her flats and wishing she still had a drink in her hand. Well, any drink but the pink monstrosity they were serving on the silver platters.
Lorelai scrunched up her nose knowingly. “Didn’t go so well, huh?”
“You remember that part in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly when Clint Eastwood blows up the bridge?” Ella asked.
“Yeah?” Lorelai replied.
“Well, it was pretty much like that,” Ella said. “Except, neither of us were trying to build a bridge.”
Lorelai hummed in sympathy, then pulled Ella in for another short hug. “I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“It’s alright,” Ella shrugged. “There’s about a hundred miles of distance between us on a regular day, so at least I don’t need to worry about any repeat occurrences in the near future.”
“Lorelai! Hi!” A reedy voice piped up from behind them, and Lorelai turned to see a small blonde woman and an even smaller brunette man nearing.
Lorelai’s eyes widened slightly. “Hi, Paris. Good to see you. Have you met Ella and Jess yet? They’re Rory’s friends from Stars Hollow.”
Paris. The name rang a bell in Ella’s head immediately. She finally got to put a face to the person Rory had complained and gushed about for years. The ultimate frenemy. In a way, Ella already admired Paris, though their paths had never managed to cross. Ella looked up at Jess, mouthing the name to him again. He raised his eyebrows, but then a thick shadow of recognition crossed his face, and a smirk tugged at his lips.
“I’ve gotta go find my dad, but I’ll be sure to catch up with you later,” Lorelai said, taking her leave sheepishly but gratefully.
“I’ll find you,” Paris said, nodding curtly at Lorelai as she walked away. Then, she turned back to Ella and Jess, immediately sizing them up. She stuck out her hand. “Paris Geller. I believe Rory’s mentioned you once or twice.”
Ella accepted the handshake first, smiling. “Ella Stevens. Pleasure to finally meet you.”
“Firm handshake,” Paris commented, with just a hint of admiration.
“Thank you for noticing.” Ella matched Paris’s strong gaze until their palms broke apart.
“Hi. I’m Jess,” Jess said as he himself shook Paris’s hand.
For a moment, Ella had to fight a smirk at Jess’s stand-offish shyness. Sometimes, he was so adorable she almost couldn’t handle it.
“And, this is Doyle,” Paris said, motioning to the man in the suit next to her. “My other half.”
After having finally finished exchanging their greetings, Paris glanced down at the photo on the t-shirt Jess wore. Ella saw immediately after he got dressed that he was wearing almost the exact the same outfit she’d found him in at Truncheon’s open house one year earlier. The blazer, the black and white t-shirt. Even the low-rise converse knock-offs. Only, now, he’d ditched the jeans for actual slacks, and a slightly better quality belt. She wondered at how much had changed in twelve months’ time.
“Interesting shirt. Joseph Szabo, huh?” Paris asked.
Jess hummed in confirmation.
“I always liked ‘Priscilla,’” Ella said, eyes flicking between Jess’s shirt and Paris.
“Personally, I think it’s a little derivative,” Paris said, arching a brow. “You guys are into photography, then?”
“Sort of. I’m an artist. Jess is a writer,” Ella explained.
“Ah,” Paris said, giving Jess a pointed look. “You looked like an author. Let me guess...Kerouac fanatic?”
Ella couldn’t hold back her laughter.
Jess didn’t let Paris’s accuracy shake his cool facade, though. “You could say that. He’s at the top of the list.”
“Along with?” Paris asked.
“Bukowski, Hemingway, Salinger,” Jess replied easily.
Paris scoffed, shaking her head. “What a surprise. God forbid one of you beatnik guys reads Jane Austen.”
“Hey! I’ve read Jane Austen,” Jess retorted, more insistent.
A wide smirk blossomed on Ella’s face as Paris and Jess continued squabbling over their preferences. Jess got even more heated, and Ella more amused, as Paris insulted the beats and eventually brought up poetry. It was already the highlight of the party.
“It seems she’s met a worthy opponent,” Doyle told Ella, watching his girlfriend argue.
Ella nodded proudly, humming in agreement.
.   .   .
Cicadas were buzzing loudly in Ella’s ears as she landed hard on the wood floor of Luke’s apartment. She let out a whoosh of air when her back hit the floor, groaning and muttering confused curses under her breath as she rubbed at her eyes. Getting her bearings, she propped herself up on her elbows and looked around. She could barely make out Luke’s disheveled silhouette, snoring loudly on the old brown couch, in the darkness of the room. He’d already been asleep by the time they got back from Rory’s party, with a note on the kitchen table insisting they take the double bed. Taking in a deep, frustrated breath, Ella got up from the floor and was surprised when she saw the mattress entirely empty, save for the rumpled sheets and comforter. She had been in the midst of a dreamless sleep when she’d rolled off the bed. It was the first time she had done something of the like since she was a little kid. But it made more sense without Jess’s frame there to block her from turning over too far. He may have been the lighter sleeper, but he didn’t move around nearly as much as Ella did when he finally shut his eyes for the night.
With furrowed brows, Ella padded silently over to see the tiny bathroom empty and dark, the door ajar. She didn’t see him at the kitchen table either, and his shoes were sitting by the door where he’d left them earlier. His watch and his wallet sat on the nightstand. Though she did her best to swallow it down, an awful, familiar panic began to rise in her throat. Her rational mind knew there was no way Jess had been snatched out of bed in the middle of the night without she or Luke noticing, and there was no way he could’ve been kidnapped in a place like Stars Hollow, no matter how zany the residents sometimes were. But, still, anything was possible.
Her thoughts wandered dangerously as she descended the rickety stairs into the diner. It, too, was empty. She even checked the kitchen, the stockroom, and the bathroom. Jess was nowhere to be found. Could he have left? In the middle of the night? It wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility, especially if one took his past into consideration. But as she made her way through the unlocked front door, she found her station wagon parked outside, the chipped, dark blue paint visible in the soft light of the half moon. The bus station? But why would he have gone without his shoes, without his wallet, without his watch? Without her.
She swallowed harshly, grimacing at the fear swirling in her stomach. Eyes roaming over the town, she racked her brain. But then she cast her gaze over to a beaten dirt path, to the right of the high school, and she felt just a touch less frantic. She crossed her arms over her t-shirt and hurried down toward it. The night air was welcome against her legs, mostly bare in her soft pajama shorts. As she rounded the corner below one of the town’s few streetlights, she let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in. His form was hunched over, sitting on the bridge above the lake. Always the bridge, she thought to herself, and would have smirked if she wasn’t feeling so shaken. She neared him, her steps sounding dully on the bridge. She could see Jess’s bare feet, below the cuffs of his plaid pajama bottoms, dangling just over the water. The lake rippled, the bluish-white moonlight reflecting against the water and shining on Jess’s face. His jaw was set tensely. She could see the silver chain around his neck glinting where it peeked out from beneath his worn t-shirt.
Shaking her head, Ella took the seat beside him without waiting for an acknowledgement. She knew he would’ve heard her coming. He didn’t startle when her arm brushed against his. She looked down, her toes, painted purple, swinging underneath her as she hung her legs off the bridge.
“You’ll get an infection walking around without shoes,” she said, finally breaking the silence.
Jess uttered a low, half-hearted chuckle. “Not in Stars Hollow.”
She let a nostalgic smirk cross her face for only a moment before she turned her head to him. “Jesus, Jess. Leave a note next time.”
He ran a hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d wake you.”
“You didn’t,” she said. “I fell off the bed.”
“She’s beauty and she’s grace,” Jess teased, though his heart wasn’t hardly in it.
“It’s true.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, voice laced with concern as he finally met her eyes. He looked tired, eyes red-rimmed. She wondered vaguely if he’d been crying.
Ella nodded. “Yeah, cutie. Just a bruise or two. I’m fine. Are you?”
Jess shrugged and looked away from her again. He couldn’t make out the trees across the water in the darkness. It must have been the middle of the night, two or three in the morning; the darkest hours before the dawn would break. “Couldn’t sleep.”
She nodded again, and was almost certain he’d had a nightmare. But it must have been exceptionally bad to have him retreating to the lake in the middle of the night, so she didn’t ask. She only pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and watched the water again, waiting.
There was a long pause before he spoke. “Elle?”
“Hm?”
“How do you…” he stopped to sigh, running a hand over his mouth once more.
“How do I what?” she asked gently.
“How do you do it?” he blurted out, unable to find a way to phrase the question better. His fatigue seemed to be clouding his verbal skills, which were never the best to begin with. “I mean...you just seem so okay with everything. You have it all together. You don’t believe in fate, or God, or anything. But you just...keep going.”
“I don’t have it all together, Jess,” she said.
“No, but you do,” Jess continued quietly, staring down at the small movements of the water. “I mean, maybe you don’t have your entire life figured out. But you know who you are. You don’t care what anyone thinks. You don’t believe in anything but you. And nothing shakes you, y’know?”
Tilting her head at him, she searched for an answer. He’d caught her off guard again. Smacking her lips together, she furrowed her brows and began undoing the french braid in her hair as she spoke. Partially because it felt too tight all of a sudden, and partially to have an outlet for the nervous energy in her hands.
“Things shake me. But...I don't know, Mariano. I think at some point I just sort of...accepted them. I can’t change what happened to my mom, I can’t change my dad, I can’t change much. I can only solve the problems I can solve, and there’s not many.”
He nodded, biting down hard on his bottom lip. “I guess you’re right.”
Heaving a sigh, she finished shaking the braid out of her long hair, and laid back against the bridge. Above, the sky was so blue it was almost pitch black. Stars shone brightly against the backdrop, numerous without the light pollution of a city like Philadelphia. She felt a sudden pang of homesickness, unlike anything she had experienced since moving away. There weren’t many things she missed about the small town in which she grew up, but the view of the night sky was one of them.
“But doesn’t it ever...bother you?” Jess asked, still unsure himself of exactly what he was trying to say.
“Sort of. Sometimes,” Ella said, gaze focusing on the little dipper. She felt her muscles relax, and the ache in her back quieted down a bit. She knew she would be a bit sore in the morning. “When I was a kid, I used to go out with my big brother in the summer and catch fireflies. And then we would try to find constellations, though I’m pretty sure all we knew was Orion’s belt.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” she echoed wistfully. “I loved the stars...In third grade, I knew this girl whose uncle worked at NASA. And for her birthday, her parents bought her a star and named it after her. I had no idea you could do that. And I begged my parents for like...fucking months to get a star. I didn’t even want to name it after me. I wanted to make up a name for it, but still...have it be mine. But...we barely had money for groceries...let alone a star. And I was pissed about it for a while. But, then, eventually, we learned about how the light of the stars we see is hundreds of years old.”
“Pretty good for a public school,” Jess interjected.
Ella giggled. “I agree. But, after I learned it, I didn’t give a fuck about naming a star anymore. Because any star I would’ve named was dead already.”
“So, you were a nihilist even as an eight-year-old?” he asked, glancing back at her. Her blonde hair was swept over her shoulder, eyes glittering greenish, skin dewy and pale.
“Pretty much,” she said. “But it’s like that, I guess. I can’t bring a star back to life, so why worry about it dying? Even after my mom...I tried for a while to get over it. I tried to...solve it. I thought if I just got over it, it would be done, and I wouldn’t have to think about it ever again. My dad wasn’t helping, and Adam was a wreck. He stayed with Julie for a few weeks after she died, actually. He said he couldn’t stand being around my dad and I.”
“Because you were fighting?” Jess asked.
Ella shook her head softly, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. “No, actually. We were drinking.”
“What?” Jess turned his body to face her, sitting cross-legged at her side.
“Yeah, we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking. Pretty much all the time. Noah was off with his friends, doing whatever he was doing to get by. So, I didn’t want to leave my dad alone. We would just drink all night, whenever I wasn’t at school...Sometimes, I would cry afterwards, when I was alone or when the hangover hit. But never in front of him. And I thought it would get better, but it wasn’t helping,” she explained, stopping briefly to take a deep breath of the fresh summer air. “Eventually, I...I would sleep through entire weekends, night and day, just to pass the time. I didn’t eat much, but I wasn’t really hungry. I just slept and slept. I remember...being so tired. I didn’t see anyone...not even Lane and Rory those first few weeks. I started smoking, too. I kept up with schoolwork and everything...I don’t really know why. Maybe it was just a force of habit...the one constant thing. Nothing seemed important, though. Without her there, I mean.”
Eyebrows raised, Jess listened. He had never heard her talk so much about the immediate period of time after her mother’s death. Not even he knew the details. And it shocked him the way she spoke. She wasn’t crying. She was barely pausing or stuttering at all. She told him matter-of-factly, detached.
She shrugged. “But that only lasted a few weeks. I managed to go to school, but my dad pretty much just stopped going to work. Even after the leave they gave him. He lost his job, but he wouldn’t even try looking for another one. He was just too...he couldn’t do anything. So, I stopped drinking. I didn’t pick up any alcohol again until that night I stole his tequila. And I got a job at Luke’s, to get us some extra money. And Luke threw in leftovers whenever he could. I didn’t think about her really...not for a long time. There were other problems to worry about, I guess. So, I just...got up and kept going. That’s the way it’s always been for me, I guess. She was dead, and we needed money.”
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“Things shake me, Jess. But I’ve always been good at just sort of...getting on with it...not thinking about it,” she said, voice slightly strained but clear. “I still don’t think about her most of the time. Not in a real way. Maybe that’s why I got so fucking angry when my dad brought her up today. He’s just so...I don’t know. Maybe he wishes I kept drinking with him...that I never got a job or got up from the kitchen table. Maybe he would have an easier time looking at himself now.”
Jess hummed in acknowledgment, giving a small nod of his head. He cast a careful glance her way. “Are you mad at your mom?”
She averted her eyes from him and found Polaris, the brightest amongst all the other dots of light. “I don’t know.”
“It’s okay to be mad at her,” he said.
“I know,” she replied softly. “I’ve had enough school counselors tell me that to know it. But...honestly...sometimes I feel like...if I think about it too hard...I’ll go back. I’ll feel like I did then. I’ll be like I was then. And I don’t see the point of going back there.”
“Okay,” he said quietly, then finally came to lay beside her. He shivered slightly as his back touched the bridge, though the air was warm.
Then, after a moment, she asked: “Are you worried about Doula?”
He didn’t answer. He only took one of her hands in his own, as they both gazed up at the sea of stars above, and squeezed it once. Hard, though nowhere near hard enough to hurt. She nodded knowingly, and didn’t ask anything more. A breeze blew past them, and she rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. She felt her eyes threatening to flutter shut once or twice, but she willed them to stay open. Not only for the view they were enjoying.
“That was some party, huh?” Jess asked, breaking the silence. His tone was lighter than it had been since they had arrived in Stars Hollow. They’d talked about the party a little bit in the car on the way home, Jess driving. But Ella had already begun to doze during the ride, exhausted from the long day.
She snorted a laugh. “Fuck, I don’t know which I liked less: Emily Gilmore seeing us make out or drinking that battery acid.”
“I don’t know. I think her calling your art ‘doodles’ is also in the running,” Jess added.
She smirked. “No, she can call them whatever she wants. I’d never trust the taste of someone who thinks it’s appropriate to put a chandelier in a bathroom, anyway.”
Jess laughed heartily. “Agreed.”
“I’m glad you made a new friend, though,” Ella said.
Furrowing his brows, Jess tore his eyes away from the stars to look at her. “Who?”
“Paris,” Ella replied, as though it were obvious.
“Ah,” Jess said, nodding. “I don’t know if I’d call her a friend, but it was fun to listen to her accuse me of sacrilege when I said Bukowski was better than Elizabeth Bishop.”
“Well, she was right,” Ella said, bumping his shoulder playfully with her own. “She was cute, too.”
“You think so?” he asked.
“I think if you and Doyle didn’t exist, she and I would make for the most powerful couple on the East Coast,” she teased.
Jess snorted a laugh. “You could handle that level of intensity?”
“Please,” she mocked, rolling her eyes. “I live with you.”
Jess gasped, feigning astonishment as he brought his free hand over his heart. “Cruel woman.”
“I think you’ll survive,” she replied, smiling.
“I’m not so sure,” Jess said, continuing his bit.
Rolling her eyes, Ella disentangled their fingers, got up on an elbow, and looked down at him. She could see the shadow of stubble on his cheeks and the faint crinkles at the corners of his eyes as he smirked at her. Leaning in, she pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, lingering as he ran a hand through her hair. When she came up for air, she noticed again how sleepy he looked.
“You feel any better?” she asked.
He licked his lips. “I’m getting there.”
Only after one more long kiss did Jess agree to return to bed, walking hand-in-hand with her in the dead of night, back to Luke’s.
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