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#james buchanan barnes x female reader
buck-buck-boose · 8 hours ago
I’ll Love You ‘Til I Die
A Mini-Series
Summary: In which Lottie Green makes a vow to James Buchanan Barnes in her childhood. Against all odds, she kept that vow.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 1.7k
Author’s Note: Here’s another chapter, lmk what you think :)
Chapter Two: A Visit
During the remaining weeks of summer, Lottie took it upon herself to continue delivering freshly laundered and mended clothes to the Barnes family. Lottie tried not to linger in the tenement, but Mrs. Barnes would often invite her in for a cup of iced tea before she could duck out; it was often a weak cup, but it was tea nonetheless.
“So Lottie, tell me, what grade will you be in this year?” Mrs. Barnes inquired over the rim of her cup. It had a chip in the handle and no saucer to match it, though Lottie adored the pink floral pattern that graced its side.
“I’ll be in fifth grade, ma’am. Though I’m a bit younger than the others; I turn ten on August 25th.” Lottie puffed out her chest proudly; excited to be approaching the double digits in age. She knew that she would receive nothing for her birthday, but she didn’t mind. She’d rather have food on the table every day of the week than a new dress or shoes that she’d probably ruin in a week flat.
“Oh, only five days away,” Mrs. Barnes hummed, “what do you plan on doing to celebrate? It’s quite an important age.”
Lottie tilted her head in thought, scuffing her shoes along the floorboards as swung her legs, “I dunno, I—“ Before she could form her answer, the door to the apartment burst open, revealing a rather disheveled looking Bucky, who had the arm of a wheezing blonde boy thrown over his shoulders.
“Ma! We were in the lot around the corner playin’ ball and Steve started having one of his attacks again!” The larger boy moved to guide his friend to the sofa across the room while Mrs. Barnes quickly rose from her chair, taking the blonde’s— Steve’s —other arm, to help her son.
Lottie quietly observed, a crease forming in her brow. She didn’t know the boy, but she vaguely recognized him; he was the boy usually left to sit aside during the neighborhood baseball games. He was at least a head shorter than his gangly counterpart; really, he was closer to her in height than he was to Bucky. His hair clung to his pale forehead, while his flushed cheeks puffed in and out in an attempt to control his breathing.
Mrs. Barnes turned to her, “Lottie dear, would you wet a rag for Stevie while we try to calm him down?”
Lottie nodded, leaving her chair to rifle through the kitchen drawers for a rag. Once she’d acquired one, she ran it under the faucet and soaked it in cold water. She brought the rag over the sofa, kneeling down so that she could press it to his sweaty forehead.
“C’mon Steve, let’s do those breathing exercises your doc gave you, just breathe deeply like me,” Bucky instructed, taking exaggerated deep breaths for Steve to copy. Once the two had been at it for a few minutes, Steve managed to control his breathing again.
“Oh, and this right here is Little Lottie, the best damn laundry deliverer in Brooklyn,” Bucky added, nodding in her direction. In any other situation, Lottie would’ve been at least a little annoyed with the nickname she’d earned, but with Bucky, she didn’t mind. She took a sort of pleasure in it, knowing that he thought she was special enough to deserve her own nickname. She relished the way he said “Little Lottie” in an almost sing-song voice; as if the nickname was a lyric to a song that he couldn’t quite place.
Mrs. Barnes smacked him upside the head and scowled teasingly, “I don’t know where you learned that language, but you certainly shouldn’t be using it in front of your mother and a young lady.”
Bucky held his hands up in mock surrender, but a smirk never left his face, “Alright, alright Ma, I’ll never do it again. Cross my heart,” and he made a show of solemnly drawing an imaginary “X” over his chest with his finger.
Steve barked out a laugh from the sofa, “I’ll watch out for him Mrs. Barnes, make sure he acts real saint-like around young ladies like Lottie over here,” he then met her gaze with an easy smile, “I’m Steve. Steve Rogers.”
“Nice to meet you, Steve,” Lottie grinned, “Now how’d you end up having one of these attacks in the first place?”
“Well as you heard, we were playing ball in that lot around the corner, and Buck here tried to show off for this little redhead Delores— but he calls her Dot —and long story short, I was the sucker that had to run for the ball when he hit a home run,” Steve explained, giving Bucky a lighthearted glare. Lottie’s heart sank and her stomach twisted at the mention of this “little redhead.” It seemed that she wasn’t the only girl in his life who was special enough to deserve a nickname. It sent her mind racing— how did he say her name? Did he drawl the nickname all slow like he was trying to savor the taste of it? Her eyes were probably a pretty green or blue, to complement her fiery hair. She probably had Mary Janes that fit just right and a dress that didn’t show off knobby little knees.
Lottie was shaken out of her stupor by Bucky nudging her with his foot, as he was standing next to the sofa where Steve lay, and she was still kneeling next to the sofa even though the wet rag she had used for Steve lay limp in her hands. “Little Lottie, Steve here asked if you’ve ever come to watch us play ball. A lotta the girls from school like to come watch,” Bucky said, staring down at her.
She shook her head, “No, my Ma hasn’t let me go that far away from home on my own yet. She’s probably nervous about all the rowdy older kids there.” Mrs. Barnes laughed at that, “As if my Bucky is any better than the ‘rowdy older kids.’”
Lottie shrugged; even her own Ma knew that Bucky had a good head on his shoulders. Most boys his age would tease her on the schoolyard, they were never as kind as Bucky. Her thoughts drifted briefly to her lucky penny tucked into the pocket of her dress and the borrowed handkerchief stored in her beginners’ sewing kit; she’d begged her mother to teach her how to embroider so she could decorate the handkerchief as a show of thanks for his kindness.
“Well you should come to the next game on Saturday, and your Ma won’t have to worry, you’ll be escorted by yours truly,” Bucky offered.
During the remaining weeks of summer, Lottie took it upon herself to continue delivering freshly laundered and mended clothes to the Barnes family. Lottie tried not to linger in the tenement, but Mrs. Barnes would often invite her in for a cup of iced tea before she could duck out; it was often a weak cup, but it was tea nonetheless.
“So Lottie, tell me, what grade will you be in this year?” Mrs. Barnes inquired over the rim of her cup. It had a chip in the handle and no saucer to match it, though Lottie adored the pink floral pattern that graced its side.
“I’ll be in fifth grade, ma’am. Though I’m a bit younger than the others; I turn ten on August 25th.” Lottie puffed out her chest proudly; excited to be approaching the double digits in age. She knew that she would receive nothing for her birthday, but she didn’t mind. She’d rather have food on the table every day of the week than a new dress or shoes that she’d probably ruin in a week flat.
“Oh, only five days away,” Mrs. Barnes hummed, “what do you plan on doing to celebrate? It’s quite an important age.”
Lottie tilted her head in thought, scuffing her shoes along the floorboards as swung her legs, “I dunno, I—“ Before she could form her answer, the door to the apartment burst open, revealing a rather disheveled looking Bucky, who had the arm of a wheezing blonde boy thrown over his shoulders.
“Ma! We were in the lot around the corner playin’ ball and Steve started having one of his attacks again!” The larger boy moved to guide his friend to the sofa across the room while Mrs. Barnes quickly rose from her chair, taking the blonde’s— Steve’s —other arm, to help her son.
Lottie quietly observed, a crease forming in her brow. She didn’t know the boy, but she vaguely recognized him; he was the boy usually left to sit aside during the neighborhood baseball games. He was at least a head shorter than his gangly counterpart; really, he was closer to her in height than he was to Bucky. His hair clung to his pale forehead, while his flushed cheeks puffed in and out in an attempt to control his breathing.
Mrs. Barnes turned to her, “Lottie dear, would you wet a rag for Stevie while we try to calm him down?”
Lottie nodded, leaving her chair to rifle through the kitchen drawers for a rag. Once she’d acquired one, she ran it under the faucet and soaked it in cold water. She brought the rag over the sofa, kneeling down so that she could press it to his sweaty forehead.
“C’mon Steve, let’s do those breathing exercises your doc gave you, just breathe deeply like me,” Bucky instructed, taking exaggerated deep breaths for Steve to copy. Once the two had been at it for a few minutes, Steve managed to control his breathing again.
“Oh, and this right here is Little Lottie, the best damn laundry deliverer in Brooklyn,” Bucky added, nodding in her direction. In any other situation, Lottie would’ve been at least a little annoyed with the nickname she’d earned, but with Bucky, she didn’t mind. She took a sort of pleasure in it, knowing that he thought she was special enough to deserve her own nickname. She relished the way he said “Little Lottie” in an almost sing-song voice; as if the nickname was a lyric to a song that he couldn’t quite place.
Mrs. Barnes smacked him upside the head and scowled teasingly, “I don’t know where you learned that language, but you certainly shouldn’t be using it in front of your mother and a young lady.”
Bucky held his hands up in mock surrender, but a smirk never left his face, “Alright, alright Ma, I’ll never do it again. Cross my heart,” and he made a show of solemnly drawing an imaginary “X” over his chest with his finger.
Steve barked out a laugh from the sofa, “I’ll watch out for him Mrs. Barnes, make sure he acts real saint-like around young ladies like Lottie over here,” he then met her gaze with an easy smile, “I’m Steve. Steve Rogers.”
“Nice to meet you, Steve,” Lottie grinned, “Now how’d you end up having one of these attacks in the first place?”
“Well as you heard, we were playing ball in that lot around the corner, and Buck here tried to show off for this little redhead Delores— but he calls her Dot —and long story short, I was the sucker that had to run for the ball when he hit a home run,” Steve explained, giving Bucky a lighthearted glare. Lottie’s heart sank and her stomach twisted at the mention of this “little redhead.” It seemed that she wasn’t the only girl in his life who was special enough to deserve a nickname. It sent her mind racing— how did he say her name? Did he drawl the nickname all slow like he was trying to savor the taste of it? Her eyes were probably a pretty green or blue, to complement her fiery hair. She probably had Mary Janes that fit just right and a dress that didn’t show off knobby little knees.
Lottie was shaken out of her stupor by Bucky nudging her with his foot, as he was standing next to the sofa where Steve lay, and she was still kneeling next to the sofa even though the wet rag she had used for Steve lay limp in her hands. “Little Lottie, Steve here asked if you’ve ever come to watch us play ball. A lotta the girls from school like to come watch,” Bucky said, staring down at her.
She shook her head, “No, my Ma hasn’t let me go that far away from home on my own yet. She’s probably nervous about all the rowdy older kids there.” Mrs. Barnes laughed at that, “As if my Bucky is any better than the ‘rowdy older kids.’”
Lottie shrugged; even her own Ma knew that Bucky had a good head on his shoulders. Most boys his age would tease her on the schoolyard, they were never as kind as Bucky. Her thoughts drifted briefly to her lucky penny tucked into the pocket of her dress and the borrowed handkerchief stored in her beginners’ sewing kit; she’d begged her mother to teach her how to embroider so she could decorate the handkerchief as a show of thanks for his kindness.
“Well you should come to the next game on Saturday, and your Ma won’t have to worry, you’ll be escorted by yours truly,” Bucky offered.
Mrs. Barnes interrupted the conversation, shooting Bucky a pointed look, “Actually, Saturday is Lottie’s tenth birthday! She’ll want to spend the day with her family, I’m sure.”
“Well when you say it like that Ma, let’s ditch the game altogether!” Bucky looked at Lottie, “Whaddya say to a day out at Coney Island with me and Steve? All special for your birthday.”
“Well rollercoasters and the beach sound an awful lot more exciting than a ball game. My Ma and Pa won’t miss me too much if I go out for my birthday, I’ll just make sure I’m home in time for supper,” Lottie said, accepting Bucky’s generous offer with a grin. She didn’t know Steve too well, but she knew if Bucky cared for him so deeply, he was a boy worth getting to know.
“I guess it’s settled then. Now Bucky, Steve, I’ll put the kettle on for when the two of you would like some tea. I left the teabag that Lottie and I used on her saucer,” Mrs. Barnes said, gesturing at the cracked porcelain saucer that held the reused teabag.
Lottie spent the rest of the afternoon with Bucky and Steve, she sipping on her watered down iced tea from earlier in the day, and the boys drinking their fresher drinks.
She learned a lot about the boys in those few hours; Steve’s passion and skill at art and Bucky’s love of film musicals— that fact made her giggle while he defended himself.
“I don’t care what you think Steve, Eddie Cantor was aces in Whoopee! ”
“I never said he was bad, I’m just sayin’ no one can take a guy seriously when he’s dancin’ around and singin’ like that, Buck.”
“I’m really keen on that song, ‘My Baby Just Cares For Me.’ When Eddie sang it, it was so charming and romantic.”
“Thank you, Little Lottie, glad to know you’re not bumping gums like Stevie over here. We’ve got a taste for the finer things, you and I.”
When the sun began to dip below the horizon, Lottie knew that it was time to go home for supper. She thanked Mrs. Barnes, who was handling a distressed Becca, for her hospitality and bid farewell to the boys. She skipped down the stone steps of the tenement, scraps of sketch paper in hand— the boys had attempted to teach her how to draw with charcoal like they’d been doing in their accelerated art classes during the last school year. She would never be quite as good as them, but something inside of her warmed at the memory of Bucky looking over her shoulder to see what she was drawing.
Tucked between the scraps of paper was a drawing that Bucky had done while Steve was teaching her shading concepts— it was a picture of her and Steve, both sitting on the floor, using a low coffee table as a desk to draw on. Bucky had gotten the shading on Steve’s golden hair just right; his strands reflecting some sun, while her mousey curls hung around her face. Bucky had taken extra care in creating the curls, as they were no doubt difficult to recreate on paper. She giggled at the shape of the nose he’d given her— he needed to do some work on drawing facial anatomy. Looking closer, it seemed that the coffee table in front of her and Steve was in no way proportional to their bodies, making them look like giants compared to the furniture. Regardless, she loved the picture, especially the loopy signature at the bottom of it.
That night, Lottie placed the sketches on her dresser, right next to a mason jar, where she placed her lucky penny. She surveyed her most prized possessions with a look of fondness and sighed happily,
“James Buchanan Barnes, I’ll love you ‘til I die.”
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Back To You
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The events following the conversation in the plane could only be described as awkward. It only became awkward because all of them knew what Scott had said was he truth. All of them knew that. Hell, even Hope knew that.
As the plane landed they all made there way to a bathroom and swore, as Johnathan lay butt naked, not to tell a single soul about what they knew. Scott called it 'The butt naked oath'. Now that was the easy part.
The harder part was lying to Tony and him. They both had played a prominent role in Y/N's life. Tony was not only her brother but also her guardian from a young age. After their parents had passed away in a tragic car accident, Tony was the only on she had in her life. He was always there for her no matter what and he knew her like the back of his hand. She wasn't able to sneak up cake after dinner when they were young how the hell was she going to lie about this situation.
When it came to laying to him, Y/N could kind of get away with it. They both had known each other for a long long time. She knew that she was a goner from the second she saw him. Of course it took her a couple of years to realise that, but still Buck Barns had here heart from the start. She loved him, she still does. But the he couldn't love her.
"You still with us or are you up in dream land?" questioned a voice in a car.
"Huh" replied Y/N not hearing what had been said.
"I asked whether you were hear with us or in dream land" said Tony. "And your answer just told me that you were in dream land. Did Peter's blabbering bore you?"
"No it's nothing like that. I'm just tired" replied Y/N.
"It's alright kid. I know you are. Just don't do that while standing on top of a stove. Pepper will kill you if a fire doesn't." joked Tony.
"Haha" Y/N replied dryly.
"Oh I'm not joking. New York has changed you." said Tony.
"Yeah whatever."
As they reached the house Tony went unbuckle Peter from his seat while Y/N stood there marveling over her old house.
"Hey why don't you take Peter in and I'll get your stuff" said Tony putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah. Come on Pete, let's go" said Y/N slipping into her baby voice. As she was walking towards the house, she became absolutely oblivious of her surroundings. The second she stepped into the house she was surprised by many people shouting at the same time 'Welcome home.'
During this Y/N being Y/N had managed to be so scared that she fall down straight on her back. Taking Peter down with her. Pepper was the first of all of them to make her way to Y/N, but alas when a child is hurt the mother doesn't see anyone else.
"Oh go Peter" and with that the whole room was making a fuss over where Y/N lay there still on the ground a little shocked.
"You need some help?" said the voice Y/N was hoping to hear a little latter.
"No I'm fine" she said getting up, completely ignoring his hand. Standing up fully she took his appearance in. He looked the same except there was hair on his cheeks, he was still tall taller than her at least, his hair was still shot and messy even though he had tried to set it and his eyes they were still the same shining ocean.
"Hi" he whispered. His voice a little gruff, yet soft.
"Hey" Y/N whispered back not quite sure what else to say. Just as Bucky had opened his mouth, she was pulled away by Natasha and the rest of her friends.
They all stared making conversation with her and hugged her, but Y/N's mind was still on the boy who held her heart. No matter what she will make her way back to him.
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mollysolo · 9 hours ago
Dark Paradise - Chapter (nine / ?)
Pairing: bodyguard!Bucky Barnes X fem!Reader
Series Summary: Through out your life you’ve been able to easily get used to many things. Sudden wealth, new cities, affairs, new step-parents, drugs, etc. All of these things were normal for you, your life was pretty normal to you at least. That was until a certain man flipped your world upside down.
Chapter Summary: Tension arises at your fathers funeral.
Warnings: None :))
Word count: 1.5k
Previous Chapter
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Three weeks later, you and Bucky were now standing in front of that damned mirror again.
Your palms sweated as you stared at your reflection, so much had happened in the last month and nothing felt real anymore.
You swiftly wiped your hands off on your dress while Bucky began to spin you around to face him. He looked down at you with concerned eyes and you looked back up at him with nervous ones.
He started to loosely hold your face in his hands, making sure not to get any makeup on them as they remained there.
He pressed a short but gentle kiss to your knuckles, making you giggle as he then he opened his mouth to speak.
“It’ll be okay, doll. We can leave as soon as the service is over, alright?” he assured.
You softly nodded, trying to hold back tears. Noticing this, Bucky got a makeup wipe and handed it to you. You took it from him with another quiet chuckle.
“It’s your fathers funeral, (y/n). I doubt that anyone will expect you to have a full face of makeup on. Especially after all of the things you are going through.” he told you.
“I know.” you whispered with another nod while you took off the light makeup you had applied a few minutes prior.
Once it was all off, you grabbed Buckys hand and began to leave your apartment building with him.
Grieving had been one of the hardest things you had to go through in your life. But, you had to admit it was a lot easier with Bucky right there by your side every step of the way.
—Time Skip: One hour later—
While you approached the funeral home, your body stayed close to Bucky’s. You kept your head held high, ready for anything someone might say to you.
Deep down you knew that people would start judging you and gossiping. You expected it even. You knew the fact that you had fallen in love with your bodyguard would be frowned upon.
You silently sat down with him in the front row of seats. Bucky held your hand in his lap as everyone waited for the funeral to begin.
Your sister walked up to the podium a few moments later, dark circles under her eyes. She looked so tired and numb standing up there all by herself.
You wished that you hadn’t been recovering the past few weeks, you wanted to have comforted her. You could tell that she was suffering more than you ever were.
Which you also expected as she was your fathers favorite and they spent most weekends together, bonding without you.
“Alright everyone, I’m going to give my speech as will my sister, (y/n) and lastly our fathers lawyer will make an announcement. Thank you all for coming today.” Wanda spoke to the small crowd in front of her.
Once it was your turn to give your speech, you couldn’t help but burst into tears. Your sisters speech had reminded you of the happy memories you two shared with your father once more.
Though, you still felt so conflicted.
Bucky stood behind you and kept one of his hands on your back as you got out the words in your speech.
You quietly thanked Bucky as well as everyone in the crowd while you finished your speech and started to go back to your seat.
Wanda flashed you a gentle frown and patted your leg as you sat back down.
‘I’m okay’ you mouthed to her.
‘Okay.’ she mouthed back.
It was now your fathers lawyers turn to speak, you could just see how incredibly nervous he was. And you wondered what exactly was in your fathers will that made him so scared to even utter it.
He quickly cleared his throat before he began to talk to everyone, but more specifically you and your family.
“Mr. (y/l/n) wrote in his will that in the event of his death, his daughter Wanda will take over his business and his two daughters will evenly split all of the money he has in his bank account. Which is currently 20 million dollars, each daughter will get 10 million. There is no mention of his current wife in his will.” the lawyer quietly but clearly spoke.
As he finished speaking loud gasps echoed out across the room.
You couldn’t believe it, even though your father barely paid any attention to you, he still gave you a lot of his money.
Maybe he really did love you and was just quite bad at showing it.
But you had to admit, it felt good to know that your step-mother got nothing. You hated her the second you met her five years ago.
The lawyer tried to make a quick escape from the funeral, but your step-mother stopped him. She stomped her foot on the ground like a child as she glared down at the lawyer.
“You must have made a mistake! He wouldn’t leave me out of his will!” she shouted, still acting like a child having a temper tantrum.
“No ma’am, I did not make any mistakes. You can read it for yourself, he left you nothing.” the lawyer anxiously said.
She snatched the will from his hands and scanned her eyes across the words on the piece of paper.
The lawyer was right, she got nothing.
Wanda scoffed and said to her, “He probably caught on to the fact that you are nothing but a gold digger. He would’ve loved to see us laughing at your pathetic self.”
Wanda smirked as she finished speaking.
You covered your mouth with your hand as you let a loud laugh escape your lips. You smirked as well while you quickly thought of another way to snap back at the woman.
“Wandas not wrong. Did you ever find it weird that he never had any photos of you up around the house or that he never invited you to his galas? He knew you were just using him.” you said, successfully snapping back at her.
“Ugh!” she screamed before she then stormed out of the funeral home.
You and Wanda laughed as she dramatically left with tears streaming down her face. Your eyes met Bucky’s face to see him laughing as well.
“Damn, I didn’t know you had that in you doll.” he said, still laughing a little bit.
“I’m full of surprises.” you said with a bright smile on your face while you stood up from your seat.
Bucky smiled back at you as he also stood up and took your reaction to his comment as a sign that you were ready to leave.
But before you two did, he obviously gave you and Wanda a few minutes to say your goodbyes.
“If you ever need help with the company, don’t be afraid to call me okay?” you made known to your sister.
She nodded in response.
As you and Bucky walked up to your car, you saw Jean leaning up against it. There was a douchey and infuriating look painted on her face.
You rolled your eyes at her as she began to slowly clap and a smirk stayed plastered on her face.
“Wow, making your step-mother cry? I never thought you’d do that.” she sarcastically said, her eyes lingering to Bucky’s face, he looked away.
“Why are you here?” you asked her with an annoyed tone to your voice.
“I thought I’d pay my respects to your family.” she said, now evilly grinning at you.
“Leave, your not welcome here.” you simply said, your eyebrows knitting up with pure rage.
“Alright, but this won’t be the last time you see me, “doll”.” she said before making a theatrical exit.
“Fuckin’ bitch.” you muttered under your breath as you hopped into the drivers seat.
“All she ever does is try to steal the things that make me happy and now that you’re in my life, she’ll try to steal you too. I can’t let that happen.” you told Bucky, your voice becoming subtly shaky.
“Wait, I make you happy?” Bucky curiously asked you, placing a hand on your arm to stop you from starting the car.
“Yes, you do Bucky. You make me the happiest woman on earth.” you answered, resting your hands on the steering wheel.
His arm dropped to his side with shock, he couldn’t believe what you were saying.
He then reached over to you and pressed a deep kiss to your lips. You softly moaned into his mouth like you had the first time he ever kissed you.
“I’m happy to hear that doll. My heart belongs to you and only you, okay?” he replied.
“Same here.” you said smiling at him as you turned the car on.
“Oh and Bucky?” you said, looking over at him once more.
“Yes doll?” he said.
“When we get home, I want you to fuck the shit out of me. I need you and I can’t wait any longer.” you added, your breaths beginning to speed up.
He bit his bottom lip between his perfectly white teeth as his the corners of his mouth rose into a smile.
“Don’t have to tell me twice princess.” he told you.
A warmth pooled in your stomach as you began to drive as quickly as the limit would allow you to.
You needed to get home as soon as possible.
Previous Chapter
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strwbrrybucky · 16 hours ago
spontaneous trip (pt 1)
a/n: hey guys! welcome to the first chapter of my new series! im not very sure how long this will be, but i have everything planned out and i hope you guys enjoy it! ill be working on chapters frequently, and im hoping to have the second part out by friday at the earliest. please enjoy, and feedback is always welcome! <3
!! this will be an 18+ story, so please dni if u are a minor! my page is 18+ as well !!
summary: you go on a trip to italy, somewhere youve never been, and you ask a random man to take your picture a siteseeing location. u both connect instantly and end up touring italy together
word count: 1840
warnings: none! just a small mention of loss of a loved one but thats pretty much it
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It has been a few months since the passing of Steve, and every day it gets tougher for Bucky to wake up and roll out of bed like everything is fine. Because he knows it’s not. The second Steve offered to take those stones back, Bucky knew exactly why he wanted to go.
And it’s not like Bucky was mad at him for doing so, never that. He was just having a hard time coping.
“Have you thought about seeing someone?” Sam nudged Bucky in the rib as they were taking a walk through a park in New York. He was trying to be as supportive as he could with his friend, but even Sam knew that people would only do what they wanted to do. Bucky shrugged as he looked up and adjusted his sunglasses.
“I don’t know. Don’t think it would help.” Sam chuckled softly and pat Bucky’s shoulder reassuringly.
“You never know unless you try.” They both sat down on a bench in the park, backs towards the sun and an open grass field in front of them. The weather was getting warmer, which meant more people coming outside and taking up space.
Bucky had seen someone when he was free from Hydra, but it was a load of shit. All he got from it were nightmares that he had gotten frequently still, to this day. It wasn’t something he looked forward to, but he knew Sam was right.
“I’ll look into it.” Sam smiled and patted his shoulder again, happy that he was going to try to see someone. Sam knew Bucky took Steve’s death the hardest. They had been best friends since the 40’s, a lifetime of companionship and trust was built, even when Bucky was captured by Hydra.
Sam and Bucky had both said goodbye to each other about an hour after Bucky had said he would look into a therapist. He wasn’t looking forward to going back home by himself, his apartment was too dreary for his liking but he didn’t know anything about interior design, so he kept it the way it was when he had first moved in.
Unlocking the door swiftly, he opened the door and closed it right behind him as he took his boots off, setting the keys onto the table right next to the front door. He looked around his kitchen and living room that was right in front of him, sighing.
What a long night this would be.
“Hi, I’m Bucky Barnes and I have an appointment today.” He stuffed his hands into his pocket, fiddling with a piece of string between his fingers. The lady behind the counter smiled softly and looked through the computer for a second to confirm his appointment.
“I will let Dr. Raynor know you’re here. You can have a seat and I will be right back.” Bucky nodded and turned around, settling into a chair right by the exit door, just in case he wanted to bail. He looked around the tint waiting room and noticed posters that weren’t the cheesy ‘hang in there!’ or “it’ll be okay!’. Most of them had actually good advice, hotlines numbers to different lines for different situations. He had his hands in his lap, playing with his gloved fingers before he was startled by a woman saying his name.
“Mr. Barnes?” He looked up and over to the other door near the receptionist desk and saw a small woman with brown hair pulled back into a bun, glasses sitting up on top of her head and a clipboard in her hand. She saw Bucky looking and smiled, motioning for him to join her. He exhaled slowly, standing up and making his way towards her and through the door she held open for him.
“I’m Dr. Raynor. It’s nice to meet you!” She smiled back towards him as they walked to her office, turning on the white noise machine at the foot of the door and letting Bucky inside. Her office was small, but cozy. She had family photos hanging on the wall as well as her degrees. . The windows looked out to the city, the blind shalfway open so the room was just cool enough for the two of them.
“Please, have a seat.” She gestured towards the cream colored couch, as she sat in her chair right across from him. The only thing separating the two of them was a coffee table with a box of tissues and a few magazines on them. He watched as she shuffled through her notepad, picking up a pen and setting both down on her lap, looking up at Bucky with a soft smile.
“So, how are you doing today?” Bucky shrugged, looking back down at his gloved hands, wishing he never made this appointment. This was stupid.
“I’m fine.” He wanted to be as short as possible, hoping that he would be able to get this done and over with, never making an appointment ever again. She nodded, looking down at her notepad and scribbled something before looking back up again.
“Anything going on in your life lately?” He sighed, looking out the window for a few seconds before speaking. If he was going to be here, he might as well say something.
“My best friend passed away a few months ago.” He heard Dr. Raynor hum for a second followed by little scribbles on the notepad.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Do you want to say how that’s made you feel? How it has affected you lately?” He sucked in a breath, placing both his hands on his lap, bouncing his knee. He was never this anxious when it came to talking about Steve, but he thought it was just because he was finally talking about it to someone other than Sam.
“It’s been, hard. We were best friends. I won’t go into detail but I miss him, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I haven’t gone anywhere since his passing, I only see one friend and even then he’s busy. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Bucky let out a breath, and suddenly all this weight on his shoulders lifted. He felt immensely better after saying what had been on his mind for months and months. Dr. Raynor nodded and wrote some more in her notepad, then set it on the table. She sat back in her chair, crossing her legs and lacing her fingers together.
“I hear you, I can understand how difficult it can be to lose a loved one. Have you thought about going on vacation? Just to have some time to yourself away from everyday reminders of your lost one. It could help you immensely.” Bucky shrugged, not really ever thinking of going on a vacation. He always thought he didn’t deserve a vacation even if he worked his ass off over the years.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure where I would even go.”
“Try somewhere you’ve never been, maybe somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.” She smiled as Bucky looked out the window again, thinking of all the places he visited on missions. Though they were working, he was able to take a day or two sightseeing. He nodded his head as his therapist helped him name a few places that he could look online for tickets.
After his session he called Sam quickly, just to tell him his first time went well and that he might see her again.
“She also told me I should go on vacation.” Sam laughed at the thought of Bucky sitting on the beach in the sun, sunscreen on his nose and vibranium arm in the hot sun.
“Oh really? Like where?” Bucky shrugged as he kicked a pebble with his shoe as he walked to the public library to read something about the places his therapist suggested. He could do some research online, but for him there was nothing better than finding a good book and settling down in a comfy chair.
“Not sure, I am going to the library to read up on some history from a few places.” Sam chuckled.
“Why don’t you just use the internet like a normal person?” Bucky rolled his eyes, switching his phone to the other hand as he came up to a crosswalk and pressed the button so he could cross the street.
“Haha, funny man. Anyway, I’ll let you know what I decide on and how long I will be gone for.” Sam said okay as they both said their goodbyes when Bucky walked up to the library doors and walked inside, being greeted with a blast of cool air on his skin.
When he got home, he felt refreshed. There was no longer this looming sadness over his head. Though he was still grieving his loss, he wasn’t as bent up about it before. His therapist did tell him that sometimes grieving a loved one can come in waves, and that he can call her whenever he needed her, and he thought that was nice. Besides having Sam in his life, this was the first time he truly felt like someone cared enough to ask what was going on with him.
He went online and looked at different places, going back and forth on two locations until finally purchasing tickets to explore Italy, a place he had only seen in a brief passing, but wanted to explore more. He decided he was going to go for three weeks, as he saw that was a good amount of time in a new country but long enough to recharge. He was hoping this would be a good alone time trip for him, and for once he was actually looking forward to something.
He went to his room, and took his long sleeve shirt off, looking at himself in the mirror, where his skin met metal. He was still self-conscious of his arm, but he knew he would have to get over the fear of people judging him, because he knew they would no matter what he did. He stuck out like a sore thumb, but at the end of the day, this is what he looked like and there was no changing it. He was just grateful he had a working arm again.
He tossed his clothes he wanted to take out on his bed, rummaging through his closet to find his suitcase before setting it down on the floor and dumping some essentials in there. He wasn’t going to be leaving for the next two days but he wanted to be sure he had gotten a head start and not procrastinate. He didn’t want to go under-prepared.
A few hours had passed and he had pretty much everything he needed to go on the trip to Italy. He rubbed his face, collapsing into bed and sighing. He figured he could look at some sightseeing places tomorrow morning, as he was just too tired to do anything else. He only hoped he wouldn’t be plagued with nightmares again tonight.
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barnestuff · 17 hours ago
morning kisses
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summary waking up in Bucky’s arms.
pairing bucky barnes x reader
warnings none. fluff.
a/n I hope everyone’s doing well <3 not my gif
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
Bucky slowly opened his eyes, his hands searching your body on the bed. He wrapped his arms around you and sighed. Nothing felt like holding you in his arms. He didn’t want to wake up but he couldn’t keep his hands off you. He buried his head in your hair and inhaled the scent of your shampoo. It was his favorite scent in the whole world.
“Good morning, Bucky.” you said with a lovely voice, looking at him, your head still on his bare chest. He smiled at you, he didn’t realise you were awake.
“Good morning, pretty girl.” he said, his voice raspy from sleep, and his hands went to your chin, lifting your head up to kiss you. You slowly leaned and kissed his lips.
Bucky was tired before meeting you. He was tired of endless fights and chaos all around him. He was tired of fighting. He was longing for peace, until he met you.
You were his peace. His comfort. You were everything he had and needed.
In little moments like this, he couldn’t help but think how lucky he was to have you. He could never even imagine being this happy, but there he was wrapped up in sheets, his girl in his arms, smiling like an idiot.
“Slept well?” you asked as you started kissing his neck. He chuckled.
“I always sleep well when you are next to me, doll.” he said and rolled you so he could be on top of you.
“Bucky!” you squeaked. He started peppering kisses all over your face. His lips were on your cheeks, forehead, nose, eyes. You were giggling like a little girl in his arms. He took his time with your lips, kissing them slowly and tenderly. You smiled into the kiss, loving the feeling of his lips on yours.
You loved waking up in Bucky’s arms. Every morning you would wish to wake up in his arms for the rest of your life. Waking up warm, safe and happy, smelling his comforting scent.
Bucky broke off the kiss and laid on his back, pulling you to his chest. You smiled delightfully.
“Good morning, baby.”
“Good morning, Bucky.”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:
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bucksdolll · 18 hours ago
Sweet Sweet Revenge - [ Bucky x F Reader ]
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Summary - Bucky takes something from you so you decide to take something from him
Prompt from @metalbuckaroo ’s prompt list - #7. “wait, no, don’t take kissing away from me.”
Word Count - 734
!WARNINGS! - tinny mention of implied smut, but other than that none i think, if something triggers anyone let me know and i’ll put it on the warnings
Notes - this is my first writing on here, so if anyone has any feedback or constructive criticism please leave a comment. all mistakes are my own.
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You stir in your sleep as you reach for your super-soldier boyfriend to cuddle up to. It was Saturday and y’all had no plans whatsoever but to stay in bed. You open your eyes when your hand meets nothing but cold sheets. You sit up in bed groaning, memories of last night floating through your head. You smile softly as you kick your legs over the edge of the bed and stand up grabbing one of Bucky’s old shirts.
You toss it over your head as you walk down the small hallway of your shared apartment to the kitchen. As you get closer to the kitchen you hear purring from Alpine and possible chewing noises. As you turn the corner you internally gasp as you lay eyes on Bucky, eating out of a box of doughnuts you specifically told him not to touch.
You had gone to a new bakery that opened just down the street yesterday while you waited for Bucky to get back from his day long mission. You walked inside and were immediately surrounded but the scent of freshly baked cookies, pies, loaves of bread you name it. What caught your attention was the little display case full of delicious-looking doughnuts. You immediately ordered a dozen and brought them back to the apartment to save for this weekend.
When Bucky finally got back from the mission he had questioned you about the box. You explained it to him and told him he had to wait until after breakfast on Saturday. He immediately put on the cute little frown that you have a hard time saying no to, but you held your ground. He eventually gave up or so you thought.
The soft padding of your feet alerted Bucky and his head snapped up with a guilty smile on his face. “Good morning sweetheart!” Bucky said, trying desperately to quickly swallow the doughnuts that were in his mouth. “Don’t sweetheart me James Buchanan Barnes I thought I told you not to touch those!” you scolded. Bucky muttered what you think was a “fuck” under his breath. “Oh come on doll, they were just sitting here and smelled so good.” Bucky practically whined out. “Plus I didn’t think you would get up this early.”
“How many did you eat?” You question as he froze up. “James, how many did you eat?” You ask again as you walk toward him and the light blue box. He tries to snatch it up but you grab it before he can. You open it to find nothing but crumbs. Your head snaps up to look at him with a glare that scares even the world's most deadly assassin. “Doll they just look so good, and I was planning on going to get more before you got up so you wouldn’t know.” Bucky rambles trying to get out of trouble.
He knows his girl and no one takes her doughnuts.
You are pissed at Bucky but try not to let it show the little plan of revenge you have planning in your head. “You know what Buck it’s fine.” His face contorts with confusion. “You took all the doughnuts so, I guess I will have to take something away from you then.” You paused. “Oh I know, no kisses for the rest of the day!”
His mouth drops open. “Wait, no, don’t take kissing away from me.” He pleads walking around the small kitchen island to get to you. “Please darlin’ I’ll do anything, just don’t do that!” He practically begs. “Okay then if you want me to forgive you, you better go down to the bakery. Go get two new boxes of doughnuts and you better do it fast.” You say as you turn around and pick Alpine up and cradle her in your arms.
You hear shuffling and the jingle of keys. You turn to look over your shoulder to see Bucky rushing to get his things before heading out. “Okay doll I’ll be right back!” Bucky says as he rushes out the door. You giggle as you rub Alpine’s head as you walk back to your shared bedroom. You curl back into bed. Alpine still in your arms, you look down at him.
“How long do you think it takes your dad to realize that the other six are in a box on top of the fridge?” Alpine meowed in response, causing you to laugh.
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angrythingstarlight · 22 hours ago
I know the last ask meant beard kink but now I can't stop thinking about baker bucky. Like cooking with him and he'd just be a sweetheart. And so damn strong. Oooo
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A/N Drabbble. 18+ only. I'm going to turn this into a full summer fic. Maybe combine this with the strawberry farmer AU. Do not copy, repost, translate or rewrite my posts. Comments and reblogs are amazing.
Baker Bucky would be the best boyfriend. He has a slightly chubby belly from eating all his cakes and cookies. He always has flour in his hair. He wants you to be his taste taster for everything new because he loves spoiling you.
His bakery smells wonderful, scents of cherry and vanilla lingering in the air.
Bucky smells even better, his cologne surrounding you as he lays you on his flour dusted table. Tonight he has a smudge of chocolate across his cheek because he's been trying new recipes all day.
Now he's ready to share.
"Peach, I want you to tell me which one is your favorite." He parts your thighs with one large hand and slips his long frosting covered finger in your mouth.
He smiles when you moan as the rich flavor bursts on your tongue. "Ya know peach, nothing tastes better than your pretty pussy."
He's been aching all day to have a taste of you. Bucky cuts a thin slice of cake and slips into your open mouth. His sparkling blue eyes glowing with pride when you moan again, mumbling that it's incredible.
"Sure is, peach." He whispers under his breath, his eyes never leaving your face. "Incredible."
Bucky has a sweet tooth and seeing you laid out before him is too much for him. You're a decadent treat he can't resist. His favorite meal in the world glistening and dripping for him.
Bucky lowers his head between your thighs, his warm wet tongue gliding through your folds, a vulgar groan radiating from his chest. You're sweeter than honey. His tongue circles your clit just right and you cry out his name. Your thighs closing over his head, Bucky slides his hands under your ass and brings you closer.
He keeps licking and circling, so greedy for more of you. He can't get enough of you on his tongue, muttering that you taste so fucking good, he wants you to drench his face. Your moans and cries louder and louder in the kitchen. Then he sucks your clit in his hot, wet mouth and you shatter, hard and fast, the pressure in your belly snapping with each flick of tongue.
Bucky lifts his head, a grin etched across his handsome face. "Good Peach?"
You nod, rubbing your hand down your face. Short harsh pants escaping your lips. "Uh huh"
"Now try this one."
He taps your swollen clit with his palm, the burst of sensations makes you gasp. Bucky slips another piece of cake into your mouth and then dives back to his snack.
"Gonna eat your pussy all night Peach if you let me. Wanna live between your thighs." He sighs, spreading your folds with his fingers. "So fucking pretty and all mine."
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bvccy · a day ago
Nothing to Despair | 21. On which my ruins rest
PAIRING: Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader
SYNOPSIS: Bucky and a girl he never met before have to go undercover as married on a mission to Europe. He feels alienated in the modern world, while she goes through life alone and abandoned. Maybe they can find a new home in each other, but she’s not easily convinced.
CHAPTER NOTES: More smut, some dark!Bucky, bondage (handcuffs), sweet dirty talk, lingerie kink, fingering, a bit of petplay (kitten!reader), frottage, breeding kink, creampie, and cockwarming. Actually very tender lovemaking and, in spite of appearances, fully consensual. I know I've been spamming you with porn these chapters 😂 Thank you for all your comments and support! 💖 Beta-read by @offcast-plus1​ <3
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Lyde was not so dear to Antimachus, nor Bittis so loved by her Philetas, as you, my wife, clinging to my heart, worthy of a happier, not truer husband. You’re the support on which my ruins rest, if I’m still anyone, it’s all your gift. — Ovid, Tristia, His Wife: Her Immortality
They went out for a late lunch, and took their time with a two-course meal, dessert, drinks. Sweetened by pastries and hot tea, and softened toward him of her own will, Bucky had never felt more at ease around her, more comfortable and happy and at home, and he could see her turning shy every time she looked at him and saw how lovingly he looked at her, with his big dumb smile and crinkled eyes. Had anyone else looked at her like that before? He hoped not.
Thanks to a confusion with their orders, they got into conversation with another couple sitting next to them, and after they switched the plates between their tables, they introduced themselves. The elderly pair were vacationing Britons, Cecil and Pippa Monday. They went on a cruise every once in a while, or on some camping trip or mountain climbing or some other great adventure. Cecil was a jovial type, completely grey and a bit fat, and in spite of some joint pain, and growing hard of hearing in one ear, and having to keep track of a host of different pills to take, he seemed happier than anyone they'd met in a long time. Pippa was a little different — though equally grey and plump, she had a tough, imperial air, her swollen wrists and digits tastefully bejewelled, holding the cutlery very precisely in her manicured fingers, and smelling finely of perfume.
The girl eyed Bucky warily as he introduced them — caught on the spot, he used the same identities as from the mission, because that's what their passports said and it was the cautious thing to do. She could note a frown of sadness as he used the names, in all their bitter history, but she reached out and held his hand, and the warm smile he gave as he turned to look at her made up for it.
They went out for a walk afterwards, all four together, strolling on the decks. Mr. Monday taking pictures, Pippa posing now and then. Although she was, at times, commanding, the two got along uniquely well, and whether from getting used to each other over the years or just their natures fitting together in the right way, they seemed steady as a rock. They walked ahead, slowly, with Bucky and his wife behind, and as the girl looked at them waddling along, holding hands like schoolchildren, talking and supporting and admiring each other with every little chat or evening plan or snapping of a picture, something in her heart began to ache. Why couldn't she have that? How come it could happen to other people and not her? Could it happen to her? Just as she struggled with the ugly fear, she felt Bucky's warm hand caress her back.
He trailed his palm up and down her stiff length of spine, to remind himself that she was there and his and he was right by her side, as he watched the snowy lovebirds up ahead. Thanks to the rotten mission and their circumstances, he'd been robbed of the opportunity to introduce them as Mr. and Mrs. Barnes for the first time. And now, he could just about hear as the Mondays — a well-meaning and wholesome pair — speculated with a bit of pity and concern about them. It hadn't escaped their notice how the names stuck in Bucky's throat, and how nervous his girl became, and now they thought they were —
"Going through something awful…"
"Must be."
"Probably divorce or the like."
"They're a bit too young for that."
"Well, you know, my dear. These days…"
— and he hated their pity, the suspicion that anything was wrong, and even the ghost of the thought of her abandoning him filled Bucky with cold anger.
From the corner of his eye, he caught her looking up at him, and so he let his face relax as he looked down and hummed in question. She shook her head but kept inspecting the lines of his face with worry. The hand trailed up her back to hold her neck and the other one came, hard and cold and gloved but gentler than anything, to brush some wind-swept tendrils from her face. Moments like these, when she seemed to have genuine concern for him, always overflowed his heart with love, and like a reflex he asked — heard his own voice whisper, rather — if everything was alright, and this time he didn't call her "doll" or "darling" but he used her name — more than her name: a littler version of it, the natural pet name that was hers.
It almost didn't register in her head when he said it, but as she caught up with what she heard, her eyes widened and she shivered under a rushing of hot blood. He'd never called her anything like that, nobody had, not since her friends at university — except, of course, her mother. It wasn't special, but it was so rarely used it had a deeper air of intimacy. She smiled instinctively and bit her lip at the little tenderness he put in saying it, and seeing her reaction, his face bloomed into a grin.
"Yes, I'm alright," she whispered back through a shy smile. "Are you?"
He stopped their walk, and held her face, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Never better." He raised his face from her before she could kiss back, so instead she turned her head and reached the hand that held her shoulder, and so kissed that instead.
The Mondays felt them stop, somehow, and stopped as well to look at them. Perhaps this somewhat allayed their more sombre speculations.
After they were done with their sight-seeing, Bucky thought it might be safer if they bought some takeaway for dinner rather than go out again, and the girl didn't argue. They were back in their suite in the early evening, when the sky was still pink and all the nearby rooms were empty.
He stowed the food they bought in the little fridge, then poured himself a drink while he watched. She moved gingerly, taking her clothes off and folding them too, while her husband sat in an armchair and sipped his whiskey. The girl acted as if he wasn't there, and though it might not have been her intention, it incited him even more. She was down to her lingerie when he told her to stop.
"Stay like this for a while, honey," he said, getting up and starting to take his own clothes off while he fixed her with his eyes. His wife straightened up but didn't move away, waiting for him by the desk and watching, rather bravely for her, as he hurriedly undressed. "Take just the slip off, now," he husked once he was down to his briefs, and pulled those off as well.
She obeyed quietly, seeming almost curious, but still let her hair fall to cover her, as there was no bra underneath. Bucky walked to her, slowly, and rested a hand on her hip, the other brushing her hair away so he could admire her more. He seemed almost pleased, but then he thought of something, and with a smirk asked her one more thing:
"Why don't you put your carnelians on? They look so nice on you."
She eyed him warily and parted her lips, almost ready to argue, before she decided against it. Slipping out of his hands, the girl went to the jewellery box and uncoiled the necklace from there. She didn't like the way he licked his lips and bit the fleshy lower one as she put it on, and as it slipped around her neck, she couldn't help but wryly quip:
"If you like them so much, maybe you should be wearing them."
"You're so mean to me," Bucky laughed, low and a little breathless from the sight. "Why are you always mean to me?"
He didn't seem upset, in spite of how his question was somewhat justified, so she jokingly replied, "It's how I express affection."
"Well then," he chuckled, stepping closer, "I'm madly in love with you too." Her smile died a little, and she looked back down just when he reached and grabbed her again, his hands cradling her hips pulling her gently forward. "You know I am… I wasn't joking," he whispered and kissed the top of her head, expecting some resistance because he knew she didn't like to hear it, even though he still didn't understand why. She stood stiffly in front of him and looked downward with no focus, and let him pull her deeper in the room, then to their bedroom, and shut the lights. "You were so sweet earlier," he murmured as he softly felt her waist. "What happened?"
"Too much… I reached my limit, I guess," she shrugged, and didn't have to specify what exactly was too much, because by now, though he couldn't name it either, he knew.
"Just relax."
"Easy for you to say."
"And let me take care of you."
"I don't want it."
"We talked about this. What did I tell you about wanting?" he growled, coiling the metal fingers around her neck in a loose hold and making her, finally, look at him. "You don't have to want, you just have to take it."
"Who's being mean now?"
Bucky sighed and searched her face, mellowing only a little. "Guess this is how I express affection."
She gave him a spiteful glance, daring him to squeeze harder, but she couldn't hold it long because his other hand moved to pull her panties off. She immediately grabbed his wrist, but it did nothing to stop him, and Bucky inched the garment off first one hip, then the other, until they were low enough to fall away. Holding the girl still with the metal arm, Bucky looked down at her, his dream come true in living flesh. Her chest peeked out from beneath her hair, the red gems sat like bloodstains on her skin, and that soft feminine triangle between her legs was framed beautifully by the garter straps. He was hard in seconds, his manhood pointing at what it wanted, and he felt her squirm and clutch the metal wrist trying to get away — probably more out of habit than anything else.
"Haven't you had enough?" she hissed.
Bucky dragged his gaze up her body and asked with a smirk, "Does it look like I've had enough?"
He pulled her to him by the jaw and tilted her head up for a kiss pure and gentle, and all the warmer for it, because underneath, her body rubbed against his, her chest to his, and his member up the length of her abdomen. His flesh hand kneaded her hips and moved to her lower back to pull her closer.
"How about I treat you nice tonight?" Bucky asked once his lips left her, so close he spoke right against them.
"I think we have a different idea of what that means," she muttered, looking at his chin to avoid the chill of his eyes.
"I know you want to be let go, darling," he sighed, pressing one short kiss into her upper lip, "but it's not good for you."
"Not good?!" she bit back, outraged enough to look up at him.
"You need to see that it's alright to be made love to. You need to trust me with that."
Her body was unmoving against his, but he still felt her bristle through the rasping of her tone. "I don't need anything. I don't need you. I was fine before."
Bucky's jaw tightened. It hurt every time she said it, it never got easier to hear her talk like that, but he reminded himself that he knew where she was coming from. He'd thought the same thoughts and felt the same feelings. He wasn't all that different, which made it easier, made her dearer to him than anyone in spite of these times when she sunk her little fangs in the hand he extended.
"You think you were, cause you'd been that way so long. Cause no one ever thought to take care of you before. Am I right?" He searched her eyes and was met with only a frown and an even harder glare. "But you don't have to go through life alone, doll. It's ok to need other people."
"Touching. Got that one from your shrink?"
It was sometimes easy to forget that she was Hydra.
Bucky's hand tightened ever so slightly around her neck as he thought back to how open and loving she'd been that morning, when he'd just asked her to be a prop for his self-pleasure. And now, at the mere suggestion of him pleasing her, she bit back with everything she knew could hurt him. She wasn't as subtle as she thought.
"Lay down on the bed," he growled. "On your front."
That got her eyes to widen slightly. When he released her she hesitated for a second, but slowly complied, climbing in bed as she was and making herself into a tight straight line with her forehead in the pillows, her eyes closed, her arms curled beneath her. She stayed still in waiting for him, and only jumped a little when she felt Bucky grab her foot: he had the handcuffs now, and secured her legs together at the ankles.
"What are you doing?" she fearfully asked, bracing herself on the bed on two tense arms to stare at him.
"Be a good wife and do as you're told, honey."
She slowly laid back down and waited. Soon enough, Bucky got in behind her and moved them both to lay on their side, his naked skin burning down her back, from his breath at the nape of her neck all the way down to her legs. He slipped his metal arm beneath the pillows while his flesh one rested on her hip. The girl inhaled sharply, then breathed it out slow and deep, and didn't fuss. He was breaking her in and she knew it, but it was hard to find the energy to fight back when there was no escape. His hand moved gently across her skin, more in teasing than in shyness, and then it moved forward and lower. She gripped it and tried, uselessly, to scratch across his skin, but it did nothing to stop him — worse, he seemed to like it.
"That's it, kitten, sink your claws in me…" She felt his member brush up against her thigh, just lightly, before he started thrusting against her skin, while in front his fingers pet the surface of her mound. "What a fierce kitty I've found," he moaned in her ear, and chuckled when she squirmed in his embrace and sunk her nails in harder. "Vicious little stray that nobody else wanted, isn't that right?"
His wife sunk her head forward, away from his whispers and hot breath and the deeply hurtful way he framed her life. She grit her teeth in useless anger and tried to ignore him, though she could think of a thousand biting things to say, while her feet shifted the little distance they could in discomfort, rattling the handcuffs. Bucky threw one leg over them to quiet her down.
"Yes, nobody wants a kitty that bites and scratches, do they? That doesn't want to be pet," he cooed, and felt her hand relent on his wrist, falling limply down while his fingers threaded from the top of her womanhood down to where he felt her dampening with each long, slow caress. "But you know what, honey?" he rasped into her skin, grinning with real gladness as he thrusted in broader arches against her thighs while his fingers teased her front. "I'm grateful nobody's wanted you before."
She jerked her elbow back at hearing that, managing to hit his ribs with one clumsy thrust. "That isn't true, you bastard," she gritted out.
"Ooh?" asked Bucky in a sing-song voice, surprised at her outburst of emotion. He should've guessed that hitting her pride would work. "Is that so?"
"Yes." She settled back down in his embrace and let him cuddle her again, feeling his member burn and throb against her skin while his fingers went back to their slow, maddening work. "I've been proposed to three times. Just always said no."
"Well… Glad I wasn't number four then," Bucky grinned, his smile tight and bright, hiding behind it the same homicidal instinct that had ended Hamelin — these men weren't a threat anymore (and he didn't know who they were anyway).
"You didn't exactly give me much of a choice," she muttered, turning to glare over her shoulder at him. "Look at you, you're not even sorry."
"Not one bit," he said, tilting his head and leaning down to her. She closed her eyes and let him do it, taking one teasingly light kiss after another while he pulled her against his front ever tighter, using her again to pleasure himself. His fingers had caused her to relax and open up a bit, but the way he kissed her — seemingly quick and chaste but so playful and desirous — made her pulse like nothing else. Bucky parted from her with a moan and whispered, "Can you part your legs a bit, sweetheart?"
She looked into his eyes and did so, too afraid to ask what he wanted to do. He held her gaze and lifted his hand from her, moving it behind to manoeuvre his hard hot manhood right between her thighs, and left it there. Her lips parted in surprise and he drank in the sight, grey eyes focused on her kiss-swollen mouth open in wonder while he eased her legs back together, and started thrusting. The tip of him peeked out from just below her mound, above the edges of her stockings, then was dragged back in when he pulled away, then out again. Once she understood, she tightened her legs even more, squeezing his length against her soft skin. Bucky's head fell forward one unguarded second in a hungry moan, before he opened his eyes and looked back down at her, tight and trapped and timid, but excited — he could feel how much right on the skin around his member. He felt how wet he made her, how she pulsed and her hips tilted — poor thing, he'd teased her enough, she needed a little something too. He moved from the heat of her thighs and swollen lips out into the cold of the room, while she got damper all around and kept squeezing him, using him to please herself as he used her. Her head rested heavily on the pillows, tilted slightly back into his chest, eyes closed while she bit her lip and Bucky kissed her shoulder. His hand stayed on her hip to guide her movements, but his eyes were focused on her arching chest.
"Look at those tight little peaks, darling," he purred, "and I haven't even touched you there." She winced and tried to curl back into him, but didn't even have time to bring her hands up to cover herself before he brought a finger up to tease her — just up and down the surface of one breast, at first, then lingering to touch the hardened peak so lightly she almost didn't feel it, but a deeper part of her did. "I love how sensitive you are," he whispered in her ear, his fingers playing with her while he thrust faster and pressed his front against her for a little longer every time. "Everything is too much, isn't it? After long years of nothing." He bent and leaned down to press a kiss to her tip, and didn't mind her bringing her arm up to push him away — he stayed right there and kissed it again, the gentleness making up for the rough way he was moving between her legs. "I know what that's like, sweetheart," he murmured. "It's like that for me too. Or was, before you."
She groaned under his attentions and shifted away from his lips, though it was no use. He followed her body and kept kissing, lapping now and then while he looked into her eyes, stopping to sigh from a particularly pleasurable thrust, then calm himself down and start again with kisses as light and tender as the ones he gave her mouth. It made her burn inside and out, and she tried to focus on the thought of what, in spite of her discomfort, this might have meant for him. If she was going to be good, which she wanted to be, she knew she had to let him get what he wanted — even if getting meant giving. And he gave without considering that she didn't know what to do with it, where to place these new unusual feelings and the growing knowledge that he was pleasured, happy, pleased, because of her.
Thinking back to their first time, her hips canted back into him on instinct — he noticed, and nibbled at her skin just slightly with a smirk and an approving moan — and she could finally allow herself to be flattered that she'd made him spill within minutes. It felt as much her conquest over him, as his; her vanity was satisfied. She had never imagined she could do that to a man, certainly not to one as big and brutal and rugged as he, who seemed to move through the world as if he owned it — because, with his excessive strength and skills, he probably could — and underneath the storm of feelings he was teasing out of her, a small battle raged between the hope that he wanted her, and the fear that he was lying.
"I need to be inside you again," he said with urgency. "Are you gonna let me?"
She looked back at him and almost paused in motions as she felt him throb and tremble, his skin sticking to her back and his breath coming out harsh and fast. His eyes looked pained and begging, and she couldn't say no, but she wouldn't say yes either, so she nodded. Bucky smirked and bit his lip as he looked over her flushed face, and in the warm and husky voice he got when he felt loving, asked:
"You want it before or… after?"
"B— first one." Why did I say that.
"Before?" he said with a bright, incredulous grin. Bucky got up from behind her and kneeled on the bed, lifting her legs and tilting them to the side together, holding them in the crook of his metal elbow while he placed himself where he wanted to be. She clung to the bedsheets but allowed him to move her around, keeping her eyes on his and not to what he was doing. "You want to finish with me inside a'you, doll?" he asked in a teasingly low voice.
He was more than ready to slip into her, and she'd been ready for the longest time, the tops of her stockings ruined with wet, so it was easy for him to join with his little wife. Her eyes closed as the feeling of it — not too painful, but discomforting enough to feel right — and her head fell back lazily, making room for Bucky to lean in and kiss her neck while he slowly settled in place. His hand fell by her side to brace himself and trap her in, instinctively afraid that she would move away — not that she could run anywhere, he'd made sure of it on purpose — and between being held up like that, and kissed, and taken, the same old overwhelming feeling came and all her promises of patience and duty fell apart.
"You don't have to hide," he cooed once he saw her cover her face with her hands and tilt away, as far as she could from him. "You don't have to be shy around your husband."
His gentle pleas turned into moans the deeper he went, then into whimpers of her name, and praises of how good she was, how warm, how soft, how perfect as his arms tightened around her, and then her name again, her pet name, and how she was his, only his, finally his. It didn't take long for her to undo him this time either, especially since she was a bit more relaxed and opened up, and though Bucky tried to thrust less deeply, less quickly than he wanted, he was at the very edge of his restraint. He wanted to see her face, but she was turned away and had covered her eyes with one hand, biting the thumb of the other, neck arched with the strain of pulling away from him. Her hips were pliant, docile, tamed — he could do whatever he wanted with that part of her, but he wanted everything. His arm stretched along her legs to push them closer, tighter, with him still inside and aching, while above he stretched to kiss the length of her from clavicle to cheekbone. He whispered her name against her blushing skin, and pleaded, and against her mutter of moans and whimpers asked:
"Tell me you love me." She winced as if struck and her every muscle froze, mouth going limp and losing its grip on her finger, hand slipping from her eyes, but inside he felt her throbbing. She seemed to be considering it. "You don't have to mean it…" he bargained, and the thought pained him so much he couldn't look at her. Bucky's head rested on her chest, where he could be with the cage that held her spirit and closed his eyes against it, forgetting everything else. "Please, doll…"
"I can't," she gasped, heaving pained breaths now that he'd settled inside her, as deep as he could reach and almost deeper, and refused to move or let her get away.
"You don't?"
"I can't say it."
He sighed into her skin, his anger at her turning very quickly into anger at himself, disappointment, the bitterness of failure, and after swallowing the lump in his throat, Bucky moved back off her. He held her by the hip, bending the legs tighter into her body with his metal arm so that he could see all of her: from the curled up little feet trapped in the handcuffs, up the lovely limbs in sheer black stockings that ended at her thighs — stained and very, very damp — and her derriere framed by the garters that dug into her flesh, and the point where he stretched and entered her. The scent of his wife was sweet and feminine and a bit salty and threaded with what was left of her perfume, and the sound of her once he started moving deep, hard, unforgiving — how she moaned and whined and could barely form the words to beg — that was what finally undid him. He grit his teeth and took in her body as he used it, then settled deeply, spilling all he had, and stayed there. Bucky didn't allow himself to moan or whimper or say any other useless thing, not anymore. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, careful not to grip her too tightly or press her legs down harder, though she winced and tried to wriggle from his grasp. He kept himself in her through his softening while he put a bit of pressure with his hand just on the other side, on her lower stomach. As he started moving his hand slightly, he felt one hot paw press against his hip.
"What are you doing?" she whined.
Bucky tilted his head back down to look at her, licking his lips at the wrecked sight of his girl, flushed and tousled and panting, her hand timidly touching his skin, eyes just slightly teary and burning into his while she tried very hard not to look at the sweaty rest of him. He gently leaned in and caged her in his arms, still mindful of her legs and the point where they were joined, and looked through the damp strands of hair that fell in his eyes to lowly growl:
"Sit still. Need to open you up, want it to take."
Her eyes widened — in fear? disgust? despair? — but she laid back down and let him. She tried to settle a bit more comfortably, but still huffed in frustration at being used, plugged up. He was hot inside of her, and though she was already burning from the friction, he warmed her up even more. With his eyes fixed on hers he started moving his hand again, palm flat and heavy, pleasuring her from inside and out. And when he found a spot that caused a shudder through her whole body, her look of apprehension melted into something new. He grinned and started focusing on it, moving his hips — because she made him harden again already — and finally she gave him the moans he wanted: loud and surprised and pained. And she looked up at him with such a large and open gaze, so sad, so pleading, as if she finally felt wanted and understood what it meant.
Breath by panting breath, she fell apart under his hand. Bucky felt her shudder then relax, saw her legs tensing in the rhythm of her moans while deep inside she pulsed and squeezed his length into another weak orgasm. Slivers of him were just beginning to seep from where he entered her, but there wasn't enough room for much of it to escape. Her own hand came up to cover her mouth in a limp attempt to stop herself from being louder, but it was useless. Her head tilted back, tangling her loose hair more, and she closed her eyes dreamily. Bucky gave her that pause while he just looked at her, almost forgetting about the furnace that encased him, but then she winced and said his name.
"Let me go… Bucky, let me go," she whispered, looking back up at him. It took him a second to realise what she was talking about. "My legs are starting to hurt."
He felt so good in her that he hesitated, then wanted to kick himself for it. You really are a piece of work, Barnes. Wordlessly, he nodded and slipped himself from her, then slowly laid her legs back down on the bed before going to the nightstand where the keys were. He unlocked the handcuffs and took a moment to massage her ankles and cold feet, but she didn't seem too much in pain. The stockings were ruined, but it didn't matter. Without her asking, he unclasped her garter belt and peeled the lingerie off her, then went up to undo the necklace as well. She laid quietly in bed and let him take everything off her, keeping her gaze on his face and waiting for him to look back — when he did, he could only hold it briefly, and she wondered if the ache she saw there was because of her, or… Of course it is, it always is. As soon as Bucky was done, she turned on her side and curled up while he went to put away her ruined garments and the jewels, and get a cloth to clean them both up.
He almost didn't want to go back to bed with her when he was done, but for once she actually asked for him. She didn't seem upset with the mess he'd made of her, or her aches or bruises. She stretched out her hand, pulled him in, and laid her head on his chest.
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likeahorribledream · a day ago
The One That Got Away
Chapter 3: One True Love
Summary: Bucky and Charlie bond over their mutual love for litterature, opening a little bit more of themselves to the other.
Word Count: 5.7k
TW: Fluff, so much fluff.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4
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Bucky and Charlie could have stayed on the phone for hours without getting bored or tired but Charlie’s mom needed to use the phone and made her hang-up after an hour of them talking.
Bucky seemed better than when she left him that afternoon but she was still worried about him. She wondered if he had told Steve yet, or if he was waiting until it was official. He clearly wasn’t taking the news very well and Steve would only be excited, hoping he would get drafted too when the moment came.
Charlie spent the rest of her night thinking about Bucky and what she could do to help him. From what the soldiers had said, they still had two months before they would start drafting men and she was determined to make the most of it.
She woke up the next day feeling a little bit anxious and nervous for her friend. Charlie had a habit of taking on other people’s problems and making them her own. Friends and family had told her on multiple occasions to be careful, that it wasn’t her responsibility to help the whole world but that was who Charlie was, at least she was trying to do something to help.
It was Thursday, and on Thursdays Charlie would be in the back office working on updating all the patients’ files that hadn’t been updated throughout the week for a lack of time. She was thankful for that, her thoughts being anywhere but at work. She had asked the woman who took her place at the front desk to let her know if Steve came in at some point during the day.
She spent the whole morning listening to music on the radio while slowly working her way through the files that had piled up during the week. Most people hated updating the files but Charlie loved it. It allowed her to catch up on the patients, sometimes wondering what had happened to them and it was a lot more relaxing than being with the patients. As much as she loved being with them, she needed some time alone from time to time. A small break from all the action.
When noon came around, Charlie had just finished updating a file and thought it was the perfect time for a break. She took the time to clean up her desk, knowing that if she didn’t do it now she would put it off until the end of the day and then curse herself for it. After making sure that everything that was done was put away, she walked out of the small office and closed the door behind her, locking it.
She went to the break room to get her lunch, walking in she saw that most nurses and doctors were sitting down at the large table and there weren’t any seat left for her. She grabbed her brown paper bag containing her lunch and decided to go eat outside, it was a nice sunny day might as well enjoy it, she thought.
When she walked outside, it took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to how bright the sun was shining. The office where she had been all morning didn’t have any windows and she had gotten used to the darkness. After blinking a few times to get her eyes into focus, she noticed a familiar face waiting for her in front of the clinic.
She panicked. Was something wrong? Did she forget that they had made plans?
Bucky, seeing her confusion, smiled and approached her.
‘’I hope you don’t mind. I thought we could eat together again today.’’ He smiled, shyly.
Charlie felt relief wash over her and allowed herself to smile back.
‘’I would love to.’’ She grinned.
She took a moment to look him over. He looked a lot better than he did yesterday, his eyes had that spark she loved so much again.
‘’D’you want to go back to the diner?’’ He asked, no specific plans in mind.
Charlie looked at the diner across the street and then looked down to the sad little paper bag she was holding, a soggy sandwich waiting for her at the bottom of it.
‘’Sounds a lot better than the lunch I was about to have. Just give me a minute, I’ll go put it back.’’ She raised her hand that was holding the bag and gave it a sad look.
Bucky laughed and nodded, letting her know he would be waiting right here.
Charlie made her way inside, all the way to the back to the break room and put her lunch back. She’ll just save it for tomorrow. She quickly made her way back outside, this time her eyes getting used to the light a lot quicker and she smiled at Bucky.
‘’Let’s go.’’ She said, walking towards Bucky.
She had almost reached the street to cross, no cars in sight when she felt a hand grab her wrist and slowly pull her back. She turned her head to look at the hand holding her and stepped back. She was confused as to why Bucky had held her back, it had been safe to cross the street.
‘’Is everything ok?’’ She looked at him, concerned. He was frowning and looked nervous.
He was biting his lower lip, just like Charlie did when she was nervous. He pulled gently on her arm, bringing her closer to him while walking towards her, closing the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged tightly, just like he had done yesterday.
It only took a second before Charlie realized what was happening, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him right back. Bucky was taller than her and she loved the height difference when they hugged.
She let her head rest on his chest, waiting until he let go before stepping back and looking at him.
‘’Feeling better?’’ A small smile forming on her lips, seeing the red flush his cheeks.
Bucky hadn’t planned on hugging her. Being close to her reminded him of the hug they had shared yesterday before she had to go back to work and how calming it had been. He wanted, and needed, to feel the calm again. Without even thinking about it he had grabbed her and before he knew it she was snuggled tightly in his arms.
He felt a lot more calm but he was also embarrassed by what he had just done. He wasn’t really the hugging type, especially not with people he barely knew but there was something about Charlie that made him want to be vulnerable. Like he could bare his soul to her and she would heal every little piece that needed healing.
He looked at her for a few seconds, still not over what he had just done and blushed. She looked at him with such warmth and concern that his embarrassment quickly dissipated.
‘’A lot better.’’
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and together, they crossed the street to their new favourite spot.
The next day, exactly at noon, Bucky was waiting for her again. This time he had brought his own little paper bag and together they sad on the grass under a tree to hide in the shade.
They spent the entire lunch time talking, sharing some of their lunch with the other.
After the whole Wednesday incident, they had gotten closer. The only person he trusted when he felt vulnerable was Steve and now Charlie had seen him in a very vulnerable moment and the way she reacted to it just made him trust her more.
Charlie quickly learned that once Bucky liked you, he really liked to touch. He was hugging her a lot more often, when they were walking he had one of his arms wrapped around her shoulders, whenever she had to walk in front of him he often had his hand on the small of her back, letting her know he was still there.
At first, it made her blush a lot. She wasn’t used to that kind of attention from men. She quickly learned to love it, looking forward to his hugs. She found herself leaning into him automatically when they were walking, almost he sync with the movement of his arm being wrapped around her.
It was crazy to think that in as little as 48 hours they had gotten so close. It was just so easy for them to be comfortable with one another.
They had finished their lunch, Charlie was picking up their leftovers to throw them in the garbage can out front. She walked back to Bucky and sat next to him.
‘’You should come over tonight.’’ She said, turning her heard to look at him. ‘’I want to show you my book collection.’’
Bucky nodded.
‘’Books, uh? Count me in.’’ He grinned. ‘’What time is your shift over? Should I just meet you back here and then we can walk together?’’
‘’That’s perfect. I’m usually done around 4. If I’m not outside you can come in, it shouldn’t go past that. That’s when the night shift starts.’’
Bucky stood up, holding out both his hands in front of her. She put her hands in his and let him help her get up. She used her hands to straighten up her dress, sitting on the grass with it hadn’t been a really good idea.
‘’I’ll be here at 4, then.’’
It was time for her to go back to work, Bucky walked to her and hugged her, once again. He was still a little bit hesitant, so far it hadn’t looked like it was bothering her but he promised himself that if there was any sign from her that he was making her uncomfortable, he would stop immediately. Little did he know that he didn’t have to worry, Charlie loved his hugs as much as he loved hers.
‘’I’ll see you later, James.’’
‘’See you later, Lily.’’ He watched her walk back inside and made his way home.
After her lunch break, Charlie made her way to the back office and finished the work she had started the day before. It was a slow day and there were enough girls to cover the front, nurse Jones suggesting to Charlie that she could continue updating the files if she wanted. An offer that she gladly accepted, needing the calm. Plus it was Friday and she loved Fridays because it meant that she would leave work earlier than the rest of the week. It was shaping up to be a good day.
The last 3 hours of her shift went by painfully slow. She kept looking at the clock on the wall in front of her, every time she thought 10 minutes had gone by she would look up to realize that it had barely been 2 minutes since the last time she looked. She was excited to show Bucky all of her books and spend time with him which made working feel like a nuisance.
Looking up only to notice it had barely been 5 minutes since the last time she checked, she let a groan escaped her lips and she fell back into her chair. She covered her face with both her hands and sighed. She usually didn’t mind being at work, but today was not the case. She got up and walked over to the wall, bringing her chair with her. She climbed on it and grabbed the clock that had been driving her crazy. Stepping back, she placed the clocked face down on the ground and walked to her desk with her chair, moving it to its original place and sitting down.
‘’Okay Charlie. You need to focus now.’’ She told herself, out lout, as if it would help.
It strangely did. The rest of the afternoon went by a lot faster. The first few minutes after taking down the clock, she had the urge to walk over to it and look at the time but fought against it and finally won. She focused on her work, never bothering to look up again, until she heard a small knock on her door. Taking her attention away from her files and to the door, she told them to come in.
She was surprised to see the man in charge of the night shift looking back at her once the door had opened.
‘’Miss Mathews, your shift ended 10 minutes ago. What are you still doing here?’’ He looked amused.
Charlie jumped up from her chair, panicked.
‘’Is it really 4:10 already?’’
The man only nodded as an answer and couldn’t help but chuckle, seeing Charlie trying to rush and clean up the desk. Being called by one of the night nurses, he wished her a good weekend and left.
Charlie had never cleared up her desk as quickly as she did that afternoon. She grabbed her bag and her jacket and rushed to the front of the clinic, hoping Bucky would be late and that she hadn’t made him wait. Unfortunately for her, Bucky had been on time. Even a little bit early. He patiently waited for her, sitting on a chair in the waiting area and reading whatever book they had left out on the small table for patients while they waited.
When she noticed him sitting patiently, engrossed in what he was reading, she softly cursed under her breath and rushed to him.
‘’James! I’m so sorry, I lost track of time. Which is ironic because after coming back from our lunch I thought the afternoon would never end, I even took down the clock from the wall because I felt like it kept nagging me on how slowly time passed and then suddenly it was 10 past 4 and I am late I am so, so, sorry.’’ She rambled on, not even taking a second to breathe in between sentences.
Bucky looked up at her and put down the book he had been holding. He stood up, listening to Charlie, a small smile on his lips. He chuckled and grabbed her by the shoulders to break her from her trance.
‘’Charlie..’’ He tried to cut her off, but she kept going. ‘’Lily!!!’’ He said a little bit louder.
Her eyes found his quickly at her nickname, finally making her stop apologizing. When she finally looked at him he smiled at her.
‘’Hi.’’ He said. She smiled at him. ‘’It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s Friday, we have all the time in the world.’’
She felt a wave of embarrassment rushing through her, finally realizing at how insane she must have sounded. She blushed and looked down.
‘’Sorry.’’ She whispered.
Bucky started laughing. ‘’Please, stop apologizing, it’s okay.’’
Still holding her by the shoulders, he slowly pulled her towards him and hugged her. He felt her relax against him and then felt her arms wrapping around him, hugging him back. Always waiting for Bucky to be the first to let go, she stepped back when she felt him loosen his hold on her.
‘’Let’s go.’’ She turned around to walk out.
She waved goodbye to her coworkers, wishing them a great weekend and smiling at everyone. Bucky walked in front of her to open the door and held it open for her, following behind once she was outside. He wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders and they started making their way to her house. They walked in a comfortable silence, enjoying the sun and watching kids running around the streets, coming back from school.
With her house in sight, Bucky turned his head towards Charlie and looked down at her.
‘’Won’t your parents mind me coming over?’’ His question made Charlie look up at him.
She shrugged. ‘’They aren’t going to be home for a few more hours.’’
Getting closer to her front door, Charlie started going through her purse, looking for her keys. After a few seconds of fumbling around, she finally felt them under her fingers and grabbed them, bringing them to the locks. Opening the door she walked inside, stepping aside to let Bucky walk in and then closed the door behind him.
Bucky had seen her house, at least the outside, on multiple occasions when he walked her home with Steve. It was a gorgeous house, clearly her parents had money and lots of it. But now, being inside, he felt so out of place.
His family wasn’t what you would call poor but they were far from being rich. They would have enough money for necessities but not a cent left for ‘’extras’’ as his mom called luxuries. Bucky found a few odd jobs, working here and there to make money. He gave most of his paychecks to his mom, keeping just a little bit aside for when he wanted to go out or buy presents for his family members.
Standing in Charlie’s house, Bucky felt like he didn’t belong in here. The house was even more beautiful inside and it looked even bigger, somehow, than when he was standing outside. He looked around, looking almost nervous. As if someone would know he wasn’t supposed to be there and come kick him out.
Charlie took off her shoes, Bucky doing the same thing shortly after.
‘’Welcome to my home.’’ She said with a warm smile.
He finally turned his attention back to her, her smile making him feel better. There was something about her that made him feel... special. The way she would look at him, smile at him or cheer him on whenever he was doing something he didn’t think he could. Charlie made him feel like he was worthy of anything, even a house like this. Clearly, she had the means to be looking down on him and his entire family. Like every other rich families did with people like him, but she never did. She was kind to everybody, never looking down on anyone. She always made everybody feel like they were important and worthy of her time. He thought she had one of the most beautiful hearts he had seen, even better than Steve’s and he didn’t think such a thing was possible.
Charlie gave Bucky a quick tour, walking around, pointing at rooms. After finishing their ‘’tour’’, Charlie guided them upstairs to her room. When she opened the door to let him in, Bucky was surprised to see what was in front of him.
Her room was big, huge compared to his that he had to share with one of his siblings, and it was extremely neat. Her bed was made, not a single wrinkle could be seen on her covers. An entire wall was covered in book shelves, but clearly they weren’t enough because there were small piles of books on the floor and even those piles were neatly stacked near the shelves.
‘’I knew you liked to read but this...’’ He waved his hand around, gesturing towards her book collection ‘’This is insane.’’ Charlie laughed.
‘’I know, I know. It’s a problem’’ She laughed once more. ‘’I just...’’ She paused, thinking for a few seconds and blushed. ‘’I just love to escape reality sometimes.’’
He nodded, agreeing with her. He must admit, if he had the kind of money her parents did, his room would probably look very similar to hers. He looked around a little, curious. He walked over to her desk, the one she used to get ready every morning. Her hairbrush, hair ties, hair pins were all placed neatly in front of the mirror along with her makeup. What surprised him was the amount of jewellery she owned, especially necklaces. There must have been 10 different ones placed on small hooks, and yet ever since he had met her he always saw her with the same one.
He turned towards her, pointing at all the necklaces and raising an eyebrow, curiously.
‘’You have all these necklaces, but you always wear the same one.’’ He then pointed at the necklace she was wearing. She nodded and he let his hand fall back next to his body. ‘’Why?’’ He asked.
Charlie chewed on her bottom lip and her hand reached up to touch her necklace, she looked nervous.
‘’If I tell you, promise you won’t laugh at me.’’ She says while sitting down on the edge of her bed.
‘’I would never laugh at you. I promise.’’ He was even more curious.
He grabbed the chair from her desk and brought it closer to her bed, sitting in front of her.
‘’My grandmother gave me this necklace when I was 10 years old.’’ She started.
Her necklace was made of silver, a thin chain was holding a small heart locket. The locket lying between both her collarbones. She raised a hand to it and smiled.
‘’She had one very similar that I had always loved, ever since I was a little girl. She said that my grandfather gave it to her when they started dating. I think it was on their second date. He said that the moment he had laid eyes on her he knew she was going to be his wife. When he gave it to her, he opened the locket and inside one of the halves was a picture of him and the other half was empty. He told her that she was meant to put her picture on the other side and this way they would always be together, near her heart, even when they weren’t.’’
‘’They were so in love.’’ She continued, not really looking at Bucky. Just remembering the moment her grandmother had given her the necklace, a sad smile formed on her lips. Charlie opened her own locket.
One half was empty and the other one had a picture of herself.
‘’She gave this one to me, saying that when I meet the man I was going to marry, the love of my life, I’ll be able to put his picture in it with mine, that way he’ll always be close to my heart like the love of her life was close to hers.’’ She took a small pause, snapping the heart shut. ‘’My grandfather died the next year and she followed soon after. Broken heart syndrome the doctor told us. She literally couldn’t live without him.’’
She was smiling but a few tears fell down her cheeks. It had been almost 15 years but she still missed them every single day. Bucky quickly reached up and wiped away her tears.
‘’My parents got married because it was a good business move for both their families. They get along fine but they aren’t in love. Not the way my grandparents were and I don’t want that. I want to marry someone because we love each other and can’t live without one another, not because it’s the ‘’right’’ thing to do. I wear the necklace every day to remind myself, but mostly remind my parents, that I won’t settle for less. They have been pushing me for years to marry any guy that can ‘’provide’’ for me so I can be a dutiful housewife.’’
Bucky chuckled, knowing full well that wasn’t going to happen. She was too independent and she loved her job too much to give it all up for some guy and spend all her days at home, by herself, cleaning and cooking.
‘’Like that’s ever gonna happen.’’ Charlie snorted, as if she could read his mind.
‘’That’s a beautiful story.’’ He smiled at her. ‘’Whoever ends up in the other half is going to be a very lucky man, and he better treat you right because it’ll be my pleasure to hurt him if he doesn’t.’’
She laughed at the threat.
‘’What? It’s true.’’
‘’Oh, I know. That’s why I laughed. Because I know you will be more than happy to remind him about that.’’
‘’Damn right.’’ Bucky smiled and winked.
Charlie shook her head, rolling her eyes as if she was annoyed but the big smile on her face proved differently.
They looked at each other, smiling for what felt like hours but in reality was just a minute. Both subconsciously hoping that Bucky would be her other half but never willingly admitting it to themselves.
They finally broke eye contact and Bucky got up, walking over to her book shelves. He looked the books over, glancing at them. He turned around to look at Charlie who had gotten up short after and was now standing behind him, raising an eyebrow and smirking at her.
‘’Are they in alphabetical order?’’ He teased.
Charlie nodded and chewed on her bottom lip a few seconds before adding ‘’And sorted by genre.’’
‘’Amazing.’’ Bucky said, turning back to the books and starting at the far left to make his way through the alphabets and genres.
After a few minute he gasped.
‘’Is that a first edition of The Hobbit?’’ He looked at her with wild eyes.
‘’Yes!’’ She said, excitedly.
‘’It’s such a good book, isn’t it? I used to have a first edition copy, too. I brought it with me everywhere I went and I ended up losing it.’’ He pouted at the memory of the heartbreak he felt when he realized he had lost one of his favourite books.
Charlie mimicked his pout, sympathizing with him. ‘’I’m sorry James.’’
She reached out and squeezed his shoulder in her hand, trying to comfort him.
‘’It’s okay.’’ Bucky said dramatically ‘’I’ve grieved. I still miss it, but I try to not think about it. It hurts too much, you know?’’ Wiping a tear that isn’t there.
‘’I understand.’’ She nodded, being just as dramatic as he was being.
They looked at each other, completely serious before starting to laugh like they had just told the most hilarious joke of all times.
‘’Dork.’’ She said, sticking out her tongue at him once they had calmed down.
‘’Takes one to know one, sweetheart.’’ He smirked and looked at the books again, missing the way Charlie blushed at the new nickname.
‘’You’re welcome to borrow whichever ones you like.’’ Noticing how Bucky was eyeing some of them. ‘’I haven’t read them all yet, but I really don’t mind if you want to bring some home with you. As long as you don’t keep them from me forever.’’ She laughed.
He smiled and pointed at a book. ‘’Could I borrow this one? I’ve been wanting to read it forever but never found it anywhere.’’
‘’I know! The reviews were so good, everyone jumped on it. I went to every book store I could think of to find it. There were only a few copies left and I never saw it for sell again. I haven’t read it yet, it was the next one on my list but you can definitely borrow it. I’ll just read it after you bring it back.’’ She smiled, not even hesitating to let him be the one to read it first.
He felt bad to be taking it from her, even if it was just for a couple of weeks. He shook his head, a shy smile on his face.
‘’No, no. It’s okay. You should be the one to read it first. I’ll look for something else.’’
‘’Nonsense. Take it. I have plenty more to keep me busy.’’
He almost melted right where he stood. The way she was looking at him, as if just the thought of making him happy by borrowing the book was more than enough to make her happy made his heart flutter. Hesitating for a few seconds, he grabbed the book in question and turned around to completely face her.
‘’Actually, I have a better idea.’’
She looked at him surprised and curious, following him with her eyes. He walked over to her bed and sat down, his back against her headboard, rearranging all her pillows and decorative cushions in a way that almost made it look like he had just made himself a cocoon made out of her pillows.
‘’What are you doing?’’ She laughed.
He grinned at her and patted the spot next to him.
‘’Come over here. We’ll read it together.’’
Charlie swore that in that moment her heart skipped a few beats and she tried to not think about what that meant. Without hesitating she made her way to her bed and sat down next to Bucky.
‘’How are we doing this?’’ She asked.
‘’Maybe I can read it to you? That way we’ll be following at the same time.’’
Again, her heart skipped a few more beats and with how close they were sitting and she sincerely hoped Bucky hadn’t noticed. Not trusting her voice in this moment, she simply nodded.
Bucky couldn’t have noticed, he was too busy focusing on the way his heartbeat had sped up when she agreed to sit next to him and let him read to her. He acted before thinking, mad at himself for doing so. Something he found himself doing a lot when he was around Charlie. He didn’t know what took over him but the idea popped into his mind and before he could stop himself, it was too late and he was already on her bed. He couldn’t understand why he was acting this way with her, he just hoped she wouldn’t think he was being too weird and that it wouldn’t make her want to stop hanging out with him. He feared that some day he’d cross the line between friendly and cute to clingy and annoying, scaring her away in the process.
He reached his arm around her, bringing her closer to him so he could hold the book for the both of them.
When she felt how close he was, she felt heat creep up on her cheeks and she was thankful that he was too busy getting comfortable to notice it.
Charlie sat down a little lower on her bed so that Bucky didn’t have to hold up the arm that was around her. Soon enough, he started reading to her and after a few pages Charlie thought that his voice was the best sound she had ever heard and that she would never get tired of hearing it.
By the end of chapter 2, Charlie had readjusted herself, feeling how Bucky’s body was already tiring from their position. She had gotten impossibly closer to him, the back of her head was now resting under his collarbone. His arm that had previously been around her shoulder was now around her middle, resting on her stomach. Her arm was resting on top his, playing with the hem of his sleeve.
Too engrossed in the story, and each other, neither Charlie or Bucky heard the front door open and close downstairs.
Her parents were home and were surprised to find a pair of shoes that clearly weren’t Charlie’s next to the front door. They stopped moving, listening to see if they could figure out where she was. The only sound in the house was coming from her room. A man’s voice. A voice they soon recognized to be Bucky’s. They listened for a few more minutes, trying to figure out what was being said and finally understanding that he was reading something to her.
They moved to the living room and slowly closed the door behind them, trying not to make a sound. Charlie’s mom looked panicked while her dad looked angry.
‘’That’s the boy she’s been spending all of her time with?’’ He hissed. ‘’I thought she was with the Rogers boy!’’
Her mom glared at her dad.
‘’Lower your voice before they hear you.’’ She hissed back. ‘’I thought it was the Rogers boy, this is news to me, too.’’
Charlie’s dad started pacing, shaking his head.
‘’This.’’ He waved in the general direction of Charlie’s room. ‘’Cannot happen. Steve Rogers wasn’t a threat but Barnes has a reputation. He can get any single girl he wants, not one of them being able to resist him. Every single person in this town knows how he is.’’ He was so angry, his skin looked almost purple.
Her mom wasn’t in a better shape.
It would have been easy to mistake their anger for concern, anyone who could have been listening in could have sympathized with her parents. They were concerned that their daughter could possibly get her heartbroken. Then, her dad spoke again.
‘’My daughter isn’t going to fall in love with some...’’ He trailed off, looking for the perfect word to describe Bucky. ‘’low-class bastard.’’ He added with disgust.
And there it was. Her parents weren’t concern with her well-being, they weren’t worried about her possibly getting hurt or having her heart broken. No. They were concerned that their daughter might be falling in love with a man they didn’t approve of. A man that couldn’t provide for her, that couldn’t bring anything to their family. Marriage had nothing to do with love, marriage was a business transaction. They needed to gain something out of it and love wasn’t something they were interested in.
They had noticed how their daughter seemed happier, chipper even. She was barely even home and she was always in a good mood. They thought it was because she had found a new friend in Steve but now they understood what it really was. James Buchanan Barnes was corrupting their daughter, ruining any chance for them to make her marry a man of their choice.
They stared at each other in silence, the faint sound of Bucky’s voice reaching the living room then the sound of laughter filled the house. Charlie’s laugh. It made her parents cringe.
‘’We need to put a stop to this.’’ Her mom whispered angrily.
‘’We are going to do everything we can, darling.’’ Her dad got even more angry when Charlie laughed again. ‘’There is no way in hell I’m letting Barnes anywhere near our daughter. I don’t give a damn about how she feels.’’
Her dad stopped for a minute, thinking.
‘’I’ll make it so that she won’t have a choice but to listen to what we want.’’ He smirked. ‘’It’s going to be us or him.’’
An ultimatum. Her family or her best friend. Either way, Charlie’s heart was about to be broken and her parents couldn’t wait to see it all happen.
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met4no1a · a day ago
𝗟𝗜𝗔𝗥 — one; 1.
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summary: they were both caught in different fairy tales, sebastian was sure of it. yet he wanted to convince y/n of their true love by saying that perhaps she was afraid of such a beautiful and mysterious feeling; that perhaps she was frightened by the vision of a serious relationship with a hollywood star; that perhaps her mind was playing tricks on her by constantly telling her that she would not meet his expectations. sebastian could have had many girls, and the fact that the plan to rebuild his image involved the involvement of a beautiful, unsuspecting woman must have meant something. either sebastian should take off his rose–coloured glasses or y/n should invest in some good contact lenses.
pairing: sebastian stan x female!reader.
warnings: few cuss words. brief mentions of oral (m receving).
— fuck. — he sighed, unconsciously thrusting his hips upwards as the woman present in his apartment gave his penis a tender kiss. — baby, hurry up.
the representative of the fair sex looked at the actor from under her long lashes to smile coquettishly at him and let her slender fingers slide slowly along his hard member. who would have thought that a weekly visit to the club would end with her finding such a treasure? sarah was, after all, a woman of average beauty; she didn't stand out from the crowd in any way. one might be tempted to say that under normal circumstances, sebastian would have mistaken her for a salesgirl from the corner shop or the yoga instructor next door. exactly – under normal circumstances.
the actor was drunk and, above all, horny. any common sense, he lacked in large quantities anyway, took a back seat to his penis, which brutally filled every empty space in his boxers. someone like him couldn't stand such an unpleasant feeling, could he?
— don't tease. — he growled in dissatisfaction as his chosen one's tongue moved slowly along his penis. he couldn't spend too much time with her. he had a meeting with a manager who would love to cut his penis with a pair of blunt scissors if she only found out about his morning bedtime adventures. he had promised her two days ago that this was the last time he would ever take a girl to bed. he had done it five times since.
sarah obediently pushed the hard member between her mouth and sucked on the tip to give the actor immediate relief from suffering. the poor woman had no idea that in a few minutes the same man would inflict much more pain to her.
— don't stop. — he said softly as the first notes of a recently popular song rang out from his phone. scarlett. — good girl.
he waited a few seconds to casually slide his finger across the surface of the phone to take the call from the person he owed his entire career to. it was johansson who saw him first; something that set him apart from the rest of the men who showed up for the casting that day. almost immediately she invited him to her office and then miraculously asked her boss for permission to sign a contract with him. there was something special about him, even if she couldn't put it into words at the time. now she would without a problem. he was mean and cunning.
— sebastian, i hope you haven't forgotten about our meeting. — she muttered, sipping the still–hot coffee that was supposed to magically calm her nerves. another scandal with her ward who promised to mend his ways. another crying girl ready to go on tv to accuse him of being an asshole. if sebastian hadn't been her main source of income, scarlett would have dumped him long ago.
— oh, how could i forget, boss? — he asked with audible sarcasm, closing his eyes in pleasure. oh, sarah definitely wasn't a virgin. — you keep reminding me of that.
— i remind you of a lot of other things too, but you don't seem to hear it.
sebastian just sighed in response, pressing the red receiver and refocusing on the pleasure his whole body was feeling. not for long. sarah's head was quickly pressed against his abdomen, and salty cum filled her mouth without warning.
— it was wonderful, but it's time for you to go. — he murmured, turning his attention for a split second to his lover, who wiped her full lips with the back of her hand in surprise, as if to get rid of the remnants of the actor's gift. — sophie, right? samantha? sarah? never mind, you have to go now.
— b–but ...
— i'm in a hurry. — he added with a forced smile and got up from the comfortable bed to hurriedly search for his boxers, which he had left lying around last night. — i have an appointment in... 30 minutes.
the woman, confused by the whole situation, shamefacedly covered herself with the bedspread to hide her naked body, which had heard many compliments from the actor's lips a few hours ago. a lot of questions flitted through her mind – had she done something wrong? was she just a plaything? is this a joke?
— i get the impression you're deaf. — he finally sighed and threw the red bra in her direction. there was no point in handing over the rest of the underwear; it was just going to be thrown away. — let me repeat everything again. slowly. you have to get out. now.
sarah slipped a tight dress over her body and left the actor's apartment with tears in her eyes. as she did so, she didn't forget to give him the final gift – a slap right on the cheek.
— it was nice to meet you! — he walked away, completely ignoring the fact that he had hurt another girl. if someone were to count his victims, he would surely be hailed as the greatest seducer in new york's history. he got away with everything, however, because he spent an enormous amount of money on maintaining his image. he earned a lot and he lost a lot.
for sebastian, sex was like mathematics. all he had to do was add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray not to multiply.
when he walked into his favorite cafe, he was ten minutes late to meet with his manager. his phone vibrated incessantly in the back pocket of his black jeans, not allowing him to forget about it for even a split second, but the actor seemed to ignore it perfectly. tiredly, he adjusted his sunglasses, which had fallen dangerously off his nose, earning him recognition and priceless minutes posing for photos. he loved his fans, he really did. thanks to them he was able to pay his rent, but sometimes he felt like signing out of life. at least for a day, to give up his job and become an ordinary man. in moments of doubt, however, he remembered the luxury, and the will to change his life was pushed off into the unknown.
something, or rather someone, caught his attention. a woman in a yellow apron walked silently in front of him with a tray full of plates and sweets, almost giving him a spot on his snow–white t–shirt. he wanted to let out a bunch of curses under his breath, inform the employee in front of the counter of his dissatisfaction with the service, but he froze on the spot when the object of his interest bent over one of the tables and unconsciously showed him her thighs uncovered by any material. at this gesture the actor only smiled and licked his lower lip in response.
— oh, it's you again! — he suddenly heard and turned his head towards the counter, behind which a woman he knew was smiling at him. she was younger than him. he concluded this on his third visit to the premises, when he noticed the transcripts of lectures on ancient history beside the cash register, and a small jar filled with coins. it was to pay for the next semester at the university. — the usual?
— yes, yes. — he replied as his eyes searched for the woman he could no longer see. she was gone, and so was his interest in the whole café. — do you have a new employee?
— how did you know that? — she asked as she prepared his drink according to the instructions she already knew by heart. she didn't even look away from the coffee machine for a moment. — mr. smith told you? i swear he can't keep a secret!
sebastian laughed at the student's indignant voice and shook his head in pity. she was so lovely that in another incarnation he might have treated her like a little sister.
— i just saw her a second ago. — he explained quickly, so as not to cause trouble for the owner of the establishment in the form of an unhappy employee. chloe, for that was the name of the girl who served him, had always had a tendency to argue about silly things.
— ah, i forgot about that. y/n used to be a waitress. we don't have enough hands to work with. kim sprained her ankle again, and margaret refuses to give out orders because she says her hands shake too much. what a liar! she just doesn't want to run into her ex–boyfriend. she broke up with him two months ago...
the student's monolog seemed to fall in one of sebastian's ears and out the other as the silhouette of the new employee reappeared before his eyes. y/n scurried around in front of the counter, trying to understand what the excited chloe was saying to her. her hair framed a slender face, and a smile graced the raspberry–colored lips that the actor could picture on more than one part of his body.
— you can pick up your order now.
the voice of a true angel. or perhaps the devil? it seemed to be filled with irritation, to say the least, and perhaps a hint of anger. sebastian, however, ignored it, as he did poor scarlett. he certainly wouldn't get away with it, but he couldn't care less in the current situation. another target was right in front of him. how could he miss such an opportunity?
— ah, sorry. i was lost in your eyes. — he replied, giving the clerk his practiced smile. many women were willing to give any money for this gesture directed at them. y/n was certainly no different. after all, stan was the embodiment of all the desires of the fair sex. he was an adon in a sea of average models and actors. a true god.
— then i hope you will find your way out.
— i'd rather find a way out with you.
— i think you are old enough to do it yourself. — she said and pressed a cup into his hand. — you are making our job difficult.
— so maybe we'll meet after work?
y/n sighed in annoyance and tried to restrain herself from spilling the ice–cold coffee on the leather jacket of the man standing in front of her. who did he think he was? did he really have to give her a hard time on the very first day, which didn't start well anyway?
— you can meet the exit door.
with those words, she turned on her heel and made her way back down the hall to serve the new customers, and sebastian couldn't help but glance at the clerk's butt, which he thought was bouncing up and down with every step the woman took. pure perfection.
— she's having a bad day. — chloe said, trying to justify her new co–worker. — the customer spilled coffee on her by accident.
stan nodded and smiled softly. oh, how he would love to brighten her day. preferably in her apartment, on a comfortable bed. or maybe in the bathroom? the kitchen didn't sound bad either.
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— you have to stop sleeping with every woman you meet! that's another one, sebastian!
— i don't understand all the confusion. — he muttered, placing his half–finished coffee on the long table that almost filled the entire room. behind the glass wall, he could see the rest of the agency's employees casually watching the meeting in the conference room. as their gazes crossed stan's, they turned their heads in confusion and returned to their tasks. — i'm not doing anything wrong. if it were forbidden, god would create me differently.
scarlett snorted indignantly. what had she done to deserve such torture? perhaps in a previous life she had betrayed the king and stolen his life, and now she had to deal with a spoiled idol who couldn't admit his mistake? or perhaps she was the only one who could last longer than 20 minutes in a closed room without wanting to hang him by his shoelaces?
— you've got a lot of nerve, stan. do you want to ruin your career?
silence filled the room.
— i'm asking you a question, damn it! do you want to ruin your career?
— no. — he finally replied, like a child caught in the act. — i don't want to.
— so start thinking with your head, not your penis! one more scandal and the media will hate you. it's hard to control all this now. the bosses want you to find a girlfriend.
— this is absurd! i'm not going to get a girlfriend because management doesn't like my lifestyle.
— management doesn't like a lot of things, sebastian. your bedside excesses are just one of them.
scarlett finally sat down in one of the chairs and handed him a stack of photos. each of them featured a woman known in the industry – a model here, an actress there, a singer elsewhere. it gave him a headache.
— pick one of them. the media needs to know that you have changed; that the wonderful sebastian stan no longer drags women to bed.
— you're kidding.
— no! you need to take responsibility for all of this. i'm tired of saving your ass every time.
stan clenched his jaw and stared out of the corner of his eye at the photos being thrown at him. he didn't want to do this. his head had barely turned to the folder. he didn't want to, but he had to. his dream of becoming an actor couldn't just become a soap bubble because he couldn't control his very eccentric lifestyle.
he burst out laughing when he saw his ex–girlfriend who he broke up with because of a bad relationship.
— how can i choose one of them. they all hate me. with mutuality anyway.
— i do not care! you created the problem so you have to solve it!
sebastian closed his eyelids for a moment, as if to make it easier to imagine the solution to the whole matter. he had to become a real sherlock holms to solve the puzzle scarlett had put in his way like an obstacle. how was he supposed to get out of this whole mess without giving up his daily meetings with women?
— what if i find someone outside the industry?
— how? are you going to put an ad in the paper?
— stop being so ironic, scarlett.
— management should be pleased. we'll be able to announce that these are all just rumors because you've been in a happy relationship for a long time, but you chose not to share that information with the world because you value your private life. but where are you going to get a girl, sebastian? i doubt anyone will want you.
— don't worry about it, i already have a perfect candidate.
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general taglist: @lxdyred, @mysweetlittledesire;
sebastian stan taglist: @missroro, @justreadingficsdontmindme;
liar taglist: @intothesoul.
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sebastiianstxn · 2 days ago
angels like you ☆ bucky barnes prologue
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↳ after almost losing his girl, bucky spends every second by her side, even if she doesn't remember anything..even if she doesn't remember him.
warnings: angst. wordcount: 500. a/n: really needed to write something else instead of dad!bucky. Taglist is open. this is set after tfatws.
masterlist - next
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bucky can't remember if the name had ever popped up on his screen before, he's almost certain this blue haired soldier never once called him before– voice so soft he can barely hear it, tired and afraid and through the phone, bucky can feel the energy his girls best friend and partner is giving off. 
"Can you sit down?"
His stomach flips, the air being punched out of his lungs. He knew it the moment Jessie rudely awakened him from his sleep, phone buzzing wildly on his nightstand, illuminating the bedroom in a soft blue hue. 
No, Jessie never called and neither did his girl for the last four days. Unanswered calls and texts, never something back, not a sign of life coming back. He knew. 
"It's bad." 
Bucky's never been on his feet faster in his life, is sure he put his shirt on wrong and in a hurry left, shared apartment left unlocked. His name written on possible speed tickets– to his luck, the streets were near empty in the dark of the night. Parked his cat in the nearest spot he could find, never bothered to lock it behind him.
Bucky pushes himself through the small group of nurses walking down the corridor, happily ending their shift. He mumbles a sorry, not batting an single eye. 
It's late, the building is almost abandoned. Bucky's never been here before, doesn't know left from right, never walked through one of these halls and yet he beelines to where he needs to be. Where he feels he should be.
"Excuse me sir, can I help you?" 
bucky's pulled back by the female voice behind the desk and his boots squeak against the floor as he sharply turns around. Welcomed by a warm smile, it fades at the sight of the vibranium hand nearly leaving a dent in the wood underneath it "Mr barnes–" 
"y/n barnes, I'm looking for y/n barnes." 
With a nod, the nurse averts her gaze to the screen in front of her, fingers typing away on the keys of her keyboard. 
"She's in surgery right now sir, you can't see her right now but you can wait at the end of the hall." 
"Surgery– what, how is she doing, is she okay?" 
His voice is desperate with a hint of hope but the sympathetic smile on the young nurse her face burns that spark down 
"I can't tell you anything more Mr Barnes, this is all I know." 
"You have to know something, you work here– what's in the damn computer?" 
"Sir, your wife has been brought in three hours ago, been in surgery for two." The nurse states calmly, too calm for Bucky's likings "I'll keep you updated if I get more information–" 
His grip on the desk gets tighter, bucky bites the inside of his cheek, drawing blood as he tastes the stale taste. 
"Is she going to make it, that's all I need to know." 
"Sir, they're doing everything they can." 
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barnestuff · 2 days ago
marry me
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summary bucky blurts out the question.
pairing bucky barnes x reader
warnings none. fluff. a very very cute bucky.
a/n gif not mine. bucky in wakanda. fluff. have nice day/night <3
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
You and Bucky were laying on the grass near the lake, his arms around you, your head hidden in the crook of his neck, Wakandan sun shining and warming you. Bucky was shirtless and you were in a bikini, you loved the feeling of his skin on yours, it felt like heaven.
“Penny for your thoughts?” you looked at Bucky, caressing his cheek, your hands on his beard.
“Just you, pretty girl.” he said, looking at you with pure love. When Bucky looked at you like that you always felt butterflies in your stomach, it felt like you met him for the first time. You could never get used to him looking at you with pure love and admiration.
“You are a charmer, aren’t you sergant?” you gave him a smile and he lifted his eyebrows
“Am I?” he asked and started peppering kisses on your face. Your lips, cheeks, forehead, eyes.
“I” a kiss on the right cheek. “love” a kiss on your nose. “you.” He looked at you with the biggest smile on his face and you kissed him. His lips were soft and warm, you felt his love for you on his lips.
“I love you too, James.” you tucked in a strand of hair on his face behind his ears and kissed him again. He broke the kiss and his eyes held the same look again.
“Marry me.” he whispered.
“What?” you asked him, thinking he is not serious and smiling.
“I said, marry me. You are the one for me, doll. I want you to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. ‘Doesn’t matter where we are or when, as long as I’m with you. I always feel like I am home when you are with me, something I haven’t felt in a long long time. I don’t know if I deserve you, but I am willing to try to be a better man for you, as long as you want me to be with you. I love you, pretty girl.” he said and there were tears in your eyes by the time he finished. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him, him on the top of you.
“Of course, I will marry you, Bucky.” you said and he smiled widely, making you smile too. He gave you another kiss, making you melt.
“I am sorry. I wish I didn’t just blurt it out. I wish I had a ring to give you.” he said, giving you an apologetic look.
“Oh, baby, it was perfect. I couldn’t think of a better way to propose, really.” you said and he smiled at you. His hands rubbed the sides of your waist.
“What if we go to the city this week? We can buy rings and have a celebration dinner?” he asked and you kissed him again, giggling after you broke the kiss.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” he said and you put your head on his chest, hugging him, your legs tangled.
Everything is perfect.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
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chouettedubois · 3 days ago
To Serve and Protect - Chapter 5
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Pairing: AU!Bucky x F!Reader
Series summary: James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky for short, is an ex-cop turned social worker, forced to resign after witnessing a violent police brutality incident. Y/N is coming to terms with the fact that she is stuck in an abusive relationship. Bucky’s unsure why he’s so drawn to protect Y/N. All he knows is he’ll do whatever it takes.
Series warnings: emotional and physical abuse by intimate partner, non-con, sexual violence and dorogatory slur against sex workers (sex work is work!), panic attacks, nightmares, general mental health struggles
Rating: 18+ Graphic sexual violence, possibly some mild smut eventually; minors DNI, you have been warned.
Tag list: open! Just send me a note.
A/N: We’ve reached the half-way mark! Only three chapters plus an epilogue left. Enjoy more build up, hurt/comfort, and then FLUFF. Thanks to everyone for reading, liking, commenting, and reblogging -- it means more than I can express.
Chapter 5 word count: 3.5K
Chapter warnings: intimate partner physical and verbal abuse, violence (one punch), panic attack
Previous chapter | Next chapter
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During the three months following their first walk home together, Bucky and Y/N began running into each other more often. Maybe it helped that Bucky happened to start working late on Thursday’s, right until the time Y/N would get out from group therapy. Or that after sharing his daily routine with her, Y/N’s lunchtime strolls happened to lead to the duck pond in the park behind the community centre, exactly when Bucky would be on lunch.
Sam reminded Bucky what a dangerous path he was heading down. He knew it was borderline, heck it was probably over the line. But he couldn’t help himself. Something drew him to Y/N, as if they were two rare earth magnets being pulled together by a force greater than themselves.
Y/N knew it was risky too. She’d read about transference and knew their budding friendship could fall into that category if someone looked at it from the right angle. But that’s not the angle she was viewing. From where she stood, all she saw was a man whose inner personality shone more beautifully than his rugged exterior the more it revealed itself.
Four months had passed since she had left Brock. The weekly group therapy had been invaluable in processing all of the emotions that came with accepting she had been in an abusive relationship. The shame for allowing it to happen, which mutated into rage at her abuser, which rebounded back into shame, and then snowballed into a sorrow that seeped into her bones. The cycle would repeat, ebbing and flowing depending on the day and how many triggers she encountered.
Until a few months into the process, she found herself feeling lighter some days. The triggers were less frequent. Quiet moments that used to flood with painful flashbacks if she stilled for too long now resonated with a peace she hadn’t felt in years. And in the last few weeks, those moments became infused with thoughts of Bucky.
Bucky, her social worker. The man with a seemingly never ending supply of patience and warmth. The man who never looked at Y/N with pity, only understanding and genuine care. The man who helped her unhitch herself from the claws of a manipulative and aggressive monster. The man who guided her towards safety, while making sure she was the one to get herself there, so that she could realize she’d been strong enough all along.
Even Wanda noticed the shift in Y/N and didn’t hide her theory.
“You know it’s ok if you like him. I mean, really, what isn’t to like? Those arms alone. Especially that metal one… there’s a few things I’d like to try with--”
“Wanda! Oh my god, stop. He’s my social worker. Of course I like him, but not like like him. Plus it’s only been like four months since I left Brock. I’m not some serial monogamist. And even if I did hypothetically have feelings for him, it would be completely inappropriate to act on them.”
“Then change social workers. Problem solved!”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Y/N rolled her eyes at her friend.
“And why not? You think it’s a coincidence that he works late the nights you have group? Plus I saw the way he blushed when you looked at him that time. It’s obvious you’re both crushing on each other.”
Y/N was turning a deep scarlet at this point. “No, no, no, no, no. He’s my social worker. It’s... it’s wrong.”
“Says who?”
“Says, like, the rules of how these things work!”
“Well, I say find a different social worker so you can bang Bucky.”
“Oh my god, Wanda, you’re insufferable!” Y/N buried her face in her hands, burning from embarrassment.
She tried to ignore how her stomach fluttered at the thoughts manifesting from her friend’s innuendo. “Anyways, there’s really only my living situation that’s left on the list of goals we set up for me. After that I imagine my case is more or less done.”
“Well I had zero intention of rushing you out of my spare room, but if it means it gets you one step closer to dating that dreamboat, let’s find you an apartment!”
Y/N threw a pillow at her friend, shrieking in playful annoyance.
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Bucky scrolled his phone from his couch where he and Sam sat, a hockey game in the background.
“You know, if you’ve got more important things to do I can go,” Sam teased his friend.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to find a client some options for an apartment,” Bucky explained, looking up from his phone towards his friend. “I really want to find them something permanent, you know? They’ve been through a lot.”
“Buck, it’s Saturday. I thought you were past the bringing work home stage. Wait… is this for the client?”
Bucky’s cheeks flushed as he averted his gaze from his friend to the game he hadn’t been watching at all.
“Man, I told you this was dangerous. You’re too involved. You need to practice more self control. Or... pass her file on to your coworker and ask her out already,” Sam grinned at his friend, whose face went from rosey pink to deep crimson.
“What? What are you even talking about?” Bucky stumbled, obviously flustered at his Sam’s insinuation. “Jesus, it’s not like that. I’m just trying to help her find an apartment. I’d do this for any client,” he defended.
“Oh really? And would you also work late intentionally so you can walk all your clients home after their group therapy sessions end?”
Bucky fell back into the couch, rubbing his forehead with his metal hand.
“I... it’s.. fuuuck.”
“Fuck is right,” Sam agreed, the corners of his lips still curled up. “Look man, I get it. This one is obviously different. I haven’t seen you like this, well, ever. And I’m really happy for you, because based on what you’ve told me it sounds like she might even feel the same. But you can’t be her social worker and have feelings for her. You need to step away from her file and talk to your director before you do anything else.”
“Ugh, I know, ok? I know. But she’s been through so much. I don’t want to spring any major changes on her or put any pressure on her.” Bucky sighed, feeling utterly lost in a forest of indecision. “The only thing left on her goal list we created was to find her an apartment. So that’s what I’m doing.”
Bucky rubbed his chin in thought and then sat up, confidence energizing him as he suddenly found his way through the trees. “You’re right. I’ll come clean to the director and request the case be transferred to Maria once a lease is signed. I just can’t abandon her at the very end. It wouldn’t feel right. I know I can keep my emotions in check until then.”
A softness flooded Sam’s eyes as he rested a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “I know you can too. Why don’t you show me some of those apartments. Let’s get this over with so you can get the girl.”
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Bucky had sent Y/N a list of six apartments, all in the area she was looking for — close to her two supports, Wanda and the centre. She wanted to see all of them and they managed to set up viewing appointments all on the same day.
Normally Wanda would accompany Y/N for this type of life decision making. Y/N’s shyness and social anxiety were an unhelpful combination when it came to negotiating with strangers. But Wanda was out of town all week for work. Bucky was the only other person who knew about Y/N’s situation, and who Y/N trusted enough.
“Thank you again for coming with me,” Y/N extended to the social worker as they approached the third apartment. The last two had been duds, one too dark and the other taken by the time they arrived. This option was the top floor of a classic brownstone, well maintained over the years on a street lined with mature elm trees. It was just a few blocks west of Wanda’s in the direction of the centre.
“Please, you don’t need to keep thanking me,” Bucky assured her. “This is literally part of my job. I am required to ensure you have a safe and stable living situation,” he grinned.
She laughed as they entered the lobby after the landlord buzzed them in. “Ok, ok, fine. You’re not a nice person, you’re just getting paid,” she quipped back at him. The pair had developed quite the sarcastic banter over the past few months.
“I like this one already,” Y/N smiled, noting the original but well preserved detailing throughout the building. Bucky saw the brightness in her eyes and crossed his fingers this could be the one.
Sure enough, Y/N fell in love with the apartment as soon as they entered. And the landlord (who turned out to be a landlady) seemed to like her almost as much. So much so that she insisted on calling all of Y/N’s references then and there -- the tenant slated to move in the next month had bailed so the woman was eager to not lose a month’s rent. Fifteen minutes later, the lease was signed and post-dated cheques were handed over. Y/N thanked her new landlady, then she and Bucky exited what would be her new home in a few weeks.
They were on their way toward Wanda's apartment when Y/N froze as she heard the familiar voice.
“Y/N? Christ, I knew it was you.”
She felt like her knees were going to give out and all of her insides were rising up to make a mass exodus via her mouth. She managed to steady her breath and respond.
“Brock. What are you doing here?”
“I had to meet a client at their home. I wondered if I’d run into you. I know that bitch of a redhead lives around here.” Then Brock moved his glare from Y/N to Bucky, “I see you’ve wasted no time. I hope you like sloppy seconds, pal.”
“My name is James, I’m Y/N’s social worker.” Bucky stepped forward, placing himself between Brock and Y/N. “Why don’t I call us a Lyft?” he suggested, attempting to take control of the situation as he turned back to check on her.
Y/N nodded, hands trembling at her side and eyes full of appreciation.
“Oh, so you told all of our business to this dickwad?” Brock waved a finger at Bucky. “After everything I did for you, you just disappear and then tell a bunch of lies to the first random dude who pays you any attention? You’re so fucking predictable. I should have left you ages ago.”
“You don’t have to listen to this, Y/N,” Bucky said calmly, resisting every urge to not throw his own seething glare back at Brock. “Why don’t we go wait somewhere? I think there was a cafe down the street.”
Bucky knew not to engage when people escalated like this. He placed a gentle hand on the small of Y/N’s back to turn them away from Brock. But nothing infuriated Brock more than being rejected. As Bucky rotated, the now enraged ex closed the distance between them in a few swift steps and landed a punch to Bucky’s jaw with so much force he nearly knocked Y/N to the ground. Well, he would have if Brock hadn’t grabbed Y/N’s wrist and yanked her towards him.
“I can’t believe I let you break up with me. After everything I had to put up with,” he fumed grabbing her other wrist.
“Brock, you’re hurting me. Let me go,” she said firmly, though laced with fear.
Bucky knew he had no choice. He quickly grabbed his phone and dialed 9-1-1. “Hi, I’d like to report an assault in progress. Yes, thank you.”
Brock dropped his grip from Y/N’s arm as terror filled his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me, man? I barely touched you. Y/N you saw what happened, he embellished that.”
“You can’t do this anymore, Brock,” she said stoically, as Bucky held the line with the dispatcher. “I’m not going to let you fucking do this anymore. I’m done. It’s fucking done.”
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The aftermath of the altercation turned into an ordeal that dragged late into the evening. Under Bucky’s guidance, Y/N pressed charges. It would make it easier to get a restraining order with a documented assault.
Y/N felt horrible for what Brock did, and for putting Bucky through the torture of having to go to the police station to give his statement. She knew that couldn’t be easy with his past. He assured her it was not the first time he’d involved the police since staring work at the centre.
Bucky couldn’t believe she was worried about him after everything that had just happened to her that day. His heart swelled for this lovely, considerate human being that had tumbled into his world four months earlier.
“Let’s get you home,” he said sweetly, ordering another Lyft after their four hour stint at the police station. Bucky was trying to offer as much comfort as professionally possible. Y/N only nodded, a vacant stare having taken up residence across her face.
A few blocks before the Lyft turned up Wanda’s street, Bucky noticed the shift in Y/N. Her chest started heaving and her eyes were darting frantically. Bucky knew this state well. Without a second thought, he grabbed Y/N’s hand in an attempt to tether her. She held on fiercely, but her demeanor remained unchanged.
“I’m going to let go so I can help you out of the car and then I’m going to take you upstairs,” Bucky explained delicately once they arrived at their destination. She showed no signs of acknowledging, other than releasing her grip when he opened his door.
Somehow the pair made it upstairs without her escalating further. Bucky directed Y/N on every step, prompting her for her keys, the floor number for the elevator, and then the apartment number. She managed to heed all of his gentle commands. It wasn’t until they were in the apartment that she finally surrendered. The day’s events had weakened her defenses. The pillars crumbled and Y/N fell apart on the floor of Wanda’s apartment.
“Sweetheart, I need you to breathe with me,” Bucky instructed as he kneeled down to face her as she gasped for air. “I’m going to grab your hand and place it on my chest. I want you to feel my breath and try to match that, ok Y/N?”
He didn’t expect a response, but didn’t want to startle her with his touch. She was still heaving in shallow breaths at a much too rapid pace so he switched tactics.
“Y/N, I want you to tell me five things you see right now. Don’t think about it, just name the first five things you see.”
She gasped painfully and then sputtered out her five items. “You… couch… floor… your arm… stool…”
“Good. You’re doing so good, Y/N. Now tell me four things you can hear.”
Her inhales became slightly less constricted. “Your voice… my voice… my breath… the fridge.”
“Amazing, Y/N. You’ve got this sweetheart. Now three things you can feel.”
Her breathing was starting to even out. “Your hand… my jeans… the floor.”
“I’m so proud of you, Y/N. You’re doing so good. Tell me two things you can smell.”
Her breaths were coming easy now. “Candle… floor cleaner.”
“That’s it, Y/N. Last one. Tell me one thing you can taste.”
“Blood. I think I bit my tongue,” she chuckled nervously, suddenly acutely aware of the situation and flooded with embarrassment.
Bucky read the shame immediately.
“Y/N, can you look at me?” Her cheeks were red as tears started to stream from her eyes that raised to meet Bucky’s sympathetic gaze. “I am so proud of you. What you went through today was incredibly intense. You signed a new apartment, ran into your abusive ex, stood up to him, and then actually held him accountable.
“It’s a completely reasonable response to break down under the weight of so much change and trauma. You are so strong and I’m just so proud of how far you’ve come.” He squeezed her hand then pulled it from his chest to place on her lap before letting go.
The tears were now a waterfall and Y/N couldn’t stop the sobs that spilled from her throat when freed his grip from hers. “C-can you pl-pl-please h-hug  m-me?” she hiccuped.
Bucky obliged without a thought, wrapping his arms around her as she released every emotion she’d tucked away from the ordeal — and some that had been hiding in unlit crevices for far too long.
For twenty minutes, he rocked her gently, tracing light circles on her upper back with his metal hand, maintaining a firm but comforting grip with this other. He held the same even pressure around her until her sobs morphed into occasional hiccups. Then she finally pulled away, sniffling and rubbing her eyes with the backs of her hands.
“I’m so sorry to--”
“Y/N, please. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Nothing. I’m glad I could be here for you. I mean it,” the corners of his eyes wrinkled as he flashed the smile that always awoke butterflies in her stomach.
“Stay,” she suddenly blurted out. The day’s events had worn her down so much that she lost all inhibition and reason and self-doubt.
“What?” Bucky blinked, not sure he’d heard her correctly.
“Stay. Tonight. Here. With me. I mean unless you don’t want to… shit, you don’t want to. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I knew I read this all wrong. You’re just doing your job and I--”
“I want to,” he interrupted her.
“Really?” Y/N looked up at him in disbelief.
“Really. Like, a lot,” he emphasized. “It’s just, we need to talk about this first. But you’ve been through so much today, I don’t want to create any more complications.”
“No, no I get it. I agree. I know this is not what’s supposed to happen. And this puts you in a difficult position. The last thing I want to do is jeopardise your career. I just, somewhere the lines started blurring for me. And I know what transference is, and I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I know, I mean I’m pretty sure anyways, that this isn’t that. I mean, I don’t know what this is, but I just…
She took a breath of courage before finishing her monologue.
“All I know is when I’m around you I’ve never felt more safe and cared for. You make me laugh. You add light to my life where there was only dark for so long. I didn’t know things could be this bright.”
Bucky grabbed Y/N’s hands in his, hoping the contrast of warmth and cold wouldn’t startle her. His heart was pounding so hard he feared it would break through his ribs.
“Y/N, I care about my clients. All of them. But it’s different different with you.” He sighed before continuing with his own confession. “I’ve tried to keep safe boundaries, but it’s been nearly impossible. And I can’t be your social worker if I have feelings like this.
Bucky started rambling at this point.
“Last week I decided I would help you find an apartment and then turn over your file to my colleague who just came back from mat leave, Maria Hill. She’s an excellent social worker and if you need any follow ups, I know she’ll take good care of you.
“And I’ll have to talk to the director. Maybe I’ll have to transfer to a sister centre. But I don’t care. If it means I get to continue whatever this is, to continue being here for you in whatever way you need, whatever way you deserve, then I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you, Y/N. I hope you know that.”
Without hesitating, Y/N flung herself into Bucky’s arms and started crying again, only this time she was laughing. “Oh my god, you are the sweetest man on the planet! I don’t know why I’m crying. God, this day has been a rollercoaster of emotions!” Bucky laughed at her unabashed excitement, his eyes glistening as well.
After tending to Bucky's chin, Y/N pulled together a few sandwiches as a makeshift dinner. Once they'd individually freshened up, the two laid together in Wanda’s spare bed. Bucky had his right arm around Y/N as she rested her cheek on his chest. One of Y/N’s hand traipsed along where his shoulder connected to the metal prosthetic while it drew cooling lines on her back.
“I hope it doesn’t bother you,” he whispered, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“Not at all,” she whispered back. “Would you think it was weird if I said I actually maybe possibly think it’s a turn-on?”
Bucky could feel her lips curl and he grinned, a warmth flooding his lower abdomen. He tilted his head down and placed the most delicate kiss on her forehead, hoping to communicate every thought racing through his mind in the single gesture.
“You’re incredible,” he mumbled through the kiss.
She returned the affection by placing a soft peck to his chest. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she muttered, weariness from the events of the day wearing on her. Within minutes, her breathing slowed as the sound of Bucky’s heart lulled her to sleep.
Bucky resisted closing his eyes, not wanting the curtains to fall on the picture before him. When he finally succumbed, a smile remained on his face as he drifted into the most peaceful sleep he’d had in years.
Next chapter (coming soon).
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drunken-imagines · 3 days ago
stars aligned — bucky barnes
a/n: for the sake of this we will pretend that this is completely possible and there are no consequences from the universe for how this goes okay thx <3
follow the instagram / tiktok to interact with me
summary: 1940s bucky fell in love with you and there is no other woman he could love. with all the heartbreak after the blip, and a way is presented to bring you back, can it work?
word count: 7.1k
requests are open
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Bucky Barnes. Fucking Bucky Barnes. He was the smoothest talking, charming man in all of Brooklynn. He had been ever since you could remember. Even in grade school, his reputation was known throughout multiple grades that he was the boy of everyone’s dreams. The only problem: Bucky knew it. He knew how desired he was and he wasn’t necessarily an ass about it, but he knew that women wanted him.
Now, one of your most prided features was that you were not one of them. You refused to be one of his little flings and have your heart broken by him. Also on that list was you were one of the few women who talked to Steve Rogers. There may have not been anything there romantically, but you adored that man as a friend.
All was well until you gave in. After years of putting Bucky off, you finally gave him a chance. One date you had told him. One date turned into a month. Then a couple more months, the two of you went out on town, laughing, flirting. Practically labeled a couple, and then nothing. No calls, no more dates, no more acknowledgment. He had dropped you and crushed you just as you swore you would never allow it. And then he was gone.
To say you were crushed was an understatement. Steve checked on you after, scolded his best friend, but at the end of the day, he was his best friend. Being in Steve’s company helped. And then he left.
And then there was you.
So what did you do?
You did what you could do and you became a nurse for the army.
Months had passed since you had seen the two men. Months stretched longer and your heart became less and less hurt, slowly bandaging itself back together. Bucky Barnes was barely a thought.
All of your focus went into your hurt men, tending to their wounds, unknowingly lifting their spirits, some even falling for you. Helping and caring for them helped you heal as well. The job was excruciatingly heartbreaking. What you had seen, how battered some of them came in was something you would never be able to unsee. But you helped them. Your smile brought smiles to their pained bodies and sometimes laughter when you would crack some jokes.
There was not a lot of down time for everyone, well until half the proclaimed “dead” soldiers were found and saved. Celebration erupted after that, even for the nurses - who had been working tirelessly to help the men.
Tonight, you and few of the other ladies had off and were enjoying yourself at a bar. Most of the drinks were on the house or men were buying them for you. You were sat at the bar, eyes glued onto your drink. Not much was running through your mind. The chatter and cheers wouldn’t allow for much thinking, or any deep thoughts.
“So what’s a pretty lady like you doing by herself?” a familiar voice flirtatiously spoke. Whipping your head around, your eyes were met with Bucky Barnes. Bucky fucking Barnes. “y/n,” he breathed. His blue eyes widened at the realization. His lips were a rosy red and the lighting in the bar made his skin glow somehow.
After a moment of admiring, the pent up rage of months of heartbreak slammed you and your hand was flung across his face as you slapped him. Your narrowed angry eyes widened as you realized what you had just done. Then your eyes saw Steve. He was huge, chiseled and beautiful. Steve had a wide grin on his face as he busted out laughing.
“Steve?” you exclaimed. Quickly, you hopped off the seat and flung your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight a hug.
“Hi y/n,” he chuckled out, hugging you back.
Pulling away, you looked over him with in a friendly manner.
“What the heck happened to you?” you asked.
“So I get a slap in the face and he gets a hug?” Bucky grumbled to himself, rolling his eyes.
“I wasn’t the idiot who stood her up,” Steve teased, raising an eyebrow to him. You stepped out of his proximity, eyes looking back and forth as you saw them share a knowing look.
“I would have said asshole, but idiot will do,” you added, bitterly. “But it is wonderful seeing you, Steve,” you kindly spoke, giving his arm a friendly squeeze.
“You too, y/n,” Steve grinned. “What are you doing out here?”
“Oh, you know, I’m actually a Sergeant leading my own group of men,” you nodded, messing with the boy.
“Wow,” Steve said, impressed.
“Not actually,” you laughed, “I’m a nurse.”
“Well, I have a really bad messed up hip you could look at,” Bucky chimed in, coming to stand beside you and Steve.
“Screw you,” you grumbled, rolling your eyes.
“Hey,” Bucky started, his hand grabbing on your arm gently as you turned your head away from him. “Can we talk?”
“Can we talk?” you laughed out, mockingly. “We could of talked when you completely dropped me with no explanation. We could have talked before you took out another five girls before you left. Or we could of talked before you left, but no. You just forgot about me. So no we can’t talk,” you spat, taking your arm out of his grip.
“I’m going to take this as my cue,” Steve cleared his throat, stalking away from the two of you
“I’m sorry,” Bucky apologized. For the first time since you got here, he genuinely showed some emotion besides some cocky, gorgeous soldier. “Truly, I am so sorry, y/n.”
You allowed yourself to look him over. He looked damn good in his uniform. His jacket fit him so well and made him look even more handsome than he normally looked. His hair was swept in a side part and even though he had been fighting in a war, his skin looked flawless.
“Why?” you pried, gulping as you imagined how vulnerable you looked. And god you did. Bucky could feel his heart sink into his stomach as he looked down at you. Your eyes were huge as the pain you had been trying to hide revealed itself. Your normal sweet smile was replaced with a slight pout. He could feel himself physically pained by your hurt.
“I was a jerk,” Bucky lied. He kicked himself for doing it, but there was one reason he did it and that reason still applied.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” you croaked, feeling heat rise to your skin.
His mouth fell agape as he tried to say something. He didn’t.
Without wasting another second, you spun around on your heel, heading out of the bar and into the cool night air. The city was busy around you as people walked around and cheered and yelled happily. Your heels clacked on the sidewalk as you walked anywhere away from the bar.
“y/n!” a voice called. Determined, you kept waking away, but were quickly halted by a body standing in front of you. Steve stood, not winded in the slightest. “What happened?” he asked, eyes filled with concern.
“He’s an ass,” you hoarsely spoke, feeling the true emotion take over you: heartbreak.
“What did he say?”
“There was no reason for him doing it besides he was a jerk. That’s all he said to me,” you answered, trying to regain what little dignity you had.
“That’s not true,” Steve rebutted, shaking his head at you.
“Then why, Steve?” you croaked, feeling your eyes well up with tears.
“You have to ask him,” Steve replied, giving a defeated smile.
“I did,” you snapped. “And it got me nowhere.”
“Go ask him for the truth,” Steve nodded towards the bar.
“Why should I?” you questioned.
“Just, come with me,” Steve ordered, taking your hand before gently tugging you back to the bar. The second you walked back in, your gaze fell upon Bucky. He was leaned against the bar, his hand clutching his temple as he scrunched his face. He seemed stressed as he slung back his shot of whiskey. “Bucky, follow me you dumbass,” Steve barked. Bucky and you locked eyes for a moment before he followed where Steve led him. It was not quiet by any means but it was a hell of a lot quieter. This corner of the bar was deserted. Finally, Steve let go of you.
“Now, Buck, you’re going to tell y/n the real reason you let her go,” Steve stated, looking to his friend with a stern face. Rolling his eyes, Bucky gulped while Steve walked away. The two of you remained staring at each other.
“If you don’t start talking, I might slap you again,” you threatened, crossing your arms over your chest as you glared over to the beautiful man.
Clearing his throat, he adjusted his footing before opening his mouth.
“I am an ass,” Bucky started. Snickering, you rolled your eyes. “I’m also weak.”
Narrowing your eyes, you watched as he let out a huff of air.
“When I asked you out, I didn’t expect it to go that far. I just- I had always had a thing for you since I could remember and before I left - which I thought I was brave for enlisting - and that I owed myself to ask you out. I deserved to take you out at least once before I went off and could have died. The next thing I knew, you were the only woman I wanted to spend time with and everyday was better with you in it,” Bucky threw you a small smile as your glaring softened. “But like I said, there’s a good chance I was going to die out here and I couldn’t- I wouldn’t put you through that, y/n. So I stopped coming around, even took out a few girls to make sure you wouldn’t even want a chance with me.”
For a moment, you stood there, just blinking and processing. Normally, you would assume the worst and that it was a lie, but Steve knew this. Steve made him tell you this, meaning Bucky told Steve before he left.
“I don’t know what to say,” you started, shaking your head. Bucky gave you a smile, thinking your speechlessness was a win. He was wrong. “You are an idiot. You think after all that if you would have died I wouldn’t have cared? The damage was already done, Barnes. I started falling for your stupid, charming self. No matter what stupid things you’d done, if you would have died, a piece of me would have too,” you seethed, feeling enraged by him and his idiocy.
“y/n,” Bucky began, calmly.
“No, don’t. Just-you think you were saving me? Being noble? No you were just a selfish idiot!” you exclaimed. Your arms fell to your sides as you clenched your hands into fists angrily. “That wasn’t for you to decide,” you exhaled, shaking your head.
“I am so sorry,” Bucky apologized, taking a step closer to you. “I regret it.”
“I know this sounds stupid cause it was only a few months, but Bucky I was destroyed,” you admitted, feeling hot as a wave of embarrassment washed over you. It’s not that you wanted his pity, but it was the truth.
“I wish I could take it back,” Bucky swallowed, gazing down at you.
“Well, like I said. It was only a few months. Not like we were in love or anything,” you regained your composure, standing up straighter as you tried to dismiss all this. “Good luck to you, Barnes.”
One last final look. You memorized every feature you could of him before you took a step around him. Whatever could have been, it couldn’t be now. He would be off to who knows where tomorrow and you would be back to tending to your men.
“That’s it?” Bucky asked, hitching your steps. “After all that you’re just going to shut everything I just said down because we weren’t together for a longer amount of time?”
“We weren’t together,” you said, keeping your back turned.
“That’s bullshit,” Bucky snapped. Looking behind you, you saw his nostrils flare slightly. “What the hell am I doing?” he asked, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling for a moment as he battled some inner dialogue.
“We weren’t,” you repeated.
“No, dammit, y/n. You’re not going to switch this up! You’re not going to sit here after telling me I’m an idiot and then just walk away and pretend like those months weren’t the best months of either of our lives!” Bucky erupted like a volcano. Maybe it was the war, maybe it was you, maybe it was the fact that you had finally struck a nerve. Dismissing what the two of you shared was something that he would not allow.
“There’s no point. What are we going to do now? I’m back to the camps tomorrow just as you are. It’s easier if we don’t,” you croaked, feeling more vulnerable than you had ever before in your life.
“Don’t you dare talk about there being no point- y/n, just. No fuck this,” Bucky shook his head. Clarity showed through and determination next. Within two strides he was right in front on you. Seconds later, his arms were thrown around your waist and he had you tugged against his frame. Before you could even take a breath, he slammed his lips on yours. The kiss of a lifetime. Any sort of rage or doubt dissipated at the feeling. His plump lips weren’t as soft as they once were but they didn’t feel any less amazing. His hands were firmly planted on your hips as you flung yours around his neck, leaning him over you.
Basking in this moment, you tried to memorize the feeling of his hands on your hips, his lips latched onto yours, his neat hair that your fingers were ruffling through. This was it. That earth-shattering kiss, that moment that people only dream of having. When he pulled away, you were seeing stars. Slowly, you came back down to earth as he gazed down at you.
“I would rather enjoy one pointless night with you then let you go again,” Bucky breathed, as you looked up at him through your eyelashes. Your heart thudded against the walls of your chest at his words.
“One night,” you grimly chuckled.
“One night,” he repeated.
The two of you scurried out of the bar, his hand held in yours. The bar goers cheered and whistled knowingly. Neither of you paid them a lick of mind as you hurriedly made your way to a spot you knew would be empty.
“How many soldiers you brought out here?” Bucky teased, raising an eyebrow.
“None,” you mumbled, glaring up at him.
“Then how you know a spot?” he inquired.
“Just cause I haven’t doesn’t mean I don’t know people who have,” you shot back, earning you a grin from Bucky.
“I didn’t kiss any of them,” Bucky stated, making your furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “The girls I took out. I didn’t kiss them or do anything with them.”
Snickering, you responded, “I doubt that.”
“I didn’t, y/n,” Bucky repeated, sternly. A layer of hurt evident in his tone. “Have you-ya know done any-“
“No,” you interrupted. The moment for being embarrassed about it had passed. There was no point. No point in putting up a wall, pretending anything. One night. That was all you got with the man.
“I wouldn’t have been mad if you did,” Bucky started as you turned a corner, tugging him inside an abandoned building. When you halted, Bucky stood in front of you, looking you up and down. His girl. No matter where life took you, you would always be his girl. And he would always be yours. The building wasn’t completely abandoned. It was just a little out of the bustling streets of the city. It used to be a little shop until it closed down with all the hardships of the war. Some of the nurses stumbled upon it when they were mingling with soldiers. It used to be a bookstore. The shelves were still lined with books and the front window let the moon cast a glow in the store.
“You going to keep asking questions or are you gunna kiss me, Sergeant Barnes?” you asked, batting your eyelashes as you held your hands behind your back, swaying on your heels. A dazzling smirk swept over him as took a few steps towards you.
“A bit needy are we?” he teased, towering over you for a moment.
“Not needy,” you breathed as he slowly wrapped his arms around your waist, his grin dimly lit by the moonlight. “Just reminding you we don’t have much time.”
“I don’t want this to be rushed,” he began, his voice velvety as he dipped his head down, trailing kisses along your jaw, dipping into your neck. “I want to take my time with you, doll. I want to remember every moment of this. If this is my only chance with you then I want to cherish every damn second we have.” His voice was slightly muffled between kisses.
“We don’t have to rush, Buck,” you exhaled as he kissed a tender spot, making your head roll back.
His head neglected your neck as he looked down at you, his hands moving from around you to cupping both of your cheeks in his hands.
“You’re my girl,” Bucky spoke, swallowing thickly. “No matter what happens, you’re my girl. And I will always be yours.” You clamped down on your bottom lip as you tried your hardest to hold back the tears. The tone of his voice was endearing and bittersweet, almost as if he was already saying goodbye. He wasn’t of course, but there was no happy ending for this. Unless months later or years, who knows with this war, maybe you two would come back together, but there was no guarantee. A wave of sadness washed over you as you looked up into his ocean blue eyes. Waves thrashed through his eyes as he was going through the same feeling as you. “No tears, baby, please,” he shakily let out, letting his thumb caress your cheeks to soothe you.
“I’ll always be yours, Buck,” you smiled, lip quivering.
“Always mine,” he repeated, nodding his head. A tear lulled down your cheek as your heart thumped in your chest. “I’ve never made a girl cry before I had sex with her,” Bucky teased and your mouth parted a little as you let out a bitter laugh.
“You’re an ass,” you laughed, sniffling.
“I love you,” Bucky voiced so sure. Now your mouth was left agape. “y/n y/l/n, I love you. I had to tell you that.”
“No, shh,” Bucky shook his head, causing your to close your mouth. “Don’t say it back. Don’t say anything,” he rasped, a tear rolling down his flushed cheek.
Before you could protest, he latched his lips to yours, moving them tentatively against yours as your head tilted back. You were completely under his spell, your body moved whatever way his did, your lips followed his, every movement he did you followed.
“Always my girl,” he mumbled against your lips, tugging down on your lower lip as you let out a shaky breath in pleasure.
The next morning, you awoke with a note left next to you.
I love you y/n.
- Always yours,

Your Idiot, Asshole Bucky Barnes
The reality of it crushed you. It was still early, just a little past dawn. In the time it would take you to get back, you could cry and grieve what could have been and still have enough time to regain your composure before you went back to work.
The ride was long and dreadful. The paper was tucked into your hand neatly. A piece of your heart gone, the rest hanging on by a thin, worn-out bandaid. Your mind replayed the night before, focusing on every touch, every kiss, everything about him. Remembering as much as you could, not wanting to forget any of him. You wouldn’t. Bucky Barnes was unforgettable.
A week passed and still your mind was completely taken over by him. Any spare time you had for thinking, your brain centered around him, your heart sinking each time. Things were beginning to look up for the war. Soldiers were in higher spirits, moral was boosted and so was their recovery. You were the complete opposite, especially after hearing the news: you were to be sent over to another camp. All the women you had become close with, all the soldiers you had healed all left behind. There was no choice in it. It was your duty.
The morning you left, you packed your belongings and went from a military vehicle to a cab to another cab to another military vehicle.
When you arrived, you were immediately met with many soldiers gazes. Nothing out of the ordinary. There were few women around and the men were touch deprived. As usual, you ignored their glances, whistles and such, holding your head high and focusing on your job.
You were shown to your tent and then over to the facility. After you were shown around, you were thrown to the wolves, beginning to care for the soldiers. Thankfully, most of them were in good condition, mostly just broken bones, few concussed. The rowdy yells caught your attention from behind you. Not an uncommon thing to here with the men rough housing and such. Rolling your eyes, you looked back down to your patient, continuing to wrap his shoulder in a sling.
“They are very loud,” you observed, causing him to chuckle.
“Most of us are,” he nodded, watching as you gently placed the strap around him. You gave him a warm smile after he thanked you before turning your attention to the noise.
“I’m fine! I don’t need to see anyone,” a voice exclaimed. A familiar one. But it wasn’t possible. Your breath caught in your throat as you listened intently, praying to any and every God it wasn’t some cruel joke. That you had heard it and heard it correctly. After some bickering, someone came through the tent flaps, messily.
“Bucky,” you gasped, eyes wide as you locked onto him. It was him. Bucky Barnes was standing in your presence. Then his eyes saw yours.
“Y/n?” he breathed.
“What- what are you?” you sputtered out, not truly believing your eyes. The shock on his face had morphed into happiness quickly.
“Holy shit,” he breathed, rushing over to you, sweeping you into his embrace.
“Buck,” you whimpered, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he nuzzled into your neck.
“I- how are you here?” Bucky asked, pulling his face away, but keeping you in his arms. Your eyes looked him over. He was wearing a beat up henley, his dog tags hanging from his neck, thudding against his chest. His hair was a little greasy and he looked dirty but still so damn beautiful.
“I got relocated,” you shook your head, smiling in disbelief.
“Wait- so you’re staying here?” he asked, beaming down hopefully.
All you could do was nod. Your Bucky was here, standing right in front of you, in your arms after you thought there was no chance for the two of you. One night that now could go somewhere.
“Thank god,” he chuckled, pressing a small kiss to your lips.
“I love you too,” you blurted out, finally feeling allowed to say it. That night he never let you say it back to him, and now with you two coming together again, twice. It felt like fate and destiny and like the world and stars and moons all aligned for this very moment.
“I love you,” he smiled, pushing a stray hair behind your shoulder.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” you admitted, biting down on your bottom lip as you looked up at him. 
“It’s like fate, isn’t it?” he beamed, scrunching his nose as it widened.
“Or a punishment for me,” you joked.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. 
“Oh you think just cause we spent one night together I’m going to go all easy on you, Barnes?” you teased. One of his eyebrows raised up at you, taunting you.
“If I recall correctly, I believe you were screaming out Sergeant Barnes the last time I saw you,” Bucky cockily spoke, lowly as he said it into your ear. The tops of your ears heated up at the contact.
“I think you misheard,” you gulped, smiling up at him.
“Whatever you say, doll,” he chuckled, letting his hand come to the side of your neck, pulling you up to him to lay a gentle kiss on your lips. “I’ll have you screaming it again later tonight,” he added, letting his lips ghost over yours as he spoke.
“Bucky!” you felt flush as your eyes darted around you, making sure no one heard. 
“Don’t you worry, I’ll make sure they all know you’re my girl,” Bucky grinned, pressing a quick kiss to your nose. “But, I gotta run, doll. Ten o’clock, I’ll be at your tent,” Bucky winked.
Shaking your head, you watched as he sauntered away from you. When he reached the flaps of the tent, he turned back around to face you.
“I love you, Nurse y/n y/l/n!” he exclaimed, obnoxiously as you let out an embarrassed laugh. That was Bucky, your Bucky. 
“I love you too, Sergeant James Barnes!” you laughed out, shaking your head at the wide grin he threw your way. A couple whistles and chuckles ripped through the men that laid in their cots before he threw the flap open and left.
The weeks that passed were the best of your life. The word love even felt inadequate to describe what you felt for Bucky. Every night that he could, he snuck out his tent and into yours, spending till the early hours in the morning before he ran back to his. The war was finally turning in the favor of them. Steve led troops and had win after win. Each new mission, you followed with the other medics and every time they won. You stood, waiting for their return. Once Bucky saw you, he would sprint over to you, swooping you up in a hug, and twirling you in a circle as you laughed.
Tonight, the two of you were rolled around in your uncomfortable cot, he was lying next to you on his side with his hand propping his head up as he stared at you, memorizing every nook and cranny of your face and body. There was a permanent smile etched into his face as he admired you. In the dim light, you could see his eyes twinkling as he looked down at you.
“I got you something,” he blurted out, capturing your full attention. In confusion, you furrowed your eyebrows. His chest was bare and he leaned over your body, grabbing his pants. His tags clanked together before the cool material fell against your chest. When he returned, he sat up on his knees and you quickly sat up in front of him. The cool air nipped at your skin now that the blanket wasn’t covering your bare body. 
“Is this another snack?” you teased, but he didn’t pay you mind as he held a hand behind his back. 
“No, it’s something else,” he cleared his throat, nervously adjusting his weight.
“What is it?” you asked, tilting your head to the side. He let a huff out of air as he visibly looked nervous.
“It’s not anything super special, I couldn’t get much, but,” he began before his hidden hand came out. In it he held a picture of the two of you smiling at each other and a locket. It had a gorgeous flower engraved on the front. Your eyes shot up from the gifts up to him.
“Buck,” you breathed, as your bottom lip poked out. Eyes wide, you reached your hand out shakily as you took the locket. It popped open easily and when you opened it, you saw a picture of Bucky with a gorgeous smile. The next side had a message engraved “Yours forever, Love Bucky”.  “It’s beautiful,” you smiled, tears welling up in your eyes. Next, you took the picture, examining it completely. He was grinning down at you, his hand cupping your cheek as you laughed up at him. The two of you looked so in love in it, you could feel your heart swell. 
“I wish the necklace was a little nicer, but,” Bucky chuckled, nervously scratching the back of his neck. Bucky and nervous were not a common pair. This reaction just made it all the sweeter.
“I love it, thank you,” you smiled, looking back up to him. 
“I can help you put it on if you want,” he offered and you quickly handed it back to him, bowing your head down so he could lock it safely around your neck. His fingers pushed the hair off your neck, leaving goosebumps. The clasp was quickly secured and you brought your head back up, cradling the locket in your fingers, grinning. 
“I love you,” you smiled, leaning forward to give him a grateful kiss. When you pulled away, he had a small smile over his lips. 
“I love you too, doll.”
Something was off, with his tone. Nervously, you gulped.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, concern leaking out of you.
“Can you promise me something?” he asked.
“Sure,” you replied.
“Promise me, if I don’t make it out of this you will find someone,” Bucky began, making your eyes widen.
“No, I will not promise that, anything else but that,” you immediately replied, shaking your head in disbelief. “Don’t talk like this.”
“y/n, I need you to promise me that, that you will find someone who makes you smile and you’ll have some gorgeous babies,” Bucky repeated, sternly looking to you.
“No,” you shook your head, feeling all of your body begin to panic. The thought alone of a life without Bucky in it made you want to shrivel up and cry.
“You have to promise me,” he begged, letting his hand come up grab the side of your face gently.
“Would you do it? If it was the other way around?” you asked, quickly.
“I don’t know if I could, but-”
“Then why the hell would you ask that from me?” you hoarsely spoke, feeling how dry it felt from the idea of it.
“Because I need to know if I don’t make it out of here, that you will still get that beautiful life you deserve, y/n,” he answered, forcing a pained smile to his face.
“I want a life with you,” you stated. “I want all that with you, Bucky.”
“I need you to promise me you’ll get that regardless,” he croaked, biting down on his lower lip to try and conceal the real pain plaguing him.
“I won’t promise that,” you shook your head. “I will not promise that I will find someone else because I cannot imagine a life without you in it.”
“You’re so stubborn,” he chuckled bittersweetly. 
“I wouldn’t ask that from you, if I died,” you added, looking up into his blue eyes, seeing the dark waves in the ocean color. The pain, the fear. 
“I wouldn’t want that with anyone else, either,” Bucky admitted. 
“How are you going to give me this necklace then tell me to marry someone else if you don’t make it all within the same moment,” you shook your head, seeing a laugh rip through him. 
“I love you,” Bucky stated.
“I love you… Even when you’re an idiot.”
He left early the next morning. His instructions were clear, anytime you worried, close your eyes and hold the locket and remember his love for you. You did it more often then you should have. These missions were always troublesome. You always tried your hardest to keep your mind focused on your patients and busy yourself with work when they left, because if not it was too unbearable to think of the possibilities.
Normally, they would be back late that night or the next morning. They were never gone for too long since the camps move in accordance to their next target. The day went by dreadfully slow and when it was time for sleep, you stared at the picture he had printed of the two of you. Your hand clutched the locket until you finally dozed off.
When you awoke the next morning, you did your usual routine, keeping your mind as cool and collected as you could. A couple hours into tending to your men, you heard the loud cheers of soldiers, meaning they returned. Hurriedly, you bolted out of the tent, walking out to see the men returning over the hill. Steve was in front, in his normal fashion. Once they got closer, you could see the look on Steve’s face. No notorious smile, just a straight face. Your eyes darted, not seeing Bucky beside him. He was always beside him. Always. Then Steve met your eyes, that’s when you felt it. Your heart dropped to your stomach and your stomach flopped down so hard you could feel yours legs giving out on you. It was the pity on his face, the glazing over of his eyes.
Everything blurred around you, you could feel Steve’s arms wrap around you, pulling you against his chest. Words left him but you couldn’t process them. He was gone.
You never moved on. Ever. You never found a man or had a family. There was no need. You had your one earth-shattering love. Bucky. No one could live up to him and he deserved someone to love him so much that no one could take his place. You lived your life, had some pets and a small house and looked after your family and helped with others children. And most of all, you lived everyday with half of your heart missing, it was too busy morning and loving Bucky.
When Bucky finally regained consciousness after years of brainwashing, the first thing he did was try and find you. He did. Your grave. You had passed away and it felt like half of his heart died. He found out you never settled down after him and he could feel his heart shatter in his chest at the revelation. You had loved him so much that you never even went on a date with another man. And that was how much he loved you.
He wished he died so many times and now with you gone, it felt as if there was no meaning to living.
When the blip happened, Steve had momentarily forgotten about you. Without Bucky alive, and seeing his best friend grieving you, he had forgotten, but once he got Bucky back, he remembered, everything.
The moment has come for him to return the stones. He looked to Bucky and thats when he knew, if he was going to be selfish and get his happy ending, Bucky deserves his. It was in that moment he decided the mission.
You sat on your porch, a book in your hand, as you rocked on your swing, captured mentally with a far away love story. A momentarily, startlingly rustle in your yard ripped your eyes away to look in front of you. Steve Rogers stood in front of you, appearing out of thin air. Your stomach tightened, mouth agape as you stared at him, blinking hurriedly. It was a dream, Steve was dead.
“Hi, y/n,” he smiled.
“Steve?” you croaked, feeling the familiar hot tears brimming your wide eyes. He had been pronounced dead, saving the city.
“You going to sit there staring or are you going to come give me a hug?” he chuckled. Shakily, you stood up stepping down the steps and flinging your arms around his neck, clutching him to you. Life without Bucky was one of the worst things imaginable, but life without Bucky or Steve was even more soul crushing.
“You’re really here,” you cried out, feeling your emotions get the best of you. “How are you here?” you let out, holding him closely as he squeezed you in his arms. When he set you down on the ground, you looked him over, still not used to his now built form.
“We have a lot to discuss,” he smiled, giving your arm a comforting squeeze.
“I thought you were dead,” you croaked, a smile creeping up on your face as you looked over Steve. He was real.
“Can we sit down somewhere?” Nodding, you led him into your home, and he looked over everything, his eyes catching the framed picture of your and Bucky, picking it up off the shelf. He politely declined your offer for tea or snack or anything, instead saying it’s best for you to take a seat.
“Do you miss him?” Steve asked, still looking over the picture in the frame in his hands.
“Every second of everyday,” you winced out, swallowing the lump in your throat. Steve’s eyes flicked to you.
“If there was a way for you to see him again would you take it?” Steve asked.
“Of course,” you answered, beginning to furrow your eyebrows, suspiciously.
“Do anything?” Steve continued.
You nodded.
“Even if it sounded crazy?” Steve questioned.
“Steve, what’s going on?” you asked.
Sighing, he told you everything. That Bucky had been alive and that he is still alive in the future; that Steve is from the future and he’s currently in the ice and that Bucky didn’t die that day and instead was held captive and was brainwashed by HYDRA for decades. Most importantly, he told you he could take you to the future to see Bucky. Throughout the whole spiel, your lips remained parted in shock. It took awhile before you could say anything, even process.
“You said you would do anything. I’m giving you the chance. Are you going to take it?” Steve asked, leaning forward and leaning his elbows on his knees.
Without hesitation, you breathed out, “Yes.”
Bucky stood staring at the platform. All the men were starting to panic as Banner mentioned Steve was taking too long. Suddenly, Banner was speaking and clicking buttons loudly and before Bucky’s eyes, someone stood. It took him a moment until he registered. It was you. It was his y/n.
He stood in front of you, his hair longer than you had ever seen. His face was more than stubbly and in this light he was glowing. He wore tight black pants and a black jacket and his blue eyes were glazed over as a wave of emotion washed over him.
“y/n?” he whispered out, shaking his head. You were different, you were modernized ever so slightly. Your hair wasn’t done how it once was, it was long and flowed down behind your shoulders almost a little messily, but it was you. Most importantly, he saw the locket still wrapped neatly around your neck. “How-“
“Long story,” you giggled, nervously clasping your hands in front of you.
“But you’re here,” he let out, processing your presence.
“I’m here,” you whimpered, feeling your own wave of emotion wash over you. Pain. Pain for morning him and thinking he was dead and now seeing him in front of you and not knowing what to do. Do you kiss him? Hug him? Do you have to talk first? Your stomach was in your throat as your heart beat erratically in your chest, thumping loudly. A silence fell over the two of you as you both stared at each other.
Hesitantly, he took a step to you. Then another, and then he was stood right in front of you. His hands came out of his pockets and you looked down, seeing his metal hand. The pain that throbbed in your chest as you thought of your perfect, sweet Bucky enduring the torture and having his limb replaced with a metal one.
He noticed you staring, feeling his stomach sink. That was it, you were going to fear him.
Instead, your hand reached out shakily, taking his cool metal hand in your own, looking up at him.
Such a small act, but it told Bucky everything he needed for the moment. His other arm wrapped around your waist as he tugged you into his firm chest. Your head snuggled into his chest as he nuzzled his own face into your neck. Both of you cried against one another, the relief that you felt in one another was overwhelming.
“I love you,” Bucky mumbled against your neck.
“I’ve missed you so much,” you sobbed against him. “I love you, Buck.” After the two of you relaxed slightly. Bucky pulled away, tears streaking down his face.
“y/n, I’m not the same man I once was,” Bucky started and without hesitation, your hand cupped his scruffy cheek, and he relaxed into your touch.
“You’re still my Bucky. Always, remember?” you smiled gently, rubbing your thumb soothingly across his face.
“I’ve done things-things I will never-“ he started.
“I know,” you nodded. “Steve told me. But I still love you, so damn much.”
He knew his words would fail him. Especially in this moment when they would mean the most. Action. He had to take action. Hesitantly, he leaned his head down, his fingers still wrapped in yours. He looked down at you for a moment, seeing if you showed any fear. You didn’t, not a bit. He let his lips hover over yours for a moment, watching your eyes flutter shut on instinct before he dipped his head down, finally connecting your lips together. Two lost puzzle pieces that finally found their place. Everything around you two disappeared. Once he felt your lips against his, he felt more confident than he had in years and he tilted your head back as his hand snuck to the side of your neck, deepening the kiss. Years of pain, heartbreak all gone and forgotten now that you two were finally reunited. What he couldn’t tell you with words, he showed you with how his grip tightened ever so slightly, trying to make sure you never leave his side and how gentle yet passionate the kiss was.
He pulled away, his eyes still closed, his forehead against yours. Both of you catching your breath, inhaling one another’s air.
“I wanna marry you,” he whispered, his eyes popping open to see your reaction.
“Right now?” you asked, caught off guard.
“No, not right now, but soon. I don’t want to waste another moment without you in my life, forever,” he mumbled, his cheeks turning a rosy color.
“I’ll let it slide due to the circumstances, but just so you know this is not how you propose,” you teased, with a huge smile on your face as your wrapped both your arms around his neck. Your once confident, outgoing Bucky was now more shy, and reserved. He was a lot more muscular too, a lot. But he was still your Bucky.
“I promise to actually ask you,” he mumbled, nodding.
“I don’t even care,” you laughed. “I just am so happy to see you. I could care less about a proposal.”
“I still want to give you one,” Bucky shyly spoke, biting down on his lower lip. “I still wanna give you everything you deserve, doll.”
“I love you, Buck,” you breathed out, pushing up on your tippy toes to press a small kiss to his nose, making him scrunch it as he smiled.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know, y/n.”
And so you both got married, in a beautifully elegant and small wedding. Bucky had began living again with you by his side. Both of you finally complete with each other.
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angrythingstarlight · 3 days ago
The next dad Bucky would be....
Bucky with a breeding kink? Has to be. He wants more children. I volunteer to do just that 😏.
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Pairing: Dad!Bucky x reader
Warnings: smut, creampie, breeding kink, Minors DNI, 18+
A/N written on my phone, will edit later. Do not copy, rewrite, repost or translate my work. Even if you credit me. Comments and reblogs are wonderful!
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Bucky wants more babies. With you. He wants his little family to grow. He wants little ones with eyes like yours running around the house. Filling his home with laughter and comfort, the kind he only seems to find in your embrace.
He loves seeing your belly become more round and swollen as you carry his babies. He cherishes every minute of your pregnancy, loving that you made him a father.
Bucky never asked for much, but somehow received the world when he met you. He would have been ecstatic to just have known you, but then you loved him in return. You gave him things-home, love, family- things that he never thought he could have.
Lately, Buckys been a bit more clingy.
It started when you asked him to clean out the nursery; he had a brief flash of melancholy darkened his blue eyes. You thought you imagined it at first.
But then it took him hours to pack up the baby clothes that your youngest had outgrown. When you finally went to look for him, you found Bucky in the nursery sitting on the floor surrounded by the baby’s clothes and toys going through pictures on his phone.
“I miss this.” He murmured under his breath, as he gazed at the picture of the two of you. He’s standing behind you with his chin on your shoulder and his hands cradling your belly.
More and more you noticed the longing in his eyes whenever he found a picture of you pregnant and smiling or whenever he saw a baby.
He may not admit it, but Bucky has baby fever.
And it’s contagious.
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You’re tangled up in soft, lavender-scented sheets with him hovering over you. His hands lingering over your belly as he gives you that look again.
“Bucky,” you sigh when his large palm, rough and warm, rubs your belly before he goes down your thigh.
He hums in response, tracing up your hip with his fingertips. A thick callous on the pad of his thumb pressing into your skin as he makes his way across your waist.
You push your head into the downy soft pillow, shifting back to see his face. Warm deep blue eyes gaze down at you. There’s so much passion and love in his expression that it encases you, spreading across your being like wildfire.
“What are you thinking about?”
He leans down, his nose nudging your cheek. “You.”
You shiver from his deep voice smoothing over your skin. The twist of his lips tells you he felt you.
“You.” He repeats, his tone thick with unspoken emotion, it’s hard to breathe with him looking at you the way he is, his eyes don’t leave your face as his hand finds its way back to your belly. “You round and swollen with my baby. You glowing and beautiful as you carry our child. Maybe a little girl with your smile.”
Tears prick the corners of your eyes. His lips brush over yours, his large body easing over you. “You want that,” he murmurs, “wanna have my baby?”
You nod, parting your lips, his tongue dipping into your mouth. You do, you’ll give him as many babies as he wants. His scent, fresh and masculine, encompasses you as he deepens the kiss.
You moan into his mouth when you feel his cock, throbbing and hard, on your thigh. You slide your hands between your bodies and wrap your fingers around his thick, veiny shaft, guiding him to your aching core.
“So wet and tight for me,” he groans, your silky walls stretching around him as he sinks into you. “So fucking good, fuck you feel so good.”
He can’t stop praising you, telling you how sweet and good are you, how much he loves you with each deep stroke until your body is thrumming with pleasure.
“-gonna fill you up so good, you’re going to feel me for days,” he pants in your ear over the salacious slapping of his into yours as he drives deeper into your pussy. “Gonna keep your pretty pussy stuffed until you’re nice and round.”
“Yes, oh fuck yes Bucky.” You keen, a high thin wail, when he lifts your hips, making you meet his powerful thrusts.
His fingers intertwine between yours, pinning your hands by your head.
Bucky pushes you into the bed, dropping his weight on your body. “ And he grinds his hips down, his cock dragging and stretching you, pressure building in your core, you claw his back. His name a vulgar, desperate chant on your lips.
Bucky feels you flutter and tighten around him and he pounds into you, the headboard crashing into the wall, throaty, frantic sobs escape your mouth.
“Cum for me, cum for me please, cum-,” he insists, his eyes watching your face contort with pleasure. The pressure in you cresting higherhigherhigher until you snap. “-fuck, good girl, just like that doll.”
He fucks you through your orgasm, sensations twisting and burning with each slow push of his cock into your spasming cunt.
You feel all of him, his warm, sweat-slicked body surrounding you as he moves deeper in you. “S close doll, fuck I can’t, so good-“ He mumbles, groaning your name when you clench down. “So good for me.”
He tilts his head, kissing you as he tenses over your pliant body, you hear the low, deep groan in his throat, his hips stuttering until warmth floods your core, your belly nearly bulging from how full you are.
He drops onto your body with a shaky laugh, “damn you’re good. I could stay in your pussy all day.”
“Bucky,” you breathe out, biting your lip, his joyous grin making your face burn."Too heavy." You playfully slap his ass before brushing back his hair.
The room spins as he rolls you over until you’re laying on his chest. You slide off him, stopping when he grabs your ass.
“Let’s stay like this for a minute,” he says. Bucky doesn’t you to leave him just yet, you’re too warm and snug around him to let you go. He’s already planning on fucking more of his cum into you until he’s sure it takes.
You settle back on his chest, propping your chin on his chest. Bucky rubs small circles into your back, a comfortable silence drifting over you.
“I didn’t pack up the nursery.”
You laugh, placing a kiss on his chin. “I know.”
His swollen lips curve into a smile. “If we have a girl, I want to repaint the entire room. Then I want to build a rocking chair like the one my dad made for my sister.”
You rest your head over his heart, listening to him play for your baby’s arrival. His raspy deep voice washing over you, lulling you to sleep.
Bucky looks down at you, muttering a thank you to the universe for giving him someone so wonderful.
Everything he wants from the world is right here in this bed, in his home with you. And if he’s lucky, his small family will have a new addition in nine months.****
Part 1
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barnestuff · 3 days ago
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summary in which bucky finally finds his home.
pairings bucky barnes x reader
warnings soft!bucky, “have you eaten today?”, fluff.
a/n gif credits, have a nice day/night!
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
Bucky thought he would never fall in love, not after everything that happened to him. He was convinced that his heart was frozen.
Then, you came along.
It was almost like a dream, unfamiliar, but comforting. He rarely had beautiful dreams, and it always felt too good to be true. He was so used to having and living through nightmares.
“Doll, I’m home” he closed the door and started walking to the living room, concerned that you didn’t answer his greeting like you always do.
He understood why you didn’t answer him when he got to the living room. You were laying on the couch, sleeping, with Alpine next to you. You both looked so peaceful and cute, Bucky felt his heart swelling at the sight in front of him. He hated that but he knew he had to wake you up since six pm was not an ideal time to take a nap. He walked up to the couch and gently caressed your cheek to wake you up. You opened your eyes, eyelids still heavy from sleep.
“Hello, pretty girl,” he said, smiling.
“Hi,” you gave him a tired smile, happy to see him but still sleepy.
“I brought food, let’s eat, yeah?” he said, his hand still on your cheek, his thumb moving on your cheek slightly.
“I want to sleep.” you closed your eyes again.
“After dinner, baby. Have you eaten today?” he asks you with concerned eyes.
“‘Can’t remember.” you said and got up from the couch, leaning on his body and hugging him. Your arms were wrapped around his waist and your head was leaning on his shoulder.
“I missed you so much.” you mumble.
“I was just gone for a few hours, pretty girl.” he smiled at you and you didn’t answer, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent.
“I missed you too.” he said.
He was attached. He was in love.
He constantly missed you, wanted to touch you all the time. He thought about you all the time. He dreamt about you, about touching you, kissing you, even when you were next to him, he missed you.
He loved little things like holding your hand while walking, or cuddling on the couch after a long day, a kiss on the cheek before leaving, the way you say good morning after waking up, how you would jump into his arms after he comes home from a mission.
He walked into the kitchen. It was 3 AM and he was ready to fight if there was someone dangerous in your shared house. He was both relieved and concerned when he saw you cooking something. You were wearing one of his shirts and shorts, looking adorable as always. He leaned on the door and watched you for a while as you kept cooking, oblivious to his presence. He loved watching you as you focused on something, you always looked very cute.
“Doll, why are you awake?” he asked after a while, trying to whisper. You jumped a little bit when you heard his voice so suddenly but you quickly relaxed when you recognized his voice.
“I… I just couldn’t sleep.” you said but he knew it was more than that. Still, he didn’t push it. He knew you would talk to him about him whenever you were ready, just like you always did.
“May I ask what you are cooking?” he asked and lifted his eyebrows, making you laugh. He hugged you from behind, his arms around your waist, his head on your shoulder.
“Pancakes. You like them?” you asked him as you put the pancakes on a plate.
“Well, I haven’t eaten one since the 40’s.” he said.
“You are lucky then, not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at making pancakes.” you whispered and he held your face, giving you a kiss, you smiled into the kiss. He led you to the living room as you held your plates, he was holding your hand, and both of you sat down at the couch, sharing a blanket. Bucky’s left arm was around your shoulders, right one holding his plate. Your legs were hanging off his legs.
You two ate your pancakes in silence, some kisses and giggles were shared.
When you fell asleep in Bucky’s arms, he watched you for a while. Admired and remembered your face, noticed how peaceful you looked while being asleep. There were moments like this when he wished that he could keep you in his arms forever, feel your warmth all the time.
Then, he picked you up in bridal style, taking you to the bedroom. You didn’t wake up until he reached the bedroom and laid you on the bed. He gently laid next to you and wrapped his arms around you.
“Goodnight, pretty girl.”
After decades, Bucky was happy. He was in peace. His dream was next to him, his girl was with him. He was home.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
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taglist: @multiplums @buckythompsonsousa @stuckysavedmylive @amayatheowl @harrysthiccthighss @justreadingficsdontmindme @bucks-bunny @leyannrae @libraries-and-coffee
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drysdale-barnes · 3 days ago
in another life
summary: you come to a harsh realisation about bucky (set in the 1930s)
w/c: ~900 (short and not so sweet)
note: this is my entry for the lovely @elijahs-wife 1k writing challenge!! congrats on 1k tay, you deserve all of it and more💞,,, and wow i rlly did hurt my own feelings with this one, i’m so sorry😫
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You sit cross legged on the leather couch in your living room, twiddling your fingers in boredom until you sense Bucky approaching you. He brushes your hair out of your face, lifting your head so that your eyes lock and cocking his head playfully at you. You can’t help but smile back; his happiness is truly contagious. Addictive.
“You okay, baby?” Your words are honeyed, and escape your lips in an almost purr as his hand caresses your cheek.
“Dance with me, my love.” he murmurs, holding his hand out for you to take; you do so gratefully, your dainty fingers dancing with his own calloused ones, coming to rest palm to palm. You gaze up at him, eyes pouring with adoration as he shoots you that lopsided grin that you love so much.
He pulls you close to his chest, your head tucked under his chin like two pieces of a puzzle; you fit perfectly together. You’re meant to be. And you know you’ll never love another like him. He’s yours and you’re his and that’s just the way that it is. He promised you everything that life has to offer, including his love; of course, you’d be content with him and nothing else, because he’s all that you need.
You lean into him, wrapping your arms around his torso and resting your head against his chest. You draw patterns into his back, trying to imprint the feel of his skin on yours into your memory — his scent, his warmth, him.
“Promise you’ll love me forever.” you whisper, almost inaudibly. He nudges your chin up with his finger, pressing a soft kiss to your scarlet painted lips, and smiles.
“You’re it for me, doll. All I need. Of course I’ll love you forever.”
You card your fingers through his cropped hair, tracing his angular cheekbones with your thumbs and smiling as his nose crinkles at the touch.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” He holds his pinky out to you and you frown quizzically. “It’s a promise. I’m promising that I’ll love you forever.” You giggle at that, hooking your own pinky through his and shaking it lightly.
“You have to stay now. I can’t lose you.” You allow yourself to pretend that this is real; that he’s really here with you. Because you want it to be real so badly that it hurts; every minute of every day that you know he’s gone is agonising. There’s a hole in your chest where your heart’s meant to be, and you lose a little more of your perseverance every day. Every day you slip further under, your grief drowning you, filling your lungs and making it impossible to breathe. To live. You just want to succumb to it; you want to let it pull you under. Maybe then the pain will subside, even for just a moment.
Because you just want your boy back, and you can’t have him.
A tear trails down your cheek as you think about him leaving again, knowing that you have to say goodbye. Because this isn’t real. He coos softly, kissing away your tears with his perfectly plump lips.
“What are you crying for, pretty girl?”
“You’re not really here.” He frowns, kissing your forehead.
“I know. But it’s okay, you’re going to be okay.”
“I’m not, Buck. I don’t know how to live without you.” A sob forces it’s way out of your body, your dainty fingers curling around his shirt as you cling to him, for you know that any minute now, he’ll disappear. “Why did you have to leave me? I’m so lost without you.”
“I’m sorry, doll.” Another tear runs down your cheek and his palm wipes it away gently, cradling your face in his hand like something precious — something fragile. As though you’re made of porcelain. Well, that is what you are now: breakable, frail, vulnerable.
You were so strong before; you used to talk back to all of the boys in town when they hit on you. You used to smile and laugh and tease. Push back. Never take anyone’s bullshit. But all of your strength left with Bucky, and he never returned home to give it back to you.
“Please come home.”
“Maybe in another life, we’ll see each other again. But for now, you need to move on. Be happy with somebody else.” he whispers brokenly, anguish painfully evident in every waver of his voice.
“But I need you, James. I can’t move on, you’re the one I need.” You whisper in a hushed tone; if your voice was any louder, it would surely break. “You promised that we’d have a life together. Buy a house, have kids. Grow old.”
“I’m always going to be here if you need me. I love you.” he promises, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug, kissing the top of your head as you feel him fade away. You curve your body around his desperately, as though you can hold him close to you and stop him from disappearing. As though you can bring him back to life.
“I love you too.” you sob, closing your eyes.
And when you open them, he’s gone.
Because we slow dance in the living room, but all that a stranger would see is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek.
He’s been gone for months, but you still can’t let him go. He’s your love, and your happiness. And now he’s your grief.
Your suffering.
You’ve never felt more alone than you do right now. The two people you love the most in the world are gone, and there’s nothing you can do to bring them back.
Your palm is wet with your tears, and you sniffle, reaching out for someone who isn’t there.
“Bucky…” you whisper to yourself, knowing that you won’t receive an answer.
You’ll never forgive yourself for what happened to him, and you’ll never forgive him for leaving you.
Maybe in another life, you’ll finally be able to be together.
But not now.
It’s not your time; you’re not sure it ever will be.
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lokis-army-77 · 3 days ago
If You Please
Chapter nine
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 2200
I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.
Warnings: angst, mention of death
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It was nearing the end of December when we were given our first HYDRA takedown mission. The Howling Commandos, which was what we were calling the group of men that Steve and I helped put together, were eager to get back to the fighting. In the past month, we had all grown fond of each other, which was needed if we were to work as a team in the heat of battle.
Howard had given Steve and me our new uniforms a few days beforehand, although the dark royal blue, I still felt more comfortable in my old army uniform. I wore the suit only to ease the peace of mind of both Steve and Bucky, who were both afraid of me possibly getting hurt on these missions. Unlike Steve's uniform, mine had no stars and stripes, just some places where the seams had been piped in a light stone gray color. Howard also made sure to make a belt that would hold both my twin pistols and the bo staff when it was separated into two separate pieces.
It had taken a little over a year for our group to take out all of the Hydra bases Steve had pointed out on the map. The way we had worked, flowed like a well oil machine. All eight of us had our specific roles and we played them well. Bucky was our sniper, he hid out in the trees or on top of opposing buildings, watching for danger and alerting us when he did. Once he had you in his iron sites, he never missed. Gabe was our machine gunman, he came in for the heavy artillery when we needed to smoke the enemy out. Jacques or Jac, as we all liked to call him, could only speak french to Gabe and me, he was great at hand-to-hand combat but tended to be a little more reckless than everyone else, which was why he liked to do the more risky tasks. Jim was our tech guy, he had taken a few of the enhanced HYDRA weapons and put them to good use on the battlefield, he also ran our radio transmissions and dealt with helping me get feedback on HYDRA’s movements. Falsworth was one of the best explosives makers I’d seen in the field. He could create a bomb out of almost anything you handed to him. Dum Dum was our ace card, he was strong, handled guns like he was born to, and fought expertly. Steve was our leader, but I stepped in as second in command as needed. Lastly, I was our go-to on the stealth side of things. I snuck up on the unsuspecting, took them out, and gathered all the intel that could be useful to us. Getting in and getting out was my job, but I wasn’t afraid to get my hands dirty once in a while.
Now it was February of 1945 and we were standing on a freezing cliff waiting for a train carrying unknown materials to HYDRA. Steve, Bucky, and I stood at the edge of the cliff while Dum Dum and Jac winched in the zipline cable taught. Gabe and Jim were listening in on the transmissions from Dr. Zola on the train to a HYDRA commander, and Falsworth was looking out into the canyon with his binoculars.
“Do you two remember when we all rode the cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky asked.
I shook my head in a laugh before rubbing my gloved hands together and brought them to my mouth to try and warm them up. “How could I forget, Steve threw up all over the new white oxfords that took me forever to save up and buy.”
“Hey, I said I was sorry!” Steve exclaimed.
"Well, I hope this isn’t payback for forcing you on it.” Bucky looked out into the distance, shaking nervously. I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips and kissed it. He looked over at me and smiled.
“They’re headed this way and fast. Zola just got confirmation to open up the throttle.” Gabe called out.
“I can see them, they’ll be within distance in a few minutes with how fast they’re going,” Falsworth stated as he moved his eyes away from the binoculars.
“Well, I guess it’s now or never boys. Do you all remember the plan?” I looked to Steve, Bucky, and Gabe who would be the only ones with me on the train, they all nodded. I moved closer to Bucky and leaned up to kiss him, “I’ll see you when this is all over.”
“Be careful Doll,” he whispered into my ear.
“You know I will.” I turned from him then and grabbed onto the zipline handle. I would be the first to go down because it was my job to try and get the train stopped as fast as possible.
As the train came closer I jumped and skidded down the long metal line. I watched as the train moved quickly under my dangling body. Letting go of the handles, I drop, not so gracefully onto the engine car. There was no way in from the top like there were on most trains, it was completely smooth. Carefully walking toward the front of the engine, I noticed the gunner flaps open on the sides. They looked big enough for me to slip through. So without a second thought, I went straight for the left one.
Slipping down into the car I thought it was weird that no one was in sight. I grabbed both separated sides of my staff out of their holders and brought them up. The conductor's room was cut off from the rest of the car by a large metal door with a small glass window. I walked up to the door and listened carefully. I could hear most of what was going on thanks to the enhanced hearing the serum gave me.
“Stop them! Fire again!” Someone yelled. I quickly glanced through the window and saw only two people, one guard, and Zola. “Shoot him again! Kill him now!” He yelled again. Without waiting another second, I backed up and kicked in the door. It swung open and I strutted in. Both the guard and Zola turned around in shock.
“Now, you’re going to either step away from the control panel willingly or I can force you to do it, either way, works for me,” I said as I walked over towards the armed guard who was pointing his gun at me. “And you can drop your gun.” The guard looked to Zola and then back at me before lowering his gun to the ground. I picked it up and threw the sling over my shoulder. I grabbed the pair of handcuffs the guard had on him and bound his wrists, pushing him assertively to the floor. I then walked over to Zola and bound his wrists with the cuffs that I was carrying. I sat him down next to the guard.
At that moment Gabe came crashing in through a window above me, out of nowhere. “You know, you sure did take long enough. I've already got this handled.” I said as I went over to Zola and cuffed him with my own handcuffs.
“Hey, it takes a minute to walk down the length of a fastly moving train. Steve and Bucky are fine, so everything seems to be going smoothly. The Colonel and the rest of the special forces group are waiting for us on the other side of the tunnel.” he said as he took Zola's place at the control panel.
Soon the train started to come to a stop, we unloaded Zola and the guard, placing them in the custody of the military officers who had met us on the other side of the tunnel. I waited patiently in the falling snow for Bucky and Steve to make their way out of the train. I walked around to keep myself from freezing as I waited. As I walked to the other side of the train I noticed that a giant hole had been blown out of the side. I turned away when I heard someone call out my name.
Steve stood at the front of the train with a solemn look on his face. I ran over to him and gave him a hug. “What's the matter, Stevie?” I asked, concerned. He just shook his head and looked blankly at his hands. “Where’d Bucky go?” He didn’t answer me, just kept looking at his hands. I snapped my fingers in front of his face to try and get his attention. “Hello, earth to Steven. Where is Bucky?”
“I tried. I really did, you have to believe me.” He choked out. I moved away from him slightly, giving him a questioning look.
“Steve, what do you mean? You aren't making any sense.”
“He was right there, I almost had him, but.” He stopped mid-sentence.
“What happened to Bucky, Steve?” I raised my voice. He pushed me away from him but said nothing. “What happened to him!” I yelled out. Something bad had happened to my fiancé and was going to find out what. I stepped back closer to Steve and pushed his chest hard. “Tell me!”
“He got knocked out of the train. He held onto the siding and I went to pull him up but he was too far out of reach. He slipped before I could get closer to his hand.”
“No. No, you’re lying to me.” I could feel my eyes burning as I tried to keep the tears from falling. “This isn’t funny Steve, where is he?” My voice shook uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry, I really tried, but he’s gone.” Steve choked out the words. I hit him hard in the chest as I started to cry. I hit him over and over again.
“Don’t just stand there, bring him back,” I sobbed out. The tears were streaming down my face now, almost freezing instantly in the cold wind. I went to hit him again but he just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him tightly. “Bring him back please,” I begged, crumpling to the ground. Steve followed suit, in order to not let go of me. “I didn’t even say I love you to him before we started the mission.” I gasped out. It was getting harder to breathe as I kept sobbing into Steve. He sat there quietly petting my hair as I kept murmuring to myself.
The only man I had ever loved was just ripped away from me. I had so much of our lives planned out, from our wedding to when we died of old age together. Now all of that had been taken and I felt empty inside, I was just a hollow shell. My ears were ringing and everything around me sounded muffled like I was underwater. The world started to dull and I just closed my eyes.
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I woke up in a hard bed with a bright light shining into my face. I blinked my eyes several times before I could even open them properly. I looked to my left and there sat Steve in a small wooden chair.
“Glad to see you’re awake, how are you feeling, all things considered?” He leaned in close.
“I feel like I just woke up from the most terrible nightmare, only the nightmare is real. How are you dealing with it? He was your best friend.” I laid there, numbly playing with the fraying edges of the blanket.
“Did you know we can’t get drunk? I tried when we first got back to London. You’ve been out cold for three days.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “If you’re feeling up to it, we’re having a meeting about finding Schmidt in thirty minutes.” He stood up, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it before letting go and walking out of the room.
I felt the tears coming again as I sat myself up. To my right was a small table with a glass of water. I took the glass and gulped the contents down. Being awake without Bucky here was worse than dying. I contemplated for a good while if I was going to join the meeting, My only motivation to get up and dressed was the thought of killing Johann Schmidt.
I made my way through the halfways of the base quickly. The meeting had started ten minutes ago. The doors were closed when I got there, so I threw them open. They slammed into the wall, which startled the whole room. I could feel the pity in their eyes as they all turned to look at me. I just held my head up high and walked to the open seat next to Steve.
“What did I miss?” I questioned.
“Schmidt is hiding out in a base in the Alps. We have just under twenty-four hours to find him. We're gonna hit them head-on.” Steve relayed to me.
“Okay then. I’m coming with you.”
“Are you sure about this?” Peggy asked with concern all over her face.
“Most definitely. I want to be the one to kill Schmidt.” I was set in my way and no one was going to stop me.
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Tag list: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae
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stxrvel · 4 days ago
life goes on
summary: when Bucky disappeared along with half the world, you lost your way, and when everyone came back you didn't know if life could go on.
pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader
words: +1k
warnings: slight mention of suicidal thoughts, constant thoughts of loneliness, and endgame spoilers (?)
note: highly, HIGHLY, inspired by life goes on by bts, a song that truly inspires me, you can listen to it while you read, if you want to 🥺
i would also like to say that this is not expressly focused on a romantic relationship, i just wrote some things that were already running around in my mind far away from the marvel theme and i decided to put it this way to give it some harmony. please take care of your mental health, see professionals if necessary, don't close in on yourself and, although it sounds tedious, changing your routine does make changes for yourself; you just have to follow the direction that your mind and body longs for the most. life goes on.
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One day the world stopped, without any warning.
Screams filled the streets, dust and tears were carried by the wind, metallic birds fell from the sky, and the earth became a hell full of uncertainty and fear. Before entering the eye of the hurricane, everything was a disaster. You couldn't sleep at night because of the constant fear of not waking up, of being next. You couldn't eat because memories haunted your fortresses. You couldn't even go out without the nagging anguish that a wind would carry you with it into oblivion, where there was nothing but absolute nothingness, where no one remained and no one belonged. And, although the disaster was colossal, the wounds were far deeper than just physical affectations, everything soon fell into an indolent calm.
Suddenly, all was silent, and that became the new language of humanity. The passing glances, the unanswered questions, the heaviness of seeing someone cry every day. It became tiresome and tedious to leave the house as time went by. Some conformed, others took advantage, some could never move on and others forgot as easily as you forget the number of leaves you see in the street every day. It was, in short, a new apathetic people. There were people who still wondered how to breathe the air that brought back the memory of those who had gone, which had their essence, but others easily closed their windows or simply moved on. Because the memories were too much, because the memories were too noisy in this new world plunged into a collective silence.
Reality had changed so abruptly that no one could take a moment to hold on to anything strongly because of the existential jolt it left them with. But, in the end, none of those who remained mattered. Nothing mattered any more. There wasn't much to think about, the best thing to do was to move on because time forgives no one.
But then, the world came out of the eye of the hurricane and the winds began to blow everything in their path without remorse. Silence was once again filled by screams, shocked, frightened, disbelieving and pained. The people that had forgotten began to remember with regret, their eyes filled with tears because they thought that, after five years, there was nothing left to hope for. There was no reason to hope, life was just passing, but not continuing.
That was the circle you went through since the fateful day when Thanos snapped his fingers with the Gauntlet adorned with all the Infinity Gems: a dull thud, an absorbing silence and an incessant cry for hope.
After five years, life was not the same for you. Life had not continued during that time, it had stagnated in the memories and moments that lived and replayed constantly in your head freely, inhibiting you from any possibility of reasoning or empathetic deliberation. You were shut down, there was nothing left, no one left. And if the world had no regard for you, why should you have any regard for it?
That philosophy ruled your life for long, tedious and painful five years, in which you just wandered from place to place, with an extreme physical freedom but mentally enslaved to all your regrets and with a longing, yearning wail of silence that never left you no matter how many crimson drops rolled down the razor that used to be his. He would be so disappointed...
But then, one day, like an echo in the forest, the day came back. As if nothing had happened.
It was raining that day, you remembered it well. On the rooftop of a building, all alone and a victim of your own mind, while the world around you was once again plunged into uncertainty, you were just watching the sky, thinking, believing, wishing you could be close enough to forget, to silence that lament, to numb the anguish and the pile of emotions that overwhelmed you at night.
Your right hand had gripped the knife tightly when you heard the buzzing of your mobile phone, discreet but incessant, at a considerable distance. You watched the cautious, restrained movement of the clouds a little longer before reaching out to take the device.
Steve, you read the white letters at the top. He had never called you since you disappeared from the Complex, not a message or some kind of letter. You assumed Natasha had had the decency to explain to him that everyone mourned in their own way, though in time she would have begun a relentless search that did not go unnoticed by you. But you didn't want to be found, your new life was uncomfortably pleasant in the shadows.
Despite having had no communication for the past five years, you decided to take the call.
“T/N,” he sounded relieved, as well as agitated.
“They came back. He came back.”
You remembered how you had sat on the cement of the rooftop, your head spinning dizzily as you tried to focus your eyes on something. As you continued to clutch the razor tightly, your pulse racing at the possibility you'd given up on months ago.
“Don't you dare lie to me, Steve.”
“I'm not lying to you. He's here, at the base, and he wants to see you.”
At that moment you hung up on him, and the journey back to the Complex after five years had never felt so long. As you started on your way, you could see that what Steve said was true: everyone was back. People were celebrating, shouting, cheering, angry and grimacing in bewilderment - what did it mean that now everyone was back when they had learned to live with half the world mourning their loss? You had no idea, the only thing that was on your mind was that he was back. Bucky was back, after five years.
You were also confronted with the news of Tony and Natasha's death, and, upon arriving at the Complex, that Steve had aged another eighty years.
The flood of emotions that ran through your body those days, you couldn't even assimilate them one by one, the news coming one after the other. That's why, when you finally saw him, you collapsed in his arms and possibly cried for the rest of the night.
The days passed too slowly. You had your loved one back, but you had also lost three close friends, whom you had deliberately ignored all these years. The weight of the decisions you made weighed too heavily on your shoulders and in your heart, and you felt that as time went on you only withdrew into yourself until you were nothing but a blurry, cumbersome stain on the ground.
But Bucky was there, he was always there. His hands on yours, his thumbs on your cheeks, his whispers near your ear and his hands caressing your back at night.
Getting back to normal was an odyssey, but it was not impossible.
Little by little your mind was filled with new memories, moments that would bury everything you did those last years, learning to make peace with yourself.
“How can you accept my love when you won't even accept your own?” Bucky once said to you. The smooth tile of his eyes soft and understanding on yours.
It took you too long to accept it, but you had.
To love yourself, to love him, to accept your past and make amends for your mistakes, to learn to live daily and healthily with yourself.
And that day, with Bucky's fingers intertwined with yours, your bodies lying on the grass in the backyard of his house, watching the clouds pass by and clear the blue sky, your mind at peace and finally living together in a cosy silence, you realised that you were wrong. Like an arrow in the blue sky, another day that flies by.
Life does go on.
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bvccy · 4 days ago
Nothing to Despair | 20. In the reflected sky
PAIRING: Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader
SYNOPSIS: Bucky and a girl he never met before have to go undercover as married on a mission to Europe. He feels alienated in the modern world, while she goes through life alone and abandoned. Maybe they can find a new home in each other, but she’s not easily convinced.
CHAPTER NOTES: More angst, more smut. Assisted masturbation, creampie, slightly painful sex, sweet dirty talk (from reader) and generally the softest soft-domme!reader ever to be written, reconciliation, jealousy. Also, we get more insight into reader’s thinking and there’s a lot of sadness and dark thoughts. Thank you for all your lovely comments! Beta-read by @offcast-plus1​ <3
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I was the shadow of the waxwing slain By the false azure in the windowpane; I was the smudge of ashen fluff - and I Lived on, flew on, in the reflected sky. — Vladimir Nabokov, Pale Fire
He barely managed to get her back in bed, but she was too tired to fight and too sore to run away. Even Bucky had a hard time getting up, managing to wipe down her thighs and wash up a bit before curling back behind her. It was a while, an hour maybe, before she spoke again, to ask:
"What's the point of it?"
"It's a way to get closer to you," he whispered, pressing his lips to her shoulder blade. "Like kissing you. And holding you. And talking to you. And seeing you. That's why you like to be alone, isn't it?" She wasn't speaking or moving but he felt her pause, as if in thought, and then her head turned slightly in a mute question. "If people can't get close they can't hurt you. Is that it, doll?" The girl frowned and turned away again, letting her head sink back to the pillow. "I'll let you in on something: people don't have to be close to you to hurt you."
"If they do it from a distance, at least that's not your fault," she muttered.
"Alright. Why don't you stop talking around it and just tell me what's been bothering you?"
"You. You're bothering me."
Bucky sighed through his teeth and leaned over, grabbing her chin. "You know what I mean."
"It's none of your business," she hissed, throwing him a sharp glare, small and curled up as she was.
"You're my wife now, it is my business."
She instantly regretted saying anything and decided then and there to never do it again. Like every other needy person, he took everything, anything she said, and used it against her.
"Is it so hard to trust me that you won't even try?" he asked with a firmer grip. "You think you've come across worse people than I have? Even without counting Hydra, or SHIELD for that matter. Whatever kind of double-cross you want, I've had it," Bucky rasped, then with half a hesitation added "including from you."
He regretted saying it before it was even out, but searching her face he saw no changes. She kept the same frown and clenched jaw, looking neither hurt nor moved by what he said. She either didn't feel guilty, or wasn't sorry, and though he didn't apologise he softened anyway, hand moving backward to caress her cheek and brush the hair over her ear. Bucky sighed and pulled her back down, with himself slotted behind her again.
"I want to take everything you've got, doll, good and bad. And I want to give you everything I've got, good and bad… That's what marriage is supposed to be," he said as he started running his fingers on the surface of her arm. "Let me help you carry the bad stuff, sweetheart." But she kept quiet. "If nothing else, at least as a friend?" he tried. She didn't even move, except to clench her jaw tighter. "I don't like knowing you're like this, doll. I hate seeing you unhappy."
She could think of a hundred things to tell him; that she was happy before, that she'd be happy without him, that nobody could be happy for very long anyway, and that he should probably worry more about himself as he was the lonely and pathetic one.
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They skipped out on lunch and stayed in bed together. Bucky held her tightly, caressing her now and then, kissing the back of her head, her neck, her shoulder… in the moments of pause between thinking of how he could use what he'd been through to help her. Thinking back to some books his doctor had him read, some strategies he was forced to go through in his therapy, thinking for the first time seriously about what, really, had led him to trust people again, and imagining, at the end of all of it, her loving him back.
She, with her back to him, stared out toward the window at the roiling sea, imagining what it would feel like to jump.
They washed up and dressed for dinner early. Bucky took them to the place she liked best — incidentally the most elegant and expensive — and it was quiet and selective enough for them to speak even in whispers, if they wanted, but she didn't have much to say. Neither of them had had a bite to eat since breakfast, but dinner was difficult for her. She ordered a bowl of soup and spent most of the time just running the spoon over its surface. And he hadn't missed how stiffly she walked, how delicately she sat down — most probably bruised a little bit.
Bucky finished his dinner and spent the rest of the time nursing a glass of whisky. He rested his elbow on the low wall of their booth and braced his temple against a gloved metal index, fingers moving across his lips absentmindedly as he watched her play with her cold food. He didn't want it to be like that, but he couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't keep waiting… however much he'd wanted to. Bucky meant what he said when he said it, during their dance at the hotel: that he would be there for her whenever she was ready. But faced with what that actually meant, he couldn't do it, he couldn't wait. He wanted her, so badly, and now.
"What are you thinking?" he asked in a low voice.
She was probably thinking that if he'd broken that promise, what else was he willing to break? If she'd been right about him once, what else was she right about? Bucky had hoped he was done with putting his own dark thoughts in other people's heads, fearing what they thought, wondering, guessing — which, as his therapist went to great lengths to explain, would always be worse than the reality. 'Course, his therapist had never met his little wife…
"Would it help to say I'm sorry?"
"I'm sorry anyway."
"You're not sorry that you did it," she bit back. "You're sorry of the consequences."
"Guess you're right," he sighed. "I'm sorry that you're hurting, doll…"
She looked up just once and melted his cold eyes with one sidelong stare. "You should've thought about that before."
Bucky clenched his jaw and took a breath. "I'll be more careful next time, alright?" he whispered, but she just cringed and looked back down. Next time…
"I want to go for a walk."
"Eat your dinner first."
They did take a long, sprinkled stroll on the deck afterward. She said the cold made her feel better, and walking helped too, so he couldn't complain. By the time they went back down to their cabin, it was late at night. The ship was normally pretty quiet, but it was quieter now than ever, the people around them all asleep. They stepped lightly through their suite and turned on just a couple of lamps, diffuse golden pools decorating the place against a backdrop of shadowed corners and a chorus of wisping sea. Bucky took off just his shirt before he stopped to watch her. She'd already undone her hair and it fell around her shoulders in that way he liked so much. She took her blouse off, then her skirt off gently, and sat down — on her own bed this time, which he didn't like. Before she got to do anything else, he was kneeling on one leg before her. She gasped as his hands gripped her calves, but soon returned to her stoic nature.
"Get up, Bucky," she sighed.
He brought her ankles together in his lap and massaged them slowly, keeping his eyes on hers. "Can I ask you something?"
"Can I say no?"
"You can," he smiled.
She pursed her lips, but finally said "Go ahead, ask. I'm curious now."
"Do you think I like hurting you?"
It took her a second to think it through before she answered. "I think you don't care, either way."
"Maybe I don't care as much as I should, but I do care," he said as he worked his hands slowly higher. "Do you like hurting me?"
"You are not exactly hurting," she narrowed her eyes. He kept watching as if she said nothing, caressing her legs lightly. "You're not being hurt, Bucky." He reached all the way to her hips, still waiting for an honest answer. "No," she sighed, "it doesn't make me happy."
"So what would make you happy?"
"And don't say letting you go, because that's not going to happen."
"That's not going to happen," he gritted out. "So, what would make you happy?"
She closed her mouth and looked at the space between them, finally considering his question seriously. "I need to think about it," she eventually said.
Bucky nodded and even smiled a little, his large grey eyes crinkling kindly, tired. His hands were now at the garter belt, playing with the suspenders, and he started to undo them one by one, peeling them carefully away from the edge of the stockings. There was a heat back in his eyes. His big rough hand, even the metal fingers, were deft with the little clasps, and it can't have been just from watching her put them on and off so many times.
"You're surprisingly good at that," she remarked in an icy tone as he rolled one stocking down.
"Am I?" he smirked.
"Perhaps not so surprising," she said, right before she kicked him in the chest. He fell back down more out of shock than anything, and then dared to laugh.
"Dollface, what did I do?" he asked from his sprawl.
"I can undress myself," she muttered, walking around him toward the living room. Before she was through the doorway, he had his arms around her waist and pulled her back in. "This isn't helping me do that thinking we just talked about," she growled as she clawed at his arms.
Bucky walked them backwards to his bed, rubbing his face into her hair and moaning at the scent. "Sweetheart… I can't believe you right now," he smiled. "You're not jealous, are you?"
"Over a mouth breathing mountain of manure like you? Never."
"Ouch," he chuckled. "You know the women you're jealous of are all dead, right?"
"Oh, is that so?" she giggled bitterly, and half-way turned around in his arms just to catch a glimpse of his face as she said "So I suppose it doesn't matter what Hamelin and I did before you found us."
His grin turned to a grimace and instantly he raised a hand to hold her chin. "Nothing happened between the two of you," he said with all amusement gone.
"Yes. But it's worth saying it to see how your face fell," she smirked. "And he's dead anyway, so it doesn't matter, right?"
He heaved a breath and shook his head. "That isn't fair, it's… That's different."
She tilted her head back, out of his grip, and smiled sadly. "You're right about that."
His hold was loose enough now that she stepped out of it. She sat back down on the bed and removed the other stocking while Bucky looked at her, still a little angry. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, hands on his hips, looking like he could fill half the room with his breadth and outrage.
What wasn't fair? That he'd won her? Would she really prefer that slimy, slippery snake to him? Weaker, smaller, unremarkable, who didn't know her, who could never give her half of what he could, whose mission it was to basically throw her away, who could never protect her or make her happy. A middling agent compared to him, Martin had been no match for Bucky, and Hamelin was no match for The Fist of Hydra, the Winter Soldier — was that it? Was that what she wanted? Was he just too soft? Was that why she preferred the metal arm?
And what did she mean, then, by 'different'? Bucky knew what he meant: his past girls were never a threat to her, they were long gone and he wasn't pining after any of them, so what was she worried about? Meanwhile, Hamelin — or rather, Martin — not only had the chance to take her away but was actually supposed to, and relatively recently too. Just because he was dead, buried, and decraniated, didn't make it any better.
"I meant exactly what you meant," she said evenly, then turned her dour face up to him and sighed. "I want get cleaned up and go to bed."
Her bare feet were braced on the floor, her hands braced on the edge of the bed, and she sat right in front of him in her lacy red slip, one strap off the shoulder, and… asked to go to bed with him. His rational mind said 'no, they weren't done talking', but his body said:
"Yeah, er… sure, g-go right ahead, honey."
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Of course, he didn't know that she'd cheat.
Turning in bed sometime in the night, Bucky expected to wrap his arm around her but instead felt nothing, his hand falling as if through space. Feeling around, the bed was empty and cold. He raised himself up slightly on his arms to look around — her own bed, in front of him, was empty. Looking toward the door, there was no light on in the living room. He looked over his shoulder and finally spotted her: she was sitting by the windowsill, inside of its little alcove, crouched and on her back. Her feet were on the wall of it, her knees cuddled to her chest as she rested her forehead against the window, and looked out at the sky.
As soon as she heard him shift around in bed, she winced and tensed up. Oh no, here it comes. Turning her head and meeting his eyes, she reflexively straightened, sitting a bit higher. He's going to come over, she thought to herself. But he just turned and stretched toward the bed table, grabbing the watch to see the time. It must've been around 4 AM.
"You ok?" he asked through the gruff of sleep as he leaned forward on one elbow.
"Yes," she said, and cringed at the lameness of her own reply.
She'd been enjoying her time alone, at least a little bit. She just wanted to sit by the window and look at constellations again, even if these ones were completely different. But now he was awake and he'd caught her and he was definitely going to come and ask some stupid questions… But he just sighed and stayed mercifully where he was. Even through the dark and distance, Bucky saw the way she looked at him: legs tight, feet bent at the ankles and pointing toward the window, her face half-turned away while she watched him through the corner of her eyes. One didn't need to be a trained assassin to understand. So against his every instinct, he laid back down and turned around so that at least he couldn't see her — nor she him — and pretended to go back to sleep.
She was as surprised as she was grateful to be left in peace, but there was nothing for it now. He'd woken up, he'd seen her, and she couldn't focus anymore on anything other than the chance — the risk — that he could come over any minute now and… And what? Turning back toward the window, she tried to enjoy the view again, but she just kept feeling his presence from across the room, wondering now what he thought, what he felt — it was always like this, this always came with being seen. Everyone just had to have some opinion, and she couldn't help but care, and worry.
This is going to be the rest of my life, she bitterly thought. All her options of freedom, of going where she wanted, of being alone for days, of not having to speak to anyone for long blissful weeks, gone. It's always going to be like this.
Don't you like him even a little bit though?
That's not the point.
He's handsome…
So what?
And he likes you…
That's not true.
She turned to look at him on the bed, his breaths deep and body still, all that hot skin above the covers and lean strong shapes beneath. His hair was a bit ruffled and just beneath the pillow she could see the metal arm curled up, hugging it in sleep. He was so tactile, so instinctively intimate, even after everything he'd been through — perhaps because of it. Bucky deserved to have someone nice… She thought over what he said earlier, 'what made her happy'. She couldn't remember many recent occasions of that, not significant ones at least: sure, a successful report was alright, the heartfelt thanks from a colleague was nice, and finding a favourite cake at a shop, or a set of bonbons in beautiful packaging, or seeing a kitty, or getting to pet one.
But those were just little pleasant moments that went away, they weren't the foundation for anything. And none of them involved any real intimacy — if anything all events of intimacy, from something as distant as just being at a party to being forced to hug someone, all of them left her feeling stressed, and inadequate, and sad, and took hours to recover from. She explored in her mind all the options of giving Bucky what he wanted, his payment for keeping her safe from SHIELD, but she couldn't imagine putting herself through any of it. She couldn't even fake it, the very thought got stuck in her mind. He wouldn't let her get away, he'd made that abundantly clear, and she couldn't bide her time with fake affection until he inevitably got bored of her. All it left her with were awful options: keep being miserable, or make him angry enough to throw her away and end up in prison. Or… ?
How else, how else to survive having to be his wife and give him what he wants when I hate it, I hate him… I don't hate him.
She sunk lower in the window's alcove and loosely hugged herself. The wedding ring nearly touched the glass, reflecting faintly back, and looking at it, she got lost in thoughts of that morning, when he'd made her his. How he looked at her, and how he touched her and held her and talked to her and kissed her, but mostly how he — She couldn't hold the memories for long without having to cover her face completely with both hands, then had to open her eyes and look between her fingers at the wall to distract herself, to stop herself remembering. And it wasn't just the shame of being seen and felt by a man, wasn't just about the utter meanness of him to do it when she told him 'no', wasn't even about losing that part of herself because she'd thought about it, too, with him…
An idea came, and her whole body shivered.
What if he really does like you?
There's no chance of that.
But then, with the cold ring brushing her face, right in front of her, inescapable, she thought of another way through this. She took a vow, after all, and he really was her husband. If she could do it as a job, as an obligation like any other, as a duty… Would it make her happy, to perform a duty? To fulfil of a noble vow, to sublimate it somehow for —
it isn't going to work it isn't going to work it isn't going to work
— for however long it lasted.
She sighed and looked once more at the back of him and, without thinking anymore, let her body raise her up, take her back to bed, and lay her slowly down. The mattress didn't even move as she inched her way to his side. Her forehead barely touched his back, and that was all he was waiting for as instantly he turned and wrapped his arm around her. His leg curled around hers, lips at her forehead for one long kiss, and after he was done, he rested his chin over her head and settled her comfily against his chest with one deep, contented sigh.
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She woke up to bright lights and an empty bed. Cracking her eyes open, Bucky was nowhere in sight, and sunshine was pouring through the window. She checked the phone and saw it was 10:30 AM, and just then she heard noise coming from the living room.
"You up yet, babe?" he asked in a light tone as he wheeled something inside.
"What's that?" she rasped.
He brought it to the side of the bed and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Thought we might have breakfast in bed today."
Bucky had let her sleep in and called for room service again. He was clean and shaved and still in a bathrobe, with probably little underneath. And while she didn't exactly like how yesterday's breakfast ended, it was tempting to stay in bed.
"Can I maybe shower first?" she asked, then added "I'll be quick," realising he'd probably waited for her before eating.
"Sure thing, doll," he grinned.
As it turned out, Bucky had a reason for keeping her in bed. After they cleared out the coffee cups and the plates and boring newspapers, he cupped her neck and leaned it back and fell upon her with kisses, inching her own robe away and taking his completely off.
"Left me hungry for you after yesterday, darling," he whispered into her skin. "Wanted to wait a bit more, but…" Kiss after kiss, he worked his way lower as he held her ribcage still.
"Thought you'd had your fill…"
He raised his head enough to grin at her. "I'm just getting started."
"Bucky…" she whined when his hands, fingers spread and teasing, passed over her chest, his lips at her stomach. She had to call his name again to get his attention.
"What is it, doll?" he huskily asked with his mouth just above the surface of her skin.
"I'm still achy."
"Oh…" His hands went back down to caress her sides, up and down in steady motions, as he looked into her eyes and tried to calm his breathing. "It's ok…" he gently said and, as his metal hand settled a bit higher and the thumb moved left and right to tease the tip of her, he offered "Maybe we can try something else, if you want."
She only had herself to blame, and her newly formed and probably doomed dedication to the idea of duty. Two minutes later she was straddling him, one leg bent the other stretched beside him, her chest slightly above his, hands holding on to him by his neck while his teeth nipped at her shoulder. Her still-damp hair stuck to her back, but her front was burning from him. He wasn't doing anything to her, he just wanted to have her there for him to feel on top of his chest and stomach while he worked himself beneath her. His left arm was steady at her back, just in case she slipped lower than she wanted to.
"That's it, sweetheart," he murmured. "Just let yourself lay down on me…" His right arm and shoulder flexed with the movement, and slowly it moved her too, and as she allowed herself to lay a bit more firmly, like he said, the whole surface of his skin was teased. "Bit higher," he moaned, stretching his neck to reach hers with his lips. "Let me kiss you there…"
She pulled herself up the distance and leaned her head back, allowing him to place a suckling kiss over her throat. His teeth just barely grazed it, and she gasped. He felt her tense as if to pull away, and although she didn't move, he whined into her skin in protest.
"It's ok, it's ok," he tried to placate her, to place a few more kisses up and down her neck. "Don't be scared… Don't be scared of me."
She bowed her head and let it sink into the pillow, trying not to hear the sleek wet sounds behind, nor think of what the jerking motions of his arm meant. Each kiss he placed on her came as a surprise, each one made her jump a little, and each of his moans made her wonder if something was wrong, if she was a burden, if she made things worse, but they were only followed by more kisses.
Bucky raised his head from her and turned to whisper in her ear, pleading and hungry, "I need more." She almost turned her head, her cheek brushing his. "Talk to me, sweetheart…" He must've felt her choke, and though his arm didn't stop its rhythmic up and down, he added a more gentle "Can you?"
"I'll try…" she whispered back, still against his cheek and unable to look at anything. Maybe speaking would distract her. "I… I do want you to feel good," and she did mean it, she did want to help him, especially when he was being so gentle, so cautious with her, and of all the ways to be a wife this should be the easiest, right?
"Oh yeah, you do?" he asked with a smirk, and it wasn't necessarily just teasing because the prospect that she wanted him to feel nice, that she might even want to be the reason for it, was both exciting and rather new. And to hear it from her, who was still fairly innocent and untried by any other man, meant there would be a little less artifice there, a little more sincerity.
She raised her head to look at him and bit her lip as she looked into his eyes, nodding mutely at first, before she softly spoke "I do, I want to give you what you want. You're so good, sweetheart, you've been so good to me…"
He inhaled sharply, and though she was so quiet he might not have heard her if he was just a bit further, her words struck deep and stayed there. On its own, his grip tightened on his manhood, and he cradled her closer with the metal arm, feeling her soft and damp across his stomach.
"Is this what you wanted, darling?" she asked as she ran her fingers in feather touches down his neck, the inside of his arm, "You like it when I talk to you?", then up again and down his flexing chest, "you like it when I touch you?" stopping to flick and tease him there and make him moan almost in pain. Then she sunk her nails in and dragged down, breathing through her teeth to ask "Is this what you like?" and through his rambled pleas of —
"Yes yes y…"
— she asked in a cold low voice "You like me?" Why did you ask that?
"Yes, I… f— I love you." Oh no.
She tore her gaze away from his flushed and open face, away from those soft grey eyes that looked pleadingly at her, to look down between them, between their two chests and the parting of her legs, to where his fist was gripping.
"Darling," she cooed in a sudden teasing tone, so low and close and wet he could hear her tongue brush against her lower lip. "Oh just look at that…" With a purr, she turned her attention back to him and tilted her face as if for a kiss but instead only said, with a little pout, "it's no wonder you hurt me."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he panted and rambled heartfelt apologies, but lower down his arm moved faster, gripped harder, in a lovely simulation of how punishingly tight she'd been, what a perfect fight he'd had with her little body, and how satisfying it was to win. He'd never felt like more of a man than when he conquered her. "I didn't mean to hurt you, doll, I swear I never did…"
"Shhh it's alright," she whispered, cupping his face and brushing her fingers over his cheeks, the circles under his eyes, then smoothing out his eyebrows as she looked lovingly across his whole contrite face.
"I just couldn't… I couldn't help it, you —"
"No, don't say that…"
"You're so — oh s— so pretty, sweetheart, I wanted you, I want you, I couldn't help it —"
"Don't talk like that, Bucky," she begged, holding his face still in her hands as she let herself lay lower on him, her legs spreading just slightly, chest pressed against his, her lips almost to his own. He searched her face, mouth parting just in gasps and moans while he teased the tip of himself with his hand, waiting for her to find the words. "If…" she started with a sigh, and threading her fingers through his hair she looked into his eyes for the courage to admit, "Don't say you can't help it, it kills me, it kills me to think about…" And though he might not have understood, she could see in his face a sympathy with the pain he caught a glimpse of. "Be gentle with me or hurt me or do whatever you want to me, but I want you to mean it, alright? Want whatever it is, with me, just with me…"
"Just with you, doll," he promised, metal hand moving up her back to rest at the nape of her neck and hold her there. "My best girl, my own, my only…"
"Tell me you're mine." Her caressing fingers turned into fists in his hair and pulled his head back.
The possessiveness and pain only served to bring him closer, and through teeth gritted in unexpected pleasure, before her demand was even fully through her lips, Bucky answered "Yes yours, only yours, I swear it."
Her grip loosened in his hair and she rewarded him with a kiss, giving him her lips to soften his sighs against and bite and sip tenderness from, while her hands went down to frame his chest, bracing against his hot broad ribcage that arched with frantic breathing.
"I'm so close, sweetheart…" Bucky moaned, and looked with yearning down at her before he asked "Come closer, higher, let me…"
It was more difficult for her to find the courage for it, but remembering her earlier intentions, she moved up his body just the distance needed for his mouth to reach her chest. She braced her hands against the headboard as she held herself above him, her frustrated womanhood fevering away at the base of his ribs while she gave him more flesh to kiss. And all along her back, the metal arm held her — from moving lower, from moving away, from being forgotten — and it didn't even feel cold anymore. Every now and then it would fall all the way down to her thigh and pull her tighter against him, then go back up and caress the hair away from her neck.
"So close…" Bucky rasped, "so close you for, doll."
Her hand went down to grip his upper arm, feeling the flexing and tension and the hard push and pull, and her mouth, without permission, opened to breathlessly ask:
"You feel that?" She looked pointedly down to him, rubbing herself just slightly against him as her other hand relaxed around the bedframe enough so she could lay against him. "You hear it?"
Bucky looked into her eyes, dazed and blinded with pleasure, but he instantly knew what she meant. "It's beating so fast," he whispered, lips pressing kisses right at the centre of her chest to feel the frenzied flutters. His flesh hand moved in ever wetter thrusts while the metal wrapped itself around her, and holding her chest like a cherished box —
"It's beating just for you."
— he pulled her down and kissed her little heart through her ribcage.
She released a sigh and rested her head on top of his, nails sinking into the hard muscles of his arm, though it did little to ground her because all around her, she felt him. Her skin was teased to scorching, the heavy warm scent of him reached deep inside, whenever she opened her eyes she saw either his ruffled hair or his shoulder or arm or his chest or his eyes, and through it all, that constant backdrop of skin against skin, seeping.
His lips left her chest with a sudden urgency. "Doll, please, I need to…"
"Almost there?" she softly asked, looking in his eyes.
"Need to be inside you," he whispered, gaze flickering down to her parted lips. "Please, doll, tell me I can…"
"Just a bit," he husked. "Don't let it go to waste, now…"
"Still hurts", the girl whined, but looked at him as hungrily as he was.
"I'll give you just a little bit, sweetheart, come on… Try for me."
"Alright…" she relented, and allowed him to move her slightly lower.
"Oh, doll…" he moaned when his fingers brushed against her. "So swollen…" She hadn't just been teasing him, she really was still hurting, and he was now even gentler than she could imagine as he moved the tip over, and around, and up and down that dripping heat. "There you go, easy, thaaat's it," Bucky whispered as he eased her down, keeping his eyes on her face for any hint of pain. "Isn't that ok?"
"Yes…" she gasped, looking as ravished as he felt while she bit her lip and blushed.
"Now hold still, honey. So close so close… There it is, there we go, ah f—"
He barely slipped himself in her. Knowing he couldn't go any further destroyed him, but he stopped. "Good?"
She bit her lips closed and moaned, but kept looking at him. His flesh hand held him still, while the metal one pet her back to calm her. It didn't take him much, only a few more brushes of his fist along his length, and the contrast of the cold of the room with the heat of her, and within seconds he could barely keep his eyes open as he felt himself empty up into her. He could tell she noticed exactly when it happened too, her eyes widening and that blush heating up her lips and neck. But she didn't move away, she let her body be used.
Bucky swallowed his moans and looked at her the whole time, from the first rush to the slow drip of what was left… When he sensed it was done, he took himself out just as carefully and, with his arms around her, moved the girl back down on the bed. She barely touched the mattress when his lips were on her again, kissing her forehead gratefully and full of love.
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They rested in bed for a while before getting cleaned up. He made sure she was ok, and she slowly felt her breath come back. Bucky arranged them in such a way that her head could rest against his flesh arm, while the metal one caressed her forehead and hips and any place that felt too warm and needed cooling. He tried not to think about the things she'd said, and by the far off look in her eyes, she was trying not to think about them either. If he started to hope now… He'd hoped before, and it never ended well. But there was something there, something just for him. If she could be so jealous and possessive and as murderous as he, in her own little way, at the thought of other women… It made Bucky's heart soar in such a way that any sexual pleasure paled by comparison. At some point, she remembered he was there and staring at her. She looked up at him through her lashes, but couldn't hold his gaze for long. Even looking back down wasn't enough, so she buried her face in the pillows.
"You alright?" he softly asked, brushing her hair away. She mumbled and nodded a bit. "Want some water?" Her face finally came back up, but she didn't seem too sure, and couldn't look at him again either. "I'll get you some."
Bucky got off the bed with almost a spring in his step and went to look through the minifridge. He poured some cold water in two glasses and went back to bed, propping her up a bit, and she downed the whole thing in one breath. The girl laid slowly back down while Bucky drank his own, but she didn't seem so pained this time; just careful… Once he was back with her, arms all around her again, he found he couldn't hold it in any longer.
"You were perfect," he told her. Immediately, she buried her face back down. "You still are."
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