#izzymultifan

[lokidiabolus]

Last Resort - Chapter 2

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Thomas x Newt

Warnings: ex boyfriends, AU

Summary: Three years after breaking up with Thomas, Newt finally thought the past of hating each other was behind them, until Thomas asked him for a favour - pretend they got back together for a week while staying at his parents’ home. Because it was an absolutely dumb idea, Newt was inclined to refuse, but then found himself in the house he used to visit when he was in love and happy and the bitter reality of only pretending for people he always liked made him miserable. But it was nothing against dealing with Thomas himself for a week straight and trying not to fall back in love that hurt them both.

Or: Prompt ch. 192 with added spice. Or something. I just needed to write for a while :’)

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: I think I never did so much rewriting like I did with this chapter. I'm still not satisfied with it, but I swear my brain just can't come up with anything else. Scrapped like 6 pages asdfjslfjslfjsdl. Now it's short :c

Anyway, guess I just wanted a bit of Thomas' insight for it. He's complicated lol. Or maybe not really, just trying to keep up. Don't we all though lol.

Oh and @izzymultifan (actually remembered)

Unbetad!

EDIT: (17. 5. 2021) I edited the ending with a lil continuation of the scene I previously deleted, because I thought it was unnecessary, but then I returned to it after few days and thought it should stay. It's not very long but I guess it's kinda important.

***

Thomas woke up disoriented, thirsty and definitely not rested enough, like when his alarm goes off on a workday and he only slept for four hours. But here was no alarm, no work, just him waking up with a flinch and realizing he wasn’t in his flat, and he wasn’t alone either.

The blond hair right in his face immediately pushed him into realization he was holding onto Newt like he was his lifeline, one hand under the shirt on his belly, other on his chest clutching the fabric, and an unmistakable morning hello tenting his pants, digging right into Newt’s backside. In retrospect there wasn’t much worse Thomas could have done to him, except maybe having a hand down his pants (which admittedly he used to do sometimes when they were together, but then again, that situation definitely didn’t scream murder like it would now).

In a sleepy confusion that hazed his just-woken-up-brain he searched the foggy memory on how this situation came to be, no matter how familiar it felt to him. Newt made himself pretty clear about sleeping together, so the sudden closeness – well, more like an absolute merge, unless he’d slip in – no, no dirty thoughts, bad Thomas, bad – didn’t make much sense.

The night came back to him embarrassingly slow – he got drunk because for some reason his dad decided to decimate his super precious whiskey, even though normally he hoarded it like a dragon his gold. He could only think of Newt being the incentive, drinking the whiskey so fast in his dad’s eyes, while Thomas downed it all to save him from barfing (Newt’s alcohol tolerance never existed in the first place, he disliked about any kind of it, and as far as Thomas remembered he got drunk only once with vodka mixed with orange juice on Aris’ wedding, because he could barely taste the vodka in it until it was too late). Then the world started spinning, Newt dragged him to his room somehow… which sounded farfetched, so maybe dad helped, he drew blank around that area honestly, probably because he stood up and all the alcohol began circulating faster. Then they talked… probably, and then Thomas fell asleep, since that’s all he could recall.

And now his hard-on was trying to get some, and he held Newt against himself with sheer ferocity of an obsessive hugger off his meds and the realization dawned on him like tons of bricks. Was he going to wake him up if he let go? Newt always woke up at the slightest noise before, there was no way of going to pee at night without getting back to the blond blinking owlishly at him, asking what happened. Was this Newt he barely knew anymore still the same? Still twitchy and light sleeper and grumpy and slow to rise when getting up?

Thomas didn’t have much choice anyway, did he. He just had to let go either way, and preferably remove his hips from Newt’s back and act like it was no biggie to be hard when in bed with his ex. He slowly untangled his hand from the front of Newt’s shirt and retreated from under the shirt as well with the other hand and managed to roll onto his back without Newt visibly stirring, which was a success. Unless he pretended to be asleep to avoid talking to Thomas about pushing into him like a horny teenager, which also worked.

Not like he hadn’t been doing that in the last month of their relationship anyway, just... ignoring the problem until it went away (a problem named Thomas) and well, ultimately it succeeded. It would work now too, and Thomas refused to poke the wasp nest this early in the morning – judging from the clock at 8:04 – and just went with the flow.

Need coffee, he thought unhappily when the headache set in. And water. Maybe some alone time in a bathroom first.

Newt didn’t stir until Thomas slinked out of the bedroom, which was a complete lie.

***

“Dad, just drop it,” Thomas repeated for fourth time when his dad couldn’t stop haggling him about his childlike alcohol tolerance the moment he appeared in the kitchen, asking for black coffee. He couldn’t tell him he drank Newt’s portions and without that argument nothing would sound plausible anyway, so he just dodged it with an increasing headache. Newt got up about half an hour later and didn’t speak a word to him – Thomas would even say he avoided his eyes several times, which meant he was absolutely awake in the morning to witness all of Thomas’ struggle to even exist around him peacefully. Which he couldn’t for years, really, so this only proved it.

It was fine. Thomas learned how to deal with it, despite taking him two years to come in terms of being hated by a person he loved since he was 17. Well, everything around the breakup took a lot from him, but he dealt with all eventually, right? He could finally look Newt in the eye without having all the incoherent anger and frustration pile up and he could talk to him fine as well unless they breached one of the thousand forbidden topics. Like them. Like family. Like love. Like sleeping. Like breathing, existing and fucking just trying to live.

Anyway. All dealt with, of course. No hard feelings.

(Lots of them.)

“You dealt with the drunkard just fine, right Newt?” his dad chattered towards the blond, patting him on his back and Newt forced a smile and a nod. Thomas saw this particular expression too often to not recognize it and huffed while sitting down at the counter with his own coffee.

He was used to being a bad guy anyway, no matter how much of the blame he genuinely deserved. They both knew he didn’t get drunk because he wanted to get wasted enough to drop unconscious on a spot and Newt would be a hypocrite to badmouth him when he was pouring all his whiskey to Thomas’ glass with thankful expression yesterday. But then again, not even he could tell Thomas’ dad about it, so they just had to have this unspoken oh yes, Thomas is a real piece of work as always.

Which sort of sucked. But Thomas couldn’t care less what his dad thought about his alcohol tolerance, it wasn’t like he threw up everywhere or broke mum’s precious bowls set (again). Not that he expected Newt to defend him anyhow, but he could at least say nooo, he was fine, he just fell asleep or something. Not that it surprised him he didn’t, but…

“He used to drink majority of guys from my work under the table and now look at him,” his dad delivered his fifth Thomas can’t drink for shit jab. He sure loved to milk that. “At least he has you to look after him, huh.”

Thomas stared at Newt’s back with mild annoyance the more the blond refused to elaborate on anything, just smiling at his dad while making himself a cup of coffee, and then Thomas’s eyes suddenly fell on the nape of Newt’s neck with a vicious, red mark near the hairline, and his whole body seized up like he got paralyzed.

A hickey? Since when? From who? What? Wait, was Newt already dating somebody else?

Saying already like three years were short amount of time… Thomas mentally scolded himself and his body raised up on its own volition, like being pulled in by some invisible force towards the blond. He had no clue if it were a twisted need for revenge or vindication or just him being unable to come in terms of not being told or warned, or maybe all of it together, he just couldn’t stop and plastered himself all over Newt’s back, trapping him between his body and the counter, circling his thin waist like a vine (he got thinner for sure).

“Of course I have you, don’t I,” he purred into Newt’s ear, loud enough for his dad to hear perfectly, and felt how Newt’s whole body froze, his hand mid-stir of the coffee. Thomas could see how his Adam’s apple bobbed when he gulped. “Looking after me when I get hammered into unconsciousness.”

“Yeah.” Newt’s voice sounded small, and Thomas wanted to bite down at that red, angry place on his nape like an animal. His dad probably wouldn’t appreciate it, but his ego sure would. He let his hands slide lower, to Newt’s hips, grabbing a handful, and the habitual movement made him restless. He did it zillion times during the time they were together. He did less, he did more, naked, clothed, lying, standing up, in whatever situation, touching Newt was his privilege.

And some fucking horny prick just took it?

Just marked his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend, Thomas, ex-boyfriend for three years, pull yourself together, you’re not 17 anymore – like a property and he didn’t even fucking notice?

Newt’s breath hitched and the spoon he was holding dropped into the coffee, splashing the black liquid around it, dribbling down the drawers under, making the blond curse under his breath.

“Sorry,” he immediately said towards Thomas’ dad who was handing him a cloth to wipe it with, and started squirming. “Thomas, leggo. Can’t reach.”

“Don’t wanna,” Thomas refused, squeezing Newt even tighter. “I’m hangover and miserable and you’re supposed to take care of me.”

Thomas’ dad snorted but took the hint and retreated while calling at his wife the boys are being rowdy again, Anna! And the kitchen fell back into silence, except of their breathing, with Thomas plastered against Newt’s back like he wanted to topple him over (he sort of did).

“Do you enjoy being a bloody prick?” Newt finally broke the spell, pawing at Thomas’ hands to get them off, his voice an angry whisper. “What’s your deal, for fuck’s sake!”

“Hangover,” Thomas huffed, not letting go and to be completely honest, Newt wasn’t really trying as much, just slapping his hands half-heartedly. “Could’ve at least said I didn’t give you any trouble, I covered for you the whole night.”

“You gave me loads of it!” Newt started wiggling, and Thomas had to fight the urge to just bite down, mark any piece of skin available, to make the restlessness go away. “You were heavy as fuck, I had to carry you all the way to your room!”

“Yeah, and?” Thomas grabbed him lower, and Newt pinched his hand in revenge, which finally made him let go with sharp breath.

“Fuck you,” the blond barked at him with fiery eyes. “I don’t know what you are trying to prove but groping me is not on the bloody table, get it?!”

“Mhm,” Thomas rubbed the place Newt pinched him at. “Sure. No fun allowed, got it.”

“Fuck off!”

Thomas hated how Newt turned away and the hickey was so visible it made his insides churn. He used to talk about his problems a lot these past few years, so he could finally let go of whatever was holding him in place, unable to forget, and he thought he reached that point, that he was free.

Looking at Newt marked by another man… no. He was not. Still stuck, still the same.

Still angry and miserable.

Still… there.

***

The fact Newt refused to talk to him completely was an understatement. Thomas blamed his unsteady approach on the alcohol, because what else he could blame it on – his own feelings? He sodealt with those already, there was nothing that would make him see red.

Except of a hickey on his ex-boyfriend’s neck, that would do it. Apparently.

But still – it was the hangover that made him stupid, right. If he’d be completely sober and not aching anywhere and his mind clear, he would just… shrug at it. It was Newt’s business who he slept with or not, or who he let bite his nape like a dog (some young fucking idiot who thought hickeys are still sexy? Stupid shit).

Not Thomas’. Not anymore.

The more he tried to push it away from his mind, the more his mind pushed back, just pointing it out loudly every time he glanced towards the blond sitting on the couch in the living room, bundled in a fluffy blanket, fiddling with his phone.

He was fiddling with his phone a lot actually. Texting somebody?

The guy who left the mark?

Thomas felt the irrational anger seep into his consciousness again and he forced it back down with a frown. He knew asking Newt to help him to get his parents off his back wasn’t exactly a great idea (asking ex to be your bf again for a show just screamed trouble), but at the same time asking anybody else just felt… wrong.

Thomas had to admit he’d be able to go along with this only with Minho, probably. Because Minho was a born actor, he’d be able to breeze though this with ease and Thomas’ parents would like him for sure, because, well, everybody liked Minho, honestly.

Asking Teresa or Brenda was just… desperate. Because other than them it would be Newt and getting back together with Newt… well. Thomas could tell from the moment he saw him getting into his car in front of Newt’s workplace it was going to be tough for both of them.

Not much of a surprise so far climbing Mt. Everest would be easier than keeping his chaotic feelings under control.

“You need some fresh air,” his vision of Newt got obstructed by his mum in a frilly apron she wore unironically and he looked up to her with half-lidded eyes.

“I think I need chicken soup, actually,” he offered in response, because dragging himself through the snow outside now sounded like a death penalty.

“Air first,” she insisted, adamant, and turned towards Newt like an executioner. “Right, Newt? A walk would do him good.”

Newt looked at Thomas and Thomas just knew. He was doomed. Newt was going to betray him like Scar did with Mufasa and he’d enjoy it, he could see the glint in his eyes, just shining there, spelling revenge in big, neon letters.

Please, he mouthed at the blond in desperation and Newt tilted his head to the side and then his mouth curled up.

“Sure, that’s a great idea, Anna,” he signed the death certificate without an ounce of shame and relished in it.

Fuck you, Thomas mouthed again, and Newt sent him a condescending smile. Fuck him especially.

***

“You’re unusually quiet,” his mum casually pointed out like she didn’t just drag him out to cold ass weather while holding a knife (butter one, but that’s what made it scarier), despite his very vocal (or vocal sort of, too loud and his brain wanted out of his skull) protests.

“Hungover,” he reminded her bitterly. The snow under their feet crunched sharply and the noise was tearing his brain to pieces, like walking on a broken glass and he had no idea how much longer he’d be able to act like it wasn’t killing him.

“Well, it was nice of you to cover for him,” Anna shrugged like she didn’t just blew their cover with a killer one liner and Thomas probably shouldn’t have been as surprised. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen him drink.”

“That’s cuz he can’t drink for shit,” he mumbled with a frown. “Did dad notice?”

“No,” she shook her head. “He was too busy boasting about the partnership. It’s been some time since I’ve seen him so happy, you know how he hoards the whiskey otherwise.”

“Yeah, cheapskate,” Thomas snorted, and the noise sliced his brain painfully, like an instant karma.

“Think he was happy about Newt being back too,” she hit the nail on the head a bit too close to home and Thomas hated how his stomach lurched at it. “Well, you know him.”

“Sure is happy for not getting any grandkids,” he just grumbled and Anna patted him on his back.

“We still have Hannah,” she reminded him sweetly. “Maybe one day she’ll feel like having kids and force you to babysit for her two times a week.”

“Me? You’re going to be the grandparents, it’s your obligation to babysit!” The idea of taking care of Hannah’s kids made him scared for life, and they didn’t even exist yet.

“Pretty sure Newt wouldn’t mind,” she chirped happily, and Thomas loathed how right she probably was. Newt never really showed any kind of real interest in having kids or anything, but he never minded babysit for his own sister, and generally all the kids liked him.

Not that thinking about that had any merit anyway, since they split up with a point of no return. Maybe Newt already planned kids with the new person who left the distasteful hickey on his nape, or the person who he kept texting, and the more Thomas thought about it, the more his chest burned.

“Cherish him a bit more, would you,” she poked his arm. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you have some beef between you. Had an argument before coming here?”

Why the fuck is she so perceptive?

“A bit,” he answered quietly. “No biggie.”

“Set things right,” she plainly ordered him like he was ten again and had do her bidding. “I don’t want another sad Christmas.”

There isn’t going to be any Christmas for us, he wanted to tell her, but kept his mouth shut. At this rate, there wasn’t going to be anything for them, at all.

I really need some sleep.

***

Not very often did the morning come so peacefully, like a gentle spring washing over tired soul, leaving it invigorated. Thomas basked in the pleasantness of it, a quiet, warm and relaxed moment where he slowly woke up from a dream into reality still welcoming and soft like he never left the fantasy realm.

He took a deep breath, stretching, slowly coming to realize of contours of another body pressed into him, and under his hands and around his legs and under his chin. The soft blond hair came to view when he opened his eyes, with Newt draped around him needily, and his heart melted.

The first night in their flat. Their home. A place that only belonged to them, these walls and floors, and small kitchen and big windows, for them together. It came true, finally, inevitably, for Thomas to have Newt all for himself, to share his mornings, his evenings, his life with him. Nothing else could make him happier.

“You already up?” came a sleepy rumble from Newt’s chest, the hands holding Thomas’ waist slowly moved up, to his back, pushing them even closer together.

“Just woke up,” Thomas kissed the top of the blond strands, his own hands traveling over Newt’s back, right onto his butt, kneading it.

“Mmmm.” Approving sound doubled his endeavour and then Newt was slowly grinding to him, lazily, his lips stretched in a smile, reaching to pamper Thomas’ neck with small kisses. “This sure is nice, huh.”

“Love it,” Thomas agreed with the sentiment while grabbing Newt’s thigh and hiking it up over his hip. The blond softly moaned at the contact and Thomas pushed more into it, completely awake and needy and allowed. There was nobody that could hear them, scold them or gasp in shock like a puritan at them making out – just them, two lovers in their home, free to make love any time they wanted.

And Thomas wanted too much.

***

He never stopped wanting.

He woke to his room bathing in shadows, with the blanket twisted between his legs, his headache still present, even though in weaker state than in the morning, and his body wasn’t any less sluggish. The walk with his mum didn’t help him much, just added to his misery with freezing cold and nagging reality he couldn’t play this game any longer, which made him feel empty and unhappy.

He didn’t feel this unhappy in a while, it usually only came back when he heard of Newt about a year after the breakup. Every time his ex came back to his life, even when somebody only mentioned him in a passing conversation, Thomas’ chest set off that painful pang in it, like a trigger just waiting to be pressed, and he fell back into hollow kind of depression.

He got rid of it, somehow. He built walls around himself, he locked all of his twisted personality traits and pushiness and hateful behaviour away, he spent years searching for more he could fix, for all that made Newt unhappy with him, what made him leave Thomas after seven years without really talking about it.

He thought he managed to become a better person. He believed he could change the way he acted. He hoped if he ever talked to Newt again, at any point of their lives, he would be at least able to show him he wasn’t that ungrateful, lousy boyfriend anymore, that they could at least be friends. Somehow. Just talk normally. Just… exist in the same room without… Newt making that anguished face, like it hurt him still.

Thomas tried. But failed. Maybe it was just recurring theme of his life – to touch something wonderful, to taste true happiness, just to fuck it all up and lose it.

Maybe he was just obsessive. Suffocating.

Maybe making mistakes were rooted too deep in him to get rid of.

Maybe… it was simply impossible.

***

Newt was playing games with Hannah in the living room when Thomas came back down. Hannah made fun of him for sleeping all day like an old guy and his mum said something about hoping he didn’t catch a cold and gave him a bowl of chicken soup.

The strange, unattached feeling stayed with him since he woke up, and only doubled when he saw Newt’s neck marked by some fucker on display. His stomach churned at the implication there was this unknown guy waiting for Newt to come back home, who kept impatiently sending him texts that made Newt frown and smile in turns, like he just slowly sunk back into the problem they never resolved. Thomas felt disgusted with himself, and angry, and, when it came to it, immensely tired.

“Oh, you have the whole week free?” his mum asked suddenly, breaking Thomas’ bubble of trying to eat the soup like a mental case of lobotomy, and he realized there had been a conversation going in meantime and he didn’t catch any of it. Newt wasn’t playing the game anymore, though Hannah still furiously pressed buttons on her controller, and instead of it sat on the couch, turned towards Thomas’ mum at the table.

“Yeah, thought getting out of the city might do me good,” he answered her with a soft smile and the idea of another week like this sent Thomas into desperate mode. Even though it was him who forced Newt to take whole week off, because… he only had bad ideas, obviously.

“But there’s bit of a rush now, right?” he entered the conversation impulsively and Newt glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “At work. Christmas and all that being close.”

“Yeah, it’s… a bit hectic,” the blond admitted, making Thomas’ mum go aww. “There’s lots of people taking vacations they didn’t spend yet, so we usually work crunch time.”

“Yeah, kind of same,” Thomas added. It wasn’t really a lie. But not the truth either. “And I know I said a week, but I’ve got some texts from work already, thought of going back tomorrow instead.”

Newt stared at him with an evident confusion, but Thomas knew at this rate they were going to crash and burn again if they stayed, and he didn’t want that. He couldn’t even trust himself to keep it civil when his blood boiled like in a bull taunted with red flag.

Except the red flag was an unknown nobody on the other side of the line of Newt’s phone.

And bed.

“Uh,” came from the blond. “No, wait. What? You…”

“We can visit again during Christmas,” Thomas offered a big fat lie, he almost bit his tongue at it. Christmas were a taboo, he knew mentioning it were already risky, but it gave him an out with his mum, so that worked at least. “When it’s calmer.”

“When is what calmer?” Newt still stared, Thomas said almost disbelieving, and he just prayed for him to play along and not act like he knew nothing about it.

“Work,” he answered stiffly. Too stiffly, he realized, since Newt’s eyes narrowed.

“Uh oh,” he heard Hannah interject, which meant he already failed in the mission to make this believable. Fuck.

“I need a smoke,” the blond announced instead of reacting and stood up sharply. Then shot Thomas a badly masked glare. “Keep me company?”

He wanted to say no but couldn’t when his whole family watched them like during tennis match. So he just nodded and followed Newt outside of the house while feeling like slapping himself.

***

“Care to explain or am I supposed to guess.”

The cigarette was lit, its fiery tip shone bright in the darkness of the porch once the automatic light shut itself because they weren’t moving like they rooted in the wooden floor. Newt was wearing his coat and Thomas only stood there in the long-sleeved shirt, which in retrospect was probably a mistake.

“I did explain,” Thomas said. “Just thought about work-,”

“No, you didn’t,” Newt stopped him immediately while crossing one of his arms on his chest while other held the cigarette like a weapon. “You said a week, so I took a week off. I’m not bloody leaving now. It’s my vacation.”

“I also said three days would probably be enough,” Thomas asserted. “And they are. I thought you’d appreciate it.”

“Why?” the blond demanded. “It’s not like I suffer here. I like this place. What’s your problem?”

That kind of question had no easy answer and Thomas held Newt’s eyes only for few seconds, before looking away.

“Am I the problem?” came another question, even sharper. “You just can’t stand me anymore, so you want to leave?”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Thomas scoffed. “Since when did I ever-,”

“No, I don’t know!” Newt interrupted him with raised voice and Thomas flinched. “I don’t bloody know anything about you anymore! You brought me here and expected what? War? Did you want us to fail?”

“Why would I want us to fail?” Thomas’ eyes widened in a shock. “What kind of fucked up logic would that be?!”

“I don’t know!” Newt barked. The cigarette he was holding was slowly fading away, the ash falling everywhere how he moved his hand. “But something’s up since this morning, so obviously you’re lying about work and I want to know why!”

Well, finding out his ex-boyfriend had a lover, or a sex friend or whatever the other person was definitely served as a wake-up call. Thomas couldn’t overlook it – he thought he’d be fine with anything, it had been years, but one fucking hickey and some fleeting texts and he just had the rising urge to tear the walls he built down and get angry and make Newt inevitably miserable, which he despised.

He fucking loathed it. And himself. And everything around him.

“Why did you even agree to come here?” he couldn’t help but demand. “Why did you even bother playing this stupid game when you have somebody home? You trying to make him jealous or it’s just your thing?”

Accusing – stupid Thomas, fucking idiot, just talk normally, what’s wrong with you – as always.

“What?” Newt’s eyes shot up, wide in honest surprise. His cheeks were red from the cold, or maybe embarrassment, Thomas didn’t know. “What are you talking about?”

“About that hickey on your neck?” Thomas pointed towards the incriminated spot and Newt’s whole body went rigid.

“A hickey…?” Newt’s free hand was touching the place now, his voice shocked. “You… ugh.”

“Look, it’s not my business, clearly,” Thomas rubbed his eyes tiredly, desperately trying to make an excuse for his own consciousness why he couldn’t look at Newt. “But obviously it’s causing you trouble with him, so. As I said. Three days are fine, we can leave now. Go back home. Forget about this.”

And forget about me trying to corner you, and me getting hard in the bed with you this morning, and me sounding jealous and lame, and me… just for being me.

“Are you fucking with me?” Newt’s voice sounded disbelieving. “Are you bloody serious right now? A hickey from some random guy appeared over night here? That’s what you’re saying?”

Overnight…?

“Overnight?” he asked a little dumbly, which forced him to look Newt in the eyes, where he saw hell unleashed. It made his throat squeeze almost hard enough to suffocate him.

“You think I just popped back home for a quickie, then back to your bed in the morning like a bloody Cinderella?” the blond seethed, the cigarette in his hand morphing into a protentional weapon of choice. “Where did that even came for, for fuck’s sake? You’d been seeing me for two days, never noticed anything, and then suddenly your Esmeralda syndrome got cured or what?”

“But-,”

“You bloody drunk fucker,” Newt took a step towards him and Thomas found himself hitting the entrance door with his back, when he automatically tried to back out. “Should have known your bird brain won’t remember anything.”

The realization hit Thomas like tons of bricks right in his face, able to cause heavy concussion if it were real.

“I did this?!”

“No, the bloody sucker behind you, who the fuck do you think?!” Newt’s voice was harsh, but Thomas could only hear the bare fact he made a hickey of size of Texas on his ex-boyfriend’s nape while spending the next day being jealous… of himself.

“What the fuck,” he breathed out with an ugly relief flooding his veins, which was all sorts of wrong. Being relieved over attacking his ex at night definitely did not count as a good point in anybody’s book. “What the fuck.”

“Calmer now?” Newt sighed in exasperation and Thomas couldn’t say he was. It just opened door to another set of bad he had to deal with.

“I attacked you when drunk?” he asked quietly, and Newt blinked in surprise.

“Attacked?” he repeated and then barked out a laugh. “No, you really didn’t. You were drunk out of your mind, for fuck’s sake.”

“I see.”

“Didn’t think it left anything,” the blond sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as if in memory, which was kind of hot – no Thomas, it was not hot, but embarrassing, shut up -. “I mean you just munched on me a little, then fell back asleep. No harm done.”

“You made a fuss about us sleeping in one bed but it’s no biggie when I leave a hickey?” Thomas couldn’t help but laugh a little and Newt’s face showed signs of hesitation.

“Look…” he tried after a moment, the cigarette in his hand nearly gone. “I… don’t know, you were just sleeping while holding me, it doesn’t mean anything-,”

“And that’s fine with you?” It was Thomas’ turn to interrupt him, and Newt looked a little lost for a moment.

“I suppose that’s fine with me, yeah,” he admitted slowly.

Thomas looked at his shoes, taking in a deep breath. He couldn’t deny the knot forming in his belly over the day already started easing off, for purely selfish reasons he had, but at the same time his head became even a bigger mess than before.

“So what does it mean?” he asked after a while. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, I thought… you’d rather leave than stay with me longer, after today, but…”

“I want to stay,” Newt answered immediately. “Unless you really don’t want me here. Then no, of course. I had the same problem the first day, feeling all kinds of weird and jumpy. I guess I just sort of dealt with it. Stepped out of my comfort zone and all that.”

“Sorry you had to.”

It wasn’t like Thomas wanted Newt to change anyhow by doing this favour for him. But he’d also be a hypocrite if he didn’t admit he wished Newt to feel good here. With him. Selfishly, hopelessly. Like before, like they were okay. Like they still… liked each other. At least a little.

He knew that kind of hope was self-destructive and harmful, but he didn’t stop loving this man three years ago, after going through an immensely rough patch, so he wouldn’t stop loving him now for no reason either.

“No need to be sorry,” Newt interrupted his thoughts with much softer tone than Thomas expected. “I mean even despite it’s you, you didn’t really do anything bad yet.”

“Wow,” Thomas snorted. “Way to ruin the mood, boyfriend.”

“I try,” Newt grinned, and it seemed like the tense mood dissipated and they both relaxed enough to breathe easier. Thomas possibly wouldn’t even notice he had been so strung up until now, if the huge boulder of irrational fear of fucking up didn’t fall off his shoulders with a bang.

“And just for the record,” Newt added while finally inhaling the last puff from the already burned-out cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray. “I noticed you digging into me in the morning.”

“Of course you did…” Thomas banged the back of his head against door in utter shame. “Because universe hates me, and you had to fucking wake up.”

“Yeah, well,” Newt let out a small shrug. “I got hard at night, if it makes you feel any better. Let’s call it even.”

“What.”

“Had a real nice dream,” the blond casually announced like he was ordering pie with no filling and Thomas was a stupefied cashier at Costa Cafe. “Woke up with you being handsy with me. Tried to scramble away, cue for you to make the hickey and fall back asleep.”

“Uh.”

“1:1, right?” The sly smile Newt’s mouth produced did things to Thomas’ underbelly and before he even caught himself, he automatically reached out and grabbed Newt’s side.

Fuck.

“Pretty lousy score,” he just said – bad Thomas, stop making a pass at your ex -, “That’s no match whatsoever.”

Newt glanced at his hand resting on his waist and then back to Thomas with a thoughtful hum.

“I’m not that good at sports,” he just said, looking back into Thomas’ eyes. “But you might be onto something.”

Thomas took a deep breath and risked the second hand grabbing other side of Newt’s waist, pulling him closer. The layers of clothing made him dissatisfied, no matter how cold it was and how his skin already felt like ice, he just wanted to get under the coat and the sweater and the shirt and make Newt react somehow. The blond just silently watched him, let him do whatever he wanted, and somehow it felt like a test and Thomas was scared of failing it.

“That’s it?” Newt broke the tense silence around them when Thomas just stood there, holding him.

“Thinking,” the brunet mumbled with a frown.

“About?”

“How to touch you without it being classified as groping,” he moved his hands a little lower as an experiment, getting no reaction. “Since it’s off the table.”

“Pfff.”

He hesitated, then gingerly let go of one side and reached for the zipper lodged under Newt’s chin, keeping the coat closed like a fortress. His hand barely cooperated with how frozen it was, but Newt still didn’t stop him and that encouraged him unfairly.

“Newt.”

“Yeah?” the blond’s voice was quiet and close to his face.

“What’s with all the texting?” He kept holding the zippier between his fingers like he couldn’t decide, and Newt made a soft huh? noise in the back of his throat.

“You were on your phone the whole day,” Thomas lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “Is there somebody…?”

A sigh. Thomas let go of the zipper.

“That’s Alby,” came a reply and if Thomas wasn’t already propped against the door, he’d take a step back. There was nowhere to run now, so he just let go of the blond completely, nodding.

“He’s my partner,” another string of words Thomas comprehended but wished he didn’t. “A bit demanding one.”

“Sounds like it,” he just commented, staring at his feet until Newt’s shoes came into view as well when he stepped closer.

Seriously testing me. That’s-

“A bit cruel,” he breathed out with a puff of white smoke and Newt pushed further and pressed his mouth against Thomas’. His cold lips lingered for a moment before parting, their breaths mingling, and Thomas’ heart fought really hard to get out of his chest and run away. The proximity was non-existent, Newt stood so close their chests were touching, and his eyes were so dark, and pupils blown wide Thomas got easily lost in them.

He always did. Nothing had changed.

“You look cold,” Newt whispered to his lips, hovering so close their mouths gently touched when they took a breath.

“Freezing,” Thomas answered in daze, holding back only by a miracle. He wanted to reach out and pull the blond man flush against him, to grind into him, to kiss him so deep his toes would curl, and he’d buck up, he just wanted so much it made him suffer.

“Alby’s my colleague,” Newt dropped quietly. “Funnily… you weren’t wrong about work being in a rush now. He’s struggling a little. Wanted to know my opinion.”

A colleague. And nothing else?

“Nothing else,” Newt answered like he could read his mind and then sagged against Thomas’ body like the energy just left him, resting his head on Thomas’ shoulder.

“I thought I can handle being this close to you,” he heard him mumbling into his shirt. “But the more I am, the less I can fight it.”

“I thought I can handle you dating somebody else,” Thomas added to it while letting his head fall back against the door with a dull thud. “But obviously not. It’s scary. I don’t want to fuck it up again.”

“Yeah,” Newt agreed with him. “Me neither.”

He wasn’t sure if this had been some sort of consensus they reached, or just a fling that happened because they were both lonely, but Thomas didn’t want to let go – even though he should have, logically, to protect them both. The pain they caused to each other three years ago was still there and festering under their skins, but the more Newt was pressed into him, breathing softly, the more Thomas noticed his reason slowly creeped away, like a thief in the night disappearing with loot.

But he wanted. For fuck’s sake how he wanted to just hold him close and promise him love and eternal happiness, and the scary part was he couldn’t promise shit. His love was real, but not unconditional, happiness was fleeting and simply relying on both of them and the rest of the world deciding whatever to fuck them up or not.

But…

“I give up,” he mumbled, weary to the bone. At Newt’s soft hm? he just sighed. “It’s fucking cold.”

The blond barked out a laugh, but nodded and let go of him, immediately taking all the warmth away.

“Then shall we assure them we’re not breaking up again?” he nodded towards the door and without waiting for Thomas’ reply he already reached for the handle. “Or not leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” the brunet conceded. “Hannah’s going to be milking this for the rest of the week…”

“Serves you right,” Newt laughed quietly while opening the door and Thomas kept the answer to himself.

We’re not breaking up again rang in his head like a bell, deafening his reason even further. Newt didn’t protest when he reached for his hand on their way inside, and he wondered if his heart was ready for another trial.

He ignored the uncertainty and took a leap of faith.

#newtmas #tmr #the last resort series #the maze runner #izzymultifan #edit 17. 5. 2021

[the-bee-graveyard]

You’re Not Him

Summary: Basically it’s the “you’re not her” scene in The Scorch Trials but none of that straight nonsense, just pure Newtmas. It was originally supposed to be book based but I wanted Teresa here for the drama so it’s a combination. I’m not good with summaries. One of my shorter fics but I hope y’all like it. Please let me know if you catch any spelling/grammar errors I was rushing when I proofread this. 

TW: MENTION OF DRUG USAGE 

Tag list: @madmathis18 @gluednewts @go-catch-a-chickn @izzymultifan

“Kiss me,” Brenda said. “Tom, kiss me.” She started to press her lips to his, but for only a second he saw her.

Then it was someone else. A lanky figure stood where Brenda had just a second ago, with fluffy blonde hair Thomas had wanted to run his fingers through since he came up in the box. Dark eyes that Thomas had stared into so many times.

“Tommy,” Newt whispered. Thomas kissed the other boy hungrily, like he’d thought of doing so many times before. He didn't know how long exactly he’d wanted this, but it had to have been even before the maze. Thomas’s memories never came back, but whenever he was with Newt he felt like they were right there, he just couldn’t wrap his fingers around them.

And then Newt was gone, and Brenda was there again. He pushed her away lightly.

“No,” He said. She stopped, a hurt look washing over her face, her blurring face.

“Why?” She asked.

He could barely see her now. “You’re not him,” He said. “You’ll never be him.” Newt. Newt Newt Newt. That’s all Thomas thought before the darkness claimed him.

“Thomas,” A voice whispered, pulling him out of the darkness. In his groggy form he couldn’t tell who’s voice it was.

“Newt?” He asked, blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings.

“No Tom, it’s me,” Teresa’s voice said, sounding puzzled. Thomas looked up to see the blue eyed girl looking down at him, her hand brushing his hair out of his face. 

“Oh.” He tried not to sound too disappointed, but he couldn’t stop himself. Teresa was a nice girl, she really was, that's why Thomas couldn’t tell why he couldn’t think of her as anything but a sister. She was an attractive girl, anyone could tell that, but Thomas didn’t feel like he wanted to kiss her.

He wanted to know why he felt the way he should for Teresa for Newt.

“Tommy?” A familiar accented voice that made Thomas’s heart beat faster said. Newt appeared beside Teresa, looking at Thomas with worry in his dark eyes. Thomas sat up and hugged Newt, startling both Newt and Teresa. Newt returned the hug though.

“I was so bloody worried,” Newt whispered. “If you ever scare me like that again I’ll break your kneecaps.”

“I- I’m going to give you two a minute,” Teresa said, sounding disappointment. Thomas barely noticed when she walked out of the room, still clinging to Newt like he was a lifeline. 

“What happened to you? We found you unconscious, and Brenda wasn’t much better,” Newt said after another minute of just holding Thomas in his arms. 

“We got drugged,” Thomas said. “I- I kissed Brenda.” Newt’s expression turned into a frown. The older boy tried to hide it, but Thomas saw it. “The drugs caused me too hallucinate, I thought she was you Newt.” Thomas paused for a minute, trying to get a grasp on his thoughts. “It’s you Newt, it’s always been you. Not Brenda, not Teresa. I didn’t say anything because I didn't want to ruin what we have, but I love you. I always have and I always will love you.”

For a minute Newt stood silent, stunned. Thomas wanted to crawl under the bed and die.Newt hated him now. He’d misread the room and now he’d lost his best friend.

Newt pressed his lips to Thomas. For a second Thomas thought he must be still hallucinating, there was no way Newt was kissing him. But he was, and it was freaking brilliant. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so bloody long,” Newt said, smiling. “I love you too you stupid shank, I’ve loved you since the day you came up in that box, probably before that too. It’s always you, and it always will be. I love you Thomas, I love you.”

#tw drug usage #newtmas #newt tmr #Thomas tmr #the maze runner #the scorch trials #Teresa Agnes #Brenda tmr #sorry I can’t write kissing to save my life

[izzielizzie]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: One of Us Is Lying - Karen M. McManus Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Maeve Rojas/Luis Santos, Cooper Clay/Kris, Cooper Clay & Luis Santos, Maeve Rojas & Kris Characters: Maeve Rojas, Luis Santos, Cooper Clay, Kris (One Of Us Is Lying), Monica Hill, Phoebe Lawton, Jules Crandall Additional Tags: cute and fluffy, but like also a little angst?, AU, maeve is still popular Series: Part 2 of This Life's Sweeter Than Fiction Summary:

When Luis asks Maeve to go to his baseball game after school, Maeve freezes - she does hate baseball after all. But thankfully, Kris and Cooper are there to steer the new couple in the right direction (even if they refuse to be labeled as such).

okay i finally wrote this!! it’s a little choppy, but there were so many scenes I needed to add. and gain, a huge thank you to @glitterandgoldrush for helping me with Maeve and Kris’s relationship (also you may see some of our conversations shining through, they were too good to leave in our chat)

also tagging @izzymultifan @janesramblings and @alicia-mc-cormick per your requests

and as always, y’all are more than welcome to ask me to tag you in upcoming fics!!

#maeve rojas #luis santos #cooper clay #kris (oou) #one of us is lying #izzielizzie's fics

[the-bee-graveyard]

The Fine Line: Chapter Four

Other Chapters

Summary: The glader’s trauma is finally discussed (I’ve been meaning to put it in here but this is the first chapter I could make it work) Minho goes rogue and takes matters into his own hands. We finally get somewhere with Newtmas? Sort of? (Not a lot of Brendresa this chapter I’m afraid) 

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added/deleted): @izzymultifan @madmathis18

TW: MENTIONS OF DEATH, VIOLENCE, BLOOD MENTION

Chapter Four: Lines Are Erasable If They’re Drawn In Pencil

Part One: Thomas’s POV

The Last City burned in slow motion.

That’s what it felt like to the people who were there. It was a beautiful thing, watching that city burn, it felt like the final destruction of evil. Thomas didn’t have time to take in his victory, not as he dragged Newt through the ruins.

His friends shallow breathing made Thomas’s heart stop every time he heard it pause, even just for a second. He could collapse himself from exhaustion, but if he collapsed they both lied and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let Newt die. He couldn’t let Newt die. 

Then Newt woke up, and Thomas wished he’d stayed unconscious for just a few minutes more. 

“Tommy, kill me,” Newt whispered at Thomas wrestled the knife from his hands. “Make amends. Do one right thing.” His voice dropped to a whisper, and Thomas could physically feel his heart breaking. “Please, Tommy, Please.” Newt relaxed a bit, giving Thomas just enough time to knock the knife out of his hands and send it flying, hitting the pavement again a few yards away.

Newt lunged for the knife, but Thomas pulled him into a tight embrace. Newt squirmed and punched at Thomas’s back, but Thomas kept a firm grip. He could feel his grip slipping though, and as Newt tried to pry him off again Thomas grabbed a large chuck of rock.

“I’m so sorry Newt,” Thomas said, tears flowing down his face like two rivers running beside each other. “I’m don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.” He hit the rock up against Newt’s head, hard enough to knock him out and he prayed light enough to do nothing else.

Newt sunk to the ground and Thomas sunk down next to him, shaking violently. 

“Thomas! Thomas!” A voice called. Thomas spun around to see Brenda running towards him, the serum in her hands. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Newt. “He’s not-?”

“He’s not dead,” Thomas assured her. “But give me the serum, he’s damn close.” Brenda stuck the needle into Newt’s arm. It was supposed to do something. But it didn’t.

“Newt,” Thomas whispered. “Newt please, please come back to me.” But nothing happened. Thomas pressed his hands to his friends chest, but there was no heartbeat. “I love you Newt, please.” 

Thomas’s eyes shot open. He almost fell out of his hammock as he climbed up and went over to the sleeping blonde next to him, pressing his hand to Newt’s chest making sure not to wake him. After watching Newt’s chest move up and down with breathing and feeling his heartbeat he went back to his own hammock and pulled something out of his pocket.

A necklace. The necklace.

The necklace Newt gave him back in the last city. Thomas blinked and the image of Newt begging him to take the necklace from him, Newt dying. Thomas quickly opened the necklace in hopes to get rid of the image, pulling out a piece of paper, a letter.

For a moment Thomas thought he shouldn’t read it. Newt wrote it when he was dying, maybe he only intended for Thomas to read it after he was gone. Thomas began to read the letter anyways, he was never known to say no to an impulse.

Part Two: Minho

So, none of their plans had worked so far. Minho really thought he had it with truth or dare, but of course Newt had to go and shut it down. Minho did see the look of disappointment on Thomas’s face had inspired him to continue on, and to go rogue.

Sonya was going to kill him for this. Thomas was going to kill him for this, if this didn’t work out. Maybe even if it did. Hopefully he’ll be too busy kissing his new boyfriend to assist Sonya in murder. Sonya didn’t need the help.

Minho skipped breakfast to break into the tech tent (where they kept all the technology). He could get something from Frypan later, he could not get what he needed later. It had to be now, while the tent was empty.

Minho dug through two crates before he found what he was looking for: a small handheld voice recorder. He stuffed it in his pocket quickly and begun heading for the exit when a raven haired blue eyed girl appeared in his way.

“Minho? What are you doing in here?” Teresa asked.

“Better question is what you’re doing in here,” Minho replied quickly, trying to look for places he could run or find excuses he could use.

“Vince sent me to work in here, do inventory and stuff like that,” Teresa said.

“I won’t tell if you don’t tell,” Minho said quickly.

“Minho, I’m the one who’s supposed to be in here,” Teresa replied calmly. Minho gave her a charming smile which usually got him out of situations. Teresa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine, go. But we’re not done with this conversation.” Minho thanked her and dashed off to find his favorite clueless idiots. 

Thomas found him first, almost ran into him really. “Minho,” Thomas gasped. “I’ve been looking all over the place for you.”

“That’s perfect, I’ve been looking for you too,” Minho said. “Now what's this about Tommy boy?” Minho expected to get the usual ‘only Newt can call me Tommy’ speech. Instead he got two pieces of paper shoved in his face.

“Read this,” Thomas said. “Would you consider this a love letter?” Minho took the pages from Thomas and began to read as quickly as he could.

He finished, and the fact that Thomas had to question whether that was a love letter or not was concerning. ‘From the moment you ran into the maze I knew I’d follow you anywhere’ was the gayest shit Minho had ever and would ever read.

Minho had to try his hardest to restrain himself from squealing. Another idea came to him (the creativity was really flowing for him today).

“Dude, that’s totally a love letter,” Minho said. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Thomas said, looking slightly confused.

“If you could respond to this letter, how would you?” Minho pressed the record button on the recorder in his pocket. 

“I’d tell him since the minute I came up in that box, since he first looked down at me and I looked up at him there was never anyone else for me. That I realized that I was in love with him when he looked at me after he made me a runner, knowing he put all his trust in me and I couldn’t fail him. And that night in the scorch, I believed what he said to me, and I kept going because of him. And how I would have caught the flare a hundred times instead of him. That I have and always will love him.”

Minho would’ve teared up if he wasn’t so giddy with excitement. There’s no way that could be seen as platonic bro stuff, right? (knock on wood). 

“Great thanks Tom, love you my dude,”Minho said before running off to seek on the other half of the boyfriends-who-weren’t-aware-they’re-boyfriends.

Part Three: Newt

Newt was immediately suspicious when he saw Minho running towards him with a stupid grin plastered on his face. Newt had been working in the gardens with Sonya and Harriet (they usually hunted but they were all stocked up on meat so there was no need today) when he saw his friend coming towards them. 

Newt had been talking to Sonya about different types of plants. She’d ask a question about what type of plant it was or something like that and he’d tell her. He found he liked having someone to teach quite a lot, he liked having a sister.

“What the fuck is this about?” Newt sighed as Minho arrived at his side.

“Yeah, what the,” Sonya paused mid-sentence.

“Fuck,” Harriet inserted.

“Is this about?” Sonya finished, glaring at Minho suspiciously.

“I just need to talk to Newt in private about super secret bro stuff,” Minho said. The siblings and Harriet all glared at Minho was disbelief. “I want to talk to him about Brenda and Teresa���s undeniable chemistry.” Sonya and Harriet shrugged and went back to work. Minho grabbed Newt’s arm and began to drag him towards the beach, Newt trying to twist out of Minho’s grip. Newt was strong, but Minho was stronger.

“What’s this really about,” Newt said as his shoes hit the sand. He really hated being on the beach with his shoes on. 

“Don’t talk, just listen, kay?” Minho said, pulling a voice recorder and hitting play before Newt could protest.

He recognized Thomas’s voice immediately. He quickly thought of Thomas pressing his hand to Newt’s chest this morning, Newt pretending to be asleep as his heart sped up.

“I’d tell him since the minute I came up in that box, since he first looked down at me and I looked up at him there was never anyone else for me. That I realized that I was in love with him when he looked at me after he made me a runner, knowing he put all his trust in me and I couldn’t fail him. And that night in the scorch, I believed what he said to me, and I kept going because of him. And how I would have caught the flare a hundred times instead of him. That I have and always will love him,” Thomas said.

Newt couldn’t stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes. Minho clearly didn’t expect this reaction, he quickly pulled his friend into a hug though.

“Is something wrong? I thought you’d be happy to hear that?” Minho said.

Newt was happy, he really was. He’d spent the past months pining hopelessly, praying Thomas would love him back even just a little bit. He remembered all the nights he’d woke up looking for Alby or Minho and Thomas was always there to hold him until he fell back to sleep, or if he didn’t think he could go back to sleep to stay up and talk with him. How one time on the move looking for Minho they almost kissed but Vince called them over before they could, how Newt had stayed up for days thinking about what could have happened that moment.

And now he was getting that opportunity again.

“Happy, so happy Min, just overwhelmed,” Newt said, wiping the tears on his sleeve. Minho grinned and hit him on the back lightly.

“Go get your lover boy then.”

#newtmas #newt tmr #Thomas tmr #Minho tmr #the maze runner #Teresa Agnes #Brendresa #Sonya tmr #Harriet tmr #soniet #tw death mention #tw violence #tw blood mention #damnit I've got nothing witty to add in the tags #the fine line

[the-bee-graveyard]

The Fine Line: Chapter Three

Other Chapters

Summary: The Gladers (+Brenda, and Group B members) try to make up for the grave mistake made during their plans by throwing a party. Vince can be bribed with cookies. Brenda does not like party games. Jorge ships Newtmas.  Thomas makes a not shocking realization. Everyone wants to slap Newt and Thomas.

Sorry if there are any grammatical/spelling errors I proofread but that’s quite ineffective.

I dedicate this chapter to @madmathis18, sorry about your paper Madalynne

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added): @izzymultifan

Chapter Three: The Fine Line Between Friends and Lovers

Part One: Minho’s POV

Say they screwed up would be an understatement. They didn’t screw anything up. Screwing something up implies that it can be salvaged.

And Minho had no clue how the hell they could possibly salvage this.

“How the hell can four people be so stupid?” Sonya ranted, they sat in their circle going over their failure. The four people she spoke of were Minho, Gally, Newt, and Thomas. Newt and Thomas for not realizing they were madly in love with each other, and Minho and Gally for making everything worse.

But Minho had a new plan, a new plan to replace their old plan, which now laid in metaphorically shreds scattered across the beach on the safe haven.

“Shut up Sonya, I have a plan,” Minho said. Sonya, Frypan, Harriet, and Brenda all groaned, which Minho found ridiculous since he always had flawless plans. He glared at them before he spoke again. “Phase one: Minho goes and tell’s Newt he’s absolutely not attracted to him. Phase two: we convince Vince to let us throw a party tomorrow night. Phase three-”

“Phase three of what?” A voice interrupted. Minho spun his head around to see Jorge standing there. 

“Nothing,” Minho replied.

“We’re trying to get Newt and Thomas together,” Frypan said at the same time.

“May I join?” Jorge asked.

“Of course,” Minho said. Jorge sat down in between Brenda and Teresa, who weren’t sitting as far apart as they were at the last meeting but still pretty far apart. “Phase three: we start up a wild game of truth or dare-”

“Absolutely not,” Gally interjected, Frypan had opened his mouth to protest to.  They used to play truth or dare in the glade, and the games always got so out of hand Alby had to shut them down. Once Gally had been dared to bathe in his own drinks, and another time Frypan had been dared to eat two sticks of butter.

“I think it’s a great idea,” Teresa said. Minho almost said something mean, but he bit his tongue. He really wanted to try to get along with Teresa for Thomas’s sake, even if he still sort of hated her guts. “We won’t give anyone else anything too extreme, just stuff to sell the game to Newt and Thomas before we attack them with dares.”

“I like the way you think Teresa,” Harriet said. “So how do we get Vince on board?”

“I have an idea for this,” Jorge spoke up. “How quickly can you whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies Frypan?”

-Time Gap, an hour-

“Heyyyyy Vince,” Minho said cheerily, Sonya and Frypan at his sides. They were all there for a reason: Frypan because he made the cookies, Sonya because she insisted on coming and Minho was too afraid of her and her girlfriend to say no, and because they all agreed that Minho had the least shame out of all of them and could easily bribe a resistance leader with cookies.

“Oh god,” Vince muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How can I help you three?” 

“We just wanted to let you know Frypan just finished making a batch of chocolate chip cookies,” Minho said, holding the plate of cookies so Vince could smell them. Their leader reached for a cookie but Sonya slapped his hand before he took one.

“They come with conditions,” Sonya snapped. 

“There it is,” Vince sighed. “What?”

“We want a party tonight. On the beach. We’ll plan everything, all you have to do is sit back, relax, and eat your cookies,” Minho said. The look on Vince’s face said no, but Minho didn’t take no for an answer, escipecally not when his friend’s whole relationship rely on this party. They didn’t call Minho cupid for nothing (he could hear Sonya’s voice in his head saying no one called him that, but Sonya’s voice could shove off). He held the plate closer to Vince’s face, and he saw the mans face soften.

“Fine,” Vince grumbled, snatching a cookie from the plate. “If anyone dies it’s on you.” Sonya and Minho high fived.

Part Two: Teresa’s POV

They sat in another circle, but this time Jorge was missing and Newt and Thomas filled his place (sitting quite close to each other if Teresa did say so herself, which she did). Teresa took a sip of Minho’s special drink.

“So may I ask why we’re gathered here?” Newt asked Minho.

“We’re going to have a nice fun game of truth or dare,” Minho announced. To say Newt looked horrified would be an understatement.

“There’s no buggin’ way I’m playing, nope,” Newt said, his arms crossed and his expression firm.

“Please Newt, it’ll be fun,” Thomas pleaded, giving the blonde boy puppy dog eyes. Newt sighed, clearly giving in.

“Fine,” Newt grumbled.

“Great,” Gally said. “I’ll go first. Minho, truth or dare?” Teresa already knew how this first part would play out, they’d planned it out.

“Truth,” Minho said.

“Is it true that you’ve got a thing for Newt?” Gally asked.

“Nope, I’ve only got eyes for you babe,” Minho said, before leaning in and kissed Gally, resulting in a gagging noise from Brenda (Minho flipped her off).

“If you’re so eager to move on, Brenda, truth or dare?” Minho asked, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Teresa didn’t expect to get heated this early in the game, but then again, she should never underestimate Minho and his competitive agenda. 

“Dare,” Brenda said, leaning back.

“I dare you to kiss Teresa,” Minho announced. Teresa swore the words echoed off of something. Everyone quickly turned to Brenda, waiting to see her reaction. 

Brenda said nothing, grabbing Teresa and kissing her quickly before pulling away, the sudden movement shocking Teresa. Her lips immediately felt cold once Brenda pulled away.

“Thomas, truth or dare?” Brenda said as if nothing had ever happened. Teresa couldn’t tell if she wanted Brenda to act like nothing happened, or she wanted her to be mad, or what. 

Teresa used to think she knew everything.

But if she knew everything then why didn’t she know why she wanted to kiss a girl who hated her so much again?

Part Three: Thomas’s POV

Thirty minutes later Thomas and Newt had swapped shirts, Aris was soaked from running in the ocean, Sonya and Harriet were “glued” to each other, and Minho had to end every sentence with “bubbles”. 

“Thomas, truth or dare,” Harriet said. 

“Truth,” Thomas said. His last dare was to go over to the bonfire and compliment Vince’s shoes, so he decided he’d take a break from dare’s for a little bit. 

“Who’s the most attractive person in this circle?” It wasn’t a hard decision, even though it should be. They were all very attractive individuals, but Newt outshined them all with his fluffy blonde hair and deep brown eyes Thomas could and would drown in.There there was his smile and his hands and the way he never let anything get him down.

And most importantly, the way he said Tommy. He could never say the words with anything but affection, even if he was pissed, and Thomas loved it.

Then it hit him. Like a brick.

Thomas loved Newt. Like, loved loved Newt.

Shoot.

“Earth to Thomas, you gonna answer or not?” 

“Oh yeah, Newt,” Thomas said. Newt grinned and patted Thomas on the back. “Minho, truth or dare?”

“Dare. Bubbles,” Minho said.

“I dare you to come up with a compliment for everyone in this circle.” Minho mumbled something under his breath and then began unenthusiastically.

“Frypan, you can cook like a saint. Brenda, you have the second best hair, besides me of course. Bubbles. Harriet, you’re absolutely terrifying. Bubbles.  Sonya, you’re a great plotting buddy. Bubbles. Aris, I don’t think you’re a creepy vent-kid anymore. Bubbles. Teresa, you have nice eyes. Bubbles. Thomas, you’re not the ugliest shank I’ve ever met. Bubbles. Newt, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met. Bubbles. Gally, you’re the second hottest person here, besides me of course. Bubbles. Newt, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Newt said. He’d only did one dare, which resulted Thomas wearing a shirt too tight and Newt wearing a loose shirt that looked good on him, everything looked good on him.

“Have you ever been in love with anyone in this circle? Bubbles.” Thomas followed Newt’s gaze as it landed on every single one of them, before his eyes met Thomas’s and lingered longer than they did on everyone else.

“Yes,” Newt said, looking away from Thomas, blushing. Thomas may be going out on a limb, but maybe, just maybe, there was a one in a million chance that Newt returned a small amount of his feelings?

“Really, who is it? Bubbles.”

“No, no, no,” Newt teased. “One question per turn.” Thomas’s heart sank, he wanted to know too. But he couldn't say that, then they’d all knew Thomas wanted to know and then they'd figure out he was utterly and hopelessly in love with Newt and always had been.

#newtmas #brendresa #mingally #Thomas tmr #newt tmr #teresa agnes #Brenda tmr #minho tmr #Gally tmr #frypan tmr #soniet #Sonya tmr #harriet tmr #Aris tmr #Jorge tmr #It get's gay in this chapter guys I promise #the fine line

[the-bee-graveyard]

Chapters: 7/7 Fandom: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes/Brenda (Maze Runner), Ben/Gally/Minho (Maze Runner), Harriet/Sonya | Elizabeth "Lizzy" (Maze Runner) Characters: Newt (Maze Runner), Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes, Brenda (Maze Runner), Sonya | Elizabeth "Lizzy" (Maze Runner), Minho (Maze Runner), Harriet (Maze Runner), Gally (Maze Runner), Frypan (Maze Runner), Aris Jones, Vince (Maze Runner), Jorge (Maze Runner), Ben (Maze Runner), Alby (Maze Runner), Chuck (Maze Runner), George (Maze Runner), Nick (Maze Runner) Additional Tags: Oblivious!Newtmas, enemies-to-lovers Brendresa, the sonya/minho brotp you didn't know you needed, a little mingally and Soniet because I am weak for them Summary:

Newt and Teresa both survive the destruction of the last city and are brought to the safe haven with all their friends. Newt is welcomed back with open arms, and most people learn to forgive Teresa, all but the one person she wants to forgive her the most.

Tag list: @izzymultifan @madmathis18

The final chapter is up! Special thanks to @madmathis18, @its-tea-time-darling, @go-catch-a-chickn, @izzymultifan, @newtcallsmetommy, and everyone else who’s supported this fic

#newtmas #brendresa #mingalho #soniet #the maze runner

[the-bee-graveyard]

The Fine Line

Chapter One

Wow, you stayed around long enough to read chapter two, thank you! Warning, this chapter’s going to be angsty because we’re getting more Brenda and Teresa interactions, you have been warned. 

It will usually take me about a week for each chapter, but I was really excited so I wrote this one quickly. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. 

Chapter summary: Minho and Sonya hold their plotting circle on the beach, and Brenda and Teresa are forced to be there together. Their plan has a very, um, what’s a good word, interesting outcome. Platonic Thomas reunion. Sonya and Minho finish each other's statements a little bit. This chapter’s going to be a bit longer because I wanted to do a few different events in this chapter, but usually I’ll try to stick to three parts/POV’s per chapter.

Let me know what you guys think! I love feedback!

TW: MENTIONS OF DEATH

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added): @izzymultifan

Chapter Two: The Fine Line Between Hatred and Hesitant  Friendship

Part One: Teresa’s POV

Teresa had been an only child before the flare destroyed her life, but she was convinced that fate gave her Thomas to fill in the role of her brother. Sometimes it felt like she loved Thomas more than herself, more and more as she realized all the horrible things she’d done. 

That's why it killed her knowing Thomas was mad at her.

He didn’t notice her standing near the tables meals were ate at, he sat with his back to her next to Newt. Frypan, Gally, and Minho saw her though, Frypan waved to her. She spoke to him yesterday, and he’d been quick to give her a second chance, and she was grateful to him. She needed the win yesterday after Brenda blew her off quickly.

She saw Brenda eating at a table with Jorge, glaring at her as she walked over to Thomas. Frankly Teresa didn’t care, she didn’t need Brenda’s permission to speak to Thomas, and Brenda couldn’t force Thomas to stay away from Teresa. He probably wanted to do that enough on his own anyways.

“Tom,” Teresa said, tapping her old friend on the shoulder, her voice small. “I’d like to speak to you for a moment. In private.” Newt looked up at her first, glaring at her. Thomas looked up at her next, his expression less rebate than Newt’s.

“Of course Teresa,” Thomas said, getting up off the bench. They walked over to the edge of the group of tables.

“I wanted to apologize,” Teresa said. “I tortured Minho and I got almost the whole right arm killed and I hurt you in a way I can never heal, and I can’t take those things back. I’ve wanted to so badly but I can’t. I understand if you never want to see me again, if you hate me, I can live with that. I just want you to know I regret it. If I could do it all over again I’d kill Ava Paige myself Thomas, I swear.”

Thomas didn’t speak for a moment, it had to be the most suspenseful moment of her life. 

“I don’t hate you Resa,” Thomas said. “You saved Newt, I can’t hate you after you did that. And it’s not just that. I can’t hate you because I see me in you. I can see how easily I would’ve done the exact same thing you did, most people would have. You were manipulated Teresa, I can’t blame you for that. And I’ll never forget what you did, and I can’t speak for everyone else here, but I’m willing to forgive you.” Teresa pulled Thomas into a tight hug.

“That’s good to hear, because I’m pretty sure Brenda and Newt have already made up their minds on me,” Teresa said. Thomas chuckled.

“Newt’s the kindest person I know, and you saved his life. He’ll come around, Minho did, and you did worse to Minho than you did to Newt. Brenda’s stubborn, but she’ll come around too. She just needs time, everyone does. You can't expect everyone to just welcome you back with open arms, even if you did make the cure.”

“I’m surprised Vince even let me stay.”

“Oh he didn’t want to, Jorge fought on your behalf. Jorge said you’re just a child, and that Mary would’ve forgave you. He doesn’t like it, but he let you stay.” Teresa closed her eyes for a minute and pictured the kind doctor that saved Brenda’s life, Mary. She saw Mary’s lifeless body. She did that.

“I’ll make them forgive me one day Tom, I’ll do something.” Thomas offered her a friendly smile.

“I know you will Resa, you always do.”

Part Two: Sonya’s POV

They’d formed a circle on the beach. Sonya sat in between Aris and Harriet. Minho, Gally, and Frypan sat on the other side of Frypan, Minho and Gally’s hands intertwined. Brenda and Teresa sat on the other side of Aris, as far apart as two people next to each other could be. Harriet had her head rested in Sonya’s lap.

“Are we ready to start?” Minho asked. Everyone nodded, including Sonya. 

“I assume you’ve all figured out why we’re here based on the absence of two people,” Sonya said. “Minho and I talked, and we’re sick of Newt and Thomas dancing around each other, so we’ve decided to do something about it, but we’re going to need your help. We’ve already discussed a plan.” Frypan raised his hand. “Yes, Frypan?”

“Is anything going to be against the rules?” Frypan asked.

“Absolutely, but nothing that big. We’re breaking the rules right now so don’t give me the speech,” Minho said.

“So what’s the plan?” Teresa asked. Sonya didn’t know how she felt about Teresa. Teresa had gotten Mary killed, both Aris and Sonya herself captured, and almost got her brother killed, but she also saved Newt’s life and everyone else seemed to have forgiven her.

“Our plans in phases,” Sonya said. “We’ll start phase one tomorrow morning. Minho’s going to go talk with Thomas later, and get him to talk about Newt. Minho’s going to have a walkie-talkie behind his back. Gally’s going to have the other walkie-talkie so Newt can hear everything nice Thomas says about him. Any questions?” Brenda raised her hand.

“What if Thomas doesn’t say nice things about Newt?” Brenda asked.

“Bren, sweetie, you’ve spent five seconds around Thomas before. You know he will. I officially declare this meeting of the get Newtmas together club disbanded, we’ll regroup tomorrow to discuss our progress,” Minho said as he stood up.

Part Three: Brenda’s POV

“Brenda! Wait!” Oh dear lord. Brenda sighed and turned around to see Teresa running towards her.

“What do you want?” Brenda asked as she kept walking, but Teresa had already caught up to her.

“I just wanted to tell you Thomas forgave me.” Teresa didn’t dress like most of the people at the safe haven, she wore a blue and white dress and her black hair down, because everything about her had to be special. Brenda rolled her eyes. Someone needed to give this girl a job and a reality check.

“Yeah, I know. He’s an idiot, that’s old news.” Brenda tried to walk faster to get away from the girl, but Teresa had longer legs and caught up with ease.”What the hell do you want from me?”

“I want you to like me,” Teresa blurted out. “Or at least, I want you to not completely hate me. We could’ve been friends Brenda, I want that.”

“If you don’t remember, since you seem to have very selective memory loss, WICKED killed my father and brother. My brother probably died in your precious mazes. If Jorge didn’t smuggle me out of WICKED when he worked for them, I would have died in your precious mazes,” Brenda lashed out. Forgiving Thomas for building the mazes was one thing because his apologies were genuine. Teresa was only sorry because everyone told her she ought to be. She didn’t see her fault in anything. 

“I was a child Brenda, and I did what I was told. If Jorge told you to build a maze, you’d do it, wouldn’t you?” Teresa said. 

“Don’t you ever compare Jorge and me to those heathen’s and you,” Brenda snorted. 

“Please Brenda. One chance, that’s all I ask for,” Teresa pleaded, her big blue eyes starting right into Brenda’s soul.

“Fine,” Brenda sighed, already regretting this. “One chance. If you ruin that I’ll push you off the cliffs, I swear.” 

“Thank you!” Teresa said, throwing her arms around Brenda, who shoved her off quickly. “Too soon.”

“Forever is too soon for that Teresa,” Brenda replied, trying to ignore the sudden coldness in the spots where Teresa’s arms had previously been. 

Nope. 

Not today fate. 

Not this one. Literally anyone but this one.

Part Four: Newt’s POV

“Heyyyyyy there Newt,” Gally said, putting one of his arms around Newt.

“What are you up to?” Newt deadpanned. He’d known Gally long enough to know when the builder was up to something, and he was absolutely up to something now. 

“Jesus, can’t a guy come talk to his friend who almost died without getting shucking interrogated?” Gally snorted. “I hid a walkie-talkie in Minho’s coat pocket, and I taped down the speaker button. Wanna hear what he’s up to?” Whatever Newt thought Gally would be up to, it wasn’t that.

“I mean, sure?” Newt replied. He didn’t know what the right answer could possibly be to the question, because the fact the question was even asked seemed pretty bad to Newt. Gally pulled the walkie-talkie out of his pocket and turned up the volume.

“Hey Thomas,” Minho’s voice said on the other end of the walkie-talkie, quite clear for something that was supposedly in his coat pocket. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course Minho,” Thomas replied. Newt loved the sound of Thomas’s voice. He loved everything about Thomas really, but he had a nice voice. He always spoke softer with Newt, even when he was angry. he’d been one hundred percent aware of how in love with Thomas he was since the day they met, and not just the day in the maze, the day Thomas pulled back that curtain in the WICKED lab. Newt had pretended to be asleep,  but even then Thomas’s inquisitive nature had made his heart skip a beat.

“Don’t you think Newt’s hot?” If Newt had been drinking water he would have spit it out.

“I thought you and Gally were a thing now.” Thomas sounded even more confused then usual, so he must be pretty damn confused.

“I wasn't asking for me dumb shank. Yes or no?”

“Of course I think Newt’s attractive, everyone thinks Newt’s attractive.” Newt’s heart skipped a beat.

“What do you think his best quality is?” Minho asked.

“His hair. Or hands. Or eyes. Is this a trick question?” Thomas replied.

“Thank you for your input Tom, really helpful,” Minho said. Newt couldn’t listen any more. He looked up at Gally and solemnly spoke,

“Gally, I’m sorry mate.”

“What?” Gally said.

“I can’t believe Minho would lead you on like that. Don’t worry, I’ll reject him, I’m not interested in him anyways.”

“Newt, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Well I thought it was clear, but I’ll give it to you straight: Minho’s clearly into me, not you.” 

#newtmas #brendresa #mingally #newt tmr #Thomas tmr #Brenda tmr #Teresa Agnes #minho tmr #Gally tmr #Sonya tmr #tw death mention #fix it fic #this chapters kind of all over the place but when is it not #the fine line

[izzielizzie]

13 (requested by @izzymultifan)

#13: Pin All My Hopes to Your Handlebars

Maeve kicks at the rocks lining the rose beds.

“You’re really going to murder those in cold blood?” Luis asks her, as a joke. He’s shocked to see Maeve flinch, tears falling down her face. He still doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he pulls her into him by the waist. She leans against him heavily, shoulders shaking.

“Does this have to do with blood?” Luis asks, voicing a thought he’s wanted to avoid. It was hard to not notice the blood on her face when she was yelling at him during Cooper’s game. 

Maeve nods against his shoulder. 

“Maeve, is your cancer...” he trails off. He can’t ask. 

#izzielizzie's fics

[the-bee-graveyard]

The Fine Line Chapter Five is finally up!

I swear I begin each chapter of this fic like I begin all my emails but: SORRY FOR THE DELAY

Notes: You can find the other chapters on my master list! (it’s the pinned post). I plan to have one more chapter and an epilogue after this chapter to wrap up this fic, I just wanted to thank everyone who’s stuck with it since the beginning it’s my first chapter fic and it’s made me so happy! sorry for the shorter chapter.

Summary: The safe haven is abuzz with some good news (hint, the betting pools are getting paid off). Teresa drops more bombshells, Brenda really wished this girl would just make a list of all the things she’s keeping from them. Warning I can’t write kissing to save my life :(

TW DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE

Tag list: (let me know if you want to be added/removed) @izzymultifan @madmathis18

#the maze runner #brendresa #newtmas #mingally #the fine line #newt tmr #Thomas tmr #teresa agnes #Brenda tmr #minho tmr #Gally tmr #frypan tmr #Sonya tmr #harriet tmr

[the-bee-graveyard]

Chapters: 6/7 Fandom: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes/Brenda (Maze Runner) Characters: Newt (Maze Runner), Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes, Brenda (Maze Runner), Sonya | Elizabeth "Lizzy" (Maze Runner), Minho (Maze Runner), Harriet (Maze Runner), Gally (Maze Runner), Frypan (Maze Runner), Aris Jones, Vince (Maze Runner), Jorge (Maze Runner) Additional Tags: Oblivious!Newtmas, enemies-to-lovers Brendresa, the sonya/minho brotp you didn't know you needed, a little mingally and Soniet because I am weak for them Summary:

Newt and Teresa both survive the destruction of the last city and are brought to the safe haven with all their friends. Newt is welcomed back with open arms, and most people learn to forgive Teresa, all but the one person she wants to forgive her the most.

Tag list: (let me know if you want to be added/removed) @izzymultifan @madmathis18

#newtmas #brendresa #bengalho #soniet #the maze runner

[lokidiabolus]

Last Resort - Chapter 3

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Thomas x Newt

Warnings: ex boyfriends, AU

Summary: Three years after breaking up with Thomas, Newt finally thought the past of hating each other was behind them, until Thomas asked him for a favour - pretend they got back together for a week while staying at his parents’ home. Because it was an absolutely dumb idea, Newt was inclined to refuse, but then found himself in the house he used to visit when he was in love and happy and the bitter reality of only pretending for people he always liked made him miserable. But it was nothing against dealing with Thomas himself for a week straight and trying not to fall back in love that hurt them both.

Or: Prompt ch. 192 with added spice. Or something. I just needed to write for a while :’)

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: There's a small bit added to the previous chapter, to which this chapter connects. I added it pretty late, so just a heads up.

This chapter has a slight M rating. Well, if you know me, you know there's not much to expect from the sex scenes, right lol.

Idk if you wanted to be tagged for another chapter, but just in case @izzymultifan

Unbetad!

The living room fell into immediate dead silence once they entered, the warmth from the fireplace almost burning their icy limbs and faces. Thomas’ family stared at them from the couch, with Anna’s worried crease of her brows to Brian just mutely asking them what the hell just happened to Hannah with her arms crossed on her chest like a judge ready to take them to the court.

“Who died?” Newt smiled as much as his frozen face allowed, feeling how Thomas’ hand squeezed his own tighter for a second. Maybe as a warning, he thought, to not invite any threatening debate that could break this fragile something they established outside.

Newt wasn’t sure what the something was, but he craved to hold onto it with scary obsessiveness. Seeing Thomas’ dejected face somehow broke the last wall he was desperately defending since he came here, like a punch right into his gut that would leave him writhe in pain if it were physical.

“You tell us,” Brian finally said, his tone careful. “We thought we’d hear a car starting for a while there.”

“Didn’t take my keys,” Thomas spoke quietly. “We just wanted to talk. In private.”

Anna frowned and Newt saw the question in her eyes, the did you break up sort of inquiry he hated, because it was all he heard for more than a month after they split with Thomas three years ago.

Why did you break up? You were so perfect together.

What happened? Don’t tell me you broke up?

You broke up? But you’ll get back together, right?

It’s just a phase. You just need a break; you’ll get back together again.

“It’s all good,” he informed them simply, with no dramatics or placating smiles. “We’ll stay for the rest of the week. Tommy was just worried about the schematics, but honestly it’s our break and they should manage at both of our jobs without us.”

Anna’s face relaxed with obvious relief and Newt felt it in his bones, the weary, heavy burden of uncertainty and fear. The moment Thomas said he wanted to leave tomorrow Newt realized he hated the idea of not uncovering what could lie under Thomas’ sudden need for proximity he started to show today.

It wasn’t anything new – Thomas behaved like that when he felt threatened by unknown force that could come between them, no matter how long they were together. He had a jealous streak firmly lodged in his subconsciousness, and no matter how many times Newt told him not to get worked up about every small thing, it just surfaced involuntarily, like a reflex.

Honestly, back then it annoyed him, and possibly added to the breakup eventually, the lack of trust Newt thought it meant. He couldn’t even fathom back then it could be a simple ingrained insecurity, since Thomas never acted unsure or uncertain, but seeing it now after there was nobody to impress, it clicked perfectly.

It was funny, finding such an important nuance about somebody he spent so many years with now, when they were supposed to be over and done, in span of three days (or few hours of today, if he wanted to pinpoint it). It confused him, but intrigued all the same.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Thomas added, and his hand warmed up and relaxed, and Newt intertwined their fingers together because he could. “We weren’t arguing or anything. I was just a bit ahead of myself.”

Liar, Newt wanted to say, but kept it to himself. There was no point in telling them the truth, since it came with a heavy burden of its back story they weren’t supposed to uncover.

“Good to hear,” Anna finally smiled again, appeased and Newt tugged at Thomas’ hand gently to lead him to the couch to sit again. The relief the brunet followed him without a fight spread through him in delicious hotness.

“Can I have more soup?” he heard Thomas say towards Anna without letting go of Newt’s hand and thought yeah, okay. I want to know where this is going to lead, consequences be damned.

The war is over.

***

The bed was unmade, the blanket kicked towards the bottom by Newt’s angry motions in the morning he would never confess to. He saw this place as a battlefield, a spot where he lost every night even though he tried to defend himself somehow, made to sleep next to a person that was so close yet so far.

He felt the cold surface of the door behind his back, leaning into it while looking at the combat zone quietly, while his side was warm from Thomas’ body doing the same thing. They stood in silence for about a minute now, right the moment they entered Thomas’ room and closed the door. The clock showed a minute past midnight, and the air was charged with static somehow.

He expected Thomas to lie down first like he always did. Challenging him to throw a tantrum again while tucking himself under the soft blanket, eyebrows raised mockingly, just waiting for Newt to get cold and give in so he could have that satisfied I’ve won smile.

But he didn’t move from the door like he rooted there, breathing calmly like he was waiting for Newt to be the one to start the fight today.

Except no fight was happening. They stood there uncertain, because the situation suddenly reached a point they never thought it would get to, like an uncharted territory. Love? Or curiosity? Habits die hard? Were they lonely and the other conveniently happened to be there?

Was Thomas always this hesitant? This careful? This vulnerable?

Newt glanced to his side, watching Thomas’ unsure expression, until the brunet noticed him looking and their eyes met.

“What’re you thinking about?” Newt whispered for some reason he alone couldn’t quite explain.

“Groping,” Thomas answered in the same tone, making Newt snort. “Just kidding. I’m not sure. Brain’s not exactly working at the moment.”

“Drinking sure is bad, huh,” Newt teased him because he could, and Thomas’ lips curved up.

“Keep that up and I’ll tell dad you didn’t drink any of his precious whiskey because you hated it,” he teased back, and Newt gasped.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Who’d be the favourite now, huh,” Thomas’ smile turned into a grin and it melted the static so effortlessly Newt almost felt that physically. He let himself laugh, easy and unforced and Thomas laughed with him, like they were seventeen again and enjoyed each other unconditionally.

They were 27, life was not a fairy tale, and they sure didn’t see world in pink anymore. He knew that. But time didn’t wait for anybody, let alone them making sense of their feelings for another three years.

He didn’t move when Thomas’ hand reached for his again, gently squeezing it before pulling it up to his lips, softly kissing his knuckles. He watched with half-lidded eyes how Thomas pushed away from the door, turning towards Newt with those big, brown eyes of his and the well-known and the never forgotten shiver immediately travelled down his spine to his belly, lighting up the excitement he didn’t feel for years.

In all honesty he only felt it when Thomas looked at him like this and it was useless to fight it.

“You’re allowed to grope now,” he said with an intention to taunt a little, more breathless than he’d admit, but Thomas’ eyes only darkened and the hand he was gently holding until now got pulled forward, making Newt crash into Thomas’ chest with an oof and his lips devoured.

Holy fuck, I forgot how he kisses was the only coherent thought he managed when Thomas’ hands slid up to his neck, his thumbs framing Newt’s jaw while his mouth was plundering Newt’s like a starving man. There was an urgency in the movement of his lips and his tongue and how he caressed Newt’s face while firmly holding him in place and it made Newt’s blood roar in his ears and his own hands to clutch Thomas’ shirt in a death grip.

He was vaguely aware he made noises he should have been embarrassed about, but then again why? For Thomas it was nothing new, he already heard every noise he made, he knew him inside out and he still remembered how to play him with shocking ease, no matter how long they were apart. Newt kind of wondered if he was the same deep down, knowing Thomas’ weak spots and what made him moan and while his hands travelled over Thomas’ torso, he realized he really never forgot this, the warmth of his body, the passion with which he kissed and touched, what made Newt feel wanted every time they made love.

Why did they even stop? What happened for them to stop chasing after this closeness and immense pleasure of being together? His brain was hazy with want and the more Thomas sucked on his lower lip and pushed deeper, the less he cared about thinking whatsoever.

They parted involuntarily, probably for air or something similarly mundane, and Thomas looked dishevelled and out of breath. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, with his eyes almost black with desire, but Newt didn’t want to hear anything and just pounced back, dragging Thomas by his shoulders towards him, closer and closer until they clicked like puzzle pieces into each other perfectly.

If they didn’t talk, there were no problems to deal with, no arguments happening. If they just touched each other, their mouths busy with licking and biting and sucking, there was no risk of anything bad happening that would shatter this precious moment of just them.

Words bad, kisses good.

(Very good actually.)

When Thomas pressed more into him, propping him against the closed door while licking into his mouth, Newt had no problems gripping his shoulders and then sliding further, his arms circling Thomas’ neck and suddenly Thomas wasn’t on his level but reaching higher only for Newt to realize he was pushed up, so he circled his legs around Thomas’ waist to keep his position, wrapped around him so tight it had to hurt him. Thomas’ hands fell right on his ass, squeezing it until the blond yelped, broke the kiss and took a shuddering breath.

“Seriously…” he breathed out heavily. “What’s with you and the obsession… with my ass?”

“You really wanna know?” Thomas flexed his hands in response and Newt made a noise in the back of his throat.

“Try me,” he grinned into Thomas’ lips, capturing them once more and could feel Thomas’ smile on them, something he thought he’d never experience again in his life from this impossible man.

“It’s soft-,” Thomas whispered between kisses, “-fits right in my hands-,” another kiss with a small nibble on Newt’s lower lip, “-and I guess I’m a perv and if I don’t touch your ass at least once a day I’ll die.”

Newt happily bounced up and down, making Thomas moan at the sudden friction, and buried his left hand into Thomas’ hair, grabbing a handful and pulling firmly until he was staring right into those pits of hell.

“Then show me,” he dared him and smirked at Thomas’ breathless fuck he muttered under his breath. They immediately spun around once Thomas apparently decided door fucking might not be the best sex-after-three-years’ experience, and in few steps the brunet made them arrive to the bed on which Newt landed without finesse when Thomas let go of his thighs and dropped him. The mattress dipped under another added weight once Thomas leaned in on his knee, right above Newt’s lying form, and the blond reached for his shirt and pulled him lower, right atop of him, with precise familiarity of them doing this thousand times during the previous years.

Thomas went easily, eagerly even, instantly nestled himself between Newt’s legs while his mouth latched onto Newt’s neck, sucking without doubt another hickey right above the collar height, that fucker. His hands were already under Newt’s shirt, pushing it all the way up under his armpits, making dissatisfied noise when he had to actually stop with the marking to get rid of the garment completely.

“You’re so fucking thin,” Newt heard him mutter when his shirt got tossed somewhere in the corner and Newt was full on display now. “I have to feed you again.”

“Oh yeah, talk sexy to me,” Newt snorted and reached for Thomas’ shirt again, just to get his hand snatched away.

“I’ll make you mean dinners,” Thomas leaned back in, his voice dropping, and it made Newt roll his eyes but couldn’t help his chuckles either. “How ‘bout it?”

“Toss in breakfasts too, and I might consider it,” he played Thomas’ game while grinning. “You think you can win me over with one lousy meal per day?”

“Seriously, you’re such high maintenance,” Thomas faked an exasperated sigh and let go of Newt’s hand just to get busy with his belt. “But since it’s you, I might actually even add lunches.”

“Now you’re spoiling me,” the blond drawled while watching Thomas’ fingers unlooping the belt with precise motions, making lava pool in his gut. It erupted like a volcano when the brunet dipped his head down and kissed a wet trail down his belly button, then lower once he removed the belt completely and unbuttoned Newt’s jeans while dragging them down his slender hips.

He didn’t even hesitate before swallowing him once free from the confines of his briefs and Newt couldn’t stop a loud moan ripping from his lips and his hips bucking up, almost choking Thomas in the process, just to get gripped by his thighs and grounded with a tight hold. It was making his legs quiver and back arch, and when Thomas hummed around him in appreciation, the sensation threw him over the edge embarrassingly fast, with his heels digging into the sheets and whimpers coming out of his mouth.

The fire in his belly spread through his whole body and once the charge set off with an overwhelming climax, he came back down from the high boneless and sated, feeling Thomas’ hands holding his thighs and caressing the skin through his aftershocks.

“Fuck, I forgot how good you’re at this…” he breathed out shakily, blindly reaching for Thomas’ head, raking through the soft hair while the brunet was covering his inner thigh with small kisses.

“Didn’t forget how I love to do this to you,” he heard Thomas drawling with a satisfied tint of his voice, and he couldn’t stop the shudders at the idea of more.

More kisses covered his belly, then advanced up, over his chest and to his neck again, nipping lightly at the sensitive skin there, and Newt started pushing Thomas’ shirt up over his back, touching the bare skin that burned like fire under his palms.

“Do you want me to do more?” Thomas’ voice was so close to his ear, rough and guttural and even though Newt just came he already felt arousal tugging again like he was back in his teens. “Hmm?”

Why are you even asking when it’s obvious, Newt wanted to say while digging his heel into the back of Thomas’ leg, nudging him to go on. He pulled at his shirt insistently, needing it to come off like his was, and Thomas finally lifted himself slightly, helping him to get rid of it. Then remained towering over him with half lidded eyes, looking down while propping himself on his heels and Newt realized he wouldn’t continue unless Newt would specifically say yes.

He must have seen the understanding in Newt’s face, since he took a deep breath and his expression sobered up a little, something Newt didn’t want him doing at this right moment. He was bloody hard and horny, he wanted Thomas in him as soon as possible, but at the same time he could feel the block between them from three years ago threatening to break them apart.

“Thomas,” he said softly, making the brunet breathe in deeply, as in defence. There was a strange loss in his eyes, wariness maybe and Newt recognized it was him who put it there long time ago. “Tommy.”

“Yeah,” Thomas acknowledged the attempt, leaning back down, but not touching him. “Is it okay?”

“Yeah,” Newt nodded too for an emphasis and tentatively reached up with both hands, locking them behind Thomas’ neck. Then added: “Please.”

And Thomas pushed back in with a relieved sigh.

***

“I said no!”

“You keep saying no for weeks, what’s wrong?”

Newt pushed into Thomas’ shoulder again, making him take a step back while the anger raised in him. Was sex all Thomas thought about? All he bloody wanted, to fuck? Even tough they were mad at each other, when they barely talked, but at night he would just forget about it all and make love? What kind of fucked up logic was it?

“What’s not wrong?!” he barked back. “You think I want you to touch me now? Think the fuck again!”

“What’s your problem?” his partner stared at him from the other side of the kitchen, hair still damp from the shower he took before. Newt was hoping it would take him longer so he could leave the flat without him seeing, but luck was not on his side. “I’m trying to make peace, is that not what you want?”

“Bullshit!” Newt resisted to urge to come close and push him again, the desire to get physical to make himself feel better was disgusting him. “You think if we fuck things are going to be fine? You’re just bloody horny!”

“Wha-? The fuck, it’s you who keep trying to find things to argue about, I don’t know what to do to make you stop it and talk to me properly!” Thomas’ voice was ringing in his ears like high-pitched scream. “I’m fucking sorry for making an attempt!”

“If you call this an attempt, then we sure have nothing to talk about,” Newt hissed at him. “You touch me and I’ll bite your fucking hand off, we clear?!”

“Seriously?” there was a shock on Thomas’ face. “Is that what we are now? Enemies? I’m not even allowed to touch my boyfriend, is that it?”

“Try pushing it and you have no bloody boyfriend anymore, you fucker,” Newt gritted through his teeth and before Thomas could say anything, he stormed to the hallway, grabbed his jacket and keys and left like a hurricane.

One more minute with the man in one place and there’d be blood.

He pointedly ignored his phone beeping and vibrating with missed calls and messages and didn’t get back home until the next day, purposely waiting until 10 AM to be sure the flat would be empty. He took a sick leave at work just to assure there would be nobody bothering him for few hours until he’d make peace with his own situation. He had a fleeting fear he’d find Thomas home anyway, waiting for him angry and shouting, but when he got back, it was quiet and empty, and Newt felt relief washing over him.

Thomas evidently slept on the couch, since he left crumpled blanket and a pillow on it, and Newt avoided the place like a plague. He didn’t have the strength to deal with anything right now, his head hurt, he was hungry and needed a bath and some sleep, and the nagging fear of another confrontation almost made him unable to calm down, no matter the fact Thomas wasn’t here.

He did everything fast and efficient, didn’t spend too long in the shower or changing, and even slept for rather short time despite being up the whole night. He tried to find a place where he could stay for a while, with Minho being his first choice and who refused him outright, calling him an idiot and Newt just barked fuck you before he hung up on him.

Well, he was always more of Thomas’ friend than his, so maybe it was fair.

In the end it was Ben who saved him and offered his place to stay at, and before Newt left home, he scribbled a note, slammed it on the table in the living room and ran away.

[Leave me alone.]

***

Newt woke up slowly, his mind wandering, his body heavy and abnormally warm. For a second, he thought he was sick, and fever crept on him during the night, but when he touched his forehead he didn’t feel anything out of ordinary. That was until a movement on his side pushed him back into reality, in which he was in his ex-boyfriend’s bed, after having sex with said ex-boyfriend, and the said ex-boyfriend’s arm was acting like Newt’s pillow.

“Oh,” escaped from his lips once he turned his head to Thomas’ side, seeing the brunet sleeping soundly next to him, face relaxed and lips slightly parted.

They kissed so much, he realized when looking at Thomas’ mouth. The amount felt like worth three lost years, eager and desperate in equal measures and Newt couldn’t stop thinking about it. He always loved kissing with Thomas, among other things, because he could kiss so well. He honestly thought from the first kiss they shared when they were 17, how experienced he had to be, until Thomas told him he kissed a girl once before starting to date Newt and Newt told him it was unfair he was natural at it. Because Newt was not – he knew his skill was lacking and Thomas couldn’t have enjoyed kissing him the first month after they got together, but he never complained, and at that regard always only laughed and called Newt silly.

Maybe Newt was silly in lots of things. Why would Thomas even want to deal with all that again, after tasting how bad it could be when Newt fell into an insecure mess?

“You tryin’ to curse me, blondie?” Thomas’ voice interrupted his thoughts with a sleepy rumble and Newt snapped back to his partner’s eyes to find them still closed. But his mouth was smiling, corners lifted comfortably, and Newt couldn’t help but touch them up until Thomas started nibbling on his fingers.

“You feel froggy yet?” he escaped snapping of Thomas’ teeth and dropped his hand to his collarbones instead, noticing bright, red hickeys he left the night before. Was that a teeth mark between his neck and shoulder? Yikes.

“Just hungry,” Thomas mumbled with a yawn. “What time is it?”

“Don’t know,” Newt shrugged, too lazy to actually turn around to reach for his phone and look. “Time is relevant.”

“Fair,” another yawn and Thomas rolled on his back, stretching with several audible pops. “Can’t feel my arm.”

“Was a good pillow,” Newt propped himself on his elbow, smiling. “Thank you for your sacrifice.”

“Ugh…”

Better not to talk about the night, Newt mused, watching Thomas bundle up in the covers again like a petulant child.

Better not to talk about them at all.

***

Turned out it was close to lunch time when they finally made it out of the room. Anna greeted them with a cheery mood, but Hannah looked like she wanted to murder them on a spot, even going as far as not giving Newt his favourite cup (it was probably from when they were around 20, Newt just started using a mug little Hannah picked for him in the shop whenever he came over, with black cat on the side, and she called it a Kiki cup).

Thomas made him coffee into his own cup instead, like if he was saying sorry for her being in puberty and Newt accepted it with a small smile, fighting a persistent urge to kiss him again. He was sure nobody at the table would appreciate it, and from Hannah’s deadly glare she kept on sending their way he assumed keeping this behind closed doors would be wiser.

“You sure slept long today,” Anna was just saying while handing Newt a plate with scrambled eggs. “Try not to get used to staying up too long, you know how hard it is to get back on track for work.”

“Don’t think we were up too long,” Newt lied, because he very well knew the clock showed 3 AM when he was finally dozing off. Anna didn’t need to know that though.

“Really?” Hannah stared at him challengingly. “Then the dying whale noises I heard till half past three must have been my imagination.”

Thomas sputtered his coffee all over the table and Newt found himself unable to come up with any kind of retort that wouldn’t consist of mortified whines and hiding under the desk. He completely forgot Thomas’ room neighboured with Hannah’s, but she obviously did not, and he was scared to look at Anna’s face to see the horrified expression. Instead, he glanced at Thomas who was trying to salvage the table somehow, and found him in the similar state of distress.

“Was much calmer when you two were broken up,” Thomas’ sister sneered at them, pushing away her plate that was covered in coffee now anyway. “Or didn’t talk to each other. I need my sleep!”

“Hannah,” Anna reprimanded her with a tight voice and Thomas stopped the movement and cleared his throat, his eyes refusing to meet anybody. A weird tension settled there, until he got up with an excuse to find a towel and left the kitchen.

“Oi, that really wasn’t necessary,” Newt shot Hannah a frown. “Sorry about the night, okay. But don’t tell him things like that.”

She huffed, but then gave out a small nod. Newt was aware she didn’t mean it in a bad way, but somehow it felt like an arrow straight through the weak spot and Newt didn’t like how it stung. Judging from Thomas’ hasty retreat neither did he.

“Was just annoying,” she mumbled with a pout. “You were quiet the nights before.”

“Yeah,” Newt admitted quietly. “We worked out the problem we came here with. Sorry we were not discreet.”

She only hummed and when Anna let out a sigh, Hannah just stood up, took her plate and set it on the kitchen counter. Then shuffled out of the kitchen as well, leaving him and Anna alone under the sound of clock ticking.

“I’m sorry for uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, not brave enough to look Anna in the face. “Being loud. And making Hannah uncomfy.”

“Oh well,” Anna only said and started putting wet plates away. “Try to keep it down next time.”

She didn’t sound angry or disappointed and Newt risked a glance in her direction, noticing a small smile on her lips when she was putting away the cutlery.

“I’m just glad you worked it out,” she noticed him looking. “Not as much about traumatizing my daughter, but at least you two don’t look so tense anymore. Whatever it was, I’m happy it’s gone.”

Newt wasn’t sure what whatever was, or if it was gone, but the fragile balance he and Thomas established since yesterday did work wonders for them so far. Or at least him, it wasn’t like he could speak for Thomas as well, no matter how good the sex felt or how many times he kissed Newt or how gently he touched him or how he pulled him into his arms when they were falling asleep.

But he was so careful. Not like the Thomas he remembered from their relationship who was confident and bold. He held back all the time now when he could help it, like over the course of three years he built a wall around himself tall enough to be unable to climb and Newt stood on the other side of it, isolated, unable to reach him.

It scared him, to be shut out.

“I’ll go find him,” he announced more to himself than to Anna, to force his body moving, and left the kitchen with heavy steps.

***

Thomas wasn’t anywhere in the house, Newt checked every room, and he hated how it made him antsy. He didn’t just drive back home, did he? That wouldn’t make sense. He would say something, right? To him or at least to his parents.

Maybe he just went for a walk, to clear his head? He wasn’t really the type, but that was three years ago, people change during shorter time than that. But this situation was new for both of them, after everything that happened Newt could tell Thomas was conflicted.

Hell, he was conflicted too. He couldn’t deny his own satisfaction of having this man next to him again, the feeling of boyfriends label, no matter how fake or pretended it was. What they did yesterday night was not fake at all – neither of them were forced or disliked it. It felt good and Newt wanted to feel good for a bit more, but… what exactly it meant for them was the real question.

“If you’re searching for Tom, he’s on the veranda,” Hannah stopped him on the stairs to the second floor (for the third time, to re-check) and he looked at the door with surprise.

On the veranda? Outside this whole time?

“Thanks,” he turned around, slowly descending the stairs. “You talked to him?”

“Yeah…” she seemed unhappy. “Sorry I said something like that. I wanted to apologize to you too.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her and patter her head once he got close enough. “We’ll be quiet from now on.”

“Hmph.”

“Was he upset?” he stopped under the stairs and Hannah shrugged. So he probably was, Newt guessed, but evidently didn’t take it on her, which corresponded with the Thomas he knew (Thomas who would never take out his anger on his family, especially his little sister, Thomas, who would pamper her when she was little, Thomas who let her be mean to him without being mean back). That knowledge calmed him down, a bit of familiarity he could hold onto.

It still took him another minute before he managed to dress into his coat in a super slow motion and reached for the handle to open the door, taking few deep breaths. Every time he exited the house to reach the veranda the mood shifted – first there was sadness, then anger, and he wasn’t sure what this one was going to entail.

He expected probably anything from Thomas at that point – a frown, a smile, a neutral face he didn’t like – but seeing Thomas with a cigarette sitting on the railing was not one of those. His cheeks were red from the cold and his fingers too, and he gave Newt a strange look before inhaling another dose of smoke.

Newt couldn’t pinpoint the feeling this scene evoked in him.

“Didn’t know you smoke,” he commented after several long seconds of stupefied silence during which Thomas puffed two more times.

“I try not to,” the brunet answered easily, twirling the cigarette between his fingers. “Don’t fancy it. But it calms me.”

Newt could relate, he usually smoked when stressed as well, but Thomas sure did not smoke when they were together. So he had to start after the breakup, or maybe because of the breakup, and Newt found himself not liking it. Hating how guilty it made him feel, how he felt like he should be apologizing.

“You know Hannah didn’t mean it, right,” he said instead, straight to the point that mentally made him cringe, and Thomas slowly nodded.

“She told me,” he mumbled, looking at the cigarette between his fingers. “I mean I knew that the moment she said it. Who do you think whined the most every time I got home that I didn’t bring you with me? Sure wasn’t dad.”

Of course, little Hannah was quite attached to Newt. It was endearing. Maybe that was why the statement from her stung so bad.

“Rude. Here I thought Brian would be on my side,” Newt joked in an attempt to elevate the sour mood and Thomas inhaled one last time.

“They were all on your side,” he uttered bitterly, making Newt speechless. “It’s not like it’s new. Not like it wasn’t fair either. I know I was a shitty boyfriend.”

“Thomas-,”

“I know you said yesterday it’s okay,” Thomas didn’t let him speak, “but I’m still not sure if I should have done it. I just don’t know how to act now, what’s going to happen if I dare to... Well, it felt good, but when Hannah said that I realized she’s not wrong.”

“Not wrong?” Newt repeated with wide eyes and Thomas reached to his jacket for another cigarette. His hands seemed to shake a little.

“That it might be better if we stay separated,” came an answer Newt didn’t want to hear. “I mean all that shit that happened between us… what I did and how you hated me in the end. It’s not like it’s all magically gone. Like I’m any different.”

You’re plenty different, Newt wanted to say. So careful now, so hesitant, so insecure. What I made you to be.

“Thomas, this wasn’t a one-way street, okay,” he took a deep breath, despised how his voice shook. “What you did – and what about me? How shit I was? How I hurt you to the point of you just giving up? That’s okay?”

“What else were you supposed to do when you were unhappy?” Thomas could barely light the cigarette for how his fingers were frozen. “You tried to leave several times and I didn’t let you.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Newt huffed. I made you believe that, he thought, that it’s all your fault. When it was mine as well. “If I wanted to leave so badly, I would, and you wouldn’t be able to stop me. I was a bitch towards you, of course you didn’t act like you liked it, that would have been fucked up.”

Thomas gave up trying to get the lighter started and his shoulders slumped. He looked so defeated Newt felt tears stinging in his eyes. Even though this morning he felt so good, why going out on the veranda always meant bad things?

“Hey,” he boldly took few steps closer. “You do realize we’re not the same people from three years ago, right.”

Thomas shook his head, but let Newt come close, let him reach for his shoulders, let him press against him, his head against Newt’s chest.

“For what it’s worth now, this late… I’m sorry,” Newt spoke softly into Thomas’ hair. “For what I made you go through back then. I’m sorry I dragged it for so long and hurt you so bad. I’m sorry you… feel like you have to ask me about everything so I wouldn’t get mad at you. You don’t deserve that kind of trauma.”

“Oh please,” he heard Thomas laugh, but it sounded strained. “It’s not trauma. I’m just cautious.”

“You can call it whatever you need to call it,” Newt pressed closer to him. “Living without you is empty, you know.”

“Patched up relationships never work,” came a sound argument and Newt could tell Thomas gave it a lot of thought. Maybe too much. “The idea of going through that again, I just…”

“Yeah,” Newt mumbled. “I know. I don’t want that either.”

Once arms came around his waist, a heavy weight fell from his shoulders, easing off his nerves. If Thomas was willing to give it a go, Newt would be grateful.

He thought he would be fine alone, never thinking back to that time. To the pain and loneliness and anger he went through when telling Thomas it was over under the lit up Christmas tree on the town square. Of seeing how something in Thomas’ eyes broke down, how he didn’t even fight it. How he just nodded, silent, defeated. How he just said okay. How it was over for them in a matter of seconds.

Seven years gone. Love over. Reality settling in.

How he felt when he got back home, frozen and dull and empty. How all things belonging to Thomas were gone. How the flat felt cold and big and alien. How he couldn’t function for a week.

How relieved he was.

How angry he was.

How lonely he was.

How he missed Thomas every night. And hated himself for missing him.

“We have a week to figure this shit out,” he whispered, gently stroking Thomas’ back. “And I will accept anything you decide on. So let’s leave it for now, okay?”

“Okay,” Thomas said quietly and Newt for the first time in his life felt like he didn’t deserve this man, but selfishly craved him anyway.

#tmr #newtmas #the maze runner #last resort series