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jungxk · 3 years

Text

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

4 years ago

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold.

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces.

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him.

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed.

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook au #bts x reader #bts au #jungkook scenario #bts scenario #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin au #bts fic #jungkook fic #jimin fic #jungkook college au #jimin college au #bts college au #myfic

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h2bakugou · 4 years

Note

Heh bitchhhhh 🥴🥴🥴, can i request a bakugo x reader. The reader has a showstopper quirk were they can make people break out into song and dance and when kidnapped by the league they force them to preform “ive got a dream” from tangled. P.s play bloxburg with me 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

a/n: heyyyy bitchhhh, lmfao yes, thank you for drafting this idea to me in my bedroom, and we can play bloxburg soon. i had so much fun writing this omg,

the song is from tangled so credit to tangled for most of the dialogue/song!

summary: upon running into the league of villains, you and bakugou decide it’s best to just try and get away instead of staying and fighting, but your quirk is going to affect all in the area.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / showstopper - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, this is a certified crackfic brought to you by my sister’s amazing brain.

wordcount: 1.7k

»»————-　★　————-««

It’s a pretty average day, nothing crazy happening. for a grade in class, you’ve been assigned to patrol near campus.

And you were paired with none other than your crush, Bakugou.

The tension between the two of you was palpable, but it was a battle between knowing if Bakugou was aware of your quirk or not. You were worried.

As the tension settled, thickening with every passing second, every breath feeling harder to push out than the last, Bakugou was tired of the silence.

“Oi! Say something.” Bakugou’s harsh voice cut through the silence like a knife. It was unexpected, and it startled you. You looked over at him and cracked a smile.

“Sorry! I’m just thinking, what exactly are we looking for on this patrol?” You ask, deciding it was best to not worry if he knew about your quirk or not, he was in your class, surely he had to know.

“It’s a patrol. We’re not looking for something specific dumbass. We’re looking for anything out of the ordinary.” Bakugou’s words weren’t meant to hurt you, in fact, Bakugou began to think about if what he had said had been to harsh.

He’d been suffocating the feelings of a crush toward you for a while, and this patrol with one another didn’t help. Kirishima nor Kaminari were here to keep him grounded, he was going to be a mess.

A few screams caught your attention. Darting over to the noise, a lady was running away from an alley. Glancing at Bakugou, the two of you rushed in, not expecting what you saw.

The light from an open door illuminated a portion of the alley at the end, the rest shadowed in darkness from the buildings looming above.

Stepping into the lit room, the door was harshly shut and locked behind you, your eyes focusing on none other than the League of Villains.

“Shit.” You cursed, staring at the group of rag-tag villains with dangerous abilities.

“Well isn’t this ironic.” Tomura Shigaraki trotted over, standing oddly, almost hunched over as he scratched at the side of his neck.

“That can’t be healthy.” You whispered, cringing at the unnerving sound of his fingernails scratching against his raw skin.

“Die!-”

“Bakugou wait!” You pulled him back from lunging at the group, taking a step back away from them.

“We gotta stop them! What are you doing?” Bakugou yelled, glaring at you.

“Do you really think we can stop all of them at once? That’s suicide! Think dumbass!” You hit the top of his head lightly with a fist and groaned.

“That’s my line!” Bakugou grunted, looking back at the league. Shigaraki stood up straight and sighed, flexing his hand.

“What ideas do you have?” Bakugou hated asking the question, but he couldn’t use his. He’d cause to much damage, and structural damage to the bottom floor would cause the building to collapse.

“I have one but-”

“Then use it!”

“I can’t! My quirk it’ll-” You knew this was going to happen.

“I’m getting tired of your bickering. Dabi-”

“Use your quirk and stop wasting time!” Bakugou shakes you, gripping your shoulders harshly. It hurt but you activated your quirk and all the lights went out.

A single light shone down and Shigaraki stepped forward. He wasn’t moving on his own accord, and everyone was just watching as you raised your hands, seemingly controlling him like a puppet.

As music began to play, Shigaraki began to sing.

“I’m malicious, mean, and scary. My sneer could curdle dairy. And violence wise, my hands are not the cleanest.” Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, still conscious of everything that was happening, he was unhappy with the events unfolding.

The rest of the league sat immobile as they watched the scene unfold, Dabi trying to hold back a laugh, Kurogiri being ultimately curious, and Toga happy as can be.

“But despite my evil look, and my temper, and my hook, I’ve always yearned to be a concert pianist.” Shigaraki was moved over to where a piano sat, coincidentally still in pretty okay shape. Guess hiding out in yet another bar had its perks.

“Can’tcha see me on the stage performin’ Mozart? Tickilin’ the ivories ‘til they gleam. Yep, I’d rather be called deadly, for my killer show-tune medley, thank you! ‘Cause way down deep inside I’ve got a dream!” Shigaraki’s fingers danced across the keys, always having one on each hand raised as to not decay the entire piano.

It was you controlling him playing, not him at all. Shigaraki had never touched a piano in his life, yet it was very interesting to seemingly be able to play it perfectly.

“He’s got a dream! He’s got a dream!” The rest of the league joined in, singing along with him.

“See I ain’t as cruel and vicious as I seem! Though I do like breaking femurs, you can count me with the dreamers Like everybody else, I’ve got a dream!” Shigaraki ended his verse off with a groovy riff on the keys, the spotlight jumping over to Dabi.

“I’ve got scars, and lumps, and bruises. Plus something here that oozes. And let’s not even mention my complexion.” Dabi stepped forward, his hands pointing out parts on his body.

“But despite my extra toes, and my goiter, and my nose, I really wanna make a love connection.” Dabi’s eyes widened as he sang the words, your fingers wiggling around, controlling his movements.

“Can’t you see me with a special little lady, rowin’ in a rowboat down the stream?” Dabi sat on a stool and mimicked rowing in a boat, continuing his verse.

“Though I’m one disgusting blighter, I’m a lover, not a fighter! ‘Cause way down deep inside I’ve got a dream!” Dabi jumped up form his stool and stood in the middle of the room.

“He’s got a dream!” The league sang.

"I’ve got a dream!” Dabi continued.

“He’s got a dream!”

“And I know one day romance will reign supreme! Though my face leaves people screaming, there’s a child behind it, dreaming. Like everybody else, I’ve got a dream!” Dabi danced his way over to Shigaraki.

“Magne would like to quit and be a florist!”

“Kurogiri does interior design.”

“Twice is into mime, Toga’s cupcakes are sublime!”

“Mr. Compress knits.”

“Giran sews.”

“Muscular does little puppet shows!”

“And Spinner collects ceramic unicorns~!”

"What about you?” Shigaraki steps toward Bakugou who’s eyes widen in surprise as they quickly dart to you and then back to Shigaraki.

You were controlling everyone, the only downside to your quirk, is everyone in the area is affected. You control those in the room, even Bakugou. You just hoped he wasn’t going to hate you after this.

“I’m sorry me?” Bakugou asks, staring at Shigaraki. Dabi steps forward too.

“What’s your dream?” Dabi asks, pulling him into the center of the room where the spotlight shone.

“No, no no, sorry boys, I don’t sing.” Bakugou replied coolly. You stifled a laugh as he stared at you.

The league glared at him as the music kicked up again.

“I have dreams like you, no really! Just much less, touchy-feely. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny!” Bakugou began to sing, dancing around the bar.

“On an island that I own, tanned, and rested, and alone, surrounded by enormous piles of money!” Bakugou laid on the bar counter, propped up on his side as he pretended to relax on a beach.

“I’ve got a dream!”

“I’ve got a dream!” The rest of the league joined back in singing, while you pulled Bakugou off the counter, still controlling the others. You had to get out of here while they were still distracted. The song was almost over.

“She’s got a dream, he’s got a dream, they’ve got a dream, we’ve got a dream!” The league sang together.

“So our diff’rences ain’t really that extreme!”

“Call us brutal!” Shigaraki started.

“Sick.” Dabi added.

“Sadistic!” Twice and Toga sang harmoniously.

"And grotesquely optimistic.” Kurogiri sang, his voice was surprisingly really good.

“‘Cause way down deep inside, we’ve got a dream!” The league was singing together again.

You pulled Bakugou out of the bar and helped him down the alley as the two of you ran away, heading back toward the campus to let the heroes know.

“I’ve got a dream!” Shigaraki started again.

“I’ve got a dream!” Dabi was next.

“I’ve got a dream!”

“I’ve got a dream!” Kurogiri, Compress and Twice joined in.

“I’ve got a dream!” Toga smiled as she joined in. She was having a blast.

“Yes, way down deep inside I’ve got a dream!” They all joined in for the last line as the music faded out.

The lights returned to normal and everyone was able to move on their own.

“What the fuck!” Shigaraki cursed, shaking his body out as a chill raced through him.

“That was horrible!” Dabi groaned, staring at Shigaraki.

“I didn’t know you could play the piano!” Toga rushed over to Shigaraki.

“I can’t.” Shigaraki glared at the blonde girl.

“And who knew Kurogiri could sing so well!” Twice laughed.

“Never speak of this to anyone.” Shigaraki groaned, taking a breath from the entire show.

- - -

“Why’d you make me sing?!” Bakugou groaned as he held your hand, pulling you into the main campus building.

“My quirk affects everyone in the area. I didn’t have much of a choice. You had to do something or it would’ve messed up.” You sighed.

“Whatever. I guess it wasn’t so bad.”

“You have a nice voice.” You compliment him. Bakugou’s cheeks twinge red as he thinks about what you just said.

“It was kind of funny to see them all sing and dance like that huh?” You question, gripping his hand a bit softer, your own face heating up as he runs his thumb across the back of your hand.

“It was something alright. Let’s just get this dealt with. And don’t you dare tell anyone about this!” Bakugou stops, pulling you into him.

“I won’t, I promise!” You smile, looking into his crimson eyes.

“Good.” Bakugou’s eyes flick down to your lips and then back up to your eyes.

He pulls you in for a quick kiss, his lips locking onto yours for a few seconds before pulling away.

“Or that.” He pouts, huffing his cheeks as he returns to walking, leaving you stunned as you slowly catch up, excitement bubbling inside you.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

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yourdaddychan · 3 years

Text

wow-

literally just wow- i genuinely have nothing to say about this please- i cannot explain how much this means to me- there's 1000 of us- *hugs all of you* [ especially the porn bots ] *turns into formal luna asf*

i remember when i started in may, just a tiny chatbot with only one mutual, only known to you guys as [ answer : admin ]. and now, almost a year later, i have 1k of my chainsaw eating demons who are metal as fuck 💪ive learned so much being on tumblr, as a part of both the skz writers community and the chatbot community. ive made a bunch of friends, lost a bunch of ones, and 1k of you stuck with me. i cannot begin to express my gratitude to all of you, and how much all of you and your interactions with me mean to me. all of the simping, the random stories, everything. i cherish all of it, and i love all of you. aight so letz get to the personal thanking asf

alsoer i kinda wanted to do something sexy so imma do what color they remind me of :D most of them can be found at this link : https://louisem.com/29880/color-thesaurus-infographic

@kvinly linn bb 🥺through all the drama we've been through and shit im so glad we ended up becoming friends again cause we're kinda sexy together 😉thank you so much for being my 1000th follower bb you mean so much to me and if anyone hurts you im about to *turns into jennie and kachows them* licherally lets nevah fight again

-> you remind me of the color punch , and not only because of the name- underneath that grr me edgy grr me bully you're just a softie simp and that reminds me of punch :D

@undeadbots steph 🥺lemme be your personal broken chopsticks pls :( KLDSKLD anywayz we've also gone through some sexy drama and thankfully you saw da light 😉and now look at us, with our own band, and our own producing line 🥺brohemian rhapsody for life bro 🥺 *big kithie for da best dad in da world :D*

-> you remind me of the color viridian , because it gives me confident vibes :D you carry yourself proudly and confidently as you should tbh go steph

@binniesthighs oh look its a cutie *pushes you to a mirror* right there :D RORORO YOUR BOAT :DD we havent talked too much, besides my simping for jisung- but you give me very sexy energy so imma propose rq *gets down on one knee* will you be the rororo to my boat 🥺thank you for being my moot :D

-> you remind me of the color espresso , because espresso looks like the color to be pretty chill and laid back, and you're all of those, and calming to be around

@toshis-flower BAYBEE BEBE BEEBEE :D thank you so much for being my moot and making me a wifey asf ‼️ you're literally so much like me whats not to love <3 JKSDJKD JKJK you're really sweet and really just a good person to rant to, i love you so so so much and i think im going to remarry you :D

-> you remind me of the color taffy , because you're sweet, cute, and bright :D *eats you* yummy

@lov3ric seyoung. i love you. so much. MY SOULMATEEEE :DD even though we tell the story over and over like a bunch of grandmas, ill still never forget how we became soulmates and then bonded over boba 🥺im licherally going to marry you one day like ez 💪also i wanna eat you can i eat you youre really cute *eats you*

-> you remind me of the color daffodil , because it reminds me of banana milk which reminds me of you tbh- buuuttt did you know that daffodils are one of the first flowers you see when spring starts? that definitely reminds me of you because through all of the cb drama, you've always been there with me, like literally always- i cannot express how much i love you *kithie*

@simpchimp LIDDLE CHEESE FUCKER THEMBO :DD drink water *spank* i love you so much you cutie 🥺you're also licherally the funniest person ever like stop bae i kinda need to be the funniest but noer its you 😔alsoer i love how random you are KDSKLD so nevah stop that because then *revz up arm* youre going to get luna-ified

-> you remind me of the color jam , because even though you seem kinda scary at first [ yes i was 100% scared of you ] you're really soft :D

@berrywoo the sun themself 💪you are easily the purest person ive met, and im so happy i somehow became moots with you :D you literally hit diff, yk? theres something about your personality and the way you act thats so comforting, and that means i eat you because youre too cute :D you cant just be a wholeass teacher for kids and expect not to get eaten kids are licherally demons whoever deals with them properly and treatz dem nicely gets a nom asf

-> you remind me of the color honey , because you're a sunshiney yellow, and you're sweet like honey :D i think you need to hear that its okay not to be okay bb, and you can come to my dms anytime you want to rant 😎

@yourchungha MS OG CHUNGHA MS IM KINDA SCARED OF THE SHIT YOU DO MS FURREH LOVER 101 MS ANNA BANANA :D yeah youre like really nice- thats all i have to say- like how tf do you deal with [ redacted ] like eggsplain- ALSO YOURE CARRYING OUR CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE IDK HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE DKSJKD I LOVE YOU FOR THAT AND WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS MORE OFTEN

-> you remind me of the color scarlet , because youre a sexy bitch tf and scarlet gives me 'idc what you think im hot' kinda vibes which is like exactly you

@satosimp WINTER DADDY :DD i lub you asf *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy* ugh the way your personality matches mine is kinda sexy or whatever im also kinda in love with you but lets ignore that part 🙄 💪 *big kithes* *eats your cats casually*

-> you remind me of the color lilac , because it just gives me tsundere vibes, you act like you dont care but really do care :D you liddle sawftie *noms your cheekie*

@nightshade-minho DUCKIE :DD *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy pt 2* licherally bae where the fuck are you i miss you you bettah be doing well in school otherwise im going to smack you with a chappal asf DSJJKSD *eats your cat because hes such a cutie*

-> you remind me of the color marigold , because you're adorable and sunshiney :D

@onigirimeeya MICHIE MICHIE MICHIEIEEIEI MY DAD :DDD i like you mucho much if you didnt know *kithes you* you're like one awf da best listeners ever- which is such a weirdass compliment but its true- you're really good at listening, and just being a comforting presence in general, like when you go to the beach and youre just staring at the waves all edgy mode, and it calms you down a fuck ton

-> you remind me of the color mint , for obvious reasons- mint choco chip cookie michie :DD

@hhjs bae we dont talk a lot but im kinda lurking on all of your posts- JKDSJSKD bae remarry me please youre really fucking hot 😭and the way you have with words is like damn- teach me oppar asf

-> you remind me of the color wine , because you're refined, and carry yourself in a way that makes everyone want to be you. the color wine is rich and deep, which reminds me of the way you write :D

@nsfw-stay MY LICHERAL BABIE YOUVE BEEN AN ANON FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND WEVE TALKED ABOUT SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER [ a lot about seungmin and jisung but shhh ] I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BB AND I WILL NOM YOU >:( BUT SOFTLY AND OUT OF LOVE *nomz yew* :D

-> you remind me of the color cerulean , because its a baby blue and what fits better than a baby blue yk? you're adorable and squishy and i want to nom you 24/7

@secretary-yeji *iz chan ig cause we dont talk admin to admin* oh erm gee is uncle chrith 😉DKLSKLD my liddle koala :D my liddle burgah :D my liddle aussie :D my besth frien :DDD evah since may i think we've been friends, and i think one of the highlights of that day was me marking you as spam twice and on accident too- LKSDKLSD WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT anywayz thank yew for being uncle chrith's friend *kith*

-> you remind me of the color seafoam , because it's a very soft and light color yk, you're delicate asf which sounds like a bad thing now that im typing it BUT IT ISNT DSKLDSLK YOURE VERY CUTE YOU AND YOUR FLOOFY COWS :D

@ayolistenupp im kinda... in love with you? wtf? KDSDKSL MY DESI DADDY ASF I LOVE YOU SOER MUCH :D our music nights™️ mean so much to me, like theres just something so personal about listening to what the other person likes to hear even though half of your songs are sexy asf KLDSKLD

-> you remind me of the color ocean , because the ocean is loud but calming yk- like you're full of energy but you're also calming :D

@yanderexchungha OH ERM GEE YEW :O YOU PROBABLY WONT SEE THIS IN LIKE 10 MONTHS BESTIE MERRY CHRISTMAS IG KLDSLKD anyway i love you dad your lessons about vape >>> to quote your drunk ass exactly "vape isnt cool" JKSDJ anyway its gonna be sexy if we accidentally run into each other in the hallwayz asf

-> you remind me of grey cause youre a hag- JKJK KDJSD you remind me of the color caramel , because you're sweet, and licherally addictive caramel isnt good for my braces but i keep eating it 😰but youre addictive in a good way :D

@yanderelee literally only doing this because you were moping about not having a simp sunday and im such a good person 🥸you're cool 💪and unfortunately, you're funny too 😥and even though i bully you asf dont take it personally because i dont mean it asf

-> you remind me of the color dijon mustard because you just give those hacker vibes please dont hack me after i said this i like to keep my location private

@kpopswitchbot BESTIE 😏MY FIRST MUTUAL 😏 LICHERALLY DA BEST CUTEST FUNNIEST SMARTEST SEXIEST KEWLEST I CANT EVEN EXPRESS WITH WORDS FISHIE IN DA WORLD :D LICHERALLY STOP OUTDOING ME WITH YOUR GOODNIGHTS LIKE *spankz yew* YOURE LITERALLY TOO GOOD WITH WORDS ITS NOT FAIR- AND THE DAY YOU JUST TALKED TO ME IN SHAKESPEAREAN BECAUSE I FELT DOWN- AND EXPRESSED YOUR LOVE THAT WAY LIKE- PLEASE I ACTUALLY ADORE YOU AND I WILL LITERALLY EAT YOU ONE DAY

-> you remind me of the color coffee , not only because youre addicted to it but also because of the way you act, you're like the definition of an old soul- with the words you use, the drama kid you are asf, etc- you're a talented bitch *mwah* i love you so much you also remind me of those movies where they find an old ass book and they kinda hafta dust it off and it gives you treasure or something cause yeah that reminds me meeting you

AIGHT DAS IT ASF MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL :DDD

#if you wanna know more just drop an ask asf #would be cool if i had 1k for 1k but NOOOOO #i have more btw #*dabz*#THE WAY TUMBLR KEEPS GLITCHING BECAUSE THERES TOO MANY WORDS #NOT SEXY TUMBLR

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tricewithaz · 3 years

Text

THOTS ON SHADOW AND BONE

Hello everyone! it is I, Trice, and i come with my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone show cause ive got many

I'm gonna divide this in what i liked, what i disliked, and what i think could have been better but didn't really bother me. Feel free to send your opinions too!

As a whole, I really liked the show and I think it's a great adaptation that both fans and newcomers will enjoy. It's super well done! and every episode had me glued to the tv even though I knew what was going to happen.

Beware this is long

To start,

What i liked

Mal and Alina

I never really liked Mal in the books, mainly cause he had like, nothing going on for him, and not having his pov made him no favors whatsoever. Alina's perception of him was everychanging, two factors that didn't make him unlikeable necessarily, but that made me not want to read about him. In the show he's way more likeable and even though he still doesn't have a lot going on for him, you can see that he's always trying to protect alina, and you also see a bit of his demeanor through Archie's acting. I think he made a great job at portraying him. And Alina! Alina who in the books was essentially a y/n sort of character (although she did get better over time), her character, likes, dislikes, her DRIVE was incredibly portrayed in the show. Also Jessie (loml, marry me) and Archie have incredible chemistry together and they sold their yearning SO WELL (and so did the kid actors portraying them as children oh my GOD)...yall...i cried when they held hands. My favourite scene was definitely when Alina took care of Mal's wounds (a favorite trope of mine). And the HURT in their eyes whenever they thought the other was in danger....i saw the show dubbed but I'm sure their voices made it beyond incredible as well, their face acting was just on. point. Overall the show rEALLY makes me root for them both individually and together which is something the books didn't manage to do.

The Darkling

AAAAA i really enjoyed the Darkling omg, incredible charisma, Ben does such a great job (and so did his voice actor in Spanish oh my GOD). His acting was just as I imagined it in the books and i loved how he could be as sweet and mysterious as he could be menacing. In fact! i liked him more than i did in the book, and i think it was a great choice to make him more human. I'm not sure if this was Ben or the writing, but i could really see his yearning for an equal, for Alina, his loneliness and his thirst for power and control too. Great love interest, even greater villain. And his wardrobe was phenomenal. I also really liked how they implied that The Darkling was a name given by other people, it was very believable that people would call someone who literally controls shade something akin to "son of the dark" or something of the sort, instead of it being a name he gives himself or his job title (both if which are incredibly pathetic and cringy to think about).

Jesper

No comments. He was just great. I love Kit.

Nina

Omg Danielle did SUCH a great job at portraying Nina, it's exactly how i imagined her in Six of Crows.

Helnik

THE. YEARNING. THE. CHEMISTRY. I didn't love their scenes at the boat but once that was over I was practically screaming at the screen to jUST KISS ALREADY. Calahan and Daniell have such good chemistry together and the few changes they made only served the story better. I did wish they had development over more time cause Matthias' change of mind felt too quick, but i get why they had to rush. Because of how good their chemistry was, their fallout also was incredibly painful.

Inej's fear of the Menagerie and her morals

Amita's portrayal of Inej's hurt, devotion and her refusal to kill (and later hurt cause she has killed) is incredibly subtle but so SO effective. She's so talented really and truly sold Inej's feelings throughout the show.

VFX

Man.....the fold, the volcra, the grisha powers.....kudos to the animators and overall artistic team cause they were incredible. Also seeing the different title animations in each episode was such a tiny detail that made me so excited and they all looked so good.

Ketterdam

Again, kudos to the artistic team, everything about Ketterdam felt so alive (and weirdly moist), truly sold a kind of aesthetic and life that is so characteristic if the Barrel, even when i didn't imagine it that way in the books.

David

He appeared like, twice, and both times were so cute and charming I can't wait to see more of him both on his own and with Genya.

The Wardrobe

So, at first i hated the keftas. I thought the looked tacky and costume, but when you see them on screen they're just perfect (although i have to say the patterns on some of the keftas were kind of...cheap looking? and the training keftas were just kinda boring. My favourite was the Darkling's. Aside from that, i really liked Kaz's and inej's clothes too. Very distinctive and recognizable (although it was kind of weird seeing Inej in teal instead of purple lmao).

And the queen's dresses. Chefs kiss.

It's...so cheesy (affectionate)

The whole show felt like the kind of movies I would watch as a kid like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. The writing was stylized enough to make it incredibly dramatic and overall there was just so much heart behind all of it. Definetely a show to watch again and again and feel all of it, cause that's what it being so cheesy managed, to make me actually feel for it. It feels like something to watch on a rainy afternoon after a bad day....it's great okay i really enjoyed it, even (specially) the most unbelievable parts of it. And here's the thing, it's something that i think a lot of newer tv and film have lost, so this is good.

What i didn't like

Zoya

Mostly cause of the writing. Originally, in the first book, i didn't like her, neither as a character (stereotypical mean girl with no other motivation than to bang the love interests....all three of them....what's new i still think it's an incredibly sexist trope) or a person (hey at least this was intentional), but over time i grew to LOVE her (mean girl turns out to have a good heart and actually respects the mc and decides to fight alongside her cause it's what's right, without necessarily liking her or giving up her character??? AND she has strong motivations??? now THAT'S new). In the show, i hoped they would keep her mean girl nature while foreshadowing her depth, but all they did was turn her into a petty seductress with barely any screentime, and that only makes her not even a bad antagonist but just a boring character to watch. Not only that but they took away a big part of her character that needed to be developed in the next books. I wanted to watch her rivalry with Alina, her unjustified venomous tongue too, I wanted to be entertained by her and I wasn't. This was also a problem cause when she finally changed teams, and when she hugged Alina, it was incredibly unsatisfying, it would have had a way stronger effect if we had seen her being Ruthless Zoya with a big ambition. I also didn't like how we were told that she didn't like alina, or that she had a family, instead of it being shown on screen. Just from the show, all i can tell you about her is that she likes to bang people and she has a good moral code i guess. Yall, I'm so petty about this.

Kaz

So, I didn't hate him, in fact i think I would have enjoyed him if I hadn't read the books first, cause the two things that bother me about him were two essential characteristics of him in the books. FIrstly, he seems so strained, instead of the seemingly laid back, almost chill looking (even though we know he's not chill at all) Kaz we see in the books, the Kaz that always knows something that you don't. Show Kaz doesn't seem to always be in control, to always have the last word, the last laugh. Instead he seems strained, all the damn time. And I think this is mainly a writing and directing issue. And he also seems weak, something Book Kaz would never do. This is also an issue cause because he doesn't have the same presence he has in the books, the times where he is weak, don't seem as effective. Sure, Pekka Rollins has essentially reduced him and humiliated him, but I haven't seen enough of Kaz being actually dangerous for this to be shocking and for Pekka to seem even more hateable (and, i really liked Pekka, loved him as an antagonist more than i did in the books). Idk, Kaz was so charismatic and just fun and engaging to read in the books that his portrayal in the show felt lacking.

Alina's power's VFX

The little suns were cute and all but the light coming from within her was just ugly I'm sorry.

SFX

A lot of the sound design was just too stylized for the tone of the show i think. I particularly remember the sound of Mal's punches....what's that about.

What i think could have been better, but didn't particularly dislike

The Crows' storyline

And i think part of this is a consequence of Kaz not being as witty as he was in the books. Where's the incredibly complicated heist moves? the even more unbelievable C and D plans when something goes wrong? I didn't like that them getting Alina was essentially just luck, cause i didn't see enough of them being smart and quick on their feet. I also think it was unnecessary to have their storyline mixed with Alina's, i would have enjoyed watching a different heist, maybe in Ravka as well, and them incidentally crossing paths with Alina, more than i liked this storyline. ironically enough, the heist was the part i was least interested in

Genya and Alina

I just feel like her relationship with Alina wasn't strong enough, and i think it's because the show tried to make us believe they were much closer than they were without spending the necessary time in them.

Overall, I really really enjoyed the show, i will be watching it again (particularly cause i want to watch it in English) and i cannot wait for the second season omg (although i have to say, I'm scared for Nikolai)

I think that's all! I would also love to read yall's opinions and have a conversation.

#Shadow and Bone #Shadow and Bone spoilers #sab #sab spoilers #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy #six of crows #malina #helnik #shadow and bone series #sab review

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pbandjesse · 3 years

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Today was wonderful but I also got pretty bad sunburn on my arms and chest and back. Oops.

I slept good, though it was very hard for me to fall asleep. I took a melatonin and was able to sleep well after that. I woke up with my alarm at 730 and while I wasn't super excited to get up I did and soon I was ready for the beach!!

I loved my dress. I wore my bathing suit under it. James looked super cute in their yellow button down to match me. Love them. We had a long drive to Rohobeth Beach. I have never gone and I was excited!

It was an absolutely beautiful day. Here in Baltimore it apparently rained most of the day. But it was 85 and sunny at the beach.

The drive out was nice. It was about 2 and a half hours. We had excellent music and lots of laughs. It was a good day.

Getting closer to the beach we had some traffic. But we weren't in a rush. It was about 1030 and I am glad we left when we did because parking, it seems, is at a premium there.

We parked at the end of the beach where the state park is. But I wanted to be close to the boardwalk. Mostly so we wouldn't be to far from th bathrooms. We got all our stuff and headed out.

I honestly have always hated having to much stuff at the beach. Even when I was a kid. I found it like super cringey to have like a ton of stuff. So even us just each having a backpack and a chair each and our small cooler. That is on the edge of the cringe precipis.

We found the bathrooms. Didnt have to wait to long. I put on sun screen and talked to some girls outside the bathrooms while I waited for James.

We walked to the beach and set up but then I realized we couldn't see the water so we moved everything closer. There were a lot of people. It wasn't like. Unreasonable but there were a lot of people and a lot of umbrellas. Our little one tried to escape at one point but it was okay. I held on to it.

But what I wanted was to be in the water!!! Which was a little chilly when you first got in, it was actually like the perfect temperature. It was amazing. The sand was soft. There weren't many shells so I didn't collect any. But I would spend so much time just in the water enjoying the waves.

James did join me a bit! They are scared of the ocean but they came in with me twice and it was a lot of fun bouncing with them and laughing. I had an excellent time with them.

When they left to go sit in the sun for a while I ended up having a fun talk to a woman who wanted to know all about my tattoos and we ended up talking for like a half hour and we were body surfing on the waves together and laughing. I felt like a little kid making a friend at the beach who Ill never see again but it was super cute.

I hadn't eaten breakfast or anything so I decided to go have a snack and read with James for a bit. I did reapply my sunscreen on my legs but I didn't on my top half like a fool!!!

Around 1 we would take our backpacks (left our stuff) and went up to the boardwalk to get a pizza. Which took a bit but it was good! A little more sauce then I want normally but its all good. I enjoyed people watching and eating and it was good.

James has insisted that I share that there was a boat. That has Trump written on the side. And had an LCD screen with text, misspelled, just with different alt right talking points. It was just really sad. Like what else could they be doing with their Sunday afternoon. It was disappointing but also like. Your life probably sucks if that's all you can think to do with your boat?? Boring.

I enjoyed being in the water for a while. James came too. We were on the beach for almost 4 hours and it was just great. But I sort of felt done. I wanted to explore the boardwalk too. Even if I was afraid of being to hot. But we packed up our set up and headed back to the car.

It was the middle of the afternoon at this point. We both got changed at the car. I had more sand in my suit then I had hoped. But whatever. I felt bad because people kept coming to our car to ask if we were leaving because there is. No parking at this point in the day. On Labor Day weekend. But we had paid for like 6 more hours so we weren't leaving yet.

We walked the boardwalk. It is pretty small compared to a lot of places Ive been. But it was a really nice place! I played a few claw machine games. Won on my first go! Got this cute little puppy. I didn't win any others but I was very surprised to see how many squishmallows were in the claw machines. And really this was a very affordable boardwalk overall. The claw machines were $1 or less. The only disappointment I had was the photobooth didn't work. But its okay. We took lots of other pictures.

We walked all over. Went to their little ride attraction place called Fun Land. And I insisted on us going to the Haunted House ride and for real this was one of the best ones I have gone on! It was like a ride one and it was a little neon inside but it was really good!! I sort of wish we got the stupid picture at the end but I got a great laugh out of it because our eyes were so big we got startled. It was great.

James did so many things that made them scared today. And they did it because they love me! And that makes me so happy.

We finished the day going to their little town square. We saw a bride and groom taking pictures!! We got a very sour (positive!!) strawberry lemonade, and then we got sandwiches at five guys. No fries or anything. Just the sandwiches and then it was time to go home.

We loaded up the car and made sure we had drinks and then we were off.

It wasn't a bad drive home. Just long. We had a story podcast we have been working through. I thought I would fall asleep but I didn't. Mostly because my skin hurt. My legs didn't burn but my arms, my back, and my chest is very very red. And it started hurting more and more as the hours have gone on.

When we did finally get home it was sort of raining still. We brought our stuff up and I put things away. James decided to go to 711 to stretch their legs and I took a black tea bath to try to help my poor skin.

I put aloe on and it helped but I am a little hot to the touch. I put a hoodie on because I thought at least the fabric would feel nice. And I am right but also afraid of being to warm later. Well see what happens I guess.

I had some soup. James came home and helped me put aloe on my back. An went to play a video game with their friends. And I iced my skin. But now I very much want to go to sleep.

Tomorrow is Labor Day. Not that is actually means much anymore. James is working still. I am going to do my styling work and some art. I would like to start deep cleaning our rooms. I think maybe I will pick one every day? And just take everything away from the walls and such and really attack the spaces. But I know I really need mental energy for that took. So we will see what happens.

I hope you all sleep good tonight. Take care of yourselves! Goodnight!!

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panharmonium · 4 years

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you can be my ride or die: a staggeringly long essay about a deceptively short appearance

(aka, pan’s personal depository of notes about prince william of ealdor.)

now that my fic is long since done and posted, i can finally transfer this monster piece of meta out of my google docs and onto my blog, where it can serve as an unasked-for, absurdly detailed, beginning-to-end analysis of my obscure fave.

(whose line ‘yeah, and i’m prince william, of ealdor’ is still the funniest damn shit i’ve ever heard and also the most shocking burn arthur has ever received; i hope he thinks of it sometimes and remembers that humility is a virtue)

(the BRISTLING DISRESPECT! the ZERO FUCKS GIVEN! i love him! please can someone else talk to arthur like this! he needs it!)

disclaimer before we begin: i wrote this over a year ago, as a character check for myself during the very early stages of working on my fic. i kept messily adding bits to it over the course of a couple weeks as i explored what i knew about this character and who i understood him to be, but at the time, i didn’t intend on posting it; it was just prep work for my own story-making. it’s still essentially just a record of my train of thought as i pieced this character together - i’ve cleaned it up a bit now and added some recent links to make it more coherent, but it was never meant to be a posted essay, just a collection of notes for myself.

be forewarned, it is more comprehensive than the things i’ve written about this character since, and it goes on for years. if you are not interested in many, many pages of super heavy in-depth musings about a character who appeared in one episode, now is the time to scroll on by. i promise i won’t mind in the slightest; i wrote this for my own purposes and don’t really expect people to read it - i’m posting it just to have it archived with the rest of my merlin stuff.

if you are interested in that sort of thing, however - hit the jump, and off we go!

i really love the episode where we meet will, though i’ve started to love it for new reasons since the first time i watched it.

the first time i watched season 1, 'the moment of truth’ was my favorite S1 episode overall, because it was the first time the Fab Four went off on an adventure together, and that was very exciting; and i also loved it because all the character stuff in that episode was so good; and i also loved it because look, all of us are suckers for that classic seven samurai plot, you know - i loved it in TCW, i loved it in the mandalorian, i loved it in merlin. not gonna get bored of ‘simple farmers defend their homes with pitchforks’ anytime soon. it is overall just a solid, self-contained plot with clear emotional arcs, and it sticks its landing well. it’s a simple, strong story.

nowadays, though, i also love it because of will.

i. will whomst?

prince william of ealdor, that’s who!

will straddles a kind of weird place in canon, because he feels like a minor character to the audience but is very much not a minor character for merlin, who has known will much longer than the brief hour we get to spend with him and who has spent his entire life with will as his sole friend.

but, because will only appears once - let’s start with a round-up. what do we actually know about him?

he’s a peasant farmer from ealdor, like merlin

his father was killed fighting for king cenred (as a foot soldier - these people are not wealthy enough or high-status enough to afford or be accepted into the knighthood)

his mother is either dead or absent

he’s painfully class conscious and doesn’t trust the nobility

he’s a “troublemaker” (the interpretation of which is...well, it’s left to the viewer’s discretion. fandom seems to jump to ‘fun mischief and pranks,’ though i personally don’t get that vibe from this episode. “troublemaker” in will’s case seems to mean more “doesn’t know how to keep his head down/can’t go along to get along to save his life.” it means when he sees something that he thinks is Wrong, he absolutely will not shut up about it even when all his neighbors are sick of him and want him to just let it go. it means he can’t stop rocking the boat even when rocking the boat makes everybody want to strangle him.)

he supplements his agricultural pursuits with carpentry. you can see in his house big piles of hewn timber along one wall, as well as a grindstone and a shaving horse, and when he comes out of his house on two separate occasions he’s holding woodworking tools (mallet, chisel, etc)

he knows about merlin’s magic - for how long this has been the case, we’re not told. it doesn’t feel like a new thing to me, but ultimately that’s guesswork.

he appears to have just one friend

that one friend is merlin

will loves merlin enough to die lying for him

merlin left will behind.

ii. it wasn’t what i wanted

so let’s talk about that.

merlin is asked “why did you leave?” twice in this episode, first by arthur and then by will. he gives completely contradictory answers to the two of them, and it’s worth remembering, before examining both responses, that one answer is inherently more honest than the other, because merlin is only able to tell the whole truth to one of these people.

so when merlin talks to arthur, it goes like this:

“why did you leave?”

“things just...changed.”

“how?”

*silence*

“come on, stop pretending to be interesting and tell me.”

“i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere I did.”

arthur has to drag this answer out of merlin, and it’s not because merlin doesn’t feel like sharing (i mean, come on, we know merlin; merlin wants to be in everybody’s business and he feeds off human connection like a starving man; he’d be thrilled that arthur was interested in his life) - the problem isn’t that he’s shy; it’s that he’s not exactly telling the truth and he’s trying to figure out how to do it in the least deceptive way possible.

i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere i did.

that’s nice.

it’s also a lie.

it’s not a total lie, of course - there’s an element of it that becomes true, after merlin gets to camelot and realizes that working for arthur is “not totally horrible all the time” - that he sort of likes the excitement, and the newness, and being somewhere where nobody knows him and nobody will judge him - but that’s the reason he stays in camelot, not the reason he leaves ealdor.

by contrast, when will asks the question, merlin gives a completely different answer:

“why did you leave?”

“it wasn’t what I wanted. mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.”

it wasn’t what I wanted.

can we digest that for a moment?

merlin didn’t want to leave home.

not that he isn’t enjoying himself in camelot now, of course - which he conveniently doesn’t mention in this conversation, because will is upset with him and merlin feels guilty that he’s been off enjoying his new life while will has been struggling at home alone - but at the point of departure, merlin didn’t want to go.

his answer to arthur about finding a place where he belonged is certain-point-of-view bunk. he didn’t just up and decide that he wanted to run off and find a place where he fit in better. he didn’t leave because he wanted to escape a place he didn’t belong. he didn’t set off in search of adventure and a new life. it’s true that he didn’t feel like he fit in in ealdor, but that’s not what sent him packing. he left because his mother found out that will knew about his magic, and she panicked and sent him away.

iii. why did you leave

most fannish things i’ve encountered tend to interpret merlin’s departure in a much more generous light than i do, with merlin explaining to will that he’s leaving and will being unhappy about it but eventually understanding and kind of like...giving his blessing before merlin goes. this is fine, of course, but it did surprise me, when i started dipping my toes into fandom, because i never interpreted events in this episode like that, and i don’t think it’s even a plausible read, not from the conversations we’re actually given. the antipathy that accompanies merlin’s return doesn’t make sense under those circumstances, and moreover, from the way things actually unfold in this episode, we’re told, in order, the following three things:

1) the fact that will asks “why did you leave” tells us that he and merlin did not discuss it prior to the point of departure. there’s no other reason for will to ask this question. everything about will’s tone and body language in this scene indicates that he’s been stewing over this for a long time, that he doesn’t understand, that this is something profoundly difficult for him to address. and while it might be nicer to think that merlin sat down and discussed things with will before leaving for camelot, that’s not the inference we’re being asked to make here.

2) there is absolutely no way they wouldn’t have discussed it, if will had known that merlin was going to leave. like - if your only friend in the world told you they were moving to another country tomorrow, there’s no way “why?” wouldn’t be the first question you asked. there’s no way you wouldn’t have that discussion, at the most basic level, before separating. it just wouldn’t happen.

3) so, given that information, the unfortunate, inescapable conclusion is this: will didn’t know merlin was going to leave. merlin left without telling him.

everyone is free to continue to headcanon this in their own ways, of course. but this is what we’re actually being told.

iv. we don’t want your kind round here

the fact that merlin vanishes without so much as a word to his best friend goes a long way towards explaining why merlin is so uncomfortable when he first sees will in the street.

when they first encounter each other, merlin looks so apprehensive and wary, and the writers are playing it like ‘uh-oh, someone saw him use magic and now he’s nervous about it!!!’ but two seconds later, you realize that this can’t possibly be what’s causing merlin’s concern, because it’s made immediately clear that will already knows about merlin’s magic and isn’t going to say anything about it.

merlin isn’t afraid of being outed, in this scene. but he might, however, be afraid of the reception he’s going to get, given what we just discussed.

merlin just up and disappeared from home, and not so much as a letter since - we know will’s had a secondhand update, probably from hunith (“how’ve you been?! i hear you’re skivvying for some prince”) but he very clearly hasn’t had any direct contact with merlin since before merlin left.

merlin knows this was a big fuck-up. he feels guilty.

(and to be clear - i think there is a lot to be said about just how merlin’s departure unfolded, and what stopped him from getting in touch. it’s a complicated enough topic for its own piece, and it’s not quite within the scope of this essay, but suffice it to say for now that i don’t believe it stemmed from deliberate thoughtlessness or callousness on merlin’s part; it’s...deeper and more complicated than that. honestly, i think merlin looks back on this as like...the first major mistake he ever made in his life, his...original sin, sort of. and i don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for it, either, but again, that’s a story for another day.) the point here is that merlin didn’t necessarily want to cause harm, but he knew that’s what he was doing regardless - he knew that leaving without a word was the wrong thing to do. and in this moment he feels rightfully guilty about all of it, and he’s afraid that his friend won’t welcome him home.

merlin’s moment of uncertainty is real, when will pretends to greet him with hostility. merlin is afraid that will is angry with him for leaving him behind.

(and let’s not kid ourselves, will definitely is)

it’s a festering thing that keeps boiling to the surface as we progress through the episode. it shows in the way will finally asks why did you leave, avoiding merlin’s eyes, the question laden with vulnerability. it’s in the exchange “are you going to abandon them?”/“what, like you did?” there’s real pain there, and confusion, lots of hurt feelings.

but.

despite all of that, will doesn’t freeze merlin out, when merlin comes riding back into town. merlin is rightfully afraid that will might not want to see him, afraid that “we don’t want your kind round here” might be less of a joke than it ought to be. and while all of the troubles that merlin is worried about are absolutely real and poised to cause friction later, the truth is that at that exact moment, when merlin comes walking up the road - none of it matters. will has been nursing a collection of hurt feelings for months now, yeah, but in the immediate moment, when it comes down to it - he puts them aside.

they both do. nerves, guilty thoughts, bruised feelings - they temporarily abandon all of that in favor of a momentary joy. you can see how excited they are when they reunite. how they start smiling at the same time. how they laugh their way into that hug. they’re so happy to see each other.

people get pretty worked up about ***That Time Arthur Finally Hugged Merlin!!!***, but i don’t know. i think it matters to remember that merlin had people who knew how to hold him long before arthur was even a flicker of a shadow in merlin’s mind.

v. why are you being like this

so they reunite!

and then they fight. D:

but what really matters is how they fight, because even when they’re having an argument, they never let things escalate quite to the level of interpersonal nastiness, certainly never to the level of cruelty for cruelty’s sake - just a few hard truths and a pile of hurt feelings:

“i trust arthur with my life.”

“is that so? so he knows your secret, then?”

...

“face it, merlin, you’re living a lie, just like you were here. you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.”

the delivery in this scene is essential for understanding how these two interact with each other. it’s so telling. merlin and will are having an argument, and will is angry about everything we’ve already discussed, and on top of that, some prince is trying to round up a bunch of will’s neighbors for a fight that’s going to get a lot of people killed, and will sounds so sharp when he’s talking, up to and including the challenging “is that so?”

but then when he sees that he’s touched a nerve there and merlin knows he’s right, his voice drops those edges and goes gentler, regretful, like - he and merlin aren’t all hunky-dory right now, but he’s not out to rub merlin’s face in it, either. he’s not trying to “get back” at merlin for leaving him. he’s not like...happy that merlin’s situation is shitty.

vi. if i broke it (would you quit?)

we mostly only see these two in a tense season. they’re arguing with each other for almost the entire episode, and yet even in this at-odds state, there are little things that remind us of what they’re usually like - that they don’t want to be arguing, that this isn’t a natural at-rest state for them, that this isn’t what they’re used to. they butt heads, but they keep swinging around back to each other, and trying again, and trying again, and trying again. they never write each other off. they keep trying to make it work.

examples: merlin asking “why are you being like this?,” the implication being that will isn’t usually like this, that this isn’t how they usually act around each other. the two of them together in the background of arthur’s pitiful training session, coming right off the tail-end of another argument and busying themselves with their own work, but still reflexively hanging in each other’s orbit. merlin, even in the middle of a strained conversation, helping clean up the mess that the bandits made of will’s house, without asking or being asked, like it’s just the automatic, reflexive, natural thing to do. merlin using will’s proper name when discussing him with other people, but always the diminutive when they’re talking to each other. merlin following will every time will walks away; will doing the same when merlin’s the one who’s leaving. that moment up in the hedgerow, with will’s embittered “you know why,” which sets them to arguing again, except instead of it pushing them apart, it pulls them closer together - will climbs right up into the hedge where merlin is standing so they can sit next to each other and talk.

like. he’s angry! but the instinct isn’t to storm away, it’s to get closer.

i love that so much. i love how they’re starting to have another argument and merlin stands there and says “why are you being like this,” to which will, already upset, responds “you know why,” BUT -

but

will stalks up into that hedge and plops himself down right next to merlin, and merlin, without a moment’s hesitation, sits down beside him.

i love that. they’re angry with each other, but their first instinct is still to close the distance.

i wonder, sometimes, how much of that is a function of them only having each other. when you’re on the outs with someone, usually you can lean on your other friends, but what can they do? it’s different when the person you usually seek out for comfort is the same person who’s pissing you off. you don’t have anyone else to run to, so you can’t ever really storm off. you have to learn how to hash things out. you have to learn how to make it work. you have to learn not to give up on each other.

vii. she was so angry

the implied backstory for how merlin actually ended up in camelot is so painfully fascinating and, quite frankly, wrenching to think about, given how this episode eventually ends.

when will asks merlin why he left, merlin tells him, “it wasn’t what i wanted. my mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” this is telling us that merlin’s departure for camelot was directly preceded by his mother discovering that will knew about merlin’s magic. that is what ultimately prompted her to send merlin off to camelot. of course there would have been other contributing factors - it’s evident that merlin’s situation in ealdor has always been precarious - but her immediate reason for sending him away was the fact that she found out that will knew about merlin’s magic, and she was angry and afraid to learn that merlin had been lying to her about something that put him at risk.

“i wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“i know you wouldn’t.”

but merlin’s mother didn’t believe that, or she wouldn’t listen to him when he tried to tell her, and she shipped him off to camelot anyway, despite the fact that camelot is arguably more dangerous for merlin than ealdor ever was.

the web of how this played out is such a tangled mess. is it my fault, thinks will, before the episode even starts, desperately trying to figure out why merlin would abandon him like that. it’s my fault, thinks merlin, at the end, knowing that if he had used his magic sooner, or come back alone, events would have unfolded differently. it’s my fault, thinks hunith, realizing that the particular fear upon which she based merlin’s entire departure was utterly unfounded.

merlin doesn’t blame her for it, even though he has reason enough to be angry about it, by the end of this episode. he understands that she was just trying to protect him. but the truth of the matter is that she did make a mistake. she was afraid for him, and she saw danger everywhere, and so she made a misjudgment.

it’s the miniest of mini-arcs, but it’s there. at the end of this episode, right after will drops the Big Damn Lie, merlin looks desperately around for the only other person in the room who understands, and the camera rests on hunith’s face for one lingering moment, as she realizes what’s happening. when she’s exiting the house, there’s a shot where she pauses for a minute on her way out the door, staring back at her son's dying friend, who just offered himself up as a willing sacrifice to keep merlin’s secret safe.

she and merlin are the only people in the room who understand the real import of that moment, the real meaning of that gesture. they’re the only ones who know what’s happening, what it really means for will to say “i did it.”

hunith knows she misjudged that kid big-time.

viii. you can be my ride or die

so. will.

why am i even interested in him? what is it about this character that makes me want to write about him?

number one: i love him because he’s the only person we ever meet who cares exclusively about merlin.

everyone else merlin has met up until this point is either a) as beholden to camelot and arthur as merlin is himself, or b) aware of merlin’s “destiny,” which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but does change the way people talk to him and treat him.

it’s not that merlin doesn’t have people who care about him, but those relationships are not the same as the one he has with will. merlin is obviously #1 in his mom’s life, of course - but, importantly, even hunith’s immediate reaction to merlin’s uncertainty at the end of 1.10 is to tell him that he has to go back to camelot, that arthur needs him, that he’s “the other side of a coin.” this despite the fact that hunith has known arthur for all of five minutes and that merlin, in the moment where she talks to him, is in a lot of pain, and maybe it isn’t the most appropriate moment say, ‘hey, you absolutely must devote yourself to that guy i literally just watched lecture you about the evils of magic while attending your (supposedly magical) dead best friend’s funeral.’

and when it comes to merlin’s camelot network, well - he’s #1 in gaius’s life, too, but gaius also is deeply concerned with the greater good, with the future emergence of albion, with what merlin is meant to become and do. morgana and arthur - well, they don’t know merlin, first of all (really know him, all of him, the important bits) - they definitely like him well enough, and care about him in their way, but ultimately they’re royalty or pseudo-royalty and they have priorities that go beyond merlin, who, at the end of the day, is still a servant. gwen comes the closest to being on merlin’s level, but she doesn’t know him-know him either, and as time goes on she gets more involved with the Crown, with arthur, and with the responsibilities all of that brings. even merlin’s later friends all go on to have other missions - they absolutely all love him, but they all become knights, and they are as concerned about the well-being of the realm and the king as merlin is. even merlin HIMSELF puts arthur’s life ahead of his own - he defines his worth by how well he can protect his prince.

but will is the only person we ever meet who just cares about merlin - merlin the regular person, not the servant he pretends to be, or the legend he’s supposed to become. not the fake, non-magical merlin facade (which is what almost everyone else needs merlin to be before they can condescend to be his friend) and not some destiny-laden figure out of prophecy, either. will doesn’t know anything about destiny or prophecies. he’s never needed to know about any of that stuff to care. he’s always liked merlin. just merlin. just as he is.

that matters. all merlin ever does in this show is deny himself or be denied of the things every regular human being needs to thrive - love, acceptance, truth, safety. he constantly puts or is forced to put other priorities ahead of his own interests, to a point where now, by season five, he’s spent years defending a regime that oppresses him, protecting kings who would execute him.

will, in a display of true-to-character contrariness, upsets that entire narrative, because he does not care one whit about any of the things for which merlin is supposed to sacrifice his life. will gives less than zero (count them: negative zero) fucks about arthur pendragon, and he doesn’t care about camelot, and he wouldn’t know what “albion” meant if he heard the word. and it is refreshing - a blessed, beautiful, heartbreaking relief - to see one person in the world who only cares about merlin, for whom arthur pendragon, in comparison with merlin, isn’t the slightest bit important. arthur isn’t even on the map. he’s a non-entity. he doesn’t exist.

it’s a complete inversion of the way things are supposed to go, in this story. you know how it goes - arthur is the once and future king, and merlin’s job is to usher in his reign. "maybe that is its purpose,” gaius says, about merlin’s magic being meant to protect arthur, about merlin being born this way for that particular reason. it’s merlin’s job to save arthur’s life. it’s merlin’s job to teach arthur to be a better person, at his own expense. it’s all for arthur. i give my life for arthur’s. his life is worth a hundred of mine. what is the life of a servant compared with that of a prince?

will delivers the biggest fuck-you to that entire framework, because he doesn’t assess merlin’s worth based on what merlin can do for some random prince on the other side of the border. merlin’s magic wasn’t purposed for anything, as far as will is concerned. it doesn’t need to justify itself. it just is. it’s just who merlin is.

and who merlin is has always been just fine.

ix. am i the only one wondering who the hell this is

for will, it’s people like arthur who need to justify themselves. arthur with all of his power, arthur riding into little villages with his sword drawn, arthur and his bossing around and his “now, merlin!” conversation-interrupting. will makes no allowances for wealth and couldn’t be less interested in royalty - his frame of reference isn’t you’re the once and future king and merlin exists to prop you up; it’s who the hell are you? what gives you the right to be here? what did you do to earn what you have?

will, like gwaine after him, is acutely aware of the injustice of the reigning social system, and he’s not afraid to throw it in arthur’s face. he knows that people like himself and merlin and all of their neighbors are unjustly disadvantaged from birth until death, and he knows they’re disadvantaged solely because the people at the top of the social chain are greedy lords who sow no seed but reap all the grain, who do no work but enjoy the greatest rewards, who steal from the people with impunity and call it divine entitlement. will knows that he and merlin and all of their neighbors are considered no better than plow-beasts or war-fodder, and he knows that there is absolutely nothing they can do to stop the nobility from either taxing them into starvation or sending them off to die in a ditch - which makes him impossibly angry, and, unlike everybody else in his village, he’s not shy about saying so.

will is, at this point, literally the first non-villain to look at arthur and not immediately see some messianic pinnacle of human greatness - which is refreshing, to be honest, and fair enough besides! he’s evaluating arthur from merlin’s side of things, after all, which nobody - including merlin - ever does, and while i love arthur as much as anybody - for the people’s hero that he could be, and for what he is, sometimes, if not frequently enough - the truth is that he’s not good for all of his people, not yet, and he’s not good for merlin, not the way things stand right now.

will knows that. he looks at arthur and sees a guy with a lot of power, who also happens to rule over the the least magic-friendly place in the five kingdoms, to whom merlin needs to lie in order to avoid the executioner’s block, and he sees merlin deluding himself into thinking that this supremely unequal, extremely unsafe situation counts as friendship.

now, is will’s assessment of the situation a snap judgment based on personal encounters with an unjust social system and very limited knowledge of arthur as a person? yes, definitely. are there nuances to merlin and arthur’s relationship that he’s missing? absolutely.

is he wrong?

not really. and merlin knows it.

x. friends don’t lord it over one another!

i think about that line every damn episode.

over and over again, it comes back to me. i hear it every time arthur gets On His Shit and invokes power he pretends not to have, every time i see more evidence of how this supposed “friendship” between him and merlin is inherently imbalanced. it’s my favorite thing will says in all of 1.10, because it is so true and yet, most of the time, so unacknowledged as a dynamic.

we’re meant to love arthur and merlin together, and we do - i do; i do; when i see those moments that approach true mutual respect and care between them i am as swept up by the potential beauty of this friendship as anyone - but i still think about this line all the time. it’s not right, the power dynamic between the two of them. it’s not just about servants vs. royalty, though of course that’s a structural part of how it plays out. it’s about the fact that, in a real friendship, one person can’t just whip out “you ever say anything like that again, and i swear you’ll join her in exile forever” to shut down a conversation and cow you into silence. one person can’t just throw you in jail to spend a night “cooling off,” and they definitely can’t arrest you whenever someone levels a random accusation at you. in a real friendship, it’s not one person who has all the power.

but when it comes to arthur and merlin, that’s exactly what happens. arthur gets to decide when he and merlin are and aren’t friends. arthur gets to call merlin in or send him away. arthur gets to make all the decisions about when to listen, when to ignore, when to trust, when to believe. merlin can nudge, encourage, suggest, even defy, but ultimately, when you get right down to it, arthur is the king, and merlin is his servant, a dynamic which is compounded by the deadly particulars of merlin’s situation. the relationship isn’t unequal solely because of a difference in social class, it’s unequal because arthur literally has the power of life and death over merlin. arthur could (and would, as far as merlin knows) have merlin executed any day of the week, if he found out who merlin really was.

that’s why when merlin tries to tell will that arthur is his friend, will snaps, “friends don’t lord it over one another!” it’s not that you can’t care about someone who has more power than you, and it’s not that you can’t have some kind of relationship with them, but it is not real friendship if you think your “friend” will kill you when they find out who you really are. it is not a real friendship if you have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to preserve the relationship. real friends don’t leverage impossible amounts of power to shut you up when you say something they don’t want to hear. real friends don’t say things like “you’ll be a friend for life if you do [x thing]” to convince you to lie to their dad while they go out with a girl and thus get you clapped in the stocks three times in a row, and then turn around and show their appreciation by letting people raid and ransack your house multiple times, throwing you in jail at least twice, accusing (and once nearly executing!) your loyal long-serving mentor more than once - among innumerable other issues. real friends aren’t “you’re my friend when i need you to be, but not when it’s inconvenient.” they don’t have the kind of power to turn things on and off whenever they want.

i love that will is the only person who ever acknowledges this, across five seasons of this show. i love that he spits it out immediately, without hesitation, the minute merlin tries to makes things sound better than they are. i love that he says it unapologetically, to merlin’s face, because he says it for merlin’s sake, after all - the point of saying ‘friends don’t lord it over one another’ is to say ‘that guy doesn’t appreciate you the way you appreciate him/this isn’t reciprocal and he’s taking advantage of you/this isn’t the friendship you want it to be and i don’t like seeing you settle for this.’ will is that friend who watches you interact with someone and then later gets in your business like ‘EXCUSE ME! I DO NOT LIKE HOW HE TALKS TO YOU! I DON’T LIKE HOW HE TREATS YOU!'

will knows that merlin deserves better than arthur pendragon, even when merlin himself won’t concede that point. merlin won’t advocate for himself, so will tries to do it for him. merlin can try to convince himself that arthur is a real friend all he wants, but will knows what’s up. he knows. he knows where this is going, if merlin’s relationship with arthur is allowed to continue on exactly as-is. will knows, from the very beginning, that this is a recipe for disaster.

[addendum 2020: speaking from a post season-5 perspective...will understood where merlin and arthur were headed long before even we the audience did.]

xi. friends don’t lord it over one another [reprise]

you know what real friends do do for each other, though?

a) listen - even when they don’t like what the other person is saying

b) care - even when they’re angry

that’s it. that’s what matters.

we don’t need more than an hour of watching will and merlin onscreen together to see that this is how they interact with each other. they’re arguing for most of this episode, and they’re both right, in different ways, but by the time they’ve had it out with one another, they both understand where their own arguments were wrong, too. they listen to each other despite the fact that they’re angry, and despite the fact that they both have very strong feelings about their respective positions. they care enough about each other to look past their personal injuries and accept where the other person is coming from.

merlin starts off this episode absolutely dead-set against using his magic to help ealdor, if there’s any chance arthur could find out about it. but later, before he and will have even officially reconciled onscreen, we can already see that he’s been listening to what will’s been saying, that he’s come around to will’s way of thinking, because he tells his mother “if it comes down to a choice between revealing who i truly am and saving lives - that’s no choice at all,” hearkening back to will’s “are you telling me you’d rather keep your magic a secret for arthur’s sake than use it to protect your friends and family?” and: “if arthur doesn’t accept me for who i am...well...then he’s not the friend i hoped he was” (you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.)

merlin has been listening the whole time, even if he didn’t like what will was saying.

and the same goes for will, too. he’s (understandably!) bitter about merlin’s situation, about the way merlin left, about the new life merlin built for himself while will was suffering in a confused limbo of abandonment at home - and will also obviously thinks the Farmers’ Resistance is a total disaster, a noble-spun farce that’s going to get good people killed - but even though he doesn’t trust the camelot contingent and couldn’t give fewer shits about prince arthur pendragon specifically, he trusts merlin. he listens to merlin, even though they’ve been fighting. he comes back because merlin keeps telling him it’s the right thing to do.

they both listen, even when it seems like they’re just arguing with each other. and they both acknowledge where the other person was right, even when it means making themselves vulnerable. will comes back to help his neighbors fight a battle against hopeless odds. merlin exposes his magic to save people’s lives.

they teach each other how to do the right thing. they make each other brave.

xii. you just saved my life

let’s talk about being brave, then.

this kid jumps in front of a crossbow for a guy he doesn’t even like.

can we be clear about that? will doesn’t even LIKE arthur. he doesn’t particularly care about him. he doesn’t accept him as the noble savior of all mankind. he isn’t interested in defending the nobility, and he certainly hasn’t jumped on the camelot bandwagon. just because he’s seen that arthur wasn’t planning on sending them all to their deaths without risking his own neck doesn’t mean will is suddenly going to start flying the pendragon crest from atop his house.

but he isn’t going to step back and let a coward shoot another man in the back, either.

arthur’s still a prince, yeah. arthur’s still sitting at the tip-top of an unjust social system, benefitting from all kinds of privileges he didn’t earn. arthur’s still a crappy friend to merlin. heck, two seconds before that crossbow gets fired, arthur’s gone full-on inquisition-mode, interrogating merlin about sorcery, which, given that arthur can just go ahead and have merlin executed with a snap of his fingers, isn’t a great way to earn will’s respect or trust.

but you know what? when it comes down to it, will’s automatic, reflexive reaction upon seeing someone in immediate danger is to Get In The Way.

it doesn’t matter that will doesn’t like arthur. it doesn’t even matter that he actively dislikes arthur. will doesn’t even think about it, he just moves. instinctively. automatically. he isn’t going to let anyone standing right in front of him get murdered with their back turned, no matter how much he can’t stand them.

let’s all take a second to remember and acknowledge something in arthur’s stead, since i’m not sure arthur will do it himself - arthur pendragon would have been dead right there if it weren’t for a dirt-poor peasant farmer from cenred’s kingdom who never had anything nice to say to a prince but still stepped between a pendragon and a crossbow in the name of doing the right thing. without will, the story would have ended in season 1, episode 10. albion itself owes its future existence to a young man with no surname who will never be acknowledged or recognized for anything he did, not for teaching the future king a lesson in humility, not for saving the prince’s life, and certainly not for the greatest and most noble move he ever made, because that gesture’s success is predicated upon its remaining a secret.

this kid saves the entire World That Will Be. the show would have ended before it ever really began, if not for our man prince william of ealdor.

merlin knows that, and merlin never forgets it. but i’m not so sure about everyone else.

xiii. yeah, don’t know what i was thinking

let’s talk about defiance.

this kid is dying, and he’s still full of piss and vinegar. when arthur says, wide-eyed, “you’re a sorcerer,” will responds, “yeah. what are you going to do, kill me?”

what a power move. what a thing to say.

that’s not a question. that is a no-fucks-given, shame-and-blame challenge.

what are you going to do, kill me?

merlin uses those exact same words during his confrontation with morgana in 3.02. when he’s trapped - when he’s cornered and betrayed and angry - he reaches for the kind of defiance he once saw exercised on his own behalf, for a shameless bravery that burned itself into his brain. for the kind of strength he wants to channel himself.

when it comes to holding your ground in front of the pendragon dynasty, merlin learned from the best.

xiv. and i’m prince william, of ealdor

let’s talk about names.

william: from wil (will or determination) and helm (protection, a helm)

hence the common translation of resolute protector.

which, given the events of 1.10, seems very fitting.

xv. i did it

let’s talk about lies.

because resolute protector rings even more powerfully true when it comes to merlin than it does for arthur.

at the time of this writing, i have four more episodes to watch before i’m done with season 5. at this point, at the end of the show, merlin’s magic is still a secret. merlin’s gotten involved in a lot of dangerous situations, risking his life in other ways, but the one danger he’s never had to really confront is the executioner’s block, because none of the pendragons know his secret.

and the reason none of the pendragons know his secret is thanks to our boy prince william of ealdor, who turns his own untimely death into a last-second rescue operation by telling the Biggest Damn Lie of his life and then doubling down on it when merlin tries to tell him no.

will is the one who secures merlin’s next five years of relative safety. not from all of life’s dangers, of course; no one can do that - but when it comes to merlin’s greatest fear, the worst outcome, the prospect of being dragged out of his home in chains and murdered in front of an ogling crowd for just existing - will buys merlin’s escape from that fate with his life. merlin remains hidden and unexposed to this very day because will died protecting his secret, because will lied to the prince of magic-hunting and invited upon himself all of the risk and scorn and danger and condemnation that a false confession like that entailed.

i honestly don’t know how to express clearly enough the enormity of that moment. the momentousness of that gesture. i called it a bold and tremendous lie in some other post somewhere, and i don’t know how else to capture what it was. the thought of what it would mean, to be merlin, and to see someone throw themselves on the block for your sake, for your safety and your future and your freedom, when the rest of the world and every message you’ve ever absorbed says you don’t deserve to be safe, you don’t deserve to be free, you don’t deserve to exist.

it is impossible to overstate how much that matters. merlin carries that with him for the rest of his life.

xvi: i can’t fight you anymore (it’s you i’m fighting for)

let’s talk about love, okay?

this ep is called the moment of truth, right?

so here are some truths about will. in the time that we spend with him, we come to understand that he is the following:

a poor peasant kid with nothing to his name

a kid whose father is dead

a kid whose mother is either dead or absent

a kid who “people are used to ignoring”

a kid who’s been making his own way through this backbreaking subsistence-farmer’s life with no grown-ups to hold him or help him or listen to him when he comes home at night

a kid who isn’t trusted to protect merlin’s secret, even by merlin’s own mother, whom will has known for his entire life

a kid whose only friend in the world fucked off to the country next door without a hint of warning or any indication that it was something that should matter to either one of them, making will think he misread the only meaningful relationship he’s ever had, because if merlin can just vanish to nowhere and not even bother to send a note, then either merlin wasn’t actually his friend to begin with or merlin was his friend at one time but doesn’t want to be anymore, both of which options are soul-crushing

a closed-off, heavily-armored, hurting kid who’s been unspeakably lonely for the past few months but also angry and ashamed at himself for feeling that way, because how stupid did he have to be, to think that he mattered to someone, that someone would ever want him or love him or need him or miss him, to think that this time would be different, that this time somebody wouldn’t leave him -

and even in this state - even in the midst of all this -

at the moment of truth, he still puts himself on the chopping block. he still says, “you’ll have to go through me.”

he comes through for merlin. of course he does. the irony is bitter and beautiful - hunith sent merlin away precisely because she didn’t trust that merlin would be safe with will knowing about his magic, but in the end it’s will who gives up everything to keep merlin’s secret concealed.

not just to keep it concealed, even - to reverse merlin being outed. merlin had already been exposed. the deed was done! the magic was seen! it was all over - and then, miraculously, it wasn’t. what will did was the only way merlin could ever have slipped safely back under the cover of secrecy.

will didn’t have to do that. he didn’t have to lie about performing magic, and he didn’t have to save arthur, either. it would have been better for will to let arthur die, in fact, and it would have been better for him to let merlin get caught, too, because ‘maybe then merlin would have to stay here with me’ - but will is so much better than petty revenge. he’s so much better than anybody ever gives him credit for, merlin excepted.

the fight will has with merlin doesn’t matter to him, in the end. it was a complicated situation for both of them; will knows this. if he weren’t dying now, he and merlin would have talked it out and made up - will knows that, too. things could have gone a little smoother between them, maybe, and will still thinks going back to camelot is less than what merlin deserves, but it’s what merlin wants, and the mark of truly loving someone is when you want the best for them, even if it means you don’t get what you want for yourself. so ultimately, when it comes down to it, the truth for will is this: he wants merlin to have a good life. he wants merlin to be safe. he wants merlin to be happy. he wants merlin to be with him, too, but if he can’t have that, it’s no reason to withhold any of the other gifts he can bestow. if one of those gifts is freedom, if one of those gifts is safety - it’s no choice at all.

merlin is will’s one good thing. merlin deserves everything will can give him, as far as will is concerned.

xvii. the only place worth being

this place has been boring without you.

what a thing to tell someone.

what a powerful thing to say to someone whose entire life up to this point has been a litany of ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ ‘you don’t belong here,’ ‘you’re cursed/broken/wrong/unnatural.’ what a dauntlessly loving thing to tell someone whose entire life has been the message ‘people like you deserve to die,’ over and over and over again.

what a singularly beautiful thing it is, for someone like merlin to hear ‘you are what makes this place worth living in.’

xviii: the only one worth seeing

likewise it’s good to see you again.

because it’s not just “it’s good to see you again;” it’s an acknowledgement that merlin is the last person will is ever going to see.

and will is like, okay.

he’d rather be alive, yeah, but if he had choose - it’s good that it’s you.

xix: the only bed worth sleeping in (is the one right next to you)

the most devastating moment in this sequence, for me, is at the very end, when will confesses fear.

it doesn’t happen until everything else has been taken care of. arthur’s been fooled, merlin’s been safely shuffled back under the cover of secrecy, everybody’s been taken in by the ruse and sent away, none the wiser - all the necessary and important business has been dealt with.

only at the very, very end does will’s own predicament rear its ugly head. only after everything else is done does he even allow himself to feel it. he’s spent the rest of this sequence making jokes and roasting arthur and keeping it all together, but at the last second, when he falters, he comes undone for the only person he trusts, the only person who understands him, the only person in the world who gives a damn about him. his defenses come down, in that last moment, for merlin - and it could ONLY be for merlin - when will says, “merlin, i’m scared.”

we don’t need anything else, to understand their relationship. we’ve seen enough of will by now to recognize that he keeps the world at arm’s length, that even his walls have walls, that this is just not the sort of thing he would ever admit to. confessions of pain? acknowledging vulnerability? never. he’s not that kind of character. we know he has a big heart - look at what he’s doing - but we also know he’s had a hard life. he’s wrapped himself in layers upon layers of protection - snark and anger and deflection and sarcasm and still making jokes at the prince’s expense after being shot in the chest - nobody is allowed to see him open and undefended, never.

except merlin.

will is dying. he is so young. he has been so alone, for so much of his life, and he’s so young, and he’s dying. he clutches for this lifeline like it’s the only thing he has, because it is the only thing he has - merlin is his only friend. merlin is the person will loves best in the whole world.

merlin, i’m scared.

that is so unbelievably vulnerable. that is so utterly naked. that is totally defenseless, exposed, belly-up and barethroated under someone else’s burning gaze.

that is absolute trust. will would never have said that in front of anyone else. he would never have allowed anyone else to see him like that.

his confession is, like pretty much everything else he ever does, for merlin alone.

xx. your heart is on my sleeve

merlin, will keeps repeating. merlin.

how much do you have to love someone, to make their name your last words? how much do you have to care about someone, for that to be the only thing you can think to say, again and again, in your last terrified moments on this earth?

that’s a rhetorical question.

i know how much.

xxi: i missed you too

i think, sometimes, about will, when i watch the later seasons of merlin, and about how he would feel if he could see what merlin’s life has turned into.

i sometimes wonder how he would feel, if he could see how merlin allows himself to be passed over, disbelieved, disrespected. if he could see how merlin has started to define his worth in terms of how well he is able to protect Some Dude who doesn’t even know who merlin is, who keeps people like merlin trapped in the shadows of subjugation, hidden citizens in their own kingdom. if will could see how merlin has laid his entire life down for other people’s enrichment, if he could see how little hope merlin now holds for his own happiness, if he could see the way merlin in S5 has given up on his own liberation -

i don’t have to guess what will would say about it. i know how he would feel. if will could see merlin in season 5, his raging little heart would break.

i wish he were here to tell merlin exactly what he thought about it. merlin does all this self-sacrificing for the sake of his “destiny”; whereas will would think that any destiny making merlin this miserable was a steaming pile of trash. will would tell kilgharrah to get lost, and to take his questionable advice with him. will would tell arthur to fuck off - he’s done it already, in slightly less explicit terms.

does that mean i truly think merlin is supposed to abandon his mission and ditch camelot and run off to live his own life? no. merlin cares too much about making the world a better place to be truly happy with that kind of existence; he wants to change things for the common good; he wants to help the people he cares about. but merlin, as he tries to fulfill his mission, is desperately missing will’s kind of support in his life. merlin needs someone who is only here for him. he needs someone who is going to get up in his face and remind him, “you matter.” he needs someone to tell him, “you deserve better than this.” he needs someone who isn’t afraid to tell destiny to fuck off, when telling destiny to fuck off is in merlin’s best interests.

merlin needs someone who is on his side.

not camelot’s side. not albion’s side. not arthur’s side.

HIS side. merlin’s side.

xxii: he still is

the thing about will, then, for me, is this: i can’t minimize him.

i can’t do it. i can’t diminish that part of merlin’s life.

i don’t think it’s possible to overestimate his importance, frankly. merlin, when we meet him, has only ever had two people in his life. that is such an...unfathomable experience, for many of us. just two people. just two people to know you. just two people to love you. just two people, for your whole life.

will wasn’t just some friend. will was half of merlin’s world.

fannish pursuits that i have seen...the things where will appears are already so limited, and of course that’s completely understandable - it’s not like he’s a main character, or even a side character, by any means; i totally get that. but - so much of what i see is him serving solely as a set-up for merlin/arthur, or otherwise being shoved out of the way as soon as arthur shows up on the scene, or showing up only to be a receptacle for discussion about arthur and merlin’s developing relationship - even will and merlin’s own ship tag is 90% merlin/arthur fics.

and there’s nothing wrong with this, ultimately; everybody should continue to write exactly what they want and enjoy exactly what they want; that’s the fun of fandom. i mention these things here only because for me, personally, the whole point of will’s character is that merlin’s life is bigger than just arthur. the most important relationship merlin had for most of his life had zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, and it still has zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, after will is dead.

you remember will’s funeral at the end of 1.10? arthur has an entire conversation (a horrible one, fyi) with merlin, and merlin doesn’t look at him once. he answers arthur’s questions because he has to, but his eyes never once leave the pyre in front of him - not while he’s listening, not while he’s talking, not once. not ever. arthur comes, arthur chastises, and arthur goes, all without being granted so much as a glance, because this isn’t about him. this is none of his business.

the whole point of will is that it is possible for someone to love merlin and not give a tinker’s cuss about arthur pendragon. the whole point of will is that having someone love merlin without caring about arthur pendragon is, in fact, a good thing. merlin needs somebody like that in his life. he struggles when he doesn’t have someone like this around to advocate for him. just look at where he is in season 5 - look at what his life has become, when it’s been years since he had an in-the-know friend.

merlin suffers when he loses this kind of support. it’s easy to say that will is never mentioned again after 1.10, but there are real reasons why merlin wouldn’t be willing to explicitly mention him, and the lack of explicit references doesn’t mean we can’t still see him, if we pay attention. we see the immediate impact of his death in merlin’s attitude shift in 1.11. we see him in 2.02, when merlin names his fake tournament knight sir william and spends the rest of the episode roasting arthur to within an inch of his life. we see him in the season 3 opener, when morgana levels her sword at merlin and the first thing that pops out of merlin’s mouth is “what are you going to do, kill me?” we see him in gwaine’s intro episode, when merlin immediately cleaves to this class-conscious ‘people get sick of me too quickly’ stranger whose father was killed fighting one of the king’s wars. and his absence is felt, more generally (as is lancelot’s) in how quickly merlin’s life starts to spiral out of control once the only two honest friends he ever had are gone. their loss doesn’t have to be explicitly referenced for us to understand that merlin, without that kind of support system, is faltering. we see it happening with our own eyes.

[edit, post-viewing-of-S5-finale: and we see where it eventually leads, too.]

so, once again, as i said - i can’t minimize this character. i can’t overstate the positive impact of merlin having somebody who was here for him and only him, who affirmed merlin’s value independently of arthur pendragon’s fate, who knew and loved merlin without caring about a “destiny” that ultimately, in the end, turned out to be a cruel joke made at merlin’s expense.

if will had lived, i’m not sure we would have ended up in quite so dark a place. we might have landed in some other tight spot, sure, but i can tell you one thing for certain - will would not have sat quietly by and allowed merlin to throw his life away, not for camelot, not for arthur, and certainly not for a parade of empty promises.

xxiii: where you are, there i’ll be

the bottom line is this.

merlin spent the first two decades of his life with one friend.

one.

loved by one friend.

one.

merlin had his mother, who was there for him from the beginning, whose love was unconditional, who was an “of course.”

and he had will, who chose merlin, who kept choosing merlin even after merlin told him the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Secret. will’s presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin grows up believing himself to be deserving of love from people who aren’t his own mother. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin knows how to have and be a friend. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin is who he is - a merlin who’d spent his entire life without a single friend would not have been the same confident, optimistic, gregarious person who later walked into camelot and told arthur pendragon, “i’d never have a friend who could be such an ass.”

will mattered. we don’t talk about him much, because he only appeared in one episode, but it wasn’t “one episode” for merlin; it was closer to twenty years of companionship, of elbows in ribcages and smirks exchanged across the room and someone to natter on at, a person to sit next to and walk beside, in every season and all sorts of weather.

will chose merlin, and he kept right on choosing him, until he breathed his very last breath. that is enough for me to love him, to feel grateful that he existed. i don’t care how rough he is around the edges. i don’t care that he hates arthur pendragon’s guts, that he has a big mouth, that he speaks out of turn, that he has no tact, that he can’t suffer fools, that he has a chip on his shoulder the size of a minor planetoid and wings it at people’s heads when the mood is on him.

he loved merlin. actual, magical merlin; merlin as he truly is, merlin in all his gifted, unnatural, beautiful imperfection.

that is a desperately rare thing. that is worth celebrating.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #meta #<3

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maritimeericandersen · 3 years

Text

We’re Gunna Need A Bigger Boat: Shark Week, Part IV

Henry, Rose, and Eric go to find the creature that attacked someone in the lake with a different method than usual for this sort of thing.

Things don’t go to plan.

TW: Violence, blood, slashing, biting, drowning

@charmed-henry @thehuntress-rose @brucewhite @gabriella-marino

ERIC

Eric had figured it might have been a bit suspect if the three of them were to meet up in the dorms and walk over to the lake together. Especially equipped with weapons— and Eric’s very pungent cooler of meat and fish. He got out there about an hour earlier than the agreed upon time to dig out the spot where he had hidden the net he had scounged up, having to make a few modifications to ensure it was big enough for this thing. (Whatever this thing really was.) It had taken him a few goes to make something that would hold but after he’d gotten the first knot down it had been like riding a bike. The muscle memory from all those boat rides and hunting trips taking over.

So far the lake had been quiet, the only signs of movement had been the lapping of the water against the shore and the wind sweeping through the tree branches. (Beside the badger that had scared the bejesus out of him when it had come clambering out of the woods only to take off when he’d shined his light toward it.) It might have been reassuring had this not been his first hunt in what felt like ages. Instead it left him unsettled. Like whatever it was had run off everything else that frequented the lake.

He had dragged the net out and settled behind the equipment shed, resting up against the wall as he sat and waited. His eyes had closed before he knew it as the late hour caught up with him. The sound of footsteps, soft as they were, roused him. He stood and rounded the shed, not really thinking it would be anyone else but Henry or Rose.

The dark made it hard to make out the figure but he still called out to them, arm waving. “Oi! Over here!”

HENRY

Henry had also headed out from the dorms early, though not as early as Eric. He had been gathering weapons all week, his sword and some knives and some other hunting supplies at the advice of some guys at the Hunted Deer, and they were all quite heavy. That had slowed him down a bit. Henry was relieved to see that Eric had already arrived, though, because as much as Henry trusted Eric, he had been a little bit worried about Eric falling asleep or something. But that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Shh! Not so loud!” Henry stage-whispered, struggling to cross the sand with all the weapons. Maybe he should have left with Rose, at least to have help carrying things.

He assessed the setup. Net, cooler full of bait, Eric looking a little sleepy but ready to go. It was almost like old times again. He set down the crossbow and the set of knives. “Rose should be here soon. I didn’t really get a chance to tell her everything about you, so we’re gonna have to go over that real quick, but she knows about the lake attack. So once we get our story straight, we should be good to go. Remember, she’s not my girlfr--”

Henry cut himself off quickly when he saw the familiar outline of Rose approaching in the distance and waved. “Oi, Rose!”

ROSE

She didn’t think she was late, but was still the last to arrive it seemed. She prepared in different ways than the two boys had. The huntress assumed they’d go all in on weapons and nets and bait, so she brought some other items in her bag. Rose rolled her eyes as Henry waved her over and called out. So much for covert. They needed the cover of night, but could yell across the beach just fine. Strolling in with her energy drink in hand, she looked to both of the boys. The one she didn’t recognize looked young, “So you’re Eric? I’m Rose.”

She looked this new character up and down. Henry had only mentioned that he knew about the lake monster situation and he could help. Rose wasn’t sure how, but the net and smelly cooler was assuring. She knew if she needed to know this guy’s deal, they’d tell her. If it wasn’t necessary to the job, she wouldn’t ask. There was an unspoken understanding in organizations like her’s; it’s all need to know. If Henry vouched for this Eric boy, she could trust him. “Oh, and I brought liquid energy. I figured Henry would be so Type A that he’d bring enough supplies for the whole town to trap this thing so I brought night ops essentials.” She swung her backpack around and opened it to show the goods.

ERIC

Eric didn’t really have any expectations of Rose. He never had expectations from most people since he didn’t have the mind to think that far ahead. Wasn’t to say he hadn’t been curious to meet her— an American who hunted. And a girl at that.

He smiled, giving a nod of his head as she said his name, glancing at Henry to gauge if this reaction was a positive or a negative since he knew her better. Eric leaned forward over the space to stick out his hand but Rose had already turned her attention away to pull her bag around so Eric just closed his fingers into an awkward thumbs up and retreated. “Brilliant. Wouldn’t have even thought of that. Thank you.”

After a moment he clapped his hands together. “Alright then! Yeah, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Rose. Erm— bit of a disclosure here to make sure we’re all on the same page. Technically, to the Order, I’m dead. So if you could just not tell anyone you saw me here or know I’m alive that’d be great. Really appreciate that. And we’re also not trying to kill this thing unless completely necessary. Capturing and containing it should be our first priority.” He let out a breath, lips buzzing. His hands fell to rest on his hips as he looked between the two of them, brows raised. “Anything else?”

HENRY

Well, that was one way to put it. It got the message across, at least, anyway. Henry had been a bit worried about how Rose would respond to that. Out of everyone in the Order, she wasn’t the most loyal to Tom or John (Henry was pretty sure) but she still had a pretty close relationship with Phil. And while Henry trusted Phil and thought the world of him, he also worried about how Phil would react if he found out about this. It would reflect badly on Henry.

“Yes, that’s very important-- very long story, but basically, Eric and I trained together, but he’s figuring some things out right now, and it will sort of get in the way of the mission if it comes out that he’s around. But we need his help for this mission so… yeah. Sorry I didn’t mention before. It’s sort of a need-to-know basis thing.”

There was something else that bothered Henry. What was Eric doing, trying to contain the creature like an animal-lover releasing a fly into the backyard rather than swatting it? What were they going to do, keep it as a pet?

He glanced at Eric. “As for the plan... if the creature puts up a fight we can use self-defense. I’m just saying. We have to prioritize our own lives. I don’t want anyone getting hurt unnecessarily.”

ROSE

Rose’s face fell when Eric explained his drastic measures to leave the Order. She was talking to a ghost; and yet, instead of a chill she felt jealous. Was that all it took? In order to disappear, you had to die. She looked to Henry next. How did he keep this a secret? He was in on this? For some reason, there was a cord inside of her that tied her to the boy even tighter now. He’d kept this secret for a friend for some time. She could trust him blindly. He’d proven it over and over now. She looked back to Eric, eyeing her expectantly.

“Okay. I’m in.” She exhaled, “I won’t tell anyone, but why can’t we kill it? That thing tried to eat Candace and I’m sure it won’t hesitate to take a bite out of any of us! And even if we can catch it, what the hell do we do with it? We don’t even know what it is. I say we kill it and end it all tonight.”

ERIC

Honestly, Eric hadn’t been expecting such little resistance on the whole I’m dead but not bit but he was expecting the push back on not going for the kill. Before the wreck, he would have thought the same thing. It was much easier, anyway. And, they were right. It had hurt someone. It would have probably done a lot more damage than it had if they hadn’t been there to save the girl— to save their friend.

But this Eric was not the same as the one from before. He had lived a life here without ties to the Order just to see what it was like with magic around every corner. Eric had met a load of Magicks, was on a volleyball team with ‘em, checked out their groceries, borrowed one’s pencil during lecture. Hell, he had met a werewolf (twice over) and not gotten killed or bitten either time. It taught him that they weren’t so monstrous as the Order had made them out to be. Yes, magic could be dangerous, but so could Mundus, and they didn’t go around hunting them.

“Look, I get it. I do. You know I do— “ Eric gestured to Henry but still, he shook his head. “But you’re right. We don’t know. We don’t know what it is or why it did what it did. I want the chance to find out. I mean, don’t you? After all this time of learning about how these things are monsters, don’t you want to know why? The Order never told us, they just gave us the weapons and pointed a finger and I think that’s because they never stopped to ask.”

He let out a breath, glancing between Henry and Rose. “My family’s been hunting things like this for generations but I’m only alive now because of one. So— I’m not asking you to risk your lives, if it tries to kill you, defend yourself. But if it doesn’t, if it’s caught and we can contain this, all I’m asking for is a conversation.”

HENRY

So this was worse than Henry had thought. Swynlake had gotten to Eric, even more so than it had gotten to Henry. He wondered if he had failed Eric by not pushing him hard enough. Henry had been so worried about losing his friend, about pushing him away, that he had let him lose all sense of what he had been taught. Maybe it wouldn’t be as easy as Henry had thought to bring him back into the Order.

Henry wanted to hate this godforsaken town so badly, with its quirky magic that lured people into a false sense of security. And then it quite literally bit back. But Henry could see how Eric had been drawn in… Henry had, after all, fallen in love with a Magick. A completely harmless one, of course. But still. How could he hate a place that had given him so much?

It was far too complicated to think about now. One thing was for certain, though: Henry had to keep Eric and Rose safe, and make sure nobody got hurt. Or worse.

Maybe Tom and Phil had been right. Maybe Henry should have left this to the experts.

But this was his plan and he was going to have to stick to it, so Henry just nodded, though his expression betrayed a slight annoyance, a hint of concern. “That’s… noble, mate, but I’m just warning you, I don’t think this thing’s gonna want a conversation. It’s not a pretty one like you might be used to. It’s more beast than human, I’m telling you,” Henry said seriously. “I won’t go for a kill right away, but I’m not going to let anyone risk their life for this thing’s safety. Can we agree on that, at least?”

ROSE:

His words struck a chord in her. Eric was right. The Huntsclan was the same in the way that they gave orders and they were followed. No questions asked and no compassion for the creatures was allowed. It disarmed her in a way that she had been before. She didn’t know what had caused Eric to see the humanity in monsters, but she had also seen it first hand. Once upon a time she’d been in love with one, however those days were long gone.

Rose held his gaze for a second longer than she meant to. She had decided to trust Eric, but showing that kind of weakness to him was a far off impossibility. The huntress kept unusually quiet as she mulled over their options and her feelings about it all.

She was in a weird middle ground. One boy was fully dedicated to the cause, and one was already free of it. And what was she?

Rose shrugged noncommittally, “Fine, you can have a chat with it if you want. I don’t know how much you’ll get out of it, Henry’s right. But I’m with you.” She put a hand on Henry’s shoulder and shared a look. We should let him have this, a silent conversation took place.

ERIC

Henry’s answer had been about what he had been expecting— supportive of Eric but in the end not willing to bend what the Order had taught them.

It was Rose he was worried about. He didn’t know her or her fighting style. She didn’t know him, either, and yet here Eric was asking two big things of her upon their first meeting. The air in his lungs began to burn as he held it in there, waiting for her response, not wanting to so much as breathe in fear that one wrong move would persuade her against him. Her answer knocked it out of him, his slack jawed shock turning into delighted surprise.

“Brilliant! You won’t regret this!” He stepped forward to put one hand on Rose’s shoulder and the other on Henry’s unoccupied one to complete the trifecta, not realizing he was intruding on their moment. Eric grinned at the two of them and clapped their shoulders before moving to look out at the lake. “Now that we’ve got that put away, here’s the plan! You see those boats?”

He pointed to a pair of small wooden dinghies, one with an outboard motor attached to the back. “We can attach the net between ‘em to take out on the water. With the chum we can lure it out and I’ll lead it back to the net, where you two’ll be waiting. Once we’ve got it in the net we can bring it on land and— see how it goes from there.” Eric turned to look back at them, hands formed into two thumbs up. “Sound good?”

HENRY

Henry still thought Eric’s idea was silly, honestly, but he could at least respect the intention behind not wanting just to kill something on sight. Still, Henry was going to reserve the right to attack the minute the creature threatened Eric or Rose. He was not letting any other friends get hurt in front of him. Absolutely not.

He frowned back at Rose, but understood that they weren’t going to get anywhere if they stood around arguing. That was soon interrupted, though, by Eric, and for a moment, Henry thought they looked like a team. Just like old times in the Order, maybe even kind of like Tom and John and Phil.

“Sounds like we’ve got a plan. Thanks, Eric,” Henry said, his tone still just a bit grim. He looked between the two of them. “Why don’t the two of you take one boat and I’ll take the other?” Henry wanted to be in the same boat as both of them, just in case something happened, but he didn’t want to leave either Rose or Eric on their own. At least Rose would keep Eric on task and Eric would be able to draw on his aquatic creature expertise. Still, Henry didn’t like this idea of splitting up. It seemed to be the only way, though.

ROSE:

Rose wouldn’t pretend to know anything about aquatic magicks to these two. It was her own hubris making her act so assured when Phil and Tom had talked to them about the situation. She nodded along with Eric’s plan, but she still felt the same hesitation Henry did. Maybe it was the air of camaraderie; Rose felt like she should be a teamplayer and listen to the boy with the plan. The benefit of the doubt was surely earned.

“Alright, into the boats we go?” Rose wasn’t sure about splitting up, but logistically they needed the two boats for this to work. And the huntress had a few questions for the ‘dead’ Prince that Henry might not understand.

ERIC

He stuck out his lower lip and shrugged, not really thinking it mattered who was in what boat since his plan would be eventually getting into the water anyway so, either way, everyone was going to be on their own at some point.

“Sure, yeah. Get your things, I’ll get the net attached.” Eric smiled, rounding the shed to go drag the big net down toward the dock where the dinghies were tied up. It took him a while to get the net fastened to each of them as he wanted to make sure the knots were secure, but eventually he stood, wiping his hands dry on his shirt. “In we go. I’ll untie you from the dock.”

He pulled the first boat closer for Henry, keeping one foot on the dock and the other in the boat to keep it stabilized while he got in before untying it from the cleat, and giving an extra push. He did the same for Rose, only following in next to her with the cooler before pushing off from the dock. “And Henry, mate, if you see anything just say so! Sound going from air to water doesn’t carry that well so you probably won’t spook ‘em! You’ve not got to shout or anything just—” He waved off the rest of what he was going to say. “You’ve got it.”

HENRY

Henry gave a quick, serious nod in acknowledgement and laid his weapons down in the boat before he started paddling.

It was strange to have Rose here. Even though Henry and Eric’s missions had been Order-adjacent (or, rather, Henry’s subtle attempts to try and get Eric to see how rewarding Order missions could be) he had still felt like he was living a double life. He trusted Rose to keep Eric’s secret, but up until now, it had always been Henry and Eric on these missions. Bringing Rose in brought a new dynamic to things.

“I don’t see anything yet, do we want to search the middle of the lake or head for the river?” Henry asked, glancing at Eric and Rose’s boat. Eric probably smelled like fish after handling all that seafood-- did that make the other boat more of a target? No, he couldn’t start getting himself worked up. “The thing’s got to be out here somewhere.”

ROSE

Rose stepped into the tiny boat and had to balance herself from the slight wobble of it. It had been a long while since she’d been on a small dinghy like this one, but she kept her agility and her wits about her. The water was calm, so it didn’t shift too much under her boot. It was almost enchanting, watching the water. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as the ocean on the last night of Spring Break, but still, the water did in fact have a siren call no matter the size. If only their weren’t some killer beast lurking underneath the placid surface. After she sat down and Eric and Henry had their exchange, she called out, “I dunno. Damn thing could be anywhere now. I say we go out a bit further and then let it come to us.”

She leaned in towards Eric, now that they had drifted a ways away from Henry. And with a lowered voice said, “How did you do it? Fake your death, I mean… and why?” Her brows knit together in genuine concern and curiosity. “I won’t tell,” she interjected herself, not wanting to sound untrustworthy. “I just, well, dying is about the only way you can get out of these kinds of things. Do you -- do you want back in?”

ERIC

He rolled his eyes at Henry and Rose. This was always how it went with people who hadn’t frequently hunted on water. On land it was different, everyone was on even ground for the most part and it was easier to see the signs of the prey. Footprints could be left in the mud, a broken branch clipped as they hurried passed. Water washed all that away. The earth was forgiving for the most part, leaving those that fell against it alone. Water didn’t care. Humans had crawled their way out of it for a reason. Moving to somewhere kinder.

“Just got to be patient. If it’s here, it’ll show.” But he complied, helping to row the boat out to the middle of the lake where they could idle for the time being. As they worked their way across every so often Eric would reach into the cooler and toss out a piece of chum into the water.

His eyebrows lifted as he looked up at Rose, her questions catching him off guard. Not that he minded. He just didn’t think she would care as they had only just met and all.

“Erm— well it wasn’t exactly something I had planned. I was on a mission for the Order. We were tracking something that had been taking out fishing boats and a storm hit. It took the boat, we all had to abandon ship. Next thing I know I’m waking up, bloody freezing, on a beach watching a pair of flukes disappear into the water.” He paused then shook his head, looking down as he put the lid back on the cooler.

“So, I wondered, if we were wrong about mermaids, what else could we be wrong about? I had the payphone in my hand to call home but I— I dunno. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back to them until I knew the whole truth. It’s why I came here.” Eric gestured, turning to look around them, the lights of Swynlake far off into the distance. “I don’t know if I’ll ever really go back. That’s why I want to talk to this thing. I need to know if what we’ve been doing, acting as judge, jury, and executioner, has been right or if we’ve just been going by the words of a bunch of scared people clinging to a world that doesn’t exist anymore until we turn into them and the cycle repeats.”

GABRIELLA

It seemed that Gabriella Marino had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time these days.

Or, really, the past few years of her life. Tonight was no exception.

The call to the water had been playing in the back of her mind over the passing days, only growing stronger the longer she resisted it. All her life she had been able to ignore it with ease, happy with her feet rather than her tail. It was only after spending to much time in the ocean that she had really accepted how much it was apart of her rather than something to be hid away. Now, being away from it for so long, felt like she was taking three steps backwards after only just having taken that first step forward.

She figured tonight would have been a safe bet. Some time had passed since the attack and it was in the dead of the night. Who would be out on the lake this late? So off she went, making her way through the town to reach the bank, where she found not one but two boats out on the water. They were a ways away, the figures within them unrecognizable in the dark.

What the hell? What were they even doing out there? And why did they have to be here tonight of all nights?

Gabriella bent down, walking along the edge of the lake until she had a better line of sight. She watched, confused, as one of the people closed the lid on a white box. With a handle on the top. Was that...a cooler? Seriously? Where they just here to get drunk or something? Hoping that they were at the end of their bender, she decided to wait and see if they would leave soon so that her trip out here hadn’t been a waste.

BRUCE

Bruce couldn’t take it any longer.

After the run-in with the fox-fae, he thought he was done. At least for another month. At least until he could find some way to stop himself from this horrible monthly habit that he just couldn’t get away from. But the hunger returned, not quite satisfied, aching deep in his bones and pulling him toward the water. Not the same as the ocean, but close enough.

At least it was the middle of the night this time. Maybe if Bruce swam out to the deepest part of the lake, as far away from humans as possible, when the other merpeople would hopefully still stay away, he could avoid hurting anyone. It had never worked before, but Bruce had to justify himself somehow. As long as he could avoid blood…

The good news was that Bruce did not smell blood. The bad news, however, was that Bruce smelled something just as pungent: an entire cooler full of fresh bait, right in the middle of the lake, leading a trail to two boats full of unsuspecting uni students.

Suddenly, Bruce only had one thought on his mind, and it was food. It was rare to find so much of it, or to find it so fresh, just sitting there waiting for him. That thought propelled him forward and he rocketed toward the boat, launching himself out of the water and at the man bending over the cooler. His teeth clamped down hard on the man’s leg, drawing blood. All Bruce could think about was his hunger.

ERIC

The stillness was disrupted when something moved. He caught it out of the corner of his eye, a figure moving along the shore, but as soon as he went to see what it was the shadows had taken ownership of them again.

Eric’s brows furrowed together and he stood, trying to get a better angle. Something moving in the water was one thing, but someone spying on them from the shore was a whole other beast that they couldn’t be bothered with right now. He continued to stare at the spot— waiting to see if the person or animal would move again.

When they didn’t he shrugged, reaching back over for the cooler. “Sorry, I thought I saw—”

The water jumping out of the lake cut him off.

The creature bit into him and Eric didn’t scream— not at first. His leg was taken out from under him by the force at which the thing had breached the surface, his head slamming against the side of the boat. The small thing rocked violently, the extra weight throwing it to the side almost to the point of tipping but Eric falling evened it back out on the other side, the wood crashing back down into the water with him. It takes him a few tries to get his vision to work properly so he can see just what the hell was happening.

He could feel the blood, warmer than the sun heated lake water, start to ooze against his skin, into the fabric of his trousers. Could feel the teeth in the meat of his leg, his whole body simultaneously trying to crumble around the point of pain like a leaf caught aflame and yet it wanted to escape, spreading back out thin against the floor of the dinghy.

ROSE

Rose listened to his explanation with an open mind. Her own prejudices were tested since coming here, so she could see how Eric felt about it all. She had dated a werewolf (for a scheme, albeit, but she did fall for him anyway) and Eric was saved by a mermaid. For a brief moment, she wished she could be shipwrecked and gone with the wind. The moment was fleeting, but recurring. Rose had yearned for this before. But this life was all she knew. She was comfortable in that.

Before she could voice her response, she didn’t even know what it would be, the boat rocked. It rocked violently and water poured in, soaking her legs. In a matter of milliseconds, Rose thought they were going under and then they were righted. Only, they had a guest now. The creature she’d fought off once before was merely inches in front of her again. Thrashing and hanging out of the boat.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” she chanted like a life saving mantra while standing up to get a better angle. Feet far apart to distribute her weight, she grabbed the closest thing to her. An oar, discarded in the commotion of it all. Rose lunged for it swiftly and smacked the creature with whatever force she could muster.

“Fuck, the net! Henry, the net!”

HENRY

It all happened so fast. When Eric noticed something moving in the water, Henry froze, but he didn’t have time to relax again before Eric was almost ripped off the boat and dragged beneath the surface.

“NO!” Henry cried hoarsely, reaching for his sword (it was a good thing he had it this time). He had already mourned Eric once. He was not going to lose him again. In the Order, not in the Order, it didn’t matter, Eric was Henry’s oldest friend. And regardless of Eric’s feeling on the matter, Henry was out for blood. “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” He swung the sword wildly but only grazed the creature’s shoulder, drawing blood. He tossed the net to Rose. She could try to capture this thing if she wanted to. But Henry was aiming to kill.

He raised the sword again, aiming to stab from behind, when he heard more splashing in the distance. Henry hesitated-- if there was another one coming, he wanted to be prepared-- then raised the sword higher and prepared to swing it downward.

GABRIELLA

She froze in her spot, like prey caught in a predator’s path, when one of the figures stood. It felt like they were looking right at her and she knew, if she moved even an inch, she was going to get caught. Her heart picked up speed as she thought maybe they already had spotted her and were yelling, she just couldn’t hear them.

The next few seconds felt like whiplash as she watched on.

The person settled back down. Gabriella relaxed so much she fell back on her ass against the ground below.

Something came crashing into the boat from out of the lake, the boat’s movements aggressive. Gabriella shot up to her feet.

What did she do? Go fetch help from the town? Or would it be too late? Did she try to help them herself? Was it worth the risk, now that she had only barely settled into this town?

All of this overthinking was swept to the side as the glint of metal reflected. Gabriella ran forward until her legs were no longer needed, her tail easily replacing them as it slapped down against the water to boost her forward. The closer she got, the familiar figure of a tail came into view amongst all the chaos. It wasn’t like anything she had ever seen, even in her time spent in the open waters of the sea, but she could recognize a likeness. And if this merperson was like her, in any capacity, then they were going to need help.

She got closer to the surface, around the other side of the second boat. Her eyes widened as she saw the blade of a sword, a sword??, rising into the air. Gabriella swam upward until she could grab hold of the side of the boat, bushing down harsly to boost herself up and grab hold of the wielder’s shirt tails to pull him back, keeping the swing from hitting its target.

BRUCE (tw lots of blood descriptions)

First, the oar smacked against the side of his head, knocking Bruce off-balance and causing him to falter. He released the leg briefly and had just lunged forward to sink his teeth in again when the sword slashed his shoulder and Bruce cried out in pain, a low-pitched groan. He could smell his own blood now, and feel the warm trickle down his shoulder. Hunger still rumbled beneath Bruce’s skin, but it was getting harder to fight.

His teeth scraped the man’s leg as he struggled to hold onto the side of the boat. Bruce was sure he was done for when, suddenly, the figure behind him stopped. Bruce’s head whipped around to see a pale pink tail in the moonlight, and… oh no. Was that a familiar face?

Gabriella?

Bruce had to get out of here. He had taken so much care to avoid revealing who he really was to Gabriella and the entire Whosits and Whatsits staff, and now all of that was in jeopardy. Would Gabriella recognize him? He couldn’t stick around to find out.

Leaving a trail of blood in the water behind, Bruce swam toward the far end of the lake and transformed back into his human form before collapsing on the beach. He could still taste blood on his teeth, and the gash remained on his shoulder, a searing pain. If anyone showed up, Bruce was sure he would look incredibly suspicious. But he didn’t have the energy to go hide. Not yet.

HENRY

Henry swung the sword down, but was pulled off-balance when someone grabbed the back of his shirt. He stumbled, trying not to fall out of the boat. He had been right. Another one. This was worse than Henry had thought. The mercreatures were multiplying.

With some effort, Henry managed to wriggle out of the grip of the creature and turned to see not a shark staring back at him, but a girl. He immediately recognized her, brown eyes and round face, the new girl at Pride U. Gabriella, Henry thought her name was? His eyes traveled behind her to see a long, pale pink tail. How had Henry never suspected?

It didn’t matter. She was trying to drown Henry just like that other creature, and Henry was not going to let anyone else endanger his or his friend’s lives.

“You!” Henry shouted. He raised his sword again, trying to ignore the fact that this was one of his peers. She was a dangerous sea creature, and she had tried to kill him, and Henry had to protect the rest of the town. It was for everyone’s good. “You’ll pay for this!” He lunged forward, rocking the boat slightly.

GABRIELLA

She watched, breathing hard from both the physical strain and the utter relief of seeing the other merperson taking off back into the water. At least they knew when to cut their losses. Gabriella had been about to mirror them and disappear but when the other merperson moved, a new scene was found.

With the girl in the other boat, there was a boy lying in the floor of it. He looked...hurt? Her heart sank into her stomach to create a terrible, painful, pit there. The merperson...they had attacked someone? ...again?

And she had just helped them get away.

She didn’t have time to process everything, to think about the guilt that now made her sick or if this had been some kind of gross misunderstanding she had come across and only made that much worse, the boy closest to her was turning around. Gabriella lifted her eyes to meet his. She knew him. Henry Charming. Vanellope had once warned her that he was someone to stay away from.

Gabriella shook her head, eyes darting to the other boat, trying to communicate that she hadn’t known. She thought-!

As he lunged forward she ducked under the water, the ends of her tail lifting up behind to get her as far away from the range of the blade as she could get.

ERIC (TW: alludes to drowning)

His fingers dug into the lip of the dinghy, hands shaking from the vice-like grip he had on the wood. He could feel bits of it coming off underneath his fingernails but he didn’t care. Eric had seen this happen before. Had watched as someone got dragged below the surface of the water— and he knew he couldn’t let that happen to himself. Not again. With his wound and this thing’s seeming lack of care for his life, there was no way he would come back. All he could do was hold on and trust that Henry and Rose could get it off him before it decided to pull him along with it.

A shout built up in Eric’s throat when he saw Henry’s arm pull back, sword hoisted into the air, even though he knew it would be in vain. As it turned it out, he wouldn’t have to. At first all he could see was Henry stumble back and Eric thought— he didn’t know what he thought, he could barely think at all, but maybe the wobbly boat had made Henry lose his footing.

It didn’t matter anyway. The creature using him for a midnight snack leapt back into the water, leaving the boat to sway heavily in its wake.

Eric sat up then, gritting his teeth as he reached out to his leg. Trembling fingers pressed down on the wound to test and he hissed. And oh god, it hurt. The pain clogged every sense, sight, sound, breathing. It almost distracted him enough to not notice that Henry had started yelling again. The creature was probably circling back around for him, and Eric leaned forward against the side of the boat to— again, he didn’t know. The only thing in his head was help Henry.

Then he saw it.

The flukes, water droplets falling from them as they rose and smashed back down. And then they were gone. That was them. That was her. Just like he remembered because it had been a memory not just a waterlogged hallucination of an explanation that made sense as to why he was still alive.

“He— Hen—” he tried to get out, his breath coming in but not enough. Finally he swallowed everything down and his voice came out in a desperate, pathetic, plea. (And not just for the mermaid, or for himself, but for his friend who was about to kill someone.) “Henry! Henry, no! Please!”

Eric tried to lift himself up, using his good leg and one hand on the side of the boat. But that hand was slippery with blood and the side of the dinghy soaked with water. He put too much weight forward, trying to keep it off his leg, and his palm didn’t catch on the surface like it was supposed to. His body twisted and this white hot snap blinded him for a moment before he went plunging over the side, head first.

His eyes blurred, whole head blurred. He felt like ink swirling in the water— drifting and aimless and slowly diluting. Like the blood he left behind as he sunk lower and lower.

ROSE

Rose caught the net but so many things were happening at once. Henry swung at the creature, causing it to retreat. But then another one appeared? This one shimmered in typical mermaid fashion, unlike the creature they were hunting. There were two of them? Was this creature a mermaid too?

Eric screamed out, startling her more than this already precarious situation was. It wasn’t a cry of pain, but fear. Henry… no… please! Was he— trying to stop him? She could understand wanting to talk to the monsters to see what made them tick, she was a psychology major. But begging for their lives once they’ve tried to end yours is too much empathy for her to comprehend.

He leaned dangerously close to the edge. Rose couldn’t tell if the monster was still circling. She whipped her head around, keeping an eye out on the water. When she turned back, that teetering balance Eric had found ended. She tried to grab whatever she could find purchase on as he plummeted into the black water. “Eric!”

HENRY

“Eric!”

Maybe Eric meant it as a plea for Henry to stop attacking, but Henry only heard a cry for help. Terror seized Henry and he dropped to his knees, gripping the side of the boat and leaning dangerously close to the water. Phil’s warning about Charles Norrington flashed into Henry’s mind. What if this was it?

No. It couldn’t be. Henry would have to find a way. He wanted to jump in and save Eric, but the mermaid was still lurking. What if she tried to kill Henry, too? Rose would be left all alone. He would just have to finish the mermaid off first.

Henry stabbed at the water at random with his sword, fueled by rage and fear. Order training had taught him to stay calm in moments like this, to hold in his emotions and focus on the task at hand, but Henry couldn’t. Eric was his oldest friend. Practically his brother. Henry would not lose him again. “You’ll pay for this!” he threatened, his frustration growing as the mermaid managed to avoid his jabs. “Rose! Help me finish this! Or distract her! Something!”

GABRIELLA

She couldn’t hear all the yelling going on but she had certainly felt the splash, even under water. Gabriella turned to look back at the scene she had just fled, wondering if that other merperson had decided to make their return.

There was a shadowy figure in the distance, sinking in a line that led back to where the surface was fixing itself back over from being breached. The outlines of the two boats were still there. A large part of her still wanted to swim away. What if that Charming kid had jumped in and if she decided to get close again, she would just get shish-kabobbed!

But she had been in this position once before. Had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and watched a boat succumb to the sea. Above had been a violent crash of waves but below the water was still calm and from there she had waited to see what would happen. She had gotten a front row seat in watching as a boy jumped from one of the lifeboats the crew had taken to in order to help someone, only to get left behind. That display of selflessness had moved her forward to catch him before the ocean could truly take him for her own. She had swam him back to the nearest beach she could find, but as soon as he showed signs of life she had high tailed it out of there.

Gabriella, against her better judgement, swam closer to see...a boy, drowning, blood colouring the water in stripes above him. Something slashed at the water from the boats and Gabriella had a moment’s hesitation. Was it fair to the rest of the merfolk living in this town to let him live? These three had probably come out here to kill their kind, judging by the freaking sword on hand. But was it fair to let this one die? He had been a victim, too, hadn’t he?

And would she be able to live with herself if she just let him, when she knew she could do something? The answer was the same as it had been in the frigid water from so long ago. She swam down after him, wrapping her arms around his middle, and hauled him upward, intending on returning him to the boats. But that stupid sword was going in and out of the water.

Instead Gabriella swam them further away, back toward the shore. They broke the surface just out of range of the boats but she continued to carry him, making sure his head was above water as it rested on her shoulder. When they reached the portion where the lake was shallow enough for him to not take on any more water, but still deep enough that she could make an easy escape back to safety, she allowed him to lay back. Gabriella startled when she saw it, a gasp escaping her, hand coming up to cover her mouth.

It was him. The same boy. Same dark curls. Same pale face.

She panicked now, something opening up inside her chest like a black hole. Her hand shook as she brought it underneath his nose to feel if he was still breathing.

ERIC

As soon as he’d hit the water he had tried to get back to the surface. His feet tried to kick but his bloody (no pun intended) leg couldn’t handle the movement, making him convulse and lose more distance between water and air as pain shot up his side. He hadn’t had time beforehand to gather air into his lungs, having not prepared for this, and he had already been struggling to breath properly in the boat. His brain began to panic against his body’s base need— caught between thinking it best to just breathe and knowing that would only kill it faster.

In the end, instinct won out. Eric tried to inhale.

He didn’t register anything else except the always present pain and a distant feeling of moving until he was being laid down on his back. Instead he rolled over onto his side, coughing up the water and allowing air to rush in to take its rightful place. Eric braced himself with a palm against the ground, unsure of how he’d managed to get there. Then he remembered with startling clarity, Henry, Rose, the monster—

A feeling brushed against his skin, that odd sort of sense people had when they felt like they were being watched or like they weren’t alone. Slowly, Eric turned his head to find a mermaid looking down at him. His eyes followed the shape of her body to the pink tail that sat behind her. He pushed on his hand, extending his arm until he was sat up, breathing in short bursts through his clenched teeth as his leg protested doing anything. Blood was still leaking from the wounds, the warmth of it a contrast to the air hitting his wet skin.

Eric couldn’t really do anything but stare at her for a long moment. He felt like he had seen her face before, probably one of the many wandering around town. What an odd thing to think. All this time he had been searching for her and she had been there, right under his nose.

Christ, he needed to say something.

Something caught his eye, off in the distance over her shoulder. Refocusing he found the two dinghies. Henry and Rose.

“Fucking hell.” Eric glanced back at the mermaid and immediately brought a hand up to cover his mouth. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that. Erm— my friends, are they alright?”

ROSE:

“What am I supposed to do? Jump in?” She said, with her arms out in annoyance.

He was crazy if he thought she was going to get in the water after what just happened. Rose knew she needed to act fast though. Eric wouldn’t be able to swim with that leg. So she bent down as low as she could go and swished the net around in the water, hoping to catch something entirely different than they’d come here for. Her arms plunged as deep into the water as the boat would let them without tipping over. Something shimmery glinted around the boats and caught her attention. That wasn’t Eric. It was a true mermaid, unlike whatever creature they were hunting. It could also be a mermaid of some sort… but she’d need to do more research.

“Henry, stop! You could hit Eric,” Rose held up a hand. She knew he wouldn’t stop on behalf of the mermaid in the water. But with her face barely inches from the surface, she saw it. The girl grabbed Eric hesitantly and pulled him away from Henry’s ineffective, yet sharp sword. “We need to get to shore,” she said, standing. “Eric is gonna be okay, Hen.”

HENRY

For a moment, Henry had no idea what was happening. Eric was deep under the water, the mermaid was getting away, and Henry was stabbing randomly at the water, as though it would do something, anything. He was just about to jump in himself, try to fight off this mermaid in her own territory (it was a terrible idea but better than standing idly by) when he saw movement under the water. Gabriella had grabbed Eric, she was pulling him away, surely to drown him…

Or…

Could it be? Was she actually saving his life? Eric had said a mermaid had saved his life once before.

Still, one could never be too sure. Mermaids were tricky creatures. Henry was not leaving Eric alone with her, not when she could change her mind at any moment and drag him back into the water (or perhaps that was her whole plan from the start. Henry wouldn’t rule it out).

So he grabbed an oar and started paddling toward the shore, a look of grim determination on his face. “We don’t know that,” he said, rowing as fast as he could. “Why would a mermaid save a man’s life? Out of kindness? These are ruthless creatures, Rose, we have to make sure--” The shoreline started to approach and Henry changed his focus. “You! Get away from him!” Henry shouted. He jumped out of the boat into knee-deep water and splashed over to Gabriella and Eric. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

GABRIELLA

Odd how when the boy finally seemed to suck in air, it felt like Gabriella could breathe again, too. The relief was almost as painful as the pressure that had been expanding in her chest because it left a hollowed out place for the questions of, now what? What would he do to her? And what was she supposed to do now? He was okay, still bleeding and turning the water red around them, but alive for now.

When he stared at her she could only do the same in return, stuck in place with her own curiosity about him. Gabriella couldn’t help the fluch that rose from her chest, up her neck, and into her cheeks when his eyes moved down to her tail. No one but other merfolk, and very few outside her family, had ever seen it. Which was different because they knew what to expect, they didn’t stare like it was some kind of anomaly. But, well, if she transformed back to her legs she figured that would be way more embarrassing!

She watched his mouth move but shook her head when it seemed like he was asking her a question, his expression curious and eyes focused in on her. Gabriella pointed to her ears, hoping that would get the point across that she couldn’t hear him.

She went to motion to his leg, a request for his permission to help, but suddenly the movement of the water changed. The consistent waves were disrupted and she whipped her head around to see the other Mundus approaching. Instinct took over and she made a move to flee.

ERIC

His eyes narrowed as he watched the mermaid’s movements. She shook her head and panic welled up inside him, thinking that was her answer. Rose and Henry were still out there in danger and what the hell was he doing? Sitting around like a lemon. Eric attempted to get up but his leg wouldn’t let him, the nerves fraying when he so much as moved. A disgruntled sound was forced from his throat and his hands went to stabilize it, keep it from getting jostled anymore than it already had. Then he looked up and the mermaid was pointing to her ears, again shaking her head.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” He shook his head at her, the movement slower as his brain tried to process what she was trying to tell him on top of everything else that was going on. What the hell did that even—? “Oh.”

Right. Well didn’t he feel like the biggest idiot.

“Sorry, I didn’t know—” Then, realizing that meant shit all to her, Eric shook his head and tried to think of how to communicate without making a bigger fool of himself than he’d already done. Just as he was trying to make out what she meant by pointing to his leg he looked up to watch Henry and Rose approach, too. The mermaid moved, as if trying to make a break for it, and Eric couldn’t blame her but he couldn’t let her leave. He’d already lost her once, he wasn’t going to, again.

So he reached out, another noise emerging through gritted teeth as he dove forward to wrap a hand around her wrist. He shook his head, pleading with his eyes at her to just stay put. To trust him. Hoping it would be enough he let her go and looked toward Henry and Rose.

“Henry, mate, I’m fine! See? All in one piece!” Eric motioned to himself, choosing to ignore his leg for argument’s sake. “It’s her! It’s her, the one I told you about, it’s her.”

ROSE:

Henry didn’t leave much room to argue. So she didn’t. Instead she followed after him with an equal speed and intensity. Even if she didn’t think the mermaid was going to hurt Eric, he was still in danger of bleeding out on the beach.

When they finally made it to the shore, she saw how close she was to Eric. And he didn’t seem to be scared. Henry jumped out first, but Rose followed right behind. Trudging through the dangerous waters once again. She needed to stop him before he hurt someone who was innocent. “Henry, wait!”

She knew her partner was impulsive and that his friend had just been attacked but she was not his attacker. They could at least afford her the courtesy of leaving her be seeing as she saved him. Maybe the huntress was getting soft. Rose had to raise her feet up to get more speed in the water to catch up. “Henry!” she called out, grabbing his shoulder as he closed in on the ‘threat.’

The girl didn’t look like much. Just a girl, frankly, she looked familiar. And quiet. And sweet. And then it all hit her with Eric’s words. It’s her. The mermaid he had just told her about. The one who saved him then and who was saving him now. “She saved him. You can’t hurt her.”

HENRY

It took Henry a moment. The look on Eric’s face. Rose’s hand on his shoulder. He softened, looked from Gabriella to Eric and back to Rose, and then the weight of it hit him. This was the mermaid who had saved Eric’s life. The one he and Eric had been searching for.

The reason Eric was still alive. Twice, now.

“Oh,” Henry said softly, the fire and fear and anger gone from his eyes now. He couldn’t believe he had been so rash. To think that Gabriella was trying to kill Eric when she was really saving his life-- and sure, maybe it was better to be safe than sorry, but if Eric hadn’t stopped him, Henry shuddered to think what he probably would have done.

He fell to his knees next to Eric and looked into Gabriella’s eyes. “Thank you,” he said seriously. “I’m sorry I-- I just assumed-- but anyway, you’re the reason Eric’s still here, and… well, I don’t know what we could ever do to repay you.” He probably should have paused the dramatics to attend to the massive wound Eric now had, but he was fixated on this. “I don’t understand, though, why? Doesn’t your… your kind normally try to kill us?”

GABRIELLA

Gabriella had every intention of jumping back into the water, already thinking about how she could haul ass out of this town. She didn’t know where she would go, maybe just return to the ocean and hope that her family was still alive in Avalor. She knew it would be a cowardly thing to do, to leave the Princesses here despite having said she would help their cause in getting their country back, and to not say goodbye to the Triton’s, who had been so kind to her, or Finn, or Bruce, or anyone.

But the boy stopped her, his hand around her wrist. She fought to get away, stopping only when she looked up at his face. His eyes were bright and so earnest that he didn’t have to say anything for her to understand what he wanted. She stayed, heart in her throat, and watched as the other two approached.

After a short, albeit very terrifying!, moment it seemed like the other two said something to make the Charming guy settle down. She straightened as he approached, chin lifting a little in the hopes it would hide the fear that was making her stomach turn into knots.

Gabriella held his gaze, glancing to his mouth when he started speaking. She didn’t know what he was saying but he no longer looked like the monster she had seen in the boat. Just another boy, who had probably been as scared as she had been.

And as much as she wanted to extend this moment, to find a way to communicate with them properly so they could get whatever had happened sorted out, there was no time. Gabriella, unknowing of the question asked of her, which was probably for the best now that Charming was within slapping range, pointed to the boy’s leg. It was still bleeding. They needed to get him help.

ERIC

He nodded a little, both agreeing with Rose and trying to encourage Henry to snap out of that all too familiar place. Eric had no doubt in his mind that Henry wouldn’t hurt her and remained relaxed as he approached, knowing the worst of it was over so long as the mermaid made no move to antagonize. (His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, but he assumed this was just the nerves of nearly biting it again and adrenaline wearing off in his system.)

Then Henry started to say stuff and Eric went to stop him, to explain what she just had to him— but he couldn’t when he heard the sound of Henry’s voice against the apology. He shut his mouth, wincing a little from second hand embarrassment but not wanting to interrupt. (His breathing was coming in rapid and shallow. Eric thought he was still trying to catch his breath from having nearly lost it all together.) A hand came up to move the hair that was sticking uncomfortably to his forehead. His eyes cut to the mermaid to assess her reaction, as if willing her to come out with it and put an end to the suffering before it got too far. But she looked— well, she looked kind of like she understood, even if she couldn’t hear him.

Only when Henry asked his last question did he move to intervene. “Sorry, uh, she doesn’t know what you’re saying. I think she’s deaf.” Eric reached forward to clap Henry’s shoulder. (His hand was shaking, the usual weight behind his touch lacking.) “But that was great. Remember that for later when you can write it down for her, yeah?”

He smiled (his face had paled considerably, but he couldn’t see that) and turned to look at the mermaid as she motioned. His vision blurred and he blinked, thinking it was water dripping into his eyes. Ah. Right. His leg.

“It’s not that bad.” He shook his head, waving a hand at her in dismissal of any concern. The movement was sluggish and clumsy. “I’ll be— I’ll be fine. Just need to—” Eric shut his eyes tightly as dark spots danced at the edge of his vision, head going a bit fuzzy. “—sleep it off. Take ibuprofen or something.”

ROSE:

Rose untensed every muscle in her body when Henry softened. She wasn’t prepared to fight him over someone she didn’t even know. Though, she was sure Eric’s endorsement would be enough.

It had to be.

“We need to get him to the hospital, she’s right. Right now. And I know that this isn’t what any of us want, believe me, I don’t want it either… but we need to tell the other guys.” Rose looked at Gabriella hesitantly when she said this. Surely she could read lips. She couldn’t risk giving out names of other hunters to a mermaid, no matter how much they pissed her off. “Eric could have died, hell, we all could have died! It’s bigger than just us now, Hen,” she stepped up beside the boys and lended a hand to Eric.

Looking at the injured one of the trio, “I’m sorry, Eric, but this creature isn’t the kind that can be reasoned with.” Rose was solemn but stern in her delivery. No matter how good some of these monsters pretended to be, at the end of the day they were still monsters. She wouldn’t forget that again.

“Now come on, you need to get help and she--” she sent a pointed look to Gabriella, “needs to get out of here. We can keep her secret, but we can’t protect her.”

HENRY

Henry was snapped out of his poetic moment by the realization that Eric was losing blood. Quickly. He nodded at Gabriella and Rose, then turned his attention to Eric. You weren’t supposed to let injured people lose consciousness. The Order had prepared him for something like this.

He only barely heard what Rose said as he started to get to work. “Right. Sorry. Gabriella, thank you for your help--” It occurred to Henry that he wasn’t sure she could hear him. Blast. Henry didn’t know sign language-- well, he knew a little, being friends with Devyn-- Henry at least knew the sign for ‘thank you’. He signed it quickly and then switched gears, realizing the urgency of the situation.

He looked around for some kind of makeshift bandage, but of course, any supplies were back in the boat. On a splitsecond impulse, Henry pulled his t-shirt off and started wrapping it around Eric’s leg. “Mate. Stay with us. The last thing you want to do is go to sleep, just… keep talking, alright? You’re okay, but we need to--”

That made Henry realize what Rose had just said. He froze, his stomach sinking. Tell Phil? And Tom and John? It was… probably the right thing to do, but after that talk with them a few weeks ago, it was the last thing Henry wanted to do. “Wait, I’m sorry, Rose, did you say we need to tell the other guys?” A wave of anxiety hit him. “Maybe we can just-- everyone’s fine. Eric’s going to be fine.” He shook his head and went back to wrapping Eric’s leg.

GABRIELLA

Gabriella shot the boy, perhaps she would start referring to him as ‘Tonto’ it seemed fitting, when he shook his head. Seriously? Did he have some kind of death wish?

To say she was surprised to see Charming using sign to express gratitude would have been an understatement. It always made her feel some type of way to see someone sign, no matter how little their vocab knowledge, but to get it from the guy who had only just been trying to stick her through with a sword? Couldn’t really put a name to that feeling.

She glanced back and forth between him and the blonde girl as they seemed to talk to one another. This was one of those frustrating moments being deaf, surrounded by hearing people who couldn’t properly talk to her and in a situation where there was no time to do anything else but leave her out of the know. She didn’t know what they were discussing but time was running out for Tonto, her anxiety building up enough for her to turn back to Charming and start to get his attention again. Only then he went to take his shirt off, and, yeah Gabriella was completely lost as to what the-

Oh. She blinked as she watched him apply it to Tonto’s leg. He was helping.

Gabriella wanted to go with them but first she needed to get back to her clothes. She was already embarrassed enough having shown not one, not two!, but three Mundus her tail. There was still some dignity to be left. Only, how did she communicate this?

Tentatively she reached forward for Tonto’s hand. It was too cold, just like it had been the first time. And, like the first time, he was going to be okay. She squeezed his palm and hoped he would understand what she meant when she looked at him. I’ll be back. Then her eyes moved to Charming with a bit of a harder stare and grabbed his hand, too. She put Tonto’s into his and let go. I’m trusting you with him.

With a curt nod to the girl she pulled herself back into the lake and swam off, tail splashing down on the surface.

ERIC

“What’d you mean?” Eric’s face scrunched up at Rose. “It stopped trying to kill me, didn’t it? That’s— that must count for something.”

It was a very odd feeling, the one that was taking residence inside him now. The adrenaline was leaving and something else was coming in to take its place. He felt pissed but without the warmth of the alcohol— he’d just lost all functionality. Eric Andersen really never thought about what he said before it came out of his mouth but now that filter was completely gone. His brain was too busy working on keeping its systems running to pay full attention to all that.

He squinted when Henry took off his shirt and then snorted, his head lulling back heavily. There was an attempt at a low whistle but when that didn’t work he said, “Wa-heey! Oi’, come— come on mate, why’ve you got to show me up?”

Eric turned to Rose, tapping at her to get her attention like he was a school boy all over again, wanting to tell her a funny story about Henry he’d just remembered because, hey, they were all friends now, right? Only he couldn’t get it out in time before Henry moved his leg and Eric let out a startled yell. A hand shot out to punch down against the water to meet the lake floor.

“Fucking hell! Yes! Alright! I’m talking! Happy, are you? Bleeding christ—” He cut himself off when Henry did, eyebrows jumping up. Mirroring the mermaid, his eyes bounced between the two hunters, confused. “Other guys? What other guys—?”

Then the mermaid reached forward to take his hand. Her touch was warm. Such an odd thing. Fish were usually cold, he had always expected mermaids to feel the same way. The look she gave him seemed to be some kind of promise, one he was too out of it to really process before she’d replaced her hand for Henry’s. But the warmth was dragging something else into him, up from his chest, all the exhaustion, all the cold. Feeling Rose and Henry’s touch were such contrasts to the burn beneath his fingernails, the cuts on his face, his leg— the cold, and underneath all of it. Exhaustion that had soaked the blood from his veins and left him light-headed and half dead.

Once again, he watched the mermaid swim away, but this time, he knew she was real. He gripped Henry’s hand and brought the other one up to wrap his fingers around Rose’s arm.

And, this time, he hadn’t been left alone.

#we’re gunna need a bigger boat: shark week part iv #charmedhenry #thehuntress rose #brucewhite #gabriella marino #tw: violence #tw: drowning #tw: blood #tw: slashing #tw: biting

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queenmylovely · 4 years

Text

Wedding Party II

Summary: Ben hardy x fem!reader. A game night between friends will surely take off the tension from whatever’s going on with you and Ben.

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: cussing, building tension, charades

A/N: This is the third and final (multiple) part(s) of my 500 follower celebration!! Thank you so much again to everyone who follows me, including the people that have since I hit 500, cause it’s been a minute, whoops. I was planning three parts for this, but I got into the charades so we’re looking at four instead! (p.s. if you want to try to guess the charade movies before the characters do that’s how I tried to write it lol) Any feedback is super appreciated but especially replies, messages, and asks are super helpful for my writing ‘cause I get to hear what you think!

Part I, Part III, Part IV, Mini i, Mini ii, Masterlist

(yet again wonderful gif by @mrbenhardys)

💖💖💖

Ben couldn’t believe how close he had come to kissing you the other night. He had diverted it last second by kissing your cheek, but even that teetered too far over the line of what was supposed to happen. If fucking someone at Rami’s wedding wasn’t allowed, then developing a full-on crush wasn’t either. But boy was he.

Even though you were the one that had mentioned hearing about him when the two of you first met, he was surprised to see that all of the references to you by his friends hadn’t failed to live up. In fact, he would probably say that what they said didn’t do you justice. Though he wouldn’t advertise it, he had also done a quick instagram stalk and thought you were even more beautiful in person.

Rami hadn’t slipped up like Lucy and mentioned your name specifically when telling him not to sleep with anyone at the wedding, but even so, Ben found all of his focus on you when it came to that rule. Whether it was because you had known of but never met each other for so long or simply because of who you were, you fascinated him.

Which he knew was dangerous in this particular situation. But he reminded himself that he would only have to see you at the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception. He thought that maybe after that something more could develop, but until then he would have to stay on track.

But when Ben got out of the car to head into Rami and Lucy’s building and held the door open for someone behind him, his whole plan was ruined when that person was you.

“Oh, hi!” you said cheerily and he said hi back; you were trying to mask the mixture of excitement and dread you were feeling. Excitement at seeing Ben and spending time with him and dread at seeing Ben and spending time with him.

The two of you walked across the lobby and to the elevator. Ben pushed the button and you waited together. He had the same internal dilemma going on but he just smiled and said, “I can assume you’re going to game night too then?”

“That’s a safe assumption. Haven’t seen you at one of these before,” you pointed out, trying to make casual conversation. The elevator dinged and you both got on, Ben again hitting the button for the correct floor.

“Yeah, my last film had a lot of night scenes and stuff so I was always busy. But that’s in post and my next one will be mainly day shoots so I’ll be able to come to more of these,” Ben explained as the elevator doors opened and the two of you walked into the hallway.

“We’ll be seeing a lot of each other then,” you commented during the short walk to their front door. You reached up and knocked twice.

“Yep.”

Then at the same time, the two of you sighed. Your heads whipped towards each other in confusion and you were both about to say something in response or question when the door opened.

“Ben! Y/N! You made it, and look at you arriving together, already practicing for the wedding, huh?” was Joe’s excited greeting when he opened the door.

“Hey mate, good to see you,” Ben told Joe, giving him a hug.

“Hey Joe,” you said with a smile as you hugged him. Then you teased, “Did Lucy and Rami hire you as their butler or do you just really enjoy opening doors?”

Ben laughed at what you said even though he didn’t have the full context and you felt your cheeks heat up.

As the three of you walked into the apartment Joe just barked out a laugh and told you, “You’re hilarious.”

You smiled at him, “I try.”

Once you reached the living room, you saw both Rami and Lucy there, setting up the snacks. Gwilym was there as well, but he was pouring a couple glasses of wine. They all put down what they were holding and came over to do the usual greetings and such. Apparently, it was only to be you six because some of the other regulars had other obligations.

After everyone had a little plate of snacks and a glass of red or white, Rami began his usual little spiel at the beginning of game nights, “Alright everyone, welcome to game night. We will be playing team games, so partner up now.”

“Dibs on Gwil,” Joe called out, looking directly at you with a smirk. If only he knew how good he had really gotten you.

You shot back, “That’s fine by me. I’m sure Ben will be a great teammate.”

All the same, Ben shot Joe a quick look that he didn’t understand and you shot Lucy a quick this-wasn’t-my-fault look that she accepted with a nod.

Rami continued, “Great, we have three games lined up, but we can play as many times as we like. Lastly, remember that this is strictly a friendly competition, so no sore losers when Lucy and I beat all of you,”

“Oh it’s on,” Joe replied. Then he and Rami got into a little trash-talk.

Ben laughed and turned to you, “Are you competitive?”

“Well… I suppose that’s something one could say about me,” you said with a sheepish smile.

“I hope I’m not too big of a disappointment then, I’m not the best at these types of things,” Ben said with a slightly awkward smile.

“I’m sure you’ll be great,” you said, placing your hand on his shoulder. “Anyway I’m not nearly as competitive as them.”

You nodded towards Rami and Joe who were jokingly getting in each other’s faces, unable to hold back their own laughter. Ben and you burst into laughter, joining Gwil and Lucy’s at the sight. It took you a second longer to realize that your hand was still on Ben’s shoulder. You only did because Ben had looked at it and you removed it before it became so awkward you had to leave.

Luckily, Rami and Joe were done with their shenanigans and everyone was ready to start the first game. It turned out to be charades and little slips of paper were quickly divided between the three groups.

Rami and Lucy went first and both were ridiculously quick at guessing each other’s answers. You supposed it came with living together and such as well as being actors.

Then Gwil and Joe were up and they didn’t fare quite as well. For some reason, Joe was being far too elaborate with his acting and would mime putting on a swimsuit, putting on sunscreen, swimming, and then being chased by something just to get Jaws. Gwil was good at the charade as soon as he actually started, but he seemed to overthink every word before he started.

Finally, it was you and Ben. You went first, saying before you started, “Sorry I’m literally the only non-actor here.”

Ben waved you off with a laugh. Then Lucy flipped the timer over and you quickly opened the first slip. It said Jurassic Park and you breathed a quick sigh of relief. Then you pointed at Joe, put your hand to the height of a little kid and did T-Rex arms.

“Jurassic Park!” Ben exclaimed and though Joe said something about that not being fair, you moved on.

Next you mimed taking a ring off and holding it up to your eyes, staring at it intensely.

“Lord of the Rings, next!”

The next one was harder, but you got going. First, you pretended to be eating toast and coffee. Second, you did some characters: one with crossed arms and a frown, one flexing muscles, one reading a book and pushing up glasses, one flipping their hair and giggling, and one pulling their hair and shaking their head.

“Okay, okay, eating and drinking, a meal? Breakfast? Breakfast. And these are different people? I don’t know that first one. Then a jock? A nerd? A pretty girl? Oh, oh! The Breakfast Club!” Ben shouted, looking proud of himself for getting it and you couldn’t help but smile before moving onto the next one.

You ended up getting five before time ran out, just one less than Lucy had on her turn. Now it was Ben’s turn to do the charading and you were ready to be the one guessing.

As you switched spots, Ben whispered to you with a smile, “Good job.”

Trying not to show your happiness at his little praise, you just nodded and returned a whisper of, “Thanks.”

Ben got ready, doing a little jog in place warmup as a joke and you probably laughed harder than necessary. Then Lucy counted down from three and flipped over the timer.

As Ben picked up the first slip, you leaned forward to pay attention.

With a nod, Ben started his first charade. He mimed someone in the shower and for a quick second you pictured what he would look like in the shower. But once you said shower, he moved to the next part, getting out of the “shower” and then whipping back the curtain and pumping his from near his head to in front of him again and again. Then you realized that he was pretending to stab someone.

“Psycho!” you yelled and Ben grinned.

After picking up the next slip the first thing Ben did was scrunch up his face in a snarl, crouching down to all fours and making a hand into a claw, stalking closer to you. You felt a weird mixture of apprehensiveness and something else as he got closer and had to remind yourself this was a clue.

Ben was only about a foot away from your legs before you blurted out, “Cat, uh, lion, tiger!”

Tiger was the one so Ben stood up and then mimed rowing a boat. You thought for a second before quickly stating, “Life of Pi.”

Two more slips later, you were only two away from a tie with Lucy and Rami and you had about thirty seconds on the clock.

Ben snatched up another slip and read it, a frown taking over his face for a second. Then he recovered and started miming drumming. Next he did guitar and keyboards then singing.

“Drums. Ok, guitar, keyboards, oh a band!” you said and Ben nodded before moving on.

Next he started dancing, which you could hardly stop from laughing at, but just because it was cute. He was doing lots of 70’s moves like the hustle, YMCA, John Travolta’s move from Saturday Night Fever, and others you didn’t know the name for.

“The hustle. Um, YMCA? The Village People? Disco?” you said as you tried to stifle your giggles.

Ben nodded quickly and then motioned to keep going.

“Um… a disco… band?” you questioned and got another carry on gesture from Ben. “ABBA?”

After a thumbs up, Ben mimed the sign for movies and then singing and it came to you and you jumped up, “Mamma Mia!”

“Yes!” Ben exclaimed right as Lucy called out time. He came over to you by the couch and brought you into a tight hug that almost lifted you off the ground and you laughed out loud in surprise.

Lucy cleared her throat and you and Ben let each other go quickly, turning to look at her. She just raised an eyebrow and smirked, “You know you two didn’t actually get enough to tie me and Rami.”

“Good thing it was just a friendly competition,” you pointed out with an equally fraught with meaning smile.

“And we have two more games to try and beat you guys,” Ben pointed out, with a regular smile.

“Actually, I think you mean that you have two more games to lose to us,” Joe cut in, breaking all the tension and making everyone laugh good-naturedly.

The night went on and in the end Rami and Lucy did win because while they lost to you and Ben in trivia, they beat everyone during taboo. Poor Gwil and Joe didn’t win anything, though they claimed that was because they were out of practice.

Once the games were done, music was turned on and everyone got to chatting. You were talking with Joe and Rami about New York and the other three were talking about their upcoming projects more in depth.

Then you realized your drink was running low and excused yourself to go refill it. What you didn’t see as you were walking over to where the wine was was Ben jumping up and excusing himself to do the same.

Just as you were reaching to grab a bottle, you heard him say, “Allow me.”

You turned to realize he was standing just a step behind you and you slowly placed the bottle in his outstretched hand. Then he reached around you to set down his glass and grab yours and you sucked in a breath at the feeling of him just barely brushing against you.

Ben started pouring the wine and as he was doing so, looked up at you with a hint of a smirk on his face.

You realized you were probably just staring at him with your mouth open so you fixed your face and said, “So is this becoming a thing? Are you always going to make my drinks for me?”

Ben laughed lightly and handed your glass back to you. As he picked up his glass, his arm grazed your waist and you had to physically take a step back so you wouldn’t take one forward and kiss him.

Then you heard loud laughter coming from the couches and you both looked to see Rami sitting on Lucy’s lap, both of them laughing so hard they could barely breathe. You smiled at the joy and Ben looked at you with a smile.

“They’re so in love,” he commented and you nodded, a dreamy look in your eyes.

“I’m so excited for the wedding. It’ll be beautiful,” you replied. “I’ve been to a lot of weddings and not everyone’s meant for it but they are.”

“Really?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, some of them are more in it for the wedding than the actual marriage you know?” Ben nodded. “Luce and Rami want a special day, but it’s more important to them who’s there than what it looks like.”

“I had a mate from primary who must’ve had over 300 people at his wedding. I didn’t even get to talk to him and we had been best mates when we were young, so they’re definitely doing the right thing with quality over quantity too,” Ben told you.

“Wow, yeah. I guess along the same lines I can see what Lucy means. But it was a little much to tell me we couldn’t--” you stopped yourself right before revealing that you weren’t allowed to sleep with Ben to Ben. You hoped that Ben didn’t notice your abrupt stop, but he did, his brows furrowing.

“We couldn’t…?” he asked, his thoughts flashing to his conversation with Rami.

“I just-- we, like, the guests, couldn’t-- well shouldn’t-- or it’d be better to--”

“Hey Y/N, who was it from our class that got married recently with that wild theme wedding?” Lucy called over to you, and you quickly took it as a chance to get out of this conversation with Ben.

So you turned to Lucy and as you spoke, and slowly walked over to where they were, leaving Ben to either stay where he was alone or join everyone else in the conversation, “It was Amanda. And the theme was that elf… village? From Lord of the Rings, the one where Cate Blanchett lived.”

“Lothlórien,” Gwil informed everyone.

“Sure. Some of it went over my head, but it was pretty,” you commented. By that time, Ben had taken a seat next to you, his thigh touching yours. The conversation turned into a debate about theme weddings but it was hard to stay fully focused with Ben’s warmth interrupting your thoughts. Those damn thighs aren’t fair, you complained to yourself.

This time, you were the first to get up to leave since you had brunch with a friend the next morning.

“Are you good to drive?” Lucy asked since you had had three glasses of wine.

“Oh, I took an uber here, so I was just going to take another one back,” you answered.

“This late at night?” she asked, a worried look on her face.

“Well I always kinda take ubers this late…” you mumbled.

“You know what? I have something tomorrow too, I can take you home. I’ve only had a glass and a half,” Ben suggested, holding up his half full glass as proof.

“Oh, you don’t have--” you started but were interrupted.

“Per-fect!” Lucy said with a smile and you resigned yourself to accepting the ride.

You and Ben gathered your things and then said your goodbyes, getting hugs and kisses from all, especially Lucy who was four glasses in and a little tipsy.

Then you and Ben walked out of the apartment, following the same path you had taken together only a couple hours ago. You chatted about this and that but you were more focused on how your hands would brush against each other every fifth step or so than the conversation.

That is until Ben said, “So you’ve never used my number.”

You weren’t expecting that so you coughed in surprise before answering, “Well, I texted you saying it was me so you had mine too.”

“Well… okay,” Ben said a little sheepishly.

“Okay,” you responded before pulling out your phone. You went to your Instagram dms and found a meme that you thought he would like and sent it to him. “There you go, I used it.”

Ben took out his phone when he got the notification and opened it, laughing when he saw what it was, “Oh my gosh, this is so cute. You know I have a dog.”

“You do?” you asked, getting excited.

“Yeah her name’s Frankie. Here,” he replied, going to his home screen where you could see a picture of just about the cutest beagle you’ve ever seen.

“Oh my goodness, she’s adorable. Ugh I love her,” you said, going a little goo-goo at the sight of the dog. It helped that owning a dog was always an item on your pro list for guys.

“She’s the best. Oh, here we are,” Ben said, gesturing to his car.

The two of you got in, but before he turned on the engine Ben said, “Here, watch this video of her.”

Ben leaned over the console to show you and you met him halfway, both of you turning your eyes down to the phone to watch Frankie running around what you would assume is Ben’s apartment, fresh from a bath. You and Ben laughed at her antics and when she jumped up on the couch and wiggled around on her back, Ben’s groan in the video and groan in real life synched up and you lost it.

Ben couldn’t help but laugh too, but he said, “Hey, that left a stain, that’s a suede couch.”

That just made you laugh harder and soon both you and Ben were leaning on each other for support as you tried to catch your breath. As your laughter finally died down, you looked up at Ben, whose face was only a few inches from yours and as a couple more giggles passed your lips, you couldn’t help but steal a glance at Ben’s. You looked back at his eyes and caught him doing the same, biting your lip in anticipation. Both of you leaned a little closer, a little closer, until you were so close you could feel Ben’s breath on your lips.

Then your phone’s ringtone went off, louder than reasonable and you both jumped in surprise. You picked it up again and saw that it was Lucy calling.

“Yes, Lucy?” you answered with a bit of a sigh, your rational mind returning and reminding you that you weren’t supposed to kiss Ben.

“I forgot to tell you to text me when you get home!” she practically yelled and you held the phone away from your ear. You could hear Rami shushing her on the other end.

“Okay, I will, don’t worry, Luce,” you reassured her before saying a quick goodbye and hanging up.

Ben had turned on the engine and was starting to pull out of the parking space.

“She just wanted me to let her know when I get home,” you explained.

“Yeah I heard,” Ben said with a laugh. “Just, uh, tell me where to go.”

“Oh yeah,” you replied, remembering that he was taking you to your house and not back to his.

💖💖💖

Permanent taglist: @riseetothesun @caborhapch @drowseoftaylor @queenlover05 @johndeaconshands @supersonicfreddie

Series taglist: @killer-queen-87 @theprettyandthereckless @radiob-l-a-hblah @theonsasheart @hannafuckingsucks

If you would like to be added to the taglist for this little series or my permanent one, just send me a message or ask!

#dont worry Lucy wouldn't keep them from riding together if it meant reader wasn't being safe. she's a g #but can she stop interrupting their moments??#bohemian rhapsody #borhap #ben hardy #ben jones #wedding party #queenmylovely #fic #series #fluff #bohemian rapsody movie #bohemian rhapsody x reader #borhap boys #borhap cast #borhap x reader #ben hardy x reader #benhardy #bohemianrhapsody

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nshnaerh · 3 years

Text

The official money in cricket is big

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dragonrajafanfiction · 3 years

Text

Dragon Dancer IV: Memory Lane

Had this been any other scene, I would have thought the the two weren’t well matched. Lu Mingze, who looked like a middle school child on his way to prom, held a frigid and superior glint in his eye, looking at Lu Mingfei like a stork would look at a fish. Lu Mingfei on the other hand, a man in his twenties, held a resolute expression, but the twitch in his wrist revealed his nerves.

“Didn’t I promise you, brother, that you could have anything you want... almost anything, for the price of your body... your soul?” Mingze spoke softly, almost soothingly, like he was trying to persuade someone away from the ledge of a building, while at the same time, not really caring whether or not he jumped. “And haven’t I dealt fairly with you? Right after we got off this boat, did you save Nono and kill the King of Bronze and Fire?”

“Only... I couldn’t give you the credit. So you were still sad and lonely. Even if you couldn’t admit it.”

The young boy gave a bitter laugh, but his eyes were sad, his expression disappointed.

Lu Mingfei said nothing as he listened, but he didn’t smile or joke around. The turbulent wind lifted the waves under the boat and it crashed hard against the rough surf but both kept their balance.

“I could have killed Caesar and given you Nono, but you didn’t want that either. I don’t understand, brother. You could easily have the power to take the victory against all the hybrids in the world. But you would rather fight me to stay in your miserable life? Why?”

“Don’t act like you care about me, little devil.” Lu Mingfei finally spoke and his voice came out as a soft, hoarse whisper. “You only want my soul. You don’t care about how I feel or how miserable my life is. Or else you wouldn’t make such an unreasonable bargain.”

“How is it unreasonable? The amount of power I grant is the greatest in the world. It’s unreasonable to ask for a discount because you’re too cowardly to pay the price.” He said, his voice taking on a hard edge.

“Shut up.” Mingfei’s voice grew softer.

“Alright. You’re the big brother. If you want me to shut up, I will. But we don’t have to be enemies like this.”

I looked to Mingfei. Even though both brandished weapons, neither were eager to be the first to attack.

“Aren’t you going to take revenge on this world that ignores you, puts you down and manipulates you? What have I done to turn you against me and take the side of the world that mistreats you?”

Mingfei’s eyes, which had been downcast and pensive snapped into focus. He crossed the distance between them in a single blurred motion. The blades pressed against each other, squealing as they scraped along their length. “All of this is your fault.”

“Is it?” Mingze suddenly dropped to the floor, landing on the palm of his hand and lifting himself from the deck, drilling both of his feet into Mingfei’s stomach in a flying kick. He let his feet drop and leaped again, slamming his skull into his chin.

Mingfei staggered hard against the railing, dazed, blood tricking from his split lip.

“All of this is my fault?” Mingze stalked forward, crouching low like a prowling lion. “You have no idea of the ways of the world, and even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Everyone around you is telling you... you almost believed them. But she dissuaded you. She lulled you back into your dream. And well... here we are.”

“It’s not me you’re fighting, brother. You’re fighting the truth. I think you know...”

Lu Mingfei wiped the blood from his lip. “If you have something to say, you should say it!”

Mingze stopped his advance. He straightened up, growing cool again. “No... you wont’ believe me. It’s easier to show you.”

He turned and looked at me. He moved unnaturally fast, like a pouncing eagle. But I wasn’t slow either. I caught his arm before he could plunge the knife into my chest.

His smile was absolutely delighted. “You’ve gotten stronger! Amazing!”

I pushed his arm away and kicked hard at his knees, but he was faster. My neck caught his forearm and I was knocked into rail and somersaulted overboard.

I heard Lu Mingfei calling for me but dark tentacles reached up and wrapped around my neck and arms, dragging me into the depths of the water. I could see the moonlight above my head shimmering in the water’s surface. The dark blue began to close in.

“Mingfei!”

I sat up. The world smelled of gasoline and garbage. Where was I now? An alley? I was in a city. A place I didn’t recognize. Across the street, a bright sign advertised an internet cafe in bright Chinese characters, but the cafe was closed.

“Mingfei?”

I gathered myself to my feet. This wasn’t my dream. These had to be Mingfei’s dreams. I was wet, but then again, it was raining. The dirt and the rain mixed together, staining my white skirt. I examined my clothes, wondering why I was wearing these.

Dark shadows suddenly appeared in the entrance of the alley. Four men approached, all of Chinese descent. They sneered at me, licking their lips. One snapped a pocketknife in his hand, opened and closed.

“I’m not a helpless girl.” I told them. “You’d best move along.”

They weren’t listening. They actually started laughing. I pressed my lips together and prepared to fight. Even in the dream world, I was still a hybrid.

I didn’t bother waiting for them to attack first. I went for the knife, grabbing the mans wrist and using his natural twitch response to propel my foot into his face. My momentum carried me over his head. I planted both hands on his shoulders like a gymnast on the bar. My legs opened in a full split, the heads of the men on either side of them making a satisfying crack.

I landed easily and turned to face them again. I expected them to back off but now they seemed to be twice as large. In the blink of an eye, thye’d turned into monsters with batlike wings and eyes that burned like torches. They screeched, lashing out with claws like meat hooks that tore at my clothes and ripped into my skin.

“Meixiu!” Mingfei charged into the group.

But Servitors were nothing to be fighting without heavy weapons or a Soul Skill. He threw a punch that could have split a man’s skull but the Servitor’s head was firm like granite. Instead, it grabbed Mingfei’s arm and sank its teeth into him.

“Meixiu! Run! Run! Get out of here!” Blood gushed down his arm and splattered on the ground. His arc knives made gashes in the flesh of the monsters but he was surrounded and seconds from being overwhelmed.

I couldn’t run. If he died in this dream, he might never wake up! As I ran back into the fray, I heard a voice. “You remember this... don’t you brother?”

Mingze was watching, standing the rain, positively gleeful. “Do you remember what happened?”

I had no idea what he was referring to and I didn’t care. I leaped onto the back of one that was sneaking up behind him and dug my fingers into its eyes.

“Argh!” A spine suddenly protruded from its back and pierced me about a half an inch. I staggered away and landed, falling to my side. The pain was unbearable.

“Damn it!” Mingfei’s voice drew my eyes open. It wasn’t a normal human voice, but deepening and snarling with hatred. I looked up.

Mingfei roared in a fury, his eyes burned molten gold. He grabbed the servitor that had injured me by the head and gave it a savage twist. My stomach turned at the dull gravelly crunch. The servitor collapsed, lying prone, but his head turned completely around, staring into the rain with a permanent expression of surprise.

Mingfei dismantled these creatures, striking their joints into unnatural positions. Each blow made the air tremble and the armored skin of his opponents shattered like glass until he alone stood among writhing bodies, his eyes burning, staring into space.

Mingze was silent, expressionless.

I opened my mouth to call to him, but nothing came out.

#Dragon Raja #Fanfiction #Lu Mingfei #Lu Mingze

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human-trash-fire · 4 years

Text

Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.”

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit.

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself.

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that.

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He’d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him.

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins.

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him.

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out.

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror.

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten.

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?”

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior.

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in.

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled.

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped.

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled.

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…”

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed.

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door.

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night.

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.”

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate.

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door.

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper.

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall” The War- SYML

“Chase The Void” For What It’s Worth- Malia J

#bd au #pynch #pynch fic #Adam Parrish #ronan lynch #ronan x adam #blue sargent #gansey #richard campbell gansey iii #gangsey #soulmate au

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