#ive never done that before and i dont know how to wish me luck | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

night-dark-woods · 2 months

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hi everyone please wish me luck not slaughtering my egotistical manchild coworkers who have repeatedly lied to my fucking face please. thank you.

events under the cut bc my complaining got so long.

- i am the inventory coordinator. it is my literal formal job title. i count the inventory i shoot the outs i handle item replacements when something is discontinued, price changes, defectives/thefts, and product resets.

- this role does not actually give me the authority to scold people it just makes it my responsibility to fix. i get my job done by doing an elaborate dance of staying on everyone's good side like a spy going through bank vault lasers.

- gay republican dickhead hardware manager (i am one of two people who has an even marginally good working relationship with him. but he will never be fired bc the store owner likes him) has decided that im not doing outs as frequently as he wants (it was holiday season. and i had covid. and also no one recovers their fucking sections so a 7 section aisle takes me an hour bc the old hardware men are too busy talking about how back in their day domestic abuse was fine to front and face).

- he decided a month ago to delegate this to the guy who has literally had his product ordering privileges revoked for ordering five THOUSAND key rings and FIFTEEN HUNDRED YARDSTICKS. because he doesnt understand order multiples.

- we had an argument about it bc i have CHECKED this man's work before and literally half of them were wrong, and i asked him POLITELY not to fucking count. he has tried to zero the same item that people love to take off the hook and leave sitting on the shelf below it. SIX TIMES. in the last few months. SIX. TIMES. it has been SITTING on the SHELF in FULL VIEW. and he has tried to zero it.

- i thought this was settled, because Gay Republican has been checking in with me before counting stuff.

- today i came in and Incompetent Guy had some stuff in the counting program (unfinalized). i was like okay fine whatever. ill check on it before i finalize what i have to do. and then i went to do it and his stuff was gone! and i was like huh. hey Gay Republican did you finalize it? and he was like no. and i was like huh. so i check the record and Incompetent Guy finalized it HIMSELF.

- this retroactively makes sense of all the times he's Skedaddled avoiding eye contact away from the computer when i come over to do smth, like a dog with something in its mouth it knows it shouldnt have.

- i lose my shit in the back to a different coworker and also text the gm about how to pull his permissions, he definitely overhears me. i also complain to store manager.

- i figure out how to pull permissions and do it.

- Incompetent Guy (who has been avoiding me) walks by me an hour later and then makes a joke to Gay Republican about how he's "going to have to start taking notes again."

FUCKING. MAYBE DONT GO BEHIND MY BACK TRYING TO DO MY JOB WHEN YOU CANT DO IT AND IVE EXPLICITLY ASKED YOU NOT TO!!!

if youre WORRIED im not on top of it. or you WANT me to delegate. FUCKING TELL ME LIKE A CIVIL ADULT. dont go behind my FUCKING BACK like a CHILD.

because this ALL ENDS UP MY PROBLEM TO FUCKING FIX IN THE END. and if you just LET ME DO MY LITERAL JOB. AND DO YOUR OWN. it will take me TWENTY MINUTES. but instead we have to be FUCKING children about it and heres the thing i WILL win the fucking blackmail backstab game if you want to play that way!!! because im on fucking everyones good side!!!

#my posts #workposting #ALL I WANT IS TO DO MY LITERAL JOB. CAN WE ALL PLEASE BE CIVIL FUCKING ADULTS.

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mueritos · 2 years

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how does one get noticed as an artist? I have multiple platforms for my art like DA, Tumblr, and Ko-Fi, but it feels like everything gets drowned out by the sheer multitude of better artists. which, ya know, is kinda sucky bc my comm slots have been collecting dust for a month (and never mind I'm in a rough financial spot). I'm told my stuff is good, but that's from my small niche of friends, so it just feels obligatory :/

Hmm. This is really difficult to answer considering every social media platform works differently. Algorithms are constantly changing, so it makes it even more difficult to catch on. Posting everyday gets you the most engagement, and even with hundreds or thousands of followers, only half of them will see your posts because you arent posting regularly. ill insert a readmore.

I cant tell you how this all works because I refuse to learn how it works. Ive always just posted whenever I wanted, posted whatever I wanted, and have been doing so for many years. But I have found several things that have gotten me noticed have contributed to my growth. Before that, a really great art youtuber, Kelsey Rodriguez, does a really good job at giving advice regarding growing on social media as an artist and how to the run the business and growth side while managing the art, so Id check those out.

having a larger project, like a comic.

having a comic, and it doesnt have to be a webtoon or published on a comic hosting site, not only forces you to improve in your art by constantly drawing and experimenting, it also gives you something to post regularly. Posting regularly is important, and even if its only once or twice a week, the crucial part is that its consistent. this is more likely to give your followers content to look at, but it can attract people who relate or enjoy your comic, and can help solidify an audience. Ive done two comics so far, and my first one allowed me to understand how to draw them, and my second one allowed me to understand how to have fun with them. Both times I continued to grow an audience who enjoyed not only the comic, but myself and my other art.

fanart (unfortunately)

fanart often gets more views than original art, which is unfortunate because lots of people have awesome ocs and original art that should be noticed. but people like having context and lore to whatever theyre seeing, and if its connected to something they already know, it can bring them more joy than to look at something theyre unfamiliar with. While i dont draw fanart as much as I used to, drawing it regularly (i used to do a lot of anime fanart back in hs), can help build you an audience of people who enjoy the same media as you! it can help boost you even more if you draw fanart for smaller bands, shows, books, etc, because tagging creators or staff who have worked on those media can sometimes get them to like and share the post as well!

other artist interaction

you need to build relationships with other artists. I have to admit this has been difficult with me, but if you have artist friends online who also have an audience, you can all work together to introduce your audience to each others' art. many of my mutuals have similar followers, and this is because we all hype each other up, share each others art, and tell people about each others art. sometimes all it takes is for one mutual to share your art for you to gain an influx of hundreds of followers.

Overall, I want to encourage you to continue drawing. Commissions are not the end all be all of your value; you need to build an audience, build experience, and build consistency before you come to that point where people will commission you. Its a difficult reality, screaming into the void, but once you realize youre not the only one, you start to build connections and community with other artists for support.

I wish u the best of luck!

#muertoresponds #art stuff #i wud b more than happy to boost an comm forms or donation funds btw!

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ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty · 3 years

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The way one brother acts so desperately and helplessly when the others humanity is in danger is insane.

Dean was fighting to keep Sam human. He would rather have him die than become a monster. Sam was fighting to keep dean safe from his "destiny", so he wouldn't have to go through what sam went through. He knows what it's like to not be quite human, and he didn't want dean to have to go through that like he did. He didn't want dean to use his body and risk his humanity to be the weapon like he had to.

#i just rewatched the s9 finale and now i am in my feels #i was listening to sams little speech there and it really reminded me of deans in s4...so ofc i had to make a post sksksk #and yeah...i just dont know how to think about this skdisk #also imma try and queue this post #ive never done that before and i dont know how to wish me luck #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #sam and dean #gencest #spn meta #spn s9 finale #spn s9 #supernatural s9 #spn s4 #supernatural s4 #when the levee breaks

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cinefairy · 2 years

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LAW OF ASSUMPTION : THE WHOLE RUN-DOWN

this is gonna be a long-ish ass post, so grab a snack, here is the whole rundown of law of assumption. im gonna be telling you how to manifest, quotes, success stories and limiting beliefs + how to get rid of them and more. ive made a similar post but since then ive gotten new followers and more people have joined the community.

⋆ ☾ : what is law of assumption?

law of assumption in simple definition is: WHATEVER YOU ASSUME, YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR REALITY. for example if you were assuming into your reality that you own a million dollar house, BY LAW that million dollar house is yours! you will have it in your reality in no-time.

ALL ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN TO A FACT

⋆ ☾ : if it’s that easy then why do people fail?

first of all you cannot “fail” in law of assumption, there is never failure in law of assumption. the law cannot fail you. people simply don’t get their desires for many reasons which i will go through.

1. THEY ARE IN THE “WAITING” ZONE.

this is a common mistake and i see it all the time, you are NOT WAITING FOR YOUR DESIRES, your desires are yours. once you assume creation is finished and your desire is yours, thats it. its done. start maintaining the state of wish fulfilled.

state of wish fulfilled isn’t being happy or excitement its the fulfilment and acceptance that your manifestation is yours, its a natural feeling.

2. THEY GO BACK TO THE OLD STORY

“your assumption to be effective, cannot be a single isolated act, it must be a maintained attitude of wish fulfilled” — Neville Goddard

you cannot serve two masters at once, to successfully manifest you must kill the old beliefs you’ve had. for example if you’re manifesting a new desired appearance you can’t keep persisting in the assumption that you’re ugly and start tearing yourself apart, you must persist in the assumption that you HAVE your desired appearance.

3. THEY LET EXTERNAL FACTORS DICTATE THEIR MANIFESTATION

if right now you’re currently seeing things that you’re unhappy with DARE TO ASSUME THE BEST LIFE YOU WANT. any circumstance you are in you can get it out of the way, time is not an obstacle. nothing is when you’re a god, assume big and beautiful because there is nothing you cant have.

i understand majority of us are in undesirable circumstances so i do have a post if you’re struggling here

4. THEY ASSUME THEY HAVE TO DO A LOT OF THINGS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT

THIS IS WRONG! you do not have to lift a finger to get what you want, you can stay in the comfort of your bed and home to get your dream life, the only thing you have to do is get out of the comfort zone of a victim mindset. methods, yes they’re helpful but are they necessary? no. you do not have to do the void, SATs, scripting, 5x55 or 3x33 or lullaby method to get what you want. you just need yourself and your mind.

5. THEY HAVE A FEAR OF FAILURE

as i mentioned before, you cannot fail. so GO ALL IN, start taking that leap of faith, nothing bad will happen, start believing in yourself and start having faith within yourself because trust me YOU CAN. you can do it.

majority of people have this longing fear that they’re wasting their time but it WILL WORK and its NOT A WASTE OF TIME. the biggest risk is sitting there idly by not doing anything and staying in the same position when know all this power you have!

6. LACK OF SELF CONCEPT

self concept is something everyone will benefit from no matter what, take it from me. when i focused on my self concept i got better treatment from other people, people treated me with respect, i treated myself with respect, toxicity out of my life, fortune and luck everywhere i go.

our concept of ourselves revolves around our manifestations; if you always thought of yourselves as ugly, a loser, stupid you don’t have that self respect for yourself and you dont feel worthy enough. look at rihanna, rihanna treats herself highly and so does everyone else around her. why? because she has a high concept of herself SHE KNOWS she deserves to be treated with the upmost respect and she reflects that.

⋆ ☾ : so it’s really that easy?

YES! it really is that easy, a lot of people don’t think its easy because of the way they VIEW it. some people view law of assumption as a job or a chore when it really isnt. we assume everyday without even realising it, when we see food that looks gross to us we assume that it most-likely tastes like absolute garbage and because we assumed so..IT IS!

that girl in your school who you think is a snobby little privileged bully? if you changed their assumption on them and replaced it with new beliefs and maintained those new beliefs they would change.

⋆ ☾ : limiting beliefs and how to overcome them

limiting beliefs are normal and is completely common to have but its what we do with our limiting beliefs and how to overcome them so we can do so truly fo so much with our potential that we have.

common limiting beliefs

1. manifesting physical appearances take longer

that couldn’t be any further from the truth, manifesting physical appearances can happen instantly like any single manifestation out there however “unrealistic” it may sound.

2. it takes takes weeks to reprogram your subconscious mind

who made this UP?? it really does depend on yourself, reprogramming your subconscious isnt a MUST, you just have to change beliefs, do not force yourself. again, it can take instantly.

3. you need to affirm for a long period of time

no, you absolutely dont. you can affirm for a second you can affirm for a couple of minutes do not go overboard and create these limiting beliefs yourself. stop putting limitations on your true powers, your subconscious is your higher god self and it absorbs everything.

4. “Impressing the subconscious mind”

DO NOT EVER THINK FOR ONE SECOND YOU HAVE TO “IMPRESS” YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND. your subconscious is yourself, why are you impressing yourself. your subconscious is not something out of you it is within you. you do not have to impress a thing- and a lot of people say you have to with even increases the limiting belief that you have to say tons of affirmations for the desire to “fully sink in and manifest”. that’s completely wrong.

and can i just say, you have the full responsibility of the life you choose to make. nobody else you do not have to follow the life other people have set up for you, go your own way. and also, there is no one higher above dictating whether you get your desires or not. YOU dictate and decide your desires, nobody else.

⋆ ☾ : how to manifest

in the most simplest way i am going to tell you how to exactly manifest, this time with no methods with not even lifting a finger how to manifest anything you want in life.

ASSUME WHAT YOU WANT TO BE

want that car? assume it. want to be a celebrity? assume it. want to date a celebrity? assume it. want to have your dream desired appearance? assume it is DONE. thats it, thats actually it.

If you assume your desire and live there as though it were true, no power on earth can stop it from becoming a fact — Neville GODDARD.

Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. — Neville GODDARD

Your opinion on yourself is your most important viewpoint, you are infinitely greater than you think you are — Neville GODDARD

now i want you to imagine your dream self, how do they look? how do they dress? how do they talk? how do they smell? are they smart? poise? beautiful? how do people react when they see your dream person walk into a room? now. that dream person you just imagined, is YOU. its not a dream. stop thinking that something you want is a far distant imagination that you will never reach, its not. its anything but.

have the same thoughts as you would if all assumptions were true. for example, if i was manifesting becoming an oscar-winning actress who works with best actors and actresses in the business i would be having thoughts such as…

“I am the best winning actress ever”

“I never fail at acting, I always bring my A game”

“i always work with the best people on earth, and i am so grateful for that”

“I really am that BITCH.”

see? i would embody mentally the person i want to become, and assume in it’s fullest.

this is also what you call LIVING IN THE END, living in the end is what you call THINKING FROM and not THINKING OF. you are thinking from the perspective of your manifestation already being materialised.

a motivation letter from me. . . ♡

trust me when i say you can do it, you can manifest having whatever you want in life and let nobody tell you any different. thats all their silly limiting beliefs that they’re telling you, you don’t have to believe them. start believing in the imagination. start trusting yourself because you are the operant power who holds everything together. you’re amazing, smart, beautiful in your own unique way, you’re YOU. you are so unique and you’re made up of all these beautiful thoughts and you’ll soon use those thoughts to manifest everything you could ever wish for you. now, if it ever gets too tough for you. thats okay :) no need to panic or feel any threat. you can get through it. how many situations have you been in that you felt it was the end of the world? and look at you you’re still here thriving. one day you’re gonna finally be able to wake up and realise the world you’ve created around you and say “i’ve made it”

success stories here

• apartment manifestation

• penthouse manifestation

• desired face manifestation

• self concept manifestation

• multiple success stories here

• desired chin manifestation

• iphone 11 manifestation

#law of assumption #affirmations #manifestation #manifesting #dream life #neville goddard #law of attraction #success story #glowup #life goals #law of abundance #manifesting tips #joseph murphy #witchcraft #spirtitual #spirituality #shifting

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theunconcernedembalmer · 3 years

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how do u handle ur social anxiety? ive been struggling a lot with it lately to the point ive sorta been breaking down and what better way for advice than to ask someone that comforts u (mun[?] too)

Mun... might have something more useful for you.

aesops way of coping is probably avoidance but we all know that aint the best way aha. anyway this was one ask i could not stop thinking about because i read it n went (john mulaney voice) Huh my anxiety never got so bad till a break down, n then it happened to me a few days later. i do find this funny yes

anyway, the most useful thing ive learnt to handle my social anxiety (not entirely tho but its a good start) is to identify which trains of thought is Social Anxiety tm speaking so u can immediately know those r lies. stuff like Oh they’re laughing at me just as I walk by, they’re laughing at me, or Someone else is here, they probably hate me, I should go somewhere else but I cant, aaaaaaaaaaaaa

(if im not wrong,) usually theyre statements that are along the lines of “they hate you” or “you’re wrong”, n they’re based off an irrational fear of others that can be countered using evidence or, well, logic and rationale. things like “No one is keeping a checklist of your mistakes, you’re literally the only one doing that and scrutinizing each one of them, others dont care so much about these things.” (ive found this to be a very good counterargument to use for a lot of situations so im bolding it) or “You wouldn’t think that if someone else messes up, it should be the same for them. And if they say it isnt a big deal, it probably isnt”. for me i usually keep repeating these more logical explanations n counterarguments to myself to kinda quell the social anxiety voice for a bit. i know there are cases that it doesnt work 100%, but its a good start

n if ur also like me who avoids eating/ getting food cos theres human interaction involved, i kinda try to get my friends to drag me out whenever possible. no shame, even a simple “hey lets drop by the convenience store later so i can grab a snack” is better than starving for like. a day or so. its also cos of this whenever i plan my schedule for the day, i see if i can plan it such that its convenient for me to get food for both lunch and dinner (sorry im not one for breakfast aha). n also i find that if i dont like the food (sorry im a very picky eater), i would rather starve than eat, so now im willing to pay a bit more for food i like n will eat

or just having someone else to talk to about these kinds of things, and kinda having a second opinion of “was that weird of me” or “should i have done that” with someone (ppl give advice better to others than to themselves aha) really helps, i think. u could probably also ask for advice maybe (like this? XD) ((after i had a small meltdown that day i went to my boyfriend’s to complain for an hour n honestly that helped me to release a lot of distressed energy n its better than stewing in it for the rest of the day + i got some advice that i slowly worked on when i was feeling up to it enough))

im also still kinda bad at small talk with strangers, especially ppl whom i just met. i find a small trick to this (that again does not work all the time) is to try to find a relevant topic (background is also fine i guess, depends on context), n as they answer find something about their answer that u can branch off into another topic. it could be a personal anecdote that is remotely related to that topic, it just gives u things to talk about aha (eg someone saw me drawing n commented that one of their friends also draws, n i started talking about how i used to get really bad grades in art class. which wasnt quite the topic but it worked). n when ur ending ur turn to talk, try to have something that the other person can comment on/ answer. having said that, this is hard if the other person is equally awkward/ doesnt give u much to branch off on from their replies (i mean they really only answer your question n rarely elaborates unless prompted. eg “what did you have for lunch?” “pasta.” “oh, what kind?” “carbonara.”). then i say its only as awkward as u make it to be, perhaps u would be better off kinda just sitting together in silence. its not weird unless u make it, n not every moment has to be filled with conversation.

thank u so much for this ask by the way, social anxiety is a huge bitch to have n it sucks extra much that a lot of our fears seem incredibly stupid from a “normal” point of view n we are constantly on edge even if we seem 101% fine cos we’re not fine aha. but just know ur not alone in this, n i hope some of these might have helped.

i guess i should put some sort of disclaimer here, these r just some of my own personal problems n the solutions i have are mostly for me (maybe except for countering the thoughts), so i understand if they might not work for others. so i kinda recommend just sitting down, identifying which aspects social anxiety is affecting n finding a solution that works for u is kinda the best. try out different methods, if they dont work thats alright, if it does then thats great. it takes a lot of time, admittedly i starved myself for a couple of semesters before i found this solution for myself. it also take a lot of constant effort to counter, n to that i wish u all the best, n good luck in finding methods that work for u <3

#aesop carl #identity v #identity v embalmer #identity v the embalmer #identity v ask blog #its me the mun #mun rambles #unconcerned ramblings #OKAY SO LIKE I DIDNT REALIZE I USED THE WRONG COLOUR FOR HIS SKIN SO HE LOOKS LIKE DEATH #OR MORE LIKE DEATH THAN USUAL #SO JUST IGNORE THAT #holy shit i am so out of it today. i hope my explanations make sense tho #i have never seen a professional before except my bf who keeps telling me that i have to do something about htis #so have some. idk homemade remedies

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windsweptlassie · 3 years

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On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

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suna-is-the-loml · 3 years

Text

two days

pairing: tsukkishima x reader

genre: slight fluff then slight angsty???

word count: 1.3k LOL

a/n: i am in love with salty frenchfry and this is cringe station so enjoy this really badly written fluff +angst or something bye <3

yes i love the number 3

3 years, 3 whole years kei spent loving you, yet his dumbass still hadnt confessed till today, today of all days,that is 3 days before you were leaving.

he was hurt, he wanted to tell you he loves you, he couldnt muster the courage to do so. quite ironic for someone who is salty asf LMAO, he always had a soft spot for you, he knew you were someone important to him, he just couldnt figure out how.

he thought he knew you so well, or so he thought.

he didnt know you were in too deep for him too, he didnt know youd take a bullet for him, he didnt know you got jealous everytime some other girl flirts with him, he didnt know how much you defended him, he didnt know you rejected the confessions for kei. (kei being the dumbass thought you rejected the confessions because you wanted to concentrate on your sport).

he wonders how many minutes he spent adoring you, how many seconds he spent loving you because how much ever that was, he knew it wasnt enough. he loves you. a lot. and you deserve all the love

he wanted to tell you.

you are vvsmart but dumb enough to not realise your best friend was in love with you big time. you knew your goodbye party will involve alcohol sO you had it 3 days before you left because you hated hangovers.

you wanted to confess to kei. whats the probability that he would like you back?, the worse thing he could say was “i never want to see you again’’ which works because you were leaving japan anyway.

the day after the party- today seems good, its perfect actually, you message him

“hey, wanna come over? :D”

kei looks at his phone, as your name popped up in his notifications he felt himself smile.

sure :)

kei knew he had to say it today, its either today or never

you took a deep breath. ‘tell him today’ you told yourself.

it was around 7pm when he finNALLY came over. kei had your favourite chips packet with him. smiling at him fondly you invited him to your room. it was natural. everything felt home with kei.

you wanted to confess but you wanted to see how he feels about you first- atleast maybe an idea.

“hey kei, guess what?”

he looked at you with a twinkle, he smirked as he looked into your eyes.

“i am in love with someone”

‘huh? what? love? does she like no ‘love’ someone ? oh, not me thats for sure’ kei’s mind ran spewing thoughts. he was not able to say anything. he was surprised. no surprised was an understatemeant. he was seething with jealousy, pity, sadness, betrayal, he could feel his heart break into two. he kept a stoic face and whispered ‘‘oh?’’ with his eyes no longer being in contact with yours.

you smiled, you knew, you knew what he was feeling, afterall you have felt the same so many times whenever someone flirts with him. you knew he liked you but you wanted him to confirm it. you whispered “kei? is everything okay?”

kei finally looked at you again, “y/n”

“i love you” kei finally said. he closed his eyes and turned away from you, he was scared to see our expression.

“aww kei, i love you too” you said as you reached out to hold his hand. he immediately took it and squeezed it.

he looked at you again with the same fond expression “ no dummy i love you in a romantic way, i am in love with you”

you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression “ kei i am in love with you too, in a romantic way”

he felt his adrenaline pushing himself towards you, as if on instinct he cupped your cheeks and kissed you. he kissed you softly hoping the kiss would convey how much he loves you.

he whispers against your lips “you have no idea how much ive wanted to do this dummy”

“kei, i’m gonna leave in 2 days” you remind him after a steamy makeout session

his face immediately falls

“what are we kei”

“i dont know best friends to lovers trope?” he said hoping to avoid that topic. the fact that you, his love is finally with him and that you will be leaving you in two days.

you laughed and then pulled a serious expression “ kei tsukishima, what are we” you asked squeezing his hand.

“hmm, lemme think about it” kei taunts you, you pulled out your best puppy dog eyes and pouted at him and he had the audacity to smirk at you. you turned away from him and stared at the corner because suddenly?? it?? seemed?? interesting??

you felt yourself pulled to his lap. he looked at you, his eyes filled with love he whispered “ y/n i love you a lot but i-” you interrupted him with a kiss, “i know kei, its gonna be hard but can we fall in love for the night atleast?’’

“yes y/n we can” he said lovingly.

its been exactly 16 months since you’ve left. 16 months since the magical day- the day he kissed you for the first time,the day he confessed to you, he remembers every minute of those two days.

he sighed and plopped on his headphones.

now playing- lets fall in love for the night by finneas

Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the morning Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line

he remembers how you both fell more in love the last two days. he remembers the day you shared the playlist you made, mainly consisting of finneas’s songs. he saw how happy you were when you listened to your playlist commenting on how its a masterpiece. he remembers the day he realised he was in love with you. he remembers your ‘jamming’ sessions as you both sang your hearts out.

he closed his eyes as he remembered the day your first boyfriend kissed you, how he was seeping with jealousy, how he badly wanted to be your first kiss. it was then he realised he loved you. revisiting his memories with you always calmed him down, you stole his heart afterall.

keeping in touch with you has been a little difficult considering college and the different time zones, yet you both tried to keep in contact with each other

I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise I know better than to call you mine

he remembered how your first boyfriend tried to stop meeting him and how your ex sometimes crashed you both hanging out together at your place. kei knew that your ex was jealous, yet you stuck by him considering that was your first relationship. after you broke up, you were sad and he was there to comfort you. he was always there for you.

he knew what was the best for you, but he also knew that you werent his. he couldnt stop you from dating who you want.

You need a pick me up I'll be there in twenty five I like to push my luck So take my hand, let's take a drive

he remembers the late night calls and how he would show up at your door exactly in 27 minutes when you call him over. he remembers how you used to persuade your parents so he can stay over for the night, he remembers how you used to cringe at the cheesy romcom scenes, he remembers how you fell asleep on him,he remembers how happy you were when you finally got your favourite college acception letter. he remembers how happy you were when karasuno reached nationals. he misses you a lot.

I've been living in the future Hoping I might see you sooner I want you riding shotgun I knew When I got one right

he was so happy found out he was significant in your life. he imagines a life with you by his side, he imagines smaller versions of you both running in the house. he knew it was going to be tough, so after around 7 months, he ghosted you for a whole month. you were hEARTBROKEN. did you go wrong somewhere? does he not love you anymore? overwhelmed with anger and heartbreak you ghosted him back. but he didnt even try to hold a conversation with you, he didnt ask any questions, he didnt call you too. was he done with you? was this it? you were done, done being heartbroken and done waiting.

but ghosting you just made him miss you more. was it a bad idea? he wanted to hear your voice so bad but he knew it will just make him miss you more, instead he started to concentrate completely on college and tried to remove you from his mind, he tried removing you from his life, but he couldnt, not a single minute goes by without him remembering the little things about you. he knew he was gone from your life when you ghosted him back.

he wants you, he wonders if you feel the same way he does. have you moved on?have you found someone else? did you fall out of love with him?

he wanted to move on but he was hopeless, hopelessly in love with you,

how he wished he could relive those two days forever

a/n again?: JSJSJSJSJS THIS became longer than i expected?? the second slight angsty part was heavily inspired by let's fall in love for the night by FINNEAS ahh i love his songs sm

#tsukki x reader #kei tsukishima #tsukki angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #kei tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima fluff #kei tsukkishima angst #hq angst #hq fluff #kei tsukishima angst

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neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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imagineurfavs · 4 years

Text

Pentagon Kino - Birth Chart Analysis

“Hi! love ur writing huhu do you think u could do a birth chart analysis thingy on kino from ptg??? ik hes an aquarius but he doesnt really seem like one??? sdfd thank u :)”

aaaaaah thank you so much for requesting this, ive been aching to write sth like this for ages lmao. i didnt know from which angle you wanted it, like relationships, sex or whatever so ima just do an overall kinda one. lmk if you want something more focused aha Also i agree lol, hyunggu doesn’t really seem like a straight up aquarius, i wish i knew what time he was born i could see his ascendant lmao ALSO. I’ve just done the first 6 placements as they seem to be the ones most people care about lmao, lmk if you want me to do the remaining ones

Sun (our true self, the soul) - Aquarius (1st Decan): This is what makes Hyunggu the social butterfly he is lol, what’s probably responsible for him being in so many different social circles. Aquarians have many many varied fields of interest, which usually end up being quite niche or “out there” lol, just like how Hyunggu, the 22 year old man in 2020, LOVES old school jazz music and classic movies. 1st decan Aquarians are (mostly) open books who really do shine more when they have an audience, or at least with a lot of people surrounding them. But with that being said, they're also totally happy to be in their own company bc they know themselves so well, they’re comfortable with themselves. They also have persistence like no other lol; when they set their mind to something, there’s no lengths they wont go to to achieve it. AKA Kino the workaholic who spends his life in the studio lol

Moon (emotions, instincts, our vulnerable side) - Capricorn: Much more emotional than people think, but he prefers to keep it private. He’ll only let his emotions out fully if he totally trusts the people he’s with. (the fact that unis have seen him cry numerous times is a testament to how much he trusts us ig sdgjsg so sweet) He loves taking care of people; he likes to feel needed. With that in mind though he can be a bit of a “fixer” lol which might not always be a good thing, he’s attracted to people who look like they need some help. One of the most devoted placements in terms of relationships, they aren’t ones that really go for one night stands or short fling type relationships. This placement makes him surprisingly traditional in relationships lol, like he loves homely warm kinda vibes in that sense. Likes to show off any relationship he does have though lol, like he wont air out any private details, but he does want the world to see how well yall are doing lol.

Mercury (How we communicate & express ourselves, intellect) - Capricorn: DONT EVER BREAK A PROMISE WITH HYUNGGU OMG. He’ll never forgive you. This boy takes promises so seriously, and takes any secrets with him to his grave. If he ever gives you his word on anything, you best believe he means it with every fibre of his being. Kino isn’t someone to mince his words, he always means what he says. He’ll still try his best to not hurt any feelings, but he won’t lie. This is what helps him follow through with all the ideas that he gets, he’s great at planning and knowing what’s worth seeing through to the end and what just wont work. Which is probably why everything he’s ever put out to the public is god tier shit lol, he wont spend time on anything less than perfection. Another placement that favours tradition, you wont ever catch him slipping up on any honorifics or social formalities lmao.

Venus (how we are in love & romance, creativity, what brings us joy) - Capricorn: Kang Hyunggu perfect husband material confirmed. Capricorn is the sign that cares most about traditions and stuff in relationships. Not always like old school kinda traditions, but he cares greatly about anniversaries and stuff lol. Very cautious in love, he wont open up or admit his feelings easily and he wont even bother pursuing someone he doesn’t see at least somewhat of a future with. Insanely loyal and steadfast in love. He’s someone you can always count on no matter the time or place, and he wants someone who’ll do the same for him. He wants a fairy tale romance lol. He wants to be remembered for what he does, to leave a legacy that lasts forever. Big on validation, he loves to be complemented and revered; then he’ll feel like all the hours of work and effort he’s put in actually meant something lmao.

Mars (sex, passion, anger, what drives us) - Pisces I feel like this placement is the reason why Hyunggu can get so mushy and emotional. Pisceans are totally driven by their emotions, sometimes to a fault. So when it comes to something that he’s so so passionate about: ie. Pentagon, his emotions can just totally overwhelm him and before we know it hes sobbing on national TV (im looking at u rtk...). Sex isn't something he takes lightly at all, if there’s no emotion or love involved, it just doesn’t feel right to him. He views sex as something that’s good for the soul lol, its very much an emotional thing for him, as opposed to just a physical need. Very much a hopeless romantic; the type to write poetry for their significant other and cry whilst they read it to you lmao. He’d really give his all to someone he loves, to him self sacrifice is the grandest gesture of love lol. Just remember that it was him who wrote Die For U...yeah...he’s very that. It’s all or nothing with Hyunggu lol, if he chooses to give you his heart, you’ll get his soul too. (Side note this might also be what makes him sensitive and sulky lol)

Jupiter (optimism, luck, philosophy & just good vibes lol) - Aquarius To me, this placement is what makes him so agreeable like, he accepts everyone no matter what. He doesn’t care about gender, race, orientation, religion, anything like that. If someone piques his interest, nothing else matters to him other than getting to know them. He’s always ready to question authority, to break away from the norm and try new things. If he wants to do something, he’s gonna do it the way he wants to, not necessarily the way he’s been told to do it. He’s not afraid to be different, he likes to be a bit of a pioneer lmao. Mostly enjoys being with a lot of people, he loves having many different personalities to bounce off of, ig he got lucky being put in such a large group lol. But he still likes to have his freedom; or more so he wants everyone to have their freedom, so he can for sure be a bit of a philanthropist. Lowkey wants to change the world for the better lmao

#pentagon #ptg #pentagon kino #kang kino #kang hyunggu #pentagon hyunggu #ptg kino #kpop astrology

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years

Text

Alright, Period Cramps just set in and Im looking for songs anyway so Im gonna be listening to every RWBY Song (V1-V7) in chronological order and rank them, starting with the worst. Lets go!

Caffeine: Thank god the team with the Nazi-based leader has the shittiest song so far.

Celebrate: Why tf is this here

Shine: Ehhhh. I dont really know why but the vibes were all off, somehow. The fact that really dislike Jaune (and as an extension, Arkos) doesn't help either.

Forever Fall: This song was 5 minutes long and it felt like 20

Brand New Day: I barely even registered that

Fear: not the worst

Lets Get Real: Either Im too tired or the songs are getting worse

War: Im ranking this one higher because it wasnt over 4 minutes

Bmblb: All the love songs are so generic

Dream Come True: Im listening to all these songs in the form of Lyric Videos and the art used in this one made me think 'Oh, a Jaune Song... Great. Well, maybe we'll get Jaune pining after Phyrrah now! Yknow, to balance it out. A cute lil song of him pining for a nice girl might me like him a bit more!' and guess what. It wasnt that. It was another Arkos Song from Phyrrahs perspective. AND this one had unnecessary Girl-Hate towards Weiss! For no reason! The only reason its above Shine is because they atleast got the vibes right this time.

Not Fall In Love With You: I think Im just not a big fan of the love songs.

Boop: It was pretty cute but nothing to write home about

Until The End: slow piano

Touch The Sky: Its not that bad, its just that Im tired and this song is too goddamn long

This Time (From Shadows II): A just fine song for a shitty arc

I Burn: I liked fine, until they started rapping.

Like Morning Follows Night: I thought this was gonna be one of the better love songs, then he started rapping.

Smile: All this does is make me question how Ilia was in the wrong even more. Sounded alright though.

The Triumph: Eh, pretty unremarkable opening for an unremarkable volume

This Will Be The Day: A very promising start! There's honestly not much to say here

From Shadows: It was fine. I liked the overall sound but the lyrics and the singing are just a bit too edgy for me.

Bad Luck Charm: Someone in the comments under the lyrics video said "looks like someone found his middleschool poetry" and honestly, yeah.

I May Fall: Hey, yknow how the FoB was apparently meant to happen in Volume 1? Yeah. Overall, I thought it was pretty alright. (You can probably already tell that Im not too big of a fan of the louder, more energetic songs so far.....

Trust Love: This is by no means a problem I have with only this song, but I hate how theyre all like "oh this isnt some FaIrYtAlE kid, this is real n dark n shit" as if RWBY isnt the least dark and least subversive story Ive seen in recent time

Rising: Alright but unremarkable

Miracle: Another alright but unremarkable one. At this point I feel like listening to these songs is frying my brain

Ignite: I was just gonna say its an alright Yang Song but that rap...

Big Metal Shoe: I can appreciate some fairy tale references

Gold: The chorus got a bit repetitive but I thought it was pretty cute

Home: Another cute lil family song! This one was kinda long though

Lionized: I really appreciate the vibe of this song

All Our Days: Adorable! I didnt really expect a Taiyang Song but this was pretty nice

Sacrifice: Not really much go say about this one, I thought it was fine

Neon: I feel like I just got aggressively flexed on in the nicest, yet most condescending way possible

Lusus Naturae: Very edgy, but in a way that I can appreciate more

Red Like Roses I: I really like the sound of this one! I kinda wish we had more lyrics, but this was the song used in the Red Trailer so Im assuming it was made to compliment the action more than anything. At the start and end there was this series of notes, that Im assuming is gonna be the Leitmotiv? Either way, Im curious how theyll use it

All Things Must Die: I feel like this song is definitely at its best during the slower bits

Lets Just Live: First of all, I cant believe they live-laugh-loved us. They kept mentioning like, stories and how 'this isnt your TYPICAL fairytale', I could practically feel the writers being like "Huh, huuuuuuuh? Arent we CLEVER? Yes we are, yes we are!" But other than it was mostly fine. A bit long, maybe.

Armed And Ready: Pretty alright Yang Song, I felt like it was just a bit too long

It's My Turn: Not much to say, I thought it was a fine Weiss Song

Nevermore: I think its good

Wings: I really enjoyed this song! Caseys voice is lovely and I think its a very good Blake Song

Indomitable: I liked this one, but I feel like its mainly because the line "the spirit is indomitable" reminds of Flame from VRAINS

When It Falls: This song is trying very hard to convince you that RWBY is Dark Now. And given that Im pretty sure this is V3s opening, I guess it fits. Oh well, it still sounded pretty nice.

One Thing: A real slappin song thats going straight to my YGO-playlist as well

All That Matters: Very neat song about Yang's conflicting feelings on Blake's return. Shame theyre literally not conveyed at all in the show.

Die: Very agressive title, but okay. I also enjoyed this one, who wouldve guessed. I love this whole vibe of Desperate Heroism In A World In Ruin, yknow? Its there in Time To Say Goodbye and Red Like Roses II (two of my favourite songs so far) too. Though it is quite dissapointing that the show never really matched it.

Hero: I dont get how people can look at this and go "yeah, Ironwood was clearly always a tyrant who never even remotely cared for others". Also Caleb Hyles my beloved

Time To Say Goodbye: Another very nice song! I also think the foreshadowing in the third verse (yknow the slow one) was quite well done. The only real issue is, that the plot point its foreshadowing is stupid as hell

The Path To Isolation: Why is Weiss a better character in her songs?

Divide: This song is trying very hard to convince you that RWBY is Dark Now pt 2. It is a banger though, so its fine.

Mirror Mirror: Funfact: This was technically the first RWBY-Thing Ive ever consumed! A Youtuber named Strawbelly made a german cover of this song (and the songs from the other trailers, I believe) and it was one of my favourites for a while. Ive also already listened to some of Weiss' other songs and I remember enjoying them too. I can definitely already tell that I prefer Caseys voice in the slower songs, so I really hope this keeps up

This Life Is Mine: Yoooooooooo, Caseys voice was amazing in this one(especially at the very start)! This is one of the Weiss Songs I listened to before I even watched RWBY and what can I say, I loved it back then and I love it now

I'm The One: Oh, this was absolutely lovely. For the first few seconds I thought I wouldnt like this one, but its a banger! I love the lyrics too, theyre very clever I think

Red Like Roses II: DUDE, I adored this! I did not expect there to be lyrics for Summer at all and I was so pleasently surprised! Sandra's voice was lovely, and I really hope I'll get to hear her again. But on a slightly more negative note, I feel like this is really where the whole 'RWBYs Songs Characterize The Protagonists In A More Compelling Way Than The Show Does'-Problem starts.

I originally wanted to write some kind of conclusion but Im tired and wanna read angst fics. Have a good night!

#rwby #rwby review

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

Text

A Heart Of Ashes

Chapter 2

Pt1.

Its around half past eight, jerico wondered if stoker was still in the laboratory.

So she put on her boots and Walked to said laboratory.

Though.. the place was huge, it felt like a maze,and listening to her gut feeling,she got there,after a good fifteen minutes.

--Hey stoker

The british Man stopped mixing two chemicals togheter, and Turned to the door, a smile crossed his lips under his mask,but you could hear it in his tone as he said--Ah...you again...how delightfull, Oh do be careful of the napalm...tricky stuff

--Ill be mindful of that--she Walked right past the unarmed molotov grenades--Watcha working on?

--Just some upgrades for these old girls, oh Grab a pair of goggles and some rubber gloves if you stick around, wouldnt want to cause any accidents

Jeri nodded and snatched the closest of those ítems, she casually hovered over stokers shoulder who finished mixing the two chemicals,only for them to explode into a dark cloud of nothingness.

--Ah horse raddish...

By the way he left both mixing tubes on the table she noticed her companion was frustrated.

She patted his back softly--How about we get something to eat, maybe you need to take some fresh air

Stoker stood there to think about it for a bit, then nodded --Yeah...thatd be wonderfull

--Great,lets go!

During their walk however, Someone stopped them.

--Hey! So youre the New guy huh?

The british Man sighed in annoyance,crossing his arms--Oh do bugger off phantom, we have places to go

--ey ey relax Man, I just want to take a moment to greet our New recruit--phantom Turned to jerico-- heard you were dangerous huh? I like that in a woman

Suddenly, Harold felt his blood boil, as jeri couldnt help but giggle at the cheesy pickup lines.

In a stupid fit of jealousy,he grabbed his lighter and pressed the flame against phantoms pants, who in a matter of seconds lit afire, he then with a mischevious smile Turned to jerico-- tell me....can you smell something Burning...? Oh its probably nothing,lets go dear, im starving

He put an arm around jeri and Walked her away as phantom ran around in circles, blissfully unaware of this sunstorm just shrugged it off.

--Did you just really burnt phantoms pants so he would stop talking to jerico?-- ember asked, arms crossed as both grabbed their food.

--well he was making her unconfortable!

--Dont make excuses for yourself Harold I know you

The Man sighed letting his shoulders fall--okay maybe I have a crush on her what about it....

Ember started to laugh--Thats adorable Harold, I wish you the best of luck --She patted his back.

During dinner Ember politely excused herself,leaving both veterans to talk.

--So--stoker started without a clear topic to talk about--Youre a veteran?

-- I am,Ive seen a lot of fucked up shit I tell you that

He chuckled and nodded in agreement--war, how do the kids put it ,ah yes, fucking sucks

--It really does,you loose Friends, people youre closed...and you never know

--If youll end up coming home to them--both meet eachothers gaze--i know the feeling quite well...

Both smile, and talk softly about their time in the military.

Stoker decided to pack up his little science proyect and walk around the bases courtyard with jerico, the moon shine brightly, and both strolled down calmly.

--I remember this one time, me and my Dad were leaders of two different squadrons,you had to see the soldiers faces when they realize their commander was my dad....it was hilarious,specially because we look nothing alike

--Hmm, May I inquire as to why?

--Dad adopted me when I was a kid, and we really look nothing alike,and well, when training, my old Man is very harsh and strict, I tend to be that one godsend seargeant who cuts some slack on the soldiers, its quite funny really

The brit laughed and nodded--yes it is

--And how about you?, whats your story ?

He took a deep breath,and put his hands behind his neck--Well,I used to be a squadron I had to make a rough decision,and I did it,thankfully nobody had to die that day,except For the bad guys of course

And they spend the night talking about their anecdotes,laughing, and comforting eachother.

--mind if I Scort you to your room?

--Not at all

Stoker giggled and put an arm around jerico,And both Walked into the building in silence, the whole place was quiet, aside from some who spent the night playing videogames and their rage screams could be heard from outside their room

When they arrived though,jeri took Harolds hand--Dont you want to spend the night here?,your room is on the other side of the building

--Oh I dont want to bother

--You dont,come on in

He sighed and nodded, taking off his jacket.

--I have a spare matress under my bed,i can sleep there

--What?,no way, I shoundt Rob You the comforts of your bed...

--Harold just take it

--Ill take the spare matress thats what ill take

Both stared at eachother,before sighing--Sharing?

--Sharing

Without much time wasted they got into the bed,their backs facing eachother.

--You wont take that mask off for sleeping?

--No, I wont

She sighed --You cant sleep like that

--Yes I can

She knew it wasnt her place to Keep demanding--Will you sleep comfortably?

A soft smile appeared on the Mans face--Yes, dont worry about me,now go get some sleep okay?

--You too.....goodnight

--Sweet dreams...

Ember groaned,facepalming.

This needed to stop.

--Oh you look so lovely today--stoker said softly elbowing jerico in the ribs, who then chuckled.

--And you look quite handsome too

Theyve been flirting like this for the entire day, ember was about to knock them both out....she couldnt take more of this mushy crap.

--oh I thought for a moment I found to emeralds....turns out it was just your eyes...--Harold said with his masks cheek resting on his hand.

Jericos cheeks turn baby Pink and both softly chuckle.

--If you two lovebirds are done, the guys at the kitchen need help on the cooler--vera said--its not working....

Both sighed and nodded.

However as both worked on the inside of the industrial Cooler, the door closed leaving them in pure darkness, aside from Jers phone lantern.

--Damnit...--stoker tried to Open the door to no avail...

And so they sat there in darkness.

-- d damn-- Harold said curling into a ball-- its cold here...

Jer, who was a natural heater, sat closer to him--I think I have an idea,but I need you to sit properly

--W what are y you planning to do?--He straightened his legs and his cheeks Turned red as he felt her sit on his lap and hug him-

-Like this we wont loose heat...

She was, oddly warm...how?.

Whatever questions he had, his survival was first so he hugged her, and hugged her tightly, feeling the warmth return to his body.

--Thats a whole lot better...thanks awfully..

--Dont mention it...

And after that day, they couldnt get enough of it ,everywhere was a good place to cuddle, while eating, after training,during briefings.

Everyone was losing their minds over how clingy both were.

Their feelings for eachother were so painfuly obvious...

And now, after a particular rough mission, jerico and stoker were cuddling in his room.

He pressed his mask against her back.

--Im just glad youre okay...--she whispers.

--Im just glad to be with you here--he answers back.

Though she was too tired to even try and comprehend what he said, so she nuzzled closer and smiled..

Soon enough she'll tell him.

She was glad to be by his side, and being able to hold him like that..and Him..well, he was happy to return to her in one piece.

#🧡🔥napal and spark🔥🧡#f/o fic #self insert #self ship #my f/os #self shipping #f/o x s/i #romantic f/o #f/o #f/o community

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nico-idc · 3 years

Text

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that. Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently.

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why.

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now.

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

undefined

youtube

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression.

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory.

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions.

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”.

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt.

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first.

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #tw eating disorder #vent post

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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bunnyriviere · 3 years

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my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

#xxxpauline

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