#javierxreader

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!readerxJoelMiller) part 4: Our common shadows, our common light...

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband, mention of abortion.

When you got home you both agreed that you needed to talk. If you wanted to repair yours marriage and raise a child together, you had to tame yours shadows.

You sat down on the couch together. Javier grabbed your hands and avoided your eyes. You saw that he was upset and you wanted to encourage him.

"Honey…" It felt strange to use pet names towards him after so long. But it also felt so natural and right.

When he looked at you, you gave him a soft smile.

"No matter what you tell me, it won't change the way I see you… You are my husband. A husband who, despite my cheating, shows me tenderness and understanding that I do not deserve."

Javier immediately shook his head and stroked your cheek.

"Don't say that. I was the one who never deserved a wife like you… Beautiful, young, intelligent, sweet…" Javi gave you a sad look. "I've done so much wrong, mi amor."

Javier sighed and lowered his head. You moved closer to him and squeezed his hands tighter.

"Babe, I want to get to know you. Every side of you. If your past got us where we are now, then… I guess it's the right time."

Javier couldn't agree with you more. It's time for you to understand his shadows. It's time for you to learn about his sins.

"So in Colombia, I did things I'm not proud of and I saw things I want to forget but I can't…"

And finally he started talking. He told you everything. About Helena and how she was brutally raped and he always felt he was partially to blame for it. He talked about the boy Carrillo shot. About Olivia's mom… And about cooperation with Los Pepes.

Many times his voice cracked and his eyes glistened with tears. And you just listened to him carefully. You didn't interrupt him and just supported him. You held his hands tightly and stroked his cheek from time to time. You knew Javier had to get it out finally. You were horrified by what you heard, but you still didn't see him as a bad person. He did what he had to do in a world full of violence and corruption.

Eventually, Javi started talking about the night you were at the bar and he didn't feel like showing up. He told you about what he discovered two days later and how much it affected him. There were so many emotions in him that he couldn't control them anymore and tears started rolling down his cheeks.

It broke your heart. You immediately cupped his face in your hands and started kissing his cheeks.

"Oh, Javi… mi amor… I'm so sorry you had to experience this alone."

Javi hiccupped and leaned into your touch. His voice trembled as he said:

"I put you in danger… I…"

Your heart trembled when you saw him like this. You didn't think he had such a burden on his shoulders. You felt even worse that you had cheated on him. However, you rejected the remorse and focused on the more important thing, which was comforting him.

"Mi amor…" you whispered and gently lifted his head. "How could you put me in danger that you didn't even know about? If anything, I put myself in danger… I went to that bar on my own…"

Javier swallowed his tears.

"But if I hadn't come then…"

You knew you had to put an end to his thoughts as quickly as possible.

"You don't know that… Neither of us knows that. You don't know what I would do if you wrote to me that you weren't coming… Maybe I would go home right away because I would like to be with you…"

You saw Javi start to calm down as it started to dawn on him that you were right. However, you decided to go even further.

"You don't control the world, honey. We can avoid all the dangerous places in the city and evil might still find us… We might just become victims of an accident. You can't blame yourself for something you have no control over…" You placed your hand on his chest. "I know you, Honey. I know you have a good heart. No matter what you say, I know how tender you are."

A small smile appeared on his face. He took your hand in his large one and brought it to his lips, kissing your fingers.

"Thank you…" he whispered.

Even though it was a very tender gesture, you felt sad and sadness appeared in your eyes.

"I'm sorry… If I had known… I would never…"

Your voice broke and tears began to stream down your face. Javi immediately pulled you towards him and started kissing your cheeks.

"Shhh… shhh… You said it yourself that we don't control the world. I haven't talked to you, so how could you know what's on my mind."

You hiccupped and moaned pitifully.

"But I should have… I should have known something was wrong… I could have sensed it… you are my husband after all… Instead… I'm so ashamed…"

Javi shook his head and smiled softly at you.

"We've already talked about this. I'm not saying that what you did didn't hurt me, but I understand you. You have your needs… and I wasn't meeting them. And I don't want to think about it anymore. We're together again now, and soon…" He placed his hand on Your belly. "We're going to be parents. Let's focus on that, honey."

Your heart swelled with love for him. You didn't understand how it was possible that a man could be so understanding and loving. Javier welcomed you with open arms, with all your shadows.

"Javi… I love you and I swear to you that for the rest of my life, I will reward you for what you are doing for me now."

Javier smiled and pulled you into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on the cheek.

"Te amo mi corazón."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and sighed contently. You didn't know how you both were so happy again. After a few minutes of silence, you asked:

"And what now? Will we tell the others the truth?"

Javi immediately shook his head.

"No, my angel. It will stay as it is. I cheated on you, but it turned out that you were pregnant, so you forgave me and let me come back."

You frowned and gave him a sad look.

"But I don't want you to take all the blame."

He smiled gently and brushed your hair out of your face.

"Baby, it will be better this way. Not only for us but also for our baby… Believe me, I know this city. I know how they will look at our baby and whisper behind our baby's back… I don't want that. I want this baby from the very beginning to feel special, not excluded."

You couldn't help it and started crying again. Your hormones weren't making it easy for you to stay calm. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and moaned softly:

"Javi…"

You didn't know how to express to him how you felt. Love, gratitude, but also sadness. You were the one who made a mistake, but he was the one who was going to fix it and face the consequences.

His large, warm hand soothingly rubbed your back.

"Shhh… Everything will be fine. I will take care of you." * Javier fully kept his word and took care of you in a way you really wouldn't expect, even if it was his child and you would never cheat on him. He fulfilled all your cravings and made sure you didn't overwork yourself in any way. He often came home with flowers or something sweet. And he was so happy when he could go with you to your medical check-up and see your baby on the ultrasound. Javier's baby. You stopped thinking about Joel and the fact that he was the baby's biological father. It wasn't hard when Javier was acting in such an affectionate way. In the evenings, he would put his head on your pregnant belly and talk to the baby about everything. When you giggled quietly, he kept telling you that he had read that it was important because thanks to it, after birth, the baby would know his voice and calm down faster. Of course, he read it in a book he bought, because Javier started reading a lot of books about pregnancy and caring for newborns. More than you. He was also buying a lot of things for the baby and you didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. He was so happy and calm. He even agreed to go to a therapist. Of course, in another city to avoid gossip, but it didn't matter. You were proud of him. Your intimate life is back to normal, and maybe it even got better than it was at the beginning of your marriage. Every extra inch of fat on your thighs and hips made Javier shiver with excitement. He was obsessed with your curves and as soon as you were in bed he would start kissing all over your body. And then, even in his sleep, he would often place his hand on your pregnant belly, hip, or thigh.

And the rumors naturally died down. In the beginning, of course, people commented on the fact that you were together again, and of course, you were told more than once that you were stupid for forgiving Javier's cheat on you. Each time, these words stung your heart painfully and you wanted to scream out the truth. But eventually, people got bored. They saw that you were happy, and happiness is never an interesting reason for people to gossip.

But while the locals stopped commenting on Javier's 'cheating', the family didn't forgive him.

You were six months pregnant when you lost your nerves during a family dinner. Everything started well. Chucho organized a small party to celebrate his birthday. There were two of Javier's cousins with their wives and children, an aunt, an uncle, and even your mother. Everything was going well, the atmosphere was pleasant. Cheerful music, delicious food, and casual conversations with family members. And Javier, who, of course, made sure that you had everything and that you felt comfortable.

The party ended late in the evening, you were tired, but you decided to help clean up. Only Chucho, Javier, and your mother remained at home. You entered the kitchenette with a pile of plates and Javier immediately ran up to you.

"Mi amor!" He took the dishes from you. "Don't strain yourself like that. It's too heavy for you."

You giggled and shook your head.

"Javi, it's only a few plates. I've told you so many times that pregnancy is not a sickness. Besides, at the last ultrasound, the doctor told you three times that the baby was fine."

Javier huffed and walked over to you. He started rubbing your belly and was about to say something when your mother spoke up.

"It's good that the baby is healthy. The stress he put you under could have caused some complications."

You tried to ignore her, as did your husband. You placed your hand on his and he smiled warmly at you. You admired him for his calmness, even though your mother often made snide comments.

Javier looked at your pregnant belly with tenderness and said:

"I would love this baby even if he or she was sick."

You knew he was saying it more to you than to your mother. It was his way of telling you as usual: I'm here, I'm with you, no matter what. You felt tears gathering in your eyes. Javier was too kind to you. But before the first tear rolled down your cheek, you heard Chucho's voice.

"It would be your damn duty. Especially after what you did. You're lucky that Y/N agreed to let you come back to her."

You immediately noticed a grimace on your beloved husband's face. No matter how many times he told you that other people's insults didn't hurt him. You knew that the comments from his father were very hurtful to him. And that was it. You couldn't hold it in any longer. Rage surged within you. You stepped forward and shouted:

"Enough of this! Both of you, shut up!"

You didn't know who was more surprised. You, Javi, his father, or your mother. You always treated them with great respect, but you couldn't do it anymore. Javi grabbed your hand gently and whispered:

"Don't do this, mi amor."

You looked at him with love and sadness.

"No, Javi. I can't stand that you have to endure insults even among your loved ones. This is your family home…"

Your mother decided to interfere.

"So you think we should ignore his behavior."

You looked at her confidently and hissed:

"It wasn't Javier who cheated on me. I cheated on him!"

Your mother's stupid expression strangely pleased you. Chucho looked at you surprised and said:

"What? He confessed…"

You sighed heavily and looked at Javier, who was looking at you with a mixture of love and gratitude.

"Yes, he took all the blame on himself, because that's how he is. He's the best husband in the world who decided to protect me even when I was at fault."

Javier's eyes glistened with tears. He touched your cheek and whispered:

"Mi amor…"

"So this baby…"

Your mother's voice was like a blade thrown at you. This time, Javi felt furious. He immediately wrapped his arms around you protectively and pulled you into his side.

"This baby is MINE! And I never want to hear a single word that it could be otherwise. Understood?!"

Your mother decided to shut up for the first time in her life and nodded meekly. Javi shot a glance at his father, but Chucho also nodded and looked at his son apologetically. Your husband looked at you tenderly and kissed your temple.

"Come on, cariño. Enough stress for today. It's not good for you or our baby."

He grabbed your hand and you went outside without saying goodbye. You were both silent until you reached your car, which was parked in a place where no one could see you from the windows of the house. Only then did Javier stop and turn to you. He placed his hands on your hips and looked at you with a mixture of tenderness and sadness.

"Why did you do that?"

You sighed and stroked his cheek.

"Because I've had enough of these slanders. And I know… That your father's words hurt you. And you don't deserve it. You gave me everything. Love, patience, understanding…" You felt tears gathering in your eyes. "It's simply unfair that you can't feel at ease even among your loved ones."

Javi immediately raised one of his hands towards your face, ready to wipe away the tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"I know, my Angel, and I'm grateful, but… I'm just worried about you and I don't want you to be upset."

You nodded and smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"But they had funny facial expressions."

Javier chuckled and shook his head.

"I've never seen your mother have such big eyes and my dad… I don't think he's ever been redder."

You started laughing quietly and placed your hands on his chest.

"Let's go home… I'm getting hungry and I want vanilla ice cream with saltine crackers."

Javier raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Over the past few months, he had become accustomed to your strange cravings and the fact that you were often hungry. He wrapped his arms around your waist and led you towards the car door, but before he opened it, he had to share with you one more thought that was bothering him.

"What if your mother starts gossiping about it? I'm sure my dad will keep it to himself, but…"

"But she's capable of anything." You sighed and snuggled into his body for a moment. "I don't know, but I know that me and this child always have you and… If necessary, I'm even ready to move to another city. My home is where you are."

Javier smiled and hugged you tightly, holding you close to him. He kissed your head and whispered:

"It's true. You will always have me. From now on, we will survive everything, because we are together. You are my home."

You felt peace come over you despite all the shadows that surrounded you. You felt as if Javier's shadows and yours had become yours. You didn't fight them anymore. You have learned to live with them. There was a light between you that grew brighter every day. *

'You accept me from a flood You give me everything I know Even in my darkest nights I know you're there, right by my side Somehow with you, I don't feel alone, You'll always be my home, my heart I'll be with you wherever you are My home, my heart I feel you with me when we're worlds apart You'll always be my home' *Myles Smith - My home

Part 3

Part 5

Tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #narcos fanfiction #angst #hurt #sadness #narcos #javier peña #javier is so sweet

[imhisknife]

FANCY DATE (pt. 1/?) JAVIER x READER

AN RDR2 ONESHOT 

-   FANCY DATE (pt. 1/?) (Javier x Fem Reader)

WC: 2,800

SUMMARY: 

You and Javier have a fancy date planned, but unlike him, you haven’t always been the best dresser. He takes you to the Saint Denis tailor to “help” you out. (BASICALLY... SHOPPING WITH YOUR BF JAVIER)

CONTENT:

- fLUFF!!! - but ummm... a bit more hOT AND STEAMY THAN MY OTHER STORIES WILL BE 

NOTE:  some parts of this is lowkey inspired by the AO3 story HorseFeathers... (sorry, but I loved that shit, js)

　··　　　°　　　　　　.　•　　　　.　　　.　　　　　 　　　　.　°　　✸*　.　　　✶　　　　　　　　　°　°° 　　　        "What's wrong with what I'm wearing, huh?" You rested a hand at your hip, while your other hand held a silver pail. You were in the middle of chores when Javier pulled you aside to discuss his weekend plans with you. You were touched that he thought of it all, but you were suspicious about needing ‘fancier attire’.

        "Oh, nothing, nothing—but um..." He tilted his head, talking carefully as if he didn't want to offend. You had a grey shirt on with the sleeves rolled at your forearms. It had a simple design embroidered into it — but that was all it was — simple. You wore a long, silk skirt along with it. It had been a pretty thing... once. It was red, hemmed up to your knees to show a bit of your black leather boots beneath; but now it was faded by the sun, worn by the work, and in some areas there were small tears and rips. 

        "I can get these stitched in no time," You say, following his eyes and feeling a little embarrassed. "There's really no need to—,"

        Before you could object, he was scooping at your waist and pulling you close to him. You dropped your pail and it rolled away on the floor. You were about to complain, when Javier suddenly held your face so you couldn’t look away. His touch was gentle though, just like his tone. "Although you'd look beautiful wearing old rags, mi amor, what man would I be, to not spoil you? Hmm? And you can't say no to me this time,"

        Lost in his brown eyes, you knew you really couldn't say no. Besides, you remembered all the different occasions he had offered to buy you things. To take you places. To dote upon you. You were just so difficult. 

        "Well, Javi...” You still tried to protest, “I do have other dresses, you know—?”

        He spoke over you, as if he didn't hear. "Hmm, you would be so stunning with a new ensemble. So stunning with pearls at your neck. Matching earrings... a shawl over your shoulders. I could you get in a white dress too someday—,"

        "Alright, alright," You say, flushing a deep red. "Let's just get it over with...”

        Javier smiled wide. "Vamanos, mi hermosa,”

*        *        *

        When you and Javier get to Saint Denis, your heart ached for him. You noticed all the staring, heard all the racial slurs being whispered as you and him passed. You glare back at them, grinding your teeth in your mouth. You want to do more, however. You want to turn back and throw up a-not-so subtle gesture but it's almost like Javier could read your mind, sense your distress, because he grabbed your hand and squeezed it tight. You felt comforted, and paid a lot less attention to it everyone else. Though it might've worked for a little while... you had just about reached your limit when you two walked into the tailor.

        "Are you lost, sir?" A voice said, colored with disgust.

        You hardly looked at the guy who said it, before you spoke up, loud and curt. "No," You answered, before Javier could. You pulled him close to you. "We're not,"

        The man was old with a bald spot at the top of his head. He looked shocked by your words. He studied the both of you, still doubtful. "Well... a lot of what we have in stock here is quite expensive, are you sure that—?"

        Having dealt with these kinds of things all his life, Javier might have known how to keep his cool. But you didn't. You pulled a revolver from your satchel and held it in front of the man's face.

        "Just close the shop and give us fifteen minutes,"

        When you did it, Javier sighed. He couldn't help but grin a little though, seeing you so stoic and resolute. A part of you wished you were like him in more ways that one... sure, at the end of the day you may come out dressed significantly better but there was no changing your ill-temper and boldness. He knew it himself.

        "Knowing us, mi amor," He chuckled lightly, "I'd say we need a little longer than that," He didn't try to stop you as he passed, instead he was already scanning the place.

        You agreed with a shrug and looked at the cashier. The man had his arms thrown up in the air and was staring at you with wide eyes. You smiled fleetingly. "Just keep quiet until we're done, please?" You looked to his side and saw a door. It must have been a closet. 

        While gesturing with your gun, you told him to get in there. The man nodded more than once, gulping as he obeyed you, twisting open the door and vanishing inside.

        "Alright..." You say, stuffing your gun away. “What’s this expensive stock?”

        Your eyes glossed over the mannequins. Ridiculous hats stood on display and you flicked your fingers at a long feather sewed onto one of them. You rarely ever went shopping much — and never in a fancy place like this. Seeing the options, though, a part of you felt like you weren't missing out too much. 

         “Javier,” You groaned in annoyance. “I don't know about this...” 

        "Ah, be quiet,” He said over his shoulder. “This’ll be fine,”

        You went on for a few minutes struggling to find something you liked. It didn’t take long for Javier, though. 

        He had something in his hand and he was waving you over to him. “C’mere and try this for me,”

        “Me?” 

        “No, the tailor... yes, you!”

        You walk over and look at what he was holding with a grimace. When you made no move to take it, he cocked his head.

        “Do you need me to put it on for you, or—?”

        Half-annoyed by his teasing, you snatched the dress and set it beside you as you began to undress.

        You had to crane your neck to the floor every time you undid the ties of your corset. But once it was off and your blouse dropped loosely at your shoulders, you felt yourself being pulled away. Without warning, your back was against the wall and Javier had his arms at your sides, keeping you there.

        “Or...” He said, smiling at the sight of you trapped by him. 

         “Do you need me to undress you...?” His voice trailed. And so did his hands. He went from kissing your open mouth, to grazing your bare shoulders.

       “Javier,” You said, stiffening behind his touch. Although you didn’t want him to stop, you couldn’t bring yourself to match his building aggression. “I pulled a gun on the tailor to be in here... I think we should be quick, don’t you?”

        He laughed against your neck. “Oh, I can be quick—,”

        “That’s not what I meant—,”

        “No?” Your blouse fell lower and he started kissing your collarbone. 

        ”Javier!” You hissed.

        ”Ay, I’m just toying with you,” He withdrew, turning on his heels. He was chuckling to himself while you rolled your eyes, flushing with heat. You held the dress close to your chest as you watched him look through the store, whistling.

        He threw two more dresses your way and you sighed, taking them into you arms as you went to head into the changing room. 

        "Why don't you just change in here?" You heard him say. 

        "It would be too much excitement for you, it seems,"

         He made a tsk sound but let you go. 

        You went to the other room. You had no trouble... until you slipped inside the new dress and found that you couldn't tie up the laces at your back on your own. With pursed lips you shuffled out to get his help. He smirked devilishly when you did. And boy, did he take his time with it. He was humming, his fingers brushing the bare skin of you back. It sent tingles down your spine, but you tried not to show it. You knew what he was doing. Knew he was stalling. After a few seconds you folded your arms across your chest impatiently. 

        "Having trouble?" You huff, your voice thick was sass. Just as you said it, he took the strings and gave them a tug - one so sudden and forceful it made you yelp.

         "Fun—actually," He corrected, tying a knot and speaking close to your ear.  "Now turn around,"

        You did as he said with a deep scowl. When you turned, Javier had a hand at his chin and his eyes moved over you lazily. 

        "Mi amor,” He drawled after some time of silence. “You’re so sexy when you're angry—,”

        "Oh, save it. Is it good enough or what?"

        "Sure, it’s beautiful... but all I want to do is take the dress right off you again—,"

        Before he could touch you, you stormed back into the changing room to see for yourself. In there, you realized the dress looked a lot better than it did when handed to you. Javier had an eye for this kind of stuff, and you couldn’t deny it. But the longer you looked, you found that you didn't feel comfortable in it. It seemed to much. Too cluttered. It just wasn't you.

        You told him that — and he was more than happy to help you out of the dress and keep looking. Every now and then, though, you’d feel him from behind you, pulling you back against his own body. Sure, he was a lot more helpful you could’ve hoped — but he also had a habit of getting carried away, too. You had to cut him some slack though. It wasn’t every day you two could be alone. You yourself wanted something more than the simple pecks you would give each other at camp, but still you knew that someone had to have an ounce of restraint. You had to remember... your goal was to tease him just like he was teasing you... and this date tomorrow? You wanted it to be special. You couldn’t spoil all the fun now.

        The next time he made a move on you, he had taken you in by the waist and slumped into a chair, bringing you down with him. He had you in his lap, your legs hanging over the arm rest. He kissed you long enough to leave you breathless and when you felt his hands moving over you, you heart was racing wildly. Before he could get too far, however, you stopped them.

        “Javi,” You whispered into him, drawing back.

        “What is it? Am I hurting you?”

         Far from it. But you didn’t tell him that. Instead, you sighed, turning away from a kiss — knowing fully well how that drove him crazy — and tapped your fingers lightly against his chest.

         “Javi, if we were to... you know...”

         “Yes...?” He asked, the slight impatience in his voice making you crack a smile.

         “Well... I...”

         “Yes, Y/N...?"

         “Well, I wouldn’t want to in place where an older man is an earshot away,” You slipped off his lap and stood in front of him, shaking your head like you were talking to a child. "Can you control yourself, please?"

        Javier lolled back into the seat, looking upset, but huffing in agreement. "Fine,"

        Though he finally stopped trying to grab at you, it didn’t lessen that lusty look he had in his eyes whenever you put something new on and went to show him.

         You tried on a few more dresses, skirts and blouses, some you picked, some he picked — but you still felt yourself getting more and more annoyed.

        “You can’t just say you like them all,” You chided Javier, yanking at the skirt of your dress so it laid straight against your legs as you stood before him.

        He looked confused. “But I do,”

        “Oh, please, that last dress had pink ruffles—,” You grimaced incredulously, but he cut you off. 

         “On anyone else I’d say no. But you — you can pull it off," Javier gave a shake of his head. "Y’know... I don't think you're aware of your own beauty, mi amor. You’re always trying to hide it, but there's just too much. And dressing modestly like you usually do... it isn’t gonna stop people from looking... it never stopped me,"

         You start to argue, but stammer and shut your mouth. You found it hard to believe him when he said things like that. You never thought of yourself as beautiful, let alone all that attractive. You knew, however, that if Javier caught you doubting his compliments or being critical of yourself and your looks, he’d go on an even longer rant of flattery and praise, with sadistic threats in between. Then he'd end it off with saying he ‘was only trying to make you love yourself just as much as he loved you’. Your heart fluttered and not wanting him to have to go off again — you sighed.

         “Alright, fine... but eventually you’ll have to make up your mind up and help me pick just one. I—I don’t want to go back to camp with 10 pounds of clothes.”

         “Fair enough,” He said. “But you be honest with yourself, alright? You’re saying no to these dresses because it’s not what you’re used to. But if you know you like it, then hermosa... it’s all yours,”

         A few more minutes passed until you had finally pulled into something that made you stop and stare at your reflection. It might’ve been the one... but a part of you was still unsure. 

         When you came out, Javier was sitting down at the table, rocking back in the chair. Once he turned to you, he stopped rocking and let the chair fall hard against the floor. 

         “That’s it. That’s the one,” He said, pointing at you. 

         “Oh, c’mon," You started to blush. "You’re just saying that because you want to get out of here...”

         He snorted. “You’re kidding, right? You’re over here strutting around half-naked and you think I want this to be over with?” He stood up and dragged you over to the mirror again. 

        "Look. You know it, too. I see it in your eyes. You like this one... admit it,” He was beside you, brushing his fingers through your hair as you looked at yourself again. You started to smile with him.

        “Aha! Eres una preciosa mujer, lo sabes también,”

        You tried to force the smile down as he planted kisses all over it. “But vanity is a sin, Mr. Escuella—!” (You knew bringing that up always drove him crazy too).

        “Oh, shut up. Killing's a sin too, but it’s just part of our lives, ain’t it?”

         He gave you another kiss. Then you went out picking the smaller things, shoes and accessories, to complete your new ensemble. When you were done — you found that Javier was still browsing as well. 

        “Wait—why are you looking for more clothes?”

        He almost looked offended. “We have to match,” He said to you, before continued. Soon Javier had found a black suit, with a tie and vest that went beautifully with the colors of your own outfit

        And finally; the two of you were done. A part of you was against the idea of bothering to wake up the tailor at the front of the store, but the better of you had you doing it anyways. You knocked on the door with your revolver and let the man out. You had found him in the fetal position and you almost felt bad. 

        “Sorry,” You tell him, "but we’re ready to pay now,”

        The man looked baffled, walking back to the register as you smiled sweetly.

        Javier pulled a wad of cash out of his vest pocket and slapped it onto the counter. You weren’t sure of how much it was, but you did know it was enough to get the owner drooling and Javier grinning as smug as a peacock. 

        He hit the guy's shoulder. Although it was nothing more than a teasing hit, the man looked like he had jumped out of his skin. Javier smirked even bigger. “Why don't you keep the change?"

        You kept your gun on the man as he collected the money. "Oh, and... this never happened, understood? You never saw us,"

        The man only nodded.

        Then Javier hooked you by the arm and hauled you out of there. His smile grew bigger as you both hit the streets. 

        “Look at that... they’re already staring,” He whispered close to your ear.

        “I know. Thanks a lot — it’s all ‘cause of your skin color,” You said sarcastically.

        He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and snatched up your hand. Your fingers interwove with his and he planted a kiss on them.

        “Te amo, mi amor, even though you are difficult,” 

        “I know I am,” You smirked. “Por eso te amo, Javier..."

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⁀➷｡˚⸙͎۪۫⋆ ༄ 

  AN: if my Spanish is wRONG, I AM SO SORRY & please correct me.  but anyways, thanks for reading! Please let me know if I should write about the date ;)

​​​​​​​ ⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⁀➷｡˚⸙͎۪۫⋆ ༄

ig / wattpad: @imhisknife 

#rdr2 #rdr #javier escuella #videogames #fanfiction #xbox #pc #playstation #oneshots #javierxreader #cowboys #countryboyiloveyou #thisisbadimsorry #sombrero #old town road

[reddeadredeputy]

Ghosts (JavierxReader)- part 1 1/2

Little follow-up to this fic I wrote a while back

Thank you to @boiledhotdogwater​ for inspiring me to keep adding to this one

Also I’m calling it part 1 and a half because this is really really short and there’s still more to this little story! I hope you guys enjoy my writing.

He brought you to the old saloon out in Rhodes. You didn’t speak much, choosing instead to keep quiet and gather up your remaining dignity. The two of you rode into town wordlessly. He was kind to you, though. Understanding, gentle… he was the same, if not a little less rough around the edges. It’s funny what domestic life could do to a man like him. He was still the same dirty old John Marston with his scarred up, rough face and unkempt hair. All the same, but still different. You had imagined you’d find him differently. It didn’t feel right for him to have found you the way he did. It should have gone differently. Maybe you would have gotten around to visiting him at his new home with Jack and Abigail and had a nice, normal reunion with all three of them. Jack must’ve almost been all grown up by now… 

There was silence between the two of you, even as you sat at the bar. You two were almost the only ones there, save for an old man who’d had too much to drink and the watchful bartender. It was John who broke the silence, finally.

“You know, the way Mary-Beth talked about you, I didn’t think you were doing… that badly.” And there it was. John’s undoubtedly brilliant way with words… 

“I wasn’t.” You snapped rather quickly, rushing to your own defense. “You just caught me at a bad time… I hadn’t thought about any of this for… for years.” Quickly, you tilted your glass back and finished the rest of your drink, slamming the glass back onto the counter in your closed fist. “I’ve been doing pretty well for myself, Marston.” 

“Is that so?” He hummed thoughtfully. 

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here.” you said, waving down the bartender for another glass. A skillful attempt at changing the subject. John leaned against the counter with a shrug. He swirled the golden drink around in the glass thoughtfully. 

“I was in town.” 

“Where?” You scoffed. “You came to Rhodes alone on vacation? Right at the old campsite? Doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence.”

“Just lucky, I guess.” he muttered into the rim of the glass, taking a sip.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re looking for us.” the bartender gave you a nod as he slid your glass towards your hand. You caught it and quickly took another drink. “Forgive my hostility, but you’ve never seemed like the type.” John sighed, his eyes not leaving the table.

“Guess there’s some truth to that, isn’t there?” 

You stiffened visibly, clutching the glass, putting two and two together. He was hunting you down, wasn’t he? Not just you, but all of the Van der Linde gang. What other explanation could there be? The dodging of the questions, the secrecy-

“Am I about to be led away in chains for my crimes, then, John?” 

“What? No, ‘course not. I’m only lookin’ for Dutch and Bill and Javier.” 

You gave him a cold, startled stare. It was the first confirmation you’d had in years that he was alive, and yet it brought you no joy. Just a cold, sick feeling. 

“I don’t want any part in this.” You gathered yourself, standing up and walking to the front doors. “It was nice seeing you, John. Let’s not do this again.” You hurried away, leaving poor John behind. 

“(Y/N), listen!” John shouted after you, but to no avail. You stormed outside, the saloon doors swinging behind you. With a frustrated huff, John tipped his hat to the bartender, dropping his money next to the glasses and hurrying outside. He grabbed your arm as you made your way down the stairs, stopping you. “They’ve got Abigail and Jack. I gotta bring them Dutch and the others or they won’t let ‘em go.” You jerked your arm away from him, and John backed away respectfully, raising his hands in surrender. “Listen...I don’t care much for him anymore. For Javier, I mean. But you? You were family to us. Thought you should know.” you turned away from him, your mind reeling. “I know what he meant to you, (Y/N).” You turned back around with a fierce, fiery anger in your eyes. 

“Yes, John. Meant. Meant as in past tense. I burned what I had left of him for a reason. I’ve spent years keeping him and all of this out of my mind! Did it occur to you that maybe I didn’t want to care anymore?! That maybe I’d be better off not knowing?!” With every word, your voice became louder and angrier until you were practically spitting on the front steps of the saloon. John stood frozen for a moment before shaking his head slowly. 

“That didn’t… that didn’t occur to me, I’m sorry.” he fumbled with his words for a bit, unsure of what to say. “But I came to tell you, and I’m gonna tell you anyway. Otherwise I just came all this way just to piss you off-- and that doesn’t sit right with me.” You crossed your arms, regaining your composure. “I have to catch him. For my sake. And when I do I won’t hold back. I will catch him, (Y/N). And I’m gonna hand him over to people who are gonna see him hanged.” You clenched your jaw and stared John in the eyes. You felt your heart catch in your throat, though you did everything in your power to make sure John couldn’t see it for himself. “But, whatever happens after they’ve got him is out of my hands. Seeing as you’re the last person on God’s green earth that gives a damn about that man, it’d be unfortunate if you knew where they were takin’ him… You didn’t hear it from me.” 

The toe of your boot tapped nervously on the wood below your feet. Your eyes darted between buildings as you found yourself looking everywhere else but at John. Your heart pounded in your ears… you felt as though you didn’t have a clue what was going on anymore. How could your life have been going so well, so perfectly, just for all of it to come crashing down again in one night? You stopped tapping your foot. You closed your eyes and when you opened them, you were looking calmly at John again. You’d made up your mind already, hadn’t you?

“I hate him, John.” You said at last, soldiering through your words carefully, making sure not a single one wavered. “I hate him for what he did to all of us. But I don’t want him dead.”

#Red Dead Redemption #Red Dead Redemption 2 #John Marston #Javier Escuella #Javier Escuella x reader #rdr2 matchups #RDR2 x reader #I'm trying to come back #Too many ideas but no brain to write with haha #Also super fun writing hack for dialogue #reading all of your spoken lines out loud in character voices #Extra fun if they have an accent

[parisianmidnightdream]

I’m looking for a fanfic of Javierxreader - where reader is his wife and there’s a thunderstorm and she’s scared. It has two parts and one of the tags said something like “archaic view of woman”. 

#javier peña #fanfic #narcos

[eiressofinspirationwrites]

Masterlist of Fics

This will be periodically updated as I add works to this blog. If a link isn’t working just let me know! Also, if gender hasn’t been indicated the reader is written as gender-neutral.

Broadchurch:

Better Already (Alec HardyxFemale Reader)

S1E6 One-Shot (Alec HardyxReader)

Criminal Minds:

Abducted  (Spencer ReidxFemale Reader)

Bad Day and Comfort (Spencer ReidxReader)

Shaken (1) (2) (Spencer ReidxFemale Reader)

Doctor Who (10th Doctor):

Loophole in the Snow (TenxReader)

Good Omens:

Crowley x Reader Masterlist (Sorted by Gender)

Armageddon Puts a Strain on Things Doesn’t It? (CrowleyxAziraphalexFemale Reader)

Blue on the Fourth of July (CrowleyxAziraphalexAmerican Female Reader)

Don’t Panic (AziraphalexDemon!Reader)

Hereditary Enemies (AziraphalexFemale Demon!Reader)

My Principality (MichaelxFemale Reader)

One Chaotic Angel (Platonic CrowleyxAziraphalexFemale Angel!Reader)

Of Heaven and Hell

Attacked (Crowley x Female OC/Reader x Aziraphale)

Traitorous Heart (Crowley x Female OC/Reader x Aziraphale)

Lucifer:

Mini-Golfing with the Devil (LuciferxReader)

The Devil’s Punishment (LuciferxReader; follow up to Mini-Golfing with the Devil)

Valentine’s Day with the Devil (LuciferxFemale Reader; was cross-posted on my primary blog)

Not Going Anywhere (LuciferxReader)

Sister Sister (Female Angel!Reader)

Bonus: A fluffy LuciferxReader imagine I posted on my primary blog

The Mandalorian:

Revelation (DinxReader)

Marvel MCU:

Furnishings (Bucky BarnesxReader)

Together Again (LokixReader)

Katrina (OC in Jessica Jones)

On the Other Side (Matt Murdock x Vigilante!Reader)

Pieces, Panic, and Peace (Steven GrantxReader) (Marc SpectorxReader (?))

Narcos: 

Shock and Talk (JavierxReader) 

Prodigal Son:

Downed (Sister!Reader)

Snowed In (MalcolmxFemale Reader)

Sherlock:

Mini-Me (Female Kid!Reader)

Statesmen (Kingsmen 2) 

Loss (Agent Whiskey AU)

Snipers, Snow, and Sanctuary (1) (2) (Agent WhiskeyxReader)

Supernatural:

A Calculated Risk (Female Nephilim!Reader)

Scarlet (1)  (2)  (Female Witch!OC) 

She’s Gone (Implied CastielxFemale Reader)

Please Liz (Female OC)

Ask Prompts:

Nice Asks

Fanfiction Writer Asks

#masterlist #supernatural #Sherlock #Marvel MCU #lucifer on netflix #broadchurch #good omens #fanfic #Tenth Doctor #doctor who #prodigal son #criminal minds #the mandalorian #narcos #agent whiskey fanfic #good omens 2

[skdubbs]

Does anyone else remember a javierXreader story that was set to the plot of “Practical Magic”? Because I can’t find it for the life of me! 😩😩😩

#help a girl out?

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!readerxJoelMiller) part 3: There's always light somewhere...

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband, mention of abortion.

Javier stood in front of his father's door with a contrite face. He knew what awaited him. Chucho's gaze was full of disapproval, and yet he had no regrets. He couldn't explain it, but he felt like he deserved all this pain. And he still wanted to protect you, because no matter what, you were still his priority.

When his father asked him what he had done, Javier wanted to laugh. Of course, what did HE do? His plan was working. No one would ask what YOU did.

So he told his version that he cheated on you, that he ruined your marriage.

Chucho sighed heavily and said:

"You're a fool, son. You had everything. A beautiful, young, loving wife and..."

He didn't finish. He simply waved his hand and went to the kitchen for a beer. Javier sat down heavily on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Yes, he was a fool for letting his shadows take him over. He let these shadows take away what he had most precious in life, you.

.

A week later, Javier went to see a lawyer to discuss the divorce issue. Although he really wanted to do it amicably and give you most of his fortune.

Unfortunately, he was unlucky, because the lawyer's secretary was the biggest gossip in town and came into the boss's office with coffee just as he was saying the words: "... so the divorce is to be your fault or by mutual consent?"

And that's how half the town found out that Javier Peña was getting a divorce and, of course, speculations began. It didn't bother him. It hurt, but he could deal with things like that. He was more worried about what would happen when the rumors reached you.

But the gossip couldn't reach you because you didn't leave the house. Your heart was broken and you realized how much you wanted to stay with Javier. On top of that, you had nauseous and you felt very weak.

And you probably wouldn't have heard the gossip for another week (then you would run out of food and have to go grocery shopping) if it weren't for your mother.

She dropped by one afternoon. She took one look at you and didn't even show you sympathy, instead you heard:

"So he cheated on you? The whole town is talking about it... But I warned you... I told you that you have to keep an eye on him, that you have to try hard... Someone like him, with such a reputation..."

Your blood boiled and you didn't know exactly why. Was it because she was insulting Javier or because of course she saw your guilt too? Whatever it was, you couldn't hold back anymore.

"Enough!"

Your mother looked at you in surprise. You never raised your voice to her.

"What?"

"What happens between me and Javier is my business. He's still my husband and I don't want you to insult him. Besides, I feel bad... I have food poisoning, so... Leave me."

You said the last words in a very commanding tone and your mother looked you up and down and snorted.

"As you wish and... I hope you're not pregnant with him because I won't help you if you're alone with the baby!"

Your mother turned on her heel and left, and you stood frozen.

Pregnancy?

How could you not have thought about it before? You should have had a period three weeks ago!

And the last time you had sex with Joel was ten weeks ago and... Memories came rushing back to you.

It wasn't like you didn't use protection. Joel was very clear about this from the very beginning. He didn't want to have any more children. Sarah was his priority. As a single father, he devoted his entire life to her. Additionally, financial problems did not encourage him to go crazy. Even if he was offering you to move in with him and wanted to stay with you, he still didn't think having a baby with you was a great idea. He was so paranoid that even though he used condoms, he wanted to know if you were using protection.

You lied. You said you were taking birth control pills. Well... At the beginning of your marriage, you and Javier tried to have a baby, but it didn't work out. Then, when your marriage was in crisis and you had sex sporadically, you didn't see the need to use protection. You didn't feel bad lying to Joel. You thought he was paranoid. After all, he used condoms. Until your last meeting. Maybe it was because of the rush, maybe because of your lust... After all, it was your last time, and when Joel finished, he discovered that the condom had slipped off. You weren't sure when it happened, but you could tell he was visibly upset.

You were calm, you had sex with Javier hundreds of times and you didn't get pregnant. So you lied to Joel again, assuring him that you were on birth control pills.

Still, Joel said something that maybe finally made you realize you didn't want to leave Javier.

"Okay, but if... If you found out you were pregnant, I have some money set aside for emergencies. I'll pay for the abortion."

.

You placed a hand on your belly and sighed. "Emergency" is what your pregnancy would be for Joel. You had to make sure you were pregnant, but you couldn't go to the pharmacy and buy pregnancy tests. You knew perfectly well that such information would quickly spread throughout the city. So you came up with another plan.

You made an appointment with your gynecologist.

Her office was in another city and there was a reason you chose her. When you wanted to get pregnant but couldn't, you decided to do a couple of tests, but you wanted to avoid rumors about your hypothetical infertility, and this was the best way.

Three days later you were lying on the medical couch and the ultrasound confirmed your fears. When you heard, "You're pregnant," you just burst into tears. You were almost hysterical and ashamed, but you couldn't stop it. Because of your mistake, your whole world was falling apart. You lost Javier, you didn't want to be with Joel, and you knew you would have to terminate the pregnancy you had dreamed of at the beginning of your marriage.

Your doctor was very patient and understanding. She let you cry and waited for you to calm down. You told her that you were probably divorcing your husband and that the baby's biological father wouldn't want this baby. She simply nodded and gave you the phone number of the nearest abortion clinic. You could only guess that you weren't the first to cry in her office.

You returned home broken and felt like there were shadows hiding in every nook and cranny. You were distraught, after making the abortion appointment you were so nervous that you couldn't eat or sleep. And you were terribly afraid.

Maybe you were selfish, but you couldn't bear this burden alone. And there was only one person you could share this problem with.

When you called Javier and asked him to come home because you wanted to talk to him, he immediately agreed. He showed up at home half an hour after you called, and you started to wonder how it could all end so badly when you both supported each other so much. When did it all go wrong?

Javier immediately noticed that you were in a bad condition. You were pale and your eyes were puffy, and he felt guilty. He believed that you were hurting because of him because he was too weak to fix your marriage before everything went south. Before Joel came along.

When you sat down on the couch, he took a seat next to you and watched you carefully with his sad brown eyes. And you didn't know how to start. In the end, it was Javier who spoke first.

"Is it about these rumors? Y/N, I'm sorry... I just wanted legal advice, but I didn't think the secretary would overhear us."

You waved your hand.

"No, Javi... I don't care." You took a deep breath. "The thing is... I... I'm pregnant, but... I'm not keeping this baby. I've already made an appointment at the abortion clinic."

Javier turned pale and for a moment was unable to say anything. He didn't have to ask you about the baby's father. First of all, he knew perfectly well that the last time he made love to you was five months ago. Secondly, he knew you weren't promiscuous. Yes, you cheated on him, but he was sure it was only with one man. Then he realized what you were planning and he felt sad. But he was going to support you, as he always did. He finally cleared his throat and, avoiding your eyes, said:

"You need money?"

You immediately shook your head and felt an unpleasant pang in your stomach.

"No... I... I have my own, and if I didn't... Joel would give me..."

Javier sighed heavily.

"He knows?"

And that was the moment when you had to admit that you were alone.

"No... But he's made it clear that he doesn't want a baby, and I... I'm not going to tell him because... I don't want to be with him."

You lowered your head, feeling shame wash over you. You sacrificed your marriage for a man with whom you didn't even want to be in the end. The last thing you expected was Javier's warm, large hand rubbing your lower back. He did it the same way he used to do it before everything went wrong. Then you heard his soothing voice and you felt like crying.

"Calm down, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I'll help you, just tell me how?"

You still couldn't look him in the eye and uttered:

"Could... Could you... take me... to the abortion clinic tomorrow?"

On one hand, you felt like the worst person in the world. How could you ask him to do that? You cheated on him and got pregnant by a stranger.

But then again, you only had him.

Javier had similar thoughts. On the one hand, he felt hurt, but on the other... You were not only a married couple, but perhaps above all, friends. So how could he leave you? Besides, there was something comforting about knowing you still needed him.

"No problem. I'll be with you."

You wanted to throw yourself into his arms and cry loudly, but you held back. You felt like you didn't deserve his comfort. Javier sat next to you for a few more minutes, still rubbing your back soothingly, and you didn't dare to even move. When Javier suddenly stood up, you felt as if a cold wave had washed over you. You wanted to grab his hand and beg him to stay, but you were afraid it would anger him.

"What time should I arrive tomorrow?"

"Before nine in the morning."

Javier nodded and felt like leaning down and kissing your forehead. Seeing you in such pain broke his heart. He sighed heavily and only managed to say:

"Okay."

Then he left the house, and you were left with your shadows again, which had managed to grow larger over the past few days.

*

The next day was a nightmare. You barely slept at night because of the thoughts that were bothering you. Your tense nerves made you afraid that you would vomit, even though your stomach was empty.

Javier noticed your state without any problem and asked several times if he should stop the car, but you refused.

Each kilometer you drove increased your pain until you finally couldn't stand it anymore and let the first tears flow down your cheeks. You started crying in the car. You knew you shouldn't have. You got what you deserved and on top of that, you still took advantage of your husband. But you couldn't stop it. You always wanted to have a baby... With Javier.

Now you could had a baby, but with Joel, and you had to get rid of this.

You sobbed once again and Javi sighed heavily and stopped on the side of the road near the bus stop. Your eyes widened in fear, but you thought you couldn't blame him. He had the right to be angry. He not only tried to help you fix your mistake, but he also must listen to your cries. You unbuckled your seat belt and waited for him to tell you to get off and continue on the bus. Instead, Javi got out of the car and walked around it, opening your door. A gentleman, as always, you thought. You were about to get off when he suddenly knelt down next to you.

“Y/N, look at me.”

You were shocked, but you followed his orders.

"Do you want to keep this baby?"

His question took you by surprise and without thinking, you replied, "Joel doesn't want this baby."

Javi grimaced.

"I'm not asking what this dick wants. I'm asking, do YOU want this baby?"

You felt like all the air had escaped from your lungs. More tears of regret rolled down your cheeks. Was Javi really going to torture you like that? Was this his revenge for your cheating?

“Yes…” You felt your voice tremble. "I want this baby."

Javier looked at you gently and stroked your cheek.

"So, don't do abortion."

You felt stunned and didn't understand what he was implying.

"Javi... I can't keep the child. I won't be able to support myself financially... I won't provide the right conditions for this child. And giving birth to just to give a baby up for adoption will break my heart..."

Javier shook his head and said softly.

"You don't understand. I'll help you." He placed his hand on your pregnant belly. "I will claim this child as my own and I will provide everything for you and this little one. You know that. You know me, after all."

You felt like you were dreaming. You looked in shock at Javier's large hand on your belly. You gently placed your hand on his.

"Javi... You can't... I hurt you. I have no right to expect that from you."

He smiled at you in that tender and gentle way.

"Mi amor, I love you. This is the truth. You can call me crazy, but it won't change anything. I don't blame you for what you did. I understand you. And I don't blame this baby. I don't see your pregnancy as a problem but as a solution. We can try again. I thought I could let you go, that you would be happier without me, but..."

"But we're here," You said, interrupting him. "And I'm unhappy, and you... You're too good. You should punish me, not reward me."

Javier smiled and moved up to kiss your forehead.

"So you agree with me? We're going home... The three of us?"

You couldn't help but smile.

"Yes. Let's go home."

Javi kissed your forehead once more, then carefully closed your door and returned to his seat. But before he started the engine, he looked at you with a more serious expression.

"I only have one condition."

You nodded, letting him know that you would accept anything.

"You will forget about Joel Miller. You will not speak to him again and you will not tell him about the baby."

You didn't hesitate even for a moment.

"Of course."

Javi smiled brightly and grabbed your hand, bringing it to his lips. You felt an old feeling that you had almost forgotten. Your cheeks flushed and you sighed. How could you forget how wonderful it is to be Javier Peña's wife?

.

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel The demons that run inside of me Can you help me out of my misery? 'Cause I need someone To keep me calm when I can't breathe If you feel the same Talk to me I'll be the fire So I can light up An empty room Just for you *Isak Danielson - Light Up

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Tag list: @harriedandharassed

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #narcos fanfiction #angst #hurt #sadness

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!reader) part 2: There are no shadows without light

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband.

Sorry, I needed angst

When Javier returned to his hometown and retired, he did not expect anything positive. He had seen too much evil and suffering to count on happiness. He thought he would spend the rest of his life living with his father. He expected to grow more grouchy and lonely with each passing year. And yet, you came into his life. The first thing he noticed was your lemony perfume, and from then on he couldn't think of you other than you was his refreshing. You were like a cold lemonade to him on a hot day. You brought him back to life. Your youth and joy made him a little intimidated at first, but he knew enough about women to see that you were interested in him. But he was afraid you just wanted to have fun. Because why wouldn't you date younger men?

However, as he got to know you better, he realized that you were special and finally asked you out. But he didn't have sex with you after the first date, nor after the second or third date... It wasn't until after six that he took you to bed. You were too precious to him to treat you like a one-night stand, and he wanted you to know that.

Chucho also noticed this and started to pressure his son to settle down. He had some pretty reasonable arguments. Such a beautiful young girl can quickly find someone else. Javier knew it too. He'd seen the way other men looked at you and felt a pang of jealousy, as well as the anxiety of losing you. Even though you weren't interested in anyone else.

Finally, after half a year, he made a decision. He had many doubts, but all related to himself. He was afraid that his reputation would catch up with you. He was worried that he wouldn't give you the life you deserved. However, he took a risk and planned everything. He prepared a picnic and took you horseback riding. But just as he was about to propose to you, it started to rain. You hid under a tree, and since he wanted to be a gentleman to you and take care of you, he handed you his jacket so you wouldn't get cold. But he forgot that he had a ring box in his pocket. As you shoved your hands into pockets, he saw your eyes widen and realized he had ruined everything.

"Javi, is that?" you asked.

"Yes," he murmured. "I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to look like this... I was supposed to kneel there." He pointed to where the blanket was. "This was supposed to be…"

You didn't let him finish his sentence as you stood on your toes, wrapped your arms around his neck, and kissed him.

"Yes," you whispered into his mouth and started laughing.

Javier had never felt so happy. What in his eyes was a failure, you turned into a success. He grabbed your hips and lifted you, turning around with you in his arms. He laughed with you and realized that you are his light.

Even your quiet wedding wasn't a problem for you. Javier has seen you accept his past and reputation. Right after you got married, he decided one thing: he would be the best husband in the world.

And you, in his eyes, were the sweetest, best wife he could ever dream of. When he came home tired, you were waiting for him with dinner. You rubbed his back and told him about your day. You never held anything against him. One day when he wanted to make you breakfast he burned the pancakes, and you turned it into a joke. You told him he couldn't be too perfect, otherwise, he wouldn't be real.

So he tried to be the best version of himself for you. He showered you with compliments and made sure you knew how much he loved you. He gave you little gifts and always made sure he brought you to several orgasms.

He even started smoking less because your dad died of lung cancer. And no, he wasn't worried about himself, but just about you. So he always made sure you were out of reach of cigarette smoke.

Being your loving husband became the meaning of his life.

But paradoxically, the more he loved you, the bigger the shadows behind him got. It all started with an innocent trip to a bar. You were going to meet some friends for a few drinks and you wanted him to go with you. Another thing that surprised him. You weren't ashamed to go to parties with him, on the contrary, you shined more with him.

However, Javier was not too enthusiastic. After all, he told you that he would join you later. However, he didn't feel like it so much that he thought about calling you with some excuse, but he made you a promise that he would come. He couldn't let you down. When he entered the bar, he immediately noticed you, his Sun. You were laughing with your friends and you were unaware of his presence. He didn't come to you right away. Sometimes he liked to watch you from a distance, and it was satisfying to see other men look at you. He loved their disappointed expressions when you tapped your wedding ring with your fingernail or when you snuggled into his side.

At one point he saw some guy staring at you and he didn't like it. It was no ordinary look of delight. There was something predatory about his gaze. Javier frowned and saw you heading towards the bathroom, the weird guy following you. So of course he followed you too. As you walked down the hall he shouted:

"Y/N, baby!"

You turned around with a big smile and ran towards him. You almost bumped into this shady dude on the way, but you didn't seem to notice him. Only your husband mattered to you.

You fell into his arms with a giggle.

"After all, you are Honey!!!"

He smiled and his finger tapped you on the nose. "How many drinks have you had already?"

"Only four... Maybe five and uh... I need to pee."

Javi shook his head and gently wrapped his arms around your waist. "Go, I'll wait here."

As you walked away, he noticed that the suspicious type had disappeared. It was as if he had vanished into thin air. Javier ignored it. Only you mattered.

Two days later you were hanging around the kitchen preparing breakfast. The radio was playing happy music as you rocked your hips. Javier licked his lips at the sight. He wasn't ready for round two after he finished in you that morning, but the sight was tempting. To occupy his mind with something else, he grabbed the newspaper and immediately opened the crime column, an old habit. But what he read made his heart almost leap out of his chest. A young woman was brutally raped and beaten next to the club where you spent the evening. There was a preliminary description of the rapist that matched the guy who followed you into the bathroom. Javier looked at you and swallowed. Everything was fit. Place, time, description… He imagined your naked, bruised body. Your broken like Helena's. If he hadn't come... If he'd called you with that stupid excuse.

Suddenly he felt your touch on his cheek and realized that you were asking him something.

"What?" he gasped.

"I asked if you're okay. You've turned pale, darling."

Javier nodded and pulled you onto his lap.

"I just want to hug you for a while."

You combed his hair and kissed his head. "Do what you want, baby."

Javier wrapped his arms around you tightly and sighed. Your closeness soothed him, but he kept thinking about it. What if it happened to you? Would it be his fault? What if the rapist beat you so badly that you died from injuries? It's all his fault. Because Javier Peña attracted evil.

And so your light made his shadows lengthen. First, he dreamed of Helena, raped and wounded, lying on a dirty mattress. Then the boy was killed by Carrillo. Sometimes Olivia's mother. Nightmares where he and Steve were late and Olivia died too. Javier thought about it more and more. About all the evil he has allowed. Every time when he was late and someone died. Then he started thinking you weren't safe with him.

Before he knew it, his shadows had swallowed him whole, and he couldn't fight them. It pained him to see you still trying. Even when he was broken, you didn't give up on him and that made him even more distant. He didn't think he deserved you and you shouldn't waste your life on someone like him.

And then he started noticing subtle changes in your behavior. You didn't wait for him with dinner anymore. You were coming back home late and kept close your phone. One night he came back very late. Normally he always slept on the couch then, but something drew him to you. He carefully laid down on the bed next to you and that's when he smell it. Another man's perfume. His heart squeezed painfully and he locked himself in the bathroom where he cried.

But that's what he wanted, you to leave. For a moment he even wanted to laugh at the irony of fate. Once he had abandoned the woman at the altar, and now he was about to be abandoned by his wife. He probably deserved it.

It didn't take long for him to discover who you were having an affair with. And that hurt him too. He expected you to take someone younger and then he could tell himself that his age was the problem. But no. You chose a man named Joel Miller. Javier used his connections with the police and checked him out, but found nothing alarming. No history of violence. Only a few speeding tickets.

So he accepted it and waited for you to tell him you were leaving. Every day he returned with a heavy heart. Every day he expected to see your suitcases or his. And it was like the torture you gave him. This made him more and more angry and bitter every day.

And then Joel was gone, but you stayed and tried to be his sweet wife again, and he wanted to scream in pain. He didn't understand why you doing it. Did you afraid of divorce and scandal?

But he made the decision to take the blame. He loved you too much to expose you to the wrath of your conservative mother and his father. It was easier that way. After all, this is him, Javier Peña, a regular visitor to a Colombian whorehouse. He knew, of course, that some people would mock you, but for most, you would be a victim.

The situation would be different if they knew you were the one who cheated him. Then everyone would look at you like you're a whore, and Javier wouldn't take it. That would be unfair.

Finally, during one of your arguments, the balloon popped and you let everything out. He saw you didn't say it consciously. And on the one hand, he felt relief, and on the other pain.

And of course, he decided to pretend he didn't know about your affair. He didn't want you to feel even more guilty. When you asked if he would fight for yours marriage, he wanted to scream 'YES'. But he no longer believed that you loved him and he wanted you to be free.

Leaving the house was the hardest thing he'd ever done. His heart broke into a million pieces.

Get these left handed lovers out of your way They look hopeful but you, you should not stay If you want me to break down and give you the keys I can do that but I can’t let you leave Oh, please don’t go I want you so I can’t let go For I lose control

*Barcelona - Please don't go

I cry ugly because Javier is so good husband… And I hurt him so much 🤧😭

Part 1

Part 3

#pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #javier pena #javier pena fanfiction #javier peña #javier pena x reader #javier pena is so sweet #angst #sadness #hurt javier

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!readerxJoelMiller)

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband.

Sorry, I needed angst

Hold on this will hurt more than anything has before What it was, what it was, what it was I've brought this on us more than anyone could ignore What I've done, what I've done, what I've done

You were born in Laredo, but you didn't know Javier Peña. You were fourteen years younger than him, so when he left town, you were the kid who had no interest in gossiping about a failed wedding. When you came of age you left your city to study abroad in England. After college, you lived there for a few more years, and you probably would never have returned to your parents' ranch if it hadn't been for your Dad's death.

Your mom was left alone on the ranch and you couldn't leave her with everything. So you came back to Laredo and lived with your mother. Your ranch was bordered by Peña ranch. Chucho wanted to buy some land from you, and that's how you met his son, Javier, who just returned from Colombia.

You always thought the saying "love at first sight" was a pipe dream, but... You fell in love with him at first sight. Of course, you heard rumors about him, but instead of alienating you, they made you die of curiosity. You wanted to find out how much truth there was to his reputation. You started looking for an opportunity to meet him and to your surprise, he seemed infatuated with you.

The first time he asked you out, you felt like a teenager in love. Javier seemed perfect to you. He was handsome, intelligent, funny, sweet, and... You had the best sex ever with him.

Your life became perfect, and that was just the beginning.

After six months of dating, Javier proposed to you and you accepted. You knew your wedding would be quiet and modest, but you didn't mind. You loved Javier Peña. You accepted him and didn't mind his past.

For the first few months, you were really happy. Javier was a caring, loving husband. He had a lot of experience in bed and he used all the knowledge he gained to make you indecently shout his name. And you tried to be his sweet wife. Always greeting him with a smile and a warm dinner. Javier worked hard on the ranch during the day but always spent the evenings with you. You watched TV together, talked, and read books. Sometimes Javier would fall asleep with his head in your lap, and sometimes he would carry you to bed and make you feel like a princess. You thought this idyll would last forever, but you were very wrong.

The shadows of the past that Javier was dragging behind him grew a little bigger and bigger every day. You didn't notice when your whole house was surrounded by them.

It started with little things. One night you heard Javier crying in his sleep and whispering the name "Helena". You didn't feel envy but worry. You woke him up and worriedly asked who was that woman in his dreaming, but Javier refused to tell you, saying it was too traumatic. You respected it.

But it was happening more and more often. The names changed, but Javier's reaction never did. Then came insomnia. You tried to help him, but Javier keep you at a distance. He started smoking more and drinking more. One night he came home so drunk he could barely stand. As you helped him into the living room, he grabbed your face and whispered: "Run... I destroy everything... Everything, you understand? Everyone... They raped her... And I was helpless and... I saw... I saw... How he killed that kid and... I didn't do anything."

You were so shocked by his confession that you didn't know what to say. You just nodded your head but of course, you stayed. You didn't run away. You could not. You loved him, but the shadows behind him were getting thicker and you were suffocating.

Javier became cold and distant. There was nothing left of the sweet and loving husband he was. You were two strangers who lived in the same house.

You really tried. You still dressed nicely, bought sexy lingerie, and cooked delicious dinners, but... After two years you lost your strength. You just couldn't fight for something that no longer existed. Your marriage didn't exist. You knew he wasn't cheating on you, but you... That was a different story.

You weren't looking for an opportunity to cheat, it just happened. You met Joel by accident when his construction supplies truck blocked your exit. You made a fuss with him and he politely apologized and said he just didn't know the area. His company got a contract to repair an old bridge, and suddenly you felt stupid. You realized that you took out your anger at Javier on him.

The next day you brought him cupcakes as an apology and you two started talking. You found out that he had a daughter who was about to start college, so he took jobs even far from home if they paid well. You also found out that he is raising her alone. Joel was a little older than Javier but just as handsome and had the same brown eyes. You didn't even know when you first landed in his little hotel room and... You betrayed Javier. Not once, not twice... Many times. He knew you were married, of course, but you explained the situation to him, and to your surprise, he thought you deserved a better man, which was him. You didn't allow yourself to think that at first. Leave Javier, never. You told yourself that Joel was just an adventure. But you fell in love, and when his assignment was done, he offered you, to go with him. Of course, you rejected the idea. You couldn't leave your whole life for a lover. Joel accepted it with difficulty and left you a note with his address telling you that you can come to him at any time.

You rejected the idea at first. You went back to being a lovely, sweet wife, but Javier was still the same. Gloomy, introverted, dry. And suddenly he wasn't the only one with shadows behind him. You had yours too. The atmosphere in your home was getting worse and worse. You and Javier started arguing. Screams and mutual accusations filled your home. During one of your arguments, you shouted, "I cheated on you, you idiot, and you didn't even notice! I've been fucking another guy for weeks!"

Javier looked like you hit him. He looked at you with sad puppy eyes and whispered, "Really?"

You suddenly realized what you said. You covered your mouth with your hand. Maybe you should say then that it's not true, that you only said it to hurt him. But you couldn't lie and nodded your head.

Javier looked so broken that your heart broke. How could you do this to him? Maybe you should hold on, six months, a year...

He sat down on the couch and hid his face in his hands. You carefully sat next to him and swallowed.

"Javi" you whispered. "I..."

"It's my fault," he replied blankly. "I know that. You don't have to explain yourself." He looked at you and asked, "Who is it?"

"He is... He was working on building a bridge. He's already back in his town."

Your husband looked at you intently for a moment. Finally, he said, "So, your affair is over?"

You hesitated before answering. "I think so."

Javier raised his eyebrows, then nodded as if he already knew everything. "He wanted you to leave with him."

You gasped in surprise, but then mentally scolded yourself. What did you expect? Your husband was chasing Escobar and Cali Cartel. Working you out was nothing to him.

"I stayed with you," you said.

You wanted to touch Javier, but he pulled away and said, "I'm not mad at you. I really understand that you were looking for happiness with another man, but I don't understand why you are deceiving yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Our marriage is a failure."

You wanted to deny it, scream that it was so good when you are together, but... It seemed like a very distant memory.

"Aren't you going to try to fight for our relationship?" you asked with a trembling voice.

Javier smiled sadly at you. "I think you've already decided for me."

You let the first tears roll down your cheek. "So that's it?"

Javier's hand went to you with the intention of stroking your cheek, but he finally backed off and said, "Protect yourself first. When they ask about our divorce, don't hesitate and say it's my fault that I cheated first. "

"Javi..."

He stood up and looked down at you, "Just do it."

He leaned in and kissed you on the forehead, then walked away and left you with a completely shattered heart.

We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string Everything, everything, here is gone No map can direct how to ever make it home We're alone, we're alone, we're alone Oh take it all away I don't feel it anymore Oh take it all away

*William Fitzsimmons - I Don't Feel It Anymore

Part 2

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #narcos fanfiction #angst #hurt #sadness

[songsformonkeys]

The Third Wheel (javier peña x reader) - chapter 12

Notes: So this chapter has taken forever and a half to write! I've just been distracted by other things and every time I've sat down to write I've just stared at the marker in the word document, mind completely blank. The chapter was originally supposed to be longer but I decided to split it in two just to be able to post something. So this is shorter than usual. I'll try and not keep you hanging for as long before the next one. Please yell at me if I do. I respond surprisingly well to threats.

Link to Ao3

Chapter 12

Your neck felt clammy with sweat and a headache had been steadily growing as the day went on. You had barely slept anything last night, the stupid stupid nightmare making a reappearance not only once but twice during the night. It annoyed you to no end that there was nothing you could do to prevent it. In your sleep, you were completely defenseless and at the mercy of your subconscious...and your subconscious, as it turned out, was a bitch!

You had been in a foul mood all day and after lunch you had spotted people giving you the same beeline as they usually reserved for Javier on his worse days. That didn't improve your mood at all.

Neither did Javier sharing some new information he'd gotten from “a reliable source”. You had your suspicions about who that source might be and hated yourself for feeling like a scorned lover. It was good information as well so really you should be grateful.

Of course, it was difficult to feel grateful for anything when there was a sledgehammer going bananas inside your skull.

With the new information that had surfaced, the three of you (well mostly Steve and Javier) had decided that you'd talk through it over a liquid dinner at Javier's place that evening. You would have tried to get out of it if you thought you could get away with it without it raising suspicion. Steve was already watching you a little too closely for your liking and you'd done your very best to avoid Carrillo's hawkeyes.

So a few hours later, you found yourself sitting cross-legged on the half of Javier's couch that Javier himself wasn't occupying, while Steve lounged in the armchair.

“ We never counted on that many explosives,” Javier said and both you and Steve shook your heads in response. You shifted, moving so you were leaning back against the armrest instead, with your legs half stretched out in front of you, while still making sure there were a few inches of space between your feet and Javier's thigh.

“ If the information checks out then they've got enough dough to take out like two blocks,” you said, trying to suppress a yawn. You were feeling drowsier by the minute but it wasn't particularly late. The glass of whiskey that Javier had offered, had settled nice and warm in your stomach. A little longer then it would be socially acceptable for you to go home.

“ So either they're planning something huge or they've got one hell of a failsafe in case someone should plan on doing just what we're planning to do,” Steve reasoned but Javier shook his head.

“ Nah,” he argued, “The Sicarios might be mindless drones but the Cali cartel is a whole bunch of narcissists. No fucking way they're gonna let themselves get blown up, regardless of how many of us they can take with them. I'm telling you, the explosives are for something else. Vanessa said-”

You felt a stab to your chest and lost focus on what he was saying. It was one thing to suspect something hurtful was going on, a whole other to have it confirmed. You didn't listen to the rest of the sentence, instead sliding a little lower on the couch so your head was resting comfortably against the pillows.

Neither of the boys noticed your eyes drooping shut a couple of minutes later. They were too busy arguing over whatever it was that Vanessa had said. You heard their voices drift further and further away and, with them, the headache also eased.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You found yourself standing in Javier's hallway. Somewhere a TV was playing but the sounds we're all wrong and sounded like everyone speaking was under water or stuck in a glass jar. You looked around and the hallway stretched on for so long that you couldn't even see the front door.

“ Querida...” The low voice sent shivers of pleasure up your spine and you turned around to find Javier standing a couple of feet from you. As you opened your mouth to apologize for being late - late for what, you didn't know – Javier suddenly stalked over to you, trapping you against the wall. His mouth looked impossibly inviting and so you leaned forward and kissed him. He tasted of everything you needed in that moment and your mouth willingly parted against his lips, deepening the kiss. He pressed close and you clung to him.

“ Necesito tocarte, querida,” (I need to touch you, darling) Javier almost growled and you gasped as his teeth scraped across the soft skin of your neck. He pulled back to look at you, question in his eyes, and you nodded, unable to form words. He leaned in to kiss you again and you moaned into his mouth.

He kissed you like wildfire and you felt like the whole world was tilting on its end. Your back was still against the wall but you felt like you were floating a couple of inches of the floor. But there was no way for you to look down and make sure without breaking the kiss and that was something you had no interest in doing right now. Not when Javier's tongue was in your mouth and his lips moved hungrily against yours.

As Javier's hand slid under the fabric of your shirt, however, something shifted. Javier nipped hard at your lip and it hurt, making you wince. There was suddenly a taste of copper in your mouth and it burned. The fingers on your stomach pressed down too hard and something cold slid up along your neck to rest against the underside of your chin.

“ El es tan suertudo,” (He is so lucky) a voice, that was distinctly not Javier's, murmured as he broke the kiss. Your eyes widened and fear bloomed in your chest, in an instant. “Necesito tocarte,” (I need to touch you) Alonso Sebastián continued, pushing your shirt up even further.

“ No...no no no,” you protested and tried to move away from him, but invisible hands were holding your arms. “Stop!”

Sebastián pulled back and smiled dangerously at you and suddenly you remembered. You'd been here before. You knew what was gonna happen next.

“ Como desées...puta.” (As you wish...whore)

“ NO!” you screamed and as Sebastián pulled the trigger and everything exploded, your eyes flew open. You woke up from the nightmare, only to find a figure in the dark above you, holding your arms.

“ Get off me!” you screamed, lashing out, and the hands on your arms immediately let you go as Javier scrambled backwards. You heard him swear and you sat bolt upright when it finally clicked that it actually was Javier on the floor next to the couch.

“ Javier!” you exclaimed, surprised. Your heart was still beating a mile a minute after the dream and your voice came out a little higher than intended. Javier blinked up at you from where he was sitting on the floor.

“ What the hell?!” he asked, followed by your name.

“ I'm so sorry, Javier! Are you okay?” you asked, eyes darting around the room. It was much darker now. Steve was nowhere to be seen but the tv was still on and there was a half-empty beer on the coffee table.

“ Yeah, I'm fucking fine!” he said angrily, rubbing his back, “What about you? You were squirming on the bed like you were auditioning for the fucking Exorcist.”

You looked around the room again before your gaze returned to his face. That fucking nightmare. It was one thing to have it in your own apartment when the only one to hear it and deal with the embarrassing aftermath but you didn't want Javier to see this. It had been weeks since the incident in the woods. It made no sense that it was still plaguing you.

Javier's expression suddenly softened and you realized that you had taken too long to answer, had lost the window of opportunity to joke, and not make it a big deal. Javier said your name, like a question, and sat up a little straighter.

“ Do you think I'd get the part in the sequel?” No harm in trying. Unfortunately, Javier didn't fall for it. And even more unfortunately, his brain cells had picked this moment to get themselves in order and cooperate to put two and two together.

“ How long have you been having nightmares?” he asked and there was a sharp intensity in his eyes that made it impossible to look away, even though you had a strong urge to bolt for the door.

“ Since we got back,” you confessed and Javier's eyebrows drew together in a deep frown.

“ Cariño, did something more happen that you didn't tell me about?” he asked. He didn't seem to notice the endearment that had just slipped out but you definitely did and your stomach flipped stupidly.

“ No,” told him but he looked skeptical, which only made you feel even more embarrassed. “I promise, okay. Nothing more happened! There's no goddamn reason for me to be having these dreams and I don't know what's wrong with me!” You buried your face in your hands with a frustrated groan. You heard Javier get up from the floor and the couch dipped a little when he sat down next to you. When he put his hand on your back, you shrugged it off and looked up to level him with a stare.

“ Don't pity me, Peña,” you warned. His jaw clenched the way it did when something annoyed him and he stood up. You instantly missed the warmth of his thigh against yours.

“ Why would I? You clearly don't need it,” he muttered before disappearing into the kitchen. You wondered if that was your cue to leave, but before you could even stand up, Javier came back with a glass of water. He handed it to you wordlessly and you quietly thanked him. Deep down you knew that he'd just tried to be nice but you didn't need another reminder of your weakness.

Javier watched you as you emptied the glass and handed it back to him.

“ More?” he asked and you shook your head.

“ You know...” he began and sat down on the coffee table, twisting the glass in his hands, “You should have told me about the nightmares. I could've...”

“ Could've what?” you asked, eyebrows raising, “Spent the night and held my hand?” You resolutely ignored the part of your brain that perked up at the idea.

Javier smiled a little and stared into the empty glass. Then he looked up with another frown.

“ Wait...you've had these dreams since we got back?” he asked.

“ As previously established, yes,” you said ungrateful for the reminder. Javier looked deep in thought for a moment and his tongue came out to wet his lower lip before the frown cleared from his face and he looked up at you again.

“ Is that what I've been hearing?” he asked. You had no idea what he was talking about and gave him a questioning look. “I've heard you. Through the ceiling. I thought...”

“ You thought what?” you asked, horrified by the apparently non-existent soundproofing between your apartments. Javier scratched his jaw and he looked...embarrassed?

“ I... I thought you were having company over...”

You just stared at him as realization slowly dawned on you.

“ Oh my god, Javier! No!” you protested loudly and stood up from the couch. Javier shrugged in defense.

“ How was I supposed to know? I just heard...noises.”

“ Who would I even bring to my apartment? The only three people I see during the day are you, Steve and Carrillo.”

“ Well Carrillo does have a soft spot for you,” Javier said with a shrug

“ Javier!”

“ I'm joking. Relax.” He rolled his eyes at you while you desperately tried to wipe the image of Carrillo in that context from your mind. You shook your head as if the action would actually help. Javier laughed and stood up. His sudden cheerfulness was a bit of a contrast to the deep frowning he'd done just minutes ago. You glanced around the room and your eyes landed on the clock on the wall. It was late. Way too late.

“ It's after midnight!” you exclaimed. Javier turned to look as well.

“ Yeah,” he said, looking amused, “You got somewhere to be?”

“ Yes, my bed! We have work tomorrow!”

“ We can sleep in,” Javier argued.

“ We really cannot. I promised Steve I'd come with him to meet with one of the informants and knowing him, he's gonna want to get an early start.” You could already picture his cheerful face in the doorway at an ungodly hour tomorrow morning.

Javier shrugged and then he looked over at the couch.

“ Look, if you want...” he started and you knew exactly where he was going with this, and quickly interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

“ I'm fine!” you assured him, a little too aggressively. You didn't need Javier to babysit you through the night...or maybe you did, but you didn't want him to know about it.

“ I should go home,” you said and backed towards the hallway. Javier followed you and for a moment the image of him pushing you up against the wall invaded your mind. But Javier didn't touch you. Instead, he just hovered close by as you pulled on your shoes.

When you stood up again, Javier opened his mouth to speak but there was only so much of him trying to be kind and gentle with you that you could handle in one night. So before he had time to speak and before you had time to think clearly about the best way to handle the situation, you started forward and wrapped your arms around him. It was only when your chin was firmly rested on his shoulder and his arms came up to wrap around you too that you realized that this probably didn't reassure Javier that something wasn't seriously damaged in your brain.

His arms felt good around you, strong and warm and you were suddenly reminded of how it had felt to fall asleep in this embrace. But even under threats of bodily harm, you would have refused to admit that you lingered.

When Javier whispered your name softly you were again reminded of how strange you were behaving and you pulled back, stepping out of the comfort of his arms.

“ I will see you tomorrow!” you said, voice a little too high in the silent hallway, and before Javier could reply, you slipped through the door and up the stairs to your floor and apartment.

#javier peña x reader #javier peña fic #javier peña/reader #javier/reader #javierxreader #The third wheel fanfic #narcos #narcos fanfic #my fanfiction

[reddeadredeputy]

Ghosts (JavierxReader)

A short thing I wrote after listening to the song Stars by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals 

You kept Javier’s guitar with you. For two years, you brought it with you to Beaver Hollow, the last place you’d seen him, and waited for hours a day. You were certainly a sight to behold, dressed raggedly, armed to the teeth.

You were no stranger to hiding, though in your heart, it had been different before. Different because you’d had the others. You’d had Arthur. You’d had Abigail and John. Little Jack Marston to look after, and Hosea to look after you. You’d had Karen’s wise-cracks and Mary-Beth’s daydreaming. Miss Grimshaw’s stern directions, Tilly’s back-talk, Sean’s irritating yet lovable loudness, Kieran’s bashful apologies. And Javier-- You’d had his promise of a future together. Now all of that was gone.

There was a time when you’d visit the old campsite every day, waiting for him to come back to you. Every day turned into once every week. Once every week had turned into once a month as the Murfree Brood made their way back onto the land. Slowly but surely, your visits dwindled as Javier never appeared to you. Never came back for you. By the second year, you’d abandoned Beaver Hollow and any and all hope that you would ever see Javier again. But there was no use in wallowing in sadness anymore, not by then. You would get your act together. Clean up and find yourself work. And that you did.

It was as if you had lost track of the years. Yet, sitting outside of your small home with a newspaper in hand, the year 1907 stood out in large, bold lettering. Eight years.

Eight years on your own. You’d never married, you were always too busy for that, travelling, finding work. “Settling down” was hardly the term for you. You didn’t think staying in one place for less than a couple of years qualified as such. After all those years with the gang, staying put hardly felt right. And yet? Here you were, in a nice little home of your own with neighbors and a nice view of the city. With a lengthy sigh, you folded the newspaper, carrying it inside with the letters you’d retrieved from the post office. Mary-Beth had written to you, Tilly, too. Over the years you’d even managed to track down Trelawney and Pearson, briefly, though their letters were much less frequent. Maybe someday, you hoped, you would find the others. The rest of the survivors. Sadie, Charles, Uncle… Javier.

You felt startled, you hadn’t thought of him in a long while. Almost angrily, you set the letters aside to read later. After all, you still had belongings to unpack in your new home.

You sifted through boxes of your more fragile belongings. Framed photographs you’d salvaged from camp, a vase that had been a gift from a friend you’d made during your travels. You worked quickly and carefully, arranging them on the mantle above the fireplace. Things would have gone smoothly if you hadn’t knocked over the black case among those boxes.

As it hit the ground, the out-of-tune ringing of guitar strings struck your ears. You stood, frozen, one hand on the mantle, your eyes wide, staring at the wall. The ringing continued, slowly fading as you tried your best to ignore it. Instead, you turned towards it, moving towards the untouched guitar case as the strings hummed through it. Undoing each of the latches carefully, you opened it, gazing down at the guitar you hadn’t even looked at in years. Despite the fine appearance of the outer case, the guitar itself had gathered dust. Its strings were worn and untouched, slightly discolored. There were so many memories attached to this carved piece of wood. Memories that you no longer needed. Memories that still hurt, even after all this time. You ran a finger over the wood, leaving a trail in the dust gathered on its surface. You knew what you had to do.

You brought the guitar with you, travelling by train back to the last place you remembered the gang being intact… well, as intact as possible after the tragedy in Blackwater. Clemens Point. Taking the last stretch on horseback, you rode up to the campsite slowly, dismounting your horse and walking to the center of the old site.

It was odd. The same as it had been when you’d first found it. There was no trace left of Dutch Van Der Linde and his band of criminals. After so many years, how could there be?

You built yourself a campfire, right in the spot where the camp had once gathered, singing loud songs as Javier strummed away at that guitar, laughing joyfully at any pleasant occasion. For a moment, you thought you could see them in the ashes that drifted up from the burning wood. You closed your eyes and there they were once more. There was Karen, leading a raunchy song, swaying with a bottle of whiskey in her hand on Sean’s lap as he shouted incoherently along to the music. There was Molly, giggling through a slow dance with her beloved Dutch, and for a moment he seemed to care about her-- to love her. There was Javier, looking right at you, singing just loud enough for you to hear. He smiled around the words, nodding his head, beckoning you towards him with a wink. Your heart beat loudly in your own ears at the sight of him, and you almost moved to sit beside him… But you opened your eyes and he was gone. They were all gone. And just like that, they were only ghosts again. Oh, how quickly it had all gone wrong.

Glancing down at the guitar in your hands, you felt yourself tremble. It was all he’d left, after all. The only thing worth saving. You clenched your fist around the neck of the guitar. A final reminder. You tossed it into fire, watching a cloud of burning ashes explode into the night sky. With it, burned the memories of Javier.

You shouted hoarsely, feeling the tears stream down your face.

Voices. They echoed in your head with the splintering of the wood.

“Mi amor. Te quiero…” The words were Javier’s, and yet… at the same time, they weren’t anymore. He had abandoned you the day your family had fallen apart, the day everyone either left or died. The guitar shriveled in the fire, engulfed in flames, and Javier’s voice vanished once again to make way for the sound of the strings breaking in the heat.

You were there, kneeling in front of the fire, your eyes closed, facing the ground. The familiar sound of hooves on the grass caught your attention, but just barely. You heard another voice, and for a moment, you wondered if it was all in your head again-

No, it was John Marston, sitting on horseback several feet behind you.

“Hello, (Y/N). It’s been a long time, huh?”

#Angst #Red Dead Redemption 2 #Javier Esccuella #Javier Escuella x Reader #Red Dead Redemption Epilogue #RDR2 #John Marston #Mary-Beth Gaskill #I haven't written angst in a while I hope this is alright #I might continue it if enough people like the idea of writing epilogue stuff between Runaway chapters