i've polished this anger and now it's a knife
rubyetc.com / unknown / @/rbhvleo (tumblr) / Venetta Octavia The Burning / David Lynch The Angriest Dog in the World / Japanese Breakfast Boyish / unknown / @/jovialtorchlight (tumblr)
i. rubyetc
[ Messy drawing of two hands holding a bird. "HOLD ME, / NICELY, / I'M UNLOVELY" ]
ii. unknown
[ Black and white background image of people fighting. A man kneels down holding his head with his right hand in front of the audience. Right behind him is another man raising his fist in a punch. People lay on top of each other in the background. "WHY ARE YOU FULL OF RAGE?" ]
iii. @/rbhvleo
[ "TELL ME WHERE TO PUT THE ANGER / TELL ME WHERE TO PUT THE ANGER / TELL ME WHERE TO PUT THE ANGER" ]
iv. Venetta Octavia, The Burning
[ "You are shaking fists & trembling teeth. I know: You did not mean to be cruel. That does not eman you were kind." ]
v. David Lynch, The Angriest Dog in the World
[ Stylized drawing of a tied up dog in the backyard of a house. "The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. / ...Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis." ]
vi. Japanese Breakfast, Boyish
[ "And all of my devotion turns violent" ]
vii. unknown
[ "You are / a better knife / than you are / a person." ]
vii. @/jovialtorchlight
[ "once you understand the form kill it / once you understand the form kill it / once you understand the form kill it / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once the form is dead hold it and weep / once you have wept for the dead whatever / once you have wept for the dead whatever / once you have wept for the dead whatever / once you have wept for the dead whatever / once you have wept for the dead whatever / once you have wept for the dead whatever / HOLD THE LAST LIGHT AND MOLD IT / HOLD THE LAST LIGHT AND MOLD IT / HOLD THE LAST LIGHT AND MOLD IT / HOLD THE LAST LIGHT AND MOLD IT" ]
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“To sit alone in the lamplight, with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen sensations— such is a pleasure beyond compare.”
Yoshida Kenko, Essays in Idleness 1340
Art: The Tale of Genji - Wakana by Yoshio Okada (1939-2021)
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Yukio Mishima as Saint Sebastian (60s)/ Guido Reni - Saint Sebastian, 1615
“I was flipping through one of the last pages of a volume. All of a sudden, from the corner of the next page, there flashed before my eyes an image that I had to assume had lurked there for my benefit alone.
It was a reproduction of Guido Reni’s Saint Sebastian, which figures in the collection of Palazzo Rosso in Genoa.
The trunk of the tree of torment, black and slightly oblique, stood out against the Titianesque background of a gloomy forest and a serene sky, gloomy and distant. A young man of singular loveliness stood bound naked to the trunk of the tree, his arms drawn up, and the straps that clasped his crossed wrists were fastened to the tree itself. No ties of any other kind were discernible, and the only covering of the young man’s nakedness consisted of a rough white cloth that loosely wrapped around his loins.
I imagined that it was a description of a Christian martyrdom. But since it was due to a painter of the eclectic school derived from the Renaissance, even from this painting depicting the death of a Christian saint exuded a strong aroma of paganism. The young man’s body - one could even compare it to that of Antinous, Hadrian’s favorite, whose beauty was so often immortalized in sculpture - bears no trace of the hardships or exhaustion derived from missionary life, which imprint the effigy of other saints: instead, this one uniquely manifests the springtime of youth, uniquely light and pleasure and gracefulness.
That white and incomparable nudity of hers sparkles against a background of twilight. His sinewy arms, the arms of a praetorian accustomed to flex his bow and brandish his sword, are raised in a harmonious curve, and his wrists cross immediately above his head. The face is turned slightly upward and the eyes are wide open, contemplating the glory of heaven with deep tranquility. It is not suffering that hovers over the expanded chest, the taut abdomen, the barely twisted lips, but a flicker of melancholy pleasure like music. Were it not for the arrows with their points stuck in his left armpit and right hip, he would rather look like a Roman athlete relieving fatigue in a garden, leaning against a dark tree.
Arrows have plunged into the heart of the young, pulpy, fragrant flesh, and are about to consume the body from within with flames of heartbreak and supreme ecstasy. But the blood is not gushing out; the swarm of arrows seen in other paintings of St. Sebastian’s martyrdom has not yet raged. Here instead, two lone arrows send their quiet and delicate shadows over the smoothness of the skin, similar to the shadows of a branch falling on a marble staircase.
But all these interpretations and discoveries came later.
That day, the moment I glimpsed the painting, my whole being quivered with pagan joy. My blood roiled in my veins, my loins swelled almost in an emptiness of rage. The monstrous part of me that was close to exploding waited for me to use it with unprecedented ardor, rebuking my ignorance, gasping in outrage. My hands, not at all unconsciously, began a movement I had never learned. I felt something secret, something radiant, launching itself rattily to the assault from within. It erupted suddenly, bringing with it a blinding intoxication....
Some time elapsed and then, in a desolate mood, I looked around at the desk I stood in front of. Outside the window a maple tree was casting a vivid glare everywhere -- on the ink bottle, on school books and notebooks, on the dictionary, on the image of St. Sebastian. Splashes of a dim whiteness appeared here and there - on the title in gold letters of a textbook, on the margin of the inkwell, on an edge of the dictionary. Some objects dripped lazily, others glowed with a dim gleam like the eyes of a dead fish. Fortunately, a reflexive movement of my hand to protect the figure had prevented the volume from soiling.
That was my first ejaculation. And it was also the clumsy and totally unplanned beginning of my “bad habit.”
–Yukio Mishima “Confessions of a Mask”
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